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5/24/24 Update: The Nordstrom Half-Yearly Sale has started — see our big sale roundup! Also, sign up for our newsletter to stay on top of all the great sales!
The below content is about the 2014 Nordstrom Half-Yearly Sale.
For busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional.
Happy Wednesday! I'm loving this very affordable “Brooklyn Stripe” skirt suit from Nordstrom brand Halogen (part of the new markdowns in the Nordstrom Half-Yearly Sale).
I like that there are tons of sizes (regular and petite) left, and I think a stripe suit is BEST as a skirt suit, so I'm not even bothered that the pants are sold out. I think the tiny peplum on the jacket looks cute (particularly when it's worn open) and I like the way the jacket plays with the stripe pattern on the lapels and peplum.
The jacket was $128 but is now $76.80, and the skirt was $69, now $39.90. Halogen “Brooklyn Stripe” Skirt Suit
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Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
AIMS
I can’t decide if I like it for being interesting or if I just think it looks cheap. I’m not a huge fan of most pinstripes though, and black and white pinstripes are particularly hard to do well.
Bonnie
I’m intrigued enough by this suit that I ordered it. I’ve generally had good luck with Halogen suits and think they look much more expensive than they are.
Comment & Q
How do their jackets fit?
LawyrChk
I find they fit very narrowly through the shoulders and armpits. I don’t have this issue with BR, AT, etc, but I can’t raise my arms in Halogen jackets, even when I know they’re the right size in other aspects.
AIMS
They are a little more narrow than some brands, but I’d say comparable to the new cut of the BR jackets.
Always Anon
Not sure I’m a fan of the jacket…I know it would lay funny on me.
I’ll be watching my 2 year old niece for a week from 9-5 each day. Advice on activities to do with her? I was thinking about scheduling one thing a day around her nap and food schedule. All I’ve come up with is the zoo one afternoon and the playground another afternoon. I know I could keep her entertained with her toys at home but I’d like to provide some stimulation for her (and enjoy the beautiful weather!). So, what are your favorite things to do with your toddlers?
anon
What about a trip to your public library for books you could read to her?
EB0220
If she’s like my 2 year old, she probably takes one nap in the afternoon. So morning activities will usually work better. My toddler loves to go to the park (slides and swings required), and we usually bring a picnic lunch/dinner when the weather is nice. We also like to go for walks on local trails/greenways – she walks and I have a carrier or stroller for her when she gets tired. She may like a local children’s museum – my 2 year old has enjoyed even museums that are geared toward older kids. We have a horse pasture nearby, so sometimes we go over there to look at the horses. Maybe do a bigger outing every other day – doing stuff with 2 year olds is exhausting!
Meg Murry
My 2 year old loves: bubbles, sidewalk chalk, reading books, coloring, gluing or painting on giant paper, any store that he can ride in a cart shaped like a racecar, the pet store, watching construction equipment, playdoh, picking up rocks, and digging in dirt.
At 2 you could go to the playground, park or yard everyday and they would be happy. The library is also a good choice if you want an indoor option.
S in Chicago
Is it wrong that a lot of these are my favorites, too? Toddlers sure know how to live. :)
Wildkitten
+1
Always Anon
Haha, totally! I’m thrilled to be watching her- means I get to do fun things all week!
Cb
The pet store can kill a few hours, especially if they have to say hello and goodbye to each and every pet.
AIMS
Take her out for an ice cream.
Find a park with water sprinklers.
Go to story time at a local kids bookstore or library.
Honestly though don’t overthink it or overplan it. Toddlers get tired easily and it’s hard to know what will amuse them. I used to babysit a little boy who was happiest watching a cement truck lay cement at that age. I’d take him for walks, find a construction project and park the stroller – he was on cloud nine.
Famouscait
+1 to construction sites. Also: riding city buses, subway, etc.
Philanthropy Girl
Not sure where you’re located, but if you can find outdoor dance or music performances, I LOVE taking toddlers to that sort of thing. Especially when they’re free, so you can wander in and out as their attention spans allow.
Also, the internet is full of great art projects. Finger painting, coloring, clay/play-doh. Throw down a sheet or a disposable table cloth, and go at it. If the weather is nice, sidewalk chalk and bubbles will keep a toddler entertained for ever.
Have fun!
CKB
Swimming? Messy play (like playing with shaving cream, ice cubes, cornstarch & water goop, playdough, etc.). My toddlers loved ‘painting’ construction paper with water & q-tips. The water changed the color of the paper so it was LIKE they were really painting, but no mess.
Another huge hit with my boys was using toy hammers to pound golf tees into that hard foam stuff that computers come packaged in (if you have any).
Remember that 2year olds have tiny attention spans. Like, less than 15 minutes, so don’t be surprised if she jumps from one activity to another to another then back to the first again.
anon
do you have a park where there will be kiddos or she can run about? There are a few like this in my city. there will be a lot of stimulation, but she might really like just walking around and bumbling about as a toddler
Always Anon
Love all of these ideas..,I’ve written them all down so thanks everyone!!
Anon
Some things my toddler loves:
painting, bubbles, children’s museum, digging in the dirt, playing in the water, going to indoor play places in addition to parks, also indoor trampoline parks, especially if they have a toddler only area, and although kind of odd–getting two bowls, putting ice in one and water in one and using a slotted spoon to move the ice back and forth. Add in some play dishes (or just plastic measuring cups) and she will do this for what seems like hours!
Anonymama
Second everyone else’s. Also, public transportation – going somewhere on a bus/ferry/train (like even if it’s a very short ride just to get ice cream or go to the toy store). Visiting the Humane society and looking at the animals there. Visiting a fire station and looking at the fire trucks. Visiting anyplace they are working on the road or a construction site where there are excavators/big trucks to watch. Even just going to the park every other day is pretty good. Also see if there are any farms geared for kids or Wildcare/animal rescue type places around. Or any beach/lake type place.
Anonymous
I wouldn’t visit a humane society or animal rescue unless they specifically advertise themselves as welcoming to visitors who aren’t looking to adopt an animal. Most animal rescues aren’t petting zoos.
Miss Behaved
I babysat my 2-year-old nephew last night. Here is what we did:
– Walked up the street to the fire station and visited the fire trucks for at least half an hour
– Played with rocks
– Kicked a ball in the yard
– Raced each other up and down the driveway
– Sat in my car and listened to music, put the windows up and down. He figured out how to put the windows down and change the playlists, but could not get the windows up. He likes the music loud and likes to bop his head along with the songs.
– He rode his tricycle and figured out how to ring the bell.
– Had a picnic dinner outside so he could run around
– Played with his trains
– Watched 2 short 10-minute shows so he could wind down. Apparently, he hadn’t taken a nap during the day.
– Read 5 books before bed and talked about his day and the coming holiday weekend when he will see all his family and friends.
EB0220
Apologies for the early TJ, but I need some advice: I am expecting my second child in August. My husband is transferring to a new job within his company when I am 35 weeks. They want him to attend a training class when I am 37 weeks. He would be about a 2.5 hr flight away. My first came early (36 weeks) and I think it’s pretty likely that this one will come early as well. Can he legitimately tell them he can’t travel for the training? I’m just not sure what the etiquette is. They’ve known from the start when my due date is and that travel would be difficult/impossible for him in late July and August.
Anon
People do this in my office all the time, though I suppose it’s probably a know your office type of situation.
Maddie Ross
Can he? Sure. Will they accept it? Unfortunately, that’s a big question depending on the employer. It’s not like *he* can’t travel, only that he would prefer not to. It’s totally a legitimate reason in my mind, but they may not be so happy about it. Especially if it’s not something that (a) will happen again soon when he could attend, or (b) not something scheduled specifically for him. I know my employer has totally cut expectant fathers slack on things close to their wives due dates. But I think this is employer specific. And it’s not the same slack given to mothers.
Meg Murry
Also, how mad would they be if they scheduled this trip and the baby came a few days before so he was on paternity leave? Would they be frustrated at having to eat the costs, or try to insist he go?
How often does the training happen? Any chance he could go in June, even if he hasn’t officially transferred to the new role yet since it’s still the same company?
BankrAtty
I would say that if it is important to you that your husband is there for the birth of your child, you need to insist that he cannot travel late July and August.
Comment & Q
If you swap “due date” for “bypass surgery” or “chemo,” I think most businesses would see that that’s not workable. Plus, if husband may have to take care of other children while you are in the hospital, you have DSS issues if he isn’t there.
I think if he just brings it up, people probably will reschedule to avoid disruption. But that goes over better than him “telling” them he’s not going. OTOH, if they are OK with booking him last minute on a trip back (or cancelling last minute), maybe go along until if/when you have a problem (but easier just to forgo).
Most people would not expect a spouse to jump on a plane if the other spouse is in the hospital (unless it is to get to them).
Anon29
Whatever you choose to do, do it soon. I had a male colleague who was in a similar situation and although I have kids too, I didn’t feel bad for him and had no guilt saying no to him. He asked me to substitute for his course (we’re at university) multiple times because his wife was either almost due, due or post-partum. Our semesters are 10 weeks long so its not like he didn’t know it was coming. He had 9 months to realize when she will be due so all he needed to do was tell the department that he can’t teach this term so we can plan accordingly. We were all rushing around that time to fill up his spot and I was often asked to fill-in last minute when I had other things to take care of as well. I think as long as you inform them very early or immediately, it should be okay.
BB
+1 on know your office. But this exact thing happened to one of my managers. We had a company retreat/training scheduled the month before his wife was due, and he didn’t attend. No one seemed particularly bothered by it, although this was not mandatory training.
AN
Just tell them he cannot go. End of story. Totally acceptable here in Asia.
Susie Q
My husband recently hung his own shingle and my boss just referred a client to him. Is a thank you card from DH appropriate or is me saying, “thanks for thinking of him” sufficient? It’s nothing major but we do appreciate it. Thanks!
Mpls
I think saying something in passing to Boss is sufficient. The best way to thank Boss is to do good work, so Boss looks smart for referring the client.
anon
I do this for friends all the time. most just grab a drink or dinner when we go out. I think that a card would be professional best practice.
Ellen
This hapened to me! When I was process serveing, I wound up NOT likeing it so I quit to work for the manageing partner. The process serveing company wound up hireing my firm to defend their worker’s compensation cases b/c their peeople (NOT me) were lazy and often did NOT work b/c they claimed they were hurt (which was alot of BS b/c they were just lazy, and lazyness is NOT recompenseable under NY W/C Law). So I got alot of KUDOs for winning alot of the cases for my old employer, and I still get new cases as they come in b/c he continue’s to hire lazy peeople to do process serveing! YAY!!!!!!
Kontraktor
We are consultants to small business owners, and we always recommend a thank you note to the person who referred. I would suggest it come from your husband on his company stationary or on a small generic thank you note. It doesn’t need to be long or effusive. Just touch on thanking for the referral, appreciating the confidence the referrer has in you and you hope to provide great service to this potential client and to other referrals going forward.
quiet mouse
I loved this community and haven’t been on here in months, but realized this is the perfect forum to ask:
I learned through a trusted work colleague that tomorrow I’m to have a meeting with the managing partners in my firm on what to do about not meeting my hours. I work in a smaller more specialized firm, and it’s true, I’m not meeting my hours. But [save you the sob story] I cannot work any more hours than I am working now, and I probably can’t work much more efficiently. I mean, if they said “we will fire you unless you meet your hours next month” than I would be fired – it is an impossibility right now. I am just barely missing my hours, but have for about four months now. I would like to come in with a plan for reducing my time/hour requirement/salary (but obviously that last one minimally) because I cannot look them in the eye and say that I am going to get back up to those billables. For lots of reasons, I probably won’t for a year or two. I know that this idea is going to have to be pitched well for them to accept it, and of course I’m already on the defensive. In my favor I’ve had some really stellar work done lately, and courted a significant client who came to us.
What tips and tricks would you have for someone who needs to approach a managing partner and ask for less hours, work, and salary?
anon
I can’t see anyone being able to answer this without knowing the [sob story]… is this health related? Childcare issues?
Diana Barry
Ditto. If it is a health issue then they should know about it and you should talk about workarounds/accommodation.
How much is “barely”? If you are on pace for 1900 instead of 2000 (for example) then they shouldn’t care. But not meeting them for 2 years is a long time and it won’t go well for you unless you can explain.
quiet mouse
Combination of a physical health condition that causes fairly massive exhaustion; I do have two young children; and we have inherited a family business that needs a bunch of attention to swim (and has the potential to swim very well).
Maddie Ross
The family business angle could be tricky. You don’t want your employer to think you are giving the firm short shrift to the benefit of another business.
Comment & Q
This is a real issue. My firm prohibits outside employment and even limits board service. It’s a gray area with people who rent out their beach houses, but you may need to recast this as an hourly gig and not employment at reduced hours. You can still sell it as “what’s in it for your firm” out of this and how to fairly pay for it. Just make sure you have malpractice coverage for you if you have to take an independent contractor route.
Anon
It kind of sounds like you are giving the firm short shrift to do something else – which is fine but I wouldn’t be surprised that this has been picked up on. Since you didn’t take the initiative to make arrangements beforehand, I suspect you have an uphill battle ahead of you.
ac
I’d be vague and mention personal demand and the health issue, at most.
If I’m the partner telling you you aren’t holding up your end of the bargain regarding your employment responsibilities to the firm, hearing about how your time is being spent on a family business might make me see red… and lead me to encourage you to focus more time on that business by no longer working at the firm. I’m sorry if that’s blunt or not what you want to hear.
Good luck in the conversation.
quiet mouse
Totally agree on this re: less personal details the better.
Lyssa
While I agree with keeping the personal details quiet, I might give some serious thought to the idea that you might be misleading your employer by leaving out the attention that you are paying to the business. If an employee told me that they have health and family issues and need to work less, and I found out that they were spending time on a family business, I would see that as pretty outrageous. Think hard about whether you’ve been speaking of your involvement with your coworkers, had information about it come up in local or social media, etc.
Anne Shirley
I think you need to seriously reassess your priorities. You’ve placed yourself on track for termination for your day job for a family business. Is that what you want? If you need an accommodation for a disability, ask for that 100%. But it sounds like a chunk of this is just you don’t want to do the work. That wouldn’t be acceptable at my firm and working on another business without having a side line business agreement approved would get you fired.
To me this meeting doesn’t sound like pitch us your plan, it sounds like “FYI we’ve been paying you a full time salary for part time work for months, and we’re not happy.”
quiet mouse
I think this feedback is helpful on what not to say in terms of attempting to explain the personal. By “we’ve inherited a family business” what I meant was that thus my husband can’t step in because I am essentially functioning as a single parent right now who is also suffering some serious side effects from Lyme disease as well as a joint autoimmune inflammation that doctors can’t seem to find any effective treatment for.
We’ve been stuck with a mess that involves him putting in 10-14+ hour days, usually 6 days a week, to have a viable – and desirable to purchase – business worth several hundred thousand in 12-18months, or having nothing from it as it is liquidated.
I’m not trying to start a bakery on the side or anything.
Bewitched
I’d leave the family business out of it then–your husband inherited a family business and is running it. You have a medical issues and child care issues which keep you from putting in the number of hours to meet billables, so you want to discuss a reduced billable obligation in exchange for reduced compensation.
Anon
I think if you can just explain this as mostly a medical concern, coupled with some family issues that are making it so you have very little help at home (and not mentioning why so much, since even though it is your husband doing the actual hours at the family business it is still impacting your job in a way your bosses might not appreciate), that will go over better. But I would also be prepared to explain why (and possible apologize) for not bringing these concerns to their attention earlier and instead waiting for them to call a meeting on their own.
Maddie Ross
You certainly don’t have to tell us, but I do think in this situation you are going to have to provide more of a background for your employer as to why it’s an “impossibility.” I’m not at a small firm, but at larger firms they often have very specific programs in place for flexible work arrangements that include reduced billing requirements. They are usually tied directly to commensurately reduced compensation.
Mpls
Focus on how the firm still benefits from keeping you on – don’t have to find someone else to do the work, you keep up a niche piece of business, the work gets done and gets done well, consistency of customer/client service.
If there is an end date for the reduced hours, talk about that – and how this is a mid term solution that still benefits the firm overall.
I’d say the details of the sob story don’t really matter, though the general context might to help understand why the reduced hours are non-negotiable.
quiet mouse
This is really helpful. From my perspective they don’t care whether I’m gone because I’m playing badminton or because I have a brain tumor – it’s all about the work. (I actually love my firm, this sounds like I don’t).
Coach Laura
I too am late with comments. I think that it would have been to your benefit to talk to them ahead of time (before it impacted your hours/performance) especially since you have legitimate ADA defense and because you could have initiated a part-time or flex-time schedule to compensate.
That being said, what MPLS said above is true -sell it as a win/win. They get you and your expertise and at a reduced rate and you get to stay with a firm that you like.
One final thing – advice that you didn’t ask for, from a veteran of autoimmune diseases: Try going gluten free for the joint disease. It might also help with Lyme. Gluten sensitivity is more wide-spread than is known or recognized and the medical tests for celiac are not 100% reliable. One doesn’t have to have celiac to benefit from removing gluten, which reduces inflammation.
Good luck.
Bewitched
Most law firm associate positions are simple mathematical calculations. E.g. (old school calculations:) they (plan to) pay you 1/3 of your collections, while 1/3 goes for partner comp, 1/3 goes to overhead. Using that simplest calculation, if you propose fewer hours for less pay, it may be acceptable to them. It’s hard to tell from the details you provide, but in my old firm, we had one associate basically working one day per week for very little money. She was highly proficient in a technical field (which didn’t typically have crazy deadlines), so it was worth it to the firm. Her pay was reasonable given her billings so they were not losing money to have her there. Of course, the cost to provide her an office and staff still existed, so it’s not always a 1-1 reduction but in your case, it sounds like you would be proposing 80% effort or higher, so you should be fine. It’s generally all about the math…unless, it isn’t and they are using the math as an excuse. However, that doesn’t sound like the case here given your work and practice development. Good luck!
Lilin
Not in law, but I think this is tricky because you’re not really approaching them: they’re already concerned or annoyed or whatever it is that’s prompted them to call this meeting, so you have to get them over that before you can start negotiating. I would focus on the value you’re adding to them through the quality of your work, relationships and business development, and give them a proposal of how would manage those things on fewer hours. But you know the culture and it seems to be in your head already that they might focus on the billables above all else… so I would consider what you want as your best worse-case scenario as well (like maybe you agree that you’ll leave but with a three month notice period, or they let you job hunt from the office, which I think are options I’ve seen here before).
Lorelai Gilmore
If I were in your shoes, I’d just ask to go part-time. Many firms now have part-time programs, and it’s a fairly easy calculation – for example, take 80% of pay in exchange for 80% of required billable hours.
JJ
Hope I’m not too late with this, but it sounds like your medical issue is serious enough that you may want to officially request an accommodation under the ADA. Obviously, only do this if you believe in good faith that you have a serious medical issue and the medical documentation will back it up. But you’ll protect yourself and then your firm will be required to engage in the interactive process (and perhaps offer reduced hours for a short-term basis).
Marilla
Can any of the Toronto-based ladies recommend a real estate lawyer? Nothing complex, just to handle all the closing paperwork, etc, for a house.
Toronto anon
I used Feld Kalia and was happy with their work. No hidden costs, they work on a flat fee
Marilla
Thanks for responding! In the end I got an in-person recommendation but appreciate the response since I always like to call/compare 3-4 people.
GetMeOuttaHere
Anyone a big fan of a particular moving company? I’m moving from Rural Area in Southeast to Big City in Southeast. Uhaul would be my price preferable but driving a big truck is not a good idea for me. I have 4 big furniture pieces and lots of little stuff. TIA!
Woods-comma-Elle
I first read this as ‘Rural Asia’ and I thought that’s a long way to drive…
Professor
If you’re okay doing the packing and loading and have some parking space, I’d look into U-Pack. They have cubes (like PODS) or you can load a portion of a trailer. It will almost certainly be cheaper than any full service movers. I had no complaints using the cubes for a cross country move.
BankrAtty
I’ve moved with U-Pack twice and had great experiences both times.
Sarabeth
Also, you can hire someone to help with the packing and unpacking of the pod and still come out (in my experience) way ahead of a full-service move.
MJ
I highly recommend SmartMove. Was about the same price as ABF UPack, but people come and load your stuff into a POD-like thing, put the pod right back on the truck when they are done, and then it is unloaded on the other end. I think it’s thru Atlas. I moved cross-country with them last year and it was seamless and very affordable for an apt-sized.
anon for this
DCers- can anyone recommend a good OB in the city or NoVa who is metro-accessible?
Baconpancakes
I can’t speak to their pregnancy-related work, but I’m really happy with the general women’s care I’ve gotten at Reiter, Hill, Johnson & Nevin, on 19th and L Street.
Bonnie
Ditto.
Wildkitten
Disagree strongly, and I have other friends who are also former RHJ patients with equally bad experiences.
D
I have had a great experience with Dr. Busch at Reiter Hill
Pest
When you are choosing an OB, you have to decide where you want to deliver (assuming you want to deliver in a hospital). I chose Virginia Hospital Center for my delivery, so I had to choose an OB in NoVa. If I wanted to deliver at Sibley, I would choose Reiter Hill.
Becky
I’m considering a birchbox subscription as a gift for my bridesmaid. She is picky about jewelry and I know loves makeup and products. Can anyone opine if they use birchbox? thanks
Senior Attorney
I had it for a while but ultimately unsubscribed because I’m not somebody who really loves to play around with a lot of different cosmetics. But the products were generally high quality and often full sized, and I felt like it was a decent value. Plus the packaging was nice. I think somebody who “loves makeup and products” would probably like it quite a bit.
Maddie Ross
I personally didn’t love birchbox, but I did really like Glossybox. The Glossybox products were a little higher quality and there was at least one full size product in each box.
Senior Attorney
I tried Glossybox and swore “never again” because the customer service was so awful, even though I liked the products better than Birchbox. Have they addressed that issue in the past year or so? (E.g. boxes being mailed out weeks late?)
Maddie Ross
Hmm… I haven’t done it in awhile as I got really over-run with products so I ended up cancelling everything. I never used their customer service. And I’m so scattered most of the time I have no way of knowing how late their boxes were. I usually just found them in my mailbox as a nice surprise.
Wildkitten
I didn’t like it but I think its a good present.
WestCoast Lawyer
I tried it for a while but a lot of their “deluxe” samples ended up being single use pouches, like the kind of freebies you get with a Sephora order. I’ve been happier with BeautyBar (it seems to skew more beauty products than makeup, but that may be based on how I set up my profile). I’ve heard Ipsy is pretty good and skews more towards makeup, but I’ve been stuck on the waiting list so it may not be a good idea for a gift.
Paging "Anxious" from 5/19
Senior Attorney here, thinking about you and wondering how the meeting about the memo that “raised concerns” went. Was it a performance issue about you, or was it something else?
Either way, I hope you’re okay and would love a follow-up report.
Anxious (from 5/19)
It’s so nice of you to ask! I hope you will see this, as it’s late.
I can’t go into too much detail, but it was basically a misunderstanding/misinterpretation. I was indeed being called out, so the issue was me, but given the chance to explain the problem was resolved immediately because what Boss thought had happened had in fact not happened. Boss ended up apologizing to me by the end, actually. I think I handled it fairly well in the moment because I had focused so much on just breathing, hearing him out, and not assuming anything or getting flustered and acting too quickly.
I’m still slowly decompressing from it, since I was so worried, but the working dynamics all seem back to normal now.
Senior Attorney
Yay! That sounds like you handled it really well and it ended up being a Big Win!! But I can imagine how awful it was waiting for the shoe to drop!
Nicely done!!! Thanks for the update!
A question for parents
Now that my friends are having kids, I have noticed a phenomenon – you make plans with someone to come by for dinner or go to brunch, friend’s kid(s) get sick, friend doesn’t cancel and subjects you to sick kid with no warning. Then I get sick. This has happened more than once with multiple people so I am beginning to suspect a common pattern. Most recently, had brunch with friends who brought their sick 1 year old daughter, gave her to me to hold and only mentioned that she and the whole family have been sick after she tried to stick her hand in my mouth but not even because of, just “oh yeah we’re so tired because she’s been running a fever…” Same with others who encourage their kids to run up and give me hugs when the kids are covered in snot from whatever latest bug they’re battling. Of course, now I am coming down with whatever this last kid had right in time for memorial day weekend. This is mostly me venting, but I’m wondering – are all my friends just inconsiderate a**holes or do most parents just become immune to illness after a while and assume no one else cares about their little darling’s germs either? Because I care and I am sick of getting sick from these outings.
Mpls
To some extent, kids are always covered in snot, and if a parent had to quarantine themselves/family everytime someone was sick, they wouldn’t have much of a social life. So, that might be their side of the story. Or there is just some sort of crud going around consistently enough that they kind of get immune (ha!) to the effects on other people.
On the other hand, you can also say (nicely) “Hey, if you need to cancel because of sick kids, I don’t mind and would rather deal with the rescheduling than being home sick from work/feeling cruddy. I know it’s a drag, but I’d appreciate the heads up ahead of time.”
Senior Attorney
I think that’s completely reasonable. I can imagine that the parents are afraid of being seen as the flaky parents who keep canceling and making their friends mad for that reason.
Anon
DH and I (semi) jokingly call children “sacks of infection.” This is why I try to avoid touching my friends’ children (particularly when I can see a crust of mucus under the child’s nose, which just happened a week ago) and wash my hands frequently when I’m around them. The kiddos can’t help it, but I really don’t want to cuddle them when they’re obviously ill.
Anon
I also let my friends know if DH or I are sick, so as not to infect the children (especially babies).
Anon
I might be in the minority, but I will cancel if my kid is sick or at least let you know in case you don’t want to be exposed!
For example, my daughter was sick on her first birthday (runny nose, cough, had a fever the day before), we were having a fairly small party anyway with mostly family, but I called everyone and let them know we were still going to get together, but totally understood if they didn’t want to expose their family to whatever the baby had. My cousin (who is a nurse and asked a bunch of questions haha) decided not to come with her child. Everyone else decided to come anyway.
We were recently invited to a birthday party, but my son was sick (he didn’t really feel bad, but had a runny nose, etc.) so we didn’t go.
Wildkitten
Saying “we are still going to get together” is the opposite of “I will cancel”
Anonymama
She did say “or at least let you know”… And her example seems totally reasonable, if she generally would cancel on going to something but for a special occasion, that she is hosting herself, like a first birthday party, it might make more sense to just let people know rather than to cancel the whole thing.
Anonymous
I always warn people when my kid is sick so they can decide if they want to cancel, but yeah, if I cancelled every time he was ill, or recently recovered from having a cold, or I had a cold I caught from him, I would have to quarantine myself 9 months out of the year.
Lorelai Gilmore
It often doesn’t even occur to me that a kid cold is a problem. I use the daycare standard, and kids go to daycare with colds or runny noses on a regular basis. When my kid is really sick – stay home from daycare sick, fever, coughing, etc. sick – then I definitely have cancelled plans with other adults to accommodate. But as Mpls said, if I cancelled every time my baby had a runny nose, I would never leave the house. If this is something that really bothers you, I’d leave the sarcastic references to “little darlings” behind, and check in with your friends the day before your planned event to make sure everyone is perfectly healthy. No one is trying to ignore your health needs or be a jerk. We’re just trying to take care of our kids and nurture our relationships with our friends.
And as for the kids running up to give you hugs? Maybe just switch to a fist bump. Kids shouldn’t have to hug anyone whom they don’t want to hug, or who doesn’t want to hug them.
WestCoast Lawyer
Yes, when my youngest started daycare my pediatrician told me to expect him to have a runny nose/cold for the first year and he did. The benefit is that he rarely gets sick now, having built up his immune system. If one of the kids was seriously sick (fever, vomiting, noticeable rash that might be contagious) I’d cancel, but the rest of the time I honestly don’t notice it.
A question for parents
I don’t think my friends notice it either and I fully appreciate that if you have a small child who frequently has a cold, it stops being a big deal. But I don’t like to have a cold after every outing and I just wish they would give me a heads up. I’m not asking anyone to cancel plans, but to just warn me so I can take precautions around their children. Do you really think me calling friends the day of or night before to say, “so just want to make sure: Tammy is not sick again, is she?” would go over well? I actually did bring this up with a close friend and she said, “Oh, I just became immune to all this stuff and I don’t get sick anymore” which is great but I wanted to shout, “Um, but I still do?!” Anyway, I get that kids are hard on the social life and I don’t want my friends with kids to disappear, I just feel like “hey, FYI, Tammy is sick – keep a distance” would be appropriate.
Lorelai Gilmore
I think you’re right that it’s difficult and truly, I do get that it is awful to be sick. I would just encourage you to be part of the conversation with your friends, who may need to be gently alerted to the fact that not everyone has the immune system of a parent-with-young-kids. I would not take offense if someone said, “Hey, the last time I hung out with little kids I got all of their colds. I really don’t want to do that again. Are your kids sick or coming down with anything and if so, would you mind if we rescheduled?” And I’d much rather have that conversation than potentially run into resentment down the road. Good luck and I hope you get better soon!
Silvercurls
+1 on hoping you feel better soon!
Also, there’s nothing wrong with quietly asking your potential host(s) a few key questions in order to accommodate your own particular health concerns. I have various food allergies and intolerances plus an allergy to cats. I’d love to be the guest who goes everywhere without a second thought but it’s better for me to bring up the subject beforehand than to make my hosts feel uncomfortable when I can’t eat the stuffed peppers or have to leave after 45 minutes because the cats are making me super-congested. With warmth and consideration and a bit of “I” language it’s entirely possible to discuss everyone’s health without causing a major rift in the friendship.
FWIW I usually tell my friends when someone in my household is sick. We got into this habit as soon as our son was born because our social circle has always included people with various health concerns (e.g., people with very young infants; people who want to avoid aggravating their asthma by getting a respiratory infection; people who are already handling one or more age-related health conditions; people who have an autoimmune something-or-other that’s generally under control, but why ask for trouble?). I’m never offended if someone asks. People don’t choose their health conditions so we have to accept them the way they are wired.
MegB
I have three kids and will always cancel plans that involve the kids presence if they are sick. If my kids are sick and I’m currently not I will often check in with the person I have plans with, let them know I’m well but my kids aren’t and give them the option of canceling. No one else needs your family germs. This tends to be pretty standard with my friends. Fever, cough, vomit, even a seriously runny nose, please stay home!
A question for parents
This is how I feel too. I remember some outrage here that people would come to work sick because it only makes your coworkers sick so better to stay home than power through, so I am surprised everyone doesn’t feel the same way about social lives.
AN
If my kids are sick, they stay home to rest. No visits for them.
Peplum PSA
I tried this suit on in the store, and the weird peplum/ruffle thing on the jacket just looks bizarre in person. Hard for me to imagine it being flattering on any body type. Too bad, because the skirt is awesome.
Parfait
I have tried to like peplums (pepla?) but they just do not look good on me. Ever.