Weekend Open Thread: Theory

82 Comments

1. On a crowded grocery store aisle, would you ask an elderly woman to move out of the freezer case she’s actively looking at to get something for yourself? Or would you wait for her to finish?

   I can’t decide if the nasty glare I gave the guy when he asked my mother to move was justified or not.

   1. If she’s actively making her selection, no, of course not. If she’s been considering her choice long enough for me to go past her, down the next aisle or two, circle back, and she’s still there? Yes, I will kindly excuse myself while I reached over or around her and have learned that it is best to ask forgiveness, because she is too self-absorbed to offer permission.

      But my grocery is next to a 65+ community and camping in the store for hours is a popular hobby. I actually do need to get home before my refrigerated food goes bad.

   2. If he knew what he wanted and just grabbed it and left, while your mom was clearly reviewing options, still deciding, etc., I don’t think he deserved the glare. I always feel awkward hovering when someone else is still making their choice while I just want to dip in and out, and I don’t mind at all (in fact I prefer it) when I’m the thinker and a quick-picker excuses themself to step by me and grab what they want. If he wanted to step in front of her to undertake his own lengthy decision process, it’s a different story.

      1. I agree with this. As long as someone says excuse me and does not physically shove me out of the way, I have no problem with them reaching around me if I’m looking at something.

         1. Same, I’d probably say “‘scuse me, mind if I just snag this” if I had to be reach past her or something but imo if someone is not actively reaching for a thing (Ie. Taking more than a few seconds) – or if they are but you can grab what you need without disrupting them – it’s fine. Agree that if you delay the person there first, you’ve done something wrong, although sometimes the cause is just awkward timing, not malice (they thought you were still deciding, when in fact you were about to move).

   3. I would wait, but if she’s taking more than a few seconds to stare while someone is hovering behind her, that’s different (and I would argue she should step back and let others grab while she decides).

      (No disrespect-I can take several minutes to compare the stupidest details. But I try to make sure I’m not blocking someone else while I do it, and it’s annoying when others are oblivious to the fact that they’re not the only person trying to get something from the shelf.)

   4. Neither, I just say excuse me, grab what I need, and move on. Nobody owns grocery aisle space, if you want to stand and look at things you need to let people move in and grab things as needed, but you also can’t force someone else to move on until they’re ready. He was rude, but it may (or may not) have been prompted by obliviousness on her part, no way to know without us being there.

      1. Right. You can choose to just stand there, but you need to accept that people are going to handle their business around you. Everyone has to play a little bit nice in crowded spaces.

   5. I would wait for at least a moment. If I were on a time crunch, I would ask to get something out and be apologetic: “I’m so sorry but I’m in a terrible rush. May I get in there? Thank you.”

   6. Depends. If they’re in the middle of something I give them a minute to choose. If they go more than 15-30 seconds and I know exactly what I need, I would say excuse me do you mind if I grab something real quick. And then do that and say thanks and move on.

      1. I do exactly this, and I’m never offended if someone else does so when I’m the one reading labels for too long.

   7. Actively looking? Would ask her to move and do. Actively getting something? I wait.

   8. Not justified.

      FWIW, I don’t ask people to move; I ask if I can just get in to grab something, but like “Excuse me, I just need to grab this thing,” so I’m not even really asking.

      Telling someone to move, absent an emergency, is at worst, a tone error. But shooting a glare is intentional.

   9. Even though you were probably wrong to glare, we’ve all reacted this way to *something* other people have done. I wouldn’t think too hard about it.

   10. World of difference between “ope, do you mind if I just reach by you real quick” and “move, please.”

       Yes, I am from Wisconsin.

       1. Yes, a well placed Ope works wonders!

       2. Same. Glare justified if he asked rudely or abruptly. Glare not justified, IMO, if he as polite or neutral.

2. My mom had varicose veins that bothered her for hears. She never had them “done” because she thought they might be needed if she needed a heart bypass. IDK if that ever was accurate.
   I don’t have varicose veins (yet), but a ton of what I think are called “spider” veins or broken capillaries. I cross my legs a lot out of habit and maybe also being cold. The outer leg below the knee on one leg gets tingly, not quite angry or painful, a lot since the beginning of the year. It’s like a 3/10 annoyance, but if it might be the sign of trouble, I’d like to get this fixed (and it would be a cosmetic improvement, but similar areas don’t do this).
   Do I go to a cosmetic surgeon or dermatologist or med spa for this sort of thing? It’s worse on a standing day (waiting in lines at an airport, going to a party, etc.). I slapped some Aspercreme on it the other day and it made me just want to be done with how the new normal is shaping up. I bought some support socks but it’s too warm for that now.

   1. My hands and fingers started getting tingly when I had to give up red meat due to my alpha gal diagnosis. Once I started supplements it went away.

   2. Crossing your legs below the knee can cause compression of a nerve called common peroneal nerve that runs close to the skin down the lower leg to your outer foot. When the nerve gets compressed, you can get the pins/needles/tingly sensation. If you do it long enough, or if the nerve is getting injured repeatedly over time, you can get numbness or even weakness. Usually it bounces back fine when you stop crossing your legs. So try not to cross your legs too much, especially if you do it tightly. Put on a sweater to warm your core instead. Elevating your legs is best anyway for the spider/varicose veins

      Some of us are more prone to these nerve compression symptoms. With a lot of the rapid weight loss folks are having with GLP-1 meds, random symptoms like this will pop up more. Peroneal nerve compression is more common in slender people, and after rapid weight loss.

   3. I think you go to your primary care doc first to get a real diagnosis.

   4. I also wondered if you already talked to primary care (you don’t want to miss an underlying condition here). You may need different compression if the support socks you bought are too warm (like the very thin stockings designed to wear under pants).

      1. OP here and I am thinking I should. I don’t see her unless it’s for an annual physical or have an active problem (and I wasn’t sure if this on its own warranted a visit).

         1. I feel like my doctor would want to at least poke my feet and check circulation if I complained of these symptoms, though maybe that’s just with my health history!

   5. This is a long response. I have some varicose veins but (thankfully) no pain or discomfort. I suggest going to a vein specialist and getting their opinion. My specialist told me that it would be possible to have some procedures done to address the look of some of the veins but others were too far along. The catch of doing the procedures was that it would make the treated veins unavailable for things like interventional radiology procedures that involve putting a catheter up the vein. (Sounds like the same type of limitation your mom described.) They advised that I wear medical grade compression stockings every day of the year. There are several grades of compression–I wear a lighter grade but not the lightest. I have to get them from a place that specializes in compression hose. (Ames Walker has been a dependable source.) I always buy Sigvaris hose because they are the most sheer and the colors seem the most true-to-skintones to me.
      Here’s what I learned on my own: 1) wearing compression hose when it’s over 75 degrees makes me so warm that I no longer wear long pants in summer. I’ve turned into a summer “skirt and dress” person (I don’t care if I’m “overdressed”–I try to rock the look), 2) I don’t wear compression hose with sandals…so I now look for cute closed toe shoes instead of sandals, 3) when I wear pants the rest of the year, I feel most comfortable if the pants/jeans aren’t tight over the hose…so I buy straight or wide leg pants/jeans, 4) I try to enjoy the fact that this seems like a great time in the fashion cycle to buy skirts and wide leg pants because there are so many styles available.

      1. Thanks for sharing. Have you noticed any improvement in your veins, or are they just not progressing as much by just doing your conservative approach?

         1. Doctors say it’s the latter.

3. attending a college graduation for work (i work at said college). will be babysitting board members. there is nowhere to leave a pocketbook. how bad is it to wear a small lululemon fanny pack cross body bag over a suit?

   1. Do you have a clear bag policy? I have just been using a ziplock (quart or gallon). Would love to have a cute clear bag with trim in school colors.

   2. I hate fanny packs, and also the look of a fanny pack-type bag worn on the front of the chest (but maybe that’s just because my 38GG self doesn’t need more bulk in that area). If it looks more cross-body than fanny pack, though, I think you’re fine.

   3. Can you pare down to vitals that will fit in your suit pockets? If not, I would opt for something like a SPI belt that you can wear under your clothing rather than a fanny pack worn cross body.

   4. Bad enough to definitely not do it.

   5. a leather crossbody bag would look a heck of a lot better.

   6. Bad. Pare down to essentials and either stick in pocket or bring an actual small leather crossbody.

   7. I take my lulu belt bag everywhere but I live a very casual life. +1 that a crossbody leather bag would look much better with a suit.

   8. Do you have tenure or nah. If yes, do whatever.

      1. Sounds like she’s staff, which is lower on the totem pole than untenured faculty

         1. Yeah, this was my short way of saying don’t do this unless you can sue when they fire you.

   9. Small leather crossbody for sure.

4. kinda sad – my kid FAFO’d and he’s about to find out. (delayed submitting his application for summer school until literally 12 hours before the deadline and surprise all the classes are waitlist only)

   1. thank you for letting him learn that lesson.

   2. I have mad respect for you as a parent right now for not saving him from himself.

      1. Same!

      2. +1 lots of respect for you as a parent, OP.

   3. I’m sure this is hard for you to watch, but good on you for not rescuing him!

   4. This is a hard lesson! Because you assume you did your part doing the thing before the deadline. As a student, being waitlisted for a thing you barely want to do doesn’t even occur to you until it happens to you for the first time. Good lesson though.

   5. Well done on the parenting front. Letting your kid fail now is a gift to the person he becomes in the future. Even as it’s hard to let him.

   6. I’m just wondering . . . public school or private?

      I feel that initially, kids in our city’s big $$$ private schools are supported by an immense in-school scaffolding. Like if they struggle in math, the math teacher tells an after-school on-site tutor and the parents, so everyone is aware and following up. I kind of wish my kids had had this, at least over COVID when balls were dropped more often than carried.

      But now that my kids are older high schoolers, I feel that maybe I don’t want this, or at least don’t want this for them all the time now. And that may be the gift of both an under-powered large public high school and a working mom: you are just going to have to figure out things for yourself a bit and that won’t feel foreign when you go to college or start working.

      1. he’s at a public school but he’s still a little prince, ha

         honestly I nagged til I couldn’t nag no more — then asked his father to nag him on 5/13. DH does nag, and DS says he’ll talk to me. he comes to garage (I was planting stuff) and shouts “mom the deadline is the 15th!! it’s only the 13th!”

         ok buddy.

         1. I get braggy xmas letters every year and just want to start a template as to whether anyone is pregnant who shouldn’t be, whether social services were called, and whether anyone has been arrested; if not, things are OK.

5. New outfit you’re most looking forward to wearing this summer? (Include accessories + shoes if you can!)

   1. My college reunion is coming up and I have a new dress from Talbots (Lightweight Woven Stretch Bungee Dress – Lattice Diamonds) to wear during the day. I’ve recently gone up in size and this dress fits very nicely and looks great against my skin tone.

   2. This isn’t a specific outfit, but I’m looking forward to wearing more shorts this summer. I love shorts, feel most physically comfortable in shorts in hot weather, etc., but have felt self-conscious about cellulite. This summer I’ve decided that it’s worth it just to wear what I want. I’m tired of wearing pants in hot weather just because my body isn’t “perfect.”

      1. Shorts, especially cut off jeans, make me feel like a teenager. I’m 50 so it’s a good feeling.

   3. I got new Aritzia pants and am in love.

6. I hate all my shoes. I wear dresses most of the time, for casual to formal. Trying to avoid heels, but 1-2″ ok. No one wears white sneakers in my metro. Everyone at work is either significantly older than I am or significantly younger (the “donut” problem). I’m 37. Ideas?

   1. I get a lot of wear from a slim, flat, loafer-style mule in the spring and summer – specifically the Lucky Brand Louisaa Mule. The current Bridgeet and Nicona on their website also might work.

      1. Same, I’m wearing the Steve Madden Dessa alot these days, and I have a Naot mule with a higher heel.

   2. I wear these for work and life:

      https://espiritu.com/collections/slip-ons-womens-collection

   3. Ballet flats. Chanel inspired.

   4. My flat Mary Janes (almond toe) have been total workhorses for me, from casual to more formal. I have these:

      https://www.nordstrom.com/s/sam-edelman-michaela-mary-jane-flat-women/6402978?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FShoes%2FFlats&color=413

   5. For your donut problem – I would cross style the age gap. If you’re wearing a dress that your older colleagues also might wear – younger shoes. If you’re wearing a dress younger colleagues might wear – older shoes.

7. how do you guys cover your grays between appointments?

   1. This: https://www.prada.com/us/en/p/fabric-bucket-hat/1HC137_158M_F0151

   2. I use the L’Oréal spray https://a.co/d/03eCBYEt

      I have my roots done every 4 months at the salon. I use the nice and easy root coverup dye with my own brush. It takes 20mins and I normally do it when my roots are half an inch.

8. Looking for recommendations on how to spend a day in Boston with a teen. We’ll have a free day there next month. Teen is a history buff and loves seafood.

   1. Freedom trail tour
      Legal Seafood dinner
      Walk around Harvard Square
      Red sox game

   2. If it’s a teen, have them draw up an itinerary!

9. Can tarnished fashion jewelry be recycled? I feel bad about tossing it, but I’m guessing it’s not worth the effort to salvage.

   1. I’m not sure how sensible this is, but I’ve been known to paint it with coloured nail polish!

   2. If it’s silver, just clean it. You can also put fashion jewelry in a warm, soapy bath and massage it a bit. If that doesn’t work, yeah, toss.

   3. If still date to use, just paint it with nail polish.

   4. You can donate them. People use them for craft purposes.

   5. You might be able to untarnish it. I don’t think recycling facilities accept it.

   6. Get a rouge cloth. They are cheap. It’s so easy to use one to wipe the tarnish off.

10. Help me shop, please! (May repost on Monday if it’s quiet this weekend). I’m going to see an evening show on Broadway in two weeks and I want to get dressed up. I’m 50, 5 ft 3 in (so maxi dresses don’t work), 145 lbs. I have some hang-ups about showing too much skin or things being too tight but I also recently lost weight and want to embrace my new figure. Any dress or outfit recommendations? Or websites to look at? Thanks, all!!!

    1. I’m about the same age & size and I wear a 0 at Chico’s … maybe the Travelers Lace Hem V-neck dress?

       What show are you seeing? Hope you enjoy it. Whatever you wear will be right as you’ll see a whole range of styles and formality.

    2. For what it’s worth, I am 45 and 5’3″ and I LOVE a maxi dress. I find it lengthening! I also love a jumpsuit, which I think has the same effect.

       I wore something like this to the last Broadway show I went to:
       https://us.boden.com/products/women-tie-halter-neck-jumpsuit-navy-d1716nav

       What are you going to see???

       1. Thank you! I’m seeing “Chess” and I’m so excited!!!

    3. weather in the NE is super changeable right now (like it’s going to be in the 90s this week and then crash into 60s and drizzly). And people wear all sorts of things, from jeans, shorts, sundresses, etc.

       Main advice is to wear something comfortable + layers as theaters can sometimes be sweltering and sometimes freezing compared to outdoors, and personally I dislike the feeling of the prickly velvet pressed into my legs, so I prefer pants or a longer skirt.

11. Help me choose between boob tape and a sticky strapless bra. The dress I’m wearing a backless dress in a woven fabric with a seam right under the bust. I’m a full C-cup. I want support but not a pushup or volumizing effect.

    1. Tape will help pull them to the center more than the sticky bra if you need that. Otherwise the sticky bra is more comfortable and easier.

Comments are closed.