Thursday’s TPS Report: Semi A Line Skirt

192 Comments

1. So, for UK to USA conversions, am I fine in relying upon what the tags in my Boden clothes tell me? Sounds like an interesting new site. In addition, another thing to add to my often wished for return-to-London lists! Thanks, Stephanie.

   1. I find Boden clothes slightly more vanity sized than true UK measurements. I wear a 0/2 in US sizes, a 4 in Boden’s sizing, but I’m solidly a 6 whenever I try on anything in the UK, with the exception of perhaps shift dresses that are cut quite straight.

      1. I agree regarding Boden. I think they have conformed to vanity-US sizes in a way that other UK brands like Reiss have not. Their skirts and dresses are cut specifically occasionally (narrow in the hips etc.) but I think that is more by style of the garment rather than size generally.

   2. I agree with Ann-on. Depending on the vanity sizing, you’ll probably need to go up 6- so if you wear a 6 US you will probably wear a 12 UK.

   3. I use the chart of whichever store I’m shopping.

   4. Boden clothes that you buy from the US are US-sized. I am a 2ish in BR, am a 4 for Boden tops and dresses and a 6 for skirts (they tend to run small on the bottom). I have a couple of dresses that I got at the Boden warehouse sale that I THINK are from the UK side – the dress sizes appear to be 8. As Anonymous said above, it’s a good idea to check the charts on the website, but I thought my Boden experience might be helpful.

   5. General rule of thumb for US-UK sizing conversion is that they are “4 off.” Boden’s sizing is vanity sized…I find that I wear a full size smaller in Boden’s “US” sizing than I do from JCrew, Banana, AT, etc.

      Also, this is just my opinion, but having lived in the UK and been a voracious shopper, I would not buy anything from Warehouse. The quality is not that high and it’s just not that cute. There are other UK brands that are much better (although they don’t ship to the US, to my knowledge)…examples are LKBennett, Hobbs, Karen Millen.

      1. Hobbs, oh how I love thee and how I wish you would ship to North America!!

      2. Karen Millen is in the US. There’s one at the mall near me, and I think we even have an outlet at our outlet mall. I don’t have any experience with the brand, though the outfits in the window are always attractive.

   6. Watch Warehouse sizing if you have hips. I am a consistent US 6 on the bottom, which normally translates to UK 10, but Warehouse cuts their clothes for skinny-minnie 22-year-olds. If you are one of those lucky people, you will do great. Otherwise, you may want to size up a bit….FWIW, sizing for tops seems to be TTS.

   7. I agree with those who find that Boden sizes are more similar to US sizes in terms of the “vanity sizing” debate.

      For reference, I’m 00 at Gap, 0 at J.Crew, 2 in Theory, and 2 in most US contemporary labels, like DVF, Milly, Alexander Wang, Daryl K.

      At Warehouse I’m a 6 or 8, which is officially a 2 or 4 in “standard” US sizing.

2. Very interesting . . . I’m always glad to find out about new brands. Thanks!

   On another note, what is the best way to clean your makeup brush?

   1. I use baby shampoo, reshape the bristles, and then dry them propped up in a cup with the bristle ends in the air.

      1. I second the baby shampoo, but I put mine on a clean towel with the brush ends angled down onto the towel, (usually using an empty paper towel roll to keep the brush handled propped up). I used to do it like susieq, but my makeup consultant told me that I should never prop the brush up because then the water flows down into the handle, which could loosen the glue holding the bristles in place.

      2. This is exactly what I do and I have had some of my brushes 10+ years.

   2. I love Becca’s Professional Brush Soap. It’s $15 and I got it at Bendels in NYC. This brush soap is by far the best cleaner I have for my makeup brushes and is very easy to use. All you do is run your brush under warm water and then you brush it back and forth against the soap a few times, work it in with your fingers until all the makeup is off, then rinse, shape, and dry. I’m not even done with the one I have but plan on buying a backup when I’m in the city next week, that’s how much I love it ;)

   3. MAC also makes a brush cleaning solvent; it’s good, but for the money I’d go with baby shampoo.

      And try not to get any water or cleaning product on the ferrule–just the bristles.

      1. I use MAC’s brush cleaner, too. One of their make-up artists also suggested diluting it with water to 50% strength. I tried it, and it lasts twice as long without any noticeable decrease in effectiveness.

   4. I use Dawn dish soap. Rinse in warm water; pat dry with paper towels; lay flat to dry.

      1. Dawn dish soap too. Sam Fine recommends it, and anyone who touches Iman’s face speaks the truth :)

   5. Here’s what works for me. Pour about a tablespoon of olive oil on a folded paper towel. Lightly press the tip of the brush against the oil spot. You should see the color flow (wick) out from the brush to the paper towel. Repeat with more olive oil if it is especially dirty. Once you feel like you’ve pulled most of the dirt out, throw away the paper towel and wash the brush in gentle soap. I use shampoo or Cetaphil but I don’t know that it matters. Let brush air dry.

      (A tip from a friend who was taught that in cosmetology school.)

      1. That sounds really cool, I’m going to try this.

   6. I use baby shampoo, warm water, swirled in the hand and then rinse until clear. Lay flat to dry so the water doesn’t run into the handle. Usually clean them once a month or whenever I feel moved to do so.

      For my eyeliner brush though, I wash it every day; but for that, I splurge and use the shu uemera brush cleaner, which I transfer to a spray bottle and spray a little on and wipe on a tissue. Brushes come out super clean. I stocked up on the cleaning solution prior to them leaving the US market.

3. threadjack!!

   HELP HELP HELP
   I have “the” longchamp bag that the whole world has but since it’s still new to me I need help with care.
   It is a torrential downpour in Western MA today and my bag got absolutely soaked during my walk to work(so did I but that’s less important) I didn’t have time to change bags or I would have so I’m doubly annoyed right now because I could have prevented it.
   Getting to the point- I took everything out and hung the bag up to let the bottom dry out before I put it just standing to finish the job but is there anything else I should worry about? Bad things happening to the handles etc?

   thank you!!!

   1. Other people may think differently, but I think one of the advantages of that bag is its ability to withstand water. I once left a bottle of water in mine that upended and filled the entire bag (not the best way to find your cell phone when you unzip your purse — floating, that is). Anyway, I had no idea that there was an entire bottle of water sloshing around in there until I opened it — it’s just that waterproof.

   2. An entire Dr. Pepper spilled in mine one day and I didn’t notice until I opened it because it’s so waterproof. I think it will dry out and be just fine. And the handles should perk right up once dry!

   3. The pliage is my everyday bag for that particular reason:
      I poured water, dish soap, all kinds of detergents on it and it is still intact… oh an I use it as a shield to protect my hair when caught in the rain. Don’t worry.. you’ll have it for many more seasons.

      Note: I am not THAT clumsy to spill all these things on my bag.. I work for a detergent company and that’s why I have such spillage when transporting samples..

      1. Ha! awesome backstory.

   4. When I bought my Longchamp, the clerk told me it was machine washable. I’ve machine washed mine a few times now, had it for 3 years, and good as new.

   5. thank you everyone for easing my mind!! I feel so much better now- sure enough it dried by the end of my day at work and the sun came out so it stayed dry.

      Happy almost weekend!

4. Still a little confused about the sizing, but I must say that site has some great prices, especially on trousers.

   1. And I really like this: http://www.warehouse.co.uk/70's-clean-a-line-skirt/Tailoring/warehouse/fcp-product/303843

      1. Stupid website won’t let me buy that skirt. I click Add to Bag and nothing happens.

         1. I just tried and it worked for me — I’m in the SF area. It may have been a site glitch earlier this morning.

      2. Me either! I thought it was a bad connection, but maybe no sale to US? Been looking for a tan skirt and that looked great……

5. Hey all. I need serious career advice. I used to be the typical type-A self starter, like many of you here, who was always super-motivated to get.stuff.done, be super.productive and always made everyone proud, parents, teachers and now supervisors/bosses. I was on top of the world, so smart and able to dole out amazing work.

   Within the past year or so, something happened. I am still that smart person who is capable of getting.stuff.done and being super.productive, except I don’t get.stuff.done, nor do I produce anything. And it’s not from a lack of guidance or terrible work environment or anything. My supervisors are insanely supportive, always pushing me to do more and they’re tracking my progress, making sure that I’m doing what I need to do in order to become a big boss like them one day. And I’m still interested in my job, I find it interesting and important and all that jazz. It’s everything I wanted (except for the commute, but that’s another story).

   My productivity has declined to the point where I now have weekly meetings to discuss my progress with my supervisor, as opposed to the monthly ones that we each have one-on-one. These meetings make me feel TERRIBLE. I hate them. They make me feel like digging in and not doing the work on purpose, which is just awful. The thought of meeting to discuss my workload all the time REALLY stresses me out. I feel really frustrated with myself, I don’t know why I’m not performing the way I used to, the way I want to, or really at my level whatsoever but I feel stuck. After all those ADHD/anxiety threads, I finally spoke to my pcp about it and she was worried about it too. She’s going to do a full medical screening to make sure that there’s nothing medically wrong before she starts with mental health diagnoses.

   Basically, after writing you all this novel, I decided that I’m going to speak to my supervisor about this. We had a meeting two weeks ago about how he’s frustrated about how I’m prioritizing/managing my workload and I promised to get to those assignments he wanted; since then, I haven’t. I just want to clear the air with him and say look, I understand you’re frustrated with me and I’m frustrated with me, too. And I also want to tell him that taking assignments away from me so that I can focus on the few that he wants actually demotivates me – it took me a long time to realize that I can only work with a lot on my plate. When my workload is “manageable”, it bores me to tears and I don’t feel like doing it. On top of this, I was out of the office a lot during the summer because I was sick and for out-of-the-office training and field visits. And my dad was recently hospitalized (but he’s ok now, thankfully). And my uncle is divorcing his abusive wife. So it’s all just compounding on top of each other.

   If any of you have advice on how to have a I-know-I-suck-now-but-I-promise-to-do-better-now discussion with your boss, please let me know. Sometimes, I just feel like quitting/hiding just so I don’t have to deal with this.

   1. I am not a licensed psychologist but I think that the things in your personal life you mentioned at the end of your post may be causing the lack of focus. Your father’s hospitalization and your uncle’s divorce from an abusive home life may be making your home life difficult.

      You also don’t say anything about your own social life. It may be that you need a good man in your life and you are rebelling because there may not be one yet.

      I suggest you find a good man and a healthy relationship will go a long way toward giving you the satisfaction you need to focus more at work. Good luck! We will be pulling for you!

      1. What does the OP finding a man have to do with anything? Is there any indication in her post that she’s single and unhappy about it? It’s clear that therapy will probably help (if there is no underlying medical issue), but at this point she’s having trouble pinpointing the root of her problems.

         As for discussing things with the boss, I think at this point it will be hard for him to feel inspired to assign you more work when you’re not even finishing the work you get. Hopefully if you go to therapy, this is something you can discuss and work on. I do think it’s worth discussing the weekly progress meetings as it seems like they just make you freak out more and end up even less productive than you were before the meeting. Perhaps suggest spreading them out to biweekly meetings, and if you accomplish what you have on your plate after doing that for a few months, you can go back to the old monthly meetings.

         1. Haha. I am perplexed by the “good man” comment, as well.

         2. Vivian has said ridiculous things before I think she is an Ellen (but not as fabuuuulous)

            1. Ugh. I forgot about ol’ Vivian. She’s sneakier than Ellen!

         3. I agree with MelD – the presence or lack thereof of a significant other is completely irrelevant as well as nonsensical. The OP is doing poorly at work because she’s missing a good man in her life? I think you may have the OP confused with a Kate Hudson/Katherine Heigel movie.

            And I will also add that one shouldn’t assume anyone else’s s’xual orientation anymore than one should assume any other characteristic. It’s as disappointing to me when someone is assumed to be heteros’xual as when assumed to be Christian, or Caucasian, or from a city, or whatever. Some people are some or all of those things, and some aren’t. Some Corporettes are interested in good women, not good men.

      2. Vivian – Find a man and you will be able to focus on work???!!! You can’t be serious.

         OP – sounds like you are in a bit of a rut. I think talking to your manager is a very good start…but on his/her end, it will be very hard to overload your plate out of fear that the stuff will not get done…so bear that in mind when you meet.
         Maybe suggest reducing the one-on-one meetings at least temporarily and see if things improve.

   2. You mentioned your commute, which stuck in my head because I have a very long commute myself. It sounds like you might just be exhausted, and when you don’t have enough work to get your adrenaline going, the fatigue settles in and you can’t work. It also sounds like you may be a little depressed by your situation, which isn’t going to help matters.

      I would think your boss will appreciate knowing that you’ve assessed your own performance and are working to turn things around. I don’t have any advice on how to conduct the actual conversation with him, but I would imagine it will go better than you think it will. Good luck!

      1. Agreeing with Anonymous13: your life of late sounds exhausting. Also, you always made parents, teachers, bosses proud? How about yourself? Do you need to re-evaluate what you want for yourself?

         1. Yes — a desire to meet other people’s expectations, however strong, can motivate a person for only so long.

   3. I am in the exact same position. Everything you said. I am really interested to hear the answers here. My concern is not about how to have the discussion (which, basically, has already been had) but instead on how to actually find the motivation to follow through.

   4. I’ve been there, although with a far less supportive work environment. My best advice is this: figure out the medical/mental health issues before having this conversation, if you can wait. It’s a lot easier for a boss to hear, “I acknowlege that there is a problem, and here is what I am doing to correct it” than to just hear “I acknowledge that there is a problem and that it has to change” without some kind of game plan. This is not to say that you must have already solved the problem, or that your first game plan is going to work, but it is nice to have a concrete way forward.

      Know that you’re not alone – I think that this happens more often than you would imagine. People generally don’t talk about it, but that doesn’t mean it’s uncommon. I’m guessing that most of my friends and coworkers (with the exception of the higher-ups who most decidedly knew that something was wrong) would be shocked to hear that I went through/am still working through something similar.

      You probably already know this, but the worst thing that you can do is hide or avoid the problem. (So easy to say, so hard to do).

      1. “My best advice is this: figure out the medical/mental health issues before having this conversation, if you can wait. It’s a lot easier for a boss to hear, “I acknowlege that there is a problem, and here is what I am doing to correct it” than to just hear “I acknowledge that there is a problem and that it has to change” without some kind of game plan. This is not to say that you must have already solved the problem, or that your first game plan is going to work, but it is nice to have a concrete way forward.”

         I agree with this, if you can hold off on having this conversation with your boss. It seems like you (OP) have already had the conversations with your boss where you both acknowledge a problem but without a solution, and I don’t see a benefit in having it again without saying that you’ve taken measurable steps to address the problem.

   5. I am curious as to what kind of work you are supposed to be doing. If it is law related it would have fixed time-lines, so falling behind would not be an option. If it is “creative work” that is a different story altogether.

      1. Not necessarily. I have the same problem and I am a lawyer. Some legal work has more flexible deadlines. Or you can just drag your feet until the last minute when you could’ve gotten other things done in the mean time.

         FWIW, I think you may be depressed. Either way, try not to beat yourself up over and look at each day as a fresh slate–try working on something for 10 min, get into it and see where it goes. Or set daily goals for yourself and make yourself stick to them.

         Embarrassingly, sometimes the best thing that works for me is “you can’t get up to pee until you’ve finished reading this case!” :)

   6. I’ve been in this spot too, and I’ve got a mild case of it now. It helped me to take a day or night every so often just for myself, to realize that I’ve still got some passion and productivity left for myself. I realized that I, like you, was running around pleasing everyone else, and it made me question what I was actually striving for.
      I love crafts, but I haven’t had time to do it. One night I joined my mom at a craft night, and I ended up taking that night and the whole Saturday to just make Christmas cards. I made a huge mess on the dining room table, but I looked at it with satisfaction. It was pure joy to spend a day creating, and it really refreshed me for the office/school/life duties I had that next week. Seriously, do something that you love for a day, even if it means making a mess, being “frivolous”, or otherwise spending energy on something other than work.
      Also, exercise really helps me get back my focus. If I’m not exercising, it means that all my stress is just pent up inside me, and it obliterates my ability to focus. I highly recommend a run or a boot camp, just to kick you into high gear!
      We can’t be 100% motivated 100% of the time, so see if you can uncover the underlying issues. You’re not alone, and you will get through this rut!

      1. This. I totally agree that doing something you love that has nothing to do with work can help you stay motivated and focused.
         With the days getting shorter and the accompanying sleepiness and general feeling of exhaustion it gives me, I thought that giving myself time to “do nothing” in the evenings after work would help me relax and save energy for the next day. Nope–that only made me more tired, and bored on top of that. It was only when I set aside time to do some long-neglected sewing projects that I got my energy and motivation back. Sure, sewing projects are involved and require focus, but the satisfaction I derive from doing it was powerful enough to get me out of my exhausted rut.

   7. Maybe in your next meeting with the boss mention you’re working with your doctor to improve your health so you can focus on your productivity levels. It’s at least the start of a game plan.

      If you need time pressure/piles of work/slight panic to work create that yourself. Set yourself crazy deadlines for the work you have been assigned (so you can go back to your boss with a weeks worth after 3 days and ask for more) if that helps you. Schedule training sessions (even if it is self tutition) so you develop your skill set and create that personal pressure.

      I wonder if you’re in the wrong type of environment. Not a bad one, just not suited to you?

   8. I think it might be worth having your thyroid levels checked just to rule that out. Fatigue and lack of focus is a common symptom as well as inability to concentrate.

      Just in case. If you do have an imbalance, its worth getting started right away on treatment. Once you get your dosage (or whatever) adjusted, you should notice an improvement.

      In my experience anyway…

      1. Totally agree with MB.

         This sounds like depression, or a thyroid issue. I would certainly get yourself medically checked out, and if it’s something you can address medically, then it’s ok to let your boss know that it’s a medical issue.

         You could also be burnt out. Sure, this site is for “overachieving chicks.” But none of us are perfect, and none of us are 100% productive all the time, and none of us “get.stuff.done” all the time. So make sure you don’t have crazy expectations for yourself. (Dude – If we were really super productive all day, how would we find time for this site?)

         Sometimes the stress in our lives creeps up on us, especially when we’re trying to prove to everyone (and ourselves?) that it doesn’t affect us. It does. You’re human. If you avoid the stress, it will seep its way out anyway.

         Take care of yourself.

   9. I had to do this once! I was super-floundering at an old job, hating it and thinking about switching fields altogether. Instead, I just switched companies in the same field to try to give it another go in the same environment. When I got to my current job, I just had a really bad attitude. Could not motivate. Couldn’t care less about my work. Knew I was disappointing everyone (including myself). Missing deadlines. Etc. The higher-ups took notice, of course, and told me I needed to perk up and adjust to their office culture. I wallowed and thought about leaving my field again.

      Then, I decided instead to really give my new job a shot. I made a promise to myself to change my attitude, start with a clean slate, and try to move forward. Once I had ALREADY made this concrete decision, I set up meetings with my bosses. I went into each one and said, nonemotionally but matter-of-factly: “I know I have not been doing a good job here. I am really sorry to have disappointed you, but I have been having a hard time focusing on my job and career due to [vague description of personal/medical issue]. I want to take responsibility for that and talk to you about how I can move forward from here. Here’s what I’d like to do. What do you suggest?”

      It worked really well. Things turned around quickly, and I think having that Moment of Momentum Shift was key for me (to feel I had a clean slate and wasn’t dragged down by my past mistakes) and for my supervisors (to evaluate my work prospectively). It was a difficult, but actually very empowering, conversation for me.

      The key, though, is that I had ALREADY decided I was ready to make the change and knew I was committed to doing it. It sounds to me like you are still struggling and not sure how to change. So I’m not sure you are ready for this type of conversation yet. Also, I was willing to let me bosses help guide me on what I could do to turn around, and in your situation, it sounds like your boss has already tried this approach and it is exacerbating it. I imagine it is more difficult to say “I know I’m doing a bad job. I’m not sure why or how to fix it yet. The supportive strategies you have tried aren’t working; please stop making me do progress reports and lightening my work load.” I know that you would do it tactfully (of course), but I think it’s just not going to be a very productive conversation.

      I would suggest communicating with your boss regularly, even as you’re falling behind, to thank him for his support and tell him that you appreciate the help and guidance. Do your best to not fall behind to demonstrate some progress. See this as a short-term solution to slog through the days until you locate the long-term solution. And then get thee to a counselor immediately for some help. Once you start feeling more confident and empowered and less frustrated with yourself, then you’ll be ready to proactively talk with your boss about how to make changes.

      1. I think you hit on it – I have been feeling the same way as the OP, and I think part of the problem is I get into this downward spiral that I’m doing a bad job (although I think a lot of that is in my head) and my colleagues/bosses will never notice any improvement or change in attitude on my part so why bother etc etc etc. It’s good to know that bosses can be receptive to the idea of moving forward and not judging the past.

         Also, I think I totally need a book on how to stop the negative self-talk. It can be really, really counter-productive!

   10. You need a vacation. A real one. Where no one from work speaks to you for two weeks. You sound like burn out city, but you don’t know who you are if you admit that.

       But yeah, make sure you don’t have a brain tumor or lupus or something.

       As for the boss, be a little honest: you and your doctor are checking that there are no medical/psych conditions that are causing it. Say you are very concerned. You know that the productivity meetings are important, but you feel the way they are conducted is embarrassing and undermining you. Perhaps a less intrusive method would work better for each of you.

       Also, consider that you don’t really want to be a boss at a major corporation. Maybe you want to do something else.
       (And please ignore the thing about finding a “good man” — unless you’re looking for one, which you’re letter did NOT sound like. Men cause just as many problems as they fix.)

       1. “Men cause just as many problems as they fix.”

          +100 LL points. I wish I could hand that out on business cards to certain people.

          1. Post of the day. Cheers!

             1. Aww, thanks!

   11. I’ve had a similar experience and it was due to burnout. I had an overwhelming workload and as a result I lost interest in projects and my brain completely shut down to the point I could barely get anything done. I just couldn’t focus on anything. Anyway, therapy helped the most. So did making small, manageable task lists and talking to my boss. This lasted for about 6 months and I finally finished up 2 huge projects that had been hanging over my head and I felt like a weight had been literally lifted from my shoulders.

       So not sure what my specific advice would be, other than to try therapy. But I felt exactly as you describe, and I got through it so, so can you.

       1. Oh yeah, and also, a vacation. I couldn’t afford a real vacation, but just going to visit my parents for 7 days is what enabled me to finish up the 2 big projects upon my return. I ended up only having to work 2 out of those 7 vacation days; in an ideal world I could just not check email for the whole week, but in my job that isn’t possible.

       2. OK, one more follow up. My therapy resulted in a diagnosis of seasonal affective disorder and major (clinical) depression. So there may well be a real, medical reason for your current problem. My diagnosis resulted in my work making some accommodations for me (pursuant to their disability policy) that helped immensely (such as a later start time because I had insomnia and the installation of a sun therapy box).

   12. OP here – thank you all so so so much for your thoughts and advice. It really does help to know about all of your experiences.

       What *I* want: to be a superstar again. Is it terrible to admit that I love being the best? And that sucking for no good reason besides the fact that I don’t *feel* like doing things makes me feel terrible?

       I’m going to sit with my supervisor this afternoon to talk to him about what’s going on with me and that I’m committed to changing but that I will need some time and patience. And deadlines. I’m going to ask him for deadlines. I think it’s really important for me to have this meeting now, on my terms, instead of attending another progress meeting where we all just want to bang our heads on the table and me stewing about it all the time. I’ll let you all know how it goes.

       1. Please do let us know! Good luck in the meeting.

   13. I’m in the middle of going through something similar. In fact, I could’ve written parts of your posts myself, especially about the part about being a total Type A, responsible, people-pleaser AND needing to be insanely busy in order to be productive. For me, becoming a first-time parent has exacerbated the good & bad parts of my nature, and the stress of trying to do it all was (is?) eating me alive.

       What’s helped me? Admitting the problem, first of all. My doctor and I had several frank discussions about what was going on, she did the full health workup, and strongly encouraged me to consider going on anti-anxiety meds for awhile and to seek therapy.

       So, I’ve been doing that since June. I’ve been trying to reduce my stress levels, eat well, take my vitamins, rest, exercise, all that good stuff. Therapy has helped somewhat, but it hasn’t been a quick fix. None of these measures has been a quick fix.

       What’s helped? Actually taking a little time to just have fun. Doing things to build up my self-esteem again. Reminding myself that I’m valued for who I am, not just what I do for other people. Trying not to treat everything as an emergency and be OK with doing some things “less well” sometimes. (This is really difficult!) Setting priorities and not trying to conquer the world in a day.

       A long vacation would probably do wonders for you, but I admittedly haven’t taken my own advice on that one. What I have done, though, is to schedule several Fridays off this fall. Gives me something to look forward to, it’s easier to leave for one day than one week, and if I have it on my calendar, I feel more committed to taking my vacation time. Because there will never be a perfect time to be out of the office.

       I found this book helpful in giving me a specific plan for understanding my stress and how to deal with it better: http://www.amazon.com/So-Stressed-Ultimate-Stress-Relief-Women/dp/B0048ELEPY/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1316710472&sr=8-1

       Again, not a magic cure-all, but anything helps.

       1. I’ll also chime in with a book recommendation: The Now Habit, by Neil Fiore. He is a therapist who specializes in procrastination. Your story sounds exactly like me and I found this book eye-opening. I rebel against authority and express my resentment (particularly for being “trapped” in a PhD program) by procrastinating; it’s an ongoing struggle for me to overcome it. Personally, I’m hoping I will start to be the professional I hoped to be once I get a fresh start in a new job and with a new boss.

          Medical professionals are your first line of defense, but this book will definitely give you some things to talk about with a therapist.

   14. Yow. Sorry for what you are going through, and I do think a medical screening is the place to start, especially since you missed time over the summer due to illness, but… have you tried counseling? It seems there is some level of self-sabotage going on here (you’re told what to work on, distractions are removed, and still you don’t just get it done) – I think talking to someone is a a good idea. I don’t think you can have the “I promise to do better” conversation with your boss until you know that it’s true, and I’m not seeing that in what you wrote.

   15. I have no counseling or background, but it sounds as if you could be depressed or dislike your job. Or maybe there is a physical issue,which you are exploring.

       On the extreme micro level, do you have a secretary who could help you keep organized.

       Also on the the extreme micro level, have you tried a time management method such as The Pomodoro Technique? Sometimes making work into a game can help. http://www.pomodorotechnique.com/

       I agree, it’s unlikely that you’re going to be assigned more work if you’re not making your current deadlines.

       Good luck.

       1. Typos:

          or medical background

          keep organized?

6. Sorry if this gets triple-posted, but I think the original post got eaten (2x). I have relatively pale skin and brown hair. The hairs on my upper lip are light brown and on the longer side, and I am thinking of lasering. I am sick of bleaching, and electrolysis didn’t work. Looking for comments on whether this is worth it ($ and pain), how many sessions it might take, and if there are any recommendations in NYC. FWIW, there is a groupon deal today for the Youth & Beauty Salon in the Village (and if you’ve been there, I’d love to hear your thoughts…).

   1. Your coloring sounds great for laser. It hurts, but no so bad, and it works, after many treatments, for years and years, until hormone shifts and time take tolls– like pregnancy, etc.

      Sometimes with Groupon/etc. deals, you can buy the package but the provider can’t schedule you in– they oversell their time. It can be very inconvenient for even a restaurant reservation, but for something like this, which takes some serious planning for ideal spacing of treatments for best success and value, and leaves you redfaced for the day, I would not want to be beholden to an oversold, overbooked schedule. I still have a Groupon for a massage that I can’t use b/c they can’t book me. Laser is a more complicated algebra of appointment-to-appointment, growing cycles, etc. I would go for laser but not use a groupon. Most places have other deals & packages you can make use of.

      Good luck! And remember, in the meantime, that you notice the look of things more than others do. What could seem glaring to you, a minus to your appearance, is likely not noticed by others, a neutral.

   2. If electrolysis didn’t work, would laser? I think it’s the same concept. I have done laser on my legs (very pale skin, very dark, coarse leg hair) and it has worked pretty well. As far as the pain goes, maybe you can get EMLA (lidocaine), a topical anesthetic/numbing cream. I’m not sure if you can use it on your upper lip, but it works a treat on my legs.

      1. I used it on my lip once, and it was fine, but since the pain isn’t that bad anyway, and since with the cream they make you come in early to the appointment, making it a half-of-my-Saturday affair, I went without thereafter. It hurts– tears will come to your eyes and it will not be fun– but honestly, not bad at all. It’s an immediate but fleeting pain. It HITs you but goes right away. Save the $$ and time on the cream. I didn’t even use it on more sensitive areas. The worst part of the face is just below your nose, so if you’re delicate and prioritizing, perhaps use it during those sessions and skip during lower area sessions, but really, the pain is passable.

   3. Laser hair removal is awesome. You sound like you have the perfect coloring for it — I have similar coloring and that’s what I’ve been tol, and it has worked extremely well for me. It varies but it will usually take between 6-8 sessions for good results — though you still may have a few fighters that keep surviving even then, and it could take additional sessions. I apparently have a very high tolerance for pain so I just grit my teeth and get it over with. The pain varies by area (face and bikini, particularly sensitive, as is the IT band area surprisingly, and I found the backs of my legs painful). The type of machine used can play a factor too. There is one kind that does a little puff of air almost simultaneously with the laser to cool the area, and I recently experienced another kind that does a continuous stream of cool air. I found the latter to be much less painful overall — I guess it just lowered my body temp, particularly in the treatment area. One person I’ve seen always kept a moist towlette in her hand and would give the area treated a little rub immediately after zapping it; that helps too. I usually would get a good slathering of aloe right before leaving (as your skin generally looks a little pink afterwards) and be totally fine the next day. I don’t have any recommendations for people in NY but I second keeping your eye on Groupon — I got an amazing deal that has let me go forward with doing a few additional areas.

   4. I’m curious, do you know why electrolysis didn’t work for you? I’ve been thinking of getting it done on my face (I have pale skin and relatively pale facial hair, so I don’t think laser would work for me).

      1. Sorry, finally succeeded in reposting (had to try 3 browsers) but did it in the wrong spot. See Laser Q 09/22/2011 at 4:43 pm.

   5. Best thing I ever did and wish I had done it years ago. I did it for chin. It took maybe a total of six or eight sessions total over a year and a half or so? Most of it seemed to go away after a month or two but the follow ups were to get strays in different growth cycles (years of plucking make it harder to remove). The first session was really painful and after that they all got much better. So what I’m saying is, don’t do it once and chicken out (if I hadn’t paid a huge amount of money as a package, I don’t know if I would have kept with it–but I’m so glad I did in the end.)

   6. I have similar coloring and was told that laser hair removal will not work on my lip. Face hair tends to be finer and lighter than other hair and isn’t easily removed by laser. The plastic surgeon recommended that I just pluck them out. He said that aggressive plucking tends to permanently damage the hair follicle on the upper lip. FWIW, I’m now doing a second area of laser through groupon and have not had drastic problems scheduling. And it’s definitely much cheaper. For bikini line and underarms, laser hair removal is awesome.

      1. I think I just didn’t have the right hair for it. I tried three different places and wasted literally thousands of dollars. (I had a more detailed answer earlier today, but my posts keep getting eaten when I click “submit,” and I am sick of typing.) Based on what 2:58 Anon for This said, I think maybe, ironically, I need my mustache to be thicker in order to thin it. IOW, won’t be trying electrolysis. Also, DH and I are planning to have babies in the next few years, so if pregnancy hormones are going to trigger hair growth, then maybe it’s best to just keep bleaching….

   7. If you want a NYC recommendation, I strongly endorse Skintology (7th and 20th). They don’t nickel and dime you for numbing cream or anything and the professionalism is awesome. No hard sell to buy products, easy to schedule etc. I book each session there on Lifebooker (sigh) because it’s cheaper for me that way.

7. As someone who is decidedly not a frequent visitor to the UK, I had never heard of this brand. Thanks for introducing it to me!

   1. You’re very welcome. :)

8. Threadjack: I am going to LA and Santa Barbara next week and would love restaurants recommendations. We are staying in Center City in LA and will have a car. We’re also going to spend some time in Santa Monica. I’m open to just about any cuisine, although I’ll admit I don’t love Chinese (but maybe I’ve just had bad Chinese).

   Thanks!

   1. Can’t help with the LA recs, but here are some SB tips. Super rica is the famous taco place. Go at odd hours to avoid the lines. Order everything in sight.0 Brophy Brothers has a nice vibe right on the water. Pierre Lafond is good for a light lunch when downtown. Stop by the bar at the Stonehouse for a fancy, fabulous cocktail (at the San Ysidro ranch).

   2. For your time in LA look into Abbot Kinney in Venice. Many great restaurants there like Gjelina, The Tasting Room and I think it’s called Stone Rose up the street on Main.

      1. In Century City, the only one I can think of is Cut (pricey). If you’re willing to travel 15 to 20 min. away, Red Medicine or Akasha. Near Santa Monica, Nook Bistro (don’t be put off by their strip mall locale. Good food and good ambiance), Rustic Canyon, Sugarfish, and there’s 5 new restaurants on the rooftop of Santa Monica Place. I also second what CN said about Abbot Kinney in Venice, and would add that if you want to check out Gjelina you call ahead to see if and when you can go in without reservations as in my experience reservations are hard to come by. Also, check out LAist dot com for upcoming events and suggestions in the areas your visiting.

      2. Thank you, I will check those out. LA just seems rather big and daunting in a way NYC doesn’t, so it’s nice to have some recommendations.

   3. Ombra in Century City . . . fantastic Italian.

   4. For italian, I’d recommend Olio e Limone in Santa Barbara – it’s one block off State St. and walkable from most of the downtown hotels and tasting rooms.

   5. LA: Osteria Mozza (Batali), Matsuhisa (Nobu), Animal, Son of a Gun, Ink, R23, for brunch try Salt’s Cure, Little Doms or the Alcove. Downtown is actually really fun and experiencing a renaissance – try R23, Drago Centro, Cafe Pinot, Patina,or Rivera.

   6. I like Eat-LA dot com as a way to find great non-chain restaurants to try. They have a really good set of filters to help you narrow down the options.

      I can recommend Campanile. If you are interested in trying Korean BBQ, Soot Bull Jeep has mesquite-fueled tables and is very delicious. They sell a book as well; I have the 2010 edition and it has served me well when I visit.

      1. Evidently, there is also an iPhone app.

   7. In SB, try Coast restaurant in the Canary Hotel. Really great food, uses lots of local ingredients. The pier is also fun but none of the restaurants on the pier itself are especially good (typical seafood places, fish and chips, etc, but nothing stands out). Natural Cafe is a nice lunch place.

9. Kat did a post on laser hair removal a while back. I’ve had it done, and I think it’s completely worth it. It takes about 6-8 sessions to get rid of everything because hair grows in cycles. The pain is moderate–like rubber bands snapping against your skin, so not bad at all–but I think I would still do it even if it feels like knives in my stomach. That’s how worth it it is. Also, you can adjust the strength of the laser depending on your tolerance for pain. I went to the highest setting because I thought, if I’m doing this I want to do it all the way. You’re the perfect coloring, too, because the laser targets pigment, so it works best on light skin/dark hair combinations.

   Get thee to a laser hair removal place. ASAP.

   1. Also, I want to second what the other poster said about you probably noticing more than anybody else will! Definitely true. Good luck!

10. I’m going to New Orleans in a couple of weekends for a friend’s wedding. I’ll have time to grab lunch/brunch before heading to the airport Sunday morning. Any recommendations? I’ll be staying in the French Quarter and am an adventurous eater.

    1. Jacques Imo’s! Absolute best food in New Orleans. Google it, they have a website that should pop right up. (Don’t want the comment to get stuck in moderation.)

       1. Some things at Jacques Imo’s are great, and some things are truly awful. Stick with the favorites if you go, such as the alligator cheesecake. But I’d vote Commander’s Palace over JI’s any day of the week – be sure to request the Garden Room for your table, and don’t miss the bread pudding souffle.

          Mr. B’s is across from the Monteleone and has great bbq shrimp, which are not what non-New Orleanians think of as “bbq.” And of course, don’t miss the beignets at Cafe du Monde – they really do live up to the hype.

          1. i had to google alligator cheesecake. That sounds delicious.

             (funny side story on alligator–the first time i had it, my dad had just started serving it at his seafood restaurant and brought some home and told me it was chicken. to this day I’m not sure I would have eaten it if i had known what it was, but i’m glad I did. It does, in fact, taste something like chicken. Sort of a cross between the taste of chicken and the texture of calimari…)

          2. Commander’s Palace Bourbon Bread Pudding Souffle, the best dessert in the world, ever! The food is great but the dessert is to die for.

             and yeah, cafe au lait and a beignet or two at Cafe DuMonde, for sure.

    2. I love the tried and true classics there – Commander’s Palace (excellent service and good food) and K Paul’s (excellent food and good service).

    3. I thought you were going to stay there for longer and wrote out a whole list of suggestions until I saw that you are only looking for a place for lunch/brunch. In that case, I would go to Mothers or the Gumbo Shop.

       1. Wish I were staying longer, but alas, it was not to be this time. Thanks for the suggestions all! I’m now plotting to see if there’s a way to sneak in two meals on my free time.

    4. If you’re leery about alligator, please go to Cafe du Monde. You can take some beignets to go or purchase the mix.

       If you do get the beignets to go, take 30 extra napkins. The powdered sugar soaks to the bottom like CRAZY.

       Also, they’re totally kosher.

       1. Ooooh. I just googled and they really ARE kosher. Amazing. You just moved New Orleans way up my list of travel destinations.. thanks!!

          1. I didn’t believe it either. The Jewish community there is also super lovely.

             I love NOLA, and I can’t wait to go back!

    5. Is Cafe Du Monde still there? Best cafe au lait and begneits ever EVER EVER!

       1. I might have to kill myself if Cafe Du Monde ceased to exist.

          1. for realz. that’s not hyperbole, that’s just fact.

11. Jut wanted to report back and let you ladies know that I found a car! A 1999 Acura RL. The mechanic who looked t over and said that if he’d looked at the engine before the odometer, he never would have guessed there were that many miles on the car because the previous owner took such great care of it.

    So any tips and tricks you can share? Anything in particular I should keep in the trunk in case of emergencies? Any advice is greatly appreciated.

    Thanks in advance.

    1. Regular oil changes, check your oil level frequently, have a set of jumper cables at a minimum, maybe an extra quart of oil in case you get low.

       If you are in a cold climate, or one that gets a lot of snow, you’ll want to have a winter survival pack as well – sleeping bag, kitty litter/sand, small/collapsible shovel, flashlight (maybe a candle), trail mix. Ladies of the North, am I missing anything else?

       1. Oh – and a tire pressure gauge. The correct pressure for your tires is usually listed on the inside of the driver’s door (but you can only see when it’s open). Properly inflated tires will help achieve good gas mileage on the car.

          Geez, Dad, I guess I was listening.

          1. Hee. My dad insisted on giving me a car maintenance tutorial when I got my first car. He even showed me how to change the lights.

             Tomorrow I’m going to his “tire guy” because he checked my tires last weekend and is worred about the ones on the front. I’m actually getting 3 new tires because I’ve had 2 flat tires in the past week and a half. There’s a lot of construction going on near my parents’ house.

          2. One note onto Argie’s comment – when you check the tire pressure, make sure to do it when the tires are still cold (e.g. before you start driving for the day). Otherwise, the tire pressure reading you get will be off.

       2. Don’t forget the scraper/brush. I have a cute red one that has the scraper on one end and the brush on the other.

          1. For Christmas, my mother got me this weird mitten-scraper thing. It essentially looks like an oven mitt with an ice scraper threaded through the end. I think it’s from Eddie Bauer/Lands End/LL Bean, one of those. It’s really strange looking, but could work to keep your own gloves dry while you scrape – you put your hand in the oven mitt to grasp the handle of the scraper, then scrape away.

             Do not pour hot water over a windshield to get the ice and snow off. Also, credit cards do not work well as scrapers. It is permissable to turn on the defroster and leave it running while you scrape, just don’t lock yourself out of your car. Yes, I did spend many years in the snowy Midwest.

             Non-snow related: Reminded of this by the tire gauge comment. I have a little air pump that hooks up to the cigarette lighter outlet (or whatever cars have now instead of those) and it worked great when I had a tire with a slow leak and needed to top off the tire once a week or so. Yes, it’s better to just get new tires, but having the pump was very handy. I think it came from Walmart or maybe Costco.

             1. My mom got me a similar one. It keeps your hand warm! Also, if it is very snowy, then I suggest a ‘real’ shovel, one that can easily remove lots of snow and make sure you have gloves, a hat, scarf, very good snow boots, etc.

       3. If you live in someplace cold, SNOW TIRES. They make a huge difference, particularly for cars that are not 4wd.

          Acuras are great! We have an 03 TL that is still going strong with 115K miles.

          1. Eh – I’ve never done the snow tire route, and I’ve lived in a snowy north metropolis my whole life – granted a lot of it in the city where stuff gets plowed fairly well. But not all of it. And always with a front-wheel driver car. So, snow tires are a maybe.

             But, if it does snow – CLEAN OFF YOUR ENTIRE CAR. Please. Don’t just clear the little part of the window on the driver’s side. Clean the entire windshield, all of the side windows, the back window, the roof of the car (yes, even if it is taller than you are – the snow blowing off of it is a hazard for everyone) the hood of the car, the trunk of the car. Clear out your headlights (and use them! during the day! its makes you easier to see) and your tail lights.

             You can have your car on, warming up, and the windshield defrosting while you do this (just don’t lock yourself out). But, for the love of the winter gods – Please Clean Off Your Car.

             /rant over

             1. I agree with everything Argie said. I’ve lived in Alberta Canada my whole live, (currently live in Calgary) and agree that snow tires are optional. Snow removal is hit & miss in every city I’ve lived in here. Get good all season tires and you should be fine. Summer tires are useless on snow, though. All seasons are the way to go. Then you also don’t have to worry about where to store your winter tires in the off season, and getting the tires changed twice a year is an added expense as well.

             2. I agree that in the city snow tires are optional (I live in nothern BC for reference). However, if you plan on leaving the city and doing any winter highway driving, please get winter tires! It makes a huge difference if the roads aren’t plowed and salted.

             3. Oh yes, do not leave a little (or not so little) snow beret on top of your car. They fly off and smack into the cars behind you, wreaking much havoc.

             4. Argie, where is the”like” button on this one? All of my winter driving peeved in one post. And on a related note, PLEASE, turn on your lights on rainy days. Just because you can see me ( with my lights on), it does not mean that I can see you!

             5. Thanks, gov anon. And I will also “like” your suggestions for rainy days.

                Oh – and other winter drivers with 4WD or AWD – having power to all 4 wheels does not make you impervious to weather conditions. Do not rely on your fancy car to keep you from sliding off of the road. What will help you not slide off the road is driving slower and giving yourself plenty of stopping distance.

                At the risk of turning this into a thread on winter driving skills, do we need to discuss the process for correcting a skid/turning into the skid? Also helpful for those winter days when driving is more about controlled sliding, than actual traction on the road surface.

    2. delurking for this – for $99ish, you can get a battery charger (if your battery dies, you just connect the clips to the battery and presto!). It turns a day-ruining event into a minor annoyance. Pretty sure it saved my marriage.

    3. Congrats on the new car! Acura’s are great; my first was an Acura.

       I have a box in the trunk where I store my stuff: jumper cables; tire pressure gauge; a can of fix-a-flat; snow scraper (if you live where it snows); emergency flares; blanket.

       Get regular oil changes. I then put in a can of fuel injector fluid in my gas tank after every oil change.

       1. Oh, and I have a membership to AAA (an auto club); I use it for the 24-hour tow truck and key unlocking services. It’s good for use anywhere in the USA.

          1. I was going to suggest AAA, too. It pays for itself with about one use per year, and it’s great piece of mind. The AAA battery truck has been a life-saver for me on more than one occasion.

             1. *peace of mind. Ugh.

          2. I belong to the Better World motor club. The service is very good, and they also give you 4 $10 “vouchers” for gas – you send a gas receipt in once a quarter and get $10 back. You do have to read the membership info carefully to find the vouchers, I have actually complained to them that they hide these too much, and they were pretty responsive about making sure I could find them after all.

          3. Third the recommendation for AAA. Just knowing that a *reputable* tow truck/battery truck/person to help with a tire change no matter where you are is an incredible peace of mind.

          4. Fourth on AAA. I actually pay the extra money for AAA Plus (or whatever they call it), which most importantly for me gives a longer free-tow radius. And I too have been saved by the battery service, though be aware the stated hours are limited for that.

             One other caveat: the door-unlocking service is ONLY good for unlocking your car doors. AAA couldn’t help me the day I locked my keys in my trunk, which was interior-keylocked with those same keys. (I use the interior keylock because I throw my purse in my trunk when I hike and don’t want thieves to access my trunk simply by breaking the windows and pulling the latch.)

          5. Yup. Love AAA. I’ve had to call them 3 times in the past month. Twice for the flat tires and once because I locked my keys in my car (I was having one of those scatterbrained weeks).

    4. A gallon of water, windshield wiper fluid, tire iron, jack, spare tire, air pump that plugs into the cigarette lighter, jumper cables, extra fuses, flashlight. Actually, I like to have all kinds of fluids handy, motor oil, transmission fluid, etc, just in case. A towel (in case you need to hunker down and check something out). A roll of napkins. Work/latex gloves. Also, WD-40, or whatever it’s called, or any other chemical of your choice, something to help loosen the nuts/bolts if they haven’t been opened in a while in case you need to change your tire (also, can I just say that it’s really easy to change your tire? It’s so worth it to take the time to learn how to do it on your own).

       Non-car related – a change of clothes, shoes, food that’ll last (like pretzels or whatever) and drinks. Reusable shopping bags. Good luck with your car!

       1. Handwarmers – the iron(?)-filled kind you shake – also in case of emergencies in the cold. You can get ten-packs of them at REI or two-packs of Coleman brand at Target just to keep in the glove compartment. Also in my glove compartment: a little baggie of those starlight mints in case of a carsick passenger.

    5. An atlas or at least a map of your area. Cell phones, GPS devices, etc. are all great but you should have the old fashioned back up just in case you end up lost with no access to technology. Also, an extra umbrella and a blanket (just in case).

    6. Not sure where you live. If in CA, earthquake kit:

       food
       water
       walking shoes and socks
       change of clothes
       toiletries (glasses, tampons, toothbrush/paste)
       radio with batteries or crank
       flashlight
       blanket
       cash in small denominations
       map (GSM won’t work)
       sweater/jacket/hat

       I keep it all in a backpack so that it is easy to carry if I have to abandon the car.

       1. Oops. And first aid kit. You can buy them from the Red Cross online.

    7. Don’t let the timing belt break! Make sure it’s been done before you do any highway trips! (Timing belt and water pump)
       And run the AC for 15 minutes, followed by 10 minutes of non-AC’d air, every two weeks regardless of the weather so mold doesn’t build up inside the unit and give off that NASTY smell.
       Those cars were known for alignment issues, so it may be worthwhile to check the wheel alignment if you put new tires on (front and rear toe would go out).

       Safe driving!!

12. Eh. Too much good shopping to be had here in the USA to go pay $10 to ship a purple, poly $80 skirt from England that has suspect sizing. JMHO… Go Nordstrom!!

13. We’re organizing a Corporette meetup for NYC. Send me an email at nyccorporette@gmail.com if you want to be added to the list!

14. Ladies, I just have to vent for a minute.

    I was laid off in January, but thankfully landed on my feet last month at a new firm. It is a very small firm. Only five partners and myself, a second year Associate. However, I am starting to feel the strain of being the lone associate. Every time I feel myself about to be caught up, another partner gives me another stack of work! On top of that, over the last few weeks, I’ve been stuck in the middle of partner and client critiques of my work, and they often contradict each other! AAH!! I want to learn and do a good job, but this sure is frustrating. At the same time, as someone coming out of unemployment from being laid off at a firm where work was scarce, I am finding it difficult to manage a “real” docket.

    Did I mention I am also the lone female attorney? I talked to the main partner I work for about my workload, but unfortunately I have terrible seasonal allergies. My eyes were super red and puffy so it looked like I had been crying. It made for a very awkward conversation!

    1. No advice, just support. I’ve been the only female who is also at the bottom totem pole before. It sucks.

       Maybe part of it is the new-job adjustment? I got criticized by a boss this week for something that was not entirely my fault. Luckily it’s a supportive environment, and I’ll make sure the situation doesn’t happen again.

       1. er, bottom OF the totem pole.

    2. K, as a fellow lay-off’ee, I don’t see the issue here. It sounds like you have a normal docket in a firm that has enough work to afford to keep you. That’s great!

       It’s normal to feel you aren’t ever really “caught up”. That’s kind of how it works in a functioning law firm. You haven’t mentioned needing to work 16 hours a day or not having time to do laundry. If you are putting in 50 hour weeks, that’s pretty normal. All I can suggest is trying to communicate with your partner about which tasks should have priority.

       As to conflicting feedback, well, it happens. Your clients have a different point of view from the partner. The clients want something that “looks good” and comes in under budget. They aren’t necessarily sophisticated enough to know the difference between “it’ll pass” and solid lawyering. Your partner is a lawyer and does know the difference.

       Re: managing a docket. There have been a number of posts about this. The most common seems to be keeping a legal pad for each matter. I use outlook tasks and a whiteboard. Most importantly, managing a docket takes time. I spend about 15-30 minutes a day on my docket (my niche has complicated dockets so ymmv). You might want to ask a partner how he manages his docket.

       Don’t sweat being the only female attorney (unless you are being sexually harassed). Don’t sweat allergies. But do get a good allergy medication if you are having reactions at work that affect your professional image.

       1. Yeah, its really not a problem. Really, its a good problem to have, and I am thankful! But yeah, getting back in the swing of things is more challenging than I expected! This is just one of those crazy busy mornings and I just needed to get it out of my system.

          The environment is incredibly supportive, and I am very lucky in that respect, too. It is just the slightest bit amusing to see these men squirm when they think for a second that I might be crying.

          Regarding professionalism, this place is super casual. To the point that the women in the office keep suggesting that I stop wearing heels. The “uniform” for women seems to be denim capris, baggy t-shirts and flip flops.. but that’s a whole other post!

15. I loathe the use of the term vanity sizing and I wish corporette would reject its use. U.S. sizing actually fairly accurately represents the size range of women’s bodies. The notion that someone is doing us a favor by letting us wear a size 14 is really obnoxious. While US sizes used to be skewed smaller; they also represented a different segment of the population…the upper class. When clothing manufacturers began to offer women’s apparel to a larger economic class, the sizes changed to reflect the reality of the people doing the purchasing. I actually think British and American high fashion sizing are the real vanity sizes; because they reflect the desire of the upper classes (who are more likely to have the money and time to stay very thin) to exclude working class women from their products.

    1. while I understand your point, what about the naturally skinny women who can no longer find clothes? Someone mentioned this earlier this week.

       It’s not that I love the term vanity sizing, but your argument seems to be lacking a certain perspective.

    2. I think this is crazy. I am a healthy, working class woman, who doesn’t diet, doesn’t go crazy with working out, and I have plenty of curves and a bit of fat. I wear a size 00 in some stores. I think that’s ridiculous. There’s not way that I am “too small” for the majority of stores out there, yet I have a terrible time trying to find things that fit. I think your allegation that working class women can’t be thin is ridiculous. On a similar rant, I’m also tired of people acting as if I should be ashamed of my size. Am I not allowed to complain about vanity sizing simply because I’m on the small end of the scale? Either way, I still can’t find clothes that fit me.

       1. Word.

          As someone who’s very small up top (not just in the bust, but that too), it’s very frustrating to look at tops, only to find yourself swimming in the smallest ones available. And I’m just as small now, as a professional, as I was when I was growing up in a “working class” (BTW, I despise that term- most people work, regardless of “class”) family, and just as small as I was when I was a college student paying all of her day to day living expenses (clothing, gas, groceries, entertainment, books) out of a 28 dollar a week babysitting job. (I had a scholarship which covered rent, utilities, and tuition, but my parents didn’t contribute a dime.)

          People get so obnoxious over other people’s sizes. I made a decision many years ago to never, ever go shopping with women again, because I get so sick of the sarcastic “Lyssa needs an extra-extra small” sort of comments (and, no, I know not to mention it myself- believe me, it’s completely unprompted).

          That was more ranty than I intended. Sorry :)

          1. Thank you! I’ve been in that exact same situation. Thank you, shopper, for pointing out that I do need an xxs because I have a small chest. I appreciate that. It does wonders for my confidence level.

          2. I recognize that working class =/= blue collar, but how do you feel about the latter term? I still find it useful in discussions.

             1. Blue collar seems fine to me. And I’m guilty of using working class myself, some, because it just works as a descriptor sometimes, but when I think about it, it makes me mad. Like, me and most of the folks on this site are not “working” (I mean, not working when we’re not posting on Corporette, at least!) I also hate when people refer to union issues as being about “workers” or “labor”, when most people who work are not in unions.

       2. As a fat lady, you’re rant just makes me hate you more.

          And OP was asking for a change in the term “vanity sizing”, not saying you can’t have clothes.

          I suggest you stop the b$()# fest

          1. Jeeze! I don’t hate fat people, or people who engage in vanity sizing; I’m not sure why you would hate me (or the person who posted, who I agreed with- I assume that it would apply to me, too). Sorry if you’re not happy with you’re weight, but that’s certainly not a good reason to go around hating people who are.

             And yes, vanity sizing does sometimes rule out clothing for us smaller folks. If I, an adult woman who is well within any “healthy weight for her height” guideline, am not able to wear an extra-small, that’s a problem. It’s not the worst thing in the world, but it’s frustrating and does often mean that I leave empty handed when I wanted to buy. And vanity sizing is a perfectly apt term- the reason that clothing manufacturers do it is because they know that people will be more likely to buy if it is marked with a smaller size.

             1. Agreed.

             2. I know I am way late to this (why am I still at work!? maybe because I’m checking Corporette?), but I wanted to say TOTALLY agreed.

          2. Why don’t you stop the hate?

             Your anger/resentment will not get you anywhere in life. This community is made up of judgmental women who support each other. If you can’t be supportive, 34, try somewhere else.

    3. So you’re saying poor people generally are larger than the wealthy? The NYT had a fascinating article a few years ago (Mark Bittman maybe?) re the death of cooking in the American kitchen. One of the things I found most interesting about it was that research shows that wealth / socioeconomic class does not predict weight.

       1. This is the article. http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/02/magazine/02cooking-t.html?pagewanted=all

          Read the whole thing – it’s great – but money quote:
          Cutler and his colleagues also surveyed cooking patterns across several cultures and found that obesity rates are inversely correlated with the amount of time spent on food preparation. The more time a nation devotes to food preparation at home, the lower its rate of obesity. In fact, the amount of time spent cooking predicts obesity rates more reliably than female participation in the labor force or income. Other research supports the idea that cooking is a better predictor of a healthful diet than social class: a 1992 study in The Journal of the American Dietetic Association found that poor women who routinely cooked were more likely to eat a more healthful diet than well-to-do women who did not.

    4. Also, is this just your theory, or is there some sort of empirical evidence to back up your claim that sizes skewed smaller because they were directed to rich people? I’m interested to know why you believe this to be the case.

    5. You’re right, and the term vanity sizing is totally inaccurate.

       http://www.fashion-incubator.com/archive/the_myth_of_vanity_sizing/

       Money quote:
       “The short answer is: Sizes are simply a reflection of the customer base for that manufacturer. A “medium” is the middle size, and the small and large sizes are derived from that. Most of the customers for a brand are going to hit the Medium size… So when trying to gauge sizes, a manufacturer brings in a couple of hundred women in their target market, takes their measurements, figures out what the medium of that is, and makes patterns accordingly.”

    6. “When clothing manufacturers began to offer women’s apparel to a larger economic class…” So when was that? Since the 30’s? 40’s? 50’s?

       1. +10

    7. I can take or leave the “vanity size” term — I tend to use it in my online writing as a matter of ease. Most people instantly understand the phenomenon it refers to without additional explanation.

       As for the phenomenon itself, I’m personally getting tired of being sized out of affordable US clothing. I am the same height (5’8″) as I was when I graduated from high school in 1995, and 2 pounds heavier (grew from 116 to 118). In high school I wore a size 4 at Gap. I now wear a size 00 for most cuts. If they adjust their sizes again, without adding a 000 size, I will not be able to shop at Gap without having waistbands taken in. That’s frustrating.

       1. Yeah. I’m now slightly heavier /rounder than my super-skinny (running related) low weight, but it was frustrating to have all my pants taken in, and to feel like “nothing in this store fits my body, except shoes and accessories” was my day-to-day shopping experience. I defaulted to dresses and belts, honestly.

          I do think that women on the plus end of the spectrum have this experience in spades, except that it’s more frustrating, as very small women can shop the juniors/kids’ section (a PITA for business attire, but still possible for everyday clothes) and there is more social disapproval in general for larger women than smaller women.

       2. I think being sized out of clothing is the real problem, not vanity sizing, and it happens at both ends of the spectrum. I just don’t see how complaining about vanity sizing is productive at all.

          1. i agree with this! it stinks that more sizes don’t get represented in mainstream stores.

       3. I don’t know. I’m 5’6″ and a fairly medium build. Far from obese. But in some stores, size 14 is too small. Frustrating! I’m not an extra large woman.

          I refuse to believe that clothes are cut to where “medium” fits an actual “medium-sized” American woman.

    8. Honestly, as someone who is 5’6” and 190 pounds and thus understands what it is like to be fat… this gets a major eyeroll.

       Firstly, some people do like to feel like they are wearing smaller sizes. That may not be you but it is the justification for the ever larger sizes. If stores are now catering to people with larger waists, why should that still be a size 4? Why shouldn’t it be a size 8 (based on historical accuracy). You want the sizing to be ahistorical, presumably to shift the norm to larger women, as part of some class initiative, when obesity in the working classes is a new phenomenon.

       2. The variation in clothing sizes drives me crazy and I’m fat. I can fit into some size 12s in J Crew, not some others – and don’t get me started on store to store differences. Stores attempt to flatter rather than inform and it wastes everyone’s time. I’m sorry that you feel that as a fat woman (or as an ally) your time is less important.

16. A re-post from yesterday since my comment got stuck in moderation…

    Any San Diego ‘rettes out there? DH and I are considering relocating to San Diego — what’s the legal market looking like these days? I’ve been practicing for 8 years in insurance defense. Any thoughts?

    1. Grim. The legal market is looking grim.

    2. It’s pretty dead. I have a friend who recently got a job practicing insurance defense in LA, so maybe there are better prospects there.

       1. Oh no, not LA. BTDT. ;) I’ll stay in the desert v. going back to LA.

          Thanks for the info.

17. While I love a good pencil skirt – especially THE SKIRT – it’s nice to see an a-line featured here once in a while. Some days are just not for wearing hip-hugging clothes. Thanks for the great recommendation!

18. It’s been awhile since I checked in. I have been busy moving and settling to my new job in a new state. Some of you may remember that one of the perks at my new job is a discount on Laura Mercier cosmetics. I went to the store today and got mega-deals. They are too great not to share. For $15, I bought the following: tinted moisturizer; foundation primer; blush; a lip palatte with six colors; eyecream; and a clay mask. So excited!!

    1. LOVE Laura Mercier! That is an amazing steal!

    2. Drool! That’s amazing!

    3. VERY jealous right now – Enjoy!!

19. Reposting yet again, because something doesn’t like words in my post (sorry if these all show up at once):

    DH and I are considering re.locat.ing to San D*ego… Can any of you offer any input as to the l*gal market (I do ins defense) and/or lifestyle? (Seriously, I can’t think of why this keeps getting stuck in moderation…)

20. Not sure if this is too late for a threadjack so I may repost in the coffee break thread but I’m having a hard time picking a gift for a friend. She told me about my dream job opening, let me use her name in my cover letter, and took the resume and cover letter to her boss to put on her desk which I have no doubt resulted in me getting the dream job. I am late in giving the thank-you, I should have done it right after the help rather than after I got the job, but I procrastinated. What should I get for her? Some details (hopefully not to detailed) about her: she is an attorney, she owns her own home, has an awesome dog, is a beer and wine connoisseur, and a fiction writer. She’s also a wonderful person who I am truly grateful to. Any ideas?

    1. price parameters?

    2. I’m a beer nut, and fall is my favorite season for it. She might like a 6-pack of pumpkin ale or an oktoberfest?

    3. I would take her out to lunch. But an alternative might be to see if you can enroll her in some kind of beer or wine of the month club- if she’s a connoisseur, I’d bet that she’s appreciate something that would allow her to try new ones periodically. (I’m not a connoisseur, just an appreciater, but I know that I would love something like that!)

       Congratulations on the dream job!

    4. I’ve actually done that for people.
       One sent me flowers, one took me for dinner and a baseball game, one sent me a very kind email on letterhead (that went into my “Me” folder for future reference), one gave me a gift card for Home Depot (that I regifted, SHH!).

    5. Thank you ladies for these excellent suggestions! I should have checked back here before posting on the coffee break thread. I think I’m going to take the beer of the month suggestion. I’ll check with my other beer snobby friend to make sure I pick a good one.

       Thanks again!

       1. Depends on your budget, but I would love a massage, mani-pedi, or some jewelry (or a gift certificate to a jewelry place I like).

21. Wine! If she is a wine connoisseur and you’re not, go to a real wine shop, tell the proprietor your price point, and ask for a recommendation that a wine person would appreciate.

    Also just had to express my love for Marc Bittman, and for The Skirt, which I now have in four colors.

22. Great shout out for Warehouse! I like their stuff. My very first business suit that I interviewed with was from them. And it’s still going strong after 7 years (top would continue going on strong if it still fit!) And I didn’t pay it any special attention (trousers went into the washing machine). But I haven’t bought anything from them since moving to the US. I’d like to see more UK brands selling into the UK.

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