Suit of the Week: Reiss

122 Comments

1. Where are the best places do buy dining room chairs? I’m hoping to spend no more than $250 per chair. I just had a family heirloom table refinished (pretty simple oval birch table) and I’d like to pair it with some slightly modern/sleek looking chairs to make it look more current. Any specific chair recommendations? Thanks!

   1. I was happy with the upholstered chairs I got at World Market until my kids ruined them. They may suit your criteria.

   2. Our dining room table and chairs are from West Elm, bought 6-7 years ago so I doubt they’re available now, but they were ~$150 each at the time. I know some people have had issues with West Elm, but everything we’ve ordered from them has arrived on time (pre-pandemic) and held up really well (table and chairs and a couch all still look brand new, except for some minor cat scratches on one chair and one corner of the couch, which I really can’t hold against them).

   3. I spent way too much time on this decision and went with Crate and Barrel chairs. I love them.

   4. My price point was a little lower, but I’m happy with mine from inmod dot com. Designer “inspired” with decent quality for the price.

2. Ladies, I did something spectacularly stupid and hurt my long time best friend, whom I’ve known since law school. Her husband went to school with us, and I’m friendly with him, too. However, recently, things between them have been…let’s just say very, very, bad. My BFF has confided in me, and I know what’s going on.

   Last week, her husband texts me and asks if I want to get a drink after work. I was stressed, tired, and in want of a drink, so I thoughtlessly and carelessly agreed. He mentioned that she and the kids had gone abroad to visit her parents earlier than expected because her father had had a fall. So I texted her that evening to see how her dad is doing. She asked how I knew, and I told her. She, rightfully, flipped out. Normally, she wouldn’t care if her husband and I met up after work, but given the situation between them, she sees me being friendly with him as a betrayal. And she’s right. I told her as much, and said that I made a bad judgment call. I apologized profusely, and then left it at that. She’s busy, and she needs time. I know she’ll reach out if she wants to. I feel beyond wretched.

   Then her husband texts me again today, just to see how the week is going. My gut tells me he’ll want to meet up for drinks again. I’ve left the message as unread, for now. I’ve been busy with work all morning. I don’t know what to do. Just ignore it? And if asked say I was wicked busy? I don’t want to pester my friend, but I don’t want to inadvertently make things worse than they already are.

   1. I would respond that your week is busy and not go for a drink under any circumstances.

      1. Yes, this.

         I wouldn’t say anything by way of explanation. He doesn’t need to know just how much YOU know about the unhappy situation, whatever it is!

         1. Thanks to you and AIMS both!

            My friend actually reached out, so I was able ask her how she wants me to play this, because I want to get it right. And she basically said, what you both did: I’m busy, and if he wants to hang out, say no, I have plans.

   2. As someone merely engaged and not married, my thoughts may not have much weight. But I’d be honest with the husband. Say that it was insensitive/hurtful/whatever to your friend to meet up with him given the circumstances, and don’t want to do it again, and that you’d rather keep your distance for her sake. I think keeping things honest, like you did with your friend, would be your best bet to keep everything above board and to keep you out of this conflict moving forward.
      One thing that seems unclear, though…was the drink meetup clearly romantic? If not, the friend’s reaction seems a little over the top, but of course, you know the circumstance best and seem clear-eyed that you should’ve stayed away. If could see her reaction being warranted if the “very, very bad” things between friend/husband were infidelity and/or sneaking around behavior, and this clearly mirrored the current issues.

      1. No, no this was not romantic in anyway. Their issues have nothing to do with infidelity. My friend takes loyalty seriously, and I think by acting like everything is normal and hanging out with her husband seems like I’m tacitly okay with what’s going on, which I’m not.

         Incidentally, my friend reached out to me, so I got her take on this. She’s still upset, but at least she’s talking to me, so I’ll take what I can get.

         Thank you for your thoughts!

         1. I think your friend is being a drama Queen.

      2. (Deleted by mgmt)

         1. Uh, this is not similar at all. What you did is insane

            1. I think this is a new 3ll3n and it’s pretty tiresome.

            2. I’m pretty sure Madeline is a tr0ll. The whole story is insane and sounds fake. No professor would give their student a bad grade because they slept with another student’s fiancé.

      3. Shy of abuse/illegal activity/infidelity in their marriage, I agree that her reaction seems to be a bit much, especially given your shared history/friendship with the husband.

      4. Respectfully disagree. Husband isn’t owed any explanation, and if you tell him that you know all that you do, that might give him more fuel to fight with the BFF. Less is more. Decline and say you’re busy. If he’s persistent, decline and say you won’t be getting drinks with him, full stop.

   3. Thank you very much to those who responded!

      My BFF surprisingly reached out, and I got some guidance from her on how she wants me to handle this (be civil, say I’m busy, and if asked to hang out, say I have plans). She’s still upset, but she’s talking to me, so that’s something, and I’ll take it.

   4. Would you normally go for a drink with him? If you have a separate and own social relationship, you could probably say that you’d rather not meet while x is going on.

      You can also ignore him, and not respond at all, or just say no thanks.

      But – he might be using you. He might be using you as an alibi of his worth, sort of. If there is a situation where he’s in the shit because if something, the fact that you’ll gladly meet him gives him social pressure in the “it’s not that bad” vein. One if the known tricks jn the “abuser’s manual”.

      1. My BFF surprisingly reached out, so I asked her how she wanted me to handle this. Be civil, say I’m busy, and if asked to hang out, say I have plans. I’m relieved that she’s willing to talk to me.

         But I think you may be onto something with the alibi/”it’s not that bad” theory. It could definitely be a “well, Idiot doesn’t think I’m awful!” thing.

         Thank you :)

   5. This is so weird. Assuming you’re friends with both of them, it’s odd she wants you to take sides in their personal problems. Unless they’re in the process of actually divorcing and splitting up the friends, you should be able to maintain both separate friendships.

      1. I was afraid to give away too much. I know it’s all anon here, but given that I’ve already stepped in it, and I’m feeling badly about it, I wanted be careful.

         My friend reached out, and I got her take.

         But thanks for your response!

   6. Just as a quick note – it sounds like you are being really, really hard on yourself for something that I imagine any of us could happen into. I don’t think I would’ve known to cut out the husband because of interpersonal marriage issues. It may be one of those things where it’s okay that it hurt her feelings and that she’s communicating, but that doesn’t mean “you are a bad friend” and “you did something objectively wrong.”

      Go easy on yourself! It’s okay to do something that another friend is hurt by, and it doesn’t mean you objectively did something wrong or should have known to anticipate that outcome beforehand. This sounds like a gray area. It also sounds like your friend may be on some level trying to feed into the “You did something wrong” energy around this. Is she using I statements and just saying “I’m sad/stressed” or “This hurt me because ____, but I understand why you wouldn’t have known to anticipate that.” It sounds like maybe, for whatever reason, she is taking some of her unrelated stress out at you.

      1. Thanks, Lisa. She probably is taking out some stress on me. Her reaction was such that, I did get into the “I’m a bad friend and person” headspace.

         1. I’m so sorry to hear that! It’s so natural to use people’s reactions as a barometer for the “wrongness” of our own actions. This can be very painful when someone is lashing out due to stress and their reaction is completely overblown.

            From your post, you sound like a really conscientious and caring person. I have a hard time believing you’d intentionally hurt your friend or betray her. My take is that she’s probably really overwhelmed and instead of maintaining perspective, lashed out and then tried to justify her own feelings by putting it all on you. But it isn’t; she has feelings, and those are her responsibility to deal with in a healthy way and communicate in a productive manner.

            I don’t think there is any guideline that says “if your friends who are married are having problems, you have to cut one out to show allegiance to the one you’re closer to.” It’s okay for her to request that of you if she says it matters to her, but it’s not okay for her to lash out at you for not being able to read her mind that it’s something she cared about.

            Please be gentle with yourself!! Friends being angry with us is scary, but ultimately these things blow over and people usually gain perspective once the charge of the feelings has passed. Sending you lots of love.

            1. Once again, thank you, Lisa! I will keep all of this in mind. I have my faults, like anyone, but I would not purposefully hurt a person. Especially one I cared about. Anyone who is lucky enough to be friends with you is fortunate, indeed!

   7. Ignore the husband if your loyalty is to your friend. But to be honest, I don’t think your original action was THAT bad. Obviously I don’t know the situation between your BFF and her husband, but it sounds like you had an existing relationship with him. I guess the litmus test is: If things were good between them, would hanging out with him individually be weird?

      1. If things were good, hanging out individually would not be weird, at all.

         As Lisa pointed out above, my friend was likely taking out some stress on me, and I got it into my head that I was terrible friend.

         Thanks!

   8. Hi – Just chiming in for a counter-example. My friends’ friends went through an extremely ugly divorce and my friends continued to hang out with both of them (separately of course!) throughout.

      1. Yes, when couples where I’m friends with both parties have broken up I’ve always maintained my friendship with each of them.

         Caveat that these have been no-fault breakups. If someone did something, then it’d obviously depend on what happened.

         1. Eh, if I split with my husband I’d be a little annoyed if my close girlfriends wanted to keep hanging out with him. I get trying to maintain a relationship with both members of the couple if you were couple friends or family friends who knew each other through your kids, but if you identify mainly as a friend of the wife it seems like you don’t hang out with the ex husband unless she’s totally cool with it. That said, OP’s friend’s reaction sounds over the top to me.

   9. Gently, it sounds like everything here is blown out of proportion.

      – what you did really isn’t that bad. Regardless of marital problems*, I wouldn’t blink twice at getting a drink with a friends spouse, especially when they’re someone I’ve known socially and went to school with.
      – I think you feel bad about your friend’s reaction so you’re beating yourself up, but it doesn’t sound like you did anything terrible.
      – from what I can gather, it sounds like the friend is over reacting. I’d honestly be hurt if I were you that she’s seems to be blowing up at you over something seemingly innocuous. Your comments that you’re so glad she’s speaking to you, etc make her reaction seem really extreme.
      – clearly the husband wasn’t trying to keep his meet up with you a secret (otherwise he wouldn’t have mentioned her fathers medical stuff). And, knowing about his medical stuff, of course you would reach out.
      – if you’re this close, I think it’s kind of weird she didn’t mention leaving the country with the kids to help her injured father.

      Of course, if it’s so upset your friend don’t meet up with him again and lie and say you’re busy. But, something just feels off here in general.

      All this to say, if their marriage issues are due to abuse or illegal activity or infidelity this all goes out the window. But, then I wouldn’t condone meeting you with the husband because who wants to associate with abusers/criminals/cheaters?

      1. I agree with your take all on fronts.

      2. +1,000

      3. Thank you, at anon 3:58. My friend has been under a lot of stress with her father ( and I suspect from traveling alone with the kids). I’m probably an easy target. I will keep all that you said in mind.

3. Reposting from morning thread to seek some more responses. Thank you for the responses soo far.

   I’m caught in a tough moving decision and am hoping to seek the wisdom of you all.

   I moved from the East Coast city A to West Coast 2 years ago for a great job opportunity (better firm, better pay, better advancement opportunities), dragging my fiance along with me in the process. He’s a biglaw associate who switched offices within the same firm/practice group. The move did not require him to take a step back in his career, but he preferred our prior city. While both of us liked our old city much more, we have settled in here well, both work and life-wise.

   Now he has an in house opportunity that he would like to pursue. It’s a pay cut, but better hours and better lifestyle. He’s ok with doing biglaw for longer but would strongly prefer this new job. The opportunity is in a suburb/small city in New England, which both of us have ties to, but which he likes much more than I do. I can’t move to the small city, but next year my team is opening an office in a large East Coast city B that is a 3 hour commute away. We would likely split residences during the week and commute to see each other on the weekends. The hope is after he establishes himself, he will be able to do M-W in office and commute to my city the rest of the week.

   The wrinkle is that my team (~10 people) will still mostly be based in current West Coast city and I may be the only person moving along to East Coast city B with my boss, who plans to split his time between coasts. I worry that I will be stranded as the only person on the East Coast, while hating my life bc I’m now doing commuting distance with my fiance. My job security is very much premised on performance, so I also worry about my performance taking a hit.

   Other relevant factors… I don’t want to switch jobs for now and think it would be hard to get a better opportunity than the one I currently have. I have significantly higher earnings potential–I currently out-earn my fiance’s biglaw comp and longer term earnings potential is multiples of his. We’re both late twenties, not thinking about having kids yet, but will start thinking about it in the next 5 years, so need to move back to same location within that time frame. Longer term we may think about moving back to East Coast city A or living in between city A and his job location, but that’s up in the air. He’s ok with staying in biglaw if I think this is too big of a career hit for me, but he will be disappointed.

   What would you do? Any areas I should think more about in making my decision?

   1. Sorry for the length of this, but just a few points of clarification — I do work in person and will have to continue doing so. My boss will likely split his time spring, summer on the East Coast, fall through winter on the West Coast. He will spend at least half the year on the East Coast to avoid high CA taxes. If I move, I can try and fly back/stay a month on the West Coast over the winter. I guess I could talk to my boss more to gauge how much of a hit this would be to my career, but it just seems like working in an office away from most of the team is a tough hurdle to overcome.

      This new job has sentimental value for my fiance bc it’s at his alma mater. So it’s not so much he loves small NE city (he’s ok with current West Coast city) as he values the institution he may be working at. It’s a stable job with a lot of benefits (childcare, flexible hours, etc) that would be great complement to a “primary” career, but we can’t take advantage of these bc we won’t be in the same place…

      If we could pick we’d like to settle down in city A, but that would require both of us to switch jobs. I really don’t want to switch jobs in part bc my current firm is sponsoring my green card, which longer term, both of us need to settle down in the US.

      1. He’s not avoiding CA taxes by doing this for the time he is in CA. Just like pro sports teams and concerts — income is taxed where it is earned AND where you are a resident (and the resident state often gives you a credit for OOS taxes paid, but not if it has no income tax of its own –e.g., Florida). Ditto international income taxes — e.g., baseball teams that play in Canada; NFL teams playing UK games, etc.

      2. I responded on your other thread before I saw this additional information. IMO an in-house job at a university, even his alma mater, is really not “lucrative” enough to justify him moving across the country, unless you were enthusiastically ready/wanting to move to that city too. He should look for a job in your current city until you become a citizen, and then you can both look for jobs in city A.

         1. +1. This is the move you make when you’re more established and looking to put down roots. It doesn’t sound like the two of you are there yet.

         2. I agree. It’s not all About him. Why do we have to be the ones to sacrifice for men? I say no mas! Let him follow you for a change. If he refuses, rethink the relationship.

   2. His options aren’t either stay in BigLaw or take east coast job. I personally think that by looking for an East Coast job without you enthusiastically on board first is a bit of a see ya later sign. I wouldn’t change anything on your end w/o taking a temperature on the relationship.

      1. the OP doesnt say he went looking for the job. could be that someone reached out to him. sounds like GC office at a university, and people often stay in those jobs for a long time so openings don’t happen all the time

         1. In that case, I’d defer to the relationship’s total net happiness if it were a permanent relationship. If you are job-first people, you need to judge how an optimal job works into your overall happiness. And if either of you can blend relationship and job goals a bit (and not in this either-or way, but there are other options out there).

         2. Ha! I’d love it if the job fairy came to me.

      2. Wow. That is unkind. It is possible they will decide they can’t make this work because they have incompatible priorities, but assuming he’s considering the job because he’s ready to leave her is a giant leap without foundation.

   3. Moving for his job offer just makes no sense in the short term or long term. Your firm is sponsoring your green card and you are the high earner career; you need to stay where you are. He can leave biglaw, but he needs to find a job compatible with your role. There are many more remote in-house jobs than before the pandemic and he can look in your current geographic location, so he has many options beyond this one job.

      Long, long term, you can both direct your careers to City A or another place you both want.

      1. Would marriage solve the green card issue?

         1. It sounds like her fiancee is also not a US citizen.

            1. Does it? Must have missed that.

   4. So to the “working for alma mater” point – I suspect there’s no way to kill your joy for student memories like working and seeing how the sausage is made… surely there are in house positions near you that will open up.

      1. Hit post too soon. Tbh, the more you explain about the situation, the less it makes sense for him to take this lower-paying job in the not-ideal city at the expense of the primary earner’s career path…

   5. Break up.

      1. +1

   6. You don’t have a career problem; you have a relationship problem. You need to figure out what he wants regarding commitment, marriage, children, etc., from YOU. Be aware that “not now” = “not with you.”

      1. This.

      2. Be aware that “not now” = “not with you.”

         Yep, times a million. Everyone thinks they’re the exception to this until they get dumped and their ex marries/has a child with someone else within a year or two.

         I do have to wonder if positing this move is the fiance’s way of doing some kind of slow-fade breakup, which will be easier to pull off if he and OP aren’t in the same city.

         1. Exactly 100% so fade breakup

      3. Yup.

   7. If he’s at a point where he’s mentally done with biglaw and you “make him” stay for your more successful career, look out for a lifetime of resentment. Everyone here just automatically says oh he can find another inhouse job in your location but how many of you have looked in house? Those jobs are incredibly hard to find even with the best pedigree because there are so many applicants [exception being if he’s a labor/employment lawyer]. So when he says it’s ok I’ll stay in biglaw and in Ca., does he mean it or will he stay and hate his life for staying? Sorry to say it but I don’t see this relationship lasting. I’m not suggesting you cut back on your ambition at all [I surely would NOT if I were you], but I don’t see the life he wants in a small New England suburb being compatible with your ambitions long term.

   8. Unless something has a natural end date (grad school, residence) and natural reassessing of the living city reckoning, I think that this is not going to be workable long term. Something will have to give at some point — have a serious discussion now. Alma mater may be best enjoyed as a place to visit and have fun or a place to retire to (or have a second home in). Working for mine would likely kill the joy I get from it. And I love my alma mater.

   9. Unpopular opinion, but starting a marriage by living apart or commuting is not an awesome sign about the state of the relationship or its longevity. Especially when there isn’t a set end point. Am old, have seen this before.

      1. Definitely agree that no set end point is a recipe for disaster when it comes to long distance. And also it just seems like OP and her partner have incompatible preferences here.

      2. I disagree with “starting a marriage by living apart or commuting is not an awesome sign about the state of the relationship or its longevity.” My husband and I were very long distance (opposite coasts) for the first two years of our marriage and have now been married 15 years and had 2 kids. Many of the people who judged us for doing long distance have since divorced and we are still very happy. That said, I do agree about a set end point and my husband was in a career where he had basically no choice about where to move unless he wanted to leave that career, so a somewhat different situation than OP’s partner. Although I could have followed him and chose not to.

         1. I think of this as pretty normal for certain career paths (chasing residencies, postdocs, etc.). That doesn’t make it easy, but I don’t see it as a sign either.

            1. Yep. I think in academia it’s more common than not for dual career couples to live apart at some point. It’s not a sign of relationships problems.

      3. Totally agree.

   10. You should both look for jobs in City A sooner rather than later. I agree that the job he wants doesn’t make much sense for your family, but it sounds like he had to move from a city he liked and where he presumably had a good community for your job. I think the fair compromise would move back to City A.

   11. Why does it matter that childcare is a benefit? Y’all aren’t even married! Can you imagine adding a child to a commuter marriage? This is such a red herring for this decision.

   12. Considering your firm is sponsoring your green card, your job needs to come first. I personally don’t believe in married living separately unless there is a clear ending – like a two year masters degree or something. But it sounds like your long term goals aren’t compatible here.

   13. Objectively, this decision (to move) doesn’t make any sense. It’s not a city that you (both) want to live in or that long term makes sense for your career. I think you should look long-term to move to City A (he can start looking now) if that’s where you envision yourselves in a few years, but this doesn’t make a lot of sense.

       1. He wants to move there, though. That’s why this is a relationship question, not a career question.

   14. Ask yourself how you’d feel if your firm fired you, if you were considered a flight risk.
       That’ll give you your answer.

       PS…. Childcare, benefits etc don’t matter. Your job can throw money at this stuff. And you don’t have kids. Don’t leave before you leave.

4. I’ve been reading Corporette since I was in law school. Now I finally find myself in need of the hive’s wisdom. I’m a 12-year attorney and partner at a small firm (4 lawyers). For various reasons (burn out, work relationships, disliking the intensity of litigation), I need to find another job. My firm is the only firm where I’ve practiced law as an attorney. I do litigation primarily, but am burned out by the constant highs and lows of the workload. Does anybody have any advice on how to get started looking for a different job? I’ve searched the obvious places but generally the openings are for attorneys with less experience. I was thinking about reaching out to a recruiter, but honestly don’t know how to go about finding a reputable one. Any help is appreciated!

   1. I know a bunch of career law clerks (state and federal) who are way technically overqualified for their jobs. Network. Talk to actual people live and in person. You can do this!

   2. Look through your linkedin and old contacts. Are there people you liked who left your firm for other jobs? People you were friendly with in law school who are doing interesting things? Reach out to them just to talk about what they are doing now, how they like it, etc — you’re not asking them to help you get a job, you’re just trying to figure out what your next step is. About 7-8 years into my career, I was at a cross roads and I met for coffee or a drink a bunch of people I went to law school with, was an intern with, people who I had worked with and who had left, and also people who supervised me in law school internships, etc. Talking to them helped me figure out what I wanted and needed, and I also got some important gossip about other jobs I was thinking about — what places were great to work with, which ones weren’t, etc.

   3. In state government, you would get hired in a heartbeat if you are willing to continue to litigate and can accept the compensation package.

5. I am on a job hunt in the private investment space, and have been approaching it primarily through networking. The good news is that about 80% of the people I have reached out to have responded, and often sat down for multiple exploratory conversations about their hiring plans. The bad news is that for the 8th time, I heard they were impressed with me but were going to prioritize hiring someone more junior, and maybe back to me in 6 months or so. How would you navigate this impasse? I don’t fully understand how much of it is budget-driven, and how much of it is a potential issue with my pitch and experience. For background, I’m 10 years out of a prestigious graduate school, focused on a very hot sector of the market right now. I have a history of promotion, but not enough history of closing deals to qualify as truly senior- /managing director- level.

   1. I work in what I think is a similar type financial/investment industry. We are currently only hiring people with 3+ years of experience and it’s completely needs based and has nothing to do with budget. My work is transaction oriented and we need people with transaction experience. There are moments in time (and I’ve been here 10 years) where we have a lot of senior analysts/associates, and then are solely focused on hiring “green” candidates. It’s a function of trying to keep our pipeline of talent primed to account for natural attrition and also making sure we have sufficient talent to grow from analyst to associate to producer/MD levels. I also agree that networking is the best way to find some of these positions, so don’t stop what you’re doing. Many of the jobs aren’t posted.

      That all said, if you’re literally hearing this feedback for the 8th time, maybe there’s a trusted friend you could run your pitch off of to see if there’s something there worth revisiting/refining? Is there a recruiter in your specific space you could talk to?

   2. If you happen to work in crypto (just guessing based on you comment) I work in an alternative investment company part of which offers crypto. Could you work for a company like that? Happy to connect offline via a burner if that’s a fit.

      1. Hello, Thank you very much for the offer. I’m actually in the climate change / energy and infrastructure space. In the event there is a lead, my burner is wise.spot 3 4 0 4 at fastmail. I appreciate the insightful comments all around.

6. Does anyone who sews have a good current pattern for a tunic top? Sort of like a Tory Burch tunic shape? I need to help design a uniform top for women (currently there is one for men) and base it on a shape like this. I am a bit of a sewer and I’m sure my mom has a ton of patterns, but she doesn’t regularly wear or sew items like this. I guess I could take a dress pattern she has and just significantly shorten it (visiting in a month).

   1. Are you trying to get something that can be sewn commercially? There’s a lot of rules about pattern ownership and making garments without licenses. If you need to make this in a wide variety of sizes there are even further considerations, especially with grading.

      1. Nope. I’m just trying to make an idea into a garment and see if it will work.

   2. Is buying premade tunics an option? Stand collar tunics is a thing for both health care, cleaning, wellness etc. You might find a producer that already makes what you want.

      1. Sorry, saw your answer above, and realise you want to create something. I’d look for free cosplay patterns for medieval or Viking tunics, to get an idea of how to use your fabric and then go wild with a toile.

   3. Maybe Megan Nielsen Eucalypt?

      1. Thanks, but I’m looking for sleeves and darts.

         1. Late reply, but check out The Tunic Bible book. I think there’s patterns in it. Good luck!

7. For those of you who have worked for both large and small employers, can you give me some PROS of small employers? An opportunity may be presenting itself that could move my resume in the direction I want to go, yet it’s a 30 person company that is 5 years old. Looking at this having been in NYC biglaw and government all I can think is – omg pay is going to be low; benefits will be terrible/non existent.

   Intellectually though I understand that if I want to go in this direction, it’ll have to be a small company bc MBB has no reason to come calling here [nor do I want that]. What I know of the company so far – senior leadership at the MD level all appears to be from Big 4 or similar companies where they were partners for 20 or so years [which makes me think – would they really take a job with awful pay or benefits]; I too would be in the running for a senior role though not MD level; they’ve always run a remote workplace even before the pandemic. HQ is Chicago though I’m unsure of what office space they keep there; looks like maybe 10 people max are in Chicago though and the rest are in NY/Ca/now the southeast where I am; so I assume you travel back to Chicago or maybe client side every so often.

   What does the hive think? Can something like this ever be good or is this the type of thing where you’ll regret giving up your good health insurance and 401k match? FWIW salary and esp benefits are really important to me as I’m long term single in my 40s so I can’t just jump on a spouse’s health insurance + have some health issues which while ok do require specialists/testing etc. so I’m not someone who can say oh yeah I last went to the dr. 8 years ago who cares if insurance is bad.

   1. Having worked in both small companies and larger ones, I can without a doubt say I love working for my current larger company. I love the benefits, culture, salary, etc. I think the benefits of working at a smaller company and sacrificing the larger salary and benefits is if the hours are dramatically reduced or it is in a low cost of living location. Doesn’t sound like you need to cut back on hours for personal reasons so I don’t see any good enough reason to give up the better salary and benefits.

   2. I’m in tech, not law, and second the other responder that having done both, I much prefer larger companies. Benefits likely will not be what you are used to–my copays and out of pocket costs skyrocketed when I switched from a F50 to my current early stage start up.

      Something I wish I had known before switching is that everything at a small company is taken 10x more personally than at a large company. People are closer socially, many people working there were network hires so they have existing social relationships with other colleagues, etc. Gossip travels much more widely and emotions run a lot higher. Big companies get a bad rap for being overly political but small companies are political in much a different way. I’m sure not every small company is like this but thats been my experience.

      Also, confirm the company has an HR head (not just an HR rep. Someone who is an actual HR lead), recruiters, and an in-house lawyer or a contracted lawyer who is very present. My current company has no formal HR despite being 3 years old and that alone makes a massive negative difference.

      1. I moved from a very large academic institution to a very small not for profit in my early 40s. I liked the change. Yes, HR is non existent, and that has had its bad moments. But I find I have a lot more motivation because I feel a greater sense of ownership and control, though was in management in both places. It was a relief not to have to navigate so many layers of bureaucracy to get anything done. Small company is nimble and fast, and I like that. All that being said, my spouse carries the health insurance because my company’s is not great.

8. For those that have been flying regularly through the pandemic/recently – is it no longer a thing where you can “time” flights in such a way that you get slightly emptier planes because every flight is 100% full? I was a frequent business traveler in before times and without a doubt Sunday night/Monday morning and Thursday late afternoon/evening flights were pretty much always business travelers esp in and out of major cities. And then in contrast all day Friday/Saturday was more families/vacationers. And Tuesday/Wed. were often the times where you’d get on flights that’d only be 80% full. Is this not a thing anymore at all? And for cities where there were many routes a day almost hourly – think LGA or DCA to Chicago – you could frequently get on the 2nd or 3rd flight of the day say at 10 am and find it empty-ish because those who were doing a day trip for business left on the 7 am flight and not to many others are flying to Chicago to vacation at 11 am on a Tuesday. Is this just not a thing anymore because of fewer flights in combo with 2019 level demand? I’m certainly not looking for an empty plane anyplace but to me a plane that’s even 10-20% empty just feels less packed – that was true pre pandemic and certainly even more now.

   1. I think it’s still a thing, although probably harder than before the pandemic. I was just on a flight that was only about 80% full this past Monday, fwiw (EWR-IND leaving around 3 pm). It’s definitely still true that airlines price Tuesday and Wednesday flights WAY below other days, especially for mileage redemption. I basically never fly those days though, so can’t comment on how full the flights are.

9. Hopefully an easy question – any place where you all have found suit jackets/blazers? I was a full suit wearing person before the pandemic but now my work is going way more casual – like even jeans will be ok when we return. I however don’t feel fully “at work” without a jacket but realize a suit is too much. So I’m thinking of buying a few jackets that work with casual slacks and dark jeans. Places like Uniqlo all have the linen type jackets which seem like sweaters to me – like too unstructured. Yet I’m also not looking for a $300 suit jacket. Just a run of the mill in between thing possibly with a lining as I think that gives jackets structure.

   1. JCrew Going Out Blazer. It is the perfect blazer with jeans.

10. Anyone have any experience with you or a family member getting all-on-4 dental implants (basically replacing all existing teeth with implants)? My mom has had a bad time with her teeth all her life – she grew up in a place where they didn’t fluoridate the water; then developed a fear of the dentist that lead her not going for years at a time; then she didn’t have dental coverage for awhile and was concerned about the expense, so she didn’t go. She’s reached a point where she needs so much work (that would take so many appointments over many many months) that this has been suggested to her as an alternative. She does not want traditional dentures and apparently, they are not recommended any more. She’s 71. The amount she got quoted for a complete set of dental implants is eye-watering ($45k) but she’s got the money to pay for it. People in our family routinely live into their 90s so I don’t want her going another 20 years with broken, missing or crumbling teeth that interfere with her nutrition, which probably would cut her life short. Any experiences regarding recovery time and how it is for an older person to adapt to the implants are helpful. Thank you!

    1. I didn’t know that they’d do that for all of your teeth. I thought there were used here and there to anchor a bridge or replace just one missing tooth. I know implants are preferred b/c they preserve the jaw bones. But that seems like a lot of trauma b/c they have to drill a hole in your jaw for each implant. Can she not replace a few of her worse teeth first and see how it goes? [I have an implant in my future due to still having a baby tooth b/c the adult tooth never came in. But not until the baby tooth gives up the ghost.]

       1. I think it sounds like the idea here would be to anchor bridges to implants so it wouldn’t be an implant per tooth. I think the success rate of this varies with the jawbone. I’d get a second opinion and make sure you have a dentist who is responsible (no “same day” implants). Also, ask if you can speak to some patients who’ve had this done?

          I think the biggest issue would be how she eats while this is all happening? My understanding is that it can take 6 months or more from start to finish and it’s easy enough if it’s a back tooth or even two, but it’s difficult if it’s your whole mouth. Not to mention, how may teeth is that to pull? They can certainly give her something temporary so she looks “normal” but she will probably need to eat very carefully and only certain foods. That said, I think she should deal with the teeth and figure out something. Maybe she can do this in stages so it’s less traumatic? My grandmothers both had full dentures from a relatively youthful for dentures age and while it wasn’t glamourous they lived into their mid 90s and were perfectly happy and healthy, missing teeth and all.

    2. I had a family member who had this done in her late sixties. It was incredibly painful. She was also battling dementia. Each time she went under, it was harder and harder for her to recover mentally. She ended up passing at 71. Although she too could afford it, I wish she had just gone with dentures. Your experience could be different if your mom is in better health.

    3. An aunt of mine had a number replaced with implants in her mid 60s… maybe six teeth over two appointments? I’d be interested in knowing more about the plan they have, is it all in one day? ten appointments? what anesthetics? I think the recovery was pretty rough, but my aunt would do it again and it allowed some of her other teeth to avoid wear (and hopefully, to avoid replacement for those down the road). I do think the sooner the better before she ends up with dementia or alzheimers…

    4. My mother’s teeth are atrocious. A combination of bad genes and medication issues have caused severe dry mouth and decay. She’s had some implants done on some of the molars but it’s very expensive, painful and a long process. Once the implant is in, it takes 6 months to heal before the tooth can be put in. She has problems healing due to other health conditions so recovery is even longer for her. She’s now in the process of having 4 front teeth pulled and will have a denture made (teeth pulling is $1200). All other options are way out of her budget at this stage and age (82).

    5. I would get second and third opinions before committing. My mom wanted implants to replace a few missing teeth and learned that because the teeth had been missing for so long, there wasn’t enough bone to support implants.

    6. Granted, I only have one implant, but I would a million times rather have a mouth full of implants than a mouthful of dentures.

    7. Obviously I don’t know about your mom’s case but I recommend a second opinion. My DH is a dentist and generally recommends doing a mix of implants and saving the teeth that can be saved. If there’s really nothing to be saved he’s found that dentures are less of a stress than full implants, and they make better dentures these days apparently. If there are jaw issues implants may not take well and move around/ require adjustments down the line. I’m not a dentist and just repeating what he told a relative of ours in the Same situation.

    8. A relative had that done. It was someone with a lifelong morbid fear of dentistry due to a childhood experience of a dentist puking a tooth without any numbing agent. They needed either all or very nearly all of their teeth replaced. It was the all-in-4 and it cost 50k. Its a mouthful of implants, not dentures anchored by some implants. It’s been several years and they are very pleased with the results. They go in, once a year I think, and the teeth are unscrewed (or whatever) from the base and inspected and cleaned. Their daily dental maintenance is the same as the rest of us – brush and floss.

       1. Oh good grief. Pulling, not puking. I effing hate autocorrect.

          1. LOL if someone pulled my tooth without any numbing agent I would definitely be puking from pain/fear, so it was kind of an apt autocorrect.

    9. I have three implants, and they are my favorite teeth. I am 67, and my last one was a few years ago. My suggestions are to get a second and third opinion, and research the h3ell out of this. Only choose someone who does this exclusively, not as a side line. Ask around for the very best person. The bone grafts, if needed, are the tough part, as often there is bone loss in the jaw, and there is not enough bone to anchor the implant. I had to have bone grafts to fill out the bone, and that takes time to heal. The process was: pull the tooth, add the graft material (which comes from cadavers), close it up, and wait 3-6 months. Drill a hole and place implant, close it up, wait 3-6 months. Put post in implant in jaw, and take impression for new tooth. Put on temporary tooth until crown comes back from the lab. Install crown, be super happy! I have no idea how they do this for a whole mouth. In my experience, it was not super painful, and I am a pain sensitive person, but people are different. Also, I have been told I am a good healer, (????) and I am active, so good circulation, nutrition, and sleep might help. The pain was managed with novocaine injections and OTC medications. I may have had a script for a few oxys but I think I did not need them. A low does of v@lium can help too. Having good teeth is so important. If it is doable, I would go for it.

11. Anybody have any favorite low-FODMAP recipes or sources for recipes?

12. How does mango sizing work? Is a size 1 like a 0? Looking at a blazer only available in a size 1. I wear a 0 or XS in veronica beard, theory, etc. but worried because the size chart says a 1 is an XXXS, which in my head is itty bitty and I don’t consider myself itty bitty.

    1. I’m a US 4/6 in brands like Banana and would get an 6/M in Mango.

       I would consider their fit to be slim and not very hip or bust friendly – a bit like Zara, but other than that normal European in the sizes themselves. On their website it says that their blazer size 1 is an XXS which is a US 0 equivalent, and the measurements seem very standard. The measurement for the 1 and the XXS and the US 0 are all 23.23 inches for the waist measurement.

13. My friends and I are overplanners so that’s why I’m asking here.
    I’ve been dating someone for a few months and we are supposed to meet some of his friends for dinner tonight. Yesterday he told me some of the options they were considering (in 4 completely different parts of the city) but he hasn’t told me where or when to meet yet. It’s 5:13pm. I texted him to ask now, but isn’t this leaving it a bit late? These are out-of-town friends, its not just grabbing a drink after work.

    1. You have my sympathy. This lack of planning would drive me crazy, and I am incapable of tuning it out. I hope you hear something soon.

    2. I think it maybe depends on job and city? As a lawyer in NYC really we would never have dinner before 9, and that was the norm so it wasn’t weird. Now that I’m in-house in Austin, that would be “late” and irk me.

    3. I’d prefer to know by now, but I’d just get over it unless it is a pattern of behavior with your BF that you can’t live with. It sounds like it is not and it is an issue with planning with these friends whose day maybe was a little bit unplanned/in flux.

       1. When it’s just us I probably would have said “Let’s go to X” by now but this is more up to his friends.

          He is a bit last minute about planning but more like “make the plans 1 day in advance” not “make the plans the evening they’ll happen”

    4. Update – they may meet around 7ish (which I figure means min 7:30) to drive to the restaurants which are 30-45 minutes away. So I might not actually go because I’m going out of town early tmrw

14. I absolutely love this look. And love how you almost never see it.

    So cool, masculine yet very s3xy. I would go with the conservative look with a cravat and beautiful loafers. Or wear it without a cravat (I have no cleavage anyway…) and a gorgeous suede nude for me heel.

15. Nevada State Senator Pat Spearman regularly rocks a three-piece and looks fabulous.

Comments are closed.