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Updated: Oct 31, 2018 154 Comments · by

Suit of the Week: Reiss

Suit of the Week

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Reiss Ricca SuitFor busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional. First: Love the skirt suit, love the color; classic but with a twist. But: the matching pants for this are tight and cropped, like so many other suits for sale right now, which will always look to me like a “fun suit.” (I need at least straight pants, bootcut pants, or proper trousers for an “important meeting” suit.) The jacket (Reiss Ricca Jacket) is $445, the skirt (Reiss Ricca Skirt) is $230, and the pants (Reiss Ricca Trouser) are $240. Ladies, what are your thoughts — what kind of pantsuits are your favorite for important meetings? Or do you default to skirt suits on those occasions? Here's a lower-priced option and a plus-size alternative. (L-6)

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Comments

  1. nice cube

    I am finding myself without any obligations on Thanksgiving this year (rare!) and I am not sure what to do with myself and family. It will be DH, myself, and our 1 year old. I don’t feel like cooking, but I also don’t want to just grab a pizza (DH’s suggestion). How would you observe the holiday if you could do it your way?

    • Anon

      If I didn’t feel like cooking, I’d grab a pumpkin pie and an apple pie from a good bakery, plus tons of cheeses, charcuterie, fresh fruit, good bread, and ingredients for a delicious salad.
      And I’d watch Home for the Holidays.

      • lawsuited

        +1 to cheese and charcuterie – delicious but easy and feels like a fun picnic!

    • NYC tech

      I would order the various components of the traditional Thanksgiving dinner from a grocery delivery service or restaurant (so they just have to be heated). Then I’d invite a couple students from a local university to share the meal. For example, NYU has a “Holiday Host” program where international students or students who can’t afford to return home for the holiday are matched with host families for the day. A great way to meet interesting new people, bask in the glow of hospitality, etc.

    • Anonymous

      I’d cater the whole shebang (from a grocery store so it’s relatively affordable – I know Whole Foods does it) and enjoy leftovers for weeks. But I may be unusual in that the combo of turkey and stuffing is one of my very favorite foods and I look forward to it all year.

    • APC

      I love Thanksgiving foods – if i didn’t want to cook, I’d just get most of the basics (turkey, gravy, potatoes, etc.) from a decent store or restaurant. But if I wanted to forego the traditional meal, I like the idea of getting a pie from a good bakery and cheese, bread, and charcuterie and just nosh and relax all day long, and give thanks for the fact that you are with your DH and baby for a sweet, pressure-free day.

    • Thanksgiving

      This is my dream. My husband and I had a Thanksgiving with just the two of us a couple of years ago and it was AMAZING. We bought a ham (all we had to do was warm it) and some very simple sides and drank a lot of wine together at home while binge watching some television show we’d been looking forward to. It was the best Thanksgiving ever.

      It’s probably a bad plan for both parents to get drunk on wine if you have to care for the baby, but I think you should heat up your favorite foods and watch something you’ve been looking forward to.

      • Ah parenthood!

        My husband and I just recently decided that we might want to have a kid but we are still weighing the pros and cons. I had never even considered the ramification of both parents having too much to drink on the same night. We are not alcoholics or anything but like to both get over the legal limit when we are home hanging out on the occasional weekend. Over the legal limit for me can even be two big glasses of wine! I have no doubt we could still safely care for a child (that happened to wake up) if we had just a tad too much but I couldn’t imagine the scenario of the kid waking up and needing to go to the hospital and neither of us being legal to drive. I guess that’s what taxi’s are for but I would feel like the world’s worst parent.

        My whole point is – holy crap, you just gave me a new thing to be scared of (that happening) or to have to miss out on (both of us having a couple of drinks together for 16 years.) And I’m not one of the regular commenters asking baby freak out questions. :)

        • tesyaa

          Kids don’t generally need to go to the hospital on a regular basis; plus there’s uber. Time to chill.

        • Anonymous

          I think it’s more than 16 years….16 year olds who need to go to the hospital normally can’t drive themselves. But yeah, taxis, Ubers, neighbors, friends….chill.

        • Lyssa

          I think that you’ve just got to use your judgment on it. You probably shouldn’t be both getting can’t-see-straight drunk while in charge of a little one, but if you’re both a little tipsy after bedtime, I don’t think that’s generally a problem. Yes, there could always be some horrible, completely sudden emergency, but that’s a long shot risk, IMO.

        • Thanksgiving

          ACK! That was not my intent :) We each drank a bottle of wine, so we were really drunk in the middle of the afternoon. No problems at all with getting a little tipsy after bedtime.

      • Annie

        This is what my husband and I do on Christmas. We have tasty pre-made pastries for breakfast, a charcuterie plate for lunch, and then I make fancy steaks.

    • Scarlett

      I’d make a roasted chicken and favorite side dish. I’m jealous. This is my dream thanksgiving.

    • Anonymous

      we have reservations at a local restaurant that is doing a spread (buffet style). Also, we’ve done it solo, just enjoying a super lux meal (things that take a lot of time to make or we don’t eat often) like pot roast or short ribs which is not thanksgiving like, but was really yummy. Plus a great dessert and some cider or wine.

    • marketingchic

      My husband and I ended up taking our then 2-year-old to a diner in our neighborhood for Thanksgiving one year. They had traditional Thanksgiving food that was homey and tasty, and the atmosphere was toddler-friendly. We still remember that really fondly.

    • KS IT Chick

      A few years ago, my extended family scattered for Thanksgiving, with my parents on a 3 week cruise, which took away our usual holiday plan. So, we ordered a Spanish tapas feast from an online grocer. Then, I bought a couple bottles of Spanish wine. So, my suggestion is to order sinfully rich foods in small plates that you either haven’t ever tried & want to or that you know you love and never get to eat.

    • Need to Improve

      Go out to a nice restaurant. I bet one will be open (depending on where you are). drink champagne.

    • Susie

      I usually go to the movies on Thanksgiving, it’s pretty empty! Then go out to eat. Around here mainly the Chinese restaurants are open, I think last year I had Mexican.

  2. Mental Illness Help

    I’m looking for any advice in dealing with my very sick mother since doctors have yet to figure out what’s wrong with her. For the last two years, she has complained about hallucinations. They started at night, where she would “see” my brother, me or her ex-husband in her room. Now two years later, she hallucinates 24/7 and thinks my brother and I live with her in her apartment. I have come to understand that they aren’t so much as visual hallucinations, as they are delusions. She moves inanimate objects (think a roll of paper towels with a baseball cap) from room to room and calls it my brother. Apparently I am represented by a doll figurine she’s had my whole life. We have been to neurologists, psychiatrists, MDs, ophthalmologists, sleep specialists, etc, and no one has any idea what it could be. Her MRIs show up normal. I have tried to stress with every doctor that she was a hard drinking alcoholic for decades, now 2 years sober, but none have seemed to put much import in that (which I find hard to believe.) Has anyone seen anything like this? Any advice on how to deal with her? Right now I’m trying to reason with her, but that doesn’t seem to help at all. She is still functional, but how much longer can I let her live on her own?

    • Batgirl

      No answers, but I’m so sorry for what you and your family are going through.

    • NashJD

      I would have thought some sort of alcoholism-induced dementia, so I’m surprised as you are that her doctors haven’t paid much attention to that. Maybe that’s not the way it works. Sorry you’re going through this — I’d like to hear what others say. My mom has dementia, but it’s sort of the more predictable pattern. . . came on over time and has progressed slowly.

      • Mental Illness Help

        I suggested Lewy Body Dementia to her MD who actually laughed it off. My mother is polite and put together so I guess they underestimate how she used to be.

    • Anon

      So sorry you are dealing with this. It sounds like an independent living facility may be a good fit. She could still have independence (my grandmother is in one and it’s basically just a nice apartment), but has support staff available to keep an eye on her and in case an emergency happens. If nothing else, it would probably give you some piece of mind and take some of the burden off your shoulders. My grandmother initially pushed back on moving out of her house, but now she loves her apartment.

    • Digby

      I apologize if this isn’t appropriate in your mother’s case, but has she been examined by a geriatric psychiatrist? I have a family member with issues, and one thing that was helpful was to find a geriatric psychiatrist.

      However, in general, having dealt with two elderly family members with mental health issues, I wish you great patience and resilience. This is tough.

      • Mental Illness Help

        That’s totally appropriate for her, thank you! I will look into finding one.

        • Veronica Mars

          Mental illness help, where are you located? I can give a personal recommendation for one located in the South. You can also reach me at vmarsette at yahoo com

    • Bewitched

      I would go to a neurologist specializing in dementia for a second opinion. FYI, some neurologists specialize in movement disorders, or migraines or epilepsy-I’m sure you knew this but it is 100% key that you go to the right type of neurologist. My mom likely has Alzheimer’s but when the neurologist (at Penn, Hopkins has a great program too) did the evaluation, he specifically asked about hallucinations and delusions.

    • Anonymous

      I second Bewitched. My husband is a neurologist, and one of his good friends from residency did both a neurology and psychiatry residency. She specializes in dementia. This is the type of person that you should try to see. She practices in NYC.

    • BeenThatGuy

      So sorry you are dealing with this. This might be way “out there” but what about reaching about to a drug/alcohol treatment facility and ask them for recommendations? If all her medical tests are normal, maybe it’s something related to the body’s change to being sober.

      • Mental Illness Help

        We are already seeing a neurologist who specializes in dementia. (Our second one.) I did put her through a rehab program. It couldn’t hurt to get back in touch with them and see if they’ve seen this before, thanks for the idea.

        • Blonde Lawyer

          Is she on any new medications, even over the counter? A prescription sized dose of the over the counter med Delsym made me hallucinate a cow in my bedroom. My grandmother was hallucinating in her nursing home and they adjusted her meds and it stopped but I have no idea what meds she was on at the time.

          Research her meds yourself or talk to a pharmacist. I have such rare reactions to things that I usually need to find other people like me on the internet and then point my doctors to the journals/resources that helped them. On more than one occasion a doc has told me “I’ve never heard of that” about some side effect I experienced and then did further research and said “yup, you are right, it’s the med.” Now if only I could be the 1% that wins the lottery instead of the 1% that gets the rare reaction. Oh well.

          • Mental Illness Help

            Thank you. Yes, I researched her meds and could find no links.

        • Carrie...

          What did the Neurologist specializing in dementia say it was? Is she still seeing this doctor regularly?

          In general, she would need to be followed by this type of doctor over time. These specialists work with a group of doctors (including psychologists who do neurocognitive testing and geriatric psychiatrists that might help with medication management), with the benefits that they all should be talking with each other and coordinating treatment over time. Sometimes the diagnosis is not clear initially, but it reveals itself over time.

          It is not typical for people to be diagnosed with new psychiatric disease at your Mom’s age. We would be most concerned that there is a neurologic problem going on.

          It is good to keep reminding the docs about her history with alcohol. But if she had dementia due to a long history of alcoholism, it would be less likely her brain MRI would be normal. Has she also had an EEG, and a lumbar puncture / spinal tap? Also, there are inflammatory problems that can cause brain symptoms like this. Has she ever had cancer? Sometimes these neurologic changes can be related to a hidden/slow growing cancer or a variety of types of brain inflammation. Just a lot to think about that a specialist would know, and would need to follow her over time to figure out.

          May I ask what major city you are near? There are excellent excellent Neurologists/Dementia clinics at UCSF and UCLA and UCSD is pretty good too. That is where I would take my loved one. And she should be closely followed while getting symptomatic treatments, and follow-up testing, until the diagnosis is clear. And then she should continue to be followed by the doctors and nurses to help with setting up home/social services that she might need.

          BTW – any doctor who laughs off a (very reasonable) question about Lewy Body Dementia is not a very nice doctor in my book.

          I’m sorry your family has to struggle with this problem. Hang in there.

          • Mental Illness Help

            Thanks for all this info Carrie! My mom’s current neurologist has her on a low dose of an anti-psychotic which he increases in small increments for safety. So far they’ve had no effect. He had thought she had brainstem encephalitis but after extensive testing he ruled it out. I was hoping she might have some improvement on the anti-psychotic, but no longer feel she is safe living alone in a part of the country with no friends or family to check on her. (She moved away on purpose so we couldn’t stop her from drinking.) I hope to be able to get her to UCLA very soon.

          • Meg Murry

            If she is living alone in a part of the country with no friends or family to check on her, are you 100% certain she’s still sober? Or is it possible she is taking another drug (OTC or otherwise) and hasn’t told you or her doctors? Or that she actually isn’t taking the anti-psychotic regularly?

            I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. Could you ask a local senior center or alcohol treatment group to refer you to a social worker? Perhaps they could do a home visit or offer some other resources in the area you can try.

    • Anonymous

      I’m a physician, a neurologist. I don’t want to come off as classist or dissing other doctors, but what sort of medical centers are you going to? If you aren’t already, you might want to go somewhere highly ranked.

      For almost a year, my younger brother went through bizarre symptoms, which were all attributed to depression by his doctor. It never seemed right to me because he really seemed to be having purely physical symptoms, and I eventually convinced him to come to UCLA, where I was a neurology resident at the time. In a matter of days, he was diagnosed with Wilson’s disease, a rare genetic disorder that causes the body to retain too much copper. The symptoms includes things that overlap with clinical depression. Luckily his liver had not been damaged to the point of needing a transplant, and medication lets him lead a normal life.

      I have seen this story unfold many times, when people come to our medical center when they feel like they are at the end of the road. And they get answers.

      • Mental Illness Help

        Mom is currently in a small town in Florida. I feel the same about the quality of care she’s been given. I’m relocating her to LA to be with me, so maybe we’ll see you soon.

    • Anonymous

      It could be the combination of medicines she’s taking. My grandmother sees things and it definitely increases when there is some sort of change in her medicine — right down to cough medicine. If it’s 24/7, she needs a care facility for her good and yours.

    • TheElms

      Your mother sounds like my mother to a tee. She was also an alcoholic but never sober before she got sick. She hallucinated her golf coach on the wall and talking to her and other people that she knew from day to day life, but never my father or I. We were never able to get a specific diagnosis, but eventually went with treatment for Alzheimer’s that was moderately helpful (this was now a decade ago when she first got sick). The deciding factor was the results of her PET scan that showed some plaque like structures in her brain. I would look into a PET scan if you can.

      I don’t want to scare you, and all people are different, and your mother may have a very different medical condition than mine when she got sick, but my mother got rapidly worse which we did not expect and the doctor’s did not either. From the point of severe hallucinations it was just under 2 1/2 years until her death.

      • Mental Illness Help

        Thanks for sharing your experience. Sorry that happened to you and your mother. It’s very helpful to know this has happened to other alcoholics. I always figured that was the trigger. I’m glad you told me about how quickly her condition worsened. Right now I’m struggling with my mom because she doesn’t want to move and certainly doesn’t want assisted living. I’m really overwhelmed with having to make these life decisions for her that go against her will, but I’ve always felt like her caretaker, even as a child. If her experience is like your mother’s, it has to be assisted living.

    • Marie M

      My father suffered from delusions. For example, he used to phone me from his assisted living apartment, saying he was at the State Fair waiting for a ride home. He was finally diagnosed with normal pressure hydrocephalus (NPH). The doctors did not think of this on their own–my sister had heard about it, researched it, and pushed my father’s physician to consider it. A neurosurgeon placed a shunt in my father’s brain, which drained excess fluid from his brain into his abdomen. The delusions went away. NPH usually has some other symptoms, too, so you can look it up and see if anything else correlates with your mother.

    • Anon

      Okay -I’m sure I’m going to get backlash for this but I’m going to say it anyway. What is with cutting size 12 out?? I was in a Bloomingdale’s the other day and there were other brands without size 12. Size 12 is not plus size (cue backlash, but I’m saying it anyway)! And even if it was EXPLETIVE YOU CLOTHING BRANDS!

      • BB

        Ha! I feel the same way…let the backlash commence!

        I find that 12 is usually the largest “regular” size they have. In my experience stores that try to skew younger or hipper (I’m looking at you Barney’s) tend to exclude this size for some reason. Jokes on them because I’ll happily buy a $1000 suit from Escada or Akris or any of the luxury brands that have size 12.

      • Mpls

        Did they not have a size 12 at all, or just didn’t have one in stock? Because I haven’t really noticed a similar absence (of any) size 12 in deparment stores mechandise, but am not surprised to have a lack of it in store – as someone who routinely buys size 12. To me that says people are buying 12, not that companys aren’t making it.

        However, I will never have a Reiss suit because they don’t make my size. I also won’t ever shop at Everlane because they don’t carry my size (a Large is 8-10?!?!?). Same for M. Gemi shoes which never have my shoe size in stock. Sucks, but I’m not lacking for other options.

        • Anon

          The brand (can’t remember which it was) did not carry size 12 – I asked. Reiss also doesn’t carry size 12. There was also another brand (this was Adelyn Rae) that only carries S-M-L. No XL, and the L didn’t quite fit. I mean, come on. I think this is a new trend and I am not happy about it!

          • Mpls

            Eh….you’ve got one department store brand that doesn’t carry a 12. Reiss is NOT a department store brand, so it’s apples to oranges comparison there. And a quick internet search shows Adelyn Rae (on the Nordstrom site) with a 12 as have a 39″ bust – which actually sounds a little on the large size, but not wildly so..

            I don’t think your sample size is large enough to declare a trend.

        • Pardon

          Pardon the ignorance, but isn’t a large normally an 8-10? XS: 0, SM: 2-4, MD: 4-6, L: 8-10, XL: 12-14 ? Obviously some fudging with an “ish” on these, but I was curious.

        • Contracts

          This. I love the look of Everlane’s silk, and I would order one in every color, but I’m a 14. Come on, team.

    • Godzilla

      WAIT, WHAT? I must not have gone shopping in a long @$$ while BUT GODZILLA WEARS SIZE 12 AND SHE NEEDS HER CLOTHING

      • lost academic

        I’ve gotten to the point I just order my clothes from the UK – everything that I can find here that’s actually tall and long enough for me is NOT meant for someone who isn’t a narrow tall! Can’t change the bones in my shoulders… don’t plan on cutting down on my muscle either (isn’t much!)

        • Mpls

          Huh – British brands don’t really strike me has being more generous in the sizing department than American-focused brands.

    • Anonymous

      I feel like size 12-16 live in a perpetual state of not being able to find nice fitting non-plus size clothing, but also not needing the plus-size clothing, which in my experience commonly starts at size 18. I hate it.

      • Backlash anon

        I always thought plus size started at 14. I remember as a teenager i was wearing a size 12 and I drove past a plus size store that had a huge sign reading sizes 14 and up…. I promptly lost 10 lbs because (here comes the backlash again), I was scared of being plus size. Over the past 15 years or so I’ve gained and lost and gained and lost but never was over a size 12. I’m again at 12, most I’ve ever weighed (though I’m a lot stronger now than I used to be, so a lot of muscle), and I’m horrified that size 12s don’t even exist in certain brands when my entire life I thought 12 was a ‘regular’ size. It’s also a lot harder at my age now to just drop a size so I’ve been stuck at 12 despite its disappearance in stores and despite me not feeling quite comfortable in my body right now…. :(

        This must be a taste of the struggle of people who are actually plus sized and its horrendous. I’m sorry. No one should feel this way!

        • Anon

          Well, first of all, plus size 14s (14W) are larger than straight size 14s.

          Second, yeah, the clothing thing is obnoxious. But maybe this would be a good time to reevaulate your relationship with arbitrary, manufacturer-defined sizes. You’re not a teenager anymore and can take a broader perspective.

    • (Former) Clueless Summer

      I wear a J. Crew 8 and I’m pretty sure I can’t even fit into Reiss 10. So its basically a 6. They make clothes for tiny people.

      • Belle

        I wear a J Crew 8 and fit into a Reiss 8, but I find that they make their jackets for people with narrow shoulders and I can’t wear them. I find that with J Crew as well, though.

  4. anon for this

    Very regular reader and commenter here. Was in a BigLaw firm and after being offered an in-house position late last year (and asking for the Hive’s advice on my decision), I started at my new job in January. I’ve loved it, and I just found out today that I’m being promoted to directly below my GC!

    It’s been such a good decision for me (and I can’t brag/be excited about this with anyone beyond my husband yet), so thanks as always for the help, ladies!

  5. Vegas Wardrobe?

    Non-work clothing threadjack. I’m going to Vegas with some girlfriends in December, and have no clue what to wear. I know that generally I need casual stuff to walk/shop during the day and then going out clothes for the evening (likely a show one night, a club another, fancy dinner the last night). But I have no idea what ‘going out’ clothes should entail. The last time I went to Vegas I was 24, and had just graduated college, so at that point I owned a wardrobe of clubbing clothes since I went out frequently. Now I’m 35: older, wiser and no longer a size 0. I’d like to look sexy and fun, but not trashy. Suggestions? Do I need cocktail dresses? Jeans and fancy tops?

  6. Anonymous

    Not looking for medical advice, obvs but does anyone have any anecdotal experience lowering their blood pressure through diet, vitamins/supplements or exercise? Don’t want to take drugs forever…

    • Anonymous

      Exercise. And not a lot of it either. Regular 20 walk after dinner- really regular, every day, helped a lot.

    • Anon

      My blood pressure wasn’t very high, but once I integrated exercise into my routine my blood pressure dropped from the 125/85 mark to more like 100/65.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      My husband took meds for years. His high bp was genetic and he was already in good shape when diagnosed. He started eating a lot healthier for a few years and then ran out of bp medicine w/ no refills. When he went in to get the refill his bp was normal. His doc decided to monitor it for awhile and it has stayed normal. He’s back to med free.

    • Anonymous

      Salt is a big trigger. What about trying to switch to a much lower sodium diet? If you eat a lot of processed foods, even “healthy” things like low calorie Lean Cuisines, a lot of those are absolutely packed with sodium and eliminating them could make a big difference.

    • Carrie...

      Definitely exercise and weight loss. Many people can get off meds if they have mild high blood pressure. You know best if those areas of your life have room for improvement.

      No supplements/vitamins for this one.

      But it is also common to have genetic contributors to high blood pressure. So if you are generally good about exercise and weight loss and can’t get the pressure down…. go with the meds. The benefit is so important, and side effects from this meds are usually negligible. Totally worth it.

    • lawsuited

      My doctor told me that walking for 20 minutes would lower my blood pressure for 4 hours, so I take 3 walks during the day (my walk to work, a walk at lunch, and my walk home) and it’s really made a difference without being a big lifestyle change.

    • (former) Legal Marketer

      Yes, I was told when I was 8 that I would be on BP meds forever. eventually weaned myself off them with diet and exercise. Swimming seemed to help the most. I’ve been off them more than 15 years, with the exception of about 16 months in my early 20s when I was getting married, moving across the country, changing jobs and not putting a lot of effort into diet and exercise.

    • MWDC

      If you are religious, try “God Found Us You” by Lisa Tawn Bergren. We have her “God Gave Us You” book, and my toddler adores it.

  8. Anonymous

    My work BFF was promoted to partner last year. I’m a senior associate. Our working relationship hasn’t really changed that much, which I was grateful for, though we haven’t socialized outside of the office as much as we used to. He’s always seemed happy with my work and told me we make a great team.

    This was the first year he had to review me. I got his review recently, and he tore me apart. He said nothing remotely good about me. All of my ratings were average or lower. Most of the descriptions were really vague. Any examples were grossly exaggerated. As in, saying I nearly lost a client because I gave them the wrong answer, when in fact, I gave them the right answer and then found additional support for the correct answer.

    He wasn’t in my review but he knew when it was. He came to my office immediately after and said he was surprised I didn’t storm into his office. I said, “I wasn’t going to say anything to you today,” and then turned around and got back to work. I was too angry and too close to tears to talk to him rationally.

    He and I have both been looking to move firms for the past couple of years. We’ve even considered trying to move together; he recently had an opportunity with another firm and was talking about bringing me, but I think the opportunity fell through. He said as long as he’s stuck here, he would appreciate as much of a heads-up as I can give him so he can start looking for another senior if I leave. I’m wondering now if he’s trying to create a paper record to fire me so he can find someone else who will want to stay at this firm. I just feel so betrayed. Idk what advice I’m asking for, but if anyone has anything that can help me I’d really appreciate it.

    • Um

      Maybe I’m reading too much into this, but is your work BFF secretly in love with you and this is his way of trying to make sure that no one reads favoritism into your work relationship?

      • Anonymous

        This seems like a pretty big logical leap. People are aware they’re good friends and he’s probably just trying to avoid the perception of any kind of bias (and vastly overcompensating as a result). It’s a common phenomenon among new partners reviewing people who are only a year or two behind them. It stinks and I feel for OP, but I wouldn’t draw the conclusion that he’s in love with her.

        • Another theory

          Is the work BFF married? Could the wife be jealous of your friendship and trying to get him to end the friendship in this seriously effed up way?

    • JJ

      Ick. That’s a rough situation. The only consoling thing I can offer is that, at my old firm, it was very well known that brand new partners were the harshest evaluators of associates. So much so that the associates’ committee generally discounted most reviews by new partners, especially if the review was outside of the ordinary for that associate.

      No idea why it happens, but maybe that’s the case here?

      • OP

        Thanks. The thing that hurts even more is that he thought he would be my only reviewer. I only really worked with a couple of other partners this year and they’re all notorious slackers on administrative stuff like reviews – as in, they generally just refuse to do them. Fortunately they actually finished my reviews in time so I had something else in my file (glowing, fwiw).

    • MJ

      Just wow. I cannot imagine how betrayed I would feel if a good work friend decided to “unload” his not-positive feelings on my work performance formally, instead of informally. He didn’t have to handle this in this manner, and then coming by your office to goad you into getting angry is just awful. Did he expect thanks? Obviously not. Did he want you to blow up at him? It’s inconceivable that someone who recently mentioned “moving together” to another firm would turn around and pull this.

      Is there something else going on? Like he was used as a patsy for other partners who want you out? This just doesn’t add up unless this “friend” is a ginormous a-hole. I would have a very difficult time working with someone who was this dishonest about work feedback–I would constantly question what he is really thinking or if he thinks I am not up to snuff, despite face-to-face interactions to the contrary.

      My advice? This situation is completely toxic. I would look for a new job ASAP and pray this person doesn’t follow you. And I would not remotely consider this person in your corner in any way. And if he wants to talk about anything, I would merely ask/tell him two things: (1) Why did you choose to give me feedback like that formally instead of informally; (2) that you think it’s best that he understand that your relationship be strictly professional on a go-forward basis, and to please treat you like any other senior associate.

      Hugs.

      • MJ

        Two more things:
        0 You don’t owe this guy, or anyone else, any kind of notice beyond what is standard. F ’em.
        o Does this guy not know the “sandwich method”? Why would he rip you apart that way? Friends should champion friends, or at least be honest, not exaggerate things the other direction to make you look bad. This guy actually sabotaged your CAREER. So unnecessary. I am sure you want to confront him and ask, Why?, but I wouldn’t even bother…he’s proven he’s dishonest and has a different agenda than being your friend, so it’s not even worth your time to hear him out.

        He’d be dead to me, except that I’d keep it icy professional until I left.

        • OP

          Thanks for the kind words and support. I just feel kinda lost right now. And I agree, that whole keeping him informed of my job search thing? Done.

          Idk how to act around him. He keeps coming down to my office to chat and ask if I’m OK. I’ve been polite but terse. I’m keeping my door closed to discourage him.

          I’ve had a couple of promising interviews lately so hopefully I can gtfo of here soon. Looks like I’ll need to if he’s planning to have me fired. It’s hard to work up the motivation to actually do any work right now but I know I need to.

          • Mpls

            “Are you Ok?”

            “Well, I had a review that I felt was grossly exaggerated and mischaracterized my work here. And it contained items that weren’t discussed with me previously, so I was blindsided by them. If this happened you what would your reaction or next step be?” Delivered with arched eyebrow and pointed look, of course.

            And I’d have the conversation to see what he says about it – does he make excuses? Apologize? Chalk it up as badly delivered joke? – before making a decisions about my future with the firm.

            And no way in he!! do you owe him any more notice than you would provide anyone else.

          • Senior Attorney

            “No, I am not okay. I cannot even begin to fathom what possessed you to dump on me like that. And I don’t really see any point in discussing it further.”

          • marty

            My inclination would be to stay away from the friendship/surprise aspects and focus on inaccuracies and the inconsistency of the review with informal feedback. This guy is not a friend and, especially as a woman, I think she should “cya” by staying as professional as possible.

          • Anon for this

            As someone who may be in the same position soon, please report back and keep us posted on what happens. I really would like to know the end of this story. I also agree that you should adopt Mpls or Senior Attorney’s advice and call him on this.

    • Betty

      I think this guy heard that you can’t be friends with subordinates and believed it. He is trying to distance himself so that he looks more like a partner. He certainly fixed the friends problem, didn’t he? Would it help to write a rebuttal? Regardless of whether or not you decide to try to get it included in your personnel file, it might help clear your head. Also no more discussion of future jobs. Present day business only from now on. I’m sorry this happened to you, it really hurts.

    • TBK

      Wait, what? Who does this? Seriously. Okay, part of me wants to say that you should write to the associates committee and say that some things in your review were factually inaccurate and provide corrections with supporting documentation (assuming you have emails with the client or similar). But I’ve been part of this rodeo and know that in many firms what is in a review is completely, 100% irrefutable no matter how wrong and making any kind of noise about it will only hurt you. (Which is insane. But, hey, do I work in a firm anymore? No. No, I do not.) So I’d say the damage in the review is done. What I’d worry about now is what he’s saying to other partners about you. Since he seems to want to still be friend-like, I’d see if he was up for a chat about what he said in the review and what his perception of your work is. As bad as it is for people to take reviews as TRUTH, it’s even worse that they’ll often take hallway gossip as being just as truthful and you don’t want people talking s—t about you in the hallways. Be willing to make any changes he feels you need to make and express an eagerness to hear about concerns at the time they happen and in person (instead of through a written-in-stone review). Do your best not to be on any matters with him going forward (or at least have other partners on the case with you) and step up your job search. Ugh. The law firm review process is so broken and ridiculous. I’m sorry.

    • Hollis

      First of all, I sympathize with you as I had something very similar happen to me once. Was completely blindsided by a review. When this happened to me, I did submit a rebuttal “for my files” where I specifically stated in about a 1/2 page in a matter of fact tone that I felt the review was inaccurate and mischaracterized my performance and named several things I accomplished that were not mentioned at all in the review. I did this and forwarded to HR for my files, but really, I was happy to find another position with new people and start over again at a place where the people are actually on my side. I am confident that you will find yourself in a better place as well. And please keep in mind that this review in no way reflects your work or your abilities and is very telling about this person, who is willing to stab you in the back like that. You deserve to work with better people than this guy. I can’t wait until you give notice and walk away from this dude for good.

  9. Question for Sydney Bristow

    (And others who have done full time doc review).
    I’m in an associate attorney position but my job is horrendously boring and also pays like sh!t and I’m constantly disappointing people because I don’t know anything about this area (I’m doing non-litigation now but I did litigation for five years) so I’m thinking I might be happier just doing doc review and being bored and underpaid but at least feeling competent. Would you mind sharing more details about the pay, whether you were able to get steady work (I only know a couple people who have done doc review but for them it seemed pretty irregular), if it’s possible to take time off while you’re on a project or only between projects and anything you know about doing it remotely (I’m in the US but nowhere near a major city). Thanks in advance for anything you can share!

    • Anonymous

      The one person I knew who regularly did doc review did not have any flexibility with respect to time off. I saw him cancel several trips because a job came up and he needed to take it. They wouldn’t even let him start late or finish early. He was not in a comfortable financial position. Not sure if any of this is the norm.

      Curious why you don’t want to just look for a litigation position with another firm? I’m sure there’s a reason.

      Another possible option – in my town, freelance research attorneys regularly advertise in the Bar journal. So you’re essentially hired to perform legal research or write motions. And, my firm occasionally hires contract attorneys when we are understaffed on a case, who do substantive legal tasks, not just doc review, so that’s another option. Both of these seem more suited for remote work.

      • OP doc review

        Thanks. No commercial litigation in my area and I don’t want to do divorces or personal injury. A move is not possible for family reasons.

      • RR

        I think it depends on the company you work for and whether they are willing to convey requests to attorneys. I’ve had no issue with doc reviewers we hire starting later, having to take days off, etc. We recently had one take 2 weeks off a several months project for his wedding. We just promoted him to a higher position on our doc review team. So, it depends. I’ve definitely heard the other stories too.

    • Sydney Bristow

      I’m in nyc so I don’t know much about doing it elsewhere. I can give you info about how it works here, but I’m not sure how applicable it is to other places.

      First of all, there isn’t much remote work available through doc review agencies. I’ve seen a few remote projects over the years, but most require you to be available for at least 1 meeting on location. Diamond Personnel is the only agency I ever saw with remote work.

      The steadiness of the work depends on the type of projects you get. I was lucky to have several long term assignments that provided more steady work than many of my friends. There were still times when I’d have 5 weeks off between projects. That can be ok or even nice if you’ve just finished a really intense project and have an emergency fund. Other times it really sucks.

      As far as pay, I think nyc is likely at the high end. Projects here range between $25-35/hour. I personally wouldn’t take anything less than $30. The agencies that pay $25 are typically awful environments to work in. Getting paid overtime will depend on the firm. I only know of 3 firms that pay overtime. These tend to be the same firms that offer a meal allowance and car service (or parking money I’ve heard in other places) when you work heavy hours. Most agencies pay weekly.

      I’ve worked on projects that are capped at 40 hours a week and others that strongly encouraged 80+. That totally depends on the project. In my experience, many of them are in the 50-60 hours a week range.

      I’ve made between $70-110k per year doing this. From what I’ve heard from my friends though, this is unusual because I’ve been lucky to be on long term projects without hours caps. Many people seem to make around $50k.

      Vacations depend. I’ve had no problem taking vacations while on projects, including several 2-week trips and a month off for my wedding and honeymoon. The problem comes when a new project is hiring and you have something scheduled. They’ll either not hire you because of your vacation (common for short-term projects) or hire you and let you take the time off.

      It seems like we are at the beginning of a shift away from using contractors help in favor of doing things in house. 2 of the firms I’ve worked at recently have made a big push to hire staff attorneys and cut way down on using contractors. I took one of these spots because I saw the shift happening.

      Personally, I wouldn’t recommend voluntarily leaving your job to do doc review. In my experience, it will make you look bad to future employers. In my 4 years of doing this and the hundreds of people I’ve met doing it, I only know 3 people who have landed non-staff attorney positions. 2 of them joined start ups and the third made the jump from contractor to staff attorney to associate. That jump is basically unheard of. He was a stellar candidate though.

      I’m happy to answer any other questions you have. Hope I’ve helped!

      • RR

        I think the demand depends upon the area of the country you are in. In my city (in a flyover state), document review is booming because people are really just moving to doing it over the last several years. The local companies can’t staff our reviews locally, so we end up with people in bigger cities (Chicago, NY, DC) doing our document review.

    • doc review

      I did it full-time for a year. Pay was usually $30/hour, sometimes allowing us to work extra hours. I was on a total of five projects, with about three weeks off total. I was fortunate in that every place kept me on beyond the original scope of the project to do extra work (QC, priv log, and even research and memo-writing). Two places explicitly asked for me back when they had new projects.

      I left to take my now-permanent job – in a corporation, not at a firm.

      One of the big things is that if you get a reputation for being good, it’s easy to keep finding jobs in doc review. But getting to that point can be tough.

      • Sydney Bristow

        That is totally true. Get a reputation for being good at research or priv log or the most accurate yet fast coder and you can definitely get asked back or kept on longer than others. That is how things turned out so steadily for me.

    • Anon

      I would strongly advise against this as well. How long have you been an associate attorney? It takes awhile (and many mistakes) to feel competent at the work. Is there any way you can get training in whatever area where you feel you are lacking? If I were in your shoes, I would rather do something in a JD-preferred field (like trust administration, compliance, trust administration, policy, government work, consulting, business development, research, law teaching, etc.) than doing doc review, which I view as a non-stable, dead-end position and a hard way to live life. Who wants to be stuck in a window-less conference room clicking boxes all day long? Seriously, no offense to people who have no other choices, but I’d rather take just about any other job.

      • OP doc review

        Well, my only option for doc review is doing it remotely so I won’t be stuck in a windowless conference room. I have worked almost full time from home before and really enjoyed it, so I think I am well-suited to remote contract atty work. I would definitely prefer to do legal research or brief writing to doc review, but I have done big doc review projects for months on end before (as an associate) and it wasn’t bad at all. I am aware that this is not a good “big picture” career move, but I’m in a very small town with zero options for interesting legal or quasi-legal work and unable to move, so it’s pretty much this or leaving the legal profession. I plan to leave the legal profession in about 5 years once our mortgage is paid off. I’m just looking for something I can do to earn some money in the interim that I might hate less that my current job.

  10. Desperate for sleep

    All, I am cross-posting this on the Moms site, sorry for those of you that see it twice!

    Hi all, I am in my first trimester with my first baby and I am having some insomnia issues. Usually when I am not pregnant, I use something for 1-2 nights to fall asleep and I am able to break the cycle. My OB’s office has Tylenol PM listed as a medication that is fine to take during pregnancy but I am still super nervous about taking it. Has anyone taken Tylenol PM during pregnancy?

    • Mrs. Jones

      I took Tylenol PM or Ambien throughout my pregnancy with no problem. An OB friend regularly prescribes Ambien to pregnant moms w/ insomnia.

    • Lyssa

      I have a hard time with waking up in the middle of the night, which was worse during pregnancy. I didn’t take Tylenol PM, but I took another OTC sleep aid that has the same ingredient as Benedryl (Diphenhydramine, which looks like the same as the Tylenol, but without the pain reliever). I was sort of amused when I learned that the exact same drug was being sold as a sleep aid and an antihistamine. Anyway, it was approved by my doc and I figure Benedryl has been around forever and is well-studied, so I felt safe with it, and it did help.

      • Desperate for sleep

        Thank you so much to both of you! I think the lack of sleep is making me even more anxious than usual when really, it is not that big of a deal. Thanks again

        • Wildkitten

          Oh you might want to read Say Good Night to Insomnia: The Six-Week, Drug-Free Program Developed At Harvard Medical School. It’s not actually a six week program, but it deals a lot with how not sleeping – > anxiety -> not sleeping. Get it from your library.

    • Wildkitten

      There are also other things you can do to sleep better – like turn off electronics an hour before bedtime. You might want to try those sleep hygeine tips (in addition to tylenol PM if that’s what works for you) for this emergency situation. (Not sleeping well is a wildkitten emergency.)

      • Desperate for sleep

        Wildkitten, thank you a ton for the advice. I will definitely be checking out that book! Insomnia has been an issue for me pretty consistently for the past ten years. I try to practice good “sleep hygiene” and don’t use any electronics the hour before falling asleep and do meditation exercises. Once I get into an insomnia pattern, unfortunately it doesn’t seem like anything except a sleep aid will help. Last night I took a pill that contains only Diphenhydramine (may have been Unisom or Simply Sleep) and I was able to sleep much better than I have in weeks. I am feeling much better today! I am hoping that this will break the cycle. I really appreciate all of you who wrote in with suggestions!!

    • Anonymous

      Unisom sleep tabs. Bonus is that it will help with nausea.

      It’s completely on the safe list, but if it makes you feel better, I took it every day of one of my pregnancies and it was fine. I was worried that I’d have difficulty sleeping after, but once I was no longer pregnant, I didn’t have the pregnancy-induced insomnia (I’ve never been prone to insomnia except this one pregnancy) and quit the unisom cold turkey without issue.

      • This

        Yeah, zofran (anti-nausea drug prescribed for women with morning sickness) is basically Unisom+a B Vitamin)

  11. event outfit

    A 3rd party supplier (who I manage a relationship with) has invited me to attend a sports event as one of their guests, and I’m not sure on what to wear. It is an international match, within their own hospitality suite. Another one of my colleagues (who I am also related to coincidentally) will be there, as well three reps from the 3rd party (our account manager, one of their direct reports and their relationship manager). Usually dress would be casual at these events, am I other thinking it? It will take place outside of usual business hours.

    This is a relatively new role for me, so I would like to leave a good impression but not appear over dressed.

    • Cream Tea

      I have NO idea what you should wear, to be honest. But for a sporting event that is also a business event, I would go with dark jeans, a “fun” blazer and a pair of flats. No need to wear the team’s colors.

      • Wildkitten

        I’d wear the team’s color if you already own something in it. You can also check the color of the opposing team and make sure not to wear that.

        • event outfit

          The team’s colours are black and white, so I’d probably end up wearing them without planning!

        • Anon Worker Bee

          +1 I think it is more important to *not* wear the opposing team’s colors than to wear the team’s colors if possible.

    • bridget

      For a hospitality suite, look nice (but fun) – slacks, good top, blazer, etc. Or wear a blazer over a t-shirt so you can dress down if need be.

      Google for photos of the suite – many have bars, granite countertops, stools, etc.

    • KateMiddletown

      Late, but you should ask your client. This is one of those situations where it’s totally okay not to know, and they’ll feel like they’re being helpful if you ask for advice.

  12. Need to Improve

    I disagree re “important meeting” suits. I have a fabulous Theory suit where the pants are skinny pants. It is my favorite suit. I have worn it to court, including for jury trials. There is nothing unprofessional about it. It just looks fashion-forward.

    • Sacha

      I agree that if your body-type is the one the skinny pants (or other modern styling) is made for, the look can be perfectly appropriate in conservative situations. I also like the idea of having a suit with both a conservative bottom option and a “fun” bottom option because it will get more use in my life that way. I tend to wear “fun” suits on in-office-no-clients days but if I can also wear my favorite jacket and the shell that works perfectly with a pencil skirt to court, that suit will be a workhorse for me.
      But this one will not be in my closet. I’m sized out like others.

  13. Gray tweed coat - a search!

    Ladies, I just saw a woman wearing a gorgeous light gray wool coat. It was a tweedy fabric, belted, came to about mid-thigh. Very classic cut – no huge lapels or asymmetry. Does this ring a bell? I need this coat on my life and my closet!

    The wearer was at the Boston-DC corridor Amtrack platform – if this is you, nice coat, wherever did you get it?

    • Gray tweed coat - a search!

      Follow up: it is not current season J Crew, BR, AT, Limited, I don’t see it on the Nordstrom/Bloomingdales/Macy’s/Lord & Taylor website. Will repost tomorrow during the coffee break.

        • Anonymous

          Thank you, I’ll take a look! You have good timing, it looks like Ebates is offering 10% cash back at the Saks website as well… :)

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