Tuesday’s Workwear Report: The Rebecca Vegan Leather Midi Skirt
This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Kat’s post about leather pants last week really had me thinking about what constitutes “professional” leather workwear. I think this vegan leather skirt from Elie Tahari would fly in most offices I’ve worked in. (Side note — the rebrand from “pleather” to “vegan leather” is some of the best marketing I’ve ever seen.)
It’s a faux wrap, so no need to worry about wardrobe malfunctions, and the ruching gives it a little something extra. Pair this with a conservative silk blouse and you’re probably good to go for most formal office settings.
The skirt is $295 at Neiman Marcus and comes in sizes 2-16.
Looking for something more affordable? Try this skirt from Petal & Pup (sizes 0-16, $69 at Nordstrom) or this City Chic skirt (12W-24W, $71.99 on sale at Nordstrom).
Sales of note for 2/14/25 (Happy Valentine's Day!):
- Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
- Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off your full-price purchase — and extra 60% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + 15% off (readers love their suiting as well as their silky shirts like this one)
- Boden – 15% off new season styles
- Eloquii – 300+ styles $25 and up
- J.Crew – 40% of your purchase – prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site and storewide + extra 50% off clearance
- Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Flash sale ending soon – markdowns starting from $15, extra 70% off all other markdowns (final sale)
Among the many, many other injustices we’ll be facing, can’t wait for the wave of discrimination against women in the workforce under the guise of “return to office.” What an ingenious way to target the sex that outperforms men in education and employment, suffers the most disabilities, has the most chronic conditions, and handles the most child and elder care! There are going to be soooo many “sneaky” attacks on women just like this.
Why is return to work such a priority for them that it was Day One?
One of their primary goals is to reduce the federal workforce. The employees who are too far away from an office will voluntarily find private sector work instead.
Plus it’s another way to stomp all over little people, and to play up with blue-collar and pink-collar workers who don’t get a choice to work from home.
This. It’s a group that it’s hard to have sympathy with. As govt workers, they have good health care and degrees that often are paid for with student loan forgiveness. And from the comfort of their home and maybe in pajamas. It’s hard to feel bad for what seems to be very cushy.
Instead of wanting to bring others down you should want to raise yourself up. Support unions and labor organizing. I’m sorry your job sucks but it’s not the fault of people with good jobs, and government jobs are hardly cushy I beat out over 1000 applicants for this role I earned it.
Yes, my grad school was funded. I have a service obligation that becomes an extremely expensive student loan if I don’t fulfill it. The job I was able to get is 2300 miles away from where I used to live. I had to pay for my own relocation. I make 65000/yr. It was -11F the other morning but I went to work (at an office) anyway. Some days I do work from home because power and the network are unreliable in my office. What part of my job is cushy? Would you like to do it? I’m happy to send you links to the program that funded my masters.
My education was not funded by PSLF, I didn’t get relocation, we don’t have maternity leave. (Finally there is parental leave, but it’s not allowed if the baby dies.) According to Congress, I’m underpaid 1/4-1/3 given my education level. It’s not the very cushy job it’s perceived to be.
Many government workers are actually contractors and aren’t given the same benefits as federal workers. That’s what “small government” is — outsourcing workers not necessarily cutting them.
Yes, I want to WFH as a government contractor. My agency doesn’t have enough physical desks for all of us to be in an office every day which is why we teleworked prior to the pandemic. I don’t enjoy having conference calls from wherever I can find to sit and talk with people in other states, countries, etc. Half of my coworkers are in other states so I will never see them in person. The work I do is computer based and could really be done asynchronous. Which if I’m having to support an office in another time zone, means sometimes working at 10 pm. Which I’m happy to do but acting like we’re lazy to have WFH is ridiculous. Most of the jobs in my agency require at least a master’s degree. No one is stopping others from pursuing those degrees. (That we won’t be eligible for PSLF for because government contractors are not public service workers).
I don’t know why we get the reputation of having cushy jobs. We don’t.
Yes, my healthcare coverage is good. It’s also very expensive. I pay more than 2x what I did when I worked for a F100 company in monthly premiums, my copays are higher than they were at the F100 company, my perscriptions are higher, and coverage is pretty similar.
My degree wasn’t covered by PSLF. Some people get that, some people don’t. I paid off about 30k of student loans from undergrad and then self-funded my way through grad school. When I worked in the private sector, I was given $8k/year for grad school tuition, but there’s no such coverage here.
I work from home 2x a week, which is what I was doing in state government pre-pandemic. I don’t work in my pajamas because I have to be on camera, but even if people do work in their PJs – so what? I can write a report in a suit and I can write a report in PJs and it won’t change anything.
The two best benefits were retirement and the stability. Obviously the stability is gone. The retirement system (pension + 401k) is great, but I also pay in 4.4% of my salary to my pension and then obviously have to pay into my TSP.
As for other benefits – PTO seems pretty standard. Overtime is nice, but a) pretty rare and b) we don’t get bonuses – my friends in the private sector get a hefty bonus, which they say makes up for any OT they work (which is rare) and then some.
We also don’t get a lot of the “standards” that the private sector generally gets. No coffee in the office. BYO utensils (there’s NOTHING worse than getting to work and realizing you left your fork at home!). We provide our own office supplies. You may or may not work somewhere with asbestos, potable water, a non-gross bathroom, mice, a microwave or fridge, and the like. Obviously no great perks like free meals or gyms or company swag.
Not that not having the above constitutes a hardship (aside from safety – asbestos, mice, potable water), but it’s something a lot of people don’t realize we don’t have. My friend literally doesn’t believe me there isn’t office coffee.
My husband just got back from a 38 day work trip – he worked 12+ hour days on 36 of those days – only 2 days off in over a month. He was away from home. He was living in not great accommodations in an area with not great food (think Econolodge and lucky if you got McDonald’s) . The work itself was really challenging.
I’m not complaining because we love the mission and the work, but it’s anything but cushy.
I mean, of course this is a crazy stressful time. But please do not try to argue that your jobs are not highly prized.
There’s a reason there are thousands of applicants for your one spot. I would kill to have those benefits. You should see what we are paying on the outside for health insurance in the private sector, which would be going up just as quickly in cost.
My fingers are crossed that things will not progress as aggressively as Day 1 sounds. Keep us posted. I think if we all want to understand why Trump won, we really need to think.
+1million. And so entitled about it.
There’s a real tension in the DC area with vacant office buildings, especially those leased by federal agencies. The tension doesn’t take into account any of the actual data about hiring, increased work production for hybrid and wfh schedules, traffic pattern improvements from flex schedules, the reality that modern national and international workforces are zoom and phone conference cultures already, or the headcount and chair math that says that a lot of these agencies (and other employers) don’t have space and equipment to stand behind a return to the office mandate.
Mayors, commercial real estate owners, and gas companies (fuel for vehicles) are the winners for return to the office.
https://www.npr.org/2024/02/12/1230987893/mayor-of-washington-d-c-pushes-for-workers-to-return-to-the-office
Because a lot of commercial real estate is owned by giant companies and private equity, they want their money and WFH is making their investments less profitable.
ding ding ding…as with everything else, there are big corporations lobbying behind the scenes. All the reasons put forth by politicians is just noise.
I work in the CRE space and can 100% confirm
“Corporations” have ultimate ownership though, and that ownership is probably us right here (or our 401k’s mutual funds). So the pinch isn’t in some fat cat’s pocket. It’s felt by us, one way or another.
Agencies have been told to submit a list of probationary employees and whether they should be retained. My probationary period is over in 4 days. I blew up my life and moved across the country at my own expense for this job. There aren’t similar jobs anywhere nearby and I don’t have family or others as a backstop.
It’s terrifying.
If your probationary period is over in four days, it’s legally too late for them to not retain you. They have to give at least 30 days notice if you are going to be left go during probation.
That doesn’t help you if they decide to ignore the law, but they very well may decide to ignore the law regarding permanent employee too
I’m not lawyer, but “legal” doesn’t really seem to concern them.
That’s true. But they may decide to do that will permanent employees too. All federal employees are at risk now
Do you have a citation for this or is this just what you’ve been hearing? I’m also in my probationary period.
It was an OPM memo that went out yesterday. Asked for a list of all probationary employees from each agency by Friday
YIKES. I see it now. My probationary period does not end until mid March.
It used to be that employers in my area only authorized any WFH or remote employees if they had FT child care. If kids kept them from doing work or being available, it became a problem (and that spilled over to all people wanting some flexibility or to be remote). If this policy will really hurt women more, I suspect it is because the baseline pre-COVID expectation wasn’t being met.
And to be clear, I have a flex schedule, but I bargained for that, and I’m not trying to pretend I’m a vanilla FT 9-5 person because I am not.
You’re making some pretty big leaps. It’s not that hard to find 9-5 childcare right down the road in your suburb. It’s a lot harder to find 7:30-6:30 childcare to accomodate your commute.
That, and the elementary age kids who are old enough to be 100% self sufficient to take the bus home, get themselves settled, do HW or entertain themselves between 3-5 so a parent can finish wfh in peace but aren’t old enough to be home alone yet.
My 6 year old can do that just fine and not bother me, but she can’t be home alone yet (obviously)
According to my Federal TW agreement, an unsupervised 6 year old wouldn’t be allowed. There’s some gray zone for kids who are old enough to be alone legally but in this day and age typically aren’t. But, if the child can’t be alone, the Federal teleworker needs child care. I can understand if some private sector employers are more lenient.
This! And who wants their kid in daycare 7:30-6:30 if they can avoid it and have them there 8:30-5:30…
100% this. I work 9-5 and the only way my life works is because my husband works at home most days and I have a 25 minute commute (live in a big city and take public transportation). I drop my kid off and get to work by 840. If I have to, I can pick her up at 530, although my husband does most pickups. If we had real commutes this would not be possible. Aftercare ends at 6 pm. We would need to pay a nanny. Which is a lot + paying for aftercare.
Bingo. The commute is what’s going to push families over the edge, and when that happens it will be the moms who drop out of the work force.
I think that . . . that sounds like part-time availability. Which is fine and should be fine. I know a lot of employers who easily offer .8 or .6 FTE jobs (3 or 4 full days). What I think (rightly) irritates people is someone who is only going to be a .6 or .8 and yet is cloaked as a 1.0 FTE person.
I know lots of B4 people who have their flexible work schedules / availability on their e-mail signature block. I would love it if the rest of the world was that tr*nsparent. It might help businesses say yes more if they realized how prevalent it really is.
Working 9-5 is part time availability?
Sadly these days it is and in some ways WFH has made it worse. My husband’s boss will teams call him at 8 or 9 at night because he knows he’s home and near the computer so why wait for tomorrow. It’s like there’s no time when the day is OVER for him.
Just because your husband’s boss sucks doesn’t mean that 9-5 is part time. It’s just not.
No, it’s not and people are cray.
It was more the person wanting to be at home at 3 when younger kid is home from school. FWIW, I wouldn’t want my employer micromanaging how old and competent my kids are and would take an off-the-shelf PT arrangement to avoid entanglements (8-2 or 9-3) but I have eldercare, which is wildly unpredictable. But I do try to schedule appointments for a nondriving parent in a set window.
Government has very strict rules about overtime and hours are closely monitored, it’s a 9-5 job ( or 8-4 or whatever). Just because people corporations don’t respect employees doesn’t mean thats the norm.
Omg 9-5 is not part time, your husband’s boss is awful, and people should push back against this in “normal” industries.
With the caveat that I don’t have kids yet, I’m very rarely home or available after 6pm – what would the boss’ reaction be to that? I have hobbies and a social life that mostly take me out of the house after work, or if I’m home I’m occupied. There are maybe a handful of nights a month when I’m home with relatively little to do. Are people not allowed to have personal lives anymore?
Not sure if you have kids, but that’s crazy to assume your husband is free if you do – any good father would be hands on with kids after work at least a majority of the time
Are you serious? 9-5 is full time work, full stop.
LOTS of places offer flex scheduling (any good employer does), so what if I work 7-3 so I’m home when my kid gets off the bus.
If I’m in the office I’m not home til 4 and now need to figure out aftercare
Except I’m working a full 1.0 FTE week – I work 8-4:30. On my wfh days I can be home so my 10 and 9 year old kids can take the bus home.
I literally don’t even see them until I’m offline at 4:30. I get a quick text they’re home and that’s all.
How the f*&k does leadership expect people to be parents in this day and age if they don’t think parents who wfh with childcare are okay to work, think a 9-5 isn’t full time, and think that it’s okay to call parents at 8pm which is usually hands on parenting time?
Never mind you pretty much need to be a 2 income household to afford kids anymore or the other crazy financial expenses and time crunches on parents that didn’t exist to this extent before
As to your second paragraph, I don’t see how anyone, kids or not, could afford to buy a house these days without two incomes. When we bought our house a couple of decades ago while I was in law school, our starter house cost just under 3x my husband’s annual salary. Today a starter home here is more like 5-6x that salary in today’s dollars, and we are in a LCOL area where housing prices have not skyrocketed the way they have in major cities.
Yeah I make low 6 figures (but 6 figures nonetheless!) in a MCOL, no debt, in my early 30s. I can’t even afford to buy a 1BR condo in a non luxury / non amenity building.
I shop at Old Navy and thrift stores. My car is 21 years old. I take a modest vacation every 2-3 years, and just do local stuff on the off years. My gym is planet fitness and my cell phone is 3.5 years old and I use Mint so I pay $25/mo. Only have Prime – no other streaming services. Groceries and house stuff all comes from Walmart. I only dine out or drink alcohol when socializing / on dates (and it’s mostly happy hours at that) – no takeout or coffees out or anything like that. I do all of my personal care except for quarterly haircuts and 1x a year partial balayage at home – DIY nails and eyebrows and no facials or massages. Makeup, skincare, toiletries are all from Walmart (elf is a great deal). Haven’t gotten a pet yet because it doesn’t fit into my financial picture. I still have a lot of fun, go out with my friends, and have hobbies but I’m very clearly not a big spender (and admittedly could cut back on that but I don’t want to! Life is short, friends and hobbies are fun, and grabbing happy hour 1x a week vs 3x a week isn’t going to hr what saves up for a down payment). There’s a lot I’d love to do (travel more, a fancy gym, nicer clothes, more money for fun (socializing and hobbies), but it’s not feasible.
I don’t want anything crazy – a modest 1BR condo and the ability to grab a drink with friends seems reasonable to me!
@11:35
It seems like you could afford to buy a home. Are you looking in all the neighborhoods, or are you just priced out of a set of preferred neighborhoods?
I believe VP Vance has been pretty clear that good families have a SAHM and families who are failing need to lean on the grandparents to make things work.
9-5 is a seven hour work day (with a 30 minute lunch break and two 15 minute breaks). Even my hourly employees work 8:30 – 5:00 and I am in California where labor laws are pretty employee-friendly.
But also, this perfectly encapsulates why so many employers want their employees back in the office. So many salaried people have somehow absorbed the idea that a 7-8 hour day is “full-time” for professionals and will scream bloody murder if asked to work before or after those hours. And for many professional jobs it is just not. Which is not to say that employers can reasonably expect 100 hour weeks for $75K a year – but if you are getting paid $100K+ then expect to work more than 35 hours a week.
But maybe my perception is skewed. In law, you would not be able to meeting your billing minimums working those hours and our hours are not that egregious.
Science has continuation shown that no one actually works 8 hours in a day.
That would be news to all the healthcare working who routine work three 12-hour shifts a week. And all the lawyers legitimately billing 10+ hour days when in trial
My corporate job has been 4x a week in office for over two years now. Our hours are 9-5.
I’ve worked many places, it’s by far the most old fashioned corporate place I’ve worked and even they’re ok with an 8 hour day thats inclusive of lunch
100k is not worth 50+ hour work weeks or full availability anymore.
Hiiiii. Working 8 hours per day IS full time. It’s 40 hours per week. To get that number, you simply multiply 8 times 5, which is the number of days in a workweek.
ALSO! Full-time employees can be paid hourly! Many, many are.
I hope this helps.
I’m in BigLaw. Our billing requirements are, in fact, egregious.
Most employees don’t have billable hours though. They get a flat salary. And all of those hours are not spent doing work. I know management likes to sell this idea that we have to be in person to brainstorm at the water cooler. That’s not what happens at the water cooler. People are gossiping about their lives/each other/outside events/tv they’re watching, and on. Another reason to love working from home – I don’t have to spend half my day hanging out at work then staying late to do all the work I couldn’t get done while listening to the latest office gossip.
If you work where you have a 7-7 shift, you are there 7-7 and your commute and life outside of work is your business. If you are a teacher in the elementary school your kids go to, they can walk down to your room and hang out until you are ready to leave (OTOH, if your kid is sick, you may get to have a sub so you can stay home with them, but you can’t really WFH). My mom was working mom #2 and I am working mom #1 and they are not the same. IMO it is just really hard to be 100% at work once you are responsible for other humans without a a PT spouse or PT work or paid help or family pitching in (but they may work or may be needing your help if you’re a sandwich generation person).
I’m surprise how many people here are defending the degradation of work life balance and reasonableness.
What’s wrong with reasonable WFH?
What’s wrong with working an 8 hour day?
What’s wrong with not making babies and toddlers spend 10+ hours a day in childcare so long as there is adequate childcare during work hours?
I think those who penny pinch and make reasonable life untenable for workers are literally evil. I don’t think we should be handed things on a silver platter, but I think a 40 hour week (which is full time!!!) should be enough to buy a house reasonable commuting distance from work, childcare, etc. I think schedules should be flexible to maximize family time and minimize time and money spent on commuting, childcare, etc.
Honestly I don’t think many people are saying that /shouldn’t/ be true; but rather acknowledging that that /isn’t/ true, including for many private sector workers with advanced degrees. Government workers aren’t unique in this
And those people are rejoicing that now others face the same miserable choices rather than pushing for officials and policies that would raise the standard across the board. That’s basically American politics distilled down.
I have a to-do list that feels overwhelming and I really need to Do The Thing(s) but I have such a weird mental block when I have this much to do. It’s like it feels too much for my brain so I just freeze. How do you handle days like this?
Break a task into smaller pieces and do one.
Yes yes yes. Break it into smaller pieces and tell yourself – today, I just have to do the first. Works for me every single time.
I take the time to write *all* of it out to stop my brain from spinning. Then I put on my working music and start knocking off tasks. Every time I check sometime off I feel better. I intentionally write all the small components of a big tasks so I can check off more.
I break out my timer and use it to get myself moving. I set it for a small time — 15-20 minutes — and tackle small things first, such as “deal with 5 emails.” Or, on a really bad day full of difficult emails, “deal with that 1 email for 15 minutes.” Then I can take a 5 minute break. Then 15-20 minutes again. There’s something about knowing I “only” have to do this for 15 minutes that allows me to break out of that immobility and procrastination and get started. Usually I do one or maybe two hours in this pattern, and by then I’m back to a normal ability to get work done and stop using the timer.
+1 I do this too and find it’s helpful.
And I reward myself with something small for the break – I get to read a chapter of my book while drinking a tall glass of water; I get to shop online for the dress I need for an upcoming event, etc.
Checklist and plan my entire day out by 30min blocks.
Pick one thing and do it.
If there is an easy, discrete thing on your list(empty the garbage cans, change the burned out lightbulb, whatever), start with that. Then congratulate yourself for having Done Things, and do another!
I make a massive list of everything I have to do to get it out of my head and give me the satisfaction of crossing off. When I’m feeling extremely overwhelmed and have lots of tasks that will take time (more than, say, 30 minutes), I write down the estimated time it will take me to get it done next to the task. When I’m overwhelmed, I have the tendency to imagine each task taking hours, even if it won’t. This helps me “see” that I actually can accomplish a lot in a reasonable amount of time. Sometimes I’ll even do it for smaller tasks. Respond to X number of emails seems like way more work to me than “spend 30 mins responding to x emails.”
I stop worrying about prioritizing and just do the top thing on the list. If I think of something else, I just write it at the bottom of the list. This is usually enough to at least get me going.
I read something lately that was eye opening- instead of working off a to do list, time block out your day. I’ve always time blocked in a fashion, but the idea of assigning a time to do things and ignoring the rest of the list was a mind shift- it lets me let go of the things on my list that I’m just not going to get to in that day.
For spin/cycle class, do the shoes that clip into the pedals make a difference?
I am spinning twice a week now. I currently have my bulky running shoes in the cages for my feet. I am willing to buy cycle shoes if it makes it better, but if not then I’ll just buy slimmer sneakers.
100% better. Clipping in allows you to pull up on the pedal as well as push down on it.
I also find that it’s easier for me to stand and pedal when clipped in
+1 better. It will more effectively target a greater variety of muscles so be ready to be sore in new places like calves and hamstrings
this is a common myth. upwards of 95% of power generation comes in the downstroke.
It’s the lived experience of many cyclists and you can even tweak where the muscle soreness shows up by adjusting the placement of your cleats.
I suspect it’s because despite most of the power continuing to come from the down-stroke, the change is still significant. In addition, you are forced into consistent (hopefully good) form on each stroke which although more efficient is also more repetitive on the muscles than when your foot positioning is able to slip a little more.
They make a huge difference. I am not someone who likes to shop or own specialized gear for activities. For years I did what you’re doing. And then I finally bought cycling shoes and they’re so much better. I got mine in 2008 and they’re still going strong. I spin about 3x per week. they don’t need to be replaced regularly like running shoes.
Back when I first started spinning, l someone told me that spinning without clip-in shoes is like playing baseball without a glove.
Buying my clip ins today! Thanks for talking some sense into me. I am a recovering cheapskate.
Still struggling to find that perfect airplane outfit, and have a dozen work or personal trips between now and June. My ideal is an upscale athleisure outfit, mid-weight, with either joggers or a heavier legging (full length for warmth) on bottom, and then a zip up matching piece on top, under which I will wear a long sleeve t shirt. Vuori is too light; spanx stuff doesn’t fit me well; Varley looks puffy on me – a bit Michelin man. Tried Aritzia, but they are cut for 20 year olds, not this 60+ pear. Are there lesser known brands I should check out? This should not be so hard, but it eludes me. At this point, given the time I have put into the search, I don’t care what is costs, if it fits, is comfortable, flattering, washable, and makes me feel put together on all these trips . Appreciate any leads at all.
Athleta? I am a mid-40s pear and they have some cuts that fit me well.
I’m a different poster, but I am a pear and Athleta pants fit me poorly. Waists way too big for my rear, even with the stretch. Maybe I’m too short waisted for them, or just too extreme of a pear? But that is what I wear on the plane! Either their Brooklyn pant or one of their joggers and other simple cotton Ts (Gap) + third longer piece from Athleta to cover the poor fit of the waist.
Athleta for sure.
Pact
Check out Mersea. They have lots of oversized swing tops that can be worn with leggings. They also make joggers and knit pants.
Just a thought, it might be the matching part that looks off. I want to love matching sets but I always feel silly in them.
What about something like this? I have and love the pullover, and Beyond Yoga leggings are great quality.
https://www.sweatybetty.com/us/shop/tops/jumpers-hoodies/radiant-half-zip-sweatshirt–SB9938_OatmealMarl.html
https://beyondyoga.com/products/spacedye-vitalize-full-length-legging-black-charcoal-sd3027
This. Matching sets always remind me of early 2000s tracksuits.
Seconding. I wear the lounge pants with a non-matching sweatshirt, sweater, or jean jacket.
Varley is my go to. I have a few travel sets from them that meet your criteria.
I see you’ve tried them but check it out again, they don’t only have puffer stuff, there’s some sleek sets.
I love my Varley pieces. So soft.
I like Varley as well- specifically Hailey half zip & slim pants. Very comfortable and wash well. For long flights I recently bought Elastiques micro bead leggings and they were awesome for compression and after 15 hour flight legs felt great.
Lands End starfish line? They have a few more modern cuts, but most are pretty simple.
My mom is in her mid 60s, pear, and swears by them
Talbots has a new line of the Air Knit travel pieces.
I came here to say Talbots has an entire athletic (“athletic”) line that should meet your needs.
Roger that.
Talbots Of All Places – hat tip, Senior Attorney
Heh.
I own a lot of Talbot’s athletic tops and Haven tops that are great for travel and WFH. They also have more than just the typical neutral options. I just wear them with leggings though.
My go-to airplane wear is either Athleta or Pact.
I just can’t pull off the matching modern tracksuit look. For warm weather trips I like pull-on stretch linen pants (the JCrew Soleil are my current go-to) with lightweight layers on top, and for cold I like stretch denim (Kut from the Kloth is honestly as comfortable as athleisure to me) with knit layers. Knee-high compression socks provide warmth.
Just in case the reason you’re not finding anything is because you like that look only in theory but not in practice!
I would like to cosign this. It is completely acceptable to wear normal clothing on an airplane. In fact, you will look more put together if you do AND some of the clothes you wear to travel can be re-worn as part of other outfits during the trip. This concept of an airplane outfit is just marketing at its finest, and I personally prefer to wear something nicer than glorified pajamas when I travel.
Amen!
Same.
I opt for linen pants, comfy jeans, or Athleta Brooklyn-type pants, a basic tee, and a layer (sweater, jean jacket, travel blazer) as my travel outfit. Throw on a scarf as a wrap, cute sneaks, and good socks and I’m good to go.
Second Athleta, but also try Rhone
If you don’t care about cost, you may want to check out Frank & Eileen travel sets.
Eileen Fisher crepe pants, knit top, and a non-matching jacket or cardigan.
Don’t forget the compression socks!
I bought a “track suit” like this from Liverpool and it makes the perfect plane outfit. It just got me through multiple trans-atlantic flights. Have you thought about Alo? I saw tons of people in Alo matching sets in the airport.
Have you stopped buying waterproof mascara because of PFAS? Seems like the right call for our health, right? My eyes are watery in a chilly wind, but otherwise I’ll save my tears for a non-made up moment.
Am using up what I have, but could use advice on what to buy next.
I don’t use waterproof mascara because I lose lashes when trying to remove it. If wind is your problem then wear sunglasses with regular mascara. I like L’Oreal Voluminous.
Try tubing mascara if you haven’t – it really stays on well, and doesn’t look completely crazy as it comes off if you do get it wet.
Merit Beauty’s mascara is really good
Wait, what?
Do you have a resource for PFAS as ingredients of waterproof mascara? Would like to read up on that.
At least as of a few years ago, most waterproof mascara had PFAS in it. Not sure how much has changed recently
https://hsph.harvard.edu/news/are-there-toxins-in-your-mascara/
https://pubs.acs.org/doi/10.1021/acs.estlett.1c00240
Do you find “college coaches” worth while? I am specifically debating one for early in HS to help pick classes, activities; etc.
We did use one for all three of our kids. Not inexpensive, but so, so worth it. I learned quite early with my kids that when we tried to “help” with homework, or something they were struggling with, it really devolved in an ugly way. It was so much better for our relationship to hire a tutor (often a kid in high school) to help them. The same held true for this – hiring someone to critique their essays, hold them accountable for meeting deadlines, be smart about which schools to apply to (one daughter’s plan was to apply to all Ivies plus ten more schools) was so helpful. If I tried to deliver hard news, they took it as “you don’t love me” or “you are always so hard on me.” This person was also really helpful in having my kids plan which classes to take. If you can afford it, and have access to someone good, I would encourage it.
Do you mind sharing who you used and how much it cost? We live in Fairfield county CT and they cost 25k-50k.
That is cray cray. We used the owner of this firm and it was a fraction of that price, and covered 4 high school years – she started working with them as freshmen. This was 10 years ago, and all was in person, but thinking the practice has likely evolved to having online sessions. I will say, she knew the local school systems really well and that helped a lot in the high school phase of this work, which would likely be lacking in helping those in other states.
https://collegeexpertmn.com/
Good luck. No regrets on our part at all; each kid found a school they really liked and felt they had agency in the decision. Could we have done this ourselves? Honestly, with both parents working FT I don’t think we could have; we just did not have the bandwith and we were already mired in difficult teen years. It was such a relief to not add this to the list of items we were personally navigating with the kids.
Ours is closer to 5k, metro Los Angeles.
No — I think unless they’re doing something illegal they’re not really worth the money you pay them.
Caveat that my family and my husband’s family both have a long history of going to selective universities. I can see how if no one in your family has gone to those kinds of schools and elite college admissions is a brand new world it’s helpful to have someone who’s been part of that world help you navigate it. I can also see how essay writing help is worth it for some kids, but I’d hire specifically someone who does that, not a vague “college counselor.”
Also, please don’t let a college counselor pick activities! It’s cliche, but it really has to be stuff your kid is passionate about. Admissions officers can see right through joining for the sake of the college resume, and that’s much worse than doing only a couple things the kid really enjoys.
I hired a college coach to supervise our child’s applications so I could stay out of it. For a total of about $850 she got a 12-hour group Zoom Common App bootcamp, a 2-hour individual Zoom with a parent to discuss the school list and engagement strategies, and a couple of individual Zooms to go over her essays and finish up loose ends on the applications. It was 100% worth it. My daughter gets anxious and overwhelmed by paperwork and deadlines and would never have been able to handle the applications on her own. It would have been a horrible battle for me to get her to complete them. A bonus was that the consultant encouraged her to look at a wide variety of schools beyond what her high school guidance counselor and teachers were suggesting, which was the same two bottom-basement state schools they suggest to everyone even though my daughter was ranked third in her class and had 99th percentile SAT scores. This was definitely not the high-powered kind of advocacy that the fancy big-city private college counselors or the college counselors employed by private schools offer, though. It was mainly very basic organizational support.
What is with high school guidance counselors doing that?? My best friend and I were valedictorian and salutatorian with aspirations of going out of state and the guidance counselor literally would not/could not see past recommending the same community college that she told everyone, regardless of interests or aptitude or finances, to aim for. My friend and I both ignored her completely.
It’s because public schools hate smart kids and are all about pushing everyone down to the lowest common denominator.
In my experience, it’s that the administrators and counselors in public schools don’t get any sort of benefit from kids matriculating to elite colleges and universities. If you have one more kid than usual going to an Ivy and five fewer kids attending community college (or worse, dropping out entirely), the administration is underperforming or not meeting expectations. Even when they have a program designed to help underprivileged students get into college, there’s no benefit to having a kid from that program go to Berkeley v. Fresno State.
The teachers have been wonderful for my bright-enough kids, by and large.
I agree 100% with Seventh Sister. Public school districts are managing to a set of key performance indicators, like the number of kids who graduate and the number of kids who enter four year colleges. Their KPIs do not include getting one or two kids into Harvard. So they are incentivized to make sure as many kids as possible get IN, which means ensuring they all apply to UC Merced or Sonoma State so they ALL have a four year place to go whether it works for them or not.
I think sometimes it’s just all they know. Where did they go to school?
I think this is the simple but accurate explanation too. Except maybe at very fancy private schools, the college counselors didn’t go to Ivies themselves. They’re just suggesting what they know.
One of the reasons I am leaning towards keeping my kids in IB for the MYP part (11th and 12th) is that they really only get one elective a year (vs a schedule that has gaps and gets 1.5 study halls in one semester b/c they can’t get a class they need) and the school has to give them the required classes in sequence. Everything else seems to result in a cr@pshoot, which I’m not here for. [I have written in earlier about our school mandating IB for all out of DEI concerns even though 80% of kids eventually leave the program but can do dual enrollment with the community college, AP classes, or take vocational classes.]
That said, knowing what to take if you want merit aid / honors college / competitive college admissions isn’t hard: take the hardest classes and do well in them and take core classes all 4 years (so 4 years of all core subjects + 4 years of a language).
At some schools, getting them can be an issue. Explore possible careers via electives if they are offered. IDK how kids know they want to be EMTs or engineers or CPAs from what is offered at a typical high school, so you may need to demonstrate interest outside of school or with PT work.
That said, activities are for passions and learning, and I’d let a kid lead with that and help them find things for them (PT work, volunteering, shadowing working professionals, things like exploring in scouts).
Isn’t this what each student’s advisor and college counselor are for?
My student can’t select classes without meeting with both her advisor and college counselor
See above—in public high schools they want all kids to take vocational courses and go to community college.
This is not true at all in our public high school.
Suburban Chicago
Is your kid in a private school? Because that has been my experience with any public school anywhere. So long as you are not failing out, they don’t care
* has not been
My kid can barely get an email returned for a transcript request. Large urban public school, counselors have other priorities.
I am considering hiring one for my junior because he is scatterbrained and isn’t taking the process seriously, but it is $12.5k to get the handholding service. And if he isn’t receptive to my advice and ideas, I am not sure he will be to a stranger.
Today is my 40th birthday! Any advice for me as I head into this new decade?
Happy Birthday!
Schedule your mammogram & do the stuff you’ve been meaning to do like take better care of your skin, body, etc. now. I felt no different at 40 than I did at 30 but a just a few years in, life catches up with me much faster so do the stuff to mitigate it now, and get ahead of it.
+1 to this. I have two close friends who were diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer in their 40s. One is dead now and the other will be soon. I don’t know if mammograms would have saved them or just prolonged the suffering, but I still wish they would have gotten them.
“just prolonged the suffering…” Ouch. As a breast cancer survivor, I can say that there is obviously no way to know whether it would have helped in either of these circumstances, and early detection does not necessarily prevent metastatic disease, but early detection does in fact save lives and ups the potential that treatment will be successful. Definitely don’t put off your mammogram.
Ugh yes seconding this. I delayed getting mine because I was doing IVF at the time and my boobs were so sore. Now I’m pregnant (yay!) and I’ve been told they can do it… but now they hurt even more and they’re already HEAVY (I’m only 11 weeks!). There is no way in heck they’re coming near my chest until I’m finished nursing. Really wish I’d managed to schedule it in that brief period when I was off meds before my transfer.
+1.
Do all the health things – preventative exams (mammogram, colonoscopy, bone density scan, regular lab workups), forming and maintaining good habits re: food, exercise and sleep.
Don’t take other people’s advice lol trust yourself
(I usually tell myself to seek advice, and I trust my advisors / friends and my gut so much more at age 45 than ten or fifteen years ago)
Happy Birthday!
It’s a great decade ahead of you!
Happy birthday! What I found was 40 itself was a bit of a transition for most women, but my 40s have been amazing. Yes to all of the screening tests (mammogram, colonoscopy, skin test, thorough blood tests, etc.) I wish I had known more about perimenopause when I turned 40. I probably missed symptoms for a year or so that could have been treated.
But mostly, have fun! Don’t be surprised if all of your fs really do go and you become much more outspoken or certain about what you want and accept.
Also starting thinking about finding a GYN in addition to your PCP, who you will see for regular breast exams, paps, and to help you through the perimenopause transition. It can take years to find a good doctor for this, but you want one that lists menopause/perimenopause as an interest. Or even better, go to the North American Menopause Society webpage and find a GYN in your area who is a member of this organization. Unfortunately, most GYNs are not experienced with menopause and will give you wrong advice, so finding a good referral is key.
Now is also the time to max out your retirement savings if you are not already.
It is also time to stop and think – how am I living my life? Do I want it to continue in this direction, or do I have any big goals/values I want to pursue? For me, it meant a big career change, as well as taking care of my body.
Lawyers on this board – how do you think the birthright citizenship EO is going to pan out? I and a lot of people I know are the children of immigrants so this is scary. It looks like it 100% won’t be retroactive, right?
Some of the purpose is deterrence.
It’s unconstitutional, so it won’t be effective.
What’s the process of establishing that? An individual court case each time someone is denied citizenship? Something at a larger scale? Just trying to understand the situation.
It will have to make it to the SC eventually.
So we will have to wait and see whether this SC will go against DJT?
Yep. And hope and pray that this SC upholds an amendment from 1868. I bet they weasel their way around it so that they leave the 14th standing but neuter it.
I actually swore at the tv yesterday when ACB walked by.
ACLU has already sued.
You really think the constitution matters anymore?
I do. Because I refuse to be helpless and hopeless. Join me?
Abortion bans that conflicted with roe were unconstitutional until they overturned roe.
Nothing is sacred. Don’t obey in advance but don’t pretend our papers, norms and institutions will protect us ultimately. They won’t.
I refuse to be naive.
The ACLU has already filed a suit so hopefully it will get a stay for awhile
Not sure I’d want to raise my hand for a newborn right now. I guess they will get a plaintiff at some point.
IANAL, but wouldn’t that include Barron?
No, it wouldn’t.
Isn’t birthright children born in the US to parents who are not citizens? One of Barron’s parents (Trump) is US citizen and his mother became a citizen a few months after he was born.
It follows the citizen parent. I have a friend with an American dad who met her mom in Germany with the Army. Kid has US citizenship (like John McCain).
Yes, but this isn’t birthright citizenship in this context. The 14th Amendment (at least as currently interpreted by the Court) guarantees citizenship to people born in the United States, regardless of the citizenship of their parents.
Agree with anon @10:20, that by birthright citizenship, most people mean the idea that any child born on US soil is a US citizen, regardless of their parents status.
Separately, it’s also true that any child born to at least one citizen parent is a citizen, regardless of second parents’ legal status or the location of birth. I guess Trump could pursue changing that structure too, but he’s mostly talked about the first
Slightly beside the point, but it’s actually a little more complicated than that for children of US citizens born outside the US unless they are born in wedlock to 2 US citizens. If only one parent is a US citizen, they have to meet a minimum residency requirement to pass on US citizenship. Prior to 2017, US citizen single mothers actually had a lower threshold to meet than US citizen mothers married to non-citizens, but that is no longer the case. Single fathers still have to clear some extra barriers in terms of proving the relationship to the child.
My mom was born to two married US citizens in Panama, which I imagine will make her a super-citizen when we re-take the Panama Canal. Just kidding, kind of.
LOL. No, that’s not the issue at play.
Given the amount of litigation that will ensue this seems like a huge waist of taxpayer dollars (kind of contradicting Trumps plan to cut government waste….but then again, i don’t anticipate any of this policies to really fully make sense)
It’s very difficult to amend the constitution, but it is possible. I believe this is a discussion the country should have, maybe birthright citizenship no longer serves us. I worked for a F100 that would bring employees and their pregnant spouse to the US so the spouse would give birth here and the child would be a US citizen. This is abhorrent.
I also believe that the Republicans will back away from a constitutional conversation because that may also open the door to discussing guns.
What exactly do you find abhorrent about that practice?
If I was betting, I’d say that the SC allows it to be limited to people who are in the country legally. As it, it was not intended to grant rights to the children of people who are here illegally.
I don’t agree that it’s right, as I think children are innocent and should be citizens of wherever they are born, but plenty of other countries (including a number in western Europe), don’t allow birthright citizenship.
The other limit that might be upheld is that it cannot be passed on. As in if children are born in the US but their parents are here illegally, the children are citizens because otherwise they might be stateless, but they cannot pass on US citizenship to their own children.
So then the next generation of children would be stateless as well? You make no sense.
Also, in order to adopt the interpretation you just posited, the Supreme Court would have to overrule 100+-year old precedent. This issue has already been decided.
Does anyone really think precedent still matters?
We thought Roe had been settled as well.
Plenty of countries offer some type of limited citizenships to people who would otherwise be stateless because of rule changes but don’t allow it to be passed on.
It’s because of what they call “anchor babies” and “tourism pregnancies.” I knew quite a few school friends had relatives who’d come for the maximum allowed under a tourist visa to have a baby. As soon as it was born, they’d take the US passport and baby and go home (usually Taiwan). There’s quite a big business in it in parts of Los Angeles.
Good morning! Can I get a refresher on resignation steps? It’s been a decade! I work in Big 4 if that context is helpful.
1) Offer has been made
2) Negotiate offer – in process and looking positive.
3) Accept offer
4) Resign from current company
I have a strong feeling my current company will counter, so any advice there is appreciated.
Thank you!
You have the most important parts covered – don’t resign until you have a signed and accepted offer elsewhere. Do a little prep before you resign. Take things home from your office (quietly), save contacts and any documents you’re allowed to. I wrote up a lot of my transition plan before I resigned and my boss was very surprised by that, but it made me feel better.
From what I’ve seen big 4 counters are not at all worth staying there. They are just not enough money, and also don’t address the underlying issues that made you look for a new job.
Don’t resign until all the paperwork is signed.
Start clearing out your files, save anything you need to save, delete any personal files or emails, save relevant contacts, etc.
IME accepting a counter offer is not recommended because then they’ll know you were looking to leave and you’ll be first on the list the next time there’s layoffs.
Between 3 and 4, make sure you’ve cleared all background and drug screenings. DH is pretty darn straight edge and failed a drug test because opiates were detected. They retested and he passed. Best anyone could conclude was that the sample was tainted but it caused a 2-3 week delay. New company was super chill – it’s clear this stuff does happen – but I won’t be resigning from a job until I clear all that kind of stuff and have the “clear to close,” so to speak.
Thank you! Super helpful!
If anything you need is saved on your work computer email yourself a copy or upload it to a Google doc before giving notice. My Big 4 firm blocks your ability to email attachments to any external address once you’ve put in notice.
uh this is a great way to get yourself in a lot of unnecessary trouble.
I mean things like a Word doc copy of your resume, obviously nothing related to clients or your work product
And your contact list from Outlook, unless you’re prohibited from taking it.
I wouldn’t consider a counter – it might be more money in the short term, but you will forever be known as the person with one foot out the door, so that can be a barrier to real advancement.
Agree to let all the contingencies (background, drug) be fully complete before saying anything.
Make sure the offer letter doesn’t have any stipulations, like subject to a clear background check or some nonsense.
I’m a lawyer and one time I switched firms, the new firm gave me a signed offer letter, I signed it and returned it, but the letter still had all these stipulations at the bottom like, subject to conflicts clearing. They verbally told me conflicts had cleared, so I submitted my 2 week notice to my old firm. The day I was to start at the new firm, they told me conflicts hadn’t cleared and they couldn’t hire me. I escalated a lot and it got resolved eventually but I didn’t make that mistake the next time I moved.
EXCELLENT advice. and gosh what a bummer for you! Thank you very much.
Thanks. Shocking to no one, the poor management didn’t improve after they cleared up that error. I basically started looking again right away. Took me four years to find something else. Ugh.
Are there any great products to keep your feet dry (and warm) when you’re running outside on snowy trails? I have a race coming up and there’s likely to be a couple inches on the ground. I’ve just worn plastic bags over my socks when I was younger, but would welcome any other suggestions.
Waterproof trail running shoes and wool socks. Gaiters if the snow is deep (I’ve only worn these hiking and snowshoeing, but they probably make some better for running than the ones I have).
+1 to all of this. Test it out ahead of time, too, so you know if anything needs adjusted before your race.
They won’t do it 100%, but gaiters. Trail shoes typically include hooks on the shoe for attacking gaiters.
Also, wool socks that are designed for running.
How long is the race? And how cold will it be? I don’t think I’d do anything special for a 10 miler/ half or shorter. A full or an ultra I’d want something different.
If there’s a bag drop to aid stations or you have a crew, throw in a dry socks so you can change as needed.
Where to look on the shoe for hooks? I have trail runners more for hiking but some running and have never noticed them. Hokas, if that matters.
Thanks! It’s a series of three races this winter, but they’re all pretty short (<6 miles each) and gaiters would probably be overkill. It'll be just above freezing for the first race and the next two are anyone's guess. I do have some bombas but TBH I don't find their socks very warm even in regular weather, so I may look for warmer wool socks. Another message board suggested sealskinz, and I wasn't sure if those would work either.
Will the snow be trampled by the time you’re on it? I’d be more worried about ice and get myself a pair of spikes. YakTrax are classic where I am from, but I always preferred a chain style (like Black Diamond makes).
Try Balega blister resist socks are my favorite for cold weather. They are a bit thicker and cushioned.
Check out the Salomon spikecross- they are my go-to for winter trails. Water proof and micro spikes.
I’m thinking about a solo trip to someplace warm in March. Have a husband and kid and really want a long weekend away from everyone, DH is supportive as he’s taking a boys ski trip in Feb.
I’m in NC, criteria is an easy flight, warm weather, and preferably some nature. I’ve visited a lot of national parks and Arizona several times, not into that this trip. Would be interested in a Caribbean all inclusive if I can find a good deal. Otherwise leaning towards a cheap flight to FL but I think I’ve been everywhere I want to visit in FL.
Ideas on where to find good last minute travel deals and potentially where to go?
If you’re comfortable with Mexico safety-wise, your money goes a lot farther there than the Caribbean islands. I really love the Cancun area. It has a reputation as a party place but there are some very tranquil adults only resorts and beautiful beaches. Plus easy flights from dozens of major US cities.
+1 I just spent a week at a resort in Puerto Vallarta and it was lovely, and your dollar goes a long way.
+ 1, would definitely fly into Cancun. I love Tulum for the smaller, hippie, right on the beach vibes.
Have you done Key West? It’s one of my favorite places, the kit houses, the nature, it’s so chill an lively at the same time.
Agree with Key West. South Carolina was extremely warm around that time last year, we went to Isle of Palms. Bermuda could be an option. All-inclusive in Jamaica.
NYT just did a 36 hours story on Bermuda and it looked really beautiful. You could read that and see if it inspires you at all
One thing about Bermuda is you can’t rent a car so you’re kind of stuck at your resort or you take lots of taxis. I visited on a cruise ship and enjoyed it, but I haven’t gone back for that reason.
eh I would not pick Bermuda for a March trip. It’s too far north. From Charlotte there should be easy flights to a bunch of warmer islands that time of year – Aruba, DR, Turks, all would have AI options (or easy access to restaurants if not AI). St. Martin not sure about AIs but the Grand Case hotels have access to fantastic French food.
The AI options on Turks are almost all family friendly and March is spring break season so I wouldn’t go there. I think there is literally only one adults only AI on the main island (Club Med) and it’s not particularly nice. I also don’t think of Aruba as a big AI island, and it’s an unnecessarily long flight.
DR, Jamaica and Mexico all have a lot of options though.
Love Bermuda but I wouldn’t consider it warm in march
Agreed, we went for spring break a couple years ago and it was too cold for me to swim in the ocean, although I did wear shorts on the beach.
We did a wonderful trip to an all inclusive in Puerto Vallarta last March. Perfect weather, great service, great spa. The resort was called Gran Velas and they have a handful of destinations if you want something closer to your home base.
Grand Velas is nice but allows kids and there will be a ton of them in March, since that’s spring break season in many parts of the US. I’d go somewhere adults only.
Totally agree about the marketing point. I also wish “vegan” meant “environmentally friendly” in the clothing context, but certainly not when it just means more plastic.
Then eat vegan food and buy animal clothes second hand for environmental reasons.
Okay.
It is irritating that clothing labels have to include the actual fiber content but marketing speak can pretend this is anything but polyurethane.
I don’t understand the backlash against materials that are termed “vegan” when they are made of plastic. Some of us who are vegan or vegetarian are motivated primarily by animal welfare and morality, not environmental/health issues (or they are secondary). So if something is made of gross plastic and didn’t kill an animal, it’s properly termed “vegan” and that shouldn’t be controversial. If you’re looking for something “sustainable” then look for something termed “sustainable.”
It’s an interesting point. I do believe vegan leather as a term is more about greenwashing marketing than real labelling in terms of animal welfare impact, and I don’t really believe increasing plastic use is a good thing in terms of animal (or human) welfare, though.
Personally I would love clothes to have a clear label stating that they are made from petrochemicals, so that I can avoid them, and in that light plastic leather is a more helpful term for me.
But I’d be very happy to see ANY sort of meaningful labelling that could help consumers choose with confidence and be comfortable with their choices. I’d be happy to see vegan cotton, vegan linen, vegan plastic etc if that’s helpful for people.
I would find it genuinely helpful to be able to filter knitwear or other clothes categorised by animal hair, plant-derived or plastic.
Are you a dietary vegan?
Late to post yesterday so reposting this morning:
I’m trying to reduce use of plastics in my kitchen, and would like to buy a few wooden cutting boards. For meats, I’d likely want glass or use maybe one plastic board – just trying to overall put less plastic in our food.
Do you have recommendations for quality wooden cutting boards? Looking for either a source to purchase, or some tips for buying them (what wood, treated how, …).
And thanks for those who’ve commented on my post yesterday – interesting that even for meats wood is recommended safety-wise?
I like Epicurean because they can go in the dishwasher.
Yep I like Epicurean a lot. I have a large Boos butcher block cutting board, but only use it for fruits and veggies and it’s a pain to wash (hand wash, very big and heavy).
I keep a few plastic ones around for cutting raw fish and meat.
If you care about micro plastics you shouldn’t eat any seafood.
Oh well. I get your point but what else not to eat then? Aren’t microplastics everywhere by now, even in drinking water?
They’re much more concentrated in seafood, especially in filter feeders (clams, etc). If you want to be horrified look into how aquaculture works.
My favorite one is an ancient bamboo, end grain model. My tip is to get one that is the right size – not so huge that it is really heavy, but large enough to give you space to chop on. I just scrub them off with soap and water and let them air dry. I think my husband remembers to oil them very occasionally – like once or twice a year. They are pretty low maintenance. Don’t soak them and try not to drop them.
PS – soap is effective at killing bacteria and virus on porous surfaces, like your skin. Wood cutting boards are fine for meat; they are all we have used for 15+ years.
Wood is safe to use with meat. You just clean the wood. People have been doing this for hundreds of years, and it’s totally fine.
Just practice safe food handling techniques like cutting everything else first and washing the cutting board really well right after using it for meat.
But mentally if you don’t want to do that, it’s fine to get something else.
Glass will be hard on your knives. Wood has natural antibacterial properties and I have used it exclusively for meat for over a decade (my whole adult life, basically). We wash it with hot water and soap, nothing intense or time consuming. We have a nice big one from Five Two that I love.
But since you asked, we also have and like the reBoard. We use it mostly for fruit/veg and for buttering toast. But it can go in the dishwasher.
Boos. Always. Go bigger than you think you need.
Listen to everybody telling you not to use glass. Wood is fine.
My in laws all voted for Trump because they think he supports cops. Convince me I shouldn’t text them a news link about the cop assaulters being pardoned and an innocent-but-snarky comment about it.
Is your DH on your side? If so snark away
+1
I was planning on talking to my Trump-supporting mom today too.
They will tell you it was really Antifa agitators dressed up like MAGA.
Then you will say, why would Trump pardon leftists?
And they will say some other nonsense.
They won’t care. Trump voters love the cops except not the January 6 cops.
The only reason I’d say you shouldn’t do this is because it won’t matter to them and will only frustrate you. My granny used to tell me not to wrestle with pigs because I’d just get dirty and the pig likes it.
+1 granny is right
Do you actually think this will make anything better? And by better, I mean your relationship with them, the likelihood of them taking your political opinions seriously, or them changing their minds about Trump? I’m guessing no and that this kind of condescension is a big part of why Democrats are in such big trouble. I say this as someone who is very liberal and can’t stand Trump, but also kind of agrees that he has a point about how obnoxious a lot of Democrats can be. Both parties are pretty awful these days, but Dems are losing with the condescending all Trump voters must be stupid stuff. Nobody wants to vote for a party that tells them they’re stupid and bad, and until they can come up with a way to change that message, they’re not going to win.
There is literally nothing that will make these people see the light of day. I ended up in a knock out fight with my MIL at Thanksgiving, she was making wild claims about certain pieces of legislation so I asked her point blank did she read them, herself? The answer was obviously no, so she literally screamed, send DH and me both nasty texts and blocked us on everything because I pointed out she formed opinions without looking at the source materials.
Agreed. Nothing you say will make a difference. It is not worth the grief, is what I’ve realized.
Seems like maybe you should leave politics out of the discussion when you’re with your in-laws.
She brings it up. Not my fault she can’t back up her repugnant views
Stop engaging. Look, you’re not any better than your in laws if you participate in the “knock out fight” with them.
Yeah, have to agree. Dems are not only incredibly disorganized (they had nearly 10 years to find someone other than Biden to run), but super condescending and super into going full steam ahead on deeply unpopular social issue positions (then they pair that enthusiasm with more condescension when met with opposition). It has to stop.
Much as it pains me to say it, you’re right. I finally had my awakening around the election when I had the sense that Harris would not win. The social issues are sort of a no-win situation. It’s not enough for the ultra-liberals, and it’s way too much for conservatives and even moderates.
This. 1 million times this.
Better to be condescending than a fascist.
Better not to feed and cultivate fascism at all.
Does it have to be either or, though?
No matter what i say or don’t say, I’m “condescending” or “elite” or whatever because i refuse kiss the ring of our would be fascist oligarchy. I’d much rather be perceived as condescending than to line up with fascists. I’m fresh out of f*cks to give about what people who want to take away my livelihood and would rather i don’t exist think of me.
You can’t win this one, even if you are correct on facts. Save your energy and use it on making a difference in improving your local community in some small way.
I agree that you can’t win, but it’s sad that in America today pointing out facts and logical fallacies is “condescending.”
There has to be a way to correct lies and misinformation without being condescending, surely.
She’s wrong on the facts, which makes it worse.
OP here and I’m not wrong on the facts.
Don’t, because you don’t know what you’re talking about, and furthermore, you’re just being nasty.
Like, have some class.
Here is the text of the EO: https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/2025/01/granting-pardons-and-commutation-of-sentences-for-certain-offenses-relating-to-the-events-at-or-near-the-united-states-capitol-on-january-6-2021/
The individuals in the first section, whose sentences were commuted, were convicted of different crimes than the people who were pardoned.
Primary sources are a thing, and MSNBC isn’t a primary source.
Ok, so he’s commuting the sentences of cop assaulters. Better? Does that solve the cognitive dissonance of saying you back the blue?
lol right? Like how do commutations and pardons support the police? How does this advance law and order? I’m genuinely curious. I spent 8 years as a prosecutor.
It’s not about law and order. It’s about power.
The irony of telling OP to have class. Listen to yourself, seriously.
Devlyn Thompson and Robert Palmer. Go educate yourself (with primary sources, obviously) and get back to me.
Your people might vary but where I’m from “backing the blue” means not asking questions when cops get violent with minorities and pretending they’re heroes even when they twiddle their thumbs and play on their phones as children are murdered before their eyes. Protecting American democracy from a right wing mob is NOT something they’d celebrate because they don’t care about democracy; they care about using the law to hurt children and minorities. They’re only hypocrites if you take them at their word and you really really shouldn’t do that.
Your friend Biden is the one who commuted Leonard Peltier’s sentence. Perhaps you’ll receive an innocent but snarky response about glass houses.
Maybe! Do you actually support Trump’s pardons and commutations or just more of a “well Biden did it too” justification? Additionally, does it matter at all that Pelletier has been incarcerated for nearly 50 years while the Capitol rioters served sentences far less?
Biden didn’t run on the pro-cop platform Trump did, so the hypocrisy isn’t there as much, ya know?
What do you expect this to accomplish? This is so childish and isn’t going to make you feel any better in the long run.
What do you hope to accomplish? More bad feelings? Leave it alone.
I’m with you 100% and we can all be snarky here, but do you want to give your inlaws any more chance to spout nonsense at you than they already have?
I’ve had great luck with “wow, we’re not going to agree on that topic” followed by a quick topic change or leaving the room for repeat offenses.
Frivolous question for the morning. When oh when is the makeup trend of filled lips with lots of lip gloss and heavy eyelashes going to end? I think of it as the Fox News look, but plenty of other women wear it. Jessica Rabbit doesn’t need to be a makeup inspiration for daily life and I’d love to see women more at peace with their natural features. I love makeup and wear it everyday, so this is no screed there.
I get heavy lashes as an evening / special occasion look. But it’s crept into the office.
Step off my lashes lady! You do you but I love a full lash look.
Who knows. I’ve always found lip gloss gross.
I wear no makeup except lip gloss! Otherwise my lips get so dry.
Eh, who knows. It’s not a look I’m going for, as I don’t think it’s attractive at all.
Interesting, I don’t see this at all in my office.. ‘ve always worked in very conservative industries and while the women are generally fashionable it is clear that a super ‘done’ face is not the preferred asethetic. I only see a few people (mostly younger) doing the ‘bold glamour’ look at work – it’s mostly a no-makeup makeup look unless you’re on stage presenting.
Same here. I also don’t see people wearing sneakers to work, not even the younger staffers.
The (universally hated) new female executive at my office wears fake lashes daily and has had a lot of very obvious work done.
I assume the Fox News/Jessica Rabbit look is going to come back into fashion now, replacing wide-legged pantsuits.
I think it has something to do with the current political power in office… So it’s not everywhere, but it’s very visible, especially in places adjacent to government.
A friend claims her fake lashes are low-maintenance – she doesn’t get a whole lid of furriness, more like – third to a half of lashes across the lid. She says it lets her go to weddings and cry without mascara on, then she just wears lipstick. She’s 45. She only gets them for weddings but of course wears them for a while before and after
Does she get the semi permanent kind from the salon or is she gluing on a strip every day? The kind that are individually glued on by a professional look pretty real and I can believe they’re relatively low maintenance (in the way that gel nails are low maintenance — it’s a trade off between a time consuming appointment every couple of weeks vs a few minutes every day).
I honestly don’t see it among more serious office jobs. Comms roles or account executives that just recruit the next generation of their sorority? Yes.
Finance, law, STEM, teaching, government jobs? No
Jeez some of you are so judgmental. My comms job is plenty serious, thanks. And yes, I enjoy looking beautiful while I do it.
Yeah, I didn’t appreciate this, either. Trust: we are working under tight deadlines and pressure, too. The idea that the comms people are just running around, recruiting their friends and looking pretty, is offensive and off-base. If you saw my comms team, you would find a wide variety of personalities, styles, ages, etc. We don’t look different than any other team in our organization. We take our work seriously and are here to make all of you look and sound better, so show some respect.
My husband is in comms and having been to his office functions and seen lots of video meetings, I don’t think anyone there cares more about their appearance than the lawyers at my government job do, which is to say some, but not a ton.
I said this o a post last week, too, but it’s really strange to me that some folks here really seem to believe that women are more stupid when they like more stereotypically feminine clothes and makeup. I know there are a lot of non-fashion comments, but what drew these people to a fashion site in the first place?
I also don’t see it among more serious jobs. It’s strictly a lower-level and “non professional” (meaning no degree required assistant type positions) look in my corporate environment.
Sneer at comms jobs all you want, but I make 7 figures a year in my comms job and did not have to go to grad school/take out student loans, so I’m laughing my beautifully dressed ass all the way to the bank,
I’m looking for a preppy style blogger that’s in the size 12-16 range. And preferably more bottom-heavy; most cusp-sized bloggers are apple-shaped and their recommendations don’t necessarily work for me. I’m fairly trim up top but carry ALL my weight in my hips and thighs. Unlike most pears, I don’t have a tiny waist; I’m very straight through the torso. Dressing myself has always been a pain. I’m in my mid-40s and seriously ready to give up on jeans forever. My mom eventually did, and I can see why. It’s too hard, too frustrating. I don’t think my body looks bad, but I get seriously dysmorphic after trying on jeans. Trouser pants and joggers fit me well, so why am I even trying with jeans?
Try: Emily Jane Johnston (found her on TikTok but I know she has other channels); Caralyn Mirand Koch; SecondhandSavvy; Grace Hamlin
I follow EJJ on IG. She’s mostly tolerable – a bit too whimsical, forcing sentimentality for my taste, but I’ve had some good ideas from her.
I think there’s a blogger named Elsa who is bigger and pretty preppy
Simply Elsa
Who are the apple shaped influencers you like? I have trouble finding them. Mayra Lopez and Sarah Sleeve are both great and pear shaped.
Caralyn Mirand? She frequently features various jeans and has a bit of a preppy feel to her posts.
I love her, but her shape is nothing like mine.
Classic Annie ?
For the person looking for K beauty sources yesterday, YesStyle is great. Their prices are a lot better than sephora generally and they have a ton of products. Only caveat is that shipping takes forever.
+1 to Yesstyle. I prefer Jolse to Olive Young but any true K-beauty store will have much better prices than sephora or ulta.
Love Jolse! And their shipping has gotten super fast (I got free express shipping on an order I placed Saturday night and it arrived in Virginia on Tuesday!) It’s a great place to get sunscreen.
Agree that yes style shipping is slow, but that’s where I get all my sunscreen so I just plan ahead. It’s a reliable website with no fakes
I have some party/baby related questions:
1. Is there such a thing as a happy pregnancy party that doesn’t imply a gift giving obligation for attendees? I’m pregnant after a very long infertility battle and I just want to shout it from the rooftops and celebrate with everyone I know! I love to entertain and I have the space to do it. I’m putting together a guest list for my shower but I’m so sad to “exclude” people I really like and am always looking for a reason to hang out with but don’t feel close enough to them to ask for a gift. In some cases, I wasn’t invited to their recent-ish baby shower, probably because we’re not that close, so I don’t want to impose. I’m not having a gender reveal.
2. Is it in poor taste to host my baby shower at my house? My SIL will be the official hostess, ie, send out the invitations and collect RSVPs. We have a pool and the shower will be in the summer. It seems easier and cheaper and frankly more fun to have it catered at home rather than rent some event space, but I’ve gotten some… quizzical?… looks when people have asked and I said we’d just have it at home. Am I stepping on some faux pas?
3. I’m having a boy and I’m realizing that I don’t have a lot of positive association with male names. My father left when I was little and I have no contact with his side. My mom’s parents were abusive. Other than my husband and cartoons from the 80s, I don’t have a lot of positive memories of men. DH is feeling a little sad that I haven’t suggested many names. How the heck am I supposed to pick names? I don’t think Donatello or Bumblebee are great options.
1. That sounds fun! I’d borrow from SATC and say something like “I’m having a baby! Everybody (else) drink!” to make it clear it’s a party-party and not a shower.
2. The faux pas is that it feels like you’re throwing yourself the party by having it at your house. Assuming the pool is not directly relevant to the party (other than looking pretty in the back yard), can your SIL not host a catered backyard party?
3. How about fave literary characters? Historic names from DH’s side? (Or your great-grandparents or older, reaching beyond the recent history?)
Thanks, great comments. The shower would be a pool party. It’ll be hot, people (including a very pregnant me) will want to cool off. I’ll ask for unwrapped gifts and just put them on a table somewhere, I don’t want people sitting around watching me open gifts. SIL lives a flight away so she can’t host-host.
Uh, isn’t asking for unwrapped gifts inconsistent with “don’t want to imply a gift giving obligation?”
This! I’m afraid you’re going to confuse your guests because you’re confusing me.
I think “unwrapped gifts” goes with the official shower pool party. The other party is the no-gifts party.
Two different parties! I’ll have a shower later on in the pregnancy.
Ah! Well, then!
Unwrapped gifts is awkward and like requesting big viewable gifts. Just don’t open gifts at the party. Just say you want to focus on spending time with people and then send out thank you notes after.
This is the way I would do it too.
This. Asking for unwapped gifts is really awkward and feels like you want everyone to judge others’ gifts even though I presume that’s not your intent. Just don’t open gifts at the party.
+1
A friend went to a shower that specified gifts could only be in clear wrapping, which sounded insane to me. Just don’t unwrap your gifts; don’t try to micromanage if/when/how they arrive.
Opposite point of view: if you don’t want to open gifts at the party, don’t ask for gifts. Gift opening can be fast with a friend slitting the tape and taking cards out of the envelope. Unless it’s the type of shower where 90% of the guests bring gift cards, not having my gift opened feels odd.
But, have as many parties as you want to celebrate your pregnancy! Just put “no gifts” on the appropriate invitations.
+100000000000 don’t micromanage gifts.
We leaned on literary and historic for #3. I have issues with my first name so I found it hard. I didn’t want crazy popular (looking at you, Jennifer and Lauren, from the 1980s…) and I knew I didn’t want obscure or wildly trendy. So, it turns out classic, American/English was the vibe I wanted. I looked at authors, first ladies, and other historical figures. My two daughters are now Abigail and Emily.
With all due, you did in fact name your kids the Jennifer and Lauren’s of today :) they’re beautiful names! But like babe. They’re in the top 10 ;)
No, they’re not… not that person, but neither of those names is in the top 10 for girls in the US. Sophia, Oliva and Emma are the Jennifers, but it’s not as bad because there’s more diversity in naming overall so the popular names aren’t as popular as they were in the 80s.
That said, this is *highly* regional and even within a state or city it depends a lot on socioeconomic status. I know like five Hazels which isn’t that popular a name overall (barely top 20) but is apparently wildly popular among professors in my college town.
My daughter is early 20s and has more Abigail and Emily friends than you can throw a stick at. Those are absolutely Jennifer and Lauren names.
I thought Abigail was a unique name. So did a bunch of other moms that year because it was in the top 10.
Yeah, they may not be in the top 10 today, but Abigail and Emily are both very common names for girls under, say, age 25.
The rule against hosting your own shower is because it is tacky to host a party at which you expect people to give you gifts. If you are not asking for gifts this is a “hooray” party and not a “shower” and you can certainly host it at your house.
That said, people will want to bring something. I have found saying “No gifts! I have everything I could possibly need. If you want to bring something, I am collecting xyz item for abc charity”. Diaper banks are always happy to get the donations.
+ 1 in my experience saying please consider donating to x charity is the only sure way to prevent gifts. The etiquette experts may clutch their pearls though…
I am 100% fine with at home showers, especially if someone else is hosting (but even so, it’s a shower, the vast majority of new moms have them – I think it’s absurd we have the pretense of someone else hosting them, it’s literally a gift giving occasion).
I love showers that feel more like parties and less like showers – so I think a pool party will help with that! I also think co-ed showers help with this a lot – I kind of think all baby showers should be co-ed. I also think having an “unwrapped” shower helps with that vibe. It’s not tea sandwiches and stupid games, it’s a pool party and a chance to hang out with the couple.
I would MUCH rather have a shower hosted by the mom at her own house then continue this trend of showers must be in rented places with balloon arches and florals and all of this nonsense. I understand that not everyone has the space to host, but when my cousins were getting married and having babies 10-15 years ago all the baby and bridal showers were all at someone’s house. They were lovely, but homemade. Now, that I’m of the age where my friends are getting married and having babies they’re mostly in rented facilities with professional decorations. It’s so unnecessary.
For #2, I think it is totally fine to have it at your house. I have attended a baby shower at the mom-to-be’s house, and no one even thought twice about it. It will be clear that your SIL is hosting. And I always find showers at homes to be more fun than showers at restaurants.
#1 may be a bit hard to communicate, from the guest standpoint. If I’m not a good-enough friend to come to your shower or give you a gift, am I really a good-enough friend to spend an evening celebrating your pregnancy? I don’t quite get that part of it, but that may just be me.
Seriously…..
I think I’d just be very up-front about it: “Please come to my non-shower to celebrate my baby with your good wishes — no other gifts expected/required/needed/desired!”
As for names, are there any boy names in literature that speak to you?
I sorted through names by looking at the social security administration’s public name data.
1. Just have a regular party and announce it after guests get there. People who are not close enough to be invited to your shower will be happy for you but not that invested. It’s huge news for you but not that noteworthy for people who are not close enough to be shower guests.
For boy names, how about using last names of people you admire? My son has a last name first name, which is also a common first name.
He’s named after my husband‘s mother – her maiden name. Example, Ryan. Another example, Harris.
I like this. My son has a family name as a first name. It’s a bit pretentious but people can’t say much when you explain it’s a family name and people have been named that in your family since anyone can remember. It’s not fair that not everyone’s heritage lends themselves to these names. My own last name is a consonant filled German thing that I fear will never sound stylish as a first name. All this is to say, Op, there is nothing to stop you from telling people that Carter or Harris is a family name.
Love the name Carter. Not only the name of my favorite president ever (sorry Obama) but also the name of one of the best kids I know.
First, congratulations!! Shout it from the rooftops!!
1. I don’t think pregnancies parties are an industrialized, pinterested thing, but I’ve been to a few parties like what you describe and was delighted to be invited. Friends love to celebrate with you! I will recommend against weird themes (one I went to had a hotel “no vacancy” uterus theme and another was a babyque, which felt cannibalistic). If I were throwing it, I might use it as an excuse to try out lots of fun mocktails! And add a no-gifts message.
2. I don’t think it’s poor taste at all for SIL to host a shower at your house–sounds like a great venue! My mom’s generation seems to have strong ideas about etiquette on this stuff, but it varies widely and it is totally out-of-step with the costs associated with such things. I also feel like some in her generation focus more on the performative ritual of it than the celebratory meaning for the family-to-be, which is why stupid “what’s in the diaper” games continue to persist.
3. I picked a boy name for my baby that doesn’t belong to anyone else I know. I struggled with the idea of having a boy, so picking a unique name that didn’t have any associations helped me get excited to meet him and feel like he would be unique in my life.
3. DH”s middle name? Any favorite literary characters or movie characters? Great teacher you had in high school or college? You don’t have to name the child ‘after them’ you can just suggest the name because it has positive connotations. Both my boys have middle names after their grandfathers and first names that DH and I just liked. We didn’t know anyone IRL with those names.
1. Seems superfluous if you’re having a shower. If they’re not close enough to invite to the shower, it seems weird to invite them to a secondary party that essentially does the same thing, sans gifts.
2. This is a know-your-crowd thing.
3. You’re overthinking this! What names are you drawn to? Classic? Modern? Many many people don’t use family names so just … don’t. Look at baby name websites, and see what strikes you. You didn’t ask this, but I would spend some time soul-searching about how to not let your past experiences affect the experience of raising a male child.
RE name – you don’t have to name him after anyone! you’ll create positive associations because it’s his name! the social security lists are a good place to look for inspo & also if you have feelings about how popular a name is. the r-dd-t namenerds can be fun but I also tend to dislike most of that sub’s beloved names lol.
Yes! We specifically ruled out any names that had a connection to either side of our family. We printed out the top 1000 names from Social Secruity and killed time on a very long car ride going through them, triming it down to a list of 10-15, etc.
You could also try an app like Kinder, where you both swipe on names and then get a list of overlap.
On names, why don’t you think of what you want the name to mean, and then find a name with that meaning?
Congratulations!
I think you need to have two parties. The first is a baby shower. This will be somewhere that is not at your house. Hosting at your house makes it feel like a gift grab, which I see is not at all your intent. But there is a performative art to the “baby shower” that requires that it is not being thrown by you.
The second party is a pool party, at your house, with no gifts. I love the mocktail idea. Just have a pool party and say something like, “Before the baby arrives, we want to take a moment to enjoy time with our friends.”
On names, Laura Wattenberg had the most fabulous book and website called the Baby Name Wizard. The website is gone, but the book may still be available. Highly recommended. One thing that might help you is thinking of classic names – the kinds of names that have been tried and true for centuries. Henry, George, Fred, Charles, Benjamin, James, Noah, Oliver, Isaac, Micah, Louis, Andrew, Mark, Matthew, Luke, John, David, Michael – all beautiful, strong choices with history. And the nice thing is that there are so many people who have those names that they won’t feel like you’re naming your child after a particular person.
I disagree re the shower. It can 100% be at OP’s house. SIL will send the invites and make it clear it is being hosted by SIL. Not a big deal. I have attended showers like this, and it is absolutely fine.
I’m in the south and once heard two executive-level men discussing how their sons are “juniors” – their same name, Jr. they were funny, saying that their wives suggested it and they wanted to appear modest and decline and also were really excited and flattered. So, you might want to discuss Junior’s name with your husband!
Since I never had a child, I will give you my male baby name that I would have liked..
Miles
and as a baby/child, I would call him Milo (The Phantom Tollboth)
I also love Sebastian.
Does anyone here deal with (ugh) hip bursitis or the GTPS thing? I’m only 46 😭
Steroid injection! With PT and a question for my docs…. why did this happen?!?!
anyone familiar with the bloomberg certification class? how hard/ how big a time commitment for a total non finance person? Thanks
If you are not in finance, what’s the interest?
This is a genuine question, not intended to be rhetorical.
Who is Jeff Bezos’ whole “look” intended to appeal to/does it appeal to? I see someone like her and my first thought is “trashy.” Not beautiful, not elegant, not se*y. Same with people like Kimberley Guilfoyle or Kristie Noem. But I assume this whole look does have some appeal to someone?
i feel like it’s a “best you can do at 55+” kind of look – lots of filler and dye and botox and silicone body parts. but with the wisdom of age! so the guy with her doesn’t look like he’s dating a dumb 20-something.
I perceive it as another form of conspicuous consumption. Could be wrong though. Either way, it’s not a look I’d want even if I could afford it.
Trashy is the point. That’s what he’s into.
Billionaires? She looks like a lot of other billionaire wives to me.
Disagree. There’s an extra element of trashiness that looks cheap. Most billionaires have arm candy wives but the Russian h00ker look is not common at that billionaire level. Millionaire level, yes. Billionaire level? The wives look different from the girlfriends.
Well I definitely didn’t mean MacKenzie, so I take your point about girlfriends / sometimes second wives.
Look at any picture of a Mar-a-Lago party. It’s apparently the Republican Party look now. Didn’t somebody here say every woman in DC looked like a Russian hooker over the weekend?
Wow, we’re using nationality/ethnicity as an insult here now? Kat, this is ok with you??
I saw something recently that plastic surgery is the new designer purse. There is a “look” going on in (not just) GOP circles where the over done, harsh fakeness is in – very similar to the bolt-on look circa 2002. To use an old term, its all very new money.
In my opinion, it’s a look 100% formed around the “male gaze” and very obviously signaling this, so it’s inherently attractive to a certain kind of man.
I don’t know that this is a real answer to your question, but I saw someone else describe this group of men as the nerds who never got over being bullied in high school. So I can imagine this is some weird version of their teen fantasy which seem to be in direct contrast to the women they married when they were less successful. But isn’t that kind of like the man who buys the flashy car at mid-life?
I was thinking she looked a little biker chic (at least where I’m from), but tbf he also resembles a biker more than he ever has before.
I suspect this “look” might have appeal to those who are super into a certain type of media that is widely available online and somewhat age-regulated.
Vogue did a profile on her a year or two ago, and I must say she came across exactly the way you’d expect from the way she presents herself in public.
I am considering going to Bangkok this spring for a week to see a friend. Only thing is friend will be working most days so I will be on my own during the day time. I am not familiar with the culture (am SE Asian myself but expecting different norms!) so wondering what I should consider in terms of safety, things to do, etc when I am on my own!
I am also wondering if I’m crazy for doing this when I’m getting married later this year and we’re paying for that out of pocket. On the one hand, I’m thinking this is a rare opportunity to visit and not have to pay for lodging…on the other, this could go to the wedding and honeymoon. I can technically afford it, but will take comments on whether it’s worth it!
only you know if it’s worth it! are you interested in going to thailand? is this a great friend who you’ll have a great time with? does your fiance care? are you in any way tight on cash that going on this trip will in fact impede what you do for a honeymoon? what about vacation time? do you have sufficient to do a honeymoon, thailand, and the wedding?
I am interested! Partially bc my company has a presence there and they have talked to me about moving there, so I’m intrigued. That move wouldn’t happen for at least a year or so, but still would be cool to “preview.” I would have a great time with friend, and fiance is encouraging me to go! I am technically not tight on cash but it definitely FEELS like it with all the wedding payments lol. It’s hard to separate fact from fiction in the midst of all the planning and paying if that makes sense.
I would do it for this reason. If you think there’s even a chance you might be interested in a transfer some day, what better chance to trial than with a “local”? You wouldn’t want to move sight unseen. And this would definitely be a lot more fun than just taking a business trip there.
Unless you can’t swing the planned wedding and honeymoon because of the trip, I see no reason not to do it. FWIW, I took a very expensive solo trip the same year I got married and it turned out to be a great idea in hindsight because our expected honeymoon never happened due to COVID, then we had a kid, etc, etc. You just never know.
What I remember about my long ago trip to Thailand is not to point your feet at anyone or a Buddha image. Don’t cross your legs when sitting or this will be inevitable.
Don’t get into a tuk tuk unless you’re willing to end up at whatever overpriced/questionable jewelry store they decide to take you to. They get kickbacks.
My teenage nephew who lives 2,000 miles away was diagnosed with leukemia over the weekend and is undergoing an intensive course of inpatient chemo. DH and I are sad and scared, and we’re trying to think of ways to support him and his family. We’re texting him daily with jokes, memes, fight songs. We’ve facetimed to tell him we love him. We’ve shared and contributed to the GFM since neither of his parents has paid leave available. What else can we do? I know others have gone through similar situations and I’d love to hear your wisdom.
Does he have siblings? If so, anything special you can do for them would likely be appreciated, while parents (reasonably) are likely going to be a bit preoccupied with their brother
Thanks for mentioning this. Yes, he has an older sister in college and we’re checking in with her regularly, too.
Name and shame his parents’ employers
They both work for small businesses that don’t meet the threshold for FMLA. I think in both cases, their employers are working with them and granting time off, but they can’t be paid like they might working for larger companies.
This depends on the nature of your relationship with nephew’s parents. But, in your situation, I would find a week or two soonish that I could take off from work and go visit. My goal would be to be helpful to the parents – make freezer meals, run errands, clean the house, visit with nephew so they can go do something relaxing for a few hours, and to spend time as a whole family. If there are any other kids, spend some time focused on them and also gave the parents time to spend with them. Basically, the same way that I visited and was helpful the each time my nieces and nephews were born.
If the hospital he’s in has paid parking, see if there is some way you can pre-pay for his parents (call the hospital and ask for the social worker). Paid parking at hospitals is one of my huge pet peeves, it’s so unfair to nickel and dime patient’s friends and family.
Search the city he is in and see if there is anyone making casserole-type meals that you could purchase for the family? You might even look on Facebook Marketplace to see if you could find anyone making, selling them and delivering them to the family so they have meals?
LasagnaLove.org is a great organization and I’m sure a local lasagna chef would love to bring a lasagna to the parents one evening. You can check the wait times on their website by zip code. There’s a little fiddling around because they will text the person and someone needs to be home to grab the lasagna, but it’s a great way to get a home cooked meal when needed.
Chemo is boring so sending him things to do to pass the time. To kids even read books anymore…. but you could try. Subscriptions to Netflix etc… A list of good movies to watch. A new tablet (nice for watching in the hospital if the rooms don’t have TV). Puzzle books. Things to do with his hands that are relaxing…
In that vein – a Nintendo Switch. Does he have one? If not, this is what you need to get him. If yes, buy him more games.
We’re reaching the end of breastfeeding, so I pulled out my bras from before pregnancy and a couple fit but most had too big of cups. (I lost a lot of weight while breastfeeding.) I did some measurements and I measure a 32D. A lot of the old bras I discarded for gaping cups were sized 32C, so idk. I live somewhere that has very few places to buy bras, and it appears I can buy from Walmart or I need to look online. Suggestions for where to buy and any good brands for my size range?
I’m a 30DD after erroneously thinking for years that I was a 34B. I like Nordstrom. Panache is a brand I like but most higher end brands have a good size range only. I do a fitting and get a couple in store when I travel to a bigger city and then order online in different colors.
Does “very few places to buy bras” mean literally Walmart or nothing? If so, I’d go to Walmart so I could try on a couple of bras and buy a couple that fit the best to tide me over. Then I’d turn to online ordering.
Outside of Walmart, we’ve got a Kohl’s, a Ross, a TJ Maxx and a “adult toys and lingerie” store within an hour’s drive. When I’ve browsed those places in the past, they didn’t carry anything smaller than a 34 band size. I’ll probably just keep wearing my nursing and sports bras for the next little bit, so I don’t need a Walmart bra to tide me over.
If you like how your nursing bras fit, you can have a seamstress convert them to normal bras. And check the brand for non-nursing options online.
Oh, they definitely don’t fit right either, they’re stretched out and too big now, but as a member of the itty bitty titty committee I don’t really need support it’s about the silhouette. And the nursing bras at least smooth the nips.
Bare Necessities has lots of great options and very generous return policies, if there isn’t anywhere near enough to shop in person.
Yep, order a bunch, try them on, and send them back.
Every b00b is different, but as a 32DD, used to be D, I liked bras from Donna Karan. It’s better now, but smaller band size + larger cup size can be tricky to find. Especially if you want bras without underwire .
Order a bunch from a department store site, have them shipped to the store, go to the store and try them on, then return them there. I know below you talk about the discount stores near you, but the store that does the Thanksgiving parade has a lot of discounts too. It’ll be worth it!
The cost is annoying, but the bigger problem with the proposed plan is the nearest department store is over an hour away. Our mall closed down last year, and while some of the smaller stores found different storefronts locally, the bigger chains just bailed. The stores I listed are actually the only places left in town that sell bras, it just so happens that they’re all discount stores.
What do you mean by “reaching the end”? I found that my size changed a lot in the 4 to 6 weeks after I finished breastfeeding. If you are not past that time, I would hold off a little longer before purchasing a ton of new bras.
I’m cutting out pumping at work, willing to keep up with morning and evening nursing for the foreseeable future. (Baby’s first birthday was last week.) I’m hoping to get some real bras to wear out and about and at work.
When I was figuring out my size using abrathatfits on redd1t (which I recommend, and know many here do) I ordered a lot of bras on amazon with free shipping and free returns. That helped me figure out my size, trying on a lot of styles and sizes. I recommend the brand Panache, personally.
I want to buy a vacuum sealer machine for food storage – we buy in bulk and especially the meats get freezer burn even if I try to wrap tightly and with no air in saran/freezer bags.
Any recommendations? Would use this to portion and freeze pre-cut veggies and meats, mostly.
I bought one at Costco and then buy the refill packages of bags there, but I buy the less expensive Kirkland brand. The brand is Food Saver.
I know it’s not exactly what you asked, but have you tried freezer paper? It’s our MVP, and we’ve never had an issue with freezer burn. We wrap meat tightly in freezer paper, tape it closed, label on the outside and then stick the whole thing in an airtight ziplock for extra protection. Way cheaper than a vacuum sealer, too.
I have a vacuum sealer and love it. But also, I found some expensive, straight-from-the-farm meat that had been in my freezer for over two years, wrapped tightly in freezer paper, to be in great shape when I defrosted it. I wouldn’t trade it for the vacuum sealer, as I think there is a different use case for both, but it was effective.
I’d go with whatever Wirecutter recommends, but be prepared to steal deal with freezer burn if you don’t get a top of the line vacuum sealer.
I freeze meat in re-used slice cheese zip-loc bags and in glass “tupperware” containers. I’ve never had freezer burn. Saran wrap is *not* thick enough to protect the meat.
I would like to take up writing as a hobby. I have a lot of ideas for personal essays. I think the writing process will help me reflect on those periods of my life and hopefully heal from them. But I am not sure what to do with them. I would like someone to read them eventually and learn from them. Maybe notes to my son to read when I am gone, or essays to post anonymously on a website for the public. What am I looking for, and what is the best way to do this?
Just start writing.
Read Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott. Her first recommendation is to write just to write, not with an eye toward publication or who else might read it. Just write.
+1. OP, you’re not going to get any other advice from writers than to just write. There’s no lifehack to perfect, easy writing.
+1 or The Artist’s Way. Just start.
Write them first. Don’t worry yet about what to do with them.
Work on getting one written that has a beginning, a body, and a good conclusion. (As a writer, I can attest to how hard it is to get a complete thing done, even if it’s short, and even if it’s badly written. To get it all the way DONE.)
Then write another one from start to finish.
Then write another one.
Rinse and repeat.
This used to be a blog, not sure what it is now
Maybe Substack?
Substack? Podcast script? I don’t know either. I still miss Google Reader.
I recommend to start writing by writing some journal entries on different aspects of your topic including your feelings, the moments that are vivid to you in memory, and lessons learned or questions remaining. Perhaps then set it aside for a bit and see what shape you think it’s taking. What about it would be pertinent to pass on to your son or is it more of a personal endeavor, etc?
You might also try a class on memoir/personal essay. Here’s one example and I’ve seen lots of others. Good luck, and yes, meanwhile just start writing.
https://www.leftmarginlit.org/persona-and-writing-the-self
There are local writing clubs and groups through the Writers’ Guild. Mostly amateurs or hobbyists, some published folks. They learn by reading and critiquing each other with guidance. Source: my friend runs a local group that meets fortnightly. You should join one
yeah, I work for a f500 and they are very clear that their default understanding of “full time” is 8-5 (9 hr days, with the assumption you’re not fully productive all the time – although you are expected to attend lunch meetings when needed). They just say that’s what the professional standard is. If you were hired into a job with different expectations, or were told it would be permanent remote and now it’s not, that obviously sucks, but I’d think of it like any other major work change or even like being laid off – it sucks, it disrupts your life, you can rightfully be frustrated and upset – but that’s life, and it’s not unprecedented
nesting fail. I’m getting the “you’re posting too fast” error today too
Probably because you’re posting nonsense.
I noticed the Times is running a little feature on seven Trump voters from all walks of life, most of them reluctant, and is going to be following them over the first 100 days for their opinions and reactions.
All the caveats about the Times’s histrionics and missed punts the last couple years, the dangers of generalizing voters, etc, but it seems it will give some interesting insights for people truly trying to understand.
I would for real pass out if the NYT ever ran a similar article on Harris voters. We’ve been trying to understand Trump voters for 10+ years now, what new information will they find?
I feel like it’s self explanatory why people voted for Harris?
But Harris voters are incredulous over how Trump voters could vote “against their own interests.” In this comment section, and among the NYT readership, especially!
Well the increase in drug prices is going to be a rude awakening for a lot of trump voters.
Im OP, and I find it interesting mostly to see if they attribute the coming reality to Trump, whatever it may be, rather than in why they voted that way in the first place.!
Yes. We’ve made a good faith attempt to understand trump supporters as anything BUT selfish bigots for ten long years. Has a conservative ever once tried to understand a democratic voter? No; it’s just name calling and bad faith accusations. I’m happy to sit in a diner and explain to Jesse waters why I don’t want my daughter to give birth to her r@pist’s baby or why I don’t want school children to go hungry. Of course that will never happen because trump voters are fundamentally incurious and completely committed to demonizing us.
anyone use a walking pad in a real office (not at home)? how noisy/ disruptive are they? debating getting one with the idea that i would walk slowly just to get steps in along the course of the day. i work in higher ed, reasonably informally dressed and have my own office but not so private that no one would know…
In higher ed, and I don’t think that would fly here. There’s lots of allowance for quirky office decor and standing desks, but a walking pad would be too far. Also, I think they use a decent amount of power, and I would not want to be responsible for blowing a fuse and having ticked off coworkers!
They are mini treadmills and sound like it.
Some of them, I think, don’t set the pace for you (no motor) but instead are like a reverse hamster wheel, which I assume would be quieter.
A few assistants at my biglaw office have walking pads. They are fine. Not silent, but fairly quiet. People do not seem to mind.
I’m in higher ed and I have one. The faster you walk, the louder they are, so just don’t go too fast if you’re concerned. I turn on the fan in my heat/AC unit which helps to cover the sound, but no one seems to mind. A few other people have even gotten their own after seeing mine!
I just ordered that Petal & Pup skirt that’s linked on this post. I’ll be returning it. It was way too long (and I’m 5’7) and also ran large. I’m usually a 14 but would need 1 or 2 sizes down in this. I could pull it on and off without even unzipping it.
The Tahari skirt that’s linked looks nice but I have this hang up about paying that much for pleather. Maybe that’s what it takes these days though… I’ve ordered and returned several cheaper “vegan leather” skirts this month.
I made this comment on the leather pants thread – leather and pleather are not very comfortable to wear all day. I have a leather desk chair, and my pleather pants kind of stick to it. And they are not. So although they look cool, they are not very comfortable, in a way you may not immediately notice until you wear them for a day.
So funny. I’m wearing my leather (maybe lambskin?) leggings from jcrew as we speak. They’re baby soft and broken in and more comfortable than most pants I own. I can’t stand pleather or vegan leather or whatever.