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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
The Ann Taylor Hutton Blazer has been a longtime favorite, and this purple color is one of the best ones I’ve seen so far. The bold jewel tone is perfect for fall.
If you’re looking for a full suit, they do have matching pants available (in classic, petite, and tall), but I actually prefer the idea of pairing this with a coordinating top like this one (now 25% off!) and some navy or black trousers.
The blazer is $179 at Ann Taylor and comes in sizes 00-18 and 00P-16P.
Looking for plus sizes? City Chic has a purple blazer (in a cooler shade) in sizes 12-24 that's on sale for $44.
Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Save up to 40% on new markdowns
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
Anon
Hi all- we are setting off for the French Riviera and hoping to supplement our rough plan with any recs! Specifically – any French skincare brands that aren’t already at Sephora etc., or particular restaurants in the Nice-to-Menton stretch that are good for casual meals. Our days will be a mix of cycling, planned scenic or historic walks, sunbathing, and sailing.
Anon
Not casual at all, but lunch at la Chevre d’or in Eze is amazing (not the Michelin star restaurant which is stuffy, but whatever their mid range restaurant is. Still expensive, but view is amazing, food is good, setting is spectacular. Go to the Botanical garden in Eze while you’re there, and I enjoyed the Fragonard visit too). If you go down to Eze Beach, we enjoyed lunch at Anjuna (fun fact – Bono is a regular). Easy access from Nice by train or cab.
Anon
Also, Menton is cute. It has a fun Italian vibe and feels a little off the beaten path. I don’t remember anything specific but we enjoyed wandering the streets and sitting down at random patios and had pretty good food that way. There is a row of Art Nouveau villas that’s worth seeing.
Eliza
Menton is a great rec!
Anon OP
Thanks- we are planning a day in Menton that ends in a sunset sail from the marina there :)
Taking notes on the restaurants!
RUCHIKA
Caudalie and Nuxe and Garancia!
Anon
+1. I also like Patyka and Sanoflore.
SFAttorney
Sisley. And I second the suggestion to buy sunscreen that’s not available in the US. The EU has approved different kinds of sunscreen ingredients.
Anon
I’d buy sunscreens not available here. We have La Roche Posay in the US but not the same La Roche Posay they have in Europe.
Anonymous
+1
Anon OP
Thanks all! And good call on the sunscreen suggestion – one less thing to pack, to boot!
Anon
Love this color.
Anon
Really pretty. I’m not a plum/purple fan but this leans more “berry” to me.
Anonymous
It’s my favorite color! Jewel tones are the most flattering on me (don’t know what that translates to but I’m sure it’s a season of some sort).
Anon
A little more muted, but the banana factory suit featured here last week in plum is great IRL.
Anonymous
I used to rock these colors but as I grew older, they wash me out.
Anonymous
try them again with more eyebrow makeup — i find that’s the trick. softer colors just play up my gray more so I’d rather have the vitality of the bolder colors.
Anon
I’d have a hard time not renting a convertible and having To Catch a Thief on repeat. Can I live vicariously through you!
Anon
Yes!
Anon
Today is my first day of balancing work and grad school. Excited but nervous for this chapter.
Cb
Exciting! Can I offer some do as I say, not as I do advice? Figure out your referencing system now and store all your notes with the properly formatted reference rather than BROWN 2013?!
anon
oh boy! this is me in two weeks. keep us posted!
Anon
I really agree with this. It takes so much time upfront but will save you later when writing papers. Use a real referencing software like Zotero, and as you read, record great lines as quotes with page numbers listed in the ‘notes’ section. I use and really like Mendeley but I think they stopped updating it a while back, so wouldn’t choose it if I were starting again.
That, and networking is just as important as doing the coursework.
Anonymous
I totally agree!
AnonAnon
Sending you all the positive vibes! I won’t claim it’s easy (I’m in year 3 of a grad program geared towards working professionals) but it’s doable. I’ve depended on Amy’s frozen meals more than I’d like and have had to let my home cleanliness standards slide more than I’d like, but maintaining exercise and reading for pleasure have been key to staying sane.
Z
Congrats!! I finished my masters last year after 5 years of part time school and full time work. I did one class at a time and no thesis, so it was a bit easier, but still a lot of lost weekends and evenings. Good luck!!
Anon
Good luck!!
Anon
After a funeral, do we write thank you notes to people who sent flowers? I know some of the people but some are parents’ friends through church that I don’t have info for. Dad is a mess and just can’t but feels a need to.
Anon
If its not a huge burden, yes its the polite thing to do. Could you work with the priest or some other representative from the church to get addresses?
You can keep it pretty boiler plate and from the family in general – thank you for your flowers / support / prayers during our family’s difficult time. If your dad wants to follow up with something more personal later, he can.
Anon
I think you expect too much from grieving families dealing with settling an estate.
Anon
I just know that every time I’ve sent flowers, food, or donated to the requested charity I have received a thank you. Every time.
Anon
Same here. Based on other responses i wonder if its regional.
Anon
FWIW, I’m in Philly and always, always, always have received a thank you note for flowers, charitable donations, or other things for a funeral or bereaved family.
Josie P
FWIW I have received preprinted TY cards after sending gift basket to recently bereaved fam – I would just order a bunch of those and send out to whoever you can find and call it a day.
Anon
Often the funeral home will provide these at no extra charge.
Anon
Often the funeral home will provide these at no extra charge.
Jane
I did for people who sent flowers and made donations. I told myself that I would write 3 per day, which I did. Breaking it down made it more manageable. They’re also pretty cut and paste – you say the same thing to everyone unless you have something specific you can add to a person.
I so appreciated one of my mom’s friends who specifically told me not to send a thank you note to her because she knew how much there is to do after a relative’s death and this wasn’t where she wanted me to spend my time and energy.
Anonymous
Personally I would feel so guilty if I got a thank you after a funeral. I buy flowers as a sign of respect not so I can get forced social niceties. Please don’t feel obligated to send thank yous!
Anon
This. I send things after a death to ease the burden on the family, not add to it.
orchid
I have never received a thank you, either for flowers or donations, and would never expect one.
anon
really never? I think the point of the thank you isn’t to thank but so the person who sent it knows it was received.
Anon
I mean, it’s flowers to a funeral. If they aren’t received, it’s okay for me not to know that.
Anon
This. Thank yous are really a confirmation of receipt.
And I’d feel awful thinking that a friend or relative thought that I didn’t send something because they never got it
Anon
@12:10 those are your feelings and you need to live with them. The bereaved have more intense feelings to deal with than yours.
Anon
I mean, people have been cut out of my family for not sending flowers and a card after a funeral, so yes I want to make sure that they know that I have done my part and sent what I need to send
Anon
Then your family are assholes.
Anon
I see that the person who gets mad at people who have different opinions is back today. Is it not hard living this way?
Anon
Agree I don’t expect one. And I didn’t send them when my mom died. Pretty much everyone who sent anything was at the funeral and thanked in person.
It’s time for the obligation of a thank you note to die! As long as a person knows you got the thing and has been thanked in some form, the mailed thank you note needs to go the way of the dinosaurs.
CapHillAnon
Hard disagree. They’re grace notes in a rushed world.
Your life, your rules, but personally I’d hate to see this particular practice snuffed out. It’s thoughtful and decent to send thank you notes.
Anon
I thanked people in person at the funeral of my beloved mother and that’s not enough for you? Rethink your life.
anon
same, I’ve sent them many times and would never expect a thank you.
Senior Attorney
Same, and although I thanked people in person at my mom’s service and meant to send written thank-yous, in the end it didn’t get done.
Anon
I have sent flowers and made donations many times in the last year. I am something of a high stickler and have never been offended not to receive a note. That said, my mother found a lot of solace in writing notes after her mother passed. It was a way for her to remember who acknowledged the loss and have warm feelings. She did it a few months after the memorial service.
Anecdata
^same, I would never be offended not to receive a thank you after a funeral (and I’d feel awful if the family was stressed about them!) but agree that sending them can feel good, and it sounds like it might feel good to your dad
Greensleeves
Could you cover the church friends by having something put in the weekly newsletter/email? People do that fairly often at my church and it sounds like that would reduce the workload quite a bit.
Walnut
In my small hometown, I have seen this in the local newspaper as well.
Anonymous
Are you perhaps the poster whose mom just passed away and whose dad lives at a distance in a smallish town? If so, and this is important to him, just give the church a call and let them help you. If it’s a very small church, they may not have someone in the office full time answering the phone, so you may need to follow-up in other ways. I’m in a church office and we are glad to help in these ways — we know their parents so well, and the son or daughter is often quite distant and disconnected from us and therefore doesn’t recognize how much their parents were part of our lives.
anon
+1 that if it’s important to your dad, it’s ok to enlist help. When my dad died, I wrote some thank you notes and my uncle helped with a bunch. Some probably fell through the cracks. I’m a stickler for thank you notes, but I would be aghast if anyone faulted a grieving family for failing to send a thank you note.
anon
Text/email message thank you to one of the church friends that is most likely to help your dad out, and ask them to pass along your thanks to the other church people. Text can be “I wanted to reach out and thank you for everything you’ve done for Dad. The flowers you and the other church members sent were lovely. Please pass my thanks along to them.”
smurf
do I feel a need to receive one? absolutely not, but when my grandpa died, it was very important to my grandma to send written TYs to everyone. We assembled the addresses, made a list of who gave what, and addressed all the envelopes so she could write the cards as she wanted to (she wanted to write them herself).
I think it was healing for her / they have a big social network and snail mail is part of it. There shouldn’t be an obligation to but I think def make it easy as possible for your dad if it matters to him.
sorry for your loss <3
Anon
I sent them out for the flowers sent to my mother’s funeral. It’s pretty much expected where I live. Before the visitation and funeral hours i went around and took a picture of each one with my phone. I tried to include the card that came with and enough of the item to personalize what was otherwise a very short thank you note, i.e. “Thank you for your flowers in remembrance of Mother. The orchid was beautiful and will serve a continued reminder of your thoughtfulness at my brother’s home.”
Anonymous
What brands are still high quality? I need to buy new clothing after gaining weight – medical reasons, it’s staying. I purchased several mm La fluer, Ann Taylor, JCF, banana factory, and old navy items 2-3 years ago (2021ish). All of these items now have visible flaws – seams needing repair, pulled threads, fading. Any brands I could purchase and expect to wear for 10 years? I’m on a $100-300/item budget, roughly.
Anon
Banana Republic and J Crew are good; their “factory” pieces that I have are largely workwear and have also held up well (and my teens’ clothes from there is several years old and abused but holding up quite well).
Anon
Boy, I disagree with the assertion that these brands are “still quality.” J. Crew in 2014 and J. Crew in 2024 are two completely different quality levels.
Anon
My recent J Crew stuff seems much higher quality than a lot of more expensive labels.
Anon
Maybe I need to give them one more shot! Was not impressed with their fall line but haven’t shopped there since.
AnonAnon
I think expecting items to last 10 years is a big ask. That being said, I’ve found that by washing all of my clothing on cold, delicate cycle (at times in delicates bags) and hanging it laying them flat to dry, the life of my clothing regardless of brand is usually pretty excellent.
Anonymous
I bought a grey suit material pencil skirt with a triple pleated vent in the back that was lined for $50.00 (a lot for me on state worker fresh college graduate budget) at the Limited in 1989. It was perfect unitl 1999 when I got pregnant and grew out ot it. IT is not a big ask to expect clothes to last 10 years. Oh, same with a pair of yoga pants from Target. Now they pill in two wears.
AnonAnon
Sure for outerwear, jeans or boots. But underwear, tshirts or blouses that you wear often? Good luck getting those to still be reasonably current and look decent after a decade of wear but you do you.
Anon
I’d look at Theory, Vince, Hobbs, and regular JCrew. All have held up well for me, with a few bad cotton blend tees excepted from JCrew, with careful laundry.
orchid
Agreed, and also perhaps new banana republic, which has gone up in price and (I think) quality. But…I think every brand has good stuff and bad stuff, and if you are primarily focused on stuff you can wear for a long time, you either need to shop in person, or buy a bunch and only keep the items that really feel well made. And honestly, I would push back on the 10 years idea. I have SOME pieces in my closet from 10 years ago, but styles and cuts change, and even though many pieces are still in good shape, they look dated. I gave away all my suits and a lot of dress pants recently, after realizing that there is no reason to keep pants with such a low rise – they are neither flattering, nor comfortable! I am also not the same person I was 10 years ago and my style has evolved as well. So, maybe shoot for some items you can keep a long time, but in the end, clothing is consumable.
Worried
+1 I posted over the weekend about finally donating my 5-10 year old items that were good quality items— one locally made item from a boutique. While these items lasted, they were too big due to weight loss, and needed lots of styling to look current. Some items were older items from the gap that surprisingly lasted longer. Styles change and bodies change — and ultimately, it is hard to predict what will last. I agree that the key is to shop in person when possible and try and extend the life of items by laundering carefully.
Anon
Yeah 10 years is a lot for the budget you’ve assigned. Agree with this list and the other suggestions of recent Banana Republic and Veronica Beard, would also add Reiss and Rag and Bone, and if you want to get spendy (or buy on Posh or ReaLReal) Akris Punto. Also agree quality control seems to be item by item within the line more so than in the past, so reading online reviews is key because one pair of pants might be fine and another might have consistent “seam ripped after four wears” reviews. One thing that people might not realize is that the RealReal takes returns as long as it’s not on final sale, which makes trying the sizing for the originally higher priced lines a lot easier.
Anon
Nothing will last 10 years at 100-300 per item. Best quality I’ve found lately is Veronica Beard, they run good sales, but you’re still looking at more than that. I’d readjust your mindset and just get stuff at same places you liked before and lower your expectations. You can also have a tailor repair minor stuff.
Anon
Unfortunately I think this is true. I’m happy when I get 3-4 years out of a piece these days. My suggestion would be to sale stalk pieces at Saks/Nordstrom that you know are high quality and to spend less on basics that wear out more quickly. I’d invest more $$ on blazers, shoes, dresses, nice sweaters, less on blouses/tops – anything that I wash/dry clean once a week isn’t going to last me more than 3-4 years if that.
Anon
This. I get 10 years of an outer layer garment, like a jacket or sweater, vs a daily item like basic black pants or a tee. Whatever I reach for a lot may just get worn out, especially if it needs regular laundering. That makes it just a commodity item, like socks or underwear, that I am regularly replenishing. A cashmere sweater may be a lifetime purchase, but a layer that touches your skin likely is not no matter how expensive or how high the initial quality is.
Panda Bear
To some extent, I think it depends on the item and how much wear it gets. I have an Eileen Fisher boiled wool jacket that’s about 10 years and still looks brand new – vs. the same brand’s linen tees that have started to look a bit sad after two years of frequent wear.
Anon
EF’s quality has sadly declined. I remember cotton or linen tops in black that kept their color and shape for years. I remember when the stretch crepe pants had some heft to them and were undoubtably suitable for office wear when paired with appropriate tops and not the thin, athleisure in disguise that they are now. I actually wrote them a couple of years ago to say that they were devaluing their brand and would go the way of J Crew, which in the late 80’s and most of the 90’s was high quality – well made, substantial fabrics, and natural fibers.
Anonymous
I like Elie Tahari and Trina Turk. On sale pieces will hit your price point.
Anonymous
I think it’s extremely difficult to predict which pieces purchased today will still be in good condition 10 years from today. I feel like fabric and construction quality is going down by the year, so even a brand that has had a good track record may no longer be buying the same quality fabric they bought 5 years ago.
anon
I have not found that better quality things are better (jcrew, vince). their fit is better and the patterns more likely to line up etc but in terms of actual wash and wear i’m not convinced it matters though i know there are people here who swear that old navy is shit but honestly the cotton sweaters and tshirts i have from there are really comparable to j crew as far as i can see. again, not the colors of the fabrics but their ability to be washed.
Anon
Frankly, I started wearing L.L. Bean and Patagonia in my personal life because I find they are still producing clothing that is built to last.
Is it super cute? No. But it lasts and lasts.
Anon
I’d buy higher quality brands used.
Anon
+1 My workwear is mostly Hugo Boss or Equipment, my dress up clothes are Reformation, my casual clothes are J Crew, and my athleisure is Lululemon or Athleta. All purchased on Poshmark for less than $75 a piece, typically less than $40.
A
Vince, Eileen Fisher, Regular JCrew, Brooks Brothers, Cos
Anon
Decrease in quality is due to the Multi Fiber Arrangement. Free trade has its trade offs (no pun intended). If you want cheap clothes and constant flow of the newest and trendiest, it comes at the expense of quality.
Anon
+100000000000
Kate
Look at second-hand options. Clothes from 8+ years ago are just better quality across the board for basically all of the brands mentioned in response to your inquiry. Fast fashion (which every brand mentioned also qualifies as) is killing quality over time.
Anon
Sezane is worth a look, although I’ve found their quality has deteriorated a little. I will probably switch to Petite Mendigote soon.
Jane
I miss the structure of school and I’d like to revisit learning Spanish, which I took in high school and college. As I’m a professional with teens, I cannot go to a college campus every day and take continuing ed classes. I’d like to take actual classes online in the evenings a couple times per week. I haven’t been able to find a place to do this. Any suggestions?
anon
two things: 1) i found someone on craigs list. it was before online learning but i’m sure there are people there who now do it zoom and not at starbucks; 2) for yesterdays post about making friends– something like this is an opportunity like, oh i want to make friends and i want to speak spanish. take a spanish class in person!
Anon
Where are you? There may be local resources available. My son is taking language classes at a local community college and also belongs to a conversational group that meets once a week at a local church.
Anon
If you don’t care about actual college credit, Coursera has a lot of options, many of them free.
If you want college credit I’d suggest the online branches of brick and mortar universities.
shananananana
Babbel has a live version with either one on one or small group classes – I am eyeing it for this winter to brush up on my neglected spanish as well.
anon
italki and similar websites have a lot of Spanish-language tutors in Spanish-speaking countries. The tutors set their own rates, which are often a phenomenal deal for students in the US and a good wage (that would be hard for them to get locally) for the tutor.
Some of the tutors are qualified, professional language teachers and this is their side gig. You could scroll through bios and find someone who looks like they’d offer the kind of structure you’d like.
SFAttorney
italki and similar sites have individual and group lessons at various times of day to for your schedule.
AnonAnon
Your best sleep suggestions? I’m 40 and not having any perimenopause symptoms that I’m aware of yet, but it feels as though a switch has flipped suddenly and though I’m tired generally, I’m not actively sleepy or tired at bedtime. Spouse had surgery recently, and any tossing or turning is waking me up and keeping me up for the whole night. Melatonin, sleep mask, white noise, chamomile tea? Welcome any suggestions. We have a small house so sleeping alternative to bedroom would be the couch or a blowup mattress in living room.
anon
Magnesium glycinate helped me a lot.
Cb
This 100%. Can you sleep in the guest room? A white noise machine?
Also I went on the mini pill and it made me bananas, so consider whether something else has changed in your life that might need adjusting.
Anon
My magnesium glycinate just arrived yesterday. What dosage did you take for good sleep?
Anon
I take 500mg for a regular day or 1000mg if I am really stressed that week. Helps a ton.
Cb
I use the beauty pie one and started with 1 capsule and now take 2.
Anon
Those knock me out! Weird dreams all night, but worth it for the long sleep.
anonshmanon
Two things that make a difference for me is a low enough temperature in the bedroom (under 72, running a fan helps up to 76), and listening to an audiobook to fall asleep. After doing the latter for a few years, that audiobook now incites a pavlovian response off dozing off very quickly. If I wake up in the night and I stress about work, this helps me fall back asleep.
Anon
I saw a sleep neurologist who approved very low dose melatonin, but who said that generally it’s easier to manage circadian rhythms by focusing on the wake up routine. She said to make sure I get outside in the morning and get a little sun since that tells the brain when wake up time should be, and that’s how it decides when sleep time should be.
No caffeine after noon because it blocks the adenosine we need to feel sleepy.
No exposure to blue light after sunset (red shift phones, computers, TVs, smart bulbs; don’t use cool tone bulbs after sunset, or wear blue light blocking indoor sunglasses if you only have cool tone lights).
Another thing I’ve tried (but with my PCP, not the neurologist) is L-serine since it has a little evidence for preventing waking up in the middle of the night from stress (something melatonin tends not to help with). I feel it helps and if it’s placebo, bring it on, I guess!
I’ve had issues with magnesium deficiency so the magnesium glycinate was an easy recommendation for me. Taking a B complex in the AM is another thing my doctor suggested for feeling stressed and tired (I’m supposed to do this generally, but sometimes get lax, and poor sleep is a reminder to me to remember).
Re. perimenopause, know that some people feel agitated and sleep poorly on progestin, but feel relaxed and sleep better with progesterone. They’re similar in a lot of ways but not when it comes to sleep I guess!
Eliza
Progesterone knocks me OUT. It was a welcome discovery.
Anon
Magnesium, melatonin, sleepy time tea, temporarily sleeping elsewhere (even if its a couch) to escape the tossing and turning.
Anon
I’d probably try a blowup mattress in the living room. I also need the house a lot colder than I used to.
NaoNao
I have a couple:
“Wind down” drinks/elixirs that are non-alc. “Kin” is one of them.
Noise blocking headphones playing talky shows (I use Law and Order on the lowest volume) to quiet any racing thoughts or rumination. Podcasts, white noise, classical music, or lo-fi study tunes might be options as well, as well as audio books.
Mouth taping. I know it sounds nutty and “trendy” but it has improved the quality of my sleep tremendously. If you have any even slight allergy or sinus “stuff” and suspect you may be a mouth-breather at night and/or snore, training yourself out of mouth breathing is huge. You won’t wake up feeling groggy, sore throat, and inflamed, and with a dry mouth and bad breath. It takes some getting used to an experimenting but try it!
Eye mask–I have a couple I rotate through. It’s not just the light blocking, it also sends a signal to my body and brain “it’s time for rest now”, which is very helpful.
Anonymous
That was my perimenopause symptom — things are SO much better on HRT. I got down to 3-4 hours a night before I realized. I only wish I had started earlier.
Anon
I’m going to Berlin for work next week! I have two days free; what are your favourite restaurants or neighbourhoods to walk around in. I may also go clubbing with some friends from undergrad – what would you wear?
Lydia
walk around Krueuzberg and over the Oberbaumbrücke to Friedrichshain. Also check out the Mauerpark (the Wall). The Soviet War Memorial in Treptower is also interesting to walk around, though a bit off the beaten path. Get falafel or döner in Kreuzberg; Nil is especially good (Sudanese falafel with delicious peanut sauce). Depending on the day (I think it’s 2x a week?), the Turkish market is great for walking through, but be careful of pickpockets (got my phone stolen).
anonshmanon
There are different parks around the former Berlin Wall. The Mauerpark is a casual hangout spot which sometimes has public karaoke or a flea market. There is also the Berlin Wall Memorial, which is another park, that has historic remnants and informational placards about life with the Wall.
I always recommend the Unterwelten (underworlds) guided tours, which view the city and its history from below (subway tunnels, cold war bunkers, people who escaped under the Berlin Wall).
Anon
First clarify what you mean by ‘club’ because Berlin clubs run the range. If you go to Renate or Sisyphos, wear colorful clothing (these are the tame clubs). If you go to About Blank, or RSO, wear black. Tresor I think you can wear whatever. If that’s not the kind of ‘club’ you mean, and you mean more of a bar with music, maybe checkout Club der Visionnaire
I would walk around Kreuzberg – Graefekiz and the Landwehr Kanal (stop at La Maison for breakfast or get dinner at Zum Mitterhofer or the pizza place by the Admiralbrucke). And I would walk around Prenzlauer Berg – lots of nice boutiques in Kollwitzkiez and along Kastanianalle/Oderberger Str. Favorite cafes and restaurants: Seoul Garden, Anna Blume, Babel, W der Imbiss
Anonymous
I did a bike tour of the Berlin wall that was really cool and a fun way to see the city. Also had a really nice dinner at a Lebanese restaurant near the zoo which had really gorgeous views- the name is escaping me but google could probably find it.
Anon99
Go to Vabali! Amazing spa and sauna near the central train station. So relaxing and a real cultural experience.
Fragrance-free laundry powder or detergent sheets?
Reposting from the afternoon thread, and inspired by the question about limiting plastic use:
I am considering switching to powder laundry soap or sheets, but in the past have had issues with powder residue on clothes. I cannot add powder to the water first and add the clothes later, since I have a front loader.
Currently using liquid All Free Clear Liquid Laundry Detergent, so looking for something without fragrance. I have kids so some cleaning power would be nice, even though I don’t mind pre-treating (I use gall soap for food/blood/sweat/grass/mud).
Any recommendations?
Anon
I’ve been using Nellies powdered laundry soda and I think our laundry is pretty clean. I do end up spot treating stains with Shout spray before I toss it in the laundry. I really like not having to buy liquid laundry detergent on a regular basis. And Nellies is highly recommended by people with sensitive skin on reddit.
Anon
We use Arm and Hammer free powder in our front loader. I’ve never had undisolved detergent in the dispenser or on my clothes.
Anon
Can you add white vinegar or ammonia (not both!) or borax (powdered)? I know people who grate up a fells naptha bar and use that with borax as their detergent.
Fragrance-free laundry powder or detergent sheets?
I add borax for towels, sheets and whites actually, I think it helps.
Calico Cat
I have recommended the Eco Egg here before. It’s not completely plastic-free, but it reduces waste and it’s very easy to use. I’ve never had an issue with residue. Just another option!
Cat
I use powder on whites (basic Tide, which has a light scent but nothing pungent) but liquid for stuff like poly shells that the powder just clings to.
Anon
I use Molly’s powder from amazon. It’s decent cleaning and doesn’t worsen eczema for my family. I pre treat major stains with oxi clean first though and add vinegar to towel loads.
anon
I have teenage boys who tend to be smelly and greasy but i attempted this a few years ago and didn’t find anything that i felt worked on stains or odors. still using liquid tide and spray and wash.
Anon
I also rely on liquid detergent with enzymatic cleansers. Nothing else seems to work on synthetic fabrics to take out stank.
Kellynn
I’ve used a scoop of Charlie’s Soap + a scoop of Borax for years, and it works great. Still need to pretreat real stains, but clothes have no residue and are very clean.
Cb
I’m doing a tedious data collection project and need something to listen to. Fiction doesn’t work for this, I need to pay a bit of attention to headlines, do a bit of reading at the same time. Any podcast series that you might recommend? I am too squeamish for true crime.
… only 41 more years of newspaper archives to work through …
pink nails
Someone suggested Normal Gossip here a few months ago and I love it so much. I’m working my way through the backlog. I recommended to one of my friends and she also loves it – so big thank you to whoever suggested it.
I also like Hard Fork and Pivot, but prefer those for when I’m driving so I can digest them better.
Moose
99% Invisible is a go-to for me, as is Decoder Ring, and Articles of Interest – all great!
Anon
The Memory Palace would be a superb companion for this project.
Anon.
I listen to shows like LAw and Order where the cadence is familiar and I don’t care about the outcome or plot.
A
Not By Accident is a lovely Australian docu-series about a single mom by choice.
Anon
Text me back! With comedian Lindy West and her best friend, who works in politics. It’s extremely funny and chill
Canada
Hi. We’re considering visiting the Canadian side of Niagara Falls next Spring. From what I’ve read our son, age 5, can cross into Canada with his birth certificate. Do my husband and I need passports or will license and birth certificate suffice? Thank you!
anon
Technically yes for entering Canada, but the biggest headache will be returning to the US. Since you have time, I would HIGHLY advise you to just get a passport as it makes it so much easier, and honestly, you will likely run into more problems crossing back into the US without a passport.
Anon
The United States has to accept returning citizens with proof of citizenship. They can’t deny you entry because you don’t have a passport (even when flying! I learned this the hard way when I lost my passport on an international vacation). That said, I think you will be subject to extra screening and lines in both directions and it seems like a massive headache. I would just get a passport.
NY CPA
Just get passports for everyone and save yourself the headache. But either way, it doesnt sound like you or your husband are technically allowed to travel on your birth certificates.
https://www.cbp.gov/travel/us-citizens/western-hemisphere-travel-initiative/faqs#
“What types of documents are accepted as of June 1, 2009 for entry into the United States via land or sea by U.S. and Canadian citizens?
U.S. citizen adult travelers can present a valid:
U.S. Passport;
Passport Card;
Enhanced Driver’s License;
Trusted Traveler Program card (NEXUS, SENTRI or FAST);
U.S. Military identification card when traveling on official orders;
U.S. Merchant Mariner document when traveling on official business; or
Form I-872 American Indian Card; or
Enhanced Tribal Card (when available).
Canadian citizen adult travelers can present a valid:
Canadian passport;
Enhanced Driver’s License; or
Trusted Traveler Program card (NEXUS, SENTRI or FAST).”
Anonymous
Just get passports. The exceptions really only exist for political reasons and they make border crossing hard. (The low passport rate of US citizens is absolutely insane)
Anon
I’m American and it’s insane to me how many Americans don’t have passports.
anonshmanon
I used to think that, but it’s a huge country and you can visit plenty of places that are novel and different from your hometown without a passport. That makes a passport an optional document and $135 is not nothing for a lot of families.
Seventh Sister
Also passports for kids only last five years and must be renewed in person with both parents. It’s a huge PITA. We also don’t have a long list of countries we can visit with an ID card.
Anecdata
and travel itself is expensive – international vacations are definitely NOT the norm! I keep my passport up to date but I wouldn’t think it’s weird if someone else didnt
Anon
traveling is really expensive. it is shocking to me how many folks don’t realize how relatively wealthy they are.
Anon
A much higher percentage of Canadians have passports and our countries are similarly gigantic and there are poor people in Canada too. I think there’s just an attitude in the US that people don’t want to see the world, which I find very off-putting.
Anonymous
But isn’t the US the most prosperous country in the world? Better than all others
Anecdata
shrugs
I don’t know, I don’t know many Americans that would turn down a hypothetical “free trip and free PTO” just because it’s international
Anon
Is it really that insane? International travel can be pretty expensive if you don’t live near a border.
Cerulean
In addition to the reasons others posted above, Americans also have little (or no) paid vacation time. So many American adults work low-wage service and manual labor jobs.
Anon
I’m also American and am coming up on my passpot’s renewal date but have never actually used it.
Anonymous
I don’t need a passport. Haven’t needed it since 2017. Got stolen in 2019. My work does not cross borders and I am certain I will not be able to afford to travel out of the country in the next 5 years. Why spend money on that?
Anon
If there’s any ambiguity in your other documents (ie, your birth certificate that was issued in 19whatever doesn’t have a field that’s required now), having and maintaining a passport means you don’t need to rely on the janky birth certificate, or go through the bureaucratic hoops of getting that reissued in a more current form. At least that’s why I do it. $150 or so every 10 years to save myself paperwork nightmares is money well spent, even if I don’t do much international travel.
Cat
Just get passports – you have plenty of time!
Anon
You need a passport to enter Canada.
Anon
There’s an exception for Americans when entering by land (not flying). You can show a driver’s license and birth certificate instead.
Anon
My sons (11 and 9) went to Canada for their summer vacation with their dad. My 11 yo’s passport was expired, so his dad used his birth certificate. My 9 yo had a valid passport. My ex reported that they cleared the border fine both ways, but the Canadian immigration folks gave him a hard time about not having a notarized permission from me. It’s not technically required, but we both appreciated their caution. Anyway, after some intense questioning they let all 3 into Canada, and they returned to the United States without any issues. You and your husband will need passports.
Anon
You’re supposed to have a notorized letter granting permission whenever you take a child out of the US without their other parent. It has nothing to do with passports or lack thereof. I’ve never been asked for it though.
Anonymous
This is common and Canada is stringent. I’ve literally travelled to multiple EU countries with my Canadian passport and their EU passports and been asked for the letter only on coming back to Canada with their Canadian passports which was ironically when it was least needed as my husband was picking us up in person. Canada has a lot of dual citizens and is pretty serious about child abductions.
Anon
You’re going to another country. Yes, you need a passport. The days of using your drivers license are looooong gone.
Anonymous
This isn’t true, at least for NY driver’s licenses, but you need an Enhanced Driver’s License, which is a special kind of driver’s license.
Girl-on-a-wireless
I took my kids to Windsor, Ontario on a lark when we were in Detroit this past Christmas. I had their birth certificates, and I only had my California license (REAL ID, not Enhanced — big mistake).
Many years ago, that was good enough. Not anymore. It was the longest amount of time I ever spent getting cleared on the Canadian side. We were let in, but probably weren’t technically allowed to be.
Returning to the US was less dramatic, but still a process.
Anon for this
I grew up in Metro Detroit and remember the days of being able to go to Windsor at the age of 19 (because that’s the legal drinking age) and come back with just a driver’s license.
Anon
Man, what a difference from when I was growing up. You pulled up to the guard’s hut. “Where are you from?” US. “Where are you going?” Buffalo. “You bringing anything back?” (car is riding inches off the ground cuz we emptied our summer cottage) Nope. “Have a nice day.”
Done.
Anon
Re the affordability comments of traveling outside the US. There have been several times when I WANTED to take a trip to a US city but it was cheaper to go to Europe, so that’s what I did. I live in the northeast. San Diego vs Amsterdam, for example. Amsterdam had cheaper flights, hotels and no car rental needed. Food was about the same. Also, I use a Hilton credit card for most of my purchases which helps with hotel stays.
Anon
Does anyone here have thoughts on group therapy? Have you done it? Was it helpful? I’ve been dealing with depression and anxiety for years at this point (mostly from loneliness and feeling inadequate as friends move forward in life and I am still single) and my therapist thinks group therapy might help. I don’t know anyone who’s done group therapy before so I’m not sure what to expect and whether it would actually be helpful. I wish I still had my group of girlfriends to help deal with this but everyone has moved on and getting together regularly just isn’t possible or the same anymore.
Anonymous
I haven’t tried that, but I wonder if just finding a social group of happy singles might be a better goal than finding more people unhappy with their circumstances. I mean that in the best way, as someone who never married or had children. Maybe take up a sport or hobby, join a social gym, go to a local bar/coffee shop/brewery/cafe regularly, etc. and see who you meet. A change of neighborhood might help if that is feasible in your circumstances. These are things that made a difference for me at different times
Anon
Op here. I agree with this but also feel very tired of trying to make new friends only to have them eventually get married and have kids and lose them as a close connection. But maybe that’s still the right approach. Thanks for the suggestions.
Anon
Are you on medication? Because if you’ve been dealing with depression and anxiety “for years,” that will be much more effective than more talk therapy.
Anon
OP here. Yea, I think that’s probably right too. I made an appointment with my doctor and am going to try medication. At this point I guess I’m just thinking maybe I should try everything. Thanks for the input.
Anon
Having friends is “therapeutic” in the loose sense of the word, but expecting your friends to stand in place of actual therapy is asking a lot of them. I have been the friend here and it kills the friendship. I want to help my friends, but if they’re asking me to solve all their problems, that doesn’t leave a lot of room for an actual friendship, and it certainly doesn’t go both ways.
Get therapy if you need it. That’s what it’s for.
Anon
Just wanted to give you hugs as I’ve been in that position and it’s so hard to lose friends as the perpetually single person.
Anon
I’ve tried group therapy. It was not helpful for me because I couldn’t relate to the other people in the group or to many of the sweeping generalizations the therapist would make, so it made me feel much more isolated, which I think was not the intention! I can imagine that if I had fit the expected mold a little better it might have been more helpful (I have found support groups helpful for people going through the exact same circumstances as me, since they get it). So I think if it had been a better fit, and maybe a less formal format than what I experienced, maybe it wouldn’t have been such a disaster, since most the people there did seem to be finding it more helpful.
Girl-on-a-wireless
Mixed results for me. I had several different groups I went to after a really bad spell.
The other group members had a huge impact on how effective it was for me. It seems that some people view group as an event — their time to shine by imparting their wisdom on others. Other times, I have seen group therapy devolve into chaotic drama. My most effective group was one where most of us were roughly the same age, everybody listened thoughtfully (instead of waiting to speak), and we all had each others’ back with compassion and encouragement. (Come to think of it, I am also describing my favorite improv groups I’ve had over the years, and I cannot say enough great things about improv as a form of therapy/self care.)
eertmeert
I found group therapy helpful when i struggled with my Body Focused Behavior Disorder (dermatillomania, aka skin picking). My mom found so much solace and help from her group of recently bereaved spouses, which her doctor connected her to. They seem very helpful where the leader is on point and the group has a specific shared experience.
Wishing you luck finding the thing that helps!
Anon
Responding late but hopefully you see this! I felt this way for a long time in my 30s. I highly recommend Lily Womble’s work on this—she has a paid program, but there is a lot you can learn for free from her excellent podcast and book, “Thank You, More Please.” Listening to her has truly changed my outlook on this and helped me center myself and become the main character in my own life.
This is one of the hardest parts about being in your 30s and being single. But I’m here to tell you it changes! People move away and disappear into relationships—but others move TO your town, or become unexpectedly single, or realize they can’t depend on their partners for everything—and they will be out there seeking friendship. One of the best parts of my 40s so far has been finding and building community outside of partnership. Volunteering, special interest groups, and deepening existing friendships has all brought me so much joy.
The feeling of being the last one left at musical chairs is awful. But it won’t last forever. Thinking of you and sending you hugs. It will get better.
Wildkitten
Thank you – just ordered the Kindle!
Anon
Mee too! Lily Womble sounds intriguing…
Wildkitten
I went to group therapy and I LOVED IT. I can filibuster an individual therapy session so easily, but group therapy meant a leader had put together a syllabus of what we were suppose to be learning and getting feedback from peers and not just professionals was super helpful. I highly recommend it for anyone else who thrives on structure and assignments. Being single is one of the reasons I went but it was really focused on improving myself, not focused on partners.
Anon
The class approach sounds helpful! I recommend DBT skills workshops for this reason when relevant (I found one so helpful).
Anon
Recent memoir from a group therapy participant: Group: How One Therapist and a Circle of Strangers Saved My Life. Not all group therapy experiences will be like that, so you could read it as if it’s fiction and see how you feel about it? At least it give you a baseline to compare to and decide what you’d like more of or less of in any group you join.
Anon
A friend is getting married in the San Juan islands next summer. My husband and I are hoping to extend our trip by a day or two (coming from the Midwest). What should we do? Explore Seattle vs stay on the islands vs something else nearby?
Anon
I would stay in the islands but I prefer nature to cities. Depends what you like, I think.
Anon
Do both! I had a great trip that included Seattle, Orcas Island, Vancouver Island and Vancouver. It’s a particularly awesome location for combining cities and outdoors.
Essential in Texas
we just got back from a weeklong Backroads trip in the San Juan Islands. I would 100% go to Roche Harbor hotel. We stayed in one of the houses, but the hotel looked nice as well. It was like adult summer camp. Loved every minute of our time there.
MidwestAnon
We spent almost a week just on Orcas Island. Stayed in a cabin at West Beach Resort, the sunsets were amazing. Loved Moran State Park. We’re from STL, so found it easier to spend a night in Seattle upon arrival w. a half day a.m. for touristy stuff before heading to the ferry dock. Make sure to get your ferry tickets early and allow plenty of time to queue. Wildfire kept us from checking out Victoria, but that’s next on our list.
Moose
Heading to Sonoma County/Russian River area for our 2nd anniversary – any special occasion restaurant recs? Thank you!
Anonymous
Dawn Ranch was great. Farmhouse Inn was not.
Anon
Madrona Manor in Healdsburg is our go-to special occasion place. From Guerneville you can hire Bill’s Taxi to take you there and catch a Uber back. I personally love Farmhouse Inn too.
Anon
River’s End is where most people go for a special meal. It’s in Jenner at the literal end of the river.
Along the way there’s Cape Fear Cafe in Duncan’s Mills, which we like to go to for a late lunch and a little poking around in the Duncan’s Mills shops.
Truth be told, we are regular Russian River (primarily Cazadero) vacationers and we do not head up there for the cuisine. We head up there for the lazy days and relaxation. When you see social media pics of people visiting “wine country” with their hats and their dresses – that ain’t us. We are the opposite.
Anon
Long comment in m0d pls check back
Girl-on-a-wireless
No shortage of special occasion restaurants in “Beverly” Healdsburg 😂
Single Thread
Molti Amici
Troubadour
Cyrus (Geyserville)
Anon
Any reviews of Turo for renting cars? I read that use as a renter could jeopardize your car insurance coverage – any truth to that?
Anon
I’d be more worried that the car has no coverage (car insurance follows the car, not the driver). Like if I rented one, it would be owned by A but put on Turo by A’s dodgy kid B while A is away on vacation. I’m in an accident and lose my house because A’s insurer won’t cover the car in this situation. IDK how it plays out IRL, but that’s sort of my worst-case scenario. So I rent cars from Avis.
Anon
I don’t believe Turo is covered by your credit card insurance so you need to get separate insurance through Turo. When I looked a few years ago, it was quite expensive and negated any cost savings vs. renting a car.
NY CPA
+1 this is why I’ve stuck with traditional car rental agencies
Anonymous
my 10yo autistic son is obsessed with cars so we rented a BMW for his birthday just for one day. it was a good experience, but we didn’t think about the insurance aspect at all.
he wanted to go to mcdonalds. that was the big field trip. sigh.
Anon
I honestly don’t know how this company exists. I’m sure none of the car owners have the proper insurance they need, it would cost way too much!
sigh
I honestly don’t know how this company exists. I’m sure none of the car owners have the proper insurance they need, it would cost way too much!
cars
I don’t know anything about the insurance aspect of it, sorry, but we have been renting for years on Turo with good experiences across the board. We rent luxury and large SUVs for the cost of something small and crappy at hertz. Obvi will be researching the insurance question for the next trip.
Horse Crazy
We’ve been invited to a wedding in Nashville in May, and we’re considering extending the trip either before or after the wedding (or both) – my husband and I have never been to that part of the country (coming from CA). Any suggestions for places to visit or things to do? We’d rent a car. I’d like to see the Great Smoky Mountains, and we’ll probably spend some time in Nashville, but I’d appreciate any other recommendations…Memphis? Anything else?
Former Southener
The Great Smoky Mountain National Park is the opposite direction from Memphis and although the distances look short on a map that is a lot of driving, particularly once you hit the mountains, so I suggest just heading west. How long will you have? What do you want to do? Are you an Asheville (breweries, cool restaurants, Biltmore) person or a hiking or river rafting person (or both)? What time of year? My recommendations will be very different depending on the answers to those questions.
I have to make a pitch for Oak Ridge TN is you are interested at all in the history of the Manhattan Project – not to mention that valley is just beautiful. Also I would personally skip both Pigeon Forge and Gatlinburg as being massively touristy and tacky.
Anon
Yeah it would be hard to do both, and I would definitely vote for the Smokies over Memphis. Memphis is nothing special, plus you’re already visiting a city so it would be nice to add a nature stop. I’m not an Asheville fan and would just stay on the Tennessee side.
New Here
Agree you’ll need to pick either the Smokey Mountains or Memphis (I live in Memphis). We’re a solid 8 hours apart.
I love East TN and think the Smokies are beautiful. Depending on what you want to do there will determine how long you want to stay. Nashville you can see the highlights in a day…like the day after the wedding and then keep driving.
My plug for Memphis – May is a big festival month here. Depending on the weekend, there may be a music or BBQ festival going on. The heat (typically) isn’t too bad at that point. Graceland is worth seeing once, if you’re an Elvis or general music fan. I loved the Sun Studios tour when I first moved here. The National Civil Rights Museum is a must-see. We have great food (not just BBQ!).
Anon
All of this, except a day trip to Pigeon Forge could be fun.
Interstate 40 is over 400 miles long in Tennessee, with Memphis on one end, Nashville roughly in the middle, and Pigeon Forge near the eastern end.
Unless you have a burning desire to see The Peabody Hotel or Graceland, I would skip Memphis. It isn’t that special and the crime rate is astronomical.
If you’re into bourbon, you could make a big triangle out of your trip: Nashville to Kentucky (Louisville/Lexington) to the Smoky Mountains, then back to Nashville.
Gail the Goldfish
Agree on Pigeon Forge and Gatlinburg, but if you like outdoorsy, I’d definitely do Great Smoky Mountains over Memphis. East coast mountains are a different kind of pretty than west coast mountains, but still worth seeing. If you go, it’s worth a trip to the Catalooche Valley section IMO–it’s not connected to the rest of the park by road, so you have to go out and around, but it’s not that far. The elk hang out there (though they also hang out at the main visitor’s center on the NC side)
Anon
Re: Great Smokies – Mountains and general area are beautiful – but national park was very different than California national parks. The park itself is pretty but the cities of Pigeon Forge and Gatlinburg go right up to the edge of the entrance- they’re hard to avoid and traffic was terrible. If you’re into kitchy – multiple options, for example, of alien glow in the dark mini-golf, fine – but not a ‘relaxing’ experience by any means.
Anony
Cades Cove in the Smokies is lovely but be sure you have a full tank of gas before starting out and allow for plenty of time to meander, driving on it rather slowly. You see some of the historical cabins from the settlers who lived in the area before it became a National Park. It’s got some views of animals too, but that depends some on the time of year/day and the weather.
If you decide not to come as far east as the Smokies going to Chattanooga is pretty. I have enjoyed the aquarium there and the food is pretty good, especially Sticky Fingers BBQ.
While Pigeon Forge and Gatlinburg can be touristy for sure, if you go up higher in the mountains or go out of town a bit then you can see more of the area without the tourist shopping/minigolf/fast food highway places. There are some nice cabins to stay in the area if you want a stop before traveling back to Nashville.
Anon
I don’t like Nashville personally, but I’ve got BlackBerry Farm high on my list of places to go in TN.
anon
Dollywood. Just do it. It’s kitchy but you will have fun.
Deep South
Nashvillian here. Memphis is 200 miles away. That’s 3 hour each way. It has Graceland, barbecue and not a lot else to offer.
The Smoky Mountains are 250 miles in the opposite direction. You do not want to do both. If you enjoy hiking, find an AirBnB to spend a couple of days in the mountains. I agree with the previous poster — Pigeon Forge and Gatlinburg are super tacky. If you do go, Dollywood has great roller coasters and is super kitschy and fun, but know what you’re getting into.
Nashville has tons of great restaurants. Look at Eater Nashville close to your visit to see what’s new and make reservations. There are tons of fun boutique hotels downtown with rooftop bars and pools, which you can enjoy in May. There’s also some hiking around here if you don’t want to travel across the state — there’s Radnor Lake or the Warner Parks system. The Bluebird Cafe is a songwriter’s haven, though tiny, if you want live music off of Lower Broadway.
Anon
Nashville is up there with NOLA and Charleston for my favorite food city. You guys have AMAZING restaurants.
Anon
To me 3 HR each way is a day trip!
Anonymous
And to me that is 1:45 further each way than I can drive for any reason.
Anon
Are you vaguely familiar with modern country music? The songs these days aren’t just about trucks and beers, they’re also about one night stands and getting rich. Ah, the music of the moral majority. Well, this bro-tastic culture comes from one place: Nashville. There is none of Nashville’s historic culture left, which is so sad and disappointing – it’s all this dreadful fakeness with a hefty dose of wasted bachelors and bachelorettes. And traffic.
If you’re interested in authenticity, you can go east or west.
East: The Great Smokies. Dollywood is fun in its cheesiness – try to catch a clogging show if you can – it’s a regional dance form that’s like a mix of Irish dance, tap, and square dancing. Catch some bluegrass if you can. Asheville is your typical hipster scene (organic coffee, $25 omelettes). The Biltmore really is amazing and you’ll remember it forever. In the mountains, there are lots of gorgeous rentals – yurts, cabins, etc. Ziplining.
West: Memphis. So much history for a part of the country you probably aren’t familiar with. The National Civil Rights Museum. Graceland. Take a riverboat cruise if you want. Follow Route 61 – the Blues Trail – down into Mississippi. https://msbluestrail.org/ There are so many options that way: the Delta Blues Museum in Clarksdale, the BB King Museum in Indianola, the Viking appliances factory/restaurant/store in Greenwood. If you do go this way, you must eat at Doe’s Eat Place in Greenville – a humble steakhouse that serves tamales that have little to do with Mexican varieties you might be familiar with. President Clinton’s eaten there! This Mississippi route really blends the Jim Crow south with music and is eye-opening.
Anon
I think that’s unfair to Nashville. As a fan of “old school” and alternative country music (i.e., not the bros with trucks), I really enjoyed the Opry, Bluebird Cafe and the country music museum. The Ryman supposed to be great too, we didn’t have time to fit it into our trip. The food scene is absolutely phenomenal; Nashville is one of the best food cities in the US. Vanderbilt injects a youthfulness and gives the city a bit of a college town feel, sort of like Boston. There are a lot of annoying bach parties but it’s not all that. Does it have the same kind of cultural breadth and depth as New York or Chicago, no, but there are plenty of interesting things to do and for anyone who enjoys any kind of country music it’s particularly awesome.
Anonymous
+1 to all of this, but just be warned, these places are NOT close together. Memphis is a 3 hour, incredibly boring drive from Nashville. Sevierville/Pigeon Forge is about a 3 hour, slightly less boring drive in the opposite direction. Asheville is about another 1.5 hours or so past that. There is literally nothing in between except gas stations and fast food.
Anon
I disagree that the bro country scene is all that Nashville offers. That’s downtown, mostly Broadway, which has turned into some sort of hillbilly Mardi Gras for MAGA lovers, vomiting drunks, and loud bachelorettes. I wouldn’t live downtown if i were gifted a 10 million dollar penthouse at the 515. Get outside the hellscape that is downtown and there is still Nashville there.
I’d recommend Centennial Park for a to scale replica of the Parthenon. Find some music other than country – we have everything here, somewhere, and there’s a lot of talent. Check out the Nashville Scene for listings. If you’re not southern, go stand in the cafeteria style line at Wendall Smiths to get yourself a meat and three plate of real southern food. (Meat and three is meat and three vegetables. You can also get a vegetable plate. Regardless, it is NOT a good vegetarian or vegan option. For that, go to AVO.) If our terrain would be new and different for you, go to one of the Warner Parks for a hike or just a stroll, depending on the path you pick. For $20, check out Jack White’s Third Man Records tour. There’s a bar there and a Voice-O-Graph recording booth. And…the restaurant scene is awesome. Stay out of downtown and check out restaurants in East Nashville, Midtown, 12 South, 8th Avenue, and Charlotte Pike. There’s Cheekwood botanical gardens if that appeals, although they are engaging in a level of branding these days that some consider tacky.
Reasons to go downtown: the Ryman Auditorium, the Frist Museum, the Listening Room, and if you like architecture, take a peek at the Downtown Presbyterian Church, especially inside, which is one of the finest examples of Egyptian Revival in the US.
Kate
Definitely take the recs that get you out of the city. Nashville is over-hyped and over-commercialized. Not my favorite spot.
Anonymous
For live music with good food, BB Kings house of Blues (early seating) was more my speed and a good time. My country music listening these days is mostly Brandi Carlisle when I wander over, so I’m not much help there. I did read the thriller that Dolly Parton co-wrote, which really evokes the vibe of Nashville.
If you like to read – Parnassus Books is in Nashville, not far from Vanderbilt University – it was a nice diversion when I was in Nashville for a conference. There is a coffee shop nearby, and if you enjoy Ann Patchett’s writing, you would really enjoy the opportunity.
There was a lovely wood-paneled, old fashioned place that had excellent handspun malted milkshake on one of the main cross streets – even if I can’t recall the name, there are gems to be found.
Yes, yes, do the National Parks, but do have a sip of Nashville…
Anon
Go to George Dickel and Jack Daniels distilleries, south of Nashville. The tours are fun, and the gift shops are worth it. The drive to Dickel was really pretty.
Anon
Dickel is still made with spring water.
Anon
So is Jack. The tour guide’s accent was a hoot: “Our water is pur.” Not pyoor, mind you. Pur.
Anon
Does anyone have a clean beauty face moisturizer, eye cream, or night cream they love? My main concerns are wrinkles around my eyes and overall dryness. I know Botox is the best answer for wrinkles but am not ready to do that right now. I’m also not trying to start a fight about clean and non-toxic beautify – I know there are lots of opinions on this but I’m looking for products that work and are low on the EWG scale. Thanks for any suggestions!
Anonymous
Just any retinolfor wrinkles and CeraVe for moisture.
Anon
Tretinoin is the only thing that will address wrinkles.
Anon
(And wearing SPF to avoid more wrinkles, of course)
Anon
Cetaphil cleanser and lotion 2x per day
tretinoin
sunblock
sunglasses at all times
Anon
May Lindstrom and Juice Beauty are my favorites. I think that the big companies tend to be on the cutting edge of active ingredients, but most are not cruelty free. Chantecaille is cruelty free although the parent holding company is not. I find either if their biolift eye creams to be pretty effective although $$$.
Malaysia travel recs?
Hi- someone posted yesterday about visiting Malaysia, and I was wondering if people have tips for a trip there? We’ve planned four days in Malaysia, (flying in and out of KL), tacked on to another Asia trip this winter- we chose Malaysia because it wasn’t too expensive, was easy to get to, and I’ve been told it is pretty child friendly. Traveling with three kids (ages 13-5). From what I read, 4 days might be a lot to spend in KL, but we also don’t want to be moving hotels constantly since that is what the first part of our Asia trip will be. Would like the Malaysia leg to be a combination of good food, relaxing, and some good sites that would be interesting for the kids. Maybe a day trip somewhere on one of those days? Or should we spend the whole time in a different city?
I’ve never planned travel in Asia so am feeling a little overwhelmed. Thanks for any suggestions!
Anonymous
That was me! I didnt KL, it’s crowded polluted and unpleasant to walk around. I would spend all your time in Penang if possible. Or like a day in KL. Stay at the Eastern and Oriental Hotel it’s incredible.
Runcible
Yes, do not stay in KL, if feasible, arrange to go directly to Penang and spend time there. Perhaps if you arrive in Malaysia first in SE Asia from the United States or elsewhere, consider an airport hotel for jet lag/sleep purposes, then at the first opportunity, fly or otherwise get yourselves to Penang. I stayed at the E&O hotel several years ago on a long weekend visit to Penang, and it was lovely. Alternatively, you could consider skipping KL and Penang and go directly to Lankawi (resort island). (I have not been there, so I am not sure what it’s like, but I’ve heard nice things.). Final suggestion, if it works (but unlikely if this is a first visit to Asia and Malaysia is your first stop) — look at the Rainforest Lodge in Danum Valley on Borneo. Lots of logistics to get there, but it’s supposed to be a bucket-list type experience. Enjoy!
Anon
I third the Penang recommendation, the Georgetown area is a UNESCO heritage site, the food is fantastic, and I couldn’t book at the E&O but enjoyed my stay at the Prestige hotel, which is a homage to the movie and the shower stall is designed to look like the water tank in the movie which I found entertaining!
Anon
I’d pick Indonesia over Malaysia any day.
Anon
Do you have people in your life that you are broken in some way that maybe they should get some professional help for?
My sister, S, never really held jobs in high school or college. I think it was seen as too stressful and wasn’t something she was interested in. Fast-forward to adult life, where she worked for one year and then went to grad school for maybe teaching in a special-ed classroom in a private school environment to kids who wanted to be there and to learn and have parental support and encouragement at home (this sounds very hypothetical and like a 1%er type of school, not the type of schools that really exist generally). Since then, she generally hasn’t worked much and recently has had a job a year, one time getting let go mid-year, always with some wild story about co-worker drama and feuding and going to HR again and again. I get that many work environments are toxic, but after about 5 years of this . . . it seems that she just sounds more and more unhinged and that she probably has an awful reputation in a smaller community (certainly in her field). But she also almost seems paranoid, like everyone is out to get her and nothing that happens is even 1% due to her actions or that the outcome is out of her control. WWYD? [In my mind, this is sort of not my problem and yet there is no one else in her life and I feel like I have a viewing seat on the Titanic. It is like a bad workplace soap opera.]
Anon
Do I have those people in my life? Yes. But unless they ask for my help taking specific steps – I listen, I nod and I mind my own business. It can be hard to watch but it is not your problem to solve even if you could. And sadly, you probably can’t.
Anonymous
I think you can say “I’m sorry that finding and keeping a job has been so hard. I’d really encourage you to talk to a therapist to help you with these rough situations.”
But that’s honestly the most you can do
anonshmanon
I have a cousin like that. We are almost 40, and she recently told me about the new apprenticeship she is going to start. She’s started so many degrees and apprenticeships and it all fizzled out. In her country, that doesn’t put her into student debt, but it also doesn’t get her into a place where she can provide for herself. She’s intelligent but doesn’t like to work hard. I blame her dad who is the person most like Trump that I know. His philosophy is that everyone is out to cheat their way through life anyway, so only suckers try to work hard.
Anonymous
Not being able to keep a job is a sign of mental illness for many people. I know a bit about this because of my spouse, but, frankly, I have never able to get him to seek treatment from his depression, which is destroying his life. I have tried a few things. After he was fired from his third job in a year I bluntly told him that, at this point, this was a pattern and he was the common element. That he was an extremely smart man but that he needed to come up with a different strategy for dealing with co-workers. In retrospect, this was the most successful strategy but it may have been because it was relatively early in his illness. A few years (and several jobs) later, I suggested he talk to a therapist who could coach him on dealing with co-workers. During a longer stint of unemployment, I told him that he would always have a place to live and food to eat, but for my income to fund his hobbies, etc., I would need him to go to therapy (we had a 3 pot system so was a feasible threat, in my case). Honestly, despite all of these symptoms, my cajoling, bribery, etc, he is refusing to seek any treatment.
I have no good answers for how to help your sister. I have good thoughts on how to help you. Please take care of yourself. It’s ok to set boundaries. Don’t come riding to her rescue immediately. Let her take some responsibility.
Anon
I’m surprised to see you’re writing about him in the present tense. I hope you know that you can’t fix him. He has to be willing to fix himself. It’s ok to give yourself permission to let go. I’ve been here once my self – amazingly, he managed to pull himself together and get medicated after I left.
Anon
Yeah, that’s way more patience than I would have.
Anonymous
Plans are in the making. I do wonder if I’m enabling him somehow.
Anon
I know someone who fit this description for years (especially with the workplaces and HR). It turned out later that she was hiding how bad the paranoia was (it wasn’t just coworkers, friends, and family; it extended to things that aren’t real). I had been thinking that whatever was wrong would be the kind of thing where someone could work through their trust issues in therapy. Maybe that was by far the more likely possibility, but I didn’t realize that this kind of paranoia is sometimes a symptom of the kinds of mental illnesses that need a lot more than therapy to manage.
Anon
If you are ping-ponging between HR and going to your union about things, job after job, you are the problem.
Anon
I will say that I had a several year period of AWFUL luck with jobs that meant I was laid off or fired four times in a row. It was truly devastating, but I never stirred up drama or went to HR or had feuds with coworkers – each time it was basically out of the blue. And that’s common in my industry. So I do believe that someone can just have awful luck through no fault of their own, but it sounds like your sister is dealing with bigger issues.
Anon
Same. The worst of it is that a string of bad luck makes future “bad luck” more likely: it’s harder to get hired so you’re lot likely to wind up in dysfunctional environments that other people can avoid.
Agree that the husband should seek help.
anon
I think “not my problem” is, sadly, the best course of action when an inability to get along with others is a key factor in the person’s problems. I am not aware of anything one can do that will actually help the other person, but getting involved can certainly hurt you.
If I’m wrong, I’d love advice. It really sucks to not be able to help someone.
Anonymous
if she’s trying to work in the special ed space, burnout is HIGH. i wouldn’t doubt that there’s drama also.
that said, i know people like this. maybe she could look into medical coding? that’s the ideal job (says my cousin who is like this) but they’re hard to get and there’s a certificate to maintain.
ABanon
It’s also being replaced by AI
NW Islander
Yes, I have a brother that qualifies. He was horribly bullied as a teen and suffered some physical injuries that persist 20 years later along with post-traumatic stress. He is emotionally brittle and defensive. Also smart, funny, and interesting. Never attended college. Makes 6 figures with a remote job and refuses to work more than 40 hours a week. He is socially awkward and I don’t think has ever kissed a girl but is pro-woman/progressive and still talks about how Hillary was robbed.
I just try to be a warm and supportive presence in his life. I want to do more but don’t know how.
Anon
I’m a female version of your brother in a lot of ways and I wish I knew, too. It’s hard to let people in, but keep loving him.
Down with Thank Yous
AITA? I’m sure the answer is yes but I’ll ask anyway. I am a hater of thank you cards, to me gifts are a kindness not a summons and not an obligation. I recently decided to be the change I wanted to see in the world so when I’ve sent gifts, cards etc I’ve been including the line to “Please don’t feel obligated to send a thank you card!” and everyone has taken me up on the offer, some of my cousins have even adopted the line themselves. Certain thank you card relatives are FURIOUS at me since they do not take the same stance I do (one even has a ledger where she tracks all the thank yous she recieves!). So AITA?
Anon
I think thank you card’s are only expected for weddings. I always acknowledge a gift whether verbally (in person or via phone) or text, but pretty much never, ever send written thank you cards. Or, written cards of any sort.
The only cards I send are sympathy cards.
Anon
The OP is NTA, but disagree with the poster above. Thank you cards are still standard course for all gifts, not just weddings. If giver writes something like the OP, fine to skip but otherwise nope (and a call or text does not count).
Anon
This is very, very old fashioned to me. IMO, thank you cards were for when you couldn’t acknowledge a gift in person and phone calls were expensive and there wasn’t yet texting or email. With new technologies, communication norms have changed. There’s no need to ever send a thank you card via mail, except for weddings. Everything else can be via text, email, call, or in person thank you.
Its very, very rude to not acknowledge a gift and thank the giver for it. But, you certainly do not have to send a card!!!
Also, cards I do send get lost in the mail A LOT. So, it’s not really a fool proof method of sending stuff!
Anon
+1 to things getting lost in the mail. Last year I had 2 save the dates and 1 wedding invite lost in the mail. If you’re holding it against someone that they never sent a mailed thank you card, maybe they did! but also, don’t hold it against them…
Anon
Um, as a millennial there is NO NEED to ever send me a card thanking me for a non-wedding gift. Just shoot me a text.
Anon
+1. Totally agree.
Anon
Thanks. Agree 100%. Gen X here. Don’t send me thank you cards. They just go into the recycling. Text me.
Runcible
Agreed — thank you notes are standard for any gift. In my family, we adopted a modification that any gift opened in the presence of the gift giver and acknowledged on the spot with thanks does not need a follow-up thank you note. Just do it. You may pleasantly surprise the gift giver. And always do this for the olds — it’s a kindness, and is thoughtful, and really is not very burdensome in the grand scheme of things.
Anon
YTA 11:41. Times have changed. Time not to be so uptight!
Anon
11:41 is correct in my location, at all socioeconomic levels and most ages.
Anon
A proper thank you card isn’t just a thank you, but is more like a letter catching up with the gift giver. I think it’s understandable to be impatient with a sort of obligation filled out pro forma, but it would be a pity to drop the tradition of genuinely connecting with friends and family especially when they’re not local?
Anon
Nope.
Anonymous
Hahahahhah no it isn’t.
Anon
I mean why can’t you connect with them via FaceTime or phone call or text message or email or social media?
Anon
Those would all count! It doesn’t have to be a card in 2024.
Anon
I’d rather get a card than have anyone FaceTime me ever. But etiquette says that any form of thank you is fine. If you say thank you at the time of the gift, that also suffices.
Anon
I agree. In a sea of bills and junk mail, a note (not just a thank you, any note) is a welcome reminder that I matter enough for someone to take a little time and effort, especially when we’re all so busy.
Anon
Agree. But I’m also southern. .
Anon
Same
Anon
Okay, and who TF catches up via letter? It’s 2024…
Anon
Okay, and who TF catches up via letter? It’s 2024…
Anon
Right. The last person I wrote actual letters to was my grandma, and she died in 1999. (she wasn’t Y2K compliant)
Anon
I agree. Thank you notes forever.
Cat
I think TA is a little much for this but… I don’t see why a thank you has to be a big production (card) vs. a call, email, or text? Like the point of the gift is sharing well wishes with the recipient so it seems a little weird to basically say “don’t reach out to me in return please” to them.
Anon
+1
This is all a little over the top.
Anon
yeah it seems weird to say don’t reach out to me, but its also weird to insist on a card. Gifts should be acknowledged to the giver in some way, but it doesn’t have to be a written card.
Anon
+100000 time for this archaic obligation to die!
Anon
I think you’re being extra here. You could omit that line and 90% of people wouldn’t send a card anyway (I can count on one hand the number of cards I’ve gotten for the many gifts I’ve sent to people in recent years). I think a thank-you is necessary 100% of the time for gifts – doesn’t always have to be handwritten, but it’s really frustrating to send a birthday gift to a niece or nephew and not get so much as a text confirming the box even arrived.
Thank-yous are one of those little niceties that keeps things moving along smoothly. I know people who say they won’t teach their kids to say hello, please, or thank you because it would be “forcing them” and I think that’s a stupid way to parent and prepare kids for living in society.
Anon
I have a sister who is a self proclaimed southern belle (she’s a transplant, it’s not innate) and she was a giant a-hole about her nieces and nephews not sending thank you cards when they were little. “Let’s call auntie and thank her for the present!” was not good enough for her. She needed both the call and the note.
And we weren’t raised on the thank you card thing either. It’s like reading the wedding etiquette books when she got married infected her brain.
IMO it is beyond rude to demand that you be thanked in the form you insist upon.
OP
Haha your sister sounds like my family members. Commiseration!
Anon
I don’t know why it’s important to lean into framing basic, quick courtesy actions as humongous obligations. It takes literally nothing to text somebody a thank you and it can enhance their enjoyment in giving you a gift. I love to know that something I’ve picked out is making that person’s day better – and gifting isn’t my love language.
OP
This is about paper thank you cards, I was explicit. My cousins and I all shoot eachother texts when we get stuff.
Cat
given this additional fact – i.e., that you do say thank you, just not by a literal card – I really don’t see the need to put a disclaimer on a gift every time. I didn’t feel the need to say “no cards please” to my in-laws – we call, email, or text each other thank yous. For my 90yo grandmother, she gets a physical card.
Eliza
+1
Anon
Seriously.
pink nails
Nah, YANTA. I’ve seen that line on funeral flowers and cards and I think it’s nice to relieve the pressure.
I think it’s a tad over the top for day to day gifts (birthdays, etc) but not a big deal.
As a general rule of thumb, I DO think it’s most polite to at least acknowledge and thank a person for a gift in some way. Not necessary for it to be a handwritten thank you, but a text or call depending on the relationship, or if it’s in person – a verbal sincere thank you goes a long ways.
however I think it is obvious that the A in this situation is the relative with a thank you ledger.
Anon
It’s incredibly rude to not thank someone for a gift. It’s also absurdly archaic to think that it needs to be via card.
Anon
I think if someone sent something physical, it’s harder to connect on that same level without anything physical in return? I don’t know that it has to be an obligation, but I understand why older people feel that the new ways aren’t the same.
Anon
Where does it end then? Do you send a thank you for the thank you card? This is a relic of a time when everyone communicated by mail. It is perfectly ok to text, call, or email a thank you or acknowledgment of a gift.
Kate
You are NTA, but I am firmly team thank you card for all gifts. If someone has taken the time to be thoughtful and get me something, I personally feel that the least I can do is take the time to handwrite you a note of thanks. It is about that small moment of effort, acknowledging their generosity – for me, at least. I also just find thank you cards, the process of holiday cards, all correspondence to be charming. It warms my heart when I receive a note, and my hope is that others feel the same when they receive one. FWIW, I’m a millennial, and me and all of my friends and family stick to this tradition. We live in NJ, to the extent it could be regional.
Anon
We send texts to thank people. I’m not in the US though. Have never failed to text saying thanks and have never failed to get one. I don’t understand the fuss with cards. We do send birthday cards for kids.
anon
you are not the ass hole. certainly part of training your kids to live in the world is recognizing which relatives expect paper thank yous and which don’t. That said, as I said above, i think the point of a thank you for a gift or flowers that you don’t personally deliver is so you know it is received. I have sent gifts (not from amazon but from other places where you don’t get a real time photo of the package at the door) and then wondered if they received….. and sometimes they weren’t…..
Anon
Yeah I don’t expect a handwritten note (I think that’s very old fashioned) but I do really appreciate a text or email acknowledgement that the gift was received. I have a friend who never acknowledges the birthday presents I send her kids, and it kind of feels like just sending stuff into a black hole, which isn’t the best feeling. Obviously the gifts didn’t all get lost in the mail, but maybe some of them have and I don’t even know? It’s just weird not knowing if it was received.
Anon
Right we have different ways of communicating now. It’s best if people acknowledge they receive the gift in some way but it’s ridiculous to insist that paper and pen and a stamp is the only way to do so.
Anon
This, this, this.
Acknowledge the gift, but it doesn’t have to be via a mailed card!
anon
also a thank you maybe doesn’t need to be a formal paper note but a text or even a mention? again, i think if i hand you a present or bring something to your house that is different.
Eliza
This. Some kind of acknowledgment feels necessary and kind. You’re NTA, but your approach does feel like a reflection of the lack of courtesy and consideration that the world is rife with currently.
Anon
Regarding thank you notes – I always thought it was very weird, as someone who interviewed probably 100 candidates for several positions over a few year period – to receive a mailed, hand written thank you note after the interview. It’s not a wedding. It was an interview. You emailed the company your cover letter and resume. If you’d like to thank me for the interview, email me. Keep it professional.
anon
i recently watched this is us on netflix and there’s a sign when an adult woman gets laid off and her older mother says they should go to staples and get some nice resume paper…..
Cat
while I don’t think it’s “too personal,” the odds are the recipient won’t receive the note timely enough in the process. An email that evening or the next day is perfect.
anon
Exactly. A handwritten note isn’t helpful in the year 2024.
anon
for those who are saying that sending thank you is an archaic social construct– on some level isn’t sending flowers and gifts? i am very fortunate to be affluent enough that my kids would never have gone without anything if we didn’t get baby gifts but isn’t it nice to send and receive baby gifts? ultimately aren’t these niceties one of the things that keep us connected and not totally adrift in the world?
Anon
Yeah, but sending gifts and flowers and congrats messages are very different than sending a thank you card. Thank you cards are archaic. Thanking someone for a gift or kind thought is NOT – you should always thank someone for sending a gift but you can do it with modern technology rather than a card.
I love sending my friends flowers for big events like graduations or buying a house or something, but its because I want to celebrate them and I’m excited for them. I send food baskets or flowers to friends who have lost loved ones, because I can’t be there to take care of them so I hope this gesture helps. I send wedding and baby gifts to celebrate the milestone.
I don’t expect a thank you card for any of that. A quick text, of course. But not a card.
Anon
Sending a flower arrangement or a gift should be from the heart and not due to obligation. If someone thanks you in the way they usually communicate with you, you should not be like the dour aunt who disapproves of not receiving a hand written card sent through the mail.
CapHillAnon
Agree with you, and I’m baffled by the proclamations that written thank you notes are “archaic” or an unholy burden. Ha!
To each her own on this one! I’m not sure we are changing each others’ minds here.
anon
is st augustine florida a pleasant place for a long weekend in fall? we’re new yorkers, pretty well travelled just looking for a sort of romantic just couples weekend. worth it? we’ve been to miami a million times and love it but thought this might be nice for a change.
Anon
If by fall you mean November or December, yeah. It stays unpleaasantly hot and humid through October.
Anonymous
It is great weather-wise then but it isn’t an upscale place to go. There are some historic sites and a kitschy downtown and some touristy spots. If that is fine for you, then go. It was my happy place where I’d go alone or with a date for an easy weekend trip when I lived in north Florida
Anon
This. There’s the fort and the couple blocks that make up the colonial downtown with cute boutiques and tourist shops, and maybe a couple other buildings, and not much else. It’s more of a passing through day trip than a fly there intentionally weekend. Savannah? Charleston? The Keys?
Cat
+1
Thinking about easy flights from NY, Palm Beach, San Juan, St. Thomas, if you want to stay domestic?
eertmeert
I agree that it is a fun old fort kitschy tourist area that is great for a day trip, or maybe an overnight, but not a long weekend. However – if you do go, there’s an alligator farm maybe 20 minutes away with a zip line course above it that is awesome.
https://alligatorfarm.com/
Anon
Maybe a stupid question but can a shoe repair place fix the inside of a shoe? I have a pair of boots I love but the inside sole has fallen apart after many years of wearing.
Anon
Yes I’ve had them do this. They usually carry new insoles they can put in.
Anonymous
crying and perimenopause… i’m approaching 50 and periods are definitely getting wonky. i’m finding that i’m crying a lot — not like sobbing over my life but tearing up at anything. i cried at the DNC over kamala, hillary, michelle, AOC… at a random sweet wedding toast i saw… you name it i’m getting teary-eyed.
it feels new at this point – is it a sign I should be getting on an HRT or something?
Anon
I’ve been like this my whole life… I think it’s relatively normal and not something you need to panic about.
Anon
Me too! I tear up at the least thing and it doesn’t even have to be sad, even something touching or sentimental. I have just learned to hide it well.
Anon
HRT may be a good idea anyway since its long term protective effects are strongest when initiated before age 55. I am hoping I’ll be able to keep my moods stable with the help of a good gynecologist (though I’m a little younger and haven’t started yet).
Anon
Yes, you may as well try it and see if it helps.
Anon
Until perimenopause, i only cried if i was furious. Cue the hormones, and I cried. I cried for good reasons, for bad reasons, and for no reason at all. I wish I had done HRT, but that was during that period when it was disfavored. I would go check it out if I were you.
Wildkitten
The DNC was really tear-jerking, FWIW!
Anon
When my perimenopause symptoms were peaking, I was like this. Literally a commercial could make me cry and that is not my personality at all. Crazy mood swings, sleep disruption. My periods were also totally crazy by then and sometimes bleeding like a faucet for weeks. I didn’t have a supportive PCP, or a GYN at all so it took more than 2 years before I started on HRT after I became fully menopaused. I’m much better now.
Anonymous
I don’t have that particular symptom, but I would recommend talking HRT either with someone recommended by the North American Menopause Society or one of the online menopause providers. Most doctors, including gyns, have no real training in menopause so they make it much harder to get than it should be.
Wildkitten
I’ll probably post this again tomorrow. I need *date night* tops – cleavage forward. Ideally don’t require to be tucked in to look purposeful. Ideally won’t wrinkle while I wear it. Black or jewel tones. Sleeve agnostic. Also what do I wear over a top for date night? I know cardigan is the wrong answer.
I forgot to leave my house during the pandemic and forgot how to dress.
Kate
I don’t have a specific top to recommend, but I will add: I’ve found that the right undergarment is as important to this look as is the top you select. In fact, the right undergarment can make many a top the right top for this look. Get the right bra working for you!