ByKat Hours Updated
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Suit of the Week: Austin Reed

Corporette's Suit of the Week: Austin Reed (big sales!)For busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional. UK retailer has a ton of women's suits marked down from 30-80%. While the “end of line” suits page has the steepest discounts, with lucky sizes (and lucky matches), today I'm in love with this sharp navy suiting. I love the buttoned-up vibe to the collarless jacket and the navy/black combination, and the notched neckline, ladylike hem, and high back on the dress. (The site's “try it on” feature, available with the dress but not the jacket, is pretty cool also.)  The jacket (Austin Reed Navy Contrast Detail Jacket) is marked down from $410 to $206, and the dress (Austin Reed Navy Contrast Detail Dress) is marked down from $289 to $196.
Austin Reed Navy Contrast Detail Jacket Austin Reed Navy Contrast Detail Dress
(L-6)

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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213 Comments

  1. Nice suit. Moving on, I NEED HELP PLANNING A VACATION. I’M SUPPOSED TO BE AN ADULT BUT I DON’T KNOW HOW. SPAIN, MOROCCO, I DON’T KNOW, SOMEWHERE COOL IN EUROPE/NORTH AFRICA. IS THERE A TRAVEL AGENCY WEBSITE I CAN THROW MONEY AT? PLEASE, SUGGESTIONS!

    2. Morocco is amazing. And I think you can get pretty cheap flights from Spain so I agree with AIMS – do both!

    3. To plan a vacation here are my steps:

      1) Decide I need a vacation (looks like you got this one already! Check)

      2) See where there are cheap flights (I use googleflights, and flight sale websites). Why? Well, my area of the world has expensive flights. So, I try to avoid spending $2000 of my travel budget on the least fun portion of my travel (i.e. the 10 hours of sitting, several thousand metres in the air). Book the flight

      3) READ ALL THE GUIDES! Books (lonely planet is my personal go-to, rough guides is alright, Rick steves is pretty good, I don’t mind eyewitness, and I like the Wallpaper city guides). Websites (NYT travel, wikivoyage/wikitravel, etc.)

      4) Book accomodations and travel between the cities I’m going to, I like apartments with airbnb, but, usually my guides have lots of suggestions available, and by then I know what area of the places I want to be.

      5) Book activities- In Barcelona I highly recommend “cook and taste” cooking classes, they were the highlight of my trip. I’m going to Europe soon, and I’ve booked a bunch of bike tours and running tours, which I am very much looking forward to. I’m trying to downplay the type A/itinerary making side of me, but it’s failing. Oh well.

      6) Go on the vacation. Enjoy it, and try not to be too type A. Return and lament the fact that I don’t have another vacation planned. Return to step 1.

      2. can you recommend bike tour companies (or even specific tours you’re taking) in Europe? That’s something my bf would like to do on our September trip.

        1. I’m not doing a full out biking trip, I guess it’s more like bike/run-sightseeing, they’re usually 4ish hours for biking, and a an hour or two for running.

          I did Mike’s Bike Tours in Munich, and loved them, so I’m doing a couple in Amsterdam also – they only operate in Munich and Amsterdam. I’m doing going running with Lisbon City Runners- no comment on them yet, since I haven’t done it. I’m actually a little nervous about them, as I’m not a great hill runner, and Lisbon is hilly. In Brussels I’m going with BrusselsBikeTours – again, no comment yet.

          1. do you know if this type of activity is beginner-friendly? as in, I could ride a bike as a kid so I assume I can now, but haven’t gotten on one in approximately 15 years?

          2. I used this company too, and there was a woman in our group who said she exercises regularly but hasn’t ridden a bike in 30-some years. She had trouble getting started at first and remembering the gears, but after that she kept up fine with all but the youngest bucks who were way out ahead (there are many scenic stops to reel these people back in).

            FYI, I only brought a small waist pack and I wish I’d had a small backpack instead to carry back a bottle of the amazing wine from the estate we stopped at for lunch. Depending on the size of your group, the leader may be able to haul it back for you in his/her bag.

          3. Second post to add–Jacopo was our bike leader and he was fantastic. Very funny, friendly, and was studying historical building restoration so in addition to his ample knowledge on the region, he had some great input on the building styles. Also, not bad to look at :)

          4. I concur. I was in good shape but not ridiculous shape and I had no problem keeping up. The roads were steep and the downhills were long.

        3. I’ve taken Fat Tire day/half-day tours in Berlin and Paris, and they were great. Like many things, it’s guide dependent, but it’s a reliable outfit and as long as you can ride a bike you should be fine. I think they might operate in a few other cities, and I would highly recommend them.

    4. I did this exact trip and it was awesome! We did Barcelona, Madrid and Toledo, followed by Marrakesh and Essaouira. I think we did 10 or 12 days in total. Highly recommended!

    5. Dude. This is so old school. But see if you can find a real life B&M travel agency in your area that gets good reviews. My parents go to one still. They have an amazing travel agent who doesn’t make much money off of them, but she doesn’t do a hard sell on cruises or resorts. She’s just a nice person, and helps all of her customers.

      She is amazing. She knows everything, can find things much faster than they can and she can do everything at once and give them an itinerary with everything. If you really don’t have time to read all of the things for weeks (i.e. you are not a huge travel nerd like me) then outsource. Srsly.

      And if anyone wants a real life travel agent in Northern VA, go to Michele Glago at Preferred Travel in Springfield, VA. For serious.

    6. If you’re a newbie, can I recommend a domestic trip (or Canadia)? If only b/c it will be much, much easier and seem less overwhelming to you. A fun baby step. Especially if you are looking at the summer, which is when I’d prefer not to go to Europe (yes to May/June, no after that).

      Why not enjoy the cooler climes of Montreal (if you like city) or West Virginia (if outdoorsy) or Asheville? These are fun places to spend a week and are good if you like an active vacation. The north rim of the Grand Canyon can get chilly even in the summer and it’s a beautiful drive from Las Vegas.

      1. I’ve gone to all of those places already. Not a newbie to traveling internationally except I usually stay with friends or family members. This is the first trip where I’ll be ALL ALONE, BY MYSELF, AND NOBODY ELSE with my sister.

        PLANNING A VACATION IS TOO MUCH WORK.

        1. YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY TAKE A VACATION FROM PLANNING YOUR VACATION.

          ALSO USING ALL CAPS IS FUN LET’S DO IT ALL THE TIME.

    7. Aren’t you supposed to be out promoting your movie? You don’t have time for a vacation – you’re going to be in theatres everywhere, right?

    8. Spain is fantastic, particularly if you like (not vegetarian) food and wine — tapas, pinxtos, tortilla every morning for breakfast, chorizo, fresh-pressed OJ, paella, gazpacho, jamon serrano and jamon iberico, chuleton de buey, Rioja, Toro, and Albarino wines — I’m getting hungry (and thirsty) just thinking about it! And if you are into the foodier end of loving to eat, that’s a great part of the world too — the Basque Country has 3 or 4 of the top-ranked restaurants in the world, and even though El Bulli is closed, there is El Celler de Can Roca and others near Barcelona. I also really loved flamenco — the dance and the music — and all the Moorish architecture in Andalucia.

      I did not make it to Morocco on my one Spain trip to date, but I am dying to go back and visit both countries.

      For inspiration (and later good for hard planning on logistics and where to stay — but not great on the food or wine side of things), I like Rick Steves’ guides. His Spain book includes lots of info on Morocco. Lots of great articles for inspiration on the website for free: http://www.ricksteves.com/europe/spain.

    9. I did the Spain-Morocco thing and apparently the best way to get between the two is via ferry. That would be so much cooler than easy jet!

    10. SO FUN!! I WANT TO GO ON VACATION BUT I AM SPENDING ALL MY MONEY ON THE STUPID DIVORCE!!!

      Ahem.

      In addition to all the other great suggestions, you might want to check out http://www.toursbylocals.com — I used them in Asia and they are awesome English-speaking local guides who will basically take you around and show you the sights and whatever you want to see/do. There are reviews of the guides on the site and I couldn’t have been happier with the three I used in Vietnam and Japan. One of my best days in Japan was just the guide and me on our own.

  2. TJ: Does anyone have any thoughts on lateraling when you’re fairly junior in Big Law? I’m a first year and was recently contacted about a possible lateral opening at another firm. I’m generally happy where I am, so far. The other firm has certain advantages (better partnership prospects and bonus opportunities) but I don’t know if it would be a a good personality match. I’m also not sure if I want to pursue the partner track.

    Does anyone have any thoughts/experiences/insights on lateraling early in your career?

    1. I think it helps to lateral for a reason (my partner left / my group moved / I moved). Otherwise, if you are looking because you have to look (you’re fired / you hate the new firm / you are moving), it will be hard to explain, especially if you look again in a few years, especially if you are going from firm to firm (different, I think if you are going to govt / clerk / in-house or did so at as part of a move). It’s like you have one get out of jail free move and the others require an explanation or sorts. It can be “I really liked Y and had an excellent opportunity to develop my skills at Firm 2,” but if there’s no story, people will wonder.

      FWIW, I have moved a bunch of times, but had I not stayed put for a while, I think I’d look a bit flighty with my moves as a junior.

    2. I would not do it if you have no real reason to. I was forced to lateral as a 2nd year (the partners I worked for left the firm, and took all of their work (and me) with them), and then when a year later wanted to lateral to a firm that I thought would actually be a good fit for me (as opposed to just what the partners I worked for thought would be good), I had a really hard time convincing firms that I wasn’t some flighty associate who just changed firms cause she felt like it every year. With that said, the place I ultimately ended up moving to took me because I was able to sell the “I want to change practice areas, and I can’t do it at my current firm” story. My plan is to stay here as long as possible to help rebuild my resume to show that I am a solid employee.

      1. Thanks, this was basically my thought process. I like it here and my instinct was that a change so early could basically chain me to the next firm for a few years, to avoid looking flighty, even if I hated it there. Not really a risk I’m willing to take at this point, I don’t think.

        Thanks for the advice!

    3. I was in this VERY situeation. I worked after law school as a process server for a slippery guy in an office on Canal Street (FOOEY), and then I decided to “lateral” into my job with the manageing partner when he offered me a job. It was an easy decision for me b/c I did NOT see alot of future in process serveing. The men were sleazey, and all they did was pinch my tuchus. The women all smoked cigarette’s and they must also have gotten black and blue mark’s on their tuchuses from all of the pincheing. And when I went to serve either a COMPLAEINT or a SUBPEENIE, the peeople were rude and/or did NOT answer the door, and I learned if that happened just to throw the COMPLAEINT or the SUBPEENIE away and just sign the affidavid that I served it anyway. FOOEY b/c it was NOT even true!

      So when the manageing partner said I could work doing REAL LEGAL WORK, it was an easy decision. It took a few month’s b/f he realized just how smart I was, and now I am a partner! YAY!!!!!!

    4. I don’t really have almost any experience, but we had an associate leave my firm during my first year there, and when I mentioned to a partner that I figured she must not have liked it here, he responded that “we must not have liked her either.” So I think there could be an assumption that you were pushed out for some reason when it came up on your resume.

  3. I LOVE this blazer.

    Ok I need some vicarious shopping help. I have realized that while I have a fairly decent work wardrobe, I have virtually no casual clothes. So when I go to a really casual event, I usually end up in jeans and a silk blouse and often a blazer, which is clearly too dressy. But I’m also not the type of person to wear jeans and a tshirt. Any suggestions for casual clothes/tops that I can make work?

    Thanks!

    2. Casual dresses? Jersey or maxis for the summer, sweater dresses and boots when it’s cooler? Scarves and casual accessories are key for me looking put together but not dressy.

    3. Are most of your friends in super casual dress jobs? In DC, jeans + blazer + silk shirt sounds good for most gatherings, short of a BBQ, but that might just be my friends.

      For spring/summer, cotton buttondowns with shorts look appropriately casual (oxford shirts work great for this and are also good tucked into a pencil skirt for work), and buying a couple shift dresses from a place like Loft or Zara makes getting dressed for casual events super simple. I think I wore my Loft striped shift dress twice a week last summer. For cooler temps, sweater dresses replace shifts, and try pairing a fun tee with the blazer/jeans combo. I’m not a jeans and tee girl either, but something like an everlane tee with a blazer, jeans, and casual shoes is usually ok. Casual shoes instantly dress down an outfit. Try boat shoes, moccasins, flip flops, canvas sneakers, huaraches, and the ballet flats that are super cute but definitely commuting shoes, not meeting shoes.

      1. Actually yes – my friends who make comments about how overdressed I am all wear jeans to work (apparently I look like I’m going to a meeting almost always).

        Thanks for the suggestions ladies – I think I’ll start by looking for embellished tops and jersey dresses if it ever gets warm again and becomes summer.

        1. Ha, my boyfriend’s new job has him in a tee and jeans every day, and I have to convince him that yes, dress shoes are actually necessary to wear to a wedding. Different worlds.

    4. Replace silk top with t-shirt and blazer with cardigan (or hoodie if you really want to slum it up) and you should be good to go.

  4. Mother’s Day T/J:
    I was thinking it might be nice to take my mom to a bra fitting for mother’s day – I could probably use one myself and she hasn’t gotten one ever & tends to figure out her size rather haphazardly which leads to very random results. We could go to Nordstrom (near where she lives) or one of the boutique places in Manhattan like Intimacy or Linda’s. Is one option better than the others? I feel like this is something that could my mom could really benefit from but I don’t want to end up somewhere that doesn’t know what it’s doing.

    1. Intimacy in manhattan is excellent. I had a really great experience there.

      1. That’s great, thanks! Which one did you go to? I think there is more than one… I was a little concerned because some of the Yelp reviews were all over the place, but then again Yelp is sort of terrible much of the time.

        1. I went to the one on 3rd Ave and 62nd. It was 2 years ago and I can’t remember who my consultant was, but everyone there seemed nice and helpful and made me feel really comfortable.

          1. Do they have any nursing bras? I might go for a fitting so that I have something to wear other than nursing tank tops…

          2. I’m not sure. I think their website has info on the products they carry.

          3. Thanks! This would actually work well for me, location wise. How were the prices? I’d like to buy her a bra as a gift. Is $75-100 reasonable to expect to spend or should I expect it to be more expensive?

          4. That’s reasonable. I think I got a Panache one that was around $70-80 that was one of the first I tried on. I did break down and buy one that was $150 but it was beyond amazing and I couldn’t resist.

          5. Re: Intimacy costs, in my Southern city, Intimacy bras were more in the $120-$150 range, particularly if you’re on the larger end of the size spectrum (bigger than a D cup).

          6. Thanks Sydney & AttiredAttorney. I tend to buy most of my bras on sale for between $20-40 so this is way more than I tend to spend either way – but somehow that makes it easier and my mom is the most amazing mother ever so whatever it is, it will be okay. Glad I can mentally prepare for it though :)

    2. I’ve been to Linda’s (on Lex in the 60s) and Intimacy (in the 60s and in the 90s). Personally, I’ve had more success at Linda’s, but the “experience” at both Intimacy locations is nicer. Linda’s is kind of cramped, the dressing room is just a curtained off area, whereas Intimacy is more open and calm, and the dressing rooms are way nicer. So if you are looking for an experience, Intimacy, if you want results, Linda’s. In either event, book appointments!

      As an FYI, Linda’s and Intimacy are only a few blocks away, so you can always try both.

      1. That’s a great point re: the experience. I would do both but I think I’d feel bad not buying something at one of the shops, and my mom probably won’t have the patience for two fittings anyway.

    3. I”m doing the same thing but it won’t be on actual mother’s day. I’m going to a Nordstrom and including a bra or 2 as her present.

      1. That’s my plan, too. I hope both our moms have a nice time on our respective outings!

    4. Just did one for myself at Nordstrom on Long Island. I liked it the atmosphere better at Nordstrom, but the bra selection was better at Town Shop on the UWS.

  5. Career TJ: Any corpor*tt*s in higher ed admissions, enrollment management, or similar positions (at either the undergrad or graduate level) and willing to hum a few bars regarding how you got into the field, your likes and/or dislikes of what you do, and anything you wish you’d known before pursuing a career in admissions? I’m a junior midlaw associate, but I have this deep-in-my-bones feeling that I would love and thrive in an admissions career– worked and volunteered in admissions offices in undergrad and loved it, my favorite part of my firm job is participating in the recruiting committee, I volunteer with my undergrad alumnae office, etc. I’m mainly info-gathering at this point (darn student loans!) but would love to hear any personal stories or advice regarding resources. Thanks in advance!

    1. Have you read Gatekeepers by Jacques Steinberg? It made me want to quit being a lawyer and be an admissions officer, myself. So, if you haven’t read it you could probably kill it in a weekend and would love it.

      1. I’m reading the Gatekeepers right now! And absolutely loving it. I also have a distant facebook acquaintance who is an admissions officer, and her status updates + this book make me want to run screaming from my firm like my hair’s on fire (and I *like* my firm, whick I know makes me lucky).

    2. I am! I work in law school admissions though I should probably be reading apps right now. I love love love it. The money is not comparable to biglaw but I love the academic calendar and university setting.

      1. Thanks so much for your response, FP! Law school admissions is my dream job, so I’m so glad to hear how much you love it. I know you’re busy, but I’d love to hear more about the day-to-days of your position and how you found your way there if you ever have a moment (I’m anonjrassociate at the mail of google). Thanks again!

    3. If you like recruiting and like your firm, you might also consider the possibility of working in recruiting for your firm – a number of friends have made this transition and are pretty happy. I would never, ever want to be a headhunter who has to cold call lots of people, but working on the firm side of recruiting seems quite different and much more like being a college admissions officer.

      1. Thanks, LH! My firm unfortunately isn’t large enough to have anyone devoted full-time to recruiting, but I’ll expand my information-gathering to firm recruiting generally, that’s a really good idea (though I agree completely regarding not wanting to make myriad cold-calls).

    4. I started off as a processor in an undergraduate admissions office and transitioned to a position in a registrar’s office. I don’t have any personal experience with recruitment but my observation at a state university is that most admissions counselors stay for a few years and then move on. I think they mostly want freshly graduated students as counselors because it makes it easier for HS students to relate to them. Again, this is just my observation. Some of the alumni offices will have positions that recruit and host events so that would be an area worth considering when/if the time comes.

  6. Handheld steam cleaner recommendations? I don’t have the space for a floor model, although I hear they’re the best. Ideally under $50, but up to $75 if it’s amazing. Anyone have a model they love?

      1. Just reread your post – now not sure if you were looking for a clothes steamer or some kind of tile cleaner…

    2. Just the regular Jiffy handheld model. The “E-Steam”
      I bought mine off Ama zon. Works great. easy to clean. Smaller than an iron. And I actually have packed it in a suitcase when I had work travel but no access to an iron. A+++++++++ gr8 transaction. wld do biznss again!

  7. Man, sometimes I wish I had the need for a suit in my life ever. I love this. Sharp but non-stuffy.

    1. I just bought 2 suits from them. the sizing is a little on the small size. Im a 6 or 8P in most, but the 10 skirts are a smidge too small. But the quality of the fabric is great for sales pricing!

      It’s close to Brooks Brothers Outlet quality.

        1. Very high quality–they have a royal warrant (outfitter to the queen). Solid stuff, really nicely made, very high-end shops, etc. There is no US equivalent suiting store, IMHO. Their stuff does run a smidge small, I think.

          I think their cuts are a smidge more modern than BB as well, although they tend toward classic with a twist. And, like most UK retailers, they allow more room in the chestal region.

    2. Austin Reed is my absolute fav for smart suiting. In fact I treated myself to a new skirt and trousers suit two weeks ago from them. And the trousers are 3/4 lined. I also find their blouses a great fit and wash well.
      I’m lucky in that I can nip along to their outlet and try to my hearts content.

  9. Experience with Austin Reed?

    For those who have purchased: how is the quality of the material and the construction? How is the sizing?

    For those in the USA, did you order? Did you return/exchange? How was the customer service experience?

    TIA.

    1. I had a terrible experience with Austin Reed, but mostly their shipper. They use an entity called Parcelforce, rather than DHL or any international shipper, and Parcelforce works with entities in the US to then ship your package. In my case, it was the regular old US Post Office.

      I ordered a dress a while ago, and after over a month I hadn’t received it. I inquired to Austin Reed. They sent me to Parcelforce saying their job is done once it gets to the carrier. They provided me with a tracking number (for the first time) and I saw that Parcelforce had delivered it to the US a month prior! So they sent me to “inquire with the USPS” but without any tracking number whatsoever.

      I finally tracked the package down through multiple phone calls and it was listed that nobody was there to sign when it was delivered, and someone needed to sign due to it being an international package. I live in a condo building which receives my packages for me, with a secure (locked) mailroom. I have never had problems getting a package before, even ones that need to be signed. Perhaps it was just the delivery person that did not know what to do?

      I still haven’t gotten word that it was shipped back to the UK though it was “returned to sender” on April 6. But I’m not sure if the sender is Parcelforce or what because USPS doesn’t ship to UK entities. I haven’t gotten a refund, and have lost hours of my life.

    2. see above!

      no problems ordering in us. they used usps, and I had to pick up package at the post office, but no biggie for me.

  10. Love this suit! Great pick, Kat!

    Question for a May wedding – I found a Tadashi Shoji dress that I love. The wedding is an afternoon affair into the evening. The dress that I love is in navy and part of the reason I love it is because it’s navy (one of my favorite colors). Is navy too dark for an afternoon wedding in May? I’d definitely do the navy if it was an evening wedding but I’m less confident about the dark color in the day time.

    I ask because I found the dress at another retailer in a lighter blue. More like a medium marine blue. It’s the exact same cut, so the fit is the same and the only question which color is more appropriate? FWIW, bride is business friend of my spouse and I really don’t know her or the groom at all.

    2. I think navy is perfectly fine any time of year. If you want to be more spring-y, get a bright colorful wrap in a lavender or bright pink color to “lighten” the look.

    4. I think the navy would definitely work if you paired it with a nice floral or brightly colored wrap and some fun jewelry.

      2. Agreed – especially on the jewelry. That neckline calls for a statement necklace – maybe something in yellow?

    5. I think the tulle makes it more eveningy than the color– or maybe it’s the navy and tulle together. I don’t think it would be horribly inappropriate, however, and if you planned to wear it to several other (evening) weddings I’d say to go with it. For just the one event though I would think the blue would be a better fit.

      1. Thanks everyone! Appreciate your thoughts – Mr. Fiona is fine either way. And A Nonny Moose might be right – it might be the combination of the navy and tulle that’s steering me towards evening. I just keep getting a winter/holiday vibe from the darker dress.

        I like both dresses but I know I’d keep the navy and wear it again to other events. The lighter blue is nice but I’m not sure I’ll wear it again.

        And I do already own a lavender wrap! What a great suggestion, AIMS!

        1. It does strike me as more evening, but it’s a gorgeous dress! I love the shape and the panels (stripes?) at the bottom!!

  11. What would you do/prefer if you are a managing partner: a great firm in town just had someone leave. DH wants to strike while the iron is hot and submit a resume. Firm’s website has a wonky “submit your resume here” tab where you can copy and paste it in (thus garbling all of the text, font, etc.) He has met the managing partner before, and corresponded with him via email. I suggested he email the partner directly and just submit his materials (writing sample, letters of rec, resume) as attachments. DH also has concerns about the firm keeping his inquiry confidential. He wanted to ask the partner beforehand if it would be confidential, before sending his materials. My thought was, at that point, the cat’s out of the bag anyway and maybe it’s best to be more assertive. Any advice for how to handle this would be greatly appreciated!

    1. I would just do a resume as attachment to email for managing partner. The managing partner will forward with hopefully a nice cover note to the recruiting committee/HR. From there it will be up to them. But I agree with you and whenever I have an internal contact, I leverage that.

      I would not include all the other attachments until requested. He should also be prepared to get a second request to resubmit under the page they use – it just depends on how formal they are with their process.

    2. I think he should reach out to the managing partner, express interest in the firm and attach his resume. I don’t think writing sample, etc is necessary initially. If they’re interested, they’ll have someone from recruiting contact him for all that stuff. Also I’m not sure where you are, but in the US I’ve never heard of submitting letters of recommendation for an attorney position at a firm. They’ll ask for references if they’re interested (usually close to or after giving him an offer) but they’ll normally just speak with the references via phone or email and don’t request submission of a formal letter of recommendation.

      1. Oof yeah I meant references as opposed to letters of rec–my bad. Thank you very much for your insight!

  12. I am a junior biglaw associate who sent a resume to a friend for a job at his competing biglaw firm. He circled back with me today re lunching with a few other associates and then having a formal interview at the firm on a later date. How do I prepare for this “casual” lunch thing? I know to treat it like an interview, but I haven’t interviewed for a position since 2010. I’m incredibly excited and nervous! Any tips on prepping for the lunch thing and the interview would be MUCH MUCH MUCH appreciated.

    Thanks.

    1. My guess is that the associate lunch isn’t part of the formal recruiting process. Of course, if people like you and tell recruiting they like you, it will help. I’d treat it like an interview in the sense that you should be professional (no trashing your current firm, etc) and prepared to answer questions about why you’re looking to move, but in terms of what you wear and how you steer the conversation, I’d treat it more like a networking event. Use this to get to know the associates and find out their feelings on the firm and also to let them get to know you. Because you’re meeting with associates and because it’s not an official interview, my guess is that you won’t talk about substantive work all that much and the conversation will focus more on firm life and life outside work. I’d save your soundbites about all the amazing work you’ve done for the real interview; you don’t want to come across like you’re trying too hard at this informal lunch. The main goal is to have these people decide they would like to have you as a colleague, so be friendly and not competitive, etc. Remember you’re trying to figure out if its a good fit for you too, so get to know them and see if these are people you’d want as colleagues. It’s probably your best chance to get inside scoop on what the firm is really like, so keep your ears open for things that might be red flags.

      1. This. Former big-law here, and a prevailing sentiment during recruitment was always “could I stand being with this person in a conference room at 2 a.m.?” Meeting with the other associates in this context is about fit and collegiality and a good opportunity for you to perhaps pick up some more info about how life at the firm really is. Good luck!

    2. I wouldn’t do too much research and would just relax about it all. If the lunch is with other associates only, they basically want to gauge if you would be a good “fit.” I might expect a question or two about why you’re looking and what you currently do, and certainly you can use it to gain intel from them, but I wouldn’t be too overly prepared or stressed about it.

    3. Find out who the associates are. If you got this job, would you be reporting to them? Would they be equals to you? Would you be senior to them? It is important to understand the dynamic. If these are people who will be delegating work to you, you need to show you have a good attitute, you are smart and you are reliable/hardworking. But if they are the same year/same department you need to be careful about appearing overly eager or like a gunner. Don’t make them worry you are going to take the good work, reduce their chances of making partner, or generally make them look bad in comparison to you.

      Also, be very careful about feeling too comfortable at a lunch like this. I cannot tell you how many potential recruits have mistakenly thought I was “cool” and let their guard down inappropriately. I can come across as cool (ha! just ask me!) and easy going, but I am also tricky and use that to see if people will say things they shouldn’t in interviews.

      1. Curious – where have the interviewee’s missteps occurred? It’s always interesting to hear the sort of conversations in which interviewees unknowingly commit errors.

        1. When I was a grad student, as part of an interview process the current grad students took the potential post-doc out to lunch. I learned that he only got into science because his father pushed him to do it, he really wanted to be a soccer player and spent a long time talking about soccer. He didn’t think he should have to work more than 35 hrs/week as a post-doc. He didn’t like the city the school was in. He thought he had really impressed the profs he interviewed with and that the current grad student’s opinions didn’t matter since his current advisor was best buddies with one of them.
          He didn’t get an offer from our group.

  13. I’m looking for a lip stain. Any recommendations? I hate lipstick and tend to just go natural, but I would like a little color that that is hassle free. Thanks!

    1. Smashbox O Gloss. It’s the best thing ever and works for pretty much everyone. Not sticky, you can apply it without a mirror, comes off naturally…

    2. YES. Tarte LipSurgence Lip Tint— make sure you get the tint because they have other Lipsurgence products in similar packaging. I got “Elite” for spring, and it’s just a nice neutral pink. Super easy to apply and feels nice.

    3. I tend to consume a lot of my lipstick, so I like the ones without harsh ingredients in them.
      Korres has lip butters that are moisturizing and provide a bit of color. Likewise Burt’s Bees.
      Bite Beauty is food-grade lipstick that is pricey but worth it imo.

    4. I love Revlon lipstain pencils – they are cheap, have some really wearable colours and last really well (I apply in the morning when doing my make up, do a second application 30 minutes later and then that lasts all day).

  14. Has anyone ever fired their nanny before? Ours has worked with us for a whopping six weeks but has somehow missed 4.5 days for sick leave and taken one additional day for family issues. We pay her a ton of money and at this point, I just don’t feel like she’s the right fit or reliable enough. I desperately wish that this was working out, but I feel like I just need to face the music that it’s not. Any tips on how to end the employment arrangement?

    1. Line up a replacement, then tell the nanny it’s not working out. Pay her 2 weeks “notice” but ask her to leave immediately (in this case one week might be enough, because of the short tenure of her employment and her own unreliability). It is very uncomfortable to keep a nanny around, working, after you have told her you are letting her go (even if you are 100% sure she will not take any resentment out on your kids or your possessions) – so try to avoid this if possible.

      1. +1. Definitely interview and find a replacement before firing. I fired the nanny at the end of the workday and the end of the week, gave severance and said sorry it wasn’t working out, etc. (BTW, this was AWFUL and I hated to have to do it, so I understand your reluctance!!!). The new nanny started on Monday the next week.

    2. I’d just tell her what you said — we need someone who is more reliable and/or we just dont think you are the right fit for our family. Thanks so much and we wish you well.

    3. Do you not have a contract? We included a “trial period” in our nanny’s contract, and then specified that she is an at-will employee. After the trial period, termination by either party requires 4 weeks notice or pay in lieu of notice. In the case of firing for cause or out of concern for the safety of the child, no severance.

      I don’t think missing 5 days out of 6 weeks is enough to justify a “firing for cause,” so in your case, I agree with both tesyaa and anon-oh-no’s suggestions.

      That said, did you talk with her about the reliability thing at all so far? I feel like the first she hears of it shouldn’t be when you’re firing her. That’s not a reason to keep her around any longer, though, if you really feel it’s a bad fit.

      1. We do have a detailed contract. We didn’t have an explicit trial period but specified that she was an at will employee and have a similar 4 week notice clause for termination. I have spoken with her about the reliability thing, and we did an extensive one-month evaluation just last week where I emphasized the reliability point. I think what’s happened is that she was flaky a few times for personal reasons and called in sick. Then we had a conversation about it. Then she really got sick and now she’s stuck. I am really torn about how to handle this – on the one hand, she isn’t the greatest nanny in the world, but on the other hand, it is so hard to find anyone good that I keep thinking she can be trained. But still, 5 days out of 6 weeks, where she’s also had at least 3 or 4 days off that I’ve given her because I have had the kids, just seems excessive.

        1. It’s not a good sign when someone starts out “flaky”. It’s not going to get better. Even the flakiest people often manage to keep it together for the first several months. If your nanny can’t, she’s not going to suddenly start. But I wonder if giving her 3-4 extra days off in the first several weeks sent the wrong signals – she might have thought you don’t really need her all the time and wouldn’t mind when she takes unscheduled days off.

          1. I think that’s possible. My job has some fluctuations and I just happened to be able to take a few days off in March, but we really do need her to be there 50 hours/week for the most part – and are paying her for those hours. I mean, we pay her ALL OUR MONEY. I just can’t believe how little we’re getting in the way of services for all of that money.

            We had an amazing, amazing nanny in our prior East Coast city and finding a nanny here (we are in the SF area) has just been AWFUL. I’m beginning to seriously consider daycare, even though it would make my life exponentially more difficult.

            Sorry for all the caps. This has just been really frustrating. FOOEY!

        2. I totally sympathize with how hard it is to find good care… Our (wonderful) nanny was strongly considering moving out of town and we interviewed about a dozen replacements just in case and didn’t like any of them and it was, like you said, SO frustrating. And then felt like a waste of time when she stayed after all. Anyway, I agree that someone who starts flaky is not going to get better. Good luck finding a replacement! Are nanny shares a thing in your area? That could be an alternative to daycare, though it’s not quite as convenient as having your own nanny.

        3. I agree with Tesyaa/Diana/Senior Associate. Interview and find a replacement and then give her notice and severance. I understand that everyone gets sick but she seems to have reliability issues which eliminates the advantages of a nanny.

  15. It’s been a rollercoaster two days for me, so just need to write them down and purge.

    The ups:
    –Found out the head honchos want to move me to a different position because “I’m a natural fit” plus give me $5K raise to boot! I’m excited and it’ll be great for the resume (plus the work will be interesting).
    –A relative just had a baby who I got to visit last night so baby squee!
    –I’m doing well on the weight loss plan.

    The downs:
    –One of my favorite people at work just gave their two weeks’ notice.
    –Hubby had an utterly rotten day and was in a rotten mood, so was unable to share the joy of my new promotion.
    –Another coworker emotionally dumped all problems about another division on me, so trying to not make them mine to fix, but oh so hard.

    1. Awwww so sorry you’re feeling so out of sorts. Bleah about all of the bad stuff. And YAY to all of the good stuff! Hope things even out.

      Yesterday, we had someone quit without notice (well, really Monday), I lost a little diamond out of my ring, and somehow ended up with malware on my computer.

      But I did get the mustard sauce out of my jeans!

      1. Yay for the victories (no matter how small), right? I think tonight is a wine with dinner (maybe without the dinner) night to celebrate and to destress.

        1. Yay for the victories (no matter how small), right? I think tonight is a wine with dinner (maybe without the dinner) night to celebrate and to destress.

  16. What vacations are on your “must do before kids” list, if any? Or “wish you had done before having kids” list for those of you that have kids? My husband and I plan to have a baby in the next 2-3 years and because of work are likely to be able to take at most one international vacation per year before then. I’m looking for inspiration for trips we should really try to do before then (we plan to keep traveling once we have kids, but we understand that some things are just not kid friendly).

    1. I don’t have any suggestions as we didn’t travel before having kids (that’s what we get for starting young). I just want to emphasize the importance of traveling alone, without kids, once they arrive. We’ve done several trips (from week long visits to the Caribbean and London) to long weekends closer to home without the kiddos and it’s fantastic to get away and reconnect with your spouse. Currently looking forward to a week in Hawaii this summer to celebrate our 20th anniversary. Of course, that assumes you have someone you are able to leave your kids with for a few days.

      1. Congratulations on 20 years!! Hope you have a fantastic time in Hawaii. I want to take our kids on most of our vacations, since my parents did that for me and it was a great experience, but we definitely plan to travel just us occasionally.

    2. This might not be helpful but maybe it will be. :) We don’t have kids but everyone we know does and it seems like the vacations they no longer are able to enjoy are beaches (spend all their time trying to keep the toddlers from running into the ocean and can’t just relax on the beach) and places far away or with lots of layovers. So we go to lots of tropical beaches far, far away that require at least 3 or 4 flights! haha.

      So, maybe just think about all the places you want to travel to and do the ones that seem less kid friendly now? I’d also consider trips you did as a kid and places that everyone should go, and consider saving those for after you have kids. Like the Grand Canyon could be when you’ve got a kid. But maybe some of the other wonders of the world would be better on your own.

      Oohh another thing to consider is global warming, etc. For example, we’re thinking of going to Glacier National Park soon because even though it’s great for kids (like most national parks), the glaciers are going bye-bye quickly. Similar issue with the Great Barrier Reef. I feel like if we don’t go now and wait to take kids (who are old enough to appreciate them) with us, those things might not exist in the same way. sigh.

      I’d be interested to see what you come up with!

      1. Thanks for your thoughts! We have really similar ideas. We are doing Glacier Bay as part of a big Alaska trip this summer and both Antarctica and seeing polar bears in the wild are very high on our bucket list, although I feel like they will probably not happen pre-kid because of money & logistical issues like taking that long off work. It’s devastating to have to plan vacations around climate change & animals that might be extinct soon but its something I think about too :(

        I have actually never been to the Grand Canyon! The downside to your parents taking you all over the world is that you miss out on some of the big American tourist spots. A desert southwest driving trip that hits the Grand Canyon, Zion, Bryce, and other national parks is definitely on our list for once kids are old enough to do some decent hikes. I did Australia with my family as a kid and think its a wonderful place for kids – so many animals! – so that’s definitely on the list for post-kid. In general, I think Europe is pretty doable with kids, especially once they’re old enough to walk long distances.

        I guess right now we’re trying to think about trips that might be more romantic so we’d like to do them alone or where the third person would add significantly to the cost (e.g., cruises or all-inclusive resorts). We’ve done Greece and French Polynesia as our two big trips together so far. Both were incredible. Other ideas for romantic trips we’ve tossed around have been Italy and the Maldives, but perhaps a bit too similar to Greece and French Polynesia, respectively. I’d love to go to my Paris with just my husband but I’ve been many times alone so its hard to justify when there’s so much of the world left to see. We also tossed around the idea of a really fancy adults-only all-inclusive resort, but that seems like it might be a good escape for just us once we have kids. I love elephants so Thailand is very high on my list and we’re debating whether to do that pre-kid. On the one hand, its pretty cheap once you get over there and I’m sure a kid would love seeing the elephants, but I am a little worried about subjecting my kid to the health risks of traveling there, especially anti-malarials, so we’ll see. I’ve also heard summer is a bad time to go to Thailand and for now that’s likely the only time we can do a trip that’s more than a week long.

        1. Have you thought about checking out other parts of France? We spent some time in the Loire Valley recently and ended up loving it far more than Paris (and I adore Paris). It’s made me want to explore the rest of France (Normandy, Bordeaux, Cannes, etc.) so badly, even though we’ve already spent 12 days there and like you said, there’s so much world to see!

        2. I went to Malaysia at 11 – we ended up not persevering with the anti malarials because I couldn’t take the pills, but I’m sure my mum hated that. I loved meeting elephants (we went somewhere about an hour and a half drive from Kuala Lumpur for that) and we also went across to Borneo and went turtle watching. It was absolutely amazing. Nine years later and I still have memories from that trip.

        3. If you can afford it, Africa & Safari. A couple of years ago, we took a 3 week trip through Botswana, Zambia (Victoria Falls) and South Africa (primarily Cape Town). I have traveled a lot, and I can say it was the most spectacular trip I have ever taken. The wildlife, the natural beauty, and the “adventure” of the safari camps was unlike anything else I’ve ever done. Getting there is a beast, It’s about 10+ hour flight from London, and depending on the quality of the camps you go to, it can be really pricey. But, I don’t regret a penny we spent on it. Also, I bet your kids would have to be teenagers to really be able to hack it, and it would also drive up the cost a lot.

          My other recommendation is South East Asia. I particularly loved Cambodia and Northern Thailand. Again, it’s a long flight, and there are some health risks, so not great for kids. But it is absolutely beautiful, the temples and ruins are amazing, and the food is great. As a bonus, it’s possible to do this sort of trip fairly inexpensively.

    3. Wish we had done Italy. Spending several hours eating a fabulous meal is just not going to happen for a long, long time. Also, if we are dreaming – Camino de Campustela (sp? – the pilgrimage trail in Spain), Bali, Buenos Aires.

      1. +1 on Italy. Stateside, I wish we’d done Napa and visited the Pacific northwest, maybe a road trip along the coast with very little by way of itinerary.

      2. Good ideas, thanks! We have talked about Italy quite a bit, so I think we may do that soon. We live in California so Napa is a weekend trip for us, and we’ve done it many times, but I agree its a good one to do pre-kids if you like wine & fine dining.

        1. fwiw, I live in the Bay Area & also go to Napa all the time & as a result, I was just unimpressed with Italy. It’s not exactly the same (obviously) but had enough in common that I just found it a dustier version and really wish I’d moved another place up higher on my travel list.

          1. Interesting. Does that apply to the cities as well or just Italian wine country? Tuscany is not high on our list because we’re not that into wine. I think we’d try to do Rome, Florence and Cinque Terre since neither of us have been to those parts of Italy (I did Venice and the Amalfi Coast on a previous trip).

          2. Anon from 4:46 here – no, just Tuscany. The cities were interesting and different from what we have here, but I didn’t love them. I liked Florence (great outdoor cafes and good restaurants) but didn’t love the museums (they skew towards ancient works & I prefer modern) & it was a small city, and I didn’t love Rome (historically interesting, but it didn’t feel like a “relax in it” city to me the way that Paris, or even San Francisco feel & it was too big – I realize I sound like Goldilocks here). I haven’t been to Cinque Terre or Venice so I can’t speak to them. Overall, it doesn’t make it on my list of favorite places or places I’d return to.

          3. @ Vacation threadjack: I could go to Italy for a month every year and not get tired of it. It’s definitely not like Napa (which is lovely) — some of the wine parts of Tuscany are a bit, of course, but even then you’re always a short drive from some amazing ancient fortress with the best gelato… And Rome is more along the lines of NY, definitely a “city” but I love it (of course, I also love NY so..), it’s definitely a fun place to spend a few days or a week, and Venice is like nothing else on earth. So romantic! I would go there right just to wander along the canals and then watch the sunrise. There’s also the Amalfi coast, Naples, Sicily — so so much. And the food is amazing everywhere!

            If you’re interested in Thailand — it’s also a great trip to take without kids. I’d throw India on that list, too. Russia, if you’re interested. As well as anywhere else with a long flight.

        2. As someone who has traveled extensively before children and after (with them), I also suggest Italy. Particularly if you want to eat well and see museums. We take our son everywhere, and he’s normally a very happy and easy-going traveler. He did not enjoy Italy (understandably, it’s not really a 5 year old’s dream) and it made it tough/mostly impossible to see the things I’ve wanted to see for all these years. Kids tend to do better on beachy, relaxing trips where you want to sack out and see the local zoo, so I wouldn’t focus on those types of destinations pre-kids. Also, I am originally from the SF Bay Area and Tuscany definitely reminded me of Napa. But it was also the most relaxing segment of our Italy trip and the place our son enjoyed the most. Happy planning!!

      3. I believe you mean the Camino de Santiago, or the Way of Saint James, if the Spanish trips ya up. It ends in Santiago de Compostela, which I believe is the source of the confusion :) It’s absolutely on my bucket list as well. I lived in that area of Spain last year, and would have done it last summer, except that the grad program I decided to go with started in June.

    4. We did three weeks in Greece before having kids and it was perfect. International, long, romantic, spontaneous, and the right mix of relaxation and activities.

      My advice is to take trips that have a lot of travel, are either very slow/boring or fast/active, and/or involve lots of fine dining, night clubs, or other establishments not designed for kids.

      It’s really more the tone of the vacation that changes rather than the locale. With kids, you mostly pick one place and stick there. One primary activity per day near home base with kid-centered activities.

      1. Great advice, thanks! We’ve already done Greece or that would be at the top of our list.

    5. We’re in the same boat – planning to have a baby in the next 2-3 years (it feels a little crazy to even write that!). My requirement is three “passport required” trips before baby. Italy is one must-do for us, and our honeymoon (we’re getting married next year) will also be another – we’re thinking of Bora Bora. The third one is a complete and total wildcard but will probably be somewhere in Europe (Spain, Scotland, etc.).

      I’m also relishing these last few years of sleeping in, reading books and magazines in peace, boozy brunches and happy hours, and working out whenever I want to.

      1. Bora Bora was part of our French Polynesia trip last year. It’s absolutely incredible. Definitely the most beautiful place I’ve ever been. In general, I’m not a big fan of going back to places I’ve been unless its to visit family or friends, and I know rationally we should go to the Maldives or the Cook Islands or someplace like that the next time we want an incredible tropical vacation, but I’m really dying to go back to Bora Bora. It was just the most perfect vacation ever. It’s so romantic and would be an incredible honeymoon spot. We stayed at Le Meridien and absolutely loved our bungalow and the hotel. Great service, great snorkeling in the lagoon. If you have Starwood Preferred Guest you may be able to get a comparatively good deal there by using a small number of points to get 50% off the rack rate. The rack rate is quite a bit higher than the internet rate, but not twice as much.

        1. Thank you so much for the Bora Bora feedback! We are huge SPG people, so the information about the rack rate is good to know. We are probably going to end up staying at Le Meridien (we’d love to splurge on the St. Regis but that probably isn’t happening with the wedding costs!), so I’m really glad to hear you enjoyed your stay there. The property looks beautiful.

          What time of year did you guys go? Ours will probably be a June trip.

          1. We went in August. I think June is just as good in terms of weather, and it’ll probably be less crowded, since Bora Bora tends to draw a lot of Europeans and that’s when they take their vacations.

            Le Meridien treats you great if you have SPG. You get free bottled water in the room every day and they’ll also try to accommodate your preference for bungalow location. We had the standard overwater bungalow, requested a view of Mt. Otemanu and got a beautiful view (at that time of year at least, it also had a great sunset view). The premium bungalows just seem further out on the pontoon and over deeper water and don’t necessarily have a better view. We had a premium bungalow at our other stop in Moorea and I was really disappointed because we seemed to have a worse view than other bungalows.

            The hotel has a lot of watersports you can do for free, basically anything non-motorized including kayaks and stand-up paddle boards. We did those a lot and also enjoyed snorkeling in the lagoon, where there’s a great variety of fish. We saw sting rays swimming underneath our bungalow through the glass floor. There’s also a sea turtle preserve at the hotel where they rehabilitate injured and orphaned sea turtles. You may be able to snorkel with them, ask about that as soon as you get there if you want to do it, since its only once or twice a day and a limited number of people can go. It’s a very brief snorkel to protect their health but still fun (and its free, so its definitely worth doing). We also did a jeep tour of the island and a boat tour that took us to snorkel with sharks and stingrays and then to have lunch on a motu looking at the main island. These trips were a lot of fun and worth the $$, but honestly I’d have been perfectly content never leaving the hotel for a week.

          2. Second the thank you! That is our dream vacation and we are big SPG people too. Maybe we will reconsider our Maui honeymoon and try Bora Bora if we can keep our wedding expenses low.

    6. My husband and I just went to Italy (mostly Rome) while I was 6 months pregnant and I feel it was a great choice. I could not enjoy the wine and espresso, but made up for it in gelato. I was still feeling good enough to do tons of walking – if I couldn’t, I don’t think I would have enjoyed it as much.

    7. 1. Visiting South America which is 24 hrs away from us
      2. Antarctica
      3. Great Barrier Reef
      4. Canada and Alaska , also 24-30 hrs away

    8. Italy and/or Spain. We spent so much time eating leisurely/drinking wine that I just can’t see combining with small children.

  17. Man, I so apologize for posting on this topic for the second day in a row, but to follow up on yesterday’s post – I do have to go in for another ultrasound. Doc said they need a better picture of the baby’s spine, and also his upper lip. I thought he said he couldn’t “see” the upper lip, but now that I’m looking at the pictures, it seems there might possibly be a shadow up there. Which from online “research” (dumb, I know), means he might have a cleft palate. Also, they want to check on a fibroid I have, apparently (apologies for TMI.)
    I don’t have the next ultrasound until Monday. All this is upsetting – any feedback on this stuff or suggestions to help me keep from freaking out? Thank you in advance – I feel like I’m taking advantage of your good natures in incessantly posting about this and will try not to again later.

    1. I don’t want to sound harsh, but please step away from Dr. Google. No more research, no more searching for what the doctor “might” mean, no nothing until Monday. You looking at the ultrasounds is not same as the ultrasound tech or the doctor who went to many years of training and schooling looking at the ultrasound to interpret “shadows” and the like. I say this with the utmost compassion.

      2. You don’t sound harsh, you sound kind (and correct) and I appreciate this. Thank you.

      3. +1. Seriously, do not stress. It it was BAD, you’d be in the doctor’s office now. You need to stop stressing over things you can not control or else parenthood is going to be one big miserable trip. I don’t mean to sound b*tchy, because I understand you’re freaked out, but a shadow could mean anything from someone’s greasy fingers, to cleft palate to, twins. You are not a medical expert; if you don’t trust that your doctor would pull you in if something was BAD, you need to find someone you can trust.

        Every time you think a negative thought, say firmly (and outloud) to yourself, “stressing over the unknown will not change the outcome.”

        1. Thank you, L – you don’t sound b*tchy; just tough, and that’s helpful.

          1. Thank you so much “anon not that anon.” I really appreciate that.

          2. Tough love, lady! It is usually what calms me down in the midst of a freak out when nothing else will. Also works on my nephews so when you’re little one is freaking out over said toy, remember it!

          3. Hahaha, it totally actually is working on me! I am totally filing it away for use with the little one!

      4. +1 and please stop posting all your freakouts here. There are really better places for pregnancy symptom talk.

        2. I’ve posted twice in 5 months with my “freakouts.” It really says something about you to respond like this.

          1. I should add – 5 months of pregnancy. Both times I introduced the topic right in my username (I post fairly regularly under my standard name) and I appreciate coming here for the intelligent and thoughtful replies this site generally yields. It’s a uniquely compassionate and smart community, with traits I haven’t found in solely pregnancy/baby focused sites. So it’s extraordinary that you, Anon, would jump on here – after seeing the topic of “pregnancy related threadjack” – to command me not to post on pregnancy concerns. And shameful, actually.

          2. Twice in two days. Try to remember that many women in this community are facing or have faced fertility problems and many of us have lost children. Scrolling past the intimate details of your pregnancy does not really solve the issue as we have to start reading your posts before we can scroll past.

          3. I’m sorry, but at some point, you have to acknowledge that you can’t trigger warning everything. I think putting Pregnancy related threadjack as her name is really all she can do, short of never ever discussing anything pregnancy-related on an anonymous web forum – where pregnancy is often discussed – because of someone else’s potential reaction. I’m all for being sensitive, but not for being ridiculous, and asking her not to post about her pregnancy issue here (when she led off with it!) is ridiculous.

          4. Having struggled with infertility, I promise you can understand the need for sensitivity to it – this is why I actually introduced the threadjack with pregnancy-related. It’s for this reason I haven’t, for example, posted on Facebook about pregnancy – haven’t even announced it on there, and certainly wouldn’t have thought of that had I not myself gone through years of infertility – and I am mindful of my audience when I talk about pregnancy.
            I see you disagree that trying to introduce right up front that what I’m posting on is related to pregnancy is not sufficient. But it doesn’t warrant your incredibly rude reply to me. “Please stop posting your freakouts on here” is stunningly tone-deaf, in light of the real worries my post detailed, and you can pretend it’s out of empathy or compassion to folks who might be struggling with infertility, but you’re still incredibly out of line.

          5. Thank you so much “anon not that anon.” I really appreciate that.

          6. I’m calling troll on this one. Even if not, Anon: you sound like a troll.

        4. As someone struggling with infertility.. anon you are out of line. She is posting a legitimate worry and receiving (other than you) helpful advice. If you don’t want to read, scroll past.

    2. I wouldn’t try to read the pictures yourself. I could never figure out what I was looking at, and had to have several pictures re-taken because the tech didn’t get a good shot.

      There are a lot of things that can show up on the 20 week scan that are “abnormal” that can either resolve themselves (and just require extra monitoring) or are relatively easy fixes after the baby is born. I know someone who was born with a cleft palate, had it fixed as an infant, and unless someone told me about it I would have never known. My oldest had a kindey problem that is one of the most common abnormalities seen in the 20 week scan. It didn’t resolve itself and required relatively minor surgery when he was a few months old but it didn’t have any long-term repercussions and in every other way he was a totally healthy/happy infant.

      1. Thank you, WestCoast Lawyer. This is very helpful and compassionate.

        1. Also (and this is totally do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do advice, because I spent way too much time stressing over things I couldn’t control when I was pregnant), but when I start to freak out I try to remind myself that “worrying is just borrowing trouble.” Stressing about things that aren’t even confirmed problems yet just robs me of an otherwise pleasant day and won’t change the outcome one bit.

          1. This is such awesome advice, just even in general. I will totally try to adopt it.

      2. And sometimes things that *might* be an issue on an ultrasound are nothing once the baby arrives. My youngest didn’t empty his bladder once during a scan I had when I was 37 weeks (I was worried because he wasn’t moving – turned out he was just so big he ran out of room – was born one week later at 38 weeks & was 9lb 1oz). Anyway, they were worried because his bladder was full the whole time & he had to have a kidney/bladder scan when he was only 2 weeks old. It was nothing. He’s a happy, healthy 8.5yo now.

        It also could be that your tech was new or having a bad day & just missed some things.

        Good luck trying not to worry too much!

    3. I really feel for you. It’s stressful. But when you’re trying to keep from freaking out, remember that the baby is counting on you to stay healthy and, if possible, calm. Stress is not good for either one of you! So if you can, try to focus on the wonderful things your body is doing and the wonderful joy of having a baby at the end of this. Also, no amount of worrying will change anything. It’s more productive to focus your energy on other things you care about—work, your SO/spouse, your pets, your garden, whatever. Put that energy to productive use!

    4. I missed the thread yesterday, so first of all, hugs to you for having to deal with this! I freaked out a little before all the prenatal tests, and I had ultrasounds frequently because I have a bicornuate uterus and had a couple surgeries on my cervix, so the docs were constantly worried it was going to turn out to be “incompetent.” If I had ever suspected there might be an issue with the baby instead of just an issue with MY body, I would have freaked out even more.

      But! The doctor has not said anything about a possible problem with your baby. It sounds more like he doesn’t have a clear enough picture of upper lip and spine to do his job. If he were really worried, your appointment would be sooner than Monday. He is probably just being thorough. Unless you’re an ultrasound tech, please don’t try to diagnose anything based on those pictures. And stop doing online research! (but you knew that).

      Take some deep breaths, accept that you’re going to be constantly concerned for your child’s health and wellbeing for the rest of your life, and then remind yourself that you really don’t have any bad news at all… you’re just imagining the worst. Then find some fun things to do this weekend to keep your mind off of it. Keep us posted on Monday! I hope the doctor has reassuring things to tell you.

      1. Y’all are going to make me cry with your unbelievable compassion. Thank you, thank you, more TMI. And yes, I will absolutely update you guys on Monday.

    5. All good advice. Just want to add that during pregnancy, sometimes organs in the fetus develop at a slightly different rate, so the doctors sometimes will just “keep an eye on it” and it fixes itself.
      e.g. in my case: ultrasound 1: Kidneys look like they may have a little problem, but this is common and often gets resolved. ultrasound 2 several weeks later : the kidneys grew in the interim and caught up and look normal now, all fine.
      So all I want to say is, don’t stress, it’s actually better not to think about it at all and just go get a pedicure or something and relax. Minor differences in growth rates are common and usually amount to nothing.

      Oh, and with the fibroids. I had terrible huge ones, wasn’t sure they would even let me get pregnant, and fibroids typically grow during pregnancy, but the doc was “keeping an eye on it” and it stayed the same or shrank.

    6. I had to go back for an additional scan after the anatomy scan because they couldn’t get a good view of the face or kidneys. I was very worried, but it turned out that it truly was the issue they said – they just needed a better picture of both of those things.

      If your doctor is actually concerned, she likely would have said something, in order to prepare you. There’s a good chance that they just need to go back in to look harder. And now you get an extra peek!

      Regardless, I completely understand how stressful this can be, and I hope Monday comes quickly and goes uneventfully.

      Also – plus 1 million on stepping away from Dr. Google – it will drive you insane.

  18. The wives of several partners at my firm are hosting a shower for a female coworker and I. I am having trouble coming up with gift ideas for them, it is a book shower so I thought it would be cute to do something book related…but doesn’t have to be.

    1. Bookplates? That’s what came to mind immediately for me. Although if they’re kindle/e-reader users this might be an obsolete type of gift.

      1. Great idea! As a book nerd who loves her kindle, I still have a ton of IRL books.

    2. Urban Outfitters has some pretty cool bookends. Like one with a tiny man holding up the stack of books by pushing very hard, etc.

  19. I had a conversation with my husband last night about our emergency fund and I’m wondering if any of you have thought of something similar to what I think our new plan will be:

    We have good credit, and we have access to fairly significant investment funds that we could reach within 2-3 weeks if an emergency happened. We’ve followed the traditional advice that we should have 6 months of funds in savings, and we have that + more money because we’re saving for a new vehicle. Our thought is, because there is no interest on savings, that we just go ahead and sock that in our investment account except for enough to get us through a full month’s expenses, and then, if something were to happen, just use our credit card for the immediate problem (we have something like a $14,000 limit – which seems like so much to me) and then we’d have the whole month to get into our mid-term savings investment account (which currently earns about 9% interest and has over $100,000.00).

    Can someone explain to me why this is a bad idea? Seems like I must be missing something…

    1. If you are earning 9%, aren’t you also risking losses that will reduce your savings? You may not have $100K available when you need it (hopefully you won’t need that much, but still).

      1. Yes, this. One of the reasons you might need the money could be economy related job loss/layoffs. If the economy tanks, will your investments plummet also and be at their lowest when you need them most?
        I agree that it makes sense to put the money to some use rather than just sitting in a savings account, but at a minimum you should diversify and not put it all in the same investment/same type of investment that rise and fall together.

        1. Yes, this. I was actually in this position once — had my “emergency money” in a stock fund and I had to withdraw it when it was way down. Ouch.

          The purpose of your emergency fund is to be liquid. The foregone investment income on it is a cost of doing business. And you definitely don’t want to substitute borrowing on a credit card for an emergency fund because as Meg Murry says, the emergency may well be that you have lost your job, and then how will you pay it back?

    2. All over this thread today, so apologies. If by investment account, you mean money market account or some other stable vehicle that won’t risk your principal balance then go for it. If by investment account you mean a mutual fund, then no.

    3. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with this, and it is in fact very similar to my own emergency savings situation (except that my credit access is higher). I think it just depends how comfortable you are with risk and how well insured you are–to me, the Suze Orman type thing where you have a years worth of expenses available in immediately accessible cash at all times is just overkill. But I don’t have kids, which would be one factor I could see weighing in favor of more in cash.

      1. It’s overkill until you need it. I didn’t touch my emergency fund for years, and then I had to spend thousands to help out a friend in the very same month I left my husband and had to set up housekeeping on my own and retain a lawyer. You never know what will happen in life, but you can be pretty sure that at some point something WILL happen, and when it does there is nothing like having that money sitting there to help you through.

      1. I don’t understand a CD ladder, despite trying to read more about it. If I need $3k/month, how much do I need to put in a CD ladder, and how much at each interval? Or if there’s a link that would explain it to me at this level. What multiple of my 6-month savings do I need in order to start a CD ladder?

        1. I had read an article on it on JohnnyMoneyseed.com about a month ago, but for some reason couldn’t find it yesterday! Say for example you had an emergency fund of one year’s expenses (in your case $3k/month=$36k). There’s a way to set them up where you have 12 CDs each maturing a month apart, so you’d really only need $3k in each CD. It’s a combination of 3-month, 6-month and 9-month CDs all opened at various times throughout a year. This is all I remember since it’s not applicable to me at this time. If I find the article I’ll post.

  20. Gals, any recs on feel-good chicklits (like Jane Green’s Jemima J etc.) – I’m in a mood to just relax and read and sleep well tonight without any tv/phone/ipad.

      1. Maine by the same author is also good. I’d also suggest The Rosie Project by Graeme Simsion.

        1. Maine is alright (I have a personal connection to the state, which made it more interesting to me than I think it otherwise would have been). I didn’t like The Rosie Project, but I’m definitely in the minority because many of my friends did.
          I’ve read two good ones lately:
          Bond Girl by Erin Duffy about a young woman working on wall street – definitely a bit of a beach read but it has a smarter heroine and more interesting setting than most chicklit and I thought the writing was good.
          Gold by Chris Cleave – this is the same author who wrote Little Bee but this book is much lighter. It has some sad/painful moments but is overall pretty feel good. I sped through this one too.

    2. This Is How It Happened (not a love story) by Jo Barett. It starts off as not so feel good, but it gets better, I promise!

    3. A Hundred Summers by Beatriz Williams is the closest I come to chick lit. Just about a half hour ago I finished The Steady Running of the Hour which combines a historical romance with a mystery. It was quite good. And The Last Letter from Your Lover has a similar theme. The romance in that is a cross between An Affair to Remember and To Catch a Thief.

  21. Another vacation question. We’re going to a wedding in CT this summer and would like to spend a couple extra days somwhere since we will be driving from DC. We have already been to Philly, NYC, and area around St. Michael’s. Suggestions for detours?

    1. Boston, Cape May in south NJ, Catskills or Finger Lakes? Don’t know how far off your route you’re willing to go.

    2. I should have been clearer. We’d like to visit some place between Connecticut and DC.

      1. Bonnie, as luck would have it I just got a book on weekend trips in the Northeast! Per the book, New London/Mystic is a lovely area. Actually the book just recommends New London but I know the area and Mystic is right near by. There’s enough to do for a couple of lovely days — maritime museums, galleries, the Mystic aquarium, lovely parks and lighthouses, lobster rolls and delicious ice cream, cute shops, Eugene O’Neal Center … I could go on. If you’re interested, post and I will chime in with more specific recommendations.

        Also, per the book, depending on where your wedding is, Providence RI might not be too out of the way.

        And not sure if this geographically convenient but Annapolis is also cute.

      3. I second AIMS comment, Mystic is a nice way to while away an afternoon or a day depending on what you like to do. There is the Mystic Aquarium and the Seaport. The Downtown area also has cute shops and restaurants. It’s also close to Foxwoods Resort Casino and Mohegan Sun. Even if gambling is not your thing, you can catch a show, there’s some shops inside–check their websites. There is also a Native American museum near one of the casinos, I think it’s Foxwoods. On a nice day, the drive through the woods is scenic. The Yale Art Museum in New Haven is also nice, and free! New London also has the Garde Arts Center, depending on your travel dates they may have something that may interest you. Nearby Groton also has the submarine museum including an old sub that you can go into. Also free.
        AIMS suggested Providence, RI. I would also like to add Newport, RI if the wedding is close to the Mystic or New London area, Newport is about the same driving distance. It can be pricey getting accomodation in the summer. But maybe you can find a place to stay outside of Newport e.g. nearby Middletown, RI. Downtown Newport is abuzz in summer, shops, restaurants, events. Easton beach is nearby and there is the Cliff Walk right there which goes by the one of the big Newport mansions.

    3. Not sure where the wedding is in CT or what you like doing, but you could try a b&b in Litchfield or along the southern part of the Connecticut River. New Haven is also worth a visit- the Yale museums are great and there are some good restaurants.

  22. Do you all have advice on how to get (good) work done while on a business trip? This is my first big trip for work, and I’ve been in meetings all day, every day this week. Then I have to write summaries/reports at night, and yesterday’s summary contained some errors and I left something out. I am usually really good at triple-checking, but it’s been hard on a laptop in foreign surroundings and I feel like I’m slipping up a lot. Any advice is welcome!

  23. If you’re still reading: my advice is to shop around. In my market, GEICO is way overpriced. I had them for several years and recently asked for a quote on lower rates they could give me. I have (and had) a clean record and had a newish car when I first signed with them. Now, my car’s paid off. They didn’t go much lower, so I took the exact same policy terms (liability limits, stacking, the whole shebang) to other companies and got a much, much lower rate.
    Also, consumer reports & JD power & associates has ratings on various companies, with info about service & how hard it is to get your claims resolved, etc.

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