Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
A T-shirt with beautiful, figure-flattering detail is always a winner in my book. This top from White House Black Market has vertical trim running up the body to give a bit of shape without sacrificing any of the comfort of your favorite cozy tee.
This “vintage indigo” color would be a beautiful look for spring, paired with navy pants and a white blazer, but you could also go for basic black or white.
The top is $49.50 at White House Black Market and comes in sizes XXS–XL.
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Workwear sales of note for 6.02.23:
- Nordstrom – The Half-Yearly Sale has started! See our thoughts here.
- Ann Taylor – $50 off $150; $100 off $250+; extra 30% off all sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 25% off purchase
- Boden – Sale, up to 50% off
- Cole Haan – Up to 50% off select styles; extra 20% off sandals & sneakers
- Eloquii – 60% off all tops
- Express – 30% off all dresses, tops, shorts & more; extra 50% off clearance
- H&M – Up to 60% off online and in-store.
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off “dressed up” styles (lots of cute dresses!); extra 50% off select sale
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything; 60% off 100s of summer faves; extra 60% off clearance
- J.McLaughlin – The Sale Event: extra 30% off
- Loft – 40% off tops; 30% off full-price styles
- Sephora – Up to 50% off select beauty.
- Shopbop – Up to 60% off sale
- Sue Sartor – Lots of cute dresses on sale!
- Talbots – 25-40% off select styles
Other noteworthy sales:
- CB2.com – Up to 40% off; pop-up sale up to 30% off
- Joss & Main – Up to 60% off, plus an extra 20% off with code
- Tuft & Needle – Save up to $775 on mattresses (Reader-favorite brand; Kat really likes hers!)
- West Elm – Up to 25% off in-stock furniture; up to 60% off clearance
happy Friday hive.
i have a birthday this weekend which is a tough one as my mom is seriously ill.
I wanted to thank you all for good recommendations, laughs and my favorite read everyday.
Of course! She has been at it for a long time, and she deserves some recognition! Kudo’s to you for thinking of it!
Elizabeth, I love this Bodice Tee shirt, which normally would not be considered that frugal @ $50 for a tee shirt, but this one’s bodice fit makes it special, so I will consider it, tho I still have a COVID pooch from 2 years of sitting on my tuchus in my apartement w/o alot of exercising. If I loose weight quickly, I may be able to wear it to the Manageing partner’s party in the Hamton’s, which is being postponed b/c he got COVID from his Judge’s convention out in Montauk. Can you believe that was a superspreader event and he wound up getting COVID? He’s been nursed by Margie out in the Hamton’s now, as we speak, and we don’t expect him back in the office until late June at the earliest, so the party was moved to mid-August. At least that gives me time to loose the weight I need to fit nicely into my new red bikini. I have started eating less already, and am making more air pop popcorn with NO oil. It fills me up and cleans out my digestive system, so hopefully that will help me to get a flatter stomach for the bodice tee shirt! YAY!!!
Happy Birthday, even under difficult circumstances. Mine is this Saturday.
op here, I’m also the 21st. ; )
Happy birthday and internet hugs to you and your mom.
Aw, I’ve been there. Thinking of you. Happy Birthday!
Sorry you’re dealing with a difficult situation. Happy Birthday and sending lots of love to your family.
Happy birthday – thinking of you. It’s amazing how much an internet board of random strangers can feel like a community. Grateful for all those who show up and contribute.
Happy Birthday and much love to you and your mom!
Happy birthday! Sending love to you and your family!
OP here. thanks for the love and kind wishes. thanks for sharing your opinions, perspectives, gift recommendations and products that have helped your life. : )
low stakes Friday question – my long-time yoga instructor is retiring next week, and it wouldn’t be weird to give a her card expressing best wishes or peaceful retirement or something along those lines, right? i’ve only been in her classes for 8 years, but some others have been taking her classes for 20 years!
Entirely appropriate. Maybe add a note thanking for her how she’s specifically helped you grow, develop, etc.
Super lovely and appropriate!
Do it! There is nothing so nice as knowing you made a difference for someone doing what you do.
Yoga teacher here – I think that’s really lovely. Oddly enough, It’s also pretty normal. I’ve moved a few times and had students give me small cards, notes, gifts and I hadn’t led classes for them nearly as long as your teacher had for you. I’m always surprised and touched.
Favorite casual restaurants in Paris (for food and people watching)? Haven’t been in years and would love some recent recommendations! (Will be mainly in the 1st and 7th.)
I really like Mariage Freres for an amazing tea selection and brunch.
Oooh I will need brunch in Paris when I travel through! Popping this recommendation in my plan, thanks
It’s lovely! The mirabelle tea is my favourite and the Earl Grey D’Or.
Matin de France is my favorite.
Check out the Wit and Whimsy blog and insta, she goes to Paris all the time and has updated recommendations. I’ve always loved Cafe Marly by the Louvre for people watching.
How did I not know about wit & whimsy?! merci!
For a very casual lunch and excellent people-watching, I’d grad something from one of the stalls at Le Marché Des Enfants Rouges in the Marais. Go to Chez Janou (3rd) for dinner and make sure to have the chocolate mousse. Hotel Amour does a good brunch (although the whole brunch concept is not very French). I also liked Le Pantruche in the 9th for lunch or dinner on my last visit a couple of months ago.
Love, love Chez Janou. A second for the chocolate mousse and make sure to try the mussels. If you get lucky, the waitstaff will bring you a lovely after-dinner bottle of liqueur gratis.
Lunch at Mariage Frères is fun and elegant. Les Ombres, atop the Musee du Quai Branley, has the most outstanding view of the Eiffel Tower. Go for a late dinner and watch the tower twinkle at the top of every hour.
There’s also a really good Italian restaurant on Rue Montorgueil. And since you’re in the neighborhood, you can check out the original Sézane store.
Wow, thanks for this! I fly to Paris tomorrow!!
Have so much fun!
The little cafes in Place St Dauphine (it’s tucked away inside a triangle of buildings at the tip of Cite) are darling. Mix of tourists and locals, probably bc it’s not somewhere you can see from the main Notre Dame & St. Chappelle area.
oops no St. Just Place Dauphine.
I love Place Dauphine!
I’m spending 5-6 days in switzerland in a couple of weeks. Flying into Zurich and will be there with my husband. any recs on what to do?
Myrna spent weeks in Lucerne in March trying to close some big Merger deal, which evidently is still secret, tho she did tell me it was in the “pharma space.” I suppose that means that either the buyer or seller is based in Switzerland, but I am not sure, and she would not say. Dad wanted me to get more information from her, but she knows to keep quiet about it. If you do go, she said that Lucerne was beautiful. She did not get to see to much of it b/c of all of the negotiations, but she did like the food there also at her hotel.
Walk around Lake Zurich. Hike up Uetliberg for the views. Eat dinner at Hiltl (it’s a vegetarian buffet which is one of my favorite meals of all time). Get our if the city and hike up a mountain and stay overnight in one of the mountain huts. Take the train to Geneva for a day or so.
Highly recommend Lucerne. The drive or train ride is less than an hour from Zurich. Lugano is also beautiful, but it is a bit further (probably 3.5-4h drive or a 2 hour train ride)/
Take the Old Town walking tour. There are public swimming areas on the lake. A second for Lucerne. I enjoyed hiking at the summit of Mt. Pilatus (and the insane tram ride back down).
I didn’t stay in Zurich so no specific recommendations there. We took the train to the Alps and stayed in Wengen. It was gorgeous. For something closer to Zurich, Lucerne has a pretty old town with some nearby hikes.
Has anyone washed the Jcrew Going Out Blazer? Tag says dry clean (not dry clean *only*). I would wash it in the gentle cycle with cold water and lay flat to dry. Terrible idea?
I think the fabric would likely do OK, but I’m always wary of washing anything with so much internal structure.
Madewell used to have a blazer in the exact same fabric in a different cut. I hand washed it, and the lining shrunk and made it unwearable.
I take risks in this area but blazers are a bad idea to hand wash unless they’re designed that way. I think the one you’re referencing would lose its shape.
+1 blazers are the one thing I am willing to dry-clean.
I don’t have that specific blazer, but Dryel is a useful bridge between full blown professional dry cleaning and washing.
What fabric is the lining? Woven viscose will shrink, and make the jacket unwearable. The home page doesn’t say which material is what part, but would be very hestitant to machine wash structured cheap viscose.
I’ll happily chuck a 100 % polyester cheap blazer in the wash, though.
Steaming and airing out is better. Or do one more dry clean and put some dress shields in the pits.
I have done this with Going Out Blazers and it was fine but I also felt like it took a bit of a toll on the blazers and eventually they would need to be dry cleaned to look “good” again. I ended up donating all my Going Out Blazers — realized they are not my thing — so never did get them back to a dry cleaner to see the result, so I can’t report on that.
The Going Out blazer is made in different fabrics, including linen and boucle. I will guess that the likelihood of the blazer washing well depends on the specifics, and is iffy at best because of the lining.
I have handwashed mine and they come out fine, but do take a long time to dry and require steaming and usually end up with a few areas that need hit with an iron. Make sure to treat them gently in the wash water or just let them soak (don’t get aggressive with the agitation), and don’t wring them out. You can fold them and smoosh the extra water out, or roll them in a towel to squeeze extra water out, but be sure to reshape as best you can and let them air dry.
If the jacket has interfacing between the fabric and the lining, which is likely since it’s structured, you run a great risk that the interfacing will separate in spots from the fabric it was fused to and create a dimply mess. I wash everything, pretty much, but I wouldn’t wash a structured blazer.
I agree, though I also wish they would upgrade this technology already.
I just looked up that blazer. Looks nice. Do you have the black or blue? What color of pants could you wear the navy blue blazer?
How many wedding venues did you seriously consider (i.e., visit) before deciding on one?
Zero. In a no-stoplight town, the cook at the “country” club has left, so I was lucky to find a family friend who did group cooking. They had a barn (not a barn wedding barn, but a barn). Game on.
We had the wedding in a church, but I’m not sure they had kitchen facilities (the Baptist church does have kitchen facilities, but you can’t drink if you have your reception there and that was a lot of potential flask logistics that would have gone wrong).
Five. We did three one weekend and two the next. The three the first weekend weren’t the right fits, but we liked both of the ones we saw the second weekend. We ended up going with the one that was going to be cheaper and logistically easier.
One, but I live somewhere with really great options and had already been to a few dozen weddings in the years leading up to my own engagement, so I felt like I had already done a tour of the possibilities.
One. The other places we liked were booked that weekend.
3. The third one was so perfect we didn’t have to keep looking.
One. My husband and I got the idea we really wanted to get married at a resort on Lake Superior. I read advice once that if you have a special location in mind for your wedding, let that dictate the rest of your wedding choices. It worked out for us. The location and size of the resort gave us a good excuse to have an intimate wedding with just immediate family and a few close friends.
Zero, eloped at City Hall but did do a celebration dinner six months later. For that we chose a restaurant we loved, with the right amount of space, that was in budget. I think you can narrow venues down a lot on paper. Then go seen the one or two that seem the best based on your criteria. Just make sure you’re comparing apples to apples – some will include all your rental equipment, others you’ll need to source, so understand what’s included in their costs.
Two. We had a third visit scheduled, but I loved the second one so much I cancelled the third visit. I did extensive research before my visits so I knew what I wanted and what would work with my budget. If a place wouldn’t give me prices before visiting, I ruled them out.
Close to 10.. I intentionally had a long engagement though and wasn’t in a huge rush.
I researched a out twenty – prices, restrictions (e.g., no alcohol, so those were out; wine only because it is a vineyard and you have to buy a minimum of 48 bottles; minimum spends on some were quite high), menus, etc.
We had a clear winner, visited, and signed the papers.
Gorgeous venue, national historic landmark, you’ve seen it in movies, lots of options for upgrades, and the minimum spend was a $1,500 room rental and $2,000 on food. We cleared that quite easily, but I preferred that to the much-higher minimum spends another venues had. Every cent we spent on food and alcohol was because it was great for our guests, not so we could hit a minimum.
One. As soon as we decided not to elope, I was certain I wanted the reception at the lovely and reasonably priced faculty club at the college where I worked. We were lucky it was available on relatively short notice.
We had a long engagement. When we first got engaged we researched a ton of venues and visited 4-5. After learning about all the hidden costs and requirements, we got discouraged and put wedding planning on the back burner. When we got serious about planning a wedding a few years down the road, we only looked at 2 venues. The venue we chose checked all of our important boxes so we decided to not look any further and call it good enough.
uh… one. We walked into Graceland Chapel in Vegas and pre-paid on the spot. ($300 plus $40 for having real flowers instead of fake)
We visited four, seriously considered two, but the last one we visited was the clear winner. We also had a relatively short engagement (7 months), so we couldn’t be super picky.
Visited 5 but probably researched 20-25. Had a long engagement and also just had no clue what I wanted. There were 2 front runners of the 5 and they remained the top 2 and then it was deciding between those.
Zero. Pastor friend offered to perform our ceremony (for free), offered his church (for free) and let us host our reception in the church’s full-kitchen social hall (for free). Mainly b/c of the location it was a dry reception, but I also have a conflicting medical condition that means I cannot drink and a large teetotaler contingent in my extended family so it worked okay. As broke college students, the price was right and we were not about to be picky.
I’d be in favor of going back to this super casual model. These days, weddings are SO MUCH.
One. We knew what city we wanted to get married in. We selected the church of our denomination. They owned a party venue next door. Done and done. Ot made everything else really easy!
I think we visited about 10? Some of those were a “oh we’re going to be in this city, might as well look at this one too.” We knew the venue we wanted before we started, but it had some downsides (price, mainly) we weren’t sure we wanted to deal with and tried to find another option we liked as much. Ultimately we went back to the first place.
Looking for some investment pointers from the group! I’m 35, single, no kids. I went to two investment advisors this week to see which one is a better fit. I make over 150k but less than 200k. One told me that I should max out my Roth and get a whole life policy. The other one told me I don’t qualify for Roth because I make too much and that life insurance doesn’t make sense because I don’t have dependents.
I’m confused, especially about the Roth part, because I thought those rules were set? By the SEC or IRS? I googled it but can’t figure it out either! I’m guessing the life insurance thing is just difference of opinion but the Roth thing seems like a black and white thing? Help!
You can backdoor into a Roth
IRS sets Roth rules per the tax code, which they administer. Back-door Roths may be an option for you.
ALSO, you may have adequate insurance through work if you have no dependents (enough cash for settling up final expenses and burying you).
But seriously, I have made this much forever and have never used paid help b/c, as you’re finding out, if you don’t know what you’re doing, you can’t really vet them at all (A was a nice person? went to my college?) in a meaningful way and if you do know what you’re doing, they seem to be not worth their cost. I’d invest some time reading up on basic personal finance and decide what you want (maybe your priority is to provide for parents or not leave them with having to deal with a house mortgaged to the hilt so you feel like you need a cash cushion from insurance for that). And start writing down all your assets, what you owe, what your benefits through work are, who the beneficiaries are, what you have in savings and 401k and who those beneficiaries are, etc. Do a lot of homework (b/c you’ll need to anyway) and just start reading things from people not trying to sell you anything (e.g., Smart Money magazine and books, Bogleheads, etc.). Get books from the library.
TL;DR: you can do a lot worse than putting some $ away monthly in a low-cost index fund (e.g., Vanguard) while you are figuring out anything fancier.
Roth eligibility is based on AGI, not gross income, so it depends on how much you put into your 401k and other pretax stuff (FSA/HSA, health insurance, etc.). It sounds like you’re in the income range where it could go either way, hence the confusion. Life insurance doesn’t make any sense unless there’s someone who needs money when you die (usually spouse/kids, but possibly another family member), so I’d be a bit suspicious of that advisor.
Work has something like 100K of insurance for me, which would be enough liquidity in my estate for my parents to pay for someone to cut the grass and make payments on my house while they wait for it to sell (now easy but I tried to sell a house in 2008-2009, so there’s that) and pay any final bills and a lawyer to probate the estate and travel back and forth and stay in a hotel. Maybe I have massive final medical bills? At any rate, it seemed to be enough and I wouldn’t get more as a younger single person UNLESS I have a family history suggesting I may be uninsurable later on (diabetes, etc.), in which case I’d get something like a 30-year renewable term policy b/c if you are ~30 and female and healthy, it will be cheap now vs possibly not available at any price later. [And if I rented, I probably wouldn’t care, but a house is a PITA and I can see it needing some maintenance that I don’t want my parents to worry about or offload it at a fire sale price b/c they are nervous and stressed by $.]
Seconding the insurance comment. You might need disability insurance, should, god forbid, anything happen to you that affects your ability to earn income and take care of yourself. You don’t need life insurance unless you have a loved one you want to leave a whole lotta money to if you die.
Personally, I’ve just done retirement accounts through work and concentrated on wealth building outside those vehicles. I’m married but no kids and life insurance just hasn’t seemed worth it to us (YMMV). I personally prefer a portfolio of index funds (you may want to wait a minute before buying now), and buying a house and building equity there. My recommendation is location dependent, but if you can swing a duplex or place with a rental property, that’s also a great revenue stream. All your money will be accessible in retirement, too, so you don’t need to just pick retirement vehicles. An accountant can tell you the ins and outs of what’s the most tax advantaged method for Roths, etc.
It sounds like neither investment advisor is a good fit. If you did not get the impression you could ask questions and get clear answers from, that doesn’t sound like a good advisor.
Also, I don’t understand the whole life policy recommendation. Unless you explicitly called out that you were trying to leave a legacy behind to an organization or a person? If they just randomly brought that up, that sounds like they weeded themselves out of the running pretty quick.
For regular people, there’s basically just two categories of investment, the stock market (loose term to include all equities you can purchase) or real estate. How you get into both varies in terms of risk. For the market, I don’t have the energy to follow individual stocks, so I go with the basic Vanguard funds that are well performing over time. There’s a zillion options with different profiles, so you can see what meets your needs, but a mix of aggressive to conservative funds is usually the way to go. For real estate, most people build wealth through their homes. The value there is location and timing dependent. You can also get a little creative here – continue to rent close to to work in big unaffordable city but buy a weekend place upstate in an area that’s appreciating, rent it as an Airbnb too (haters gonna hate), rent your home but buy a rental building somewhere else more affordable, etc. Investing in real estate is always more hands on and time consuming, but it can be a little more insulated from market fluctuations if you hold for a long time. (There’s also flipping, a whole different kettle of fish).
It’s actually not that complicated, it just seems that way with all the equity varieties out there. Financial advisors, IMHO, make zero sense unless you are ridiculously wealthy and in need of a family office to grow your millions into billions.
The family office thing is fascinating. I have yet to see wealth actually last. In my neck of the woods, it takes you 3 generations to go from the trailer back to the trailer. [And there is no shame in a trailer — we don’t have so many apartment complexes here, so that is entry level housing and I’ve been in some double-wides that are nice.]
I know a few families like this, but you would never know it by looking at their lifestyles. They live like upper middle class people and still work, but they have more flexibility.
I guess that’s the thing — if you want to keep the $, you can’t go about like you are in a music video.
What is this 3 generation thing? Please explain!
Yep, I’ve seen it over and over. You generally produce that second or third generation that doesn’t have the work ethic the first gen who actually made the fortune had and then they blow it. *ahem* my sister’s ex husband *ahem*
In your situation you definitely do not need whole life insurance, since what your company offers is enough, and if you needed more you could probably buy it through your company if they offer. I am not surprised the one advisor told you that because they make a ton of money on these policies, which is one of the many reasons I would never buy that.
And if I bought extra insurance, I’d buy term vs whole life. And I’d shop around for it.
I would treat any advice to purchase whole life insurance as a giant, waving red flag. These policies are quite lucrative for the advisors who sell them, but don’t offer much to the investor, particularly one who fits the OP’s description.
Index funds are the way to go for someone in your situation.
What sort of advisers were they? Are they fee-only? Were they free because they’re at your bank? I’m sort of suspicious.
You may be sort of in the middle in terms of AGI of being able to do a straightforward Roth contribution. But you’re eligible either way to do a backdoor Roth contribution, and I would do that. It’s easy to do sans adviser at whatever online brokerage (Schwab or Vanguard are popular, I like them both).
As a high-level overview, these would be my priorities:
0. Establish an emergency fund to your satisfaction (maybe 3 months to start? some folks want way more, probably depends on health, whether you’d have help if something happens, job stability, etc)
1. Contribute to your 401k up to any company match
2. Pay off any debts with interest rates ~5% or more above the current 10-year Treasury note yield.
3. Max Health Savings Account (HSA) if eligible.
4. Max Traditional IRA or Roth (or backdoor Roth) based on income level
5. Max 401k (if
– 401k fees are lower than available in an IRA, or
– you need the 401k deduction to be eligible for (and desire) a tIRA deduction, or
– you earn too much for an IRA deduction and prefer traditional to Roth, then
swap #4 and #5)
6. Fund a mega backdoor Roth if applicable (not applicable to you)
7. Pay off any debts with interest rates ~3% or more above the current 10-year Treasury note yield (as rates rise this step basically disappears/gets collapsed in to the debt step above).
8. Invest in a taxable account and/or fund a 529 with any extra.
I think whole life insurance generally makes sense for people selling it and not people buying it. If you’re thinking of kids, maybe get a 20 or 30 year term policy that will be cheap now, I’d get it in a modest amount.
not this OP, but this is a great list for basic personal finance that i’m going to save and pull out when my friends ask me things
Just want to say that Cornellian said everything I would have said and more. Excellent advice!
I am just under $200k, single and childless, and, other than the backdoor Roth which I am working on, this is my plan. I have life insurance through work and that’s plenty.
And as someone mentioned below, I stacked up everything for disability and accident insurance stuff through work bc if I die it’s fine but if I can’t work, not fine.
OMFG — disability insurance should be mandatory (and full coverage — what you have through work is often not enough — you want the good diapers and for someone to change them often should you ever be in that situation). Think about it — your needs would likely go up, not down, if you were even partially disabled (or had something for > 90 days, like rehabbing after a car crash).
anon a mouse
Whole life insurance is not really investing, and if you have no dependents that’s just padding the advisor’s pockets.
Read up on how to do a back-door Roth and set up a lazy three-fund portfolio (google it) in Vanguard or something low-cost.
Whole life pays a trail to the “advisor.” It isn’t liquid. And there might be a penalty if you try to extract your money. Make sure you understand how the person who is selling to you gets compensated.
What I don’t see mentioned (and actually rarely see it mentioned at all here) is long-term disability insurance. That’s a much higher priority than any kind of life insurance if you’re single/no dependents. If I die, it’s pretty low impact. If I become unable to work, and am the only source of income in my household of one, that’s way more problematic.
Totally agree on disability insurance over life insurance, but also just want to point out neither is “investing”
Yes. While we will all die, it is really statistically likely that many people claim on a long-term disability policy (even a gap one, paying what your employment coverage doesn’t cover).
Every place I’ve worked gives ST disability coverage at 100% but only 70% for long-term disability (basically, continuing past 90 days, need not be permanent but could be).
They do 70% mainly because there’s a coordination with social security benefits, which you’d be qualified for if you’re qualified enough for total long term disability.
I also disagree that it’s “statistically likely” – the claim frequency rate on LTD is low.
– an Actuary
Check if your 401k at work has a Roth option. If so, you can put a lot more into a Roth 401k than in a Roth IRA. You may want to read about splitting contributions between Roth and traditional for tax hedging purposes. (It is interesting to see so many people here recommending Roth to a relatively high earner. A few years ago this board would have shouted down that suggestion. I am for it.)
Also, what Anonymous at 9:48 said about disability insurance.
Was he suggesting whole life for insurance properties or as a vehicle to park cash with a better tax situation (infinite banking concept)?
That’s generally really only a benefit to highest-bracket people who have maxxed out every other tax-advantaged way to invest.
Hopefully a fun Friday question – is there a time where you totally changed up your life perhaps in ways others thought were too risky or a bad idea – and it worked out for you? I’m talking industry changes, going back to school, quitting your job altogether, time off to travel, moving cross country or moving countries etc. Especially interested if you did these things once your were older. It’s interesting but not particularly risky when a 24 year old quits their first professional job to travel, it’s much riskier when you do it at 34 or 44 as you may have more responsibilities then.
Yep, married my husband 6 months after we met, 10 years later still going strong. People thought I lost my mind. Best decision I ever made. I firmly believe you have to let your own instincts guide your life. Take in smart data points, make a plan, but make big moves if they’re right for you.
PS – moved across the country and back in my 20s, made a bunch of job moves in my 30s that seemed dubious and were great for my career, and did the quick marriage thing in my 40s. My husband is also a big change/fast decision maker so we’ve continued to do big shakeups in our time together (vacation home, dogs, etc.) Have fun with your life! You only get one.
I left my SF non-profit job at 27 and went to grad school in the UK, with no guarantee of further funding for a PhD/ no real idea of what I’d do if I didn’t get funding. I did in the end, met my husband in my first year, finished the PhD, had a baby, got a job and now I’m stuck in this damp and dreary island.
Not me. But a friend and her husband moved from a landlocked city in Texas to a city on the beach when they were early 30s. He is a lawyer who changed firms and then made partner a couple of years after moving. She also changed jobs, but was easier to do for her career. They go to the beach multiple times per week and are in their pool all year long. I think they’re geniuses.
I quit my MidLaw partnership in my early 40s and took a big pay cut to take a government job. It eventually led to a whole new career path that has been rewarding in every way including financially. Also ran away from my home and marriage in my mid-50s, although I will say pretty much everybody who knew me thought that was a great idea and wondered why it took so long. ;)
Go for it
Move states as a single parent with two kids under eight and knew exactly one person. it was the best decision I ever made. 10+ years later I still have regular Gratitude that I just pulled up stakes against all odds and did it anyway
Not exactly my decision, but one that impacts all aspects of daily life: husband decided to re-join the army after a few years in private practice. He was early 30s at the time, I was late 20s. It’s been 12 years now, and while life is completely different from the one I envisioned when we were married, overall it’s been wonderful for us.
I went JAG at 32 and it has been life changing and fantastic! I love being a military lawyer!
I think I’m in the middle of it. I got laid off at the beginning of the pandemic so I started working as an independent consultant. Now that my industry has come roaring back, there have been several high profile job opportunities that people have reached out to me about, and I’ve said no. I enjoy being independent. I think people in my professional peer circle must think I’m nuts, but I seem to have fallen into something that suits me better, and after the pandemic, I care a lot more about work-life balance and less about the prestige of a big title.
Finally decided to make an exception to my policy of not dating co-workers b/c after being a rule-follower, I turned 30 and said “F it” to a lot of things. Married 15 years this summer (no longer co-workers).
At 36 and divorced, I bought a house in my hometown and moved back without having a job. I even posted about the idea on this site before doing it! I had a lean and awkward year or so, but I never regretted it and still think it’s the best decision I ever made. Now 40, I literally can’t think of anything I want for myself that I don’t have.
In my early thirties I did a career change that required a year of full time schooling. I’m not sure I would have made the change if I had known that we were a few years out from a pandemic! At one point in my old career I said that if I was going to hate my job, I might as well be well paid. Well, here I am! Now I’m trying to figure out how I can like my job and still be well paid.
I’m about to find out. I’m quitting my mediocre but adequate job and going back to grad school full time in the fall.
Good luck to you. We are looking at some big changes in near future too. I’m terrified but I think we will regret not taking the chance.
In my early 30s, I quit my biglaw job without having another job lined up. I was unemployed for eight months which was mentally very (!) hard but I ended up getting the job I dreamed about when I first considering going to law school. Truly made me feel like I had realized my dream.
On the flip side, last year I took a leap and got a puppy after thinking about it for years. It didn’t work out for a variety of reasons and I had to rehome her after only a short time. Thankfully I used a very reputable breeder so the dog is happy with a new family but it was one of the most painful experience of my life. (Please don’t come at me for this, I will always feel bad about this so I don’t need people to pile on.)
I think people need to talk about both situations – when it works out and when it doesn’t because it doesn’t always work out.
Dr. The Original ...
I know you said not to pile on but I’m hoping to pile on with what I hope many have already told you… you did the right thing. You prioritized the needs of the pup over the pain you felt and the dog now has a happy life with a family whom I am sure is incredibly grateful to you. I got my pup (now 10) when he was 8 months old, from a family who needed to rehome him. I am grateful every single day that they did that for him and for me, as we are the perfect match. Please don’t “always feel bad” about this as if you’ve done something wrong; you did exactly what a loving person would and should. Thank you for rehoming <3
At 32 ,I got engaged in 4 months and married in 8 months to someone 15 years older than me and twice divorced with a teenage boy. Fast forward and we’re happily married, celebrating our 16 year anniversary this fall. To everyone who tried to tell me being a stepmother was going to be a huge mistake: That kid turned out to be one of my favorite people on this planet and welcomed me from the start. I don’t know how I ever got so lucky to have the life I have.
-Left my country with my husband and 3-year old in my early 30s without anything lined up here (Canada). Nearest family and friends were a continent away.
– Instead of trying to make it in my field, went back to university for a tech degree (my husband did something similar so we lived on two bursaries for years).
It was so, so tough but worked out really well. Our marriage is stronger and better for it, we made friends, we love our new homeland and feel we fit in better here than in Old Country, our kid is practically a local. She also, as it turned out, is bi, which would have made her life harder in Old Country, and she feels she is much better off in Canada. Husband and I both have rewarding careers. It was all worth the risk and hardships.
Quit my first post-law school job at age 30 with nothing else lined up. I was run down and exhausted, and it was a toxic environment. I was looking, but hadn’t found anything. I finally decided that even if I didn’t have a new job offer by x date, I’d have enough saved up that I’d be comfortable quitting. X date arrived, and I didn’t have another job lined up, so I quit. I spent about 5 months interviewing, doing temp work, living off of savings and credit cards, cutting expenses, and doing seasonal work at minimum wage before I finally found another attorney job. I’m still at that job and it’s been more than a dozen years. I’ll be leaving shortly for a new job that I’m very excited about, but when I got the offer for my new job, I actually cried as my first reaction because I was so sad to be leaving a long-time job that I really loved.
Anyone do FINRA arbitration work? I’m looking at a firm and that is the majority of the work they do, but I’m not all that familiar with it.
I do, in-house. What are you wanting to know?
Tailoring help. I bought these jeans, and I love the feel: https://www.universalstandard.com/products/bae-boyfriend-crop-jeans-vintage-indigo-selvedge.
But they are too long (ankle pants ish?) and don’t quite carry the look. How do I figure out how high up to hem them?
Bonus: what type of shirt would you wear with this? I don’t love how it’s styled on the model. I’m thinking linen popover or bateau neck stripey something?
Those are great! Maybe the way they are hemmed on the model — slightly below mid-calf?
And I would always wear a bateau neck stripey something with anything. Or I bought this cropped striped tee earlier in the summer and have been enjoying it as a nice change: https://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=8039200324003#pdp-page-content
Thank you! Somehow I was struggling to frame to myself where they hit the model.
Have such a lovely trip :)
Oh, and I had been thinking polo, too, but the crop makes it much more fun. Thank you!
Update to my sisters divorce that wasn’t:
Apparently in her state, one party can file for divorce, and if the other party is served notice and 90 days has passed, the divorce proceedings can continue. My sister didn’t want to deal with it and was fine with the divorce, so didn’t go to court (nor did she need to; her then husband served her papers).
Apparently her then husband went to court, a divorce decree was granted, and he or his lawyer filed the paperwork. Or didn’t. Because there is no record of it in either county he could have filed it in.
Three days later he hasn’t called or written her back to confirm (or not) what happened. He and his (small) family is hilariously off the grid so she’s managed to track a cousin down who thinks she has contact info for his sister who might be able to get in touch.
It’s seriously a good thing my sister didn’t actively need the paperwork for anything important. She just findally got around to changing her name and couldn’t ;).
OMG, what a nightmare scenario.
OMG. My stepdad went to a wedding that wasn’t actually binding because the groom could not get a copy of his divorce decree which was needed for the license. Apparently most guests did not know.
I know we talk a lot about birth order here…but I don’t even have to tell you that I’m the oldest and she’s the youngest.
I was like “what do you mean you didn’t go to your own divorce??? What if the judge wanted you to pay alimony? What if [husband] tried to screw you over at the last minute? What do you mean you didn’t have a lawyer?!”
“I just didn’t care, didn’t want to deal with it. We agreed just just walk away. It was fine.”
As an older sister of a younger brother who would absolutely, totally, 100% act like this – I feel your pain.
Why doesn’t she contact the lawyer who filed the divorce? That seems like the only effective way to get to the bottom of this and that person is likely the best person to fix it if there is a problem.
She doesn’t know who it was. I suppose maybe it’s on the paperwork she was served? Idk. She didn’t use a laser and “was told it was all handled.”
Again, not my style.
Yeah this is really funny. I could get you my divorce paperwork in 10 seconds. I’m an oldest, but more importantly I believe in making a clean break!
Dr. The Original ...
I know what you meant but the idea of her not using a LASER in a divorce sounds… like something! I’m picturing either a very star wars themed event or some very sci fi futuristic situation where it’s an intergalactic breakup!
Like Dr Evil getting divorced. :)
Man, I would have loved to have used a laser in my divorce…
Oh boy. Please keep us posted. I’ll get more popcorn.
Tennis ladies, what does this mean? My daughter (10) is doing tennis team this summer and I want to make sure her shoes are ok.
“Only smooth-soled tennis shoes may be worn. NO running shoes (please keep this in mind if your children will be playing on the team).”
Tennis shoes =/= running shoes or sneakers. She is required to wear actual shoes made for tennis, which have a different (smoother) sole than the treads on regular athletic or running shoes.
If you’re southern like me, you may use the term “tennis shoes” to refer to all athletic shoes. I had many conversations that went like, “TENNIS tennis shoes, not running tennis shoes” ;)
+1. There are actual tennis shoes that exist! As InHouse Anon noted, the soles are different.
(I also refer to all athletic shoes as tennis shoes…we say “real tennis shoes” when referring to the actual shoes that are required for many tennis courts.)
It means they want non-marking shoes for the court. If you buy shoes that are specifically for tennis, they will do fine. They don’t want running or cross-training shoes because those do mark up a court.
You could get her shoes that are specifically made for tennis. Real tennis shoes have shallower traction on the soles, more ankle support, and are cut in a way that make you less likely to roll your ankle when you’re playing (or so I’ve been told). Some facilities with clay courts are extra picky about not allowing running shoes on the court. I played tennis growing up and did notice a difference when I switched from regular sneakers to tennis shoes, even though tennis shoes are sometimes very ugly.
Look for court shoes, which have relatively flat soles and side-to-side support; running shoes typically have deeper treads and a wider base.
Right. Tennis shoes became a catch-all phrase for sneakers, but there are actual tennis shoes, just like there are boat shoes and baseball cleats. You need to get her some of those. It’s been a long time since I bought any, but it used to be Tretorn brand.
So I googled this before I posted. She plays indoor tennis and has non marking sneakers for the courts. They are technically “running shoes” but work well for tennis.
For a 10 year old there are very few “tennis specific” athletic shoes.
If you want to buy actual tennis shoes (vs. running shoes), check out Tennis Warehouse or Racquet Guys. They have a large selection of Juniors Tennis shoes.
Someone posted about Wegovy yesterday and I spent the past 24 hours thinking about it nonstop. I decided to signup for Calibrate this morning. I don’t really have a basic family doctor so this seemed like the fastest way to get started and I am very excited and nervous. I won’t actually start for about 3 weeks because I have to get labs done and get a first appointment scheduled. I don’t even know if I’ll end up on Wegovy or some other drug in the family.
that was me and i wish you luck.
make sure to get sublingual zofran in case you need it
thanks for the advice. I will ask for this.
I was prescribed Wegovy a couple weeks ago. My pharmacy called a few times to make sure I wanted it, and I confirmed a few times. I had some verbal confirmations and a few texts saying “not in stock; we’re ordering, be in any day now” etc. They had informed me of the cost ($1400 and change) but after about the fifth conversation I had had enough and just asked if they would cancel it.
Yes, it’s horrendously expensive. I kept thinking, well, cheaper than lipo and no downtime! I had joined the Reddit group (which I advise for anyone lucky enough to get it). There were tales detailing how and where to get it in Mexico, so if you live in California, you’re in luck. Or close to Canada, I guess.
Oh well. Good luck to any of you!
Be careful with Zofran! Can cause epic rebound headaches and constipation, both of which are fairly common side effect of Wegovy already.