Suit of the Week: LK Bennett

skirt suit wool twill lkbFor busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional.

Oooh: Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous. I love this stylish wool twill blazer and skirt suit from L.K. Bennett’s new collection — it looks like that perfect mix of polished, authoritative, serious, and stylish. Love the peplum and sliiiiight ruffle in the back of the blazer, and while I don’t usually like the “one prominent button” look but I really kind of feel like it works here.  The jacket is $495, the skirt is $285, and the wide, cropped trousers are $295.

Off the beaten path SOTW: Golden Goose. Looking for a more classic suit in plus sizes or regular sizes? Check out our recent roundups.

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!


  1. This is lovely. Unfortunately L.K. Bennett’s site says they are not accepting any orders at this time. It’s not even possible to browse their site.

    • Verrrry strange — something about the link was bad. I changed the links and it’s working for me now — I can click around the site and even get to checkout. Sorry about that!

    • Practical suit question :

      I used to have a ton of suits like this.

      Do you wear a blouse underneath?

      Or nothing?

      • Anonymous :

        Definitely wear a blouse underneath — a silk tank, tee, thin sweater, or collarless shirt with a neckline that disappears under the jacket.

        • I used to wear this style all the time. I never wore a blouse under, just a camisole. I didn’t take the jacket off. I basically treated it as a dress.

  2. Anon 4 This :

    My husband is caught up in sort of a #MeToo situation. His close friend and colleague has been accused by a woman who used to be his subordinate. She has a history of accusing numerous people of inappropriate sexual behavior, and confided in my husband about a lot of personal stuff, including relationship drama and mental illness, that has nothing to do with work. My husband is too nice and probably let their relationship get too casual and personal for a supervisor/employee. She friended him on facebook and initiated long facebook chats with him. I’ve read their entire chat history and there’s nothing sexual or inappropriate, but it’s extensive and does strike me as a bit too chummy for an employer/employer (I wouldn’t think twice about it if it were a non-work female friend though). Anyway, long story short, my husband feels like he knows both the alleged victim and the accused well, and he believes his male colleague. He is probably going to have to be a “witness” (not in court, but in an internal investigation) and is going to express his personal belief that his colleague is telling the truth and describe other situations in which he believes this woman has been untruthful. He and I are both concerned that she may be upset about this, and retaliate with an accusation against him. Beyond saving all their written communication, what else can he or should be doing? Is this a situation where he should retain his own counsel? I”m not a lawyer but I know the company’s lawyers don’t represent my husband. Thanks for thoughts.

    • Anonymous :

      Yes, at least consult with a labor and employment lawyer. Yes, save everything.

      • Anonymous :

        Honestly unless he harassed someone too he’ll have a hard time finding a lawyer to do this. The risk of her retaliating isn’t real if he just answers questions and keeps out of it.

    • Anonymous :

      He should answer only the questions asked and not make any statements about his opinions or who he believes. All he knows is what he personally witnessed. Also, consider that he is lying to you about his involvement with her.

      • +1

        Right. He has no obligation to, and ought not, express his belief that she is lying. He is a witness- therefore, he needs to speak only to what he has personal knowledge of. Obviously this isn’t a court proceeding, but opinions about other witnesses’ credibility and their character are generally inadmissible. That is just to say that credibility/believability is not the province of witness testimony. He needs to stick to answering the questions asked of him with facts of which he has personal knowledge. “I don’t know” or “I can’t remember” are acceptable and appropriate answers. Guesses, speculation, or conjecture are unhelpful and inappropriate.

        He can protect himself best by limiting his involvement. If he is seen as taking sides, that’s only going to complicate things.

      • Anonymous :

        Your comments about how much she was sharing with your husband seem to make her responsible for these conversations being overly intimate, but not him. Even if she was the only one sharing, and always initiated, he was listening and engaging where he didn’t have to–especially with her being his report. It’s inevitable that you’ll have bias in a situation involving your spouse, but please do consider that factor, and what else you might not be seeing clearly.

        • No, I agree. My husband should not talked to her in such detail on facebook and/or should have cut it off sooner. I thought I basically said as much in my initial post. I don’t think he did anything in violation of his company policy or anything that broke our marital vows, and she was definitely the one initiating the conversations and over-sharing, but I do think his involvement in facebook chats with her wasn’t a good decision and I was disappointed when I found out about it.

          • Anonymous :

            You did say that. Everyone is very defensive about these issues. I think your concerns are valid. And you have gotten good advice about how he should handle this.

    • He should step out of this. Limit contact with her. Limit contact with the friend to what is appropriate for the friendship. He should not share any secondhand information with the investigation. Unless he has first hand information about her credibility, it isn’t useful. Or relevant. Nothing good will come of his being involved in someone else’s drama.

      • +1 His general opinion of either of their credibility is irrelevant and he shouldn’t discuss it or offer that opinion.

        Also, OP, you husband is not “caught up in a #MeToo situation”. #MeToo is about women who have remained silent for years coming forward about things that actually happened to them. It’s not about false accusations. If someone is lying about being assaulted, that has nothing to do with #MeToo.

        • +1 to this last paragraph

        • Sorry, was not trying to imply that (alleged) falsity has anything to do with #MeToo. I used it poorly as a general term for allegations of improper sexual behavior.

    • Anonymous :

      Excuse me, calling it a “#MeToo situation” is incredibly offensive and demeaning.

      • Sorry for terminology. I meant “#MeToo” because she’s accusing someone of inappropriate sexual behavior, and I thought MeToo was a catchall term for that.

        • It’s really not.. it’s more like a “movement” (although you could argue about what constitutes a “movement”). I urge you to read a few neutral articles covering the history of the movement. NYT or something.

        • Anonymous :

          You make her sound like someone who is using the fame of #MeToo to her advantage. Believe women. Trust women.

          • I don’t know. I believe women as a matter of principle, but I would believe my own spouse in the absence of clear evidence against him. A lot of people expressed a similar attitude on a thread a few days ago. “Believe women” means your default is believing women. It doesn’t mean you can’t be convinced otherwise in specific situations.

          • This isn’t about believing her spouse, though, because he’s not the one being accused. OP’s husband should answer the questions asked in the internal investigation to the extent he knows them as a fact and that’s it; he should not offer an opinion about who *he thinks* is lying or telling the truth because he doesn’t know that firsthand, does he?

            It’s as simple as: “Do you think [x] is lying?” “I really can’t say. I wasn’t there.”

    • Anonymous :

      FWIW, we had a situation like this at work and it was like this: subordinate had numerous affairs with supervisory level people in her department. One involved trips paid for by a client / charged to a client. The relationship soured. Her marriage ended. She was out for the deep pockets.

      So, her claims when made were of the “me, too” variety, but her facts weren’t (but superficially they could look that way depending on how you spun it and if you only heard one side of the story).

      • Super Anon :

        Super anon for this, but in my view MeToo means that every allegation deserves to be taken seriously and investigated, not that every allegation needs to be automatically believed.

        And as someone in HR, the number of really, really, really bogus claims we are seeing has definitely increased in the last year (I mean claims where we can definitely prove that did not happen or we have the solid evidence – often from female coworkers – it did not happen).

        • Anonymous :

          +1 million. I identify as liberal, protested Kavanaugh’s nomination and consider myself a supporter of the Me Too movement. But in my mind, Me Too means taking women seriously and listening to what they have to say with an open mind. It doesn’t mean blindly believing every single woman. I personally know of three women who accused and later recanted, so I think it’s total BS when people say false accusations never happen. I believe Dr. Ford because I watched them both testify and I found her testimony much more persuasive than Kavanaugh’s, and I felt like the fact she’d told her husband therapist years ago was corroborating evidence in support of her claim, and he presented no evidence to refute it (I mean, great that he didn’t write “Rape someone tonight!” in his calendar but it’s not exactly proof of his innocence). But I don’t blindly believe everyone who comes forward and there are some women who have come forward with allegations that I definitely don’t find all that credible, including several of Kavanaugh’s other accusers.

          • Rainbow Hair :

            :-/ Are the recantings really evidence of a false claim? I could understand the impulse to recant when it becomes clear that it will go poorly, even if the claim is true.

        • Anonymous :

          This is so, so hard for me to wrap my head around. The people I know who I believe may have made a specific false accusation were not people who had it together enough to have an HR to bring claims to (they were saying false things in general). Why would anyone bring a bogus claim to HR? I would be terrified to bring a TRUE accusation to HR. I don’t want to ask you whether you’re sure these claims are bogus (you sound sure), but I just don’t understand.

          • Anonymous :

            I’ve seen false claims taken to HR as a power play to secure a job that was in jeopardy. I’ve seen false allegations taken to a university conduct board to prove a point that such incidents do happen (but not that one) and were going unreported/ unrecognized/ unaddressed/ unpunished. I’ve seen a false claim taken to the police/DA to cover up for consensual behavior with an entirely different person when the girl (and she was just a girl) was afraid she might be pregnant.

          • Anonymous :

            I’d be much more scared to go to HR with a true claim. Because #1) I’d have to relive my (very real) trauma over and over again, be interrogated about something deeply personal, possibly confront my abuser, etc and #2) People might not believe me, effectively calling me a liar, which would be very painful if I were telling the truth.

            People who are lying don’t really care about any of this stuff, they just want to see the person they’re accusing suffer consequences so even if they lose and the alleged abuser is acquitted completely, they’re no worse off than they were before. Sexual misconduct claims are almost impossible to definitely disprove, so even if no one believes the accuser, it would very difficult to legally fire or reprimand them. So I can see it as sort of a win-win for people who want to make something up (not real victims, who obviously can be harmed a lot by the process).

          • Anonymous :

            Thanks for explaining. That actually makes a lot of sense–aside from the sociopathy I guess.

          • Super Anon :

            In one case where we are sure the claims were false, the person accused was demonstrably not at the event where the alleged incident occurred. In another the accuser literally said to multiple people they were going to get revenge on someone for a 100% deserved reprimand.

            It doesn’t happen a lot, but it does happen. Personal opinion – one of these people was a sociopath. The other has issues that go way beyond my ability to understand.

            Decent human beings, especially ones who have been victims of legitimate harassment have a hard time understanding, but there are some really terrible people out there. Which INFURIATES me because it makes it harder for people who have really been victimized to come forward.

        • Anonymous :


        • YES! TAKEN SERIOUSLY AND INVESTIGATED, not automatically believed without a shred of evidence. People bring false claims semi-regularly and as a managementside l&e attorney, claims have absolutely increased as of late. If this is because people feel comfortable bringing them forward, great. If this is because they see it as a way to permanently damage someone’s reputation and get a payday, not great.

          • Taken seriously and investigated – not true in all companies. Have seen where HR is aligned with certain folks and nothing they do is ever wrong.

            In particular: harassment of all kinds to effectively remove all persons of a certain color or gender, FACTS and emails ignored.

            Also, to touch on the point about mental health in these threads: sorry, it IS a factor. Someone who has mobility issues or heart issues doesn’t lose their ability to be objective, where narcissist and pathological liars do. A PL/N can spend hours screaming at folks, then go to HR and complain s/he is not supported despite proof to the contrary. They also don’t respect personal boundaries and it can be scary fallout if they are very well connected but do’t have their illness under control.

            Let’s be honest, political landscape is a critical part of these scenarios and we don’t know what that is for the OP’s husband. Having been a witness before, I would also counsel to only comment on what you WITNESSED and not conjecture. Even if he tells the truth or basically says nothing, the involvement in this issue might compromise his standing.

            I believe women, am disappointed about Kavenaugh and the HUGE message it sent, but if someone has a decades long history of lying that needs to be taken into account.

            N.B.: HR is almost never on the side of anyone but the business, which is their employer. Be aware of same.

    • Anonymous :

      I would have a hard time knowing what to think in this situation. I have an impression that there are many fewer women who make false accusations than there are false accusations. It seems like there are some women who make accusations repeatedly as a pattern (with often a lot of other concerning patterns). But in my life, women who seem to have made false accusations have also made true accusations about real assaults that have happened, and I honestly think they are at higher risk once they’ve lost credibility in a community. So I guess I don’t know why we shouldn’t believe her. I would withhold judgment as much as possible.

    • Anonymous :

      He should stay out of it. He has no facts on conjecture.

    • Your husband needs to learn the difference between facts and opinions. He should answer direct questions only. Here’s an example – do you know what time it is? The answer is yes or no, not 3:15.

      There is no reason for him to bring up which party he believes, any other stories that she has told him, or whether he thinks she is flighty/unstable/dramatic or whatever.

      This really isn’t that hard. The fact that he and you seem to think it is makes me think you have some point to prove about #metoo, which is kind of ugly.

      • Except you sound ridiculously coached if you answer “yes” instead of 3:15 like a normal person, and that makes your credibility suspect.

        • Anonymous :

          no, it sounds like you listened to the question and aren’t rambling with your opinions.

  3. Any tips for managing chronic fatigue with a demanding job? I have a chronic illness that causes me to have periods where I am so tired, it is difficult to function. Sometimes these periods only last a few days, sometimes they last for a few weeks. Any advice? Commiseration?


    • Anonymous :

      Following. I’m in the SEUS where the air pressure is low right now, and I have really struggled to make it through the day today.

      I don’t know what factors are involved in your chronic fatigue (mine is autoimmune). I know you weren’t asking about medicine, but it took me years and years to get real medical help for fatigue, so I included some more medical stuff on this list:

      –Sleep (I know illness can interfere, but good sleep hygiene is still better than nothing). Epsom salt baths when I have trouble sleeping.
      –Acetylcholinesterase inhibition. For me this means coffee, cold (yes, one person appreciates the office AC!), and pyridostigmine bromide.
      –Compression garments. There’s a reason they call compression wear “energizing.”
      –B vitamins and vitamin D3. There are tests for D deficiency so you don’t overdose. For B12 and B1, I’ve been told that tests can confirm deficiency but cannot rule it out, so it’s common to just take some and see if it helps (my illness affects digestion so B12 shots make a big energy difference for me).
      –This is a “last resort” strategy for me, but eating small meals to get me through the day can help (and helps me avoid the crash that can come after a regular size meal).
      –I’ve done Wellbutrin before when I needed more energy (turned out I was hypothyroid at the time, so that wasn’t great medical care, but I appreciate that it helped at all)

    • Can’t speak to the management of chronic fatigue but I can say that drinking electrolytes has worked wonders for me while undergoing a period of exhaustion related to anemia. I use nuun hydration tablets that dissolve in water. Since I was never much of a water drinker before, it’s a bonus that the flavor from the electrolytes has made drinking 60+ oz per day easier for me. I suppose it could be that drinking water alone accounts for the stark difference in my energy levels but I don’t think so. The only downside is having to buy them pretty often as I think there’s only 7 or so tablets in a tube and the recommended usage is 1 tablet per 16 oz.

  4. If your boyfriend does not know anything about this specific instance, I do not know why he would testify.

    Frankly, the comments that you make about this woman being mentally unstable sound like victim blaming. Women with mental health problems get harassed (sadly are probably even more likely to be harassed because predators know how to pick out the vulnerable people) and are still deserving of justice.

    False claims of harassment or abuse are incredibly rare.

    • I wasn’t trying to imply that her claims are false because she has mental illness. I mentioned mental illness as an example of something that others might perceive as possibly too personal or inappropriate that she was discussing with my husband.

      I don’t know this woman at all and don’t know my husband’s colleague very well, and don’t have an opinion about which one of them is lying or telling the truth. But my husband believes her allegations are false and I think he’s entitled to his own opinion (which is based on some other details I haven’t included in an attempt to be vague).

      • Anonymous :

        Of course he’s “entitled to his opinion,” but you’re getting the advice that he shouldn’t be voicing any opinion in the investigation. I agree with that advice from both a liability and an ethical standpoint. He should simply answer the questions he is asked, that’s it.

        • I was clarifying that this is my husband’s opinion, not mine, in response to someone who said I was victim blaming. The advice that he should say as little as possible and not volunteer anything during the formal investigation definitely makes sense, but that’s why I was wondering if he should get counsel who could coach him to that effect. I think he sometimes has a tendency to answer questions too broadly and volunteer his opinions.

          • Setting aside everything else, I highly doubt any attorney would represent your husband in this. It’s a teeny tiny matter that likely won’t be worth an attorney’s time, it’s not all that complex- all he really needs to do is stick to what he has personal knowledge of, if anything- and there’s not that much for an attorney to actually do. The advice you’ve gotten here so far is pretty much exactly what an attorney would coach him to do. I am a lawyer.

          • Anonymous :

            This isn’t something you hire an attorney for unless you know you’re very guilty.

          • This is not true. I’m an employment attorney and I would advise your husband in this matter if he paid me my hourly rate to do so. You should seek out an employment attorney in your area who is a solo or small firm attorney and who practices exclusively in employment law. Even if the first one you call will not help, they will refer you to someone who can.

          • EB is right, you can pay a lawyer to advise you and your husband should. You also should stop posting about this on the internet.

      • Anonymous :

        This is why mental health has a stigma. Would you think her somehow inappropriate if she shared that she had gallbladder problems or heart disease? How is mental health different.

        Unless he was present when the alleged incidents happened, he has no idea who is lying or telling the truth. I would be pretty disappointed if my DH purported to form an opinion about something he did not witness.

        Your DH should stop with the non-work contact and refrain from voicing his opinion about anything. He should simply state what he personally saw and experienced. He should not state his ‘opinions’ about anything. They are completely irrelevant.

    • +1 to all of this.

      Stay out of it, OP.

    • Anonymous :


  5. Anonymous :

    Anyone getting stuff at the Soko Glam sale? I keep seeing ads for it on FB and am tempted.

  6. Tell me about Betabrand work yoga pants and other brands in that family. I’ve gained some muscle in my thighs and buttock and now my Express pants all feel weird. Sizing up only makes them look baggy so I think I’m after something that looks polished in a business environment but with more give in the fabric. I used to be a pear and now I’m more of an athletic pear if that makes sens.

    • I have a similar shape and tried them and returned them because they looked too bootylicious. I think if you are either very straight up and down (is that “bean”? “banana”?) they would work, or if you were an apple and maybe wore a looser or longer top.

      I’ve had luck with Banana republic pants — the sloan dress pants come in a fabric that’s stretchy but still looks work professional (with the Betabrand fabric did not, to me). You might need a dress pant cut that’s not Express.

    • Blue van Meer :

      I want to love the Betabrand work pants and do own a pair that I occasionally wear to work on days when I’m closing a deal in my office and need to be comfortable for hours on end but on my curvy figure, they truly look like yoga pants and I always make sure to wear a long sweater or blazer when I leave my office to go to the restroom or another attorney’s office.

  7. PSA – I stalked the 1.STATE Nead Bootie on the Nordstrom site until my size came in stock in the red leather. I randomly clicked on a Fb link when I was waiting for a delayed flight and magically my size was there and they’re on sale. I got them last night, wearing them today and they look great and they are sooooo comfortable! I even caught a couple students pointing them out to each other today when I was giving a tour. The leather is really soft and they run a bit big:

  8. Anonymous :

    What shoes is everyone wearing to winter weddings and other fancy events? Velvet/satin things?

    • Worry about yourself :

      I have a pair of cream, vintage style high heeled booties I wear to most fancy events because they go with a lot of things. I could go for a pair of velvet flats though . . .

    • I’ve dreamed of finding the perfect navy blue velvet flats to wear with a blue and gold dress I’m planning to wear to a wedding this winter, but I think my gold ones will have to do.

    • Anonymous :

      JCrew and Anthro have a lot of party shoes right now! Cute:

  9. I’m signed-up to bring fruit for a gathering of my daughter’s soccer team of 12 girls, plus any siblings and adults, on a Friday night, right after work, at one of the girls’ homes. What can I do to make this easy and make the fruit appealing? I was thinking of fruit kabobs, but I don’t have that kind of time or energy these days. I do have a grocery store and a Costco near me. Any suggestions from the hive welcome!

    • A variety of apple slices arranged around some caramel dip is pretty easy.

      • It’s October, so I would, personally, gleefully accept a platter of Affle Tapples!! But, also yes to what Torin said, go to the store and even by the prepackaged prepped fruit: grapes, berries, pineapple. That’s good too.

    • Er, can you not just … bring fruit? Like big bowls of grapes and berries? I’m not trying to be mean but I’m struggling to understand what’s unappealing about fruit and why you would want to make work for yourself but doing something to the fruit other than washing it and putting it in a bowl.

      • I agree with this, and I also agree that grapes and berries are the way to go. That way kids can take some fruit without feeling compelled to take a whole apple, for example. Whenever we have posted parties at home, the grapes also go very quickly. If you’re trying to make it pretty, you could put some grapes, some berries, and a small portion of cheese and crackers on the plate. Done.

      • Anonymous :

        +1 – it doesn’t have to be Pinterest ready, just ready for consumption. Don’t make this more work than it needs to be.

        • Agree. Let the mommies with no lives waste their time on making this pretty. Bag of clementines, grapes or berries in a bowl, or a precut fruit tray. Done.

    • Anonymous :

      Cut fruit + whip cream or cool whip and/or nutella to dip or sweetened cream cheese dip. Sliced watermelon.

      • Parent of kid w nut allergy :

        Not Nutella for a kid event!!!

        Signed, I just took my 6 yr old to ER for anaphylaxis and I don’t know what contaminated food item did it

      • Min Donner :

        Best dip for apples: greek yogurt (I prefer the full/10% fat), a hefty sprinkle of cinnamon, and some honey. My rough proportions for a snack would be 2 TBSP yogurt, 1/8-1/4 tsp cinnamon, 1/2-1tsp honey — size up, and adjust for personal taste. It’s sweet, but not too sweet, and has protein and flavor and really complements the tang of apples.

    • Costco has fruit platters that are really fun – lots of different types of fruit. Some might even have the tasty dip.

    • I agree with Torin. I’d bring a bag of oranges or tangerines or related citrus. It can sit in your office (or car, if it’s reasonably cool outside) all day without refrigeration. You don’t have to do anything to an orange or tangerine to make it more appealing.

    • A big bag of halo mini oranges (clementines? idk what they are) is good, and that way the leftovers are usable later.

    • Anonymous :

      They won’t care about fancy fruit. Just get a fruit tray from the grocery store and be done with it.

    • AnonInfinity :

      I would totally just get one of those trays of precut fruit and call it a day. No need to make this stressful for yourself!

    • Anonymous :

      They probably specified fruit because they want something healthy, so I’d skip the sweet stuff like caramel and nutella and bring plain fruit.

    • Worry about yourself :

      I’d probably go with oranges and bananas, they both have a-peel.

      I’ll see myself out.

  10. Underpaid :

    One of my colleagues was talking at lunch today about how her son (college grad in December) was offered a job with a starting salary that she referred to as “insultingly low”. Said salary is what I, who graduated from college 6 years ago, am currently making and also made in my first post-college job in a different industry. I’m personally insulted and hurt, but I don’t know how to express that to her without sounding defensive.

    Yes, I am currently underpaid in my position but there isn’t an opportunity for a raise until the start of the new year. I’m frustrated and annoyed and have been job searching but haven’t had any luck with anything in the past 3 years.

    I don’t even know if I’m asking for advice or venting but I feel SO undervalued and worthless and useless, and I hate that I feel that way based on an off-hand comment that was not intentional.

    • Anonymous :

      That hurts. I have had similar experiences.

      I will say that the taboo on talking about money in explicit terms is partly to avoid this kind of dynamic. I understand all the arguments that we should move past it, but I really haven’t and this is why. I can easily name several instances where numbers were given in a conversation and it stung. You just never know.

    • Is your colleague significantly senior to you in position? If your underpaid for your position, they may just assume that you make a lot more (i.e. what the market rate is) and were not thinking that you made anywhere near that little. It sounds like you have a company problem, not a colleague problem.

    • What industry? If an electrical engineer were offered $40k starting, that would sting, but it’s entirely reasonable for many people to make that salary throughout their twenties.

      • Yeah, in my graduating engineering class, the low end was $6ok. If you got an offer for less, you would probably not take that job. For CS majors, they would be looking at more like $80-90k starting, so if they got offered $60k they might not take that. It really depends.

    • Anonymous :

      Do not express anything of the sort to her.

    • You should take it as market intelligence if you do the same thing as her son. If you don’t, it’s not comparable. And if you’re underpaid? Do something about it. Make the case for a raise, interview and network more aggressively than you have been (tou can always do more).

  11. Anonymous :

    I need to vent. My employer recently changed their prescription plan and the new plan refuses to pay for my BCP. I’ve gone through multiple rounds of appeals and I just lost the last one, after spending yet another few hours on the phone. I’m now going to have to pay out of pocket for the pill.

    I texted the bad news to my BF. He responded, “if we have to pay for it we will, it’ll be ok [smiley face emoji].” Record scratch. Excuse me, WE? WE do not live together or have any combined finances and I make boatloads more than he does. No, WE will not be paying for this, just like WE did not deal with this headache for the past several months. Let’s try that again. I think you meant, “Thank you, most wonderful woman in the world, for dealing with 100% of this patriarchal BS so that I can have fun with you and have absolutely 0 worry or responsibility for not creating a child, I will pick up your favorite sugary treat and drink and make you a wonderful dinner tonight to thank you for all you do for me.”

    • Anonymous :

      Maybe he literally expects to split this cost with you? Not unreasonable.

      • If you are no longer using other BC, I would actually expect him to split the cost.

      • yeah, I feel like the ideal outcome is to split the cost… often when people post complaints about BC and boyfriends, it’s that the latter don’t pay at all toward what should be a mutual expense. Is it possible you’re just mad at all men right now (I mean, I am), but perhaps your BF offering to split an expense is not the best target for this rage?

      • How is this a bad reaction? It sounds like he wants to split the cost of BCP now that your insurance won’t cover it. Sounds like he recognizes that he benefits from BCP and will share the financial burden. Not getting the record scratch.

      • Yeah just to clarify he’s absolutely not going to split this expense. We talked about it when this originally came up and it’s not in his budget.

        • That’s lame AF. New boyfriend time.

          Before you said that I was on team “he’s trying to be supportive and offering to split.”

        • Then you need to clarify exactly what he meant by that statement. Perhaps he means he will stretch his budget to help. Maybe he means he will use condoms.

    • WTF, that is awful.

    • Anonymous :

      It’s like $20 a month? If you make “boatloads” it’s obviously not a financial hardship. I want universal health care, but wealthy women whining about having to pay a pretty trivial amount of money for birth control makes me roll my eyes hard.

      • Shananana :

        Um, in my pre insurance days, i spent around $100 a month for my pill, and i know people paying $160/month. If you can’t tale the generic (and not all of us can) it’s not as cheap as you think.

      • Uh no. Try $180 for a 3-month pack. Up from $0. Not a trivial amount for me. And fun fact – apparently my insurance company tried to ding me; if the pharmacy puts it through with insurance but not covered, it’s $450/90 days. If they put it through with no insurance, it’s $180.

        And I didn’t say I make “boatloads” period, I said I make boatloads more than BF – who is barely making ends meet. There is no way he could afford to pay toward this at all.

        • Then maybe you should consider contraceptive options that cost less than $750 a year. IUD? Implant? Condoms? Patch?

        • Yeah, my insurance decided one year to stop covering my brand (still the normal 28-day pill) but whereas it had been $0 in Obama years and about $15 before that, suddenly it went up to $180 as well. It turned out the ACA all BCP is free has a few asterisks and one year my insurance provider decided this was on its list of no longer covered formulations; why I don’t know. It took me getting an actual lit of the covered ones and sending that to my doctor to find the best match to get back to a $0 one. This also charged to my FSA which didn’t have that much money in it (because I didn’t budget that much) and caused ten more headaches on that front.

      • Anonymous :

        Dude get a clue. BCP is not $20/mo without insurance. It maybe is WITH insurance. Check your privilege.

        • Anonymous :

          It should be free with insurance. It was $21 for me pre-Obamacare. Trust, this isn’t a “check your privilege” situation. I make $30k. There are lots of women here who make more than 10 times what I do.

      • Is it Friday yet? :

        Some of the generics, maybe, but plenty are way more than that. And not every pill works for everyone without side effects, so maybe OP doesn’t want to play roulette with finding a new one?

      • Umm no. It’s usually much more than $20/month out of pocket. Try again.

        • Anonymous :

          Even if it’s not free, it wouldn’t be entirely out of pocket. It’s like any other med where you have to pay a small co-pay.

      • Anonymous :

        Eye roll? My eyes popped out of my head! OP, come off the soapbox and realize if your boyfriend wants to split the cost with you, let him. Wouldn’t you split the cost of condoms with him if he was “handling the birth control”? You have a problem with your healthcare coverage, not your boyfriend. Stop inventing problems.

        Also, no birth control is 100% effective so your snarky remark to him should be adjusted accordingly.

    • Anonymous :

      Your response seems like the crazy one. He’s trying to be supportive.

      • Anonymous :


      • Anonymous :

        + 1

        I don’t get your response at all.

      • Yes, this.

        Don’t you *want* men to do their best to shoulder some of the burden of contraception? If you want to be a feminmartyr, go right ahead, but don’t blame him for not wanting to do 0%.

      • I thought this was going to end with her being thankful that her partners reaction (particularly while he is not well off financially) was “Don’t worry. We will take care of it.”

        We have to be missing some context here? This happened to me while in law school and uninsured for a bit. We paid for it out of pocket, but I was SO worried about the money–neither of us had any, haha. My SO told me to not worry at all and that it should be a priority, so I could feel comfortable pursuing my career.

        This is odd.

    • Anonymous :

      I don’t see anything wrong with what he wrote.

      If you want him to make you dinner, ask for that. Dude is nice, but not psychic.

    • I get you’re super frustrated at the situation in general, and deservedly so, but I would take that as his trying to come from a good place. You are shouldering a burden that should be shared and he is offering to share in a way he can. I actually have friends who have a we have no shared expenses but since you aren’t buying bc, you get to contribute to mine arrangements. If he makes considerably less than you the financial hit may have been the biggest impact in his mind. But this is a stupid shitty situation that you get to be annoyed at. Just maybe not aimed at him?

    • Anonymous :

      Maybe he was just trying to be nice by acknowledging that BC is beneficial for both of you (assuming neither of you wants to have children right now). I guess I don’t see why that’s such a horrible response. Maybe not what you wanted to hear, but I don’t see why it was so awful.

    • Lots to Learn :

      Whoa – are you sure you aren’t overreacting? His response sounds to me like he is trying to be supportive of you. Yes, it’s a little odd that he says “we” when you will have to foot the bill, but maybe he does intend to help you pay for it. I saw the “we” as an expression of solidarity and “we’re in this together” and I’m really not getting why you’re so incensed by it.

    • Anonymous :

      I think his response was nice…

    • Does the new plan cover any birth control pills at all? If so, see if your doctor can switch you to one that‘s covered. I know switching meds is unwelcome; I did it a couple times. I also had to remind my doctor to write the prescription to cover generic equivalents, and not just name brands. A pharmacist explained to me that, without that OK, they had to give me the more expensive name brand pills.

      Also, do ask your boyfriend what he meant by “we.” Perhaps he really does mean he’ll pay half.

    • Anonymous :

      Oh my god are you always this extra? He’s offering to help pay. None of this is his fault. What kind of weird BC are you insisting on that isn’t covered? Take a generic and chill.

    • It sounds to me that he just offered to split the cost of the BCP. He didn’t say “well, YOU have to pay for it …”. I think your reaction is off.

    • You should break up with him because you don’t love him. You can afford the birth control and he tried to be supportive. You resent his low income. Find a man you respect and leave him alone to find someone better.

  12. Anonymous :

    Any advice for how to sleep well on business trips? I always end up tossing and turning or having work dreams. Plus hotels are always freezing.

    • anonymous :

      Do you use essential oils? I like to diffuse my favorites at night when I’m sleeping. The smell and soft noise usually help me.

      • Anonymous :

        I don’t use essential oils, but my first reaction to OP was “well of course you can’t sleep given the awful hotel smell!” So maybe I should consider a smell-based solution next time I have to stay in a hotel.

    • Anonymous :

      White noise helps me. I usually just find something on YouTube. If anyone has any app recommendations, I’m all ears!

      If you’re cold, bring fuzzy socks and better PJs or at least a sweater you don’t mind sleeping in.

      • Anonymous :

        I heard about an app — called Relax Melodies — on Gretchen Rubin’s happiness podcast last week. She recommended it highly, and I’m going to give it a try. It has white noise, nature sounds, and other pleasant sounds.

    • Anonymous :

      Your hotel room should have a thermostat that will allow you to control the temperature in the room. If it doesn’t, you should call the front desk.

    • Anonymous :

      If you can’t figure out where the thermostat is to turn up the heat, ask the front desk for help. There’s usually a blanket in the closet or one that can be brought to you on request if you need to sleep more warmly. Also, I like to bring my own pillow unless I’m staying at a Westin.

    • Advil PM

      • In-House in Houston :

        Be careful with the Advil PM. I took it recently on a work trip and couldn’t shake it the next morning. So don’t try Advil PM (or any kind of sleep aid) for the first time on a work trip. Try it at home first on a weekend so you can see how you feel the next morning. It was a disaster for me.

    • Ha. I’m always too hot in hotel rooms because of the stupid down comforters. Down is not needed unless one is sleeping in an old poorly heated castle or something.

      So I spend the night at a hotel: Comforter on – too hot! Comforter off – too cold! Lather, rinse, repeat.

      • Hmm I sleep under down year-round. I find the down comforters at your basic Marriotts and Hyatts etc kind of lightweight.

        I don’t live in a creaky old castle, though I wish i did. I live in the Bay Area.

    • Rainbow Hair :

      I’ve started taking melatonin. It sort of works.

    • Anonymous :

      Hit the treadmill when you get there and wear yourself out.

    • White noise and ask for more blankets if you need them. You don’t have to suffer quietly, it’s not going to get you any extra karma or anything.

    • I typically turn the a/c or heat off as soon as I get in, esp. in high rise hotels. The whole buildings are climate controlled, so my little room doesn’t need additional vents blasting hot or cold air on me.

      • +1/2 to this. I leave the climate control on while I’m awake but turn it off before I try to sleep.

    • Anonymous :

      I try to remember to bring my best comfy clothes. Sometimes I get so caught up in packing my business clothes, I forget a comfy sweater and sweat pants for the room. And nice socks. No reason not to bring your comfy stuff and the things that aren’t necessary but are great to have.

  13. Is it Friday yet? :

    Ugh, that’s a terrible reaction.

    On a different note, you may want to ask your GYN’s office if they have samples. My insurance does not cover the particular BCP I am on (my GYN gave me a sample of it when I started it in May, and I’ve stayed on it), and when I called the office and told them that, they told me they’d just give me a bunch of samples every couple of months so I don’t have to pay out of pocket. YMMV, but worth a shot if you haven’t already asked.

    • Thanks this wouldn’t have occured to me. I’ll try!

    • You may also look into manufacturer coupons.

      • Anonymous :

        My current insurance plan is generous with labs and doctor visits, and stingy with prescription meds. I’ve definitely saved money with discount cards (e.g. GoodRx) that I used to consider sketchy and beneath me for some reason.

  14. anonymous :

    Anybody on here with experience working remotely? I’m at a mid-size CPA firm and after discussing with my boss my expectation of leaving the firm due to personal reasons, within the next year, they have offered the opportunity to work remotely from my new city (I’ll make it clear – we have complete transparency with our Director and he just had a huge staff turnover two years ago and does not want to be in the same situation again). Discussion about logistics is still ongoing with the firm, but curious to see if there are others who have experienced or are in a similar situation.

    As a staff, I’m concerned about how working remotely might impact my career in the future, as well as my opportunities for growth.

    • I’m currently working remotely after moving several hundred miles for personal reasons. I won’t lie, it’s tough. I miss the energy of face-to-face meetings, I feel out of the loop with office dynamics, and sometimes I have trouble with motivation at 4 pm. BUT… I love not having a commute, being able to convert my lunch break into a grocery run, and petting my cat while I puzzle over a problem. I work in a global office already, so fortunately my team is already used to conference calls for 50% of our meetings. Otherwise, having colleagues who are very responsive on our internal messaging system is a lifesaver.

  15. Salary Negotiation? :

    I am trying to decide whether to negotiate a salary offer. I am pretty sure I am going to accept an offer at a small (<50 lawyer) law firm I am currently a biglaw senior associate. The salary offer is about 75% of what I currently make, which is (much) more than I honestly thought it would be. Bonuses are not lock-step, and are tied to firm performance/my performance. Several attorneys have told me the compensation if back-end-loaded. Firm does mostly contingency work. Worth negotiating or better to take this now, see how bonuses go, and perhaps negotiate for raises later if I want? If I do negotiate, what is reasonable for a firm this size?

  16. Shananana :

    I have a cuisinart brand Dutch oven I bought from like Marshall’s a few years back. I love it, and am eyeing at replacing it with a le creuset or equivlant since I use it so much. My not so expensive version is showing major wear to the voting around the handle and edges though to the point I see rust around the handle screw. Before I spend 6 times as much, can anyone tell me if they’ve had the same issue with the higher end brands? Should I go in for an investment or keep up my $50 one every three years?

    • Panda Bear :

      I was recently tempted to replace my 10 year old (paid about $100?) Martha Stewart brand dutch oven with a Le Creuset because I dropped the cover and cracked the top knob… also because I just really wanted a Le Creuset. But I found that I could buy a replacement knob, and otherwise the MS pot is still going strong – no rust or excessive wear. So… that doesn’t really answer your question about how the Le Creuset will perform, but my thinking is that you could find something mid-range that won’t need replacing every 3 years. I love my Lodge cast iron pans – maybe check out their dutch ovens too.

      • I just bought a Lodge cast iron dutch oven at Amazon (~around 35$) and used it to make my first attempts at homemade bread (very successful – wooo!) since it is actually a deep pan and a skillet, it has 3 options for using. HTH, YMMV.

      • I have had both Lodge and Le Creuset – i think the Lodge performed well, but i found it chipped WAY easier than the Le Creuset – so YMMV

    • Try Lodge, too. I think they’re a pretty decent brand.

    • I love my Le Creuset dutch oven! We’ve used it several times a week for 5-7 years (I don’t really remember when we got it), and there are no real signs of wear, other than some discoloration on the inside.

      We also have a Lodge cast iron frying pan, which we’ve had for 12 years (I do remember buying that right after college!) and a 9-quart Lodge dutch oven, which I just bought this year. Neither are enameled, but they’re both good pieces. Unless someone had a bad experience with their Lodge enameled dutch oven, I think it would be a good medium-priced brand. (We’ve actually had some trouble with the seasoning on the dutch oven, but that won’t be an issue with enameled cast iron, and we can fix it easily once it cools down enough to turn our oven on!)

    • I have a bunch of Le Creuset that gets heavy use, in particular the 7-ish quart Dutch oven, and have never, ever seen a sign of rust. I’ve had most of my pieces for at least 10 years. I recommend the brand without hesitation.

    • I own a lodge Dutch oven and a le creuset one. Both are 8-10 yrs old. Neither has any signs of rust. Can’t say one is better than the other. I do love both!

      Maybe yours got rust because it was slightly defective and that’s why it was at Marshalls?

    • I’ve had my le creuset for… 10 or 12 years? And it is in great condition, no sign of cracking or rust. I do think there are cheaper ones that are also pretty good quality, and only got the expensive one because we had gift cards to Williams Sonoma.

    • Anonymous :

      Le Creuset will last you forever. I’ve got two which were my parents’ wedding presents. There’s a chip to the enamel in one and apart from that they’re in perfect condition.

  17. Lots to Learn :

    Whoa – are you sure you aren’t overreacting? His response sounds to me like he is trying to be supportive of you. Yes, it’s a little odd that he says “we” when you will have to foot the bill, but maybe he does intend to help you pay for it. I saw the “we” as an expression of solidarity and “we’re in this together” and I’m really not getting why you’re so incensed by it.

  18. Q for Govt Employees :

    Can’t find an answer on the internet, but maybe one of you can point me in the right direction! If I separate from the federal government at a certain GS level and step number, will the time served at this step be counted if/when I ever rejoin federal service? I.e. if I am a GS 13 / step 8 with 40 weeks in service, will I be able to come back at that same level at least, and within 3 months be promoted to the GS 14 (assuming satisfactory performance, etc.)? Thanks!

    • I’m not aware of an official policy, but I don’t think so since that wouldn’t make sense. When you get an offer for the federal government, it is based on what GS level the position was open for and your current experience. For example, I joined government as a GS 15 after 7 years in private practice – I had the required experience to be a GS 15. My step was based on my then current salary.

      Assume that the job in question required 5 years experience to be a GS 14. The government doesn’t care if that 5 years is in government service or private companies, at least for the point of making the qualification. If you applied an rejoined government service after leaving as a GS 13 (after 4 years) and went in to a private company, assuming that you got rehired by the government a year later, you would now have 5 years of experience and could be hired as a GS 14.

      • Anonymous :

        I agree. They should count all your experience, not just in government. So, if you left and subsequently came back a year later, you could be hired as a GS 14, not hired as a GS 13 with 40 weeks in at that grade.

    • Anonymous :

      That is my understanding.

  19. Anonymous :

    I’m thinking about getting this coat:

    Any thoughts on which color? I feel like the light gray would be the most versatile in my wardrobe, but I kind of love the more brightly colored ones. I think the yellow is gorgeous but the lavender or green would probably look better on me. Anyone want to vote? I want them all!

    • Oooh I want the yellow! And the magenta!!

      Life is short; get a brightly colored coat :)

    • Anonymous :

      I love it and I would personally go for the green one!

      • Another vote for green. I love the yellow and the lavender but I’m sure I would spill something on them. Dark colors are safer.

    • I would pick either the yellow or the lavender because I feel like the rest are super common as winter coats.

      You’d be like the ray of sunshine on an otherwise gloomy day

    • I would buy whichever one coordinates better with my accessories.

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