This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
I often find myself in search of the women’s equivalent of the “polo and khakis” that my male coworkers wear on casual Fridays. While I often default to a cardigan, a work-appropriate T-shirt, and my workhorse Eileen Fisher pants, sometimes a girl likes to expand her horizons.
This polo sweater from Everlane would be a perfect option for a slightly updated version of my casual Friday look, styled with some high-waisted pants and lug-sole loafers. The black version is a classic, but the gray and “tapenade” versions are beautiful, too.
The sweater is $185 at Everlane and comes in sizes XXS–XL.
Lands' End has a plus-size option that's available in sizes 1X–3X and is on sale for $116.97.
Sales of note for 9.16.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 30% off wear-now styles
- J.Crew Factory – (ends 9/16 PM): 40% off everything + extra 70% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Extra 25% off all tops + markdowns
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Paging winter blues
To the poster from yesterday, I have a few winter tips from a Chicagoan. Get a sunrise alarm clock. It’s much more pleasant gently waking up to a softly lit room. Invest in warm winter accessories that you’re excited to wear. Maybe I own an excessive number of scarves and beanies but come January it makes getting out the door more fun. Splurge on a good coat and snow boots but Nordstrom Rack has plenty of cheap-ish accessories. Force yourself to go for a walk every day before work or over lunch. If you’re power walking you’ll warm up quickly but a thermos of hot coffee or tea helps. Pick a favorite podcast that you only listen to on walks so it’s something to look forward to. And go into the office as much as possible. Even though it’s more convenient to WFH I realized I need the daily social interaction and change of scenery to stay sane during winter. The first few commutes are stressful then it’s like riding a bike. Good luck!
Anon
Fellow Chicagoan here and I second all these excellent tips! Getting outside daily is key, no matter what the weather. It’s a good excuse to get fun winter gear you really like!
Also, if you can, plan a warm weather getaway for February or early March. This really helps break the winter up. It gives you something to look forward to for the first part of winter and something to reflect on for the second part.
Vicky Austin
This is great advice, some of which I wish I’d heard when I lived up north!
Anon
This is so true: you need to keep moving! All the time moving! Moving until summer and have a good hat that covers your ears.
PolyD
I bought one of those winter headband things to keep my ears covered and it was life-changing. I find cold wind in my ears to be very painful. Plus the headband helps hold in the earbuds, which never stay in my ears!
I’m not in the frozen north, but it gets cold and dark where I am, too, and I’m going to try to implement these tips. Especially a walk after lunch, especially if it’s sunny – my schedule usually allows me to get out in the afternoon for an hour or so.
Anon
Two words – earmuff headphones. They’re the bomb.
anon
All great advice!
Curious
also, the $30 sunrise alarm clock knockoffs are meh. the $100 one is worth it.
Vicky Austin
hot tip, thank you! :)
Jo April
Do you have a recommendation for a specific manufacturer?
Anonymous
Phillips!
Ribena
Phillips is the leading brand here in the U.K.
Curious
Philips.
Pompom
I have a Lumie and it’s been going strong (reliable! sturdy! effective!) since 2015 at least.
pugsnbourbon
Try insulated pants or snow bibs – they made a huge difference when I was escorting at the clinic in Jan/Feb. You can also get sheepskin insoles and pop them into your winter boots for extra warmth.
Anon
You might be posting for Me as the OP yesterday. Appreciate everyone’s thoughts! I also happen to be a Chicagoan! The -10 and below but bright sun days hit very different from the 25 but grey and wet days.
I’m crocheter so I’ve got bright winter scarves on lock. Winter coats are 10 years old at this point – so maybe a January pick me up purchase after I get my year end bonus. I was looking at sunrise clocks but haven’t made the purchase yet.
Maybe a get-outside-because-its-good-for-you kit to keep at the door is needed (thermos + tea + podcast/playlist + lip balm/moisturizer/sunscreen stick?). Current thermos have somehow lost their lids over time and are just mugs at this point. Definitely hearing get outside every day from everyone whose responded. It got so difficult last year because I knew I should, even just to take a spin around the block, but the hurdle felt so high and I got good at convincing myself the payoff was small.
Some one who responded yesterday plans a south beach weekend getaway. Will look into a similar idea after I figure out my thanksgiving travel plans, but if anyone has a warm weather/beachy hotel recommendation. I do trawl expedia for deals occasionally..
OP
Keeping your gear by the door is a great idea. Pre covid I walked 30 minutes to work every day and didn’t feel as depressed. The last two winters when I worked from home I had major issues – getting out of the house every day is key. A scarf, earmuffs, and gloves make a big difference even if your coat is old. Zojirushi thermoses are totally spill proof for your walks or commute. The lack of sunshine is rough though, I can’t argue with that
JLW
Another Chicagoan, co-signing all the advice above and below….get outside on walks everyday even when its annoying to get bundled up each time, go somewhere warmer/sunnier in February/March if possible, if you commute on public transportation, wear a good coat to your knees and consider tall boots…and get a coat you love because you are going to be wearing it for 3 months minimum…I also swear by my Verilux happy lamp (which has already been put to use this year as winter dread is setting in) AND most importantly, if you are in Chicagoland area, go to the Garfield Park Conservatory frequently…all the warm air and plants/flowers/greenery makes me feel so much better…the Lincoln Park Conservatory as well, any other indoor conservatory.
Cb
Agreed. The outside time and sunshine over Christmas is crucial to my wellbeing
Anon
Any ideas how to support a friend and her wife who are beginning the IVF process? One is starting shots soon with plans for the other to carry the pregnancy. Would love ideas on what to send and how to cheer them on. TIA.
Anon
This would have felt strange to me when we were dealing with that. Conception – medically assisted or otherwise – is ultimately a crapshoot, and a very personal one at that. It’s sweet of you to think of it, but there’s no need for “cheers” or flowers or baked goods.
Anonymous
This seems intrusive to me. You don’t “support” some who is TTC—it is a private matter.
Anon
Idk… if she’s close enough to know they are doing IVF and who plans to carry the baby, I don’t think it’s inappropriate.
Fertility issues can be incredibly lonely. I would have appreciated flowers or special treats from a close friend during our struggle.
Anon
As someone undergoing IVF to become a single mother, i think it is very different than the stress of a heterosexual couple doing it because they have experienced infertility. It’s not my ideal way to start a family, but it’s not any different than any other medical procedure for me.
I’ve told many of my close friends, including telling my three best friends the schedule for my cycle – in part, because I will need one of them to pick me up afterwards. But I would think it was weird if anyone did someone “to support me.” If you wouldn’t do that for a heterosexual couple TTC via sex, don’t do it for your homosexual friends.
Anon
If they told her they were doing IVF, presumably they want support. If they wanted to keep it private (which is fine too), they wouldn’t have told people about it.
Anon
I’m glad you’re not my friend.
Anon
If it were private, how would OP know?
Anonymous
Just listen.
PolyD
Yes, listen. I had a friend who went through a lot to get her son, and she liked talking to me because, even though I didn’t want kids myself, I knew she did, I understood the science around IVF, and I didn’t judge. I let her tell me whatever details she wanted and just listened. I affirmed that what she was going through sucked when she needed to hear that, and was positive and hopeful when she needed to hear that.
Anon
You just chat if she brings it up. I’ve sent flowers for success or failure.
Anon
Everyone is different. If it were me, I would appreciate getting a pick me up – not explicitly tied to IVF, more along the lines of thinking of you. But, I am a gift giver and will sometimes pick up something for a friend that I am meeting for lunch if I see something they might like – just a little thought etc.
Anon
Send prayers, good vibes, positive energy, or whatever fits your life. Allow them to lean on you. Do not add your disappointment to theirs; they don’t need to manage your emotions, too.
Anon
I had a friend go through IVF recently. I asked her regularly if she wanted to update me on how it went and I would also ask how she is feeling. The medication can do a lot to one’s body. I also sent her warm fuzzy socks from the Cozy Warrior. She liked it and appreciated that I thought of her. It helped that I had told her about my fertility woes (did not do IVF but still struggled with conceiving) and so she knew I could relate in some ways about not having an easy time getting pregnant. Of course, you know your friend(s) best and whether they’d like these things.
Anon
You’re not ridiculous for wanting to help and support your friends. It’s a very nice idea. I would just be available to listen and be sympathetic. Take their lead in how “involved” you should be.
Anon
Your well wishes would be enough and great, along with an invitation to talk if they ever want but that you don’t want to be intrusive. Maybe a pair of super comfy cozy sweats or socks if you’re a “gifting” set of friends, but this would come across as kind of “too much” in my circle. I’d let them take the lead on how much communicating they want – people handle the hormones and stress of the process different ways, and I know the last thing I wanted during failed IUIs was having to manage how to let my friends down that it didn’t happen.
Anon
I’ve been through a similar situation with my best friends and you’re not wrong for wanting to support them! I think it depends a ton on your relationship with them and their openness about the process, but since you know the details it sounds like you already have that type of relationship. I think just checking in on how they’re feeling about the process is the best thing you can do – presumably you are part of their closest circle which means you are part of a small group that a) will know what’s happening and b) they’ll feel comfortable talking to about it. Food delivery gift certificates are always a good present, but I think being a supportive friend they can talk to is most important. Good luck to your friend!
Anon
Don’t ask how it’s going. If it’s going well, they’ll tell you. If it’s going poorly, they will not want to talk about it. Also, if they get a positive test, do not run out and start buying baby gifts. Sometimes the first one (or two, or three) doesn’t “stick” and the last thing they will need at that point are reminders of what didn’t happen. Ask me how I know.
Fertility treatment is a science but it’s not magic and it does not always work, or work on the timeframe people think it is going to. They trusted you with this information. Be a good steward of that trust. Don’t ask a bunch of questions, don’t get overly invested in the process on their behalf, don’t insert yourself into the journey. Listen, be supportive when asked but for the most part, be prepared to talk about anything other than their fertility treatment process. There came a point in time where I was desperate not to think or talk about, and having people in my life who respected that was huge for me.
lawsuited
When my friend was going through it, I did 2 things: 1. Educated myself on IVF so she wouldn’t have to do that, and 2. Put her high up on my mental “check-in with this person” list to keep lines of communication open and eliminate as many barriers to her feeling she could reach out if she was feeling lonely, sad, angry, optimistic, whatever. I don’t think it’s a send meals or flowers kind of thing.
Anon and on
a small lavender sachet or handcream or good socks.
gownies in a favorite color.
been there….
Bigfoot
Feels ridiculous to ask, but has anyone ever had their feet shrink? I don’t think I lost weight in the last year, but I just tried on my fall boots and they’re wayyyyy too big
Anon
Did you try them on early in the day, rather than at the end of a day when you have been standing or walking a lot?
Vicky Austin
+1. Plus, what socks were you wearing? Socks make an immense difference for me when it comes to boots.
Anon
Yes when I was like 15-16 my feet shrank from a size 8.5 to 6.5/7. Everyone thought I was crazy and lying. They went back to up a 7.5 by the time I was around 20. I think its much more likely to be a morning/evening thing or a sock thing, but it’s not totally impossible!
Anon
most people’s feet seem to grow a size after pregnancy (or stay the same), but mine i think got a bit smaller, like half a size smaller
Anon
I feel like my feet were 7.5s but were 8s by the time I was pregnant — late 30s — due to ligaments stretching out and having broken each pinkie toe. Now they are more like 8.5s, depending on the shoe. It could just be age and middle-aged spread of the foot type. Other than being pregnant, I’m not terribly different in size but feel like they appreciate being elevated if not in use. Even now that kids are in middle school.
Seafinch
I did a specialized yoga thing with a teacher who focused on feet who said she did that because after twins her feet went up two sizes and she successfully got them back down after five years due to strengthening the ligaments. So it follows to my mind you can go back and forth depending on what is happening. I had a distinct period where my feet shrunk a size for about a year.
Liza
If you changed something that caused you to have less swelling/edema, even without significant weight loss, that could account for it. Have you decreased salt or increased diuretics?
k-t
My feet shrank a half size or so after doing barre workouts for a while. I think the arch strengthened and pulled the foot in, if that makes sense.
Adding insoles might help make your existing shoes fit better. I like the 3/4 length arch supports. Gives some cushion under the heel and supports the arch, but doesn’t squish my toes.
Anonymous
Seconding the idea about socks, but yes, my feet did shrink. 10 in high school, 11 in my 20s, then after pregnancies were done in my 30s down to 10.5. Which conveniently is a size many stores don’t carry.
anon
My feet shrunk by about half a size after pregnancy
Anon
For buying new jeans in 2022 that have some stretch and are curvy cut, where to go? I want to try on in person this rainy weekend. Size 10ish. Formerly I shopped the curvy cuts at Gap and AT Loft. Look at Abercrombie? I want something current but not so outre style-wise that it won’t go with a 40-something person with an office job (so no huge flares or super-high waist).
Anon
Madewell!
Anon8
Seconding! Madewell curvy cut are the only jeans that fit me without alterations!
Anon
Talbots. Check out their jeggings – just enough stretch and good jeans – not leggings as the name suggests.
Anon
I’m in the office today and I’m wearing curvy straight jeans from Talbots.
Anon
Kohls has Levi’s curvy cut, which haven’t changed much, if at all, in the last 10 years or so.
Curious
oh nice.
Cat
I like AG and rag and bone for current cuts that flatter my late 30s pear shape and don’t look like I’m trying to relive my 90s tween/teen years. Nordstrom.
Anne-on
Saks is having their friends and family sale, so if this is your price point check them out for 25% off the higher end brands.
Eliza
AG Primas are my dream jeans.
Anon
Frame “Le one” comes in several current styles.
Anon
So many places have no inventory so your best bet is online. That said, I was in a flagship Anthropologie recently that did have a huge selection of jeans to try on. I’m personally partial to the Mother line for good stretch and holds their shape.
Anne-on
This, I tried to go shopping in person last weekend and the inventory was SO thin. I gave up and just placed a huge order from Saks and figure I’ll do a mass return of whatever doesn’t work. I’ve usually had good luck at Madewell (and still love their skinny jeans) but the other fits didn’t work on my body type.
In-House in Houston
I just got the best jeans at Walmart. Yes Walmart. I love them so much that I bought a second pair. The brand is Time and Tru. They have various colors and washes. I got the midrise straight cut – tried them on in-store and bought them. Wore them last Friday to work and they were so comfortable I bought a second pair. Cost was $16.00!
Anon
I was too embarrassed to give the same answer (my current jeans are from Walmart, though I don’t explain this when they’re complimented).
BB
Sene jeans! They make them for you based on your measurements so they’re guaranteed to fit.
anon
Bar exam tutor question.
Has anyone been a tutor for the bar exam? How much did you charge? How did you find your students?
I was reading about side hustles for lawyers and this seems like a good virtual option. TIA!
Anon
I’d personally stay away from a side hustle with that kind of stress attached, you’d be better off expending extra energy at your real job if you’re a lawyer. Also I’d question your qualifications – just passing isn’t enough to help others. You might have just gotten lucky. I’m in CA and have a few friends who did this as a placeholder career move, but they each were asked to be bar graders by the state bar and did that first so they really understood what was needed to pass and had been in the top percent of high scorers.
Anon
Pardon my ignorance on this, but who would the target market be? Tutoring is very expensive, and I’m not sure who is paying for that in addition to bar exam fees and BarBri costs. Are law firms paying for this and would they pay for a freelancer? If not, you’re targeting students who aren’t getting paid BigLaw money but have the spare cash to throw at tutoring. Isn’t that a pretty narrow group?
Have you thought about the seasonality of this job? LSAT tutoring is a little more year round, with some peaks and valleys. Bar tutoring would be June, July, maybe some winter. You can’t really load up too many students… there is only so much time in the day.
Why virtual? In person tutoring is much mote effective.
Brrr
Check out Ororo. I learned about it here and their vest is awesome.
Anon
I paid a bar tutor when I failed the first time and my bar tutor was (and still is) a BarBri instructor who has tutored students on the side for many years. My bar tutor was both a coach and counselor to me and I even invited her to my wedding years later. That said, this and teaching BarBri classes was her full time job and I’m not sure if I would want a lawyer who is just doing this as a side gig. The way I found my tutor was another classmate of mind mentioned that the instructor tutored on the side, so it was word of mouth. If you are looking to make money, I don’t think this is the best option – my tutor met with me for hours and was basically available 24/7 during the test and I’m sure it was draining for her. Most people who fail are going to be similarly anxious as I was.
Anonymous
Any advice for snapping out of a long, post-pandemic funk? I feel like my entire life could use a facelift- my actual apartment needs a good organizing and deep cleaning, my finances haven’t seen a budget since May 2020, my workouts have gone up to 2x a week but were 4x a week pre Covid, my job… ouch, I can’t get motivated – my billable hours are lower this month than ever before (I’ve tried Pomodoro, bite sized lists – meh). I’m in a somewhat slow period at work but I could use help making some actual changes and getting some willpower back. Any prior posters find things that help?
Azera
Honestly, my first piece of advice would be to not be too hard on yourself. We’ve all been through a traumatic and scary time over the last couple of years and you aren’t the only one to be struggling to get back to some semblance of normal. Plus I think “normal” has changed at least a little bit for most of us and that takes some getting used to as well. So give yourself time and understanding to get used to things. Secondly, I would pick one area of your life to which you feel you can make small improvements without it being too much. If you focus on this one small area and baby step improvements, your confidence will grow and you’ll find that it will be easier to make improvements in other areas. But again don’t worry if it takes a couple of attempts and you need to stop and regroup, we all need to be gentle with ourselves at the moment and do things on a timescale that works for our mental health.
Anonymous
I think this is really good advice. And I want to echo that I’m there with you op. For me, the fitness and health component is the first domino i need to line up to make things fall into place. It’s kind of like when your whole house feels messy and you start with the dishes in the sink, the the kitchen, ect.
Anon
I feel this way too and am reading Burnout by Emily & Amilia Nagoski and it is helping me have some more perspective on this feeling.
HFB
I feel this way too and am reading Burnout by Emily & Amilia Nagoski and it is helping me have some more perspective on this feeling.
Anonymous
There has to be a resource to un**** my life?
Senior Attorney
Don’t know about your life, but there’s an actual web site called unf*ckyourhabitat.com (with a u instead of an *) with some good cleaning/organizing tips!
Anonymous
I don’t think “snap out of it” is a useful way to think. (It sounds like the kind of thing I tell myself when I flogging myself to try harder.) If you could simply snap out of it, you probably would have by now. Willpower and motivation alone may not solve this.
First, check for depression. Also check for burnout. Also consider any losses, changes, and transitions that have gone ungrieved and are accumulating sadness. Pay attention to whether/how any emotional weariness and physical weariness are inter-related.
On the habit side, choose one work SMALL work habit and one SMALL home habit a month to work on. Make the change small, if you want to sustain it. Big changes enacted suddenly across all of life usually don’t stick.
Finally, get some outside help – a support group, therapist, life coach, change buddy . . . whatever you need.
Anon
Antidepressants
Anon
You need a vacation to recharge.
Anon
Read Atomic Habits or How to Change, after you’ve thought about which changes would make the best difference in your life. Don’t think of doing all of it–pick 2 or 3 things and incorporate them into your routine. You don’t have to fix all of it.
Another thing that has helped me–I heard a quote – use your weekends to create the life you want. This was really inspiring to me and led to me picking out a few new hobbies!
lawsuited
Maybe your plan shouldn’t be to snap back to the person you were pre-pandemic? Personally, I will never work as hard as I did pre-pandemic ever again, because over the course of the pandemic my priorities permanently shifted. Consider your lack of motivation with curiosity – languishing, depression, burn out could all be a sign that course correction is needed. I’d leave your apartment and work they way they are for now and focus on adding restorative or joyful activities – seeing a counsellor, setting up coffee dates with friends, work lunches with colleagues, or adding a hobby. With an with an improved mood many things are possible.
Anon
I dealt seriously with similar concerns in fall 2021. What worked for me was focusing on nutrition and sleep for 4 or 5 months before tackling the rest.
Anon
Speaking of cold weather, any good recommendations for electric socks or scarves or other warming wearable gadgets?
Also, adult-sized all-fleece pajamas? I can easily find for kids but not so much for adults.
Vicky Austin
For fleece PJs, have you struck out at Land’s End or LL Bean? That’d be my first place to look.
Anon
I’ve gotten fleece pants at Old Navy, not sure if they have matching tops. They do have them in petite sizes, though they sell out within a few weeks every year.
Anonymous
barefoot dreams has lounge pants – i think skims has some really fuzzy sweater lounge pants too. fleece might be kohls or jcp.
i have a foot warming heater thing that’s awesome and some plug-in blankets.
Anon
My daughter has that skims robe and it’s a really nice fabric. I wish I’d bought her the pants too.
anonshmanon
I bought a jacket from ororo based on rave reviews here, and have not regretted it. I got the zippered sweatshirt and wear it outdoors alone or under another jacket, and indoors to keep my heating bill under control.
Shanananan
My sister has a pair of rechargeable socks she found on the river site that she swears by for outdoor events, she cannot remember the name, but thy had decent reviews and were not terribly expensive and worth it if you are powering through an outdoor festival.
Anon
I wear lots of pajamas/lounge pants from Soma and have bought an all-fleece set from them in the past. I don’t love sleeping in fleece pants because they sort of stick to the sheets, but they’re great for lounging.
Anon
Fleece pjs are best gotten at stores like Kohls. Costco has some too sometimes.
Anonymous
I got a great pair of fleece pjs at Costco last year. I just checked and they are offered again. They are the Nautica brand and so soft and cozy! I love them.
Elegant Giraffe
My husband got battery powered gloves last winter and LOVED them.
Anon and on
warning jacket or craft. bought one from Amazon for about 140. worth every penny.
Azera
I saw a post a couple days ago about stopping yourself from buying clothes online that you don’t need! my closet is stuffed with clothes and definitely don’t need any more (in fact I’d prefer to downsize). However my favourite way to kill time is to scroll on apps like ASOS, etc so I am constantly being tempted buy new clothes!
My question for the Hive is: what is your suggested alternative to look at online that isn’t social media or shopping sites/apps? I’d love something entertaining and relaxing. A bonus (but not essential) would be if it is slightly educational too so I might learn something new!
Anonymous
I go with reading contemporary romance novels or other easy reads on my Kindle app. And the NYT crossword.
Anonymous
Food blogs, long-form journalism, reading actual books.
pugsnbourbon
Threadjack – what are your go-to sources for pieces now that Longform is gone? I like Outside magazine but would love more suggestions.
Sunflower
Longreads dot com
Anonymous
The Atlantic
Anonymous
Start a Poshmark and occupy yourself by downsizing your closet?
Monday
Playing chess on my phone feels like just the right amount of stimulation, and you can go as slowly as you want to think through moves. I have the app Lichess.
I found that anything involving pretty pictures of stuff, or ads of any kind, was unhelpful.
PolyD
I took up embroidery – got a couple of cheap easy kits on Amazon to get started, and then moved on to slightly nicer ones on Etsy. Keeps my hands busy and away from the shopping sites.
Liza
I like Pinterest for this. Pinning things gives the same sense of acquisition and dopamine jolt that online shopping does.
Vicky Austin
For me this is the answer when nothing else will do. I try to read actual books or get off my phone, but sometimes the itch needs scratched!
Curious
Vicky, are we each other’s Texas/Washington dopplegangers?
(OP, this is what works for me, too)
Vicky Austin
I’m starting to suspect that we are! <3
HFB
I feel the same way about Pinterest!
Anan
Duolingo, or Lingodeer
Newspapers apps
Libby for books. Sometimes I don’t even read- I just like browsing and putting thigs in my TBR pile.
Vicky Austin
Same re Libby, heh!
Aunt Jamesina
Along these lines, browsing and checking out books in person at the library scratches that shopping itch for me!
Anon
Puzzles for me. I like all the NYT puzzles and a couple of others like Water Sort.
No Face
Zillow, especially in other cities. I can’t buy a mansion in another state!
Reddit for my city, orange theory, and house of the dragon.
Reading library ebooks in my kindle. If I am stuck somewhere without it, my kindle app lets me pick up where I left off
Washington Post
Anonymous
I recently saw a suggestion to browse the Donors Choose site and support teachers on there instead of semi-mindlessly purchasing clothes. Of course, this is if your budget allows and you are just trying to avoid unnecessary purchases.
Anon
I am so intrigued by grasscloth wallpaper now. Is it a huge dust-collector though? If so, do you swiffer it? Asking because I have allergies (I get shots now) and also have a floofy dog that I can see having his fur love having yet another landing place for. It is so pretty and I just stayed at a hotel with lots of it. It really added to the cozy feel.
Anonymous
My parents had grasscloth in the ‘80s. I cannot believe this is a trend again. So dusty and gross. You have to vacuum it with the brush attachment.
Anon
Bought a house that had grasscloth wallpaper in the halls. Took it down for exactly the concerns you raised. It does not look good with clumps of dog hair stuck to it where my dogs brushed against is they romped down the hall.
Anon
There are so many great wallpapers these days that I can’t imagine going for something snoozy and sneezy like grasscloth.
Anon
I like grasscloth because it is a texture and not a pattern. So many precious patterns (and I am not a precious pattern person except in things like tee shirts).
Anonymous
Noooooo. Even if you like it, even if it’s trendy. I spent weeks ripping it out of a condo in 2004. Please just don’t!
Anne-on
I would take a look at an in-person store and flip through some books. There are really great vinyl grasscloth options which have texture but are sturdier so you can clean them much more easily – I’m looking into those for our dining room. There were also a TON of other ‘textured’ options that were stunning but definitely $$$.
Anon
No no no no no.
Anon
I don’t get all the grasscloth hate. It’s a classic. I believe I have seen it somewhere in every old money house I’ve been in. I personally hate all the twee and try-hard trendy patterns I’m seeing, but I’m not going to denigrate it as someone else’s choice. OP, it’s a classic and it will look good for a long time. I’ve never noticed pet hair glommed onto it, although I must admit that the homes I’ve seen it in have regular housekeeping. I would just hit it up periodically with a duster or vacuum brush attachment. I’ve seen a high quality vinyl version installed in an elevator that looked real enough that there was an ongoing debate on whether it was “real” or not.
Eliza
+1.
Senior Attorney
I had it in my first condo in the 80s and I don’t remember it being a dust collector. I’m chuckling at the thought of it, along with everything I wore in high school and college, being back.
anon
I went to an actual mall the other day and saw a peace sign necklace in a jewelry store window. How are we back to peace signs?
Anon
It’s the 30-year fashion cycle. 1960s, 1990s, 2020s. If you wore it before the current iteration, you’re exempted from having to wear it again.
Anonymous
OP- just do it. It’s your home do what makes you happy. You deserve to live in a place you’re enamored with and that reminds you of a great vacation and makes you feel cozy. I’m sure the maintenance is worth it, but you can get it coated anyway. Please.
Signed,
You’d all hate my all white home but it makes my little heart sing so I really don’t care.
Anonymous
would you buy a house with a window in the powder room (high enough so there’s no chance of peepers)? considering putting one in for the natural light, trying to figure out if it’s a pro or con from resale perspective.
Anon
Millions of houses have windows in the powder rooms. Put one in if you want one. It’s not a factor for me as a buyer one way or another.
Anon
I prefer to have one. It’s nice to be able to air it out!
Anon
+1 Bathrooms get gross fast.
Anonymous
I wouldn’t worry about this. If the buyer doesn’t like the window, there are frosted window glass coverings that will go over the window but still let in the light. I think it’s a pro, although also see that powder rooms are so small it’s not a bad thing if you don’t have one.
Anonymous
Of course I don’t see any down side.
Senior Attorney
+1 natural light for the win
Anon
Both of our bathrooms have windows? It never occurred to me that that was a negative when house shopping?
If it helps, for one bathroom we have like a wavy type of glass pane that obscures anything when looking in or out of it without needing a shade for privacy, but still lets in the natural light. The other one has a large hedge right in front of it on the outside, so again provides privacy while letting in some natural light. So just consider something like that maybe, even if it’s high.
Anonymous
I would like a window in the powder room, but it would be too small a detail to affect my purchase decision.
Vicky Austin
I would barely register this as a factor in my decision, to be quite honest. Although the natural light aspect might subconsciously influence me, especially if the house has a lot of it elsewhere.
Anonymous
I would prefer it?
Anonymous
why!#
Anon
if this is the biggest problem with the house (and i don’t even think it’s a problem), you should buy it
Anon
We put a transom window over our powder room door; otherwise the builder wanted to put a window out onto the deck (um, no). A window that was high over a drop to the ground below? Maybe.
Cat
yes 100%, in fact I prefer having windows in bathrooms so you can open for real fresh air!
Liza
I mean, of course? We just put a translucent white curtain over our window. Natural light and no visibility.
Anonymous
Yes. For another idea, my parents’ house has a stained glass window in the powder room that you can’t see through but still lets light in, and I love it.
Anon
Yes. As an old house owner, I prefer every room in the house to have a window that opens. Especially bathrooms.
You may have a guest over someday who is embarrassed about stinking up your powder room and will be grateful to have a window to open to ameliorate some of the damage. I know because I have been that guest.
Anon
Yes, of course. I’d much rather have one than not.
Anon
+1.
MagicUnicorn
This seems entirely normal and not at all an issue, unless the room is interior and the window looks into the hallway or something really strange like that.
Anon
We have a bathroom with windows in it; they put frosted glass in the windows so no chance of accidental exposure. I love having so much natural light in the bathroom.
Anonymous
can anyone recommend a sweter like this that’s cheaper? this one looks great but doesn’t come in xxl https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0B6P2GHV3/ref=sspa_dk_detail_4?ie=UTF8&psc=1&pd_rd_i=&pd_rd_i=B0B6P2GHV3p13NParams&s=apparel&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9kZXRhaWwy
Anon
A similar sweatshirt, up to 4xl:
https://www.gapfactory.com/browse/product.do?pid=4095250110005&vid=1&tid=gfpl000038&kwid=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIm6vuu9K3-gIVGabICh3cLQMlEAQYBSABEgIjBfD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds
Also, an Old Navy sweater, to xxl:
https://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=4168610020001&vid=1&tid=onpl000078&kwid=1&ap=7&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIm6vuu9K3-gIVGabICh3cLQMlEAQYAiABEgL77fD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds#pdp-page-content
pugsnbourbon
Target has a couple but they aren’t quite as slouchy.
Anonymous
Where should my friends and I go for a ladies’ weekend in early November? 5 women, early 30s, 2 in Houston, 1 in Oregon and 2 on the East Coast. Looking for some place with museums, music, good food, maybe a cute walkable downtown area.
roxie
New Orleans?
Austin?
Nashville?
Denver maybe? (November weather is iffy)
Sedona or Santa Fe?
Anonymous
Agree–New Orleans or Santa Fe.
Anon
Santa Fe.
Anon
I’m sitting in the Santa Fe airport right now and recommend this plan enthusiastically!!
NYCer
Charleston or New Orleans, if the Oregonian is willing to travel that far.
Anonymous
Austin, New Orleans, Sedona?
Anon
Austin. I went in nov 2019 and loved it.
anon
New Orleans. Perfect time of year. Checks all your boxes. I just looked at the local calendar. There are a few local events that weekend. Bayou Bacchanal is a carnival celebrating Caribbean culture and happens Saturday, Nov 5. The Oak Street Po’ Boy Festival is exactly what it sounds like and happens Sunday, Nov 6. The Saints play at home on Monday, Nov 7… that could affect prices and availability a bit, but not as much as a Sunday afternoon game.
Anon
I need to refresh my closet, but my usual mall sources are failing me. (I’m a 40 year old lawyer – there are very few places I’m wearing a smocked, peasant-sleeved, maxi dress, ya know? I suppose my style is best described as “what J. Crew used to be.”) I’m vaguely aware that there are a bunch of boutique brands that specialize in classic style: J. McLaughlin sent me a catalog the other day and I swooned. Can you list some other brands in that vein I should check out?
Anonymous
Tuckernuck
Anon
Halsbrook. Swoon even more.
Jo April
Oh nooooooo I want everything.
Anon
Me and Em. Spendy.
Honestly, J Crew Factory seems to be what J Crew used to be. I’ve gotten some good office pieces from there this year.
anon
Agree that J Crew Factory is much more my speed than actual J Crew.
Anon
I’ve bought a ton of stuff at JCF lately. The styles and prices are so much better.
Vicky Austin
Agree about J. Crew Factory (#brokenrecord) and also generally for swooning I’d check out more of the lower-end brands worn by the Princess of Wales. Me and Em, but also LK Bennett, Brora, Really Wild, that kind of thing.
Anne-on
I’m in mod for store names but Barbour, Sail to Sable, and Lilly (in the solid colors) is a good bet too.
Anon
J McLaughlin is amazing as you know.
Antonio Melani from Dillards.
Have not yet tried EverEve, but I like what I’ve seen.
Anne-on
I’ve been shopping at Talbots, Brooks Brothers, Evereve, Anthropologie (more online than in store), Lilly Pullitzer, Vineyward Vines, Barbour (their clothes are surprisingly cute!), Boden, and Jcrew (which has been better this season). Loft (only in person so I can feel the material of the clothing) is good for inexpensive weekend wear, as is the Gap. I fully agree with you though – I feel like the late 30’s to 50’s women’s wear market is really hard – I don’t want to wear what my babysitter is wearing but I’m too young for the Eileen Fisher/J Jill caftans and statement necklace outfits.
Anonymous
Statement necklace outfits is so apt!
Anon
Faherty, ABLE, Alex Mill, Tucker NYC
Anon
But I thought the nap dress was supposed to work for every occasion. Don’t we all want to dress like children all the time?
Anonymous
Garnet Hill has a slightly more casual J McLaughlin vibe to me.
Anonymous
Rebecca Taylor, Hobbs and L.K. Bennett
Board Responsibilities
Ann Mashburn!
Anon
I just need to vent and a little PSA. I am recently single after a long term relationship. One of my friends, who is in a new relationship and has historically been single, told me that I was not invited to an event because it was only going to be couples. Being generous, maybe she was concerned I would feel out of place. But it just made me feel like she no longer considers me a whole person and that people think there is something wrong with me because I’m single. It especially hurt from this friend, because she knows what it’s like to be the single one in the group and it hurt that she is excluding me. There is nothing about this event that makes it a couple thing, and is something we have often done in the past with a group.
Please don’t exclude your single friends. If you are concerned because everyone else invited is couples, you can let the single friend know that and trust them to be an adult and decide if they want to come. But don’t treat single people like they are less than someone in a relationship.
And if anyone has advice on how to get over this hurt, I would appreciate it.
Anonymous
I would tell her “wow that’s incredibly rude and hurtful. Why would you exclude me because I’m single? I never treated you like that.”
Grace
Oh I’m so sorry. This has happened to me before and it definitely hurts. Even though it’s hard, I would extend some grace to this friend as she is new to this and hopefully will become more inclusive as her relationship matures, especially if you gently tell her that she has hurt you. I would also vow never to do this when you yourself are in a relationship, to break the cycle in the future. The world would be a better place if coupled people remember what it was like to be single.
Anon
That is awful! It happened to me a lot when I was the last single person left standing as the college friends coupled up. I am stabby right now on your behalf. No advice at all other than I find metal and 80s rock to be therapeutic.
PolyD
OMG that is the worst.
I had that problem in grad school where I was in a long distance relationship – the single people didn’t consider me single and the coupled people didn’t consider me coupled. It sucked.
I have no advice except you are totally right to be mad about this. I would suggest trying to find different friends. Easier said than done, but when you have a bigger pool of people to socialize with, it helps. I personally also vowed to never exclude people from things based on their relationship status and have held firm to that to this day. I have a lot of single friends, some coupled friends, and there are events where sometimes there’s two couples and one single person, or maybe all single people but one husband/boyfriend decides to come along. It’s all good.
Monday
I also had this happen to me and vowed never to do it to others. This should be universally understood as a jerk move.
Anon
Sounds like she’s making sure everyone knows she is part of a couple.
Anon
Exactly. She certainly doesn’t have unawareness as an excuse if she’s been “the single one” before.
anon
Ugh, that sucks! And pretty far out of bounds in my view. What an exclusive way to socialze. Sorry this is happening.
Anon
I would discuss this with your friend and if she doesn’t seem to come around and apologize, I wouldn’t honestly reconsider the friendship. She sounds like someone who is only friends with people when it is convenient for her.
NYCer
+1.
pugsnbourbon
That’s a really cruddy thing for your friend to do. I’m sorry.
Anon
Have you considered that this person is not the friend you thought she was?
Anon
Is she throwing an orgy? Unless they are planning to swap partners, IDK why you need an even number of couples for anything except doubles in tennis.
Anon
+1
Vicky Austin
lolol. yup, this isn’t Pride and Prejudice where everybody has to take not-their-own-spouse in to dinner. I’m sorry that happened to you, OP. I’d side-eye this friend for doing something so thoughtless and uncaring.
Anon
I have been single forever and I have never had this happen to me. Your friend sucks major time, as someone else said earlier, she was single before and knows very well how to behave.
I would tell her “I am happy to join, don’t mind couples all around” and reconsider my further engagements with her based on her reply.
Sasha
One of my college friend groups is almost entirely comprised of couples and I have been a perpetual 9th wheel (either single or in relationships where my partner didn’t come around a ton) all my adult life with them. It might be a different dynamic since I am individually friends with both halves of each couple but the idea of not inviting a single friend somewhere because it’s too many couples is absurd to me and your friend should know better.
Anonymous
I haven’t had anyone explicitly say I wasn’t invited to an upcoming event, but my recently-coupled friends keep pressuring me to date someone (preferably someone they know) and when I mentioned I have a date recently, one said “Oh, it would be great if this works out. Then you could hang out with us on weekends.” And it was then that I realized that while they often meet me very casually during the week, they’ve apparently reserved weekends for “adult” time and never invite me to those things. It’s hurtful, especially since these people are divorced and were all single when we met and only coupled up in the last 6 to 8 months. They do things like have dinner parties and go to concerts and hang out in the same bars we frequent during the week. I am baffled by what changes on Friday.
Anon
the other week someone commented that the American Leather sleeper sofa wasn’t as comfortable as the hype. does anyone own one of these from crate and barrel (link to follow in comments). we have a guest room with a bed, but sometimes we want to be able to host our parents and siblings at the same time, and while my 73 year old father says he is ok sleeping on an air mattress, i’m not ok with that! and i don’t think all of our guests would be.
OP
(1). https://www.crateandbarrel.com/bedford-queen-trundle-sleeper-sofa/s579436
(2) https://www.crateandbarrel.com/axis-3-seat-queen-sleeper-sofa-with-air-mattress/s231995
we’re willing to spend for the american leather if it is actually worth it, but given that it is an ~8k couch, it needs to actually be worth it
Anne-on
Fwiw I’ve heard too many horror stories about crate and barrel’s delivery timelines and snafus to ever want to order anything that expensive from them. I’ve posted about it before but I had an amazing experience working with a dealer who sells century furniture – I got a sectional but they do sleeper sofas. Contact Duane Collie at the Keeping Room in VA, they ship nationwide and he has amazing prices and service.
Anon
We gave away our C&B sleeper, most uncomfortable thing for both sleeping and sitting. Have moved on entirely from the category, but the more intriguing options are the kind that sort of origami fold up into a flat bed and don’t have the metal bars. Any couch with the metal bars is awful to sit on, and the sleeping experience isn’t great either.
Anon
I have a room & board sleeper and it’s comfortable and entirely worth the money.
OP
those look much more similar to the american lether ones, but for a fraction of the price. do you know which one you have?
Anom
American Leather manufactures the ones Room & Board sells. Totally worth it. I also looked at Jensen Lewis (which also sells the American Leather ones), but the price and fabric options were better at Room & Board.
brokentoe
Caution about the Room and Board trundle sleeper…even with a 3 inch topper when using as a bed, still pretty unforgiving. As a couch it isn’t great either. :(
Duckles
I have a joybird sleeper arriving this week and can report back. It seemed to be the best balance of quality, cost, and delivery time of all the options I looked at.
anon
Skip this if you don’t like weight/body posts …
I am at the point where I need to commit to a path: 1) lose my 20 pounds of pandemic weight; or 2) Accept my larger body and stop obsessing about the fact that I’ve gained weight. It’s become very clear to me that I can’t do both. Either I need to buckle down and get serious about weight loss, or I just need to let this go. Steps in either direction are just leaving me confused and I’m not making progress with either weight loss OR body acceptance.
Reasons to lose:
– I’m slightly overweight now, after a lifetime of being well within the range for my height. Is it an actual health issue? It’s hard to say; my doctor doesn’t seem overly concerned.
– I don’t like how my body looks. I have always been a pear; now I’m an apple stacked on top of a pear.
– My running times have gotten worse, though it’s hard to tell whether that’s age- or weight-related.
Reasons to maintain:
– I feel fine? My lifestyle isn’t sedentary; I’ve been working out 4-5x a week this whole time.
– I’m sure I notice it more than anyone else. I’m 5’8″ and carry the weight well.
– Losing weight is HARD and takes up a lot of mental space. In the past, I have really struggled with tracking my food and not getting obsessive about it.
I recently had a hysterectomy. I don’t think it was JUST bad habits that led to weight gain over the past few years. My hormones were completely out of whack and my body was very stressed out. At least now that my angry uterus is gone, my stomach is flatter and I’m not continuing to gain?
Aces
Be kind to yourself! It sounds like your body has been through a lot. In your shoes, I would opt to maintain and stay active and eat healthily. The idea is to optimize for happiness and not for weight. You are doing great, go shopping for a new wardrobe that makes you feel great!
Alanna of Trebond
For me personally, I felt much better after losing the weight. I gained about the same amount of weight from pandemic + baby and it just made me feel way better to lose it. 20 lbs is not that much – it only took a few months and I’ve kept it off now for more than a year.
Anonymous
This. I just felt so much more exhausted all the time when I was carrying the extra weight.
Curious
Wow, I’m impressed you can lose 20 lbs in a few months. It will take me a year.
Anon
I know this is personal – but can you say more about how you lost it? I need to lose 10 lbs of baby weight and cannot do it despite food tracking, increasing exercise, etc. I’m so at a loss.
anon
I would make some healthy changes (to the extent you have room for improvement, it’s not clear from your post) and then let it go. Hopefully that will make you feel better and you’ll be doing the right things to be healthy whether you’re overweight or not.
Now, if you would be happier thinner, I’d give it a go. I guess it depends on how big of an issue it is for your quality oflife that you don’t like how your body looks.
Anonymous
So I relate a lot to this. I’m 5’10” and the same re noticing it more than anyone else but also not feeling like myself beyond certain points. I’ve weighed as much as 60lbs more and 30lbs less than current weight which is in the upper end of the BMI.
BMI isn’t a be all and end all but I do find that if I’m not eating reasonably well most of the time and active at least a few days a week, then my weight creeps into the overweight category. Eating reasonably well, being active, sleeping enough all important health aspects beyond the number on the scale.
You need to reframe and find a third option. Overall health -should be your focus. Are you sleeping enough? You are active enough if you are working 4-5 times a week. Are you eating in a way that makes your body feel good and empowered? Maybe you need more protein? Maybe make eating 5-12 servings of veggies and fruit a day your goal instead of weight loss?
I’m not focused on calorie counting as much as trying to snack only on veggies or fruits, and eat three decent meals a day. I often do a lean protein drink at lunch because I struggle to get protein because of some digestive issues. For dinner I try to fill half my plate with veggies (steamed/roasted or salad).
Cat
I would make small changes to try to save just a few hundred (like 200-300) cals a day. That’s a pound every other week or so, meaning you’ll be back to your preferred shape in a year, and it’s easier to do than making drastic changes that have you living in a state of deprivation.
Think- skipping creamer, having one small piece of chocolate for dessert rather than a cookie, swapping chips for crunchy produce like apple slices or carrots, there’s probably 200-300 without too much pain!
In-House in Houston
This is excellent advice and I’ve been doing it for the last 60 days, but I added walking. I don’t feel deprived and still eat what I love. I’m now up to 10k steps a day. I live in the south, so it is very hot and humid so I’ve been walking mostly on the treadmill when I get home from work and then walk my dogs. I’m seeing the weigh come off. The point is – doing a few things together will work. It won’t be overnight but if you want something sustainable and long term, I think this is the way to go.
Anon
Another voice for this. People say it doesn’t work, but you have to have a timeline of several years, not weeks or months. My husband took off 50 pounds over the course of about seven years this way. I slowly lost the baby weight on this plan – think three years, not three months, to lose fifteen pounds.
We also have very compassionate doctors who look at trends and not ideals. Down five pounds between annual physicals? Great!
Anon
Honestly I don’t think any of us can tell you what the right decision is for you – you just have to make the choice that feels best and commit to no longer questioning it or giving it headspace. And that doesn’t have to be forever. I think you could decide that for now you’re content with your body, you’ve been through a lot and you don’t have the energy to commit to weightloss. So you’ll live with for two years and review it at that point.
Personally I think if being bigger takes up almost as much mental energy as active weightloss does, then I’d err on the side of weightloss for reasons of health and self-esteem.
Anonymous
+1 to this last paragraph. If there is negative mental energy either way, choose based on endpoint.
For the hysterctomy: The only person I know who had one, immediately also had insta-menopause and gained weight.
Monday
For what it’s worth, your post reads to me like you don’t want to diet. (Intentionally losing weight = dieting.) Your lifestyle is healthy, your doctor isn’t concerned, you don’t think others even notice, and any negative changes seem like they could be related to other factors. You mention that tracking your eating has gotten obsessive in the past and “takes up a lot of mental space,” which are great reasons to avoid it. Disordered eating stuff would be more serious than anything that’s going on now.
If you want a blessing to let it go, you have mine.
Anon
FWIW I read it and thought OP really does want to lose the weight.
Monday
Right, but I said she doesn’t want to diet, which is to intentionally lose weight. (Unintentionally losing weight usually points to a problem in someone with the kind of lifestyle she is describing, and has not happened to OP.)
Anonymous
Hi! We’re the same age with the same pandemic 20 pounds. I’m 1.5 post baby so our hormone issues are different but both a factor.
Anyway. I hear you on the mental struggle of losing weight. Weight watchers and every other “sensible” l thing I tried for my entire adult life was mentally exhausting. I’m on a new path now and down about 5 pound in three weeks, it feels sustainable blah blah blah. Anyway, I’m
finding very annoyingly that it’s really a game of very small margins at our age but actually doing something about it is is so much easier than the mental weight of the weight if that makes sense. Good luck whether you decide to lose it or not.
Anonymous
I’m in the same boat (20 Covid lbs + 5-10 pre Covid lbs) and I’ve decided to commit to losing the weight. I’m tired of hating my body and feeling uncomfortable in it. I know BMI isn’t great but since Covid I’ve crept up into the overweight category. I’m 30, I want to be hot while I’m still young and I want to set myself up to be healthy later in life by getting in good shape now.
Anon
I could have written this post. I wish I had an answer for you because I’ve been struggling with the same thing!
I really don’t think my eating habits have changed that much, but I suspect a combination of hormones, stress, and aging made weight gain much easier. Like you, my doctor doesn’t seem particularly concerned, I’m very active and at a great level of cardio fitness and do strength training. But weighing more makes it harder to run and play tennis the way I used to. I can feel the extra weight with every step.
I also hate how the weight shows up on me. I’m short, so it literally has nowhere to hide. I miss my waist.
My struggle is that I really depend on being active for my mental health as well as physical, but it does not seem possible to stay this active and eat less/lose weight. I just keep plateauing. Do I sacrifice my workouts for a few months so I’m less hungry? Or just accept the extra weight so I can keep up my workouts? I’m not sure.
Anonymous
The age effect is real. I can only eat about half of what I ate in my 20s.
Anon
You may not have thought of this, but extra weight is a risk factor for pelvic organ prolapse. There are a bunch of other risk factors, but since you’ve had a hysterectomy I would be more inclined to lose
weight now to lesson the risk. It might also be worth exploring if pfpt is right for you. I say this as someone with a prolapse. It may not happen to you, I’m not trying to scaremonger, but it is something that nobody talks about until it’s too late. I wish more people would talk about this topic.
Anonymous
I live up north and want to plan a trip for February to break up the winter. I was interested in something like Charleston or Myrtle Beach but looks like their average temps are in the 50’s which maybe isn’t enough of an improvement. I don’t know, are those areas nice in the winter or what else should I be looking at? Maybe I need to go further south, or the southwest would be an option too. Primary goals are to get out of the snow and the gray skies and visit somewhere I’ve not been before. I’m a pretty relaxed traveler and mostly like to walk around cute cities, sit in cafes and the like.
Cat
If you want balmy weather in Feb you need to go to South Florida or the Caribbean. If you want to stay domestic, consider Palm Beach (though the Atlantic winds can bring temps down) or Naples (usually calmer) for a walkable downtown + 70’s highs that time of year.
Anon
What about Phoenix (Scottsdale) or LA? Not a beachy vacation but a lot warmer than Myrtle Beach.
Anonymous
You need to go further south for reliably warm weather in February–South Florida or the Caribbean. Also, Myrtle Beach proper is not that great. (Charleston is lovely). It can be warm in South Carolina in February, but it’s hit or miss.
pugsnbourbon
New Orleans? Not beachy but average highs in the 60s would probably feel pretty warm.
Anon8
I mentioned south beach yesterday but I’ll mention it here again! My all time favorite place to visit in the winter and reliably in the 80s when I’ve visited in the dead of winter. I’m not a partier, more of a chill on the beach with a book, walk around shopping type of person and I have a great time there. The best people watching ever.
Anonymous
thanks to all for the tips on the colonoscopy – i survived and don’t have to go for another in 10 years. propofol hurt like a mofo, though.
Anon
The propfol hurt? The IV itself or the hot feeling when it goes in?
I feel so good like 2 seconds after it hits me that I usually don’t care!
Glad you got a good result.
anon
I want to be way more on top of tracking my sleep. What’s the best sleep app to do this? I currently use AutoSleep and have a apple what 4 (or whatever the one before the 7 is) so am limited by the stuff it can track.
Vicky Austin
Are you willing to pay? I’ve used the free version of SleepCycle for a long time, and until they moved all the good features over to premium it was the best sleep info app I’ve ever used.
Anonymous
FYI, tracking my sleep with an app made my sleep worse. Evidently this is a thing that happens to some people? Just something to watch for.
On Gender (young children)
My 6 year old (1st grade) is extremely curious and observant. There are starting to be a lot of people in her life that don’t fit into gender norms and I’d like some ideas on how to (a) explain anything needing explaining in an age appropriate way and (b) teach some sensitivity.
Scenario 1: kid in her class has 2 moms. This one is easy and we have it covered, is only relevant for context later.
Scenario 2: her friend has a 10 year old sister “Abbie” who cut her hair short/ into a “boy” style and wears “boy” clothes now . The girl still goes by Abbie and participates in sports/ uses bathrooms for the female gender. They were all on swim team together and Abbie wore the “boy” swim suit with a rash guard on top, but swam on the girl’s team. This one was easy/straightforward (people can wear what they want, there are no boy or girl clothes, etc) but adds some confusion in the mix when we get to….
Scenario 3: there is a female-by-birth child in her 1st grade class with a feminine name (“Sarah”). In the yearbook and on all school forms, the child is listed as Sarah (I don’t know why). However, the child prefers to be called “John,” is referred to as “he,” dresses in “boy” clothes, and uses the boys’ restroom (technically I think John uses the single stall classroom bathroom but I am not positive). This one is the most complicated ONLY because John plays on the my daughter’s girl’s soccer team (I don’t know the details of this, if it was a family choice or the organization’s).
So…we are getting a lot of questions about the difference between why Abbie still is a “she” but Sarah goes by John and is a he but plays on the girls’ team. And tying it all together, daughter asked yesterday if one of the moms from the family up in scenario #1 should have a boy name because she dressed like Abbie and John.
In normal parenting times, I can explain things at a high level and we all move on. My kiddo that is asking the questions is the most perceptive, thoughtful, and literal of all my kids so she is not having my high level answers. My last attempt ended with “well, I want to be a boy too!””oh, tell me more about why you said that” “I don’t want to have babies.” :)
I would love thoughts or resources! I know that her class has a socio-emotional counselor resource because the school is very sensitive to supporting the families I’ve mentioned, and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that they’ve placed John in the same class as Abbie’s little sister.
Anonymous
I think it’s pretty easy to say “sometimes people feel like a boy or like a girl and that’s ok”
Anon
There are two very different issues here and you shouldn’t mash them together.
Issue 1: gender norms. I really bristle at the idea that there are “boy” activities and “girl” activities. People have all different interests and tastes. People can do what they want. There is no rule that you have to like babies if you are a girl or sports if you are a boy.
Issue 2: trans issues. Non-conformance to gender norms does not a trans person make.
Anon
she wasn’t saying there are girl activities vs. boy activities — but there is often a girls team and a boys team, just like there is the NBA and the WNBA. whether or not that should exist is a whole separate issue
Anon
Like I know guys who started knitting when they stopped smoking to give their hands something to do. They know they are the outlier, but I don’t see it as “oooooh, female activity” any more than I see shooting sports or woodworking as male activities. Driving a car is only a male activity if you are in Saudi Arabia.
I know I’d be burned at the stake as my way to die in Medieval times. Clearly a witch!
Anon
It SHOULD exist because that’s the y reason we can have women’s sports. No amount of girl power makes us competitive with men.
Anon
I hate to admit that I feel very gender non-conforming in my part of my city because I am the woman who works, and not at MLM or part time for your dad’s company, but in a k*ck as hard job that, because it is math-heavy, is typically done by men. I also do a lot of other things that aren’t very typical for women. A lot of the chatter I hear is that if you aren’t very typically female (or male), then you must be the opposite. We have some so, so far re stereotyping and yet it seems like we haven’t made any progress at times.
And as much as I want to be a vanilla worker bee, I was the worker bee who was pregnant, who had a baby, who pumped at work, who the school called when the kid had a fever. Even if I didn’t necessariy see myself as a FEMALE worker, everyone else sure did.
Anon
The main time I think that girl and boy activities matter is where there may be an overlapping privacy concern (summer camp has girls dorms and boys dorms, each with their own showers). I can see girls having an issue if one of their formerly known as a boy classmates wants to bunk with them this year. Our kids are having overnight class trips now and the rule is that girls room with girls (2 kids to a Q bed). And while there can be privacy concerns with same-gender classmates, I think once puberty hits, I get why things change in some circumstances.
Anon
I don’t have any answers, but we are running to this also. Pat was a boy in my kid’s K class but was a girl by first grade. What made it complicated is that Pat’s mother was a very vocal (local radio shows, TV, social medial) person who generally staked out one position and called people out / vaguebooked all over our city at every perceived slight or tr*nsgression. I feel bad for the kid, as that kid is now a goldfish in a bowl going through a lot of things that I would not want my kid to deal with publicly.
Another couple kids have done this (all F to M), to varying degrees. Kiddo and I discuss how one’s life as a woman or man can be a lot of things in the US in 2022 (vs the Joan of Arc era or other very strict countries now). Like I am not very feminine or girly and work in a field where I am usually the only woman in the room. We don’t need to hew to the stereotypes of what a girl or woman is and can just live our lives and make our choices. I am a bit concerned that there is almost an eagerness with some things my kids encounter that suggests that if you are a bit noncomforming that you must be in the wrong body, which I think is an odd message to give kids who spend most of their lives from 10-30 trying to figure out who they are, what they stand for, what they believe in. And that a lot of this comes on the heels of puberty and periods (which everyone hates) and cramps (same), IDK if it is in part a reaction to that vs other things. It is hard to sort out with any sort of candor and that leaves us with whispers, which is horrible.
Seventh Sister
FWIW, I complain a LOT about performative femininity and the distortions of social media in front of my teen. While some people want to be very public, frequent, and open on social media, others don’t and that is a valid choice.
Anonymous
YMMV but in my home, we’d talk about how to be nice and respectful to all people but that we don’t believe any of this is ok because whether you are a boy or girl was ordained before birth and changing your name or clothes doesn’t change that and it’s against faith to change that. And because it is wrong we don’t sit around and discuss and glorify it, the same way we wouldn’t glorify bank robbery or murder. I realize the vast majority of this board won’t agree but I’m just being honest.
Aunt Jamesina
Murder. Do you hear yourself?
Ribena
Agree. Anon at 12.33, please go back to your faith texts, particularly the sections about loving and listening to people
Anon
It’s hard to respect this response when people who believe that “whether you are a boy or girl was ordained before birth” by God as a matter of faith transition for this exact reason (to reflect what was ordained). I don’t see how this is an issue of faith unless you’re importing a lot of other assumptions that may be simply inaccurate.
startup lawyer
wow
Anonymous
Wow yikes, even though I know the world is full of terrible people it doesn’t get any less jarring.
Anon
Omg did you really just post this????? Did you think you would get a positive response???
Nesprin
You could be less honest or more open minded.
And that book I’m guessing you like speaks eloquently about “judge not lest ye be judged” and how “blessed are those who are persecuted”
Hypatia
I found this comment an important reminder of just how crucial it is for OP to be talking to her daughter. We shouldn’t forget that there will be other kids raised in bigoted homes, under the guise of religion, just like we shouldn’t forget that there are kids raised in racist homes, under the guise of ‘heritage’. It’s so, so important for parents who can to raise their kids to see and treat others with respect and kindness, to believe all people are worthy, if we want to live in a better society.
Mom with young kids
Since it sounds like you have a good counselor, I’d reach out to the counselor for resources.
I’ve had a really good experience with teaching my family’s values and treating it as something not particularly complicated. It’s really just a matter of having a bit of understanding and respecting how each person sees themself.
For my young kids, it’s been pretty simple to explain our family’s values that 1) everyone can each choose what they wear, play with, study, who (and if) they marry, if (and how) they have kids, etc. There exist people who have strict ideas of what boys/men can do and girls/women can do, but we don’t agree, don’t see any good reason for that, and think it’d be pretty harmful to our community if those ideas were dominant.
2) When babies are born, parents assume gender from the parts they see (which are typically male or female, but some people are born with a combination). This often aligns with how the person feels as they get older, but sometimes the person knows their gender to be different from what was assigned. It’s no big deal and the person just lets their parents know if the parents guessed incorrectly so the person can be regarded as they know themself. Gender isn’t necessarily binary and sometimes it takes people awhile to figure out their gender identity.
Mom with young kids
One more thing (not so much for OP, but anyone for whom this might come up)–it’s really exhausting for young kids to hear random adults asking about their gender if there’s something about them that makes a lot of people have questions. Being gender non-conforming doesn’t mean that a child is interested in talking about gender.
If you truly have a question about a young kid’s pronouns, try talking with the parents for a little bit. A parent of a kid who gets these kinds of questions will usually make a point of using the correct pronouns within a few minutes of conversation. If not, and you really need to know, please ask the parent or teacher out of earshot of children.
Anonymous
Is this what is happening? Like if a girl has short hair and prefers pants to dresses and plays sports, then other parents start pestering her about whether she is actually best referred to as “he” or is really a boy? That is terrifying as a confirmed girl/woman who from 7-12 played on the boys’ teams (bc that is all there were), was more handsome than pretty (but like Elle McPherson not KD Lang), had a bowl cut and unpierced ears as selected by my mother, and mostly wore preppy pants outfits vs dresses in the 80s.
Anonymous
My kid is also six and from the time he “got” gender norms we explained that they are not by any means absolute. “Some boys like dolls; some girls don’t.” “Some kids have a mom and dad some have one mom, some have two moms, ect.”
We also just teach respect when it comes to names. “Joey’s mom prefers to be called Susan, so we call her that.” “Fred’s mom prefers to be called mrs. smith, so we call her that” actually works well with “Sarah would like be called John, so we use that now.”
Gently, it seems like maybe you spend a lot of time worrying about the gender norms that other people and their kids are or are not following and what is or is not a coincidence. I’m sure it comes from the best, kindest place, but it seems like a lot of energy.
Our philosophy is different: all we care about is that our children appreciate diversity and are kind and respectful and open hearted. They don’t really need to understand the “why” of Sarah wanting to be a boy more than they need to understand the “why” of their favorite auntie not having children. They just need to understand it’s a valid choice and not something they’re owed an explanation for. (My two cents obviously- others will I’m sure disagree.)
Anonymous
OP here- I think the reason this is a post is because with my other two kids, it’s been an easy conversation like the scripts you suggest.
One of my kids is friends with Abbie, and it’s just a non issue, maybe it was briefly discussed when she cut her hair- I don’t even remember.
But the kiddo asking questions is the kid that asks a thousand details and a thousand “why”s and is most likely to accidentally offend someone being curious, so I’m trying to set her up to be a good classmate.
Anonymous
That’s why I used the last example. “Honey, we don’t know why auntie never had children, but that’s the kind of thing that could make her sad if we asked about it. Do you understand?”
Part of raising respectful kids is teaching them that they’re not owed explanations on everything. Again, my theory.
Anon
Telling a child that an adult without children might be “sad” about it reinforces the norm that everyone should have children (especially women) and there’s something wrong if they don’t.
Anon
can you ask the school for some resources?
Seventh Sister
FWIW, I tend to be pretty practical about the sensitivity part. Call people the name they want to be called, use the pronouns they want you to use. You don’t need to worry about who uses which bathroom. What you need to worry about in the bathroom is washing your hands. My kids were really rigid about “what boys do” and “what girls do” in their early elementary years, so I had to explain (often!) that different people do different things.
As my kids have gotten older, my discussions about this stuff have veered more into things like feminism, tolerance of others, cultural norms, etc. Since I’m a GenXer who went to a women’s college in the 1990s, this isn’t exactly my first rodeo about the difference between gender and s*x, though the terms and concepts have changed over the years and I do my best to keep up.
Anonymous
Seperate out gender identity (how you feel/what you want to be called), gender expression (what you wear, how you cut your hair), and school/social policies. E.g., Sarah feels like a he and wants to be called John, but her legal name is still Sarah. If you don’t know why John is on the girls team you could just say that – I’m not sure why; sometimes there are rules that don’t really take into account people whose gender identity does not match the gender they were assigned at birth.
anon
I explains trans to my kids as “if your heart says you’re a boy/girl for a long long time you can become a boy/girl” and “god made some people a boy/girl in their heart but not the way their body looked as a baby”. The heart one seems to work for your questions because when my kids as things like your mentioned I say “if you’re heart says you’re a boy/girl for a long long time, not just one day but not the other day, you can become a boy/girl” It seems to do it for them.
Bette
I don’t get how there being a child with two moms in your child’s class provides context for the two other scenarios presented?
I think the answer to all of your child’s questions is some version of “everyone deserves to be happy and that can be different things for different people and that’s ok.” Repeat ad nauseam.
When it comes down to it, there’s really no deeper answer than that to things in life.
CHL
Our church uses ” Who Are You- The Kids Guide to gender identity” by Brook Pessin-Whedbee and my 1st grader really liked it
Anon
Would Santa Fe be fun as a solo traveler? Do i need to rent a car? How long would you stay?
Looking at going in November and staying at the Inn at Governors. I love art, boutiques, history, and good food.
Anon
I think it would. Museum time is better solo anyway. I really love Santa Fe and would go there solo if the opportunity arose.
Anonymous
Yes, yes, 3-5 days? There are a ton of interesting things to see reasonably near by that would be good day trips for the longer side of that range, although maybe less so if you are not into outdoorsy stuff. The art galleries there tend to be very southwestern themed, but they have some incredible museums and a well-respected contemporary art space (SITE Santa Fe).
pugsnbourbon
I think you’d have fun as a solo traveler. Renting a car gives you more flexibility and options.
Things to do: Definitely check out the IAIA museum and the NM Museum of Art. The Folk Art museum is wonderful. There are tons of galleries to explore, too. Drive up to Taos – it’s breathtaking and the pueblo is open for tours again. Bandelier has some great options for hikes and history. Skip the Loretto chapel ($5 and … it’s just a staircase). You could spend a full day and a full paycheck shopping on the plaza.
Food: Horno, Casa Chimayo and Paloma are non-skippable. We haven’t done Sazon or Coyote Cafe yet but they get good reviews from the neighborhood page.
Don’t forget we’re at 7,000 feet – stay hydrated and take it easy your first day!
Anonymous
Yes I’ve been multiple times solo and love it. You can enjoy the city center without a car but I would rent one. It’s beautiful driving even minutes outside the city, thrilling open spaces. Def worth going to Ojo Caliente and Ten Thousand Waves.
Anon
As an Albuquerque resident, I must say that you should not forget that Albuquerque exists, too. I can see how Santa Fe would be very cool if you’ve never been there, but it is VERY small. There are great things in Albuquerque, too, including the Tram, which is nearly a one-of-a-kind experience.
Anon
I’m leaving Santa Fe after 5 days here, and I’d come back solo without question. I saw many people who seemed to be solo traveling while here. Also I was glad my friend and I rented a car.
I wish we’d gone to more museums. The only one we made it to was the Georgia O’Keeffe museum in Santa Fe. If you want to tour her home and studio, start checking for tickets NOW because I believe it’s all sold out through October at this point. I wish we’d been able to do that! It’s in Abiquiu, which is 45 mins to an hour outside Santa Fe.
My two favorite restaurants were Dolina and Sazon. The latter was such a great experience. I stayed at Hotel St. Francis, which is very close to Inn of the Governors, and the area is very walkable. Highly recommend poking around Canyon Road galleries and The Tearoom over there, especially if you love tea. Oh, and if you’re into spa days, Ten Thousand Waves was miraculous.
Anon
Albuquerque resident here. I love poking around Santa Fe and would have no problem spending time there alone. Inn of the Governors is our preferred place to stay, and an easy walk to shopping and downtown. But, most museums are on Museum Hill, which is a bit far to walk (for me at least). A car would make it much easier to get there (there is a bus, but not frequent), or to Ten Thousand Waves, which is totally amazing and again, not all that far but a drive rather than a walk. Another place to investigate is the School for Advanced Research which has the most amazing pottery collection but is kind of hard to get in to – not open a lot. Also Meow Wolf is really fun: not a museum but an experience. Restaurants – also consider La Casa Sena.
Anon8
If you go, make sure to go to Meow Wolf!!! Book the first slot in the morning to avoid crowds.
Anonymous
I have an unusual request for this board, but I will give it a go: My father has asked his three kids to take a trip with him. The problem is, we are very spread out (VA, GA, MS, CA) and generally pretty broke. I am in the best financial position but that isn’t saying much and while at some points I could have funded/financially subsidized this kind of trip, but that is not my current situation.
Is there a good place for us to meet up close-ish to a major airport where accommodations are not too pricey? Note that we are not emotionally close and don’t see each other frequently (I haven’t even spoken to my stepbrother in 30 years; it’s been maybe a decade since my sister saw my father in person and 5 yrs for me), so something like sharing a house is pretty unappealing. And my father is 83, so something too outdoorsy is not a fit either. Meeting for a festival or event in a small city could work. As an example, he suggested Mardi Gras in Mobile but decided that would be too boring. Any suggestions for things of this sort?
Anonymous
I would look at which airport hubs are convenient since that will reduce costs and travel time – I’m guessing Charlotte or Atlanta would probably work for the east coast set, or maybe DFW or Houston. I think you are right to focus on cities with things to do that would allow you to split up if need be. Hotels and rental cars will be cheaper if there is no major festival or event going on, so maybe just pick a larger place that has things to do all the time.
KP
Memphis?
Anonymous
Will look at this. My sister and her BF really like it there but only spent a day or two and my father and stepbrother are very into music.
WalkingInMemphis
I’m in Memphis and there’s definitely enough here to occupy a semi-estranged family for a few days. In fact, we hosted a very similar family reunion in the city this summer. It’s a very affordable place. Happy to share more specific tips if you end up here!
Anonymous
Thanks! It’s definitely going on the suggestion list and if we pick it, I will surely post here again.
Anon
St. Louis? Art museum, history museum, zoo, and science center are free. Central West End and the Delmar Loop are walkable. Broadway level plays at the Fox and the symphony at Powell Hall are cheaper than major cities. Second largest Mardi Gras, but usually cold.
Anonymous
Thanks. I don’t think any of us has ever been there and it seems to check a lot of boxes, so I will check it out.
Cat
Maybe somewhere like Fort Lauderdale? There are inexpensive small Airbnb hotel/condo rooms everywhere, Uber is cheap, airport is good for discount carriers.
Anonymous
I probably should have specified no beaches. My father lived in a bucket list coastal city when I was a kid and forgot to take me to the beach until the day before I left on my second visit there when his wife caught me sunbathing on the deck and suggested I might like to see the surfers.
Anon
Sporting events? Spring training trip to Florida, perhaps, would be around Mardi Gras time if that’s the time frame you’re looking for, and if everyone is willing to fly Spirit into Orlando, you can probably fly cheap. You can see multiple games over 2-3 days. If you wait a little later, you could meet at an actual MLB city for a home series. If no one is into baseball, though, that is unlikely to appeal.
Anonymous
This is such a good suggestion for another family or maybe just for me and a friend/BF another time. The rest just don’t do professional sports, though.
Anon
Northwest Arkansas! You’ll need to rent a car when you get there, but there’s an excellent art museum, lots of great food, and plenty of pretty areas for hikes or enjoying nature. There are cheap Air BnBs as well that would fit all of you.
Anonymous
This sounds appealing. Are there hotels? I really can’t stomach the idea of sharing living space and I suspect my stepbrother will feel the same. My sister will be with her BF. The rest of us likely solo. And there will be a lot of pressure not to split up for activities/meals, but also probably a lot of napping.
Anon
Yes! Lots of great hotels at various price ranges. The Hive is the most fun and not terribly expensive by big city standards. The restaurant there is excellent.
Anon
+1. It’s a great place.
London (formerly NY) CPA
Would something like a 3 day cruise be totally out of budget? Would allow you to do different things during the day and maybe come together for dinners. I did that once with my extended family including elderly parents and it was a great solution.
Anonymous
Are people cruising with Covid?
Cat
well hopefully not with Covid literally, but yes, boats are back.
Anon
Las Vegas generally has cheap flights and accommodations. While I am not a fan of Vegas, maybe the Grand Canyon or other sights like the Hoover dam might be appealing?
Anonymous
Interesting thought! I think the immediate response would be negative and then maybe we’d warm up to it.
Anonymous
I apologize if this has been asked recently, but what is everyone wearing under suits these days? Pre-Covid I had some of those JCrew silky/soft t-shirts that worked well but they need replacing and I’m struggling to find anything nice but basic (i.e., not ruffled or with literal feathers hanging from the cuffs –looking at you JCrew). Thanks!
Anonymous
Oops, I am realizing there is a thread above about basic pieces. But if anyone has any go-to nice t-shirts or short-sleeve sweaters, let me know! Sleeves are nice to save on dry cleaning blazers
Anon
I like Quince’s t-shirts and short-sleeved cashmere sweaters.
ALT
Banana Republic Factory has silky sleeved blouses that are nice. They’re polyester but it’s thick, nice polyester. I was pleasantly surprised. Ann Taylor also has short sleeved sweater tees that I like!
Ribena
I got a nice basic blouse from Uniqlo recently
Anon
I have a bunch of fennel from my CSA but I’m not a big fan of it. Are there any ways use it up that doesn’t involve eating it roasted? I don’t want my veggies to taste like licorice. Perhaps it is not for me.
Anon
Bouillabaisse!! My favorite.
You can also very thinly slice it for salad. I used to make a fennel and grapefruit salad that was yummy. The two flavors compliment each other.
Anon
https://www.foodiecrush.com/avocado-and-grapefruit-fennel-salad/
Anon
The braised fennel with white beans is amazing and does NOT taste like fennel. The fennel makes the dish but it doesn’t have that licorice flavor (that I also hate). We made it twice a week for a month when we discovered it.
Anon
Fennel is very much a food that is not for me, I don’t want that smell anywhere near anything I’m eating. It’s not allowed in my kitchen and I even hate walking on trails with lots of it. Some things just aren’t salvageable and it’s okay to throw them out if you can’t find someone who wants them.
Anonymous
Hmm, roasted is the only way I like it, as I don’t like the anise flavor. It is much less apparent to me when cooked.
Cat
I would take it off your hands, lol. I like it on pizza with sausage, roasted with apples and proteins like chicken or pork, with goat cheese on bruschetta…
Curious
+1 send it all this way. I love it roasted with sweet potatoes and cinnamon, paprika, cumin, and salt.
Anonymous
Find someone raising black swallowtail butterflies and give it to them to feed the caterpillars? That’s about the only use I’ve got for fennel.
NYNY
I adore fennel, but understand how you feel. Use it in place of celery in soups or stews/braises. You won’t notice the anise flavor at all, but it gives more sweetness than celery.
Anonymous
Cheesy fennel tart, for savoury, or embrace the liquorice and make a desert? Fennel and apple cake, fennel “carrot” cake?
Anon
I’m trying to figure out how far down the smurf shoe rabbit hole I can go. My feet have been loving Birkenstocks these past two years. I have the Mayari sandals for summer and recently added the Siena. I’ve worn Boston clogs for years as slippers and added a new shearling pair for this fall. Last year I bought the Buckley loafer clog (backless) and never really loved the look but I wore them everywhere.
Now I’m looking at the London. If I had to go through and pick the ugliest shoe from their website, this might be it. But I kind of want a shoe with a back on it. I look at it and think “Smurf shoe” but also; “damn those look comfy.”
Imagine these on an rainy day with handknit wool socks. Have I lost my everlovin’ mind?
https://www.birkenstock.com/us/london-oiled-leather/london-heritage-oiledleather-0-eva-u_5326.html
Anonymous
Do it! I will join you as a Smurf-tte! My feet seriously sighed a little when I clicked on that link–they look so comfy. I had been eying the Bostons but they’re sold out everywhere in the color I want. These look like a great alternate/upgrade…with your heels staying warm too.
I’m so there with you on foot comfort. Have been rocking Arizonas all summer–suede for out of the house and an EVA pair for indoor slippers.
Anon
Would I wear these? Yes. Would I walk outside of my front gate wearing these? No. They do look comfy, but for me, they go to far into Lord of the Rings territory.
Anon
Ha, I think you have, but I’m also drawn to the idea. It’s very cozy.
Sybil
I love this whole post. I’ve never tried those but I’ve worn Gizehs the last three summers, I wear Buckleys for about a month in the fall, and I just got some pale pink Uppsalas at the end of the season last year. This year I’m eyeing the Zermatt.
Flats Only
I got Zermats for myself as a January 2021 treat, and they are just OK. They aren’t that warm, despite the shearling lining and the wool upper, and the shearling has matted down over time. I’ve looked on the Birkenstock website and not found replacement insoles. OTOH, they are a good winter replacement for the Crocs I wear around the house in the summer, and they do look cute and wooly in a Birkenstocky way.
AnonOP
FYI they name the London in shearling lined too, if you would like to join me in Smurfdom.
Anon
They are ugly, but I feel like ugly is kind of in right now. I love Birks. Go for it.
Anon
I read your post and was prepared to hate the shoe but – what? These shoes actually look fine. Comfy but not bad looking. I would wear them to work (west coast, bus cas) and errands.
Anonymous
I will be the outlier and say I wouldn’t risk being caught wearing those inside or outside my home. But I also don’t have an outfit that portrays “followed Phish, finished college, have a great weed dealer but psychedelics are my real jam, and support myself nicely” or any hemp accessories to go with them. If they suit you, go for it.
NotInstafamous
Big thanks to Is it Friday Yet & the mention of the Golden Enclaves book… I had missed that the second book was out entirely so I got it from the library on my walk home last night and now I get to read two!
Is it Friday yet?
You’re welcome! And lucky you not having to sit with the huge cliffhanger at the end of Last Graduate for a year, haha. I defo stayed up until 2:20am to finish Book 3. :) Enjoy!
Curious
wait omg it’s out?.yessss
Hootster
I am so excited for the final book! I’m contemplating stealth listening to it without telling my husband.
Anonymous
Favorite recipes that showcase fresh tomatoes? We have a bounty of tomatoes from the garden year and have been gorging ourselves on:
– all the tomato sandwiches
– “Nora Ephron” sauce (from Cup of Jo)
– gazpacho–and I like salmorejo even more
What are your favorites?
Anon
Caprese salad. Or just a sliced tomato salad with kosher salt, olive oil (just a little) and a chiffonade of basil.
Cut up tomatoes and chop some basil. Toss with hot pasta and good olive oil.
Salsa!! I like blender salsa best, personally, but any mixture of tomatoes, onions, jalapeño or Serrano chiles, and lime juice. I had a pico de gallo that got better and better as it sat in the fridge. The blender salsa separated a bit but one shake and it was absolutely great on eggs, my favorite. (J added a bit of garlic in the blender salsa)
When I’ve had a bumper crop of tomatoes I sometimes make Marcella Hazan’s butter tomato sauce with fresh tomatoes. I just cut the tomatoes in half and let them cook down for a good long time with the onion halves, butter, and salt, then I pluck out the onions and put the sauce through a food mill to get rid of the skins.
BeenThatGuy
Bruchetta! Tomato, olive oil, basil, red onion, balsamic vinegar, sea salt and pepper. Let it sit over night. There’s 100 ways to eat it, but sometimes I just use a spoon.
Anon
Bruchetta! Tomato, olive oil, basil, red onion, balsamic vinegar, sea salt and pepper. Let it sit over night. There’s 100 ways to eat it, but sometimes I just use a spoon.
Anonymous
Another jeans question….what “rinse” or shade are people buying to wear to the office?
Anon
https://taxprof.typepad.com/taxprof_blog/2022/09/strongruth-markel-publishes-book-on-her-son-dans-murder-sees-her-grandchildren-for-the-first-time-in-six-years.html
Anon
I remember reading about this in the news. It was bonkers
Anonymous
A few people here have mentioned sisters who make a habit of dramatically venting their grievances at their family expecting their family to appease them. What is your relationship with these sisters if any? Did you hit a point where you were like – that’s it, I’m done. Do you still see and talk to them?
My older sister has always done this – just unleashed at me – since we were teens. My parents always sided with her and appeased her and I was expected to deal. Unsurprisingly the person then gets nastier and even still she’s 45 and has mommy and daddy being like oh she’s just frustrated, lonely, stressed – as if no one else has ever felt that and kept their mouth in check. Last time she did this she unleashed on my parents instead of me and said incredibly mean things. Again within 2 days it was – but she’s our daughter, what do you want us to do abandon her blah blah.
I feel done with it after this last time even though it was about my parents not me.
Anon
Yes, and I avoid avoid avoid. Mostly it’s just nit picky stuff and complaining, but we’ve had a couple of blowups where she was just unleashing on me – – she’s the middle sibling in my family and somewhat a failure to launch adult, which is obviously all my fault. /s
We make nice but aren’t friends. We are social media connections and she sends memes to the siblings pretty much daily, sprinkled with occasional barbs, but nothing deep. Recently she had COVID (after being a COVID denier at first, she changed her tune after catching it three times) and I think it scared her so she wanted a lot of support from all of us while she was sick for about a week and a half, but once she felt better it was back to the snide comments and “jokes” at our expense.
I have decided she’s not worth the drama and upheaval of going full non-contact, and I don’t want to make other family members choose sides, so I’m low contact. I’ve grieved the relationship with my sister I wish I had and have accepted it for what it is, which isn’t much.
Our mother’s best friend for her entire life was her sister, so I grew up thinking that’s just how it would be, and it very much isn’t.
Anon
I made peace with the fact that I share DNA with a sociopath. My life is better without her. My mother went no contact and said her life is happier. We are ready to set up a refugee camp for people who cross her path, because good heavens some of them are scarred for the experience.
anon
I have a parent in Florida and am anxious and sick to my stomach as I watch the hurricane updates. She evacuated her home but is not that far inland. She is with others but I am just losing my mind with worry. Any tips for how to get through the next 24-48 hours without falling apart?
Wednesday
My mom was just in the Dominican last week when Hurricane Fiona hit, so I understand the worry. My personal faith in God helps me to trust and not worry as much. In addition, I turned off the news because it was only making me more nervous and watching. I am praying for everyone impacted by Hurricane Ian!
Amelia Pond
turn off the weather channel and the news! the information is always the worst case, never shows you what is happening in the locale your family member is actually in and gets ratings by being sensational. I’m not saying things aren’t bad, but don’t assume that it is that bad everywhere. also, don’t panic If they don’t constantly text or update you. when the power goes out in hurricanes I turn my phone off to conserve battery and only update family and friends at intervals until I get somewhere with reliable le power. its hard not to watch the news, but I promise it won’t make you feel better or give you the real story about where your family member is.
coastal resident
I think that if she evacuated to a place where it’s recommended, try to relax a bit. Florida knows what they’re doing. And especially if she’s with others – what exactly are you worried about? Maybe try to pinpoint that? And also turn off the news.
I live in a hurricane prone city and have done a couple in recent years. As long as she’s evacuated, it ends up generally being a monotonous period of rain (sometimes scary amounts) and a lot of inconveniences (and possible property loss! not trying to minimize that!) But I’ve stayed put where I was allowed to and never felt physically unsafe. I suspect it will be the same for her. The worst storms tend to be the ones that surprise people – where the storm suddenly got worse and people haven’t evacuated – Florida is not getting surprised here.
Anon
Look at news that is local to where she is.
Anon
Turn off the TV:
https://nypost.com/2018/09/15/weatherman-called-out-for-faking-battle-with-wind-during-florence/
London (formerly NY) CPA
My dad just recently moved to Fort Myers and my other family members live on Sanibel Island. They’re both smack in the path of the hurricane, and the flooding models show their neighborhoods will be under water. My family members are thankfully all well out of the way of the hurricane’s path, but I’m worried sick about their homes. Unfortunately there isnt anything to be done at the moment, so I’m just staying away from news and praying for good luck. Best of luck to your parent as well!
Anon
No good suggestions, but we spend half the year in SW Florida. We know our house is flooded but not how flooded. Saw early videos from neighbors but the water’s continued to rise and the power’s out so no recent updates. I have no idea what tomorrow will be like.
Outfit help anon
would anyone like to help me shop? I have a mid October client event. The location is upscale event space and it’s billed as a “cocktail party” but it takes place from 6:30-9:30 on a weekday so people (including me) will be coming straight from work. I would like something dressy ish but work appropriate, maybe a dress from The Fold? I welcome any other suggestions!
Anon
Any tips for surviving through burnout without dragging down your colleagues? The past year has been plagued by poor management, staff turnover, fire drills, and really uncomfortable ethical misconduct issues. I am burnt out. I can barely manage to do any work at all beyond showing up and contributing at meetings. I am embarrassed at my work ethic and my work quality. My annual self-review is due, and upon reflection, my productivity tanked since June. I’m also leaving in two months, although no one at my office knows that. I have one or two fantastic colleagues who i dread to let down or pull down with my negativity. The toxicity of the office culture is obvious, but I’ve always been a positive teammate who others seek out. Any tips for surviving the next two months? I guess I want permission to keep tumbling downhill to the bottom of this mountain without screwing over my team.
OP
Just to add: I’m historically a rockstar leader in the office, so I have to think others have noticed my total decline.
pugsnbourbon
I wouldn’t be too sure about that. People are pretty wrapped up in themselves, and if the culture is toxic they probably have their own issues/struggles. Even if you magically resumed your rockstar ways tomorrow, you can’t save them from that.
Write yourself a good review. Who cares if it’s BS?
When it comes time to leave, tell folks you’re willing to give them a reference and leave them with your contact info.
Monday
You’re talking about peers, not reports? And your exit plan is safe and not dependent on anyone at your current job? If the place is really a disaster, I’d just be poker-faced until I left. If any of the peers asks what’s up, you could answer in a way that might encourage them to leave too. It sounds like you think that’s best for them. (My opinion is harsher than it might be since you mention “really uncomfortable ethical misconduct issues”).
OP
Thanks for the input. Yes, these are peers. To be clear, I am not embroiled in the ethical issues. I spotted the ethical issues and raised them, but nothing about my reputation or conduct is in question.
Monday
My comment may have read as if I was suspicious of you–I wasn’t! I meant that my opinion was “harsher” toward your organization, meaning you owe them basically nothing, due to the misconduct. If it was a great place I might be more concerned about keeping a positive attitude for others.
Anonymous
Get your work done so you don’t dump everything on someone else’s desk when you leave. Other than that, you have this internet stranger’s permission to indulge in your senioritis.
Anon
Agree – it’s OK to have one eye on the door. Done is better than perfect. Have everything reasonably organized for your departure so colleagues know the status of your projects, files, etc and hand-off can be relatively smooth.
Take care of you.
Anon
Turn off the tv:
https://nypost.com/2018/09/15/weatherman-called-out-for-faking-battle-with-wind-during-florence/
Anon
Oops mis-nest!
Vicky Austin
Paging the poster from yesterday or anyone else with an excess of apples: Smitten Kitchen just posted an apple dumpling recipe!
Anonymous
Sigh. My parents live part of the time in coastal Georgia (2 houses back from the beach) and part of the time very far inland in Georgia and they’ve just informed me they’re at the coastal house today and intending to just stay there instead of heading back inland. I am not sure a coastal town in the age of climate change was the best idea for a retirement location…
Anonymous
I don’t question their overall decision to buy a home on the coast but I would be livid if my parents made the choice to stay today when they have a safe home of their own nearby to evacuate to. I am sorry. But if something goes wrong, know that they are making their own choice here and it is not your fault.