Suit of the Week: Theory

157 Comments

1. I’m not very knowledgeable when it comes to car maintenance/upkeep. I drive a 2005 Volvo with approx 75K miles on it, and for each of the past two years, it has needed approx 1.5K worth of maintenance/repairs/replacement parts (this includes regular maintenance, 4 new tires last year, new brakes this year, etc). Is this excessive, or normal?

   1. I have a 2002 Volvo with similar mileage and I’d say that’s pretty consistent for what I’ve spent the past couple of years. Although I don’t remember exactly what the repairs were (a hose in the a/c system, shocks, and at least one more item, perhaps more), they all seemed to be parts wearing out due to age. For me it’s still worth it to keep my car and repair it.

      1. Thanks. It seems consistent to me as well (parts wearing out with age) – it was my first set of new tires since the original factory tires, I haven’t needed the brakes done until now, etc. But since I’m not very car savvy I wanted to check my reasoning :)

         1. I drive my cars into the ground and this is reasonable.

            1. +1 As an investment, I really keep our cars well over 10 years each…

   2. It depends on the mileage you put on the car yearly and the kind of roads you drive on but it sounds similar to my experience driving approximately 18k miles per year.

   3. Not 100% knowledgable here, but it’s impossible to say. That sounds excessive to me. (I have a 2005 Mazda 3 with 60K miles and haven’t replaced the tires yet, although I do need to get them rotated soon. My AC went out last year, but that’s it.)

      I know this sucks, but I really do feel like car mechanics take HUGE advantage of women, unless you know your stuff backwards and forwards. I have no interest in learning about cars, so I have my husband or brother or dad take my car in for me – it’s amazing how the same shop will tell them a much different story than they told me the day before. It’s so frustrating and infuriating.

   4. New tires at 75k is normal. I don’t think it’s fair to include that in the overall evaluation of whether your repairs are excessive. I’d remove this cost from the overall and then evaluate how much you spent to see if it really has been very much. FWIW, I spent over $2k annually (more like 3-4k) for my Audi, for about three years, before I traded it in and bought … a Volvo!

   5. You should need new tires and new brakes around then, in my experience. However, I don’t think it should cost $1.5k. Are you getting everything done at the dealership?

   6. Is the $3000 your total since 2005? If so, that sounds reasonable. I’ve probably spent about that much on my 2005 Subaru (70K miles) – new tires, new battery, regular oil changes, 45K maintenance, and 60K maintenance.

   7. For cars that tend to last (like Volvos, Toyotas, Hondas), I have heard that you can go ten years without much maintenance at all, then at past ten years, there will be a lot. You do have to pay attention to things like tires, brakes, AC, etc.

      1. Hondas can withstand a fair bit of neglect but it’s much, much better to keep them in good repair as per their regimen of alternating “big” and “little” servicing jobs at specified mileage amounts. Having a well-trained pair of eyes focus on the car every so often also helps to identify small problems before they become enormous, and expensive problems.

   8. Volvos require regular maintenance to avoid fatal problems further down the line. Your costs seem to be related to normal maintenance/wear and tear of parts and not anything out of the ordinary. If you haven’t had any electrical issues yet, I’d say you’re in the clear. Many Volvos of that vintage, especially the S60 and S80, had serious electrical issues. I put 200k miles on a Volvo (that already had 115K on the clock) over the course of 15 years and regular scheduled maintenance saved me a lot of money and significantly extended the life of the car. Start saving for that catalytic converter replacement, though…it’ll come up at about 100k miles.

      1. No major electrical problems as of yet :) and I’m the original owner so I know every issue it has/hasn’t had. But thanks for the warning! How much does that catalytic converter replacement run?

         1. It varies. On the pricy side as far as parts are concerned, though. When I had my Volvo, I would always go to pick-n-pulls and get them out of junkers, which cut the cost significantly. I have an Audi now and my mechanic said it’d be $700- $800 for an OEM part and labor.

   9. Yuck. I have a 2005 Nissan Sentra with 100k miles. Only work done is new breaks and new tires. My tires were like $400-500 and were fancy tires. My brakes were re-done and the damage was in the $350 range, I think.

      It’s a boring little car but was cheap to buy and cheap to maintain.

   10. Yuck. I have a 2005 Nissan Sentra with 100k miles. Only work done is new breaks and new tires. My tires were like $400-500 and were fancy tires. My brakes were re-done and the damage was in the $350 range, I think.

       It’s a boring little car but was cheap to buy and cheap to maintain.

   11. I have the combination of being really cheap and kind of mechanically-geared (engineering by degree), so I try to tackle most maintenance that doesn’t involve a computer in the car. In my opinion, $1500 a year sounds really high for the things that you are describing (which are kind of routine maintenance things). I’d suggest shopping around for when you are getting your work done. Lots of reliable places are a lot cheaper than the dealer.

   12. Sounds excessive to me. I have a 7 year old Avalon and the only thing I have had done other than routine oil changes is new tires (twice) and a new battery. Total about $80 except for the tires and I splurged and got Michelins last time. The second time (today) I’m going with cheaper tires since I do not intend to keep the car over another year.

2. I love the color of this suit and I would buy it tomorrow. However, as Theory is still not lining their pants and skirts, I will not purchase this particular suit.

   1. +1

   2. Yep.

      1. Agree here, too. Tomorrow I am actually going to take the Theory suit I bought on sale and see if the tailor will line the skirt for me. That will make my ‘sale’ purchase not a great bargain but at least I can wear it. But never again. They must be making them unlined for the non-pantyhose crowd??

   3. I don’t understand the lack of lining at that price point either.

      It just took me 12 minutes to make a Dr.’s appointment. Why do they care whether I own or rent my home? #irritated

      1. Bonnie, I can’t be certain but the own/rent is a classic credit scoring model question – one that would be used to determine if an applicant is a good credit risk. If they are going to have patients that pay off large bills over time, they may use that info. Also good for tracking someone down. (Skip tracing.)

         1. The scoring is increasingly a tool healthcare providers are using to segment their accounts receivable and determine where to devote collection efforts for patients with payment ability. Financial profiling is also one way they may be able to proactively identify those for whom charity care or financial assistance might apply since sensitivities often prevent many individuals from seeking assistance.

            1. That really sucks considering that medical debt can be one of the worst debts a person has and can ruin a person’s credit. I wonder if they take the data into account when determining how low they will negotiate the bill with you too.

      2. It was really odd especially since the visit was covered by my insurance.

         1. Did you ask why they needed that information? I tend to give info to gatekeepers when asked, but I’ve become much more leery of doing it and started pushing back sometimes.

   4. Gah i would LOVE a suit in a muted color like this. (resistresistresistresist)

      1. Also forcing self to not buy…have to move….grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

      2. I love the color. Very fall appropriate :)

   5. What’s the big deal about lining? I don’t think any of the higher-end stuff I own (Theory, DKNY, DVF) is lined. Am I missing something?

      1. At least on me, lined pants lie better and hold their shape. Unlined skirts are perhaps my biggest pet peeve, they require constant readjusting throughout the day.

         1. Unlined skirt is the easiest fix – get a slip. Then you can wash the slip without having to clean the skirt as well.

            1. It is an easy fix to wear a slip but I won’t pay $200 for a suiting skirt that needs a separate slip. A separate slip is not as comfortable for me as lining that is sewn in. Lining an item well is difficult and time-consuming. When Theory decided to stop lining their skirts, they skipped a step but did not decrease the cost.

            2. While a slip is a solution, it means two waist bands and two hems to deal with all day. I buy nicer suiting to make my clothes effortless, not to require yet another undergarment.

            3. I am finding the commando half slips to be nearly imperceptible and they don’t have that pesky bump of faux lace at the hems. Their items have the flat-laying edges, I don’t know how to describe it any other way, so there really is no “waistband.”

      2. Linings will typically make something hang smoother (it does the same thing a slip would) and will protect the fabric from body oils/dirt and possibly stretch time between cleanings.

         It’s not the end all and be all of nice clothing, but it can be a cost saving measure to not have it. The quality of the lining should match the quality of the outer fabric, though – and nice linings (bemberg rayon, silk charmuese, etc.) can be pricey.

         There’s a few garments (think silk) that have been lined with polyester that have put it on the do not buy list for me. I would have much rather just had the plain silk, or maybe paid more for a more appropriate lining

      3. Posey, aside from wrap dresses, all of my DVF dresses and skirts are lined.

      4. Many stretch wool suiting pieces are not lined. If you put the typical acetate lining in, you’ll lose the benefit of the stretch fabric. Lining can also mess with the drape on slimmer pants.

         If you want pants and skirts to have a s3xier fit, lining = bad. If you want less clingy fit, lining = good.

         1. Is this an American thing? I just wonder because almost all my suits are made of stretch wool, according to the fabric tag, similar to Theory stretch wool fabrics, and all of them are lined. In fact I’ve never seen a wool suit (at that price range, many suits are wool or have a high share of virgin wool) that was unlined here in Europe, no matter which brand. Higher priced dresses are mostly lined too when they’re designed to wear directly above your skin (without layering pieces under it) – even when the fabric wasn’t scratchy (like linen, cotton).

            That said, all my suit pants are half-lined. Means they are only lined at the hip area and the lining goes down where the butt ends, but the legs are unlined. For pants I don’t mind so much about the lining, because I don’t wear pants when it’s warm outside and I don’t feel the lack of a lining so much, but unlined skirts and especially dresses bother me. I really love my Theory Betty dress, but as it’s unlined, I have to wear something thin beneath it otherwise I won’t survive the first minutes I put on this dress.

      5. I hate lining on pants and it feels constricting/sweaty and bunches up. I don’t mind it on skirts.

   6. Yes, I hate that they don’t line, especially the skirts. Before I knew this, I bought a skirt that I can only wear in the summer, because (w/o a lining) it clings to tights and looks awful.

3. Nice suit.

   Help! I just sent a cover letter for a wonderful associate position (think, dream job). But, after I sent it, I noticed that I capitalized a word that didn’t need to be capitalized in my final paragraph and then correctly used the lower case form of the word in the same sentence. This was in regards to explaining my bar memberships. Do I:

   1) Let it go
   2) Email the HR person back with a new cover letter, asking to use this one instead, without explanation?
   3) Other options?

   I am my own worst enemy. It’s took early for a glass of wine.

   1. *TOO not took. Dammit. argh. Not my best day for writing.

   2. Let it go.

      I was on a hiring committee for a mid sized firm and we rarely read cover letters. I personally only read them right before an interview so I would have icebreakers ready if necessary.

      Any other action would just call attention to the problem.

   3. As long as you didn’t use 3llen caps, I’d just ignore it. It’s a very minor thing, no need to call attention to it.

   4. Agreed – I would ignore it. It’s such a minor mistake that most people probably wouldn’t even notice.

   5. let it be, lest you
      make proverbial mountains
      out of mere molehills

      [i used to be a
      proofreader and don’t always
      catch these kinds of things]

      <3

      1. Thanks sass! I also had a very similar typo in a cover letter I sent this week and beat the hell out of myself for it. I aspire to be a better proofreader. I do far better with anything written by someone else.

         1. It’s always tough to proofread thing you’ve written yourself. It sounds like a very minor typo and I’d be surprised if anyone noticed it.

            Good luck!

   6. Thanks, everyone. I did resend it with a small note (my materials went to the HR rep first and hopefully the docs haven’t been seen by anyone else yet), but I didn’t explain the error/fall on my sword. I couldn’t let it go! I was having flashbacks to watching my previous partners refuse to consider many great candidates because their resumes had a small typo. Eventually, someone would have noticed it. I have other contacts within the firm, so I will probably follow-up with one of them.

      I hate unemployment. It has turned me into a neurotic mess. I’m dealing with the stress of being unemployed, plus the stress from the few small cases that I’ve taken on as a solo while job searching. It’s like double the hell, and none of the fun.

      1. Not much consolation at all, but I am thinking happy, prosperous thoughts for you.

         1. Thanks, Ashley. That’s really nice of you, and I appreciate it.

            1. I’m also sending good vibes – DH has been unemployed for over a year now and I actually never realized how hard it is on a person. He has similar neurotic freakouts over things like if he overstepped his bounds sending a thank you message on LinkedIn. My heart goes out to you :(

   7. Let it go, I usually only cringe if there is another firm or a sentence that ends in the middle or something like that. Minor typos will likely be over looked and there is no point in drawing their attention to it.

4. Still can’t get over Theory changing its Tailor suiting fabric from 97% wool to less than 50% wool. I don’t know what other suits to buy–I have not found any other brand that cuts a suit jacket like Theory but I refuse to buy polyester-blend suits, especially at that price.

   1. Is this a general trend? I used to purchase Ann Taylor suits at 95% wool and now can’t find any AT suits with more than 50% wool…

      1. I just bought a Banana suit – wearing it right now. Exterior is 95% wool. It’s a very “noisy” suit, though… walking down the hall I feel like everyone can hear me coming!

      2. I think J. Crew’s Super 120s merino suiting is 100% wool. And they say the stretch wool is “wool with a hint of stretch.”

   2. Yes, I agree. I’ve observed this at other brands as well, and I’m quite sad to furious about this.

5. Is there a good way to tell a close family member you think they’re depressed and you’re afraid for them? I’ve been in that place myself, and so I know what’s in their head, and that’s why I feel like I HAVE TO do this–suggest antidepressants (not a cure-all, I know) or counseling, or something. This person has been depressed before but never like this, so I’m kind of feeling compelled to do something. She suggested that I get medicinal help when I was in her place several years ago and that’s what helped me climb out of that hell; if she gets upset with me I don’t care but I don’t want her withdrawing more if I suggest it and she gets upset. I don’t think tasking another person with it (i.e. another close family member) is going to be an option at this point (for reasons). I think it’s down to me.

   I’m guessing someone else has been in this spot (and I posted under this same name in the Suit of the Week thread last week–well, I think it was that one, it was last Wednesday). I’m trying to do everything I can to help remotely and I know Rome doesn’t get (re)built in a day, but I think the “I’m here for you/anything you need, you tell me and I’ll do it” is falling on deaf ears now. I would have thought telling her that I passed the bar would have helped a lot (and YAY!!) but…yeah, not really having the intended effect? That’s why I’m so concerned now.

   (the server is weird, I’m sorry if this double posts)

   1. Since part of being depressed is having zero energy/motivation/see the point of doing anything at all, maybe it would be helpful if you offered to walk her through finding help.

   2. My dad always says: If you have something to say, SAY IT! Do NOT BEET around the bush if someone is depresed, they need med’s, so the sooner they get it the better. This is NOT a dificult issue! Speak up! YAY!

      When I lost Alan to the bottle, I also did not feel great about it, but at least my freind’s told me they would have dumped him along time earlier. But since I had let him be intimate with me, I was hesitant to DUMP him but wanted him to change. Of course he did NOT and I wound up biteing the bullet and dumpeing him, but it was NOT easy.

      After a while, I got over it, but I could have used some med’s in the meantime.

      Now, I am busy lookeing for a replacement guy to father my child (and be my hubby) so I am very busy. Micheal has possibilities so I will not write him off to soon. YAY! In the meantime, I wish these other guy’s would STOP texteing me! FOOEY!

   3. Honestly, I would start with referencing the conversation she had with you when you needed it. Tell her how much she helped you by her suggestion and tell her you want to make sure she doesn’t drown on her own without anyone doing her the same kindness she did you. And offer to help with the logistics if she wants (she may not) and let her know repeatedly that you’re there for her, you care about her, she is a great and worthy person and deserves to be helped and cared about.

      1. I definitely suggest this advice as well.

         Also if its possible spend some time with them. Like you, I’ve been through serious depression. My brother became very depressed at one point and pretty much spent all day every day in my parent’s family room. I spent hours just hanging out and watching TV with him. We didn’t really talk about anything (although if he had suggested I get help before then I would have been more likely to bring it up). Years later my sister in law who he hadn’t even known at that point thanked me for being there for him. He’s never said it to me in so many words, but he apparently told her that just having me there and knowing that I understood what he was going through was really helpful.

   4. The fact that this is a reciprocal situation will help in my opinion. It was really difficult as someone who did not handle my own issues well to talk to my sister about handling hers. Give her a list of three psychologists you have researched to talk to and tell her 1. you care about her very much and are there for her 2. you know what this is like and it’s not her fault but she cannot do it alone (shouldn’t do it alone?) 3. at least talk to a professional once – you will even go with her to the appointment. She doesn’t have to necessarily take meds but talking to a professional helps to understand level of depression, coping mechanisms, and the person is an objective outsider who can validate some of the things that are upsetting. good luck. You are a good friend. She is lucky to have you.

6. Attention cowgirls: Advice on making cowboy boots more comfortable? I bought a used pair, so they’re broken in, but still not comfortable– the soles are just hard on my feet. I got them a half-size up to leave room for amendments, so any advice? Is this a drugstore insoles fix or is there something more specific a cobbler could do?

   1. If they’ve been worn enough to be broken in, they’ve been worn enough to be broken in to the shape of someone else’s foot. You may be pretty limited in how much they will mold to yours. Drugstore inserts may help though.

      1. Agreed, if they are broken in, they are shaped to the previous owner’s foot. Get thee to a cobbler and have the boots resoled.

         1. Also broken in may mean broken. I know cow boots don’t have shanks, but with shank shoes, when the shank breaks, the shoes become incredibly uncomfortable. Second the recommendation to scoop thee to the local cordwainer.

7. Thanks so much for this recommendation – I’ve been looking for a great claret colored suit!

8. I have a bit of an odd issue. I recently started a prestigious, temporary job after working at a big law firm for a year, and I really miss working in biglaw. Unfortunately, because the job is temporary, it would be nonsensical for me to cut it short and go back. Also, it would probably make me look bad at my firm and bad to this employer as well. What are some good ways to get used to this new job? Is it normal to feel this way when transitioning? I miss my colleagues and my boss, although the work is still interesting.

   1. This could be way off but is there any chance you’re finding your outside of work time a bit lacking (since you probably have more of it now)? If, so could you take up a hobby? Train for a race? Try to deepen your connection to outside of work friends?

      1. Agree- sounds like you miss the high-stakes environment, and need something to occupy your time? A goal like a new hobby or training to run X distance might help.

         Also I find it takes way longer to get used to a new job than you realize- several months, not weeks like I expected.

   2. Wait? How prestigious is it?

      Please be sure to share every single time you comment how prestigious your clerkship is, how you were in the top of your class and how fancy your big law firm is.

      1. I am also wondering what the modifier “prestigious” added to this comment.

      2. Oh, for heaven’s sake. I think the prestige factor is relevant here — sounds like the OP is wondering, “Wait, I wanted this and wanted this and it looks so great, but it doesn’t feel great,” which is certainly something she might want our help with!

         1. Yes, and it also shows that there’s value in sticking with the temporary job for the length of the contract – if it looks good on your resume, leads to good connections and experience, etc.

            Alanna, I agree with the other commenters that transitioning to a new job usually takes longer than expected. Developing an outside hobby or using extra time at work for research or article-writing (if that’s relevant in your field) may help soak up some of that extra restless energy.

      3. This isn’t helpful. It matters to the question that it’s prestigious because it’s a reason to see it through and it’s not the prestige of big law that she’s missing.

         1. This commenter has a habit of mentioning how fantastic and prestigious her credentials are every.single.time she posts. Its grating.

            1. I haven’t noticed this. How do people notice these things? Some people must read these comments a lot more carefully than I do.

            2. ugh just back off. No one is forcing you to read her comments, if they are so grating to you, skip them.

            3. To Lyssa – for some of us, I think it is just how our brain works. No snark on the OP but I did recall that she’s posted about her job/schools before. I also notice pretty quickly when a regular commenter changes her handle to a new, regular handle (combination of post syntax and small details adding up). It isn’t deliberate – my brain just puts these things together quickly. Unfortunately, it has also let me go to the store 3 separate times now without remembering paper towels, so it’s not all it is cracked up to be :)

            4. Do you keep an excel spreadsheet on what every poster tends to mention?

            5. Yes, it is because I have low self esteem, and I use this blog to feel better. Thank you for the helpful comments guys — I was mentioning it for the reason TBK says.

      4. I read it as OP trying to communicate that this isn’t a “you tried it, you hate it, move on” situation – prestige of the temporary gig does matter, since she’ll potentially be explaining for the rest of her life why she left early if she does do that. I mean, if you left something like, say, a federal clerkship early, that’d be a massive black mark on your resume, and you’d probably still be explaining it in job interviews well into your 40s. In contrast, if it was just your usual, run-of-the-mill temp job, it wouldn’t be as much of a big deal to leave early.

9. I cannot get on board with colored suits. They look like uniforms to me, or evoke some kind of mascot-esque imagery. I like the cut of this suit, I like the color, but I see flight attendant or Ronald McDonald handler.

   1. This suit I like. The Easter egg color suits, especially the skirt suits, scream retro flight attendant to me.

      1. I had a lot of pastel suits in the 80s and 90s. Think coral, sky blue, etc. Also a lot of two-tone: a suit with an apple green jacket with black trim, with a matching black skirt. It all seemed so pretty at the time. Kasper sold a LOT of those suits.

         1. Oh, yes, I had a closet full of Kasper suits just like this. My favorite was a purple/gray plaid jacket with gray skirt. ;)

            1. They still do! That brand has not modernized.

               WE have to ask, what is the modern suit for women now? After last week’s picks in the WSJ I can’t say I would wear any of those as they are so overwhelming, esp. for someone who is >size 6!

               Loving the skirt suits as I am Sargeant at Legs and Skirt Girl, even when it’s not Halloween :)

            2. Kaspar still has tons of these suits. They are all for sale at JC Penney.

               I kind of think of them as suits for women who want to look good when they go to church.

      2. For the record, last time I went to Nordstroms to buy pantyhose, the salesclerk asked me if I was a flight attendant. I was wearing a navy blue suit with a white shirt.

         I just bought a suit in a similar color (eggplant) from Macy’s — Le Suit. Planning on wearing it with black suede pumps.

   2. Why are black or blue suits any better? All black looks like the caterer.

10. I posted a response very late to your question about your MIL moving in with you and your husband yesterday morning. Hope you see it! – Anon for this

11. Tahari makes a similar pantsuit and it’s about 20% of the Theory price.
    http://www.lordandtaylor.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/en/lord-and-taylor/womens-apparel/wa-suiting-pantsuits/three-piece-pants-suit-0145-3280m226–1?ir_clickid=Rlt01fRWJx-sWpK3GB0JTz74UkWVW1zWl3gxyE0&ir_cid=1354&ir_affid=57486&irpid=57486&utm_campaign=POPSUGAR&utm_source=ImpactRadius&utm_medium=Affiliates&sharedid=
    and in petites at Macy’s.

    1. The bell-bottoms are a bit too prominent, to me with the color it reads a little 70s.

12. A girl I was very close to in high school but no longer keep in contact with just found out that she’s pregnant with her 6th kid, which I learned via FB. Meanwhile she can’t feed or cloth the other 5 kids and talks about how horrible her life is. She just had twins 6 months ago and her family just moved out of her mom’s basement a month ago. I’m typically a pretty passive person but this is downright ridiculous. Following is her status update. I feel like writing something nasty but that obviously will not help her. Any opinions?

    Well, I guess I’ll break the news to everybody. I guess my 30th birthday will officially suck this year because we are expecting AGAIN! And no, this is not a terrible joke it is totally for real. I wish it were a joke but I guess God wants us to have a very large family.

    1. Hide her updates or defriend. It sucks for her kids and her family, but really nothing you can do

    2. Ignore. What would writing something nasty accomplish? Unless you’re willing to reach out privately to help or offer advice, you shouldn’t say anything.

    3. My opinion is that you should keep your opinion to yourself. Sorry if that is harsh, but I can’t see why you would say anything nasty. MYOB?

    4. Yes. Unsubscribe from her newsfeed. I know it’s uber tempting, but you are better off without feeling this judgmental.

    5. Ignore and remove her posts from your fb feed. You’re not close enough to say/do anything constructive and seeing her constantly venting about circumstances that (a) she has control over and (b) are adversely affecting her current and future kids will only make you angry.

    6. I won’t write anything but it’s just a really nasty post (on her part). There are many people who want children more than anything and here she is acting like she doesn’t know how to prevent getting pregnant and then when she does get pregnant it’s awful. It’s been awful the last 3 times.

       1. Life is more complicated than that. Someone having more children than they had planned for and stating that is not a slight to infertile women or women who can’t/don’t have children for other reasons. It’s a valid life issue, even if the person in question has made choices that aren’t so great. That said, there’s no reason you have to read her FB posts – this is the ideal candidate for defriending.

       2. I might be missing something, but I don’t really see how it’s a “really nasty” post. Annoying? Okay. But I don’t see anything nasty or mean spirited. People have a right to be disappointed or frustrated when they’re pregnant and don’t want to be, especially when finances are tight. And that’s true even if some people out there do want kids.

    7. “God wants us to have a really large family.” Hmpf.

    8. Wow, she’s been dealt some tough cards and I’m certainly not woman-enough to tackle being preggo with 2 six-month twins. Yikes.

       But I have to say I find this FB post kind of hilarious.

    9. Hide her posts. Or de-friend her. Nothing you post will do anything other than make you look bad. And really, what are you going to say? “Ever heard of birth control?” “Better see if your insurance covers abortions…” “Sorry to hear about your irresponsible decision making”?

       1. Agree. There is nothing you can say that will be nice. Better to say nothing.

    10. I have a friend who is similar, so I understand where you are coming from. But I do agree with everyone saying “let it be”. Yes, you can make (and have made) the life decisions to not be in those circumstances, but for whatever reason, that person may not be in a position to do that. Either offer to help your friend, or just let it go.

    11. Dag Fertile Myrtle

13. Twin Cities Peeps!

    I’m thinking of relocating to Minneapolis/St. Paul to be closer to family and my BFF. I was wondering what the legal market is like right now for 0-3s’s in Civil Litigation. Also, is the legal community very close? I’m coming from a dense, but small legal market in a small city. I’m eligible for the Minnesota bar, but haven’t applied yet ($950 for applying on a transferred UBE! Yikes!). Any words of wisdom much appreciated.

    1. I have no idea about that particular practice area, but know that you’ll be competing with the graduate of 4 law schools (U of M (highest ranked), William Mitchell (well known/regarded locally), St Thomas, and Hamline).

       1. Yes, I am aware of the number of schools. Do you have any opinions about the legal community and whether it’s close-knit?

    2. I practice in the Twin Cities, currently in house at a major company and before that for ten years at a big (for here) firm. The legal community here is pretty big to characterize as close-knit. I think it is a pretty parochial market–if you didn’t go to school here, it will be hard unless 1) you have top notch qualifications (top law school or prestigious clerkship), 2) you have close connections to the area, or 3) you have a unique and highly desirable practice area and/or a book of business. Even if you did go to school here, there is a clear hierarchy among the schools.

       Sorry to be so blunt, but I think that it is highly unlikely that you will find anything quickly, at least in a major local firm. You might find something with an ediscovery vendor, or a temp group. Or as a contract lawyer with a local firm. Not much chance in government. My sense is that the market is getting a little better, but I’m glad to be well established.

       On the positive side, the twin cities is a great place to live, and a great place to practice with a very sophisticated legal market.

    3. Posting super late, but here’s my $.02: The Twin Cities are awesome. This is a great place to live. There are also a lot of transplants, so you’ll be welcomed.

       I’m not sure what you mean by “close-knit”. It’s a big legal market, so I guess wouldn’t call it “close” – within particular specialties, sure – but those specialties are going to be more specific than civil lit.

       On the market, I agree with a lot of what Anon for This at 6:43 said. I’ll add, I used to practice in biglaw-for-here and have seen a shift in the way MPLS firms view themselves (or are trying to position themselves) since the Faegre merger. The top firms are starting to act (with marketing, recruiting, partner-level lateral hires) more like larger-market firms, so your law school and current practice matter more than they might have in the past. That said, there are opportunities at smaller firms – I know a lot of people on both sides of insurance-related work but that’s probably anecdotal. It’s a flooded market (and particularly flooded with non-elite graduates) but there are opportunities.

       If you have a job and can practice (or have practiced) where you are now for a couple of years, you will be a lot more marketable. A unique practice, prestigious education or clerkship, etc. will also set you apart.

14. Apologies for this super inane and girly threadjack.

    The owner of a bar I frequent noticed that my iPhone has been badly cracked for several weeks and offered to put me in touch with a guy he knows to fix it. A few nights later, the guy was in the bar fixing someone else’s phone. The bartender introduced us and the guy seemed flirty and nice and cute (and at least smart enough to fix a phone…). He even offered me a steep discount on his usual price and said he looked forward to seeing me soon.

    Tonight, we’re meeting up for him to fix my phone. He asked if I wanted to meet at the bar where we met, or if I’d rather go somewhere in Manhattan (we both live in Brooklyn). We’re doing the latter. Does that mean it’s more than just some random dude fixing my phone?

    Obviously my over-thinking is extreme, but all this to say – what should I wear? Is my usual first-date LBD too much? Should I wear distressed jeans and an oversized t-shirt and sit at a different table and read a book? I’m so confused.

    1. I’ve been out of the dating world for a minute, but this totally doesn’t sound like a date to me but has the potential to turn into a date.

       I’d wear something between the things you listed. Cute jeans and a flattering, date-worthy top probably. Showing up in a LBD if he didn’t mean it to be a date at all could be a little embarrassing. But you don’t want to put off the schlubby vibe and potentially mess up a drinks situation. This is obviously assuming you want the whole thing to potentially turn into a date.

    2. I would wear something adorable. Maybe not a LBD, but something very cute (not jeans and tee shirt). I would also casually and adorably flirt and not let him leave without suggesting staying for a drink or going somewhere else for a drink or something to eat.

       Oh, and take anything off your phone that you may not want him to see!

    3. I would wear a cute casual outfit and be open for the night to morph into a date. Don’t bring a book- ha ha! Just talk to him while he fixes it and see where it goes. Have fun!

    4. If I were in your place, I wouldn’t wear a LBD or dress up more than usual. I wouldn’t wear sweats either but something casual. If he’s interested in you, he can ask you out (or you can ask him out if you are interested in him). But tonight he’s just a guy fixing your phone and it’s a casual business transaction, not a date

    5. I think this is a business transaction, and you should sit at the table while he fixes your phone. Also, wear something casual and nice. Save the LBD for an actual date. :)

    6. It’s of course difficult to be sure, but I’d say signs point to him *wishing* he could make it a date, and trying not to come on too strongly. I call these “implicit dates”. I’d say the best response is to step it up one notch if you’re interested. One notch, in my book, constitutes being friendly, showing an interest in getting to know him, and generally flirting.

       I’d avoid the little black dress unless you have a good way to dress it down (your style is probably different than mine, but I’d say black jersey dress with sleeves + tights = dressed down; sleeveless dress + heels = too much for an implicit date). My feeling is that you want to avoid wearing anything that too-strongly suggests “date”, to avoid making him feel like you’re being presumptuous. On the other hand, you really really want to avoid making him feel like you’re communicating disinterest (assuming you are in fact interested in him). For this reason, I would probably also avoid jeans. In my experience, I find that heterosexual men tend to like skirts and overt femininity in general, so I feel that stepping up the overt femininity a notch is an effective means of communicating interest. You could do this with color/fabric (pink, pastels, florals, etc), by wearing a skirt, by wearing your hair down, feminine accessories, or anything else you’d consider “girly.” I’d show some skin, but too much skin might bring you into the *overt interest* bracket.

       Disclaimer: If you’re not comfortable being traditionally girly–if it sets your teeth on edge or just isn’t “you”–then I think my advice should be disregarded. The most important thing is probably for you to have a genuinely good time with him…

15. Can anyone recommend a decent short slip? I have one from The Gap which I like, but it’s a little too short and I don’t really want to hem it because I wear it with longer things. Though, I guess I could just buy a second and hem that.

    1. This reminds me that back in the day there were slips that could be torn off at different lengths. They weren’t made of the nicest fabrics, but the idea is there….

       I think if you know a brand you like, having two of different lengths is a good idea.

    2. commando slips. they come in two lengths and there are no waistbands nor lacey/bumpy hems. beige and black.

16. I have a question for the hive about interviewing post-clerkship and how to handle tough questions. And actually, whether those questions will come up at all.

    I went to a good law school (think Chicago/Columbia) and graduated in the top 1/3 of my class (but no honors; also no journal). I summered at a fairly large firm in Chicago (good name in Chicago but not a huge name nationally) and was unfortunately no-offered (along with about 1/3 of my summer class). I’m currently in a district court clerkship in a different city (large east coast city) and starting to look into applying to big law firms in current city.

    Is the no-offer going to come up in my interviews? I’m really terrified this is going to hamper me going forward. If it comes up, how to handle it?

    Thanks ladies!

    1. also, to add some background- I am barred in the state where my current city is located. I summered in Chicago mostly because my (now ex-) bf was there. my goal now is to stay put in current city.

    2. Yes, particularly with larger firms. I was at a firm that no-offered half its summer class in 2009 and it did come up in interviews during my clerkship. Since your firm no-offered a large portion of its class, you have a plausible case that economic circumstances, not your performance, caused the no-offer. Focus on the things you have learned since then, in your third year of law school and especially in your clerkship. Work on building a network in your current city, too, especially through your judge, and try to build as many connections as you can. Finally, if there are any firms that you had contacted about summer work in law school that you would be willing to go to after your clerkship, renew your connection with them. In my experience, those firms are the most likely to be open to you as a candidate. Good luck!

    3. Did you go into the clerkship right after you graduated? If so, I doubt it will even come up. Potential interviewers will just assume that you didn’t go with the Chicago firm because of the clerkship, and you’ll have lots of reasons why you want to stay in your current city.

       1. +1, especially if your clerkship was more than one year. A federal district clerkship trumps many things and is a great credential to have, especially if you clerked in the city where you plan to practice. That will be very attractive to local firms.

       2. yes, I started clerking right after graduation, and it’s a 2-year clerkship.

    4. I think it will likely come up but I don’t think it will prevent you from getting a good job. It would be troubling if you were the only one no-offered but since 1/3 of your class was, it sounds like at least partly an economic decision. Were you part of a certain area or practice group that was not able to hire many people? (If true) it sounds better to say that the firm hired a good deal of your summer class but almost no one from your group, than to just say 1/3rd didn’t get offers (which suggests you were not in the top 2/3rds of your class). Can you get a good reference from someone at the firm (preferably a partner)? I think a positive reference from someone at the firm would go a long-way towards negating any concern about your no-offer.

    5. It definitely would come up if you were straight out of law school. However, my guess is that it won’t come up directly b/c you clerked in between.

       From my experience interviewing people, most people who get an offer put it on their resume, so the lack of statement about an offer may be noticed. Even so, I think your clerkship erases any stigma, expecially because 1/3 of the class was no-offered that summer, which you should bring up if they ask. You also should have a reference or two from the firm on hand if possible.

       Regardless, they are going to ask about your summer (“how did you like the work/firm” or “why did you decide not to go back to Chicago”) so you should be prepared to answer those questions while dancing around the no-offer issue if it does not otherwise come up.

       1. yeah, I guess I’m at a loss about what to do if they ask why I’m not going back. I’m afraid if I dance around it and give other (still true) reasons but don’t mention the no-offer, I could get caught later if they do specifically ask, and appear untruthful

          1. “It wasn’t a good fit.” Works for this situation whether it was their decision or yours.

17. In the legal world, if an Order says these motions are “due by October 4th,” is it due October 3rd at 5pm or October 4th at 5pm? Grazie.

    1. On October 4th.

    2. It really depends on the Judge, but I would submit my motion by 9am on October 4th.

    3. I would assume by COB October 4th, and if it’s ECF then by whenever the cutoff time is on ECF (on PACER I think it’s midnight).

       1. this

          1. Seconded!

             If state, whatever the filing cut-off is for that court. If PACER, whatever the PACER cutoff is. I think posey is right and it is midnight.

             I love PACER.

             1. Should have said: whatever the cutoff time is for that court on Oct. 4.

18. Going to be in Chicago this weekend, any recommendations for dinner? Will be the first date-night dinner out without a baby in a while, so looking for a nice place for grown-ups, not one that is “family-friendly” :) Open to neighborhood. Thanks!

    1. If you’re OK with waiting a while, I’d recommend Avec; delicious but they don’t take reservations. I don’t think you could snag a res at Girl & The Goat this late, but you might want to look on Open Table in case there was a cancellation.

       I really like the food and atmosphere at Gilt Bar; it has an awesome 20’s, classy feel to it. And I recently had a great meal at Senza too. These should be easier to get a reservation at or to walk in.

    2. Any particular type of food or ambience? I am have enjoyed a number of the places near Randolph and Halsted (Girl and Goat and Avec, as mentioned above, Publican, Au Cheval, Maude’s) but am more of a Logan Sq/Wicker Park-ish person — Trencherman, Longman, Telegraph, Lula. Or super casual and boozy like Big Star and Antique Taco (not fancy, but can drink and hang out and socialize with new people really easily). Just went to Gilt Bar last week, and it is nice, but the crowd is very River Northy and thus too undiverse/bridge and tunnel/newly employed for me. A better sense of what you are looking for may help.

    3. DH and I went to Blackbird for a special occasion dinner while visiting Chicago two months ago and it was fantastic.

19. A vendor gave me tickets to a rock concert next week. The vendor isn’t going to be there, but some other people from his firm will be (I don’t know who in particular). It is at 8pm. What to wear? Clothes from work, change into more casual clothes, or something in between?

    1. I would definitely change into casual clothes.

    2. Rock concert is a little vague. Are you going to be in a suite/box, or in general admission? Are you going to a big corporate concert (like Jay Z/Justin Timberlake or elderly rockers like the Rolling Stones) or a smaller band like an ACL aftershow? I would probably change regardless, but there is more leeway in a box at a big corporate show — people are expected to look a little stuffier. If you will be sitting on the floor, I would absolutely change before the concert — jeans or skirt and boots. I also wouldn’t have a problem with wearing my normal concert gear (concert t, low cut top, whatever), but I think depends on how comfortable you are with the other potential attendees and how long you have been at your company or in your field.

20. Has anyone been able to look into the new health exchanges? I was excited to look and really wanted to get into the details but the NY site is still completely overloaded. I was able to see what the various plans included and the deductibles but haven’t been able to see the premiums yet. Right now I’m ok if I need emergency care (with a likely huge bill resulting though) but don’t have any other coverage.

    1. I looked at the California rates, and my old single payer rate was about $500/month for me + husband. New rate for similar coverage was $689, so it was more for us.

       1. Gah that sucks. I heard rumor that the NY rates are expected to be lower than pre-ACA plans. My boyfriend and I are considering filing for domestic partnership so I can join his plan for about $450/month. I really need to dig into the coverage and numbers though. Last time I looked the cheapest plan I could find that I qualified for was nearly $800/month.

          1. New York prices dropped significantly. You don’t have to sign up until December 15th for coverage to start January 1st (the earliest it can start), so you still have plenty of time to access the website.

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