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Tuesday’s Workwear Report: The Stella Top

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A woman wearing a woven wide-brim hat, red-orange pants, and red-orange/white floral blouse

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Where are we buying beautiful blouses in natural fibers in the year 2026? Tucker is one of the best options out there. They have a wide array of silk blouses in solids and prints, including this vibrant red number with a mock-neck collar.

Pair this with a pair of navy trousers or wear it under a gray suit for a non-boring office look.

The blouse is $275 at Tucker and comes in sizes XXS-2X. 

Sales of note for 6/5:

335 Comments

  1. This is so crazy. I’m destined to buy this top. I literally had a dream last night where a woman I saw in the dream was wearing it. I’ve never looked at the Tucker website previously, so I don’t think I’ve seen the pattern in real life before.

    4. I love my Tucker silk pieces. They use amazing quality silk fabric and mine have been almost indestructible. I have broad shoulders and the tops always fit perfectly.

  2. I wear a lot of linen in the hot and humid DC summer (or, the hot and humid DC spring this week).

    What bras/bralettes do you recommend for this weather? I feel sweat just pools in the cups. 34 C, so I don’t need crazy support – I often wear bralettes and go without on weekends, but I need something better for my metro/walking commute.

    1. Try Title Nine’s “work to workout” bras. They wick sweat. I know it’s probably more support than you need, but I think the sweat wicking is more important.

    2. Try the ThirdLove cooling options. (But, I think some of the sweatiness is inevitable!)

    3. Literally commuted on the Red Line with delays this morning – I like Truly Bras (the line from Nordstrom, not Target, I think the quality is higher).

    4. So maybe this is kind of TMI but in perimenopause the ‘bathing suit areas’ sweat has gotten intense. If I have to commute in during the summer months I will pack a small zip bag with an extra pair of undies, a small pack of intimate wipes, and a deodorant lotion. I’ll wipe down areas/swipe on extra lotion and swap out for a dry pair once I’m in the office.

      1. This is one of THE WORST things about peri, if you ask me. Was not expecting to become a sweating machine in that particular area.

        1. +1 – I have run cold my entire life until perimenopause. The sweating through undergarments thing is new and REALLY unpleasant. Though my husband who is large and rather hairy is thrilled that I’m finally on the same team for summer aircon settings.

      2. I have always been someone who sweats a lot, and I’m about the age to start peri. I had not heard that this part may get worse. You’ve done a public service today by sharing this information. Thank you.

      3. Thanks for sharing this, I thought it was just me. This is not an issue I’d ever had before.

    6. Maybe something with more cotton in it? Pact is on my list but I have not tried them yet. Hanro has amazing light weight cotton.

    7. Commiseration. It’s 2026, they make cooling car seats and mattresses. Where is my cooling bra??

      1. The answer is: Bali Comfort Revolution Crop Top Wireless Bra 103J
        It’s not super-supportive, but it’s super-breathable. If you’re not big, it’s the way.

        Also recommend OnGossamer, which is available at herroom dot com. They make mesh everything and it’s super-soft mesh and breathable.

    9. Ex Officio’s Give-n-Go 2.0 bralette is super-breathable and my first choice in our triple-digit summers. That said, I love the idea of using a piece of fabric to soak up the sweat on the way to work, that you can just remove when you get there. For made-in-USA version you can order from Decent Exposures.

  3. Just wanted to share a celebratory moment – I’ve just fixed my retirement date – mostly very excited to be able to start working on my various retirement projects, but a little bit scared to be falling off the financial and emotional security of working. 12 weeks an counting!

    1. I am six weeks in, after a 40+ year in corporate law – welcome! Life is really great here, and the easing of pressure is amazing!! Congrats!

    2. Congratulations! Please share what some of your various retirement projects are.

      2. Thank you. I will be taking on a Chairman’s role for a charitable and social organisation in the City of London. I am working my way up the hierarchy at the moment and will be in charge for a year from October 2027, so there are a lot of committees to run and events to plan for. That will keep me busy for the first 3 ish years. I hope to spend some time on my house and garden, get fit again, and breath after a fairly traumatic last few years.

  4. Question: I have tried several of those microfiber hair towels – I know they are supposed to be better for your hair. But they are so thin, and don’t absorb nearly as much as my normal body towels do. I air dry my hair, so really rely on the towel phase to absorb a lot. Is there a better option for hair towels? One made of something other than microfibers? Thick and absorbent? Appreciate any help!

    1. I think it’s not that they’re too thin, but that they’re too small. So I just use multiple. Would love it if someone made a big one though!

    2. I guess this is counter-intuitive, but I use thin towels for my hair, like turkish towels or those cheap scratchy ones. The thicker towels are too heavy and I hate the feel of them.

      2. which products do you like? i wanted one that was turkish on one side and fluffy on the other, which the ads made it sound like that was their entire product line but then it’s clear from the descriptions that isn’t true. i emailed the company but never heard back.

        1. I think it’s the classic hair towel–it is terry on the inside, smooth woven on the outside. I actually have a bunch of their towels–I have the half and half for bath towels and hair towels and then the regular turkish towels for beach towels.

      1. That’s what I do. It must be 100% cotton. I wrap it right from the shower without any “toweling” and keep the wrap on for 10-15 minutes.

        1. I use a cotton t-shirt when I want to blow dry out my hair and a pair of pantyhose if I will style it curly (jonathan van ness tip). Agree that you can leave on for 10+ minutes as needed while you get other things done.

    5. Maybe it depends on the towel? Because I handle my hair the same way and feel that the microfiber towels do a good job. I’m not using the small hair towels, I use either microfiber bath towels (HOMEXCEL 6 Pack Bath Towel Set) or microfiber hair towels that twist/button like a turban

    6. I have tried several different hair towels and I actually really like my microfiber towel. It’s the Aquis microfiber. However, in looking to confirm which brand I like, it appears they may no longer be available. So that’s no help for you and now I’m bummed that I’ll have to find something new when these wear out!

    9. Make sure that you don’t use fabric softener or dryer sheets!

      Old/worn and thin towels are more absorbant than new and thick.

    10. I got a Volo Hero Hair towel for xmas and it’s been really nice!

      but I also just like Aquis and Turbie Twistie or whatever

  5. I feel like a lot of people missed the point on yesterday’s afternoon inheritance post. The OP said that she “stood to inherit” when her parents die, which means we can assume she is in fact their intended beneficiary, and also that they “have millions and millions of dollars and pull in more in investment INTEREST every year than they could possibly spend down in a lifetime.” It was very, very clear to me that this was not a case where the OP was trying to thwart them from a luxurious caregiving scenario in an unlikely worst-case, both-have-dementia-and-live-decades situation. It sounds like they could easily do that and still materially improve their heir’s life earlier than they otherwise intend. Yes, it’s their money and decision, as she acknowledged multiple times, but the framework a lot of posters seemed to miss was that they do already intend for her to receive at least some of it.

    1. She never gave actual numbers (perhaps intentionally). “Millions and millions” could very plausibly mean in the neighborhood of $5 million, which is really not that huge a sum when looking at end of life health care expenses. If they have $20 million or more, I agree they have more than they could ever need for healthcare, but it still doesn’t give her the right to access their money now. She kept repeating “I know it’s their money” but she clearly didn’t understand that. You don’t complain about someone else “hoarding” their money unless you feel you’re entitled it.

      I don’t think the fact that she believes she’s the intended beneficiary when they pass changes anything. First plenty of people lie about that to keep the peace (it’s happened in my extended family) and second, even if they do fully intend to give her a significant inheritance, it’s still their money and their prerogative to say when she gets it.

      1. This is where I fall as well. If you don’t know if the estate is $5M or $25M, it’s hard to say if they are hoarding or not.

        I get the impulse, I really do. My mom wouldn’t pay for anything when I was growing up (minimal clothes, no activities, dinner was tuna or grilled cheese) and now has millions and a solid pension, but still complains about running out of money and wants us to grovel at her occasionally picking up the check when we’re on vacation (that I pay for). At the end of the day, it’s her money to do what she wants with it, and it’s my responsibility to support myself. I take more of a pass it down / family legacy attitude similar to my ILs, but everyone is entitled to their own choices with their money.

      2. Why not believe OP? I’ve seen my parents’ estate planning documents and printouts from their financial planner. It’s very possible OP’s assumptions are correct.

        I understand where OP is coming from. Houses and college tuition are far more expensive relative to income than they were 30 years ago. Social security will be gone by the time she retires. The parents are amassing more money than they can possibly spend and excess cash won’t change their lifestyle. Meanwhile that money will have a huge impact for OP. While they don’t owe her any money now I think it’s selfish to hoard if they’re objectively set for life already.

        1. The vast majority of people underestimate end of life costs. There were numbers on the thread yesterday as “worst case scenarios” that are very far from worst case scenarios.

          Maybe they do have tens of millions, but she could have shut down a lot of the discussion by saying that and the fact that she didn’t provide the numbers suggests to me that it isn’t in that realm.

        2. I agree with this. And I would consider the possibility that the parents haven’t given much thought to passing on some of their wealth before their deaths. OP was looking for a way to raise the subject, as I recall.

      3. She was very clear that they pull in more in investment income (interest) than they can spend down in a lifetime – I don’t know how much more clear she can make it that we’re talking huge sums here.

        1. That was an awkward statement, in my view. So… did she mean that they are pulling in 20-50+ million a year in interest?!?! If so, then she knows her parents have high end financial advisors, who have certainly told her parents multiple times about the yearly giving limits to avoid having to file the Gift Tax form.

          1. I think she meant they’re living off the interest income and not drawing down the principal. But if they don’t have big healthcare expenses currently, that doesn’t require that much. $5M in principal should be about a $200k annual income in interest, which provides a pretty nice life for people who own a home outright and can still live independently.

    2. The responses to this post were so off-putting. End of life care is expensive, yes, but so are the results of not sharing excess with your kids. It’s ok to call hoarding excess hoarding. Framing it as a “responsible decision” is kid of gross when we know good and well most people won’t be in this position to have 24-7 in home care–are they irresponsible or is this a societal problem that needs fixing (not by individual hoarding.)

      1. Nobody suggested someone isn’t responsible if they can’t save huge sums of money for retirement. Those who save even couple million obviously have more than most. But there’s a huge (multi-millions) difference between the X I’d be ok retiring with if push came to shove and the Y at which I’d start giving away money with abandon. You can’t plan your whole life around unlikely scenarios and I’m not going to work until I’m 80 out of fear I might get dementia and need millions of dollars. But giving large sums of money away doesn’t make any sense to me if there’s any plausible chance you might eventually need the money.

        1. +1. To me, it’s SO pointless to live your life assuming that you will need millions of dollars to have any reasonable care if you get ill. You can literally destroy your quality of life and relationships that way for the marginal benefit increase of having your own nurse versus being in a nursing home. However, even if OP’s parents want to go that route, they don’t need unlimited millions. Let’s all take a step back and remember that most Americans don’t know where they’d come up with an unexpected $400 payment.

          1. You seriously think your parents should go into some grim nursing facility? Nice. Hope they have chosen someone else to hold their POAs.

          2. It’s okay to make the choices you are making, but please listen to people who have gotten ill.

          3. Yes, that’s what I wrote! I said I WANT my parents to go into a grim facility. You got me all figured out.

          4. People who can’t afford a $400 payment WILL have their healthcare and long-term care covered as long as Medicaid is available for them. The ultra rich will too. It’s the people in the middle who may have to spend $300k+ per person each year, until their money is gone and THEY can go on Medicaid, for 24×7 coverage whether at home or in a facility. (and this scenario becomes more likely as we now treat diseases that use to be terminal, for years)

            Signed, someone who is paying $100k right now for 10 hours each day of long-term care in the home right now.

      2. I did pause at the “worked really hard” and “hard earned money” (even if they did work hard, I don’t think it is possible to work tens or hundreds of times harder than someone else just because it is possible to have that much more money).

        I thought the question was okay (many people need to put some more thought into their plans), but the rhetoric was off. Since it was a question about broaching a topic, rhetoric is relevant! It’s hard to judge and stigmatize people and also understand them and encourage them to feel empowered to make different decisions at the same time.

        1. Right. Lots of people “work really hard” and don’t have wealth to show for it. I don’t know why we put wealth on such a moral pedestal.

          1. And these parents are apparently making so much on the investment income alone. That is not hard work, that’s just money begetting money/ the rich getting richer.

    3. I missed this post yesterday, but I really am firmly on team ‘I think it makes sense to give money to people when they need it and not wait until you’re dead.’

      My in-laws have not only a very healthy retirement but also long term care insurance. They’re very well off and yet… they’ve never offered financial assistance to any of their kids. My oldest niece and nephew are college aged and I know it would be such a huge relief to them if my in-laws helped with their student loans… one of my husband’s siblings needed a large sum of money and husband was basically guilted into contributing an even share (despite the fact that we have 3 kids and a decent but not BigLaw level income) even when FIL could have EASILY just… funded all of it. I see the scenario from my own lens and yeah… if we’re lucky enough to have the funds, why wouldn’t I want to help my kids when they actually need it.

      2. I’m team you get to do what you want with your money. I would help my kids sooner, but OPs parents aren’t doing that for their own reasons. I cannot fathom a world in which the OP should ask them to do otherwise. It’s not her money. If you need more, go earn more yourself.

        1. +1. Also her tone was really off-putting, calling them ‘paranoid,’ saying they were ‘hoarding’ their money, etc. If any of that tone has come through in real life, that may be why they don’t want her to have the money. If I had money to give to my adult kids, nothing would shut down a gift faster than a sense of entitlement to it or the idea that they thought I was doing something wrong by keeping my own money.

          1. Same same same! I come from a very wealthy family and the only thing I’ve ever encouraged my parents to do is spend more on themselves. It felt really icky and reminded me of my entitled cousin.

          2. yeah my parents have an 8 figure net worth and it’s just unfathomable to me to describe them as hoarding their money. It’s theirs! I want them to enjoy it and have the best caregiving that money can buy when that time comes. There will likely be plenty leftover for me when they die, and if there isn’t, then they needed it.

          3. I don’t know. I think there is an argument to be made that any person worth that much in the sunset of their lives is in fact hoarding. The wealth disparities in this country that we, as a culture, justify or even glorify is really something.

          4. Addressing wealth disparities is the opposite of OP’s issue though — I don’t disagree that people shouldn’t be passing $10M+ down to their kids and personally if I die with that level of assets my kids won’t be getting the bulk of it. But OP isn’t arguing that her parents have too much and should be giving more to charity. She wants it to go to her, which perpetuates inequality, making the rich kids of rich parents even richer.

          5. Exactly, 12:18. Rich parents’ helping out their (usually already rich) kids is why housing is so expensive, part of why college is so unaffordable, etc. etc. etc. It perpetuates inequity. We should tax all generational wealth transfers very heavily.

          6. I think the OP used “hoarding” in the sense of “saving more money for X purpose than they need for X purpose”. Like if I told my family – I’m skipping the family vacation this year to save money for my “buy a canoe fund”, since I only have 5K saved for the canoe. It would be worth pointing out to me that… Canoes actually cost a lot less than 5K, so maybe I want to use the money I’m planning on putting into Canoe Fund for something else. It wasn’t the best word choice but people are reading way too much into it

        2. This was my general take on yesterday’s thread.

          If yesterday’s OP is in dire financial straits and really needs help, she did not convey it in her post. It sounded more like she wanted to be free from having to make decisions about financial priorities so she could live a lifestyle above her present means and was disgruntled that the older generation wasn’t supporting that dream.

          1. I did not get that sense at all. I got the sense that her parents are worth well into the 8 figures and she is a normal person with a mortgage, car payment, and trying to save for her kid’s college.

            That isn’t uncommon.

          2. I agree. She was making the (accurate) point that those of us who are balancing jobs, kids, mortgages, etc. are in a very different position than Boomers were at the same age. The entire economy is different. Our struggles are greater. If she is their intended beneficiary, it’s very fair to open up a conversation about this. Can she DEMAND their money? No. She has every right to open a conversation, though.

          3. It is certainly true that “those of us who are balancing jobs, kids, mortgages, etc. are in a very different position than Boomers were at the same age.” It galls me that my boomer in-laws think that we are in a different position than they were at the same age because they worked harder–in fact, my husband and I work harder and have more skills and contribute more to society and the economy than his parents ever did. But they were reasonably attractive and personable white people who had the luck of being at the right place at the right time in history, when two people of the right demographic with just one bachelor’s degree between them could simply charm their way to massive wealth.

            That said, it’s not their fault that history has been kind to them and unkind to us, and they don’t owe us anything. Even though it chafes us to see other people’s parents helping them out, ours have chosen not to do so and it would not be right to ask or to demand it.

          6. I don’t know, that seems like a wildly selfish take to me. Life has been good to you and you are going on 5 cruises a year, while life is hard for your children… and you just shrug?

        3. I guess, assuming they didn’t inherit any money themselves. But if they did—share w your children!

          1. Even if they did it is still their money. I’m so grossed out but these suggestions that the parents are “hoarding” their own money. It is theirs people. Not OPs. If I had a kid like OP, I’d be donating it all to charity.

          2. Couldn’t agree more, 10:38. You can’t “hoard” what rightfully belongs to you. If they want to make gifts to their adult children that’s lovely and generous, but the entitlement in these comments is so gross and if I caught a whiff of this attitude from my kids I’d be leaving everything to charity.

          4. The children of wealthy parents are already born on third base. The demand for more is very entitled.

          5. If they got an inheritance, they didn’t have to earn it but their kids do? Give me a break. That is family money, not mom and dad only money.

          6. There was no suggestion from OP that her parents acquired their wealth through early inheritance from living people.

          7. Not really the point but it’s totally possible to accrue a low eight figure net worth without an inheritance. My parents did, and my husband and I are on track to. All of us had college covered by our parents and/or merit scholarships, which is no small thing, but also not what most people think of when they say “inheritance.”

          8. I guess it’s totally possible, but most of the human race is unable to actually do this. Congrats to you?

      3. This. Both of my parents (boomers) got significant, life changing inheritances when they were in their mid-40s that funded a second home, paid off their mortgage, and funded college tuition for my sibling and I. They keep insisting ‘it’s not all that much harder to save today than it was back then’ ignoring that they never had to save for college, had a huge chunk of their mortgage wiped out, and were able to afford a second home at my age.
        I plan to help my kids when and if I can afford it vs. complaining about ‘not knowing what to spend my required pension withdrawal on this quarter’ (actual conversation from Mother’s Day brunch while I gritted my teeth).

        1. I do think it’s a little hypocritical to not give your kids an early inheritance if you acquired your own wealth through early inheritance. But OP didn’t suggest that this happened.

        2. While I think yesterday’s OP was in fact acting entitled, I do believe there is a real disconnect between prior generations and the current ones coming into adulthood. The concept that hard work, scrimping and saving, and making responsible decisions will get you ahead is just not the reality any more. The deck is too stacked against young people. They are bright enough to see that there are no prospects for them, regardless of how hard they hustle, the way there was for their parents and grandparents. I don’t think our society as a whole has really grasped the impact the despair this is causing will have over the next several years.

          1. I’m worried for my teens, honestly. And they are bright, academically motivated, etc. How do I prepare them for the current reality without crushing their spirits?

          2. I don’t think this is really relevant to OP, but there is a disconnect. I won’t inherit anything and have no dog in this fight, but it’s historically anomalous to contribute nothing to adult children and deliberately plan to leave nothing behind. I feel that when retirees take out a reverse mortgage to fund extra vacations with the plan of leaving absolutely nothing behind them, they should at least refrain from criticizing their adult children for not having kids or for continuing to rent despite having full time jobs doing needful work.

          3. eh unless her parents acquired all this wealth very recently through a lottery win or something like that, they probably already did a lot to set their kids up for success in life. It’s still very possible to be successful if you come out of school debt-free and with parents who will help make career connections. And a potential future inheritance takes the pressure off having to save for kids’ college and retirement, even if you don’t get it until your parents are gone. I think part of why the question rubs me the wrong way is that wealthy parents normally do so much for their kids as they launch them into the real world and there seemed to be a lack of appreciation for all that. My wealthy parents don’t send me cash as an adult but the gift of a fully funded education and knowing I’m likely getting an inheritance when they die have been life-changing and I can’t imagine feeling I like deserve even more.

          5. My parents saved enough that I’m not making my dad come live with me in a noisy 2-story house that he doesn’t want to live in because I know he should be able to pay for 10ish years of assisted living.
            To do that, he and mom never really took vacations and drove entry-level cars into the ground. They rented sh*tty apartments in safe areas with good schools and college was debt-free with some scholarships and working as an RA, along with some funds from them.
            They launched me well enough. The care that he’d eventually likely need (when ADLs mean he’d need a lift, maybe help with bathing/feeding/toileting) would likely take me out of the workforce and keep me from travel. I think that paying for assisted living while I drive him to the doctor and have him for weekly meals is not unfair. He gave up his home of 50+ years in another state to follow me to a big city he didn’t choose to be in when my mom died. Aging is hard, even with money. We don’t want to spend into a situation where we’re aging without it. 2008 was no joke.

          6. I agree with all of this.

            As someone who paid her own way through college and grad school and is now sacrificing a lot so her own child graduates debt-free, I actually resent gifts from our parents’ generation to their adult children more than I resent that generation’s “hoarding” of wealth for itself. It bothers me more that my peers have an unfair advantage than it bothers me that the oldsters do.

        3. This is me. One inheritance but yeah, my parents have a lot of money and it wasn’t earned by them so it feels a little different? They seem to enjoy having two vacation homes? My mom offered recently to let me start borrowing her jewelry. We are not in an income bracket where we would attend galas where I would need to borrow jewels! It feels very disconnected.

          We are doing fine, but I would put extra money towards stressing less about funding my kids college or even some extra babysitting. Stressing less about our own medical bills. They went on five cruises last year so I wouldn’t feel that bad!

          1. I haven’t had to take any money from my parents but I do call them out frequently when they are sharing boastful things (like planning their fifth cruise could be an example) and asking if they want to pay some of my bills instead. They need to feel a little bit of a pause when saying nonsense out loud. I am not one to grit my teeth when they are being oblivious.

          2. My longer response got eaten, but call them out if they are funding themselves excessively. Tell them you have bills and are not interested in hearing about their fifth cruise. No reason to grit your teeth in silence.

        4. I’ve sat through that conversation as well. The withdrawal would have funded every after-school activity for my kids for a year.

          1. Did you voice that? “Why not put it towards the after school activities for the kids?”

          2. No. I didn’t need another lecture about how they’d paid for my husband’s afterschool activities in high school so they were ALL DONE with paying for anything for kids.

          3. I’d make them say these selfish things out loud over and over and over again. Genuinely. And respond “do what you want, but it would make a real difference in our lives to have this help.”

      4. My MIL was like your in-laws and my own parents basically decided that my inheritance would be paying for my education (I’m very grateful and I want them to spend the rest of their wealth on themselves). I think my MIL believed she’d be able to control her adult kids during her life by dangling the prospect of a large payout on her death. It didn’t really work.

    4. In my city soooo many parents help their adult children buy houses and pay for private school. I’m sure there are other perks of funded children also. BUT are all else elders planning to be 100% healthy and then die in their sleep or have something happen that finishes them off quickly? I feel like my math needs to factor lingering in the highest a cute care for a decade (and then I die broke).

      1. The people I know who’ve received this sort of help are mostly Asian-American and there’s 100% the expectation they will take care of their parents in their old age, either by funding their care or letting their parents live with them, or both. I haven’t received anything from my wealthy parents post-college, but I also know I won’t have to give them a dime for their healthcare needs and they don’t expect to live with me. It seems like a fair trade to me.

        1. SEUS and this is very common in the Tradwicks sort of crowd. No family business usually (but if so, often in real estate development or some sort of finance job with no anti-nepotism policy like most big companies and law firms have).

      2. I know some families are still counting on their kids and grandkids to care for them if that’s expected in their culture (unfortunately it’s not always even possible). Others seem to think that because they don’t want to live that way, therefore it’s not something to worry about. (But realistically, most people who are suffering need, want, and seek help and care.)

      4. I’m in the SEUS. I don’t know exactly how much money my retired parents have, but let’s say it’s over $5M and under $20M. They paid for my college tuition, paid off my law school loans, gave us $50K for a down payment, and pay for my son’s private school tuition and sleepaway camp. And they’re 5-cruises-a-year people.

        They frequently joke that if they run out of money, they hope I’ll take care of them. It’s very unlikely they’ll run out of money.

        My mom is a retired physician, and she has a stash of pills hidden away in case of a worst-case-scenario diagnosis. She’d absolutely take them too.

          3. Since when was it illegal to have pills around? I have pills around from “take as needed” prescriptions I never finished. I don’t think I’m breaking a law here.

          4. LOL if you think this retired physician has a *prescription* for her stash of end-of-life pills. It’s super common for physicians to swipe pills for their own use without a prescription and without paying for them, hoarding them in a “samples” cabinet at home– if your parent is a physician, you know exactly what I’m talking it about. It’s totally normalized, but it is fraudulant.

          5. I can’t imagine caring about this (do you actually care about this?), but the loss prevention protocols especially for dangerous meds are not always super easy to get around at a lot of hospitals (they are counting them up!). But again physicians are the same people we societally trust with these meds so, I’ll keep doing that!

      5. In my city, I think people who do that kind of funding assume their health insurance will cover their medical costs and their other assets will pay for in-home care. They also (probably not unreasonably) assume their own kids and grandkids will help take care of them.

    5. there sure were a lot of opinions on that thread, but there also were several versions of what I think is the only viable answer: my FIL hates taxes (not US), and this motivated him to give some things to his children alive instead of in a will. My parents once gave my sister a loan and are now forgiving it but by bit, and they gift me an equivalent amount for fairness, which is of course lovely. I think you can have a conversation on tax optimisation, but I think most other angles would cross the line of telling your parents what to do with their money.

    6. I think part of the “ick” of asking for an inheritance early is the built-in assumption that you’re owed the money. There’s just something about “I’m going to inherit it anyway, so you might as well give it to me now” that rubs me the wrong way.
      What if, instead, you shared a need and asked for help? Something like “We’re really stressed about paying for Jr.’s college expenses. Would you be willing to help us with that? We’d appreciate it so much.” One comes across as entitlement and also trying to dictate how someone else spends their money. The other recognizes that your parents are doing something generous and meaningful for you and gives them total agency.

    7. I’m really surprised everyone thinks in-home care is the gold standard. You will be extremely isolated and vulnerable to abuse from caregivers unless you have able-bodied family checking on you daily. I speak from experience as I had a sibling that needed in-home care for many years due to profound disabilities (and isolation mattered less because of lack of capacity).

      1. Well, I’ve spent enough time in assisted living and memory care facilities to know that in-home is the only option I’m going to want. I’d sacrifice those issues over endless bingo games and singing to stay in my house in peace.

        1. Only imagine it not like that, for a minute. The best case scenario we’re not afraid of. Imagine just financial crimes that you aren’t aware of and can’t stop. Or physical abuse. Or medication theft. Or people running their only fans account with some really twisted stuff. Or just not showing up. Or bringing their boyfriend or kids along because that care fell through. Elder abuse and fraud are a real thing and you can’t rely on luck to avoid it.

          That could happen in any setting, but no one goes in your home to check and if they do, it’s not a forensic accountant.

          1. Poster with the disabled sibling again. Medication theft is a big deal. Multiple nurses were caught stealing my sibling’s seizure medications. And one nurse was arrested for running a meth lab out of her house (outside of work). One nearly burned down the house after she turned on all four electric stove burners because she was cold. Many smoked cigarettes during their shifts and brought in second hand smoke. I could go on and on. Anyone thinking in-home care is great is naive.

          2. And you don’t have to be a total victim, but if they take LIRR, there is a strike going on. Cars break down. They get sick (or their kids do). They can’t stay late when their relief doesn’t show up. They don’t want to drive your person to appointments because they are incontinent and you don’t want to pay for detail their car each time.

      2. Seriously. In-home health care is like why I was nervous about a nanny in-home (vs in-center care). No eyes on you. You can’t rob the baby. And someone is in the baby’s home when the nanny isn’t. Who checks on the elder and make sure the credit card isn’t used or there isn’t a meth lab being run out of the basement and the diapers are actually changed? And if you need nursing care, you likely need it 24/7, so 2-3 people coming in if it’s not your home also. G-d forbid the power goes out or some other emergency happens.

        1. I’m the earlier poster who had a disabled sibling. You’re spot on – natural disasters were extremely stressful to deal with – my sibling needed power to survive. After one memorable winter when we lost power for 10 days and they had to be evacuated to a hospital, my parents bought an extremely expensive whole-house generator. Then there are the more mundane scheduling issues with nurse vacations, sick days, etc. You must have backup. Who are you expecting to take this on? Your kids who are working full time to pay for college?

          1. I get it. I had to help my elderly father understand that when my mom was dying of cancer, he and I didn’t have the bandwidth to manage all the ways that in-home care go sideways on it, and do it going from 0-60 in that department as we really just wanted to keep things peaceful (and not wind up with two patients due to stress) during her last months. But hospital staff and social workers were basically “he is a list of people you can call” in a small hospital with no cell service. IDK how we could have done it since they were trying to discharge my mom from the minute she arrived. I have no idea how people really handle any death that isn’t a quick death vs a prolonged process of dying from a final illness.

        2. In home care for a vulnerable person comes with a lot of risks. But nursing home care is often far, far below what it’s “supposed” to be.

      3. I don’t think the comments were suggesting in-home care is the gold standard (although someone may want it, and if it’s there preference and they can afford it, they should have it). You can pay for a private aide even if you’re living in an assisted living facility. That’s extremely expensive but very good care because you get the attention of a one-on-one caregiver with the oversight of a facility. That’s what both my grandmothers did.

        1. +1 to this. We had it for my parents and it was great (although their private caregiver wasn’t full time).

          1. +2

            Yes, this is the gold standard.

            Ideally you live in the nicest CCRC (continuing care retirement community), as it is convenient to have the both Assisted Living and Skilled Nursing wings available for when you need them. And then you hire private caregivers around the clock.

      4. I am sorry your sibling had such a typical experience of in-home care. Almost everyone I know who has had positive experiences with one or another caregiver has also been robbed and mistreated by others (and once by the same caregiver after she developed an addiction from stealing patients’ meds). I imagine the parents are hoping that paying more will help.

        In congregate care, it’s possible to experience abuse from caregivers and also from other patients, while also catching every contagious thing that goes around. They can also increase your vulnerability to abuse by upping your meds inappropriately (yes there is a lot of regulation around this, but it’s for a reason). It helps a lot to have able-bodied family checking in daily. But even if they witness caregivers screaming at you or handling you roughly, and if they witness that your belongings are vanishing (even simple things like the iPad you use to watch TV or video call family), what can they really do about it? The facility is already understaffed and you have nowhere else to go.

        At least if you are paying someone yourself, they are working for you, and your only incentive to cut costs and understaff and squeeze everyone is the limit on your own funds. So it makes sense to want to have a lot of money (though of course that can also make you a target in other ways you have to plan for).

        1. Yeah but who is going to be coordinating the hiring, schedules, pay checks and taxes? Who will be making sure the house has all the supplies you need (oxygen, diapers, meds, etc). Who will be providing food? Nurses don’t cook. Managing home repairs and maintenance? It’s essentially running a small business. Asking your adult kids to light themselves on fire you can live at home is not a plan.

          1. Seriously. I have a POA for my dad and make his appointments and take him to them. Plus, that toothpaste or deodorant doesn’t magically appear. Pillowcases go missing. Someone needs to make sure the food isn’t expired. His taxes don’t do themselves. At least he can do his ADLs, but at some point, he may not.

          2. Additional people who need to be paid, which is why some people hang onto their money instead of paying for stuff for their grandkids!

            Medical conditions exist whose needs simply cannot be met in facilities; they’re not safe for every condition.

          3. Anon at 12:21, again who is hiring those people? Managing them? Paying them? At some point you have to recognize this is not a problem money alone can fix.

      5. I wonder what happens when you can’t pay for assisted living or the in-home staff? Does the sheriff come and throw you out on the street? Many places won’t take Medicaid. A frail elder maybe can’t navigate applying for the next needed level of care. And if you don’t pay the nurses (or the condo fees or the mortgage or the property taxes), you could lose your home (or just be left to die when the nurses quit and no one brings in food or cooks it or the power is shut off because you forgot to pay). IDK what happens IRL. I hate to think of what happens (and suspect with so many people not married / no kids — at best, a neighbor gets nosy or curious or calls for a welfare check from the police).

        1. I really think this happens a lot more than anyone talks about. There are elderly people in my family who lived alone until the end (blue collar and fiercely independent) then were found unconscious by a visiting child. Also remember Gene Hackman’s death? His wife basically died a week before him and he was estranged from his kids, so no one checked on him until people arrived to work on the house.

          Honestly I think this is what my mom is banking on bc she refuses to consider a nursing home and I can’t see her parting with $$ for in home care.

        2. You go to a nursing home that accepts Medicaid. They’re mostly not great, but you won’t be on the street.

          1. I think there are big gaps in coverage for indigent folks who need some help with ADLs (so, assisted living-level care), but don’t have a full nursing-home level of need.

            Then there’s also the problem of finding an actual space available in a facility that accepts Medicaid.

          2. I think the question is what happens when there are no spaces at a Medicaid facility or long waits for an opening.

          3. Right? And those Medicaid beds are you sharing a room that is smaller than a hotel, a shared bathroom with another similar room, and half of a closet. But people were inevitably locking one room out of the bathroom, so when you have an emergency or an accident or need to clean up after one, you either have to wait or try to manage with staff (understaffed) and residents who are often not able to manage even this on their own.

            The really bad: you get assaulted by your roommate, who may actually think you are intruder. Or you assault staff because you are scared/confused and get tossed out.

        3. Places that take Medicaid exist but so do home health agencies, hospice, meals on wheels, etc that get reimbursement for medicaid patients. People have to spend down their assets but the home doesn’t count. Even if you have kids, seniors have free will to live in their homes unless you can get a judge to impose a court- appointed guardianship proving they aren’t of sound mind.

        4. Super realistically, what happens is either you die at home, from something better care would have prevented; or you go to the ER and either die at the hospital, or eventually they find a nursing home willing to take you, which is likely not highly rated (that’s why they have spots), you get discharged there, and you die there. If the nursing home can’t care for your level of need, you either die of lack of care, or the nursing home just calls 911 and sends you back to the ER to get you out of their hair.

      6. I’m going to tell you the reality is that majority of abuse happens by a person you know. You can check the statistics, but it is more likely the child or spouse does something. And feelings of entitlement around money do lead to financial abuse.

        1. This is just tautology. The people we spend the most time with are the people we spend the most time with. It doesn’t mean that poorly paid complete strangers are more trustworthy than our families.

          1. In the reported elder abuse crime statistics data, the most common perpetrators were adult children not paid caregivers.

    8. I feel like a lot of folks are really selfish. My Grandparents have about 200M if my intel is correct. They will not spend that money down no matter what ridiculous health emergency happens. My cousin’s and I all work fairly normal jobs with the most high earning of us maxing out at like 200k/year. Our grandparents get veeeeery salty when we skip holidays (we have limited funds and limited vacation time!) they also make snarky comments about our homes (we all have mortgages and our grandparents could pay off our homes and not impact their network at all if they did it with investment dividends). It’s hard to love someone who is very intentionally choosing not to help you but also getting mad that you have challenges in your life.

      1. I feel that those grandparents would be very nervous if they started watching true crime TV. You all at Thanksgiving look like future suspects to me.

      2. I agree with this – if you have 200M and your family members do not, you are most definitely the one who needs to get your @ss on the plane for family gatherings.

          1. 200M is not even close to private jet money. Some people here have a really distorted idea of what rich people can afford.

    9. We are moving into an era where a cutting edge cancer therapy or a biotech dementia treatment could cost millions. We seniors who worked hard to be in a position to access first class healthcare don’t need greedy heirs trying to knock us off early. My MIL had all the resources she needed but the person she chose as her executor was greedy like the OP and didn’t access the best healthcare for her. And instead shoved her into a nursing home prematurely where she passed right before the Covid vaccines were available.

      1. yes I think it’s a good point that the cost of future cutting edge treatments is unclear and there may be good treatments available only to the very rich.

        I understand expecting your wealthy parents to pass down a good chunk of their money eventually. Most wealthy folks don’t leave their kids with nothing. I just don’t understand needing the money NOW. Why not let your parents save it, spend it if they need it, and then you’ll inherit it if they don’t? OP has never suggested they’re frittering their money away on silly things. If she’s confident she’s getting a high 7 figure or 8 figure inheritance when they die, she doesn’t need to save that much for her own retirement/end of life care, and money is fungible, so saving less for retirement frees up more money for other things. So a future inheritance still alleviates a lot of financial pressure even without having the cash in hand now. The only scenario in which that theory collapses is if they spend it all on healthcare and OP inherits little or nothing. And in that scenario, they needed it and were right to keep it.

        1. I couldn’t tell how confident she was in the inheritance. Otherwise why not just take out big college loans knowing there will be an opportunity to pay them back one day.

    10. I’ve also seen money used to control and manipulate in families. We don’t know that it’s the case here but I’ve seen folks that like to see family members grovel. I’ve also had friends who just screw around for decades because they know they have a trust fund and they know they’ll be taken care of.

      Overall, I agree that help earlier to buy a home or pay for tuition goes really far. At the end of the day though, we’re responsible for ourselves, and the freedom to do that is pretty priceless.

      1. It’s also worth noting that for many parents, they WANT to help their kids and take pride in doing so. I see no issue in raising the subject of passing that help along earlier. It might actually make them really happy to reconfigure their default assumptions and see their money supporting their grandkids.

    11. I missed this post yesterday but to the OP of yesterday’s post- my in laws started wealth transfer a few years ago. MIL’s mother died and she received $3M in cash/land that she wasn’t expecting and didn’t need, and wants it to go to DH when she dies, so she has started the process of moving those assets into DH/my/our children’s’ names.

      My FIL also recently died and he held about $2M in retirement assets. They had switched beneficiaries so my DH and his siblings got those assets upon FIL’s death. My MIL has a few million of her own plus joint assets. If she ever needed more money we would be able to take care of it, but she won’t. She’s 84 and sitting on more than $5M.

      1. This is what you want, a parent who will never be a burden to you. My dad planned to live to 100 like his mother and almost made it. I don’t resent any of his decisions.

        1. Parents will be a burden to you as you age. You can pretend being “financially prudent” will protect you from this, but you are lying to yourself. And that’s ok. You are supposed to ease them through old age. That’s your role as a child.

          1. Being financially prudent doesn’t mean you’ll never need your kids for anything, but it’s an enormous gift to your children to never need money from them. I have a lot of friends financially supporting their parents (on top of mortgages and little kids) and I’m so grateful to my parents for not putting me in that position.

        1. Haha, right. I’ll be generous and say the greed coming from wealth hoarders is likely just fear. But that’s still not a good enough reason to sit on massive wealth when your living family has needs.

          1. The place where I struggle with this board is… when they say have “needs”, they mean things that are wildly, wildly out of norm globally. It’s hard to say your 50K tuition bill is a reasonable “need” when people are literally starving, literally dying of lack of access to $10 medications.

    12. You are the one who missed the point. It doesn’t matter how much money OP’s parents (or in-laws) have or how much she needs it. If they wanted to help her out while they are living, they would already be doing it. There is zero benefit to anyone in her asking them for money.

          1. To who? Only if being told no would crush you for whatever reason. I like to know exactly what people decide to do when they have the ask and they have the facts, instead of hiding behind whatever narrative they created in their own head: “they never ask for anything, they’re totally fine! I’m such a great parent!”

          1. Lol, good luck with your relationships. Those people are probably better off not having you in their lives.

      2. Agreed. I plan to work and pay for everything myself, and if my parents gift me money at any point, that’s a bonus, not an expectation. I think that’s the healthy way to go about it, IMHO.

        1. I think this is right for most parents and most people—too much money isn’t really a thing most of us experience. This sounded like a different situation requiring a different level of consideration.

          1. Again, no matter how rich they are, if they wanted to give her money they’d already be doing so.

          2. And? If they haven’t been asked it’s easy for them to avoid. If there’s something they could easily be paying for that would make their kids or grandkids a bit more comfortable, they should have to field that ask. Why wait for them to have the appropriate epiphany about what they should already be doing?

            This commenter seems terrified of being told no.

          3. I wouldn’t be terrified of being told no, but if they’re rich enough that all kinds of people are always after their money, I would think a lot about how to bring it up.

          4. If they’re as obscenely wealthy as she’s implying, they surely have a financial advisor who’s advised them on the tax benefits of things like contributions to grandkids’ college funds. If they’re not doing it, it’s because they don’t want to.

  6. Can you share your favorite tops to wear to work that don’t require tucking? It’s 96 degrees where I am and I want to feel more free.

    1. I really like my boxy linen t-shirt from Linen By Hannah on Etsy. It’s very slightly cropped so be aware if you’re long-waisted (I am definitely not).

        1. I almost did, especially because there is a skirt that goes with it, but “hand wash” made me balk. Still lovely though and I bet it would do OK in a machine on gentle.

          1. Yikes. Tuckerneck website says their trapunto shirt is 100% cotton. You should def return if you received polyester. Polyester is way too hot & stifling for summer wear.

    3. I have a couple of poplin tops from JCrew (not recent, unfortunately) that can be worn untucked. A lot of linen tanks seem to be cut short enough to wear without tucking, too.

  7. Beautiful top, but I wish it didn’t have the little frill at the wrist. Makes it uncomfortable to wear under a blazer.

  8. Tell me about period swimsuits. I know they’re supposed to absorb the blood, and I can see that for light spotting or if you’re staying dry, but I just find it hard to imagine a full flow staying contained and invisible when you’re soaking wet in a clear pool (or worse, sitting on the white concrete just after a swim). I recall swim diapers, but the liquid just flowed right out (but could be ignored since you couldn’t see it and babies don’t care).

    They’d be for my 11 year old, who just started. We swim a lot in summer and she’s uncomfortable about tampons (or other internal things) for now. But I need some reassurance that period swimwear wouldn’t just leave her with an embarrassing problem!

      1. That’s such a shame.

        OP teach her to use tampons. They aren’t anything to be afraid of.

        1. She’s 11. She’ll figure it out when the time is right. Being able to swim helped move me along that path.

        2. And it’s not unusual for an 11-year-old to not be comfortable with that yet! I would not force the issue with my 11 y.o., to be honest. (I didn’t use tampons until late high school.)

          1. +1 my mom told me it was hard to use tampons until you were sexually active, so I didn’t use them until college. I think that’s a little extreme, but I think most 11 year old girls are not comfortable with it and that’s totally ok -I would definitely not force it at that age.

          3. That is a terrible thing for your mom to say. I used tampons from the very beginning because pads were inadequate.

          4. Maybe this was literally true for her mom? I don’t think she was trying to be awful!

          5. yeah it was true for her and while it’s an overgeneralization I don’t think it’s “terrible” to say. And I didn’t miss out on anything!

        3. I agree. It being OK for girls to sit out of life because of their periods is not the road to start down. If she insists she doesn’t want to use tampons, she can try the period swimwear with board shorts on top for peace of mind.

          1. Lord. We all have to “miss out on life” for various reasons. They’ll adjust, or like Senior Attorney and the rest of us did, figure out what we’re comfortable doing and do that. We aren’t owed every experience.

          3. Agree to disagree! I think it’s incredibly important to teach girls matter-of-fact solutions so they can participate fully in activities while on their periods, which they can expect to be on for many years of their lives. You’re free to teach your kids differently.

          5. It’s also OK to use one of the many, many products available to solve the problem and participate in activities. It has NEVER been a better time for that – girls in the 1960s would have killed for the options we have today.

          6. I gave my daughters all the options and let them pick what they were comfortable with. One learned to use tampons and the other chose to just wear black board shorts over her swimsuit and change right before and after swimming. Periods make things a little more difficult but they shouldn’t have to sit out a week of every month unless they want to.

          7. Heh, leave me out of this! I suffered horribly with my period from a young age, and I would have loved more help from my mom.

          8. Let’s not encourage sex based discrimination against every girl who must take time off because of the nature of their period symptoms.

          9. Whatever. I personally don’t feel the need to “live life to the fullest” while my body is doing it’s thing. I’m not going to pretend I’m 100%.

          10. I agree wholeheartedly with 11:59. Teach girls to wear tampons and take Advil. If that’s not enough, get them medical attention to treat the underlying problem (and don’t just let them get put on the pill).

            Girls shouldn’t be missing out on 1/4 of their lives.

          11. I agree with everything 2:14 said except for the faith that these medical treatments even exist. Conditions that were rare when I was young are common now. I’m glad some people aren’t suffering, but women’s reproductive health isn’t what it used to be.

            But absolutely pursue work up and treatment; the very best doctors are light years better than the average ones right now.

    2. Period swimwear is really just for lighter flow days or as a back up. A home backyard pool at your own house is one thing but I wouldn’t rely on it in a public pool.

      My 13 year old doesn’t like tampons either but some of the extra light flow ones are quite small and hold enough for a short swim session, especially if they have period underwear as a back up.

    3. I had used for swiming in the sea while I was sailing last year. The blood is absorved and there was not leaking at all and my period is quite heavy. It was not a swimming pool but I could rest in the white deck whithout any worry.
      I wish that they have existed when I was 11.

    4. does she have a reliable rhythm to her cycle yet? at the risk of TMI I just use a dark colored swimsuit & towel on early and late days…

      1. Same. I didn’t do much actual lounging, though, and was in the water.

        Tampons never worked out for me but once I discovered menstrual cups (in my 40s!!), I was so relieved. The learning curve for those was high, but I vastly preferred a cup to tampons.

    5. When my cousins and I were young and uncomfortable with tampons, we used to wear panties with regular pads and cut-offs to hang out, and when it was time to get in the water, change into a regular bikini in the bathroom and run to the pool. You don’t leak while submerged. Then we would run back to the bathroom, where dry underwear was waiting. Not great, but better than not swimming. Easier logistics in a private pool than a public one, though.
      I have worn period panties and liked them. I trust those companies to put out good products, so I would try their swimwear. Do you have a tub where she can test it?

      1. I did this too so no judgment but “you don’t leak while submerged” is not really accurate. You do bleed underwater, it just gets diluted very quickly by the water so it isn’t visible.

        1. Definitely try bath tub first because… no. No it does not dilute, and no it is not invisible.

          1. It dilutes in a pool or lake which are orders of magnitude bigger than a bathtub. But yeah it’s still there even if you can’t see it.

      2. I can personally attest that it is inaccurate to say that the bleeding stops when submerged. Not even close.

    6. I have always worn a tampon with my period underwear, but I think some of those brands have higher flow options. It would probably depend on how often she is changing pads now because I don’t think any of them will last all day if she has a heavier period. They at minimum absorb what 1 tampon would but, for instance, that would have meant changing my swimsuit every like 2 hours when I had a heavier day.

      1. This is a really good point re. extended beach or pool days. Yet another reason tampons are a superior solution.

    7. I am now in my sixties, but in my teens and twenties I worked as a swimming instructor and lifeguard. I wore a maxi pad in my swimsuit. I know that sounds weird, but it worked. It caught gushes of blood if I was out of the water, even though it was wet. I found tampons extremely uncomfortable (rarely used them even when I was older).

  9. Talk to me about Cicaplast and the other LaRoche sunscreens. I’m looking for a daily driver. I have longer hair in layers and I feel that I spend the summer months with it getting stuck to the sunscreen on my face. I have an office job, but I am wary of sun damage, so will wear sunscreen all the time now that it’s light out before and after work and I like to go on walks at lunch.

    1. I have this one, and it’s one of the few sunscreens I can wear with my makeup and not feel like a mess.

      https://www.walgreens.com/store/c/la-roche-posay-anthelios-sunscreen-for-face-spf-50/ID=prod6119052-product?ext=gooFY26_GOO_Retail+Demand+Gen_BeautyPriority_NA_PMAX_CA_FOS__pla_online&gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=22671020792&gbraid=0AAAAAD7MwhQ9smxcI0MVEb2tAM8yxgV2q&gclid=Cj0KCQjwlLDQBhDjARIsAPlIefF_DsDZudtwRimDF00SVJLFtwiaWTT_YLpnpTDp6UacAx2FktlmABkaAmBpEALw_wcB

    2. I like the primer/gel textured sunscreens like Supergoop unseen screen (and there are now lots of drugstore dupes). They are not sticky at all and glide right on.

    3. I havent seen cicaplast as sunscreen but I have used Anthelios several times and quite happy with it, but my favourite one is Heliocare 360º

    4. I get La Roche Posay sunscreens from Europe. The ones they sell here don’t have the same state-of-the-art ingredients.

    5. get japanese sunscreen, it dries so beautifully and quickly, there’s really nothing like it. i think sephora has ones like innisfree or whatever now.

      3. Unfortunately I think they made FDA approved versions for sale in USA that aren’t as good. The only Asian formulation sunscreens available here aren’t allowed to be labeled as sunscreen (e.g. Zero Feel “moisturizer”).

    6. Anthelios sensitive SPF 30 from La Roche Posay is my favorite, EU version.

      My rosacea skin hates SPF50, and hates cicaplast. Bioré, Mischa and Japanese drugstore ones are great.

  10. For those of you with shared laundry where you really want stuff to get dry on the first cycle of the dryer, what is a towel that will actually dry on the high / cotton setting in one turn? It’s not the ones I currently have and nothing seems to be wrong with the appliances (and it would be so convenient IF I could stay on site AND not have to run it twice).

      1. +1 – I always do the time option not the one that uses the sensors. For a load of 4 bath towels and 4 hand towels, 50-60 minutes on high heat dries them fully.

    2. honestly cheaper thinner towels dry faster and i actually prefer them to luxurious deep towels, don’t have brand recs particularly

      1. I LOATHE the luxurious deep towels you reference. I feel like they smear water on my skin.

    3. Thinner towels, one-sided terry (instead of double sided), Turkish peshtemal if you don’t insist on terry, beach towels.

    4. If you haven’t done so within the last 6 months, clean your dryer vent and make sure there are no choke points in the line. If that is clogged or constricted, there is nowhere for the moisture to go and it will take forever for things to dry.

      I have super thick, plush cotton towels and have never had an issue drying them in one cycle.

      1. Sorry, I just caught the “shared” part. If this is not your machine, then submit a work order to have the vent cleaned so the dryer can actually work the way it is supposed to.

        If your landlord doesn’t care enough to do that, call the local fire department’s non-emergency line and ask how they suggest encouraging your landlord to do this basic maintenance step. Clogged dryer vents are a huge fire risk and the fire marshal is not likely to look kindly on a landlord who refuses to clean them.

    5. If you google “quick dry bath towel” it’s a whole genre. Got some for my brother a while back.

    7. I bought cheap towels at IKEA because the stripes matched my color scheme and they are my favorite ever. They actually get me dry, easy to wash, dry quickly and are holding up remarkably well! My old luxurious fluffy towels never dried properly despite my best efforts and would start to get musty smelling.

    8. I had this problem in my own machine and those wool dryer balls did the trick. They seem to move the towels around more and the hot air gets in all the folds. I also use them for big loads of sheets

  11. Gardener ‘rettes: Any tips on keeping weeds down on really large beds? I have a mulched area that’s probably 20′ x 30’ , and just keeping the little weeds down is a constant battle. I’ve sprayed with vinegar but that doesn’t seem very effective. I’m reluctant to use products like Roundup since those had (and may still have) carcinogens and we’re on a well system, so it could affect our drinking water.

    2. vinegar isn’t going to do anything. we lay naked cardboard down every few years around the flowers to keep them down (and then mulch on top of it). if you can alternate every year between mulch and a good compost.

      you can also look into ground cover, but that can just make it harder to mulch and weed. do not do ivy or japanese pachysandra!! if you really want pachysandra there is an american type (allegheny?) or if you want an aggressive groundcover you can go with native strawberries. cranesbill can be OK as a groundcover but it depends heavily on type — Max Frei has nice tight little whorls so good for the weeds, but it spreads slowly and is still patented so it’s expensive. native geranium is great but is looser. Rozanne is a best seller for a reason.

      (sorry I’m in my flower era)

    3. Plant more good plants so they fill in the space. Ground doesn’t like to be baren. Swathes of bare mulch are an invitation for something to grow. If it isn’t a plant you want a weed will make its home there.

      1. Yep, more plants is the answer! For small, stubborn areas, I have used Preen (a pre-emergent) before. I wouldn’t use it all over the place, though.

      2. If you like the look of bare space, use river rocks instead of mulch. Really persistent weeds will still come up but it’s not as bad. It’s a big expense but it’s a one time thing; you don’t have to lay more rocks every year like you do with mulch.

        1. but $10 says whoever you pay to lay the rocks will put down landscape fabric first, which is horrible for the soil and environment.

        2. This is really dependent on your specific location and the types of weeds you are dealing with.

          In my area, river rocks become really gross, really fast because the neighborhood trees drop so much garbage it basically turns river rocks into rock soil within a year. Leaf blowing can slow that down, but it’s just as hard to clean out the river rocks as it is to weed frequently.

    4. Mulch deeper than you think you need. Pull them after rain and make sure you get the full root. I use a hori hori knife, which is super useful for a lot of jobs. I’m not convinced vinegar does much, but if you do, use the really concentrated stuff, not the kind you use for cooking.

    7. It is combo sheet mulching and crowded plants. I also accept that I have some weeds like dandelions in the early spring because pollinators like them. Also get a tall weed puller so you aren’t bending to pull weeds all of the time. I still have to go through and pull some things.

  12. This top is so pretty. Anyone have experience with the brand? Any thoughts on whether it’s petite friendly?

  13. going off yesterday’s post about the high cost of dementia care — are you personally worried about it? how are you writing healthcare directives and POAs if you don’t want to be kept alive longer than necessary if you have a dementia diagnosis? her if you have a lot of money how are you structuring trusts and estates and planning for retirement?

    my mom just got a dementia diagnosis (i was posting about it a few weeks ago) so it’s newly in my thoughts.

    haven’t read this yet but it’s on my list – NYT article about minimal feeding to late-stage dementia patients. https://www.nytimes.com/2026/04/30/well/late-stage-dementia-minimal-comfort-feeding-advance-directives.html?unlocked_article_code=1.jlA.VXlt.Lr260CGa-SKZ&smid=url-share

    1. At some point, I am going to have to rely on baking and taking up smoking. It’s really bleak (currently watching elderly neighbor try to keep his wife at home, but she has almost burned the house down and sometimes she wanders off). He is 70ish and not from a generation where he had to care for himself, let alone a frail elderly woman when he is not really all that strong but at least he can still drive.

    2. There’s a risk I’ll get dementia – there is some family history and I am currently a long-distance caregiver to one relative who is, thankfully, in assisted living now. I am not working my fingers to the bone to save for long-term care or sacrificing vacations/the here and now with my family to do it. I could literally work 80-100 hours a week and still not have enough money! If that happens and we run out of money, I’ll go into a Medicaid-covered nursing home. If Medicaid doesn’t exist, then society is probably so far gone that I can’t count on anything anyway and I’ll just die with less dignity than I would have preferred. It’s OK. I save for retirement and take reasonable steps to protect my health but I absolutely refuse to live my life as if dementia is a) definitely around the corner and b) the number one priority to plan for.

    3. Like most people in America, there is no way I can or will ever make enough money to pay for the kind of dementia care that some folks here aim for. So no, I don’t worry about it–it is so impossible that it does not even enter into the universe of things I stress about. If I am diagnosed with dementia, my estate will pay for what it can, then it will go to Medicare, and what will be will have to be.

      With that said, I plan to use every legal vehicle available to me to ensure that my death comes as quickly and painlessly as possible.

      1. I intend to seek euthanasia if diagnosed with dementia. The idea of prolonging death only to decline and suffer for many more years while burdening my family with my care is insane to me.

        1. The idea of burdening a paid employee with the task ending your life for you is pretty hard for me to wrap my head around.

          Dementia is a hard thing. People sometimes have flashes of their usual selves. It’s an illness, not a dying process, for many years. I hope we’ll be able to treat it in my lifetime.

          1. We burden people with awful jobs all the time. Think chicken factories (buy humanely.) I see no conflict with assisted suicide if it’s legal and the express wish of the patient.

          2. Veterinarians aren’t even okay; there’s no way this won’t take a toll. If this were my plan, I would take full responsibility myself.

        2. You might want to get lobbying your state legislature if you’re in the US.

          I have a relative who also wishes medical aid in dying if diagnosed with dementia. Unfortunately, as far as I know, nowhere in the US allows dementia patients to access medical aid in dying because the patient must be of sound mind when taking the medication. When they’re still of sound-enough mind, they’re too far from dying of dementia to access medical aid in dying.

          I think most places that have medical aid in dying don’t allow access for dementia patients. For those that do, I don’t know of anywhere that would allow a dementia patient from another country to come and access medical aid in dying.

        3. It’s not simple or easy. Dementia is not considered a terminal diagnosis so even in states where euthanasia is legal, you can’t access it if you’re physically healthy. I think the best option is probably the assisted death clinics in Switzerland but that needs to be done early enough that the doctors will certify that the patient is still of sound mind. In many cases, when you’ve gotten a diagnosis, it’s already too late for that. At best it’s a very very narrow window of time when you’re advanced enough for a diagnosis but early enough to be certified as being of sound mind. Also no one with dementia can get from the US to Europe alone and if you’re the beneficiary of someone’s estate, helping them kill themselves seems risky from the perspective of criminal liability. In short, it’s really freaking complicated.

        4. I think the chance that you will be diagnosed with it and still be considered competent enough to make this decision is pretty slim.

        5. yeah all of the women in my family prefer(red) euthanasia to dementia. So far all the ones who’ve gotten dementia have had to live with it, because there is – currently, at least – no good way to access euthanasia for it. This “I won’t need much money because I’ll seek euthanasia as soon as I get dementia” is a fantasy. I hope this will change by the time I’m old enough for dementia but for right now it’s totally unrealistic.

    4. I’m sorry about your mom. <3

      My grandmother lived with dementia for about a decade, over half of it was very advanced dementia where she lived in a memory care wing of an assisted living and also had a 24/7 private aide. The monthly cost for that was over $50k. She had all the DNR orders from the moment she was diagnosed, but her physical health was great until the very end (late 90s) so they didn't really come into play.

      I'm not worried about it in the sense that I'm going to postpone my retirement or stop taking vacations so I can save every single penny for dementia care. But because of this experience I don't think it's hoarding to hold onto many millions of dollars, if you have it.

    5. Nice that this is your first thought. This generation of dementia patients have access to medications and treatment protocols not available to prior generations and will have materially different quality of life. Get up to speed on that instead of on starving your parent.

      1. to be clear – not thinking about starving my mom, more about writing my own healthcare directives (but also respecting whatever wishes my mom has memorialized)

        i actually saw a whole FB reel about how end stage dementia is characterized by eating less and sleeping more (the hook was “here’s what hospice nurses see 6 months before death.” but that’s already my mom so i was freaking out. she’s sleeping 16-18 hours a day and picking at all her food.

        1. I’m sorry, OP. Please don’t let this tr011 who wants to interpret your post in the least charitable light possible ruin your day.

    6. I want to be kept alive. Hopefully I won’t need to write a healthcare directive and POA just to achieve that.

      1. No matter your quality of life? Write the healthcare directive. My family is the exact opposite and wrote their directives to say so.

        1. Yes, to me alive is always higher quality of life than not alive. I have some personal experiences that make me think I know how I’ll feel. I don’t love the idea of quality of life as it’s employed in healthcare.

          1. i find this fascinating. out of curiosity do you believe in the concept of a soul or have other strong religious beliefs?

          2. No, I have just always wanted to stay alive when I was in pain and when I was severely incapacitated including cognitively, so I don’t see what would change my mind next time! I’ve also really valued time with people whose quality of life was considered absolutely trash because of pain and disability. I’m aware of research that people’s own assessments of their quality of life can diverge from external assessments, and I don’t agree that they’re just delusional. I think they’re valuing their own lives and that’s okay.

            But do all the people who want euthanasia believe in the concept of a soul or an afterlife that they imagine that it’s possible to experience relief via death? My understanding is that I can only experience anything at all while I’m alive, and death is only destructive. It seems like a religious idea that death brings some kind of peace or relief to some persisting soul.

          3. Fascinating. To me death is the end of one chapter and the beginning of another. I know that I can look at the personality of each individual and that it comes from a soul. We aren’t just eating and drinking and procreating, we’re thinking and creating, and loving. And when we move on we’ll have more access to the parts of our selves we can’t tap in earthly life.

          4. I can believe in a soul if it what it means is thinking, creating, and loving! And I get the intuition that each unique existence feels like a timeless thing. But as far as I can tell, it still ends with death. The people I’ve lost seem very, very gone to me. The household pets seem entirely gone. There are so many people who no one remembers and who left no record of their lives at all. So I currently have no reason to think that death is an upgrade or a beginning or something that grants us new access. I’m willing to grant that it’s uncertain! But life is certain. But mostly I don’t think I have this external self that assesses my life and makes a decision about whether it’s adequate to keep on living… that is not how I experience my life from moment to moment and I don’t see when I would start.

    7. My in laws just went through this. My FIL was at home until it was no longer feasible. At that point he went into memory care assisted living for $12k/month. They had funds for them both to live in such a place for 15+ years. He declined rapidly and died after 3 months. My MIL now has funds to live in such a facility for 20++ years. She’s a spry 79.

      1. interesting point (I was just listening to a podcast about calculating your FI number) — does anyone have any good resources for calculating retirement expenses planning for this kind of care?

    8. In addition to written plans, I think it’s really important to let your loved ones know your wishes orally. Speak of them regularly, in an age-appropriate way if children aren’t yet adults.

      Also, know the options and limitations of health care and laws where you are or where you could reasonably be taken. It’s really awful for an adult child to first learn that a parent’s wishes aren’t possible or come with downsides the parent probably wouldn’t want when a parent is incapacitated.

    9. My plan is to refuse all medical care after I turn 80. If I get cancer, heart issues or whatever? Guess that’s how I’ll go. I have no desire to die at 80, but I also do not want to live past by best-by date. My grandmother had a full and active life until she was 97, but she also refused certain types of medical care, e.g., a biopsy of a spot on her 85 yo lung that was robably cancer from secondhand smoke. She eventually died in her sleep of just being 97, as far as anyone could tell. That’s what I want. I don’t want to treat cancer when I am 82 just so I can live long enough to get dementa at 85. I have researched how much medical and custodial care cost in the last 6 or so months of an average life, and I just want to skip that last 6 months by dying earlier. You’re welcome, Fam!

      2. A friend from school got pancreatic cancer in his early 50s and opted just to let it run a fast 3-month course vs maybe a year with various chemo while having a lot of GI distress and shrinking down to 80 pounds because of the cachexia. It’s a brutal disease and I might wave the white flag early for some DX.

      3. I’m past my best by date and don’t feel this way about every condition. Sometimes interventions are palliative. Why suffer needlessly just because I’m old?

      4. yes. i always say that i want to die of a papercut if i have dementia. nothing but for pain and comfort.

        but i do think it’s a really tricky line because at what point are you incapacitated? there’s even been some studies about people in comas who are cognitively still alive (a horrible thought considering we pulled the plug on at least one family member). (another gift link – https://www.nytimes.com/2026/04/09/magazine/vegetative-states-conscious-aware.html?unlocked_article_code=1.jlA.0eiH.TPjqrvo-R__E&smid=url-share)

      5. Honestly, I’m planning on refusing most medical care past 75. Palliative care ONLY. No flu shots or antibiotics or routine diagnostics, but if I fall and break my hip I’ll get that taken care of. If I’m lucky I’ll go out like my neighbor – went out hiking one day, didn’t show up for a family event he was expected at the next. Search and rescue was called, they found his body a couple miles down the trail, looked like he’d had a heart attack. Died doing what he loved, lived independently until the last.

        1. 75 is really not that old for many people. My parents are that age and are very active and travel all over.

          Please get vaccinated if only to protect those around you!

        3. Come back and let us know if you have changed your mind when you hit 65. Or 70. Or 75.

        4. I’m only around right now thanks to people taking care of me the last time I wasn’t able to live independently. The same is true for you. I get wanting to stay independent if possible, but it’s also pretty common to need some help, and if we can live another five or ten years with some help, I really think it’s okay to view that as lucky too.

    10. We recently went through this with my FIL for Alzheimer’s. MIL kept him at home longer than he probably should have been. He ended up in the hospital for GI issues caused by his auto-immune disease, and in the hospital and subsequent rehab stay, it became obvious that he could not be safely discharged home.

      MIL opted to place FIL in a memory care unit. He was in his 60s, and his health was not so bad that he qualified for a SNF, which would have been covered by Medicaid. However, his cognitive function did not allow him to qualify for assisted living or a home discharge.

      FIL was able to get a hospice diagnosis fairly soon after getting admitted to memory care. This meant that he was comfort care only, and my MIL was no longer paying out of pocket for all of his care. Many patients live with a hospice diagnosis for years, which is what we thought would happen here. However, FIL got sick and passed away a few months later.

    11. You can buy long-term care insurance that starts after you turn 85. It can give you peace of mind and isn’t as expensive as long-term care insurance that starts when you are younger. I read about it in the book How to Think About Money by Jonathan Clements.

      1. Does it do a pretty good job paying out?

        I had a friend who had to rely on her policies after becoming very disabled (newly diagnosed condition that causes frequent loss of consciousness that led to TBIs from falls), and it was a weird mix of gratitude for having the safety nets and also extreme difficulty jumping through all the hoops at the exact same time as needing them.

        1. Yes, the plans are often problematic. There are fewer companies still in the game, and you can’t be certain your company will still be there when you need it. They can essentially increase the premiums as much as they want / need each year, and you have to struggle with whether the potential payoff down the road is worth it with each rate increase. And yes, you can struggle with getting them to pay off when you need them.

  14. Alexis Bittar has some absolutely gorgeous evening bags. Thanks for flagging the sale.

  15. if you’re on a GLP – do you feel like there’s a certain momentum required if you’re eating, like if you dilly dally you can’t finish everything? which i know is the point, but then if you’re trying to track macros how do you do it?

    1. People are different on this. Some people insist on eating a certain amount. I myself don’t push it. Some days I don’t eat at all. But I also believe in the benefits of fasting, so it doesn’t concern me.

  16. Hopefully a light fashion question: where are you all buying swimsuits in 2026?

    First, what styles are you wearing? I’m 39, size 8, and loose skin from a c section, so I prefer a tankini but it seems bikinis or one pieces are all I can find now.

    Next, how are sites like Cupshe, Nani, and Popvil? They seem to be mostly fast fashion but super cute. I used to love Athleta but their styles aren’t as nice now.

    1. Similar size and age here, and I bought a bunch from Nordstrom. My days of wearing a small bikini are long past, but I found some great high waisted ones that pair with longline bra tops. It’s the perfect balance for me.

    3. I’m really into the swim shorts from Lands End. They have them in 3, 5, and 9-inch inseams. I like the short ones with a bra top but they also have a lot of tankini tops.

      1. +1 to swim shorts, or even swim leggings if I’m going swimming when the UV index is very high. I like a bra top too. I’ll put on a rash guard for sun protection unless the UV index is low.

      1. I bought a swimsuit from Boden once. The fabric care instructions were: do not allow fabric to touch sunscreen or salt water. Do not wash. Spot clean only. What a joke.

    5. They are pricy, but I have been very pleased with Left on Friday. They have the first high-waisted style that actually hits my waist! (My natural waist is like an inch under my boobs). Not sure if they have tankinis, but they have high waisted bottoms and some long line tops which might be close.

    6. Don’t buy cheap stuff. I like Gottex and Tommy Bahama. They fit well, and they have different styles so you have fun options. I can’t stand Lands End, so unflattering. And I don’t like compression fabric like Miracle Suit.

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