ByKat Hours Updated
Comments 119 Comments

Suit of the Week: The Fold

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woman wears wide blue trousers and a matching blue wraparound top

For busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional.

I've long been a fan of The Fold's Belleville top — I was checking it for some reason the other day and noticed that they now have another similar top, the Adelaide — and it has matching pants! Technically the Adelaide (and the Belleville) are tops, not blazers — they show them with other pants as well — but I think it's close enough to include in our Suit of the Week.

The royal blue, of course, is calling my name — but the matching set also comes in navy if you'd prefer something more sedate. Obviously, both pieces work well as a matching set or as separates.

The stretch crepe top is $545, and the matching pants are $495. They're available in US sizes 4-12. (If you want something more specifically suit-like, try this link — the Collingham blazer is very similar to the two tops.)

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Sales of note for 1/22/25:

  • Nordstrom – Cashmere on sale; AllSaints, Free People, Nike, Tory Burch, and Vince up to 60%; beauty deals up to 25% off
  • AllSaints – Clearance event, now up to 70% off (some of the best leather jackets!)
  • Ann Taylor – All sale dresses $40 (ends 1/23)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything
  • Boden – Clearance, up to 60% off!
  • DeMellier – Final reductions now on, free shipping and returns — includes select options like Montreal, Vancouver, and Venice
  • Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; extra 50% off all clearance, plus ELOQUII X kate spade new york collab just dropped
  • Everlane – Sale of the year, up to 70% off; new markdowns just added
  • J.Crew – Up to 40% off select styles; up to 50% off cashmere
  • J.Crew Factory – End of season sale, extra 60-70% off clearance, online only
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Semi-Annual Red Door Sale – extra 50% off

119 Comments

  1. I’m flying into FLL around 10pm and plan to take a taxi (prefer not to use Uber/Lyft for reasons, destination is too far for mass transit). At that hour should I schedule a taxi ahead (by phone? an app?) or just walk up to the stand? I need a guaranteed ride and wonder if planning ahead affects the cost. In the past I’ve used Super Shuttle but their prices have really increased.

      2. Fort Lauderdale’s airport code.

        The rideshare area there is annoying anyway IIRC, kind of a walk to a clogged cul-de-sac situation.

        10pm isn’t that late, especially bc FLL services discount carriers that land at odd times. I wouldn’t be surprised if the taxi stand was active at that time!

      1. +1 FLL is kind of what my friend would call a SHTSHO

        To be honest, if you drive, just rent a car. When you do drive in FL, be careful of Florida man in his bitchin’ Camaro/lifted mini pickup truck going 80 in the right lane/shoulder, and the old guy wearing a hat who can barely see over the steering wheel going 35 in the far left lane.

  2. I just finished Love is Blind season 3, and I was appalled that they aired Matt’s outbursts without any sort of asterisk about it being abusive or problematic. His jealousy and control issues were normalized by the producers and the other cast members. Was anyone else shocked by this? I feel like it seems like such a glaring oversight and almost like they intentionally ignored the ethical issues with it because it adds to the ‘drama’… I hope anyone who watched isn’t in a similar situation and feels like that validates or normalizes how their partner treats them.

      1. Yeah I feel like if you’re looking to Love is Blind as an example of a healthy relationship you probably need more help than just a content warning.

    2. He has some serious issues with women. I know that his ex cheated but Matt acts like all women are conniving liars. He kept saying that Colleen is “playing him” like she’s planning some long con. He was so possessive and controlling and made Colleen feel like she was always in the wrong. It’s classic abusive behavior: twist the accusations around and make the victim feel like they’re the one who needs to apologize. I’m so upset that she defended him at the reunion even after watching his behavior on camera. But I’m thrilled that Zanab dumped the manchild!

      1. Not so sure his Ex cheated. I think he lied [or the show edited] details about his prior relationship. I think they were already separated and she’d been dating someone else. She told him she was pregnant in a phone call? He never saw her again? How could they be so sure it wasn’t his if they were still together? She probably left him because he was an abusive drunk a hole. His excessive use of alcohol and behavior during the show was appalling and abusive. Big Fail on the producers part for not holding him accountable.

    3. Most of the relationships appeared either abusive or problematic in some way. If you also take into account the abuse of alcohol at almost every event and you’d need a disclaimer as long as a pharmaceutical add.

    4. I did not see this episode, but isn’t it relatively standard for men to be such schmoes? My ex certainly fit the bill with his demeaning personality, and his putative superiority over me even tho I out earned him 8x over and had freinds when he didn’t. But FOOEY on him!

      Did anyone else in the hive see the ABA Article about an attorney who was suspended from law b/c he billed over 24 hours a day, in West Virginia no less? The opinion is nearly a month old, but the manageing partner told me to keep my daily hours down b/c the NY Bar could follow suit on this.
      I would never bill over 24 hours a day, and I have only come to billing 20 hours a day a few times this year.
      See the ABA Article here:
      https://www.abajournal.com/web/article/lawyer-is-disbarred-after-he-is-accused-of-billing-more-than-24-hours-a-day
      This year, I will be getting a big bonus and I have to figure out where to invest it. I am thinking of buying stocks for a change, but the only ones I like are in petroleum, like Chevron and Exxon, where everyone wants to gas up their cars. What does the HIVE think?

  3. Paging the woman who’s husband shamed her over her church jeans. Are you okay? We are here for you if you need support or even just a listening ear. Some women on this board may be in your area.

    1. I thought of her when I read the call for update thread earlier today. I sure hope she is okay and is finding her way out.

  4. Any recommendations for a tote that will hold a laptop and a lunch-sized Tupperware sitting flat? I also want something durable; I love the one linked below but don’t love that it is suede. And if it could be lightweight, that would just make my day. My budget is flexible for the right bag.

    1. https://www.net-a-porter.com/en-us/shop/product/metier/bags/tote-bags/incognito-cabas-large-suede-tote/43769801095317219?cm_mmc=LinkshareUS-_-*2nGiS3mv0Y-_-Custom-_-LinkBuilder&utm_source=rakuten&utm_medium=affiliation&utm_campaign=US_3096943&utm_content=US_ShopStyle+Collective&utm_term=.2nGiS3mv0Y-h4gz.7ZIQvjZ.dLgRAHX0A&ranMID=24449&ranEAID=*2nGiS3mv0Y&ranSiteID=.2nGiS3mv0Y-h4gz.7ZIQvjZ.dLgRAHX0A&siteID=.2nGiS3mv0Y-h4gz.7ZIQvjZ.dLgRAHX0A&linkshare_siteID=.2nGiS3mv0Y-h4gz.7ZIQvjZ.dLgRAHX0A&linkshare_affiliate_mid=24449

    2. I fit all this plus a water bottle and smoothie cup in my Lo & Sons OG 2. I really like it, except that it has gotten pretty slouchy

    3. If you like the extreme width on that I think you’d almost be better looking at weekenders or the XL long champ bags. Laptop and lunch – the OG would be big enough, maybe.

  5. Do the posts on this site ever seem out of sync with the readership to anyone? The blog obviously started for women in Big Law or similar fields, but now seems primarily just like a forum for women to chat about other things, with a readership from a really diverse array of fields (many of which are less formal or less high-paying). Thinking of the bonus post from earlier today, it seems a bit out of step with how many work in education, nonprofits, government roles, or even corporate roles that aren’t bonus-scaled. The outfits also seem like things that so few people would actually wear to the office day-to-day. But I know in 2014 for example the blog was a different landscape with a ton of Big Law readers.

    I might be wrong though — it’s just such an interesting thing! I wonder how many of us click “read comments” without even skimming the article itself…

    2. I’ve been reading for a long time. I’m not an attorney but I’m in another professional field. I used to wear suits every day. Now I am much more casual, in keeping with the rest of my industry (finance). I think trial attorneys are the only ones left wearing suits every day, and I hope Kat is reading this! Too many suits.

      1. Disagree. There are lawyers on here and this is the best place for me to find out what is appropriate to wear and to find new brands that I might like. You know you can scroll by the posts that don’t interest you?

        1. I’m with you Trish. I’m a litigator in a pretty formal government agency and god suits are hard to find! Though to be fair, the Wednesday features don’t typically have the old school kind of suits I’m looking for (hot pink suit that was featured recently would raise a lot of eyebrows in my office!). It’s still more likely to see something on here that I can use thsn I would see on another page.

          2. I never said I was skipping to the comments. I always evaluate and sometimes buy the featured item, or one of the alternatives.

          3. It is for professional women which includes lawyers, CEOs of companies, and elected officials and we wear professional clothing. We have a million places to talk about decorating and our children. Skip the suit posts if you are bored.

      2. Counterpoint, suits for women are SO hard to find and yes, some of us still wear them every day. There are a zillion fashion blogs out there if you’re looking for casual clothes. This site, which features business professional fashion, fills a different niche. It’s why I started reading back in 2010 when I was still in law school, and I hope that doesn’t change.

        1. Same here. I’m in higher ed admin, and this is probably the only place I can legitimately find work-related fashion picks and advice on professional clothing. Personal style bloggers don’t do it for me, and they inevitably go in the lifestyle direction anyway.

      3. I am fine with what Kat puts up here, and I am an attorney who comes here for advise on clotheing but also on social things, and dating men. I have not found a better blog then this one, since it does not limit itself to attorneys and counselors at law who are admitted to the bar. As a result, we get all kinds of women and I am all for diversity since I learn alot from the younger women who write in.

    3. Ha, yes! I was just describing this site to someone yesterday and found myself saying “it’s kind of like a blog but the posts are just like “Here’s a fun lip gloss you should buy!” and then there’s hundreds of unrelated fascinating comments from smart women.” I don’t know of another place on the internet with such a great, thoughtful group of people and I love this site, but it is funny how little the actual content of the posts have to do with the overall experience.

    4. As a big law lady, I do really really appreciate the posts aimed at high earners. So much of the popular writing about personal finance is useless to me. It’s usually aimed at lower earners or couples, of which I am neither. I know I’m lucky and in good shape, but I want to make sure I’m maximizing my income because it’s (hopefully) a long road ahead.

    5. I’ve been reading since the beginning (2008?) and it’s been like this the entire time. I do feel like the audience has aged with the blog bc the questions people are asking are fewer of the “new to the workforce” type and more midcareer… but maybe that’s because that’s where I am and so those questions interest me more!

    6. I’ve been reading since the beginning (2008 I think). I was in law school at the time, then I went through some unemployment (thanks Great Recession), then in Big Law for five years, then I ended up leaving law for a much lower-paying, lower stress job. I don’t need the career advice as I’ve sort of deliberately put my career on the back burner and pretty much just work for the paycheck at this point. I still read here for the comments, although I’ve taken breaks at various points including during the height of the pandemic. I do feel like a larger portion of the readership was in law in the early years of the blog. Now it seems like lawyers are not a majority here and maybe not even a plurality. I have young kids so the discussion on the moms page generally interests me more. The only threads here that really interest me are travel and interpersonal drama like the friend whose BF wanted a threesome.

    7. Been here 6 years, work in academia so there is no dress code or high earning and I jump to the comments directly every time. But I acknowledge that Kat can’t run a business off of providing a comfy space for us to gab, so I don’t mind. I do appreciate when topics branch out a bit though from just buying clothes.

    8. I mean, there are other people other than the ones you encounter every day. Some of them wear suits!

    9. I like the variety in the clothes, and do like the suit posts even though I currently rarely need to wear one. I found this site searching for office clothes, and even though few are perfect for me, the ideas I do get are very worthwhile. I have several items in my wardrobe bought after reading about them hear, from suiting to work out gear. Even socks.

    10. I’ve been reading for 12 years (!) and it feels like the same mix it’s always been. I think what’s changed is the work world: remote work, jeans at the office, etc. Heck, I had more suits as a law student than I do now!

    1. Ditto. Not my price range or lifestyle but I sure wish it was! I can make that a 2023 goal: have the kind of life where I have a reason to wear this suit!

      1. Yes. The Fold is stunning and well-made. Runs smaller than US sizes, definitely not vanity-sized. But it’s pricey, definitely an investment piece.

      2. The quality is generally very good. The fit runs somewhat small, but not ultra-small (like Reiss). I am 5 ft. 7 in., 130 lbs, size 27 in jeans, and have a straight figure (narrow hips). I’m a size 4 in most workwear brands. A Fold size 8 is good for me in tops. A Fold size 8 is OK in bottoms, but sometimes snug. If you are curvier on the bottom, I’d go up a size.

          1. Just to clarify, when I said I wear a Fold size 8, I meant Fold’s UK size 8, which they list as corresponding to a US size 4.

  7. Does anyone have tips for prepping a summary of your work for end of year reviews? My old job didn’t do them. I need to list off goals, what I’ve done, areas that I want to improve on, etc.

    1. It doesn’t help you now, but my biggest tip is to work on it throughout the year so you don’t get walloped with suddenly at year end.

    2. These things tend to have a recency bias, so I’ve found it really useful to (quickly!) scroll through my sent mail and calendar to remind myself of what I was doing all year long. Depending on your function, it can be helpful to talk to someone who can link particular projects to actual P&L or large strategic goals of the company.

      Also, when drafting “what I want to improve on,” remember to have the confidence of a mediocre dude. Those improvement areas should be more like goals/areas of professional growth than actual deficiencies.

      1. +1000 to your last paragraph. I used to approach this as a really introspective, personal topic, but now I just put things like learn x skill, familiarize myself with y process, get more experience in z topic. Anything that I know is coming down the pike or I am planning to do anyways.

    3. Do you use a work calendar where you can see the subject of meetings/project?

      Click back and start with January 22, weekly view. Make a list of headlines, subjects, important collaborators that you can immediately see.

      Build your list week for week, or month by month. Hopefully you’ll get a review for yourself of what you’ve been doing.

      Pick maybe ten, and use some bulletpoints like duration, goal for org, goal for you, important achievements, goals for next year, skills learned, team efforts etc.

      You won’t find everything this way, but it’s a starting point. Best of luck!

    4. If you’re at a law firm or otherwise bill time, I always run my full year time report and organize it by client. Scanning through the time entries helps with my year-end similar type summary.

  8. Update from earlier… I just got asked for a 2nd interview, this time with 4 people (the 2 from the first interview yesterday and 2 more). The interview is Fri afternoon. Not sure how many were asked for a 2nd interview but man am I hoping for this to work out… seriously fingers and toes crossed… yet trying not to get hopes up too high as I don’t think I can deal with another round of being ghosted or whatnot from a job opportunity.

  9. Anon for this. Life seems miserable and just like it’s passing me by. What’s one thing that you’d do first to feel even a little better? Aside from therapy or seeing a dr for meds – I’m working on those appointments but was more looking for life suggestions that work for you.

    I just don’t care about work and barely do my work, after years of being a diligent super star like many others here. I know I’m very lucky to currently have a job where I can make good money barely working a few hours a day. If I was at my prior job I would’ve been fired if I worked there the way I do here. But the thought of doing such boring meaningless work for the next few decades makes me want to cry.

    I know the solution to those things is – find a new job. Yet that’s where being overwhelmed by life comes in. I’m still scared of the pandemic so not meeting with people, don’t want to interview, or go anyplace where I’d be in the office full time with unmasked people. Worried about how I’d even handle a new job if I got one – not even pandemic wise but just working hard again. Then there’s my aging parents who have issues and drop their health worries on me. Worried about them in the pandemic even though they now are like – we can’t live like this and are having relatives visit and all. Big picture I know my parents want me to take care of them but I don’t want to move back to their area three hours away and they can’t afford to move to my area in DC, unless they’d be willing to live in an apartment which they won’t. But no way can I buy them a house near where I am wanting to buy a house and they’d fuss about having an apartment twenty miles away. To say nothing of IDK how and when I’ll ever get a house. When rates were good last year, I was priced out by bidding wars with prices going 50k over asking. With higher rates this year, sellers still aren’t reducing prices more than a mere 5k or 10k. Yet going through the pandemic locked in an high rise apartment, masking up to take out the trash, has been A LOT.

    And predictably with all this stress, I’m barely eating – though I at least make myself eat pasta with jarred sauce if nothing else so I don’t subsist on snacks and coffee.

    1. What would I do first? The first things I’d do would be to eat something yummy, to drink water, and to sleep. I find that life feels horrible when I forget to do one or more of those. Then, I’d make piles of problems; those I can fix immediately, those I have some control over once I have research, and those that are outside of my control right now. I’d first focus on fixing what I can immediately (which includes more food, water, and sleep, and even downloading an app to remind me to do those things). Then I’d give myself a break to just exist. I’d read a delicious book or watch trash tv or whatever lets my mind take a break. Later, I’d begin to research what I can control and let the research guide me. The rest, the 3rd pile, I’d just ignore for now since I can’t do anything about it and it’d only make things worse if I focus on it.

      Sending love and wishing I could send you actual snacks <3

    2. I’d put all your energy into getting help. If you can’t get in with a mental health provider call today right now and make an appointment with a regular doctor.

      You cannot small joys your way out of anxiety and depression

    3. i don’t know that your solution to these things is actually finding a new job at all. i do think therapy and meds will help. in the shorter term, order some delicious takeout, go for a walk outside, watch some trashy tv, etc. i actually have the reverse problem and overeat when stressed. people will probably pile on you about how unless you are immunocompromised at this point your anxiety about the pandemic is getting in the way of your life, but i think you need to do what you are comfortable with! that being said – do you have any human interaction? do you talk to friends on the phone? meet up to do outside activities, etc.? could you do some volunteer work in an environment that feels safe to you. it sounds to me like being cooped up in your apartment, coupled with the fact of only needing to do work a few hours a day is giving you too much time to think and ruminate. i know it is MUCH easier said than done, but perhaps try to come up with some other goals outside of work to occupy that headspace

    4. If you are not able to get in with a therapist I recommend BetterHelp. I did it this summer and I was talking with a therapist within 48 hours. Agree that your mental health is the priority and the rest will fall into place better once that is stabilized. Hugs!

    5. Step 1: take a deep breath and get a good nights sleep.

      Good for you on getting the ball rolling with therapy and meds, that’s a great start.

      I think eventually you’ll need a new job, but I don’t think it’s an immediate priority. You don’t want to be there for decades but you can probably stick it out for a year or two while you settle other aspects of your life. When everything else settles out, you will likely be in a better headspace and ready to work hard again at your new job. Or maybe you decide you want an easy, mindless job.

      It sounds like you’re pretty Covid cautious. Many jobs are back to having some in person requirement, so that will be something to wrap your head around and also something to consider: what are you (or will you be) ok with? What requirement is a no-go? Where can you compromise?

      Id also recommend spending time thinking when and under what circumstances you’ll be willing to loosen your restrictions.

      Would you be open to leaving DC for a new area? I had a very DC job and was able to pivot it to something I could do in my home city. I think about 1/3 of my colleagues also had jobs that can only be done in DC but we’re happy with our pivots. If you move somewhere cheaper – would your parents be able to move there too? Or you could afford somewhere big enough that they could move in? Or if you must stay in DC could you and your parents pool resources and buy a place together?

      Also for your parents, is there anyone else that can help with them? Are they open to a retirement community? Also, I think you need to make peace with the fact that they’re socializing and hosting again. Even if that’s not the choice you’re making, it’s okay that they’re doing those activities.

      Speaking of being covid conscious: are you socializing at all? Do you have hobbies? Are you exercising and getting outside? Being locked down was mentally and emotionally really hard for most people so if you’re still living cautiously, I’d majorly encourage you to find ways to reincorporate time with friends, hobbies, exercise, and time outdoors.

      Id focus on using the weekend to try to put these stressors aside and get into a better mindset. What do you do for fun? Spend some time this weekend doing that. Eat something easy and comforting but healthy (for me that’d be sushi and probably my favorite Sweetgreen) and drink plenty of water.

    6. Find meaning outside work, if work only takes a few hours a day. Indulge in your hobbies and spent time with friends you love (at restaurants and cafes so you eat more!), or make new friends, or do some volunteering for something that interests you. There’s more to life than work.

    7. How much time are you spending outside, off of screens, with no music or podcasts in your ears?

      When I am in the headspace you are in, the answer to the question above is almost always “zero,” and it is amazing how much good a twenty minute silent walk to a coffee shop I love and back does for clearing out my brain.

  10. What do you think are the most effective ways to create the change you want to see in the world? (I was just thinking this would be a cool reality series, not with people who are already leading things but women who are starting from zero but fed up.) I’m fed up with so many things but I don’t necessarily think giving money, writing postcards, or going door to door is helpful at all.

    1. If you are a white person, it’s talking with your white friends. If you look at voting, it’s been white voters who have voted for tr*mp and walker and against inclusion and such. If you don’t find hands-on work such as donating and volunteering helpful, do the on-ground work of helping to undermine the biases and self-h@rm happening within white communities.

      1. And that includes young voters.
        I am thinking more lately about creating community, whether that is by investing in your friend network, family, neighborhood, sports club or what have you (or religious community if that’s your jam). I feel like we don’t value community enough, for the benefits it brings society.
        Also, there is no easy fix for it, especially not one that you can scale well. You just have to go and be an active member of a community and invest in it.

    2. Well, that’s kind of a vague/general question.

      You have to be more specific.

      Like, I am INFURIATED by the overturning of Roe. So I am giving a lot of money to Planned Parenthood, and I absolutely know that will help, so I don’t know why you are minimizing that. I am trying to find all the online resources about how to obtain things remotely that women need to manage their own health care if they are in a restricted state so that I can educate anyone I meet. Just talking to people and educating people can have a huge impact, so again – you should not minimize that. I have told every young woman in my life that I absolutely support her with any decision she will make in the future in this regard and she or her friends can contact me at any time and I will help. And I vote. Every time. In every election. For every office. And even research the judges online rather than clicking “yes” on every judge up for renewal.

      But yes there are big things you can do, and I am contemplating those too. I have thought about moving to a red / purple state next, particularly so my vote may carry more weight and will help thwart the Republican master plan (which is excellent….) of scaring all left leaning folks out of red states so they stay red forever. And I am even considering a later in life career change of re-training as an abortion provider (I’m a doctor in wildly different field) and moving to or starting a clinic in an area of critical need where I can give as much health care as possible.

      1. So I’m in a red, gerrymandered state (Ohio) and it’s infuriating being here. I do give monthly to the local abortion fund and a newish org that gives $ to every D running (isitblue or something, run by former head of the D party for the state.)

        1. Well done. I appreciate what you are doing, and feel your frustration. Keep pushing. Keep talking.

    3. I joined the NAACP as a white ally when the black lives matter movement started. I am sick of police brutality aimed at black men. I love supporting organizations that have like-minded goals because you are joining forces and most have a way to volunteer.

    4. Find the people who are already doing the work and figure out how to support and join them. What the world doesn’t need is another well-intentioned but out-of-touch wealthy white person deciding they’re going to fix the world’s problems.

    5. Genuinely build and invest in relationships with people who you have no social or biological pressure to love. Opportunities for effectuating change will present themselves out of those relationships.

  11. Maybe too late in the day, but any recommendations for solo dining in Miami tonight? Staying in coconut grove but can hop in an Uber to go elsewhere. Also game for delivery to the hotel and crashing early. TIA!

  12. I cut out a friend last year because her boyfriend was toxic. Long story short: we went on a trip the three of us and had his eyes set on a 3some with us, and pouted when he didn’t get his way. She wound up gaslighting me about it and getting angry at me for telling my BF about the situation and upset with me for not liking her boyfriend.

    Things seem pretty gone between us (haven’t spoken in a year and she didn’t respond to a “How are you?” text I sent a few months ago on a whim). But I really miss her and feel so sad. I feel like I made a horrible mistake by calling out the situation, even though I do think it was toxic. I just wish I hadn’t escalated in the way that I did and now lost my best friend. Does anyone else have a similar experience or relate to this feeling?

    1. A very good friend would try to see things from your perspective and talk it through after the first (and second) wave of emotions passed. But I get you feel the loss of a friendship. Hugs.

    2. She was a terrible best friend.

      You did nothing wrong.

      These are the painful transitions of young life. And older life. Losing friends is very hard, as you can tell by the posts on this board, and unfortunately, part of life.

    3. You didn’t do anything wrong. Sounds like your friend is choosing her toxic bf at the expense of her friendships. Putting you in that position on the trip is pretty awful. I know it’s hard but I think not being friends with her as long as her bf is in the picture is the correct move.

    4. It really hurts to lose a friend. The two of them, not just the boyfriend, put you in a terrible situation, and that’s not something a best friend should be doing. Maybe you miss the person you thought she was, not the person she actually is?

      Don’t text her again. At a very very minimum, she owes you a huge apology, and not one of those “I’m sorry, but” or “I’m sorry you feel that way” fake apologies. It would have to be a full groveling “You were right, I was wrong, you’re better than me in every way” apologies for me to even consider having an acquaintanceship with her again.

    5. I remember your story. It’s normal and good to grieve the loss of friendship. But make no mistake, she put you in an awful situation and then behaved badly when called on it. I don’t think you made a mistake by speaking up. Even if the friendship had continued, it would not have been the same as it once was. It was her decision making and lack of accountability that messed things up.

      I went through a friendship breakup a little over a year ago, due to divorce. It still hurts at times. We had a great friendship with him and his wife. It’s been a loss for both me and my DH. But due to the details of how the marriage broke up, he is not someone I can trust as a friend anymore. The wife got “custody” of us in the divorce. I am grateful for the friendship we shared, and I’m very sad it ended, but that’s how life goes sometimes.

    6. I lost a friend about 10 years ago when she went totally, totally off the rails due to what I can only presume were addiction issues I hadn’t known about until they got super bad. There is no way I want her back in my life given what transpired, but I still think of her and miss her. So yes, I relate. Hugs, OP.

    7. Is she still with the boyfriend?

      The friendship may come back upon his exit. Leave the door open for that if you want.

    8. I am no longer in contact with someone who was my best friend for over a decade. Our friendship had always been a little competitive and toxic, and as we grew into our 20s, our values and way of handling conflict and looking at life just become more and more glaringly different. We ended up getting in a huge fight when we were out with my friends and she did something stupid and attention seeking that ended up putting the entire group in real danger. After the situation was de-escalated, I lost my temper and yelled at her in front of everyone (which I shouldn’t have done). We later tried to make up and she was dead set on getting an apology from me for yelling at her, while refusing to acknowledge how her actions had led to an unsafe situation. We both refused to back down and have been no contact ever since.

      Years later, I still don’t think I handled that final conversation well–I was defensive and not communicating from a place of reason–but I still feel I was in the right to be angry and not capitulate to her. I still miss her from time to time–I just had a dream about her the other day, that we met again and made up. But I know in my heart that we were becoming different people and the cycle of toxicity in our relationship would have blown up sooner or later. It’s hard, it’s like a break up sometimes.

  13. I need some big cozy winter sweaters. I have many cashmere and wool/merino ones, but each year I tolerate them less and less and I am crazy itchy now. Doesn’t matter how nice the sweaters are…

    So anyone see / love any great sweaters that are still warm and cozy and chunky that are some sort of synthetic or cotton or ????

    thanks!

        1. Dangit – I knew I should have gotten that button-neck sweater when it was $10 cheaper on Monday. I’ll keep an eye on it.

    2. I don’t know if this will work for you or not but I recently bought the Everlane cozy stretch hooded cardigan which the tag says is a blend of wool and recycled nylon. It is super soft and blanket level cozy.

    6. I have seen some promising cotton cable-knit sweaters on A mazon. Hate buying clothing there, but finding something without wool is a challenge. I also have grown intolerant of wool/cashmere/animal fibers. I cannot stand how they feel, even with a shirt underneath.

    7. Spendy, but I am loving the Dudley Stephens fleece turtlenecks right now. I have had a couple that have lasted since pre-Covid. They are so soft and comfy.

  14. You posted about this before, right? I remember thinking it was wild.

    Is she still with the BF? If no, I think it’s worth reaching out to reconnect. If yes, I think you have to accept that your friend is gone. Sorry.

  15. Could I please have a vent? In summer of 2019/2020 we had terrible bushfires and couldn’t be outside due to lung-damaging amounts of bushfire smoke. Pretty awful summer.

    Two years of Covid (with a massive spike here last summer) and I’m medically vulnerable so going out is risky. Now we are finally hitting summer with extreme pollen levels so it’s unpleasant to be outside without wanting to scratch my eyeballs out (despite all the medications, and it’s all my city can seem to talk about too).

    I’m grateful that masks can help with all of this but I’d just love to go out, eat outside and enjoy myself.

    1. I’m so sorry! I love Australia and my heart broke for your beautiful country during the fires. And it must very hard being an immunocompromised person during Covid. Hugs. I hope you can indulge in some safe self-care soon.

    3. I got some relief from my ever-escalating allergies from Accupuncture. I wish I tried it sooner. Maybe give it a shot?

    4. Are you in Melbourne? I often dream of moving to that city, but I’m reminded that there is no perfect place to live.

  16. Help me find a Christmas gift for my DH. His office has gone more casual, and I’d like to get him 1-2 nice half-zip or quarter-zip pullovers for winter. I looked at the Patagonia better sweater but it seemed too heavy to comfortably wear indoors. Any other ideas for similar items that would be appropriate to wear with khakis or nice jeans to the office?

    2. i just saw and fell in love with the smart wool sparwood half zip sweater at REI. got it for DH for the holidays in the beige-y color. managed to hold off on getting a similar sweater for myself

    4. I was on lands end looking for a crewneck pullover for my adult son, and almost everything had a zipper or buttons … so Land’s End maybe!

    6. Nordstrom and LLBean have lots of great lighter options including cashmere +
      cotton which has a perfect weight and drape. Also feels lovely

    7. For work, Peter Millar ones are really nice. My husband prefers these and wears one like 3 out of 5 days a week (he has several). But on the more value end, there are some nice ones from Under Armor you can get from Amazon.

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