Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: The Gia Vacation Top

135 Comments

1. i keep seeing those red light masks! who has one? do i need it? not a lot of wrinkles at 45, good about sunscreen, some hyperpigmentation… TIA!

   1. And how is it with treating sagging – or does it not?

   2. I have one, purchased after an “I feel hideous” week early this year. I got one recommended by “goals to get glowing” on IG. I do think it makes a difference, but you have to commit to using it regularly which I sometimes fail at.

   3. Same age, I used mine regularly for 8 months and saw marked decrease in hyperpigmentation and less hormonal acne. Stopped using it for 2 months because of travel and life and did not fully revert, but definitely got some hyperpigmentation back and a little uptick in acne. So, back on the train for about 2 months and it’s going well.
      Also, it’s a good excuse to force yourself to rest/be still/mellow out for 10-20 minutes. I do it for 15 minutes and do not read or do anything else while I have it on, and I can pretty much guarantee no one else in my house will bother me for that time.

      1. I just got one but same here, I’m finding that 10 minute stretch quite calming, almost meditative. So at least that’s a benefit!

   4. I have one, use it every day (this one: https://omniluxled.com), and yes, it helps. Nothing super drastic, but noticeable over time. Also really helps with skin irritation and healing.

   5. It works. Red light also works on hair, which is why they make scalp versions. Unfortunately it also worked on my facial hair! I seem to have much more than I used to. Just the regular white downy hair.

2. My niece is graduating from high school in a few weeks. I’d love some graduation present ideas. What gifts have you seen that are well received? What do young adults even want these days? How do people feel about the “gift” of going to see her after she gets settled this fall, taking her/friends out to dinner, going shopping for stuff she still needs, etc.? I’m at a loss about what to get her but want to do/give something memorable. Budget is $500-1,000.

   1. The best graduation present I got was a large check.

   2. Honestly, a check. “Memorabilia” type stuff stayed in my bedroom and didn’t even come to college with me. I really appreciated the ability to have extra pocket money!

   3. If going to college, a gift card to the school store, she can buy books, supplies, school swag, etc.

      If going into the work force, cash.

   4. Money, but if you’re close enough that this would be fun then the idea of a visit with a shopping trip and dinner is great. I went to college far from home, and loved it but was of course homesick the first semester. Two of my uncles came to my city for a sports thing that fall and took me out to dinner – it was the best!

      1. ^^And I’ll add that this is indeed memorable – I still think about that visit and talk to my uncles about it fondly almost 40 years later.

      2. One of the best times I’ve had recently was going to my stepson’s college town and taking him and his roommate out to a nice dinner with his dad. And I 1000% remember every single family member who came to visit in college. I went to school sort of far from my parents, so local-ish relatives who took time meant a lot.

      3. Once when I was in college, my uncle was in town for something (business, sporting event, who knows). He asked to take me out but couldn’t meet up until later at night. We ended up at Waffle House! And it was great!

   5. Back in the day, my grandmother had a steamer trunk painted for me. She filled it with bed linens for college. It was very pretty and (so long as you’re driving to school) very practical. It lived at the foot of my bed or underneath my bed for all four years of college.

      Definitely a know your audience gift.

   6. I like both, with a 1K budget do $500 cash at graduation and then come visit and shop with her for the remaining $500. You sound like a great aunt!

      1. This. If she is involved in a sport, dance team, music, theatre, etc., time the visit so you can attend a game or performance.

      2. This is the way — and agreed, what a lucky niece to have you!

   7. the best gift i got was a toolkit, but that is significantly less than your budget. you sound like a wonderful aunt

   8. I would get a piece of real jewelry in the $300 range and combine it with a $750 check. Keep a gift a gift. Go visit and take her out to dinner because you’d do that anyway.

   9. Cash, and something for college like a shirt for her school

3. Makeup help, please! I just found out that I need to wear dramatic eye makeup with winged eyeliner for photos on Wednesday, and I have no idea what I am doing. Apparently I have “hooded eyes,” which adds a layer of complexity. Sephora has no makeup tutorial appointments available in time, and all the videos I can find seem to be AI-generated and are not terribly helpful. Can anyone recommend a reliable source of makeup tutorials, preferably on YouTube?

   1. Lisa Eldridge used to have great tutorials, not sure if she covers the exact topic you need.

      1. +1 Lisa Eldridge definitely has hooded eye tutorials.

         1. Here it is:

            https://www.lisaeldridge.com/blogs/videos/bold-winged-eyeliner-also-a-great-look-for-hooded-eyes?_pos=1&_sid=79ed67434&_ss=r

            1. Thank you!!!

   2. Do you have a friend who could apply it for you? Just thinking of how to help.

      For YouTube, I’d break this down into component parts: “winged eyeliner tutorial,” “smoky shadow for hooded lids,” etc.

   3. If you don’t typically do a wing, you don’t want your first attempts to be photographed. Go to a professional for application. Also, I am so curious – what mandates a winged eye?

      1. This!! I have hooded eyes and can only succeed at winged liner with intense focus with my face inches from the mirror (since I can’t see without my glasses). Even then, they likely aren’t going to be symmetric. I would just not if I had to do it myself tbh. Is it really required?

      2. Photo call for a community theatre production that opens this weekend. They couldn’t be bothered to give us hair and makeup requirements until tech week.

         1. Is there anyone in the production you could ask to do your eye makeup for this?

         2. What’s the show? Break a leg!

   4. I would make a makeup appointment to have your full face done.

   5. Go to the Bobbi Brown counter at your nearest department store before the photos on Wednesday and ask them to do it – buy a product or two to make it worth their while. You could probably swing by beforehand to make sure somebody good will be available. But, seriously, we all want to know why you need this for photos!

   6. Check with department store makeup counters & salons near you who may have MUA appointments – Sephora isn’t the only game in town. Agreed that this is not something to DIY for the first time for a photoshoot!

   7. Try a tutorial on YouTube like this one: https://youtu.be/Cm9f4LH-UrA?si=LzfUyQT2BVc8suiT

      A little practice, and you’ll get it! Good luck OP!

   8. I’d get one of those eyeliner markers and practice with it. like this –
      https://www.amazon.com/Winged-Eyeliner-Stamp-Smudgeproof/dp/B07GM317JJ/

   9. I have hooded eyes. I would definitely make an appointment at a makeup counter for this.

4. Prompted by red light mask question, but this is different. I have definitely chosen face over a**, and am pretty happy with my complexion. But my neck skin is crepey and wrinkly and super old lady-ish. Is there anything I can do for this, other than go back 30 years in time to tell young me to moisturize my neck better?

   1. The Roc retinol roller! Great for the neck.

      1. Ty!

      2. I’m going to check this out too. I recently started using the Gold Bond Crepe Corrector lotion on my neck and arms and I have noticed that my neck looks better on video calls.

   2. I recently started using Ebanel lipsomal retinoid facial moisturizer on my neck and cleavage. In two weeks, I am seeing marked improvement in my skin tone.

   3. I notice a big difference with the retinol night cream from Gold’s. Super cheap.

   4. Omnilux makes a mask for the décolleté, I got one last year for the same reason and it’s really helped. I’m also a lot more conscious of putting plenty of sunblock on my chest

   5. ¿Por qué no los dos?

      1. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

5. Time to get a few more warm weather zoom tops. What are your favorites that look polished but are comfortable? Specific recs $50 or less appreciated.

   1. I just bought a couple of Ann Taylor cotton poplin tops in good Zoom colors. No specific links because their inventory changes so fast.

   2. Again no specific recs, but I have had good luck at AT Loft for this kind of thing.

   3. Loft usually has these mixed media tops that I use for this. Also any of the J Crew or BR factory stores and linen tops.

   4. TJMaxx is great for this if you’re willing to spend a little time on the hunt and your nearest TJMaxx is well-organized by size.

6. For those of you who have sold through ThredUp, does it make a difference whether clothes are for current season?

   1. Sample size of two bags, but yes, a bit. If it’s a high-quality sweater (like ‘like new’ cashmere), people will buy it quickly regardless. If it’s mid-quality or more ‘holiday’ (acrylic blends, plaid / fair isle) might need a deeper discount to move.

   2. Selling on thredup off and on for the better part of a decade. I notice that people buy more seasonally on mall brands, but less so on higher end brands that I’ve sold (more driven by a good deal). I’d probably wait until fall for any heavy, cozy sweaters, but otherwise, just get it out of your closet. But, really, with transit, processing times and listing windows, you could have shoppers for the next season (fall) by the time people are shopping on the website.

   3. I don’t send my clothes to ThredUp for the money. I send them there because it allows people who wear my larger petite sizes to find them! I so appreciate being able to search for my size! I recently purchased an arguably dated black Lafayetter blazer in size 14P for 50 dollars. It is so well made that I will keep it forever, just like I would if I had paid full price new.

7. Which offer would you prefer? Option #1: $350k TC for fully in-office job, 40 minute car commute each way. Option #2: $270k TC for remote-first job. On the occasions I have to report to office, it is 25 minute car commute. I am in HCOL. Option #2 allows me to max out my 401k and pay bills but not much more (I have dependents).

   1. The second one. The cost of going into the office isn’t small, and the time to get there will mean that other costs pile up: driving nanny for the kids, aftercare, all that.

      1. I love that this is a sounding board and yet suspect that this may help level-set pay in a way that isn’t in my favor. “Look at how cheap we can hire remote workers!”

         1. But it is cheaper to hire remote workers. Pay has always varied across regions; it is far more expensive to live or commute to NYC or DC than Cincinnati, even if it’s the same job. Part of your pay is about those costs.

            1. I worked remotely for an employer in an LCOL area. We had a new graduate who worked remotely from a HCOL area and thought that she should get paid a COL differential.

      2. FWIW, I’ve never found a PT driving nanny who’d agree to be paid on the books since before COVID. The only thing that worked was doing the mom flex time of in-office 9-3 (when needed to go early), kid stuff, log back on from home later. We managed with afterschool programs, a later-starting middle school that they rode the bus to/from (so got home around 5).

   2. Info needed- how old are you and what kinds of opportunities ate you likely to have in the future if you take the lower paid job now? Also, are your dependents kids and if so how old? Finally is the substance/day to day of the jobs basically the same?

   3. Which job do you like more? If #1 is almost as good or better than #2, I’d go with that. If #1 will be more stressful or worse, I’d consider #2. Remote is a great benefit, but not $80k great.

   4. are these otherwise apples-to-apples jobs for role, seniority, and advancement opportunity?

   5. #1.

   6. #1, for sure.

   7. I would do better with option 2, but I don’t think either one is wrong. Being thrifty is easier for me than spending for ease and I’ve got cheap hobbies. Maybe travel is important to you or you need a bigger financial cushion because of family situations, in which case 1 would probably be better.

   8. #2 for me

   9. #1 unless there was something about #2 that is stand out, like better benefits or work scope. That’s a substantial pay difference, and honestly I’m hearing more of these remote first jobs evolve to hybrid/in person.

      1. On your last point… yep. I’d be afraid to lose hybrid or remote option. #1 for certain, not just for that reason but in part because of that risk.

      2. This was my first thought – how firmly remote is #2?

   10. I’m a big fan of remote work and a 40 minute commute sounds awful to me but like others I’m not sure if it’s worth 80k, especially when you’re not saving much beyond 401k at that salary. I think it would depend on soft factors – which has better growth potential, which do you think you’d like more, how much of a factor are logistics and will in-office work significantly disrupt your ability to do everything else you need to do.

   11. Assuming everything else is equal, option 2 for sure. I’ve been remote with very occassional in-office since 2020 and it’s been a wonderful life change for me that has not negatively impacted me professionally because I have a unicorn job.
       As you compare the two positions, I’d think about what the difference in income is after taxes rather than before, whatever the increased cost for commuting is, and whether option 1 will require you to spend more money on other things and/or will option 2 allow you to cut some current expenses that option 1 would not.

   12. Option 1. A 40 minute commute is nothing. Working from home is the fastest way to kill your career. You can see it here with almost a 100k comp difference for going in.

       1. Why do you assume that the comp difference is “for going in”? That’s pure speculation. And no, a 40 minute commute isn’t nothing.

          1. Because she describes everything else as equal. There’s also such a lost opportunity cost to working at home. It’s one thing if you have an otherwise untenable situation and childcare to balance, but money also solves for that.

   13. #1 hands down. That money will make a big difference, and give you more options over time

   14. Let’s break this down: it’s about $1500 a week difference. Yes, pay goes up on #1, but you are also having to pay for gas every week and speeding up repairs for your car. Is there parking or any other costs with that? Would going into an office mean you’re also eating out more?

       Obviously $1000 a week is a lot of money. This seems like a no brainer on $, but I still might take the job that was remote first because 80 minutes a day in a car probably means I’m not going to work out, I’m going to eat crappy food, and I lose a lot of my flexibility that allows me to handle caregiving and personal appointments during the day so I don’t have to take PTO for those little things. Those add up too. I might take the higher pay though if I was saving up for a big expense.

   15. My answer depends on your financial state.

       I aggressively saved and paid off debt for many years in a LCOL, so I value lifestyle and time with my kids over salary. I am in my equivalent of job #2, and I am very happy.

       If I still had debt or hadn’t reached my savings goals, I would choose the higher comp.

   16. I personally would take #1 because the money would open up so many future possibilities.

       But, I’d think about the math in terms of $/hr – you’d need to run the numbers for post tax, but pretax, 80k for an extra 80 minutes day is ~2x your “hourly” rate. If your job offered you “overtime” at double pay, would you do 5-10 hrs/week of it, or nope? (There’s no right or wrong answer!)

8. TW: Weight loss

   I’ve lost a small amount of weight – maybe 4-5 lbs. But I am fitting into clothes much better and even my mom/aunts who love to comment on everyones bodies have noticed. I feel like the number on the scale is not accurate. I don’t think I’m deluding myself because of mom/aunts and because I legit fit into pants I didn’t fit into before. For me I gain weight on my stomach first usually. It’s been mainly diet, not exercise, so its not that I’m more toned. Is it possible that there’s some water weight thing?

   tl;dr – I look like I lost more weight than the scale says I lost. Whats going on?

   1. Gaining muscle or losing bloat.

      1. +1

         A perfect example of why a focus on weight is far too narrow.

         1. I’m not focused on metric, it’s just the metric I have the easiest access to. I’ll have to start measuring at least. I’ve also thought of just using old pants as the measuring device.

   2. I’ve lost over 50 lbs over the last year on a GLP-1 and the scale definitely doesn’t tell the whole story. I have had periods of a few weeks where the scale really doesn’t move, but my clothes fit differently, so clearly something is happening. I’m not sure what the scientific explanation is, but you’re not crazy!

   3. 5 pounds is a pants size for me. I’m short and like you, gain and lose weight in my stomach. Consequently, I own multiple sizes of a lot of my clothes. Even when my weight doesn’t change at all, I like being able to switch between a looser and tighter fit depending on what I’m doing or if I’m layering.

      1. Ooh I’m 5’4″, that could be it. It’s always a little flexible what size I am.

         1. 5 lbs could easily be an entire size. I am 5’6″. For me size A up to size B is 15 lbs, but size B to size C is 5 lbs.

   4. If it’s been mostly diet is it possible you cut out or reduced something that makes you bloat? Drinking more water can also do this. That would be my guess if it’s pants fitting better. If you’re still working on it I would add measuring to weighing. I have one of those soft tape measures and measure around the fullest part of my chest, narrowest part of my waist, and widest area of my hips every couple of weeks and there isn’t always a clear relationship between scale changes and inch changes.

      1. Yeah I want to add this. I have a soft tape measure somewhere, will have to look it up. I’m wearing a dress with a very defined waist and that waist is definitely more defined today that it was last time I wore this dress.

   5. Are you shorter? I am 5’4 and anytime I lose weight (even 4-5 pounds) it looks very noticeable!

   6. If we have insulin resistance, we can have a lot of water weight and also liver glycogen weight; dieting can reduce this quickly. If we’re exercising, muscle gain increases our weight even if we’re losing fat at the same time (muscle weighs more).

   7. Size is a function of height, weight, fitness, and bloat. The scale isn’t wrong. You’re not considering two major factors.

   8. Inflammation, bloat

9. My marriage is deeply struggling.

   My husband has depression, anxiety and alcohol abuse. For the past 10 years (as long as I’ve known him) he was able to moderate and manage without treatment. The wheels came off in January and he had a major relapse. He’s seeing a psychiatrist now, completed IOP, is looking for an individual therapist. I started my own individual therapy in January and we started couples therapy a month ago.

   I need to call a spade a spade- he doesn’t want to change. He wants to continue to drink and thinks he can moderate. He had 2 beers with a friend a month ago and I freaked out. He’s dry right now. He says he’s looking for an individual therapist but he’s refusing certain times and days.

   I don’t know what to do. I know I’m going to get a lot of encouragement to leave him and that’s all fair. But 1) I love him deeply and want to be with him (but not like this) and 2) we have 2 young children. He truly is a wonderful father.

   1. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. Start with building your personal supports – individual counseling (for you), confirming safety for your children (driving, etc.), and financial stability in case things change (for you and your kids).

      None of us can tell you what to do because we aren’t in your shoes; however, I have never known someone who regretted making sure their ducks were in a row regarding safety, personal mental health support, and finances.

      1. This is good advice

   2. I think this is basically a conversation to be having with your individual therapist and also your couples therapist, and it might also be beneficial for those professionals to be talking to each other.

      In terms of considering your options other than leaving, I think it depends a lot on what “the wheels came off” means (like what he actually did, what kind of impact that had on you/your family, etc.), and what he is (not) seeking to change. You’re really focused on the alcohol, and that makes a lot of sense because it’s really concrete and visible to you, but there’s clearly other stuff happening here too, and my assessment of my spouse’s commitment to being a functioning spouse and parent would probably turn more on what he was doing with respect to that.

      I do think that, in your shoes, I’d need to see my spouse really committed to finding a therapist, and I’d probably bring that up in couples therapy, with the idea that it would be a more productive, less defensive conversation there than it would if we were trying to do it on our own.

   3. I have a friend who was in a similar situation. They agreed her husband would take that medication that makes one violently ill if they drink, he took it in front of her each morning. He also did an intensive in-patient treatment. I think the key is, he needs to agree to stop drinking. If he won’t agree, it is best for you and your children if you go.

   4. I’m so sorry. I agree with an earlier poster that you should make sure you have everything you need — finances, mental health and community supports, etc. And then you need to determine (perhaps with your therapist) what your non-negotiables are. If a non-negotiable for you is that he stop drinking entirely, then you need to communicate that and — and this is very hard — stand by your boundary.

      Good luck to you, and please update. I’ll be thinking about you.

   5. I agree with all the great advice above.

      Also, “I want to be with him but not like this” is probably not an option. People only change if they really want to, and you’ve already said your husband doesn’t want to. I am a firm believer that relationships should be evaluated not on the best parts (even the worst relationships have their good moments), but on the worst parts. The worst part of my current marriage is that occasionally my husband is grumpy for a minute. The worst part of my last marriage was that my husband would yell at me, gaslight me, and give me the silent treatment for days on end, and I was constantly walking on eggshells waiting for the next explosion.

      As for the children, if he really is a wonderful father (I’ll take your word for it although it seems inconsistent with being an out-of-control alcoholic), he can be a wonderful father in a separate house. And I think you will find it is much easier and more peaceful to be a single parent without him on site than the current situation of parenting the kids and worrying about him all the time.

      So yes, get your financial, legal, and emotional ducks in a row and don’t take any options off the table. And please don’t let it drag on for years and years because you and your children deserve better than this.

      1. Yes, this dynamic will be more damaging to the children as they grow up

         1. Walking on eggshells is damaging. I didn’t get that from OP (maybe I’m missing something).

   6. I’m not sure that every psychiatrist is always on the cutting edge of meds for alcohol abuse management. With the right meds I’m not sure that it’s always absolutely necessary for everyone to be completely dry vs. back to something like his status quo for the last ten years. But I get that after whatever happened in January that that status quo may not work for you anymore! I hope he will at least be willing to consider that he’s self treating his mental health issues and needs to get a better grip on all of this.

   7. He’s not a wonderful father. He’s an alcoholic who won’t get sober and that’s fundamentally incompatible with being a wonderful father. I had an alcoholic grandparent and it negatively impacted me a lot, and the parent-child relationship is obviously a lot more significant than the grandparent-grandchild one.

      1. No it isn’t. Stop with your black and white thinking. If OP says he’s a great father I believe her and you should too.

         1. +1

      2. It’s really not incompatible. It was in your family, but there are people who are missed and mourned by their families who drank every day of their lives, who were a joy to live with. People aren’t perfect.

         1. Yep. I knew plenty of toxic alcoholics and also some lovely ones I miss every day.

            1. My mom was a lovely alcoholic and was, at times, a great mom. I miss her every day. However, I can’t say her alcoholism didn’t affect my childhood, and my siblings. A truly good parent would be fighting their disease, not just saying “this is who I am.”

      3. This is the problem with crowdsourcing this type of thing. We are not mental health professionals and tend to project our own experiences onto someone else’s life. My personal experience is that many alcoholics are wonderful parents, husbands and friends. I recognize that other people have a different experience.

         But also OP said alcohol abuse and that is not the same thing as alcoholic. Someone who stops after two beers may very well abuse alcohol. That is not the same thing as someone who is physically dependent. That matters because the treatment plan and impact are not the same.

         OP – if him not having any alcohol at all is a dealbreaker for you (which might be completely reasonable; that is what therapy is for), then start exploring your options for leaving and make a plan. Talk to a lawyer about your realistic expectations around money and parenting. Because if he does not think he has a drinking problem the best you will be able to do is get him to hide it from you. You will not be able to make him stop drinking.

      4. +1 my dad was an alcoholic and he wasn’t fooling anyone. We were acutely aware.

   8. I say this as a person who had an alcoholic father as a young child and then as an adult had to deal with an alcoholic uncle who was dependent on my mom/grandma for financial support. He will never change or moderate until he wants to change. You, your children, will never be a motivation for him to change.

      The best thing my mom did for me was to take us and leave. My dad was always a frequent drinker, but ended up losing his job and subsequently down spiraling. It took two things to convince my mom to leave: my grandma having a conversation with her, asking her if she would be happy to see me end up marrying a man like him, and he finally became violent. He never changed, and he died of liver disease. My uncle on the other hand got arrested, and I chose to spend 7K to get him bailed out, and he had a year of parole with required AA attendance. He hit his three year sober mark a month ago, and he will be the first to say, the motivation had to come from himself.

      I encourage you to look into AA for family. You are in a terrible position, and you need to know there is nothing you can do to fix him. It is not your fault.

   9. I want to suggest that a separation could be really helpful in this situation. I know most people think of that as just a precursor to divorce, but it doesn’t have to be! I know one couple where she moved out for a year and that experience really helped her husband get his head on straight and gave them both time and space to break some bad habits they had fallen into in the relationship and personally. They’ve got a good relationship now. And maybe it does mean that you learn he’s not going to change, but you need to know that sooner rather than later. Give it a set period of time, 6 months or a year, where you live apart and really gain clarity on who you are as an individual, what you want from the relationship, and what you can realistically expect from him. It’ll suck, but it’ll solve the problem in the time frame, as opposed to this dragging on for who knows how long.

      1. Good point

   10. This post made me cry because this was me 3.5 years ago. Exactly like your situation including being a good father and thinking they could moderate the drinking. We separated for 3 years and I finally filed for divorce last fall, and it was final in October.

       He said he would do all the things…outpatient or inpatient, therapy, couples therapy, AA…..you know all the options. But he never followed through. He would start doing something and never finish. All talk no action. I finally had to accept that this was not the marriage I wanted for me, or for my kids. It still really hurts because it’s not what I wanted at all.

       He has continued to drink and not get any help in the years since separation and he recently had a major health issue due to drinking. I would not be surprised if he died from his drinking eventually and honestly it would be easier for me and probably? maybe? the kids.

       In my heart I knew it wasn’t going to get better (and you probably do to, based on his behavior) and had to force myself to leave him and then end the marriage. It took 8 years of the really bad behavior for me to finally come to this decision. I probably shouldn’t have taken so long but I did.

       1. I’m so sorry you went through this too. Thank you for sharing with me.

   11. Has he tried a GLP1? It really is amazing at quashing the desire to drink. That plus an antidepressant could be what he needs.

       1. I was thinking that there has never been a better time to medically manage alcohol use disorder.

          1. It is truly a miracle drug. The puke one sounds awful and I cannot imagine taking it but I’ve seen GLP1s work wonders for people who want to quit or moderate drinking.

          2. This is true. As I said the other day, I’m on a teeny tiny dose of GLP-1 and generally drink only half of my nightly glass of wine.

   12. I was you a couple of years ago, including with young kids. You have great advice already. I encourage you to talk honestly with close friends about what is happening, and speak about it with your own individual therapist.

       In my case, I gave up trying after all the tear-filled conversations, marriage counseling, book, etc. I told my husband that I wanted divorce. He stopped drinking, got a psychiatrist, etc and now we have a normal family life. If he had not made those changes, I would have gone through with the divorce. If he returns to those behaviors, I am immediately filing for divorce.

       I’m sorry you are experiencing this. It was a terrible time in my life.

   13. Oof, that sounds very hard, I’m sorry.

       Unless you think he might be alcoholic, odds are he’s using alcohol to self medicate for the depression and anxiety. It’s unlikely he’ll stop drinking unless those are handled in a different way, if it’s a coping mechanism. Stopping him drinking won’t take away depression or anxiety, but taking away depression or anxiety might stop him drinking.

       Has he tried any sort of medication for depression? Depression is not necessarily a therapy kind of situation, he might need a boost.

       I recommend Who deserves your love by K C Davis as a really good book about non-judgemental ways to handle people you love who hurts you.

   14. If your husband is an addict and you have young children I would caution you to not get divorced.

       Everyone says leave but it’s in these cases it really is worth considering staying to protect the children if they are young. Courts today will give an alcoholic 50/50 custody. Your custodial schedule will at best be 60/40. That’s 4 nights in a two week period or every other weekend and 40-45 nights during the summer.

       I hope your therapist is able to help you figure out your path. It’s going to be very challenging and difficult for the next few years.

       Personally, I stayed married until my youngest was self sufficient. I left when all 3 could feed, wash and clothe themselves. My youngest was 6.

   15. Are you willing to consider Al-Anon? It started at a time when the wives of alcholics did not have the option to leave so they had to learn to live with the drinking spouse. Today, they can help you work through what you are willing to live with and how to live your own life if you want to stay. I would suggest checking out more than one meeting.

10. My autistic teen has a first job lined up for the summer. I required an application and a asynchronous interview done by some sort of AI thing. Aimed at the general teen population, so I was worried about how this would go. I realize that there may be many social-emotional lessons to be learned between now and when school starts again in the fall, but I am so proud of getting to this point (and also very anxious). But very happy at the moment.

    1. Congratulations to your kid! The first job experience will build maturity and confidence as it does for every teen, ND or not.

    2. Congrats!! I have an autistic kid and I understand the anxiety and what a triumph it is to get the job lined up. You’re doing great!

    3. Congrats!!

    4. Wonderful — congratulations!

    5. I have an autistic kid too and I’m thrilled for you. I hope they have an amazing summer.

    6. This is so great! Congratulations to you and your teen!

    7. Congrats!!!

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