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Updated: Dec 8, 2023 278 Comments · by

Workwear Hall of Fame: Belleville Top

The Personal Shopper (TPS)· Workwear Hall of Fame

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Office Style Top: The Fold London

The Fold London is a new brand to me, but when I was reviewing different office style outfits for our new Wednesday feature on Instagram (#RealWorkingWomen), I absolutely fell in love with the brand's chic wrap tops and dresses that I saw on @fashion_lawyer's feed — enough to feature her first! The wrap tops in particular look awesome because they're so versatile — wear them with pants, a skirt, a separate; even on top of a sheath dress. The neckline is nice and high and the wrap look is lovely. The pictured Belleville top is £185 (about $277), available in UK sizes 8 through 16. The Fold Belleville Top

2018 Update: We're adding this top to our Workwear Hall of Fame because it's still around, coming out in new colors, and getting rave reviews. (I also just realized it's part of the brand's “easy care” line — who knew?)

Sales of note for 9.10.24

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Comments

  1. Confused

    I’ve been dating this guy for a little less than two months and he asked me to his formal holiday work party. I am going, but when I tried to introduce him to my friends/sister (my best friend), he said it was too soon. What’s up with that? I would think it’s a bigger deal to bring me as a date to his work party?

    • AnonLondon

      Depending on how big the company is, bringing a date to a work party might be no more than just another date night where someone else is footing the bill. In offices I’ve worked where the holiday party is more like dinner-for-20, it would have been a Thing (lots of talking with the boss, getting integrated into the ‘family’ as it were), but at my last office with several hundred lawyers going to the Big Work Formal, I definitely brought a date I’d been seeing for ~6 weeks. Basically everyone brought a plus one, and you weren’t doing a lot of mingling outside your immediate work-friends anyway, so there was no pressure to have it be a Serious Relationship Thing.

      • Anonymous

        I hate the idea that one’s +1 has to be opposite gender!

        I’d love to have an event to catch up with my friends (and one friend I’d like to fix up with someone, and some no-pressure exposure might be great). I have female friends bring a female +1 to big events (this may be more common in the south when you bring someone who knows a lot of people at a wedding or large outdoor event).

        My old law firm had a prom and it was a PITA to find the right guy to bring. I envied the old society grand dames who had “walkers” for things like that (even if they were married).

        • Wildkitten

          For those events I find dates by fishing “Do you own a tux? Do *you* own a tux?”

          • Anonymous

            Yes! I am getting my stepson a tuxedo when he goes to college just for this reason :)

          • Baconpancakes

            This is not at all a bad plan. One of the guys in our friend group was ALWAYS invited to the fancy parties because he had a tux.

          • Anonymous

            One of my friends is planning to buy a tux but needs occasion to wear it. Somebody told him if he has it, he will find the occasion!

        • AnonLondon

          Obviously this is a tangent to the OP’s question and, I mean, I’m bi, so a good number of my +1’s have been ladies anyway, but if an event has encouraged people to bring a +1 regardless of whether or not you’re not in a Serious Romantic Relationship, I think it should be acceptable to bring a friend of either gender.

    • Ellen

      Any time you start introducing your OWN freinds and relatives, that is more serous then a work party. People at work do not care whether you are having sex or not, but families do. I know when I introduced Sheketovits, my dad stared at his crotch b/c He knew something was goeing on. FOOEY, b/C dad was right. I regret sleeping with Sheketovits now.

    • Basically trash

      It could be that for his work party, a lot of people were taking friends or people they were casually dating, OR most of his colleagues were taking dates and he either didn’t want to appear lonely or he didn’t want to feel left out by being one of the few people there without one. Or he just wanted arm candy to show off. Either way, he views meeting family to be a big deal but taking you as his date to a party as not a big deal, I wouldn’t over-analyze it.

      But I mean, you *could* talk to him. Let him know that you’re under the impression that taking someone to a company party as a +1 means something, and you want to know if he felt the same way. It’s a good opportunity to see where the two of you are in terms of seriousness.

    • Bonnie

      I think it’s more serious to introduce someone to your family and friends than co-workers, especially if it’s a big work party.

    • confused

      I should also add that he wants me to meet one of his good friends who is moving to the city in a few weeks. That also threw me. I’ll meet yours but you’re hesitant to meet mine? What gives?

      • Killer Kitten Heels

        My money is on “sister” being what’s throwing him for a loop – work friends, even regular friends, are a different level of seriousness to a lot of people than meeting a family member, particularly if you’re close with your sister.

      • need a new moniker

        I guess everyone is a little bit different, but for me this would also seem a bit strange. I can understand not being ready to introduce someone to the parents, but siblings and friends would be fair game to me at really any point in the progression of a relationship if there was mutual interest. I would be curious to know what the general consensus is on an ‘appropriate waiting period’.

        • Anon

          +1
          2 months strikes me as a longish period to go without him meeting your friends

        • emeralds

          There is no consensus on an “appropriate waiting period”–only the amount of time that is right for you and the other human you are dating. If you feel that there is a mismatch, discuss it with your dating partner. I definitely get the urge to crowd-source for norms, but sometimes your own personal situation is just so wildly different that they become useless. For example, my BF met my mom “early”–probably less than a month after our first date, less some time when I was travelling for work and totally out of contact–because I was living at home when we started dating. It was appropriate for the situation that we were in, probably would not have handled it that way if I wasn’t living at home at the time.

          • CountC

            Exactly. My boyfriend and I have talked about getting married, but because of logistics and locations he has only met a couple of my friends (very briefly) and has not met my parents. I haven’t even met his kids yet (two weeks). It’s so relationship and fact specific that none of us can truly tell you if this is reasonable for your relationship or not.

          • Cimorene

            I have to ask for clarification — you’ve been dating for two weeks or his kids are two weeks old? How does two weeks fit in here?

      • Senior Attorney

        Have you asked him? “I’ll meet your friend but you won’t meet mine? What gives?”

      • It's Me Again...

        It’s the sister thing. I would bet that’s the huge difference from his point of view.

        My relationship with my closest friends is very different than my relationship with my sister/brother. Meaning I pretty much know all the dirt around whoever my friend is dating and vice versa, so introducing them isn’t as serious or as “formal”.

        However, bringing that same person around my siblings who may/may not comment to my parents is a whole ‘nother story. It makes the relationship suddenly serious or real and, 9 times out of 10, I’ll get a call from my mother noseying around (i.e. so I heard you had dinner with your sister and a male friend last weekend). Maybe he’s not ready for that yet.

        My two cents.

    • Due in December

      This would seem weird to me too. Everyone has different thresholds for when to introduce friends and family…if I were the guy you’re dating, I would defer to you as to when it makes sense for him to meet your sister and friends. For me, it was never a big deal to introduce people to my parents, even, if an opportunity came up naturally; it didn’t have to be a serious relationship.

  2. Anon0321 follow up

    To those that gave me advice about my emergency c-section a few months ago– thank you! It ended up being a planned one and thanks to your great advice (& probably a head nod to good genetics & a great hospital too) I recovered ridiculously quickly. BF’ing didn’t work out after trying so, so hard… but c’est la vie. Baby was/is super small but very healthy and got to come home with us–now I get to enjoy cuddles, adorable baby clothes for the holidays & sleepless nights. :)
    Just wanted to give a follow up & say thank you– all of you that gave advice & recounted your experience, made me feel so much more prepared.

    • Anonymous

      Yay — baby snuggles are the best.

      When I was pg, I watched hours of those L&D shows on TV every day (they coincided with insomnia and you don’t have to pay a lot of attention). I thought they were helpful in showing the range of things that can happen, that this is routine for the people working in these jobs (but none of it is routine for me), and just making me feel comfortable that whatever happened, it was something that the had seen and dealt with before and that the baby and I would be OK. I am still so in awe of what the body can do and what medical progress allows to happen. My prior field is colonial history and I maternal mortality was a common and sad part life then. I am grateful to live now.

      • Anon0321

        I have thought a lot about this too! In our situation we both would have died– so glad to be a woman in 2015!

    • Senior Attorney

      Congratulations! Happy you recovered quickly and are enjoying your sweet babboo!!

  3. Anonymous

    This is GooorGeouS.

    Also, question. We have somehow broken all of our wine glasses, and I want to buy some new ones for my husband but I want them to be some that are sturdier. Still glass. Any suggestions for nice looking wine glasses that won’t break in the dishwasher, etc.?

  4. anonymous

    Does anyone know of any particularly scenic places in the DC that are private enough to go make out for a while? I’m looking for quiet places to drive to after dinner to sit in the car and make out, high school style.

    • Idea

      Sorry, all I can think of is the Parks Police investigating, hopefully on a horse. But it sounds like a fun date! Maybe try the burbs? PS: Like I’d tell any teenager, bring a condom or 2!

      • The Grinch

        Ok, I accept that Christmas songs will be playing in coffee shops and grocery stores, but do they have to be EVERY SINGLE SONG?

      • anonymous

        I don’t know, I’m just looking for some place where we won’t attract a ton of attention. We could get a room or do a nice night in, but the point is to put some excitement back into things.

        • need a new moniker

          Can’t remember exactly where, but there is a place near DCA where you can park and watch the planes take off.

          • anonymous

            that’s a great idea, thanks! Husband LOVES airplanes, so that’s perfect!

          • AnonP

            If it’s a nice day and crowded, Gravelly Point won’t work at all. The parking area is too exposed. (We were very hopeful one time and tried it for this purpose lol. We enjoyed the planes, but weren’t able to make out.) (I swear I’m an adult lol.)

            But we went in September on a beautiful afternoon. Maybe on a winter evening it’d be more achievable?

    • anon a mouse

      With no illusion that you won’t be on security cameras:

      Hains Point
      Parking lot by Peirce Mill
      Parking lot outside the Air Force memorial (Arlington)

    • CKB

      Not in DC and not terribly scenic but we were on a similar mission last summer and just parked in the back corner of the commuter train parking lot (free parking after a certain time). It was fun! Hope you find somewhere!

  5. Cookbook ideas

    Wow–lovely top.

    I need some ideas. My MIL and I usually give each other cookbooks for Christmas–we both enjoy cooking and sometimes cook together when we see each other. I’m short on inspiration this year so looking for some ideas, maybe in the following categories:

    Go-to cookbook for dinner:
    Best reference/practical cookbook:
    Cookbook to read/drool over:
    One that didn’t live up to your expectations:

    Here are mine, if anyone is interested:
    Go-to: Dinner: A Love Story
    Reference/practice: How to Cook Everything (Bittman)
    Drooling: Anything Patricia Wells
    Didn’t live up…: Smitten Kitchen–I love her writing, but I’m just not that tempted to try most of her recipes (except that Broccoli Cheddar Soup someone recommended here, which is fantastic)

    Looking forward to the hive’s ideas. TIA

    • In the Pink

      King Arthur Flour – great info and a good read in general

      Twelve months of monastery soups and theirs on salads

      The joy of cheesecake by Dana Bovbjerg and Jeremy Iggers (old, 1980, the best)

    • BB

      Reference: The Food Lab
      Drooling: Plenty More – I make 2-3 things out of this, and got it to eat more veggie meals, but a lot of them are too greasy/complicated for weeknight meals. Beautiful photos though.
      Flour Too: Don’t know if this is a go-to exactly, but it has some pretty good, simple, and well-explained lunch/dinner recipes.

    • Anonymous

      My go to for cakes is the Cake Mix Doctor returns. I actually really do love to bake, and I still use this because all of the recipes are so freaking reliable (and don’t taste like they are from a mix).

    • anon a mouse

      Go-to cookbook for dinner: ATK Best 30-minute recipe. Seriously. BEST.

      Best reference: I’m just here for the food, Alton Brown. Close second – Veganomicon (I’m not vegan).

    • lsw

      My absolute favorite cookbook is Simply in Season. My copy is twice as fat as it used to be because every page is water-stained, written on, and well-loved. It’s a go-to gift for me.

      My second favorite is How to Cook Everything, which you already mentioned!

      For fancy, drool-worthy cookbooks, anything by Dorie Greenspan.

    • NOLA

      I mostly use Epicurious and Food Network for recipes, but I have a few faves.

      Essentials of Classic Italian Cooking by Marcella Hazan
      Ciao Italia by Mary Ann Esposito
      The Essential Eating Well Cookbook

      I also have two sets of cooking encyclopedias that were grocery store giveaways in the 70s. There are basic recipes for almost anything! Along with some awesome 70s stuff.

      • NOLA

        Oh, and I also have Fabio’s Italian Kitchen (by Fabio Viviani, who was on Top Chef). It’s a beautiful cookbook with great stories. Unfortunately, it doesn’t include my favorite recipe of his – classic Italian lasagna with bechamel.

    • LondonLeisureYear

      This reminded me that I need to be better about using my cookbooks. Some on my shelf are: Huckleberry, Keepers, The Kinfolk Table, Jerusalem, Super Natural Every Day, Appetite for Reduction, Josey Baker Bread, both Dinner: A Love story books, Peas and Thank You…

      If anyone has any of these cookbooks and has a favorite recipe in them let me know. I can share my favorites also!

      I was ruthless when I moved to London and only brought 5 cookbooks and you can see that collection has already grown. I should do an edit again. Because I have a few I want to buy….

      On my wishlist: (the first 3 come from food blogs that I read and I really trust the authors)
      Date Night In
      Bon Appetempt: A Coming-of-Age Story (with Recipes!)
      Budget Bytes
      Food 52 Genius Recipes
      At Home in the Whole Food Kitchen
      My Pantry: Homemade Ingredients That Make Simple Meals Your Own by Alice Waters

      And a book for good reference and geeky foodness that I want to read is: The Food Lab: Better Home Cooking Through Science

      • N.C. anon

        I love budget bytes! Haven’t gotten the cookbook yet, but her recipes are wonderful and very manageable.

        • CMC

          Sadly, I love Budget Bytes as a blog, but didn’t think the cookbook ended up as good. I also always have to double the salt in her recipes because I feel like she gets a little too Registered Dietician Says Less Salt!

          • LondonLeisureYear

            Good to know! I love her blog so its super helpful to hear that her cookbook was just okay.

    • Anonymous

      I’m a huge fan of Best New Recipe and Best New Recipe Light. They are great for special occasion (use all the mixing bowls you own) type of recipes.

      I also bought my brother the Homesick Texan Cookbooks last year. We were raised in Texas, and he lives in NYC. I have cooked a number of her recipes and they are great– if you’re into that kind of old school Texas/Tex-Mex/Southern Cooking.

    • Due in December

      Reference: How to Cook Everything. Also, small, but I got a cookbook called The Perfectly Dressed Salad for my wedding and it’s been surprisingly helpful.

      Drool over: Japanese Farm Food; Plenty and Plenty More.

      Everyday: The Art of Simply Food; websites like the kitchn and Simply Recipes.

    • anon99

      Reference: A tie between Mark Bittman’s How to Cook Everything and River Cottage Veg Everyday – Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall. We use the River Cottage book weekly and the Bittman is just a great reference book.

      Drool over: The Gourmet Cookbook – Ruth Reichl. I just love to read her paragraphs before each recipe

      Didn’t live up to expectations: Heart of the Artichoke – David Tanis. We’re relatively daring eaters but this book was a bridge too far.

    • Senior Attorney

      Go-to: How to Cook Everything
      Reference: The Joy of Cooking
      Drool Over: Anything Martha Stewart (I’m old school)
      Didn’t Live Up: Anything Martha Stewart, alas

      Bonus retro that my mom used and I still use because it’s so darned funny and I still love some of the recipes: The I Hate to Cook Book by Peg Bracken.

      But really I almost always just use the internet now.

      • Cookbook ideas

        SA, this makes me laugh. I Hate… is a favorite of mine. Elevator Lady Spice Cookies FTW!

        • Senior Attorney

          “Simmer for five minutes while you light a cigarette and stare sullenly at the sink…”

      • Anon

        I agree with the Martha comments! Always loved the whole idea she sold, but was never impressed with her recipes.

    • Bean74

      One book I’m eagerly anticipating is Ruth Reichl’s My Kitchen Year. After years of having 3+ cookbooks on my Christmas list, this is the only one I’m interested in this year.

      Drool- worthy cookbooks on my shelf are the Baked books by Matt Lewis and Renato Poliafito. The books contain gorgeous, delicious desserts and well-written recipes.

      Dinner: A Love Story and The Kitchn are great for every day.

    • SC

      I don’t really have a go-to dinner cookbook, we just don’t use recipes for everyday meals.

      Best reference cookbook – Deborah Madison’s Vegetarian Cooking for Everyone. I’m not a vegetarian, but this is perfect for ideas for produce from the farmer’s market or community share, sauces, fun salads, etc.

      Drool-over cookbook – I love cooking from different cuisines, so I love Salma Hage’s The Lebanese Kitchen (also, my husband is half Lebanese) and Suvir Saran’s Indian Home Cooking. Also, Modernist Cuisine at Home – I haven’t actually made anything from it, but DH used it to learn how to sous vide with delicious results, and I love looking at the photos.

    • profmama

      Fields of Greens, from the Greens Restaurant in SF, is my absolute favorite!

    • CMC

      Go-to cookbook for dinner: Peter Berley’s The Flexitarian Table. Great for inspiration, organized by season AND into complete meals WITH a timeline of how to prep/execute the meal, AND good for crowds with multiple dietary preferences. Oh, also everything tastes great and is pretty darn healthy.

      Best reference/practical cookbook: Deborah Madison’s Vegetarian Cooking for Everyone. Amazing!

      One that didn’t live up to your expectations: Budget Bytes, alas. I love the blog, though!

      Recommendation for a gift: America’s Test Kitchen Slow Cooker Revolution. If your gift recipient eats meat (sadly it only has like three vegetarian entrée recipes), this is knock-it-out-of-the-park good. Crazy good chilis. BBQ ribs to die for. Curries, stews… Cannot recommend highly enough!

    • regp03

      My go to for something I know will be good is the Heirloom Beans book from Rancho Gordo. I haven’t had a bad thing yet and have cooked through about half. And I can’t believe no one has mentioned Ratio by Michael Ruhlman as their pick for reference cookbook. My baking improved so much when I started following the recipes and guidelines in that book and I haven’t dirtied a measuring cup since.

    • Anon

      This may not fit your needs, but my favorite cookbook is Bon Appetit, Y’all. The chef is French trained, but grew up cooking at her southern grandmother’s knee. The cookbook is a beautiful combination of family storytelling and southern cuisine with French elements.

  6. Doll Question

    My husband picked up one of those angel tree buy a gift things from church. Information is a three year old girl wants Polly Pockets or a doll. He picked up a singing Elsa Barbie type doll. Think this is OK, or does doll=baby doll? Is three years old enough to care? Yes, I do realize I am overthinking this. We usually try to get a kid who wants sports stuff, so much simpler.

    • D. Meagle

      All three year old girls I know would go nutso for an Elsa doll. Your husband did good!

    • Anon

      Oh yea, there is a very strong chance this gift will be perfect. My niece is 2 1/2 and loves all things Frozen.

  7. Slippers

    I’m looking for a really good pair of slippers — something that will stay soft and cushioney for a year or longer. Any recommendations? I don’t care as much about style or warmth. I really just want to feel like I’m walking on air! And I’m tired of slippers that lose all cushion after 3 or 4 months!

  8. Shoe shopping online

    Hi. I’m in the UK but am about to start ordering shoes from the US and I was hoping for some advice about which shops to use. I’m a US shoe size 9N which is almost impossible to get in the UK. There are only 3 real shops that properly cater for narrow fitting shoes in the UK and none of them can provide me with a basic black court shoe with a 3 inch heel. The most they can provide is a 1.5inch heel which is just too low for my liking.

    UK highstreet shops sell shoes in a UK D fitting which is a US wide fitting. Narrow shoes in the UK are imported in, usually from the US but the ranges are really limited and the availability is poor. If you don’t order early enough you miss out and have to wait until the next catalogue arrives (which is only twice a year).

    I’ve found a couple of shops which ship to the UK but I don’t recognise a lot of the brands. I’ve had 9N shoes from Trotters and Naturalizer so I know what they (generally) fit like but all the other brands I see online are new and an exciting opportunity me (I’m like a kid in a sweetshop).

    Does anyone have experience as to how the various narrow fittings actually fit in real life? I don’t suppose there is a forum anywhere that discusses this?

    Also, are any online shoe shops better than others? I won’t be able to return anything I buy because of the postage costs so I really need to get it right and so any advice will be great.
    Thanks

    • Anonymous

      I think it’s just a terrible idea to buy shoes you can’t return. You need to be factoring paying for return postage in. There’s just no way to tell!

    • tesyaa

      I’m not a narrow width, but I find Nine West shoes fit a lot like Trotters and Naturalizer. They’re modestly priced too, so if you truly get stuck, you won’t be out a fortune.

    • Anonymous

      Most of my female relatives have narrow feet (and I did until I broke a toe) that are also long — 9N, 9.5N, 10N. A key variant of fit is whether you have a high arch. A good friend is also 7.5N and works in an office.

      My mother likes naturalizers (not always leather), easy spirit, and clarks, some of which do a 3-inch heel. SW shoes run narrow (very, very expensive), as do Cole-Haans.

      Once you find your brand and size, you might want to try ebay if used shoes aren’t too creepy for you.

      I thought (maybe wrongly) that European shoes tended to be narrow and you could get much narrower widths (maybe on the continent?). Maybe a trip to Paris would be more helpful? I had a friend with tiny feet get a lot of shoes when she studied there (and had a source for ordering from).

      • Cb

        Yeah, I’d try European shops first. Depending on where you are, a trip on the Eurostar may be cheaper than postage / the cost of potentially unwearable shoes.

      • Shoe shopping online

        I’ll have a hunt online for some of these brands thank. I’ve done some Continental European shopping and never managed to get decent narrow shoes.

        I keep on being told that there is no demand for narrow shoes these days. The average fitting in the UK has grown by nearly 2 width fittings in the last 25 years.

        • Anon

          I don’t get narrow shoes. I’m very thin (so there is no extra fat on my feet) but I still wear regular width shoes because of my feet bones. Are people’s feet getting wider because they are getting fatter or is there some sort of bone structure change going on

          • Anona

            What’s to get? People have different width feet due to things like genetics, improvements in nutrition, weight, age-related changes, pregnancy-related changes, etc. Being thin doesn’t change your bone structure.

          • anona

            Well, if you lose weight, your foot doesn’t get narrower, because bones, but if you gain weight, sometimes your foot gets wider, both because of extra padding around your foot, and also because your foot bones can actually spread out wider. That’s why pregnant women often gain a size during pregnancy (weight gain/water retention) which may or may not stay even post-pregnancy and weight loss (if the joint elasticity and extra weight cause your bones to spread). But also, I think more people wear more comfortable shoes these days… I think if you wear sandals or sneakers regularly, your feet are more likely to get wider, compared to if you are wearing more constricting shoes.

    • NYC tech

      I can’t help with comparing the various sizes, but I have narrow feet, and I love the fit of Van Eli shoes. I get them off Zappos or 6 pm. But Marmi (another website) has the best selection of brands with narrow sizes.

      • Shoe shopping online

        Thank for the suggestions. Unfortunately Zappatos and 6pm don’t ship internationally. I’ve emailled Marmi to see if they would ship. I think Nordstrum would.

    • Shoes of Prey Obsessed

      Take a look at Shoes of Prey. They make a ridiculous range of sizes and you design the shoe to be exactly what you want. International shipping is included in the price (they are made in Australia) and they will adjust or remake them if the don’t fit. They are pricier than a Nine West type brand, but not only have mine been really durable and comfy, when you factor in your shipping costs, they might not even cost more than the shoes you are considering.

    • Ems

      Ferragamo shoes run narrow and they’re having a sale right now. Their “A” is narrow, “B” is medium and “C” is wide. This is how I discovered I’m actually 7B/C not a 7.5A.

  9. SingleAnon

    Based on the recommendations of commenters here, I just finished “It’s Not You: 27 (Wrong) Reasons You’re Single.” I found every single chapter resonated with me in a deeply powerful way. With the comments yesterday about being single during the holidays, I figured I’d come back to recommend it to all the single ladies, particularly those in their late 20s or in their 30s.

    For those of you seeking good advice about how to respond to single friends’ complaints/comments about their singleness, this book also provides excellent advice about loving/helpful ways to respond. I want to give it to every family member who asks is there is “Someone special in my life” this Christmas.

    • TO Lawyer

      +1 – this is a great book! I found this to be really comforting when I was sad about my single status.

  10. Bonnie

    +1 – this is a great book! I found this to be really comforting when I was sad about my single status.

  11. Prone to slipping in snowy NE!

    I am looking for a pair of comfortable winter boots/shoes that have good traction. I have a pair of the Joan of Arctic Sorels which are great on really snowy days but I would like a pair that is easier to just slip on and go. Any favorites?

    • Anonymous

      Are you looking for something that is more shoe and less winter boot? Sorel has a range of more shoe-like (but still waterproof and warm boots) you might check out. They are mostly non-duck boot styles (so not like the Joans), and might run more narrow (depending on style).

      Otherwise, as long as the boot/shoe has treads on the bottom, you should be fine. If you are really concerned about slipping, the penguin shuffle (+ non-heeled footwear) is quiet helpful.

      Except for Doc Martins – those are crap in winter weather conditions, depsite the tread.

    • anne-on

      What about duck boots? The llbean ones or sperry ones are pretty comfortable, and the sperry’s have zippers, which makes them a lot easier.

  12. Feedback?

    Those look like some splurge-worthy dresses and blouses on the site. Has anyone ordered from them before?

  13. Shoprunner?

    Question – I ordered two dresses from the Limited with Shoprunner on Monday evening. They are still not here. Is this typical?

      • Cat

        I think shop runner is 2 day shipping once the store has the box ready to go? So if the limited is super behind due to cyber Monday orders, SR won’t bump your order to the front of the line.

        • Shoprunner?

          Just got an email that I got a package in, so fingers crossed this is it! It was also kind of irritating not being able to track. It did get me free shipping though, so I’ll take it, and it was free with my Amex.

          • Anonymous

            Why weren’t you able to track? When I’ve ordered things shipped by SR, I received duplicate shipping notification e-mails with tracking numbers–one from SR and one from the retailer.

  15. Preschool- long run

    Wanted some thoughts on the value of preschool outside the NY and similar areas. the Moms site tends to have people with kids at this stage now, but I really want to hear about long-term.

    Situation: we have 1 kid, and 1 on the way. Kid 1 is in FT daycare now, in the toddler room. They also have a preschool program for kids in the 3s and 4s. I am not blown away by the preschool program; I’d put it maybe on par to a church preschool–safe, fun, but they aren’t doing math drills. There are several GREAT preschool programs in our area (great meaning MORE fun, better facilities/playground, stronger “curriculum”) but most of them are part time only so had been off the table for us.

    When Kid #2 arrives, we are going to go with a nanny/au pair and move Kid #1 to part-time preschool. I am trying to figure out if we simply reduce Kid #1’s time from full time to part time at current school, or take Kid #1 and put them in a new program entirely at a new school.

    Considerations:
    – Kid #1 transitioned daycares when we moved @ 18 months and it took almost 4 months before truely settling in. I really dont like the idea of doing that again if there’s no long term impact
    – current program is right down the street from us. There are 2 other programs just slightly further away, but the ones I really like are about a 10 minute drive. This would just mean getting out the door 10 minutes earlier (for me or the nanny/au pair)
    – Kid #1 is a late fall baby, so technically won’t qualify for most preschools until she is 3-turning-4 and won’t start kindergarten until she is 5-turning-6. So she’ll either spend 3 years in preschool or do a “transitional kindergarten” program (which her current school doesn’t offer). She is VERY advanced – her daycare teachers at both programs and even her doctor have told us this. She was potty trained at 2 and is STILL the only kid in her 2-2.9 toddler class to be potty trained. She’s got great verbal skills and really does act like the older kids in her class vs being the baby.

    • Idea

      You want your kid doing math drills? You must have a very different Facebook feed than I do – I can point you to a zillion articles about the value of play and the ideas of “unschooling”. Even Shakespeare, who learned Latin and Greek, didn’t even start school until age 7 or so.

      Look at different LICENSED STATE-ACCEPTABLE pre-ks. Try the public schools in your area – go on tours. Try the private schools in your area. If you want your kid doing math drills, think about a tutor. Most of the value of pre-K, K, 1st-5th or so is SOCIAL and dealing with other kids and learning how to share, play together, use imagination. In pre-K my kid was in a musical play, learned about his religion, climbed on the playground and play upside-down. We did math stuff at home – PBS Kids is great and he’s 99% and gifted in his 1st grade now. Look for a place where your kid can be a KID, not where your kid can be a math prodigy.

      • Preschool- long run

        nah, i was being a little silly. but it’s a bit more academic than the place she’s at now. And the is really only something i am considering important because she may be there three years vs the typical 2.

        But this is why i’m looking for a reality check- i only know moms with kids that are the ages of mine or younger. Need some sage wisdom!

        • Anonymous

          Seriously — look at something that teaches handwriting. Many schools now don’t have time for fine-tuning that and it will make a lot of difference to them down the road.

          As in all things, handwriting isn’t just writing letters. It is listening, sitting still, working on a task, refining a tast, etc. It really engages the brain.

          • Anonymous

            But also: handwriting before 4 is probably a waste of time. Just drawing before then is fine.

            And at that age, all things they do pretty much qualify as learning.

          • Former preschool teacher

            Cutting, playdough, legos — all of these strengthen hand muscles for handwriting. They’re all fine motor skills that lead to muscle growth and readiness.

      • Preschool- long run

        i’m not sure exactly what you mean on public vs private but maybe this is just a regional thing. My kids are going to our local public schools from K on, but we don’t have public preK or preschool

        • Regional

          In my large city in the South, there are publicly-funded pre-k programs at both private and public schools. The pre-ks at the public schools are free, but there are VERY limited spots. Most kids go to private pre-k that meet or exceed the state standards.

          • Anonymous

            My southern city that has an NFL team has public pre-school, but they are for kids with developmental or other issues (who are identified beforehand). It’s not the sort of thing you can sign up for and is geared to getting those kids ready for school in a somewhat different way.

          • City names

            Can we get city names? I know there’s a lot of vagueness used to keep from outing posters here, but when posting anonymously it’d be greatly helpful to us readers to know some more specifics.

          • Southern City with many free pre-ks

            Georgia uses state lottery funds to fund public pre-K programs for as many children as possible (traditional and special-needs children) and also uses state lottery funds to fund college scholarships. These programs have been going since the early 1990s and are very popular. Though funding was reduced during the recession, they receive wide bi-partisan support across the state.

            Their NFL team is Atlanta Falcons, founded 1965. It also receives wide bi-partisan support.

    • Anonymous

      I have a 5 and a 7 year old and cannot recall either doing math drills before starting regular school. Are you thinking of Kumon or something?

      Also, your fall child may stagnate in the year before K because their slightly older peers will go off to K without them and they will be left behind with other little kids. It falls to you to provide enrichment (or better yet, playdates with their friends).

    • Fail

      “Very advanced – potty-trained at x age” sounds like something Trump would say about his grandkid.

      It does not sound like a MOM who is ready for pre-K

      • Wildkitten

        Eh. It’s easy to overthink things. My parents got like 6 opinions on when I should start kindergarten and that was pretty much the beginning and end of their helicopter parenting. I’m sure this kid will be fine wherever ze ends up.

        I would honestly make the decision based on ease of logistics. Having two under three sounds like a logistical nightmare, so do whatever you can to make it easier on you.

        • Anonymous

          i will only have 2 under 3 for 2 months :) they’ll be almost 3 years apart.

    • mascot

      Preschool learning should be fun. They have the rest of their lives to do math drills. Is the transitional kindergarten program basically a pre-k? That will help will any concepts that she missed in preschool. If she is turning 6 in the first half of kindergarten, her physical/emotional maturity is going to make a bigger difference in how she adjusts to the structure and picks up concepts than whether she was exposed to a glitzy curriculum in preschool.

    • Bewitched

      It’s preschool. Don’t overthink it. I’d probably leave Kid#1 in current school until new school year, then transition if you think you are going to keep her there until she goes to kindergarten. Just tell her it’s time to go to her “real school” (vs daycare). I’d look for a preschool that has a true pre-K program, it sounds like she will be bored by the time she is 4/almost 5.

    • Anon

      I have three kids (ages 15, 7 and 4). All three went to part-time pre-school (well the 4 year old is currently going). I think the major benefit of pre-school is to get some socialization, learn what it is like to go to school (learn to line up, to sit still for a few minutes, to take turns, etc.), and for some kids who haven’t gone to daycare–to get used to being away from home. Of course, through all this they should practice their letters and numbers (hopefully in a fun way, like through songs and art projects) and other “academic” skills. However, to me, the point of pre-school is to have fun and learn some social skills that will get them ready for regular school. We read a ton home and incorporate real world math into our day (talking about fractions while baking, counting money, etc.). Tour a couple schools and see which one feels best for your child. That is all that matters at this point.

      • Diana Barry

        +1000.

        FWIW, we have a nanny and have done part-time preschool for each kid. They made some great little friends in preschool and learned how to sit still on the rug for story time. Then when they were 5 they learned how to write their names and numbers etc.

        It does mean paying twice if you do nanny + preschool for the older one, but it was still less than paying for FT daycare for 2 kids (in our area that runs you around $50K).

        • Preschool- long run

          I believe you are also in the Boston area– in addition to paying for 2 kids FT in daycare, I am not a fan of Kid #1’s daycare’s infant program (we loved the program at her old daycare, but we moved). So w are looking at either a nanny or an au pair + part time preschool. I think it’s going to be more like mid 30s for the AP + preschool and low 40s for nanny + preschool but haven’t spent too much time pricing out nannies yet.

    • Anonymous

      Serious question from a non-mom, how does early potty training = advanced intellectually?

        • Former non-mom

          I hope the OP was tongue-in-cheek, but I think many people think it relates to the intelligence of the *parent* (It doesn’t)

          • Preschool- long run

            nah, it doesn’t at all. i was talking about developmental advancement, not intelligence. She is already acting like a 2.5 year old, so my concern was really that she’ll end up being not only developmentally advanced for her age, and the oldest in the class, but just out of place.

            The previous poster that said the stimulation has to happen at home really struck a chord- that’s a great point and gives me some good things to think about w/r/t non preschool interactions.

          • profmama

            Non-preschool interactions play a BIG role! You can provide lots of enrichment at home – books, museums, even how you talk about things.

            Our kid’s preschool teacher was surprised at how much she knows/ what she knows about simply b/c husband and I both talk to her about all the stuff we’re doing, including work.

            What matters in a preschool is how your kid likes it and how you like it (which she can sense). If you think the current one isn’t great, switch her. Sensory enrichment and social activity is key this stage – not pre-academics.

      • Anon

        I don’t think it has any strong correlation. Of course, I think my kids are geniuses (and they do well in school) and I potty-trained all three of them at 18-months. This is just what everyone in my family has always done. My aunt runs an in-home daycare and after potty-training many, many kids feels like for most of them this is a good time where they are developmentally ready, but not stubborn enough yet to fight it like when they are older toddlers. It worked out for us.

      • FWIW

        It doesn’t. There are “theories” that children that potty-train earlier are better listeners/verbalizers, more attune to their body, people pleasers. But really, a lot of it is biological (understanding the urge to go) and a lot is circumstantial (watching older siblings, ease of the process by M&D or teachers). But really, it has no more to do with intelligence than early walking.

    • Snickety

      I have two older kids (11 & 14) who went to a full-time daycare/preschool that had a play-centered, child-led philosophy, ie no formal academics. At the time I worried that my kids weren’t getting enough intellectual stimulation, but they were ridiculously over-prepared for kindergarten and continue to do very well academically. I’d keep her in her current program part time. It is convenient and safe, and your child probably is attached to her friends and teachers there. Adjusting to part-days at home with a nanny and new baby sibling will be a big enough transition for her. You don’t need to turn her life upside down by switching her to a different preschool.

      • Anon

        this for sure. Her whole little world is about to be rocked by the addition of a sibling. Don’t change her school/safe space unless absolutely necessary and the possibility of a slightly better program isn’t a great reason

  16. Anonymous

    Ahhh, office potluck tomorrow! What do I make? I don’t want any leftovers

    • DisenchantedinDC

      Mac and cheese bites! Easy to make, easy for people to grab, and everybody loves them… they were the first thing gone at my work fall “tailgate”.

      I usually make mine with a one-pot mac and cheese (you can use any one – google it) where you boil the mac in milk. I like smoked gouda and sharp cheddar for cheese, with some paprika and mustard added. I mix the cheese in a bowl with the hot pasta, not the pot.

      Then, pam a cupcake/mini cupcake tray, dust with panko/bread crumbs, spoon in, top with some more panko/parm cheese, bake for 10 minutes. The big thing is letting them cool and set before you pop them out. Done!!

    • Bee

      Bacon wrapped tater tots with maple syrup. You can also add cheese (on the tater tot before you wrap the bacon around it).

      Mini meatballs with teriyaki sauce.

      Kale salad with pomegranate seeds and almond slivers tossed with balsamic and oil. Cut the kale into ribbons for easier serving and eating.

      Apple and fennel slaw tossed with lime juice and a touch of salt and cayenne.

    • CMC

      Cornbread or corn muffins. Easy, tasty, cheap enough that if you have leftovers you don’t want, toss ’em. And that’s coming from an almost compulsive food-waste hater.

  17. NYPL Young Lions

    I already donate to the New York Public Library and I’m wondering if it’s worth it to try to get involved with the Young Lions. FWIW, I’m in my early 30s, doing well enough professionally, but definitely not in the NY society scene. Is anyone else a member?

  18. Runner 5

    I just discovered the Off-Broadway production of Daddy Long Legs and am streaming the recording as I type. It’s lovely! Anyone else who loved the book – check it out!

    • mary

      Thanks for the rec! I LOVED that book growing up! I didn’t discover Dear Enemy until I was an adult – I think my Mom kept it away because there are all sort of bad eugenics-y ideas in it – but have you read that? If you just keep saying “it’s of a time” that one is good too.

    • Venetia

      Your post is really good timing…they are live videostreaming an entire performance of the musical on Thursday night! (12/10 at 8pm) for free! Go to the Daddy Long Legs website and sign up.

  19. Spokane?

    Anyone here live in or familiar with Spokane, WA? Hubby is considering applying for a job, since we’ve been considering a move out west for a while. We currently live in a mid-sized city in the Southeast. We would eventually be looking for some acreage to start a hobby farm, and we’re excited about the potential for a lower COL area. Land here is far too expensive. We’re also very outdoorsy people and are interested in having some new types of terrain (and vastly bigger mountains) to explore. My work experience has been varied and I’m sort of open to a lot of avenues, but I’m not in a legal field. Bottom line – good city or not, and why? We’ve read a lot of mixed things online, but it seems like a city that’s on the cusp of something cool.

    • Sydney Bristow

      I lived there briefly for work. I’d say it’s a mixed bag. You should definitely be able to buy the land you want.

      Pros of the city include interesting restaurants (I think it is a test market for future franchises) and being close to all kinds of outdoorsy things.

      Cons are that there is a major drug problem in the city, it is not uncommon for cars to be broken into, and if you live outside of the city the traffic can be a bit of a pain. Also, Spokane technically has an airport but it’s small and driving to Seattle can be a challenge at certain times of the year.

      You’ll get a wide variety of weather. Snow in the winter and very warm in the summer. It’s a dry heat, which I find easier to deal with than humidity but I vividly remember it being 105 degrees when I moved.

      • Anonymous

        I have heard of the drug (and gang) problem from co-workers there. I had no idea — it seems so heartland-y. We have all that in my city, but Spokane seemed to be small enough that you couldn’t easily avoid it. I was surprised to hear that.

      • Spokane?

        Thank you! This jives with a lot of what I’ve read online, particularly the drug problem and theft/property crime. The weather seems to be attractive for me – I don’t mind the humid summers here but could go for some dry heat. And I’d actually like to experience some colder, snowier winters. But without them being Minnesota or Alaska winters.

        • Sydney Bristow

          My best advice is to never leave anything in your car. Not even visible loose change. I went to dinner with a friend and the restaurant was in the parking lot of a busy mall. We were inside for 90 minutes and someone had broken her window. it was a pretty busy lot too. They are totally brazen about it.

    • N.C. anon

      I used to live in Western Washington and visited Spokane a couple times. Be aware that while it is in the northwest, it will not be the Pacific Northwest weather you may be anticipating. It’s in a rather arid area between the Cascades and Rockies, very unlike Seattle.

      However, Gonzaga University is in Spokane, which could be an employment option. And there is a lot of agriculture there (which also means some wonderful wineries).

      • Spokane?

        Great points. The more arid environment is definitely something to consider as I’m not very interested in the very wet and rainy PNW, like Seattle or Portland, but I’m also not as keen on the arid desert climate (we also looked into northern AZ and northern NM). This may be somewhere in the middle. It is a potential concern as far as farming goes since I don’t necessarily want to rely on irrigation or constant concerns over water supply.

        The fact that there are several colleges/universities in the Spokane area is definitely a perk. Will have to look into opportunities at Gonzaga.

        • cbackson

          You will have to irrigate if you’re farming in Spokane. It’s closer to Arizona than to Seattle from a precipitation perspective.

          I haven’t spent a ton of time there, but as a visitor, I found it a pretty cool city, and I liked the downtown.

    • former Spokanite

      We lived there for a few years. It is beautiful, the weather is nice, and the drug problems weren’t something that really affected day to day life (yes, lock your car and don’t leave valuables in plain sight). Lots of great wineries and restaurants (but not so many that you won’t be able to try them all in about a year’s time or less), nice little ski slope, small town-ish lifestyle. Great hiking, fishing, all the outdoors stuff. Cons are: (1) it is tough to travel from Spokane; the airport offers direct options to Seattle, Denver, Canada, and a few other places, but all of our family were a full day of flights away. It is several hours’ drive to Seattle and you can’t do that in the winter because snow/rockslides will close the highways; (2) it is tough to immigrate to Spokane. Most professionals grew up there or went to Gonzaga, and it is very hard to break into social things when the first question is usually where did you go to high school or what church do you attend; and (3) very little diversity. Shockingly little. My office had 75 people, all white. My kids’ daycare had three workers who were not white. (also, not that this is a bad thing or a con but just as a possible explanation for some of the lack of diversity, there is a very large Mormon population).

    • Paging Spokane?

      I missed this the day you posted, but I put some thoughts in today’s suit of the week!

  21. Sleep aids?

    Have to get up at 5 am tomorrow for a four hour drive followed by several meetings. I am not a morning person and tend to stay up late – getting to sleep by 11 is a big challenge for me. Obviously I’d love to be asleep by 9 at the latest, would a sleep aid help with that? Good idea or bad if I’m not used to them?

    • Wildkitten

      I use benadryl/unisom and find it knocks me out within the hour. It’s definitely not as scary as like, ambien.

      • Unfortunately....

        Many people will be tired the next morning after using a benadryl.

        Break it in half.

        Not great to try it for the first time the night before an important meeting etc… but you probably will be fine.

        AM coffee…

    • TXLawyer

      If you’re not used to them, I’d advise against it. If you don’t get a full 8 hours, you’ll likely wake up feeling very groggy/hungover and it’ll make your four hour drive miserable. Cut off the caffeine early today and power through the evening. Have a glass of red wine, if needed and get in bed with a book around 8.

    • JJ

      Terrible idea. I know many, many people (myself included) that stay groggy all day after not being used to sleep aids. Give yourself a nice, warm bath before bed to slow your mind down.

    • anon

      I’ve never taken a strong sleep aid, but sometimes I’ll take a tylenol PM. Usually does the trick for me and I don’t feel groggy the next day, but sometimes falling asleep just feels weird/different. YMMV.

    • Amelia Bedelia

      Ambien for the win! I would only take a 5mg, though, if you aren’t used to them. And the trick is to force yourself to lie down within half an hour of taking it. you will think “this isn’t working; i’m not tired.” Just lie down. You will fall asleep.

      • Anonymous

        FYI: 5 mg is the maximum dose for women. The FDA lowered the dosage for women a few years ago because of women’s increased risk of performing tasks while asleep during the night or even the next day.

    • Cream Tea

      A hot bath and a small glass of wine before bed – you’ll be asleep in five minutes. Put the screens away and keep lights low an hour before sleeping.

    • Anona

      Can you leave late tonight instead? I’d rather do a 4 hour drive at 10pm vs 5am.

  23. Travelling Without Spouse

    Do any of you travel (internationally) without your spouse/SO? I have carryover days that I would really love to use early next year but my husband doesn’t have any vacation days until later next year (and we already have a trip scheduled to go visit his parents overseas). A few of my girlfriends are planning to travel to Korea and timing is perfect for me except I feel a bit guilty going without my husband. My husband isn’t too crazy about visiting the country but this is a place I’ve always wanted to visit. And during the time I will be gone, my husband will be working super long hours (busy season-CPA). The trip will be 11 days if I do go. Am I being overly attached or should I wait until my husband can travel too? I guess I’m on the fence because earlier this year, I travelled with my best friend and my brother for about 7 days and felt awfully sad and guilty for enjoying myself. Even though I had fun, I wished I could’ve shared the moments with my husband.

    • anonymous

      My husband is my favorite person to travel with, but I travel without him for pleasure all the time for scheduling reasons like yours. I travel with friends and solo. I really enjoy it, and I highly recommend. I think it’s better to come back wishing you could have shared the moments with your husband that not have those memories at all. Plus, non-spousal relationships are also precious and special and worth the effort to build. You shouldn’t feel guilty that you have wonderful people in your life besides your husband and that you’re able to enjoy yourself without him.

      • nutella

        I agree. We sometimes travel separately, too. Just be sure when you come back that you DO share it with him. Tell him what you did each day, show him pictures, tell him you missed him and thought about how much he would have loved x,y,z. Ask about how work has been for him. (Or better yet, do text, email, skype with him when you can while you are there. If we cannot video chat until the end of the day, we will often make a video while we are out and send later when we have wifi: “Good morning! Here we are atop the Eiffel Tower! Had to share this view with you!”) When tax season is over, plan on your next trip together.

    • LondonLeisureYear

      Both my husband and I regularly do trips without each other. We enjoy traveling together but there are times when it doesn’t work schedule wise or the other person just has no interest in going on that trip. I think its really healthy to be able to do trips apart. And I think occasionally having some separation in your relationship helps remind you and refresh why you love your spouse so much! But if you are going to feel guilty its not worth it. I personally am okay with going a few days without talking to my husband, but I have friends that one night apart means they can’t sleep and they are in tears.

      • Anonymous

        Yes, you are being overly attached if you don’t go on a trip you want to go on because H can’t go. It is a necessary and healthy thing for yourself and for a marriage to maintain a little bit of independence. You don’t want to slip into the territory of LLY’s friends, who I’m afraid will not know how to function if something ever happens to their Hs.

    • Anonymous

      As someone without a spouse, I would absolutely love more opportunities to travel with my girlfriends who are married, but it doesn’t come up often, unfortunately.

      • anonymous

        As a married person, I would LOVE to travel with my girlfriends more often. I do it a lot, and I highly recommend it to my friends, especially my married ones. Husbands are great, but there are many truly wonderful things in life besides one’s spouse.

    • Meg March

      I would go, but I would make sure that taking time off now doesn’t prevent you from taking vacations with your husband later in terms of time off. Otherwise, you shouldn’t feel bad about it– you have the time, he doesn’t, you have the desire to visit Korea, he doesn’t, you’re going with friends, so you won’t be alone, he’ll be crazy busy (so if you were at home, you would be alone, especially if all your friends are in Korea!).

      • Sydney Bristow

        This is exactly my view. I’d go, especially since you said he doesn’t really have any desire to go.

        If the situation were reversed, I’d want my husband to go in that situation. He gets 2 weeks of vacation more than I do so it will likely come up at some point. I might be a little upset if he went somewhere I’d been dying to go without me but I definitely wouldn’t mind if he went somewhere I wasn’t interested in or even someplace we’d visited together before.

        I vote go and have fun!

    • Anonymous

      I love traveling with my husband but I also love traveling with my parents, girlfriends and traveling solo to visit a friend. I would love to travel more with my closest girlfriends but most of them aren’t as into travel as I am, and what limited travel they do, they want to do with their husbands/SOs. This sounds like perfect timing, plus it’s a place you really want to visit and he doesn’t. Go!

    • Care

      I’m going to be the voice of dissent and say that for me (and just me, not saying anyone else can’t feel differently), 11 days would be longer than I would like to be gone in a different country with a different time zone while DH is working marathon hours. It’s the combo of those three factors that would make me question this. I’d worry less about how much I would enjoy the trip (because with friends and in a new location, I’m sure it would be a great time) and more about how the spouse at home would feel. But that’s probably partially because I have more friends than DH. If he was working long busy season hours (he’s a CPA too) and I was gone, I know he would be lonely during those few hours at home where you want some non-work human interaction. I’d feel less guilty if I knew I could talk to him on his way home each night. Generally I love separate trips, but if you felt guilty after 7 days, you may feel worse after 11 days far away.
      On the other hand, if he’s pretty self-sufficient and happy to be home alone, it may be the perfect time to leave because he will be so distracted with work.

      • CPA Lady

        Completely agree about the spouse’s personality. My husband and I are both very independent people and are fine traveling with and without each other.

        If we didn’t have a kid and my husband wanted to go on an 11 day trip during busy season, I’d be happy for him to go. By the end of the day during tax season, I’m so wiped out that all I want to do is sit on the couch in complete silence, drink a glass of wine while mindlessly surfing the internet for half an hour, and then go to bed.

        The only thing that I’d suggest to the OP would be help picking up the slack around the house prior to the trip– so if you want to feel less guilty about leaving him behind you could stock the fridge or something like that. That way when you go, you feel like you’ve left your husband well cared for.

    • Bonnie

      Do it. I recently went to Peru for 2 weeks with girlfriends instead of SO. He had no desire to hike the Inca trail so I did it with my friends. We actually have plans to celebrate monumental birthdays with girlfriend trips abroad. Don’t feel guilty. You likely will never go to Korea with your SO since he’s not inclined to go there and there is no reason for you to give up your dream.

    • Senior Attorney

      It sounds like you will not be giving up any time abroad with him if you do this trip, right? Then go and enjoy! If I were the spouse at home, working long hours, I would be happy to have my spouse away doing something super fun while I was in the thick of it, although certainly YMMV and I can well imagine there are spouses out there who would go into a gigantic sulk under the same circumstances.

      But don’t feel guilty and sad. That’s just silly. If you go, go all in and rock it!

    • OP

      UPDATE: TRIP IS BOOKED! I’m so excited. I told my husband that my girlfriends were going and the first thing he said was “Why don’t you join them?” He was fully supportive and echoed some of the comments above that he’ll be busy anyway so I should go since there’s a great deal right now where flights are half off. Thanks for the gut check, hive!

    • L in DC

      Yes, we’ve both traveled internationally without each other. Reasons have included the following: one person has more vacation time than the other, one person wants to go on a trip that the other person is not interested in, one person wants to travel with a particular friend or family member. As others have said, my husband is my favorite travel partner, but the trips I’ve taken without him would have been entirely different trips if he’d come. Those trips I’ve taken with close friends or family members (and without my husband) have done a lot to deepen those relationships and I wouldn’t trade them for anything.

      I also think that busy season at work is an ideal time for the other person to travel… Enjoy Korea!

  24. ANP

    Boden 30% off sale! I ordered from here for the first time this fall and am completely addicted, but it’s usually beyond my price point. Any favorites you think are worth picking up? FWIW, I am on a constant quest to disguise my post-baby pooch after kid #3 so am looking for work clothes that will be kind to that area.

    • Runner 5

      Not work clothes, but I’m forever singing the praises of their Breton tops.

    • Bonnie

      The code does not apply to sale or clearance items. I find that very irritating since the banner says 30% off everything.

    • lucy stone

      The code does not apply to sale or clearance items. I find that very irritating since the banner says 30% off everything.

  25. CountC

    I am so frustrated. I can’t get the hospital system or my health insurance company to tell me the approximate cost of my CAT scan tomorrow. The CAT scan which is only relevant if I know how much the subsequent hearing aid magnet implant surgery is going to cost me. I don’t want to do the surgery if it’s going to be a crazy OOP cost to me because I can get regular devices covered up to a decent amount, and I don’t want the CAT scan if I am not going to do the surgery. The insurance company can’t tell me the rates because it’s a hospital system and the hospital system can’t tell me accurate costs because rates change all the time. THIS IS SO FRUSTRATING. I’ve already rescheduled the CAT scan because the insurance company hadn’t gotten back to the scheduler to at least tell them if the surgery was approved or not. At least I know it’s approved now, but still want to have some idea of what my OOP costs may be. RAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRR.

    • Due in December

      I am so, so sorry. I feel like I run into this sort of thing all the time, where neither my insurance company or provider can take responsibility for getting pricing information to me. It is incredibly frustrating.

    • Unfortunately....

      I feel your pain.

      Let’s put it this way……. “surgery”, of any type is not cheap. What is your deductible? Most likely, the surgery will take up most of that. Thousands.

      Does the doctor’s office have an approximate cost for the surgery? Often they can give you a ballpark, and with the “average” discount by having insurance reduce the costs to allowed amounts. It wont be exactly what your insurance company will allow, but it gives you an idea.

      CT scans are not so expensive. Let’s say, in the 100’s instead of in the 1000’s (which is what the surgery will cost).

      So…. you aren’t sure if you want the surgery anyway?

      Then put off the CT until you find out the cost of the surgery.. But if the CT is going to determine whether you will be a surgical candidate, then I would probably go ahead with the CT as long as a few hundred dollars is in your budget. But realize, that if you are like me (and have a $5000 deductible….), then ANY surgery is going to cost a pretty penny.

      • oof

        Actually, I keep meaning to ask this – do I recall discussion here where people contested hospital bills? I was admitted to the ER some time ago and had an IV and a CAT scan, that’s it. My out of pocket is now over 3,000. Can this be contested? This seems absurdly high and it’s not like I had a choice in it when you are admitted to the ER.

      • Blonde Lawyer

        I think it depends on the type of CT Scan. I have had them for gut issues and they were well over $1000 but that was with contrast. Not the OOP portion of course. That is very frustrating. I’m sorry it is happening. One other tip, see if you plan requires you to be at a in network facility or if all providers also have to be in network. That is also insanely hard info to get but you can let the hospital doing the ct know ahead of time that the radiologist (billed separate) also has to be in-network.

        Are you friends with any PI attorneys by chance? We look at medical bills all day so we could see what the local hospital recently charged for a CT Scan most likely.. Part of the reason they won’t give you total cost is a lot of it is billed separate. Here, hospital charges a facility fee, the doctors are billed from a different agency, the pharmacy bills the contrast if any, the radiologist is employed separate from the physicians group. So, if you were in the ER and got a CT scan you would get 4 different bills most likely. Each place should be able to tell you what their portion would be but you have to know who they are to track them down.

        • oof

          Thanks, it was with contrast. And yes, it was over 1,00o, but my out of pocket is now $3,000. It was an emergency trip so I went to the nearest hospital, there wasn’t time to log in and check who was in-network or not when you are being admitted for an emergency.I can ask a PI friend and yes, I did get 3-4 bills and am at a loss as to who to even start with. (PS- I am not the OP, not sure how much of that advice was for me or her, but thank you.)

          • Unfortunately....

            Oh yes – it is always worth trying to contest your bills if you are paying out of pocket for something. There is often a self-pay discount, you can sometimes negotiate to pay even less, you can be put on payment plans (and sometimes the hospital will forgive payments over time), and some hospitals will just eat the cost if you are low income.

            But it sounds like you have insurance, and are not low income…. if I understand correctly. So you are really not paying out of pocket per se (as if you had no coverage), but you are paying towards your out of network deductible… am I right? If so, chances are much worse for getting help. I would still try though. Call the billing office of the hospital. Present your argument/request (politely). If they say “no”, ask for a supervisor. Try again. Be polite. Be persistent.

            BUT you should also consider making the argument with your own health insurance company that this was an emergency situation where you needed to go to the closest hospital. You may have a hard time with this one, but it is always worth a try. You will probably need to file a formal request/appeal of the claim. Do this ASAP as it sounds like the clock is ticking and this claim was processed awhile ago if you have been receiving multiple medical bills. There is usually a deadline after the claim is processed by which appeals must be filed. It is never good to ignore medical bills….. The initial request to the insurance company will almost absolutely denied, and then you appeal that (2nd level appeal or whatever name your company gives it), perhaps adding a letter from a doctor saying that the urgent care was needed. You are more likely to win with each successive appeal. But it takes a lot of work and phone calls.

            This is a lesson for all of us. We all really need to know what our network hospitals are – for sure near your work/home. I must admit, I do not know this usually when I am traveling. But when we traveled with my mother when she had cancer, I learned to do research ahead of time about the hospitals in our destination, just in case…. Our family also learned the hard way that when you are traveling and a catastrophe happens (family member hit by car and ended up in ICU for months), your insurance does not help in any way to get you back home. Look into benefits/additional travel insurance in such situations that many credit cards provide when purchasing plane tickets for this reason.

    • Anonymous

      This is really frustrating. One of my parents is sick and I’ve found the best way to get a quote is to get one from someone else. Usually there’s a more organized provider out there, so if you call an outpatient center that does CAT scans, for example, sometimes they will give you a rough quote. Then you take that back to your preferred provider and say “X charges Y. I need an estimate by Thursday so that I can compare.” Basically, they give you the runaround because they can, until they think there’s a possibility you’ll go elsewhere to get care.

    • anon

      If you are not going to have the surgery until next year, why not put off the CAT scan until next year? Then it will count towards your deductible and out-of-pocket max in the same year as the surgery, potentially saving you some $$$.

      • CountC

        Good idea, except I have to make sure I get it in time for an early Jan appt with the doc who would be performing the surgery and he books out MONTHS in advance. I suppose I could push the whole thing back into the year, but I got kind of excited and now I am deflated about the whole thing (again). I will definitely think about this option though!

        • CountC

          I ended up pushing everything back, CT scan and doc appt, to wait for the health advocate to work their magiv.

    • anon a mouse

      Does your insurance company offer a patient advocate benefit? If so, you might try working through the patient advocate to get a benefits estimate.

        • CMC

          Yes, our company uses Compass Professional Health Services, whose whole job (basically) is to compare costs of procedures so you know you’re getting the best deal in your area. I’ve had great experiences with our rep (same one every time, which I also like).

          Not helpful to you per se, but know that this does exist!

    • Anon

      In some states, there are laws about transparency. If you tell me what state you are in, i’ll let you know.

      FWIW i build technology to solve this exact problem professionally. Some insurance plans are way better than others on this. If you want to share your insurance carrier i’m happy to share info.

      • CountC

        You are awesome. I am in PA and my provider is Independence BC (powered by Highmark).

        • Anonymous

          Do you have an email address? I have some info but it’s a little too much for Internet, plus it will reference a competitor of mine that can probably help you ;)

    • CountC

      Thank you all for the tips!

      I have seen costs for the surgery between $4k – $8k online. I have an in-network deductible of $500, with out of pocket costs NTE $3k. I have an OON deductible of $1k, with OOP costs NTE $6k. After I meet my deductible, I owe 20% co-insurance coverage after my deductible IN, and 35% co-insurance OON, until OOP is met. The remainder of my deductible in 2015 would be $1700, but I hadn’t thought about the fact that we are almost in a new year which would restart all of that. UGH.

      It’s not a surgery that I need, but it is one I would like (hearing out of both ears is cool), so if it costs too much money overall then I will bag it.

    • Anonymous

      This is not exactly the same, but I share your frustration with insurance and medical providers. I had minor surgery a few months ago and KEEP getting bills for it. Relatively small (usually under $100, sometimes as low as $25), but it seems never-ending. I feel like maybe they’re all just testing how foolish I am and if they can slowly, eventually take me for all the money I have.

    • Runner 5

      I love Simple’s ‘eye balm’ – but I’m very young and not in need of anything particularly powerful.

    • KinCA

      I’ve been playing around with different eye creams over the past few months – these are ones I’ve particularly liked:

      Origins GinZing Refreshing Eye Cream
      Alba Botantica Green Tea Eye Gel
      Philosophy Renewed Hope in a Jar Eye Cream

      I also tried a heavy duty Neutrogena eye cream (Ageless Intensive Eye Cream, I think) and hated it – it was way too harsh for me.

    • AnonPara

      I have been really struggling with super dry/swollen eyelids lately. I think I used an eyeshadow that did not agree with my sensitive skin and have been in repair mode for many weeks. I tried a few eye creams, and settled on Kiehl’s Creamy Eye Treatment with Avocado. Keeps the lids hydrated but not greasy at all. Not sure what are are looking for in an eye cream, but I am all about hydration and it seems to fit the bill for now.

    • Anonymous

      Tarte’s Maracuja C-brighter is the most moisturizing eye cream I’ve ever used, but doesn’t help as much with fine lines and wrinkles.

    • Anonymous

      estee lauder intense night repair eye cream (the brown bottle). I’m only 28, but I’ve always used this in my 20s and I have zero fine lines or anything around my eyes.

  27. Anon S

    Ladies, any recommendations for a mat to put underneath a high chair? My almost 8 month old daughter is starting to get messy with solids. Right now we’re putting a towel underneath, but I’d rather find a mat that I can wipe down instead of a towel that I have to wash each time. Would prefer either a plain mat, not something with bright colors that looks “baby-ish” if you know what I mean. Thanks for sharing what works for you!

    • Anon

      I got one made my Bumkins. I can’t remember if I ordered it online or got it at Target. But if you google “high chair mat” lots of choices come up. I have also cut an old outdoor tablecloth into a smaller square and used that and my sister cut a new, clear shower curtain liner and used that.

    • Diana Barry

      I put the high chair in the kitchen where there is no rug and then sponged/paper toweled the floor afterwards. Otherwise, we have a rug that covers things reasonably well in the dining room and would just sponge that off.

    • NYC tech

      We use a cheap, water-resistant picnic blanket. After relatively “dry” meals, we shake the crumbs out the window. If like, a bowl of soup gets spilled on it, then we toss it in the wash. Anything that is specifically made for a baby will be 5x more expensive and cutesy.

    • Anonymous

      Buy a large box of trash bags from Costco. Line the floor with a bag, pick up and throw away when done. A box with enough bags for this phase probably costs the same as a mat and saves time on knees wiping up. And if you have leftover bags from when she grows out of it, you can always use them as actual trash bags.

      • enviro

        This is so wasteful! Please don’t add mountains of single use plastic tarps to landfills!

        • Anonymous

          There’s a lot about babies that is wasteful. Are you encouraging a single-child policy too? Chastising anyone who uses disposable diapers or buys prepackaged baby food or snack packs? Sometimes you pick your battles. I live in a drought prone area and using lots of water to scrub a mat every day seems far more wasteful.

          • Anonymous

            Not to mention, you could also turn the bag inside out when using it as the tarp, and then flip it right-side out to use as an actual trash bag. Recycling!

          • Anonymous

            A damp rag to wipe down a mat is not going to bankrupt the water table. Especially given all the other waste associated with a baby, why add to it unnecessarily?

    • Anona

      Ikea sells a protective chair mat for hard floors. It’s clear, without the carpet spikes.

  28. frames

    Sister and I are coming up short on gift ideas for our mom. My best idea is picture frames for her to put photos from our upcoming weddings in. Is that lame? If not, any ideas on where to get lovely picture frames? Thanks all!

    • Senior Attorney

      If you all live close together, how about tickets to a fun event you can all attend together? Or high tea or spa day or whatever. I’m probably your mom’s age and I would love that best of all.

      In other news, I really like the picture frames from Crate and Barrel.

    • Mom

      I agree with Senior Attorney. Time to start considering experience gifts, unless you know a perfect gift that your Mom might want.

      An empty picture frame with pictures that she might get in the future is….. kinda lame. Even a frame filled with your wedding pictures is really not a great gift for her. It’s all about you, ya know? You should be giving it to her anyway after the wedding. Especially if she is paying for part of it!

      • Anonymous

        +1. Picture frames are a bad gift period–if you know the person well, you should be able to think of a better gift. If you don’t know them well, don’t buy them something as personal as decor.

      • Senior Attorney

        Yeah, I was uncharacteristically not gonna call you on this, but I totally agree about the pictures thing. That’s not a Christmas gift.

    • Kierra Jones

      I like the picture frame idea. What other things does your mom like? My grandmother loves jewelry, tea, scarves, and sweets so I love making baskets full of her favorite things. I also have a recipe for homemade DIY Lemon Sugar Scrub (the juice of 1 lemon with 1/2 cup of sugar, and 1/4 cup of coconut oil). Put it in a cute recycled mason or baby food or old candy jar and wrap it with a cute lemon. You could definitely include the picture frames in the basket too. :)

    • LondonLeisureYear

      Not to be mean but I think picture frames for your mom is pretty lame. Picture frames are for someone you don’t know very well. If I am stuck on a gift for someone I think of what they do during their typical day and think if any of those things can be upgraded. What does she like to do?

      Does she have any hobbies that you can get her class for? knitting, sewing, cooking, painting, etc

      Does she enjoy spending time with family? Maybe gift certificate for a nice dinner out and to a play or comedy show?

      Does she watch TV? Does she have an amazon prime membership or netflix? Is she still oldschool and only watch on the TV then you could get her a DVD set of a show you liked that you think she might.

      Magazine subscription you can also get magazine subscriptions for iPad.

      Does she like camping or hiking – a state park’s pass?

      Clothes – even a really nice scarf and gloves.

      Is there something she hates that you could help her out with by making it easier? Maybe ZipJet Laundry service, having someone come clean, delivery dinners, etc

  29. anonymous

    Can you wash wool suit skirts in a lingerie bag and hang them to dry? or will that destroy the suit?

      • Anonymous

        Or any washer without an agitator, which includes many top loaders made in the last decade.

    • Gail the Goldfish

      Some. I’ve done it before with cheaper suits that aren’t my favorites, on gentle in a lingerie bag, line dry (in my washers that all have agitators). The favorite ones go to the dry cleaners.

      • Gail the Goldfish

        have all had–as in multiple prior residences. I don’t own multiple washers, obv (though that would make laundry faster…):-) I miss the edit function.

        • Care

          If I had the money and a big enough laundry room, I would totally have multiple washers. That would be so nice.

    • Mpls

      I have – BR suit, wool. Lingerie bags, one for each piece, using a wool/cashmere wash. Cool water, gentle (knit/delicate, low agitation) cycle, in a top-loading washing machine.

      Hang to dry – jacket goes on a shaped, padded hanger. Suit pants folded to have the crease and then hung from the hem (hanger with clamp) to dry (as opposed to draped over a drying rack).

      Steam iron out the wrinkles.

      I wouldn’t do this any more often than you would dry cleaning, though.

      • Mpls

        Edit to add – I have washed the whole suit.

        If you’re doing just the skirt, that’s even easier.

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