Coffee Break: Migraine Glasses

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1. A week or two ago someone posted a recommendation for a work-appropriate chunky heel loafer. I’ve misplaced it – if that was you, please repost! Or if it wan’t you and you have a recommendation, please share!

   1. It wasn’t this, was it?

      https://www.sperry.com/en/seaport-two-tone-penny-heel/195019343917.html?gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwncWvBhD_ARIsAEb2HW8HaYGkLk_JuVRxGkyMDiScb7ETI880ex2B4gsq-xism2MXVp6N6lgaAkxLEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds

   2. I have three pairs that fit this bill from Naturalizer.

   3. Naturalizer ‘Darcy’ loafer for me. And I’m usually more of a Stuart Weitzman kind of shoe shopper. Love the Naturalizer one, very sharp looking, very comfortable. I think it runs just a smidge small.

2. Aside from repeating the serenity prayer to yourself over and over, how do you watch loved ones make terrible decisions? I guess the answer is love them anyways and change the topic? Going to see this person soon and our relationship has always been so warm and it’s all awkward and stilted now. I’d appreciate tips for navigating my upcoming visit.

   (This person quit his job to focus on his startup. Zero savings because it’s all gone into the startup. He has four young children and the startup provides only about $1500/month in income after being in existence for a year. Spouse doesn’t work. He’s convinced he won’t be one of the 4 out of 5 startups that fail because he was chosen for a special incubator program in the beginning. *When asked,* I urged him to stay in his job until the startup provided enough income. He’s convinced he just needs to try harder / has been listening to stories of “it was hard at the beginning, but now I’m on easy street!” Sigh.)

   1. Commiseration. Not the same, but DH was just talking to a friend whose brother in law apparently made a lot of money in some sort of startup investment scheme. DH is normally a rational person, but gets caught up in the notion that everyone is out there making easy money while we toil away at our day jobs and invest in boring ETFs. So we just had to have a stern conversation about how our financial situation cannot accommodate some dubious VC scenario.
      Anyway, I have no advice. Serenity prayer all the way, along with telling yourself these people are adults and some people only learn by failing. If they directly ask for your opinion, say something along the lines of it’s not a choice I would make personally but you’re free to make your own decisions.

   2. It’s not your circus! I thought you were going to describe addiction or a mental health crisis or something, but this is not the kind of thing you should have anxiety about. This guy is making different choices than you would have, that’s all. He doesn’t even necessarily have a lesson to learn here, like the other person has said. Try to work on being less judgmental.

      1. I’d go ahead and judge and just acknowledge that if his wife, presumably the mother of his four children, can’t get him to get a sustainable income into that household, nothing you do from a distance is likely to work any better. Save your energy for where it can make a difference.

      2. Yes, “not my circus” is what I have to tell myself in a similar situation. I have friends where the wife doesn’t work and the husband makes an okay not good wage, and they couldn’t afford to have any emergency but decided to throw another baby into the mix anyway. Now he’s hospitalized for a stroke and she’s got three kids one of which is an infant with no income or much savings. I totally judge, but it’s not my life or my decision to make.

      3. My mind also went to addiction or some other crisis. In addition to “not my circus”, I find it helpful to remember that even if you are 100% right about everything, your concern and worries won’t be the thing that makes him choose another way. It’s wasted energy and you’ll just drive yourself crazy.

   3. None of your business, and also not a disaster? And no reason to break a relationship, unless the fact that you can’t change him is driving you crazy.

      They’re struggling financially, but they’re willing to take the risk for the potential reward. Lots of people do that. If they fail entirely, presumably both of them have enough job skills between them to get jobs and earn money again.

   4. In the end it was lower contact for me. I could handle the impossible dream conversations, but not the fallout, whjch was anger, blame, and can you spot me some money?

   5. “He’s on his own path… he’s on his own path… he’s on his own path…”

      You don’t want him to tell you how to live your life, and he doesn’t want you to tell him to live his life. Simple as that.

      1. “Not my circus, not my monkeys. Not my circus, not my monkeys.”

   6. Just reading this now but my concern would be him asking you for money if/when it all fails and he needs to prevent a foreclosure so his kids can stay in their home, etc. There are some people in my family and partner’s family that expect family to clean up their messes.

3. Going to a wedding in August where the dress code is “fancy casual.” What TF do I wear? Ceremony will be on top of a mountain, so it might get chilly

   1. Oh god, I hate terrible dress codes like that. I would wear a cocktail dress.

   2. Flat-heeled shoes if you will possibly stand on grass (vs stabbing into the sod), a longer skirt (for warmth) and a faux fur jacket (for warmth) that you will look smashing in. I think it’s OK to err on the side of dressy for a wedding with this much vagueness.

      Not: denim or fancy white sneakers.

   3. To me this sounds like “business casual” with a touch of bling – sparkly sweater, blazer or topper with embroidery or brocade, simple shapes with metallic fabrics if that’s your thing. Etc.

   4. some kind of floral midi dress with a jean jacket or other top layer and flat sandals…but yes that is a terrible term, though when I think back many of the bar/bat mitzvahs i used to get invited to as a kid the dress code was “dressy casual,” which back in 1998 usually meant the girls wore black pants and a fancy top and the guys wore slacks and a shirt.

      1. +1. Floaty dress and a denim jacket sounds perfect.

      2. I would not wear a denim jacket. Do a lady jacket or something a little dressier than denim.

   5. I don’t know what your style is, but I would wear a maxi-length silk slip skirt or dress with a cashmere crewneck sweater in the same color (navy blue, or champagne, pale blue/lilac/pink would be fabulous). You could take the sweater off if the reception is warm indoors – if you do a dress, you’re done. If it’s a skirt, you could do a simple tank or white tee. Add comfortable shoes (you could do a pointy loafer, sneakers, ballet flats, etc. For extra, you could add a faux fur jacket, but that might be too warm, even on a mountaintop.

      1. This sounds perfect

   6. This is a terrible dress code! But where I’m from it would mean, don’t wear jeans with holes in them.

      When you say on top of a mountain, do you mean you have to hike to get there, or there’s a venue on top of a mountain or what?

      1. There’s a gondola thing to get to the top, but the ceremony itself will be outside. Thankfully no hiking

         1. Ooo! Whistler?

      2. +1 I think interpreting this depends a LOT on what you know about the couple. For some people I know, this would mean, “It’s OK to dress casually, but please don’t wear your worn-out sneakers and a hoodie.” For others, it would mean, “wear your on-trend casual clothing that cost $$$$ so that we all look like we’re ready for an Expensive Outdoor wedding spread in Fancy Society Magazine.” In my circles, it would mean white jeans and a blouse, or a casual summer dress and sandals.

   7. Normally I get annoyed at made up dress codes, but I think they make sense in situations like this, where I think they’re telling you to dress for the weather and being outside, but still be festive. Exact recommendations depend on the location and forecast, but other people have the right idea. Flat shoes or boots, a dress, and a jacket or sweater, in a mix of casual, but at least one item that’s sparkly or more dressy feeling. You can probably wear anything you want, as long as it’s warm enough to not be miserable if it’s really windy.

      1. Yeah, my hat would be sparkly and I would have fur on my jacket.

   8. I had this same exact instruction last year, also for top of a mountain! It meant summer sun dress for women. With topper like a sweater or coat depending on actual temperature. Like summer date night clothes.

   9. This is your occasion to dress like Stevie Nicks.

      1. Stevie, with cowboy boots, a flowy dress and (hidden) silk long johns for actual warmth.

4. Has anyone ever made a small investment (like <25K) in a small business? This would be to buy in as a small LLC owner with limited rights and no responsibilities into an established small business in my hometown. Now that my grandparents, mother, and closest aunt are gone, I am seeking an emotional tie there, somewhere I can visit when I go back with my children. It's $ I could lose and similar to a donation we are planning to make to a local museum near the family cemetery (both with funds inherited from mom). I always thought I'd buy a weekend house or move back, but since getting married and having kids 5 hours away, that is increasingly unlikely and I'd like another tie to an area that is struggling economically. I get that that this is economically an investment with a lot of risk but am seeing it as a gift to the working people who are there and trying to build something lasting and I hope that they do.

   1. I think that’s probably the exact right attitude to have when making an investment like that.

      1. Agree, and I would make sure you are protected (insurance or whatever) in case the business incurs liabilities — loses money, someone sues them for defective products or because they slipped in the store, whatever.

5. The eclipse was so cool here! I was skeptical but it was actually really fun.

   1. I’m in an area with only 40ish percent eclipse, but it’s a beautiful clear day (and a bit slow in the office), so we all were in and out with our glasses to take a look and I got a couple of ok photos by putting the glasses over my phone camera lens.

   2. I was surprised by how much I noticed it when I was indoors! It looked like it does before it rains, even though it was perfectly sunny outside.

      1. We had a 34% eclipse here in the Bay Area and it felt just like when light clouds roll overhead. The light was slightly (and I mean slightly) different. But not a cloud in the sky, and little almost round shadows with a bite taken out of them.

   3. Same. I was initially not super interested but I got caught up in other’s excitement and really enjoyed it.

   4. I didn’t get it together enough to have glasses, but we had fun with the colander! About 50% here and still fun!

      1. The colander trick is always fun! Works using Ritz crackers too :)
         I was in Seattle and couldn’t even locate the sun behind the clouds, let alone see the eclipse! But got to see the annular eclipse several months ago in Oregon and that was awesome.

   5. Totality was amazing!

6. Can anyone plus size give a review of Selkie dresses? I’d probably do a 1X on their size chart. I’m thinking of wearing one to a wedding with a “garden fantasy” dress code (they’re quirky!).

   1. More power to you because I would have zero idea how to interpret that request!

   2. my sister (size 20/22, petite apple) doesn’t love dresses but has gotten really into her Selkies! she’s up to 3 of them, purchased used off of a Facebook Selkies exchange group. I can’t speak to sizing but she’s totally into them and they’re very cute on. She prefers the black florals so it’s not leaning too hard into cute.

7. Thought to post here and ask for advice. I plan to visit the US in early May, will be arriving in Boston. I am on a tight budget, I wondered how feasible it is to take a bus from Boston to Washington DC? I know it is a long trip but wondering if it would be really uncomfortable given the length of time.

   1. I don’t know about the bus, but if the bus fare is close to the train fare, the train between Boston and DC is really nice.

   2. It’s definitely doable but I’d rather take a train or fly.

   3. I take the bus from Boston to NYC fairly regularly. DC is another few hours. I think it would be …fine… not great. Bring snacks and a good book and a lot of warm or cool clothes, due to AC/temp changes. South Station in Boston (where the busses leave from) is very easy to get to on public transport.

      If memory serves, the DC bus station is in a not-great part of town, so plan your arrival time for that.

      1. It’s at Union Station, no?

         1. Yeah, you can definitely get buses that go to Union Station.

         2. The bus stop used to be in a gentrifying area, right by where city center is now. But it moved to union station years ago And the area were the bus stop was is now pretty nice

   4. Are you sure it is that much cheaper than flying? That is a really long drive with a lot of traffic along most of the way, plus high tolls. There are a ton of flights (plus trains) that run along the NE corridor, which keeps airfare flights a bit lower. That said, pretty much all of the bus companies use large buses that are fairly comfortable, similar to intercity buses in Europe. You would just be on it for 10+ hours I think. They will likely stop at rest areas where you can find fast food restaurants, bathrooms, and snacks.

      1. Nonstop 1 way flights are under $100; I don’t think you would save much money by taking a bus. This is not true in much of the US but the DC to Boston corridor is very well-traveled.

         1. The train will be faster and cheaper than flying once you factor in getting from the airport to Manhattan.

            1. Oh, whoops, you are talking about DC, not NYC. If you fly into Reagan it might make sense because you can pick up the metro. But I still like the train.

      2. Yeah you’d be on the bus for a loooong time. I know you’re on a budget but the time saved seems like it’d be worth it.

   5. Definitely do the train over a bus. The trick is to get your tickets early. Like now. Train tickets get much more expensive the closer to the date of travel. I just checked the Amtrak website randomly for May 6. One way Acela tickets can be had for $85 depending on time of day. The Acela is the faster train with fewer stops and it has assigned seating, and is usually but not always more expensive. Travel time is approximately 6 hours, 45 minutes from Boston to DC on the Acela. The regular train is the Northeast Regional, which is approximately 8 hours, 20 minutes travel time. There are two Boston stations, so check which one is closest to you.
      DC is a really great place to visit, in my opinion as a resident. Nearly all of the museums are free and are centrally located on the National Mall by the monuments. Food in the museums is expensive and not great. Instead, check out the food trucks on the mall.

      1. The food trucks on the mall are very, very overpriced and the worst in the city. If you are on a strict bridge, check out the food court at the Ronald Reagan international trade Center. It’s right across the street from some of the Smithsonian. But the food courts at the American, Indian and African-American museums are great, if a little expensive for food courts

   6. If you buy Amtrak tickets far enough in advance they are pretty affordable and way better than a bus.

   7. The bus is…fine if there are no traffic issues but honestly I would never risk it, it could easily turn into an all day trip. I live in DC and for Boston trips my preference would be flight>Acela train>NE Regional train>>>>bus. I see early morning one way flights from Boston Logan to DCA (the closest airport to DC, quick metro ride into downtown) for $65 in early May.

8. my sister (size 20/22, petite apple) doesn’t love dresses but has gotten really into her Selkies! she’s up to 3 of them, purchased used off of a Facebook Selkies exchange group. I can’t speak to sizing but she’s totally into them and they’re very cute on. She prefers the black florals so it’s not leaning too hard into cute.

   1. threading fail….

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