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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Sézane is known for their effortlessly elegant pieces. In my dream world, my wardrobe is entirely from there and I look like a casually chic Parisian from dawn till dusk.
This knit jacket would be a great start. Pair it with trousers for a fantastic business casual look or with denim for a cool French lady look for the weekend.
The jacket is $220 at Sézane and comes in sizes XXS-XXXL. It also comes in burgundy.
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Anon
For those who have done laser hair removal in their bikini area, has anyone regretted how much they’ve taken off? I’m trying to decide between an extended bikini line or fully bare and something about the permanence makes me hesitant to have it all removed. But at the same time, the point of doing this is to not have to groom at all any more so maybe I should…
Sunshine
I’m the opposite. I did bikini only in the early 2000s and wish I’d done everything. I still could, I just haven’t. I’m always happy I did what I did because it makes just wearing underwear look better and swimming suits require no advanced planning.
Anon
I just got enough off to swim spontaneously.
AnonNY
I left a triangle and feel like I should have left a slight bigger triangle. No real regrets though. Not feeling the need to shave the rest is very freeing for me!
Anon
I’m the same way with the hesitancy due to the permanency. I opted for extended bikini line and then manually shave the rest like 1x a week. It’s kind of a pain to still have to shave, but its easier to shave than the bikini line for me, and if my preferences change and I no longer want to be totally hair-free there, I can always stop shaving.
Anonn
I’ve paid for full brazillian, but have left a strip, the pain is not worth it for me to have it all gone! I don’t know how people bare it! and I’ve had 2 unmedicated births, I can deal with some pain! I can put on a swimsuit anytime and that is true freedom (I did armpits too). I shave the strip maybe once a week or so.
Anon
Got rid of everything, zero regrets. I still have to shave but far less often and it doesn’t get irritated.
Anon NYC
I got rid of 90% along with my legs and underarms. Zero regrets. Best thing I’ve ever done as someone with pale skin and very dark hair.
Anon
Not me but my bestie regrets going for everything, because it does come back in sparse patches, which she thinks looks worse than if she’d just left it at the bikini line treatment.
Anonymous
out of curiosity did she go for touchups? I just went bare for my bikini region a year ago or so so I’ve only done the regular 6 appointments plus one touchup a year later. But touchups helped immensely when I did my underarms and lower legs years ago.
Anon
She did but touch ups are for life. She wishes she’d left more.
Anonymous
I did everything. There were some lighter and gray hairs that didn’t get removed, but it’s much easier and less irritating to shave or trim just a few hairs. It is so much cleaner and more comfortable.
Anon.
I am not sure permanent removal will be so great at age 70.
Anon
Ha! But OTOH, at 70 do you have any Fs to give on this topic! :)
Anon
Idk but I’m almost 60 and I still care very much what I look like. Most 70 year olds I know have not “given up” in any way.
Anon.
lol! I wasn’t suggesting I won’t care at 70! Quite the contrary, I think I would much prefer to see hair down there. You guys are so funny.
Anon
My mom is 66 and still very much cares about her appearance and would like to find someone to have a relationship, or even a fling, with.
Senior Attorney
66 yo here and still care, TYVM.
Anon
Healthy, vibrant, and 66 is basically the new 45.
Anonymous
It’s not really permanent. You’ll still get some growth.
Anonymous
I just went completely bare for medical reasons (suspected HS), but still have to do some maintenance because they can’t get any hair that’s not on regular skin. So you may want to try to figure out how much hair is growing on the inner lips.
smurf
I get lots of recipes from food blogs, but for a struggling/beginner, I’d recommend cookbooks – there’s usually more testing of a recipe, etc. than a random food blogger who may or may not have actually made the recipe they’re posting about.
budget bytes IS a great site though – even if you’re not on a budget, her recipes don’t have a ton of steps or fussy ingredients so it’s easy to follow.
reading a recipe through fully. don’t be afraid to add salt. A lot of people take it fully out of a recipe and then wonder why there’s no flavor.
Lol
I haven’t read the rest of the topics yet so I am pretending this was a not mistake in where to post and I love it
Go for it
Does anyone have this?
Is it really short? Or tts?
so tempted!
Anon
I don’t have that but the brand runs a little small overall. Their sizing tips are usually accurate.
Anon
It’s beautiful.
Cerulean
I have ordered two similar sweaters from Sézane in the past and they’ve been SUPER itchy. Check reviews on the Sézane subreddit!
anon
its TTS but like every sesame knit I own, its *sooo* itchy
Go for it
Does anyone have this ? TTS ? So tempted !
Anon
How do you become better at cooking? Everything I make seems to turn out below average, especially when trying more complicated things.
Anonymous
Years of practice. Start with simple recipes.
Not all recipes are good. With experience, you will learn to recognize recipes that will be good and recipes that will not just by reading them.
Anon
This. I went to a rural law school and that alone made me better at cooking. And doing a simple recipe well is better to me than doing a complicated thing at a meh level of execution.
Anon
This worked for me, too. I was already an adequate cook, but moving to a rural community with one supermarket and 0 good restaurants made me a good cook. Why? I go through ingredients faster because I cook more, so seasonings and whatnot aren’t going stale. More practice, because I cook more. That also translates into efficiency and narrowing down what I use most out of a fairly well stocked kitchen. I’ve gotten REALLY good at game-time ingredient substitutions and its close corollary of “Store’s closed and you have these 4 ingredients that need used up, make something decent”.
The cookbooks and websites that I keep at hand and constantly refer to are Mark Bittman’s “How to Cook Everything” (1st Edition is the best IMO), Marcella Hazan’s Essentials of Classic Italian Cooking, Serious Eats website, Budget Bytes website and Veg Recipes of India (website).
Have fun and don’t stress if something doesn’t come out great. I mostly cook vegetarian, so it’s even less of a big deal if I make a hot mess of something. Keep an emergency frozen pizza on hand and it lessens the pressure of screwing something up.
H13
Agree with the idea that not all recipes are good. I love Smitten Kitchen (website and any of the cookbooks) because I find her recipes reliably good. One of the best things about her website is the “I’ve Made This” comment tab at the end of recipes.
Anon
How do you tell what recipes are good? And if anyone could share simple recipes for beginners, that would be amazing.
Anon
What kind of food do you want to cook?
Anonymous
Honestly, go watch find the TV show “worst cooks in America” on streaming, and watch it. It’s got a lot of reality-show theatrics (to a sometimes-annoying level), but as you watch it, you’ll see people who DO NOT know how to cook making all kinds of beginner mistakes, and chefs teaching them how to cook things.
Or go to the library and get a kids cookbook; it will have simple recipes that are easy to follow.
Or pick ONE kind of thing and decide to learn how to make it. How to make a really good grilled cheese sandwich, for example. How to make a good omelet. How to roast a chicken.
Or watch cooking videos or shows. I find it’s easier to learn cooking by watching it than to try to read directions and understand what someone means by “until it’s brown…” or “until firm…”
Anon
This is the thing that trips up beginers the most. I noted below I’m teaching my teen how to cook/bake and it’s hard to know what ‘brown’ means (how brown? medium? light?) when making a roux for the first time. Ditto for what ‘knead until smooth’ means – I showed him what a brioche looked like kneaded until all the dough was incorporated vs. until properly smooth (the best way I can describe it is ‘skin like’ – soft, has give, slightly tacky, and the outer layer of the dough forms almost a skin over the inner layer. Unless you grow up watching this (or go to cooking school) it’s hard to interpret for beginers.
WisGo
Heartily agree with the recommendation to watch “Worst Cooks in America,” it is over the top but the lessons are there. If you want to take a deeper dive Samin Nosrat’s “Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat” breaks down the mechanics of cooking and recipes then offers recipes to try out what you learn. The show is on Netflix I believe, not as informative, but a great watch. And +1 for Smitten Kitchen websites, cookbooks, and her podcast.
Anonymous
Most sheet pan recipes are awful–dry and flavorless, and the veg and meat don’t cook at the same rate.
Anon
Right! There is a real benefit to cooking things separately—sauteeing the onions separately from the mushrooms, all of which cook separately from the protein. Then! You can figure out your sauce—butter/wine/heavy cream or a marinara.
Anonymous
Yes or even in layering the flavors – sauteeing the onions will flavor the meat that is added later and all the fat and liquid helps the vegetables added later to steam but their short cooking time leaves them crisp yum
Anonymous
Do you understand what’s causing the “below average”? Are the flavors not what you want? Is the texture off? Does it look bad? Or is it something like your ingredients, a vague recipe, your tools (oven that burns things easily, flimsy skillet, etc.), your sense of flavor, trying to make food you have no experience with, etc.
Anon
What’s going wrong with your cooking? Are you making mistakes in following a recipe or it just comes out bland or not to your taste?
For me, I got better by reading a lot of cookbooks and recipes, including comments, and then just practicing. I have a good sense of what I like and knowledge of food chemistry so I don’t always follow recipes when I know there’s an alternative I’ll like better. And I guess it depends on what you mean by complicated, but I’ve learned that overly complicated often isn’t worth the payoff. My tastes are more toward light, herbal, and acidic flavors than rich and creamy, so I’m willing to put time into using pickles, herbs, and spices, but not pastry or rich sauces, for example.
Anon
Practice, learning about the impact that various techniques and processes have on the end result, and being willing to experiment.
What kind of food do you like? What would you like to be able to cook? What has gone wrong with your previous attempts?
Anon
If you can afford it, either cooking classes or meal kits. The meal kits will teach you how to cook; the instructions are meant to be followed by people who aren’t good at cooking.
Anonymous
Rachel Ray was my gym show for years (you can pick any cooking show it doesn’t need to be any particular chef). I learned so many tricks on how to increase umami, balance flavors, make things brighter etc. I also read a lot of cook books like novels. I think the biggest issues I find with novice cooks is they try to substitute when they don’t have the skill set or they skip steps without understanding WHY the step existed in the first place. Following recipes exactly and understanding why is important before you get creative.
Anon
I love trading the recipe comments where people made all kinds of substitutions and then complain about the recipe.
I didn’t have lasagna noodles so used bread. I don’t like tomato based sauces so I left that out. I didn’t have mozzarella so I used cheddar. Worst lasagna ever. Tastes like a cheese sandwich. One star!
Anonymous
I love reading those reviews too, absolutely baffling.
Anon
Make sure that your herbs and spices are fresh and not stale, so they impart flavor. Practice, practice, practice. Read some food theory books — Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat, How to Cook a Wolf, Ratio (by Rulman). That will help you evaluate recipes. And then practice, practice, practice.
Anon
Practice (so you understand steps, how long something generally takes, what subs work/don’t) is really the best way. After that – the book ‘salt/fat/acid/heat’ is great (I’d add umami) in terms of helping you to identify what your cooking needs. That’s how I’m teaching my son at the moment – we start with a simple recipe and I have him taste/adjust seasonings with me until it ‘tastes right’ (which btw is subjective – I cook to my families taste so there is no shame in adjusting a recipe to what you like!).
Also agree that meal kits can be helpful – that’s how a few friends learned to cook in their 30s and they said it was a huge help to have the cards/step by step directions.
Anonymous
Read “Salt Fat Acid Heat”. Not as a cookbook, but as a book to read. It gives a great primer on the basics and what you can do to improve taste.
Anon
+1. This book was a game changer. Buy a meat thermometer, OXO is a good brand. Get comfortable tasting along the way and using recipes as just a guideline. The amount of salt and seasonings in the recipe is a suggestion, not a fact.
Anon
+1. This book was a game changer. Buy a meat thermometer, OXO is a good brand. Get comfortable tasting along the way and using recipes as just a guideline. The amount of salt and seasonings in the recipe is a suggestion, not a fact.
A Good Cook
garlic is to cooking as vanilla extract is to baking in that the amount i add to my food is guided by reckless extravagance and utter disregard, verging on mild contempt, for the recipe as written
@haragoochi, Twitter, 4/12/21
Anon
Like chocolate chips, you measure garlic with your heart.
Anon
I once ate a dish that was guided by that garlic principle.
Despite having an extremely robust stomach, I literally had heartburn for three days and didn’t eat anything with garlic for two weeks.
Maudie Atkinson
Ditto on this book. The other book I would recommend is Alice Waters’s The Art of Simple Food. I read and cooked through that senior year of college, and that’s how I learned to cook.
Anon
Buy good ingredients. Cook them simply. They should taste like what they are. Love that philosophy. And I love broccoli that tastes like broccoli.
Anon
I also really like the explanations in Cooks Illustrated cookbooks. Not always necessarily the recipes, but the reasoning behind the techniques chosen.
Anon
You could also check out the magazine if your library has it.
Marian the
Yes library is a great source for cookbooks. If I find I am checking something out a 3rd time, I buy it. Also good for diet resolutions (I have checked out every cookbook in our system with “salad” in the title) or cooking goals (bread, grilling, weeknights, Mediterranean)
anon a mouse
What do you like to eat?
I will make two blog recs: Simply Recipes and Budget Bytes. Both have unfussy, delicious recipes that will help get you comfortable with the process of cooking before you branch out to something more advanced. (I love Smitten Kitchen but I think her recipes are more intermediate-level, not as beginner-friendly).
A $25 rice cooker is a staple in my house – it’s easy to make delicious rice and then just add different proteins and vegetables to accompany it. The other thing I use most is an instant-read thermometer, because I still can’t tell easily when certain meats are cooked through. You can also look up sheet pan meals – everything cooks together and there’s a huge variety of flavors but the technique is straightforward.
PolyD
Co-sign on the thermometer. I still have a tendency to overcook chicken, but the thermometer helps a lot!
Anonymous
I learned how to cook in three steps.
First, using meal kits. As someone else noted, they are designed to be very easy to follow/get right. I mastered some basic techniques using those.
Then, I used America’s Test Kitchen cookbooks. The recipes are extensively tested, and they provide an intro to each recipe explaining what went wrong in their testing and how to avoid it, what kind of substitutions work and don’t, etc. It helped me learn more about the science of food. Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat is also good for this.
Then, I branched out to other recipes. I also agree that a lot of recipes are not good/may not be what you are looking for. I find the time to quality ratio is poor in a lot of online recipes – it will take a long time to make something complicated that is bland or boring. It helps to find a blog/cookbook series/etc. that you like. ATK, Smitten Kitchen, and NYT are pretty reliable good.
Staple recipes for me:
– Cookie and Kate’s Thai Red Curry (I poach chicken in the curry but it is just as good vegan)
– Half Baked Harvest’s Gochujang Meatballs
– Half Baked Harvest’s Pumpkin Sage Pasta
– America’s Test Kitchen vegetable lasagna
– America’s Test Kitchen orechiette with broccoli rabe and sausage
– America’s Test Kitchen chicken fajitas
– NYT corn basil pasta
– The Kitchn Chicken Parm Meatballs
Anon
In terms of trusted recipes, I find that most recipes by Melissa Clark at NYT are good.
Anon
Love Melissa Clark!
Anonymous
I recommend Jamie Oliver’s Ministry of Food cook book as a starter book. This book assumes you know nothing beforehand, so there’s no implied knowledge or skills.
And think about what kind of food you *want* to be able to cook. If you’re trying for restaurant food, add butter and salt. Think about what spices you actually like, or dislike. I don’t really like smoked paprika, so I avoid all recipes and books that talk very warmly about that flavour. I love coriander and ginger, so heavy on those are always promising.
Anon
A good basic cookbook is a great start. Internet recipes can be good to great, but they’re hit and miss.
The Joy Of Cooking is a classic, and Mark Bittman’s How to Cook Everything is another great basic, so you get a dish down and then there are variations.
Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat by Samin Nosrat is a good source to help you figure out what you’re missing when you think your dish turned out just ok. For me it’s often salt.
I saw a cooking show once where the cook (Anne Burrel, I think) said that restaurant food tastes good because they use way more fat and salt than most home cooks think they should use at home. That really resonated with me and I find it true to some extent.
I like to read a cookbook. Like the beginning where they tell you what pots and pans you should have and what you should have in your pantry. Then the descriptions of certain techniques.
Even though I’ve been cooking for decades now and I believe I am a good cook (at least that’s what people tell me when they eat my food!) I still refer to cookbooks for inspiration and when I’m feeling stuck.
Anon
Another thing – if you have Facebook, follow Jacques Pépin. His page has 1-3 minute videos of whatever he’s making for lunch. It’s never fancy and it’s often for 1-2 people. He’s a great cook.
NYNY
I learned to cook from my mother, and was already serviceable, but I learned a ton from 1990’s Food Network shows. It was really valuable to see what the food looked like at different points in cooking. Beyond that, some of the things I learned were:
– Season as you go. So if you’re starting with onions, season them with enough salt that they taste good, and then when you add the next ingredient, season that as well. If you don’t add salt until the end, you end up using more and not getting as much flavor.
– If something is supposed to be browned or caramelized, it takes some time. Don’t rush it.
– If you’re cooking meat in a not-non-stick pan, and it’s sticking, just keep going. It will release more easily once it has properly browned.
NYNY
Alison Roman’s YouTube channel is a good equivalent of 90’s Food Network.
NaoNao
My one trick: Do not leave the kitchen during the process. I know this sounds weird, but I can get very easily distracted by tidying up, scrolling my phone, wandering around, whatever–while things are “simmering” or heating up or rising. And this is the number one reason I have to scramble or flail around later.
Also: set out all the ingredients in a “mis en place” first AND read the *entire* recipe first, before starting. Often they say tricky things like “mix in the butter” then later “with the remaining 2/3 cup of butter…” what remaining?!?! Also this may be widely known but typically the ingredients are listed in the order used, so set up the mis in that order or separation as well, it really does help. I sometimes go so far as to measure out the portions especially with baking, which is much more precise.
Anonymous
My ADHD husband is really bad about not reading a recipe all the way through. He constantly misses details for example when a recipe says 1 c sugar (divided 3/4 for cookie dough, 1/4 for rolling). He will always put a full cup of sugar in the dough then get mad.
Anon
Especially do not leave the kitchen when you have something under the broiler. If you are toasting any sort of nuts, do not multi-task at all. They go from un-toasted to black in seconds.
Anonymous
Yep. I learned that the hard way.
Ginger
I’ve found that recipes on the food containers are usually pretty good. Ex: lasagna on the back of the Barilla lasagna box, Toll House cookies on the back of Nestle chocolate chip bag, etc. If I eat at a friend’s home and I really like the meal, I’ll ask them to share the recipe. The NY Times also has some really good recipes. I always read the comments and modify as needed for my tastes (not too sweet or salty). I’ve found some really bad recipes online. Some were just completely wrong or had typos. Once you get some experience, you’ll be able to spot those.
Anon
The best brownie recipe ever is on the label for Bakers Unsweetened Chocolate. It’s called One Bowl Brownies. You melt the unsweetened chocolate with butter in a microwave safe bowl. Then when that mixture is melted, stir in the sugar, then eggs and vanilla, then flour, nuts optional. Don’t over mix, don’t over bake.
These are my “famous” brownies everyone asks me to bring everywhere.
Anon
Adding something else:
No substitutions on the original recipe! Don’t do that until you’re an experienced cook. If the ingredients are too esoteric, find a different recipe.
Get good-quality ingredients and good-quality cookware. Pans need to be heavy enough to properly sear. Bad cuts of meat or mediocre vegetables will taste that way.
Anon
I agree about the sear. I also think you’re never going to become a good cook if you insist on using nonstick cook wear for everything. I have a nonstick pan for eggs and that’s it. They have their role, but there’s no reason you need to boil water for pasta in a nonstick pan, just because you bought the “set.” And if you try to make any sort seared protein in a nonstick pan, you will be very very disappointed.
Anon
Tofu sears beautifully in nonstick, but I take your point on anything that’s probably made of fish or meat. :)
Anonymous
Read the recipe all the way through and check you have ingredients.
Make the same recipe multiple times. Think about what you didn’t like the previous time (burned it, tastes too strong/odd, too bland, undercooked, don’t actually like the dish anyway) and then try to fix that thing
312
You’ve gotten some good recs, I’ll throw in a recommendation for Home Chef, I think they are one of the easier meal kits and the book Can’t Cook by Jessica Seinfeld. the way she breaks down steps is helpful. good luck!
Anon
For an older relative, does anyone have any recommendations for the various medication packaging services out there? One med is ambien, on a 30 day rx and the others are perpetual and can be on 90 day prescriptions.
Also, if you move a relative on Medicare with a Medicare HMO to a new state, what all do you need to switch or update or does it matter. His prior docs were all independent and in his new city there are two main hospital owned systems that have maybe 75 percent of all doctors.
Digby
Medicare Advantage plans are usually specific to a state or region, so it’s likely that the plan and coverage won’t work in the new state. I would start by calling the current plan to find out if it will continue to work. If not, you generally have three months to switch to a new plan: the month before you move, plus the two months after. If you’ve already moved, you have the month you notify the old insurer, plus the two months after.
NYNY
Agree with all of this. The move is a qualifying life event, so your relative’s plan can be changed outside of the open enrollment period (although open enrollment starts October 15). Find out which plans the hospital systems participate with, and make sure that the Medicare Advantage plans are part of their contracts. Several hospital systems are dropping MA plans from their contracts due to administrative burden and claim denials.
The medication part will depend the plan you choose, so take care of the coverage first. Not all insurance carriers work with all medication packaging services.
NYNY
To find Medicare plans in the new state, go to https://www.medicare.gov/
To find out which plans the hospital systems participate with, go to their webs1tes and look for a section on “paying for care” or “insurance information.”
KS IT Chick
Also note that on 1/1, many companies change their contracts to include new facilities and exclude others. Just because the health system was under contract in October doesn’t mean that it will be in January.
Anon
We used PillPack for a while for a relative and it was OK, but I wouldn’t recommend it for anyone with cognitive decline.
anonMD
As an MD, just a word of caution to not use pill packs in someone with cognitive decline. There is no replacement for a real human setting up the pills each week in a pill sorter for the patient. I have seen patients die in the hospital because they were getting pill packs, family thought this meant things were going smoothly, elderly patient didn’t notice when a medication went missing (script ran out and refills got missed) didn’t take it for months, with life ending consequences. If your loved one can’t manage their pills, they need a human who cares to look at them and set them up, ensure they are getting refills appropriately, and ensure they are being taken.
Anon
Any recommendations for a water proof or water resistant shoe or boot that’s comfortable for when you’re on your feet for 12 hours a ay?
Anonymous
What are you doing when you’re wearing this shoe — hiking? Walking through muddy fields?
Anon
I work in the field a bit for work – so yes walking and standing in muddy fields.
I wear my hiking boots or blundstones when its dry, but it’s been so wet lately its’ not working out. But, I don’t want to get waterproof hiking boots because they have no breathability and take forever to dry.
Anon
Blundstones aren’t waterproof?
Anon
I think waterproof hiking boots are your best option here. I wear rubber boots when working on boats, but those are even less breathable and not very comfortable for lots of walking. I don’t think there’s another magical solution here, unless you want to wear sandals, but I wouldn’t recommend that.
Gail the Goldfish
Agree. I also think some waterproof hiking boots are more breathable than others. My go-to hiking shoe (and I prefer the shoe to the boot) is the Merrell Moab whatever iteration they’re on.
Runcible Spoon
+1 for Merrell Moab waterproofs. They come in hiking shoes and hiking boots versions.
Anon
Hiking boots can be waterproof and breathable. Goretex and similar materials are designed to breathe. Wearing merino socks with them also helps.
work boots
This is a place for proper work boots. I suggest looking at Muck Boots or other boots of that type that are meant for this. I have the wide calf, short shaft Muck Boots and can vouch for them. There are a lot of other brands out there. The cheaper ones will not have good insoles and will be uncomfortable.
Anon
I’d probably do knee high galoshes like hunter boots. Also I’m a fan of copying coworkers, surely others are having the same issue?
anon a mouse
The answer might be to have two pair so you can rotate if one pair gets soaked.
You also might consider getting some silica packets to put in the boots which will help them dry out more quickly.
Anonia
Preschool teachers here- between recess, spills, and ah, accidents, water resistant/ waterproof is really nice. I like Kodiak, Blundstone, Keen for casual, and Teva usually has some good quality boots. Also, waterproofing spray helps protect suede and leather shoes fairly well.
Olivia Rodrigo
Sorels! They fit me really well and even the wedge booties are comfortable for me in an all-day situation.
Alex Mack
Merrells all the way. I have the Devertas and find them to be nicely breathable.
Anon
+1 to Merrells. Visit REI and try some on. I have sneaker type hiking boots.
Runcible Spoon
+1 to Merrell Moab waterproof hiking boots or hiking shoes (or both!).
Anonymous
Altra
Anonymous
LOWA boots are the way to go. They’re the gold standard for military, park rangers, etc in my neck of the woods. Most of the traditional hiking brands aren’t that good.
anon
+1 to Lowa
Anon
I have UGG Keseys and they are fantastic. Waterproof to the zipper line, attractive, super comfortable. I don’t find them hot indoors. I ordered half size up so I can wear with boot socks.
H13
I’d like to do more lap swimming this winter. Looking for two recs:
1) A good basic suit that covers the bum and isn’t too expensive. I’m also a little confused about the sizing and wondering if it is better to size up or down.
2) Are any goggles comfortable? I feel like they always hurt my eyes but I haven’t experimented with them in years. Recs welcome.
TIA!
Anon
On 2), I feel a little silly but using snorkle style goggles that cover your full eye area are the only ones I found that don’t hurt my eyes.
Anon
I am very much a beginner and this should perhaps be more obvious but sharing in case it is helpful. Dark goggles are like sunglasses – best suited for bright conditions (like, outdoors in the sun). For the warehouse-like lighting at my local pool, clear goggles are preferred.
NYC Librarian
I like Dolfin for basic, long wearing, modest suits. They are intended for swimming and not lounging.
Anon
TYR maxfit is a great option for lap swimming.
Ses
+1 TYR. mine has lasted a long time without fading from chlorine too.
I had to size up in this brand due to having a long torso, otherwise it was too low cut.
NaoNao
Swimsuit sizing is like bridal sizing–some brands are TTS but most you need to size up 1-2 sizes. For lap swimming I’d say start with 1 size up to ensure a snug fit.
Land’s End seems to be the go-to recommendation for a solid “really swimming” suit.
Anonymous
for goggles – you might want to try magic5 goggles? I got a gift certificate for my father years ago that i don’t think he ever used, so i can’t speak to how well they work, but i’ve read good things.
https://themagic5.com/collections/swim-goggles
Editrix
The fit of Magic 5 is tricky to get right, and they’re expensive. I ordered and returned but couldn’t get them to stop leaking. I’d suggest another brand to start.
Mermaid
Check out swimoutlet.com, where you can search the competition and fitness suits (sturdy, long-lasting) for coverage preference. TYR and Arena are good brands. They run small because the suits are meant to have a very tight fit. I like the new Jolyn Caroline Onsie (their other suits are way too skimpy). Aquasphere goggles don’t tend to leave marks and are more comfortable than racing goggles, but it’s a very individual thing; you might have to try a few.
Anonymous
Lawyers who enjoy figuring out ethical / tech issues… looking for help! I’m in a small (10 person) general firm in a rural area. Most of my partners don’t believe AI is going to stick around. I disagree. We are a long long way from paying for any generative AI tools, though. I read the ABA formal opinion #512 and honestly cannot understand the bottom of page 5/top of page 6 stuff about ethical walls. I just don’t understand the point they’re trying to make and I need a simple “if, then” and can’t even wrap my head around it.
Say Jake represents Bank, and Sally is ethically walled off from the file. If Jake drafts a new loan template for Bank, using a GAI tool, and doesn’t use Bank’s name, and Sally has access to the same GAI tool…. Firm needs to prevent Sally from using the template even though Sally doesn’t know it was used for Bank?
Anonymous
Why are you using AI to do your legal work?
Anon
This is such an aggressively off base response, why even take the time to make it?
As far as the original question goes, I read it in the sense that AI programs work off of inputs, so any use of an AI program which you include your clients’ information as an input could then be used as part of the AI “learning” it and regurgitating it in some fashion down the road, thus disclosing private information, even if only within your firm.
anon
transactional lawyer here, literally use AI every day.
anon
Doing what?
Curious… not a lawyer, but hire them to work for me.
Anon
What would the answer be if someone drafted the loan agreement template without AI?
And why are you using AI to do your legal work?
Anon
How is getting AI to do the first draft based on other drafts different from a person using a template? I assume the lawyer is reading the draft either way and making changes and additions as appropriate.
Anon
My point was: if she did not use AI to draft a bank template, would it be okay for Sally to use that template? Use that analysis for AI drafting.
Anon
I understood that from your first paragraph, and that makes sense. But you and another user said “why are you using AI to do legal work?” And that’s what my question was addressing.
Anon
Because AI isn’t intelligent. As a lawyer, I will know to use different elements in different situations. I know what risk tolerance my company has and how much negotiating power it has. AI is a language prediction tool, not anything that is “smart.”
Anon
Very basic but generative AI works by learning and you can’t train it by commingling client information. FWIW, westlaw and Lexis have solved for this and offer some pretty cool tools.
anon
Yes, correct. Firm needs to prevent Sally from using that template.
I work in this field. I understand why your coworkers are reacting the way they are, but this thing is happening. It’s clunky right now, growth will not be linear.
Kate
It depends whether you input the Bank’s confidential information into the GAI tool. Even if not using their name, if Bank’s proprietary or confidential information is used as part of the input, you can have an ethical wall violation problem.
Chag Sameach
Shana Tova to those who celebrate! I’m curious: how much (if at all) is your line of work impacted by the Jewish holidays? I’m an attorney, sometimes (especially when I was at the firm) it seemed like they should just shut down, other times I occasionally still get people wondering why so many are out or being generally unfamiliar with the existence of the holidays.
My husband works for a company whose entire leadership is Jewish and that provides floating holidays. The legal and policy groups might as well shut down. Other groups are less affected.
Anonymous
Many of my colleagues are Jewish so while the office is open it is less busy for me and I love it.
Anon
While I’m in an area with a large Jewish population, it seems that all of the offices I’ve worked in have not had many Jews, but that other departments I work with do seem to have a noticeable Jewish population. So, it really depends on what’s happening year to year and who I’m coordinating with.
Anon
Oh, and I work in government so our offices do not close for religious holidays, except Christmas.
Clementine
I have more OOO replies coming and we do have a general policy of ‘no major meetings’ for the high holy days and other major religious holidays (Diwali, Eid, Lunar New Year, etc.). Most districts have no school so I also have people taking off time for childcare reasons.
Anonymous
Where do you live that schools are closed?!
Bette
I’d say the majority of schools on the I-95 corridor DC north close for the Jewish holidays (also Diwali, lunar new year, Eid, etc)
Clementine
I live in the northeast and I would say most schools in urban/suburban areas have tomorrow off.
Josie P
It is hyper-local. Newton MA has the high holidays off, but other districts in MA do not, for example.
anon
I disagree with “most schools”. Lynnfield here and no one around us has it off. I think it’s Metrowest if anywhere.
Anon
Yeah I think it’s hyper local. There’s a lot of variation even within the Boston area.
Anon
In the North Shore suburbs of Chicago the schools typically close for Yom Kippur.
Anon
I’m in the Philly burbs, all the schools are closed for both Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.
NJ Anon
I’m in NJ (outside NYC) and schools are closed. However I grew up in southern NJ, and schools were never closed for Jewish holidays.
Anonymous
New Jersey.
Anon
I’m in Ohio suburbs and all school districts within 30 minutes of my house (so like 6-8 districts that I’m aware of) are closed. I’m working but taking off early for family dinner. As are many in my 250 lawyer office.
Anon
It’s a never ending struggle at my office. Comes up every year, sizeable Jewish employee population and yet we keep having to explain why big meetings and events shouldn’t be scheduled now. But I also take them off without issue.
Anon
Public schools in NYC are closed tomorrow and I work for government so I assume many people will be out, regardless of religion.
Anonymous
My partner is in development (like building condos) and he’s the only non-Jewish person in the office, would be amusing if he wasn’t forced to use vacation days for the office closures.
Anon
When I worked in finance in lower Manhattan, it was a pretty sparsely staffed time of year! I was a new manager and hadn’t anticipated it, but now I know.
Anon
Shana Tova! I’m in the Philly suburbs, and our school district is closed tomorrow & Friday. (Not the case throughout PA.) My work has a general policy of not scheduling big things on major holidays but otherwise isn’t closed. No expectations of being there on major holidays.
Anonymous
It really depends on the firm and who you’re working with. It was a major disruption in my last firm because of poor communication at all levels. They basically stealth shut down the firm but didnt tell anyone including other attorneys. It wasn’t on anyone’s calendars. No one scheduled deadlines to accommodate the holidays. You would just show up to work and surprise no one’s there and you’re on your own to meet whatever deadlines are on your calendar, meanwhile the partner in charge won’t even answer emails but will lose his mind if everything isn’t done on time and exactly as he would’ve done it. Not the only reason it’s my former firm but it’s certainly indicative of how the firm operated.
Anon
Another element of the spoiled kids/privilege convos that I sometimes mull over – some of the best, most rewarding activities I’ve ever done have come with a price tag and it seemed like it was really worth it for my family. I grew up in an upper middle class household (income about $120K per year) in a small house on the rural outskirts of a very, very HCOL area. We never had fancy cars, rarely ate out, never had house cleaners, we went to a low-performing rural public school, etc., but my parents did spend money on ski trips, which added up for two adults and three kids (we live in the West but did fly to other states for the trips – lesser-known and cheaper resorts, but still). Those days were some of the absolute best family time we ever had and now all three kids are late 20s/mid-30s and still skiing every year. I taught my husband to ski and now it’s something we plan to prioritize with our kid, even though the rest of our lifestyle is pretty frugal. When it comes to spending on kids, it’s worth considering how much quality of life improvement you see from the spending – with skiing vs. not, the improvement is HUGE, whereas with a Lexus over a Honda, the improvement is marginal (at least for me, a non-car person). I think it’ll be more valuable than ever in the age of endless screentime and distraction – the quality family time feels so important, especially in nature.
Anon
I agree – I’m okay with spending on almost anything that gets us quality time together, time outside, or being active. We don’t take fancy vacations, but looking back on my childhood we had so much fun just being silly together on trips that I prioritize that with my kids.
Basically the 3 things I want most for my kids, aside from being happy and self-sufficient, throughout their life, are deep and close connections with family and good friends, to be lifelong learners, and to be lifelong active people. So, if it’s supporting those goals, I’m okay spending money on it, within reason.
Olivia Rodrigo
“Worth it” is totally different for every family. Spouse and I are currently reevaluating how we spend our money — we’re in a LCOL area but have three kids and that third one really strains the budget! We value intangibles: education for our kids (private school), travel (part of the reason we live in a LCOL area is so we can afford more trips), and concerts/live events. It’s not like we fly first class or sit in the front row, but being able to do those things means tradeoffs elsewhere — e.g. I often thrift or shop secondhand wherever possible. The other thing we’re willing to invest in is our home; our house works HARD for us (not particularly big, and we use every room every day) and we love to host and have kids’ friends over so we’ve updated it over time. But we’ve realized that cars don’t matter to us; we drive everything into the ground and I just actually traded in my super-luxurious large SUV for a much smaller, still-wonderful hybrid that will save us probably 60%/month in car and gas costs! I also do not carry or spend on designer clothes or bags. So “worth it,” to me, is incredibly subjective.
Anon
Definitely – what brings joy to different families is always different (although certain things, like skiing, are far more likely to produce joy than other activities). It’s worth identifying those things for your family.
Clementine
V Similar here. Intentionally live in a MCOL area so we can afford to travel, we rarely do takeout and save that money for vacations (same pot in the budget), have a very affordable housing payment because of choices husband and I made 10+ years ago… Husband’s priorities are saving for retirement and paying off our mortgage so we work to accommodate that.
I splurge on children’s outerwear and shoes, outdoor activities (sports, skiing, etc.) and higher quality meat (local). Previously our splurge was childcare and now it’s transitioning more into activities/camps, but yeah – in the US right now I would say that kids are almost a luxury good.
Anon
We spend a lot of money, relatively speaking, on our kid. We rent a smaller place (housing prices are insane), drive older used cars, all that… but we pay for private school, go on trips to see different parts of the country, pay for sports, pay for lessons, all that.
Anonymous
We are a ski family and I agree with this x100. We are east coast so it’s a bit different but the best way to bond with surly teens and tweens is sit with them on a chair lift then race them down the mountain. Some of my teen’s best memories are when I pulled him out of elem school and we drove up for a ski day.
Alice
OMG I so so agree with you. My family of four, with 2 grown up sons now, has milked more joy, laughter, and togetherness out of skiing than any other family activity. Worth every penny, every ski swap, packing and unpacking the car, endless pots of chili, etc. Now they are adults, but are 100% on every ski trip we offer to them. And their girlfriends come too! East coaster as well, with 1 annual trip out west if we can pull it off.
Anon
Agreed! The value for the dollars spent is SO high. There’s a reason it’s so popular and people are willing to pay a lot for it. There is no feeling in the world better than racing down a powder run with your family whooping and hollering the whole way.
anon
I think once the kids are a certain age, it’s valuable to talk to them about the tradeoffs of various activities and how their parents choose how to spend money. They get a better understanding of your family’s values and the idea that they can’t have EVERYTHING they want. It also gives them a model for making those decisions for themselves once they enter adulthood.
anonamommy
Yes – we talk a lot about how our family can do many things that are great, but we cannot do EVERY thing, so we prioritize based on what’s important to us. That means we spend a lot of time and money visiting family and spending time in nature, but we live in a small house and drive old cars. We also talk about how our spending should reflect our priorities, and if we are spending too much money on things that aren’t important, then we won’t have enough money for the things that are.
Anon
This seems like a good philosophy (and really, it’s true of time even when it isn’t true of other resources).
Anon
I commented that my parents were “rich” and my siblings and I were “poor” and ended up successful. We always did things that cost money and my parents didn’t sacrifice their quality of life to teach us lessons and I think that would have been ridiculous if they had. We had new cars, house cleaners, took nice vacations, etc. The message was the same though, it was their money not ours so we all needed to work if we wanted a similar lifestyle. The tl/dr you don’t need to manufacture a bunch of life lessons or be extreme to raise decent people.
Anon
The “work hard and you can have this too” doesn’t sit very well. The hardest working people I’ve known will never have any of that no matter how hard they work.
Being able to go through life thinking it’s a meritocracy is a whole lot of privilege in itself.
Anon
Thanks for pointing this out. I work really hard but I’m in a field where salaries just aren’t high. I’ll never be able to afford certain things.
Anon
Ditto. It’s a choice I made an and I’m at peace with it, but it’s obnoxious to see the default being hard work=wealth. Sometimes hard work is, at best, a life well lived. Usually it’s just a hard life.
Anon
As long as you know what you’re getting into. My daughter is a newly minted teacher and I’m extremely proud of her, but worried she doesn’t really have the full picture of what that’s going to mean for her financially compared to how she grew up.
anon
But your daughter, if she plans correctly, will have incredible retirement benefits that blow most folks out of the water.
Anon
Yes, she has a teacher’s union retirement plan – it’s not “free,” it’s like a 501k. I keep telling her to contribute the max!
I’m from the Poors originally and started that with my corporate 401ks when I was making $20k per year and someone else told me to do it, and now that I’m close to retirement, I am very glad I did!
Anon
(Typo, 401 not 501)
Anonymous
Amen to this! To this day, I have no idea how people get onto the kind of career tracks that allow them to make 2 or 3 times my salary for not a whole lot more intelligence, hours, or expertise than I have. Somehow, there’s a set of jobs that just . . . pay more. And those jobs aren’t immediately obvious unless you’re surrounded by the kinds of people who do them.
Anon
Very often they’re things that no one else wants to do! Like math. Or sales.
Anonymous
I do math and do not make a zillion dollars.
Anonymous
Usually those jobs mean selling your morals. I could do my job in private industry for about 3x the salary, plus a wild travel stipend, but I would be doing something I’m against.
Anon
Graduate degree in computer science and make a small fraction of a FAANG salary.
At least I make what I used to make in retail without the overtime and physical exhaustion, so that’s something I guess.
Anon
I’m an actuary. I haven’t made over $1mm in a single year, but I know people who have. They also work their asses off. And so do I, making a very comfortable mid 6 figures.
Anon
Eight years ago, I was forced to leave my company over a horrible harassment situation; the perp was never disciplined and I left for my own safety.
I STILL have to explain that to this day. It impacted my career in awful ways. “Work hard and you will succeed!” Sure, if you’re a privileged white dude….
Anon
I’m so sorry you had to go through that.
Anon
I did not say work hard, I said work, as in don’t expect to live off a trust fund. That’s not the same thing at all.
Anonymous
My parents were ‘rich’ and I was ‘poor’ and by that they would just leave me at home alone while they went off to events or on vacation. I guess that’s one way to teach a 12 year old how to cook and manage a household.
anon
That’s awful.
anon
[sorry if this gets sent up twice! computer had a moment]
I’m glad you brought up that conversation, I was disappointed to miss it yesterday because it’s something my siblings and I talk about a lot. For some reason, the three of us are much more financially motivated than two sets of our cousins. All three sets of us had a SAHM and a working dad. My dad is a physician who owns his own practice. My dad’s brother is a teacher, and received a lot of financial assistance from my grandparents. His other brother is an equity partner at a law firm. My brothers and I are financially motivated. We made decisions that assumed we would not be getting a massive inheritance, such as medical school over a PhD. Meanwhile, my cousins made decisions more premised on their passions. They are less financially motivated and have said so to our faces (they did not mean it as a compliment).
I think the difference came down to my brothers and me seeing our dad work hard *and* be rewarded for it. In contrast, my dad’s teacher brother got a lot of financial assistance from my grandparents. He didn’t work summers, he was home in the mornings and early afternoons. (To be clear, I know many teachers–including him!–work hard. But my other set of cousins and my siblings and I would go weeks without seeing our dads because they were working so much. Whether that was a good decision of our dads is a discussion for another time…). They still got to travel a ton (way more than we did!), lived in this beautiful house (“nicer than ours” – my mom), went to good schools, etc. So I don’t think they saw a strong connection between hard work/lucrative careers and money. (They absolutely overheard a lot more financial anxiety than I ever did, but they don’t know what they don’t know–they don’t know what it’s like to not have that cloud). Similar to someone whose parents both work 80+ hours a week in low paid jobs–that kid may probably not see a strong connection between hard work and financial success (because let’s be real, there really isn’t). And the other set, whose dad was far wealthier than my dad could dream of (and boy does he dream of it lmao)–their dad is a deeply unhappy corporate trial lawyer (“I’ll never be a lawyer, my dad hates what he does” is what one of my cousins said) and constantly unavailable in a way that my dad wasn’t for things that just don’t matter to kids. So I think they saw someone who worked very hard, was very good at what he did, made a lot of money, and was quite unhappy.
Put otherwise: I think part of the way to raise motivated kids who don’t assume they will have financial help is demonstrating that hard work pays off. Just saying it probably won’t get you very far because talk is cheap. My parents never said if we work hard we would be financially successful. In fact, they would tell us the opposite. You can work hard and still fall flat on your face (there was a time after my dad started his practice when that seemed like it was happening). But they were very clear that if you don’t work hard, you are much more likely to struggle. (I’ll add that my brothers and I don’t have any desire to work as hard as our dad or earn as much as him–not because we don’t think we need to, but because we are all in two professional households with kids and putting in those hours without a SAHP isn’t possible or desirable for us).
The other things, like my mom being a huge thrifter and never spending anything, us never having brand name anything, etc., might have made a slight difference at the margins but I don’t think they made a huge difference overall.
Anon
I agree with this. Working hard isn’t a guarantee, as you said, but if you DON’T work hard, you pretty much definitely won’t succeed. At least you have a chance if you do work hard.
Anon
Not sure this was mentioned yesterday or not but I think part of the issue with ‘these kids today’ wanting to start out with nice everything is that it’s all they’ve ever known because people are waiting longer to have kids. While I had plenty of lean years – rice and beans, studio apartments, etc. etc. those were well in the rear view mirror by the time I had my first kid at 36. By then I well established, no debt but a mortgage on a nice house in the suburbs, steady job, etc. I can tell my kids all I want to that ‘I worked hard for this’ but all they know is that Mom is the boss in her job, can largely set her own hours, and we can easily afford everything we need. So that’s their baseline. If they’d been around for some of the coupon-cutting, bike or bus vs. drive, camping trip vs. Hawaii years they might have a better understanding and appreciation of what it took to end up where I did.
98% of my success is due to growing up poor and working my a*s off, not assuming anyone would give me anything. I don’t know how to ‘teach’ that my kids -I struggle with how to impart the importance of grit to kids who already have everything. Other than making them get jobs as soon as they can, assigning chores, and providing an allowance from which they’re supposed to learn how to budget and save, I’m a bit stuck.
Anonymous
Yes and no on this. I understand what you’re saying that when you have kids in your late 30s and 40s and thus are late 40s and 50s when you ten year old notices that he’s never once seen mom or dad vacuum because there’s a cleaning lady and when no one wants to make dinner, you likely don’t have grilled cheese or rice, you order out.
BUT the counter to this is while most of our parents had us in their 20s or 30s, by the time we were 10 we knew most of our parents had fully furnished single family homes, nice furniture and dishes, two cars, weren’t taking the bus anyplace esp since most of us grew up in suburbs where that wasn’t a thing. But as a gen x millennial cusp aged person, most of my peers did NOT expect to have all this day one. ALL of my friends and I were just happy to have our first places on our own, even though it WAS a step down in living situations. It was fine that those places were old – we cleaned them as best we could and got on with it with furniture and dishes that were hand me downs from family members. Or for people like me who were fussy and wanted new furniture, we brought it piece by piece as we could. I started with just a bed in an old studio apartment. So sitting – yep on the bed. A few months later, a sofa. Dining table – a foldable one from Bed Bath. And lots of meals were grilled cheese or instant soup to save money where we could and yes coupon clipping too.
Contrast this to multiple cousins in their 20s now – an apartment is GROSS if it has white appliances or doesn’t have granite countertops or floor to ceiling windows. These are the apartments they live in in college because they can’t stand the idea of dorms for more than one year. That’s their business- either their parents pay for it or loans do. But then they graduate and realize that the starter salary at their job does not easily allow them to have a 2000 dollar apartment while shopping at Whole Foods and constantly ordering Uber Eats and anything their heart desires from Amazon but the 1600 dollar one that has the non granite counters is gross and not being able to Instacart an avocado every time they want one – ew. So they come running home to mom and dad and they’re not going to move out until they can afford to live in the manner to which they are accustomed. I know in certain cities there is a significant real estate problem and maybe you don’t have a 1500 dollar apartment option – but I’m talking in cities where there are still a range of apartment types in safe areas.
Something has changed. I think HGTV and social media have warped everyone’s views on how one SHOULD live.
Anonymous
+1 million. When we met as young professionals in 2001, my husband was living in an apartment with harvest gold appliances from the 1970s. I had $5 plastic patio chairs in my first apartment’s living room for three years until I’d saved up enough to buy a sofa.
Anonymous
1227 poster here – ha yes, sitting on patio chairs or those cold folding metal chairs was definitely a thing for me. I didn’t buy a sofa for months into my first job. There was an episode of Friends where Joey and Chandler’s apartment was robbed so they found a patio set and used that for a while. Totally relatable. At least in my family, the 20 year olds would give major side eye and be like omg just go buy all new stuff or ew just go back home, you can’t sit on patio furniture inside.
Anonymous
I think another problem is that there are now some starter jobs that do pay enough for the fancy apartment and daily Instacart. The kids who get regular jobs with normal salaries think they are behind. Massive income inequality begins right at entry to the workforce.
Anonymous
I mean wasn’t this always true? I’m old – my first job out of school was biglaw at 125k at the time. My sister had a business degree and her starting non McKinsey type consulting job started at 45k in the same timeframe. But I STILL got the old studio which was fine but nothing spectacular, saved up a bit to buy furniture and then bought it one piece at a time, and in the interim used hand me downs and patio chairs. Dishes were extra plates and pots my parents didn’t need in their kitchen. I didn’t NEED to but it’s just what people did at the time including many of my biglaw peers. For me I wanted to be on solid footing financially, so it meant having a bit in savings before going and spending thousands of dollars on furniture and fancy dishware, feeling like I had nothing in the bank.
About a decade after I started, there was a noticeable shift. Many many more junior associates going straight to the luxury apartments with really nice everything day one. Many more junior associates talking about how they got the best Breville blender to make smoothies because a 20 dollar Hamilton Beach one lol. There’s just been a shift in expectations.
Anonymous
I’m not talking about biglaw salaries; I’m talking about the kids with just a bachelor’s degree who are getting paid huge tech salaries with no experience. That wasn’t a thing when I graduated from college. Maybe in finance?
Anon
I’m almost embarrassed in retrospect at how my parents when I was younger. We really had people eating at a card table with a wonky leg? Or sitting on scratchy and stiff hand-me-down sofas? I remember my dad going to night school to get another degree for his job (because I never saw him), and I remember my mom’s first new furniture purchase and what a big deal it felt like at the time. And we ate so modestly I think these days it would be regarded as unhealthy (so many shelf stable foods and so little fresh food).
I feel like Target really raised the standard for what a starter home should look like even before influencer culture, and millennial foodie culture raised standards there. I’m honestly happy that younger people in my family live a little better than we did then, though I really roll my eyes when they look down on real wood furniture because it’s not shiny and new like they could pick up at the store.
Anon
Target / HGTV and social media. Don’t get me started on the beige aesthetic.
Anonymous
IDK when or where you grew up but at least in the 80s and even into the 90s, these things weren’t considered bad and people weren’t judged for it. It wasn’t a big deal at all to be invited to Thanksgiving dinner and be sitting at a card table because the 4 or 6 person dining table which also wasn’t fancy was full. There were all variety of couches, and some people put those covers on them though I think that was bit more of a city thing due to dust and pollution. I just think there weren’t expectations regarding how anyone SHOULD live. I feel like people just lived as best as they could or wanted to afford and it was considered good enough.
Maybe Target did change the game. I tend to think the HGTV perfect homes had an influence too well before Instagram, Pinterest etc. became a thing.
Anon
Definitely thinking of the 80s. That’s nice to think that it just wasn’t as much of a thing back then and it was considered okay! It’s hard to imagine Thanksgiving now with card tables, folding metal chairs, sofa covers, and no particular special holiday decorations besides maybe an heirloom serving dish and whatever handicraft the kids made at school, or something made at home from a Martha Stewart episode!
anon
I spent my 20’s living with roommates in a series of varying set-ups. Huge house vs. 3 bedroom apartment crammed with 4 female housemates/boyfriends/1 bathroom vs. the crappiest 1st one bedroom apartment you can imagine that I sublet off and on to make it work. It is what it is. That’s what you did to live where the action was, start working, become independent, and learn to make it work.
So most 20 somethings now would rather live with their parents, then live a simple life (basic, messy probably… but that’s life), like I did?
Anonymous
Right now – yes. Most but obviously not all take the approach that they will move out when they can afford a nice place and nice doesn’t just mean safe or relatively easy commute. Nice tends to involve fancy stone countertops, high end appliances, and open concept or whatever is in fashion right now.
Anon
I get there’s a ton of social circles division in the US but this is baffling to me – I don’t know any 20somethings insisting on granite countertops (in real life, not just online). New furniture (eg. from Ikea) is a lot cheaper compared to other essentials (eg. rent) than in the 80s, so that kind of makes sense to me.
Anon
I don’t think “everyone” had what you say they did. You’re a sample of one. My family certainly did not.
Anon
I agree kids these days expect to start with nicer everything, but I don’t really think it’s because moms are old. Statistically the age of first childbirth has only moved back by a year or so each generation. That isn’t going to have much impact, especially considering few people have strong memories before age 5 or so. And it is actually a lot harder for a “normal” educated family with two college degrees, two incomes and two kids but no advanced degree or “fancy” job like lawyer or doctor to have a nice lifestyle now than it was in the 80s and 90s. To say nothing of blue collar workers, who had a much easier time getting by on minimum wage than they do now.
Personally I think 20-somethings expecting a fancy lifestyle has far more to do with social media and influencers projecting a lifestyle that’s unattainable for most, but acting like it’s normal, and then young adults feel guilty about the normal-to-us barebones 20-something lifestyle.
Roxie
Congrats on being rich enough to ski as a kid I guess?
Anonymous
Skiing doesn’t need to be a ‘rich’ person thing, I grew up in near a bunch of ski hills, pretty much everyone had a unlimited evening pass and second hand skis, it cost less than a season of soccer.
Anonymous
It depends on where you live. We have a local ski hill where you can get an evening season pass for $350, but thanks to global warming it almost never gets cold enough for them to make snow.
Anon
+1. You can rent kids’ ski gear for an entire season, including jackets and pants and all, for $250 where I live. That’s two haircuts, plus tip, at a nice but not ultra high-end salon. That’s a few DoorDash orders.
Anonymous
Ah yeah, I have pretty big issues with snow making and flying in snow. We shouldn’t be skiing where snow doesn’t exist naturally. I am from somewhere very cold and luckily skiing hasn’t been impacted yet.
Anon
Yeah I’m in the Midwest and feel like local skiing is not a thing anymore due to climate change and lack of snow. The only people I know who ski fly to Colorado or Utah or Whistler a few times per year and I would imagine spend pretty big money on it. No judgment, we’re not a skiing family but we spend comparable amounts of money on other vacations. I just don’t really get the “skiing is cheap” argument in a warming climate where the local ski hills never have snow.
Anonymous
Local is different for everyone!
LOL
Right?? What a weird post. “We spent lots of money on a rich white person’s sport and look how great it made our family” lolol
Anon
Weird post? Nah, weird responses. It’s a pretty toxic way to live life to hear about something that made someone else really happy and then to sh*t on it. Whether it’s jealousy or depression or what, it’s not good for you.
Anon
Agreed.
Anon
Calling out someone’s privilege isn’t shtting on them, though?
Anon
Isn’t this how most people spend their money, though? You only splash out on things that are “worth it” to you?
Anon
No. A lot of people blow money senselessly and don’t even realize it or it doesn’t make them happy. Just look at the posts here about spending too much on online shopping or think about your brother who got more car than he needs or can afford.
Anon
Right. Exactly.
Anon
I agree with you. We’re an experiences over stuff family. We travel a lot and my kids have been on some truly epic (and expensive) vacations, but these vacations have given us many priceless moments of family bonding and they still talk about trips from years ago and love to look at the photo albums of trips they took as babies and toddlers and don’t remember well. They have an appreciation for it that I think would be hard to have for luxury cars or designer clothes.
Every family is different though, and if travel isn’t your thing I don’t think it’s inherently bad to direct your discretionary spending on physical goods. I think the key is to not give your kids every single thing they might want and have them be the kid that’s taking multiple international vacations per year AND getting a brand new Benz when they turn 16 AND upgrade their designer wardrobe every fall AND always having the coolest camps and activities.
Anon
Funny that someone posted above on lap swimming as I came to post on the same thing! I’m considering starting swimming and I need some advice. First of all, is swimming a good way to lose weight? I had multiple foot surgeries this year and I can’t do traditional cardio right now. But I’ve gained a lot of weight that I want to lose. Second, should I buy and wear a swim cap? I have long hair, so I assume that I should? Here’s what I’m looking at buying for swimsuit, goggles, and cap, if anyone wants to comment on them. Also, I’m socially anxious and not really looking forward to this…someone tell me that no one will judge me or be looking at me in the pool!
– Swimsuit:
https://www.amazon.com/beautyin-Swimsuit-Athletic-Racerback-Swimwear/dp/B083NQ498S/ref=asc_df_B083MZFQY2/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=693676395498&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=18311530664795749045&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9190989&hvtargid=pla-1479427705879&psc=1&mcid=28062a035d2b3f808fa5c4bc8f3d402f&th=1
– Goggles:
https://www.amazon.com/Goggles-Waterproof-Swimwear-Adjustable-Swimming/dp/B09SZ7CTZZ/ref=asc_df_B09SZ7C5JS/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=693393281495&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=9454221191257314348&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9190989&hvtargid=pla-1676310538939&psc=1&mcid=a6ea5f2e42033d108be659656fe61ce5&th=1
– Cap:
https://www.amazon.com/Speedo-Silicone-Stretch-Large-X-Large/dp/B000F6A98M/ref=asc_df_B000F6UP72/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=693032873421&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=14873508169680497184&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9190989&hvtargid=pla-584196258672&psc=1&mcid=b5dcd1b571a3381b8405f78886f13235&th=1
Anonymous
Former lap swimmer here. I’ve never looked more fit than when I was swimming hours a week (if you’re doing it well, it’s both cardio and a body weight strength workout) but swimming also makes me so, so hungry in a way marathon training and CrossFit never did.
I wouldn’t recommend most of the items you linked to for lap swimming. Yes, you’ll want a cap, but I would recommend one that’s all silicon and not stretchy. I wouldn’t get a suit with shorts built in, but that’s a personal preference. And look for goggles meant for lap swimming (much smaller profile).
Swimoutlet is a good source for reasonably priced suits, goggles and other gear. No one is going to judge you or look at you in the pool, but if you’re anxious I would recommend looking for gear that looks more like what other lap swimmers are wearing.
When you go, pools are sometimes arranged with faster swimmers at one end and slower at the other (if so, there are usually signs). Even if not, make sure if you’re splitting a lane to share with someone about your speed.
Have fun! Swimming is a fantastic lifelong sport.
Anonymous
Recommended alternatives, these are only examples but would go for something closer to these profiles:
Suit: https://www.swimoutlet.com/products/tyr-womens-tyreco-solid-maxfit-one-piece-swimsuit-1008/?color=black
Cap: https://www.swimoutlet.com/products/tyr-multi-color-silicone-swim-cap-1252/?color=blackred
Goggles (personally vouching for the Vanquishers, they’re great): https://www.swimoutlet.com/products/speedo-womens-vanquisher-20-mirrored-goggle-8138578/?color=silverice
Anon
TYR also makes a swim cap for long hair.
https://www.swimoutlet.com/products/tyr-long-hair-wrinkle-free-silicone-swim-cap-7534301/?color=black
Gail the Goldfish
Cosign all this, except to add you don’t necessary need a cap if you don’t care about your hair getting wet. I hate wearing them, so I just French braid my hair to keep it contained. Also, be forewarned: swimming is a full body workout and can be utterly exhausting when you’re first starting out. Don’t be discouraged if you can only do a few laps. Just keep building it up.
anon a mouse
No one will look at your or judge you when you are in the pool! Swimming is a fantastic community and many of the coaches I know are just happy when someone wants to give it a try.
I’d actually recommend you go to a sporting goods store to try on a swimsuit if you have one close by. Lap swimming suits can be inconsistent in sizing across brands and sometimes they can pull or rub in weird ways. You’ll pay more, but it’s worth it to have something comfortable.
In addition, I recommend getting a shampoo to take the chlorine out of your hair. It makes a huge difference. And shower shoes or rubber flip flops to walk around locker rooms and the pool.
Finally, make sure you remember to hydrate more than you expect! Swimming takes a lot out of you and you don’t think that it is dehydrating, but water is your friend inside and outside of your body!
Anonymous
Former lifeguard here, and I will tell you that the people we saw daily doing their laps were incredibly fit and also wore some of the rattiest suits out there, so you’ll be fine whatever you choose.
Stuff you didn’t ask: Wear flipflops around any standing water as much as possible, and try to get your hair wet before you get in so it doesn’t soak up too much chlorine. If you have dry, colored, or curly hair you may even want to try to get it wet, put a leave in conditioner in, and then put your swim cap on. Also: v05 hot oil treatments are cheap and easy after swimming.
Anon
Cosign on all of this good advice except for putting conditioner in your hair before a swim. It immediately washes out into the pool, and nobody wants to taste that. Caps are to keep hair out of the pool and are required in many places; they are not meant to keep hair dry (and don’t).
anon a mouse
I am trying to sort out health insurance and it’s giving me a headache. Family of 3, relatively healthy, two prescription drugs among us for chronic conditions. My company is strongly pushing the HDHP plan. The premiums for this plan are $1500 cheaper for the year than my current plan, and in addition the company gives $1500 to seed the HSA. Deductible is $3K so if we use a decent amount of health care, it’s net even with my current plan. The OOP max is $6K for in-network, and could go to $13K for out of network.
So I *think* that what I’m supposed to do is fund the HSA the additional $3K to fill it to the $6K for the year, and reap the tax advantages of that. But I get hung up on the “what-ifs.” We’ve had 3 ER visits in the last 10 years and just one of those could take us to the OOP max pretty quickly, at which point the HPDP is no longer a better financial choice (and could be quite expensive if some of the hospital services are out of network, which has been an ugly surprise in the past even when the hospital itself is in-network.
If you have a HDHP with an HSA, am I thinking about this correctly?
Anon
I’ve vowed to never again have a HDHP after having an unexpected appendectomy in my 20s that cost me close to $5k out of pocket at a time I couldn’t easily afford it. Even young and healthy people get into car accidents, break limbs/tear muscles while working out, etc. and in this country the risk is all on you and the upside is all for your employer.
You know how people say ‘HR is not your friend’? well the corollary for me is ‘Your employer is not your doctor’ of COURSE they are going to push what is cheaper for them and take none of the downside risk.
Anonymous
Under the plans available to me, I would pay at least $3,000 extra in premiums every year for a PPO, and that appendectomy would still cost like $3,000 out of pocket, so the math never works out in favor of the PPO.
Anon
Yeah I’ve done the math and at my employer for any scenario – zero healthcare expenses, massive healthcare expenses and everything in between – the HDHP is cheaper. Our PPO plans aren’t zero deductible though. They have very significant deductibles, just less than the HDHP (and the premiums offset the deductible difference).
Anon
This unusual the case, especially when the company seeds the HSA.
Anon
This is usually the case….
Anon
In the long run, the HDHP plus HSA is cheaper. The question is whether or not you could afford the deductibles in a “bad” year. If you have the HSA plus cash to pay the OOP max, or could cash flow it with a payment plan, do that. If you would end up in collections if you hit the OOP max, go for the more expensive plan.
FWIW, I love HSAs. They are triple tax free (tax free to put money in, tax free to grow, tax free to spend on healthcare or remove at age 65). A lot of services are cheaper and easier when you go cash pay; as but one example, I’ve gotten two MRIs in the last two years, one for $325 and the other for $370. I’m an athlete and needed them for sports injuries, and it was so much easier to do that than to deal with insurance.
anon a mouse
But if you go cash pay, isn’t that the worst of all, because you don’t get the benefit of it counting toward your deductible?
I’ll set aside the discussion of why it’s okay to have a much cheaper price for cash than if insurance is paying for it, because WHEW what a racket health care is in this country.
Anon
Sometimes insurance lets you submit it towards your deductible. Sometimes you’re better off anyway; I would pay $500 towards the MRI under insurance. It is a calculated risk.
Anon
I’ve seen a lot of comments here to “go cash pay” but no doctors office I’ve ever seen has allowed that when they know I have insurance. And I need the insurance on file to access preventative exams and things like free flu shots. So I wouldn’t count on this as an option.
Anon
They actually have to allow it! It’s technically a HIPAA violation otherwise (they are sharing your health information with your insurance company without your consent, and past consent can be revoked).
anon
This is FALSE. In my state, I am no longer allowed to tell my providers not to use my insurance and ask to pay out of pocket cash. The providers “must” process via your insurance, if you have it, or will refuse to have you seen. It is a money grab by both hospitals/clinics and insurance companies both, as the patient is usually paying all and paying a higher amount.
Right now uninsured patients paying out of pocket get larger discounts than the discounted in network price with my insurance (when you have a high deductible plan). Also in my state, networks are much smaller — “PPO” plans are now restricted networks and many more hospitals/providers are out of network. So it is extremely painful when you are forced to pay out-of-network sky high rates (often 3x the self-pay rate, and double the in network rate) because one of your specialized doctors is unavailable in your network.
My last out of network appointment for a specialist that refused to let me self-pay was $900. For one appointment.
The Mayo clinic similarly made me submit my insurance information ahead of time to even be allowed to make an appointment, and said I was only allowed to pay out of network rates. Perhaps I could have lied and said I didn’t have any insurance? I am not sure if that is legal to do.
Anon
But can’t they say that cash pay rates are only for uninsured patients and require you to sign an affidavit of uninsurance? I’d be very reluctant to lie that way, especially if you have a job that requires any kind of professional licensing.
Anon
Also, I literally have an appointment on Friday with a cash pay doctors office, and I have outstanding insurance. It’s cheaper to cash pay the specialist than it is to run it through my insurance.
anon
So you have a high deductible you are trying to avoid?
What state are you in?
In my state (Illinois), the large academic hospitals will not allow me to do this anymore. For those of us with serious medical problems, just another reason it stinks to be unlucky to be sick.
Anon
Yeah I’m in Indiana and all of our major medical systems only offer cash pay rates to uninsured patients. I have an HDHP and when I asked about cash pay I was told I could get the rate but I had to attest in writing to not having insurance, and I was not comfortable doing that (It seems like it might be insurance fraud? but even if it’s not technically illegal I just wasn’t comfortable lying in writing to a doctor like that.) I’ve never heard of anyone who has insurance getting a cash pay rate at the doctor but maybe it’s highly regional. Or maybe people don’t want to admit to it because they have to lie.
Anon
I have a $3,000 deductible and again, it’s cheaper to see a specialist on cash pay than to pay the copay!
I’m in a state in the south. The clinic literally doesn’t even accept insurance. It’s the same model that a physiologist uses: one cash pay price for everyone, run it through your insurance yourself if you want to.
Anon88
They’re pushing you towards the HDHP because it’s cheaper for them. HDHPs are designed to save companies money, and work best for young, healthy people who never go to the doctor.
You can calculate it out to find out if your family members have x number of dr visits for non-preventive things this year what’s the out of pocket cost for each plan, etc. Or, you can just go with what you’re more comfortable with. For me, I’m usually pretty risk tolerant, but I see several specialists and would rather pay the higher premium for the assurance that I’m only paying $25 for a specialist visit, and that I’m not going to be surprised with some huge medical bill.
Anon88
Also, I’d add that my healthy sister who never goes to the doctor has an HDHP but had to unexpectedly get an endoscopy and ended up paying $3k for it out of pocket. A couple years prior I also had to get an endoscopy and I paid around $100. We don’t have the same employer so not apples to apples, but I don’t want to get stuck with a surprise multi-thousands of dollars medical bill.
Anonymous
This is why we fund our HSA to the max. That money isn’t “real” but is there to cover big expenses.
Anon
See, I prefer the HDHP plus HSA for this. I would rather sock away the savings in premiums into my HSA and then know I can cover a high unexpected bill if one should come up, than pay more every paycheck for services I may or ma not use.
The $100 you paid for the procedure doesn’t include the presumably higher premium amounts that give you access to that price. Your sister got a higher bill, but did she pay less in premiums leading up to that?
Anon
Exactly this. Look at your total outlay over, say, three to five years: insurance costs plus what you put into your HSA plus copays and deductibles. Subtract out what your company puts into your HSA.
Anon
I don’t think you can make a blanket statement like this. It really depends on the numbers. At my employer (large state university) the HDHP is the cheapest option for all scenarios. I’ve done the math. The other plans have lower deductibles but they claw back the difference in premiums.
BlueAlma
We have four family members with big health problems. We run the numbers every year, and the Hdhp plan is always cheapest for us. We always pay the deductible. I’m never surprised by a big bill. I expect and plan for them to come. So it’s not accurate to say such plans are only for healthy people. They have been the cheapest option for our high-healthcare-use every place we’ve worked.
Anon
How often do you you go to the doctor and do you pay a copay or the full price until you meet the deductible and a percentage after? That makes a huge difference when comparing plans.
Anonymous
HSAs are most valuable to insureds as investment vehicles. You should thinking about dropping the max in there and then paying for healthcare with other dollars. The HSA can be tapped in a financial emergency, of course, but the highest and best use is to just let money accumulate there.
Anon
This.
HDHP + maxing out your HSA is the way to go. I factor that in to salaray negotiations to make sure I could cover the HSA max.
Cat
+1, I max out our HSA but just pay cash for co-pays. In the event of a huge unexpected expense I might tap the HSA (which is now well over my OOP max) but for my average medical spending of maybe $500 per year in co-pays, I just pay cash and preserve the ROI for later.
anon
This is the way to do it, if you are making enough money that you can preserve the HSA as an investment vehicle.
NYNY
HDHP + HSA is a great coverage choice for families with the resources to pay out up to the OOP max without strain. For everyone else, they are risky. If you are generally healthy and have enough income to fund the HSA, the risk may be worth it, because it’s an amazing tax shelter for the wealthy.
As far as the in-network vs. out-of-network piece, you have protections from the No Surprises Act. If you have an elective procedure with an out-of-network doctor at an in-network facility, the doctor is required to give you an estimate up front of what your expenses will be. If you have emergency services, your insurance is required to cover the out-of-network providers the same way they would cover in-network, and the OON providers may not balance bill you.
Does the more traditional insurance coverage option have the same OOP max as the HDHP?
Anon
This is what I was going to write (after spending way too much time investigating the options the first time I was presented with a choice).
Anonymous
I don’t understand why you think the HD plan is not a better choice if you hit the out-of-pocket max. If it’s a net even at the deductible then it should also be even at the OOP max, assuming the co-insurance and OOP max are both the same for the traditional plan and the HD plan.
When I do the math with the plans offered to our family, factoring in tax savings, co-payments, co-insurance, deductibles, and premiums, the HD plan is always cheaper overall. An added advantage is that you can keep unused money in your HSA, whereas with an FSA you lose what you don’t spend at the end of the year. With the plans my husband’s employer offers, the OOP max is actually lower for the HD plan than for the PPO. It really depends on the premiums and the benefits of the plans you are offered. I always create a spreadsheet that runs the numbers at various levels of health care consumption, including none, the deductible for each plan, the OOP max for each plan, and somewhere in between the deductible and the OOP max.
Anonymous
I love, love, love my HDHP plan and HSA. As a cancer patient, with monthly injections that cost $2000 a pop, after insurance negotiation, it basically means that family healthcare is covered once we get past February or March each year. We use our HSA to cover the deductible and then are able to save in it (because deductible is less than total allowed to be invested each year for a family per IRS rules).
High deductible plans are great if you have no healthcare costs (preventative appointments are 100% covered) or really high costs. The in-between is less appealing.
Anon
For people new to a HDHP it is a little jarring to change the mindset around paying full freight for medical costs up front. However, even for the in-between expenses, if they fully fund their HSA each year and their OOP max is less than their HSA balance, it’s so much smoother for the budget to be able to pay from that HSA.
Anonymous
This is my experience.
Anonymous
Maybe it feels good mentally,but from a financial perspective, if you are saving in a 401k and spending from an HSA, I think you are doing it wrong.
Anon
Can you elaborate on that?
FWIW, I max out my 401(k) and IRA (as does my spouse) in addition to the HSA. We have met our OOP max once, but typically have far less than that in HSA spending each year. Our OOP max is less than the annual HSA contribution limit. I know we could increase the HSA returns long-term by paying for those costs out of pocket in order to let the HSA grow as much as possible, but that would mean stressing out about other everyday expenses. Not having to stress out about paying for medical care is valuable enough to me to use the HSA now and fully fund it so it can grow into the future.
Cat
HSAs have three tax advantages – they reduce your taxable income now, they grow tax free, and when used for medical expenses, are withdrawn tax free.
Assuming you have a traditional 401(k), you’ll be taxed when withdrawing.
Anon
But what does funding one’s 401(k) have to do with using an HSA? I’m not seeing the connection. Why should I avoid using an HSA if I also fund a 401(k)?
Cat
The point isn’t that you shouldn’t have both – you should! – just that if you are prioritizing maxing a 401(k) over maxing an HSA, then you may end up with less money in retirement due to the different tax structure of the two vehicles.
Anon
Thanks! I max both so I don’t think this is a concern for me.
Not sure what Anonymous above’s “doing it wrong” means, but I’ll chalk it up to internet randomness.
LawDawg
I have had a HDHP for years. For many of those years, we were all healthy and money accrued. Annual physicals, mammograms, colonoscopies, etc. were still 100% covered by insurance and we had minimal other expenses. Other expenses were charged at the insured rates, not the billed pre-insurance rates. I also used the HSA money to pay dental expenses. That felt like a 30% discount since I was paying with pre-tax dollars.
Then, last year, when I got a cancer diagnosis, I wasn’t worried about the financial aspect at all. We had a nest egg from maxing out the family HSA for 10+ years. My expenses were easily covered by what was in there and the annual oop still cut off my total spending. I know that you can’t count on a history like mine, but I have loved having the HDHP and it has paid off for me big time.
Anon
Don’t underestimate the value of a the HSA if you keep maxing it out over time. I thought hitting the OOP max meant that everything was covered for the rest of the year after that point (currently in the hospital with a family member and that was the first thing they said when they ran the insurance, that hitting the OOP max means there will be no bill, though of course we’ll see).
Anonymous
I agree that HDHP with an HSA are the way to go. For a couple of years I tracked my healthcare expenses using the traditional plan and the HDHP. I always came out ahead with the HDHP. I sock away the max in the HSA and I plan on using it to pay Medicare or COBRA premiums if I retire before 65.
Anon
I had a $55,000 hospital stay a couple of years ago. At least that’s what the original bill said. I paid $7000 because I hit my max, which was already partly exhausted for the year. I was really, really glad I had insurance, which is a PPO plan.
But I did the math after the fact, and I would have paid the same in that calendar year under a high deductible plan from the same insurer, when I look at total expenditures including premium payments.
I’m not eligible for any sort of HSA unfortunately because I am self employed and buy my own coverage from my state’s Marketplace. But if I were, the HSA would have meant I could have paid all my out of pocket in pretax dollars, and that would have saved me quite a bit. I did deduct medical expenses that year on my taxes, but you only get to deduct the part that is in excess of 10% of your AGI.
Anonymous
Family of 4. We just went with a HDHP for the first time last year, and our deductible is 14,000 in network. (We’re at $11k for the year, grumble.) I’d snap up a $3k plan any day.
We’re on the marketplace so I have to do the math every year — I basically add the cost of the monthly premiums + the cost of the full deductible and compare. It also depends what happens after the deductible – our current plan is no coinsurance, so totally paid after we meet the deductible. The plans with 30% coinsurance are harder to assess. There’s usually a separate copay for ER visits that you should walk in, I generally view that as a “$500 to walk into the ER” kind of fee.
Nesprin
I did the math for an HDHP and HSA vs. my HMO plan and it just didn’t make sense financially or health-wise for me. HDHPs are cheaper for insurers because you have to consider the cost of treatment+ pay out of pocket which leads to people using on average ~20% less healthcare. I’ve got a chronic condition where delaying or deferring treatment would lead to a bigger problem down the road- i.e. skipping a doctor visit or a prescription refill could lead to hospitalization.
With my medications, I used to hit 2/3 of the oop max by default- and some HDHPs didn’t have those meds on their formulary.
Anon
The formulary issue is a nightmare.
smurf
$3k is a pretty low deductible for HDHP.
the OOP max does not always mean actually everything is covered after that point, you need to look at the plan details.
Have you looked at what your Rxs will cost on the HDHP?
for my chronic condition, I would spend much more every year if I didn’t have a low deductible plan – to the point I’d look for a different job if only HDHP was offered.
Anonymous
I always check the prescription drug formulary. I am on a drug that is $700 a month if not covered. It doesn’t have a generic, I can’t substitute something different (other than a similarly priced drug), etc. So when I calculate my cost, I add in what the cost would be with the coverage for my drugs. The math may not add up.
Kate
Didn’t even mention the best thing about this sweater – natural fibers!
Cerulean
Their fuzzy sweaters tend to be really itchy, unfortunately.
Kate
I love an itchy sweater! Definitely my preference over a plastic-y synthetic design with nice “hand-feel” — no amount of microplastics will sell me on a soft sweater. Gimme those scratchy natural fibers!
Anon
I always wear a base layer under sweaters anyway to keep the sweater cleaner and ultimately require less washing and extend its life.
Anon
It’s still about 30% polyamide/elastane. These are some of the materials that shed micro- and nanoplastics.
Since learning that our oceans already have more plastic mass than biomass, I’ve started paying much closer attention to how much plastic my clothes/fabrics are shedding. It’s awful.
Anon
Yeah, me too.
conbrio
I’m going to a several-day conference where most of the attendees will be nonprofit/legal aid attorneys. How casually can I dress for this? Thank you.
Anonymous
Business casual.
Anonymous
In situations like this I usually go with black, white, or gray jeans, a nice plan t-shirt, and a blazer with fashion sneakers or loafers.
Anon
I wouldn’t wear jeans or sneakers to any kind of work event.
Anon
Sneakers are soooo common in offices now.
Anonymous
In public interest law you see a lot of sneakers. I wouldn’t wear blue jeans, but people do wear them to conferences. Black or white jeans are fine. I had a prosecutor come to one of my meetings on a weekday wearing shorts.
Anon
I am one of many wearing sneakers in my private equity office today. The most recent financial regulatory conference I attended had over half the women in sneakers, even with suits or sheath dresses.
Runcible Spoon
Kamala Harris wears Chuck Taylors. Just saying.
Anon
She inspires me with that. She makes it work. I guess having a great figure & carrying yourself well helps.
Of Counsel
But she does not wear them to formal or even semi-formal events. Travelling? Events in places like fire stations or outdoors? Sure. But look at her footwear at more formal events (including the VP equivalent of conferences) and she is in pumps.
OP – This is hard to answer without knowing your role at the conference. Are you the equivalent of a client? Are you just there as an attendee and do not care if anyone remembers you for better or worse? In that case by all means wear nice jeans and fashion sneakers with a blazer). Are you trying to sell something or impress someone? In that case, I would suggest trousers and not jeans and dressier (but still flat) shoes.
Anon
I go to a lot of events like this, and I think dark jeans, blazer, and fashion sneakers would be great. I would probably wear wide-leg pants, sneakers and a chunky cardigan.
Anon
Work tool help question. I have about 50 emails on a the same subject providing some info that was requested. The responses are putting the needed info into the body of the email. Is there a tool that can extract the email contents for me in a semi-organized fashion?
Anon
Why not send around a link to a OneNote or Excel sheet?
Anonymous
Chat GPT.
New Here
Could you create a Microsoft Form to collect the answers?
Anon
You don’t happen to have an intern at your company, do you? This is the perfect assignment for an intern, but sometimes companies have a hard time coming up with things for interns to do.
Anon
This answer is brilliant.
Anonymous
I was coming here to say get the intern to do it.
Anon
I know. Here I am managing a 10MM+ budget and also collating emails like an intern. My job sometimes feels ridiculous. I am on the verge of getting an admin but it’s still a few weeks away.
Cb
I’d provide a template for their reply ie name, email, detail fields with line breaks between them so you can copy paste into excel, even if it’s a slightly unconventional format (vertical rather than horizontal).
Anon
OP here – Fair enough, it would still be an improvement!
Winter
This sweater is gorgeous. Has anyone seen something similar in a larger size? I was set to pull the trigger when I noticed that the French xxxl translates to an American 14.
Anon
Omg really? So much for me ever buying something from Sezane if a 14 is giant to them.
Anonymous
I’m a U.S. 18 and I can wear some Sezane. It takes some digging, but look for things in size 16 US that also say “if you’re between sizes, size down”- those ones run a little big!
Anon
Typical SML sizes will span multiple sizes (like a M is 8-10) but at Sezanne they only correspond to one size (M is 6). It’s weirdly labeled. But fwiw, as a size 12 I can wear a size M or L at Sezanne.
Anon
I had to go plus size shopping when I was in Paris, where plus size starts at US 10.
Actually I love what I got so it’s all good unless I concern myself with the tag…
Anonymous
Where did you go? I’m plus sized and would love to do a bit of Paris shopping!
Anon
Marina Rinaldi and a shop I found when I googled Les Rondes. I wish I could remember the name of that one!
Anon
Follow up work tool question. I manage a large field team and often find myself having to collate responses from 50+ people. The people are not computer-based, so everything they do is off their phone. They’re also frequently without internet (basements) which is totally fine using Outlook on mobile because it will save a draft and send when connection is reestablished but doesn’t work with web-based things like microsoft forms. The information varies greatly but I generally don’t want them to see each-other’s info as it can be sensitive, so no shared sheets. Are there better tools or apps that you can recommend based on this scenario? Thank you!
Anecdata
Several years ago, dimagi commcare was the gold standard for this kind of intermittent connectivity situation – no idea what their competition is like now.
Anon
Really interesting, thank you!
Anonymous
I have no idea, but I’m so curious about what you do!
50 people reporting in . . . working on their own . . . mobile phones only . . . basements! . . . sensitive info others shouldn’t see . . .
My imagination is having a lot of fun with this.
NYNY
Never would have guessed dominatrices used outlook!
Anon
OP here – LOL! I like your imagination world better. We’re just a team of technicians doing dirty jobs.
Anon
Are you running a sweat shop or what
Anonymous
I don’t know offhand but I’d look at Zapier and IFTTT to see if any of their workflow integrations could help you, like from Outlook to Google Forms or even Google Sheets.
Anon
Thank you!
Cerulean
Google Forms is great for this if it fits the information you’re trying to collect. Responses are all gathered and can formulated into a spreadsheet that only you can see.
Anon
Unfortunately, it looks like I need web connectivity to access the form. I’m not seeing an app… but thanks!
Anonymous
I’ve posted on here before about feeling like our apartment was overwhelming and just too cluttered to the point that we couldn’t simply just call in a cleaning service to feel good about our place. So we did the thing. Starting Sept 1 and ending this weekend, did a massive decluttering process and called in a junk company to haul it away. Best money spent.
Got rid of a half dozen boxes from our last move that we had never even opened, assorted work stuff, knick knacks, cards, and gifts from our 20s that were boxed away, old broken down cookware, fitness equipment, and small appliances, cleaned out kitchen and bathroom cabinets of old cleaners, empty cleaner bottles. I feel like we just got rid of a quarter of our stuff. Feels great to have opened up like 100 sqft of space. DH was super skeptical of this whole project as opening and going through boxes and gathering bags of trash from our cabinets was creating more clutter but he eventually jumped on board and helped once he could see progress being made. Initially DH was convinced we could make the new open space into a exercise area but for right now, both of us are just enjoying seeing the empty space and feeling like if we buy things, it’ll just be starting the clutter again.
Not that there aren’t more projects to undertake from doing the same process for clothes and shoes to a deep clean of the kitchen and bathroom but somehow none of those projects feel AS big. Each of those feels like a few hours on a weekend, though right now both of us are ready for a break.
H13
This is a huge accomplishment. Congrats!!!
Anon
Sounds exhausting and exhilarating! Very inspiring. Enjoy your new space!
Anon
Good for you!! We have a bulky pickup scheduled today with our city trash service, and I am feeling similarly light. Every time I declutter, I have a moment of “why was I saving this?”
anon
You are an inspiration.
Enjoy!
Anon
Please recommend your favorite free online workout videos on youtube for weight training, I am not awake enough to find good ones on youtube in the morning and having to think about that just adds one more layer of difficulty to trying to be active. TIA.
Anon
Sydney Cummings and Heather Robertson are both wonderful! Workouts are equally good, it just depends whether or not you prefer talking (Sydney talks the whole time and motivates you; Heather is silent with just music).
Anonymous
i keep starting and stopping caroline girvan’s iron series. i’m having trouble getting into a good workout routine for strength training right now, but the workouts seem solid.
Anonymous
FitnessBlender’s videos are on YouTube, but I access them through their website, which has a very good search feature – https://www.fitnessblender.com/videos. All of their older content is free, and I prefer a lot of it to the newer stuff.
Anonymous
Ugh. I have been looking for a new lawyer job for months. This week I am getting 3 offers and I don’t like any of them. I was genuinely excited about one of them, and then I just got the offer letter and it is disappointing at best. It includes an offer to pay an additional $7500 to bill 2100 hours instead of the standard 1900. I am wondering if the recruiter even saw this before it went out.
anon
what?! that amount of money for going from 1900 to 2100 makes no sense. it’s not even minimum wage in my town! surely this was a mistake?
Anonymous
Minimum wage in your town is $37.50/hour?
Anonymous
More like $30. Billable hours is not hours worked. You can expect at best 80% efficiency, so you’d have to work a minimum of 250 hours to get 200 billable hours.
Anon
Where do you live, cuz I wanna move there and get a job as a barista or something.
Anonymous
Was it supposed to be $75,000?
Anon
Lawyers, help me deal (emotionally) with responding to a motion where opposing counsel attacks me personally for perceived ethical violations. I’ve discussed with supervisors and colleagues and everyone agrees that I was correct both legally and ethically, but it just feels awful every time I have to look at their words and type words to defense my actions.
Anonymous
You know this, but the best way to respond is completely unemotionally, with a very matter-of-fact explanation as to why you were right. It makes them look worse to the reader (i.e., the judge) and deprives them of any satisfaction they were seeking from getting you riled up. If they bring it up in an email or call, just say “That was disappointing. I addressed it in my response “
Anon
My advice, in no particular order:
Remind yourself of the amazing power of being the adult in the room. The judge will see straight through these shenanigans. Being the adult adds to your credibility and your client’s credibility.
Consider what “winning” looks like and how to get there. I assume you want to do a good job for your client and keep your reputation intact. Respond in a way that is designed to get you there, not to get sucked into the drama. Because this is just drama (not drama you created, though).
Consider that her client will not be pleased when she can’t deliver. I am not going to post too much about what’s going on right now on a public forum, but I have a few lawyer friends who routinely remind me to stay the course and have the last laugh. It’s already coming out in various ways: Super Lawyer for three years running can’t sign on clients and half of the clients leave for different representation, over similar shenanigans.
Anonymous
When opposing says something that doesn’t make sense, my first reaction is always to ask for authority for their statement. Much easier to argue about rules and case law than about their temper tantrum.