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I’m seeing a lot of this deep blue color this fall, and I’m loving it. Even if your office was relatively formal pre-COVID, I’m guessing that a lot of that has gone out the window during These Unprecedented Times.
I go into the office a fair amount these days (with masks, social distancing, etc.) but can count on one hand the number of times that I’ve put on a suit since March. I’ve been doing a pretty solid uniform of ankle pants, a blouse, and a blazer to throw on for videoconferences with clients or the court. These “midnight spruce” pants would look great with a black or navy blazer and loafers or flats.
The pants are $109 full price at Ann Taylor and are available in regular sizes 00–18 and petite sizes 00–16. Do note that they come in both “regular” and “curvy” fit. Right now, Ann Taylor has three offers going: 50% off full-price styles, $25 off your $75+ purchase, or an extra 70% off sale styles. The Straight Pant
These pants from Eloquii aren't exactly the same blue, but it's a nice, rich shade. They're available in short, regular, and long in sizes 18–28.
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
pymetrics
I applied for a job this morning, and received an email asking me to play something called pymetrics. The results of this will be used to evaluate my candidacy, it is a timed game. Has anyone done this before? Asking so that I know if this is something one needs to practice for before I start the game. Thanks in advance
Panda Bear
Ugh, a new way for algorithms to rule our lives! I have not experienced them in a job application process yet, but have read about the company. Google and you’ll find some sample games so you’ll know what to expect. It’s kind of like the old HR personality questionnaires, but with more of a brain game feeling. Maybe I’m an old curmudgeon but I hate stuff like this in hiring.
Anon
I’d never heard of it but I looked it up and I hate the “an unbiased algorithm” tag line. All algorithms have biases, often worse one than people. Bleh!
Monday
The word “algorithm” is so often used to mystify basic processes, which are designed and then carried out by people. It’s like the word itself is supposed to shut down all questioning. It reminds me of the guy who told me he lies about his age on dating apps to get around the “algorithm,” but the “algorithm” is simply younger women stating their preferred age ranges, for which he was too old.
Anonymous
Yuck. I’m sorry you had to deal with that person.
Ellen
Yes, companies are using this to better see where you fit in. Here is one explanation from J.P. Morgan:
https://careers.jpmorgan.com/US/en/advice/pymetrics-overview
At least this is impersonal. Often, when I was looking for a job, the interview consisted of a bunch of men asking me inappropriate questions, and in the case of the subpeenie firm, having me stand up and twirl around so that they could have a 360 degree view of what I looked like. When I asked “WHY?”, they said they wanted to see if I could fit in narrow spaces so that I could get in fences to serve people with their subpeenies. I got the job, but ONLY after I got up and let them see all of me, and walked between those slobs who left me with a very narrow path and they rubbed up against me as I passed through them. FOOEY! It was demeening b/c I doubt some of those slobs could fit into narrow spaces like they wanted me to do when I squeezed past them. That was an interview that probably violated a bunch of laws. But now that I am a partner at a law firm, I can tell these stories. DOUBEL FOOEY on that. Pymetrics, by comparison, can’t be that bad, b/c JP Morgan does it.
Anon
I had to do it for my current employer. I was apparently identified as a “high potential employee” (I’m a junior partner in our non-law industry) and they wanted me and fellow high achievers to complete the pymetrics online test so they could draw conclusions from patterns in our responses. I did it about 6 months ago and I haven’t heard boo since. It’s a “talent matching” program allegedly.
It was nothing to prep for in my case. It was silly games like “press the right arrow when you see X and the left arrow when you see Y”, and then they’d do it fast/slow, move the object around the screen, change it’s color or size.. basically trying to trip you up. Some games gave mini scenarios and asked you to decide among three possible conclusions with varying amounts of information to draw a conclusion in varying sets of time allowances. Conclusions at the end included things like: you’re reactive, you would rather have full sets of information before making a decision vs. making a decision quickly, etc etc. I found it fairly accurate but also pretty useless and limiting, which was the feedback I gave my firm.
MJ
How on earth is this not a flaming ADA violation as part of hiring? Insane.
Mattress Help
You should definitely search online to get a sense of what the test will entail, including speed/what to do if you’re stuck — whether you’re penalized more for spending longer on a single question and thus should guess and move on to the next one, or if it’s fine to answer fewer questions more confidently.
Anon for this
WWYD… would you casually say anything or just quietly be annoyed?
A colleague is out on maternity leave, and several of us (all similarly experienced peers) are assisting to manage the workload while she’s out. The one male among us is prone to asking others for input on particular issues that crop up in his share of the work. This would be OK as we do trade “hey have you seen this before?” Q&A among us — but… (1) he marks any request for input as ‘high’ importance, and (2) if he’s asked multiple people for input on multiple topics on the same chain, he immediately replies-all thanking each responder and then following up with those who haven’t yet i.e., “Anon, let me know when you have a chance to weigh in!”
None of the messages are anything other than ordinary-course, he just wants his emails to jump the line. Advice on how to politely tell him his approach and expectations are out of whack? (Or if I should just be quietly annoyed, solidarity would be appreciated.) FWIW I respond timely and consistent with normal expectations- just not his desired immediate timing!
Anon
Is he like this regularly or just in regards to covering this coworker’s tasks?
Anon for this
Regularly, it’s just easier to brush off when it’s only an occasional email to me as in normal times (vs multiple a day!)
Clementine
Passive aggressive approach – in Outlook you can flag things also as ‘Low Importance’. Just flag all your responses to him as ‘Low Importance’.
FWIW, this wouldn’t bother me but it would REALLY bother one of my coworkers. I don’t pay attention to that flag because i get a lot of outside messages and every outside group flags their message to me as ‘high importance’. My coworker, OTOH, sees it as a flag to ‘OMG stop and focus on this’ and HATES when people just flag things like this willy-nilly.
Alternately, if you have a friendly relationship with the coworker, just joke about it as ‘the Colleague who cried High Importance’ vs. the boy who cried wolf.
Vicky Austin
BLAHAHAHA I might start doing this.
Ellen
I had an associate a couple of years ago who did not know much, but he was also lazy, like your freind, who asks for validation on everything. For a while, I taught him, but by the 3rd time the same questions came back from him, I realised he just wanted for me to do his work. So I told the manageing partner. His father was a big cleint so I had to tread softly, but when he kept failing the NY bar, it became easier to get rid of him. So my advise is to find out if he is a member of the bar, and if not, tell your manageing partner of this and then, if he keeps failing the bar, get rid of him.
Anonymous
I’ve joked that in order to be promoted an employee should have every “high importance” email they’ve sent read back to them and evaluated for actual importance.
Anonymous
I’d just ignore him. I have a co-worker like this. I don’t have the energy to deal with fixing this for him. Everyone just sort of realizes his emails are never that important and ignores the flag. I just react based on how where it is in terms of a priority for my work. The main thing it does is makes me disinclined to go out of my way to assist. If something immediately comes to mind like a precedent I have, I’ll forward it but I’m not spending time searching for something. More flies with honey and all that.
Anon
I would completely ignore and handle his emails as you normally would
Marie
+1 This is how I handle people like this.
anon
+1, but edited to say “as you normally would, with maybe an extra hour of lag time for my own pettiness”
Anon
Yes!
Anon for this
lol, this is personally tempting- I think of it as the equivalent to slowing down when a tailgater is behind you!!
anon
The high priority thing doesn’t bother me (I’ve learned to ignore it) but the reply-all would drive me nuts. Don’t junk up my inbox, it slows me down! Can you create some rules to filter the needless follow-up emails into a different folder?
The original Scarlett
An you move the conversation to Slack or Teams? That would drive me nuts on email.
Anonymous
Just carry on doing what you’re doing. Complaining that a coworker is annoyingly on top of things isn’t going to get you anywhere.
Outlook filter
Your coworkers is ridiculous. Create a rule in outlook to filter all his emails to immediately bypass your inbox and go to another folder labeled “not urgent” or “to review.” That way you can go through them when you feel like it and don’t have to deal w/ his constant email interruptions. If he always hassles you for a response, just keep responding “haven’t a chance to review but I don’t want to hold you up so feel free to proceed!” and keep repeating till he gets the message. Don’t feed the beast.
anon for this
I work for a 4K person firm that has offices across the county. Most are open at 25-50% capacity for individuals who want to be in the office. WFH is available through the end of the year at this point, which is what I have chosen due to my age (almost 60). Work stations have been spread out and guidance has been to wear masks in the office unless you are sitting in your own cube or office. Conference rooms can be used if you are physically distanced from other meeting attendees. The following guidance is also being given, which seems crazy to me but I need a reality check as to its conformance with any medically acceptable guidance out there before I push back:
“Once in a conference room, seated and physically distanced 6′ or more from others you may remove your face covering. Replace your face covering prior to standing from the table.” Thoughts???
Anon for this
This sounds like it’s mirroring restaurant requirements (you can remove your mask when seated at your table because of course you need to remove it to eat) rather than actually minimizing risk to meeting attendees (keep your mask on throughout, to keep the max amount of breath and potential virus within your own personal little space).
Anon
Good article in the New Yorker (online, not sure about the print edition) by Helen Rosner about the problems with indoor dining, even with restrictions
Anon for this
Oh, I’m not thrilled about the idea of indoor dining either. These are the requirements for outdoor dining in my area – I’m fine with that given it is distance + outside + masks when close to, or interacting with, others.
Anon
Yeah, this. I don’t think it’s crazy per se, but misguided. I’d also consider how many multi-person meetings are happening given offices are only at 25% capacity. I know in mine there was a lot of arguing over whether we could use conference rooms, but then…no one used them because 75% of people (or more, including external people) weren’t in the office.
anne-on
That…seems crazy to me. Sitting in an enclosed office space for a prolonged period of time with no air circulation and no masks seems like very high risk behavior.
Anon
My office never went remote and you absolutely must wear your ask walking around or in conference rooms, but no one wears them at their desks
No Face
I think even the CDC has finally admitted that covid-19 is airborne. Being in an enclosed indoor space without masks for a sustained period of time is very risky. People need to keep their masks on.
Anon
I think face coverings should be required at all times indoors in an office. That’s what the university I work at is doing (for all academic/office buildings, not dorms) and it’s been going well. Virtually all our cases are linked to social gatherings or shared living spaces, not the classroom. Wearing masks isn’t that hard and dramatically reduces the spread, especially indoors.
Ellen
Agreed, but you have to be able to take off your masks if you eat or drink, and if you must also speak on the phone for a conference call, I would recommend speaking lightly into the microphone so that viral loads coming out of your mouth does not go to far to reach others in the room. If not speaking, do not get near the microphone.
Senior Attorney
That’s what we’re doing, too, except that you can take off your mask in your own private office with the door closed.
Anonymous
We used to have that. Shut it down and put up signs requiring masks to remain on as people were not great about keeping distance/remembering to put masks on and it was discouraging people from being in the office.
Anon
People should not be allowed to remove their face coverings, but is there any possibility the firm has installed improved HEPA filtration or other high-tech ventilation that would mitigate airborne spread? Otherwise this policy is nuts
Anon
yea, i feel like that is based on some initial guidance. i work at a university that has actually been doing a pretty decent job with covid and our rule is, you must be masked at all times (even when outdoors on campus), unless you are in your own office with the door closed. we are at 25% capacity in my department and we are not supposed to have in-person meetings.
Anonymous
My company is much larger, there are about 3000 people in this location. The rules sound very similar to yours, except the capacity in our conference rooms is reduced by removing chairs, leaving only as many chairs that support six feet or more distance. So, a room that typically has meetings of 8 -10 people now can have only four, and there is a sign on the door stating the limit. It really works, since it’s pretty obvious when there is no where for the fifth person to sit!
We do remove our masks in the conference room, but I guess you could leave it on if you wanted. My personal rule is I only attend meetings in conference rooms if we need to be together. My boss likes to white board complex ideas, fine we will use a room. Sit in a meeting room to be on a call? No, I’ll video in from my office. Also, most meetings seem to have organically become shorter, I believe due to so many video calls and that people are aware conference room capacity is limited. I am not particularly concerned.
Anon
My thoughts are you’ll almost certainly get covid if you go back under those circumstances. Masks need to be worn at all times indoors AND capacity needs to be greatly reduced AND distance needs to be maintained AND ventilation needs to be high.
Anonie
For what it’s worth, I work on the administrative side of healthcare (communications) and grateful to be working almost 95% from home. That said, I know many people working under the conditions the OP described (some much closer together than 6 feet due to the nature of their jobs) and it would be extremely inaccurate to say that most or even many have gotten Covid.
Anonymous
Right, but at my healthcare employer where obviously some people are not able to distance all the time, no way are there any meetings without masks. We have limited spread by being very diligent about requiring masks at all times. Only exception if you are alone in a room with the door shut but many people leave it on then.
anon
lol what anon at 9:45? Everyone I know that has gone back to work (which is a lot of people) has been in this kind of environment and 0 people have gotten covid. Stop fear mongering.
anon
I think it’s accurate to say that someone will almost certainly get (and spread) Covid under these circumstances (size of firm, guidance), but not that OP would almost certainly get Covid. It’s bad guidance from a public health perspective, and it increases everyone’s risk, but it doesn’t bring an individual’s chance of getting Covid to anywhere near 100%.
Anon
Yes. All the people I know who’ve been traveling and partying and attending weddings for the last five months without getting sick would like a word. (Not endorsing their behavior! Just saying mathematically most people won’t get Covid even if they do a lot of riskier things.)
Anon
You don’t know they haven’t gotten COVID because many people never experience symptoms and never get tested. We’d have a better sense of how often that’s happening if we had decent quality antibody tests.
Anon
I know families living together in which one or more had Covid and the sick person was unable to completely isolate, and the remaining family members did not get sick and later tested negative for antibodies. I know none of the tests are foolproof, but there is enough evidence to say that not everyone who is exposed will get infected. Repeated exposures will increase the likelihood of infection, obviously.
Anon
Fwiw, some of these people had antibody tests because they were hoping they had an asymptomatic cases and they all tested negative for antibodies. It’s estimated that only 20-30% of people are fully asymptomatic (maybe a bit more with kids, less with the elderly) so if you infect a bunch of family members or friends you were partying with, the odds that everyone would remain asymptomatic are pretty low, and most people get tested when they have a close contact test positive. Antibody surveys suggest less than 10% of the US has had it, and it’s not like 90% of people were sheltering in place this summer. So yeah, most people who were out and about this summer did not actually get it.
Betsy
My perspective as a person with no medical expertise is that the problem is that people sit in those circumstances a few times, don’t get covid, and then think it’s a safe situation. Whereas, reality is that they didn’t get covid because no one in the room was contagious with covid at that moment. Two very different things! As long as no one in the office has covid, you have no idea whether your precautions are working. If one person is in the office with covid during the time they were contagious and no one else gets it, then you have direct evidence about whether your precautions worked. But even then – sample size of one.
But to answer your original question, taking off masks in a conference room strikes me as a very, very bad idea and I think you are reasonable to push back about that being unsafe.
Anonymous
+1
Anon
That seems right – this creates a high risk of a super spreader event, which is precisely what we want to avoid, but doesn’t necessarily mean any one person will automatically get COVID.
Anon
I work for a healthcare provider (so we have a lot of medical expertise at our disposal), and this seems to be the rule for us (including with our top execs). In-person meetings are rare and only involve very small groups, but when we have, say, 3-5 person meetings, they’re spread out with masks off. So, I’m sure it’s not risk-free, but I expect it’s pretty normal.
FWIW, there is absolutely no way I could participate in a masks-on multi-person meeting. People saying that’s no big deal must have far better hearing then I do.
Anonymous
We are doing it (but also at healthcare provider so groups are very small). It’s fine.
Anonie
I would feel comfortable with this, personally. That said, I am more strict than most people I know in real life but less strict than most on this board.
Anonymous
Why do you need to push back? You aren’t going into the office and aren’t going into a conference room. If you do need to, then ask the meeting attendees beforehand to wear masks during the entire meeting. Don’t pick a fight with your employer when it isn’t necessary.
anon
I like this website that just came out
https://mycovidrisk.app/
Has a serious look at the risk levels of a bunch of activities and helps people to make informed decisions vs. going to one extreme or another.
AnonMPH
I think that this is a leftover problem from so much of the initial guidance focusing on cleaning/disinfecting surfaces, and drumming 6 ft into our heads as a magical distance. Since we know now that in some circumstances, COVID-19 is transmitted via small, “airborne” particles, being indoors and speaking in an enclosed room, no matter the distance, has some risk. Best practice would be for everyone to be told to sit more than 6ft apart AND keep their masks on if they are in a room together.
Anon
Agreed– when our office reopened in May, they were really focused on social distancing and hand washing, not mask wearing. We still have hand sanitizer everywhere (that people use all the time) but mask wearing is not 100% in the office. People are really good at spacing out, and we do not have internal meetings. We have have any cases of covid in our office.
Anon
You are correct, this makes absolutely zero sense. Your office has apparently received the understanding that are around you exists in a six foot impenatrable bubble and that is simply not true. Workers need to be masked at all times unless in their own office with door closed. Cubicles cannot be an exception as air can float up the 2 ft above their head over the cubicle.
Just get a medical exemption and stay home if they are going to have asinine policies like this. Keep a mask on all day (especially the thin blue medical masks which are very easy to breathe in) is just not that hard.
ACB
What did everyone think about ACB yesterday? I thought she came across amazingly well and was so impressed with her composure and knowledge (loved the moment when she held up the blank notepad). Also saw some commentary afterwards criticizing Cory Booker’s questioning and thought that was spot on.
Anon
She was nauseating, evasive, and a direct threat to my human rights, so no, wasn’t impressed by her slick veneer.
Anon
This.
Anonymous
Exactly. She’s all for fascist control of women in the name of religion, dressed up in a shiny package.
Anonymous
Ding ding ding! I don’t understand how a woman can have so little respect for her fellow females.
anon
+ a million
Anon
Evasive? Give me a break. If she had given answers about hypothetical cases, you would (justifiably) be irate about the fact that she’s not correctly performing the role of a judge.
anne-on
Yup. I simply do not understand women who support her. Even if YOU don’t care if your human rights are impeded, what about your friends? daughters? cousins? No? None of that matters? She is literally the person who can (and likely will, despite her evasions) try to roll back Roe v Wade, possibly Obergefell, and take us back to the 50’s. My mother was not able to apply for student loans in her own name, and I couldn’t have held my own mortgage in the early 70’s. Not looking to go back to those times, thanks.
Anonymous
She’s still trying to decide if IVF results in manslaughter.
anne-on
Depends, does use of that fetal tissue mean an experimental treatment for Covid? Then it’s fine!
Anon
Anne-on, that’s been debunked.
Anonymous
It’s not debunked. It’s factual. The cell line originates from fetal tissue.
anne-on
Nope, that’s actually 100% factual – According to Regeneron, laboratory tests used to assess the potency of its antibodies employed a standardized supply of cells called HEK 293T, whose origin was kidney tissue from an abortion in the Netherlands in the 1970s. Since then, the 293T cells have been “immortalized,” meaning they keep dividing in the lab, somewhat like a cancer, and have undergone other genetic changes and additions.
Conservatives prefer to focus on the ‘keep dividing in the lab’ part NOT the ‘where they came from in the first place’ part.
Anon
I am thinking of my sisters and nieces – the ones who were aborted.
Anonymous
Too bad you don’t have as much empathy for women who are already alive. So over the forced birthers who only care about the number of babies born and not about the women who died for that to happen.
theguvnah
I’m thinking of myself, my siblings, and my many beloved friends who would not be here if our mothers hadn’t terminated earlier pregnancies, so let’s call it a wash.
Anon
Ugh, please. We see through your smoke screen, Anon at 11:08
Anon
I guarantee you they don’t care that they were aborted
Anonymous
You have multiple sisters and nieces aborted? Shame your family can’t figure out birth control. Planned Parenthood has a pamphlet on that you can stick in everyone’s Christmas stocking.
Anon
I’m thinking of the woman a close friend knew who bled to death from a botched home abortion while her mother was in the next room. She literally died rather than seek help from her own mother. So much for “pro-life.”
Anon
I legitimately snorted in laughter at this.
Anon
I think it’s hilarious that people like you so easily forget history. The reason abortion was legalized was because so many women were dying from botched abortions or dying from not having ability to get therapeutic abortions from nonviable or dangerous pregnancies. The main issue between you and the conservatives of the past is that you, and dare I say most current conservatives, have lost sympathy for actual human beings (women) because it is easier to sympathize with humans who have no personalities, opinions, or sins – fetuses and unborn babies.
This is a generalization obviously but imo the main dividing line in morality with anti-abortionists and pro-choicers is that pro-choicers actually value the sanctity of life more than the potentiality of life. It is honestly really sad that you don’t care about people that much.
Anon
Oh how sad for you. You couldn’t force your sentient sisters and mother to gestate and give birth against their will and now you have sad feelies about missing out on “people” you’ve never even met and have no actual connection to.
Anonymous
And she’s lying. We’re supposed to believe Mitch McConnell breaks all the rules, risks everyone getting covid and jams through a confirmation on the eve of an election, against the will of thre majority of Americans, while ignoring an economic and public health catastrophe, to seat a justice that…rules fairly? I don’t think you need to be a legal scholar to get what’s going on here.
Anonymous
Who? Stop trying to make initials a thing. It’s not fetch.
Anonymous
Yes. Sorry she hasn’t earned initials. Potential justice Barrett. Initials are RBG’s thing.
Anon
Yes.
LaurenB
What?? I refer to Trump as DJT, referred to George W. Bush as GWB, and I am / was no fan of either of them. I don’t see what’s wrong with referring to Amy Coney Barrett as ACB. Ruth Bader Ginsburg (may she RIP) is not the owner of initials.
Anonymous
GWB =George Washington bridge to my Long Island ears
Anon
She’s Judge Barrett. She is a potential Justice, but she is currently Judge Barrett.
Anonymous
I thought she was a nightmare intent on destroying women’s freedom and imposing her religious views on the entire country, just like I think every day.
anon
Same.
Anonymous
I also loved the blank notepad moment, and thought her comments about applying the law and not enforcing an agenda were much needed and commendable. We shall see.
Anonymous
I mean they’re complete lies that distort what the job of being a judge is, but sure carry on with that.
anon
+1
Anon for this
As someone who frequently makes notes and lists, I *hate* when not using notes is lauded as a mark of superior brainpower. The people in my life who are most hostile about seeing me write something down are also the ones that change their minds every 15 minutes and don’t want to admit that they have flip-flopped over anything.
Anon
Ooooh! Platitudes! So convincing.
Anon
I honestly don’t care if Barrett is the smartest, most principled judge of all time. By Republicans’ own standards, it wasn’t their seat to fill. Give Merrick Garland a hearing and then we can talk.
Anonie
Amen
Anon
The standard of the Presidency and the Senate being in different hands?
Anon
Ah yes, that good old, made up after the fact “standard.” In any two situations, you can find some different to use as a justification for why your original standard doesn’t apply. Maybe the Senate won’t confirm any of Biden’s nominees because they decide he’s too old? He will after all be the oldest sitting president. It doesn’t make it any less hypocritical that they refused to give Obama’s nominee a vote almost a year before the election and are now ramming through a nominee while the current election is literally in progress.
Anonymous
You mean the standard they had in 2020 that they spoke against in 2016?
They have no standards. They are lying sniveling weasels.
Anon
Was this standard ever articulated, even one time, in 2016? Because I sure AF don’t recall hearing it.
Anon
Nope. In 2016 they said no confirmations in a presidential election year. Some people including Lindsey Graham specifically said they would follow the same rule even if Republicans controller the White House. Then they came up with this justification post hoc when Trump won in anticipation of RBG dying.
Another anon
PREACH
Anon
I disagree with her on almost everything, but I could almost admit a grudging respect for her if she declined to be seated because of what the Senate GOP did to Merrick Garland. That would show ethics and a commitment to civic duty.
Anonymous
This. She should be embarrassed to be sitting there.
And not impressed with the dog whistling on ‘preference’ today. She’s 48. She knows better. It was a clear dog whistle.
Anon
I disagree with Barrett on a lot of things, but Joe Biden literally used the phrase preference less than a month ago. It’s like fake woke nonsense to be offended by that, and there’s plenty of real stuff to be offended by.
Anon
I understand we all have to support Biden given our options, but I really hope that what Biden says and does doesn’t become the new standard of what’s acceptable!
Anonymous
Sorry I missed the part where he was a teenager in the 1990s when we all learned to do better than that.
Him doing something wrong doesn’t make it okay for her to do something wrong. And I believe his mistake was a gaff from an older person with decades of using what was then the common term. She knows better and she knows EXACTLY what she was doing. She idolizes Scalia who used ‘ “orientation” ‘ in scare quotes constantly. Orientation (without scare quotes) is the current term used in the law. So she’s either ignorant of the law (which makes her unqualified) or she’s dog whistling (which makes her unqualified).
Anon
The online dictionary changed the definition literally overnight. This is downright Orwellian and everyone should be concerned, not screaming about “dog whistles.”
Anon
+1 I’m liberal and I didn’t realize ‘sexual preference’ was that offensive. I feel like I’ve heard educated liberal people use it within the last year or so. I think this is definitely veering into performative wokeness. There are so many real problems with Barrett – like the fact that she wants to strip women and LGBT people of important human rights. Can’t we focus on that instead?
cbackson
I was a teenager in the 1990s who led one of the first high-school gay/straight alliances in my southern state and if you asked me if “preference” is a slur, I wouldn’t say yes. It’s an outmoded term, but frankly, in the 1990s I was grateful if someone used “preference” when talking to me instead of the d-word or the f-word. There are so many things to go after ACB on, but I thought that was stupid.
But I also don’t care if s*xual orientation is a choice or the way you’re born. Either way, we shouldn’t face discrimination because of it. That’s the key point.
Monday
@ cbackson, yeah–I’ve always been confused about why “choice” is a problem when it comes to s3xuality. We are protected from discrimination based on religious affiliation, which is a choice. So who cares whether it’s chosen?
Anonymous
@ cbackson. No one said it was a slur. And it does matter. ‘Preference’ has been used to argue that sexuality is not an immutable characteristic. In order to uphold Obergerfell it must be an immutable characteristic, not a choice so it does matter if it is considered a choice or not in terms of allowing or not allowing discrimination.
She is intentionally signaling/reassuring their base that Obergerfell is up for grabs. Especially as two other Justices recently came out against it.
Anon
Counterpoint. I’m 55 and I know the term “preference” is a slur because it implies being gay is a choice rather than the way you’re born. Come on, this has been part of public discourse for 15+ years.
anon
Well congrats to everyone who already knew but this 33-year-old learned something today! Of course the explanation makes sense and I will avoid using the term ‘preference’ going forward. But I genuinely had no idea before this morning.
cbackson
Anonymous@11:59 – It is widely being described as a slur in the media. Hirono described it as “offensive.” Do I think ACB will vote to overturn Obergefell if given the chance? Yes. Do I think that “sexual preference” is inaccurate? Yes, because I do think the balance of the evidence is that orientation is innate, although I also think that depends on a binary understanding of s*xuality that seems outmoded to me. Do I think that “sexual preference” is a slur and a dogwhistle, as it’s being described? No. The number of people on this board alone who are commenting that they had no idea it could be considered offensive demonstrates that.
Also, I don’t think Barrett has to dogwhistle – her views are pretty upfront in her prior writings, even if she is taking the position (consistent with many prior nominees) of refusing to state how she’ll rule on particular cases.
anon
I dislike Barrett as much as anyone on this board but I honestly had no idea about the ‘preference’ thing until Twitter educated me today.
Anonymous
How old are you? Because I’m 40 and I can’t think of ever hearing a friend use the term ‘preference’ when they mean ‘orientation’. Like it is just so clearly and expressly link to the idea that sexuality is a choice and not innate.
Anonymous
Not just a choice, but a kind of inconsequential choice!
Anon
I’m 35, liberal, in a pretty liberal bubble in terms of friends and family, and I’ve heard people say preference and didn’t know it was offensive. Now that I hear the explanation, it makes sense, but it’s honestly not something that ever occurred to me before.
Jeffiner
I live in Texas, and one of my friends just moved here from California via Maryland. We both identify as progressives, but we use different language. I would probably had said “preference” meaning orientation, and she likely would have pointed out the problem with that terminology. We think the differences in our words are due to the differences in our regions’ cultures. But there is a difference in the meanings of the words, and I will try to use orientation in the future.
Nah
I’m 35 and have never heard any negative connotation with “preference” until her hearings. I certainly understand the distinction and will respect it going forward, but it was new to me and to most of my colleagues and friends. I don’t think it’s fair to accuse her of derisively using a term that many LGBTQ supporters have used. We can accept the shift to “orientation” as the preferred term, but it definitely has a performative allyship vibe to use this as a criticism of ACB.
Anon
I’m 40 and I have heard “preference” used. I think it is a valid term, because some may be homosexual but make the choice to live as a heterosexual. That is a preference. Some women have high male hormone levels but choose to present and live as female, while a similar woman may choose to present as male…
Anonymous
I actually think you should read anon at 11:59. The wording is really important from a legal perspective even if it wouldn’t be offensive in common speech for most people.
Anonymous
Not in the US, English as second language:
If I heard somebody in passing talking about sexual preference on the news, I would assume they were talking about favourite sexual acts, positions, kinks etc. A what not a with whom question.
LaurenB
Out of the loop — “sexual preference” is now a non-woke thing to say? Context, please – thanks!
Anonymous
For a long time it has been the language used by people who think sexual orientation is a choice. As in, people who identify as gay or lesbian ‘chose’ to be attracted to members of the same sex. A key part of Obergefell is that sexual orientation is an immutable (non-changeable) characteristic. If that falls, the right to equal marriage falls. I think she was signaling her views on that point because she knows she can’t come out and say she will decide against equal marriage. She’s heinous but she’s not dumb.
I didn’t know until my DH educated me that cornflowers are a dogwhistle to the far right in Germany and Austria. The fact that people didn’t know that referring to ‘sexual preference’ instead of ‘sexual orientation’ can be a dog whistle for those against equal marriage does not mean it isn’t used in that way. Barrett was either ignorant or intentional with her use of the term. Neither is a good look.
Anon
I don’t know. Growing up with a Catholic family but never attending church, I was sort of taught that people were born “different” but the right thing to do was to choose to live like a heterosexual. There is even mounting evidence that hormonal conditions in utero and early in life influence sexuality. I don’t think anyone can say that everyone is all born one way and some choose to be gay. How does that even hold up?
Anon
Many people believe that anything other than being heterosexual is a fetish like any fetish a person might have, or they think it’s a deviancy (and specifically bring up attraction to minors or to animals) to make this argument. Catholic countries also have a long history of forced gender reassignment of infants, so they don’t really care about the “born this way” view. It’s hard to overstate how much fear and hostility surround this issue for some people.
LaurenB
“I disagree with her on almost everything, but I could almost admit a grudging respect for her if she declined to be seated because of what the Senate GOP did to Merrick Garland. That would show ethics and a commitment to civic duty.”
Yes! I love this idea.
Supergas
The other day someone said (some) Supergas on Amazon are fake. Is there a way to tell?
Anonymous
Google to find out if they legitimately sell through Amazon at all. Many brands/companies choose not to. They choose not to because Amazon refuses to crack down on fakes & the brand gets tired of customers trying to hold them responsible for the poor quality of those fakes, etc.
Anonymous
If it’s on Amazon, it’s fake.
anon
Yep. I don’t buy anything except batteries and paper products from there anymore.
Anon
Amazon owns Zappos and they sell the same shoes at the same prices. Are Zappos’ shoes also fake? I find it hard to believe that they’re all fake.
Anonymous
Most of the name-brand clothing sold on Amazon is not actually sold by Amazon. It’s from third-party sellers and just shipped by Amazon. Zappos sells real merchandise at real prices.
Annon
I understand a lot of the Amazon hate on this site but this is just not true. SOME products sold on Amazon are fake, particularly the ones through third-party sellers. Many of them are not. Generally I avoid purchasing through third party sellers on Amazon unless they are reputable, have bought a lot of products, and only once got a fake (for which Amazon refunded my money).
Also for anyone who does not check, you can see who the seller is and if you click on the name you see a dashboard with the company’s address and reviews. You can then decide whether you want to buy from an offshore seller or one without a real address. Sorry if this seems basic, but I mentioned this to a friend recently and she had no idea.
As an aside, I bought my daughter a pair of Superga sneakers on Amazon and if they are fake, neither of us can tell!
Down with Bezos!
I think the best operational process is to assume everything on Amazon is fake, a ‘dupe’, or junk from overseas.
Anonymous
… if it’s listed on Amazon, it’s probably fake. That’s what Amazon fosters.
Anon
You can look into who your actual seller is. I don’t know if that particular brand is on Amazon but I just bought two pairs of skis from two different sellers and confirmed that both are small independent ski shops that also sell on Amazon. One was even in my state!
Anon
Then why not buy from the actual shop? Not trying to be snarky but genuinely curious.
Anon
Not OP but has someone who has done the same thing:
(1) Just because a store is in my state does not mean it is not still a drive of several hours each way. I bought something recently from a seller in my state which would have taken 16-hours round trip to get in person.
(2) Large, bulky items are hard to fit in my car. When I go skiing I usually rent an SUV because my everyday car gets great mileage but won’t carry much gear.
(3) Because I work full time and would rather do other things with my spare time.
(4) Because very often the selection is better on-line than what is available in a brick and mortar store.
(5) Because in times of Covid, I am limiting my in-person shopping.
A lot of people on this site hate Amazon and I am not trying to re-start that argument, but I have a demanding full time job and 2 kids who are too young to leave home alone (and who pre-Covid had a lot of weekend activities). It saves a lot of time to order what I need rather than drive for hours only to find out they do not have it in stock. And this is from someone who lives in a big city with good shopping options. My home town’s shopping options are Wal-Mart or a 2-hour drive each way to get to a city with a Target and Costco.
I generally do not buy from Amazon if I can pick it up from my grocery store/Target/ Costco but I still buy a lot from Amazon.
Anonia
This is interesting to me because I buy shoes and other name brand stuff on Amazon and have never had a fake. I like to comparison shop for amusement , and check Zappos for latest colors/styles and compare the two. I usually end up with last years colors because they are cheaper.
AnonMPH
I’m so confused by the comments on here every time someone asks about whether things on Amazon are fake. Are all these posters commenting from their own experience, that they’ve bought multiple items that were fake/trash? I have many problems with Amazon, feel guilty about using it, but the reason that they have grown and become such a monopoly is that they are very good at delivering all sorts of items that people might want, quickly. I wind up buying stuff from amazon all the time, and have never received something that seemed to be obviously fake/broken/junk that was not what I thought I was purchasing. If the item has a lot of reviews, sold by a reputable seller, and if you look at the recent reviews and see that people are generally confirming that they were happy with what they received, it’s pretty easy to weed out anything that is likely to be problematic.
anon
Yes, this has happened to me a lot — esp. with brand-name beauty products (e.g., shampoos). I only buy directly now, and try to skip amazon as much as possible. Also, lots of these reviews are fake.
Z
Michigan is now on New York’s list of places where you have to quarantine 14 days if visiting from there. I’m from NY originally, and it was sort of a point of pride for me that Michigan was handling the pandemic really well that New York saw us as doing well too. Now my parents, who were going to drive out here to have Thanksgiving with me don’t feel comfortable coming out. I totally understand, but it makes me sad. I wish this country was doing what we needed to do to squash this like almost every other country in the world. Why have we decided to just live with it and wait for a vaccine when there are easier ways of making it better?
/rant
Anon
I don’t know. And if you listen to the experts, a vaccine isn’t even going to change that much. It will likely require “second generation” vaccines that are way more effective and give longer-lasting immunity before infections go way down, and who knows when that will be. It was such a mistake that we collectively gave up on non-vaccine control measures and decided to just let the virus run rampant while waiting for the magic vaccine.
Anonymous
The places that are doing well are doing well because they still require 14 day quarantines for anyone not local. Even in places with almost no Covid, that’s what is working to keep it low. The lack of coordination/action in the US response is completely frustrating but 14 day quarantines are actually really good strategies from a public health perspective even when there is no/low Covid.
anon
Um, there are huge second waves happening across Europe and the world.
Anon
Yes, but they had it really well controlled from May to October and this second wave will be quickly stamped out too. No country that’s not an island can take the strategy of “eradicate the virus and return to fully normal” but it’s a fact that every developed country has controlled the spread better than the US.
Anon
But at least Europe had a summer, instead of shooting people at Dollar Generals over mask requirements….
Anon
Yep. My friend in France spent her summer seeing friends and family, traveling internationally and going to the theater and museums. Regardless of my personal risk tolerance, none of those things were options for me. Europe wasn’t back to pre-pandemic life this summer but it got much closer than the US ever did.
Anon
All of those things have been options in much of the US. I could name close family members who have done every single one of those things (yes, even international travel). For better or worse, leadership in your area area has made different choices from most of Europe and much of the US.
Anon
I’m in a red state that’s fully “open” so it’s not about my state leadership keeping things closed.
I (and most of the rest of the US) can’t go to NY and the rest of the northeast, and I have family there.
I can travel to Mexico and the Caribbean but that’s pretty much it – I can’t go to Canada or Europe to see my friends there.
Theaters and museums in many parts of the US have remained closed even when they’re allowed to be open. Point me to a major theater in the US that’s putting on shows right? I don’t think there is one, certainly if there is they’re in an extreme minority. All Broadway Across America shows were canceled. Virtually all major artists have canceled their concerts.
I mean, yes, I can see *a* friend. I can go to *a* country that’s international. But I can’t see most of my friends and family. I can’t go to most of the world, including virtually any developed country.
It’s not even remotely the same as what Europe had where they had the freedom to go anywhere and do anything they wanted this summer because they actually controlled the pandemic.
Anon
I’m in NYC, my job is pushing us to start coming in a few times a week, and I have a 1 hour commute on public transit. I’m very very worried about what this fall/winter is going to look like. I picked up an itty-bitty cold and got so scared — what if it’s COVID, what if I’m one of those who end up with long term complications, what if I infect someone and they die. It really sucked. Starting this week, I’m back to where I was in March and April — take out only, popping into grocery or pharmacy if needed, otherwise hiding out at home. Except going to the office when absolutely required. If I had the means to do so, I would quit.
Anon
Why are they pushing you to come in? Is it necessary to your work? I cannot stand employers who are making people come back because they are tired of working from home, even though most people have absolutely been busting their asses there. It’s. A. Pandemic.
Z
Yep. My dad works in Manhattan and commutes an hour each way on the train. I worry for him every day and the MTA is not enforcing mask wearing.
Anonymous
Try to stay home as much as possible/just a bit longer … In NYC we saw last time that COVID started circulating at many places after just a few weeks of reopening … then everything gets shut down again. So if you can delay going in even by a few weeks, the policy might change & you won’t have too. Though this was true for the place reopening at 50%+ or on rotating schedules and a few stayed open in spite of illness …
Anon
I’m doing my best but my boss comes in 5 days a week and seems to think the pandemic is over, and anyone at home is not actually working. On zoom meetings they are all like, let’s all start coming in so we can catch up on work and gear up for 2021 which is going to be OUR BEST YEAR EVER!!!!!! And I’m like… what planet are you on?!
Anon
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-54504785
This could be us, but we have no leadership who would have taken us to that place
Anon
Yeah, we are not handling it uniquely poorly. You should look at Europe’s COVID charts. I disagree with a lot about our COVID response, but let’s not ignore the data to prove our point.
Anonymous
The death rate in the US is way higher. Europe has much higher testing capacity and has pushed hard to have widespread testing. There is definitely a significant second wave there but other than Italy in the spring, it has never been near as bad as it is in the US.
Anon
I think the lower death rate can be explained by other factors like universal health care, a more white population, and a less obese population. Europe as a whole doesn’t really have more testing. Germany, France, Spain, Italy, Sweden, Switzerland, Austria all have less testing per capita than the US. The UK has slightly more and Denmark and Iceland have much more (but are much smaller countries, so not really analogous).
anon
+1 to obesity
Anon
A more white population?
Anon
Yes, Black Americans are dying at roughly double the rate of white Americans, so it’s pretty logical that a country that is 90% white would have a lower death rate than a country that’s 60% white with the same number of infections. You can see the discrepancy across US states too, eg., death rates in Iowa are much lower than in Mississippi. Europe in general has much fewer Black people than the US.
Anon
JFC are you really that dense that you think it’s because they’re black that they’re dying? It’s because of generations and generations of systemic racism in this country that lead to much worse health outcomes regardless of whether there’s a pandemic.
Anon
Reading comprehension fail – I never said system racism isn’t a huge part of why more Black people are dying from Covid. It is. The point is that, regardless of the reason for the discrepancies in death rate, it’s factual that cities/states/countries with whiter populations have significantly lower death rates from Covid. Europe is much whiter than the US, ergo, that is a factor in their lower death rates (along with less obesity and other things).
(Also Europe is plenty racist too. I would actually argue that big European cities are generally as racist or even more racist than big American cities, but that’s harder to quantify and not really the point.)
Anon
But people in Europe got to (safely) visit their loved ones this summer. Maybe they will have a second round of lockdowns now, but they had almost 6 months of near-normalcy that the US never had. I know some people were traveling, gathering, etc this summer even in the US, but our case counts never got low enough for that to be safe. Europe per capita cases were about 1/10th of US cases for most of summer. I would much rather have periods of near-normalcy followed by strict shutdowns than several years of raging pandemic where it’s legal but not safe to go out.
Anon
That’s what’s happened in Israel and it’s… not good now they needed a second lockdown. COVID is now rampant in areas it never was before.
anne-on
This just all stinks. And I think the prospect of not doing family Thanksgiving is particularly hard for many people after you’ve spent so long being ‘good’ and avoiding situations that you may feel like you’ve ‘earned’ a family gathering. We are also likely going to be skipping hosting/traveling for both Thanksgiving and Christmas and we’re trying hard to think of ways to make it special for our small family unit but it’s fine to acknowledge that it does hurt and is sad.
Anon
I’m sympathetic to everyone in this pandemic, even the people I disagree with, but it also is uniquely frustrating that a lot of people have lived their lives pretty normally all summer to the detriment of those of us who truly could not do so because of the risk. They’ve made it worse for all of us and now they also seem to be complaining the loudest about winter coming and more lockdown.
Anon
Exactly.
anne-on
Oh, hard agree. But I still feel for anyone for whom the prospect of holidays alone is super challenging – the people who are planning on skipping family gatherings are probably not the ones going to bars/nightclubs/etc.
Anonymous
I am sick of hearing people say that because they were “good” all summer they “deserve” to have family holiday gatherings. That’s not how it works. The virus doesn’t care about your personal virtue or past behavior.
Anon
What about all the unsupervised maskless massive kids playdates i see in my neighborhood? It’s not just bars and clubs– I’m talking 20 kids playing football
Anon
@ 10:27 – I think part of it is if you have been strictly following the rules then it likely is safe for a one time small gathering since none of the people would have been exposed. If everyone stocks up on groceries and meds two weeks before and legit doesn’t leave their house and then drives to get together with family on Thanksgiving, that’s a pretty low risk activity.
Anon
Maskless football isn’t great but at least it’s outdoors. Bars/restaurants are way worse
Anon
+1
AnonATL
Not much to add about how the US is handling things, but are your parents not willing to do the 14 day quarantine or are they just concerned about picking it up there?
If it’s the latter, I think there are plenty of things you could do in advance of their stay to minimize their risk. And of course, just hang around your home or do other super low risk activities while they do visit. If it’s the issue of the quarantine, that likely won’t change in the next month.
It does suck though! The holidays are going to be very lonely for a lot of people this year.
Z
They’re concerned with picking it up here and on the trip out. It’s just a lot of low risk things that when you put them together it looks like higher risk.
Anon
I was also going to add to see what the quarantine actually entails. In my state, it is a joke. You have to quarantine for 14 days but you are still allowed to go to the grocery store, doctor, pharmacy and I think work!!!! How is that a quarantine?
Anonie
I just wanted to say that I’m sorry you won’t get to see your parents for Thanksgiving. That is really disappointing.
Anonymous
I am so tired of everyone living their best lives and now I am just over following cautious rules. I feel like I’m the only one left doing nothing, seeing no family, eating at home, WFH, not going to the gym. #s are really going up, our R number goes up every day (it had been below 1 for a while, every day it is higher).
It’s like I’ve been designated driver for 6 months.
Anonymous
Congratulations? I understand why you feel this way, but many of us are also at home.
Anon
Ha, I saw one that I enjoyed – “The people who are staying home are the ones who had to do the entire group project by themselves in college.”
Anon
Oh god yes. But the problem is that we can’t do it all ourselves this time, and the slackers are going to affect our grade no matter how hard we work!
Anon
Yeah I don’t like that analogy because even if you have to do all the work yourself, you can still get an A on the project, and move on to a different project. Here, the people who don’t want to do the work are keeping us all stuck in this infinite loop of not being able to go anywhere or see our loved ones or do anything we want to do.
Anonna
Just wanted to say I am right there with you and sometimes it feels like I’m the only one at least in my social circle. I strongly feel I’m doing the right thing for myself, and I’m keeping myself busy and my mental health is fine. But it still sucks and I try not to feel resentment or listen to others who tell me I’m doing it wrong when my personal risk assessment is none of their business.
Anon
And the suffering Olympics is back, folks, it’s back!
Anonymous
Haha. Yes. Tell us again about how you disinfect your groceries and look down on people for taking children anywhere.
Anonymous
I used to be in shape but now am “skinny fat”. My family has planned to do a hiking trip at the end of October for months and I just realized that the trip is in a couple weeks. I know I can’t physically train in that time, but are there things I can do to be less sore? Yoga, vitamins, diet?
Anonymous
Advil and good socks / footwear. And a good hat / ear band.
Anon
Being in or out of shape has nothing to do with being fat.
Start doing some lunges and squats tonight, do them every day, and you’ll stave off the worse of it. As a fat and fit hiker myself, it’s about the muscle in your legs, glutes, and core, not the padding around them.
PolyD
Ha, yeah, I would probably be considered to be slightly thinner than normal and just got my ass kicked trying to hike in the Shenandoah. I, too, was in pretty good shape pre-pandemic (cardio and strength training and ballet)…
Good shoes, appropriate clothing, water… and take it easy! Hiking slowly for a longer time seems better than trying to go fast at the beginning and not being able to complete the hike.
Anonymous
That’s exactly what OP is saying: she is small and out of shape and her body composition has changed.
Anon
Yes – that’s exactly what skinny fat is!
Anonymous
Advil.
Anonymous
look up a yoga for hikers video. Do that every second day. On the days in between, walk for at least a half hour – preferably uphill. Make sure you get enough potassium and magnesium in your diet. Take advil and epsom salts with you on holiday.
Anon
Start training. Walk, run (or run/walk), squats, kettlebells, FitnessBlender.
Flats Only
Even if it’s not as much training as you would like, do as much walking as you can between now and then. Even a 1/2 hour around the neighborhood every day is better than nothing. You need to get your body used to walking. A build in a stretching habit, before and after the walks, because stretching will keep you from being sore.
Anon
If you want to get less sore when hiking use poles. They help a lot. You can train if you want to – a few weeks is enough time to start exercising again. You’re not going to get in peak condition but it’s nothing to sneeze at.
Anon
Squats and other thigh muscle strengthening exercises! If you have a spin bike or access to one, do heavy pedal rides to build up your muscles. I did that for a bit before backpacking in New Hampshire and believe it really helped.
Another Career Choice Post
Another career choice post for the hive; you all are so good at seeing other externalities and factors to weigh. Semi-long background, I’m a litigator who left a federal government role a few years ago, where my role was doing three things; (1) a role I loved, but at the time I left that piece was being taken away from me (part of the impetus of me leaving), (2) a role I was fine with, and very good at, and (3) a role I hated. I left for a firm, in a non-partnership track position because I have zero interest in business development, where my hours expectations are low (less than 1800). I have one kid (born since leaving gov’t) and actively TTC. I am finding myself increasingly resenting private practice; the things that are getting to me are (a) partners are increasingly treating me like a first year (this could be covid-related hoarding though, so temporary), (b) it seems that nobody realizes they want my subject matter expertise until the last second, which means that at times I have nothing to do all day, but requests seem to always come in at 4 or 5, right when I want some family time, and need a turnaround by morning; despite me thumb-twiddling during the day (and having constant anxiety about my hours, even though they are low-so I have a hard time pushing back and not doing the night-work because it’s the only work I’m getting), and (3) I’m increasingly being pushed into a practice area where I am not as confident, therefore anxious about my performance.
I’ve recently been “recruited” to a state government position through my contacts. The role will be nearly entirely #2 above (what I was fine with, but good at). I’m waiting to see what the pay will be (almost certainly less than I am making right now, but it could be anywhere between 20% to 40% less than what I make now, on that pay scale). We would be fine financially either way. Upside: government hours (daytime, 40h/week, predictable), confidence that I am good at my job and don’t have to worry about performance, see my family more. But, the role would not blow my socks off or make me excited to go to work. Or, do I stay and potentially go part time? My husband suggested that scenario, but I’m not sure that will help the timing issue of nights/weekends. Or stay just to wait for another opportunity? I recently was second-choice for an in-house gig doing their government litigation, and they specifically told me to apply for the next available opening (and hinted I would get it); I just don’t know when there will be another opening. This last opportunity would be the “goldilocks” situation for me, but it’s certainly not in the bag.
What would you do?
Anon
No advice, but following, because I am in an identical situation.
The original Scarlett
I’d take part time at the firm completely off the table. That’s a loser for you – you will work the same amount for less money, with all the stress of being full time. Given what you’ve said about the firm and your interests, I’d take the state job. Right now, you don’t have much upward potential, and you’re not excited about the work. With the state job, your life will be better and you never know, it could translate into more excitement. Also, nothing prevents you from moving twice – keep an eye on the other in-house role and other possibilities while you’re doing the state job.
The original Scarlett
Moderation is at it again, the TL/DR – take the state job and keep looking if you don’t like it.
Another Career Choice Post
Yeah, the only reason part time is even in the mix is to reduce the anxiety about making my hours…
Senior Attorney
I agree with this. Part time at a firm just means less money for all the same stresses and probably most of the hours.
I’d take the state job (heck, when I was you I did take the state job and very happy I did!), and also stay in touch with the in-house people to keep that option open.
Anonymous
The firm issues you mention are just what working at a firm is like. Yes partners do treat non partners like junior associates (not all but many do); yes it’s common to sit around with nothing to do all day and then begin a 10 hr day at 4 pm etc. Those problems won’t go away if you stay in a firm role in any capacity.
No Face
It sounds like the state government position may be a good fit until another position at the in-house opportunity opens up. For me, it would really depend on the pay.
An alternative would be to stay in the firm role, but learn to accept how it is structured. If you don’t have any work during the day and get night-work, just enjoy your day. Take a long, luxurious nap. Read a book. Watch tv. If your childcare is in your home, get some kiddo snuggles. If your childcare is outside the home, pick kiddo up early every once in a while for bonus snuggle time. When the nightwork comes in a 4 or 5, send an email indicating that you have received the assignment and then don’t think about it or work on it until kiddo is in bed. Another option is to proactively write some type of guide about when your expertise might be needed and send it to the litigators. There was only one bankruptcy attorney at one of my old firms and she did that from time to time, and it was very helpful.
I would not recommend part time, as you would have the same problems but with less money.
Anon
If you were a junior associate, you wouldn’t have many options. However, as a subject matter expert, it seems like you have options that others do not. Is there anyone you can work with in your firm management about putting on a training for your subject area, including what phase of the litigation you should be invovled in?
Another Career Choice Post
Understood. I have been practicing for more than 12 years (longer than some of these partners!). Perhaps a training may be a good idea, to raise my profile to make people think of me earlier.
Anon
I have no useful advice, but just curious – how did you find that in house role doing government litigation? I would love a job like that. I’m also a former fed litigator trying to find something new, ideally in house.
OP
It was just posted on the company’s website, which is a local company to me who has a large legal department. They have a lot of government oversight with what they do, and a lot of contracts with the government as well, so they have a few lawyers whose job (in whole or in part) has that focus. The job was also listed on Indeed and the local bar association page. I didn’t work with a specific recruiter or anything.
Anon
Awesome, thank you! Good luck with your choices. My vote is for state govt job for now but keep looking for your dream job.
Anon
Either go to the government or wait for another opportunity. Which of those depends on whether you actually have a realistic idea of a job that would knock your socks off and there are regularly such jobs openings. A reliable gvt job plus spending a lot of time on your hobbies or kicking butt as a member of a nonprofit board sounds like a fantastic life to me so if you can swing it, I’d seriously consider it.
Part time at the firm isn’t going to fix your problems and will make you more resentful bc you’ll have same issues and less money.
Anon
Has anyone tried the Dr Dennis Gross alpha beta peel pads? The regular or extra strength? Online reviews are all great but I’m not sure I can trust them, and would love to hear from you guys.
anon
I suggested these to someone on here yesterday! I use the universal daily peel but definitely not on a daily basis… more like once every 1-2 weeks whenever my skin needs a little boost. They really brighten and smooth my skin, and are definitely making a difference with fine lines that are starting to appear in various places. My skin is pretty sensitive but these don’t cause any redness, stinging, flaking, etc.
Anon
I love them, find them very easy to use and they have good results. Not “I got a peel at a medi-spa” results but good results compared to any other home peel products I have tried. I use the extra-strength because I know my skin can tolerate it; if you are new to acid peels I’d start with the regular strength.
Kitten
Yes, I use the extra strength but I tolerate acids very well. Occasionally I will even do a week of daily peel pads if I’m having significant clogged pores/acne issues. One tip is to cut them in half and save the other half for your next treatment (assuming it won’t dry out by then).
Anon
Feeling like women are going to be totally screwed if Barrett does get confirmed. Of course she won’t admit that she will overturn precedent to destroy our abortion rights, but she has hinted as much and we know that she is very religious. There’s no real way to stop her now, right?
Anon
Nope. The best thing we can hope for is a big victory in the 2022 midterms as a reaction to the court overturning Roe. It’s incredibly popular, even though the minority that wants it overturned is very loud.
Anon
No. It’s not just abortion either, lafies, get ready for pushes to take us back to the fifties. And heaven help you if you’re a gay women, because I’m not sure obergefell will survive her either.
anne-on
A college friend is a trusts and estates lawyer in NC. A big portion of her business pre-Obergefell was drawing up trusts/estates documents to ensure her married gay clients wishes for their healthcare decisions/children/property/etc. were legalized in state. Many had moved to the triangle from Northern cities where they were married and then realized their marriages and kids might not be considered valid by courts/hospitals/schools outside of the blue triangle bubble. She’s seen people coming back to ask for those same documents again as they are terrified that their marriages might be overturned in a second Trump presidency.
Anonymous
I just don’t think so. As a country, we seem to have such diffuse governments regulating us (local, state, federal, counties), that stuff just doesn’t change much or fast. This can be good or bad, but it tends to reinforce the status quo. We move at a glacial speed. Seatbelts, not smoking, not drunk driving moved in sort of a top-down and bottom-up effort and even after decades of people pulling together and others being indifferent we have had some change but not full change (unfortunately). With something more divisive, I doubt you’d have real change from how the world is now. [If anything, I would love to see BCPs become OTC meds, which should not only democratize them but make then very inexpensive; I hate the things, but a lot of this would get sidestepped by just making it a consumer choice vs a govt / insurance issue.]
Anon
I disagree. So many politicians are so passionate about their women-hating that they’ll rush through changes as fast as they can. They’ve already done so time and time again.
Anonymous
The country is pretty purple, so a lot of change in a hurry will tend to not go over well. Where it isn’t purple, it isn’t purple and living that red/blue reality already.
Arkie
Ummmm this hugely depends on where you are. I’m in Arkansas, and the moment there’s a whiff that abortions can be further restricted, they are here. That includes banning surgical abortions in the early days of the pandemic by executive order from the governor. I’ll be able to travel out of state if I need one, but there is no universe where poor women in my state will be able to get a safe, legal abortion if SCOTUS overturns (or even significantly walks back) Roe.
Anon
It obviously does not matter that the population is purple to Republicans if they have any power at all. They will use it despite the fact that their policies are not supported by the majority.
Bah humbug
If Roe is overturned it will just go back to the states right? I would think most states would implement their own rules.
Anon
Yes, and about half the states will fully ban abortion the next day. Not an issue for affluent women like me who can travel (although the pandemic complicates things) but definitely a problem for less privileged women.
Anonymous
A lot of states don’t have clinics for abortion and haven’t for a while not because of state or federal laws but because no one seems to really want to be in that line of work. So I really don’t know what would change that reality. Probably more chemically-induced early pregnancy abortions? But the reality has shifted in a way that the rhetoric doesn’t reflect. The right doesn’t really exist now anyway. It hasn’t for a long time.
emeralds
Citation needed for your first sentence.
Anon
I don’t disagree that red states have limited abortion rights in practice but all stares in the US currently have an abortion clinic and have since 1974. A few states only have one though. Missouri almost became the first state without one, but the PP there was allowed to stay open after a court case. https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2020/05/29/ruling-saves-missouri-abortion-clinic/
Anonymous
A lot of rural America doesn’t have a lot of good local health care to begin with, so it shouldn’t be surprising that abortion providers would be rarer than finding a good NP or even MD in some areas. God forbid you need advanced care of any sort. You’d better have a car or someone committed to driving you several hours round trip for any sort of specialty care. That’s not just for when your 15 year old gets pregnant. That is every day regardless of age / gender / condition and even income level — don’t have a heart attack or need follow up / geriatric / cancer care / kidney disease in most of the country. Pursuing your healthcare for any chronic condition will be a PT job for you or someone to undertake.
Citation is that a family member provides kidney care in a giant rural state and has to personally staff clinics that are 8 hours apart. That is a lot of driving or short-hop flying.
Anon
Ok but “A lot of states don’t have clinics for abortion and haven’t for a while” is factually false. Every single state in the United States has had an abortion provider continuously since 1974. I don’t disagree with your broader point that access to healthcare generally and abortion specifically is difficult in rural red states, but it does no one any good to make statements like this that are demonstrably false.
Anonymous
I guess “no providers” means “effectively no providers”. If I live in far west NY State, what are my actual options? Or b/w there and Syracuse? And I ride the bus? Which for me means sporadic Greyhound service? A number approximating zero in that case feels an awful lot like . . . zero.
Anonymous
To your first sentence, that is false. Every state has at least one abortion provider. And where they don’t, it’s because the state has regulated them out of existence with politically motivated laws that aren’t based on the evidence and contradict accepted standards in the medical field.
Signed,
Someone who works on this for a living
pugsnbourbon
It’s not that “nobody wants to be in that line of work.” Many medical colleges/programs do not offer abortion training as part of their curriculum; a medical student would have to request it.
E
Same. I’m getting DH snipped once she’s confirmed. Not taking my chances
Anonymous
I think women should boycott, um, gardening if she is confirmed.
Anon
@ 11:15 – women like to garden too. Why punish ourselves.
Snarky
I’ve been boycotting gardening with men who vote against women’s rights for my entire life. Haven’t you all?
emeralds
+1. Anti-abortion laws do not, will not, and have never stopped women from getting abortions.
Instead, they change who can get safe abortions.
I am a middle class woman with a passport, financial resources, a supportive family, and PTO. Even if abortions were outlawed where I live, I could buy a plane ticket and get a safe abortion under a doctor’s care. A low-income, single woman who already has two kids and is working three hourly jobs to put food in her kids’ stomachs? Cannot.
Anon
The pandemic makes this a lot harder though, even for a middle class woman with a passport.
Anon
I think that states will go one step further and criminalize travelling out of state for abortions. They won’t stop until they’ve taken away the right altogether.
Anon
+1. It’s not going to stop at “not within our borders/our county/our town.”
Anon
I have no idea how this could possibly be enforced. You just lie and say you’re taking a vacation. The only way your state government could find out is if the abortion provider willingly provided records to them, and no blue state abortion provider would do that.
Fwiw, pre-Roe out of state travel for abortions was common and not criminalized. I’m supportive of reproductive rights, but I don’t think this fear-mongering is beneficial. Overturning Roe will take us back to the pre-Roe era when affluent women traveled for abortions and poor women got illegal ones and died. It’s terrible, but it’s not Handmaid’s Tale.
PolyD
Didn’t Georgia or Alabama try to criminalize out of state travel for abortion last year? It didn’t go through, but I wouldn’t be so sure some states won’t try again. Especially for minors.
Anon
Anon @ 11:05 – you’re being glib. Somebody could turn you in. There a number of ways they could find out.
Anon
How could anyone possibly turn me in if no one except my out of state doctor knows why I’m going? And even if I told a friend and they “turned me in” how I could possibly be charged and convicted with no evidence? Proving this case requires medical records from a doctor who wouldn’t provide them.
I’m not suggesting states won’t make laws about this as a way of deterring people from doing it, but they’re functionally unenforceable. There are lots of unenforceable laws on the books that don’t really affect anyone’s lives.
pugsnbourbon
Anon at 11:05 and 12:23 – you’re correct that many laws aren’t particularly enforceable, but don’t discount their ability to deter someone from seeking care. If I’m pulled over – a white, middle-class, cis woman – a cop’s going to believe whatever I say. But we know that isn’t the case for everyone, and “probable cause” is a pretty broad catchall. I can see someone unwilling to take that risk and choosing a self-managed abortion, which could be fine (if they can get medication and correct instructions) or incredibly dangerous.
Anon
@pugs, for sure, I agree with you, these laws are intended to deter and they will deter some people, which will lead to preventable death and forced birth. Not trying to defend them at all. I’m just taking issue with the “even upper middle class white women will be prevented from obtaining abortions because crossing state lines will be criminalized!” fear-mongering. These are not laws that are enforced, especially against the privileged. Republican women, even married ones, get abortions too.
Anon
I’m not fear mongering. FFS. White wealthy women will always be fine. They live above the law. For one second, please understand that a comment is considering ALL women, and not just your demo.
Anon
No, white wealthy women are not “fine.” They are oppressed on the basis of sex just like other women. It’s not “fine” to have to fly to another country to get an abortion, even if you have the means to do so. Stop trying to divide women.
Anon
Trust and believe that wealthy white women are, and always will be, fine.
Anon
I never said only upper middle class white women matter. I’m firmly in favor of reproductive rights and against Barrett’s nomination. But it’s fear-mongering to suggest someone will “turn me in” for driving to a different state for an abortion. That kind of law is just not enforceable in practice. And it’s travel to another state, not another county. Abortion will always be legal in blue states.
I think it would be terrible if the court overturned Roe. But I think this panicking about how we’re all going to have to fly to other counties for our abortions and then do jail time when we get back is wildly unrealistic and unnecessary. Let’s focus on the harms that are actually going to happen (and for that matter are already happening), ie., poor, less privileged women not having access to abortion services.
Anon
If your definition of “fine” is “denied fundamental human rights and also denied the recognition of that injustice,” then we are on different planets and will never agree. Have a great day.
Anon
Lol. Ok. Wait til you hear how black women are treated. You’re fine.
Anon for this
It’s possible but would probably be enforced against the young and poor (a la Ireland’s Attorney General v. X in the early 1990s) as opposed to making women pee on a stick to cross the border into say, CA. But I suppose anything is possible.
When my IUD expires, I may try and get my tubes tied just to be on the safe side. While I think this is probably at least somewhat paranoid, I have a couple of Plan B packs in case of assault. I’m not taking my chances that my local hospital won’t get bought out by a religious group.
Anonymous
Yeah this is only reassuring if you don’t care about poor women.
Anonymous
Prayer? A man could tell her to stop and as Adam’s rib she would have to comply?
Anon
Whoa this is really sexist and needs to stop.
So many people have read approximately one word from a group that she was involved in and assume they know everything about her marriage, sexuality, and beliefs. (“Handmaiden” originally referred to Mary, the mother of God, one of the only people to be with Him at the foot of the cross.) It’s actually really backwards and bigoted and needs to stop.
Anon
I read pretty extensively about People of Praise, and it’s definitely wooy, sexist, and soft authoritarian. It’s also not something she just got involved in; she’s spent her whole life in this community.
Anonymous
Married men have a ‘head’ who provides guidance on where to work/how to raise their children. Married women do not have a ‘head’ because their husband undertakes that role. The problem isn’t with the fact that they used the term ‘handmaiden’, the problem is the cult-like structure of their beliefs. It’s dystopian. And I say that as active Christian married to an active Catholic. We are both involved in our respective churches. She’s in a cult of less than 2000 people that many adherents leave they become adults because it is so restrictive on personal freedom.
NY Times had a comprehensive articles on the weekend including interviews with numerous people with experience in the group. It’s scary AF that she may sit on SCOTUS.
Anonymous
It’s not backwards and bigoted to challenge misogyny. It’s backwards and bigoted to claim your religion allows you perpetuate misogyny and oppress others without criticism.
Anon
+1. I don’t care about protecting your feelings when my criticism of your religion offends you. We don’t live in a theocracy, at least not yet, and we still have the right to defeat bad ideas through discourse.
Anon
It’s not any man, just her husband. Distilling people’s ideologies into strawmen does not help us defeat them.
anon
…her husband doesn’t live in a vacuum. How many people is he under the influence of? More specifically how many men interpreting the word of God and words of Jesus is he influenced by? In turn, how many of his ideas, from nascant to full committed to, is she going to be beholden to over time?
I grew up in an extremely religiously conservative household, and the while certain overarching ideas stay the same (Us the saved, vs them the unsaved for example), the daily application of faith did change. For example how extremely are we going to live our faith? Women in dresses and head coverings or, gasp, can women wear pants? Also the application of faith as it applies to the law and communities definitely changed over time. My parents were active participants in beginning of the movement to turn all the evangelicals into single issue ‘pro life’ voters. Not in terms of political lobbying, but in terms of showing up to protest for pro life issues and pushing the agenda within our community.
My experience says everyone towing the line and the majority of the participants performing at some level (outliers can be more extreme and still be accepted, those less committed aren’t as readily accepted) in a religious community is key for its survival.
So yes, Judge Barret is under the leadership of her husband, but that doesn’t preclude his or their religious leaders and community having a lot of the final say in how they act.
Anonymous
This. Her husband is her ‘head’ and he as a married man has another married man as his ‘head’. It’s explicitly and expressly how they are structured.
Anon
Yeah, I get that, I was responding to the idea that any man can tell her what to do and she has to do it. She doesn’t consider every man her head, just her husband, so it would have to be him specifically. I understand that it’s part of a much larger problem with her entire religious community.
Anonymous
Ugh, the every single freaking thing is a “straw man” poster is back
Anon
“A man could tell her to stop and as Adam’s rib she would have to comply” is a straw man, because she doesn’t believe she has to obey every man, just her husband. I’ve never called anything else on this board a straw man, though, so direct your angst elsewhere.
Anon
Everyone should download and print instructions for medication abortion with misoprostol (the safe, effective drug that is used in medication abortion in the U.S.). You can’t count on Big Tech to keep the instructions up in the future given their track record of protecting women’s speech.
Anonymous
? Presumably whoever you find to give you a prescription will provide instructions
Anon
No, I’m saying there may come a time (as has happened in every country with an abortion ban) where you will not be able to access medication abortion from a physician with a prescription. You can take the pills on your own like women in those countries have to do every single day. You can get instructions from Women on Waves, the World Health Organization, and Plan C pills.
Anonymous
Right, but your information is useless unless you’re also going to tell us how to acquire misoprostol.
Anon
Refer to those sites. Women on Waves is a lifesaving organization that mails the pills to women in need.
Anonymous
Your comment suggests you are not aware that in addition to going after abortion, the same movement will be trying to ban as many forms of birth control as they can, the morning after pill and misoprostol, on the ground they are “chemical abortions.” Local doctors and pharmacists may also refuse to prescribe them or to fill the prescriptions on religious grounds. We will also see the return of parental or spousal consent laws, doctors would not give a married woman contraception without her husband’s consent and only if they both cared if she could die in childbirth.
Anonymous
I’m not totally understanding why people believe that once Roe is overturned, we won’t see another challenge to legal abortion in states that permit it. If the Supreme Court wants to declare that a fetus has rights and outright outlaw abortion it can, right? It seems really dramatic, but isn’t this what the right to life crowd pushes for once Roe is gone? It’s not like they think a fetus should be considered a person only in Arkansas but not New Jersey.
Anon
No the Supreme Court doesn’t make laws, so they can’t “outlaw” abortion. Roe says there’s a constitutional right to abortion. The Court can undo that and say no, actually there’s no constitutional right to an abortion. But they can’t ban in nationwide, that would take an act of Congress.
Anonymous
But can’t they write a decision that says there is a constitutional right on behalf of the fetus?
Anonymous
They could. That’s why it’s scary.
anon
They would have to have a case in front of them that turned on whether a fetus had a constitutional right to life. There’s essentially no precedent for that, and it would give rise to a host of other problems with respect to things (like the death penalty) that conservatives generally actually favor (although Amy Coney Barrett, as a Catholic, likely opposes the death penalty as well). I think there’s a decent chance that Roe gets overturned but zero possibility of a SCOTUS decision that a fetus has a constitutional right to life.
Anonymous
You honestly think SCOTUS wouldn’t thread the needle of distinguishing between a constitutional right to life vs. permitting the death penalty to be a consequence of criminal actions? We already do that with other rights. For example, we ban certain people (e.g. criminals) from owning guns all the time as a consequence of their criminal actions.
The fact that some conservative justices like the death penalty won’t stop them from declaring a constitutional right to life if they can get enough colleagues on side.
Anon
Wouldn’t the SC also have to have a case before it that challenges abortion on different grounds than Roe? Stare Decisis?
Anonymous
Stare Decisis is not always binding at the SCOTUS level – as Gorsuch for the majority said – they will consider “the quality of the decision’s reasoning; its consistency with related decisions; legal developments since the decision; and reliance on the decision. ”
So for example, they could say that Roe is inconsistent with related decisions on how exactly abortion can be accessed and when during the course of a pregnancy it can be accessed, legal developments since the decision could include the widespread adoption by many states of anti-abortion legislation or restrictive abortion measures, and a conservative court could impugn the quality of Roe’s reasoning and decide that it should be overruled.
pugsnbourbon
Yeah it’s looking pretty bleak. Thankfully there are already grassroots orgs that have been helping people access abortion for decades in red swaths of the country. Kick some funds their way if you can – you can find your local repro justice or abortion fund at the NARAL website.
The “Handbook for a Post-Roe America” contains state-by-state info and resources.
It’s a good idea to have a couple doses of emergency contraception on hand but don’t stockpile (it expires). If you have some nearing expiration and you know you won’t use it, many orgs accept donations.
Notinstafamous
My current approach to keeping recipes is school duo tang stolen from kiddo stuffed with magazine cutouts and printed recipes, plus screenshots of recipes saved in my phone’s photo album. Is there a better way? An app? Does anyone have a solution? I don’t really want to copy them all out onto Index cards like my grandmother.
Cb
The Lazy Genius just had a podcast on this. I used one of the apps for awhile, but still haven’t found an awesome system.
Vicky Austin
I really like Paprika, but it might take some work up front to get everything in there, and also the paid version is better, which might be annoying for you. (But it’s a one-time payment!)
anon
I love Paprika! It’s well worth the money. DH have the paid versions on our phones and computers and use it to store recipes, meal plan, and grocery shop. It does take some work to get printed recipes into the system because you have to manually enter them, but I’ve found that most printed recipes can be found online somewhere, and then the app will store them for you. We also occasionally save a recipe in Paprika with just the ingredients, and then a note about where to find the instructions.
If you have a lot of cookbooks, I really like eatyourbooks. The company has indexed thousands of cookbooks and has really good tags set up so you can filter. It doesn’t reprint recipes, but its recipe previews give you a list of ingredients and then tell you which book and page number to look at. It also works with blogs and subscriptions like nytimes cooking, but I consider that more of a bonus than worth the subscription fee by itself.
Anon
Another perspective: my mother’s handwritten index card recipe file and the notebook of recipes my grandmother wrote for me are two of my most prized possessions. There are many recipes that I will never make, but I love the connection, the memories of meals which included dishes from some of the recipes, seeing that some of my recipes made it into their files (“Anon’s roast lamb), and most of all, the emotions every time I see their handwriting. Future generations will never get this from a digital recipe trove, sadly.
Anon
I guarantee you if your mother and grandmother had been able to keep their recipes in a more convenient way they would have. You yourself say you’re not going to make them. Why should we make cooking dinner that much harder on ourselves?
Anon
I use the recipes all the time, just not all the recipes. And I have the option of keeping mine digitally, but I choose the handwritten method for tried and true favorites, for nostalgic reasons.
AnonMPH
Another vote for Paprika! I tried a bunch of apps and they were all annoying, Paprika was great. Obviously you have to use it consistently to make it useful, but worth the effort.
Anon
For recipes I have yet to try, Pinterest. For paper recipes, most of the recipes you can find on the magazine’s website or you can just take a picture of the print recipe and upload it.
For my favorite recipes, the ones that get made again and again, I type them up in a Google Doc. They’re accessible to me anywhere, so I can constantly update the doc when I find a new love. Every so often I print them out and put them in a three ring binder with sheet protectors, though I keep meaning to send them and have them bound, and just do a Vol. I, Vol. II type thing as my collection grows.
Anon
Why on earth did this go to mod?
Anon
Paprika. I’ve been religious about documenting our meals in there lately.
Senior Attorney
Another Paprika lover. Yes, you will have to input the recipes you only have in hard copy (hint for the sentimental: there’s a function to add a photo and I like to use a photo of, say, my mom’s handwritten recipe or the original dog-eared newspaper clipping), but as others have said, most recipes are available online somewhere and you can import them.
anon
I copy/paste into word, increase the font and print everything, if I like it – put it in a clear page protector in a 3 ring binder. If I don’t like it – toss. I hate having to cook off my phone. Got the idea from naptimekitchen on instagram.
Caesia
Evernote! So many ways to import content – clip recipes from webpages, forward emails, upload images (it will decipher the text automatically!) can access via app, website and/or desktop program, plus email content in.
Easy to edit and add notes and tag. You can organize if you want but the search functionality is so good that you really don’t need to. I believe there is a free version but I’ve been such a power user for years that I happily pay for it. Have ~1500 recipes and use it daily.
Anonymous
I would go. The things that are grating on you about the firm are not going to disappear. I don’t know whether the state position includes a defined benefit pension or not (where I live they do), but I would make sure you are comparing total compensation and not just salary. Also consider maternity leave benefits
Anon
Im struggling with motivation/discipline, I’m sure it’s largely pandemic related but I need to make a change. Over the past several months, I’ve been spending more than I usually do, I’ve been eating poorly/not working out and have gained weight, and I’ve gotten really bad about buckling down and getting work done. It’s almost like I need a reset but I don’t know how to best do so.
I’m not feeling down/depressed (aside from the typical the pandemic is getting me down), just unable to stick to my goals
Anon
I’ve been struggling with the same thing and what has worked for me is to have multiple sets of things I need to do (chores, work, exercise, follow up medical calls, etc.) and allow myself to procrastinate whichever one I am most dreading as long as I am doing something from one of the other sets. Not wanting to do thing X leads to getting quite a bit of thing Y done, which makes me feel productive so I can eventually tackle thing X.
Betsy
Feeling the same way. There are things that certainly make it worse (not getting enough sleep being the big one) but nothing is actually helping. Vacations haven’t helped, changing my schedule around hasn’t helped, therapy isn’t helping. I think part of it is that I am just not someone who works well from home, despite being an introvert. I need the motivation of working in a community! I have no desire to be in an office during a pandemic but I don’t know how I am going to make it through another year of this.
Anonymous
How is everyone dealing with children in the office that are too young to wear masks?
My office is technically at 50%, but due to pressure to be back in the office, about 60-75% come to the office. Employees who can’t access child care are permitted to bring their kinds to work. The kids under 2 or thereabouts don’t wear masks. Any advice?
Anon
Stay in your office with the door shut?
Anonymous
Stay home. Also, children should be part of the headcount for that 50%.
Anon
Yes and no. A group of 50 people from 10 households is much less risky than 50 people from 50 households, because everyone within a household is considered already exposed to each other. It’s not illogical to me to count capacity by household or group rather than by individual. I think this is basically what restaurants do, since at least in my area they’ve reduced the # of tables by 50%, not the # of individuals allowed in.
.
No. The rules don’t change because you have a big family.
Anon
I mean, this is literally how restaurants and other businesses in my state do it, with the approval of the health department. If you don’t like it, sorry I guess? 50% capacity has never been formally defined as a 50% reduction in the number of individuals in the building.
Anonymous
Can you point us to where it is defined? I assumed restaurants were just flagrantly ignoring the rules about capacity since the ones in my neighborhood are 100% full.
Also, if one person is infected they put 100 people at risk vs putting 50 people at risk … so more people will get sick regardless of familial association.
Anon
There is some logical sense to it, for example on planes. If the middle seat is supposed to be empty, but a family of 3 is sitting together, there’s no reason for that seat to be empty.
Anon
Reducing the number of tables by 50% is basically reducing the number of people by 50%, just in units of 4-6 instead of units of 1. If you have 10 people in your party, you’re not 1 table, you’re multiple tables put together.
Anon
Part of the reason for capacity reduction is to allow people to spread out, not just to limit the number of households. If there’s only space to distance 50 people, adding in an extra 50 children who don’t or can’t stay entirely in their parents’ space (which is the problem OP describes) is unsafe and adds considerable risk even if no new households are represented.
Anonymous
It is insane that people are expected to work an office with children under the age of 2. How does that even work? Like did they babyproof the offices?
They should deal with the masks issue by letting parents with young children and no childcare work from home.
anon
Yeah I understand that many parents don’t have any good choices right now but babies in the office is my hell.
Anonymous
As a parent, I agree that babies in the office = hell.
Anon
from a risk perspective, i am shocked that they are allowing kids in the office. at my office, which normally allows kids on random days off from school, they’ve said absolutely no kids in the office. how much work can anyone be getting done with kids under 2 in their office? where do the kids nap? your office should let those people work from home
Anon
Yeah, COVID aside, as a mom of a 2 year old, this seems like an insane liability as well.
Anon
You aren’t going to get advice on how to force newborns and infants to wear masks, because that’s not happening. Medical guidelines all say they shouldn’t.
What you can push back on is the percentage of people in the office. Suggest that the office be divided into two groups, one who will work M, T in the office, the other who works W, Th, and Friday rotates between the groups. (While many offices do M/W and T/Th, that means you have to pack up everything at the end of the day, schlep it home, WFH, bring it all back, and then schlep it all home again.)
Anon
And maybe suggest that the people who need to bring kids are all on the same rotation? Covid aside, I think it would be hard to work with infants and toddlers crying and yelling.
Anon
I’ve seen schools do group A on M/T, group B on Th/F, with cleaning on the weekends and Wednesdays for this reason.
Anon
Are there many of them actually bringing their kids to work? Just wondering, as a parent it seems like someone a childless person is in charge of your office.
Anonymous
Yeah, no parent would say it’s better to bring your children to the office than to WFH.
Anon
OP said they’re being pressured to return to the office. I’d take my kids to the office before I’d risk losing my job.
Anon
Daily case counts have more than doubled in the past two weeks in my area. I’m anticipating things getting pretty bad again this winter. What should I do to prepare? Last go round I was in person working absolutely crazy hours. I think that going back to that is highly possible, but could also see my office going more remote and having batches of us isolate at home too.
I have a small city kitchen with limited storage so I’ve stocked up on some non perishable food (pasta, oatmeal, beans, soup). However, I’m also not concerned about my ability to get food. We have plenty of tp and paper towels. I bought a spin bike for exercise. However, I have very few indoor/solo hobbies.
Just wondering what everyone is doing to physically and mentally/emotionally prepare for round two.
Anon
I allowed myself 2 hours and an unlimited budget in a bookstore. Now I’m all set for a few months; I’m a big reader so this is sufficient hobbies for me. I also bought several scented candles and subscribed to Down Dog and resolved to do yoga regularly. I’m also hoping this is the year I finally scan all my old family photos.
Other than that, I’ve got nothing for you. I’m so sad about all of this.
Cb
Your bookstore plan sounds like an excellent one!
Anon
The unlimited budget was key! Those hardcovers add up…
Anon
You should be working remotely if your job is able to be done at home. Otherwise, take commonsense precautions, don’t meet up with other people inside, and get enough supplies to last two weeks but not more.
Anonymous
I would say four weeks’ worth of groceries, at least three months’ worth of cleaning supplies, paper goods, and toiletries that are likely to sell out (I still can’t buy hand soap locally), plus anything you want for holiday baking.
Anon
Some of us literally do not have the space for a month of groceries and three months of cleaning supplies.
Anonymous
I don’t either. I have this stuff piled up on the living room floor. If I hadn’t stockpiled in February, I would not have been able to do laundry, disinfect my countertops, wash my hands, or wipe after using the bathroom until September.
Anon
+1 my kitchen barely has room for one person to turn around
LaurenB
One of my kids lives with 2 others in a teeny-tiny apartment with a teeny-tiny kitchen – it doesn’t even have a full-size refrigerator. I am bringing him several cases of soup and jumbo jars of peanut butter and other non-perishables in anticipation that our city will tighten back down. If he has to stack them in the corner of his bedroom, well, then, so be it. The footprint of a case of a soup isn’t that big.
Anon
I’m fine with the precautions – we’ve been living in a pandemic for 8 months now.
Job is covid related actually. So, right now I can do a few days at home/a few days in the office but when it gets bad it’s all hands on deck and we’re all needed in the office.
I’m more looking for ideas for mental / emotional preparedness.
Anon
OK, emotional preparedness for me means reducing my risk of getting COVID by working at home. If it doesn’t work for you, that’s fine.
Anon
Ok I’m literally saying that working from home regularly is not currently possible given the type of work I do. That’s great for everyone who can work from home, but it’s not always a possibility given my field of work.
No Face
This is a little tone deaf. Most people do not control whether it is possible for them to work from home.
Anon
+1
My job requires being in person. If I insisted on working from home, I would not have a job
LaurenB
Get books that you want to read, and keep a list of podcasts you want to listen to or shows you want to start watching.
Vicky Austin
I ran across the Twitter thread described in this article recently and it was actually encouraging. In case it helps you: https://www.forbes.com/sites/drnancydoyle/2020/09/24/professor-ahmads-six-month-wall-rehumanizing-the-virtual-workplace-with-the-human-touch/#766077be68ad
anon a mouse
Stocking up on evening activity options. I like television but I feel better if I engage my brain in something creative.
I bought some nice paper and some watercolors, and some fancy colored pencils and an adult coloring book. I also have slowly been gathering 1000 piece puzzles in my neighborhood when neighbors destash them. I have been finding fun stationery and greeting cards on etsy and have a goal of sending 2 letters a week to friends and family. I’ve also been putting holds on audiobooks at the library to listen to while I do the art activities.
On the exercise front, I bought a thicker fleece for outdoor walking, a good flashlight and a reflective sash so that I can walk safely in the evening after dinner. I also bought a yoga block and strap so that I can spend more time on my home practice.
Anon
This is perfect. Thank you!
anon
Some things I did: getting more plants (a mix of low-maintenance real plants and faux plants); getting a large sun lamp; I crochet, and ordered a kit for a large colorful afghan to keep myself occupied with something pretty. I also have been decluttering and am planning to keep working on that (both a project and something that will help me to feel better in my house).
Anon
Video games are a good way to disappear into a hobby for a few weeks and they take up almost no space. Switch Lites are back in stock for now.
Anonymous
I have given myself a budget for small scale but beneficial purchases. Things that will improve life, like new lightbulbs (daylight bulbs) for work and hobbies, rain gear and head lamp for walking outside, sprouting seeds to make fresh sprouts at home, yarn for knitting projects, some new puzzles. I’m getting more outdoor clothes for colder weather. I live in a cold place so have some things – but not necessarily for staying outside for a long time.
I’ve made sure to stock up on stock cubes, cooking fats, some dried fruit and nuts, salt and favourite seasonings (not to hoard, just to not be out the next few months) to be able to easily make tasty food from staples if I have to isolate.
Outdoor projector and large screen
We want to show movies outside, but think we’ll need a projector thingie and a large screen. If you’ve bought this stuff lately (so you can have people over outside and distanced to watch a movie / game with you ), pls post what gear worked / didn’t work as planned for you.
Z
One of my friends did this. He sewed a giant screen from white fabric and hung it from the roof of his house. He had weights sewn into the bottom of it so it wouldn’t blow around. It worked well!
Moonstone
We’ve had a ton of fun doing this all summer. FYI — I am very cheap and did not want to spend a lot on something I thought we would do only once in a while. I had bought this projector last year and used it on a blank wall inside preCOVID — https://www.amazon.com/Projector-Vamvo-Portable-Supported-Compatible/dp/B07SHFHGQ9. To make the outdoor screen, I bought a 70 x 120 white tablecloth from eBay for about $30. I used cup hooks and Ikea curtain hardware https://www.ikea.com/us/en/p/riktig-curtain-hook-with-clip-80212201/ to hang the tablecloth against the garage. You need an aux cord to hook up an external speaker for outside or it won’t be loud enough.
Anonymous
We got a $250 project for off amazon. We use a sheet hung from our swingset. I refused to store another “thing.”
anon
When you order new clothes, do you expect them to arrive in pristine condition? I ordered a jardigan from MM lafleur and as kind of a pulled thread that’s relatively small, but if I’m paying $200 for an item I’d expect that not to be there. Is that unreasonable? Like at what point would you send it back and ask for another one?
anne-on
Nope, I’d totally send it back OR send them photos and ask for a discount. I got a trench coat from Bloomingdales recently that was too big but also had black markings around both cuffs. I mentioned it when I took it back and the clerk said they’d offer me a 15% discount if I wanted to order the smaller size with her in store since they’d have to clean/discount the item themselves.
RW
I return/exchange if items are damaged at all, especially at a higher price point. Depending on the damage I either assume it’s poor quality and just return it or if I think it was just a one off I will exchange it. Luckily it doesn’t happen too often.
Anonie
I would return it rather than exchange it unless it was super discounted OR a really unique item that I truly loved. If it was expensive, I would just be too worried that the pulled thread was indicative of low quality.
Anon
Yeah, I returned a Barbour vest because the lining was too long in one segment (so it showed while I was wearing it). Anything that’s expensive and/or that comes from a brand known for quality goes back if it has the slightest flaw.
Ribena
If it’s something I can live with I send a photo and ask for a discount – the same as if I have to re sew a button after three wears or the texture of the fabric changes in the first wash (this happened with bath towels recently). If I return it it might get recycled or binned which feels wasteful if it’s something I can fix or don’t care THAT much about. I usually end up with a small gift card towards my next purchase or a small retrospective discount.
Anon
With a reputable retailer you can and should return anything imperfect. Not clothing, but when Macys had to reschedule the delivery of my dining room table because the first one came with missing hardware, I called their customer service just to vent, but they immediately offered me a $50 refund on my credit card (without me asking)
There have been times I needed an item right away (for example, when leaving on a trip) and I kept an imperfect item – in that case, I feel it’s on me and I wouldn’t ask for a replacement after I used it.
anon
I returned an item several years ago to MM for this exact reason and they were great about it.
Anon
Contact them over the chat. I’ve found them more than reasonable. They may offer you an option between replacement or a partial refund. Personally I’d go for the partial refund if the pull isn’t in a noticeable area. I generally live with small pulls and try to move them to the inside of the garment (a teeny crochet hook is perfect for this but I’ve done it with other pointy objects as well)
Anonymous
I would return and include a very obvious note about it not living up to your expectations, that this is entirely unacceptable and they should know that already if they are mailing out items you have paid $200 for. It is important for you to share your feelings as a consumer so they know they are disappointing you.
Bah
I realize we can’t go around policing people for this in public. But someone I know from
work is yet again claiming his great grandmother was the “princess daughter of an Indian chief” (his words) to apply for a low level leadership position (he used this to get into law school as part of an indigenous recruitment program at our law school). And all I can think is BAH.
Anonymous
I don’t know how that’s possible–American Indian is the only race/ethnicity you actually have to prove in order to get preferences in education. He needs official tribal membership, which is difficult to get.
Anon
I think it depends on the state. One state I looked at had the cutoff at 1/16th. Reportedly my great grandfather was in a tribe. My parents have pictures of him on reservations and other memorabilia he had. There is no doubt he was part of it. Yet our 23 and me came back with zero Native American. Glad I didn’t try for any of those scholarships or preferences. I also have Canadian heritage and my grandmother was born in Canada so maybe he was First Nations instead?
I actually felt bad for Elizabeth Warren since I grew up being shown all kinds of proof that I was Native American even though I look like a typical white girl.
Anon
My grandmother literally grew up on the reservation and was counted in the Indian census rather than the, you know, normal human census. And I can’t join the tribe. I didn’t really strongly want to, I was just curious about what it took, and I don’t qualify.
Anon
Ps my Native American percentage should be 12.5% and ancestry showed me at 3%. These dna percentages for race are far from exact, especially when you’re talking about areas with a lot of intermixing.
Anon
Oh when I was saying “in some states” I was saying what it took to qualify for preference or scholarships or the like. Not what it took to qualify to be a member of a tribe. Sorry if that was confusing!
Anon
Blood tests aren’t that clear cut, because our concepts of race and ethnicity are not strictly biological. Your grandfather may very well have been in a tribe even if your DNA test came up with nothing, which is why most programs require proof of enrolled tribal membership rather than DNA results.
anon
Er. First Nations and American Indian are different names for the Indigenous peoples of North America. Being First Nations would still show as “Native American” in the DNA test.
More likely the DNA profile is inaccurate – in The Cooking Gene, Michael Twitty did several different DNA heritage tests and most of them were different.
LaurenB
As a genealogist, I can tell you that everyone thinks they are descended from “Cherokee princesses” and it’s almost never true.
Anon
Exactly. If you’re descended from someone who is not high status, maybe. If the family lore is “princess,” it’s probably just that.
Anon
I feel like this just is something they said in the old days to cover up scandals when a woman did something that wouldn’t befit a proper white lady (like divorcing and remarrying when that was unacceptable).
Anon
I work for a tribe. Every tribe gets to set their own membership requirements so there is a lot of variance in what it takes to prove membership in a particular tribe.
Also- just because your 23 and me said that you don’t have Native American blood doesn’t mean you don’t. Native Americans often did assimilate so that they weren’t forcibly removed from their land or forced to separate their families. The Tribe your great grandfather was in may have assimilated for self protection and thus was never officially recognized as a tribe by the federal or state government and lost it’s cultural identity over the years.
It’s all incredibly complex.
Anonymous
This. I recently found out my grandfather assimilated in his late teens after his father (my great grandfather). And never disclosed his Native America roots to the family. He grew up in the “colored” neighborhood (he was Native not African American) and I didn’t learn of this until 25 years after he died. His family tribal background is a terribly sad story and it’s all so complicated and depressing. I’m not even sure my Father or his siblings know anyone of this and I’m still processing it all.
Mattress Help
I’m trying to pull up some recent mattress threads but can’t seem to find them — g00gle searches are getting me really old posts (hi AIMS comment from 2010!), and searches on this s1te are getting me posts where the substance of the article uses the word “mattress,” not necessarily the commenters. Can anyone point me to those recent threads?
Or alternatively, if you have a recommendation, I would love to hear — this is for my parents, who both have mobility issues, and run hot. They’d like something that the delivery guys will get onto their bed, since they aren’t strong/coordinated enough to do it themselves. I think they like softer rather than harder.
Thanks!!
BeenThatGuy
We recently got the Serta iComfort Hybrid CF1000 and LOVE it. I sleep hot and move around a lot. I have not woken up with any night-sweats since it was delivered and my boyfriend never feels me move around and vice versa. Any reputable seller should do delivery, setup and remove the old mattress. Cost was about $1800 and worth every penny.
Anon mattress lady
I strongly recommend ordering from Macy’s. They have good delivery service (white glove) and if you don’t like the initial mattress you pick, they charge a restocking fee of 10 or 15%, and you can buy a whole new mattress. I got an extra-firm BeautyRest last spring and it came with a free adjustable base (yes, flashback to Craftmatic II commercials from my childhood!) and it’s made a world of difference in my sleep.
Another place that has quality mattresses and a very good return policy is Costco!
Stay away from all of the “internet branded” foam mattresses. IME, even if they say they run cool, they are still hotter than most innerspring mattresses. GL!
Anonie
Does anyone else kind of enjoy Emily in Paris? It’s cheesy and unrealistic and I completely agree with all of the common criticisms of it (particularly regarding American exceptionalism) and I don’t even know that I like Emily herself all that much…but, despite, I’m enjoying the show and it’s motivating me to actually get on my home treadmill and work out while I watch it, so that’s a win.
Anon
Ugh, I really wanted to enjoy it (and I kind of did…), but I spent too much time cringing with secondhand embarrassment. Those Instagram captions that allegedly propelled her success were like they were written by bots (#champagneinchampagne)!! I won’t give spoilers to anyone who hasn’t seen it but I was also disappointed at how things ended with G in the finale. I was hoping the story would take a different path and that it would be hotter, frankly.
Anonie
I haven’t gotten to the finale yet, but I completely agree that poor Emily’s hashtags/captions are pretty darn cringe-worthy! She has a handful of good ideas, but I have to roll my eyes at the thought that she is some kind of communications genius :)
The original Scarlett
It was terrible, I hated it, when’s season 2? ;)
Anon
+1
Anon
Hahaha.
Anon
Yes, I love it!! I have one episode left and I am saving it, lol. I love light shows like this and the characters all grew on me! Especially Gabriel, Mindy and Camille. My favorite episode was the second to last one. And the heir to Pierre (can’t remember his name) was dreamy – hope she gets with him lol! Can’t wait for season 2.
Anon
It wasn’t as terrible as I expected and was honestly a fun watch.
Anonymous
I am very much not its target demographic but it was mindless entertainment for me. I was not at all invested in it being good, and don’t have any investment in influencer culture (too old/not engaged enough in social media), so I did not care at all that it was objectively bad. What I did appreciate was its approach to her dating and s3x life — realistic (at least for me) and judgment-free. 2 out of 5 stars. Will watch Season 2.
Anonymous
Not to pile on, but another adult ADHD in women question. I’ve been reading up on it for a few months and I’ve been surprised to find that I can relate to so many of the symptoms described. I’m currently in therapy for what I thought was anxiety, but now suspect it’s just a symptom of ADHD. Therapy is expensive for me, so I was actually on the verge of stopping soon since I felt like I’d gotten what I needed from it. Can I ask my therapist for an ADHD eval even though I already told her I’m quitting soon? I’ve never discussed this with her (we’ve been working on other stuff).
Anon
I would. She may refer you to a neuropsychologist anyway.
Annonnn
I’m the ADHD woman from yesterday, posted my update below! I think if you aren’t already on an rx related to mental health you’ll have to get into see your GP if they will manage your prescriptions or a psychiatrist to get started. If you are already on an rx related to mental health (or I guess for other things) you can always check with that provider to see what they say. I specifically asked my Psych this morning if I should hop back into therapy specifically for this. I had reached a point with the depression that my meds made me feel great emotionally and therapy wasn’t really “adding” anything at that point so I stopped with everyone’s blessing. This morning my Dr said she did not see a reason to get back in UNLESS I think that coping mechanisms would help this too, but that, as an over generalization, therapy is about insight/reframing and coping mechanisms. So if what is going on causing the ADHD symptoms is chemical then really it’s just a matter of medicine and monitoring. All this is said that everyone is different, every doctor I’m sure has their own take. This is my situation, but I also think it makes a ton of sense. Ultimately, your therapist (unless she’s a psychiatrist) can’t prescribe anyway, so it’s a matter of what your prescribing provider needs/wants. If you have a provider who is willing to prescribe without the evaluation, incurring the extra expense with your therapist isn’t necessary. But, if there has to be an eval, starting with your therapist may be cheaper (than a psychiatrist at least).
Anon
What products can you recommend for a first-timer who will be presenting a CLE? I was thinking I need a head-set microphone, and maybe a camera. USB, I assume. I have a Macbook Pro. I’d like to keep the whole thing below $100. Thank you!
Anon
I teach online. I would priortize a ring light and a camera (many have a built-in microphone). Personally, I think it looks a little silly when presenters are wearing a headset. A lot of folks use airpods if you have those.
Anonymous
if this is a one-time thing, or you aren’t sure you’ll be doing this often, you don’t need much.
The camera in your laptop is probably fine for something like this. Use your phone camera, if you want a higher quality image. Use bluetooth earbuds.
Depending on where you are doing it and what the light is like, you may want to pick up a ring light, as already suggested. You can get a package on Amazon for fairly cheap that includes a stand, ringlight, and phone holder (assuming you want to position your phone in the middle of the ring light).
One thing I found really useful for zoom presentations/meetings is a long ethernet cord. Better to have a hard connection than use wifi, which would have trouble handling all the data.
Make sure your software is updated to the latest version.
Have fun!
OP
Thank you for the suggestions. No “smart” phone here, so I’ll look in to the camera/microphone route. Can’t use anything that goes *in* my ears. Any brand you like?
Anon
Advice needed please. Lawyer in large national law firm, litigation practice. It seems most at my firm have kept up with billable requirements throughout the pandemic. My usual sources of work dried up FAST. Firm leadership has made it clear they expect me to meet my hours by year end, but it is impossible. I am SO FAR behind, 200 hours and growing. I am so anxious about this deficIt , about not meeting expectations, and fearful of the unknown consequences that I can’t sleep at night or concentrate during the day, furthering my hours deficit. Am I going to get fired? Pay cut? Will I get a clean slate in 2021? Should I be job searching now? I know some peer firms are hiring. I think I’m doing everything on my end to ask for more work, but my timesheet is literally making me cry. I can’t keep doing this.
Anonymous
I would start light job searching. Can you up your business development hours? Low hours are one thing, low hours and looking like you are not trying to generate more hours is another.
Anonymous
Deep breaths. Yes. You should immediately job search. Also keep doing what you’re doing/ do the work you have, do it well, frequently reach out for more. That’s all you can do!
anon
If your firm has made it clear they expect associates to meet hours, others have, and your work has dried up, you should reach out to your network and contact a recruiter soon. In the meantime, keep documenting requests for work, both from your old sources of work and from new ones. Ask to pitch in on anything that’s going on. The point is not just to get more hours, but to show that you haven’t checked out and are making an effort. Regardless, at your review you’ll probably not get a bonus, and they may not advance you. You probably won’t be fired this year, unless the whole firm is experiencing financial trouble and they decide to do layoffs. But you’ll never, ever get a clean slate. The most likely scenario is that next year, you’ll continue to have trouble meeting hours, either because your sources of work don’t have enough work to push down, there is a problem with your work, or people perceive there to be a problem with your work because you didn’t meet hours (not fair, I know). After your review for 2021, you’ll be given 3 months to leave. Don’t wait that long to explore your options.
The good news is that there’s a big, wide world out there beyond your current firm. Your career is long.
Pro Bono Matters
Does your firm count pro bono hours (like 100 or whatever the max is) towards billable hours? If so, reach out to your pro bono counsel coordinator and get staffed on some ASAP! Lots of landlord/tenant work with the forthcoming (or ongoing evections) is going around. Some of my colleagues are making up hours this way.
I would also consider spending some non-billable time writing stuff for the COVID-19 response team or basically anything that helps clients and that you can write about in your review to make you look like you did stuff while you were slow.
I’m so sorry. This stinks!
FL Girl
Wise Hive – I need to have a large dead tree removed from my yard. I have used a tree service company before but this is a big tree. What do I need to ask for besides an estimate? If I ask to see evidence of insurance, is that just a copy of their policy and then I call the insurance company to confirm? Thanks!
anon
Ask for their business license number and confirm they are in good standing. Also find out if you need a permit? The tree company should know, if it’s reputable.
BeenThatGuy
+1 to checking if you need a permit. My town requires approval from the Shade Tree Commission before you can move forward; even if the tree is dead and not on town property.
Anonymous
That is insane. When I remove a tree from my property it’s because it’s dangerous. I don’t have time to wait for approval from a commission.
BeenThatGuy
I’m not sure of your point. Then don’t live in my town?
Anon
Also, references from other customers are good for a big job. Posting on neighborhood facebook groups for recommendations is good – should still confirm their license as mentioned below.
prints and patterns
Has anyone come across anything in a fun/bold/interesting/cute (but not too cute)/ elegant/intruiguing/etc. pattern or print or design or textures lately that they’ve loved? Staring at my closet full of solid colored clothes and I’m feeling like I want to breakup the monotony. I’m also in my early 40s so I feel like finding something that feels age appropriate might be a fine line to navigate. Although, truth to tell, I’m not going anywhere public really, so maybe this is the time to embrace something outrageous. Stripes are ok if it’s a interesting spin, but I’m starting to feel a little tired of what I’m seeing. What fun things have you been adding or itching to add to your cart lately?
Mal
I’ve seen a lot of great prints on Boden’s site lately – they don’t always appeal to me, but when they do, they really great!
Anonymous
I have been buying midi skirts in prints; the most recent one is from Tucker. It’s silk, so won’t get a lot more wear until Spring. I have also bought a couple of silk brocade jackets that have gorgeous prints (in a Moto shape and a long blazer). They were on massive sale and will be the cheery thing I will throw on for Holiday Zooms.
Anon
Ann Taylor has really nice prints and patterns – I would browse there
SSJD
I’ve been obsessed with prints and finding lots of great JCrew and Equipment shirts on eBay. Also some lovely patterned JCrew skirts in a pleated style that works well for me. I’m finding solids extremely boring. I am 42, so also in your age range. Since people on Zoom only see my top, I’ve been pairing patterns with patterned bottoms. No one can see it, but it keeps me creative. Adding sweaters allows me to add more texture.
Update regarding potential ADHD
Paging Same, Same and CountC (and a few Anon) – I wanted to share the developments this morning. My Psychiatrist, with whom I already had a relationship, said based off what I was describing she didn’t need an official diagnosis of ADHD to prescribe me something to see if we can’t improve what is going on. Because I’m already on Wellbutrin, we decided to take baby steps and up my dose to see if that helps (especially because at the beginning of treating my depression it did seem to improve my focus). We’ll wait a month to see what happens, check back in and proceed from there. If the upped Wellbutrin doesn’t handle it, we move to stimulants. I feel a lot of relief to have this out there with my mental health team and encourage all of you to take the steps too. Here’s hoping we all feel better soon!
Anonymous
Good luck! I love how there are is a whole group of us over-achieving chicks who are getting diagnosed with ADHD during the pandemic and kind of figuring this out together (I am one of them). I couldn’t tolerate Wellbutrin because I have chronic migraines that it worsened, but it honestly worked WONDERS on my ADHD/depression. I am very jealous of those who can take it. I am about 2 months into vyvanse and having improvement but not as much as when I was on even the lowest dose of Wellbutrin.
Annonnn
Not sure if you will see this! But I think it’s because whatever mechanisms we’ve used to get by have collapsed because of the pandemic. The separation of getting into work everyday was honestly a huge help for me and there’s no return to the office date for me yet, so I think I spiraled from there.
Same, same
Actually got diagnosed this morning based on the conversation with the psychiatrist and the computer testing. Feeling relieved to give a name to this and a little sad that it’s been going on for so long and left some damage to me professionally. But, I am glad that I went in and was completely honest and detailed about my current and past struggles. We are starting stimulants. I’m also looking into some addiitonal reading on building skills/supports for adult ADHD, particularly in women.
Anon
FWIW I found this an interesting article on the intersection between ADHD and anxiety. Basically I think anxiety means you have anxious thoughts and ADHD means that’s all you can think about.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-distracted-couple/201506/anxiety-adult-adhd-what-do?amp
I was looking into it for my daughter, who has been officially diagnosed ADHD since her early teens, and is now as a young adult suffering anxiety as well. Generic Lexapro seems to be helping with both. The standard ADHD meds (in her case, Ritalin type drugs) made her depressed.
To the extent this is hereditary, I have to say that this article’s description of anxiety felt spot on for me. I’m not in any kind of treatment for it, but good to keep in mind.
CountC
Thanks for reporting back! My doctor is putting in a referral with neuropsychiatry, so I will hopefully have an appointment soon!
I spoke with a counselor friend of mine about it this morning ans she recommended the book You Mean I’m Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy? I got a copy for $6 on abebooks dot com.
Annonnn
Not sure if you will see this, but I dropped off due to work stuff. Thank you for the book recommendation, I’m absolutely going to dig in!
Coach Laura
Books that helped me were “The Disorganized Mind: Coaching your ADHD Brain” by Nancy Ratey and “The Mindfulness Prescription for Adult ADHD” by Lydia Zylowski.
Annonnn
I’m adding this to my list, thank you! Hope you are well!
Anonyz
Can you dry clean clothes if the tag says to handwash? Searching gives me a lot of answers about whether you can handwash things that are dry-clean-only, but I’m not seeing answers for the opposite.
Anon
You can. I don’t love the dry cleaning smell so I stopped doing it but I used to dry clean all my cashmere sweaters, which were technically hand wash.
Anonymous
Depends on what it is. Examples?
Anonymous
Does the tag have a “no dry cleaning” symbol? It’s a circle that’s crossed over with an X.
A quick search for why not to dry clean gave as examples: beadings, glue or other things that can melt, and dyes that can be destroyed.
Too much talk
I can tell that I’m talking too much at a particular regular meeting – it’s for a group that I used to lead by my term ended and I need to give the new leaders and members space to step up (or not). Any good strategies to hold back when your tendency is to dominate?
I do that too
1) Take notes – copious, detailed notes, in your neatest handwriting. Not because you need them, but because the task of keeping up with the speaker will distract you from speaking. 2) If there is a question, commit to not being the first to answer. 3) Count to five or 10 before saying anything. The dead space in the conversation seems huge but someone else may step up. 4) Ask “what do you think” of someone, before answering a question.
Anon
I have this tendency and Zoom has been a blessing for me. If I mute myself, the act of having to unmute is enough of a pause for me to reconsider if what I need to say is necessary. So…. if you have the option of in-person or Zoom, maybe opt for Zoom for these particular meetings?
Anonymous
Get acquainted with the reality that if you speak constantly, people stop listening. Be the person who only speaks when she has something important to say and your impact will be greater, which is surely your actual goal.
Senior Attorney
I think of one of the previous past presidents of my service club who is famous for making loud proclamations that begin with “in MY year we…” Not wanting to be That Person is enough to make me hang back.
Anon
I’m looking for an eye cream or effective serum that can be used on the eyelid as well as under eye. I have dry skin all around my eyes including my eyelid, and slight flakiness on my eyelid means any eyeshadow I try to apply does not look good.
I see an Opthamologist regularly for an eye condition and he says it’s just dry skin. Advised me to try lotion (ha!)
Anon
Your ophthalmologist is right that any eye moisturizer would be fine. I like Estee Lauder’s Advanced Night Repair for eyes, but you can go with any brand you like.
Anon
I was asking because I’ve seen several brands that say for under eye use only.
Kitten
This probably isn’t the reason for that warning, but you can use heavier ingredients in an eye cream that might make you break out elsewhere on your face.
Anon
Eye cream can be used anywhere in the eye area. It’s just moisturizer at the end of the day, generally more concentrated because eye skin doesn’t have the oil glands that the rest of our skin does, hence the proclivity for lines and wrinkles.
Anon
I’m OP. I think there’s a regionalism at play here. For me, lotion is the stuff you put on your legs, like Jergens. Cream is the stuff you put on your face. The idea of putting lotion anywhere on my face, much less my eyes, is kind of like those stories of men who wash their bodies, faces, and hair with the same product.
Maybe it works for people with rough skin, but that ain’t my skin for sure!
anne-on
I definitely use my regular moisturizer all around my eyes and on my eyelid – do you have one you like? I’m a fan of the Cosrx all in one snail cream, and they do make a JUST for eyes product but honestly the bigger, cheaper, face jar worked better for me.
The Ole Henriksen banana bright eye creme is also really nice (and adds a lovely shimmer) – it sets in faster, so I would use that for day time before under eye concealer, but it is more $$
Anon
My eye cream collection is mostly samples at this point. I have a sample of the Ole one you mentioned so I will try that. Thanks!
Kitten
Recently I’ve repeatedly read that eye creams are generally a scam and you can just use your regular moisturizer on your whole face. However, I don’t really care and use Youth the the People Dream Eye Cream :)
Katherine Vigneras
I had something similar and my PCP advised Vanicream moisturizer. It’s a very stripped down, basic moisturizer – and it’s dirt cheap ($15ish for 16 oz). I use it on my whole face and décolletage. My eyelids showed a difference within 24 hours and I love not spending $40 an ounce at Sephora.
Airplane.
I layer with Hylamide SubQ eye serum, let that absorb then top with Cerave eye repair cream because I like the way it sits on my skin. Both are fine for eye lid and undereye.
Anon
Thanks. What do you like about the Hylamide serum?
Anonymous
I know eye creams are a scam but in the Canadian winter I get extremely dry eye skin and my regular moisturizer doesn’t cut it. In winter months I use Clinique All About Eyes RICH. There are two formulas— the rich one is heavier.
I have had no problems using it on my under eye or eye lid but I don’t really have sensitive skin (or eyes).
I don’t expect it to do anything other than moisturizer. Sigh for my dark circles.
Elderlyunicorn
I’d personally be wary of putting an eye cream with a lot of “active” ingredients on my eyelids, just because of a greater possibility that it might migrate and irritate my eye. If you’re just seeking to moisturize, you could use a pretty simple eye cream. You could use a regular moisturizer, as others have pointed out, but I’d still rather use something formulated for use near my eyes, whether that’s actually warranted or not. With that said, you might want to try Kiehl’s Avocado eye cream, or the First Aid Beauty one.