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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
If you had told me 15 years ago how many articles of clothing I would own from Spanx, I would have been shocked. It’s not just highly compressive shapewear with confusing and complicated gussets anymore, friends! This asymmetric blazer is a fun addition to their “Perfect” collection. I would pair it with some wide-leg trousers.
If you’re trying to put together a full suit, these matching pants are fantastic.
The blazer is $228 at Spanx and comes in sizes XS–3X.
Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
Anon
Looking for brand / store recommendations for tops or casual dresses or spring and summer.
I’m very much a flowy, floral blouse person and I need a few new ones to add to my wardrobe this summer. In the past, I’ve worn a lot of Lucky and a little Madewell but I haven’t loved what I’ve seen this year. I like Sezane from afar, but it’s both over my budget and I do prefer in person shopping for convenience of both trying on and easy returns. I live in Center City Philly but have a car and am willing to drive to KOP, Cherry Hill, or somewhere else.
When I’m not wearing a flowy floral outfit, the other half of my style is very sleek. I got a few good tanks to layer with a leather jacket for this side of me, so I think I’m set but if someone has an ideas I’m also all ears.
I’m open to tops and casual dresses (sundresses, t shirt dresses, tank top dresses) that can both pull double duty for life and the office (I have a casual workspace) or ones that are weekend only. I’m a 5’4 pear (size 4/6/8 depending on how fit I am…) and prefer tops with a slight crop as they don’t hit me at my widest.
Anon
Have you checked out Faherty?
Wanderlust
Have you tried the NYDJ Pintuck blouse? They seem to be on sale at NordyRack pretty often.
Housecounsel
Anthropologie’s Maeve brand, Farm Rio, TuckerNY, Joie – I love a pretty blouse. I have found multiple blouses from these brands new with tags on Poshmark!
anon
Land’s End
I’ve also found casual dresses at Nordstrom Rack.
Pep
I have always had good luck at Old Navy for these, if you want a budget option.
anon.
Amour Vert tops and skirts. There are a lot on Poshmark too.
Anon
I have been liking Quince for its dupe of the Amour Vert silk blouse, at a lower price point but still 100% silk. It seems to have more solids than florals but worth a look for the flowy silhouette! I am very similarly built to you (5’4″ pear, usually 2/4 on top, 6 bottom) and it doesn’t cling to lumps and flows beautifully.
Anon
Try Anthropologie and Free People! They’re in Rittenhouse but the KOP stores are really nice and right next to each other. Last time I went the sales assistants in Anthropologie were SO nice and helpful.
Or you could use this as an excuse to take the train up to NYC and go to the Sezane location in SoHo :)
Anonymous
The anthro in Devon is really great too. They have a BHLDN in store.
Anonymous
I was in Soho for work 4 weeks ago and popped into the Sezanne store. Small selection. Not impressed.
Anon
Trovata, Julia Amory, and Sue Sartor make up the bulk of my summer dress collection.
Anon
How do you evaluate school districts when deciding to move? I’m about 1.5 years out from moving to the burbs and I don’t really know how to truly evaluate districts. I will admit that I am picky about education; I come from a long line of educators and while my full time career is in a different field, I do adjunct on the side and am generally not impressed with the skills I see from my students. Idealistic as it may be, I really believe that education is what opens doors in one’s life and think the greatest gift you can give to your children is a good education.
I know what are generally viewed as the “great”, “good”, and “bad” districts in my area but a) I don’t know how accurate those descriptions are anymore and b) how do I evaluate between the multiple “great” districts when things seem pretty similar? For people who have been in this situation before, if there are a few things you really care about how do you prioritize (so if District A has small class sizes but District B has better class offerings, how did you decide what you prioritize)? Do districts give tours and in depth information on curriculum the way that private schools do? Private is unfortunately out of our budget now, but we will reconsider again for high school.
I’m not as concerned about budget – I’d happily live in a small, crappier house in a great district rather than a great house in a good district. We can afford something in all of the districts we’d be considering.
OP
And, adding that “private is unfortunately out of our budget now” is not that I automatically think private is better! It’s just unfortunate that our options are limited to public only right now; so, we can’t school “shop” to find the best option for each kid (though they’re a toddler and baby right now, so we don’t know what each kid will need yet). My brother and I went to different schools based on what was the best fit for each of us, but we probably can’t do that yet.
FWIW, we’re in an area with a lot of really good private and public options, but private options are close to 50k/year. The only affordable non-public options are Catholic, which is not something I’m interested in…
RiskedCredit
I too wasn’t interested in catholic school. I never thought I’d end up with my children thriving at a Catholic school. No joke, I drove past and said no way when I saw the anti abortion sign outside the church.
The lower fees are great because the school is diverse with same sex parents, lots of divorced parents, racial mix is excellent, household income is diverse and all major religions are represented in the school population.
Public school have to teach to the test. Catholic are able to teach to the child. I happen to have 3 special needs children, but their friends who have no special needs also have their needs met too. They have religion everyday, but it’s often mixed with ELA or based on learning emotional intelligence. They learn about all religions and children attending come from a diverse mix of religions backgrounds. Today they are learning about Eid and will celebrate tomorrow. Eid was never acknowledged at their public school.
It goes without saying that not all catholic schools are the same but I struck gold with this one.
Anon
I would look at state exam scores, average ACT to SAT scores, and things like that. Factor in that much richer towns will have higher scores just because parents can afford and will pay for tutoring.
As long as those numbers look to be in the ballpark of what you want, choose the area that you like the best. Safety, amenities (parks, bike trails, a nice library), walk ability, etc. are important to kids too.
OP
I am really lucky to have an embarrassment of riches – all of the districts we’re looking at are safe, have nice amenities and have walkable areas and transit. Sure there are differences in each town so all things aren’t exactly equal (for example, most townships have township pools but a few don’t; however, there are reasonable swim clubs in the area so a township pool isn’t a dealbreaker), but all things are “good”.
I admit I have a first world problem! Choosing between several good districts (quite a few of which are in the top 20-30 districts of the ~500 districts in the state!) which also safe and nice, walkable towns.
While all of the districts have areas that are prohibitively expensive, they also all have options that are affordable for my family. In some districts we can afford a 3000 sq ft 4 bedroom 2.5 bath SFH and in others we can afford a 2000 sq ft 3 bed 1.5 bath twin house; both of which are fine for us if the school and town is the right fit.
There are certainly bad districts and less desirable areas in our greater area, but we’re lucky enough to be able to choose among many good options :) None of the options we’re considering are “bad”, and what’s the “best” on paper may or may not be the “best” for us as a family and for my kids’ needs – so just trying to find the overall best fit for us, which education being our top priority!
Anon
In that case, look at a few towns and find the house that you like best within your budget.
It sounds like you’re in Westchester County area or the Metro West area of Boston. Just… wait until you find something you like. Even in the same town, one house might have easier access to the highway, or is walkable to schools, or whatever.
OP
Philly burbs, luckily affordability here is quite different than NYC and Boston metros :)
We are a government employee and an engineer, so we do well but we’re not wealthy and we are lucky to still have so many good options.
Anon
I’m in Philly burbs – ultimately, Lower Merion is the best school district in the area, so if you want the best, then that’s where you should look. You also can’t go wrong with Council Rock, Radnor, Haverford, or Great Valley school districts – all have nice schools (in terms of updated buildings), well paid teachers, good test scores, and any extracurricular you can imagine.
OP
Yeah – I don’t love the Main Line (though I could get behind Ardmore or Havertown) but they do have a lot of great schools. We’re looking at LM, Radnor, TE, Haverford, Upper Dublin, Wissahickon, Methacton, and Jenkintown mainly (but always open to more!). Council Rock is great, but most of the district lacks easy train access for commuting downtown. I used to be interested in CB, but their politics have gotten so crazy so that’s off the table now. I also liked a lot about living in Abington but it doesn’t appear to be as strong of a district as the others. I know Jenkintown isn’t as highly rated as others, but I do like the benefits of a smaller school (though, is it too small?).
anon
OP, I’m in Wissahickon. Love it.
Anon
OP, those districts are all good – although I don’t know much about Jenkintown other than that it’s very very small and the one person I know that went there hated that aspect. A lot of the Philly suburban schools are great and vy for spots near the top of the rankings. Radnor is currently “best” and before that TE was at the top, but those rankings are all extremely subjective and I wouldn’t pay them that much mind. Everyone I know who lives in the districts you listed is happy with them. I would totally shop by house/neighborhood if I were you over a particular district.
Anonymous
This is going to come down to fit/feel. Do you want more of a nerdy town? One that’s super civically engaged? One that is super sporty? One that dumps money into the arts? In my area there are subtle differences like these across towns that are all filled with bright kids and wealthy parents.
Anon
+1 to fit/feel, since you will be spending a lot of time with the parents in your town. Look at demographics/politics/religion and see whether you will be comfortable there. Is the town somewhere where every kid plays lacrosse/football/soccer, or is it more arty? Are there a lot of stay at home moms or people who work from home, and do you care about that? Is there a lot of keeping up with Joneses in the town? Is the district known for its pressure cooker environment? Sometimes the difference between a highly ranked school district and a slightly less higher ranked district (size of district and other features being more or less the same) is parental income and socio-economic status, so going down a step in the rankings to find a town with your people is not a huge deal.
OP
We’re both from the area and have lived here most of our 20s, so have a rough idea of what towns are a good cultural fit for us. There are towns that I love, towns that I like, towns that I’ll tolerate for a good reason (like a good school fit), and towns that are non-starters for me. Unfortunately, the “best” districts are in areas I’m not thrilled about living in, so trying to figure out what is the best fit school wise and life wise. I loved the town I grew up in, but wouldn’t send kids to the school there (and neither did my parents, they were both teachers and I went to the school my mom taught at while my brother went to the school my dad taught at). On the other hand, I went to school on the Main Line and that’s not a place I’d prefer to live. However, if the options are a good school that teaches grammar and requires essays on the Main Line or a good school elsewhere that doesn’t, I’ll suck it up and live on the Main Line for the better education. But also, I’m sure I can find what I want in other areas that I’d prefer more.
I recognize that there’ll always be tradeoffs, so just trying to figure out how we find the best overall fit for our family.
anon
do you have a kid with special needs? or looking for typical “good” school district. IMO (I work in special ed and live in the burbs of NY) most of the analysis is socio economic (more expensive towns have higher ranked schools. period). Depending on what you are interested in and what you value (diversity? advanced classed? a g and t program? look for those. Also some things aren’t good or bad but are just preference…. i liked the idea of a district with more than one elementary school coming together for middle and high so there’s an influx of new blood but some people like the smaller districts. Sometowns becaues of space have two elementary schools but its K-2 and 3-4, do you like that? I don’t know where you are but in westchester westchester magazine runs an annual list of the best. Like US news and world report i’m sure they’re probelmatic but might help you get a sense.
OP
Currently no known special needs, but kids are young so this may change. If we end up needing to accommodate special needs, we’d adjust our search again.
Walnut
I live in a “good” school district and they teach exclusively to the standardized test. There isn’t much tim left for any other curriculum, so I spend a lot of time finding other ways to supplement. Also, I pull kids out of school right up to the truancy limit to travel, which helps round out some education beyond math and reading comprehension.
Anon
Do you hold back a couple of days in case they get sick or is that counted separately by the school district?
Walnut
I’ll end this year with a 1-2 day buffer for sick days. If we had a year with more days home than usual, then I’d postpone whatever is planned for spring. We get something like 20 days out of school, which is generally enough to both travel and keep kids home when they’re feeling sick or just not feeling quite right.
My kids are young now, so we’ll continue to re-evaluate as kids get older. Right now my oldest is mind numbingly bored with school, so who knows how it’ll all shake out long term.
anon a mouse
You should ask on the moms page as well.
Rankings like Niche tend to penalize lower SES areas or areas with high ESL populations, so your best bet is word of mouth. Also you can look at things like high school offerings – if a HS has a ton of AP courses, odds are it has a good cohort of kids who take the classes, which speaks to how motivated and capable the kids are and how well they are prepared coming in to high school. Look at things like class size as well — a very well regarded system near us averages 27 kids per class in elementary which seems outrageous to me. (I know it’s permitted, but those poor teachers.)
Anon
We had this. My mom taught K and would have hated this. One disruptive kid and no one learns if there isn’t a co-teacher or at least an aide.
Anonymous
Wow, we thought our K classroom of 21 was big. Our district caps K at 22 and all K classes have a part time aid.
Anon
i have twins in K – one has 24 and one has 26, no aid
Anon
21 is pretty small to me! My daughter’s K class has 21 kids and our school has the smallest class sizes in the area. Her pre-K was 20 although they had two teachers.
OP
Wow! That is insanely big.
Anon
Test scores. If 10% of the student body is proficient in math, then there’s no way small class sizes or personalized attention can make up for it. Of course that works best for extremes.
OP
The school districts we’ve started to consider seem to have test scores in the mid 70s to mid 80s% proficient in math and reading (reading seems to be higher across the board). Frankly, we wouldn’t even be considering districts with low scores, but I also recognize that test scores aren’t everything. However, for us it would be more like is a district with 70% proficiency but XYZ other benefits a better fit than the school with 85% proficiency with XYZ?
Anon
You do realize that test scores are almost entirely a function of socio-economic status, right?
Anon
I’ve seen this in stats but not in my bubble (and my life is happening in my bubble).
Anon
Our district is countywide and they are always moving boundaries and reassigning principals and staff. It is frustrating.
Where I grew up, towns had their own schools so they were more consistent year over year.
OP
We have townships with school districts, so in most cases it’s much smaller than a county but larger than a town (maybe 3-4 towns make up a township). We have a few districts that are bigger and some that are smaller that as a result have classes and grades that are bigger or smaller. Long story short, from what I can tell things are quite consistent (unlike my friend who has kids in Maryland where it’s countywide districts and schools get redistricted).
OP
A few more bits of info here!
Preference is that the baseline education is really solid, wellrounded rounded, and that there’s a focus on critical / analytic thinking and writing skills (based on my experience teaching those skills are really lacking; also to me this means not teaching to the test – I’d MUCH prefer creativity in education). I also value active instruction (as opposed to videos or too many worksheets during class time), smaller classrooms, sense of community, overall opportunities*, and discipline**.
* To me, overall opportunities can favor both larger and smaller districts. On one hand, larger districts can simply offer more course offerings, clubs, sports, and other options to students due to economies of scale. However, being in a larger district often means more competition while a smaller district may offer less while allowing each student to do “more”. For example – if you have 100 kids trying out for the soccer team it’s much harder to make the team but if you have 40 kids trying out you’re more likely to make the cut (this also applies to the band or the school play or the school newspaper).
**To me discipline not only means avoiding major safety or security issues, but also smaller issues too. If a kid is disruptive in the classroom, does the teacher have the ability to address that and then get the class back on track? In talking with my sister in law, her kids’ school basically has no discipline options other than ISS. So for more minor incidents the teachers can’t really do much besides talking with the kid or maybe a note home. Are students being held accountable for their behavior and the work they’re doing (both that they’re doing it and the quality of the work)? Obviously, I will be holding my kids accountable but I’d like to be “backed up” by teachers AND I’d like an environment where this is upheld with all students.
Anon
Former math teacher – while we all would love to not teach to the test, that will always be the priority. My rating every year was dependent on my students’ test scores, so my job and salary depended on making sure the kids knew what they needed to know. I had a lot more freedom with my advanced/honors students to do more creative projects, but you don’t know where your kids will fall at this point. The pressure to teach to the test is ultimately coming from the state, not the school district. It’s all not ideal, but since NCLB, it’s the reality.
Anon
I agree with you — there are so many “great schools” whose straight A graduates are not actually all that well prepared for college. At the same time I can’t tell what your main concerns are. Are you concerned about reading and literacy, like the issues in the “Sold a Story” podcast? You may be able to find out what pedagogy, approach, or curriculum is being used. Are you concerned about developmentally appropriate instruction and play based vs. academic preK and kindergarten? You could ask questions about what a day in school looks like and whether it fits your expectations for developing non-academic skills like hand-eye coordination. Are you concerned about mental health and safety? You might be able to suss out whether one or another district is the “pressure cooker,” how discipline is handled, and whether the child/supervising adult ratio is adequate. If you are mostly concerned with academic rigor and a challenging curriculum full of opportunities, the “great” school with the good test scores may not be the same as the school where bright or gifted and academically motivated students thrive (there’s a big difference between accommodating statistical outliers vs. trying to aim to the center of a perceived bell curve!).
Anon
On the topic of “Sold a Story,” there was a follow up investigation recently into Massachusetts schools (the best in the nation) and it found that the richest, “best” districts in particular are still using the old reading methods! They are supposedly “phasing in” phonics but it’s slow going. Another reason why ratings don’t tell close to the full story
Anon
It makes me wonder how much families there are relying on tutoring and supplemental education! In some nicer school districts where I’ve lived, the answer was “a lot.” (School was valued for socialization and leadership opportunities, but there was still an idea that education would require some private instruction.)
Anon
Apparently the CA teachers’ unions are fighting the reintroduction of phonics too. There was an article in local news about it just yesterday.
Anon
Ugh. Why are they pushing back?!
Anonymous
Eh, we live in one of those rich best districts and our ELA curriculum has been getting an overhaul over the past couple of years. It’s now back to phonics for the young grades. and FWIW I learned phonics as a kindergartener in 1988. Full circle!
OP
I have a longer response in mod about this up thread – top priority is a well-rounded, quality, challenging education that’s a good education as opposed to teaching to the test.I also care about class size, community, non-academic opportunities, and discipline. Test scores don’t matter as much to me as fit.
My kids are young (baby and toddler) so who knows what they’ll need or want yet. I met my husband at a good college, so we’ll likely have pretty smart kids with a wide range of interests, but who knows. I didn’t go to a school with a gifted program (we had honors classes starting in middle school for a few subjects and more subjects in high school) so I don’t really understand that program. But, also if my kids aren’t gifted I still want them to get a really good education. Likewise, we also don’t know yet if there are any special needs. If there are, we’d change our search to find the best district for the needs of both kids.
Anon
OMG “I met my husband at a good college, so we’ll likely have pretty smart kids…”
Get over yourself!
Anon
She’s not wrong. Intelligence is about as heritable as height. Smart parents do typically have smarter kids.
OP
Sorry – I wasn’t trying to be annoying. I was trying to say my kids will likely be smart but I literally follow it up with “but who knows”. Like I said – my kids are really young still so it’s too early to tell what they’ll need or want. I can only base it off of the household I’m raising them in – two parents with advanced degrees from pretty good schools one of whom also teaches, three grandparents + tons of extended family members who are teachers, lots of access to books and educational toys and outings and conversations, and parents who care a lot about education, parents who are curious and knowledgeable about a wide range of things and encourage curiosity and learning. I don’t think college choice means that much, my brother is much smarter than I am and he didn’t go to college until he was 25 (and then went to community college and then eventually finished his BS from a local college that’s not as well regarded).
Anon
In addition to intelligence being a heritable trait, pretty much everything I’ve heard from teacher friends is that parents’ level of involvement has a huge impact on their children’s education. I’d imagine a mom who is this interested in finding the best fit school for her kids is also probably reading to them and encouraging questions and will be involved with their education, all of which positively impact kids’ academic success.
Anon
Are smart people supposed to pretend that everyone’s brains work the same way as theirs do? Are we supposed to pretend that neither nature nor nurture results in intelligent parents having intelligent kids, and it’s all just random?
Anonymous
really? I think two parents that had good grades and went to a good college will absolutely be more predisposed to raising children that do their homework, have engaged parents, and end up with pretty decent test scores. Not to mention that we have good jobs and live in a wealthy, well funded district and have the means to supplement with tutoring if needed.
I have 4 kids and both DH and I were good students with high test scores. 3/4 of our kids are excellent test takers and diligent students. One has a LD and struggles with some aspects of school.
OP
If my kids aren’t smart (which is fine! there are so, so many things that are more important than academic success), at the very least they’ll be raised in an environment that promotes education and learning and curiosity, as well as an environment that doesn’t fool around with not doing homework or purposely misbehaving in school. I have a learning disability and my brother has ADHD so I understand that intelligence is often not represented in academic success, but it’s also not an excuse to be ignorant about the world around you.
As long as my kids are kind, not ignorant, and happy adults who contribute positively to society and can support themselves and the lifestyle they want, I’ll be happy.* If they have great academic or financial success, great. If they follow their passion into the arts or a career that doesn’t pay as much, great. If they work a trade or take a nontraditional route, also great. While we went to a good school and now have traditional, “good” jobs, neither my husband nor I took the most traditional path to get there and we both prioritized following our dreams and “doing good” over money. Whatever path works for my kids is good with me! While I care a lot about education, I care a lot less about what path my kids end up on. I view my job as to open doors for them by providing opportunities, including a quality education among other things, and then they can take those opportunities and run with what they want.
*of course, absent any medical issues of any sort that would prevent their ability to do this.
Anon, too.
You mad?
Anon
What you wrote above and what you wrote in the OP are not necessarily aligned. If you really just want your kids to be kind, not ignorant, and contributors to society, then I don’t know that “excellent”, (aka probably homogenous), rigorous (aka teach that your value is in your grades and intelligence) schools that teach grammar should be your criteria. So, be honest with yourself and then look into what type of student body and what offerings will lead to your goal.
Anon
Ask parents in the district. Often you can join Facebook groups for the towns you are considering, and ask there. There is a lot of rumor and hearsay out there among schools, or opinions of people who attended 30 years ago, or who never sent their kids but still want to run their mouth. Find people whose kids are actually attending now and ask them your questions.
FWIW I lived in one of the “worse” ranked districts in Westchester NY, and purposely chose a city when we moved to Fairfield County CT even though the surrounding districts are “excellent”. There are many thing more important to me than standardized test scores (schools that aren’t pressure cookers, diversity of all kinds, etc) and we have been very happy with our schools, despite what the online “ratings” say
Anon
I agree, Facebook is a great place to get these kinds of opinions. There will be tons of parents with school aged kids. You also may get a little insight into the culture of the school, based on the replies.
OP
This is helpful thank you!
Apples to Apples
agree with this. Larger “bad” districts often also have more options. magnet, IB, Gifted, JROTC, whatever. I’m just not a “great schools” in the burbs kind of parent. Like you, my kid is smart because her parents are smart, I’m most worried about her being a spoiled brat, or prioritizing keeping up with the Joneses in the burbs. The diversity at her magnet school is very important to us. How much better is a school if the kids start at 80% proficiency but those percentages drop by 30% by high school but the “bad” schools start at 20% and maintain it. Now safety is a whole other issue .
Anonymous
We used GreatSchools as a jumping off point. It’s not perfect but it seems to have good information. We’re in TX and I agree with the special ed educator upthread: anything rated “good” or higher is about the same; after that it comes down to preference. They all have their upsides and they all have their own unique problems. I personally wouldn’t sacrifice a ton on my house to send a kid to a great school vs a good one. But again, that comes down to preference.
Seventh Sister
I think the reviews in Great Schools are helpful, the statistics not so much. FWIW, the numerical rankings of the schools in my kid’s district are pretty far off of how local parents would rank the local schools.
As someone with kids in middle and high school, I think it’s a LOT easier to find a “great” elementary school than good middle and high schools. Almost everyone I know seems happy at their kids’ elementary school. But in middle and high school, it seems harder to create a good community experience.
My kids have had great teachers and classes in middle and high school, but most of the administration can’t manage anything more complex than sending the world’s longest announcement emails or holding staff meetings.
Anon
It’s really hard. My best advice is to talk to people who have kids in all the districts you’re considering. If you don’t know local people, your realtor can probably connect you to some. Realtors are very limited legally in what they can say about schools, but they can connect you to people who can speak more candidly.
Keep in mind that there are advantages to high-performing schools beyond the test scores. We live in one of those fancy, best-in-the-state districts and I don’t really care about the test scores but I care that we can hire and retain amazing teachers and that virtually all the families in our district prioritize education, since it’s substantially more expensive to live here than in neighboring districts and people pretty much only do so for the schools. Our district also does an amazing job with in-class differentiation at young ages (my early elementary schooler’s class has 4 math groups and they’re working at wildly different levels) and we also have reasonable socio-economic diversity and excellent ethnic diversity, but I think we may be somewhat unique among “top” school districts in that regard.
Another thing to keep in mind is that it’s normally easier to transfer out of the prestigious districts than in. We bought a house in the expensive, fancy district figuring that if it wasn’t a fit for our kids needs we could easily transfer into one of the neighboring districts without moving, but it’s much harder to get into our school district if you don’t live within the district boundaries.
anon
This is great advice. I am thrilled with my kids’ public education, but I recognize that we’re very lucky to live in a district that prioritizes differentiation. And overall, the parents at my kids’ schools highly value education and there isn’t a ton of teacher turnover like I hear about elsewhere. Candidly, we live in one of the more affluent areas of our city of 275,000. One district serves the whole city, but the experience can be pretty different depending on what area of town you live in. Not because the district isn’t offering the same opportunities, but because the parents and families are very different. I realize how terrible and classist that sounds, but that’s the reality.
OP
This is good intel; thank you! I hadn’t even though to look into differentiation, but I agree that it makes sense for most kids! From the little I can glean about teacher turnover in our target districts, it looks low too (I’m sure average teacher salaries in the low 90k range doesn’t hurt).
Anonymous
I agree that differentiation is incredibly important for ALL kids, and that talking to teachers and parents is the way to learn what is really going on in the schools. For example, our “good” school district actually prohibits the teaching of literary interpretation, writing, and grammar in middle and high school and does not allow teachers to have the whole class read and discuss the same book. All that English teachers are supposed to do is to have kids read books of their own choice and write journals. The only exceptions are AP and IB courses for high school juniors and seniors. My friend who is a middle school English teacher has to conceal the fact that she is teaching her students grammar and essay writing so that they can pass the state assessment. It is madness.
PolyD
This is for anon at 11:24 – What? Why aren’t they allowed to teach literary interpretation or grammar? Is the district afraid a teacher will sneak in a little DEI or something? And the whole class can’t read the same book? What is the point of that?
OP
Holy heck that is awful! I will DEFINITELY be asking around for more specific curriculum inforamtion; I would be horrified if my kids weren’t learning grammar, how to write an essay, or literary analysis.
Anon at 11:24
The reasoning is ostensibly that if kids just read books of their own choosing they will pick up grammar, writing, and literary interpretation on their own. The person in charge of the language arts curriculum is not even certified to teach language arts but is a former teacher in another subject area.
I suspect it all may really be part of a coordinated right-wing effort to decimate public education in our county and produce a generation of uneducated voters who don’t know how to think for themselves. We are currently in the middle of a book banning battle, and outside conservative donors just successfully fought off a ballot measure to replace the appointed school board with an elected one.
OP
I didn’t even know you could transfer in / out of districts without moving. Thanks for this tidbit.
Anon
It will often cost nearly private school tuition to go to a school in another district in most of the country. Some states have blanket school choice, so you can apply to go to any school or district near you with no extra cost.
Anon
It probably depends where you live. In my area there is a “tuition” you have to pay but it’s few hundred dollars a year for most districts and the fanciest districts are $1-2k/year. It’s not nothing, but it’s nothing like private school tuition. Even the cheapest private schools (Catholic schools) are 10x as much.
Anon
Ah. Near me it is 10-20K to enroll in the “great” districts from out of district, probably because we have crazy property taxes.
Anon
We have crazy property taxes too. The out of district tuition for our district definitely does not cover the tax difference on an average size house, which is sort of annoying as a taxpayer.
But the bigger issue is that they don’t have to accept you if they’re full (unless you’re the child of a school district employee – they have a tuition waiver and have to be accepted) and the better district is more likely to be full, so we decided we’d rather overpay on property taxes and be able to switch out rather than save money on our taxes and not be able to switch in.
anon
I don’t think this is universal, so look into it.
Anon
Yeah I don’t think it’s a thing in every state.
Anonymous
It’s not universal. Where we live the only people who can pay tuition for their children to attend are teachers who teach in the county but live elsewhere. Otherwise only county residents are allowed to attend county schools.
Anon
if your kids are baby/toddler the school districts could change significantly by the time you really need them
OP
That is true, but I don’t want to be rushing trying to decide where we want to live and find a house right before it’s time to start K. Ideally we’d be settled in a house a year or so before K (new house and new school all at once is a lot for a 5 year old!). The market is tight in the areas we’re looking (still very low inventory), so it may take some time to find a place.
Anon
OP, in my experience the change could go either way. You pick a great district for K and by high schools the school board has gone haywire, your kid wants to do X activity no longer offered, whatever. Or a “bad” district improves, or it turns out it’s a great fit for your kid.
Here’s my two cents – as a parent in a large urban public school district – there is no perfect school or school district. Class size can vary year to year, a class with 20 students and a poor teacher can be more chaotic than 30 kids with a great teacher, and your kid might thrive in a big class anyway (there have also been studies about class size not actually making much difference for many kids). A small class with kids/parents you don’t like is not great. That’s just one variable that I see parents of young kids worry about that I worried about too and that I just don’t really see affecting my kid now. It really is hard to predict what your kid will be like or what the actual school will be like. If it really isn’t a good fit when your kid enrolls in the actual school, you can always move or go private. But you may find out that things you thought in the abstract would be dealbreakers aren’t, or that there are good things about x school that outweigh the negatives.
go for it
Within a 50 mile radius of where I wanted to be I downloaded state report cards and compared was was supposed to be spent per student vs what actually was spent. If the #s were low that meant the students would not get the opportunities due to a low tax basis for funding. My kids were strong in a number of areas, therefore the high schools had to have a lot of AP classes, solid art programs and solid sports.
Anonymous
What do you want out of the school district? Define that and then work backwards. “Good” can mean different things to different people.
If something like college admission is important, pull the high school(s) profile. What % of kids go to college? What courses are available? What sorts of schools do graduates go to?
Here are some considerations that might not be as obvious:
– What kinds of aftercare options does the district have?
– What is included in your taxes and what is additional cost (field trips? busses to/from school?)
– What % of the teachers are at the highest degree for their areas?
– How long do teachers stay in the district? High turnover will tell you a lot. We have teachers that have been with the district for their entire career.
– What do extracurriculars look like?
– What is class size like?
– How are students with special needs supported? Even if you don’t have a kid with special needs, you want these kids to have a lot of support and in the good districts they do. If you have 20 kids in a class and 2 with high needs, you don’t want the classroom teacher spending 90% of their time on 2 students. Our district dumps money into ABAs, special ed teachers, educational supports, etc. to the point where one of my kids has 20 students in his class but half of them are pulled out for support most of the day so his “functional” class size is about 10 kids! Pretty awesome for a 3rd grader.
– At the middle/high school level, what kind of arts, music, sports etc are available and is the school recognized for any/all?
– how does the school do on state testing? You don’t necessarily need top of the spectrum but you want to look at the scores and see what they would mean to you. For example, our kids’ school happens to have all the ESL kids in it so the school’s performance is low compared to the district. But adjusted for that, they are excellent.
– do you want a high pressure/high performance district? There are some in my area that have this reputation and you can find that with a quick google.
To suss out some of this, read through some school committee meeting notes. What is on the agenda? What are parents complaining about? How often are the schools asking for (and getting) overrides? Also join local facebook groups and ask parents of high schoolers/college students for their thoughts.
smurf
Other factors to dig into IME (no kids, but lots of teacher friends)
– what’s the town’s history on voting for education referendums? In my state anyway, that is a STRONG indicator of how invested the local community is in edu.
– If you can find it, school current size v. capacity. We have a good number of local schools that are overflowing, so they’re about to be combined/redistricted – which can be good or bad, but means a lot can change in quality
– Principal turnover
– diverse teachers – in age, gender, ethnicity, etc. Some schools are very cookie cutter & in addition to it being good for kids to have diverse role models, can also mean that there are more options for switching classes if kids have issues. (some may do better w/ an older, old-school teacher, some with a fresh new teacher)
– personally I would avoid schools that feed into a *huge* high school. It is sooo competitive to get a spot in extracurriculars that it can be very limiting & very deflating/even harder to escape the pressure cooker. Like a basketball team has 20 or whatever spots for varsity whether there’s 100 or 50 or 200 kids who want to play. Same for theatre roles, music, whatever.
Seventh Sister
I attended a high school of around 1000 kids, my kids attend one that is about twice that big. While I wouldn’t want the school to be much bigger, there are programs at their school that my high school simply couldn’t maintain at a smaller size. While neither of mine will try out for a play, most theater stuff is double-cast so lots of kids have opportunities, there is a real costume department instead of someone’s mom, etc.
Anon
We live in a well-regarded school district and have had a good experience so far. But I don’t know if I’d choose it again if we had a rising kindergartner. The district is having budget issues and keeps cutting teachers. This means 30+ kids in an elementary school class. The district is a marketing machine (“Excellence for each and every student!”, social media posts on multiple state championships per year in sports and academic competitions, etc.) so you have to dig through the website to get the truth. I agree with the poster above who recommended joining a Facebook group, especially a mom’s group. My local group is very vocal about these issues.
OP
Thanks – I will definitely look into budgets of districts we’re considering. I would not be happy with such large classes.
Anon
Is there diversity in the school district, including racial/ethnic and socioeconomic diversity? Do the schools offer classes, clubs or programs that cater to a wide range of interests? How is their arts program? All of those things will help prepare your kids for college and the real world. You will likely already ensure that your kids will be able to write a good college essay, so you don’t need to focus on the school’s curriculum. My BIL and SIL are teachers that live in an ok school district, and their kids are well-rounded high-performers and are on track to go to very good colleges. I grew up in a very good school district in a wealthy suburb and hated it. I would much rather my son grow up to be a kind and well-liked person.
OP
Thanks – I don’t care about my kids being the smartest and the best (I definitely care more about them being kind and well rounded!) but I do want them to be prepared. I am a writing instructor as my side job and see a lot of written products from colleagues at my full time job and I’m often shocked at their awful writing and analysis skills. Yes, because this is something I care so much about I’m sure I’ll ensure my kids can write well and will step in and provide additional help if the school isn’t doing a good job. However, I was a moody teenager and I know that I would not have reacted well to this level of parental involvement :) I also believe that in order to be a good writer you have to do it a lot, and if schools aren’t teaching grammar or requiring essays or longer research papers I don’t think any level of parental involvement will bridge that gap.
Anon, too.
You aren’t wrong about the writing. Yes, our kid is bright and excels in STEM. He’s also kind and compasionate. But he cannot write at all and never took an interest in reading. I hoped there would be that one teacher who sparked an appreciation for reading but it never happened. Reading novels is not a priority in my different. They favor the boring passages that are dissected per their interpretation of common core.
Anon
I don’t think reading fun novels is a priority in any school district. Kids who find a love for reading normally do so outside of school. That was true when I was a kid 30 years ago too. One of the reasons public libraries are so important…
Anon, too.
I didn’t say “fun.” I said novels including the classics. I chose not to say “classics” because that just invites people talking about how it is good that we aren’t reading boring old white male authors anymore. The school district (not different as I mistyped above) does not prioritize boring classics or books by BIPOC or even Kurt Vonnegut for FFS. My son was not given reading assignments. I know it is the internet, but someone always has to argue just to argue.
Anonymous
I think whether or not people take to reading is mostly personality, and maybe also influenced by how easy reading is for them. My kid sounds similar to yours – bright and good at STEM, but never took to reading. It’s not a surprise to me. She’s very imaginative and creative but has inherited my husband’s struggles with reading and writing. They can do it but it doesn’t come naturally to the the way it does with a lot of other people, and it makes sense that they don’t enjoy reading since it’s so laborious for them. On the other hand, I’m a voracious reader who reads 100+ novels per year as an adult but absolutely hated reading the classic novels taught in school, so I don’t know that school did anything to stimulate my love of reading.
Seventh Sister
My kids attend school in a very diverse district. While I’ve noticed that they tend to befriend/bring home kids from similar social classes*, one of the effects of a diverse school seems to be a general lack of bullying. There are incidents of course (because kids are a-holes), but the kind of long-term, focused bullying I remember so well from K-12 really isn’t an issue.
*The boy has a pretty racially diverse group of friends, most of my daughter’s friends are other nerdy white girls.
Anonymous
This was definitely not my experience re. bullying as a white student in minority-white schools. It was “safe” to pick on white kids so that’s who got bullied.
Seventh Sister
That’s terrible and I’m sorry you had that experience! My high school was almost entirely white, so I had no idea what to expect.
Anon
Test scores are a function of the wealth in the neighborhood and focusing on test prep. We bussed our kid to a “better” school for middle school. We decided that close proximity to the neighborhood high school was important for friends and activities and we sent him there after a tour of the school. The scary part is the best high school in our area had a horrific school shooting incident.
OP
I get that test scores for SATs and ACTs are largely influenced by wealth and focus on test prep, but what about state testing and proficiency scores?
Anon
Even moreso, in my experience.
Anon, too.
Yep, even more so. And the teach to the test schools deprive kids of arts and recess. Even in the “good” schools.
Biggest balls in the room
Nashville – lived there in the early 2000s before the big boom and loved it. I spend time there regularly for work now and it’s a whole different city. To me, it’s lost a lot of its charm since it became so tourist-trappy. Also, the infrastructure has not kept up with the growth at all so traffic is horrendous.
Anonymous
We’re in one of the best districts in our area. Things that I’m currently comparing in public vs the possibility of private
– what is the teacher to student ratio at every age/step
– what high school classes are offered especially in math (do they go to BC Calc, if not higher)
– what clubs and sports are offered that are off the beaten track — there’s a whole story in the NYT a year or two ago about how “country club sports” like squash, crew, lacrosse, etc are getting bigger as colleges recruit for them and not a lot of high schools offer them
– how LONG kids can be involved in clubs and sports – colleges look to see whehter kids have a long-running involvement with clubs or sports. in our district you can start speech & debate as well as robotics from 7th-12th.
– IMHO I’d look at the sports vibe in the school also, if you can – are football players gods? Not sure I’d want that attitude for my kids, especially with all the head-in-sand thinking about CTE.
Depending where you are, you might also want to consider whether a district offers full-day kindergarten for everyone, as well as what the “public” offerings are for pre-K.
Anon
Hopefully a fun question: where have you lived (or a close friend/family member
lived in) that you would never live again?
What cities have you (or someone very close to you) lived in that you think are underrated?
Cb
Huh, I left the States in my 20s and wouldn’t move back for love or money.
I lived in Krakow, Poland for a year and it was honestly the best year of my life. We live in a city (or did, pandemic flight to the country) that people are super romantic about, and people would LOVE to live in, and honestly, I think it’s overrated. I have an imaginary life where I’m living in a Berlin loft.
Anon
My long lost neighbor, I also have a fantasy life in Berlin.
Anon
I lived in DC for a few years in my 20s and I’d never go back, even though its a much better location for my career. Now I’m constantly fighting the battle of how to shoehorn a career I care about into a life that I love in a city that has more limited options for my career.
JTM
I moved to Orlando for my first job post grad school and it’s such a terrible town to live in. I hated it so much I moved back to the Upper Midwest in January, and was happy to escape.
Anon, too.
I moved to Orlando to get away from Broward County and Ft. Lauderdale. Worst place on earth.
Anon
Bad: Chicago. I don’t get it. All the inconveniences of a big city (costs, crime) plus it’s dirty and the weather is terrible. And it’s so far away from any natural beauty if you want to get away into nature. Hard pass.
Good: Cleveland. Great arts scene for its size, reasonable cost of living.
Anon
Relative to its size, Chicago is really cheap though. It’s the second largest city in the US, larger than SF, LA, Philly, Denver, Boston, DC, etc. and costs much less than all those places. I get that it’s expensive relative to small Midwest cities (which I also like) but it’s cheaper than most of the US.
Anon
Um, it’s fourth. New York, Los Angeles, Houston, Chicago.
Anonymous
Lol it’s actually third. Behind LA but not Houston.
Anonymous
Huh, I found Chicago to be very clean! But maybe that’s because I was comparing it to NYC.
ha
+1
haha. I thought exactly the same.
And with climate change, the winters in Chicago are getting milder. Much less snow, not as cold.
Anon
I feel the opposite about Chicago! All the benefits of a big city (walkability/public t r a n sit, amazing art/sports/theater) with fewer downsides (it’s so affordable relative to other big cities, traffic is moderate, nature is close).
The Indiana Dunes and southwest Michigan offer lots of nice nature within a short drive and it’s so easy to get out on the lake for the day. I mean, sure, southwest Michigan isn’t exactly Glacier National Park but that kind of jaw-dropping nature isn’t accessible from anywhere in the Midwest. For the Midwest, Michigan is really nice and super close to Chicago.
Anon
Chicagoans joke that the city remains affordable due to the misplaced fear of crime (it mostly happens in neighborhoods the women on this board would never visit) and winter (I’d happily take snow over humid 90 degree southern heat). Keep telling your friends how much you hate Chicago!
Housecounsel
Right? I don’t get it (except on the days I have to trudge through dirty deep slush). I love it here.
Anon
I love Chicago. I had to follow my husband’s academic career, but if I could have lived anywhere in the US it would have been Chicago or Portland Maine. But I also prefer snow to crazy heat and humidity.
ha
Yes, I feel that Chicago is a bit of a hidden secret. And it has the bonus of not suffering from many of the negative changes of climate change and has a huge resource of water (Lake Michigan).
I also hate very hot summers, and can’t imagine living in the South for that reason, among many others I guess….
Anon
I thought that Chicago had very hot summers! At least it seemed that way to this Bay Arean every time I visited in the summer.
Anon
Chicago is hot relative to SF but not hot relative to most of the US. And it’s a short summer too. June is often quite chilly still and September is full on fall. It’s only two months of temps above 80 and I can deal with that.
Sasha
LOL right? I will take our crappy winters if it means I continue to pay reasonable rent for a 1bed + den with a patio and renovated kitchen next to multiple public transit options and a 5 minute walk from the grocery store. Keep gatekeeping Chicago, we already don’t have enough parking.
Anon
I would prefer to never live again in the suburb of a midsized Midwestern city where I grew up. Also would not live again in St Petersburg, Russia, where I studied abroad.
Underrated: Chicago and Minneapolis/St. Paul
Anon
I long thought that St Petersburg Russia was the only part of Russia I’d be OK in. Like think of it as being the Vancouver of Russia. No? I liked actual Vancouver (big city, mild weather, on the water).
Anon
I mean, I wouldn’t want to be in Russia period so I think that’s pretty reasonable?
Anon
Honest question: what did you not like about it? I have always wanted to visit for the history, but maybe I can just get my history from books and then watch the lovely Rick Steves visits there.
Anon
I’m the 11:15 poster. I would LOVE to visit Russia, especially St. Petersburg. But visiting and living there are totally different matters. I wouldn’t want to live there because I don’t want to live in a dictatorship and people there don’t have a good quality of life. Also the weather, lol.
Anon
Russia op here – My experience ( 20 + years ago now) was that St Petersburg was more nationalist/racist than Moscow. I can only imagine what it’s like now, in the drastically worse political situation. Practically speaking, when I was there the bridges went up at night and the metro stopped running so you could literally get stranded in a different neighborhood if you didn’t plan well. And of course, the short days in the winter – even worse than MSP!
But I would have said three years ago that I still think it is worth visiting – now I would not risk it, nor do I want a penny going to the war against Ukraine.
Anon
Unpopular opinion, but I’d never live in the Bay Area again, at least not without winning the lottery. The lifestyle I want (a single family home in a good school district reasonably close to where I work… nothing super extravagant) is just so out of reach there, even for upper middle class people with good jobs. The traffic is also terrible, and people always talk about the nature but you have to work so hard to afford life there that you have no time to enjoy nature (and the really impressive nature like Yosemite and Big Sur is a solid 3-4 hour drive, not really day trip distance). The only thing I miss about it is my friends who still live there.
Anon
It is fabulous if you can afford it though. I consider myself lucky that I bought here in the early 00s.
Anon
It would certainly be easier to live there if you bought a house before it got really expensive, but even then I don’t think it was really the place for me. I hated the traffic, although I hear it’s a bit better post pandemic. I didn’t want to live in the city for a variety of reasons and the south bay was way too hot and sunny for me (I think strictly in terms of climate Seattle is my dream place). I live in the Midwest now and although our nature is certainly much less impressive than California’s, I can enjoy it more because I’m not working myself to death. The Bay Area has a ‘live to work’ culture that I really struggled with. Based on what I hear from my friends, the parenting/education culture in private schools or good public school districts is also really competitive and toxic, like people all hire private tutors for their above average elementary school kids, and looking down the line to college it’s not easy to get into the state schools and they’re not very affordable even if you can get in. Teen mental health is a big problem.
Anon
Charlotte, NC. Hot, humid, terrible for allergies, and just a big mass of corporate suburban blah (even with the city itself, which is pretty sprawling).
Anonymous
+1 from a Charlotte native
Anon
If I hadn’t had kids, I could have stayed in NYC or DC. With kids, I’d have had to give up my career or move out to decent schools (can’t afford private; DC schools were tragic), and the commute would have killed me or fried my nerves or gotten us kicked out of daycare and aftercare for too many late pickups. Charlotte is small enough but with enough good jobs to be workable for us with one very special needs kid.
Boo
I grew up in Kissimmee, FL and would never move back there or FL in general. I have to go back often to see my parents and still hate it for the most part.
Anonymous
+1 – I spent my teen years in Sarasota, then my parents moved away, and happily I have almost never been back. I think of Florida as where people go to die.
Anon
And fugitives.
Anon
It’s amazing to me that so many Canadians spend half the year there (but no other places like Georgia or SC). SO MANY MAPLE LEAF FLAGS. And they all seem to drive there and back.
Anonymous
Georgia and SC are not hot enough in the January to April period.
Canadians often spend just under 6 months a year because if it’s more than 6 months you lose your free healthcare as you’re no longer a resident under most provincial health plans.
Anonymous
My husband lived in Manhattan before we met. I like visiting but I will never, ever live there. Everything is just so expensive, so dirty, and so much of a struggle. I like my nice suburban life where I control the heat and have a full-sized kitchen and my own washer and dryer and a little fenced yard with a big dog and don’t have to wait in line for 45 minutes to order a bagel from a rude server.
Anon
Yeah my in-laws are in Manhattan. I love visiting but could never ever live there.
Anon
I agree. I can see Manhattan from my apartment and would never live there, especially post covid. Expensive, dirty, overcrowded, subway isn’t good and I don’t really feel safe there anymore.
Anon
I adore NYC, but I feel like people in Hoboken have the better view and the PATH is just the best subway ever if you mainly need to go the financial district (and the ferry is so pretty if you have more time / $). I’d love it more with lottery-winner $.
Anon
Another Hoboken resident here! It’s the best of both worlds.
Anon
On the flip side, I love Manhattan. I can walk to basically most things I do regularly and don’t covet doing yard work. So many interesting things to see in the arts and culture, and the place to be if you are in finance.
Anonymous
I would never live in Toronto again. The traffic is just insane it shouldn’t take more than an hour to travel WITHIN a city, ever. Even on transit you can spend an hour crossing the city. The housing costs are also absolutely bananas unless you either commute from a far off burb or live in a poorly built condo.
Not ‘under rated’ but Montreal has much lower COL and superior transit plus the food scene is way better. I can easily afford a cute central home on a middle class salary with enough money left over to enjoy all the arts and culture.
Peaches
My sister lived in Yuma and hated it. She had to carry an oven mitt with her – the sun would hit her apartment door and made the doorknob too hot to touch.
edj3
Yuma is dreadful, it’s like walking on the surface of the sun. And no, dry heat doesn’t help, not when it’s 120F in the shade.
Peaches
Right? An oven is also a dry heat!
Anon
LOL! I agree. I was in San Jose a couple years ago during a heat wave. It was 105. My friends don’t have air conditioning and kept saying it was fine because it was “a dry heat.” No. Stop with this “dry heat” BS. I don’t like humidity either but triple digits is ghastly even if it’s dry. I would rather be in a humid 85 than a day 105!
Anon
New Orleans. I grew up in the SEUS, and I still live here, but the heat and humidity in NO were just a bridge too far. I spent a lot of time there before Katrina and none after, but I seriously doubt that Katrina helped. Besides the weather, the vibe just did not agree with me. So much of it was based on things that are not really good or good for you. I just prefer somewhere with a more wholesome vibe.
Anon
I’ve never lived there, but traveled there a lot for work and feel the same- hate the weather and the vibe. I always feel like such a grinch when everyone else is excited about a trip there and I’m dreading it. It’s really just not my kind of city, though I know lots of people love it, and I do appreciate that it has a distinct style (I’m the person who also hates Charlotte, in part because of the weather and in part because it has so little that makes it feel interesting or different from anywhere else).
Anon
Wholesome like Utah? Or more outdoorsy like Denver (minus the weed)?
Anonymous
Utah does not feel at all wholesome to me. It’s a weird juxtaposition of two extremes where “wholesome” falls somewhere in a middle that does not exist.
Anon
I was thinking of the no liquor thing that most Utahns have going on. Both places are pretty religious, but very differently religious. Utah’s main events do not seem to revolve around the liturgical year :) OTOH, NO has a rampant T2 diabetes public health situation in a way that Utah does not.
My hair is glorious in the humidity of New Orleans. Not sure how it would be to be an office worker there (probably same as any other office job).
Vicky Austin
Yeah, Utah is by and large not wholesome. It is ruled by Mormonism, which is rife with competition, perfectionism, consumerism and incredibly high suicide and depression rates.
Anon
Either. So much of NO’s identity is derived from debauchery, voodoo, crime and slavery (not in that order). It is just icky to me. Broad brush alert: no one goes to NO for the culture; you go there to get drunk, and that’s not a good reason to go somewhere.
Anon
I have been for the history. I go to a lot of places for that, but NO is such a unique place in the US — where else here are there French place names with Spanish street signs? Music to me is culture and history and from jazz to the marching band culture, I’ve enjoyed NO and I don’t drink. There is a lot beyond Bourbon Street and the quarter.
Anonymous
I get your point, but for people interested in certain topics (jazz music, for example) there’s an appeal separate and distinct from the party aspect.
Vicky Austin
I thought we’d love Texas, but I hated it. The vibe was just not for us.
Meanwhile, I miss our years in North Dakota something fierce sometimes. Subzero temps and all.
Anon
I feel like there isn’t one Texas though — Houston, Dallas, Ft. Worth, Austin, San Antonio all have very different vibes. I’ve never been to El Paso or Amarillo or a lot of other places there. I love San Antonio (but it is so far from everything else in my life) and could deal with Houston, among the places I have spent time. I think I could have been a good military person who can grow where planted most of the time (and then rinse:repeat until retirement).
Vicky Austin
Absolutely. We lived in a smaller city in a random corner of Texas. We’re politically more conservative, so it wasn’t that. (In fact, I liked to shock my coworkers by telling them that Texas was the bluest state I’d ever lived in.) We were in no way Houston/DFW/Austin people, but I thought given all Texas has to offer, we’d find a place we liked. Something about the culture just didn’t click for us.
Anonymous
Lived in Tyler and still celebrate leaving there. I once had someone say to me “Tyler’s a pretty sophisticated city, don’t you think?” I giggled then, and I still laugh at the absurdity of that statement.
TelcoLadyJD
Ha! I grew up in North Dakota – I don’t miss the weather at al…or the closed-mindednessl. But I do miss the ease of life, low cost of living, and sense of community for sure.
Canon
This is fun! I will do the Canadian edition for folks! Weather is never a consideration, since you deal with some sort of winter everywhere
Overrated: Vancouver. Much like the poster who is a no-go on Toronto, I do not like Vancouver. Everything is grey, damp and expensive. The sun never shines and people are rude! Not to mention the mountains crowd the skyline so you never see sky.
Underrated: Winnipeg. The city has an insane art and music scene, people are kind most everywhere you go. Also unlike some other cities in Canada, Winnipeg hasn’t destroyed all its wonderful historical architecture. It’s affordable to live and is a classic big-small city. The politics are pretty liberal and the taxes are okay.
Exactly as its billed : Victoria. This is the best city to visit in Canada. I can’t speak to living there but its so green, people are friendly and the weather is wonderful. Much better than Vancouver.
Another Canadian
I loved Winnipeg to visit, the downtown was so cute, a relative owns one of the adorable historic homes and it seems so nice.
I recently visited St. John’s and wow the city really punches above its weight class in terms of culture and food. Its incredibly beautiful both in terms of nature and architecture and the downtown is walkable. I don’t know if I could actually live there though due to the car culture and weather.
Anonymous
Car culture here is the worst but slowly improving. Everything sells off market in the better centrally located neighbourhoods. Food scene is great.
Direct flights down south and to London help itch the travel bug. About 10 percent of our office is somewhere down south on any given week in March and April. Could not live anywhere else on the island as way too isolated.
Anon
Winnepeg is like the Minneapolis of Canada? [Or: explain Canada to me like it is the US.]
Anonymous
Winnipeg is nearly twice the population of Minneapolis so it’s a much bigger city with a wider varieties of amenities. Winnipeg like most Canadian cities is also a lot more culturally diverse than the US. But Winnipeg is basically a big city surrounded by a lot of grasslands, water and hills. It’s pretty isolated.
Canon
Winnipeg is like the Minneapolis of Canada! However, the thing about Canada to US is that the scale is much smaller. Winnipeg’s metro pop. is approximately 750,000 – much smaller than Minneapolis!
Anon
How can it be twice the size AND much smaller than Minneapolis?
Vicky Austin
Guessing there’s a miscommunication here about the population of Minneapolis proper versus of the Minneapolis-St. Paul metro area.
Anon
Yeah, Winnipeg itself is bigger than Mpls, but there are two cities in the Twin Cities metro area and the entire Mpls-St. Paul metro area is far larger (3.6 million vs. 834k).
Anonymous
Yeah, Winnipeg itself is bigger than Mpls, but there are two cities in the Twin Cities metro area and the entire Mpls-St. Paul metro area is far larger (3.6 million vs. 834k).
anon
A close family members lives in Vegas, and after visiting a few times, I know I would 100 percent hate everything about that.
Anon
Fresno.
I win. No one can top that.
Anon
I dunno, I think there are tons of posters here would choose Fresno over a red state.
Anon
Fresno is a red state unto itself.
Anon
I mean, yes and no. I’m sure the people in Fresno are Trumpier than in my red state college town, but if you live there you live in California and don’t have to deal with the red state government policies on issues like abortion, gay rights and education that can really impact your life even in a dark blue city. I’m happy in my red state and have no plans to leave, but I also understand why women and those with LGBT loved ones wouldn’t want to move here.
Anon
I grew up in Fresno/Clovis and I loved it. It is close to the mountains, so we would spend a lot of time hiking and enjoying the mountains. It is centrally located in California. Hot in the summer, but no humidity, so the summer evenings and nights are lovely. I had a great experience with Clovis schools. Housing is more affordable than other places in California.
Seventh Sister
I sometimes wonder if I’d be happier in a smaller CA city like Fresno. I’m liberal by any national standard but I’m sick and tired of my super-duper-fake-progressive part of LA. No, bikes don’t solve all the world’s problems. No, teaching advanced math to high school kids isn’t racist. Everyone hates paper straws.
Anon
I found the ultra progressiveness hard to deal with in the bay area too, and I’m a solid liberal by any national standard. And omg yes I hate paper straws.
Seventh Sister
I’m glad I’m not the only one. The ultra progressives are so hard to deal with even over things that should be simple or small. And the most vocal ones in my neighborhood are the ones that don’t have to work for a living, which makes it twice as irritating. I do not have time to dismantle capitalism, I need to go to my job (in my car, the horror) to buy our organic bread.
Anon
By all means, move there. But I doubt it. Fresno is ugly, 115 degrees in the summer, riddled with crime, and boring.
Baltimore
Baltimore, for both answers.
Lived there for a few years after college. Had a great time, fond memories. Great food, relatively cheap. Beautiful scenery, great weather, accessible. Major airport, too. I find it to be incredibly underrated.
…but, also, I’d never go back. I wouldn’t change my time there or do it differently, but I don’t think it had enough for me for the long-term on a number of fronts.
Anon
I get it. I love Baltimore, but I also don’t really like it.
Anon
Ass someone who grew up there – Cape Cod. The entire thing. Never, ever again.
Anon
Why? It seems lovely. Is it an “age and stage” thing?
Anon
Not the person you’re responding to. I grew up in the suburbs of Boston and I would never want to live on the Cape. Dreary in the winter, crowded in the summer, no culture, no public amenities, mediocre schools (by Massachusetts standards), lots of crappy restaurants and crazy lines at the good ones, etc.
It is a fun place to spend a weekend. I get tired of it after three days – and I love to swim, kayak, all that.
Cape Anon
What Anon at 12:43 said
Super dreary, huge addiction problems (has always been that way – and not just typical opiates but H), no good outlets for kids year-round, jobs disappear after the “on season”, schools have gone down significantly over the last 20ish years (constant issue with public funding/budgets and the older population not wanting to fund schools), traffic is miserable in the summer, etc. From a weather standpoint, you get less snow and more grey, drizzle slush.
If you want to go for a few days – great. Live there year-round? no.
You could not pay me enough.
Seventh Sister
I wouldn’t move back to my hometown in northeastern MD. It’s picturesque but super right-wing. I’m glad that my friends who stayed are happy but I was a weirdo as a kid and I doubt I’d fit in any better as an adult.
Anonymous
Hello from another northeastern MD native! (Kent County over here)
Seventh Sister
Kent is so pretty! I’m from the rural part of Harford County, culturally closer to Cecil County than someplace like Fallston lol.
Anon
Seattle – lived there and loved it, would go back. But, it has definitely gotten more expensive since we left and is unlikely the same place that we left.
Anon
Lived in and hated: Northern Virginia Fairfax County/Loudon but the Chantilly and out areas. The traffic is horrendous, there is no history, everything is strip malls and NcMansions, it’s expensive, you pretty much have to drive everywhere, and no one is really “from” there so it feels very transient.
I think Lancaster, PA is underrated but I know it’s not for everyone. It’s got a fun little downtown vibe with unique shops, the area around the town is beautiful, and the COL is low. Now there are for sure some downsides, but I still really enjoy it.
Belle Boyd
I have a friend in Boston and one just outside of San Diego. Boston is great culturally — a lot of things to do and see, but the winters are a hard no from me. And as much as I enjoyed the weather and all the things to do in So Cal, it was really damned expensive. And getting pulled over and having our car searched by immigration was NOT FUN.
Underrated places? Nashville, Greenville, SC, northeastern Alabama and northwestern Georgia –but NOT Atlanta. Good freakin, hell, Atlanta has some of the worst traffic I’ve ever had to drive through and as much as I enjoyed the city, I would never be able to drive that traffic every day. Charlotte was the same way, traffic-wise and I swear they will never be done working on 85. 100 years from now, they will still be working on that highway.
Anon
I don’t think Nashville is underrated. It’s one of the most popular cities in the US recently.
Anon
I feel like it’s popular for tourists, but unless you are a nurse or accountant, it’s hard to find non-universal jobs there. A LOT of the economy involves tourism. Maybe like Hawaii or Key West, there are a lot of some sorts of jobs there and not a lot of others. It’s probably fun to be a Vandy or Belmont student. But it’s sort of like the economy of Memphis with less crime.
Anon
That’s… not true. Nashville is a large healthcare hub and has headquarters for many Fortune 500 companies (Nissan, Dollar General, etc.). That being said, many of these companies have headquarters in Williamson County, which is one of the most expensive places to live in the country, so it is difficult to live close to work.
Anon
I loved living in Boston and only left for family obligations. I would move back, as those obligations no longer exist, but the job market seems impossible to crack once you have left. My sister lives in SD and has a love/ hate relationship with it. I live now in a smaller Midwest city and love how easy day to day life is, but feel unbelievably constricted in my career.
Anon
Also from Boston, in the Midwest, and miss it horribly.
Anonymous
I used to drive through Charlotte going to college and they were working on 85. That was 20 years ago. I drive to Charlotte for work now and they’re still working on 85. I don’t understand.
Anonymous
Never again – a small town ending in “-bury” in Connecticut.
Love living – Charlotte. It’s just so easy to live here and I love how easy it is to get involved in anything you want in the city (either it be as part of making change in the city, the arts, etc.)
Anon
Grew up in Dubai and hated it. It’s such a fake city. A little like Vegas but more crowded, less alcohol and worse weather with almost-segregated neighborhoods and schools.
Runcible Spoon
A long time ago, I lived in Boise (for work purposes) for a year. Never again. Very white, very parochial/provincial.
anon
I had posted yesterday about the all day interviews at a university and what to wear. After consulting with team corporette, last night I went to ann taylor, nordstrom, j crew, and banana republic and came to the conclusion that the two options i have at home (a no frills basic black pant suit that is close to a decade old and an old navy navy cotton blazer and pants from last summer) are just fine. What they are selling is either incredibly poorly made/ cheap looking, very summery, or basically identical to what i own. Adding in that not one of those stores had even one blazer in a size 6 so i would have had to order, makes it easy to see why brick and mortar stores are struggling.
Anon
I’m with you – I really like some of the BRF options (Safari chic is more my style than basic preppy) but I’ve found very, very little at J Crew (or JCF) and Ann Taylor (or LOFT) that I’ve liked in the past few YEARS and I find the quality to be poor in general, but extremely poor for the price.
Anon
Preach. I dislike the fact that the suits I wore in my 20s are objectively nicer than the suits I could find now. Yes, my Ann Taylor suit from 2006 cost $300; however, getting the same quality today would set me back well over a grand.
anon
right!? I’m the OP. To get a suit that feels worth buying is getting me into theory, mm lafleuer, the fold territory and i really don’t think i need to buy a $1,000 suit for job interview. i also am mindful about looking fancy or that you are living on more than they could possibly pay you. I was also outside with a mix of staff at my current university yesterday for the eclipse and no one is dressed expensively or particularly on trend.
Anonymous
Okay! You asked for advice idk why you’re so salty about it.
anon
i wasn’t being salty at all. I followed the advice. I was updating.
Anonymous
My bad!
Anon
How was she being salty?
Anon
Eh, I read this as she tried to follow advice but the poor quality was a deal breaker. Also, I concur with her assessment.
Anon
I find shopping so hard these days. I basically just play mail order roulette. I’ve gotten stuff at Target that’s better made and nicer fabric than J Crew.
anon
seriously. i know people are critical of old navy but honesty my cheap old navy suit is no worse looking than these more expensive ones.
Anon
I find that impossible to believe. Old Navy quality is garbage but people want to love it so much.
Anon
Honestly if you compared ON to LOFT, my money is on ON every day
PolyD
I like Loft more than most people here, but I can’t dispute that ON meets and sometimes exceeds Loft quality.
Anon
I used to rely on Old Navy for basics, but the quality has gone so far downhill. I’m struggling to get anything from there that is put together symmetrically (literally the last items I purchased there are crooked).
anon
Whatever shape model that ON uses is not it for me. Everything is simultaneously too loose and too tight.
Anonymous
As a follow-up to anon 11:43
The crooked garments are probably cut on the bias instead of the grain, as a cost-saving to use all available fabric. Very common for low-cost and low-quality jersey fabrics. Even if the sewing is good, the cutting will distort.
Anonymous
Once I know my sizes I typically sale stalk Brooks Brothers. You can generally find a suit jacket/blazer for under $300 which I know is more than Ann Taylor but is significantly better quality.
Anon
I cannot explain it, but BB has never fit me at any age or shape or size. I Incredible-Hulked out of a silk blouse and have never had that happen in other clothes. Otherwise, I may have waaaay too much junk in the trunk but a few other things going on not accounted for by their pattern-makers.
Husky sizes
Does any one have any recommendations for boys clothing that has husky sizes or is much bigger in the waist? I have a 9 year old boy who is average height but is larger and has a big belly and we’re struggling to find options. We’ve tried Target but looking for some nicer options (if the pants have elastic waistbands that would be ideal).
Anon
Does any one have any recommendations for boys clothing that has husky sizes or is much bigger in the waist? I have a 9 year old boy who is average height but is larger and has a big belly and we’re struggling to find options. We’ve tried Target but looking for some nicer options (if the pants have elastic waistbands that would be ideal).
Mathy
Seconding Lands End! My son is also 9 and sounds like your son.
Anon
I believe Old Navy still has boys’ husky sizes (they used to, at the very least). They have plenty of play clothes, but also usually tend to have khakis and button downs for nicer but not fancy options.
Anonymous
They do online, they are just weirdly hard to find sometimes using the filter feature.
Anon
IIRC my kids’ uniform pants from LE had back elastics and / or internal waist elastic with buttons.
You might also want to check out WalMart — they also do a brisk uniform business and those pants are good enough for most boys to wear to fancier kid activities and often include matching sweaters or vests. Ditto Old Navy.
Anon
Try Kohl’s online.
Anon
Land’s End and Children’s Place both have husky options.
Anonymous
I honestly ordered most of my son’s husky pants from Target, but Land’s End and The Children’s Place have husky sizes as well. You can also find some stuff on Amazon, especially if it is something that could be worn for a school uniform – look for French Toast. I have to order everything online, and it is such a struggle.
Anon
The Gap should have husky options. You might also want to check some of the Kohl’s house brands.
Anonymous
Kohl’s has some of the biggest sizes once you’re out of Carter’s… Children’s Place husky goes up to 20H also and Lands’ End too. if he doesn’t lose weight before he gets taller you may be stuck with some years where sweatpants are all he can wear. i’ve also looked at shops like “under 5’10” and Ash & Erie.
Ember & Ace also has some plus-size kid athletic wear.
anon
in the current workplace is there a difference in formality between wearing a suit and wearing a blazer and pants? I might wear a bright blazer with neutral pants but i wouldn’t wear pink or light blue or red pants…..
Anon
I’m a lawyer and wearing a suit is more formal in my industry than a blazer and pants.
Cat
I’m a lawyer and wearing a suit is more formal in my industry than a blazer and pants.
Anon
You mean you wouldn’t ever wear bright pants or just together with a blazer? Bright pants are fine . . .
anon
i mean i think a hot pink pants suit is a lot of look for me personally. agreed, i would wear bright pants or a bright jacket but a full bright suit is a statement i’m not likely to make.
Anon
Okay, makes sense. I wear a bright suit when I’m wanting to make a statement, but not every day.
Cora
Did y’all watch the eclipse? I postponed a flight to be in the path of totality and it was definitely worth it. I somehow didn’t anticipate how dark/cold it would get.
Anon
I traveled about 3 hours each way to be in the path of totality and it was so worth it! I’ve seen partial eclipses before; totality was an entirely different experience.
anon
yes! it was incredible and I would definitely travel for it in the future. Also IME, there is a HUGE difference between experiencing totality and even a near-total partial eclipse. I saw the annular eclipse back in October, and experiencing totality is really something else.
anon
I think this is so interesting and totally buy it based on reactions I’ve heard! I’ve never seen a total eclipse, but I’ve seen two near total partial eclipses. It seems like the reaction from people who see near-total partial eclipse, including myself, is “oh, that’s cool and interesting, I’m glad I saw it,” v. reactions to totality are … “life changing/most beautiful thing I’ve seen/brought me to tears.”
Anon
In totality the sun is gone and it gets dramatically darker and colder. Animals think it’s night and nocturnal animals wake up and diurnal animals go to sleep. We saw bats! Even a sliver of the sun is enough to have it be quasi-normal daylight, so 95% partial isn’t the same. Plus during totality you can see the sun’s corona, which is super cool.
Anon
Yeah the animal behavior was the most interesting thing to me. If I ever see another one I want to go to a zoo.
Anon
Yes! I live in the path of totality and it was spectacular! I’d seen partial eclipses before. Those were neat, but the total was completely different.
Anon
Yeah totality is very very different than even a 99% partial. My city was in the 95%+ partial zone and people didn’t understand why I was driving for totality, but it’s not comparable.
anon
Yes! My city was in the path of totality so I was able to walk out on my deck to see it. I didn’t think much of it beforehand, but I’m glad I got to experience it.
Anon
I was shocked by how dark and cold it was!
Anonymous
This was my reaction. SO COLD!
Anon
It drops 10 degrees on average, almost instantaneously.
Anon
We were at about 40% coverage and looked at it through a pinhole projector and a colander. It was actually kind of fun! I wish I had been able to travel to totality, though.
Anon
We were on the edge of totality but drove to the center to experience the full 4 minutes. It was super cool.
That said, I’ve now seen two total solar eclipses and I think I’m ok not seeing another one in my lifetime. My mom is already talking about going to Greenland for 2026, but it’s not something I would travel for.
Anon
I did! We were in the path of totality and I honestly thought I didn’t care and didn’t bother to get glasses. But it turns out DH’s work had given him some and his office was closed, so we watched it together and it was a lot cooler than I thought it would be. It definitely got colder, and our solar fairy lights in our back yard switched on, which I found entertaining.
Cora
Yes! I was at the airport and all the automatic lights started turning on.
Anon
I’m jealous. We weren’t in totality, but a fairly high partial, but it was a total bust. It rained and was so densely overcast we couldn’t even see where the sun was in the sky the whole day. I kept saying it had to clear up at least a little at some point, but nope, not a bit.
LawDawg
I drove a few hours to be in the totality and it was awe inspiring. Pictures of it can’t capture the full sensory experience. It’s kind of like pictures of the Grand Canyon. You have to experience it to understand it.
Anon
That is such a good analogy. Pictures just don’t do it justice.
Runcible Spoon
I traveled about five or six hours to a relative’s location. Unfortunately, the skies were completely clouded over, obscuring the sun and sprinkling intermittently. But we did see the moon partially covering the sun for a few seconds when the clouds parted, and we definitely experienced the sudden plunge to pitch-black darkness during totality, notwithstanding the sun and mood hiding behind the clouds. That was super cool, including watching the various photo-sensitive lights turning on one by one in the neighborhood then turning off when the daylight suddenly returned. I didn’t feel the temperature fall as I was wearing a warm overcoat, but others felt the chill.
Blazer help
Looking for a blazer to wear with business separates – mostly pants. Open to any color except black or navy.
No linen and would prefer to keep it under $250.
Appreciate any specific recommendations. Thanks.
anon
sorry i didn’t reply but post below.
Anonymous
I’d go with something grey for the most versatility. A good plain option from Brooks Brothers in flannel is linked below, you may be able to get an additional 15% off by signing up for a mailing list.
https://www.brooksbrothers.com/wool-flannel-jacket/WJ00456.html?dwvar_WJ00456_Color=GREY
Anon
The Captain’s blazer at Banana is a pretty good Veronica Beard dupe. Comes in camel.
Housecounsel
Gibsonlook has cute blazers in many colors for well under $250.
Peaches
I’ve got my eye on these: https://bananarepublicfactory.gapfactory.com/browse/product.do?pid=854463001&cid=3031056&pcid=1045346&vid=1&nav=meganav%3ASuiting%3ASuiting%3AWomen%27s+Suiting#pdp-page-content
I think either color would work well with pants.
anon
I’m the person who was posting about whether or not to buy a new suit. While i was striking out at ann taylor yesterday i debated buying a khacki blazer which i sort of liked but didn’t have coordinating suitpants…. link below. $150 now. thought it would like crisp with black or white or jeans.
https://www.anntaylor.com/clothing/jackets-and-blazers/cata000017/834242.html?dwvar_834242_color=018771
Anon
Huh. I had a cotton khaki blazer from 10 years ago? I think it was trendy then, but I haven’t worn it in years because it felt dated. Maybe it’s time to try it again? Or maybe it doesn’t work since I have yet to find wide legged pants that fit my short legs/undersized bu**.
anon
i think khacki is timeless if such a thing exists….
Anon
Maybe if it was linen or something I would like that more, but it looks kind of dated and stale as is.
anon
i know they are current but i find blazers to generally be a dated and stale look.
JP
I have two and wore one yesterday – I think a good addition.
Anonanonanon
You might find oversized more stylish but I think this is a great addition! Fashion Jackson did something recently for camel blazer outfit ideas.
Anonymous
Is there an age cut off for giving gifts to children in your extended family? For example, nieces, nephews, god children, etc.? When I was young, I think we stopped at 16 or 18, but I don’t recall.
For context, a family member has married a woman with four children. Their dad has 50% custody and is very involved in their lives. This couple has now had a baby together, which is my relative. Two of her children are quite young, and my plan is to give equal birthday and Christmas gifts to all three. They live part time in the same house, and it feels right to do this.
The other two of her children are older, one is at college and the other is 20 or so and working. It seems strange to give gifts to people I’ve met once (we live in different areas), and who are young adults.
If I had a cut off age in mind, I could then make this work equally across all my relatives. The gifts are usually $400 – $500 per holiday. Appreciate any insights!
Anon
my family members still send me $25 for my bday and for chanukah. it is more of a token thing and a nice touchpoint
Anon
My mom’s side had a “gifts until you were married or 30” rule (I think only two cousins got married before 30… at ages 28 and 29), but as the youngest cousin (I’m 28) I only get gifts from one of my aunts; the others stopped years ago (when we stopped seeing each other for birthdays and Christmas regularly).
My dad’s side is much smaller (I have two sets of aunts / uncles and one cousin), so we all still exchange. About half of us are trying to stop or change (experience or consumable gifts only) the gift exchange, but my one aunt is a total shopaholic and does not want to do so.
Anon
My grandmother sent me $25 for every holiday until she died when I was in my 30s. That’s a closer relationship than a step-aunt though. My aunt and uncle lavished me with gifts when I was a young child and then abruptly stopped sending me presents when I was probably 11 or 12. I think it was because they didn’t know what to buy for a kid who had aged out of cute little kid toys like Barbies and stuffed animals, but it kind of stung and made me feel like I’d done something wrong. I think high school graduation is a reasonable cutoff though. As a college student or young adult I wouldn’t expect gifts from a family member I didn’t know well. Also $500 seems insane to me even if it’s across 4 kids. You do not need to be spending >$100 per kid per holiday! $25 is completely fine.
anon
Agree that $100 per kid is an insane amount! I have nine nieces and nephews; that would add up quickly.
Anonymous
It’s $400 per kid. I write two checks, half marked for fun, and half marked for savings. It’s a lot, but we can afford it and until now there were only two kids to gift. Now there are potentially five kids. I want to help them build up their savings so they have some independent funds. I grew up really poor, and emotionally, I want to try to protect them from that. We occasionally buy small gifts, like fun pens or a specific toy thing too.
Anon
It seems like there’s a middle ground between giving $500 and giving nothing.
Anon
This
Anon
If you are giving these gifts to help with their finances, then they will need it most during college and in their early twenties. We stop giving gifts to niblings after college.
Anonymous
Yeah, if the gift is cash it makes much less sense to me to cut people off at high school graduation. Nobody needs money more than college kids and young 20-somethings! If you’re giving them a small token physical gift like a sweater than I think ending it when they leave home for college is totally fine.
Anon
I think this is great. The kids can put it towards college savings.
smurf
I agree keep it the same across kids at home, regardless of being blood relatives
this is so family dependent – my extended family does a themed exchange for adults (like white elephant but actually good items, $25-40 budget) and once ‘kids’ participate in that, the gifts from aunts/uncles stop. (generally)
usually it was after high school or after college. Most in my family were pretty broke during college so $20 from your aunt meant a lot! I think once they are working fulltime or equivalent, that’s a natural stopping point
PolyD
I’m doing a birthday $20 + age until my nephews turn 21. Then a chunk when they graduate college. I will probably keep doing Christmas ($50-$100) until… I don’t know, marriage or 30? Hard to say.
But my two nephews are the only people I give money to. I’m very happy that neither my family nor friends ever really got into the big gifting scene.
Anon
I stopped at age 18. I still wish them happy birthday but the gift giving is over.
Anon
To add context – I have 9 niblings and 4 step niblings. My husband has 13 niblings. That’s why there needed to be a stopping point. I’m only regularly in touch with one of my now adult niblings.
My sibling with the most kids has never done anything for my two kids’ birthdays.
Anon
I was in college when my father married my stepmother. She was young, so her parents were not much older than my dad. My father and stepmother had three kids, which her parents/their grandparents showered with gifts. When I would be home for Christmas, lots of gifts for the three kids on Xmas morning (this was all new to me because my father is Jewish and I was raised and remain Jewish). My step grandparents always brought me a gift to open on xmas morning as my half-siblings were opening theirs. Lots of acrimony and divorces and estrangements in this family decades later. And the stepgrandparents are long gone. But I will never forget that they went out of their way, for years, to include me.
Anonymous
Thank you for this insight, I hope this is the case for me as well! I was a little concerned it’d be thought weird or over stepping, but I want to be inclusive.
Vicky Austin
That’s genuinely so sweet.
Rachel
Thank you for sharing your memory of your kind-hearted stepgrandparents. It’s always good to read about people being warm and inclusive.
Anon
Aw your story made me smile. My maternal grandfather and grandmother divorced before I was born and both remarried. My grandfather lived in the town where we did and we went there every Christmas Eve. His wife had several, much younger (easier to buy for) grandchildren, but every year she went out of her way to get something a preteen/ teen would like – nicer makeup than I could afford, perfume, bookstore gift certificates, etc. We were not otherwise really close but it was so lovely.
Cat
My extended family did “22 or graduated from college, whichever came first” – however your budget per gift is HUGE! It was around $50 each for birthday and Christmas for my generation of cousins, around 10 years ago when the last one aged out.
BelleRose
I’d probably go with either 18/HS grad (maybe a little early) or 22/college grad.
Anonymous
I’d like to take my husband shopping as his 40th birthday present. He’s never had much of a need for formal clothes but he’s accompanying me to more client and firm events and he would like to have a few go-to outfits. I’m a lawyer. I think he needs a suit, a sport coat and slacks combo (khakis? Wool?), guidance on when to wear a tie, and maybe shoes. I’ve gotten him some nice sweaters over the years that he’s enjoyed; he could use guidance on what to pair them with. Where should we go shopping? I’d like to keep it around $2k.
anon
Maybe Men’s Wearhouse if that’s still a thing? Otherwise perhaps Nordstrom or Macys.
smurf
Nordstrom definitely
Josie P
Nordstrom! We went there when my DH was going to a big conference and needed a few blazers, shirts, etc. However, it’s expensive. We also went to Men’s Wearhouse really last minute last week when he had a meeting and his old blazers didn’t *quite* fit (he has gained weight) and they had a lot of fine-looking options, honestly, I was surprised!
Anon
For guidance, look up the menswear guy on Twitter/X (Derek Guy). Some glitch in the algorithm put his feed out to what seemed like everyone and it turns out he’s really, really good. He also has a blog called Die, Workwear! and writes for some other sites.
Anonymous
Does he want new clothes? Because if this is for you rather than him it’s not a birthday present even if you’re paying. If he’s asked for this I’d suggest a Nordstrom or Bloomingdales personal shopping appointment. They’ll fetch the sizes and you’ll have a comfortable chair. I’m also having really good luck buying stuff for my husband at Todd snider which is kind of an upscale men’s j crew. They’ll serve you scotch and it smells nice there. Happy shopping.
OP
He wants to learn to dress like a grown up. He’s self conscious about not fitting in and not knowing what to wear. It usually comes up in events “for me” but we certainly go to other events like weddings or co-ed showers where he is equally clueless about what to wear.
Cat
idk, I still wouldn’t want this as a birthday gift. Having a few appropriate outfits is just a cost of life, not something fun…
Anon
Agree – to me this is filling a whole in a wardrobe (so cost of life) and not a gift. I would feel this way if it was for his work events too, but I especially feel this way since its for your work events.
anonshmanon
I can see OP’s husband appreciating this. It’s not the fact that the husband’s closet will contain another pair of slacks, but that OP spends some time giving thoughtful advice and helps the husband to find something that will make him feel good. It’s more of a gift of service. Different strokes for different folks!
Anon
Yeah but most of us would do this outside of a fairly large birthday milestone.
OP
Ok cool, you do you I guess? We’re both turning 40 this year so we’re taking a once in a lifetime very expensive vacation to celebrate. Our individual gifts to each other are more modest. I don’t ask for feedback on whether it’s a good gift, it’s already agreed upon. I asked where to go. Because this is a fashion blog and all. Sheesh.
Anon
Yeah I’m having Miranda, Steve and the mustard corduroy suit flashbacks…
Anon
100%
Anonymous
Suit Supply or Nordstrom for this. Right in your desired price range – my husband had a similar request ahead of a bunch of work outings, and Suit Supply set him up with blazers and coordinating pieces that were stylish without being trendy, and very well made.
anon
Ask your male co-workers for what the go-to in your area is (or if they have a “guy” for custom shirts/suits). Depending on the events he needs to go to, I would focus your attention on upping his smart casual looks – chinos + dress sneakers (be prepared, could be a few hundred +) + pick the weather appropriate top half from the Peter Millar catalogue. I’d then focus on getting him a couple custom dress shirts (or getting ones tailored) so he feels super put together, along with a good pair of jeans. If doesn’t already have a suit, I’d focus on a more woven textured suit – rather than the wool court suit. It will get more use for him. But, that will eat a lot of your budget. Ties are pretty much out (in my circle) except for very formal events.
anonchicago
I need a new pair of casual slip on sneakers for errands and am thinking of joining the white sneaker train. For years I’ve worn metallic slip ons by Cole Haan or Birdies but I can’t find them anymore which tells me I may be a bit dated.
I’m between On and Vejas, leaning On because I like them for running. I hear the Vejas get really sweaty?
Also, how does one keep white sneakers clean? I don’t even wear white pants in the summer because I know I’d spill something in 5 minutes. Would I need to wipe my sneakers off every day to keep them white?
anon
Also interested in this! I’ve been coveting a pair of ONs because I just really like the look. I realize, though, that they’re more sporty than Vejas which might not be the right vibe.
Anonymous
Magic eraser is my secret to keeping white sneakers clean. Love that stuff.
Anon
Just FYI and I’m glad it works for your sneakers. But Magic Eraser is just sandpaper, so an FYI to not use them on anything with a surface you don’t want dulled.
Gail the Goldfish
I really like my Vejas, but I definitely wouldn’t run in them–they’re fashion sneakers for sure. I have Campos and they may require some breaking in (I have two pairs, and weirdly one I had to stretch out a bit in the toe by sticking some paper in it and the other fit perfectly with no break in, so who knows)
Anon
I wear Vejas almost every day when the weather allows. They do require a bit of breaking in, and I definitely don’t run in them. They’re great for walking around and looking cute, and once broken in I find them very comfortable. I use a baby wipe to wipe them down regularly, and baking soda paste occasionally when they get too grimy. I don’t wear them when it’s super hot – they will get a bit sweaty. I have some actual running shoes from Nike that are lighter and airier, but definitely a sportsier look.
anonchicago
To clarify – I wouldn’t wear these for running. They’d be for errands and walking the dog. I have other Ons that I wear for running and know that the brand fits me well.
Cat
I like Vejas but they are street sneakers, not exercise sneakers. If you want actual exercise shoes, no way.
Anonymous
Has anyone shopped at Xirena? (Are there any b&m stores? Not apparent from website.) Is it worth the prices and TTS? Looking at some of the dresses after a Kim France email…
Anonymous
runs large. it’s cute but i wouldn’t necessarily repurchase the brand again.
Anon
Does anyone have a Honda CRV (or maybe a RAV4) where you use a hitch for mounting a bike rack? I currently have a 2″ receiver on a minivan that works for a 4-bike bike rack. The CRV has a 1.5″ receiver (but you can buy a thingie that adapts it for 2″) and is just a smaller lighter car (but still raised).
If you use a rear-mounted bike rack on a car like this, what do you use, how many bikes does it hold, and what is your receiver set up? And does it work well? The rack works with DH’s Tahoe also, so I’d like to not have to get a second bike rack (I hate driving his truck and I tend to use the bike rack more).
Anonymous
I have a 1.5-inch hitch on my Prius that accommodates a 4-bike rack with 3 adult-sized bikes just fine (never tried it with 4 because there are only 3 of us). I’d just try your existing rack with the adapter on the CRV.
anonchicago
I have a CRV and had a hitch installed. DH bought it and had it installed as my birthday gift so not sure of the size, but it’s a Thule rack that holds 2 bikes. You could probably buy a 4 bike rack on the same size hitch though.
I don’t like leaving the rack on because it interferes with using the trunk even though it rotates, so I generally take it off the hitch when not in use. We have a trunk rack that we used previously on DH’s Rogue and it’s not the most secure (though I did move cross country with it) so that’s an option if you don’t want to install a hitch.
Anon
My husband also had this installed on our old CRV, late 00s model. We could carry two adult bikes, one kids’ bike, and could carry one small kids bike in the cargo area with the front wheel off.
Anon
I have a Subaru Outback with a 2” and I regularly use a fairly heavy Kuat Sherpa 2-bike rack with no issues. Only two bc I am single with no kids and while I am about to have four bikes, really should not need more than two in any given situation!
anon
the other site i spend too much time on is apartment therapy. they have an article on hand towels and now i feel like i need to set up a basket with individual towels. for those who have a small powder room and a sink without a lot of edge…. how do you this? a basket with clean towels on the toilet and a basket for dirties on the floor?
Anon
Not my house but an ex boyfriend did this and yes, this was exactly his set up. Basket with clean rolled towels and a basket for dirties.
Anon
Thank you to those who likely properly recognized some real catastrophizing and spiraling happening the other day. I am not fired (phew) but a promotion that I was being considered for is likely now delayed. A real relief to not be going out on maternity leave without a job… I still feel like I deserve to be let go? But now taking stock on what went wrong and how to fix it. Lots of love and appreciation!
Vicky Austin
You got this! I’d keep your head down until you go out for leave. Take care of yourself. You can work on making it back after you have your baby.
Anon
Did you do something illegal? Unethical? In violation of a policy? If not, and there is no persistent pattern of you making mistakes, I find it hard to believe you should be let go. Would you tell a friend in the exact same situation that she should be let go? If not, then you shouldn’t say that to yourself either. Being pregnant is hard for a lot of people – be kind to yourself. To err is to be human.
Biggest balls in the room
Nashville – lived there in the early 2000s before the big boom and loved it. I spend time there regularly for work now and it’s a whole different city. To me, its lost a lot of its charm since it became so tourist-trappy. Also, the infrastructure has not kept up with the growth at all so traffic is horrendous.
Anonymous
Ugh, same. I don’t understand why people still want to move here. I miss Nashville circa 2012. I’m too engrained now with kids and a law license, but I do not love it anymore at all.
Anon
I loved 2010s Nashville. I moved here around then and fell in love with the city. (I’m from a neighboring SEUS city so not really a true transplant.) The city has changed a lot since I moved here, and I have felt constantly 5 years behind in terms of buying homes in certain neighborhoods, etc. The lifestyle that seemed attainable when I moved here really isn’t anymore. Still enjoy it here, but it’s not really what I thought I was signing up for. Currently also entrenched here with kids + an industry that really only exists here.
anon
I moved to Nashville last year (for work, it was a situation of lose my job or take the promotion that comes with a mandatory move), and you have my sympathies. That is not sarcastic- I am a transplant here, even if not a totally voluntary one and my home city has also transformed into something I don’t recognize with all the transplants.
I miss having a public transit option to work in my hometown and less expensive auto insurance rates, and I hate the frequent racism I get here as a woman of color.
I wish there was a solution, but I feel like every place is becoming less and less livable and losing the charm or community feel that made it unique.
Anon
I totally agree. Housing availability has changed drastically for the worse, traffic has changed drastically for the worse, and civility has changed for the worse. Seems like it’s all about the $$$ now.
I don’t dislike any particular recent transplant, at least not just because they are a transplant, but I sure wish the recent transplants as a whole would at least try to understand where we are coming from, and what we mourn losing, and how they have driven those changes. Nashville used to be a really big town, not a city. I miss the Nashville of twenty years ago.
Anon
I’m probably a bit late for you east coasters. I have questions about casual vs athletic sneakers. What properties telegraph that the shoe is for casual wear and not for, say, running?
I am getting over a broken foot and have been walking/not running a lot while wearing basically walking/running shoes. I tend to wear them all day because they’re supportive & my podiatrist signed off on them. My eye still hasn’t adjusted to sneakers with work clothes, so I have a long way to go. What casual sneakers would you wear this summer with lightweight cottons?