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Updated: Oct 31, 2018 141 Comments · by

Suit of the Week: Loft

Suit of the Week |

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women interview suitFor busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional. I've been eyeing Loft's Custom Stretch suiting for a few weeks now for a possible Suit of the Week — but something more fun always seems to win out over the basic fabrics available there. So I was excited to see this navy linen skirt suit (available exclusively online), which looks like more of a fun suit. I like the slightly heathered/space-dyed look to the fabric, and the simple, classic shapes look great for spring, summer, and early fall. The jacket (Custom Stretch Blazer) is $138, and the skirt (Loft Custom Stretch Pencil Skirt) is $69.50. The jacket is available in petite, tall, and regular sizes 00-16; the skirt is available in petites and regular sizes 00-14. Here's a plus-size option (jacket + skirt). Navy Linen Women's Suit (L-7)

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Comments

  1. Negotiation

    Reposting from last post for more replies

    Question: My friend interviewed with a small firm last Friday, got an email offer that evening. The pay was lower than expected, but she likes the firm and wants to discuss the offer. She sent an email Friday night acknowledging receipt of the offer and said she’d love to talk about it after the weekend. On Monday, she sent another email saying she’s excited and want to talk about the offer, would like to set up a time to discuss, etc.

    No response from the firm yet.

    1. I told her to call (not email) tomorrow, Thursday, if she hasn’t heard yet. Is this a good course of action?
    2. If the offer is $60K, but market research shows range of $70K-$85k for similar positions ($85K for more experienced folks, obviously), is $72K too high of a reach? I expect they’ll come back with something lower than that, but it’d be really fair to get at least $65K given market range. Going for $72K is high compared with the offer, but the offer itself is low. On the other hand, my friend is trying to break into this industry and have limited direct experience.

    Thanks hive for advice / tips.

    • M

      That’s a 20% increase, which seems pretty significant to me, though the figure isn’t offensive given the market numbers. I work for a smaller firm (14 attorneys) and found that while they started me slightly lower than the market average (I was a new grad), they have been pretty aggressive with raises and bonuses. So, if there is a way to ask what kind of trajectory she can expect moving forward, that may be something worth considering.

      • Snickety

        +1. This is a good approach for someone looking to break into the industry – ask about the potential for salary growth as you prove your value to the firm. I’m a partner in a similar sized firm. We recently made an offer to a new grad, who countered with a 20% higher starting salary plus a percentage of fees from clients the brand-new attorney originates (with no existing connections). After a collective head smack, we reiterated the original terms of the offer and explained our annual salary review/bonus process. Offer was promptly accepted.

    • Hollis

      This is very specific to the company’s needs, how badly the company wants your friend, and whether this is a deal breaker for your friend. If your friend has limited direct experience, then there might be other candidates who are willing and excited to take the position at the lower salary. In my experience, most companies (and in particular, small firms) do not care at all about “market research,” unless they are unable to find good candidates and want to find out why. Your friend should of course advocate for herself and ask for a higher salary within reason, but also keep in mind her alternatives. And please, no laundry list of demands over e-mail – if she’s not familiar with the Nazareth College post-offer rejection, she should read up on it as an example of what-not-to-do. http://philosophysmoker.blogspot.com/2014/03/a-new-kind-of-pfo-mid-negotiating-post.html.

    • Tap

      I don’t know what the industry is so I’m just giving a general response. I don’t think its wrong to ask for higher pay given the research that you guys did. If she was offered something significantly lower than the average for her position/industry + qualifications and experience then I find that accepting a lower pay degrades me to a lower position. Based on my qualifications and experiences, I am already at a certain pay scale so accepting something below average seems like a demotion. That being said, I don’t think 72K is asking for too much but you might not get it. Their offer of 60K might be based on what they can afford, etc. but it won’t hurt to ask and I’m assuming your friend will do it tactfully.

    • Maddie Ross

      It likely can’t hurt to ask, but she should probably be aware that small firms (at least in law and accounting, and I assume in other industries) vary widely. Not just from larger firms, but also from each other. The market research she did may not accurately reflect the “market”, depending on how small we’re talking.

      • But it can hurt

        It’s not unheard of for offers to be pulled when someone (often a woman) tries to negotiate. Some employers read uppity, high-maintenance, etc. If she really wants the job and thinks it is a good opportunity to build a career, she should just take it, be grateful, and negotiate after proving strong performance and commitment. If this is a needed foot in the door, it can be very worth the (perceived) lower pay. If there are other doors, by all means ask, but be prepared to move on. It would be SO nice to say there’s no risk, but it’s just not true.

        • Wednesday

          This is so interesting, because my significant other (a man) negotiates every offer no matter his position. He has been unemployed and negotiated. He always asks for more and has never lost an offer ever. In fact, he always gets something, not always increased salary, but increased vacation, moving expenses, guaranteed bonuses, etc. Maybe this is more people using poor negotiating tactics or not knowing negotiating techniques and protocols and coming off as offensive than it is the negotiation itself? I think many people would never dream of accepting a first offer without some negotiation.

          • T

            Step 2
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            Post it as a status update, comment on popular youtube videos, send personal messages, etc.

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    • T

      Step 2
      Copy and post this message at least 3 times anywhere on the web (in 3 different places):

      Important: Posting on our videos or pages does not count!

      Post it as a status update, comment on popular youtube videos, send personal messages, etc.

      Waiting for completion…
      Waiting for completion…

  3. Emmabean

    For those who got glasses later in life, how did you know it was time to get your eyes tested?

    I always imagined that one day I’d wake up and everything would be all fuzzy looking like when I look through my husband’s blind-as-a-bat glasses, but I’ve recently come to realize that’s incorrect. Instead, it appears to be this slow downgrade. Realistically, I’m probably totally fine right now, with no need for glasses, but I have nothing to compare it against! I’m curious if there was a point at which you said, “Ok, it’s time”?

    (I realize an eye doctor is the person to actually speak to about my eyesight, and am just looking for anecdotal evidence!)

    • kc esq

      When I couldn’t read street signs from as far away as I used to be able to. I have a pretty low prescription and I passed the driver’s license eye test recently without my glasses, but I’m more comfortable having them when I drive or watch a game on a TV across the room, etc.

      • Sydney Bristow

        Street signs were the first thing I noticed too. That and the scores on televised sports games. Lots of squinting. It was definitely a slow downgrade.

        I went ahead and finally got my eyes checked and got glasses before law school. I couldn’t imagine doing all the reading while squinting and fighting off headaches.

        Oh and I actually need to wear them all the time. I thought I’d just need them for reading and driving but my vision continued to get worse so I wear them all the time now.

      • Anon

        Street signs were the first thing I noticed too. And that I couldn’t read the words on a TV or a big board (like at a counter restaurant or something) as well as my husband or those with me.

      • NYNY

        Yup, another one for street signs being hard to read. I have a low Rx and am in glasses training now, meaning I got a cute pair and wear them 2-3 days/week. I’m able to pass an eye exam without them, but have noticed a slow decline, and expect to become a full-time glasses wearer eventually.

        Edited to add that my problem is seeing things in the distance. If you have trouble focusing on close things – like when you have to move a book back and forth to find the sweet spot – you may have a totally different experience.

      • PD

        are you squinting or do you notice creases next to your eyes from squinting? do you get headaches or sore eyes ever? can you read your computer screen from a few feet away and street signs when you are driving? getting an eye exam is easy so you can always go and get a cheap pair of glasses and see how it goes.

    • Mpls

      Well, it’s always a slow creep. Typically, when you need glasses as an adult, it’s because the muscles controlling your pupil dilation are stiffing up and don’t respond as quickly as they used to.

      And you should be going to an eye doctor on a semi regular basis (once a year, once every couple years) to have your eyes check for early warning signs of issues, especially if you have family history for those issues. [I’m terrible about following this advice myself, so this is a reminder to me to go make an appointment.}

      Everyday signs: You get headaches from squinting, you have a hard time focusing on regular-ish sized words in a book held at arm’s length, you can’t read road signs from a sufficient distance.

      • Anonymous

        you should be seeing an eye doctor periodically for reasons other than just eyesight/prescription, especially as you get older.

    • SW

      I needed glasses when I was in college. I thought all my professors had horrible handwriting since I couldn’t read what they wrote on the board. Then I realized I couldn’t read street signs, business signs, etc. anymore either.

    • N.C. anon

      In addition to street signs, I noticed I couldn’t read the digital clock on our DVR from the couch. I had more difficulty reading signs at night. I noticed that my eyes focused on the dust on the windshield better than the car in front of me.

    • TO Lawyer

      A friend of mine noticed she was getting headaches towards the end of the work day on a frequent basis from the straining her eyes were doing.

    • TheElms

      When I couldn’t read the words on a powerpoint presentation from across a conference table when everyone else seemed to manage just fine!

    • Anonymous

      When I was about forty I realized if I were reading and then looked up to see what was on TV, it took longer for ny eyes to re-focus. I got some low strength readers, which helped a lot, and in the years since, I’ve gone from 1.5 to 2.0, where I’ve stayed for a while. I get my eyes checked once a year, and other than needing the readers to read and for close work, I don’t need glasses.

  4. Nonprofit Interview!

    I have an interview with a nonprofit in which I am very interested on Friday. Currently do civil litigation. I am prepared in all the usual Askamanager-y ways, but anyone have any additional advice? Thanks!

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      Be prepared for what I’d call “the money question.” Even if the move to the nonprofit world wouldn’t actually change your salary all that much, there’s an assumption that the move from private practice to nonprofit work will include a significant pay cut, and, in my experience at least, they’ll ask something along the lines of whether you’re aware of it/if you’re prepared for it/how you’re prepared for it/etc.

      • Hollis

        Agreed. I was surprised when, on my first day of interviews, I was asked how much I currently make and how much I am hoping to make. Also look at everything in your background that could raise concerns from an outsider’s perspective and be prepared to address them.

    • Anon

      Nonprofits, in my experience, are really big on culture, so be prepared to talk about the mission of the organization and how it relates to you, why this nonprofit, and how you are a good colleague/office mate/addition to their team personally.

  5. Car Issue

    My car was parked in front of my house yesterday afternoon when a couple of teenagers who were apparently high on weed rammed into it and have effectively totaled it. I just bought the car last year (although it was used, so a few years old, but pretty low mileage and in very good condition). The driver’s insurance is attempting to pay us just book value, but that will be too little to replace the car and much less than what the car is worth. What should I do? Should I contact my own insurance and have them handle it?

    Should I contact a lawyer? I am in Virginia, if that makes a difference.

      • Anonymous

        That’s what your insurance is for…they take care of you, then they deal with the other persons insurance.

      • Anonymous

        That’s what your insurance is for…they take care of you, then they deal with the other persons insurance.

    • Maddie Ross

      Contacting an attorney for property damage is likely not worth it (to you or to any attorney). You can and should contact your own insurance and be prepared to negotiate with either them or the driver’s insurance. Did you file a police report?

    • sweetknee

      Don to forget to negotiate loss of use. . you are/will be out of use of a car for at least some period of time. that can add up.

    • Baconpancakes

      Yes. A good insurance company will negotiate on your behalf. Sorry to sound like a broken record/advocate for them, but when a driver attempted to claim egregious charges for a fender bender that occurred while parking my car (so I couldn’t have been going at the speed it would have required to do the damage he was claiming), USAA talked directly to the guy’s insurance company and the whole thing was dropped. Your insurance company should be your advocate, and they have lawyers to deal with the other insurance company.

    • MJ

      In theory, book value should be what a car is worth–it should take into account mileage and condition. So they shouldn’t pay you book for a fair, normal mileage car of the same model year–make them pay book adjusted to where the car actually was. You can play with this on Edmunds dot com.

      Sorry this happened to you. Huge bummer. Also, remember that their attorney or insurance rep is not necessarily advocating for what’s best for you. You can fight and refuse to accept their offer if you give solid reasons why what they are offering is unacceptable. “I think it was worth more than BB” doesn’t really hold water unless you say why/how it differs from a standard model year car with similar wear and tear.

      • Anonymous

        In theory, but what a car is “worth” statistically may be very far from what it is worth to you. I drive a ’99 Toyota with 130,000 miles on it. So it’s BlueBook value is ridiculously low, something like $2,000. However, it’s been maintained perfectly, is in great condition and I expect to drive it for at least another 10 years/100,000 miles. So what is the car saving me? A lot more than $2K, that’s for sure.

    • Little Red

      Hope you’ve called your insurance provider by now. This is exactly the sort of thing they are there for.

  6. Smashley

    Guys. My hair is driving me nuts today. It’s somehow both greasy and frizzy, and all those crazy baby hairs at the front are standing up and what do I do. Things I do not have in my office: hairspray, baby powder, dry shampoo. HALP

    • N.C. anon

      If you have bobby pins, maybe twist hair around your forehead away from your face and pin behind your ears. If not, what I’ll do when my hair is driving me nuts (wavy/curly, shoulder-length hair) is take small sections around my forehead on each side of my part and do a loose braid toward the back of my head and tuck behind my ears.

    • Baconpancakes

      If you can just accept the greasiness for a bit, hand lotion will slick down some of the frizzies. Additionally, if you have face powder and you’re blonde, you might be able to use it to soak up a little bit of the greasiness in a pinch (I’ve been desperate enough to do this, and it worked well, but face powder is so much more expensive than dry shampoo or baby powder, so it’s a desperate situation only kind of fix.)

  7. Workload question

    For those who are inhouse doing securities/capital markets work at a public company, how would you describe your workload?

    Also, for those with a manageable workload (I’m thinking some regularity to when you leave, limited weekend work) do you feel like you are still getting to do substantive legal work or are you primarily managing outside counsel? I am trying to figure out if my situation is as unreasonable as it seems at times.

    • Anon

      This would really depend on the public company, how many insiders/Section 16 filings they have/how frequently they issue securities, how involved the GC is with corporate work (many GCs don’t want to deal with corporate stuff). If you’re in tech, this’d depend on how capable your stock administrator is and how your corporate paralegal answers questions with respect to routine RSU grants/vesting. If there’s complicated tax gross-ups, that’d matter.

      If you have very complicated executive comp, that makes a huge difference too, and calls for a lot of explanation in public filings. If your industry is heavily regulated, you have odd/new risk factors often, complicated MD&A or accounting….this all really depends.

      Most of my friends who work at public companies don’t only do securities or capital markets work–corporate work is broader and they fill in the gaps. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, I would look at the structure of what your in-house legal department looks like–stock admin, legal ops manager, paralegals, AGCs, GCs, etc. and see if there isn’t a way to distribute some tasks across more people. If the skillsets aren’t there, figure out what you need to lobby for. And yes, you will manage outside counsel a lot if you are in-house–they’re the experts now. Your company’s view on how much you use them depends on your legal budget and how much you “recycle” from prior public filings/transactions which required public filings.

      Hope this helps.

      • Workload question

        Thanks. This is helpful. I have been here for quite a few years, so I understand the various inputs that are making me busy. The issue, as I see it, is with the structure of our legal department, as you point out, but there is no appetite to change that. So, I was trying to get a sense of whether the high hours/on call expectations are normal. I generally like my job, but wonder if I should be looking around if I can achieve better balance, or if that is a pipe dream for this type of work.

    • Anonymous

      I’m at a large public company (i.e. we are a large accelerated filer, with a few hundred subsidiaries, some of which are also public).

      I would describe it as heavy during the preparation for proxy season, and proxy season itself (late nights, weekends), and otherwise it’s regular (maybe a few emails on the weekend, work 8/9 hour days). It works out to around 6 months a year of busy, and 6 months of regular.

      I still do a lot of substantive legal work, we do most of our actual work in house, and don’t often use outside counsel unless required. However, I also do a lot of managing of processes, some of which is based in law, but other parts are just project managing.

      • Workload question

        Thanks for the response. Your schedule sounds more like what I would expect and company sounds similarly situated to mine.

  8. Anon Friend

    How do you guys keep from getting frustrated with your real life friends when they seem to make one bad choice after another? I have a friend I’ve known for ages and if she has two options, she seems to always go for the wrong one. She always calls me frustrated about X or Y and I try to be there and help but sometimes it’s so hard not to say something about how she’s adding to her own troubles.

    • Ellen

      Yay! Coffee Break! I love coffee break and this suit!

      As for the OP, we all have friend’s who make bad decision’s in life. Look at me! I could have been process serveing with a JD to this day were it not for the manageing partner bumping into me (or me into him) in an elevator. Had this not happened, I would have my tuchus squeezed every day by a schlub that looks like a bald Danny DeVito. FOOEY! So cut your friend a break!

      Great news! The judge did NOT care that I made an incorrect legal argument. In his view, He said I was very resourceful in my ARGUMENTS and granted relief on the MERITS, b/c my evidence was overheming against the employee. He said that in future cases, just argue the fact’s w/o throwing in novel legal theorie’s, which make it more difficult for him to rule. He told me and Mason in Chambers that he does NOT get paid more to write long opinion’s so he has learned to stay away from novel legal theorie’s b/c it mean’s more work. He also compleimented me on my White Silk Blouse and Red Outfit. He looked at Mason like he was some kind of insect, but I told him he was my new associate, but was NOT my boyfriend. That seemed to make the Judge happy! YAY! I won anyway, and Mason seem’s to be a good sport. My guess is that Lynn tire’s him out at night so he is relatively DOCILE once he gets to work with her. In any event, I thought I would share the good news.

    • Idea

      What makes it a wrong decision – for her or for you?
      You can relay the pattern to her and suggest professional help.
      You may need help stepping back, too – there’s only so much you can do in this situation.
      Davida

      • Anon Friend

        Wrong decision for anyone. I’ll give an example. Friend gets ticket for driving and being on the phone. Week before her court date, she decides she just can’t deal with this, pleads guilty and mails in ticket. Tells me about this and says how she hopes it’s not a big deal, she tried to google but doesn’t know if points will be taken off because all the information was too confusing. I google and first result essentially says “5 points, $400 fine.” One more point and her license gets an assessment. And then she gets a speeding ticket. I’m trying to be sympathetic and she always acts like its just bad luck but I honestly don’t know anyone who gets as many tickets as she does and sometimes I just want to say that.

        • tesyaa

          Surprising because you shouldn’t even have to google the fine, there’s usually a chart on the back of the ticket. Ask me how I know…

    • Kdlaf

      I think the best thing to do is to begin to distance yourself mentally and emoitionally. Ive been doing this lately and its given me a lot of piece of mind – especially since people will really only change for the better when THEY want to. However, it also may help to engage less and less in the drama/bad decisons and be kind of meh about it/just repeat that you dont think its a good idea or “im just saying X didnt go well last time so maybe you should consider otherwise”. Ive mostly had to do this before and people who constantly make bad decisons can be exhausting, quite frankly.

      • Anon Friend

        But she’s in all other ways a great friend. She just happens to be going through a lot the past few years and it’s all sort of snowballing. I get that there are toxic relationships where someone is selfish, or only talks about themselves, or is just on a self destructive path. This isn’t that. She is a great friend, is always there for me, tries to keep a good attitude and has a great heart. She just has less than great judgment sometimes. I don’t think it’s right to discard friends who don’t make the same sensible choices I do in life. I guess I’m just looking for ways to not get as emotionally involved.

        • tesyaa

          So she’s not toxic, just clueless. When these things come up, try a brisk commiseration and quickly move on to other topics.

        • Anon

          I have a friend who sounds similar to your friend – amazing person, a great friend who makes some objectively poor choices – and it was hard to always be there for her when you could see the end result coming from miles away, but I understood that my friend didn’t have that foresight and there was only so much you could do. For me, it was a combination of accepting who she was and where she was at and also distancing myself when it did become too much. Sometimes that meant re-directing the conversation and sometimes, if it was hearing how her terrible boyfriend did another terrible thing, it meant artificially cutting off the conversation (oh! gotta run, i have to make dinner!) and then picking it up again later when we weren’t stuck on that same topic. I do try to be there for my friend when possible but it can be hard to watch someone make bad choices and not hear reason when you know how much better things could be. It’s not easy and I wish you the best of luck.

          • Anon Friend

            Thanks, this is actually very helpful. I think part of my problem lately is that she is making some poor legal choices too – she’s been going through a nasty custody battle and chose a terrible lawyer, has some minor legal problems with her business and now this and maybe because I’m a lawyer by day, I feel somehow responsible for helping her sort through this stuff when we get together. I swear my own work and clients don’t cause me this much agitation.

        • AnonymousSquared

          This is going to maybe sound weird, but (assuming you’re close enough to feel comfortable suggesting this to her), I’d actually suggest she look into individual therapy (or, if she’s already in therapy, specifically identify this pattern to her therapist, who may or may not be aware of it). What you’re describing – the snowballing of mostly minor but cumulatively bad decisions/legal issues/etc. – is something that happened to me a few years ago, and it was a sign/symptom of untreated anxiety & depression, not me being clueless or stupid or having bad judgment. After a few months in therapy, the number of relatively minor bad things that “just happened” to me decreased dramatically, and a few years out, my life is so, so different. If you love her and want to help her, suggesting a holistic fix (therapy) is going to help her a lot more in the long run than trying to fix or solve each minor problem as it arises on an ad hoc basis.

          • anonymous

            I went through a time when I got 3 expensive red light tickets over a couple weeks and was probably doing other stupid things too. I didn’t handle it very competently and I definitely think it was a symptom of my underlying depression and anxiety. I’ve seen it happen with others I’m close with too, a series of “bad luck” and bad choices with depression/anxiety at the root.

  9. Loan Fears

    Hi ladies,

    I’m entering a full-time professional degree program this fall, and looking at loan options right now. The conventional wisdom is to first take Federal loans, and only look at private loans for what Federal won’t cover, but with the recent Congressional student loan rate increases, I’m wondering if this is still a good idea. The Fed rates will be 6.21% this fall, and it looks like I can get a fixed-rate private student loan with a 6-month post-graduation payment deferment plan for 5.71%. I’m still comparing rates and collecting offers, but are there other advantages to Fed loans I’m not thinking of, or other problems with private loans? What should I be asking the loan officers as I move forward? TIA!

    • Anon

      Not to be all doomsday about it, but federal loans are discharged in the event of your death – private loans may or may not be, but typically they are not.

    • Sydney Bristow

      Generally, federal loan programs have better options to help you if you get in a pinch and can’t afford payments. Private lenders don’t have to offer these but are still protected from you discharging them in bankruptcy. I’d definitely stick to federal loans if I were in your position.

    • Meg Murry

      Federal loans have the option for deferment for a certain amount of time if you are unemployed or earning a smaller income, whereas I don’t think most private loans have this kind of option.

      Federal loans have the option for public interest forgiveness or the forgiveness after you pay X years on IBR – private usually don’t.

      For a difference of only .5% I’d stick with federal loans myself, so long as they are fixed rate – it would need to be a 1 or 2% difference to make me go to private.

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      Federal loans are eligible for extended repayment, income-based or “pay as you earn” repayment, and public interest forgiveness – no such luck with private loans, at least the ones that I’ve seen. I believe the deferral and forbearance options in the event of major life change or crisis are more forgiving under federal loans as well, although that likely varies from lender to lender.

      If there’s an even remote possibility that you will ever at any time during the repayment period need to deviate in any way from the repayment plan for financial reasons, you’ll have more repayment options with less risk of penalty in the federal loan system, at least based on my own research/experience.

    • kc

      Yes on the federal loans being discharged in the case of your death, while private loans are not. Also the federal loans have income-based repayment plans, interest-only for 2 years repayment plans, or graduated extended repayment plans. These are all useful if you a) don’t make a lot of money at your job coming out of grad school, or b) can’t find a full-time well paying job for more than 6 months after graduation. I wasn’t employed full-time until 9 months after getting my masters, it took some of my classmates 2 years (It was also my field…). So what are your realistic options for employment after this program? Is it a field you are currently employed in? Have you looked at median salaries?

      • Loan Fears

        It’s an off-shoot of my current field. I’m hoping to find employment in a different company after graduation, but my company has expressed interest in me returning after graduation. Similar positions in the company to the one I’d be taking average $65k to start, in non-managerial positions.

    • AIMS

      Fed loans can be subsidized and unsubsidized. If you qualify for subsidized that means gov’t pays the interest on the loan while you’re in school, which is great. I’m not sure about private loans, but you want to make sure that you don’t have interest accumulating while you’re in school if you’re going to turn down subsidized fed loans.

      Fed. loans also usually have a fixed interest rate; with private, if it’s lower, make sure it’s a lower fixed rate vs. variable, because as interest rates start to rise, that could get very expensive.

      Other than that, fed loans have certain protections and allow you to qualify for certain programs like income based repayment, but I don’t know if that’s relevant to you.

      • Loan Fears

        Nope, not subsidized. Only undergrads are eligible for subsidized loans. The loans I’m describing are fixed-rate at 5.71%. I have a great credit score, so my variable rate was quoted at 3%, but I know better than to take that.

        • Mpls

          Has that changed recently? Because I totally had subsidized loans for law school from 2005-2008

          • Anon

            Yes, things changed. I was in law school 2010-2013. In either my 2L or 3L year, they stopped subsidized.

            If it wasn’t such a first-world problem, I would complain so hard about it.

          • Anonymous

            Yep. I started law school in 2012 and mine are not subsidized. Sometimes the loan servicers send out emails to me and my classmates telling us how much interest we’re racking up per day. So mean of them.

    • L in DC

      Many federal agencies have tuition reimbursement programs where they’ll pay up to $10,000 per year towards any federal loans you have outstanding. Nothing for private loans though.

  10. What do you think?

    Just want to know what you think……If you guys see a woman who looks like she’s in her mid thirties, in what seems like a gym outfit (not the Lulu lemon, Equinox type of gym outfit) – yoga pants, shirt and jacket – hair in pony tail, no make-up, cap, rather short and a few extra lbs, ethnic minority….what type of person do you think this woman is? What goes through your mind when you see her walking around at say…a grocery store, a Nordstorms, a library, etc.

    What I’m trying to get at is, does looks really play a role in how you are perceived? I am describing to you how I look when I’m not working and wondering what other people think of me when they see me. I want to know if how people treat me is based on how I look and how it might not be possible to change other people and what they think but it is possible to change myself.

    • kc

      sounds like a normal person to me, but I guess I wouldn’t assume they were like…super rich? Are people treating you poorly when you are out and about in public?

      • Anonymous

        Interesting question. I wouldn’t think anything i.e. would not judge you for it. I do have to say that I also don’t get why so many people favor workout clothes as everyday wear. I come from a country where this is not the norm.

    • tesyaa

      How do people treat you? I am extremely casually dressed when not working, and so are most of the people I see on weekends and evenings because they’re not working either. So I really don’t go around making judgments of my fellow casually dressed shoppers, browsers, etc.

    • Anon

      Considering you’ve just described half the women I see on a daily basis, I think you’re a typical woman who lives in America.

      But for the record, I hate yoga pants as non-yoga (or barre, or whatever) clothing. Yes for during class/practice, but not otherwise. I kind of feel like my grandmother/the Countess of Grantham, but I feel like standards for public appearance are just slipping further and further and further…

      • Monday

        Yeah, I think this is interesting at the very least. I hate athleisure and am always embarrassed to be wearing my workout clothes to do anything other than work out, like going out to eat straight afterward, but I recognize that it’s totally my own idiosyncrasy and most women are not with me on this.

        I’ve noticed that people talk very often about “jeans for work,” and it actually makes sense, in its way, now that jeans are no longer the most casual thing that everyone wants to wear 24-7. In many settings, if a woman shows up in jeans she will be the most formally dressed person there! If there’s an answer to the OP anywhere in here, it is basically echoing others: this is a very, very common look and you probably blend right in. The only caveat is that you say you’re an ethnic minority, so that may depend on your location. If people are treating you poorly, that’s on them and not on your choice of outfit.

        • AIMS

          I read an article recently about how little boys won’t even wear jeans because they only want to wear sweatpants and jeans are “too uncomfortable.” I’m not a fan of athletic clothes as default everyday attire either but I think this is becoming a minority view.

          For the OP, I am not sure I would notice you one way or the other based on your description. For some people that may be fine, for others (like my grandma) that would be very sad. My grandma lived to dress up to go places.

          An aside to Monday: I went to Ted’s Bulletin and had tomato soup with grilled cheese. It was awesome! Thanks for the rec.

          • N.C. anon

            Not just little boys. From the age of about 8 until 12, I wore sweatpants for comfort. Black sweatpants. Every day. Cutoff black sweatpants in the summer. Facepalm.

          • Monday

            Yessss!!!!! I was wondering if you’d gone yet, and how the trip was. So glad that my memory of the soup and sandwich combo served you well! (Sorry about the terrible pun!) (All puns are terrible!)

          • AIMS

            Monday, not only did I go and have a great time but I later found out it was national grilled cheese day. I have never felt so on point!

          • Monday

            AIMS, you are always on point. I’ll be sure to celebrate next year myself.

          • SoCalAtty

            Agree on not just boys! From about kindergarten to maybe 5th grade, I refused to wear them. I wore a lot of knit pants with longer tops to school. No sweatpants though. And sandals. I refused closed toe shoes, even in winter, my feet were always super hot. I’m sure this will come as a shocker to all of you, but I was a weird kid.

          • Sydney Bristow

            I wore leggings and flip flops almost every day in elementary school. I’d have gone barefoot it that were allowed in class.

            Now I’m one of those people who thinks leggings are not pants. But I’m still barefoot or wearing flip flops whenever possible.

          • fake coffee snob

            Dresses (and leggings) for me around that age, I refused to wear all pants. Then, all of a sudden (5th grade or so?), I refused to wear dresses and only wore pants. Your guess is as good as mine.

            I don’t think boys in sweats is too unusual, actually – when I was nannying a kindergartener, it was interesting to note how much more adult (especially including jeans) clothes got among the older elementary schoolers. You wouldn’t put a baby/toddler in jeans, right?

        • Baconpancakes

          Unfortunately, prejudice does get in the way of things, and if you feel like you’re being treated more poorly than non-minority women dressed similarly, it might have something to do with that. You shouldn’t have to change what you wear to fight their stupid stereotypes.

          That said, I also agree with the Countess of Grantham, in that I prefer to look more put together, as it shows respect for the people I’m interacting with, no matter whether it’s the makeup girl at Sephora or a potential networking contact. And I generally find I get better service the more put together I am anyway (and I’m a white, slightly-overweight 30-year-old woman).

      • Zelda

        +1. There are cultural differences for me, as I’m from a country that is definitely more formal than the US when it comes to everyday clothing, but I try to wear “real” clothes unless I’m actually on my way to/from the gym. I don’t even own any sweatpants.

        Do you feel like you’re being treated poorly?

      • Anonymous

        Serious question for those of you who hate workout attire in nonworkout settings–what do you do when you go to a studio all the way across town and the grocery store (or other needed errand location) is on the way home? Do you seriously go all the way home to shower and put on your fancy clothes to go pick up a carton of eggs? Most studios here don’t have showers, and when they do I’m not going to spend 20 minutes packing a shower bag and then the extra 20 minutes it takes to get ready when I don’t have my own stuff laid out efficiently, and that’s assuming no wait for the shower (I sometimes have had to wait over a half an hour). Ain’t nobody got time for that. The grocery store is not a runway or even a restaurant.

        • Anon

          Serious answer from someone who hates workout attire in nonworkout settings (and teaches workout classes in a setting that doesn’t have a shower) – I change into skinny jeans and a tshirt (or sweater, if it is cold). Hair up in a messy bun. Takes no time, looks much better, and the clothes I change into are always machine washable/dryable.

          • Anonymous

            See, I find it really gross to put on jeans when I’m sweaty. I wouldn’t judge someone else who does it (how would I even know?!) but I just can’t stand the feeling. And as someone who has to do all of her own laundry on weekends, it also feels wasteful to create a second set of dirty clothes that needs to be washed. And again, I’m not talking about grabbing lunch at the Ritz or shopping at Neiman’s–I’m talking going into Trader Joe’s for some bananas and a new gallon of milk. In a city where everything requires driving (I understand changing more when you’re spending more time facing the public on the sidewalks or public transit–I certainly couldn’t deal with wearing my swimsuit and wet hair home when I used to do swim workouts and then ride the bus!).

          • Susie

            I usually shower and change at the gym, but on occasion do just leave in my workout clothes. (I mainly run 7 miles + and get pretty sweaty so it’s a necessity – not just if I’m going in public but I don’t want to get in my own car like that!)

        • Baconpancakes

          I don’t mind workout clothes when it’s clear someone is going straight from the gym to the grocery store to home, but I dislike them as casual wear. Personally, I think that if you’re wearing athletic clothes, you should be getting sweaty, so you really shouldn’t be sitting at a bar or leisurely shopping all gross anyway.

          • anonymama

            But when I am home for the day, it usually involves small children, sitting on the floor, short sprints, climbing play structures, occasionally hopping a low fence… not sweaty activities necessarily, but much easier to do in athletic wear. But I never go to the gym to exercise either, so the idea of having dedicated time for exercise and only exercise is sort of foreign to me… it’s usually more like walk/hike and lunch, or park and library, or team sport and then beers with the team. The exercise is sort of melded in with the social life and family time and daily responsibilities. And I find that when I wear exercise clothes, it actually means that I get more exercise during the day, as it is easier and more comfortable to walk a little further, jog after a ball, etc.

        • Killer Kitten Heels

          For errands on the way home – grocery store, post office, picking up dry cleaning – I won’t change, although I may spray dry shampoo in my hair and run a brush through it (super short pixie cut, so no “throw it up in a ponytail” option for me), or I may put a hat on.

          If it’s anything other than an obvious “I’m on the way home from elsewhere” errand, I will usually go home and change, because I feel weird being out and about in yoga pants. The rare times I’ve had to go straight from yoga to, say, lunch with friends, I’ll usually change into a jersey maxi or knee-length skirt and throw a lightweight sweater on over my top half, or I’ll throw on a casual dress (I don’t do hot yoga, so I’m usually not super sweaty post-yoga). I’ll also make sure to wear one of my “good” bras & tops (meaning a set that can pass as casual wear, particularly once a cardigan is involved).

    • Clementine

      Uhhh… maybe not what you’re looking for but, ‘normal’.

      I live in a comfortable, close-in suburb. You would look like 90% of females in my area aged 24-60 running errands or walking the dog or going to drop kids off.

      Unless you’re wearing something full-on ridiculous or I can full on see your leopard print underpinnings under your sheer leggings, I would probably not even notice what you’re wearing.

    • emeralds

      Unless you’re in my way or somehow making a spectacle of yourself, I am 95% sure I am not thinking about you at all.

    • Pls consider

      I’m in Atlanta. It’s a diverse city. Some friends of all backgrounds have been treated wrongly or racistly; others have been treated very inclusively. I don’t notice brands at all; this woman seems active.

      You seem to give off a lot of vibes on the internet of insecurity at the very least and possibly low self-esteem. I highly recommend professional counseling with an emphasis on cognitive behavioral therapy. I used to worry a lot about how people perceived me and my wonky teeth and my short fat butt and my loud mouth. Now I’m just me, focused on me. If people treat me wrongly, I deal with it professionally, and healthily.

      You don’t have to live like this. You can be happy.

    • nutella

      Like many of the above posters, I would think you were running a day of errands, like everyone else. Why do you ask?

    • L in DC

      I agree with what others have said. Your description sounds like everyone else I see running errands on the weekend.

      In response to your unspoken question, I have noticed that I receive “better” treatment when I look more polished, but I think that’s very much tied to the fact that I also behave more assertively and carry myself more confidently when I am dressed sharply and feel more put together. So, if you feel that people are not perceiving you the way that you want, you could experiment with dressing a little more formally, but I think the confidence level that you are projecting is what is ultimately going to make the biggest difference for you.

    • It Depends

      It depends when and where it happens. I live in Orange County. So if I saw a woman dressed as you describe running shopping errands during the work day, I would think she is one of the many, many women who live here whose husbands work and make lots of money and whose kids are being raised by nannies. If it were a weekend, I would think she could be anyone.

      • What do you think?_OP

        What great responses! Thanks!

        My original intent (which has been met) is to just know what you think. If most of you think this looks normal and like everyone else then its great. I also think I look like everyone else in today’s more casual environment but wanted to make sure that people don’t perceive me as sloppy or out of place.

        I put a lot of effort into what I wear to work (shopping for professional clothes, finding the right shoes, accessories, hair, make-up) because I want to project a professional demeanor to my grad students and I want them to respect the field that they are in. Since I do this for work, my off days are off days. I do the exact opposite and default to my yoga pants and shirt so I want to know what people think. I do feel that I get better treatment on my professional days (pencil skirt, heels) versus off days though but it is probably due to how I carry myself on those days.

        • pearls

          Late in commenting here, but my reaction is similar to most – that it sounds like you look like most people do these days. That said, along with that “look” comes the perception that you haven’t put much effort into it……..and the effect on me is that you/they then become just a blur to me. So if you are feeling like you are not noticed when dressed as described, I’d say yes, it’s probably true! But it also sounds like this perception or lack of being perceived is aligned with your intent for these “off days”……so all sounds good! You probably do receive better treatment on the days you are wearing your professional outfits, and the same would likely be true for most people. But I don’t think it’s all due to how you carry yourself, part of it is probably due to the fact that you have, in reality, put more effort into your look, and that probably comes across to people, whether they realize it or not.

  11. Anon

    Does anyone take probiotics? I just read an article reporting on a study which found probiotics help with anxiety and depression. I was pretty surprised! If you take them, what are your experiences and what brand do you take?

    • Hollis

      I’ve taken it before for regularity reasons, but saw no difference in mood. If you think you suffer from anxiety/depression, I would get your thyroid checked. My tiny little thyroid pills, and a job change, has completely fixed my depression, feeling cold and tired all the time, constipation, hair loss, low energy, etc.

      • Anon

        Sorry if this is obvious, but — what kind of doctor do you go to get your thyroid checked? What does it entail?

        • SA-litagor

          Primary care physician, they should do labs as part of an annual physical, and thyroid is one of the labs. But I’d ask to make sure, because it can’t hurt to double check that the lab work will look at you thyroid too.

        • Different Anon

          You can just go to your GP and I believe it’s just a blood test (I’ve had mine checked a couple times but it was a while ago).

    • Mpls

      Eh – gut microbes are the new penicillin, so I’m guessing this was a very small study without robust results. And reporting on scientific studies is notoriously awful.

      If you believe you suffer from anxiety and depression, I recommend consulting with a professional (MD, therapist, etc.) for treatment options. By all means, eat more yogurt if you want, but don’t expect it to change your mood significantly.

      • la vie en bleu

        I just love your science-based answers on here, Mpls! I feel like you’re my own personal Science Person, I learn so much from you.

    • Anon

      I’m not sure about probiotics specifically, but I definitely believe that being “regular” helps with your mood. I am prone to being constipated, and I know that when I’m really “tied up,” I feel like crap. I have less patience, I’m irritable, etc. I just feel like crap, although I wouldn’t always realize the source of my bad mood, except that I can put two and two together (bad mood + bowels haven’t moved in a few days).

      I take metamucil every day. In the morning, I put a big spoonful of it in a cup of water. It tastes like orange juice, kind of, and I love it. It’s psylium fiber, which is so good for you. It keeps things moving along, without the bad effects that laxatives can have. Seriously, it’s my favorite health habit.

  12. Susie

    Yes looks definitely play a role in how you are perceived. Based on the description you provided, this woman would not really stand out to me and I wouldn’t think much about her one way or the another (unless she was acting strange or blocking my cart or something.) She would just be a lady out doing her errands I’d forget about as soon as I passed by.
    If you don’t want to fade in the background I do think stepping up a notch in how you dress would make a difference – jeans/jeggings instead of yoga pants with a cute top, add one accessory to pop like a statement necklace, cuff bracelet, or brightly colored bag. Did you ever watch What Not To Wear? No gym clothes outside the gym was pretty much the #1 rule (though I’m often guilty of it myself).

  13. Anonymous

    Typical upper middle class Mom? In my community, the richest folks are dressed the most casual.

    The yoga pants for me elevates the casual look (tongue in cheek…). If you were wearing leggings instead of yoga pants I might change my response.

  14. Another Anon

    I need some advice from the hive. I may get flamed for this as it is a really sensitive issue. But it is really bothering me and I want to ask.

    There is a guy in our office who was obese. He used to come to our office gym everyday when I used to go to office gym. I was transferred to an other office for 1.5 years and never saw him. Now I am back at my original office and I see he has become extremely thin with bones protruding out of his hands, neck, jaws etc. I know I shouldn’t jump to any conclusion but I am worried he has some eating disorder and he is hurting himself. I may be totally wrong. He may be doing great or he may have some other problem totally unrelated to any eating disorder. I don’t know his name or anything else about him. But every time I see him, I feel concerned for him. I tell myself it is none of my business and I should keep quite as it is a very sensitive issue. what do you all think I should do?

    I also want to mention that I am 20 Lbs overweight at 5 ft 3 inches with bad thyroid and a constant struggle to maintain weight. So I am really asking this from a genuine place of concern.

    • Anonymous

      of course you shouldn’t say anything. This is a stranger. You dont even know his name. He might have cancer. He might have an eating disorder. Either way how is that conversaion going to go?

    • tesyaa

      I see no reason for flaming, but I also think this is not an issue for you to raise. Does he have family members, friends, others who care about him? They have probably noticed and addressed it with him. And if there is a problem, he may not want you getting involved.

      FWIW, when my sister-in-law took a gap year (years ago, before skype and facetime), she didn’t see my father-in-law for almost a year. During that time he lost well over 100 pounds due to healthy eating and exercise, and when she stepped off the plane and saw him, she almost fainted because she thought he had some horrible wasting disease. I think she had heard about his weight loss from family members, but seeing him in person was really shocking.

      • BeenThatGuy

        As a person who is maintaining a 100 pound weightloss, I say absolutley mind your business. When I got down to my goal weight, I looked like skin and bones. It was shocking for people but only because they were so used to seeing me extremely overweight. Odds are it’s the same situation with this man.

    • Senior Attorney

      This could not be less your business if it tried.

      It is none of your business and you should keep quiet. No good can come of your butting into a stranger’s health issues.

    • roses

      If you don’t know him at all I wouldn’t say anything, as there’s a very small chance that saying anything will do something even if he does have an eating disorder. And what if he has cancer or some other serious illness? That would be an awkward conversation – you: “are you ok?” him: “no, I have a terminal illness”…where does that even go from there?

    • NYNY

      Do you have a relationship of any kind with him? If you even have a “don’t know his name, but say hi when we pass” relationship, why not just ask him how he is? He’ll tell you as much as he’s comfortable with.

    • Anon

      Going anon because I tell this story a lot:

      Our next door neighbor at my parent’s beach condo is a fitness nut. My mother is overweight. After not seeing my mom most of a year, the neighbor goes “Oh my, you’ve lost so much weight! That’s great! How did you do that?” My mom looked her in the eye with a straight face and replied “Cancer” (which was true). The neighbor avoided us for weeks after that.

      Moral of the story – don’t be that neighbor.

    • Another Anon

      Thank you all for giving me your advice. The perspectives from people on the other side are really helpful. I will mind my own business.
      @ BeenThatGuy : Thank you for your input and I applaud you for maintaining a 100 Lb weight loss. Keep it going :-)

    • Seattle Freeze

      Please do not say anything to him about this! Please DO say “Hi, how are you?” or “Hi, good to see you,” or “Hi, I keep running into you. My name’s X, what’s yours?”

      Story time from the other side: I was that guy. Well, I wasn’t obese to start, but I was a bit fluffy after a back injury. Then I started a new medication for my chronic illness that made me drop a LOT of weight fast, triggering a relapse into anorexia. There were people at work – even people in HR – who, having never spoken to me about anything personal ever, tried to intervene and help me get help. This was so unspeakably humiliating, condescending, and intrusive – I get upset thinking about it more than a decade later. I knew I was ill, I knew exactly what was going on, and I was just desperately trying to hang on and remain employed so I could keep my health insurance and work on getting better. It was absolutely none of any of my coworkers’ business and there was absolutely nothing any of them could have done for me at the time, other than treat me as a valued coworker and not a spectacle.

      I think your sense of concern is coming from a good place, but really, his weight status is nothing to do with you.

      EDIT – I see you replied while I was writing this. Thanks for checking in & taking other perspectives to heart.

  15. Anon

    He could have an eating disorder or cancer or any number of serious health problems. I know you’re trying to alleviate the worry that you’re feeling, but there is no scenario in which you mentioning his weight would be a positive thing.

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