ByElizabeth Hours Updated
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Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Textured Cap-Sleeve Midi Dress

A woman wearing a navy midi dress

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Sometimes you just need a power dress, and this sheath from Reiss is just the ticket. Cap sleeves are controversial, but I think these are the perfect length to provide a little coverage without bunching up too uncomfortably under a blazer, and the darting at the waist adds some fantastic shape and texture.

Wear it on a day where you need to feel like the best, most professional version of yourself. 

The dress is $320 at Reiss and comes in sizes 2-14. It comes in navy and black. 

Sales of note for 12.3.24 (lots of Cyber Monday deals extended, usually until 12/3 at midnight)

401 Comments

  1. I am leaving for China this week, and I would like to bring a gift for my Chinese colleague. I am the GC, and he is the regional counsel. Last year, he had a baby, so I brought him gifts for the baby. But this year, I want to buy a gift for him. I don’t really care about budget but I do want it to be appropriate for the circumstances. It’s kind of last minute because I got sick and lost a week recovering. Any ideas on things to bring? He’s in his mid-30s and stylish.

    1. Almost everything that you can buy in the US is available in China too (and mostly cheaper), so I would go for something that is specific to his interests – does he read/is he into American sports? Or something consumable, like a local specialty from your hometown.

      1. +1 My family is from China and we always used to bring gifts but now they tell us, don’t bring gifts just bring money. Maybe something that is more local that can only be found where you are. I like the suggestion of something American, like a sports Jersey or hat.

    2. I wouldn’t bring anything too personal- that’s weird in the context of work. An assortment of American snacks seems more friendly-collegial.

    3. In a previous role, I did a lot of work with Chinese colleagues, and I think bringing a gift is the right move. I just say that in case you get comments saying bringing a gift is weird in a work context. I would do something associated with or unique to your city, state, or region.

        2. I think we’re all saying a less-personal gift is tptally good? Just that the OP was mentioning specifics about the colleague’s age and style which was implying like, bringing clothes or something.

          1. I wasn’t planning on giving him anything personal. I just wanted to describe the recipient.

          2. I think you read too much into OP’s post and are going down a rabbit hole rather than offering any good suggestions.

          3. I suggested American snacks above? My point was just I would suggest that regardless of colleague’s age or style. OP, hope it’s an easy trip.

    4. If he drinks, maybe American alcohol. A fancy bourbon? Something very American that would be hard to find in China.

    5. When my parents go to China, they gift money and chocolates. I think an assortment of fancy dark chocolates would be fine.

    6. A gift is the right move. I would also consider a gift to his wife/husband/partner and kid.

      What about two whisky tumblers engraved with your state map and name, and a nice whiskey or bourbon local to you?

  2. I feel like this is a very broad request for advice but how do I become someone who is asked / sought after to join boards? I’m in Boston and my boss would like me to get experience serving on a non profit board. Currently an in house attorney. Some of my colleagues seem to always be asked. Ideally am interested in topics like wealth gaps, women’s health and financial independence, education and literacy. I am guessing the first step is to serve on something small but would appreciate any advice! I don’t really have a network here

    1. I’ve been on three boards and got my foot in the door in very different ways. The first was a legal services non-profit where I had done a ton of pro bono work and just had a genuine connection to the mission and the folks who worked there. The second was an pretty well-known arts non-profit in my area who always liked to have at least one or two attorneys on the board just to keep an eye on things. One of my colleagues had been on the board previously and had to resign because of a conflict, so I told him that I’d be super interested in taking his spot. I met with the CEO and we hit it off. I ended up serving on the board for 5 years. The third was a very small org started by a family friend that ballooned into something much bigger over the course of a decade. I just happened to be there at the beginning.

      I guess my best advice would be to talk to folks you know who are already serving on these boards, let them know you’re interested and happy to help. Lots of smaller and mid-size orgs have outside counsel, but they like having a lawyer on the board just as a gut-check. And if there’s an organization that you have a genuine interest in, see if you can volunteer and get to know people first.

    2. Volunteer and fundraise. If there is a committee or event that you can volunteer to help with, start there.

      1. I feel that my perceived ability to write checks and get people to write checks is all that boards care about. They want the staff to work and the boards to fundraise. Any org; any mission. It has been stunningly simple.

          1. +2 I worked in selecting boards, usually their ability the fundraise was most important. There were exceptions for folks with the political connections to help with our policy work.

        2. I know you’re boiling it down and being a bit tongue in cheek, but I want to mention for anyone who is hoping to step into this kind of role in the future, that being a director means you have a fiduciary responsibility to the organization and your role is one of oversight. Do not take board membership lightly, or boil it down to fundraising in actual practice, even if it feels like that is what you’re mostly asked to do. In my actual job, I have seen far too many non-profits run into very serious problem because their boards were not functioning as they should and did not provide the proper oversight. Being a volunteer board member is a big deal and you’re taking on a lot of work and risk for free. Also, make sure your organization maintains D&O insurance.
          To answer the actual question, one of the best ways is to start by volunteering at the organization. If you express an interest in the Board, they’ll likely invite you at some point. Finding good Board members is hard, and most organizations look at their volunteers to see who is smart, responsive, dedicated, etc.

          1. I made the fundraising comment and I co-sign. Dollars get you asked. But ask about D&O insurance and don’t join without it.

        3. In my experience there are two kinds of boards: Fundraising boards and working boards. For the former, the rule is “give, get, or get off.” For the latter, generally smaller organizations, it’s possible to serve on the board if you are willing to, for example, provide pro bono legal services or similar.

      1. Coincidentally, another listserv I am on discussed Advisory Cloud today. Check they out on Better Business Bureau – they had a rating of 1.13 out of 5; 87 complaints closed in last 3 years; 25 in last 12 months. Would proceed with caution.

    4. How about a local government commission? They usually have the same people serve over the years and would be thrilled for new people willing to make the time commitment. Reach out to your Mayor or Commissioner.

    5. If your company has a community relations department, talk with that team about whehter any of the charities the company supports is looking for a board representative. We get approached all the time and keep a list of employees who are willing/able to step up.

    6. I am in Houston and did a program called Project Blueprint through the United Way, which is board training. After there is a board fair and you’re recruited to join a board. I thought the training through the United Way was excellent.

    8. I work in philanthropy and serve on multiple boards. Nonprofits are always looking for people with legal or financial skills to serve on their boards so you’ll probably have an easy time finding a great opportunity.

      Board members are valued for time, talent, and treasure. Time to volunteer in support of the organization’s work, talent in the form of useful skillsets, and treasure in the form of money to donate, connections to existing or potential donors, and any other useful connections you can leverage. Determine your mix of these three attributes and then craft your pitch around them before you reach out to an organization that you’re interested in.

      Make sure that you are clear on the expected commitments before you join the board. Pretty much every organization will ask that you donate if you’re serving on the board because organizations want to be able to tell funders that they have 100% board giving. However, more progressive nonprofits realize that that creates a weird pay to play dynamic for board members and so smart organizations will only ask for a donation at a level that’s comfortable for you. I donate a lot of time and skills to the organizations that I work with, so I tend to go lighter on my financial commitment, and I’ve never gotten any complaints about that. I donate at higher levels to the grassroots organizations that I work with because I know that the more established organizations have robust fundraising networks and better access to high net worth donors.

      Once you get on one board, you will likely be approached to join others because nonprofit executive directors talk to each other. Smart executive directors support their board members and will help you either network with other organizations if you want to expand your board commitments or politely let peer organizations know that you’re at capacity.

      Be thoughtful and protective of your bandwidth because it’s terrifyingly easy to get over extended and there are more good causes in the world than there is bandwidth in your life.

    9. Is there a nonprofit that mostly relies on fees to which you have a connection?

      My kids’ nonprofit daycare board was always looking for new members and didn’t care at all about board members’ ability to give large donations. More important was that the member was easy to work with, respectful of the staff, aligned with mission, and it was great if they had experience in education or could be tapped for their professional skills pro bono, though those were optional.

      I know other daycare boards in my community that are also always in search of new members—it’s hard because parents of daycare-age kids who need daycare are super busy and then usually roll off when their kids go to kinder.

      I imagine other fee-reliant nonprofits similarly just need members who are willing to do the work of a board.

    10. I work at a nonprofit. Go to their fundraising events. Make a point to show your interest in their mission while networking and send a follow up email asking how you can get more involved in the organization, volunteering, etc. with your resume attached. It may not be immediate, but people who show genuine interest and are willing to lend their time, money, network, or expertise are usually kept in mind for the nominating committee to consider.

  3. I am looking for a good tinted lip balm to use at my desk quickly before calls so that I don’t look so washed out. I do not want it to taste like strawberries or be glossy (both make me feel like I am 16 again, in a bad way). I’ve used the Sugar one and it’s okay, but I feel like it is hard to apply accurately because of the shape. I prefer something I can order through Sephora, but will go elsewhere if it’s really great.

    1. Not lip balm but I really like both the Sephora collection lip stain, the e.l.f. Hydrating core lip shine, and the nyx tinted lip oil.

      The lip stain is totally matte, the others have some shine but aren’t lip gloss – I find the oil starts out looking like a gloss and is sticky like one but that fades and then it’s just the color after not long. And it’s really hydrating.

        1. Your link isn’t opening for me, but I like the Sephora Collection Cream Lip Stain 10HR Liquid Lipstick

      2. Black Honey is the holy grail of just throw it on lip color, and it works for a wide range of complexions.

      3. Nars Afterglow Lip Balm in Wicked Ways is very similar to Black Honey, but it is more hydrating IMO.

    5. Burt’s Bees has some great products that are foolproof (can apply without a mirror).

    7. I bought the Rare Beauty lip oil from Sephora and love it so far – a bit intense and shiny when you first apply, but mellows out almost immediately

    8. J.Cat Beauty Dew Glow Lip Hydrator ($6 at Ulta, don’t know about Sephora). I’m olive complected and wear Burst of Shine in summer (sheer tomato red) and Glide & Slide (sheer wine) in winter. I WFH and these are my ride or die for Zooms.

    9. I was on the hunt recently for the same thing. In addition to what you mentioned, I also wanted it to fade at the same rate. I find most stains or matte lip products show it fading in the corners or where I drink from a straw. The two I found at Sephora Glossier Gen Z lipstick (fave) and Sephora Collection Lip Stains. The other was ELF Glossy Lip Stain at Target.

    10. Thanks all! A few of these were on my radar and a few were not. I will order some and report back.

    11. Bobbi Brown makes some good ones. I like the raspberry color. They’re in a white tube.

    12. I’d recommend having something custom made. Do you follow @laurenisafox on Instagram by any chance? She’s custom made two pieces of jewelry for me, and the most recent one is a necklace I designed. She can make anything you can come up with and her prices are extremely reasonable. She does not have a bricks and mortar store.

    13. I have a Thrive one that is great. No mirror needed, no flavor, doesn’t make me look like a sixteen year old.

    14. I like the Clinique chubby stick for this! strawberry color is my favorite, but you can’t go wrong. Color is buildable.

  4. I’m looking for a necklace and have between 1000 and 2000 to spend. I would like it to be visible on video calls, so nothing tiny, but I also don’t want anything that is ostentatious. I am a silver/white gold person, and prefer simple, classic styles. I like something like a Cartier love necklace or the Tiffany T pendant but those are a bit over budget and maybe too recognizable for what I want. Any suggestions?

    1. I have some interesting coin pendants. I work in finance and live the historical ones. Look at Spanish 8 real and 2 real pieces.

    2. I like Dorsey for midrange but not “branded” styles. Currently eyeing the Liletta (waitlist…)

    3. It looks like a silver Tiffany’s ‘by the yard’ necklace is an option in your price range. I’d also look at Lagos and David Yurman. They’re both classic but have ‘presence’ and lots of good options in silver.

      1. Thanks! I think the by the yard stuff is going to be too small to show up on zoom, but that is more my style for sure. Lagos and DY are a little more distinctive than I think I want to go for this purchase, though I do own some less obvious DY pieces so can take another look there.

    4. Do you like vintage styles? 2k is a good price range. I love the Etsy store AnothersLegacy (it ships out of Denmark so extra customs fees apply via UPS) and they have a knot necklace I’m eyeing (but not buying because I don’t have a budget for a necklace right now) and a few Mariner link and anchor chain necklaces, actually just a lot of styles—all second hand, all gold.

    5. Haha, I missed your silver toned preferences. Ignore my Etsy suggestion! I got too excited :-)

    9. Whoops, nesting fail above so reposting here. Sorry.
      I’d recommend having something custom made. Do you follow @laurenisafox on Instagram by any chance? She’s custom made two pieces of jewelry for me, and the most recent one is a necklace I designed. She can make anything you can come up with and her prices are extremely reasonable. She does not have a bricks and mortar store.

      1. I’ve been curious about her for awhile. What type of certification does she offer for stones?

        1. I have used some existing stones, so I’m not sure, but she’s very responsive to DMs on Instagram, which is how I first reached out to her.

      1. +1000. And if you have a request, they’ll make it for you. I love supporting a woman owned business.

      2. 3rd Kojima Pearls! Sarah is great, her pearls are beautiful, and her designs are fresh and creative.

    11. Oh, I forgot about John Hardy. There is a new designer, so if you didn’t like the old designs, you might give them another look.

  5. Question – for those of you who need to or choose to track your glucose, do you notice if ice cream spikes it? I was having a conversation with a friend about some of that research out there that shows that ice cream may actually be protective against type II diabetes. It seems plausible that a sugary treat that also has protein/fat wouldn’t lead to a big spike, which is something I’m interested in avoiding during pregnancy (with a sweet tooth). Anyone have any anecdata to share?

    1. If it’s sweetened with something like stevia it seems to be completely fine for me. My doctor recently actually encouraged me to work full fat dairy into my diet (felt like such a 180 from the advice I got back in the 90s!).

      But for me personally, pairing sugar with protein/fat/fiber never moderated spikes for me as much as I was hoping. People are wildly different though; that’s the one thing I’ve learned from testing being more accessible these days.

      1. I do think it helps that sugar is the only carbohydrate in ice cream. Starches can spike blood sugar even more than sugar does, and desserts that combine starches that aren’t sweet with sugar used to sweeten them are a double whammy.

    2. It is a big topic of discussion on the GD subreddit — lots of people report that ice cream doesn’t spike for them. I ate it most nights with a scoop of (unsweetened) peanut butter on top toward the end of my pregnancy, and it was great as a sweet treat that kept me full all night.

      1. +1, I ate Halo Top while I had GD and it never affected my sugars (I was insulin dependent beginning in my 3rd tri for both kids).

    3. The easiest way to find out what it does for your body is just to get a glucose monitor and check at 1 hour and 2 hours post consumption! It varied widely in the GD group I was in. Monitors are under $40 and easy to use.

      1. where would I find a $40 monitor? I thought these are expensive and not covered by insurance except for diabetics

        1. If you are talking about a CGM, yes, those are more expensive, but a standard finger stick glucose monitor is well under $40 and can be purchased OTC.

        2. CGMs are going OTC and probably much cheaper as soon as this fall (but we’re not quite there yet). But a finger prick glucometer is already cheap and OTC (the strips are where they make the $).

    5. Ice cream definitely raises my Type I diabetic daughter’s blood sugar, but not as much as other desserts, so it’s our go-to sweet treat. The “carb smart” ice creams raise it less (but she doesn’t like them).

  6. Any CA employment lawyers here? I’m preparing to go on disability and my employer told me that PTO will not accrue while I’m not here putting in work hours. However, I’ve heard anecdotally that if your company offers PTO accrual while using other types of leave (like PTO itself), then that should also apply to disability. I checked and the times I’ve taken vacation (using PTO), I’ve continued to accrue more PTO. Anyone know of any relevant state law on this? I’m having trouble finding anything while Googling.

    1. look for your company’s policy. I’ve seen some structures to provide that PTO stops accruing at a certain point (eg after 30 days off work) which could apply here.

    3. FMLA and CFRA do not allow an employee on protected leave to be treated differently than an employee on non-protected leave (e.g. vacation). If employees at your company accrue PTO while on vacation or sick leave, then employees on a protected leave need to accrue PTO as well.

      1. Do you have a source for this I can take to my HR? I’m not eligible for FMLA, but I’ll be covered by CFRA for a portion of the time I’m out. Our HR is a total joke and will absolutely have made mistakes interpreting the law.

        1. Sorry I am late getting back to this but maybe you will still be checking. Here is the info I have:

          In addition to FMLA, California law also prohibits treating an employee on protected leave differently than an employee on non-protected leave. The CFRA regulations address this issue with respect to seniority and “employee benefit plans.” It states that employees on CFRA leave are entitled to accrue seniority and participate in other employee benefit plans to the same extent and under the same conditions as applicable to non-CFRA leaves. Specifically related to unpaid leaves, the CFRA provides that unpaid CFRA leaves for an employee’s own serious health condition must be compared to other unpaid disability leaves, and unpaid CFRA leaves for other qualifying reasons must be compared to unpaid personal leaves of absence provided by the employer. 2 CCR § 11092(e). Likewise, California’s Department of Fair Employment and Housing (“DFEH”), the government agency charged with enforcing California’s anti-discrimination laws, including the Pregnancy Disability Leave, explains that if employers allow employees “to accrue seniority and/or benefits while on other temporary disability leave or during sick or vacation leave, then [the employee must] continue to accrue seniority and/or benefits while on PDL.” See
          http://www.dfeh.ca.gov/resources/frequently-asked-questions/employment-faqs/pregnancy-disability-leave-faqs/ (emphasis added).

      2. +1 to Anon at 10:59. I’m a CA employment lawyer and this is my understanding as well. I don’t have a cite offhand.

  7. I’ve seen a few posts from women who are on Ozempic or similar and state their BMI isn’t obese and they don’t have prediabetes. How did you get a prescription for this?

    I am interested in going on a GLP1; despite exercising regularly and eating decently healthy for most of my adult life I’ve always been 20 lbs overweight though hid it well on a tall frame. I was generally a size 6-8 pre baby. Now I find my body hanging on to everything more and I’m sick of being hungry and thinking about food all the time only to gain and lose the same 10 pounds over and over again. If nothing else I’m hoping the meds can turn down the food noise in my brain and stop making me want to eat constantly.

    I’m willing to pay a few hundred a month but not the thousands I see online, but also realize my stats wouldn’t qualify me for a GLP1 under standard protocols.

    1. I got a compounded version online. I think I fibbed a little on my weigh but not by much. Quieting food noise has improved my life immensely. I just had lab work done and everything improved. It costs $300 a month. I used ShedRx, but any of the large, nationally known programs should work.

      1. i would not do – compounded meds are not subject to the same safety, effectiveness, etc. standards as med their non compounded counterparts.

        OP I feel similarly to you and kind of also want to get the meds, but I would not go through a compounded pharmacy. They are not well regulated

        1. Many people have to use compounding pharmacies because of allergies or complex medical needs. I think it’s important to find a reputable one and not some fly by night, but “don’t use compounding pharmacies” is unreasonable.

        2. My sister is a pharmacist and checked out the pharmacy used by ShedRx and gave me the green light. Compounding pharmacies aren’t shady and are subject to the same regulations as any other pharmacy.

          1. Thanks. It’s been true for decades now that pharmaceutical companies that view compounding pharmacies as competition have hoped to regulate them out of existence, so I take the PSAs with a grain of salt. I’ve dealt with some compounding pharmacies that have made concerning mistakes, but honestly so has CVS, and I’ve had plenty of non-compounded medications recalled for quality and safety reasons, so to me the PSA is more to keep our eyes open in general.

        3. Compounding pharmacies are regulated by the states. Since approx. 2014, the FDA has significantly increased its oversight of compounding pharmacies. Compounding pharmacies are subject to state laws and quality standards established by the United States Pharmacopia. They are not as stringent as the current Good Manufacturing Practices that manufactures are required to adhere to, but that’s because it is impossible for them to adhere to such standards because they work at a much different scale (meds for individual patients v. mass production). Compounding pharmacies provide an essential service and create medications used safely by thousands of people. If the choice is a compounding pharmacy or not addressing a serious health issue for which a doctor has prescribed medication, then you should choose the compounding pharmacy. Do your research — they do vary in quality. There are plenty, however, that adhere to the rigorous USP standards that govern the practice of compounding (or even exceed and approach cGMP) and have excellent track records in patient safety. Look up the pharmacy on the state Board’s website. Look it up on FDA’s website — they have a publicly available list of compounding pharmacies they’ve inspected and what their findings are.

          1. I’ve worked directly with this “industry” (it’s really the practice of pharmacy) for about a decade. The FDA has long been hostile to compounding, and there’s a variety of reasons for this. One is that FDA had egg on its face for failing to handle NECC, a known bad actor, before the meningitis outbreak. The other is pressure from manufacturers, who see compounders as competition. FDA will never articulate support for compounding because compounders aren’t required by law to comply with FDA’s two primary mechanisms to enforce drug quality – the new drug approval process and current good manufacturing practices. I’ve worked directly with some of the best compounders out there and FDA is categorically opposed to anything that could be construed as a public endorsement or approval of compounding — this is a reflection of the limits of the agency’s authority and its desire to avoid anything that could be perceived as undermining the NDA/ cGMP process/standards. In other words, it can’t give out a public green light to any entity or drug it doesn’t set the standards for, no matter how good it is. They are *always* going to emphasize the fact that compounded drugs aren’t subject to the same standards, but without any additional context, this only serves to freak people out. FDA knows this.

            I get tired of the fear mongering about compounding. The majority of it is quite uninformed, and is just repetition of something someone heard somewhere or they work in an industry related to manufacturing and their perspective is biased. Very little of it is backed up by evidence, research, or statistics that are given with any context, and all this does is strike fear in people’s hearts without giving them the tools to actually make sound choices. It’s unfortunate for patients and pharmacies alike that there are bad actors. But that doesn’t mean that people should forego needed medical care.

      2. I think that this is what many people are doing that would not qualify for a prescription otherwise. They are using the compound versions and getting them prescribed online. I would be very cautious about the compound versions due to the lower standards as mentioned below. OP, please keep in mind that all of these meds have gastro side effects. They are meant to slow your gastric emptying. Side effects are different for everyone. Some people have nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, constipation, etc.

        1. We all know this already. OP asked for help finding a script not a lecture on side effects.

          1. +1. I’m on the compounded version and have been very happy with the results. Of course you do have to do your due diligence and make sure you use an authorized 503(b) pharmacy, but the fearmongering is not helpful. I highly recommend checking out the compounded subreddits for more info.

      3. +1 to anon at 9:20 am. I have used both orderly and slimdownrx and have been very happy with the results. Minimal side effects and I pay about $250/mo for the maintenance dose of tirz. I have lost 11 pounds in six weeks (I only had about 20 to lose total). My only worry is what will happen when the shortage ends, but that’s not a problem for today.

    2. I’m currently trying berberine (with medical supervision). The bitter taste when taken before meals is supposed to be tasted by the taste receptors in the GI system that trigger the production of GLP-1. It definitely lowers appetite for me so far, though sometimes it’s more like I think of eating but just don’t bother? I’m hoping that’s just a matter of habit. I’ve lost 10 lb. I’m not currently testing as prediabetic, but I have had prediabetic test results in the past.

      I saw a study that a class of herbicides that is widely used in agriculture and in lawncare just totally block these taste receptors, so maybe it is no wonder that a lot of people aren’t producing as much GLP-1 as they need!

      In general, I predict that soon there will be an oral alternative to the injected meds, and I’m hoping it will be cheaper and more accessible when it arrives.

      1. OP here. I have tried berberine on and off for a year. It definitely quiets the food noise but doesn’t remove it entirely and haven’t noticed any change in taste. I tend to take it for a few weeks then take time off of it bc it causes digestive issues when I’m on it for awhile.

        2. I wonder if that’s a good sign that the meds would be really effective for you! I also doubt the side effects will be any better though.

          1. (I should say that I realize the side effects might be more worthwhile with a more effective intervention.)

    3. Wegovy and Zepbound are the GLP1’s that are generally prescribed, and sometimes covered by insurance, for weight loss. They are marketed under the names Ozempic and Mounjaro for the treatment of diabetes.

      I’ve posted before that I’m maintaining a 125 pound weight loss from using these meds (non T2D). I have great insurance but these medications are not covered in my plan. There is a coupon right now from Eli Lilly for Zepbound which brings the price down to $550 per month.

      I highly recommend speaking to your PCP or an Endocrinologist about your options. Good luck!

    4. Compounded version online. I am no longer overweight but I will not stop “microdosing” for maintenance. I’ve tried going off and the food monster comes roaring back. Semaglutide makes me feel normal for the first time in my binge-eating life.

      1. PS I am not risking side effects “for 10 lbs.” I am risking the side effects to not be obsessed with food and miserable and white-knuckling my way through life like I did for more than 30 years.

        1. I would definitely be aware of slowed gastric emptying since being fasted for labs and procedures may take way, way longer the way it does for gastroparesis patients). And I don’t fully understand the debate about very rare severe complications and whether they’re causally linked or not.

          But even for people who don’t lose weight, there are a lot of good “side effects” that belong in a risk/reward calculation. My view is that people take higher risk and higher side effect meds for less benefit all the time.

          https://www.science.org/doi/10.1126/science.adn4128

        2. I am glad it’s working for you and am considering this for my own health and sanity. Curious – have you ever tried OA? I did and it quieted the noise in my head but was hard to keep to the restrictive food plan i was on.

    5. I asked my GP for them and he “prescribed” diet and exercise, despite being 60 lbs overweight and yo-yoing my entire life. I got tirzepatide from an online compounding pharmacy in January ’23 and lost (and am maintaining) those 60 lbs. That pharmacy was $1300/month, but it felt like it was a very safe (professional/reliable) option back when there were all those scare reports about tainted compounded versions. I’ve been seeing online versions now for $400/month and I’m going to switch as soon as I finish my current vial. (I just checked mine to see if they’ve lowered their prices at all with all the competition, because I’d like to stay with them, but nope.)

      1. My GP who is great in every other regard did the same, with attitude. I am 80 to 90 pounds overweight. I have an appointment soon with a nurse practitioner who does her own compounding. It’s not my preference for this kind of drug but I’m in a rural area and I prefer this to an online sourced compounded drug.

    6. I get a compounded med prescribed through an Rn who specializes in weight loss and mental health issues. She personally takes the same drug.

    7. To answer the question you asked, my BMI was overweight but not obese. I got a prescription easily because my cholesterol was through the roof. It might be worthwhile to have a full physical and see if you have any health conditions that weight loss would help.

      Anecdotally, the on-line providers that specialize in prescribing these drugs will write a prescription based on any condition that is arguably weight-related. In person prescribers tend to limit it to cholesterol and blood pressure.

      Also re cost: Check on the manufacturer’s coupons. My niece is getting Wegovy from Costco for something like $560/month (she is obese but her health insurance does not cover weight loss regardless of health).

    8. look for a medical weight loss clinic in your area. They also offer compounded GLP-1 under supervision. You don’t have to be obese by BMI standards or be prediabetic.

    9. My PCP prescribed Zepbound. Two months in and I’ve lost 16 pounds. I use the savings card and it’s $550/month, which is around the price of compounding pharmacies.

    10. My amazing GP prescriped Rybelsus (oral semaglutide) off-label and even hooked me up with a Canadian pharmacy to get it cheaper, because he understands that constant dieting and food preoccupation is not a healthy way to live and mental health is health. No regrets and am completely delighted to be maintaining at my preferred weight with no angst.

    11. My MIL just told her PCP she was having trouble losing the last few pounds and got the prescription that way.

  8. A friend invited me to a Foreigner concert featuring Melissa Etheridge. I will be traveling to her home area and this is what she wants to do. I want to go with her but need help. I hate concerts. Mostly the crowds, it’s too loud, and I don’t ever know any of the songs. I grew up in a super sheltered, conservative, music and movies are bad kinda house. I listened to a few YouTube videos and do not recognize a single song. I know I could say no but I’d like to try to get over my reticence, adopt a good attitude and have a good time. Any suggestions? I’m guessing lots of folks on the board will know these bands, any ways to quickly learn the hits? Best earplug or ear protection suggestions? I don’t drink alcohol, I’m not sure what to wear, I know she is taking care of the tickets but I am open to all suggestions. (If it matters, I’m early 40s, no mobility issues, no sensory issues I’m just honestly used to living alone and get a lot of quiet so concerts are overwhelming due to the contrast.)

    1. Bring ear protection (many do) and denim is always OK. Find out the venue’s clear bag policy. These are both great performers. I’d go see them.

    2. Look for their greatest hits albums on Spotify. That sounds like an amazing concert, go and broaden your horizons!

    3. I like Loop earplugs. They come in fun colors and different levels of noise reduction. The Experience ones are recommended for concerts, I wore them to Hozier a couple of months ago and liked them.

      1. Same! I wear my Loops at Orange Theory every day. They’re comfortable and allow you to still hear everything around you, just at a lower level.

    4. It’s ok to not like concerts. I listen to music, but have realized that I just don’t enjoy concerts even if I love the band.

      If I was your friend, I would be sad that you are forcing yourself to do something you don’t like to hang out with me. Just say it’s not your thing. This is even more so for a concert, where we are not going to be able to talk or catch up.

      1. I really dislike crowds and pretty rarely go to concerts, even if it’s a band I love. That said, I usually have a better time at the concert than I expected. For me, it’s a bit like camping with my Girl Scout troop – the lead-up fills me with anxiety but I almost always have fun. Don’t worry too much about what to wear – comfortable shoes are key and there will be plenty of GenXers in jeans and t-shirts or flannel given the lineup. One thing I do to hype myself for concerts is to tell myself I get to buy something “silly” there – like a $10 pretzel or those nachos with the plastic cheese that I never eat otherwise. Often I take a rideshare so I don’t have to worry about parking.

    5. If music and movies are bad what do you do in your free time? I’m genuinely curious. I’m a very much ‘offline’ person but even when I’m knitting or painting I still listen to music.

      1. I’m not the OP and grew up in a family that liked music and movies, but I enjoy the quiet.

      2. Not the OP either – I’m not much of a TV or movie person (pretty much just watch sports). I love music, but I love the quiet more so when I’m painting or something I usually don’t have music on. I didn’t realize how much I loved the quiet until I lived alone, but I love it. Always listen to music on my commute, while working out, and while cleaning or running errands, but if I’m relaxing or working on a hobby its usually quiet. I read a lot and I can’t read with music on.

        That being said, my job is pretty intense and I have a very active social life so when I’m home and its quiet, I want it to be quiet!

      3. I listen to music while commuting but that’s it. I don’t watch much TV. I read a lot of books. I don’t really need the noise if I’m doing something like knitting/painting.

      4. To clarify, I have learned to enjoy music and movies as an adult (they were banned as a kid, though). No judgment to those who love them, I was raised differently and have different habits from that time even though I no longer adhere to those beliefs or religious practices.

        I tend to have no music or background noise on at my home or in my car. I enjoy quiet. I read a lot of books, I have several hobbies, and I travel a lot, so I rarely miss noise. So I might see a movie at home once a month. I have never gotten into TV or podcasts. Might do an audiobook. I am on the phone or on zoom 5-7 hours a day for work so noise-free time feels comfortable and like home :)

      5. There are two types of people in this world: people who view silence as a sound, and those who view it as a vacuum to be filled with sound.

    6. I generally like concerts. My partner lives for live music so I go to way more concerts than I would if it was just me. Partner thrives with the noise, the crowds, the lights, dancing… I’m into it for a while but then am liable to succumb to sore feet, tired legs, thirst, sleepiness, and wanting to be alone. Things that have helped me: 1) comfy shoes, like, orthopedic level comfy 2) ear plugs 3) tons of water 4) a moderate quantity of adult gummies 5) taking a break from the crowd and standing towards the back for a bit or finding a place to sit.

      I’ve gone to lots of concerts where I didn’t know the artist’s music and really enjoyed it — there are lots of artists who are even better live and that’s been great. Attitude does make a difference. If I’m already cranky and know I’ll be put off by all the concert annoyances, I usually will maintain that attitude and be cranky the whole time. If I act positive and try to quell that voice in my head that’s fussing about my feet or how I’d rather be laying on 10 pillows at home, I have a better time. Sometimes it’s just a matter of reminding myself that I am capable of tolerating a moderate amount of discomfort to have fun.

    7. Live music is nice to listen to even if you don’t know the artist. You might surprise yourself and have a lot of fun!

    8. So first of all, definitely bring ear plugs. Concerts are way too loud, but if you have ear plugs in, it’s much more enjoyable. I buy a box of the foam ones that go in your ears and have enough to share with seatmates in case they didn’t bring their own.

      Second, you can look up the songs that the bands have been playing on their tours at s!tes like setlist.fm, so you know which songs to check out on youtube or a streaming service. That way, you can become familiar ahead of time, and maybe have a few you like.

      I’ve gone to many concerts with my husband where I wasn’t familiar with the band, but I can always find something to enjoy. People watching can be amazing. Also, since these acts are both likely to appeal to older people, you will probably be able to sit for most of the concert and still see. Hope you have fun!

      1. FWIW, I don’t think these are very good. I prefer the regular foam ear plugs you can get at a drug store.

    12. Comfy shoes, nice black tee and jeans. Crossbody bag you can wear at front.

      Get good earplugs – I like the ones that are specifically for music, they look similar to airplane plugs, a sort of silicone layered plug that are reusable.
      Next best: the 3M orange ones.

      Second looking at best of playlists or albums on spotify. And have a look at imdb to see if they have been used in movies you have seen. You might remember the music if it’s a movie you loved, or a commercial

      It’s okay to view it as an anthropological experiment, people watching.

      If you feel self conscious just standing, get a small can of coca cola to hold – there’s a reason actors love a hand held prop.

  9. Summer has melted my brain. For 3/5 recent days, I caught myself forgetting deodorant. !!! This is not the time of year for that! I figured it out in my dog walk, so before I’d left the house for the day but still. Being lucky is not a strategy!

    1. Keep a travel size stick in your car or your desk at the office. Ask me how I know.

      2. +1 I always kept deodorant at work and had to use it maybe a time or two a year because I’d forgotten to use it at home.

    1. Because it is a less expensive way to construct a garment. For me, it is also great for my budget, because I am not buying.

      1. I presume because they think it is a shortcut to producing the garment with less cost, and it is, but also some people like them. I am ambivalent and it won’t stop me from buying in most cases.

      2. If I’m wearing a dress like this one, I want to look elegant, polished, and sleek. A bulky obvious zipper is none of these things.

  11. I’ve seen Blackberry Farm and Mountain recommended here several times for milestone birthdays and anniversaries. Anyone who’s been want to offer a more detailed review? What activities are included with room rates (it was hard for me to determine from their web page)? How’s the food? If you’ve been to both resorts, any preference for one or the other?

    1. If you’ve got over a grand a night to spend it is exquisite just book it. It’s consistently one of, if not the top, best hotels in the country

    2. I’ve used Robin for planning before and I trust her reviews:
      https://luxerecess.com/blackberry-farm-tennessee-is-blackberry-farm-worth-it/
      It’s not on my personal list as I’m just not that into a food focused vacation. I love cooking, but we also eat out at high end places frequently enough for work that very high end dining somehow feels more like a job than a treat for us (my father and brother cannot fathom how I dislike expense account steak restaurants but for YEARS that was the only place my finance bosses wanted to go).

    3. I have never been, so I don’t know anything about the activities. But my boyfriend is a chef who used to work there. Judging by the food he makes and what he’s told me, that part is exquisite.

    4. I’ve been to both twice. Mountain is more wellness focused with more included activities (yoga, stretching). Food is incredible at both though we slightly prefer Farm. Most activities are extra – there’s a price list on both websites.

    5. I’ve been to Blackberry Farm three times. It is worth the money, if you want exceptional food (effectively 3 Michelin star meals every day), top of the line service and a beautiful and relaxing stay. Food is included in your rate. Alcohol is not. You can BYO wine for a corkage fee. Alcohol is not marked up like it would be in a restaurant. No activities are included and all cost extra except for hiking by yourself, sitting by the pool. We typically go for 3-4 nights and do 1 paid activity during that stay. It’s worth it.

  12. We went to Rehoboth Beach a few years ago and I specifically loved how I could park the car and walk to a million things (boardwalk, shops, restaurants, bars) AND the beach. So it was like being in a village and at the beach, a combination I’ve never had before but found amazing and so easy (no getting into the hot car to go to dinner or the store or literally anywhere multiple times a day and fighting for parking). What are other places in the US like this (and could also be walk to hiking trails vs walk to a beach for a broader expanse of the country)? It was so idyllic (but a 10+ hour drive for us and not a lot of easy flying options since it seems that BWI / Philly are still several hours of driving away and summer flying is too much of a crapshoot).

    1. Wait, do you not want to fly at all, or you want the destination to be close to a major airport? FL offers this in a lot of beach towns – St. Augustine (about an hour from JAX), Palm Beach (PBI super close), Naples (45 mins from RSW), Miami for obviously a busier scene.

      South Jersey shore towns are about 1-2 hours from PHL, can be more in peak traffic.

      1. OP — prefer to drive, but would be open to flying since I feel that I haven’t seen that much of the US at all. I just want to walk when I get there mainly.

        1. Where are you located? That would help with specific recs. Like if Rehoboth was 10 hours that could be a huge swath of the East Coast or Midwest…

          3. NC is such a long state that the outer banks can be really far driving. Like an 8-10 hour drive.

          8. El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles del Rio de Porciuncula

            I guess the river is the LA river by today’s standards.

      2. Oh, you could also look into somewhere like Kiawah, about 45 minutes from CHS. Once on island, not everything is walking distance, but a ton is bikeable.

      3. Many (but not all) NJ shore towns are like this too – Beach Haven and Cape May are very popular. Martha’s Vineyard and Nantucket as well if you get a house ‘in town’ or rent a hotel room. I agree with you on the ease of it – we’ll pay a 20-30% premium to be in a walkable beach town vs. a driveable one.

    2. IME, most vacation towns are like this. My family has a house on the jersey shore and legitimately the only time we use the car is when we take out the paddle boards or kayaks in the bay – we could carry them to a public dock but it’s much preferable to drive them.

      I attended one bachlorette in Clearwater beach and one in St. Pete beach and it was the same – walk to both the beach and town (restaurants and bars).

    3. This is easily half the towns on the jersey shore, large chunks of cape cod etc.

      1. +1. Parts of Miami are like this too – I’d look around the gallery district (Faena hotel) or the finance district (Four Seasons is a personal fave).

      2. Can someone talk me through the NJ beaches? Are they like the Maryland and Delaware ones where some are for parties and others are pretty quiet? I like restaurants and bars but not stepping over vomit in the morning.

        1. For quiet and family oriented I’d focus on Beach Haven or Cape May – both are family focused, walkable, and with very few bars. I think both are (or they were when I was a kid) ‘dry’ which makes a huge difference.

        2. personally as a 40-something I have no time for Atlantic City or Wildwood. Avalon and Stone Harbor are where all the Biglaw partners have their houses. Spring Lake is also upscale. Cape May is cute and family friendly though a (relatively) long drive. People with young kids often flock to Ocean City since it has a ton of boardwalk games, etc. but it’s a way denser area.

        3. Happily – 3rd generation resident of 7 Mile Island (Avalon and Stone Harbor) with family and friends in many of the towns (though I’ve never lived in any town besides Avalon/SH).

          Ocean City: Very popular, the second cheapest after the Wildwoods. Crowded, like SIC, because most houses here are duplexes. Dry town, so no bars. Lots going on in town – there’s a boardwalk with rides. Its also very big. I don’t care for it – its too crowded for me. But the people who love it, LOVE it. The north end of the island (the Gardens) is the nicest, quietest, least crowded part.
          Strathmere: Small and quiet, but lovely. Nice beaches, without lifeguards (the only SJ town without lifeguards). A few restaurants, but its a really quiet town.
          Sea Isle: Lots to do, nice beaches, but crowded. More of a party atmosphere, but not trashy like Wildwood. Still very family friendly. Almost every house here (like OC) is a twin or duplex, which is why its so crowded. To me (like OC), its too crowded to be relaxing, but it has fun bars that most of the NJ towns don’t have – the bar scene here is more like Dewey Beach, DE.
          Avalon: Has gotten very ritzy in the last 20 years, unfortunately. Only two bars left, and many of the restaurants are $$. Town is lovely, very quiet, family friendly, and really, really nice beaches. Dune Drive is the main drag, but its not as concentrated as SH and I think it offers less. But, also full of Karens.
          SH: Much better town than Avalon, just as nice, family friendly, etc. Very quiet outside of 96th St / the very north end of town (bordering Avalon). 96th St is the main drag – shops and restaurants all concentrated on a few blocks.
          The Wildwoods: The only town here (aside from maybe a few block radius in SIC) where you’re stepping over vomit in the morning. Overall trashy, but certain parts are actually nice. Very, very wide island so you can be on-island but far from the beach and then the beach itself is nearly a mile wide. Has a boardwalk with good rides (better rides than OC). Really good restaurants though. And not as Kareny – but you’ll see lots of Blue Lives Matter and Trump flags. Anglesea (part of North Wildwood) and Diamond Beach are nice.
          Cape May: Not a barrier island, so you can be further from the beach (not walking distance) if you’re not careful where you rent. Town is very nice and the largest town – lots of shops, restaurants, bars. Has a ferry to Lewes, DE which is nice if you want to explore more.

          If you’re familiar with the Delaware/Maryland beaches, Wildwood is the OC,MD. Cape May or Ocean City are like Rehoboth.

          2. Forgive me that I’m a Cape May County person, so I don’t really know north of that. I’ve been to LBI a few times to visit family, but I don’t know the island well enough to give detailed information. There are lots of great Jersey beaches that I didn’t include because I’ve been, but I don’t know them well enough.

    4. Folly Beach in SC, and Coronado Beach in CA both are like this. A lot of the Outer Banks towns are similar too, depending on exactly where you stay — they are long barrier islands so you can’t easily walk to everything, but Corrolla and Duck both have easy village and beach access, for example.

      1. OP here. Will check out Folly Beach (4ish hours)! I have been to Coronado for work once and it was an easy flight to San Diego and then taxi over to the island (but I didn’t leave the hotel much, which was fine because it was amazing). Am also up for a revisit.

        Are places like Aspen and Vail good to go to in the summer? Or just for skiing? I imagine it is beautiful and walk but wasn’t sure what the risk was of finding a lot of places closed or having very limited off-season service (what you get in some summer beach places after Labor Day).

        1. I think you want to have a car in Aspen or Vail – there’s just so many more hiking options if you have one. But you can pick a condo or hotel that’s near enough to walk to store & restaurants. Restaurants and stuff will be open – it’s not nearly as seasonal as eg Cape Cod. Some of the ski resorts have summer “activities” like eg. Alpine slides, ropes courses, but the main reason you’d go is hiking and biking. There’s also often stuff “outside-y” stuff like free music events, crafts fairs, food events, rodeo (in the less bougie towns than Aspen but if you have a car..)

          Actual aspen-leaf season (late September to early October) is of course very busy and expensive but beautiful, and the weather is great then too

    5. Just got back from Bar Harbor and if you’re open to taking a regularly scheduled, reliable bus to expand your hiking and shore options, it checks all your boxes and is pretty danged idyllic :)

      My off the beaten path beach recommendation would be Cape Charles, VA, if you’re interested in experiencing a unique little corner of the US. You have to drive to the grocery store but there are plenty of cutesy walkable markets if you just need to grab something quick.

    6. Jersey Shore, especially south Jersey but not Wildwood (really, really wide – so depending where you are it’s a long walk to the beach and also it’s the trashiest of the towns).

      South Jersey shore towns are all barrier islands so the towns are limited in size by that. Many are only a few blocks wide (east to west).

      Stone Harbor probably has the best concentrated town. Avalon, Sea Isle and others are nice too. I don’t care for Ocean City (way too crowded for me), but others love it. Strathmere might be my favorite but it’s so quiet it’s probably not for you. LBI is great but huge (18 miles long) and each town on it is different (Ship Bottom is trashier, Holgate is lovely but quiet).

      1. Ship Bottom is trashy? Oof, that’s harsh. And I’m saying that from my family’s vacation home in Loveladies.

          2. For CA: I was shocked by how long LA’s actual name is. Like how many prepositions and other words? Amazing local flavor.

          3. It’s true. We are not great about pronouncing our full city names.

            When I was an entry level employee I worked with a guy who had done his degree at a university in Spain & found it important to pronounce our local city names correctly. Sohn Hosay rather than what we actually call San Jose, which is Sanazay. Sohn Rohf-aye-ell rather than our lazy Sanrafelle.

    7. Cape May, NJ, if you stay in town in Nantucket…but also if you are willing to fly, Vail offers exactly this. I too love not getting in my car as much on vacation.

      1. +1 – staying in Vail Village is expensive but amazing. There are lots of condo options with kitchen/laundry facilities which makes it a bit less expensive.

    8. Second all of the recs for the Jersey Shore, but would also add in Jim Thorpe, PA if you like a river with waterspouts, a rail trail, and hiking.

    9. Golden or Boulder, CO. Cute, walkable towns. The mountains are right there. Golden also has a river running through it that people seem to float on.

    10. This may be further from you than you want, but once you arrive any number of the towns along the Lake Michigan shore in Michigan fit this description. Cute, walkable towns with great beaches right there and no need to drive and park, drive and park.

    11. I don’t understand the Cape May love. We went last year for the first time and just weren’t impressed. Yes, the houses are pretty, but the shops on that main promenade were pretty generic, with even a few of the dreaded cheap-neon-beach-tank-top ones. And we aren’t crazy foodies, but the food left us uninspired.

      Cape Charles, VA for a chill, quaint, small town, authentic destination. You can fly to Norfolk and drive. The downtown is adorable, complete with a 100 year old hardware store. (And they don’t clean out their stock, so you’ll see a widget from the ’80s still on the shelves ha!) Nice shops and art galleries, restaurants, ice cream parlors, etc. But I do want to make clear this would be a sit on the beach and read destination – the town, while darling, is quite small. This does attract an upscale crowd* – we had taken our boat over from the other side of the Bay, and our boat was huge to me (I mean, it’s big enough for a toilet)…until we approached the harbor and I saw that we were the smallest thing in there by far. *Upscale crowd but not snobby – upscale good times, not upscale Gilmore grandparents.

      1. Marina. Not harbor. The word is marina. Clearly DH is the boater (sailor? captain?) in our family. I’m just along for a chance to take dramamine ;)

      2. I think its that the Jersey Shore is a great local vacation, but probably not worth traveling to. My family has had a house there for about 50 years, I love it more than any other vacation I take, it’s my favorite place, but its not really meant to be a destination – its the local vacation spot for Philly. I feel the same way about the Poconos, Delaware Beaches, etc. People hear us raving about it, because we do love it, and think its something that its not.

        1. agree. i would never fly to go to the jersey shore, or travel great distance, but it is a convenient vacation for many people who live in PA, NJ, etc. and of the towns on the Jersey Shore, I think Cape May is cute. Would I put it on my bucket list, absolutely not,

          1. Yeah, I think you’ve been misled if someone tells you to fly to the shore. And I happily spend every weekend there (which, now thanks to hybrid schedules are 4 day weekends) + several full weeks there every week from April – October and have done so my entire life.

        3. Yes, the main appeal is that it’s a short drive. The only reason to fly to it is if you grew up going there.

        4. Oh yeah. We go because it’s convenient and nice enough for quick getaways but would not fly there!

    12. Carolina Beach, NC isn’t as big as Rehoboth but its a small enough place that you can rent a beach house walking distance from the beach, small boardwalk, some restaurants etc and pretty much only get in your car to go to a big grocery store as needed. I’m sure there are other beach towns in the area that might fit your bill as well, but that’s the one I’m most familiar with.

    13. I don’t know what the rental car situation is like, but there are American Airlines flights from CLT to Salisbury, which is about an hour from Rehoboth. Pretty small planes but way way closer than BWI or Philly.

    14. Bathany beach has some condos right on the beach. It’s a boardwalk and a small town. Very cute. There’s also other beaches/beach towns/boaedwalks nearby you can drive to.

  13. I used to find the Uniqlo site easy to navigate but lately it seems to be impossible. It’s like a landing page and drilling down to actual clothes is baffling me. What am I doing wrong?

    1. A lot of sites where I used to shop have embraced endless scrolling lately and I hate it.

      1. Can someone describe to me what this is? Endless scrolling? Maybe I don’t understand what has changed.

        1. Rather than reaching the “end” of the page (where the scrolling action is stopped and one can’t continue to scroll) and then having to click either “see more” or “page 2” or similar, there is no end t to the scrolling motion until one runs through the 100s or even 1000s of garments or objects on the page. The main issue with this is bookmarking and being able to get back to a single object or page you wanted to study more. For example, with ThredUp there’s about 100 garments per page. If I click “next page” I see 100 more. With some websites, there’s no such differentiators, it just goes on and on.

        2. instead of loading, say, 90 products on a page and then you click to page 2 to see more, the additional products load as you scroll down.

    2. The site redesign is terrible. Just click the search icon from the landing page – it’ll show you the categories to shop (tops, bottoms, etc.)

    4. no advice, but I had this same problem last week. someone here recommended a shirt so I went to try and go find it and it was dumbly hard, so I gave up.

  14. Debating whether to keep the tall black boots I got from the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale. They arrived and fit and look fine; as I looked at them, however,I was struggling to think about how I would wear them. Not sure if this is me being in summer mode and not being able to think about winter outfits. I don’t wear skinny jeans, so would not be tucking them in; I am not big on dresses or skirts in winter – almost always wear pants. So, I should return them, right? Is there any reason I should have a pair of basic, tall (knee high) black boots? Even on sale, they were over $400 so not cheap.

    1. i would not be investing in new knee boots. not current. which isn’t to say that i don’t sometimes where the ones i already have….

      1. Out of curiosity what is current for boots? Slouchy or ankle? Or neither? Thinking ahead to fall/winter purchases.

    2. It doesn’t sound like you would actually wear them, unless for warmth underneath bootcut jeans, so sounds like a return to me.

    4. Yes, return. If you were saying they looked too heavy or dark or hot, that would be summer mode talking, and you should keep them. But you’re saying, “I don’t wear the kind of outfits that would let me wear them.” Which means you’re thinking realistically. If you ever start wearing winter dresses and find out you need tall boots, you can buy a pair then.

    5. Return them. I have a pair of waterproof black knee boots that I wear with skinny black jeans in nasty weather. Not the most current look but it’s practical when I’m on foot and can’t haul around a change of shoes. I certainly wouldn’t spend $400 on them, it’s just a “good enough” look during a polar vortex or heavy rain. I think certain statement knee boots work with skirts or dresses in winter but plain black is too dated.

      1. +1 I’m not going to get rid of my tall black boots because they fill a utilitarian need in the winter, but I’m definitely not going to buy new ones.

    8. For $400 (on sale, no less), you should love them and want to wear them constantly. IMO.

      1. Agreed. These should be like Monica’s boots from Friends (before they hurt her feet).

    9. I should probably get rid of mine. I have two pairs of tall boots just taking up space in my closet – black and brown riding boots. I haven’t worn then since early 2020 (guess why) and I don’t really see a future where I start wearing them again.

  15. We are looking at Rochester for a potential relo for lower cost of living compared to large metro in the South. We work remote. The summers down here have been brutal in the past few years, and lots of flooding, tornados, random storms. Not to mention water issues and internet and cell phone outages. I suppose we are looking to be climate change refugees. Can anyone give some insight on Rochester?

    1. I feel like half of the people from there live in Charlotte now. Like the exodus is a real problem for them and their sense of no jobs or future there but having to do long-distance eldercare. It may be less expensive for a reason, sadly.

        1. the winter is brutal. my sister went to college there, granted it probably isn’t as cold as it once was due to climate change, but it is very cold and gray. i’d actually move to minneapolis

          1. If “winter is brutal” is your barometer, why is Minneapolis/MN a better bet?

            It’s cold(er, probably) and gray here in the winter too?

    3. Have you always lived in the South? You may be exchanging a hot difficult summer for a winter that you can’t stand

    5. I think someone (AwayEmily?) on the moms board lives in Rochester. You could try posting there too.

    6. If you’re looking for better weather and a lower COL, why not try out a smaller city in Washington State, Oregon, NorCal, Colorado, Wisconsin, Minnesota?

    9. Climate change refugee here. We traded a southern waterfront property for rural New England. Close to a university, so an educated populace supports the university, good schools, a fair amount going on, and a 3,300 sq ft house on 3 acres for $420k. (We’re about to put $250k in to update the habitable but outdated kitchen, baths, laundry, deck…everything, really.) New England is warming quickly sadly, so I felt like last winter was on par with the southern winters I’ve experienced all my life – it snowed measurably just once. (And yes, I’m prepared for bad winters, should they return every now and again.) But we are winter people. It’s gently raining here right now and 71*. It’s possible to be comfortable here in the summer with just a ceiling fan for all but the warmest days, which is wild to think about coming from the south.

      If you haven’t seen northern Rust Belt towns, I’d encourage you to check them out before making a leap. I don’t know how Rust Belty Rochester is, but I do know its heyday is behind it. There’s something about dilapadated two-family factory worker housing that destroys my soul and sends me fleeing far, far away. This is a particular Up North thing that has none of the charm of southern mill worker cottages. Anyways, go visit before you move anywhere up north – I’m sure you were going to.

      1. Oh thank you for this, this sort of sounds like why we are trying to do- we would love a town that is in a more academic setting, and yes would love to trade up in terms of house. $490k for us 2000 sf plus massive utility bills.

    10. I went to college in Rochester. It’s nicer than many of the other upstate rust belt towns (Syracuse, Genesee) but the winters are no joke. Even if you’re used to snow it’s the constant grey skies that are the worst part of it (imho). It isn’t even like Seattle grey where you can watch the cloud blow in/out over the water but just a constant heavy grey layer of clouds that don’t budge for months. I live in MA now so I can say with certainty it’s not the snow or cold that gets to me, it’s the grey skies.

      2. Rochester winters are definitely milder than ever and summers are great (but also getting warmer). The gray skies are hard but embracing the outdoor options helps. I try to get outdoors all yearlong now and find it accessible in the area. I think we will see more and more climate refugees. If you don’t want to live in the city proper, each town around the city has its own flavor.

    11. Rochester is pretty bleak, IMO and this comes from someone who really liked Pittsburgh and Detroit.

      Also, it’s got some real diversity/hate issues that are more than you’d expect for NY. There was that racially motivated mass shooting in Buffalo recently.

      If you are interested in that area, i’d suggest looking a bit south at the finger lakes! Very pretty area and much more liberal/accepting because of the colleges there.

      1. What? No. I lived in Rochester for more than two decades and yes, there is poverty and crime. Buffalo is 60 miles away, so if you are referring to the supermarket mass shooting, that was not Rochester (and could happen anywhere!). Also, for the most part, (Ithaca excepted, perhaps), you do not want to live in the Finger Lakes region year round. It’s very sparsely populated so you would have to like solitary living. Even people who live in Geneseo (30 mins from Roc) go to Rochester for entertainment, shopping and restaurants. Geneseo is a college town but the food is mostly bar food. The Finger Lakes is also primarily Republican, so I would not say it’s “liberal/accepting”. Yes, the students might be, but the rest of the population is not. Don’t get me wrong, I love it in the summertime. It’s amazing. But I would not personally live there year round. I agree with the comments about how gray Rochester is. We skiied, so that helped with the longer winters but sun would have been nice too! It’s a very nice family city-especially suburbs such as Pittsford, Brighton, Spencerport etc and the cost of living is low. I’m not sure it would be where I would choose to live if I could live anywhere.

      2. The shooter was not from Buffalo, FYI, he drove from four hours away having researched which city closest to him had the most black people. There is significant racial disparity in upstate NY cities, but please do not make such irresponsible statements that people there are filled with hate. And no, the finger lakes are not liberal and accepting. Anywhere in upstate NY is going to be more progressive in a city than in rural areas.

    12. I am from there originally! I’m also considering moving back, it’s my top choice for relocating in 2025. I recently went for a visit to check it out and it really lived up to the dream. It’s super low cost, people are friendly and it’s an incredible mix of “just big enough” city and small town. The suburbs are charming and walkable. There’s several major universities, and Cornell is a couple hours away. There’s an art gallery, a national museum of play, several preservation film theatres, and many historical attractions. The airport is a breeze to get through, but you’ll need to connect to really get anywhere outside region puddle hoppers. It’s an 6-8hr drive to NYC and about 2 hours to Toronto, which is so great. The main downside is the job market is terrible, and has continued to be for the last 15 years, which is why I originally left. It’s also cloudy about 300 days a year, so if cloudy/overcast weather affects you (which you may not realize until you’re there) it can really do a number on you. But the lush greenery, the closeness to the lake, the historical buildings, and the LCOL are so wonderful it offsets this IMHO.

    13. Curious why you are picking that city in particular? There’s lots of nice places in the Hudson Valley or southern New England with nicer weather but still decent cost of living.

      1. I’d look into West Haven CT if you haven’t. It’s where the Yale professors live, close to Boston and NYC but MUCH cheaper than either.

        1. omg no Yale profs don’t live in West Haven! It’s a very blue collar town with terrible schools.

          A lot of Yale profs (~50% last I heard) live in New Haven proper, and the ones who don’t mostly live in upscale suburbs like Hamden and Woodbridge. A decent number commute from the NYC area too.

  16. My kids complain about being bored at school. At first, I thought they were just saying this because lots of kids say it, but the more I learn the more I wonder, maybe it really is boring?? I can’t seem to get any specific issues out of them, or maybe they’re not able to articulate. When I try to get more, they say, it’s just boring!!! They’re 6 and 8. The 8 yo says there is not enough recess, so that’s something a bit more specific. And the 6 yo says, not enough art class. These things are both true- they only get 1 short recess a day, and art for specials is only 1x a week. Beyond this, what I get is “Mom, it’s just soooo boring!!!”

    1. Are they being challenged enough? Do they feel like they already understand the material? Can you ask them other questions that might shed light on it? What would they rather be doing? Are some classes more boring than others? Is there anything they do like in class/classes they do like? When do they notice that they feel bored? Anything that’s the MOST boring? What’s the LEAST boring time? For the 8 year old, what is it they love so much about recess? How do they feel about sitting still? Do they have more energy to burn than recess allows? Does the 6 year old love art and want to spend more time doing art? If that’s the case, providing other outlets for these energies might help them feel less “bored” in school.

    2. My 7 year old says the same, and he gets a fairly long recess and lunch and the day has quite a bit of play built in. He thinks there’s not enough learning and it’s not stuff he’s interested in (because… schools don’t normally teach Greek mythology or Japanese to 1st graders). I think it’ll be better next year when there is more free reading time. I remember being profoundly bored as a kid as well and it got better once I could read once I finished my work.

    3. I remember school being incredibly boring. Even in HS w AP classes, multiple sports and friends, I was counting the time until it was done. It might be personality based. I get so antsy being forced to be in specific spaces for prescribed times outside of my control. When I was young I considered that boredom. Being older I know it’s just something I have to understand and manage as someone who needs to work for a living!

      1. I was like this too. For example, I generally loved reading and English class, but some years really found the material boring (early American stuff like Walt Whitman and “great” literature like Crime and Punishment or anything by Hemingway was just so boring to me). I also loved history, and the years in middle school when we studied ancient Egypt and Rome were fascinating, but I also remember being kind of bored by all the Civil War stuff. I kind of liked whatever chemistry we did in grade school but was so bored in high school chemistry. Some of this was definitely the subject matter, but some of it was also how it was taught. Individual teachers can make or break students’ interest in everything.

    4. I used to have a teacher who would say only boring people get bored–by that he meant that you need to teach yourself how to be interested in things around you. Independent, unstructured play gives some of the earliest teachings of this for kids. As they get older, developing a passion for reading and for learning about other people and cultures and the workings of the world at large (science!) continues more of this self-driven interest.

      Life isn’t all entertainment actively pushed on you. Sometimes you have to do harder things and figure out how to cope with maintaining that discipline and even coming around to enjoying that feeling of accomplishment. That’s a good life lesson.

      1. +1. It’s a skill that can be cultivated (the ability to overcome boredom). A lot of the critics of overscheduled kids’ lives point out that kids aren’t being given enough time to plan their own days and follow their own interests.

      2. This is fair, but many classroom settings actively obstruct play, learning, and even reading. I never felt bored in a library as a child! It’s because I had a passion for learning that school was so boring, because weeks could go by without learning a thing, and the attempts at keeping the classroom engaged were all on the entertainment model.

      3. This would assume the kids have good teachers. In many classes when you finish your work you sit quietly. There is no option to read and heaven forbid a child leave their seat or risk punishment.

        1. Yeah, Just sitting would’ve made misbehave. I spent most of elementary school hiding a book under my desk that I would read when I got done before everyone else. My best friend was irritated that I slept through geometry. Got an A that she didn’t get.

    5. I mean, school was boring to me at that age. I was a book-smart kid and ex. spelling lists weren’t words I was already really familiar with from reading on my own. If that’s the case for yours, more frequent library or museum visits might help with imagination and challenge.

    6. Thank you for listening to them! School was so boring to me as a kid that it was bad for my mental health. I’m forever grateful to my parents for intervening.

      1. So a kid would rather do recess than school work, and it’s a mental health issue?

        I think you’re projecting quite a bit.

      2. Could you say more about what intervention is helpful? Did you switch classes, skip a grade, join a gifted program or do some other supplemental learning?

        1. I can imagine any of those interventions helping the right kid! For me there were different interventions that helped at different ages (more time outside, lots of electives like art, more time reading, remote access to more challenging instruction when I was old enough for remote classes), but it seems like there are so, so many more options and opportunities to meet individual needs than existed when I was a kid. For example when I was really young, I remember I had one teacher whose workaround was to send me and my one friend on errands once I’d finished the task she’d assigned — that did help just cut back on sitting around in the classroom, but some schools today actually have supervised quiet rooms for studying.

      3. OP here! Could you share how your parents intervened? I was one of those never bored kids (active imagination) but I do trust that my kids are being honest and trying to really tell me something here. I like the questions that another reply had with some ideas to help assess. What did your parents do that helped you?

        1. Mostly they just advocated for me with school and offered me choices where choices existed! I wasn’t nearly as forthcoming, but they got a sense from teachers that I was bored and looking for challenges.

          I do think it matters if it’s something like “multiplication tables are awfully rote” (yeah, studying can be repetitive, but that’s just work and that’s fine!) or if it’s something more, but hopefully that is what will come out through talking about it more.

    7. I’d talk to their teachers. This can be a really legitimate complaint. Either they are doing well in school and bored, or maybe their teacher isn’t engaging them and they are bored and it has nothing to do with their learning capacities. Or, maybe your kid is just a complainer. I have 3 kids: my oldest is really bright; she’s bored when she’s not challenged and not put in groups with friends. Middle is highly gifted and has ADHD; she’s bored all the time and needs more differentiation but is not stimulated by being with friends and generally would prefer to be home than at boring school and would complain pretty much no matter how awesome it was. Youngest needs to be entertained.

      1. I was bored a lot in school and counted mimutes until the days were over.

        For me it was for several reasons. I reeaally struggled in math classes my entire life so I gave up at some point in those classes. I struggled with spelling early on and had a hard time with homework and studying. Studying didnt click with me until college.

        I read liked I breathed air so the books we read in school werent challenging me enough or got covered at such a slow pace Id get bored. I was biking to and from the local library with a stack of books about 3 times a week in high school.

        I really struggled socially. There was a lot of bullying in my school district and the kids were a bit wild. If my classmates werent an active bully, I found them too loud, inane, or down right annoying in the classroom.

        I dont like athletics. My disctrict was one of the top in the state for most sports but also one of the top accademically.

        Mostly, I just wasnt interested in school. Didnt matter the subject or teaching method or level of riguor and I had some top notch teachers and they did what they could. 90% of school just wasnt my jam.

    8. Elementary school is just … boring. They spend half the day lining up, dealing with behavior management systems, etc. The academic work does not tend to be differentiated so kids are either lost or not challenged, both of which result in boredom. Everything is taught by rote and dumbed down.

      1. Depends on the district I think. I was actually shocked by how much differentiation there was in my daughter’s K class this past year. They were sorted into groups by ability for both math and reading and did a lot in those groups. Our district also has a high ability class beginning in first grade.

    9. To me, there’s a a difference between comparing you don’t get enough art and recess and complaining about being bored. My 6 year old does the former but not the latter and she basically gets told to suck it up. Most kids want more play time. But if they’re actually bored because they already know everything being taught I’d speak to the teacher.

    10. As someone who has worked with young kids for 30 years, I can tell you their threshold for being engaged is much higher than it was for many of us. I think it is a combination of having parents very focused on them, being heavily scheduled, and how much time they spend with electronics. They don’t have experience getting bored outside of school and managing that, so when they encounter it in school they don’t know how to manage it. Of course, as others have said, if they are above the level of instruction, work with your child’s teacher and child study team/counselor to figure out a way to support them (giftedness requires accommodation).

  17. I’m new to the Philly / SJ area and I have noticed that there are a few swim clubs either on a lake or pond or that have a pool and also access to a lake or pond for boating. Does anyone have experience with any of them or a recommendation? It looks like some might be summer camps or campgrounds that you can join and some are just clubs?

    My family in north Jersey belongs to the Noe Pond club – is there something similar here (ideally less “exclusive” – not sure if its actually exclusive or if its just in a wealthy part of Jersey)?

    Basically, looking for a place to both swim and paddle (I have a paddle board and kayak – ideally that I could leave there) not too far of a drive from South Philly or Cherry Hill (live in Philly, work in Cherry Hill).

    1. FWIW, I’m a DINK – so no need for kids activities. And I would prefer a place where I’m not an outlier for not having a kid. If the place has other activities too, I’m down (I play most racquet sports, love to hike or enjoy nature trails).

      Also not opposed to something on the PA side – though I recognize that’s more likely to be a pool than a natural body of water.

  18. i know this has been discussed on here before, but search is failing me. protein powder recommendations? and how do you use the protein powder? i am trying to increase my protein intake and feel like i won’t be able to get the amount i want unless i introduce protein powder.

    1. i don’t know about brands (i’m at work and i have what i have at home that i think my teenage son purchased). I can tell you that the main place i use it is I add some to plain greek yogurt. It adds some sweetness and bulks it out. I also add chia seeds.

    2. I do a smoothie with frozen fruit, frozen kale, a scoop of unflavored whey protein powder, full fat greek yogurt, almond milk, and chia seeds most days. Its tasty. Some people like the flavored protein powder but I cannot stand it.

      After a workout I always drink chocolate milk (good for recovery), but if I am low on protein I will stir in protein powder to that too.

      I find powdered collagen easier to mix into other things than whey; I mix it into coffee, yogurt, oatmeal, and other saucy things.

    3. I like the Naked Pea protein for adding protein without any sweeteners or added flavors. I tried a few other types and settled on this one because it doesn’t bother my stomach and because I prefer a neutral flavor that goes well in either a green smoothie or a sweeter version. Pricey, though.

      1. Should have added: whey protein in general bothers my stomach. Some have really weird textures, too. My spouse has one that turns things very frothy, almost like they are carbonated, which I really do not like. So if you try one powder and dislike it, don’t give up because there is so much variety out there.

    4. Orgain and almond milk after every workout. Put it in a mason jar, screw the lid on, and shake.

    5. Not what you’re asking, but I’ve been trying to increase my protein intake too. I’m not excited about some of the ingredients in the protein powders I’ve looked at so I’ve just been eating more selective foods. Nonfat plain Greek yogurt, peanut butter, scallops, fish, chicken, beans.

    6. whey protein from Costco. we wait for sales. Usually with a fruit smoothie – berries banana greek yogurt milk.

      Or you can the premier protein shakes (also at Costco).

      You can also make pancakes using protein powder (recipes online) that are tasty. Some peanut butter on a protein pancake … good snack!

  19. Hi – Looking for a cute town within 3 hours drive from NYC to spend the Thanksgiving week given we are not traveling to extended family this year. It will be 2 adults, 2 kids and 2 dogs. Can be colder or warmer than NYC (though prefer not to be snowy as the kids are too young to ski). Prefer a walkable location as well. Any recommendations?

    TIA!

    1. Would you consider a slightly longer train ride to Boston? Though, a week there would be a long time. Long weekend probably would be sufficient.

      In my opinion, Thanksgiving is a tricky time for the smaller towns around NYC, especially if you want to stay for a week. The weather likely won’t be great, but it also isn’t really cold enough to do winter things like skiing, sledding, etc.

      Maybe Mohonk?

    4. Just over three hours, but that could be a fun time to visit DC. The city is pretty empty, so the museums and other sites won’t be overcrowded like they are in spring and summer

    5. Look at towns around the Delaware Water Gap – New Hope, PA, Lawrenceville NJ, Frenchtown NJ, or maybe even Easton PA. Caveat that I’m not sure any of these would keep a family with young kids busy for a whole week, depending on what you like to do. I think Philly is a good idea if you are okay with an actual city.

      1. Yes I was going to say new hope but a week might be overkill! Long weekend would be good.

        OP if you extend your 3 hours just a bit, DC could be a fun option!

  20. What’s your pre-work routine? If you’re in the office, what happens between the time you get there and when you actually start buckling down and getting things done? I’m in a huge rut and am looking for ideas to shake things up.

    1. Im WFH 3x a week, in office (15 min walk commute!) 2x a week.

      I wake up, grab coffee, and sit (on my balcony in the summer, in my living room in the winter) and enjoy my coffee while I do my NYT games, read, and do Duolingo (approximately 30 mins) before getting ready for work. On WFH days, I make my bed, wash my face, apply my skincare, brush my teeth, and throw on something comfy yet appropriate before logging on.

      On in office days I do the above, but also do hair and makeup and pack my breakfast and lunch before heading out.

      I LIVE for my coffee and reading time. You could never, ever take that time from me, ha.

    2. First thing in the morning at the office is actually when I get a lot of work done because I’m in early and it’s quiet.

      In general, I put the kettle on for tea, do all my NYT games, and check the local news.

    3. A cup of tea. Sometimes a granola bar. Turn on computer & check emails. Review schedule for any meetings. Look at to-do list. Read the headlines on a news site.

      Then return emails if quick. See if any of the to-dos can be knocked out quickly – which is often something I worked on yesterday that I left to be reviewed with fresh eyes today.

      Then, realistically, chat with people for a while.

    5. I WFH. In general, I wake up around 6:15 and read until 7:15-7:30. Then I get up and have coffee and breakfast, then take a shower and get ready for the day. I’m ready around 8:15. Most days I call my mom and talk to her while I unload the dishwasher and clean any dishes left after dinner or from breakfast. I start work around 8:50-9:00.

      If I’m busy at work that week, I’ll skip calling my mom and taking care of the dishes. If I’m really busy at work, I’ll roll out of bed, have coffee, and start early.

    6. I WFH 4x/wk and the only major difference w my in-office days is I don’t really get dressed when I WFH (only if there is a meeting), do my hair, or wear any makeup, so these three things save me at least 20 minutes all together. I feel best when I delay coffee for at least 30 minutes and let my body wake up naturally. I usually sit on my sofa or on the balcony, maybe listen to music or a podcast, sometimes the news (I like PBS News Hour or the Hourly News app). Before getting started with work I like to do one easy home task – empty the dishwasher, tidy, vacuum, put in a load of laundry. This helps me transition to task mode. On days I go into the office, I focus on the relationship building and collaboration side of my work, rather than tasks.

    7. I like being one of the office early birds. I put my lunch in the fridge and start the coffee brewing then head to my desk to set down my things and boot up my computer. I stop at the restroom and then get a mug of coffee. This little routine takes about 10 minutes. There are a few other early regulars throughout my firm and we sometimes will swing by each other’s offices to socialize or address real work questions. Back at my desk, I usually have another 45 minutes to an hour before anyone else shows up so I can get through a significant amount of work while it is still quiet.

    8. Wake up at 6:00am grab a cup of coffee that I had pre-set the night before but before I drink it i force myself to chug some water. Do some quick 5 min makeup and fluff hair, take out and feed dog and get up my toddler who is usually awake at 6:15am. Hang with him read some books and get dressed. Grab our lunches and bfasts which I made the night before and out the door by 7:05am for daycare drop off. I am usually in the office by 8am.

      I am going to need to start getting up earlier to workout since my toddler’s bedtime is now 7:30/8 and by then I don’t feel like I have enough time to workout, shower, do hair and prep for the next day but I haven’t bit the bullet yet.

  21. Is there a way to export or print out texts? Hopefully including pictures? My aunt, who was like a second mother to me, died recently. I spent a lot of college weekends with her family because going home was too far away. I will never get another text from her and I’d like to be able to print out things so I have them if something were to happen to my phone.

    2. Following. I’ve kept a text conversation with my late aunt open on my phone for eight years because I can’t bear to delete her hilarious texts and funny sayings and use of emojis. I want to save them in a better place but I’m not sure how.

    4. Sorry for your loss. There are apps that can download your texts into PDF. The best one for apple products IME is called iMaze. It will include photos.

      1. It’s imazing, but yes it’s very good. My husband died unexpectedly in November and I used that to get our texts. I have over 3200 pdf pages.

  22. Has anyone taken a very low dose of a GLP-1 medication (I assume this means it would be compounded since the brand names are set dosage rates) for a 10-20 lb weight loss goal? I am currently 10 lbs overweight. I’d be glad to just lose those 10 lbs, but wouldn’t mind losing 20. If you took a very low dose, how did you make sure it was from a safe source, what were your results, and what were your side effects?

    TIA

    1. I posted above, but I have been on compounded tirz for almost seven weeks (started with about 20 lbs total to lose, I was not overweight but was prediabetic with two GD pregnancies). I’ve lost 11 lbs so far. Side effects were mostly minimal, though I did have quite a bit of fatigue the first few weeks which I managed to power through. Never had any of the gastric side effects other than one day with terrible heartburn after I ate a carb heavy lunch. I vetted my source through a number of subreddits I’m on and would highly recommend to others. I just had labwork done a few weeks ago and my A1c is perfect (lowest it’s been in 15 years) as is my fasting glucose.

      1. How did you get the prescription? I have elevated A1C (minimum level to be considered pre diabetic ), significant-for-me weight gain over the past year (but not high enough to be medically obese), plus a baffling increase in food noise. My GP dismisses the weight gain and A1C. I’m interested in metformin or something else to help. I can’t figure out what my step step is. A big online telehealth place like Lemonaid? Can you post the search terms to use to locate the subreddits you found helpful? Many thanks.

        1. If you search Reddit for “compounded tirzepatide” or variations, several should come up. The two I have tried and been happy with are Orderly and Slimdownrx, but there are definitely others that people really like.

    2. I think you probably need to do some more research. The brand names come in very low (starter) doses.

  23. For people who are in cities but outdoorsy, how do you scratch that itch on a weekday? Easy enough for me to drive to the shore or the mountains or a lake on a weekend, but I don’t love my weekdays being so city-focused. And I LOVE living in a city.

    1. I live in the city but not downtown and have access to wooded walking and hiking trails w streams 10–20 minutes away. I hike several days a week including at least 2 work days. Do you have access to any parks that you are overlooking? Where I hike: a city park, a county park and a state park.

    2. I live across the street from an amazing park. I’m not even that outdoorsy, but I love that I see trees and nature out my windows, and I walk in the park almost every day.

    3. I live in a city with lots of parks. I can walk to paved trails along the river and drive to a park with decent trails within a few minutes. There are better trails within a 15-20 minute drive that I could do during the week if I wanted to, though I usually save those for the weekend. I live in the city, but not downtown. I agree with the post above that you want to find places close to home.

    5. Pool time. If you don’t have a pool, do Resort Pass and spend some time at a hotel pool. Eat outside as much as possible. Schedule a weeknight drive to a park in the suburbs every now and then. Spend time in your city parks or lake front as much as possible–things like playing catch or roller blading.

    7. I was in the Botanic Gardens of my city, hikeup a super challenging trail with lots and lots of stairs.

  24. Im trying to get more vegetables in my diet, but a lot of the recipes I see include red and green peppers. But if I have the tiniest piece of either then I am burping pepper burps all day, sometimes for several days. It’s getting annoying avoiding peppers in recipes… am I missing anything? Different kinds of peppers? Ramp-up period? A specific preparation? (I have heard that skinning them helps but that seems like a PITA…)

    TIA for my weird question :)

    2. Just leave them out. They’re for flavor, but there are very few recipes that would be failures if the red or green peppers weren’t there.

    3. Peppers do this to my mom too. They’re easy to skip in a recipe if you don’t care for them.

    4. I dislike peppers and usually just skip or substitute with more of whatever other veggies the recipe calls for.

    5. A lot of recipes can be done with any assortment of vegetables. If peppers don’t work for you, skip them and make up the difference with some other vegetable that takes about the same amount of time to cook (so don’t substitute carrots for spinach, for example).

      1. Yeah, I despise peppers and don’t have trouble skipping them. Just use more of the other vegetables in the recipe or substitute with a mild veggie that doesn’t add too much flavor. The only exception is fajitas because the whole point is the peppers.

    6. Do you cook them enough? If they’re still crispy, that’s burp city. But if you cook them down more, it reduces the issues. That’s if you like the taste of peppers & want to keep using them. Otherwise skip them.

      Other tips: when you cut a pepper, cut from the top down and avoid seeds. Then do your best to cut out the white indigestible fiber at the ribs of the pepper.

    7. Agree with others that you can just skip the peppers in a lot of recipes. But if there’s something you want to eat that has them, try roasting the peppers to skin them. Wash and dry your peppers, then either put them under the broiler or, if you have a gas stove, put them directly on the burner. With either method, use tongs to turn them frequently so all sides get blackened and blistered. It will never be perfectly even, but you don’t want any areas of the skin to look raw. When they’re blistered all over, seal them up so they steam from the leftover heat. You can do this in a covered bowl, a ziploc bag, or a foil packet. Let them sit 5-10 minutes, and then peel off the skin, which should come off easily in strips.

    8. If I didn’t like peppers (I do, though) I would definitely leave them out of all recipes. One less thing to chop.

      The easiest way to get veggies into a dish is to use lots of frozen chopped onion. You can throw it in straight from the freezer at the same point where you’d add chopped fresh onion, but it’s so much less work. The frozen ones also tend to melt into the texture of the dish more, which is a bonus if you have texture issues.

    9. Yeah, I don’t understand this burning need for recipes to include peppers in EVERYthing. I loathe them unless it’s a roasted red-pepper sauce, or raw yellow or red peppers with dip. Nothing else. They’re not even native to Asia, so why are they in all the Asian recipes?!

      Just leave ’em out! I add cabbage to my stir-fry, or celery, in addition to the onion and cilantro.

  25. Anyone want to share their worst friendship-ending stories? I’m stewing over mine and could use some “it could be worse.”

    Friends asked to stay over at my house for one night as they were having work done on theirs that required them to vacate for one night & they said hotels were hard to find. I don’t have a guest room (VHCOL) so I asked my daughter if she would be willing to bunk with her brother for a night & she was, so I gave them her bedroom.

    Then they couldn’t leave the next day. Then the day after that. It went on and on.

    On day TEN I had to tell them to leave. It was always “one more day, one more day,” I said my kid needs her room back, and they said she was fine. (They decided she was fine.)

    I found out toward the end, because one of them slipped up, that they’d decided to have more work done on their house after that first night since they had a nice place to stay. They lied to me from day one. At this point they had filled up my front hallway with all of their crap from their place that they kept bringing over in plastic trash bags. I had to step over trash bags to get into my own home every day.

    I called my friend (the woman) out on telling me it was for one night and that they had lied, but she just kept saying hotels were expensive.

    This is a couple who make more than me & have a nicer place than mine. They just didn’t want to pay for a hotel.

    They were pissed off at me when they left (especially the husband) and I guess the friendship is over. I’ve never seen their extensive remodel as they’ve never invited me over since then but I hear it is very nice.

    1. My husband’s high school friend came to visit and posted on Facebook that husband qualifies for hospice due to his longtime illness, triggering emails and phone calls from our family and friends.

      1. Was that false information/not necessary or more something you didn’t want publicized? Hope you’re husband is doing well.

    3. That’s horrible. That would be friendship ending for me as well. I would come up with a one line explanation of what happened in case mutuals ask and you want to be able to articulate without rehashing and upsetting yourself more.

      ‘They asked to stay for one night when they had renos. I welcomed them gladly but they stayed for ten days and lied about a lot of things during that time. It broke my trust in them and I haven’t seen them since. It was hurtful but I’ve moved on.’

      1. I’m so sorry. That’s awful. One of my college friends, whom I used to hang out with pretty much every weekend or every other weekend for the first year out of college just ghosted me out of the blue. I have never figured out why. It’s been over a decade and I don’t think I will ever know why. I wracked my brain for anything I might have done or said and felt very guilty for basically no reason because I can’t come up with anything. It really hurts! Hugs to you.

          1. This happened to me too! I think I know the reason, but it was just a huge misunderstanding that a 2-second text would have cleared up.

            Sometimes people here say “what you haven’t talked for 2 years, the friendship is over!” — I think these are the same people who have no compunction about ghosting friends and moving on.

    4. Nothing so dramatic, but a college friend who I spoke to monthly, if not more frequently, simply stopped taking my calls one day. I had seen her recently, and I wracked my brain as to what I could have done to offend her, but there was absolutely nothing. Every call went to voicemail. No answers. (This was before texting was ubiquitous). The weird thing was, she had moved to the same community as my parents and my mother often saw her in synagogue, and the (former friend) would greet my mother effusively with hugs and friendliness. She only knew my parents because of me – we didn’t grow up together. I never figured out what made her drop me.

    5. Not a friendship, but my sister refused to come to my mother’s funeral because she found it to be “tacky.” Cannot believe that we are both full siblings and grew up in the same house and are only 2 years apart. She is the main reason why I joined a sorority in college and remain so grateful that I have decades-long female friendships with people who have been like sisters to me in every sense of the word.

    6. Woman 1, who I believed to be a true friend, had traveled with, been the only attendant at her wedding, etc., told Woman 2 that 1) that I was in love w Woman 2’s husband, and also 2) that I was a “kept woman” because she knew who owned my rental house. I wasn’t in love with anyone and was paying FRV for a house owned by a guy with whom I had once been involved. I was deeply hurt. It’s the only time I ever cut someone off, boom, and I have never regretted it. Woman 2 and I are still friends 20+ years later.

    7. A work friend who was becoming a personal friend (we had just made our first plans to meet up outside of work) ghosted me after she plagiarized on a project I was leading. We discovered the plagiarism just hours before the deliverable was due. It wasn’t just a “didn’t rephrase well” thing either – she lifted entire pages from published studies verbatim. She only didn’t get fired because she was leaving anyway and she never spoke to me again, presumably out of shame, but I was really pissed because I had scrambled to fix everything and I never even came down on her for it. Didn’t get a chance, honestly.

    8. This would definitely be friendship ending and you are way nicer than I would have been. I would have left their things outside on day 5.

    9. That’s awful. I hope their remodel was twice as long as they expected and cost three times as much.

      Here’s mine from my messily misspent youth. I moved to a new city, got a lease on a two-bedroom, and a mostly-random roommate moved in. We ended up getting along great and having a blast together for the first month or so, and I felt so lucky to have tripped and fallen into this great situation from what was like one step removed from Craigslist. Ms Roommate had a long distance boyfriend; I was recently single. I met a guy through her and we became involved–nothing super serious but an enjoyable palate cleanser after a rough breakup.

      Palate Cleanser and I went our separate ways. Two (count them: 1, 2) days later Ms Roommate tells me that she can’t deny the chemistry that she and Palate Cleanser always had, and that they were going to start “hanging out.” I told her that if she did, I would never be able to look at her the same way for 1. cheating on her boyfriend and 2. planning to sleep with this guy TWO (2!!!) days after we broke up. This did not seem to register. I repeated it. She doubled down. I was like…hm. K. You do you hun. Sure enough, one (literally: 1) day later Ms. Roommate informs me she’s going to Palate Cleanser’s for the night. I stare in disbelief. She continues bringing him around the apartment. I spend a lot of time being elsewhere.

      In a week, Ms. Roommate confronts me about how I’ve iced her out, and expresses utter shock that I no longer wished to be her gal pal after she cheated on her boyfriend with a guy three days after I broke up with him. I remind her that I told her that this would happen. She says their chemistry is undeniable, that they’re going to continue to sleep together, that she’s not breaking up with her boyfriend and finally, with great gravity as if she is delivering the coupe de grace, that she cannot continue to live with my negativity bringing down her energy. I told her to get the F out of my apartment and had another girl moved in two weeks later.

      1. Haha. The trash took itself out!

        So sorry about the mess tho. At least you have a shocking story now.

    10. I was the maid of honor at my college best friend’s wedding. They were married less than 3 years. I attended her second marriage as a guest (I lived out of state from her at the time, so it was a bit of a trip). She didn’t have a wedding party at that wedding at all. When I got married two years after that (in my small hometown that was also her hometown), also with no wedding party, she couldn’t attend my wedding because her and her husband were going to one of his friend’s birthday parties in Nashville.

    11. Friendship ending for me.

      In my case, it wasn’t about a friendship ending but I’ve consciously decided to take a step back from what used to be a close friendship as I realised over many years that my friend couldn’t give a damn about what’s going on in my life. Zero interest or curiosity.

  26. I have been with my company 2 years now and it’s mid year reviews. I was at my old company for 10 years where everyone knew the review process was aspirational at best. All the managers knew this and it was sort of company culture that everyone knew you had to put something in the Workday form but it was more a formality but the process was pretty wholistic. At my new org, everyone takes the review process so seriously. Im finding a hard time mustering the energy to get into it. It feels very Dilbert to me. The goals feel so vague and flakey. And there are 10+. 90% of the company is not customer facing, but we are all supposed to be “customer obsessed.” I probably just need to get another coffee and get this over with.

    1. Honestly if you have access to GPT of any kind, it’s really helpful. I just got through my Q2 reviews in a “consumer obsessed” org and used GPT to summarize after going through and using my “work product” notes to correlate them to individual goals, etc.

    2. tell me about it. We put sooo much effort into annual reviews, and then higher level managers spend hours and hours in calibration meetings. Meanwhile the curve is prescribed so 80% always get the middle-ground rating, and much haggling is done over the top ratings. Meanwhile-meanwhile, the difference in raise you get from these rating steps is laughable. Such a waste of time.

    3. It’s the same at my company and it’s the worst, except we have them QUARTERLY. Every quarter is this huge serious deal discussion and goal review. I’m so exhausted!!

  27. for those who wear rings that aren’t wedding or engagement rings… what do you wear? I haven’t worn any since my divorce but i do think some jewelry creates a polished presence. thinking of what might work. nothing crazy expensive.

    1. I have a right hand ring that’s actually a men’s wedding band (no border) that was customized with little multicolored pavé diamonds in a random pattern. I like it because it’s comfortable and not too precious that I can’t wear it every day. I don’t care whether anyone thinks it’s my wedding ring.

    2. My parents gave me a small ring with my birthstone when I was 20. I wear it everyday and rarely take it off.

    3. I found a little silver (silver-colored, not real silver) signet ring at an antique shop for all of $1. I wear it every day on my right hand.

    4. I have a no-stone school ring. People don’t really notice that it’s a seal rather than any other kind of pattern, but I like having the reminder.

    5. I have multiple rings that I wear on my right hand. A black pearl ring that my mother bought me when I graduated high school, opal birthstone rings, various pave bands, etc. I don’t layer them, but I’ll switch up which ring I wear based on my outfit/other jewelry (necklace/earrings).

  28. We’re getting ready to replace a 20 year old microfiber sectional. My husband is utterly set on a leather power recliner sofa (ugh- I hate the texture of leather and the look of a power recliner). We have a cat and big, slobbery dog both of whom will scratch anything with a rougher denim-y texture- microfiber held up reasonably well. Convince me I can live with leather or give me an alternative?

    2. I found leather easier to clean than microfiber. I have 3 kids, a cat and a dog. We have had leather, canvas, microfiber, chenille, denim, linen, you name it. Linen was the absolute worst- such high maintenance. Leather was the lowest maintenance (don’t get the buttery finish though, scratches too easily). Right now we have canvas and it’s slipcover, so at least washable.

    3. Animals will scratch leather. I have animals and old leather and know that if you care about avoiding scratches, it’s a mismatch.

      1. Oh, and I am talking about rough and tumble leather, not something from a designer showcase. Seriously scratched!

    4. I understand not liking the look of traditional power recliner sofas – but there are some sleek ones out there! This one, for instance:
      https://www.crateandbarrel.com/leisure-power-recliner-leather-4-piece-sectional-sofa/s220165?a=1552&campaignid=12495285598&adgroupid=120645470284&targetid=pla-1461413768343&pla_sku=220165&pcat=FURN&ag=adult&scid=scplp220165&sc_intid=220165&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwqf20BhBwEiwAt7dtdTcY_vlVGG3tPIkovheP4wEvTqQGiWIHc6oMKkg-EA-3P1cuNC7iWhoC8pQQAvD_BwE

      1. If you don’t like leather texture, could you cover the area you’re sitting on with a big blanket as a compromise?

    5. Microfiber makes me overheat even with the ac running. I am with you on the leather dislike.
      My guess is that the cat will love the leather. Alot.
      At least dog slobber can be wiped off. Personally, meh, let him get the leather and later on get linen slipcovers
      at a later date.

    6. My leather couch is nearly 30 years old and has held up to a succession of cats and three dogs. It’s a good one, made with thick, smooth leather. My cats went ham on an antique velvet chair years ago, so leather it is.

      I don’t really wear shorts very often but sitting on the leather has never bothered me.

    7. I have two leather chairs and scratching them is my cat’s #1 way to get my attention. They will eventually be ruined by her.

      1. My cat scratches all of my fabric furniture but won’t touch the leather! So, I think it is individual cat dependent. There is leather conditioner (at least I think that is what it is called) that would probably help with preventing permanent damage from the slobber.

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