Coffee Break: Jemms Bag

Ted Baker can be a bit too twee sometimes, but I kind of love this purse with the robot wearing a bow. More importantly, it’s one of many Ted Baker pieces on sale at Zappos right now. I like this black/blue briefcase (for men or women, really), these two crossbodies with interesting black & white patterns, and this fun robot bag. Not on sale: this heavily quilted crossbody, which is why I originally started looking at the brand (Nordstrom has it in a satchel form) — but do note that prominent bow detail amidst the quilting, which I only realized after I started looking. ANYHOO: I prefer the robot to the bow, and it’s on sale, so huzzah: the pictured bag was $219, but is now marked to $152. It also comes in white; Amazon also has it in a “natural.”

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  1. Well, if nothing else I guess my kids would like it if I carried this bag. Since it’s got a toy on it.

    • coffee queen :

      Yes… I saw this and thought my girls would love it but I am not spending that much on a kids purse :)

  2. Anonymous :

    What does it mean that Ted Baker is “twee”?

  3. anonlawyer :

    i love and often wear all things ted baker. i guess my 41-year-old-biglaw-partner-self is a bit twee …..

    • I love this bag. I have never thought of myself as a twee person (for instance, I don’t own anything in a bird print) but a robot? C’mon. That’s cool.

    • Aquae Sulis :

      I’ve never ventured into Ted Baker, but I want this bag in my life (especially in purple!).

    • I think I would like to try the purse but I would NOT want the sachel. I supose it all boils down to how profesional I can look carrying a sachel. Dad says I should avoid a sachel b/c it calls attention to my tuchus, which he calls my “sachel-a$$”. FOOEY! Just b/c my tuchus is not as small as Rosa’s does NOT mean I am not cute. I went to a Yankee game yesterday with Myrna’s investement bankers, and there were alot of guy’s who kept stareing at me in their box rather then watcheing the game! The Yankee’s won, but I left after the 7th inning b/c I needed to get to work early. Myrna had a car waiting for us and that was nice b/c I do NOT like to be taking the 4 train after 8 at night. There are alot of schmoes on the train at night that either proposition me, or ask me for money. DOUBEL FOOEY on that!

  4. Anonymous :

    Are these bags good quality? I am considering a flap bag, but the one review I found said the turnlock broke shortly after purchase.

    • Senior Attorney :

      I bought a Ted Baker bag at the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale and I’ve been happy with the quality.

      • Legally BRunette :

        +1 I bought a Ted Baker bag at the NAS sale in 2016 and it’s going strong. Not twee, standard large black leather bag.

    • Anonymous :

      I have a TB bag and the straps got all cracked along the edges very quickly. Was not impressed.

  5. MM LaFleur :

    Are returns free? Their website says that returns in 21 days will be refunded in full, but didn’t say anything about paying for return shipping. I ordered a top and pants but then realized I might prefer the top in another size/color but don’t want to deal with a big hassle.

  6. Anonymous :

    My mom called me at work to tell me she filed for divorce from my dad. Ugh. Are there any tips anyone has for navigating their parent’s divorce as an adult? Will I be called into court?

    • Senior Attorney :

      I’m sorry to hear this! Can’t believe your mom dropped the bomb while you were at work!

      It seems unlikely that you’ll be called to testify. Most divorces settle without going to court. But if things get really bad you never know what could happen.

      • Senior Attorney :

        Oh, tips: Stay out of it, don’t take sides, don’t let them use you as a therapist/confidant. “I love you, Mom, but I can’t have this conversation with you.” “I love you, Dad, but I’m not going to discuss this with you.” Repeat ad infinitum.


          I couldn’t set this boundary when my parents split (I was 13..) but my dad used me as a therapist (wholly inappropriate) and my mom talked negatively about my dad too. Definitely left marks.

        • 100%

          I had to say to my mom, “I am not going to answer any questions about Dad.” She would ask me all kinds of nosy questions about what he was doing, where he was, whether he was dating, whether he asked about her, etc. etc. etc. After months of miserable conversations, I established a firm, “I’m not answering that question” policy and stuck with it. It wasn’t that long after that that she quit asking entirely and things were much smoother after that.

        • Anon in NYC :

          Yep. My parents divorced when I was ~29 and it was SO frustrating. My mom wanted to use me as an outlet, I was really angry at my dad, it was a mess. I had to take a gigantic step back and enforce some boundaries.

          Also, OP, be prepared for a surprising amount of sadness over the loss of family traditions. I have since created my own, but there is no more Christmas brunch at my parents’ house, and that was sad for a few years. I’m sorry you’re going through this!

    • You might consider a few sessions with a therapist to sort out your emotions around this.

      My parents divorced when I was 23, after spending my teen years basically ignoring each other and obviously just staying together until my youngest sister went to college.

      When they divorced, I told everyone (and believed myself) I was fine, that it didn’t really affect me because I was grown/living in another state, and wasn’t a surprise.

      I wound up seeing a therapist years later and was surprised at how much time we spent talking about their divorce and how raw those emotions still felt. It was really beneficial to talk through it and sort out those emotions that had sort of been festering for a long time.

      • Anonymous :

        I could have written this. Except I’m just finally seeing the therapist 10 years later. Also, my parents were terrible about oversharing when they were still married and hated each other, surprisingly good about keeping the legal hist to themselves, but then when it was officially over started oversharing again. So be warned.

    • Anonymous :

      Hugs! It’s not fun. My parent’s divorced when I was an adult and it was drama, drama, drama. You won’t be called to testify, or at least my brother and I weren’t.

      I think the biggest thing to remember is that they are older adults who have never (or not in the last 20 years) been through a serious break-up. They don’t have any of the skills to navigate the end of the relationship, maintain friendships, and keep drama to a minimum. It’s like they are 20 years old in terms of break-up maturity.

      That said, boundaries. Establish them. When they start telling me things I don’t want to hear, “That’s my mom/dad you are talking about!” , worked for me. If they start bickering in front of you, or worse, in public, leave. Walk away. It came to a point where I had to email them both that if they both wanted to be at a Special Event, they had to not fight or get under the other’s skin. They could fight before; they could fight after; but if they fought during, they were out. I was not to know about the fighting.

      I didn’t benefit from counseling right away. After a few break-ups of my own where I saw myself mimicking my parents’ dysfunctional relationship, I sought out counseling to learn the mechanics of a good relationship. For me, I especially had to learn to distinguish complaints from criticism per the Gottman method.

      Don’t be afraid to stand up to your parents. My dad wanted to re-open the divorce proceedings for a second time. I was yelling on the phone with him at 2am my time and didn’t speak to him for 3 months. There was no way he was going to get what he wanted and he just has this jealous itch to keep bothering my mother even though she has moved on and is way happier with her new husband. If you wouldn’t put up with a friend doing it, don’t put up with your parents doing the same stupid behavior.

    • Anonymous :

      I’m so sorry. Hugs.

      A few years ago, my dad moved out on my mom and saw a lawyer about a divorce. They ended up going into couples counseling and got back together, but it was a rough year while they were separated.

      The advice I can share:

      – Don’t take sides, as much as you might feel like you should and as much as you might get pressured by one parent to take a side. I let them both know, right up front, that I didn’t want to hear about who had done what to whom, and I was not going to side with one of them against the other in any regard. My mom, at one point, sent me a screed via email about how I “wasn’t supporting her” by continuing to communicate with my dad and allow my son to see my dad, and I politely reminded her of what I had said from the beginning: Believe me, once they got back together I was glad I had not.

      – Be prepared to hear wayyyy more than you want to about many aspects of your parents’ lives than you ever wanted to. One thing that emerged in the separation is that both of my parents had had affairs – my mom when I was a kid with the father of some kids we played with in the neighborhood, and my dad after my brother and I had moved out. The accusations started slinging back and forth with quickness and fury and it got exhausting, very fast. Again, see above: stay out of it. I would have to tell each of them “I don’t want to hear any more about this” or “I am not going to discuss this with you” and hang up/walk away.

      – My parents are relatively well-off but my mom had less access to their money than my dad did and knew less about the finances, and she went through some tough times financially. I gave her money a couple of times and paid her utility bill a couple of times, but I did not blame my dad for this. Be prepared for financial skeletons to jump out of the closet as well.

      – Not sure if you have kids, but that was the hardest aspect of this for me. My son is really close to my parents and had spent a lot of time with them, and he was hurt and confused about what he saw and heard while my parents were separated. I ended up taking him to counseling and then going to counseling separately, myself. I could write a book about this aspect of the whole thing, but all I’ll say here is: I made it very clear to my parents that if I heard about any trashing of the other grandparent from my son, I was going to limit or cut off visitation until people learned to behave themselves. And also that I was going to ensure that my son had access to both grandparents and could spend time with each of them. And that was it; no negotiation and I was not going to share details of visits people did not absolutely need to know. They abided by that, mostly.

      Please, please, please, take care of yourself while this is going on. It was an unbelievably stressful time and I had my first serious IBS flare the year they separated, and have been dealing with IBS ever since. My hair started falling out. I cried at work at the drop of a hat. It was terrible. If you are interested, I would be happy to talk more here or over email. This is not easy, but you are not alone. Again, big hugs.

    • Ugh, I’m sorry. My parents split up in the world’s nastiest divorce that started when I was 21 and dragged on for a few years (and they still occasionally manage to find ways to take each other to court – it’s lovely).

      I would say to be gentle with yourself and consider therapy if you feel it would help. Even though you’re an adult, it’s normal to grieve the loss of your family of origin. I also developed a lot of anxiety about marriage, commitment, and whether or not I was doomed to repeat my parents’ mistakes. Therapy (and time to grieve and heal) helped me work through some of those issues.

      Your parents will treat you like an adult, which is normally fine, but sometimes they will forget that you’re their adult child. Set appropriate boundaries (it’s totally okay to let them know you can’t hear something or that they need to turn to a friend or other relative for support).

      Be prepared to see sides of your parents you have not seen before. My dad’s greedy and vindictive side definitely came out, and my usually strong and self-sufficient mom was a complete sobbing emotional wreck for a year. I tried to stay out of things as much as I could, but there were times when I had to call them out on their terrible behavior and shame them into being a decent person (dad) or give them some tough love (mom). It wasn’t fun and I only intervened when things got REALLY bad, but it did usually have the desired outcome.

      Do you have siblings? My sister and I really leaned on each other during this time and it helped a lot. They are the only other person who really knows what you’re going through and the unique dynamics of your family. Don’t be afraid to connect with them over this.

      Hang in there. I promise it will turn out okay (even if it takes some time). Take care of yourself!

  7. I’m looking to simplify. After a lot of years experimenting with tons of different products, I’m down to one medium-small bag of holy grail make-up, the two hair products I actually use, one type of shampoo and conditioner in my shower instead of five (yep, that happened), etc.

    Now I need to pare down to a skincare routine I can actually stick to. Whats working for others right now? Super normal skin/non-acne prone skin, slightly oily in summer, a little dry in winter, I use a Clarisonic twice a week but specifically wondering about your current fave products.

    • Sassyfras :

      Sunday Riley Good Genes, my preferred moisturizer and sunscreen. Only 3 things I use.

    • Cerave cleanser morning and evening; Cerave moisturizer at night; sulfur masks on occasion when oily

      Less is more for me

      • sunscreen should probably be a part of this, but I haven’t gotten there

        • Anonymous :

          It’s the only part of a skin care routine that matters.

          • Marshmallow :

            This. Sunscreen is a safety issue!!

            Try just swapping your morning CeraVe for the CeraVe AM moisturizer with sunscreen in it. Please.

          • Put it in my Amazon cart. But I’ve never been able to get comfortable with moisturizing in the morning.

          • Anonymous :

            If you’re not wearing sunscreen there’s no point to anything else you do to your skin.

          • I disagree that there is no point to cleansing.

    • I thought I had to shop for fancy moisturizing masks, but then realized that just slapping on Aquaphor every night before bed works wonders. I bought a huge jar at the drugstore and have never looked back. (They also make mini jars which I use for travel.) I have to do it year-round for dryness, but maybe you should try it for winter only.

    • Legally Brunette :

      Paula’s choice skincare (you can be very minimal and get only the cleanser and BHA exfoliant) + sunscreen at least SPF 30 (I like the Biore water sunscreen SPF 50 that someone recommended here a while ago).

      If you’re concerned about anti-aging I highly recommend Vitamin C and Retina, but start with the basics — cleanser, exfoliant and suncreen.

    • Marshmallow :

      I use a lot of products (I find it fun/relaxing) but I think the basics are:
      AM: Vitamin C serum, moisturizer, sunscreen
      PM: Retinol serum, moisturizer

      So you could do this with the same moisturizer morning and night, and you’d have four products. CeraVe is a great drugstore option but I also like Glossier and The Ordinary (both available online) for skincare.

      • coffee queen :

        AM: Cleaner, Mositurizer with sunscreen, primer, foundation, bronzer blush :)
        PM: Micellar water to remove makeup, then Cleanser, moisturizer with retinol. I also us an eye cream

        Yes it is a bit of a routine but it my 10 minutes of prepping for the day and my 10 minutes of unwinding in the evening. I can do it quicker if necessary though.

        I just switched to First Aid Beauty and am loving the results so far.

    • I use jojoba oil as a cleanser, and put on CeraVe sunscreen in the morning. That’s it most days.

      I have a CeraVe moisturizer if my skin is feeling dry but it usually doesn’t because the jojoba oil cleans gunk without stripping. I also have a witchhazel astringent I use to remove makeup on the extremely rare occasion that I wear it, or to clean my face if it’s super oily for some other reason. The moisturizer and the astringent get used a couple of times a month each, probably.

    • Baconpancakes :

      Related TJ: What retinol serums are y’all using?

      • Diana Barry :

        I started using The Ordinary (2% IIRC) and it is fantastic. I use a little bit of argan oil afterwards but it doesn’t irritate my skin at all. I have gotten carded TWICE in the past month and I am late 30s! (May be a coincidence but doesn’t hurt!)

      • REN has an oil based retinol serum that has been great for me. I have sensitive skin and it has been much less irritating for me. I’m a big CeraVe sunscreen fan as well, but put a drop of illuminating cream in when I apply it to counteract the flat sunscreeny look.

  8. Dress Code :

    My law firm got rid of its business casual dress code. My “casual” clothes are mostly things I would not wear to work (not sexy, but too high fashion), and I don’t want to go buy a whole bunch of “business appropriate casual” clothes, so I am not really changing the way I dress. Anyone else’s workplace get rid of a business casual dress code? Did you change the way you dress or not?

    • My business casual company does casual Fridays, and basically the only difference for me on those days is that I swap out whatever bottom I would normally wear (slacks or suiting skirt usually) for jeans. You could try that if you feel like you’re still coming off too formal?

    • Yeah, my old firm did that and then my current in-house office is also mostly casual. I am like you, my stuff is too fashion-y so I keep wearing my work dresses (it was business casual, not business formal, so I’m not wearing suits, just work dresses) and keeping my ripped jeans for the weekend. Added benefit is that I look very young and work in a very male-dominated field, so it helps to be a little more dressed the part.

    • I went through this a while back. A few key tips from my experience:

      1. Observe what management does – especially if you are junior, trying to embrace firm culture can only help you. If they are full on casual then it makes sense to try and emulate them a bit. If they stay business casual then I wouldn’t worry about it.
      2. Add a few casual pieces to the mix now. For example, great jeans that can go with your existing tops and shoes.
      3. Try being casual once a week, and wear your existing business casual the other four days.

      For me, the transition was a longer term process. As I wore out items and replaced them, I bought more casual versions.

      • Been there :

        +1 to all of this. My engineering firm went from business casual to casual casual last year. I didn’t want to go buy new stuff, so I largely kept the same wardrobe. It helps that upper management still dresses a little on the nicer side, and frequently still embraces business casual. It’s a mix though, which is interesting because sometimes you’ll be in a meeting where someone is wearing business casual with a blazer and someone else is wearing jeans and a t-shirt.

        For me personally, I still dress on the nicer side, partially because I’m a young woman in a male-dominated field, and I kind of feel the need to dress up to show competence. I’d say I’m in business casual around 3 days a week, and dark jeans + blouse 2 days a week.

    • I guess I’m really stuck on what would be deemed “too high fashion” to be appropriate for a casual office. My office is more on the casual end of business casual and I often wear what I consider to be more trendy (but always appropriate) items alongside my dresses and office wear.

      • Things like drapey t-shirts, distressed jeans, velvet anything. Dressing for work is about looking like you belong in the culture there. Sometimes we take ‘casual’ to mean ‘not-naked’ but it’s actually more complicated.

        • Agree — jeans that are so distressed they have holes in them are popular fashion-wise these days (like Paige denim), but even in a casual work environment I just cannot get on board with wearing clothes with holes in them.

      • Dress Code :

        Yeah, what kiwi and Torin are getting it. I actually used to be a runway model, so I really like fashion and some of my stuff is out there. I live LA, where you can basically wear whatever you want whenever you want so it works.

        I have business formal, business casual, fashion-y stuff I wear our of the office, and then my true casual stuff is a lot of distressed denim and things like 2Pac t-shirts, or funky “sweatshirts” and leggings. Hence why I keep wearing biz casual.

        I am a senior associate, so am closer to being about to do what I want. The partners I work with wear everything from suit/tie to button downs/pants, one guy who wears a black t-shirt, jeans, and Vans EVERY DAY. I have seen women my level and up wear dresses like me, or wear jeans, flip flops, and a fleece. People are all over the map.

    • I like to wear dressy work blouses with jeans and cute T-shirts with slacks on other days. Ann Taylor has some really cute linen tees that would work fine with any trousers for work.

    • My firm did this too. I bought a couple of pairs of “work jeans” — solid wash, no distressing — and a jeans skirt and have mixed them in with what I was wearing and a few of my “weekend” casual tops to net a more casual mix. I’ve also been wearing more of my “weekend” shoes: flats, mules, drivers, etc.

  9. shamlet96 :

    I’ve been thinking lately that I don’t do a good job of maintaining friendships once I’m no longer living in the same city as said friends (i.e. college and law school friends). So in an attempt to remedy this, I’ve been sending emails/texts/IMs to say hello and try to catch up, but I’m curious what other people do to maintain bonds with friends you no longer see on a regular basis. I will admit i’m terrible about going to reunions and making trips back to the city most of my friends live in now (NYC), but part of that is due to cost (i’m on the west coast and most of my friends stayed on the east coast post-college/law school). Is there a way to keep the friendship going strong when you see these folks maybe once a year, if that? Would love any tips/suggestions.

    • My friends say that I’m really good about keeping in touch. Texts and emails are great, but nothing beats actually talking on the phone. I hate talking on the phone at night, when I’m so tired, so instead I will call friends during the work week, when I’m walking around on my lunch break (and they’re on their lunch break too). It’s a great and easy way to catch up, even if it’s only 15 minutes. In general I always try to call a friend or family member when I’m walking somewhere, whether it’s to the grocery store or gym, etc.

      With my best friends, I always try to ensure that I visit them or they visit us once a year. Doesn’t always happen but if you plan well in advance it can work.

      I’ve also had good success planning joint vacations with friends. Again, planning ahead is key, but I always have so much more fun when I vacation with friends than with just my husband and the kids.

      • I also call while walking places, mostly to the metro after work. One friend and I in particular have a standing Wednesday after work call while we’re both walking. If she’s busy, no worries, I move on to the next person. I also call family this way (I’m out of state from them).

    • I call, occasionally. Even if just for 20 minutes. (I make sure I have something to talk about. The conversation usually gets going but having something to start it helps.)

      I have a friend who makes an annual Labor Day trip to a city in which she has a lot of friends. Because it’s every year people expect it and make time for her. (She’s an absolute rock star at keeping in touch. It started when we were all single and went to fancy restaurants to celebrate her visit. Now it’s her, her husband and two girls meeting up with everyone’s families. Exhausting but totally worth it.)

    • Don’t wait for an excuse or an event to get in touch. Sometimes, if you haven’t talked to someone in a long time, it feels like it would be strange to contact them, or like you shouldn’t reach out until you have time to update them on your whole life. Resist this feeling! Quick text messages, postcards, Facebook posts, etc – even just to say, “Was thinking of you this morning! Miss you!” etc makes it feel like less of a Big Deal when you do finally get a chance to talk at length or catch up.

    • Anonymous :

      Talk on the phone. To me one 20 min phone call – even 2-3 times a yr – does more to renew a friendship than all the unanswered emails/one word texts in the world. I’m actually surprised how averse people are to initiating phone calls – and I don’t mean 20 yr olds but 40+ yr olds — as if they didn’t grow up talking on the phone. As the poster above says, much better to call with an “excuse” to talk — bc people have gotten so awkward on the phone that if say I’m calling just to say hi, you get awkward pauses. Much better if you have a question to ask (even if it isn’t a real big question that you MUST have an opinion on) or a story to relay or you ran into so and so — and then the conversation goes from there to normal things like — how’s life; work; etc.

      And to the extent you can, try to visit. Even if it’s once yr few yrs — an hr in person is worth like 10 phone calls which is worth like 200 emails/texts.

      • shamlet96 :

        this makes sense. I’m practically 40 so I know what you mean – i grew up attached to the pink princess phone in my room, but somehow calling feels so intrusive these days, so I resist. I’ll make sure to get over it and just start calling.

        • Anonymous :

          I like to pre-arrange calls, as this seems to take away the intrusive factor (both for work and personal) ….even something as simple as texting ahead of time to say something like — if I give you a call this afternoon, will you have time to talk?

  10. Casual clothing HELP :

    I need to revamp my casual clothes wardrobe and I don’t know where to start. I tried Stitch Fix but I felt like what they sent me was either a bit twee or made me look like a mannequin at Target.

    I am 40, 5’6 and 140lbs, size 6-8; while I’m not overweight, I’m curvy so boxy tops hang off my widest part (chest) to my other widest part (hips) and are not flattering. This also means jeans and pants are a little challenging.

    I live in LA so I feel like I need casual yet put together clothes for weekends, girls outings, volunteering at school, etc.

    I basically live in gym clothes (which is in no way a reflection of how often I go to the gym) or the one pair of random pants that I have that fits. The though of tops, bottoms, SHOES and ACCESSORIES??? makes my head spin with frustration.

    Why is this so hard??? Work clothes are pretty easy for me….

    • I’m similar in shape. I recently bought a pair of joggers from Eddie Bauer and they’ve basically changed my life. Way better than leggings. I wear them with a short or long-sleeved tee and a pair of Allbirds and it’s not a bad look for running around on the weekend or volunteering. I’m a big fan of the jersey or ponte t-shirt dress for when I want to look a little nicer, and am eyeing up the waist defining Brass tank maxi now for an elevated casual look – dress it down or up. Old Navy (surprisingly) has some good t-shirt dress options, I find them stretchy and comfortable but still flattering.

      • What are “joggers”. I think I need to check these out, based on your comment! I will be checking the EB website to see if I can find them.

    • Get some cotton bike shorts and wear them under any variety of knit dresses. Preferably with waists. You can wear these 3/4 of the year in LA and honestly just add a cardigan for all but the coldest days. Or a denim jacket. Casual it down by wearing flat sandals like salt waters or sneakers like vans.

    • If you’re looking for a step up from Stitch Fix, try Trunk Club. It’s through Nordstrom. There’s a $25 styling fee each time but that’s waived if you use your Nordstrom card. They do tops, bottoms, shoes, and some accessories, too. You can specify sizes, price range, etc. and even share Pinterest boards with your stylist to be more clear about what you like.

      I don’t think their referral program provides you with any benefits (I wish it gave you a waived styling fee or something), but here’s my link anyway:

  11. Anonymous :

    What are the rules on one button vs two button blazers for suits?

    • shamlet96 :

      i don’t think there are any firm rules, it’s just a matter of preference/personal style. I have both and usually prefer the two buttons for my body type.

  12. Nordstrom Workwear :

    This is a rant. Feel free to ignore. I am looking for a dress for an upcoming client event. I went to Nordstrom’s website and went to dresses, then under category picked “Work”. Some of the items on there are wildly inappropriate for work. I think this is at least some of the reason that women who show up at their first day of work think certain items are okay which are not.

    Link to follow.

    • Nordstrom Workwear :

    • Anonymous :

      I actually really like it, or at least would if it came down to my knees. And, if it was knee-length and didn’t have the bell sleeves, I could totally get away with wearing it at my office.

      • Anonymous :

        But I guess that is just saying that the fabric is nice, since I want to completely change the style

    • Maybe it’s meant to be a work top?

    • I just had a similar experience the other day on their website–same search. Major eyeroll. Where exactly do they think I work? Not somewhere I could wear half of the dresses they provided in that search!

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