Suit of the Week: Michael Kors

103 Comments

1. So evidently there’s a Primark opening in Boston soon. Should I be excited? Not familiar with the brand at all.

   1. Primark is roughly the equivalent of like H&M, but so far less successful for me. If you need workout clothes, t-shirts, or tanks, and those kind of basics, they are unbelievably cheap and reasonable quality. For the rest, it’s more miss than hit. The issue I’ve found most is cut – on the hanger, super cute eyelet sundress! On me, disaster of a sack that masks what I consider figure attributes while accentuating what I consider detriments. On the hanger, beautiful drapey blouse with a banded bottom; on me, top that is 2x too wide and 2x too short. In comparison, I’ve often found randomly lovely and flattering work pieces at H&M.

   2. By comparison, I like Primark. I agree with the comparison to H&M, but my experience is they have great clothes to wear out and casually, and fun/cheap jewelry for trends to which I’m not willing to commit to expensive buys. I’ve gotten great summer staples there, and some fun sun hats and winter hats/scarves/mittens. I’m excited for it to be in Boston!

   3. I thought Primark was also notorious for sweatshops and child labor? The BBC has done a few investigative pieces on this last year.

      1. *on this issue in the past.*

      2. This article might be what you are thinking of. At some point one does have to (or should) think — if this shirt costs $10 and is imported, after paying for materials, shipping, the costs of the store location and retail employees, design, etc…..how much is really left for the worker making it?
         http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/primark-denies-forced-labour-allegations-as-more-cry-for-help-labels-emerge-9563575.html

2. Any tips to avoid turning super bright red while working out, or recovering quickly? Essentially, if I even think about working out, my face turns so red that people are alarmed and worried for me. I spend a lot of my workouts smiling at people to reassure them I’m okay (or crazy, who smiles during a workout?). My workouts are hard for me, but they are not dangerous. The red turns on regardless of how “fit” I am, this has been a life long thing through various phases of fitness. Seeing as I like to workout right before work, or during my lunch hour–are there any tips out there for recovering faster? It usually takes a full hour to recover completely, but about 30min after I’m done my face is “just” brightly flushed. I try to drink at least a liter of water within 30min of working out. Is there anything else?

   1. I workout with a friend that has the same issue. She wears a cooling towel around her neck while she is working out. It seems to help with the redness. You can buy one at any sports store.

   2. Put makeup on after leaving the gym before coming to work. Not ideal if your face is still sweating but maybe better than your current set up?

   3. For cooling purposes, put a wet washcloth and an couple of ice cubes in a Ziploc bag in your gym bag. Spend some of your cool down time after working out pressing the cloth gently on face and neck. I have a similar issue and it helps, even if only in my mind.

   4. Yes! I have struggled with this for as long as I could remember, and I’ve tried many things. There is nothing I’ve found that reduces red/ dark pink face while working out–let’s just normalize that, some people have skin that’s translucent–but drinking Nuun during and right after a workout really cuts down the time that my face stays red after. I would estimate that it cuts in half the after-workout time when I’m super-flushed. I buy it on Amaz0n or at Wh0le Foods. Good luck, and please share if you’ve found anything else that helps.

      1. Thank you everyone! I’ll give these suggestions (& any future ones) a try (am intrigued by nuun!). What’s worked for me is sticking my face in front of an A/C unit right after an ice cold shower. I’m still really red, but at least I “feel” cooler and not as red.

         #NormalizeBeetFace

         1. I have rosacea so this is a really big problem for me – I don’t have a ton of good tips but taking an ice cold shower doesn’t work as well as taking a lukewarm shower. I did some research on this and while cold water will bring short term relief, it will often come back quickly or make it worse next time due to blood vessel constriction and then reopening.

            I try to work out in the coldest places possible (a reason to love winter perhaps?) which often means near a vent or with a fan right on my face. I also try to cut down the intensity of my workouts – I know turning red doesn’t seem like a big deal but it can cause blood vessel in your face to break which is really not something that can be repaired in the long run without laser treatment.

   5. I found that taking a cold shower helped to cool me down enough that I wasn’t sweating and could put my make up on, which helped with the flush look. I don’t know how it’ll work in the winter, but right now, in the dog days of summer, it’s been working pretty well.

   6. I do the same. It really alarms people, which is sweet in case I did need help but embarrassing and disruptive since I do not. I don’t have a lot of success reducing it during activity. Drinking ice water and laying a cool, wet towel on my face during cool down helped. A cold shower (fun!) after helped me look a bit normal after, but mostly it was just time. My coworkers and gym regulars just got used to it.

   7. I turn red as a beet with any physical exertion too. Putting a cold cloth to my face and neck for a few minutes really helps.

   8. I have the same issue. always have and so did my mom. there really isn’t anything that you can do. I googled this a while back and basically the bottom line was that some people (usually fair skin) just get like this. there isn’t a health concern and it just happens.

   9. I’m the same! I don’t really think there’s a solution, it’s just how your skin works. I kind of think it’s funny the way people react, though of course it’s a concern if you need to rush to work or a meeting, because for me the redness stays long after I’m cooled down and even longer after regular heart rate.

3. I recently started straightening my naturally curly hair for work. I don’t have much experience using a straightener, and I am having a hard time successfully straightening near my hairline — the hairs surrounding my face. Any advice? Thanks in advance!

   1. What size iron did you buy? I never buy one bigger than an inch so that I can get close to my hairline. Also, try using very small sections. I use a clip to move the hair I am not working on out of the way. For instance, I have a side part. I blow dry and straighten from the underside up. To focus on my hair line, I would pull everything but the hairline hair away from my face in a clip and start with the underside first (clipping the top over onto the other side to get it out of my way). Then I would grab a half inch section, hold it off my head and get the iron right down at the roots and work out to the ends. It does take practice!

      1. The drybar blow dry hair clips changed my life.

   2. Late response but if you’re still checking…
      This is going to sound counter-intuitive, but I usually straighten my naturally (very) curly hair with a one inch curling iron. My hair reacts to the heat much like a flat iron, changing texture from curl to smooth, but it still keeps some wave. When I do use a flat iron, I have trouble with some of the pieces/flyaways at my hairline, and solve this by very carefully running a curling iron over the hair by my hairline (so I’m not actually running my hair through the iron at this point, but almost tapping the iron to my hair, gently). Just, you know, be careful about hitting skin. Hope that helps…or even makes sense!

4. I came across this in the Atlantic today (link to follow) and am interested to hear everyone’s thoughts. I wish she’d gone into more detail about what made the women feel they weren’t valued specifically, or how they came to the conclusion there was no career path for them. Were their perceptions accurate, or was it that the company thought it was telegraphing one thing and it was being perceived as another? How much overlap is there between needing a work-life balance and feeling valued (e.g., if you know you can continue to perform at your current level even if you work from home a certain number of days per week, you would likely feel less valued if your employer nonetheless insisted you come into the office)? Are there concrete steps companies can take to demonstrate to their female workers that the workers are valued? What about the men who felt invisible at the woman-run company — is the solution quotas to make sure there’s something less than token representation?

   1. http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2015/07/women-work-gender-equality-workplace/399503/#disqus_thread

   2. Oh my – this is exactly how I feel lately: And I didn’t feel like there was a future progression of my career within this company and within this firm.

      1. Did you feel that there was a progression for men? Also curious whether there was anything you could pinpoint that made you feel less valuable (if that’s part of what you felt). I think what this woman has discovered is incredibly valuable information, but I feel like the interview doesn’t have much on what an organization could *do* with the info. “Make women feel valued” is hard to put into practice since I think most managers aren’t actively trying to make women feel like cr@p.

         1. For me, it’s a combination of things. It is partners who invite the male associates out for drinks or lunch. It is talking with a female partner who is angry that the fathers in the firm get the plum, high budget assignments. It is that (male) in house counsel respond to male colleagues emails but I always get a response from the (female) in house paralegal instead. I can leave early to do things with my boyfriend’s friends but not with my own friends. It is the summer associate who tries to school me on why someone’s previous work wasn’t right until I point out that the law has changed since then. It is all these little things that add up.

            I am no longer looking to advance in a firm. It is like swimming upstream when men with less experience and offspring seem to get a tailwind pushing them forward.

            1. “I am no longer looking to advance in a firm. It is like swimming upstream when men with less experience and offspring seem to get a tailwind pushing them forward.”

               Preach.

         2. Yes. There is a clear progression for men and I don’t see it for me, for a variety of reasons. I also think women can get frustrated at work and leaving work is seen as an acceptable option, whereas it is not seen as an option for men.

            1. I don’t have children so I can’t leave the workplace but all the jobs I could go to are definitely the dial-down type jobs that people with children go to and I’m frustrated at having to choose whether to stay in my job or lean out when I want to lean into my job instead, but that’s not an option that is given to me, and is given to the men. Rawr.

   3. TBK Q: I wish she’d gone into more detail about what made the women feel they weren’t valued specifically, […] and Also curious whether there was anything you could pinpoint that made you feel less valuable (if that’s part of what you felt).

      For me, and this will certainly out me, I was given neither a raise nor a bonus this year. The reasons were: (1) low collections on time and (2) performance. Collections on time for new attorneys should have no impact on compensation. Performance can be debated. But, quite simply I was repeatedly tasked with dispositive motions and the lead associate for an appeal (because I had done all the district court briefing). So there’s two scenarios: (A) my performance was awful and warranted no raise or bonus AND partner is the worst partner ever for continuing to employ me and assign me important legal work; or (B) my performance wasn’t as bad as the compensation implies (my reviews by same partner who made compensation decision support this option). I was in a unique situation where I only worked for one other Partner. I was at his mercy and that was made clear to me.
      The way compensation and bonus is explained is: compensation reflects what value you’ve added and bonus is the value anticipated you will bring. This varies for every business, but this was the explanation I was given. So, I apparently neither added value or was anticipated to add value.

      TBK Q: … how they came to the conclusion there was no career path for them.

      I think the above squarely addresses this, let me know if you’d like more.

      TBK Q: Were their perceptions accurate, or was it that the company thought it was telegraphing one thing and it was being perceived as another?

      In my case, the firm thought one thing and Partner was telegraphing another. And, Partner suffered from an evil twin. He would say something meaning it one way, but it was telegraphed a different way, and I’m certain I perceived it another way. For example, the discussion about my return from maternity leave. Firm stance: flexible schedules absolutely allowed and women take flexible schedules. Partner stance (I presume): flexible schedules allowed. Partner said: 20 min discussion on why flexible schedules don’t work. I perceived: Don’t do flexible schedule.

      TBK Q: How much overlap is there between needing a work-life balance and feeling valued (e.g., if you know you can continue to perform at your current level even if you work from home a certain number of days per week, you would likely feel less valued if your employer nonetheless insisted you come into the office)?

      Quite a bit. If I’m only seeing my kids 30min a day, and only getting 3-5 hours of sleep at night (so I’m fairly cranky during those 30min) I need to feel valued. I guess people can get value in many ways, but in big law, value = $$.

      TBK Q: Are there concrete steps companies can take to demonstrate to their female workers that the workers are valued?

      I think this is a case-by-case analysis. My firm had no idea what was happening to me and was shocked to learn I was leaving, but by then the damage was done.

      TBK Q: Did you feel that there was a progression for men?

      Yes.

      1. Yes! I wasn’t given a raise at my annual review and it really dug up all my feelings of feeling like there isn’t a way to progress in my career at this company.

         1. Right. Things weren’t peachy before the compensation decision, but it honestly seemed “doable.” A lot of what Padi wrote was already happening to me. But the compensation decision solidified my need to take action.

         2. Also, I’m sorry about your lack of bonus. I’m 100% certain you deserve better than that, and earned better than that.

      2. I always say I left my firm because we had a philosophical difference: It was my philosophy that I should be compensated fairly, and it was their philosophy that I should not.

         1. And saddened I’m not alone in this struggle.

         2. Preach.

5. I am an attorney who was thinking about switching jobs, and I received an offer from a competitor to my current firm. However, I’ve decided the new firm would not be a good fit for me, in terms of personalities and also the hours expected to be put in. I have therefore decided not to accept the offer. I’m not sure how to relay that to the new firm — I don’t want to burn any bridges since these are people I will probably interact with in the future, and I also don’t want any of the associates who spoke candidly with me to face any backlash. I would love suggestions for how to politely and diplomatically turn down the offer. Thanks so much!

   1. Thank you so much for the officer. I have decided to stay with my current firm at this time. I wish you the best of luck in filling this position!

      1. If you have decided to stay with your current firm. If not, it’s completely fine to say you don’t think it was a fit. “Thank you so much for taking the time to meet with me, and I appreciate your offer. However, I feel the position may not be the best fit for me at this time. You have an impressive organization and I wish you the best of luck in filling the position.”

   2. Would you recommend rejecting by email? I had thought to do it by phone, in which case I would be nervous that a vague rejection would lead them to ask some follow-up questions.

      1. What format did they use to extend the offer?

         1. Phone.

            1. I would call and then follow-up with an email.

6. I recently moved from a cubicle into an office and am unfortunately in a very high-traffic, high-volume area of the floor. Not only is it somewhat distracting to see everyone going past, but I am also near the printing center which is extremely loud at all hours of the day. Soundproofing / wall insulation is not very good.

   For the past few weeks I’ve been keeping my door shut in order to be able to concentrate during the day, but one of my co-workers remarked that it’s generally frowned up to keep our doors closed unless we’re on conference calls. Short of wearing noise-cancelling headphones all the time (which I do have), do you have any advice on best practices here?

   1. I leave my door open a few inches, so people know they can pop their head in, but it also stops some noise and distraction

      1. This. Or can you change your office layout so you’re not facing the door as much? And I bet you’ll get used to the commotion.

   2. I agree with the 2 other OP’s! Both do the right thing. Like me, when I was in the old location, peeople, including Frank and the manageing partner BOTH were stareing at me when I tried to work with my door open. So I wanted to close my door, but they said NOT TO b/c they wanted to see me. I was NOT flattered b/c the manageing partner alway’s buffed his head when he stared at me, and Frank tried every execuse he could to try and rub up against me. FOOEY on Frank.

      But if you change where the desk is, they can’t see you so that you can still leave the door open. That is the best of both world’s. YAY!!!!!

7. Has anyone had good experiences using a neti pot?

   1. I don’t use a neti pot, but I use those saline things that are very similar (the only difference is that the canisters do the work of squirting up the solution). I think they make a dramatic difference when I’m sick–it totally helps clear and sanitize your whole nasal passage. Great stuff.

      1. +1 to the saline squeeze bottle. I’ve use it and a neti pot, and squeeze bottle wins.

         And yes, they are lovely. Use distilled water.

   2. Oh my goodness…. they are beloved by many.

   3. I have used the Arm & Hammer aerosol saline cans, the Ocean squeeze bottles and the Xlear pump bottle (with grapefruit seed oil). All three were recommended by my allergist. Morning and night, every day. It keeps too much gunk from collecting… and if it collects, it can get infected … and if it gets infected, you need meds … and if the meds don’t work, you need surgery — all a good incentive never to miss a session.

   4. Yes.

8. Any lawyers out there with insight over the split between what attorneys do and what staff does?

   I have a secretary who does most of my admin work. The firm has specialized staff for certain tasks that require more skill than that of a typical secretary. These specialized staff are, for me, hard to work with. They expect the attorney to do alot of the admin work that my secretary does like filing and saving electronic filing receipts, updating database entries, and reporting to clients.

   These are not hard to do but the firm is really strict about how these tasks are performed and the database is a complex thing that attorneys receive no formal training on but staff does receive days of training on how to use and update it. So I invariably do this wrong and get snarkily corrected by the specialized staff person.

   Fwiw, I am powerless to change this dynamic because of the office culture. Other attorneys here who have lateraled in also have a tough time with this. My secretary has no training on these tasks so I can’t ask her to do it for me either.

   1. So this sounds like TM prosecution docketing / portfolio management maybe – and in my experience this is so firm specific. In my firm, the docketer would handle all of the admin work that might ordinarily fall to a secretary. It definitely doesn’t flow up to the attorney.

      If they’re the ones trained on it, I’d think they should be the ones doing it. What happens if you push back? Are they backed up by upper levels?

      1. Yep. Patent prep and pros. In previous firms, the staff would do these tasks.

         Oh, I haven’t pushed back. The snarky comments when I mess up are emailed with a cc to the partner who manages the staff. Partner hasn’t said anything to me. But I know when I am being schooled in “not my job, you’re the attorney.”

         1. The snarky comments are out-of-line and it’s interesting those are allowed to slide.

            It sounds like you should try to get training for your secretary, as TBK suggested below, to interface with the DB and do the non-staff work that is also not attorney work. Unless, of course, your office just accepts this division of labor I’m not sure it would look great to have a new-to-the-firm attorney shake things up.

         2. In that case, I’d try a little push for them to do it. Database management, saving efile receipts (DEFINITELY this one), and this basic level of client reporting would all be handled by the docketing staff here.

   2. Can you ask for her to receive training? It depends on the size of your firm, but when I was at a big firm, I could ask for my secretary to attend pretty much any training the firm offered.

      1. It isn’t a big enough firm for that. These tasks are very specialized and thankless drudgery.

         My secretary is supporting more attorneys than she should be right now so I am stuck.

         This is the culture at this firm. We are changing systems and the secretaries were trained to do some cleanup work with/for the attorneys that they support. My secretary was out the week we were supposed to do this. Me. And the other attorneys she supports got a frustrated email from one of the specialzed staff (cc partner) that we hadn’t finished. When I replied that our secretary was out and we attorneys hadn’t received the training on this and that we would get it done when she returned, I got a snarky email listing (not explaining) a dozen codes we were supposed to use. I pushed back by offering to work with another secretary and got no answer. So frustrating!

         This firm seriously believes that attorneys have instinctual knowledge of all of their stupid systems. Ugh.

      2. Not really, it’s not within her skill set and the form isn’t big enough.

         I have asked for them to come to my office and guide me through it but that gets ignored and is met with sighs even when I ask while they re in my office to drop papers off.

         I try to be nice but I am ready to give up. There are 4 of these staff, each with a different job, and each time it is a rudely stated order for me to do something, a snarky CYA email (cc Partner) correcting me, and me apologizing for failing to do their job correctly. Ugh.

         1. Ew. People are so yucky. What about pulling one of the nicer individuals aside and just being a little humble: “I know I’m not doing this correctly. At my other firm someone else handled this. Could I schedule some time with you to show me how this works?” Even offer to take him/her out to lunch/coffee as a thank you.

            Or can you get help from another attorney? I would go to the partner as a last resort, but maybe one of the other attorneys would be nicer about helping you out.

            1. Tried that. They really believe that what they do isn’t hard for attorneys to just do. I have survived here by asking another attorney for help and thanking everyone when the job gets done. I am so frustrated today because I have managed to screw up with 3 of the 4 of them just this month and the 4th has something for me to file by Friday.

            2. I’ve done patent prosecution and insisted the specialized people do their jobs and do it right, just like they did for all the men. Granted, I gave up the upstream fight because it just wasn’t worth it to me. But they’re testing you and trying to bully you. This is their job. Have a sit down with the partners over associates and the one being copied on the emails. Emphasize how much this hurts your productivity and push back if they say you can do it. Emphasize other associates don’t do it.

   3. Well, all four of them are dysfunctional. This morning, 1 of th alerted my secretary to a task that needs to be done. My secretary informed the other staffer who is in charge of the task. There was something wrong with the database. So the two of them basically emailed “not my job” and my secretary had to track down the snafu which originated with a third staffer. It is truly a comedy of no one taking initiative or responsibility.

      The kicker: not even my matter. It belongs to another attorney. Rather than informing the 3 Stooges of this, I am quietly forwarding them on to the attorney in charge. I know that if I correct them, I will be replied to and the partner will be cc’ed.

      1. Is there an Office Manager who oversees the staff? That might be the correct person to address this behavior. Do the staff do this kind of pushback to all the associates or are you being singled out? If you email one of the staff and point blank say, “can you please put X in the database?” do they seriously say “no”? That is completely unacceptable. I am so sorry and hope you can get this resolved. Don’t let them bully you!

9. I know it is super early to be thinking about, but what has been your favorite Halloween costume (if you’ve dressed up as an adult)?

   I throw a Halloween party every year and encourage costumes and the past 2 years I’ve had trouble coming up with costume ideas. I like to cobble together pieces to make my costume instead of buying one pre-made, so I do need some time to work on it. I’d love to get some inspiration so I can get started soon.

   1. Tagging on here as I am starting to think about this as well! I was a spelling bee a few years ago (made myself a black and yellow tutu, found a bee t-shirt and glued letters all over myself, dollar store wings and antenna with more letters affixed) thanks to a suggestion from this site.

   2. My favorite was leopard. Wore a leopard print dress, bought cat ears and tail, and did leopard spots and cat makeup (using regular makeup, not face paint). My boyfriend went as a safari goer (khaki shirt and shorts, hiking boots, canvas wide brim hat, and binoculars).

   3. I love characters from TV shows/movies. Uma Thurman from Pulp Fiction (white button up, black ankle pants, just have to get the wig; you could even add some “props” if appropriate for the party). Peg Bundy from Married with Children (leopard leggings, red high heels, stuff your bra, big red wig, carry a cigarette and a Bud Light in a coozy). Those might be too racy depending on your style/guests.

      1. I normally go with a tv/movie/commercial character. My husband and I did Pulp Fiction a couple of years ago and one year we went as Amy Pond and Rory the Roman from Doctor Who. I’ve also dressed up as Flo (from the Progressive commercials) and the Orbit gum lady. Maybe I’m just watching tv characters who don’t have a really specific style right now.

         1. I went to a party one year where this pair was dressed up as the Doctor and a Dalek (the Dalek carried a plunger). Same party had a very awesome Panda.

            I tend to dress up as storybook characters or historical figures (my favorite was Cleopatra and I repurposed much of the costume for Medusa). A friend of mine once went as Buffy the Vampire Slayer and that was fun (she went as TV Buffy but I’d go as Kristi Swanson from the movie).

   4. . Bjork in the swan dress (hot glued layers and layers of tulle onto a full-length slip, used the arm of a white turtleneck with some orange felt for the neck and beak). I was a fried egg one year and that was perhaps the best conversation-starting yet easiest costume I’ve ever had. I basically cut two HUGE irregular-shaped ovals of cream/white felt (about the length of a mini dress and then glued the sides together, leaving arm and neck holes. Then slapped a yellow circle on the front, threw it on over a pair of tights, and headed out. Honorable mention: that night I went to a party where a guy dressed as Grandmama from Family Matters, complete with glasses, hat, and Larry Johnson jersey. It was incredible. Halloween is one of my favorite holidays and always try to keep a list of costume ideas in my gmail drafts folder in case inspiration doesn’t strike with less than a month to go

      1. Bjork in the swan dress is ridiculously amazing!

   5. It’s never too early IMO!! I have also done the spelling bee, which was a hit. Other handmade costumes I have done are deviled egg, cloudy with a chance of showers, unhappy camper (a fave), fork in the road, and crayon.

   6. I like 60’s mod style, so I’ve dressed up as a member of a fictional girl group several times with tall boots, hoop earrings and a bouffant, flip, or afro. Another year I added luggage and was a time traveler.

      A few years ago, I bought an angel of death costume and added a lei and sunglasses as Death Takes a Holiday.

   7. If money were no object, I’d love to go as a rêveur ala The Night Circus, with an enormous, beautiful black-and-white-with-a-touch-of-red Victorian dress, bustle and all.

10. What do you wear under this? Just a shell in case you take off the jacket? A more substantial shirt / blouse? Back in the day, I just wore a bra, but I don’t think that that’s how it’s done now. Any thoughts?

    1. A simple shell or tee so I can take off the jacket.

11. A simple shell or tee so I can take off the jacket.

    1. me too, this is gorgeous.

12. I’m worried about how this will come off, but here goes. Over the past several years, I had a job that had good hours but otherwise made me miserable. Therefore, I spent a fair amount of time meeting people for coffee or lunch just to get away from the office during the day. I switched jobs and I am way busier at work. Not only are my billable requirements higher, but because I work so much on nights and weekends, I don’t get to see my family as much as I’d like (I have young kids), so I’m basically trying to cut-out social stuff. People I used to see periodically for lunch and coffee (and who generally have more flexible schedules because they have older kids, they are SAHMs, etc.) keep asking to meet up for coffee/lunch/happy hour, and I don’t know how to gently tell them that I’d rather spend the extra time with my kids or getting my work completed so I can have more time with my kids. Unfortunately, my work is not going to let up for about a year. How do I express to acquaintances who want to meet up that I can’t make time for them these days without sounding callous?

    1. “Hey, sorry, just can’t any more. New job is really keeping me busy all day every day.”

    2. Tell them you’re swamped at work since you switched jobs.

       1. +1

          “Unfortunately I have to say no this time. I’m overloaded since I switched jobs, but I’d love to visit more when it levels out next year.”

          From personal experience, try to stay connected by quick calls, emails, or texts when you can (awkward breaks between meetings, etc) and let them know that – although it’s kinda lame to miss out on social stuff for a year – you’re still interested in being their friend. I’ve found this is par for the adulthood course. So long as people don’t think you’re specifically ditching them, they accept it for what it is, will go about their business, and be happy to see you rejoin them in a year.

    3. Huh, so I really disagree with the people above. The way I see it- these people were there for you when you needed it, and they are your friends. I think its kind of crazy to say I’ll see you in a year! You can fit in 1 coffee or 1 lunch a month, so start scheduling those. Explain that you are really busy but try to see each friend at least once every 4 months or so just to keep those connections.

       1. Yep. You don’t have to, but you also can’t expect that they’ll have time for you when you have time again if you don’t, and social connections are valuable to maintain. What about a monthly potluck or something?

          1. You could make time for them. It’s just not a priority to you. Which is fine, but I don’t make a habit of hanging on to friendships where it’s clear only one party is making the effort. You can prioritize seeing your family, but then realize you may not have those social connections there if/when you need them.

             1. Agreed. I think it’s unfortunate that our society is arranged in such a way that work is prioritized in such a way that non-family relationships are seen as disposable. Some adults gather for a meal at someone’s home, and those with children bring their kids. The adults have a chance to socialize with other adults, and the kids go play. Are the OP’s children so young they need constant supervision?

       2. This is a “know your office” thing but also consider having your friends come to you. When I was really swamped at work, I was typically the only one working there after 7. I’d order delivery and a friend would come to my office. We’d spend a half hour or so eating and chatting and then she’d leave and I’d finish work. I would have spent a half hour eating either way and it would have taken a lot longer to go out to eat with her. We only discovered this because one time when I wasn’t crazy busy we tried to go out to eat and there was a 2 hour wait for sit down and we were starving. We ordered it to go and ate in my office because it was around the corner and had a blast.

    4. Can you occasionally see a friend with your kids? I don’t have kids and am not a huge kid person myself, but I’m willing to hang out with friend + toddlers once in a while if it means I get to see my friend.

       1. Same. I have hung out with friends who have toddlers. I go to their house, or we do something kid-friendly like a trip to the park. A SAHM with school-age children might be willing to meet with you for lunch at your office or a nearby restaurant.

13. Does anyone know of websites that show different designs for professional (not home) offices? I have the opportunity to re-furnish at my office but I can’t really find design ideas. I feel like the home office stuff I see tends to be more of the built-in, cozier variety than I think is appropriate for my workplace.

    1. Have you tried searching pinterest?

       1. I did. I can only find home office or cubicle decoration ideas.

    2. I feel like you have to look at the home offices and see what you could apply to a professional setting. People are given a lot more freedom on home offices and can do a lot more cool stuff and are more likely to post that online. I’ve searched for cubicle decoration and it’s all really tacky compared to some classy home office stuff that I’ve been able to adapt to my cube.

       1. Any recs on how to filter for the more applicable stuff? I’m open to searching home office decor but it just seems so overwhelming to sift through everything that’s out there.

    3. A few years ago, I was trying to design my new office at work and was hitting all of the expected furniture shops in town with zero luck. Ended up hiring a designer through one of the bigger furniture stores that took me to different manufacturer showrooms and we ended up custom designing the desk and customizing a buffet into a console for behind my desk (that’s still my favorite piece of furniture I’ve ever owned). She would have certainly done more if I had wanted/needed it, like selecting art, bookcases, rugs, etc., but I had an idea already in my head for the overall design – I just couldn’t find the furniture that would make it work. I didn’t pay her directly – she presumably received a commission off what I ordered – but overall would recommend the process. If you’re in the Dallas area, let me know and I can forward you her info.

    4. I’ve had good luck using Houzz to find inspiration for super-specific design projects.

14. Any suggestions on how I can get an interview for an entry level legal assistant position? I have a Paralegal degree but no prior law office experience. I have over 15 years experience in luxury travel and most recently 3 years in insurance. Every job posting I come across states anywhere from 5-10 years job specific experience needed. How do people get experience if no one is willing to hire and train?

    1. I bet your luxury travel experience of catering to douchebags would make you an exceptional paralegal. You should probably phrase it differently. Can you talk to people you know in the law field so your resume is coming from a person you know instead of from the pile of the internet?

15. This is a great article and sheds a lot of light on this issue.

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