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Weekend Open Thread

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woman wears light pink sweatshirt with navy leggings

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

I'm always a sucker for thumbholes on sweatshirts, and this one from Sweaty Betty is calling my name. (So is this blue one, but alas, no thumbholes.)

The sweatshirt is part of the big Winter Sale that Nordstrom just launched — the pink has lots of sizes left and is marked to $48 from $68; there's a pretty dark green version as well that is down to (larger) lucky sizes. The same pink color is available with a hood and kangaroo pocket for just a bit more, also on sale.

(Also tempting me in the sale: these “stretch terry wide leg pants” from Faherty, these Sweaty Betty track pants, and this pretty purple pullover from Zella.)

Sales of note for 3/15/25:

  • Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off
  • Ann Taylor – 40% off everything + free shipping
  • Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off sale
  • J.Crew – Extra 30% off women's styles + spring break styles on sale
  • J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off 3 styles + 50% off clearance
  • M.M.LaFleur – Friends and family sale, 20% off with code; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 40% off 1 item + 30% off everything else (includes markdowns, already 25% off)

206 Comments

  1. I’ve had an interesting employment history over the past 10 years, working in financial crimes for the banking industry and federal government (U.S. Treasury). I’m on the chopping block at my Treasury job (probationary) so I’ve been looking around at what the private sector is offering. In my head, I’ve always wanted to work as a writer/reporter for the news industry one day, reporting on financial crimes. Yesterday, I applied to a financial crimes reporter job at a MAJOR newspaper, knowing it was a long shot because I don’t have a journalism background. Well…I just heard from them. The bureau chief wants to speak with me on the phone at 3pm. I’m excited, nervous, all of the things. On one hand, I wanted to spend more time at the Treasury and get more experience there. On the other, I might be fired soon, and working for this newspaper would be a dream. I’m not sure what he is going to ask me (I’m going through Glassdoor for this newspaper right now). Please send all of the vibes that this goes well, and that everything works out the way it’s meant to.

    8. This is amazing. I am proud of you, a total stranger, for putting yourself out there.

    9. That’s awesome! Of course you aren’t going to disclose, but just as an FYI, I have a good friend that’s a bureau chief of a MAJOR paper currently hiring for a role like this… and he’s a f*cking pill but also a wonderful human. Meaning, he’ll annoy the heck out of you, work you to the bone, and then throw himself on the train tracks in front of you while simultaneously getting you your dream job as a next step in your career. And he won’t expect anything of you that he doesn’t expect of himself.

    10. Thanks everyone! OP here. The call went really well, but I realized I’m not interested because 1) it’s not a true WSJ position, and 2) there are issues with the location. For #1, the WSJ is going to launch a trade publication in the coming months and I would be Trade Publication reporter and not WSJ reporter. There would be fewer opportunities for articles/audiences, etc. But I’m proud of myself for putting myself out there! Going to just continue to plug away at the Treasury and maybe another opportunity will arise another time. Hoping to keep my current job for right now too – good luck to all the probationary employees out there.

      1. that’s great! glad it went well and was something you could cross off your list for the moment.

      2. I am not a journalist but I deal with a lot of trade press in my job and that beat can be a great job for someone with deep industry expertise looking for media experience. yes, it’s a niche audience but that audience pays a lot for the publication and you can go way deeper. I’ve seen reporters who have started there move to Tier 1 press.
        if the location doesn’t work, that’s a different matter, but I wouldn’t dismiss trade press roles completely
        good luck!

  2. So I’m 6 days late on my period, and in perimenopause. weird question but how does everyone “wait” for your period — with period panties, panty liners, or just dark undies you don’t care about? considering this may go on for months i think i need a new strategy.

    1. Black regular full back underwear with the necessary supplies kept in my purse. My period is very light at the start and I use the bathroom frequently, so I am never in danger of getting a flood before I realize it’s started.

    2. Panty liners every day.

      For like a year or two I literally bled almost every day with totally nonsensical ebb and flows, so I just wore my Diva cup every day.

    3. dark undies i don’t care about during the day, and light period panties at night — i like knix.

    4. I know I am lucky (so far), but my periods just got very light and short and further and further apart, so there’s never really been a need to prepare, other than having something in my bag, which is not new. Maybe you’ll have my experience.

    5. I don’t do anything until I get it. I can just tell when it starts. Guess I’m living on the edge? Never had a problem though.

      2. Same. Then again, mine is always very light at first – like I’ll wipe in the bathroom and see faint red before there’s anything staining my underwear.

      3. I feel it too, it hurts and is really unmistakable. I wish I had light and painless enough periods they could surprise me.

        1. that’s so interesting… especially in the last few years i constantly feel like i’m getting it, only to not be. i tend to be very clotty in general but my periods last less than 48 hours in general so that’s good at least.

    6. This is one of the most annoying features of peri for me! I love the reusable flex ring now. I can’t even feel it when I wear it.

    7. If I’m travelling for work, I bring a couple of light period panties as backup sleep wear, wear dark trousers and make sure I have some tampons in my handbag.

      For everyday life I don’t bring out the period panties unless I feel that a period is imminent (migraines, massive pms appetite for croissants, super horny…) or that I know that it might happen, my clothes can’t handle a stain or I can’t easily get to a bathroom

    8. I restarted birthcontrol without using the placebo pills. I was bleeding heavily and without notice and just got fed up with it – especially with RTO. I wish I’d done it sooner.

    9. Two possible alternatives:

      1) test for ovulation with LH strips starting about a week after your period begins. You can get a pack of 50 sticks for less than $20 on A zon. Your luteal phase – the time between ovulation and your next period – is consistent within a day or two every cycle, so you will be able to pinpoint when to expect it.

      2) Get a Tempdrop and wear it at night for the second half of your cycle. Temps rise after ovulation, and for me they fall again on the day my period is arriving

      1. I appreciate how intentionally you live life. I cannot imagine being this organized and intentional myself.

      3. My Oura ring gives me this information, and I find it’s pretty accurate. My temp is high the second half of the cycle, but then I wake up and it has dropped significantly, and that’s usually the day I get my period (usually later in the day, but I know it’s coming).

    2. 5 CALLS is also a great website

      You enter your zip code, and it pops up numbers of who to call in your state.
      You choose your issue (they have a list of the current controversies to choose from) and it gives you a template of what to say if when you leave a phone message, if you are nervous about stating your concern unaided.

      5calls.org

  4. fun question for today: would you rather be the best player on a losing team or the worst player on a winning team?

    for me I’d prefer to be worst player on a winning team — I’m lazy and would probably not have to do much but still get the glory. I think if I were the best player on a losing team I’d be v. frustrated with my teammates.

    1. Having never been the best player at any sport, I’d love to experience it ;)

    2. Generally speaking, I prefer big fish in small pond. I know that’s not exactly the same thing as you’re asking. I was a swimmer, so much more of an individual sport, and would pick being the best on a losing team in that regard.

    3. I’d love that be the worst on a winning team. I’ve never had an experience like that in my life and being able to trust and rely on my teammates sounds like a dream come true.

    4. Probably an overly nitpicky answer but it really depends on what level and what you mean by “worst.”
      It would be fun to be an ok player on a great team and get to ride your teammates coattails to huge success. Like being a benchwarmer on last year’s Iowa women’s bball team amidst the run to the national championship game would have been a blast. But it wouldn’t be fun to be so bad you drag the team down and your teammates resent you, which I’ve seen happen a lot to the worst kid on the team in rec sports. Everyone playing in college is at a minimum level of play; not so in rec sports.

    5. Worst on a winning team. I like learning from people that are better than me. Though I’m very much of the opinion that everyone brings something to a team and it’s rarely possible to easily rank people from worst to best. Even in something as simple as running or swimming, some people are better at different strokes or shorter or longer distances or hills or flats. Once you start adding in emotional intelligence and ability work as a team and taking about real world work instead of sports, it’s even harder.

    6. I have been in this situation and I have enjoyed being the slowest leg on a record-setting relay team. I was the worst player in a winning 3-on-3 tournament.

      If you’re part of a team, you should want your team to succeed. I will take a hit to my ego so that my team can excel; that’s the point of a team.

      I’ve also found that being around all stars helps me to improve my game. I end up as a better runner or player for the experience.

    7. My experience has always been the best player on losing sports teams. Not sure I’d ever be ok being the worst in any group.

    8. Being the best on a bad team might be flattering in the short term but it would be too frustrating for me in the long run. I’d rather be the worst on a good team, a rising tide lifts all boats!

    9. I’m an uber competitive person and I’ve been the worst player on a winning team, and I’d pick this every time. My high school team was ranked nationally, we produced a handful of pro players, and I was the back up position. I absolutely loved it. Everyone was so invested. It didn’t matter AT ALL who started, who subbed and who never played. I was there to make the starters better, and in turn I got better. And, we all celebrated victories together. I’m still a state champ. No one asks me if I played, started or rode the bench – they know I was on the winning team.

    10. I have this discussion with my daughter all the time. She is often one or the other– she’s either the last pick on the A team or the strongest player on the B team.

      She goes back and forth. Nobody likes to lose but she likes the leadership opportunities on the B team. She says it also really depends on your teammates- losing is fine when you are having fun, and playing for a winning team is great unless you get no playing time and everyone is cutthroat.

    11. I was the worst player on a very strong high school team (runner up state champs). It was pretty bad psychologically. Granted, there were some real mean girls and the coach was insane (scream, tear us down, just a jerk). But imagine for 2+ hours every day, a good day was just consistently being chosen last for every drill, and more often being explicitly verbally insulted by peers and adults. During already stressful and intense life stage. I stuck it out because I thought it would pay off in college admissions since it helped me look like a very well rounded applicant, which I think it did since I ended up at my top choice Ivy League school, and then the athletic training I had gotten from it allowed me to walk onto the team for a different sport in college, which was one of the best things I did. That said, if I had a daughter in the same position now, I’d definitely encourage her to quit the high school experience.

  5. I was surprised by the comment that some people don’t see charitable giving as a reflection of personal values. Several individuals mentioned that they don’t donate because they’re concerned about future healthcare costs. But doesn’t that, in itself, illustrate their values.

    Every financial decision involves trade-offs, and those trade-offs highlight our priorities. If someone chooses to save for future healthcare rather than donate to charity, it signals that they prioritize personal security over immediate generosity. That doesn’t make it wrong; it just reveals what matters most to them in that moment.

    It also seems important for partners to be on the same page about these priorities.

    3. I happily collapsed the morning thread (although I think some of the later responses from OP showed that once again, the husband problem is much bigger than the initial post let on) and I will collapse this one too, because this is simply not an argument I want to participate in on a Friday afternoon.

    4. I’m OP from this morning I was kind of stunned by the responses. Clearly I was just being a big meanie and obviously my husband did other good things and him not donating was not a reflection of his values. Lots of weird assumptions everyone jumped to about him to criticize me. Those assumptions were not right and actually reflected my actions, I give AND I do stuff to help, he does neither.

      1. I don’t think anyone on that post was criticizing you, just saying that maybe you should give your husband – whom you presumably love! – the benefit of the doubt and talk to him about your feelings. You didn’t mention anything beyond the lack of financial donations in the initial post, and as people noted, there are a lot of reasonable explanations for that (which also doesn’t make you wrong for prioritizing donations). But clearly there’s much more going on here and you have a lot of disdain for him in general, so you guys should seek therapy or break up.

      3. And you’re clearly resentful about that, so talk to your spouse and figure out what makes sense for you both.

      4. Because it’s strange to immediately take such a judgmental, disdainful stance on your spouse’s character from this one piece of information. If you love and respect him why would you automatically think he’s a bad person that hoodwinked you? It doesn’t make sense unless you already think he’s selfish for other reasons, your disgust has been building for a while, and this charity thing is just the cherry on top. In my opinion either you need to drop the judgment and have a good faith conversation about donations or you should be in couples counseling to address larger issues.

        2. I agree that this is not about donating or the lack of it. It about you hating your husband and this is just evidence you are trumping up against him. I 100% feel sorry for him. Of all the fights you could pick, this is the dumbest.

        3. Yeah, I didn’t even think they were married because of the clear disdain. One of the four horsemen.

    5. I guess this is where keeping separate finances makes it confusing to me. If it’s all one pot, then if one couple donated, they both donated qua couple, so great. If it’s separate pots, then why is it so important to be on the same page?

      1. Everything about separate finances for married people is baffling to me. I don’t understand why you’d get married if you don’t want to combine your lives that way.

        1. We have separate finances in that we still have separate accounts, and it’s mostly just inertia. But we are users on the other’s credit cards and pay different bills (I pay mortgage, he pays utilities, gas, groceries, we figure it roughly evens out). We make pretty much the same amount of money, so figure it doesn’t really matter.

        2. Because I love my husband and I love our lives together, but we were both autonomous adults with our own methods for managing money when we got together, and despite some early efforts to combine finances, it just never quite stuck for us?

          1. This. As someone who has had separate finances for twenty plus years. That still means that we discuss big purchases, investments, savings together and know where all the accounts are. And, I maintain, a little bit of not knowing how much the other spent on a particular frivolous purchases (within a budget) is a good thing.

        3. I don’t see what the big deal is. Lots of people have marital arrangements that are different from mine and often not something I would ever consider. Different strokes for different folks.

        4. I can sort of understand separate finances – we never did it but I get it, especially for people who get married after they’re more established (career, houses payments, etc). What was an interesting dynamic to me is separate finances, but spending audits together. It seems like a spending audit that is shared with the other partner completely defeats the purpose of separate finances.

          1. The spending audit was because he didn’t put his half of the mortgage into our shared account for most of last year so I paid the mortgage solo and we were trying to figure out where the money was going (whoops on my high horse again!)

          3. OP – do you want to be married to this guy? He doesn’t help others with money or time, he spends a lot of money on personal luxuries, and he isn’t holding up his end of you all’s financial agreement? And you have to babysit his budget for him – what other adulting is he not carrying his weight on? At the very least, talk to a lawyer on your own — you want to make sure your assets are solidly protected and you have a plan to leave if you decide to

          5. Him not paying his half of the mortgage is a much much bigger deal than the donation thing!

          6. AM OP, what the heck? Talk about burying the real point of it all. Not contributing to the mortgage is a much bigger deal than charitable contributions, and yeah, it appears that he’s very OK with you bearing the significant expenses.

          8. WHAT??? Girl. That’s the issue. This ain’t got nothing to do with charitable giving.

        5. Plus one million. It doesn’t track for me at all outside of very complicated scenarios, like second marriages and minor children.

          1. I think some couples go this way in the hopes it’ll help when they /aren’t/ on the same page in terms of they think about money, what they value (eg. spenders vs savers) – but in practice that only works if they are at least 80% on the same page on the big and just need a little bit of “not seeing the details” to smooth things over. This morning’s comment is a case study of that approach falling apart when there’s too big a gap!

    6. I think a lot of this is learned behavior. I grew up seeing my parents donate/volunteer in big and little ways and it’s second nature for me to seek out ways to give back.

      If you straight up ask my husband, he’ll donate or volunteer but doesn’t actively seek it out.

      I just shrugged it off and happily contribute on behalf of the family and sign my husband up for volunteer opportunities as relevant.

      1. +1 this is our dynamic too (but we have joint finances so I consider my donations joint).
        Also at the risk of sounding sexist, I think women are typically far more plugged into active charitable giving than men. At least, I see this pattern a lot among hetero couples in my fairly progressive circles where many men do a lot of active parenting and housework.

        1. I think women probably get more flack from society if their lives revolve around their wants, while men are more indulged in pursuing recreational hobbies and a work hard/play hard lifestyle?

          I’ve also seen men get past this “I made it!” stage of life and really dedicate themselves to community involvement, so I hope this is just a stage for this guy too.

          1. I was married before with combined finances. We had a lot of money arguments because he thought everything relating to his hobbies were “important” and “necessary” whereas my spending on work clothing, grooming (even haircuts!) was unnecessary.

            When I got remarried, we kept money separate at first because I didn’t want to have those kinds of arguments again.

            We had kids soon, then we combined our finances. But now that the kids are older/almost independent, we have somewhat separate finances because I am self employed and my income stays in my business until I decide to pay myself.

            Husband lets me know how much I owe for our joint expenses monthly, and that comes out of the salary I pay myself. But then I have spending money for me from my salary at my discretion. I also don’t need husband to run his spending by me.

          2. Maybe it’s a function of making enough money, but my husband and I don’t track each others spending at all despite having combined finances. We both know how much extra we have to spend and will run big purchases by the other, and by big, I’m talking about things like a car. I don’t get how you could plan your financial life together without having one pot, and I don’t think that has to mean you have a loss of independence in the process. For example, we know each month there’s $X for discretionary spending for each of us and we don’t care how X is spent.

          3. Yeah we’re fully joint finances and I also don’t run purchases by my husband unless it’s something huge like a new car. We are very comfortable (low six figure incomes in a LCOL area with a paid off house) but not ultra wealthy. He isn’t really interested in spending a lot of money except on necessary things, and he expressly prefers not to know how much I spend on discretionary stuff like travel (assuming I’m not racking up credit card debt or raiding our savings to fund it, which I’m not).

    7. I feel like opinions around charitable giving are extremely specific to your family/religion/culture. I could never imagine giving away 10% of my income to charities or to the church, but I know that number is common for a lot of people. (i have always refused to give a single cent to the catholic church, but that is neither here nor there.) Bottom line – I think its important to recognize that not everyone feels the same on these issues and you and your partner should have a discussion to be on the same page or at least be clear about what the pages are that the other one is on.

      1. +1, well said. I tend to be more of the one-off giver in my marriage. DH has a more planned approach. And sometimes we have slacked in giving because of pure inertia. I hope that doesn’t mean we’re terrible, awful, selfish people. /s

        1. I don’t think anyone is saying that you’re terrible, awful, or selfish. But, it does mean that charitable giving is not a priority for you or something that your value highly. Sounds like you and your spouse or well-matched there unlike the OP and her spouse.

          1. there’s something about it that seems performative, like you’re checking a box off on “how to be a good person.” case in point: you say that the priority is “charitable giving” and not something like helping charities.

      2. +1

        Giving any amount of money to the church kind of blows my brain despite knowing it’s widely done and acceptable in many circles.

        1. Well different strokes and I certainly do not judge people who direct their charitable giving elsewhere, but my church provides two meals per week to homeless people (with other faith groups taking the other meals), participates in running a food bank, provides support to Somali immigrants and provides meeting space to a variety of LGBT+ and 12-step groups for free, among many other ministries. So I feel like my money is being well spent.

          1. yeah, we do 10% to church, but that money goes to ecumenical work providing free hot meals, food bank, diaper and menstrual product bank, resettling refugees and helping them learn English, keeping kids out of foster care by providing resources to their parents, disaster response, running schools for girls in India and Pakistan, 12-step groups, grief groups, and a community art gallery.

            In addition, of course, to maintaining a beautiful old church that we open up as community space, and paying the salaries of our pastors and staff, who I am happy to support.

            My husband is on the finance committee and I think that religious organizations (with exceptions, of course) continue to provide the biggest bang for your buck in terms of building the society I want to live in.

          2. Those do sound like good works, but it seems to me like some of those needs would effectively disappear (or wouldn’t have occurred) in the absence of religion.

        2. … how do you think churches operate, then? God doesn’t make it rain money from the sky to keep the lights on. That’s generally up to the membership.

          1. I think the point is that they don’t think churches are good institutions, not that they don’t understand that churches need material donations to stay in business.

        3. My particular (Catholic) Church runs a food pantry that is very important to our community, and weekly collections are for all sorts of charitable activities. And yes, somehow the electricity needs to get paid and the priests need to be housed and fed!

          Organized religion must not be your cup of tea, and that’s fine. Everyone has a particular issue they feel strongly about, and therefore a variety of projects get funded.

          But often churches do a lot of good in their communities — and in terms of the Catholic Church, it is one of the biggest aid agencies in the world. A lot of that is funded by the people in the pews.

          1. But there are secular food pantries that don’t do harm like the Catholic Church does.

          2. Okay, but clearly the secular food pantries are not sufficient for the need because hundreds of families use the one out of the Church? And as much as people like to hate on Catholic hospitals, they serve in areas where other for-profit hospitals don’t/won’t operate, especially in this climate of consolidation. And then there are all the charitable groups under the umbrella of the Church, like Catholic Relief Services, that care for hundreds of millions of people around the world, and are funded in part through collections at churches.

            To some extent, doing “harm” is subjective. Many people believe PP does harm and can’t possibly understand why people donate their money there.

            I’m not denying the Church has a lot to reckon for…almost every large organization does, though it is particularly insidious for a religious org, I know. It doesn’t mean there isn’t a path forward doing good.

          3. Well, there’s an argument that the unwavering support for right wing politicians from the Catholic and Evangelical (moreso Evangelical) churches has led to a lot of poverty and the associated problems, at least in the US. I tend to agree with the poster who says that a lot of the problems being “solved” by religious aid wouldn’t even exist without organized religion, especially those two branches of Christianity.

          4. Anon @ 7:15. I’m confused by your argument. “A lot of problems being solved by religious aid wouldn’t even exist without religion.” Posters in this thread have talked about food pantries, diaper banks, meals for the homeless, refugee services, 12 step programs, and more. Are you saying there wouldn’t be hunger, poverty, homelessness, wars and disasters creating refugees, and people with addictions, but for Christianity? It’s fine to dislike organized religion, but your argument makes no sense.

          5. Not zero, but there would definitely be less poverty and homelessness if we had fewer Republican leaders, and Christianity (especially Evangelicalism and Catholicism) have led very directly to the election of Republican leaders. There have been scholarly articles and books about this subject if you don’t want to take my word for it.

          6. I’m usually pretty down on Catholic hospitals (their marketing is kind of sneaky/misleading especially with respect to OB/GYN stuff) but you make a good point about their existence in places where other entities won’t operate hospitals.

        4. I represent inmates who are returning to the community. I welcome any of you who are disgusted with the church to open a secular reentry program to assist people getting out of prisons.

    8. I think this can shift and evolve a lot over the course of adulthood. Charitable giving at age 35 is probably going to look a lot different than at 55 or 65. Either way, yes, both people should be on the same page. I also wouldn’t necessarily leap to “selfish” as the takeaway for someone who isn’t making financial contributions, but rather an opening to a bigger conversation about priorities, goals, wishes, values, etc. The OP seemed to have some pent-up frustrations about her partner or husband.

      On that note, can we be more specific about relationship status and not whatever term you use amongst yourselves, please? The advice I’d give to a married couple with joint finances is pretty different than what I’d tell an unmarried couple with separate finances. Or whatever the situation.

    9. I completely agree… I don’t think giving $ is the only way, but a partner that doesn’t believe in giving time/money/resources to helping their community would not be okay with me.
      The comments that “I might need that for my end of life care”… eyeroll. I highly doubt those folks aren’t also spending $ on things like travel, clothes, etc. It’s okay to admit you just think about yourself/immediate family, but don’t pretend that’s why! It’s not a binary choice between savings & making some donations

      1. You’re free to do whatever you want, but some of us have a lot of people dependent on us. I’m sorry but I’m paying for all of that first. If, in the end, there’s money left over, then I’d make gift to a charity. I consider all the direct aid we give to be quite charitable and zero of it is going to overhead of some 501c.

    10. I would not consider charitable giving as a reflection of personal values that’s in any way a dealbreaker to me, but I live in a country with a strong culture of public spending and secular life with no tithing tradtions. The voluntary sector and effort here is extremely strong, and NGOs get massive public grants, but giving personal money is considered a very private matter, and often connected to foreign aid in either times of crisis or sponsoring children’s education or similar in other countries, unless you’re filthy rich and have millions to spend. In this tradition, a person’s voting voice is more important to their personal values than their spending, because their voting voice will contribute to directing the public spending, and that’s where the money that matters the most will be directed.

      For this morning’s OP it did feel like more of a whole package kind of worry, though. If you feel that you and your partner’s values do not match, it doesn’t really matter why. You’re allowed to be concerned about anything that matters to you!

    11. I wonder how much in charitable donations those billionaires at the inauguration give. It must surely be at least 10% of their annual income.

    12. I feel like that’s such a red herring too – $10/mo doesn’t have an impact on future healthcare costs…

      1. Yeah, when my son got his first job in HS (Kroger produce dept) he started sending $10/month to Doctors Without Borders (I forget what the trigger was for choosing them specifically) and now he’s an impecunious grad student and he’s upped the amount but it’s still small. But it matters to him and it adds up.

      2. I’m one of the posters who said I plan to do the bulk of my giving (hopefully millions) in my estate. I give far more than $10/month currently. I just don’t give as much I could, because of concerns about having enough saved for end of life. I don’t think people making those comments were mostly saying they give nothing – I definitely wasn’t.

      3. I don’t want to give $10/mo to a cause because I want to have it on hand for all the heartbreaking gofundmes that will arise every year. Canada must really have it better than USA these days.

    13. When I was in debt, I didn’t give more than $25 to anything. Are young people now thinking they even have free funds to give with? Giving for me is what is left over after I die because I feel that my creditors own what I don’t spend on my needs.

      1. This is a ymmv situation, but I think there is something to be said for giving to others who are struggling even more, even when you yourself are in a tough spot. I actually found it easier to give when I had very very little – and it was super important to me, like it reminded me that I was more than just the daily struggle. I wouldn’t put pressure on anyone else who’s low income to donate but it’s not that uncommon (and remember that even very low income in the US is not by global standards).

        I actually found it harder to figure out giving when I got more financially stable – like once there is money to be had, it got a lot more appealing to hoard it, or feeling that financial stability turned on some part of my brain that was like “this is great, now optimize for never, ever risk losing it”. There was also some lifestyle creep — things that were super luxuries once now feel like necessities. Two things that have helped me reframe giving are:
        I set up some automatic donations to well vetted legs where I am really confident in the impact per dollar – it scratches the itch to “get a good return on investment”

        I made a deal with myself that when I buy something for a hobby or other personal luxuries, I also buy something to donate. So saving up for Hobby Thing X means saving the cost of X + ~20% ish. I still spend plenty of money on wants, but it helps me keep in perspective on wants vs needs. I try to pick out the donation at the same time so there’s a more direct physical connection – like if I’m getting an outdoor hobby thing, I’m getting a pack of nice quality wool socks for the shelter; or if I’m getting fancy candles at target, I’m grabbing a pack of diapers too, etc.

        (obviously everyone’s experience varies, I just thought it was an interesting question and it started me reflecting on my experiences)

    14. I think the people saying future healthcare costs aren’t being honest with themselves. You’re telling me that every single bit of discretionary spending is being reserved for that? You’re never going to a concert or a movie or having a meal out a fancy restaurant? I’m not a big spender. But my $25 or $100 here or there to help out my charity of choice feels right when I know I probably spend that on frivolous beauty purchases and what not elsewhere. I am saving for retirement and future health needs. But that’s clearly not where every bit of money is going. That’s the sort of answer when you’re trying to justify to yourself that everything in your life is a need versus a want and that’s why you can’t help someone else out.

      1. I don’t go to concerts or movies or eat out, no, but I do buy things I don’t need. But I still don’t feel super comfortable giving routinely to charity. Do you have friends or family who have nowhere to live or who can’t afford all their medical bills despite being employed? The charities that exist aren’t eradicating these problems for people in my life. Would they if I just donated more? Because I can’t just buy medicine and a place to live for everyone I know personally who can’t afford it even if they’re working two jobs already. I do want to be in a position to help repair somebody’s car when it breaks down, let them say “yes” to a medical procedure they need, and basically have savings that supply a little more security to people who have sacrificed a lot for me. I have no children and don’t want to be a burden on family when my already expensive healthcare issues catch up with me. I feel like people who give to charity must be must richer or must have much richer friends and family.

        1. But are you actually giving to others in your life? Because, again, a lot of this sounds like a way to justify to yourself that money would be coming from that “pot” rather than the discretionary stuff in your life, which is kind of a fallacy.

          And, no, I don’t feel like I need to eradicate problems for people in my life. A lot of that is because I know they can help themselves. But I do feel an obligation to help those in much worse circumstances through no fault of their own, especially when it may be a situation where y $25 is going to whether a kid has lunch. And reputable charities will do a better job at ensuring that money is best spent than most people can on an individual level.

          1. Yes, when something comes up.

            That’s nice that people you know can all help themselves. Not everyone I know has always been able to do that! I don’t know what you mean about reputable charities doing a better job spending my money, but I’m not talking about a codependent relationship enabling addicts or people who should be able to help themselves but won’t. I’m talking about people employed in important but low paid professions who don’t have a lot of security because they’ve never had a lot of money, through no fault of their own, and who have hit on hard times despite their own best efforts at saving, including gig work on the side. Thanks for vaguely maligning people in helping professions who don’t make a lot of money and have found themselves in bad circumstances financially despite no vices or bad habits though. If you know a charity who will pay for dental work for people on Medicaid and it’s the dental work is not just “yank all your teeth out and wear dentures,” I’m looking for one. Or maybe “dentures are good enough for poor people” is what you meant by reputable charities ensuring that money is best spent.

          2. Not really about giving now vs. giving later, but I much prefer giving to individuals and organizations in my community, and I don’t think I’m alone in that. If a Girl Scout comes to my door selling cookies or a teacher at our school emails about clearing a wishlist or a friend who volunteers at an animal shelter asks for donations of pet food, I will give every single time. And even when giving to organizations rather than individuals, I prefer to support local things like our performing arts center or our local public schools foundation, rather than big national charities. I’m aware that national charities may use the money more efficiently but I feel much less personally connected to them and am thus way less likely to donate. I don’t think that’s super unusual.

          3. I think there is a class blindness in this discussion. Most of my family did not graduate from college, and I am the person who helps when someone needs a lawyer or can’t pay school fees for music class or sports. I am the executor for everyone’s will. Etc. So don’t judge.

    15. I don’t think values necessarily correlate with priorities. Not everyone has the luxury of indulging in what they value.

    16. Dear OP – please get rid of this man. The lack of charitable giving in your circumstances is wholly insignificant to NOT PAYING THE MORTGAGE.

      DTMA.

      Paying the mortgage is a lot more important, you don’t start the charitable giving before you have paid your basic expenses.

      This is a put on your own oxygen mask first sort of thing. He is not contributing to your oxygen mask.

  6. I’ll be in San Diego (La Jolla) with my family (toddler, partner, and in-laws) for a week and looking for things to do to escape! I love hiking, jogging, beach, and consignment stores. What are your recommendations?

    1. La Jolla is beautiful and I could spend a whole week there. But if you want to go do other things, the San Diego children’s museum is nice, so is the zoo. Balboa Park is nice to walk around and maybe stop in one of the museums. We like Torrey Pines for hiking and the beach. We also like Mission Bay and Pacific Beach for a beach day. Pacific Beach has a lot of restaurants nearby.

    2. What time of year are you coming and where are you staying? Will you have a rental car? And do all activities need to be toddler friendly or will you be able to leave kiddo with someone else to do things separately?

      1. Coming later this month and staying in La Jolla! Sharing a rental car with the rest of the crew, but looking for toddler-free activities for myself (I am taking some alone time while the rest of the fam goes to Legoland, for example). This means they will probably have the car but I’m open to public transit/renting a bike/ubering/walking to get around.

        1. The aquarium in La Jolla is small but really nicely done and I think would be perfect for toddlers.

        2. Public transit is not really a possibility in La Jolla. But you can certainly Uber.

          Off the top of my head:
          For just you: Torrey Pines Reserve for hiking. It is nearby and beautiful assuming the weather cooperates. You could also go down to La Jolla Shores or the beach at Del Mar (start at Jakes and walk north).

          For family:
          Zoo (I love the Zoo and went there all the time with my daughter when she was a toddler; bring a stroller).
          Balboa Park (the train, carousel, the Science Museum, etc. Have lunch at the Art Museum because they have a great patio/garden area)for toddler to run around.
          Take the ferry from downtown to Coronado (or the other way around). If it is unseasonably warm, your kid can play in the water at the ferry landing because it is on the bay side and very quiet. Or drive to Coronado and visit the Hotel del Coronado and walk on that beach. You could then park at the ferry landing and take the ferry to downtown. There are a lot of places to eat at the ferry landing.
          Is anyone in your family interested in military history? If so, the USS Midway is great. Nearby is Seaport Village which is super touristy but might be fun to walk around.
          Does your kid like trains? When mine was a toddler we used to take Amtrak from Solana Beach (free parking) to San Juan Capistrano to visit the Mission.

    3. Balboa park is great for little kids. My little kids loved the air and space museum.

      I’m not into zoos, but lots of people take their kids to the famous San Diego Zoo.

      I think a trip over the Coronado bridge is necessary if you’ll have a car.

      1. I found the SD zoo hideously overpriced and really underwhelming in terms of animal viewing, and I think it would be especially exhausting with a toddler. It’s bigger than Disney!
        Our home zoo (small Midwest city) is smaller, but has pretty much all the same animals and they’re easier to see and seem happier. And it’s literally a third the price.

        1. Yeah, as I said, zoos in general aren’t my favorite because I’m an animal lover, but they do have giant pants in San Diego.

          2. Yes, but. When we were there last fall there was a 1.5-2 hour line to see the pandas…. Later in the day the wait was “only” 20 minutes but the pandas were off exhibit which they didn’t mention. I think there was a way to reserve a time to visit the pandas with a shorter line but you had to do it first thing after the zoo opened. The whole thing felt Disneyfied to me in a bad way. We did Disney on the same trip and it felt less crowded and overpriced.

          3. If you dislike the Disneyfication of the SD Zoo, I beg you to write them and leave a review and say that. Their current CEO used to be at Disney and seems to want to turn the Zoo into a theme park. I know a lot of people who work there and who are horrified.

            That said I am a member, I love the zoo and it is not usually crowded in February, especially during the week. Anyone who went when the pandas were new was going to encounter crazy crowds! The Safari Park is also an option if you do not mind a bit of a drive and is a very different experience. However, be aware that it might be too much walking for small children.

            Final note – the best view of the pandas is often from the bridge that goes across that canyon, especially if you bring binoculars. One of them loves to lounge on a rock that you can see from the bridge.

          4. I haven’t kept up with San Diego zoo, but there’s no inconsistency with being an animal lover and supporting actually good zoos and conversation parks. The research they do helps support wild populations of endangered species and matters.

        2. Eh, I live in San Diego and love the zoo even with toddlers. Bring a travel stroller and the zoo is not bad at all. My only hesitation would be nap time, but they’re doing Legoland which is an all day thing. It’s better to go on a weekday, and it shouldn’t be crowded. Before you enter the zoo, there are signs with QR codes where you can sign up for a time to see the pandas (that’s the only way to sign up, so look before you enter to skip most of the line. I missed this and still just had to wait 20-25 min last month.) If it’s a warm, sunny day, the new kids water play area is very, very fun. It’s probably too cold, but we’ve gotten some mid/high 70s days lately.

    4. I’ve visited La Jolla a couple of times. It’s a beautiful town and great to walk the commercial area and then walk around the beach. A few favorites:
      -Dr. Seuss gallery with lots of his famous art & then some of his more adult art
      -Walking through the Scripps campus, but especially walking north from there on the beach. It’s a protected area, so very wild (but safe!) and beautiful
      -If you have a car, it’s worth a drive into Coronado and, separately, to Point Loma for some incredible views

    5. La Jolla Shores is lovely. If there are a lot of birds fishing, you might be able to see dolphins near shore, closer to the South side of the beach lately, and there’s a great playground on the beach. Piatti is a cute Italian restaurant, get the patio under the tree. For your alone time, La Jolla has a smaller modern art museum that just got a new restaurant. With the kid, the Birch Aquarium is a pleasant visit, but not a very large one. If you don’t live near a shopping mall, the Westfield UTC mall is an LA style outdoor mall with tons of food options (Ding Tai Fung is amazing Taiwanese dumplings, try to get a reservation, casual enough for kids, Menya Ultra Ramen is great, lots of dessert options across the mall). San Diego also has tons of speak easy cocktails bars that are fun. If you like boats, I’d go downtown to the bay and take a ferry tour. If it’s warm weather, there are also small electric boat rentals that I think would be easy enough with a toddler and some snacks. I always like walking around Coronado/Hotel Del.
      Balboa Park is pleasant. With toddlers, the model railway museum is fun as well as the lily pond (the little sandwich stand above the museum entrance is good). Viewpoint Brewing is on the backside of Del Mar overlooking the open space and is a lovely time with an open dining room and beer on tap. Del Mar Dog Beach is fun to see the fancy breeds running around and walk the beach, more dogs on a weekend. Encinitas/Leucadia have cool little downtown areas near the beach but parking is bad on weekends. Any Pizza Port has good pizza/beer/kid friendly.

  7. Did anyone here do dry January? How did it go for you? My husband and I didn’t have the best one ever but I’mma just going to blame that on Elon.

    1. I wasn’t doing dry January specifically. I stopped drinking for the most part around October due to chronic migraines, which alcohol seems to exacerbate.

      I had a champagne toast (one glass) on NYE, then split a cocktail at lunch with my husband on our wedding anniversary mid January. That was it.

      I keep wondering if there’s a THC solution out there for me, because I love the relaxation of a glass of wine, but I don’t know how to get that specific feeling from weed. I haven’t tried much, to be honest.

      1. Also did it unintentionally. I don’t really drink except at weddings, vacations to wine regions and occasional girls nights or dinner parties and had none of those in January.

      2. Try gummies – start with 1/4th of one. Camino is a good starter. Just give it 45-90 minutes to kick in.

    2. I switched from working through a bottle of bubbly over the weekend to getting those mini bottles they sell now and drinking only one or two over the weekend. It’s kind of silly (the fake plastic cork over the screw top on the mini bottles is definitely silly), but it’s a lot less actual alcohol. My husband isn’t drinking at all, but he’ll have a canned kombucha to join me.

  8. I am good at picking out clothes for daily life: work, working out, casual weekend outings, church, etc. What I am terrible at is having the foresight to find things for concerts, date nights, and more fun occasions. Then those occasions roll around, and I hate my closet and feel like the most boring dresser ever. Or buy something ill-advised at the last minute. I am just not a fancy person and don’t feel drawn to special pieces, as sad as that sounds!

    In the year 2025, what are your staple “fancy” pieces, or things that dress up the more basic everyday clothes? I’d love to get some sort of jacket or topper that would elevate things I already own, and maybe 1-2 going-out tops. I’m in my mid-40s, size 14, and really hate wearing anything low-cut.

    1. What kind of “more basic” clothes are the topper and tops supposed to dress up — are you wearing them with jeans? With trousers?

      If so, since you don’t like “fancy” clothes, I’d look for the same types of items you like to wear in your casual life, but in the elevated version of them. “Elevated” might be through the fabric, pattern, or color. So, if you wear blazers and feel comfortable in them, look for a sequined blazer or a velvet one or a fuschia one (assuming that color looks good on you). If you wear t-shirts or button-front shirts, look for one in silk rather than cotton. If you love a plain pullover sweater, buy one in cashmere in a really flattering color.

      You might also be missing the completing touches — the earrings that are more eye-catching than your everyday earrings, a dressier handbag (if you use one), great shoes, and (if you live in a cold climate) a nice winter coat. Again, look for the elevated versions of what you already like.

    2. I am a huge fan of sequins. I will wear them anywhere. So sequin tank top, plus jeans, plus jean or leather jacket? Done and dusted.

    3. I use the form funnel neck long sleeve tee (on clearance) from Everlane as a top that does everything. Specifically for evening concert/school events because it’s a good backdrop for my necklaces.

    4. This is one of the few times I recommend impulse or sale purchases. I’d set aside a couple hours on a day when you don’t feel frazzled or rushed and go through the sale racks at Local Fancy Department store, they usually separate occasion-wear and cocktail options. Anthropologie is also great for this type of thing, it’s almost all statement pieces made for going out and no basics.
      For me, I have settled on elevated versions of my day to day items for the most part. So if I have a pair of wide legged knit pants day to day, I pick up a pair of wide legged sequin pants. If I have a go-to cotton shirt-dress, I might pick a simple dress in an unusual print made of silk or taffeta.
      I also went in a more minimal direction for most of my dress-up options, focusing on interesting and bold color combinations, drape/cut or proportions to do the “heavy lifting” to make it more jazzy and fun, rather than embroidery, lace, tulle, sequins/sparkle, or “fussy” elements.

  9. I cannot escape the Justin Baldoni / Blake Likely legal drama. Agree with prior posts that the lawyers are winning. At first, I had some sympathy to the Blake side. Then, it was a pox on both their houses. Now, IDK why the Blake / Reynolds side is digging in so deep on this. They are rich on another level compared to the Justin side, so now it just seems really weird that they keep doubling down on this. She could never work again and her life would be 1000% fine and yet I bet that people would still finance their projects and they’d never be out of projects or hurting. But they are really burning through their image and goodwill to attack him (who I’m guessing actually needs to work in that business). Maybe Blake’s side just believes its own hype? I still feel like why is this nothing burger getting so much attention (but I am guilty of paying attention but everything else is just so depressing). When I read that she was demanding her choice of lawyers for him to depose her, that hit me as an unhinged level of nuts.

    1. I haven’t seen anything over the last couple of weeks, but given that he hired PR firms to preemptively smear her reputation just in case she went public with this stuff, I’m #TeamBlake.

      The NYT reporter who broke the story did an excellent video summary of the PR/image campaign and the irrefutable evidence that he was behind it. “We can bury anyone” particularly haunted me.

      And if you’re one of those “I just don’t like her” people, please consider how much you’ve been influenced by campaigns like this without even knowing it.

      1. I think that the power imbalance here is huge, which isn’t something that typically is in the woman’s favor.

        1. He’s backed by a billionaire. There is no power imbalance just a gross angry dude who is pissed that a woman has enough money and power to stand up to him.

          He seemed great initially but so did Joss Whedon. Barely anyone cares about this lawsuit and anyone who has heard about it is team Blake.

          1. I’ve been following it but am not team Blake. I’ll keep an open mind but I’m not seeing that she’s a victim.

          2. Anyone being forced to be mostly naked in front of men they did not provide consent to is a victim in my books.

            JB had his buddy in a role where he basically had his face in her privates without prior consent. I don’t need to know anything else to know he’s gross.

      2. To be fair there are good reasons to not like her that aren’t based on PR campaigns. She got married at a plantation in 2012. That’s pretty freaking tone deaf.
        I think he sexually harassed her and deserves to face consequences for that but I also think Blake is a crappy person. Both can be true.

          1. I dislike him too for the same reason… but this discussion is about liking/not liking Blake, not her husband.

    2. I pretty much agree with this take. Would also like to see this resolved and take up less space in my brain. I’m getting the impression that we’re just seeing a lot of fired up egos at war.

      1. I don’t think this is in anyone’s face who doesn’t want it to be! This is the second weekend in a row someone is posting about his and it’s a non story for those of us who don’t follow celeb gossip. If you don’t want it to take up space in your brain, don’t give it space. There’s plenty of more important things happening.

          1. Yeah I’m impressed the PR firm is targeting this forum – who knew we’re influencers lol

            Don’t you have other targets to frame or bury for your clients? The dems should pay you to target Musk

    3. He’s backed by a billionaire. He’s a gross faux-feminist who was horrible to multiple people. Basically everyone on that movie disliked his gross behaviour.

      If you’re see it still, it’s because you haven’t cleared your browser history or something. Super easy to avoid.

      No one knows who he is. He was on like one TV show. He’s clearly freaking out about this for attention. Smartest thing he could do is to settle it, disappear for a while and then attempt a come back.

      1. Yeah Jonathan Majors making his comeback know and that was physically more blatant with video evidence iirc

        This is more money but hardly anyone gets canceled forever – they just get elected.

        1. Steve Sarowitz. I don’t really know anything about him except he founded a company with Baldoni and is (allegedly) putting up the funding for the lawsuit.

          1. He co-owns the studio (wayfarer) but claims he was barely involved and only visited the set like twice .

            Except one of the only set visits he flew in for was the birth scene where Blake was almost nude had been subject to a lot of pressure to film nude in the days before. Sounds like he wanted to see her naked and tried to get the other producers to talk her into it.

  10. Another San Diego-related question. I’ve been toying with the idea to move to north of SD for a while. I’ve spent a few months there in the past (Solana Beach) and like the area. I do a sport that is big in that area, and have some connections so I could pick up more of that sport/hobby (which I think is a big piece missing in my current life). I’m a solo parent of one preschool age child. My company has an office there and I can transfer pretty easily. Does anyone here live in the Encinitas/Olivenhain area, or perhaps further north? And what are your thoughts on it? Private vs public schools? I’ll be coming from an area with a similar or higher cost of living (Bay Area). I’m hybrid so I can manage living a bit farther from the office (no need for a daily commute). Office is in Del Mar area. Is there an area you particularly love? Am I crazy for thinking I could find something with a somewhat walkable “village” center near a good school for my kid?

    1. It really just depends on your budget. I think Solana Beach is pretty cute if you can swing a rental or purchase nearby. If you’re open to paying >$1M for a condo and only have one kid, then it’s doable and the local schools are fine. Carmel Valley/Pacific Highlands Ranch is the current hot area for Type A parents, professional households who want to live in the suburbs.

      I think Olivenhain is a more cookie cutter suburb, similar to Pacific Highlands Ranch, and only close to what’s right there. I can’t afford a single family home west of the 5, but I personally would try to be closer to the beach if I was making that move. Or
      try to get close to the sport community you’re in. You might be able to get into a walkable neighbor! Public schools are generally fine/above average in many of those areas unless you really want your kid to go Ivy. They’re all under funded, so not as much Art/Music as schools in other areas, but I’d guess the Bay area is similar. It does very how much the local PTAs fundraise, but the experience seems fine to me so far.

      North County is less diverse than San Diego proper, although it varies (Oceanside is more diverse and so on) if that matters to you.

  11. (reposting with word edited to avoid mod)
    Another San Diego-related question. I’ve been toying with the idea to move to north of SD for a while. I’ve spent a few months there in the past (Solana Beach) and like the area. I do a sport that is big in that area, and have some connections so I could pick up more of that sport/hobby (which I think is a big piece missing in my current life). I’m a solo parent of one preschool age child. My company has an office there and I can change location pretty easily. Does anyone here live in the Encinitas/Olivenhain area, or perhaps further north? And what are your thoughts on it? Private vs public schools? I’ll be coming from an area with a similar or higher cost of living (Bay Area). I’m hybrid so I can manage living a bit farther from the office (no need for a daily commute). Office is in Del Mar area. Is there an area you particularly love? Am I crazy for thinking I could find something with a somewhat walkable “village” center near a good school for my kid?

    1. I’m not super familiar with SD but I lived in the Bay Area for years and worked for a firm with a Del Mar office so I got to go down there a few times. I loved it and it seemed sooo much more livable than the Bay Area although I’m sure traffic and cost of living are worse now. One of my best work friends commuted from Encinitas to Del Mar five days a week; I don’t think that’s a bad commute at all, at least not by Bay Area standards.

    2. The big question on whether this is possible is how much money do you have to throw at housing? Because those areas do exist but they are $$$$$. The good news is that there is no need to pay for private schools. The public ones are excellent.

      If you want a walkable village center, you are going to need to be west of the 5. I would look at Del Mar, South Carlsbad, Solana Beach, and Encinitas. Be careful about “north” Carlsbad because that is often really Oceanside. Oceanside is an area that is definitely on the upswing but it has a way to go. Also, do not underestimate how bad the traffic will be to Del Mar!

    3. Not much will be walkable unless you are right in the small village areas along the coast. Encinitas is a great place in terms of availability of shopping/medical etc resources. You might also look into Carlsbad Village area. It’s further north but has a larger area that is more walkable.

      Encinitas to Del Mar is probably only 15-20 mins in traffic, depending how far your start/end points are from the freeway. Carlsbad to Del Mar is probably 20-30.

      “North of San Diego” is known locally as “North County” – which includes Del Mar, Solana Beach, Encinitas, Carlsbad and Oceanside.

      You will pay a massive premium to be west of the 5 (closer to the beach), and the closer you are to the water the more likely you are to be under the marine layer constantly. Once you get east of the 15, you are into more desert-type areas which will get scorching hot. Weather-wise about 4-8 miles from the water is the sweetspot.

      Don’t have kids, so I can’t comment on schools.

      Good luck on the move! I also transplanted here 8 years ago.

  12. Advice on celebrating a major career milestone? I just accomplished a title that I would never have dreamed of 5 years ago. It’s been an emotional time thinking back on what it took to get here.

    So many accomplished women here, so I’d love any advice or thoughts on what you’ve done. I’ve been working on letting it all sink in and now I want to celebrate.

    1. Bought myself a Cartier watch to celebrate. I wear it every day and it brings me joy.

    2. Congratulations! I achieved this a couple of years ago, and the way I celebrated was to champion top performers in my company and partner companies, and give them space/projects to shine and rise in their careers. In other words, I tried to pay it forward. Thank you Madeline Albright for being an enduring inspiration!

    3. I got myself a few outfits that made me feel super confident. Would also consider a nice piece of art for the office that I can see from my desk.

  13. I only billed 80 hours in January and have only billed 19 month to date. This means I am ~ 100 hours behind what I would normally be. Is it possible to dig myself out of this hours hole this early in the year? I have only ever been 15-20 hours under par at any given time. If you have done this and can tell me what you did- I would appreciate specifics and ideas, and maybe even how long it took for you to get back on par.

    1. Depends on why you’re low. Presuming the work is there, knock out a couple extra a day and put in full weekends until you catch up. If the work isn’t there, polish your resume.

    2. Look for hours eaters — if you’re a mid level lit attorney, this is the time to supervise a priv review, for example, because it’s very easy to rack up a lot of hours. Low intellectual effort / a lot of hours = the projects you should be going for.

  14. Medical Costs, pre-ACA. I wanted to start a thread about medical costs pre-ACA. It occurred to me that some posters may be fortunate to always post-ACA coverage. Before ACA, insurance companies could deny insurance for any condition they wanted to, and could and did deny coverage to someone with asthma, heart disease or cancer. People did not get tested for conditions because they knew they would not be able to get insurance if they did. Even if they could get coverage, it was really expensive or excluded pre-existing conditions. A child could be excluded on the grounds their early childhood medical conditions were preexisting. So when folks talk about being worried about medical care, we are talking about the Republicans tossing us back into that free market, and having to pay for a serious condition entirely on our own. Look at what a round of chemo or a major surgery costs.

    1. And Long Term Care needs to be considered as well. Many posters are just having their eyes opened to how much care costs in the later years as they grapple with`helping their parents figure out solutions.

    2. Pre-ACA, I had to buy my own health insurance at one point. I was totally healthy, no medical problems, almost never saw a doctor. My only medical issue that was in my records with Blue Cross Blue Shield from past physicals was acne. So to get an individual health care plan from Blue Cross on my own, I had to sign a rider that the insurance would not cover me for acne or any medical problem that could arise from acne. I read through the contract. It was utterly insane. I would not be covered for skin infections (cellulitis), bacteremia (blood infections), sepsis (blood infections so severe your body starts crashing and organs start failing) and then all the failing organ conditions like heart attack, heart failure, kidney failure, liver failure and more. It was the most ridiculous thing I had ever seen.

      How could this be allowed? Why do I have to sign a contract saying that BCBS is not liable to cover me for a heart attack, because I have acne?!?! That can’t be enforceable.

      But I had no choice but to sign it. There were not a lot of health plan options for purchasing yourself and they all had similar riders.

      1. Yeah, one of the complaints about ACA is that the policies are expensive, but they have coverage requirements that make the contracts more useful than this.

    3. Same – there are lots of the I want fixed about healthcare, not least the ridiculous number of Americans who are insured and still bankrupt from medical debt or avoiding care due to costs. But it’s orders of magnitude better than pre ACA.

      Even from a cold hearted economic perspective, it locked people into jobs really inefficiently, because switching insurances would mean your medical history becomes “pre-existing”

    4. I never really got how this worked with workplace provided healthcare, since I didn’t have any preexisting conditions in a pre-ACA world. Did you get a special rider that x wasn’t covered by your workplace healthcare plan? Or was this only an issue for people who purchased individual plans?

      1. Employer-sponsored plans could have pre-ex limits. often, they would be something like “If a condition was diagnosed or treated within x months or years of the start of your coverage, the plan won’t pay for services related to that condition for y months or years.”

        When you submitted claims, the insurer would look for details that suggested a pre-ex condition. If they found any such details, they would deny the claim, and it would be up to you and your provider to appeal and try to document that the condition was new.

    5. I have had asthma since I was a toddler, and it’s all over my medical records. I was at my first job out of college when I realized that I could never be an entrepreneur, because I likely would not be able to get insurance at all or it would be prohibitively expensive. I can say definitively that this shaped my life and career trajectory. I’m now in my mid-forties, and still worry constantly about whether I will ever be able to pursue such a dream. Yes, there is exchange coverage, but it’s very pricy. I don’t have a partner to piggyback off of their insurance. It really sucks to have a lifelong, controlled pre-existing condition that insurance companies freak out over. It was crippling pre-ACA; now it’s just in the back of my mind.

  15. Did anyone have lots of nausea when starting Lexapro or generic for it? Does it go away? This is worse than morning sickness

    1. I’m so sorry. I had nausea at the beginning (not as badly as you describe, though), and yes, mine went away. How long have you been taking the Lexapro?

        1. {To be clear: I’m not a medical doctor. I’m just someone who’s been on Lexapro for a long time.}

          See if you can give it two weeks. If it doesn’t get better by then, it might not be for you. And if it feels like you really can’t make it for another 10 or so days, talk to your doctor. There are other forms of anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication that might not have the same side effects.

          2. I think this is good advice. For the first week or so all you are really feeling are side effects, and not yet getting any of the benefits. Good luck OP!

  16. Related to the donations discussion: I work in nonprofits so I’ve always felt that the lost earnings differential + at times, lack of sleep, is my donation. That might make me a meanie and most people who work at nonprofits might donate more, who knows, but its my justification.

    2. I’ve only worked in public service and non-profits so I generally feel the same way. My professional career has been geared toward helping people so that’s my contribution. Sometimes I’ll donate to Red Cross after a disaster, or our animal shelter during a giving drive.

    3. I felt largely this way for a long time, but now that I am nearing 50 and my income is significantly higher I am enjoying getting more charitable. I do have trouble donating to charities that work in the area I work in—I just know too much about how the sausage is made I guess—but we’ve started giving to a number of organizations working on different issues. It feels good, but I think having a lot more financial wiggle room was critical to making this possible. It doesn’t feel like i’m making a choice between making donations and being able to afford things that are really important to me.

  17. I’ll post again on the morning thread but just checking in on the probationary feds. I read that RIF notices had gone out at Commerce for all probationary positions. They went out late Friday evening, so many people only saw them if they were checking work email over the weekend. I hope you are all doing ok. I don’t know what to say — this is bad.

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