The Importance of … Not Being Called the Wrong Name
Update: We still stand by this discussion of the importance of not being called the wrong name — but you may want to check out our more recent discussion on how to handle being called the wrong name at work.
It stinks to be called the wrong name — but what if it's your colleague or boss who's doing it? How do you correct them? Obviously, we had to wait to answer this reader mail until we started using our name with the blog…
I'm wondering how to handle correcting people on my name. My name is Diana, and I am constantly called Diane. This seems to happen most often in email of all places, where my name is automatically generated by Outlook in the To line, and where often my signature block is in the thread. Both coworkers, including HR of all places, and opposing counsel get it wrong with some frequency. Apparently this also happens a lot to my friend Julia, who is often called Julie. Diane and Julie are lovely names, but they aren't ours.
When and how do I correct HR/partners/opposing counsel? This is really starting to drive me up the wall.
How to Avoid Being Called the Wrong Name at Work
As a “Katherine” whose only nickname has ever been “Kat” — never Kathy or Kate — this author feels your pain. For our $.02, the trick is figuring out when to care if someone has your name wrong.
For example, that random guy who responded to my e-mail last week “Thanks Kathy” — not a big enough deal to correct him on my name. However, when I started at my old firm, the partner assigned to be my liaison (and help me round up work) mistakenly thought my name was Kathy.
(Or perhaps that all Katherines like to go by Kathy? It was never clear to me.)
He immediately began promoting me to other partners as “Kathy” — which made me cringe every time, and required correction. In your situation, we would say that HR is a big deal because they are likely to introduce you to other people — but opposing counsel isn't such a big deal, because if s/he uses the name in court, the names sound similar enough (Diane, Diana) that no one will notice. (Or just think he or she is being a jerk.)
Now, when it does matter that you correct the person on your name, it's difficult to do it in a way that doesn't come off as conceited, self-important, passive aggressive, or petty. (At least, it always feels that way.) Some suggestions for you:
– With a friend or colleague: Tell a story about yourself, and refer to yourself in the third person. As in, “My friends were all like, DIANA, stop it, you're killing us!”
– With an introduction: “Hi, Diane, it's great to see you. Meet my colleague ____.” Then you turn to shake the colleague's hand and say, “Hi, Diana __.” Repeat your full name, even if the person before just said it.
– Through voicemails. Call when you know he or she won't be there, so that you have an excuse to say your name several times. “Hi __, it's DIANA __. I just thought I'd call to respond to __. Again, this is DIANA ___, please give me a call back at ___.”
– Direct. Sometimes the only way to do this is to be direct, where you have to have a conversation with the person. We would advise doing it in person, so your tone will not be misunderstood (and your tone should be light). Such as, “Hi, HR person.” “Hi, Diane!” “Oh, ha, my mother would have a heart attack if she heard that — she fought tooth and nail against every grade school teacher who tried to call me that, which is why I staunchly insist on ‘Diana' today. Anyway, I came by to drop off this file…”
Readers, any other tips?
@ law shucks – i love your response – in part because you are a guy. and i find that guys seldom let others as we say back home, “call them out their name” – which is a huge insult in my community. as a person of color – my name represents an important heritage and i refuse to be written upon for someone else’s ease and convenience.
i think people have the right to be called what they want, and i make every attempt to return the favor! :0)
so. gently. and often. i correct, offer to spell and smile when i know the name doesn’t matter because neither of us is important to the (future) other …
-kkm
Well put – and saying it nicely eases any awkwardness so the conversation can continue :-)
Yeah, nothing quite so hilarious as someone deciding it’s hilarious that I’m a lawyer named “Sue.” Only I’m not. I’m a lawyer named Susie, or, if you must be formal, Susan. “Sue” is not my name, anymore than “Zan” is, even though there are people who are given the legal name Susan who go by Zan. It’s not about people being oversensitive. It’s about taking the time – and having the respect – to pay attention to what another person wishes to be called and how that name is spelled. Making the same mistake over and over signals either that (1) you can’t be bothered, or (2) you are an ass.
Aletheia here – and I imagine that all of you reading this comment would pronounce it differently and probably incorrectly. My last name is pronounced like a common female first name, but I’ve never had the problem with someone calling me by my last name – usually they say Alicia. (Although I had a secretary who pronounced her first name like my last name – which was confusing, but that’s another story.)
I used to let the pronounciation slide, but now I speak up unless it would cause embarrasment to the speaker because of the other individuals that are present. I’ve given up on having my name spelled correctly – and generally only make a big deal out of it on legal documents(i.e., the title insurance policy issued with the wrong spelling), but do ask to have it fixed on agendas, etc. when there is time before the meeting or it is a standing meeting.
So I’m curious, how do you pronounse Aletheia?
My guess would be “Al a thee uh”, “Al” like Alice, “a” like the letter, “thee” as in thief and “uh” as in us, accent on the thee.
I’m curious too. My guess would be Al ee thee uh – exactly like Gina’s except with an “ee” sound instead of an “a” sound on the second syllable.
I pronounce it A lay thee uh, “a” like what, “lay” as written, “thee” as in thief and “uh” as in us, accent on lay.
I had an Alethea friend! She always got Althea.
What a great question! This problem is the bane of my existence. I have a very unusual ethnic name that is very similar to a much more common name. Most people have no idea how to pronounce my name, even people from my ethnic background. Everyone calls me by the more common name as well as misspells it in emails. On the last project I was working on, a very prominent partner kept misspelling my name. Finally, I just corrected her and said something like, “actually, my name is X, but it’s often mistaken for the [common name]”. The partner never made the same mistake again and she seemed genuinely glad that I corrected her.
I’m all for being direct. I’m very proud of my name, it has a beautiful meaning and I was named after my grandmother. Most everyone really wants to say my name correctly and they are generally glad when I correct them.
For those of you who are unsure about how to say someone’s name, please just ask! When people ask me up front (rather than assuming how to say it), I’m always thankful that they asked and tell them so.
Oh this strikes home SO much. Not only do I get called the wrong name ‘Lori’ all the time (hello, that’s an ‘a’ there people) or ‘lah_rah’ not ‘lor-rah’. No one ever spells it right. Top it off with oddly spelled maiden and married names (which I use in conjunction), and I face this issue frquently.
At work there’s an entire divison that calls me lori because their boss does.
I’m sorry but my name is not Lori or Laura. Just Lora. And please for the love of god if you’re responding to an email from me, friggin’ spell it right!
Ahem. Rant over. I find the best results are to just be direct. Some people get offended, but most are very apologetic.
confession: I have an older cousin named Lora, and for years when I was little, I thought it was Laura because everyone in the family has a big southern accent and I just assumed that was how we pronounced it…
I would spell it correctly, but I confess that I probably pronounce Lora and Laura the same. I’m from the Midwest – home of the univowel. I also don’t hear any difference in Mary/merry/marry or Erin/Aaron, and I generally pronounce pen/pin the same in conversation, although I can kind of hear a difference. I’m working on improving my vowels!
Oh, and I meant to add that I have a very long last name and my husband’s last name is even longer (15 letters). I can’t tell you the number of people who make comments like, “Gosh, your name is so long!”, “How can you even pronounce that name?” or even worse, “you people have such long names!”. I encounter this problem most often with airport security, but have also encountered it elsewhere as well. These remarks are SO insulting. I would never comment on someone’s name unless I was being complimentary. I know that most people don’t mean to be insulting, but that’s how it comes across.
My last name is similar to, but not identical to, the title of a popular movie and everyone, including airport security, makes jokes about this movie that fly completely over my head so they have to explain them and then I get annoyed.
Shana here, guess how it’s pronounced? There are so many ways. So many ways to spell it too. For me, it’s pronounced like Shauna. When I was a kid I used to get my pannies in such a bunch about mispronunciations and misspellings. In the last few years though I’ve totally gotten over it. The pronunciation and spelling of my name is ambiguous, so people will always get it wrong, because they’ll just be basing it off of whatever their experience is. E.g., Jewish folks say “shayna,” others say “shanna” like banana, others say “shauna” like “sauna.” Who the heck knows, and honestly, I’ve stopped caring because no one is doing it to bother me, they just need a correction like “It’s Shana.”
I also always thought that people with common or easily pronounceable names had it easy.
And my last name is a nightmare too. I just have to spell everything out letter by letter. It’s the way life goes!
My last name sounds like a common Chinese last name, but it is spelled with an “e” and not an “a”. When asked what my last name is, I always say it and then spell it out for them. Over 50% of the time, people just ignore my spelling and put an “a” down. People (especially when they are trying to look you up in a ‘system’) frequently get angry at me when they can’t find my name in their system. Of course not! You spelled it wrong despite my spelling it out correctly for you.
I also did not change my last name when I got married (because of professional reasons). I don’t understand why it is so hard for people to understand that my last name is different than my husband’s and yet we are still married?! Why is this even an issue in the 21st century?
The way I handle that is to spell it before saying it. Works much better that way.
Also, I don’t think people should get so worked up about a mistake in pronunciation or spelling, because I bet all of us have mispronounced or misspelled someone’s name at some point in our lives. Maybe even repeatedly done so. As such, we should have a little empathy and just briefly correct a minor error without getting sassy about it, like the “Elizabeth” in the “No name-calling” article. That woman just annoyed me.
See:
Becton curtly replied, “Who is Liz?”
When the assistant wrote back with an apology, Becton turned up the heat. “I do not go by Liz. Where did you get your information?” she asked.
The back-and-forth went on for 19 e-mails, with the assistant apologizing six times if she had “offended” Becton, while Becton lectured about name-calling.
……….
I mean seriously, lady, cool it.
Hmmm, I find it interesting that this topic resonates so much with so many.
People get names wrong all the time. You people who are complaining about others getting your name wrong (the NERVE! I mean, you are all SO important!) probably do it too. When someone gets my name wrong (and it happens a lot) I might correct them politely, but I do not let it get my dander up nearly as much as some of the other posters here. After all, I am not a celebrity nor the CEO of a Fortune 500 corporation. I’m guessing most of you aren’t either.
I am especially confused in the face of the ire of people whose names have, essentially, made up spellings. Ok “Ashlee” or “Brittanee”; so your parents thought they were being cute by making up your own unique spelling and butchering the proper name of origin. I’ll do my best to remember it from the first email you send…but since MY world doesn’t revolve around YOU, you should relax if I occasionally get it wrong.
Hear hear! (And my friend who is the most irritating is in fact a Brittany).
“butchering the proper name of origin”
THANK you!
While I don’t think that “Ashlee” and “Brittanee” should expect you to know how to spell their name on the first try, I don’t think it’s too much to expect that you spell their names correctly when it’s right there in front of you in an email, or when you work closely with these people on a regular basis. To spell it incorrectly in those situations shows a lack of attention to detail, and it seems like you just can’t be bothered. At least, that’s how it seems to this Emilie (who sees Emily, Emile, and Emilee on a regular basis). I will note that “Emilie” is a legitimate spelling (or *the* spelling) in many countries, but my mother named me such because she thinks “ie” is prettier than “y”. Like I had any control over that.
E –
Your world may not revolve around me and mine does not revolve around you, but that doesn’t mean that I won’t take the time to ensure that I have spelled your name correctly when I send you an email or letter (assuming it is correct on staff directory information) or to ask you if I am unsure how to pronounce your name. I will try my best to remember the correct spelling and pronunciation and will apologize (briefly) if I mangle it. I call it respect for others – regardless of whether they are a celebrity or the CEO of a Fortune 500 company.
I get people’s names wrong all the time, too. I’m hearing impaired, so I mis-hear names from the start, and really appreciate it if people correct me, rather than letting me continue to make a mistake. I notice when people use Kat’s tricks, too, like telling a story where they repeat their own name (or their child’s name — that’s happened, too) obviously to let me know the right name or right pronunciation. I prefer the blunt strategy — it’s just easier on everyone.
I also am surprised and saddened by all of the comments where the commenter either does not correct being called by a wrong name or tries to be cute or make a joke out of it. Why are you embarrassed by wanting to be called by the correct name? It is never rude or impolite to be direct and pleasant and correct the person. They are the ones being rude and impolite by not respecting you enough or paying enough attention to call you by the correct name in the first place. (Granted, not an egregious error but when you compare the two, you have nothing to be ashamed about requiring you to make a joke out of it.) It is much worse etiquette to let the mistake go on and on and for that person to find out later, and possibly from someone else, that they have been calling you by the wrong name. As the comment from one of the guys showed, guys don’t think twice about this; they just correct and move on. It is amazing to me the number of comments from women that are in contrast to that. Own your name ladies. If someone you were talking to misinterpreted a legal or business point you were making, you would have no issue correcting the mistake. Besides, people want to call you by the correct name, if they are purposely changing it after you have told them otherwise, there is no help for them. (I have a double first name and people in Texas shorten it all the time. I just reply with “Actually I go by [double name], not [first half]” and I have never had any issue with that.)
I completely agree. My name is Kara (pronounced Care-ah) but people usually confuse my name with the pronunciation Car-ah. For the longest time, I went without correcting people, but I’ve recently realized that people want to call you by your real name, and if you correct them it’s usually taken kindly. People have never got offended when I’ve corrected them about my name.
It’s always better to correct people at the beginning when they first meet you than letting it slide if it’s “no big deal,” because that will eventually build up. The sooner you correct people, the less the incorrect name will be ingrained in their head.
Regarding unwanted nicknames:
For those of you who are frustrated (and without making excuses for people who are inconsiderate), it may help to know that in some cultures the individual doesn’t have as much input about the nickname. Dasha (or anyone else with Russian background) can correct me if I’m off, but my understanding in Russia was that adults address young people with whatever the standard nicknames are for their given names, at least in a school setting. The young person (or even the child’s family) does not have the same degree of autonomy in determining what people call the young person. I recall reading a story in which there was a class with 4 Tatianas, or some other common name, and the teacher used 4 different variants of the Tatiana nicknames so as to distinguish among the 4. The students did not have any choice in the matter. Also, using a nickname in Russian can just be a sign of affection or friendship. (In a work setting in Russia the whole problem is avoided, because people use the full first name + patronymic in that context.)
So in short, our American individualism and autonomy are not necessarily shared cultural values in all contexts, and people who come from some cultural backgrounds may not realize that they are causing offense or being inappropriate when ignoring an individual’s name choice and using a common nickname.
And I agree entirely with EK. Most people really want to use the correct name, with the correct pronunciation, and want to be corrected when they get it wrong. A quick “oh, I go by _” seems like a good solution in many contexts, even when they have the completely wrong name.
You are completely correct on the Russian thing :)
I don’t know of 4 nicknames for Tatiana, though – its just Tanya as far as I know. I had the same issue in my 2nd grade class in Russia – 4 Katyas (Yekaterina/Cathrine)
Russian parents kind of know what they are getting though – my parents named me Dasha, but wrote Darya on the birth certificate. Never in a million years would they have expected there to be any confusion that my name would be Dasha. (They also did not expect that I would move to an English speaking country…)
Also, I’d like to add that its awesome that you know that about Russia/Russians and that you have it right. It’s rare that I hear anyone says anything positive (and by that I mean non-negative) about Russia/Russians.
Well, then there’s the asian name with three separate words. Two are my first name (but not joined or hyphenated – that’s the way it is on my birth certificate and that’s the way it’s going to stay) and the other is my last name. I underline my last name and add a Ms. to first communications by email, but it doesn’t always help.
I’m fairly relaxed about this and will admit to letting people call me “Mr.” if it’s unlikely that we’ll ever meet, or if (for cultural reasons) it might make my life a little easier. Now I wonder if I should be taking the matter more seriously.
I think it’s fine to let it slide in informal situations, but important to have it right in professional ones. People you deal with professionally need to know your name and who you are.
I live in a predominantly Chinese country where the family name is usually the first part of the name – but I’m not Chinese and my first name comes first, if that makes sense.
Now, I have no issue with strangers addressing me by my first name, but when it comes to email, I get angry when after signing myself “A/first name”, people still reply with “Dear N/last name”.
I usually overlook it the first time, but if it continues, I then address the other person by THEIR last name. You’d be surprised how quickly they correct themselves!!
my name has an odd spelling- everyone gets it wrong. I just answer to pretty much any”C” name. I do not take it personally and I mostly do not care. I do not care if I am called “Mr” either. Ultimately they figure it out.
Hunh.
My first name is RL is Dinah. Tell me about the annoyance. I correct people mildly, but firmly, right off. If they can’t be bothered to pay attention when someone is introduced, then fine, I can’t be be bothered to put up with being called the wrong name.
Older people, I can say ‘like Dinah Shore, remember her?’, and they do, but younger people, not so much. Are there any famous 20-something or 30-something Dinah’s?
Well there’s the song about strumming on the old banjo, but you probably HATE that as much as I hate a certain song that features my name.
But Dinah is not a very unusual name, so I can’t see why people get it wrong. Annoying.
E: I wish I knew the same people as you, everyone I meet seems to never have heard it before. There’s a rugby song with my name in it. Too vulgar for words. Have never even told my hubs how it goes. Came across it once when I was dating a rugby player, we were at a team party. No one knew me yet, so they started up singing it, and my date clapped his hands over my ears and shushed everyone, they were appalled and very apologetic.
I now want to know this song.
And seriously, what kind of people don’t know “Someone’s in the kitchen with Dinah?” Didn’t they have, like, a childhood?
Sorry, I meant they never heard the name Dinah before. My kid brother had waaay too much fun with that AWFUL song, also Dynamite blow up, etc, etc, as only kid brothers can.
The rugby song, sorry, I’m taking it to my grave with me, unshared.
My name is gender-neutral, and when spelled one way is feminine and the other way, masculine (think Erin/Aaron) – and my middle name is also gender-neutral! People spell it wrong all the time, and then think I’m a guy – once I walked into an interview and the interview looked startled and blurted that he thought I’d be a guy. I am hyper-adamant about correcting people who spell it wrong, because I do not want to be taken for a guy, and yet many of these people continue to spell it wrong.
People also sometimes call me by a long version of my name (e.g. my name is something like Nora, but people call me something like Eleanora) and that drives me CRAZY. I have the short version on all my professional documents, so I have no idea why they assume they should call me by the long version. No one calls me that, including my parents, and I hate it. And even if they did, it’s my prerogative to decide what I want to be called.
For all the Katies/Kates/Kats/Kathys out there – I recommend putting on your resume or in your email signature Katherine M. (Katie) Smith. HR types are usually vigilant about getting names right, and if you’re introduced as Katie right off the bat you’re less likely to be called Kathy or Kate down the road.
“when spelled one way is feminine and the other way, masculine (think Erin/Aaron)”
That depends on one’s accent! On the east coast, they don’t rhyme at all and wouldn’t be mistaken for one another. Eh-rin vs Ah-rin. In the midwest, those names would be pronounced identically to one another, rather like Air-in. It’s the same principle as whether one pronounces Mary/marry/merry as three distinct words or all the same.
Well, my name isn’t Erin. The difference is more like Terri/Terry.
I had a friend who was christened Francesca, called herself Frances, hated when people spelled it Francis, which is a boy. Also knew a Renee, a girl, who hated the boy’s spelling Rene. And hated that she hadn’t been christened Renata.
Ugh, my name is NOT even gender neutral and I have that problem! I go by Enza & sign my letters Vincenza and I always get responses with Vince or Enzo and I’ll respond with the correct version and continue getting referred to as a guy… soooo annoying! I never know how to deal with it except to just show up and laugh it off when I meet them.
While people usually get my name right, they quite often spell it wrong. This is something that I don’t understand – since, as the reader mail mentioned, my name comes up clearly on the email address line and in the signature block. I finally started putting my first name in all caps, and wrote to the serial offenders.
Since the email at my office is first name, last initial I was able to use that as persuasion to get the spelling right — I simply wasn’t getting emails addressed to ‘sarahk’.
As someone who was a professional editor in a previous life, let me just say that people are sooo sloppy when they write, it’s amazing they even get it in the ballpark.
Most people get my name more or less right (except for my husband’s family, who after many years can’t seem to remember my last name, but I love them anyway), but I have a slightly different issue: Am I the only law student who gets bent out of shape when professors call me by my first name without asking me to call them by their first names? Or, even worse, out-and-out expecting me to call them by their titles? I realize that it’s just habit for a lot of them or perhaps they’re aiming for a casual and laid-back classroom atmosphere – but I take it as a complete power play. My younger classmates don’t seem to mind at all, or even notice. Sometimes I try to work it out tactfully with the professor outside of class, sometimes I just go along with it, but I’ve never had the guts to reply straight out with, “Well, Ricky, the facts of the case are…”
It’s a respect thing, in my opinion. They have earned the right to be called by a professional title by their students, if that is their preference.
How do you try to “work it out tactfully” with the professor outside of class? Do you ask to be called Mrs. X in class?
I always found it most impressive and respectful when professors addressed their students by Mr. or Ms. Most of my law school professors did. The few who didn’t, I would never have objected to being called by my first name even while I called them Professor X, but I did note that they were not as respectful and polite as other professors, and that influenced my opinion of them.
This is the sort of thing that results in a lot of people calling each other ‘errr… um…’ :)
Did you take it as a complete power play when you were in second grade and called your teacher Mrs/Mr so-and so?
It’s a classroom. You call the professor Mr/Mrs/Dr/Professor so-and-s0, or Sir/M’am.
I think your name is your brand. Don’t be ashamed to correct people – you’re making an investment in YOU!
Good point – Its hard to develop a good reputation if no one knows who YOU are :-)
Also I think you’d look wussy if you let people call you by the wrong name, even if only slightly wrong.
In Dale Carnegie’s book How to Win Friends & Influence people, he discusses how important names are to people. He states how beneficial it is to learn people’s names correctly, including ones which may be difficult to pronounce. If you have not read the book, I highly recommend it, as it is filled with a great deal of helpful information.
Related to names, I have a question. My entire life I was called by two first names (no hyphens). The second name is actually an abbreviation of my middle name. My first name is very common (including in my family) and most of the girls who had the same first name, were called first name, middle name. (My middle name is Kathleen, but was shortened to Kate– imagine what happened when my uncle married a woman with same first name, but Katherine as a middle name, who therefore was also called Kate).
I will be starting a new job soon. All of my paperwork simply says my first name, which is not what I like to be called. I have never thought it weird when a Jaclyn wants to be called Jackie, but feel silly when I want to correct people and tell them my name is something longer than it actually is. Am I just being silly? Is it fine for me to say “I’d like to be called “Name abbreviated middleName” and sign my emails “First Name Abbreviated middle Name” even though in the address line it will just say “First name”
Personal opinion: I prefer when people use just the one name. Katherine on paper and Kate for when speaking just confuses people. I know about written English being more formal than spoken, but is it worth it? I know someone who is Sandy in person and Deandra on paper, and it’s very hard to keep straight.
I think you can adjust the settings on Outlook so that the address line has the full name that you prefer. Or maybe you can ask your IT department to change it.
1. you can be really, really, obvious – I once met a woman named “Berta”, she introduced herself by saying “my name is Berta, NOT BERTHA, BERTA, think like BERT, but with an A”… she was so persistent that there was no way that I was ever going to forget
2.” My friends were all like, DIANA, stop it, you’re killing us!” – this made me LOL for some reason
1. But then again you don’t want to come across
My name is Veronica and I introduce myself as such, however, the majority of people tend to call me Vanessa, Virginia or even Victoria. Even people who have known me for ages occasionally call me any V name but mine. I’ve gotten used to it and am comfortable allowing them to finish and gently reminding them that my name is Veronica.
Yup. I’m a Dinah, and if I’m in a good mood I might let them by with anything that starts with a D, in non-office settings. During office hours, though, it’s Dinah, with gentle corrections as needed, until they get it right. Inattention to detail is inattention to detail, and is not professional.
I’m a Katherine – my parents purposely gave me the nickname Kate because they felt it was most appropriate for the boardroom :) SO, of course I constantly get called Katie – half the time I don’t realize people are talking to me when they call me Katie!
I don’t hesitate to correct people at all – it’s MY name after all! Of course I am not rude about it – but the longer you wait the tougher it is. When I meet someone and they say, “katie, so nice to meet you!” I shake their hand and look ’em right in the eye and just say, “Kate.” Enough said :)
People mess up my name all of the time. Sometimes it is in conversation if they don’t know me well (they think my name is pronounced Leia or Lee). I get it every now and again in a client e-mail when someone thinks my name is Lisa. In general folks just don’t see the ‘h’ at the end of my name for some reason. :(
I’m a Megan and at work, I go by Megan. One of the partners constantly called me Mee-gan and was constantly correctly. It got to the point that on client calls he couldn’t say my name at all. He knows Mee-gan is wrong, but for some reason can’t think of the right pronunciation so I always have to introduce myself on the calls (after a long pause). Its gotten to the point where I wish I had just let him continue to call me the wrong name because this is worse.
Catherine Katherine Cathryn Kathryn please don’t yell if I get it wrong the first couple of times, ya gotta admit… Especially since I might know two or three different one who all spell it differently.
I have the same issue, my name is Diana, and for some reason I get called Diane all the time. I’m not sure where this comes from but It’s rather annoying because I’m a Latina (and the way its pronounced in Spanish lends itself to this particular spelling) so I would think that people would know better. Am I expecting too much? Especially when I have never met a Latina Diane in my life?
Do you pronounse Diana as Di ana with a long i (like Princess Di) or Dee ahn a with the accent on the first a (the more traditional latina way)? Or a different way than either of those?
If it’s the first way, Diana and Diane sound very similar. If you pronounce it the traditional latina way, people calling you Diane is really kind of out of nowhere.
I am also Katherine! In a similar topic, I have heard that it is more professional to go by your full name, and not a nickname. I have always gone by Kathy, though I have to admit, it does not sound very professional. I use Katherine in my email signature and on my business cards already, but in person no one ever calls me Katherine. Any thoughts on making the switch?
Similarly, I thought to myself that it would be more professional to go with Cathleen than Cat, so I use Cathleen professionally, even though I don’t really like being called that. I’m used to it now, but sometimes I wish people at work knew me as Cat. I think it would be awkward to make the switch now. I guess you could just start signing your emails as Kathy. By the way, I don’t think Kathy sounds unprofessional.
When people call me by my name in front of strangers-to-me, the stranger often thinks it’s a slight. A woman in an elevator with us even said, “Why’d you call her that?!” Apparently Dorcas, pronounced ‘dor-kus’, just can’t be a woman’s name. It’s really gotten to be a joke around my office to call me by name in front of strangers & see how they react. I play along. Now that I’m past Jr. High, it’s my brand, not my curse. And I own it!
I would work on projecting my name from my soul more clearly. Its a sign of something within yourself muddling what you are projecting.
Also, be patient. My favorite mantra when I am the new girl is,”though I sit down now, the time will come when you will hear me. …” (Benjamen Disraeli”
People are very put off by people over fixated on being called the correct name. Its a real sign of your own insecurity if you are too obvious, and, as stated before, the time will come when your name will not be forgotten–if you are patient and work hard. Then, people you didn’t know knew your name will know it, and that is so much better than obviously grabbing attention.
“People are very off put”? Tough for them. Are you kidding me?
Your name is your name. Be proud of it and introduce yourself rather than let some mangle your name.
I completely agree with the posters who suggest to correct people, tactfully, right away.
As a Deborah who HATES the name Debbie, it always amazes me how I can introduce myself as Deborah, how my email signature says Deborah, how my business card says Deborah, yet people still, on a regular basis, call me Debbie. It’s like nails on a blackboard to me, and I always correct people immediately. Frankly, if people aren’t already paying attention to what you call yourself when you introduce yourself, the subtle hints Kat provides in her post aren’t going to work.
I think the more direct and to the point you are the better. If someone calls me Debbie, I usually just say, “It’s Deborah,” and leave it at that. Don’t make a big deal out of it. They’ll apologize and we move on. No big deal.
As one of the other posters said, it’s your name, own it.
I have a friend whose mother regularly calls a colleague by a name she knows is incorrect because she “likes that name better”! It’s not a formal name/nickname situation, but completely different names, which I think is hysterical, but only because I’m not involved in any way. (My friend is mortified.)
Still, I once had a colleague known by one and all as “BJ.” Having once taught junior high school, and being a bit of a prude and this poor woman’s new-and-much-younger supervisor, I simply could not bring myself to call a grown woman BJ, even though that was what she called herself. Mostly I avoided addressing her by name, but when it was inevitable, I called her Barbara. People corrected me all the time. :)
I think more people should use and pay attention to signature blocks in email. This is where nick names like “sue” can be used, but where the correct name “susan” matters wrt email address. I cringe at being called SUE, only letting one favorite coworker from up north survive calling me that for more than 5 minutes. It is my name, I have the right to have it pronounced and spelled correctly, as does every other person on the planet. A little more attention to detail on our parts, plus a little more cultural savvy (Asian vs Russian vs Anglo-Saxon naming conventions) also helps prevent this kind of faux pas. Today’s culture is so high speed we sometimes forget the little things that can make a big difference, especially in business. SO – PAY ATTENTION to others, use a signature block, and don’t be afraid to correct politely if it really matters to you.
If someone stumbles over your name or has difficulty with remembering it, just help them and get over yourself. Sure, it’s your name and own it, but not everyone shares the lore you’ve built around its specialness, particularly those names constructed with syllables only dogs can hear. (A good friend named her baby Lyla – pronounced LAY-la. Good luck to any teacher or HR roster with that one!) Most people genuinely want to get your name right to bond with you either personally or professionally, and don’t garble it just to annoy you. When you launch into an entire conversation about the nuances of pronunciation both correct and incorrect, we can’t wait to get away from you. We wanted to talk to you because we thought you were a good person to know but then got roped into a peevish lecture. I’ll remember you, but maybe not for promotion because there’s already a divisive attitude.
Just say, “I prefer to be called ….” or even more pleasantly, “You were close …. it’s ________” and then help them every time they stumble over it until they get it right. Do it because you’re a human being and understand principles of conflict resolution and want people to want to know you, breaking down barriers firmly and methodically.
Leave the morning cup o’ smug in the car.
My name is unusual and very often mispronounced and misspelled. My policy is to not bother to correct people that I’ll not have contact with again and immediately help others with the proper way to pronounce it. I’ve found that most people appreciate the help if it’s offered politely.
Occasionally, I run into people who are intent on calling me something other than my name (Monet – as in the painter) or taking a shortened version (Mo- which I loathe). In those rare cases, a firm and direct approach seems to work best.
In Starbucks I give the name “Sue” since it’s easier than the spelling lesson for my mocha latte :)
As a Tamara (TAM UH RUH), I am frequently called (TAH MAIR UH) which drives me bonkers — don’t even get me started on those few who have tried to call me Tammy. The worst is when people repeat it back to you seconds after you have said your name and still get it wrong. Its disrespectful for people to pay such little attention to detail. I had someone correct me one –“oh you mean, TAH MAIR UH” I embarrassed him by thanking him for correcting me on my pronunciation and asking to use his telephone to call my mother to let her know that we had been pronouncing my name wrong for many years and it took him to set me straight HA HA
Seriously, though, when people say my name wrong I have no qualms about saying, “actually its TAM UH RUH” — they are the ones who should be embarrassed.
You know, it really is 100% situational. Sometimes it matters, sometimes it just don’t. I have a Greek last name; most people mispronounce it. At work, I correct them, elsewhere I may not. How to do it depends as well. My easy out for my last name is to simply say, “not bad, but actually it’s prounounced ______,” then I go on to tell them how my old football coach had a different way of yelling my name every single day! For first names, that is tougher. You’d think no one could foul up Louis or Lou, but it happens. I get Luis or Luke or Louie (this one I don’t really mind except when I hear it I start looking around for my mother). I have just been kind, soft spoken and gently by saying: “I go by Lou – L O U – most of the time, thanks… but you can call me whatever you like!” And I have yet to have that NOT work, and it usually gets a chuckle. Two Cents… lou
Been there. My legal full first name is Joy. For most of my adult life I have had to correct people who for some unfathomable reason want to call me Joyce. Also I have worked at the same place for over 23 years and in that time, I have gone through a couple of last name changes through marriage, divorce & re-marriage. There are still people who introduce me by my ex-husband’s name even though we were divorced 13 years ago and I returned to my maiden name until my remarriage in 2007. Or they call me by my maiden name even though I’ve been remarried for over 2 years. Most of these people have known me long enough to know what my name is, so frankly I don’t care if they get embarrassed when I correct them.
I grew up correcting people all the time. My name is Diana and like some of the other writers, was called Diane. It happens in emails, in person, I correct them–I always have. So that was the first part of my life, but to add to it, I never took my husband’s name. That was a whole other set of annoyances when we had children. I finally gave in while the kids were in grade school because the teachers could not handle it! I let myself be called, Mrs. Husband’s name. Now the kids are are older and it isn’t an issue. I am still correcting people on the first name. Oh well.
My name is Liana it’s only 5 letters and for years I have had several people say the wrong name. I get called Liane, Linda, Lina I tell them do they see a “D” in my name to be called Linda come on. I feel that when someone does not take the time to listen for the right pronunciation they are just lazy. It bothers me at times and sometimes I just don’t even bother wasting my time correcting them. When I am not sure on how to pronounce a name I ask so the person doesn’t feel bad.