Thursday’s TPS Report: Sheer Polka Dot Silk Tie Neck Blouse

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Bellatrix Sheer Polka Dot Silk Tie Neck BlouseHappy March! As spring approaches I like this happy yellow silk blouse from Bellatrix. The polka dots, the tie neck, the loose sleeves — it seems like it would be great for both the office as well as on weekends.  I’d wear it with a white camisole (or perhaps even a proper tank with thicker straps) and pair it with navy or gray trousers. It’s $78 at Nordstrom. Bellatrix Sheer Polka Dot Silk Tie Neck Blouse

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  1. ZOMG – more polka dots. I am in love.

    • I feel like we’re all going to need a polkavention by the end of the week.


      • AnonInfinity :

        What a fantastic word! +10 LL Points

        • My husband has already tried the polkavention. He failed miserably. My addiction continues, but I can quit any time I want.

    • The color, the polka dots, the whole thing … love.

    • Madewell has cute polka dot flats right now:

      They also make them in a leopard, for those of you obsessed with that print.


        That is all.

        • Agreed. I want them to wear with white corduroys and a fun yellow top like this one in the summer with large sunglasses to jaunt around Paris.

          Is that too much to ask?

      • I see your madewells and offer you ON’s polka dot flats at 1/3 the price:

        I have these, they are actually reasonably comfortable

      • lucy stone :

        AT first I thought you meant they were in leopard polka dots…

    • I love this too. Apart from the Crucio risks (per a. below), does anyone have any experience with Bellatrix? I’ve never come across it before.

    • My post keeps disappearing. There is a yellow polka dot blouse on sale at Loft that is not sheer. Search for seed dot print blouse.

      • SoCal Gator :

        I own that Loft yellow polka dot blouse and have already worn it several times. It looks great under a navy balzer. I also bought the Loft cotten knit blazer is a yellow color called Sun. I got rave reviews on it from everyone. Someone else in my office rushed out and bought it (I told her I did not mind at all.)

  2. If it’s made by someone named Bellatrix I’d be too afraid it would Crucio me to wear it.

    • hip hop anonymous :

      Love this comment. I also love that I had the same exact thought.

    • Yup. When I see the name Bellatrix, all I can think is LeStrange. And then I think about Molly Weasley and how much I love her. And then I think about how much I love all the Weasleys — even poor misguided Percy. Then I start to wonder if I have a problem, but that’s neither here nor there I suppose.

      • This made me sad because there aren’t any more Harry Potters and I LOVE the Weasleys.

      • AnonInfinity :

        While I love the Weasleys, one of my least favorite things about that last book was that Neville didn’t face off against Bellatrix.

      • Sometimes I think I shouldn’t love Harry Potter as much as I do, since I am a Grown-A** Woman and all that. But…can’t stop, won’t stop.

        L, every once in a while, I think about how there will never be any more Harry Potter than there is right now, and I get really, really sad. Also I bawled my eyes out, alone, in a movie theater, while watching Deathly Hallows part 2, because that meant it was really, really over. THE SADNESS

        • We could be friends. I cried then (and when Dobby died) like a little girl and did not care.
          HP pretty much awesome for women of all ages.

    • haha, me too. I was awfully sad when she killed Dobby. RIP Dobby, you little faithful house-elf.

      • I thought that killing Dobby was SO UNNECESSARY and over the top and I was so sad when it happened. I mean — seriously. Worse then when Sirius died. It was like killing a puppy or something.

        • Diana Barry :

          Agreed! Poor Dobby.

          I wish there were more Harry Potter books. I thought the movies went downhill after #3 (which was my absolute favorite!!!!!). Sigh. I am a stickler for being faithful to the books and it bugged me what they did to the rest of them. The only movie in the world that, perhaps, might have been better than the book is The Hunt for Red October.

          • AnonInfinity :

            The Devil Wears Prada movie was waaaaaaay better than the book IMO.

          • momentsofabsurdity :

            I wish they would do a Harry Potter miniseries on HBO or something — like the Tudors. They could explore the stories of lesser characters (like secret romances between the professors! Arguments between Arthur and Molly!) rather than the movies, which had to stick pretty much to the text of the books.

            I also would totally read and buy a prequel following the Marauders through their time at Hogwarts.

          • I am your movie twin. ITA re: movie #3. Loved both the book (thought it was the mostly tightly plotted and exciting of the entire set) but thought the movie was better.

            As for _The Hunt for Red October_…that’s because the author (despite having some great ideas) has a writing style that sucks @ss.

          • Me too. 10 yr old me would’ve had a Dobby, a wand, and an English accent (not the Madonna one) on my Christmas list.

            I almost didn’t want to start Book 7 because I didn’t want it to end.

          • Momentsofabsurdity — ok, but Professor McGonagall is off limits and couldn’t be one of the professors having an affair because the Dowager Countess of Grantham/Cousin Violet/Maggie Smith wouldn’t engage in such impropriety.

          • Diana Barry :

            AnonInfinity, you are so right about the Devil Wears Prada. I forgot about that. Sorry!

            Except in the movie, I reallllllllllllly wanted her to get with Simon Baker and drop skinny Adrian Grenier with his silly hair. Simon Baker yummmmmmmmmmm. :)

          • AnonInfinity :

            Yesyesyes, Diana Barry!

          • Oh come on now, you know Professor McGonagall was shtupping Dumbledore on the side! You KNOW it. ;-)

          • hahahah – no doubt. Now I am having a Harry Potter/Downton Abbey crossover event in my head where Dumbledore dies in the Dowager Countess’s bed.

          • Always a NYer :

            When is she going to release them for eReaders?! And I would totally read a series revolving around the Marauders or the kids and the new generation. I really want there to be a romance between Rose Weasley and Scorpius Malfoy (based on their brief look in the HP7 epilogue). Imagine how pissed Ron and Draco would be. I imagine Hermione would be levelheaded about it though ;)

            And the books totally kicked a$$ on the movies, no question.

          • In the interest of Harry Potter veracity, TCFKAG, because really, these are the things I care about, McGonagall was not schtupping (great word though!) Dumbledore, because Dumbledore was not so much into the ladies, according to JKR.

          • For realsies? I’m going to have to get me some learning about this.

          • Totes McGotes :

            It’s true, it’s true! He and Grindelwald were sitting in a tree.

          • Oh yeah. You’re right. I DID know that.

            Neva mind. So who was McGonagall shtupping then? She must have been getting some, she was way too cool not to.

          • HBO miniseries would be amazingg

            wait wait-
            on her interactive website about the Harry Potter books, JK released some more of her head canon about other characters.
            Prof McGonagall married later in life to her former boss (Magical Law Enforcement), and he died 3 years after. :,(

        • Totes McGotes :

          Am I the only one who threw the book down and literally shook my fist at the sky screaming, “Why? WHY???!!!” when she killed Fred Weasley?

          Here’s one for you, Fred

          I loved him. I’d have flounced for him so hard.

          • I felt the same way about Remus and Tonks.

          • Seriously!! I could NOT believe she did that. Fred and George were terrific.

          • The Weasley twins are/were tied for favorite with the Marauders (less Peter).

          • Totes McGotes :

            Why is my comment missing the part about pouring out a 40 of butterbeer for my homie??

          • Giraffe? Giraffe! :

            Yes! That seemed so unnecessary. I understand that she wanted the battle to be dramatic and have consequences, but to orphan their poor baby?!

          • Always a NYer :

            Even though I was very sad when she killed off Tonks and Remus, I saw that as full circle to Harry and his parents being killed. Even though he was an orphan, he had an awesome family and godfather to look after him. Sad, yes. Could I see the symbolism? Yes.

      • OMG – I am more of a dabbler in HP than a die-hard fan, but I am OBSESSED with Dobby and wept broken-heartedly when he was killed.

        Ugh, now I am sad all over again.

      • Agreed! I bawled my eyes out when Dobby died! The only sadder part to me was Snape’s backstory. Sometimes when I need a good cry I get out Deathly Hallows and just read that chapter. Oh, the tragedy…

        Oh, and I just watch the movies cuz they are HP so I have to…but in my mind they in no way compare to the books. I do think the movies got better though.

        • Totes McGotes :

          It was so beautiful how he wanted to see Lily’s eyes one las titme… *tear*

    • SF Bay Associate :

      Yep. I can’t wear anything made by any of the LeStranges or Malfoys. Ick.

      I think killing Dobby was necessary, but incredibly sad. I cry every time I read those chapters. His death helped underscore Rowling’s point that one of Voldemort’s greatest weaknesses was his dismissal and underestimation of anyone not like himself i.e. elves/kids/goblins/etc, that you (Harry) should be kind to everyone because they may help you later (hat tip, Hermione), gave Griphook a reason to trust Harry, thus enabling the retrieval of the Hufflepuff cup from Gringots, and gave Harry focus and strength in his fight. I think the whole point is that Dobby was NOT a pet like a puppy. He was an elf, a thinking and feeling being. When Harry freed him from slavery, Dobby finally had the ability to live his own life exactly as he wanted to, which he was never able to do as a house elf for the Malfoys, including saving Harry from death.

      So bummed there are no more Harry Potter books. Rowling did just sign a contract for a new adult (as in, not young adult) book. Here’s hoping.

      • I wasn’t saying Dobby WAS a puppy, since I knew he had free will. I mean clearly his entire plot revolved around his increasing liberation. I’m just saying I had the same warm feelings towards him that I have towards puppies. Whereas when adults die in books, I feel less affected somehow. Its hard to explain.

        Look, I’m on Hermione’s side with regards to the house elves. FREE THE HOUSE ELVES. :-)

        • Omg I love this thread! And Dobby was the best…I hated how he was only in 2 of the movies, there was much more with his story line in the books…free the house elves! :)

      • I understand why she killed him off, but I still wish she hadn’t.

        Also, do you think that as a mudblood, Hermione could’ve led the “Free the House Elves” moment or would she have needed a Pure-Blood to be the face of her cause? We’ll never know.

        • You guys need to get on to Pottermore. Character backstories, fun tidbits. I don’t think it’s open to the public yet, but it’s awesome!!! Almost lessens the pain of no more books/movies…

          And yes, I’m totally a nerd.

    • I’m glad I’m not the only adult who re-reads the books and watches the DVDs of the movies occasionally. My DH thinks I’m weird…well I am but that’s another story.

  3. I love the polka dots, but the sheerness has the potential to cross into frumpskank.

    I am not as slender as a reed and really hate having to wear a cami (even a thin-one) under sheer stuff. It adds bulk anyways and breaks the line of the blouse.

    The blouse is somewhat of a shapeless schmatte, too. The sheerness just makes it cumbersome. Not loving it.

    • To add to this chorus, while I like yellow, I don’t find this yellow particular pretty, especially when paired with the brown/black dots.

      • momentsofabsurdity :

        I love yellow and I love polka dots… but this yellow looks like urine to me. Sorry, Kat!

        • Oh dear. Can we sophisticated ladies still wear “chocolate brown,” momentofabsurdity? ;)

        • Meant with love, but if this is the color of your urine, you need to drink more water…

          • momentsofabsurdity :

            Ha! Probably true and I did initially type “a dehydrated person’s urine” but then figured I was getting too graphic. :-)

    • Uh oh, I spy the word “skank.” Someone had better alert STFUCorporette.

  4. Blonde Lawyer :

    A couple weekends ago we were discussing being “crazy pet people” and I mentioned considering getting an infant bath for my cat to play/bathe in. I told you how he has diabetes, makes his litter sticky, steps in it, and then proceeds to clean it all off in the poor dog’s bowl. Well, I caught him on video last night bathing in the dog bowl and the dog makes a cameo. He pauses, continues, and then struts right by the dog when he is done. He didn’t splash and make a mess like he sometimes does (he knew I was watching) but it is still funny.

    The video is hosted on youtube. Here is the short link:

    • That’s hilarious! I’d call it “Three Species Coexisting.”

      P.S. Love your red walls! What exact color/paint is it?

      • Equity's Darling :

        Agreed, tell us the red paint colour.

        Also, super cute pets. :)

      • Blonde Lawyer :

        We are renting our current home so I can’t tell you the exact color but the crazy thing is we have had it in the last three places we lived. We own a home in one state and my husband painted a spare room that went out to the deck that color and installed a bar. It became a fun entertaining room. When it came time to move, our realtor gave us all kind of heck for that room and wanted it painted. We didn’t and ended up renting out the house instead. We moved into a rental condo in new state in not the best neighborhood and the kitchen and dining room was the exact same color red. We laughed and said it was meant to be. Then, a coworker lost her tenants and needed to rent out an awesome house in a better neighborhood pronto. It was the same price as our condo rental so we snagged that practically sight unseen. SAME RED WALLS!!! Love them. I think the cans of paint are in the basement still. I will report back.

    • This is hilarious. Your cat is thoroughly enjoying using the dog bowl.

    • Love it. We put our Jabba on a diet and he’s doing a great job of acting like is starving to death.

    • AnoNYmous :

      Love this! Blonde Lawyer, your pets are absolutely adorable! Did anyone suggest getting a raised feeding station so that the water bowl would be several inches off the floor (it’s supposed to be better for the dog also), or is it just naive to expect that would keep a cat out of the bowl?

      For those who love Downton Abbey and/or cats, you must check this out:

  5. Tucked in or not?

    • hip hop anonymous :

      Seemed like the model tried to do both!

    • The stylists of the photoshoot couldn’t decide! Maybe they read this site and realized there was a big debate vs tucking and untucking and wanted to cover all the bases.

      I think they dare not pick one because this blouse would look kind of tentlike and shapeless untucked, but tucked in, it billows out at the wrong place, creating the illusion of love handles/fat waist.

      So they do the half-tuck to indicate: “look! this model has a waist and it’s trim!” to hide that the shirt would probably not work either way.

    • I think she is out at a bar, drinking with friends and didn’t bother to check herself in the mirror when she walked out of the bathroom. (Or was engaging in lustful fornication.) And her friends suck for not telling her that she’s a mess. And then she showed up for the Nordstrom photo shoot and they thought it was fashion-forward so they kept the look.

  6. Anyone have any experience hiring a nanny?
    I live in a very big southern city and am wanting to hire a nanny so I can work from home a couple days a week. This process terrifies me, even though I will be planning to be home with him/her generally (I would of course like to find someone I can trust to leave lo with).
    I plan to check references and run a criminal background check, but at this point, I don’t even know where to start!

    So questions –
    (1) Where did you look?
    (2) What is “reasonable” pay? I know this differs by city, but it would be great to have a general idea.
    (3) Any other advice in the search?


      You have to pay a membership fee to join, but they do the background check/reference checks for you.

      I used the site to find a couple of girls that I use on a regular date-night rotation. But I know they also have nanny, petsitter, eldercare, housesitter listings as well.

      • Second You can post a very detailed posting about what you are looking for. Also, you can search around the sitter/nanny postings to see what people are getting paid.

        I pay a set amount each week which nets out around $20/hr and includes a decent amount of driving. Also in southern city. Background check is essential but I find the references are most illuminating.

    • Diana Barry :

      We found our nanny on craigslist. I find now that sittercity has a lot of nannies on it.

      A threshold question is whether you will pay on the books or off the books. If you want to pay on the books, you will have to pay more and interview many more people. We interviewed 19 people and the nanny we hired was the ONLY ONE willing to be paid on the books. I would interview in person, doesn’t have to be a long interview (you can tell immediately if you like them or not), and then do a trial day to make sure you like their interaction with your baby.

      I am in suburban Boston, so the rates are higher here. We hired our nanny at $15/hr. Now with 2 kids and 4 yrs later she makes $18/hr. We will prob give another raise when #3 arrives.

      • Those pay ranges are consistent with what we pay in another small mid-atlantic city. Its a lot more expensive to pay on the books (you also have to chip in your share of her FICA) but you really should, particularly if you are a lawyer. We also pay into the state unemployment fund which is fairly nominal, about $200 a year. We also gave gas money for driving our kids’ around, and I know that some nannies ask for contributions to their health insurance premiums. It is also expected that you give bonuses at least the equivalent of one weeks salary at year end and birthday (this is more optional).

        I always interview multiple people, and check references vigilantly. I have found the reference check to be more informative than the interviews.

    • I’ve found nannies two different ways.

      The first time I needed a nanny, we went through an agency (PNW, so no help to you). You pay them a percentage of your nanny’s yearly income. In return, they provide you with multiple dossiers of nannies, including letters of reference, criminal background checks, driving records, infant CPR, etc etc etc. They call all the references for you, make them fill out essays you can read, and package it all neatly. We then interviewed three — all totally qualified, and then they helped us negotiated a contract with our eventual choice. The other big benefit was that when our first nanny (who looking back, may not have been the best choice for us) quit with 24 hours notice while I was a surgery resident and my husband was out of town was that the agency had a 1 year guarantee and immediately arranged temporary nannies as we went through the process again. In that situation, having paid that fee was worth its weight in gold. Another nice benefit of that agency was that if you had gotten a full-time nanny through them, they allowed you to participate in their back-up nanny program for free. So if our nanny couldn’t do extra hours and we needed a Saturday morning or a date night covered, I just emailed the agency. All of the nannies were extremely well qualified and people you trusted your kid with.

      When we moved last summer, I tried to use an agency again, but in our small town there wasn’t really one, so I used Care.Com which several of my friends have used. I found it very easy and very practical to use, and very very cheap. We love our current nanny that we got through I think it’s especially good for part time nannies.

      Pay is a huge issue. I know lots of people who have nannies and we all pay different rates. I think in some ways, you get what you pay for. We pay more, but our nanny also cleans our house, does errands and laundry. So it works for us. You also, if you go through an agency, will have to do it on the books, but I know a lot of people go under the table. I just wasn’t comfortable with that.

    • Check out “Protecting the Gift” by Gavin deBecker” for good tips on interview questions and finding the right person.

    • Giraffe? Giraffe! :

      There is a very active online forum for parents in my area, and I posted there and received a ton of responses. Then it was all about checking references and getting the right “feel” for the candidate. (or something like that) has a lot of helpful info sheets on questions to ask during interviews. We use for payroll–again, I was only willing to interview people who would be paid on the books, so if that’s true for you, put that in your initial list of “wants” and you’ll save a lot of time.
      We pay $20/hour for two kids in a major West Coast city. I think that’s on the higher end of normal ($18 may be more average), but our nanny has a lot of experience and I think she is more than worth it. One candidate wanted $24/hour, and that just was not in our range.
      I think watching how the nanny interacts with your child(ren) is the most important. I wanted someone who would love my babies like they were her own babies, and you can quickly tell if the nanny views the situation as (1) a job where they play with kids or (2) playing with kids and getting paid for it. There’s a big difference, and I wanted to make sure the person I hired was the latter.

  7. Sigh… I have no willpower. Fortunately this was not in my size. Didn’t stop me from buying “the skirt” in storm while I was on the website. It’s been in my cart for days. At least I held out that long, right?

    • I can’t think of anything more practical, and if it was in your cart for days it means it was not an impulse. Unless an item is a ridiculous splurge, these two factors mean it passes the test for me. Buy without guilt.

    • I have the Skirt in storm — it is SUCH a wardrobe basic, you’re going to love it. I mean adore it. I also have it in magenta, but the storm one is much more sensible if you ask me. And for basically half off you can’t beat it. I just ordered my THIRD skirt yesterday or the day before (the dark blue) — so you’re totally fine. :-)

      • Question on the skirt: I have resisted thus far, mainly because the material strikes me as though it might be a bit too clingy/sexy for the office, eso. if you have somewhat curvy bottom half. Am I mistaken? Is this not an issue?

        • There was some discussion of this last week or the week before. I personally do not have a huge amount of curvature. But I have also tried to either wear it with shirts with a little volume up top to balance or with some sort of cardigan or something. But it is also a fairly substantial fabric, so I would not describe it as clingy in the least. Part of what I like about it actually is that its sort of hefty for a pencil skirt — if that makes sense.

        • I don’t think it is — and I have what can only be referred to as a booty.

        • For me I found it way too clingy. And I don’t think of myself as being very curve. But it completely cups the backside and I didn’t feel comfortable in it. For my body, it was clingy and I could not wear it to work. alas!

          • This was my experience too — not flattering, butt-clingy, and I do not have a JLo butt (although I do have ample hips).

        • I have this issue. I have very narrow hips but a definite booty and that skirt does show it off. I don’t like the look of pencil skirts with an untucked top, so i tuck my shirts and just feel like marilyn monroe for the day. As compared to other pencil skirts, it is a heavier fabric, and fully lined, and it’s long-ish, so it’s definitely on the less s*xy end of pencil skirt. But if you have a s*xy booty, it is going to show it off…I usually try to wear pearls or something that makes me feel more conservative. Also, I have the bright magenta one- in black it would probs camouflage a bit more (but who wears the boring black one?!).

        • I have ample curvature of the lower half and have no problems with The Skirt. It is perfectly work-appropriate and not inappropriately clingy at all. In fact, I think I need another one.

          • All right. I’m going to try it out. Ordering the blue and the storm and will report back. Thanks for all the feedback! Keeping fingers crossed that I am in the “love the skirt” camp.

      • Oh, I know. I have it in magenta too. Wore it yesterday. I know it is a basic – it’s just that I bought $150 worth of other Nordstrom stuff before the skirt went on sale.

        For anyone interested, all four items I got were awesome: the Deep V Merino Cardigan (367493_3) is soft, warm, and very flattering on me (size 16 and hourglassy but short). I got it in an xl petite. Likewise on the Tie Neck Sweater (385317), which is now sold out. I also gave in to wanting to try a maxi skirt and got a Caslon one (383196) in black – it fits very nicely and isn’t too clingy, but I’m still undecided on how much use it will see. xl petite again, and it’s long enough on me (5’2″) that I’ll need a bit of a heel, but not so long I need to get it hemmed. I also got a pair of calvin klein round toe patent pumps (couldn’t find on the website) that are lovely and fill the basic-black-shoe hole in my wardrobe.

        So really, not feeling bad about buying another rendition of the skirt at all. Just feeling bad about blowing my shopping budget in all of a week and a half. :)

      • Can I please be you when I grow up?
        Seriously- I want the skirt in several colors; and to be as funny and fabulous as you seem :)

        • Does this skirt really run large enough to order one size down? I’m usually an 8 in pencil skirts, but I’m wondering if I should go with a 6. That price is such a steal!

          • I think it would depend on how snugly you like your clothes to fit. I ordered my usual size because I really hate it when clothes are too tight in my mid-section and frankly I probably COULD go a size down, but I’m happy with the size I’ve ordered. But — definitely the reviews otherwise all seem to say order a size down. Maybe order both and return the one that doesn’t fit?


          • Well, darn it, now you made me go see about the “steal” price, and in Blue Depths it is $33.90! You ladies are just too helpful sometimes, I tell you! I’m just trying to remind myself that I already purchased two pencil skirts, and I don’t need another perfectly appropriate, gorgeous color, well fitting, quality pencil skirt in my collection… you see how well THAT’S going for me.

          • I’m an 8, too. I wear size 6 in the skirt.

          • I generally wear a 6, but an 8 in pencil skirts. I got the skirt in a 6, since people here said it runs large, and I didn’t like the way it fit me. I really never wear a 4 in bottoms, though, so maybe if you are a 6 but sometimes a 4, the 6 would work for you. I didn’t bother exchanging for an 8 because I wasn’t that crazy about it, as much as I wanted to be, but I may reorder if the mood strikes me.

          • every season they come out with a palette of new colors and put the old ones on sale for $30+ bucks, so do not despair, folks!! You will have another chance to buy the skirt for cheap, if you pass today. ;o)

            (trying to be the opposite of an enabler for once)

      • MaggieLizer :

        I just ordered the dark blue too. I have it in mustard (yellow raisin?) and a grayish purple too. I considered being sensible and getting storm instead, but I couldn’t resist. I really hope they bring that teal color back!

      • I have these three too (down to the ordering the blue one yesterday or the day before) and love them, too. I am curvy (as in, I wear the “curvy” cut at loft and I go in a lot at the waist and most pant waists gap at the back for me), and I do not find it to be clingy. It’s thick and lined. Caveat – I sized a half a size down (I’m between a 4 (AT/LOFT) and a 6 (Classiques Entier, Limited), and got a 4) rather than going at least a full size down, as some people recommend.

      • We have exactly the same 3 colors.

    • I am wearing THE skirt in storm color today, and totally agree it is a great basic. Storm color almost functions like a black but is still different. As for the fit, I have wider hips and this one always fits very decently, not skin tight and not loose, I love THE skirt. The material is thick+lined, so doesn’t look clingy. I somehow resisted buying another one, really liked the dark blue color which was in my size+50% off, but couldn’t think of a lot of shades to go with it on top (not very creative with styling, still learning from you all).

      Question, can we wash THE skirt at home? or it must be dry cleaned only. Any one tried? I would hate to find out by trial and error and shrink it. thanks

      • just Karen :

        I’m wearing it in Storm today, too! I just got it last week and I wore it Monday and again today – you won’t regret the purchase. Now I have to see if Blue Depths has my size still…I’ve had my eye on it (I DO NOT need it – in the past six months I have acquired the skirt in magenta, purple, turquoise, red, orange, and storm. seriously, this is getting out of control.)

        • just Karen :

          ..and now I have Blue Depths. Once the new green one goes on sale I’ll have a rainbow (minus yellow, but yellow and I don’t get along – the orange was really pushing it as is).

    • I just bought my first ones, too — obviously a corporette rite of passage. My storm color is being hemmed so I can’t wear it yet, but today I’m in my new black halogen pencil skirt (not quite The Skirt, a lighter weight that will work even better in summer and has darts instead of the seams) and I feel GREAT in it. FWIW it’s worth, I’m an hourglassy 12-14 with a middle age gut that I’m working on, and this version of the skirt is very flattering. (But, sadly, the order-a-size-smaller advice was not true for me.) My whole outfit — okay, whole wardrobe — is black and gray but I’m working up to the magenta, if not the same level of fabulousness, I swear.

    • Okay, y’all are definite enablers. “Blue Depths” is now on its way to me, along with a silvery-grey Halogen scarf . . . .

  8. phillygirlruns :

    i really like the color and pattern of this top, but i am so intimidated by blouses in general. any material without at least some stretch/give terrifies me.

    • Yeah, this would be a no for me on several fronts – bow blouses look frumpy on me, sheer, and button front (inevitably gaps on me). I don’t mind polka dots but this has been quite a polka dot run!

  9. Wilma Flintstone :

    Yesterday somebody posted about their Roku as their favorite tech device.

    My husband and I both grew up in households without TV, and so we live somewhat in the stone age when it comes to TV devices. We watch a maximum of 3-4 hours of TV a week and currently have Netflix by CD only. We have a standard definition, non-flat screen (but post-2005) television. The TV alone doesn’t have any internet capabilities. Obviously, we have wireless internet.

    I checked out the Roku this morning and the Roku 2 is $49.99 including shipping. We only want to use it to have Netflix on demand 2-3 times a week. Is it worth it, and most importantly – is it compatible with our standard (not high definition) tv? I’m happy to have the standard definition screen, it’s working great.

    If you’re happy or unhappy with your Roku, please let me know – I think I’m going to pull the trigger.

    • Love the Roku. Can’t imagine going back.

    • I think you have to upgrade to the streeming subscription to Netflix, which of course may be worth it to you. But that adds more cost.

      • Wilma Flintstone :

        We’d actually drop the CDs in favor of steaming, so it will drop the cost by $5 a month. So the Roku can pay for itself, is my thought.

        • Before you drop the Netflix CD, make sure that you browse through what is available on Neflix Streaming. The selection is much more limited because the studios haven’t wanted to make recent movies available on stream. We dropped the CDs and find myself going to RedBox a lot.

        • just Karen :

          Absolutely worth it!

      • You do. If you get the Roku you’ll also have access to Amazon Instant Video- there are a lot of $.99/$1.99 specials on new movies. I know for me it ends up being less expensive or roughly equivalent to go that route instead of having the DVD+streaming from Netflix. Unfortunately Netflix just lost its Starz contract, which is where it got most of its new movies on streaming.

    • Happy. I am sure there is a version of the Roku that is compatible with your TV, because my mother researches everything to the nth degree and gave one to me when I was using an analog (and non-flat screen or HD) TV. I’m sure if you read the descriptions, you can confirm.

    • You’d do better to upgrade to an HDTV with WiFi, and then you can stream Netflix, Hulu and all the rest without a separate device and with a great picture quality. Even if you don’t watch a lot of TV, an HDTV is well worth the investment for movie watching, and they’re not that expensive anymore. Just my two cents.

  10. Anyone know of any high protein cooking/food blogs? I searched on the Google but came up with nothing!

    • Maybe try something associated with a popular diet like South Beach? I found this one:

      • AnonInfinity :

        Searching for the Paleo Diet could work, too.

        • Great suggestions, didn’t think about searching a specific diet.

        • marksdailyapple [dot] com

          He’s the author of The Primal Blueprint, which is a corny-a$$ book but advocates something similar to the Paleo Diet (and, more than anything, challenging conventional wisdom when it comes to diet and nutrition).

          A lot of good, free recipes. Especially the Primal Moussaka.

    • I did a quick google search for “high protein cooking for women” and something a whole bunch of stuff came up. What specific type of content are you looking for?

      • Whoops I did high protein blog and came up bad. Individual links to recipes about chicken, but nothing cohesive. I guess I did it wrong!

    • phillygirlruns :

      some of my favorites:

      modernpaleowarfare dot com

      nomnompaleo dot com

      theclothesmakethegirl dot com

      civilizedcavemancooking dot com

    • I’m high-protein low-carb home cooker and part of the spark people dot com group “Sparkers who enjoy Corporette”. If you join, the spark people website has thousands of recipes and you can search by amount of protein and carbs per serving – i.e. “at least 20g protein per serving” and then by meal type. I find it very helpful for unique low-carb recipes, and it gives you the full nutritional information with calories and stuff.

      Hope that helps.

    • Fitnessista!

    • This may not be exactly what you were looking for, but a dear friend of mine is responsible for this food blog: Check it out!

  11. MaggieLizer :

    Vent right off the bat: I really admire and look up to a named partner in my friend’s firm. The partner is a great lawyer and a fantastic business woman; she has built a very successful business in a niche area and has been in practice over 20 years.

    I was on my way to meet with the partner recently when I saw and briefly spoke with an older male attorney from a different firm. He first asked if I was the partner’s “new girl.” He then commented that “[partner] has made a great little cottage industry.” I doubt he even thought that he had said anything offensive. Why must older men undermine and condescend to women, even very successful women? Ugh!

    • I think when you can afford to–and I know you probably couldn’t, here–it can be productive to ask for the basis for such comments. If it turns out there isn’t a basis, a smart person will see that.

      Here is my silly and totally non-analogous story: a few weeks ago, Mr. Monday and I were talking about Jay-Z and Beyonce. He said he thinks Jay-Z is “smarter,” and I asked why. Every argument he had on behalf of Jay or against B, I refuted successfully (without even citing the fact that she is 10 years junior). I suppose we were talking about their business acumen and career accomplishments, though of course they are in a somewhat different field than most of us. I consider Mr. Monday a gender-progressive guy, as I couldn’t relate to him otherwise, but this was an instance where I think he was being sexist and I did get him to realize it.

      • ChocCityB&R :

        I’m just commenting to say I love the Bey/Jay anology. And I think she’s prettier, sexist or no ;-)

      • so anonymous :

        Loved that you challenged him on this (although I can’t say I’m a fan of either Beyonce or Jay-Z). I do the same thing when my husband criticizes female sports reporters (“Why do you hate her? How is she annoying?”)

        • Yeah–you don’t have to be a fan to see the point! Come to think of it, during the 2008 campaign I had this conversation with my mom as well. She said Hilary Clinton was “cold, calculating, and would say anything to get votes.” Well, mom…she’s a presidential candidate. Conceded.

          • Blonde Lawyer :

            I posted awhile ago that I was looking to start reading a few “feminist” books since i had never studied the subject. I’m almost finished reading Sex and Power and it does a great job analyzing all of this, particularly Hillary. It is a great read.

          • Diana Barry :

            I should check out that book. My mom hates Hillary as well and I have no idea why.

          • I find it astounding how many women hate Hilary because she didn’t leave Bill, but love Bill because, “I don’t think cheating is a good thing, but his private life really isn’t any of my business.”

          • not getting political…but, my mom has a similar view.

          • For Blonde Lawyer above – have you read The Case for Hillary Clinton? Same author as Sex and Power (outdated b/c of things turned out, but still a good read)

    • My current boss (I work part time on a contract basis) told me a couple of weeks after I started working for him, “You’re so much smarter than the other female lawyers I know, I wouldn’t think you’d have any trouble getting a full time job.” Um, thanks. That tactic wasn’t attractive when tried by boys in high school, and it’s not attractive now.

      • Former MidLevel :

        I literally had to scrape my jaw off the ground on this one. What is it, 1952?

      • What’s even more offputting is that there are some women who lap this sh*t up as if they were flies. They’re the ones who turn into the mean HR women that another poster commented about.

        It’s tokenism at its worst– when a member of the group that’s being tokenized so internalizes the sexism that she’s happy to be the *only* woman. And if woman #2 gets hired into the firm, she directs all her energies towards sabotaging woman #2, because, like a bad episode of Highlander, if you’re in the tokenism game, “There Can Be Only One.”

        • Blonde Lawyer :

          This is exactly what the next book I plan to read is about. I can’t remember the title but it is hot pink and right next to “Sex and Power” at my library. The title is something about “vulgar girls” and also analyzes why some women participate in girls gone wild and other like things.

          I have said before that I used to be one of those “I’m different then other girls so hire me” types that enjoyed being the only girl. This was back in my law enforcement days and I have seen the error of my ways. We had a great post on this exact subject a long time ago. I’m sure some remember that discussion.

          I think it would be an interesting study to follow people’s comments from the beginning of Corporette to today and see how views have changed. I know I gave different advice 3 years ago than I do today.

      • I would have responded with “I’m smarter than most male lawyers, too” and let him draw his own damn conclusions.

    • Since you’re not actually working for the partner, what if you said something from a ‘third-party observer’ perspective to this, like “Huh, I wouldn’t call it a ‘little cottage industry,’ I would call it a ‘hugely successful law firm.’ Seems like ‘little cottage’ is the kind of term people only use when a woman runs a business.” But said very casually, not being really pointed about it. And then changing the subject.

      I keep mulling over things to say to stuff like this and trying to keep them in my brain for when situations come up, because i am terrible at thinking on my feet and coming up with a response in the moment.

  12. Is anyone else having an almost snow day? The boarding school I work at is on about 40% staff and running alternative programming…One of my two immediate bosses is not here and the other has no work for me…
    This is a lost day- all I want is to go watch movies and bake cookies and instead I am here… lame!
    On the other hand – cute as the top is I don’t know that it would be flattering- but the week has been excellent for my polka dot obsession!

    • I feel like much of Boston has gone on a partial snow day. Which is funny because, with the exception of the far northern and western suburbs, we didn’t even get much snow! I think its just like, we haven’t gotten much snow this year, so everyone was kind of just in the mood for a snow day. So they decided to take one, reality be d*mned. :-)

      • Not here. Everyone came in today. The mbta seems to think it’s a snow day, though. My train this morning broke down. When I got to work, I learned that several others had, too.

      • I’m waayyyyyyy out in the Pioneer Valley and it’s like we are in the south… people are freaking out over 3 inches of snow and some rain
        clearly they forgot we live in New England

    • My institution was on a two hour delay and then went to curtailed operations at 7:35. There snow is still coming down hard here in New Hampshire!! So … true snow day, and I don’t feel one bit guilty. :)

    • Blonde Lawyer :

      Most things are closed here. I called the office and only one other lawyer and an assistant had made it in. I put on skinny jeans, black knee high boots, a gray t, and a green velvet blazer, and went in once my road was plowed. In the meantime, EVERYONE else made it into the office. Most in the typical business formal attire. A client just showed up to meet with the attorney in the office next to me. The roads were awful and I’m not going home to change. I have been very vocal about the fact that I thought I was going to be the only one there, hence the jeans. I’ve been here long enough they know I dress professionally but I still feel foolish. It was supposed to be a snow day!

      • just Karen :

        On the bright side, your outfit sounds super cute, and as long as you have been there long enough for people to know you, I am sure no one has thought twice about it (beyond thinking you look great today, of course).

    • My school system hasn’t had a single snow day all year! It keeps snowing on the weekend. So angry.

      • maine susan :

        We’re expecting a foot here, schools closed, courts closed and I’m working from home. First real storm this year.

    • We’ve had almost 2 1/2 feet this week in the Sierras (finally!) My son is taking a powder day instead of going to preschool. I’m sitting in my office, watching it snow, and thinking of skiing tomorrow.

    • It’s over 70 degrees where I am and loving it!

  13. Has to be the most shapeless blouse ever…..or maybe it’s the styling? And I say this as a polka dot lover….

  14. Baby DC Attorney :

    For all those who have been loving leopard print stuff, I came across this scarf and thought I’d share:,default,pd.html?dwvar_41115007_size=OS&dwvar_41115007_color=310&start=47&cgid=sale-handbagsaccessories-sale-accessories&CAMPID=SITM

  15. Did anyone watch Revenge last night? I won’t completely spoil, but a certain character described another certain character as a “homicidal str*pper version of whack-a-mole.” Now, if the writers could tie in Victoria doing an intentional Angelina Jolie leg pose in every scene….

    • God, I love that show. The last 5 minutes were must-see. Can’t believe it’s yet another of my favorite shoes that won’t be back ’til April.

      • It is patiently waiting on my DVR at home. If you give anything away, I’ll kill you dead on a beach in the hamptons while wearing those fabulous polka dot flats. And jolieing. :-)

        • I promise not to give anything away, but if that’s how it has to be, I want to be wearing something out of Emily’s closet. I love all her dresses.

          • Yes. Where other posters say they want Lemon’s wardrobe, I want Emily’s wardrobe.

          • I would shank Emily on the street for her wardrobe. But of course, I’d have to probably grow six inches and lose 50 pounds to look good in it, but whatever.

          • Emily would already know that you were going to shank her and she would quietly have you disposed of. She learned the tell tale warnings of a shank attack when she was in juvie. She would call Nolan (who is a genius under that perfectly coiffed hockey hair) and he would track you down. And Nolan would hiss at her, but then he would do what Emily wants.

      • Oops… shows not shoes. Freudian slip

      • Bunkster, you’re right — last 5 minutes! I was getting a little bored on Revenge, but the last few episodes have really made up for that.

    • I so love that show! Last night’s episode was great.

  16. I would love to get the hive’s opinion on the Miz Mooz Dulce Mary Janes (link to follow, to avoid moderation). I got them in the blue color. They are really cute, but I wonder if they look like they belong on my daughter’s feet rather than on mine (I’m in my late 30’s)? Thanks!

    • Here they are:

      • Original poster here. I was thinking strictly for weekends, with jeans or capris.

        • I think they’re adorable shoes. Perfectly fine for weekends with jeans/capris/whatever.

    • I think it depends on what else you’re wearing.
      Jeans + tshirt + blue flats = kid.
      Khakis + sweater (or one step up from tshirt) + blue flats = a great, adult casual look.

    • Anonymous :

      Definitely not for work, unless you are in a creative field. Weekends, yeah no problem. If I saw you, I’d assume you live in Park Slope or similar boho place.

      • RussiaRepeat :

        My mom is a management-level employee of a pharma company and I could see her (early 60s) wearing these to work with khakis and a cute sweater. I think they’d be fine at a business casual law office if the blue is as dark as it looks on screen.

  17. Accidentally posted on yesterday’s thread. Does anyone have advice on how to make a not-very-sporty kid a little sportier? My daughter is thin and frail and she doesn’t like to be too active. She’s behind the other kids in lots of ways, such as mastering the monkey bars, biking without training wheels, etc. She’s very cautious by nature so she really doesn’t push her limits at all either. She’s actually happy to ride with training wheels forever.

    • See my comment to your post in yesterday’s thread. It’s very long, has typos, and I’d rather not retype it. But I hope it helps. Good luck!

    • SpaceMountain :

      How old is she? Kids develop at their own pace. She needs to find an activity she wants to do and has fun doing. My son finally figured out the balance thing by riding a lot on his scooter, which he just likes better than his bike. And, after being completely non-sporty, he suddenly decided last year (age 9) that he likes baseball. We were shocked, but are encouraging it because it’s the first sport he’s liked.

    • Well, some kids just aren’t going to be sporty. Which is okay and you have to make sure you recognize and reward her for the things that she is good at! But, I do think that having some fitness experience as a child is key.

      Are you a member of a YMCA? Maybe sign her up for a couple classes where her size isn’t going to be a big detriment (or even a benefit) and where there will be more girls — like a tumbling class and a swim class. Tumbling or basic gymnastics is pretty fun and as someone who is more petite she may actually find she’s decent at it. And swimming is a fun way to build some muscle and coordination without the fear of falling or hurting yourself that may plague a child on solid land.

      But, if after awhile, she doesn’t take to these things. Maybe you just have a kid whose more into reading and art and theater. All of these are pretty cool too! Oh, and just take the training wheels off the bike. If you just leave them on there, she’ll never want to take them off.

      • Seconded. I never mastered monkey bars and turned out okay! But obviously, exercise is good. Even if she never gets into traditional team sports, what about things like dance, martial arts, golf (when she’s older)?

        • Thirded. I also never mastered monkey bars, and I think the only lasting consequence is that I’m not great at push-ups. But after a lifetime of not being athletic, I took up running as an adult and am now a fairly active person. And you didn’t mention this as a concern, but I was a super-picky eater as a child, and I’m pretty much over that now, too. If you’re worried about her getting enough activity, I’d try things like dance or gymnastics or swimming. And, finally – there’s nothing wrong with being cautious! She’ll probably be an easy teenager. :)

          • Fourthed. I am the same as 30 and January. I was never even remotely interested in any kinds of sports as a child, but took swimming lessons (because my parents felt swimming was a life skill) and lots of dance lessons, which I enjoyed. I still never play sports, but have continued to dance my entire life and have taken up running and skiing as an adult. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that, and if my parents had pushed me into sports as a child, I would have been miserable.

          • Agreed. For me it was running (discovered in high school), and skiing and martial arts (6th grade). Martial arts in particular are an amazing work out and also can be really beneficial for your self esteem, confidence, discipline- all sorts of benefits.

      • 48 years old and still not sporty at all. It worked out fine for me. Perhaps you could identify her natural strengths and throw some effort and resources at them?

    • Not meaning to be snarky, but why is it important to you that your daughter be sporty? Some people just aren’t athletic, and have no interest in playing sports, mastering monkey bars, or biking. As long as she does have activities that she’s interested in (music? art? theater? reading books?), I don’t see any need for you to push her to be “sporty.”

      With that said, a not-very-sporty kid can certainly turn sporty, once she finds the right one. I never did any organized sports as a child, since I believed I had no hand-eye or foot-eye coordination, but loved horseback riding; when I got to high school, I started running, and have been going strong every since (and still ride, although not as much or as competitively). If your daughter is timid about stuff like monkey bars, running could actually be a good thing for you to ask if she’s interested in–lots of places have youth running clubs or Girls on the Run. Or maybe swimming or hiking. Something low on contact and equipment, if she finds that stuff intimidating. Or you could ask her if there are any sports she wants to try!

      Also, I have never swung all the way across a set of monkey bars and to this day cannot ride a bike. But I’m extremely athletic. There is no one size fits all approach to athleticism.

      • Gail the Goldfish :

        I agree sometimes it’s just about finding the right sport. I was not an athletic child. To this day, I will trip over absolutely nothing. I did not like any sports involving balls or running. But my neighbors growing up at this really awesome pool, so I was in the pool at a very young age, and when I was I think 5 my mom enrolled me in swim team, which I stuck with for years. And then in middle school, after years and years of begging, my parents finally caved and let me take horseback riding. These are still the only two sports I actually enjoy doing.

      • Anonymous :

        Agreed. This was me. I still don’t like sports that involve equipment — I’m just bad at them — but lettered in 3 sports in h.s. because I discovered swimming & running. Also, perhaps dance would be appealing? That certainly can be strenuous physical activity without involving the things that may intimidate her about monkey bars and bike riding (e.g., falling).

      • I agree with this. Is the concern about her not being ‘sporty’ or not developing properly? Most likely there will be some physical activity she enjoys. I don’t think mastering the monkey bars or riding a bike will have a huge effect on her development. Does she like to run around or go on walks with you? Not to be offensive, but is this an issue that you have with yourself or your daughter? It sounds like you may be very athletic and feel uncomfortable having a daughter who isn’t. “She’s behind the other kids in lots of ways, such as mastering the monkey bars, biking without training wheels, etc.” Really??? That is your biggest concern? It also sounds like you are taking for granted the fact that your daughter doesn’t have some serious developmental problems.

    • Seventh Sister :

      Maybe try new activities or lessons?

      I was awful at all sorts of sporty things as a kid, and was absolutely shocked (practically in tears shocked) when I tried skiing and horseback riding and did not actually suck at either.

      My daughter would be happy to do art projects and play princesses all day. While it’s lovely that she will play alone for long periods of time, I make myself go out there and throw a ball to her or set up the bouncy house* so she can jump around a little. I also let her go to the playground in whatever she wants – princess dress, frilly church dress, mouse ears, the works.

      *It was a gift, I didn’t buy it. It still seems really extravagant to me.

      • Totes McGotes :

        I am dying for a grown-up bouncy house, but BF won’t let me have one.

        *When I say “let,” I mean, “buy one for me.”

    • Some people just aren’t sporty at all. It’s a little ways off, but a summer camp at the Y or some other similar sort of place is often a good way to expose kids to different activities. I went to a camp at a local community center that had a little of everything- swimming, acting, tennis, horseback riding, gymnastics, crafts. That said, I never became an athlete or really had any interest in sports. I was more into the arts, which may be the case with your daughter. I think the key is to expose her to everything so she can find something she’s good at and enjoys.

      • CPA to be :

        I completely second this. I would sometimes describe myself like piglet, “a small and timid creature,” which sounds a lot like your daughter. I was not at all sporty as a child (or as an adult), but I loved going to summer camp– hiking, canoeing, swimming in the pool with the other kids, etc. I went to the same summer camp every summer from when I was 7 until I graduated from high school. One summer I went to girl scout camp too, which was cool because I got to try out different types of activities, including a high ropes course and rappelling.

        Also, in college, I ended up using my size to my advantage as a coxswain for the crew team. It was so much fun, and I wish I had gotten into it earlier.

    • My mom just enrolled me in things. From about 4 y.o. on, I went to aerobics, gymnastics, tennis, swimming, jazz dancing, etc. I was never “sporty” either and I can still barely swim but I think it helped. My problem was always that I was happy to just sit for hours with a book and my mom was always worried that I was going to be overweight so I think to the extent that I went, it did help me out. I am still not very “sporty” but I am much more flexible as a result, have better posture, etc., and all the activities helped me be much less intimidated by sports and made me a bunch of friends when I was a kid. If your daughter has a friend she can enroll with, I think it will be very helpful – I enjoyed tennis much more because I went with my best friend than the classes where I didn’t know anyone.

      • This was my mom EXACTLY. She signed me up for everything and anything after school. Some things I liked, some things I didn’t.

        A lot of the comments have noted that its OK if kids are not athletic, and I would agree with that, but they still need to be active. Sounds like OP’s daughter may be active in her own way. For anyone that is trying to get their kids to be more active I would say it’s important to model that behavior for them (duh, but some times tough to do). I never saw my super busy mom exercising and so when she signed me up for stuff, it was sort of implied that it was because I was chubby (not because of all the awesome benefits you get from working out). Just my 2c.

      • another anon :

        I’m thinking dance or gymnastics class may be a good choice…I was always small for my age and really not sporty, and I tended to vastly prefer more individual-type sports to team sports, because with team sports, I invariably would get picked last for a team, and then my teammates would get annoyed with me when I was not capable of performing up to their level of ability. It really sucked. Not to mention that everyone just assumed that you knew the rules of soccer or basketball or whatever other team sport you were supposed to play, which I did not, and never really bothered to explain them. But with dance and gymnastics, the focus is more on the individual, and your daughter’s size would likely be an advantage. And there generally is not an assumption that you already know how to do anything. So I would just try a few dance or gymnastics classes out, and see what she likes.

    • I was not sporty at all as a kid. I was on the small side, not terribly strong, and had bad visions that may have gone undiagnosed longer than anyone suspected. So catching and throwing was right out. I did gymnastics for a little while, it was okay. Also, I hated team sports – because I was so unsporty I was always the last one picked and other kids often made mean comments about my lack of skills. And it seemed that at that time, team sports were all that mattered.

      I started ballet when I was about 14 and loved that, continue to do it to this day and have done other forms of dance along the way. I was always good at ice skating and skiing and enjoyed those. As an adult, I’m much more physically active than I was as a kid – ballet, weightlifting at the gym, I’ve tried aerial acrobatics and trapeze. I resent to this day that I was made to feel there was something “wrong” with me and that I was not physically good enough just because I didn’t like the activities available to me at the time.

      Sorry I made this so me-me-me. I guess the main thing I would do is expose your daughter to all sorts of other opportunities. Other posters have made lots of good suggestions. I’d also add circus arts! That seems to be catching on for kids – trapeze, silks, hoops. You need some strength but you don’t need to be big or aggressive (that’s another thing – I never was and still am not aggressive, which I think you need to be successful at a lot of team sports). I went to the roller derby this weekend and the best player was this tiny woman who was able to sneak through the other skaters to score points. Not sure they have roller derby for little kids, though!

      I also agree with all the comments re: Your daughter may just not be sporty. Please don’t make her feel badly about it and do encourage her to do things, whether physical or cerebral, that she enjoys. Oh, one other thing – I wish my parents had been a little better about encouraging me to try things and letting me know it was okay to try and fail, and it’s really okay to need to work at developing skills of all sorts, not everything will come easy to you. I was a bit of a perfectionist as a child.

    • How about a sport that is not very common – that way she won’t be competing with kids who are a bit ahead of her. I’m thinking skating, diving, etc. Good luck! I wasn’t sporty as a kid but turned into an active, healthy adult.

    • I was not into sports at all as a child and I hated PE. I loved to dance though and kept active that way. I also liked going for walks with my mom and siblings and swimming.

      I think it is important to keep kids active, but playing sports, monkey bars, or bike riding are not the only ways to do this. Find something she likes to do and encourage that instead!

    • Merabella :

      I know this is kind of “hippie love child” of me, but my local yoga studio does kid’s yoga. This would get her a chance to do something active that isn’t as scary. I don’t have kids, nor have I ever been to one of these classes, but it is an alternative activity for someone who doesn’t like sports.

    • I agree with everyone who says not all kids are sporty and that’s ok, but if you want her to learn to exercise for health, you could enroll her in some fun exercise activities. I was never athletic in the slightest, but I loved figure skating and dance as a kid, and those are definitely a workout. She also might like kids yoga, horseback riding, or non-competitive swimming. You could also do activities with her – mommy and me yoga, going for family bike rides, etc.

      • I had all these thoughts about what to say, but all of you smart chicas have so eloquently said everything I was thinking.

        The one thing I would second is the trying lots of different things. I was always awkward as a kid, but when I was in the 4th grade – 7th grade age range, my mom signed me up for lots of different things: Horseback riding, gymnastics, dance, theater camp, chorus, basketball, t-ball, dive team at our neighborhood pool. BUT my parents made it clear that this was a ‘try things out’ time period. I didn’t have to be good at everything or want to continue everything, and it was ok if I decided I really didn’t like something and wanted to drop out. But that the idea was that you have to try things to see what you like/are good at. So, there was no pressure, or anxiety involved. And by 8th grade I had decided I didn’t like the sporty things, but I pursued dance and theater and music. My sister also didn’t feel very athletic, but she ended up sticking with swim team through sophomore year, even though she also was more into music. Family bike rides would be good, too. Just don’t make her feel bad for not being physical, or excited about sports, that will only make things worse and make her not want to try anything.

    • Blonde Lawyer :

      What about fencing for a fun alternate sport that is a bit [email protected] @ss? It requires balance and grace like dance and gymnastics (more typically female sports) but involves a sword(!) so she can also learn to feel tough and able to stand up to the boys. Her classes and competitions would likely be coed. There is a center in my town that hosts drop ins, no experience necessary but you must have your own opponent. They rent the equipment. My husband and I are planning to do a drop in for fun.

      • Love your rec, Blonde Lawyer. I remember reading that novel _Scaramouche_ years ago and wanting to *be* Scaramouche.

      • anon for this :

        my husband is a fencing coach. it is a super cool sport, and lots of kids under 10 get into it, but if she is hesitant to ride her bike without training wheels swords might be a bit terrifying.

    • I totally understand that not all kids are sporty. It’s not for my sake that I want her to be a little stronger and tougher and more athletic. It breaks my heart to see her left behind on the playground or repeating the same level of swimming after her friends have graduated to the next level. I don’t want her to hate PE and I don’t want her to get picked last for sports. It’s for her physical and emotional well-being. I certainly don’t make her feel bad about it (why would anyone assume this anyway??) but I can see her starting to discount her abilities. Which seems like a self-fulfilling prophecy to me. So I want to do whatever I can for her. For all of the constructive comments, thank you. I agree that modeling the behavior is important. Trying less mainstream activities is also a good suggestion. It’s also good to know you can pick up ballet at 14. Sometimes it seems like if you didn’t start it in preschool, it’s already too late around here. You mean your kid doesn’t go to to “Elite” Ballet School already…. horrors.

      • I was picked last for sports all the time, but I was also involved in other activities that I knew I was good at and were more fun for me. So, while the getting picked last wasn’t super fun, it didn’t really bother me that much, cause I didn’t think it was crucial to my identity. I think you need to not worry so much about her getting picked last, and focus on the things she is good at (art? music? math? science?) and help her see that the things you are good at form your identity, not the things you’re bad at. Everybody’s bad at some things, it doesn’t need to be a big deal.

      • Hey Anommom — if the problem isn’t so much that she isn’t athletic per se and more that you want to help her come out of her shell — what about acting classes for kids or improv classes for kids. Some of those are extremely physical but they also include lots of different kinds of kids. And they can help a quiet kid get louder (or a loud kid get quieter).

        I was the rough and tumble girl growing up but a good friend sounded more like your daughter. She’s now a neurologist at a major teaching hospital — but she still looks like she’d be blown over by a strong wind. haha.

      • Re: Picking up ballet at 14. Entirely possible if you don’t care about being “elite.” Ballet is just dancing with more rules, which works well for someone like me who likes rules and boundaries. No one worries about being too old to start jazz or hip hop dancing, I don’t think. Starting at 14 means it is unlikely one will have a career in ballet, but then it’s unlikely that most of those who started at 3 will have a career in ballet. That said, I’d probably check out dance classes offered through a park district or community center or something. I take classes at a youth ballet/ballet school, and the adult classes are pretty low-key but I’m not sure if the actual youth classes would be more high pressure.

        Really like the fencing idea mentioned above. I think I would have loved that as a kid because I loved reading King Arthur-type fantasy books and everyone in them was sword-fighting! In fact, I may have to do some googling and see if there are any drop-in fencing schools in my area.

      • I’m like zora- I was always picked last in sports. I did discount my abilities in sports because I knew I would never have any. I was still an active kid and really did not care that I would never be an athlete. As for TCFKAG’s suggestion of improv classes, I can’t tell you how much I hated improv with a passion, even more so than sports. It was pure torture for me. I would rather have been picked last in sports than have to do that again. As for dance classes, I know I took the adult classes at around that age and enjoyed them. They were ultra low pressure and a lot of fun.

      • This might be too late for you to notice, but this one resonated with me. I was always left behind on the playground, repeating levels of swimming, and so on. Not going to say it didn’t suck. At the same time, I had a lot of skills the kids who were picking me last for the soccer game at recess didn’t have, like I could get a 1,200-pound animal to jump a three-foot fence, and I was in an advanced art program. Knowing that there were things I was good at that they weren’t was really helpful, and I’m sure it would be for your daughter as well.

        Also, don’t think that this has to be her life forever. Like I said, I got picked last for a lot of teams before high school, but when I got to ninth grade and started running, I won up more varsity letters and medals than almost all of the kids who had sneered at my inability to correctly throw in a soccer ball. It’s all in finding what you’re good at. Let your daughter try stuff out, let her know it’s okay if it doesn’t stick, just make sure she knows there are more options out there than soccer in the fall/basketball in the winter/etc.

      • Everyone has made good suggestions — I have two more:
        1. Family hikes together; and
        2. Kids’ novels about sports and sporty kids. Two of my favorites are Noel Streatfeild’s “Tennis Shoes” and “Skating Shoes.”

    • I was kind of like her as a child. I didn’t love being outdoors (I do now though!) and all I really wanted to do was read books. The only reason I took the training wheels off of my bike was because my little sister wanted to take hers off and I was embarrassed to be the older one yet still have training wheels.

      I was, however, saved by ballet class. I didn’t like the group nature of sports. I loved dancing, it kept me active and improved my coordination, and it gave me awesome posture. Maybe look into some kind of dance class for her? The other thing I loved was swimming.

    • One word: dance. I was afraid of playing sports (not to mention the much bigger girls who played them!), and ended up getting into dance instead…I started with ballet and branched out from there. The thing about dance (I would say especially classical dance) is you learn *body discipline*. Not to mention posture – I still get compliments on the way I carry myself, 12 years after I gave up formal dance training, and feel that has reaped significant benefits professionally.

      Also, how can I put this delicately…I’ve noticed that many of the “jock girls” I knew in childhood haven’t exactly aged well. I attribute this to the fact that it is hard to continue sports activities (if that is how you got your exercise historically) when you are a working adult. As for me, a big part of my plan to stay active includes social dancing (swing, salsa, etc.), for which my prior dance background serves extremely well! Not only can I try new styles with confidence, but social dancing is a terrific way to meet other people – esp. members of the rougher [email protected]…think about it…you have to hold their hand for a whole song, talk to them, etc.

    • This was totally me as a kid.
      Swimming lessons. It’s an important life skills and definitely helped me become less cautious about other activities.
      A summer camp that has a mix of athletic and non athletic activities might be a good idea. I remember doing a YMCA camp and doing stuff like gimp, swimming, talent shows, capture the flag. It can also help your daughter make more/different friends.
      Summer camp also taught me archery and riflery (….not sure if camps still do this), but those are great sports for kids that are not inclined to run around or jump off high things. Plus using a bow and arrow is cool.

      I’d say the other important thing is to just encourage her. Don’t push sports because she might run the other way (especially if she’s not as physically capable), but sign her up for lessons until you find one that she wants to keep doing. :)

    • Martial arts would give her body confidence.

  18. Threadjack– food shortage!

    The good: I brought my lunch today, and 2 snacks.

    The bad: It’s only 11:21am and I’ve eaten everything already.

    The ugly: I just checked my teeth (with my compact), and realized that there’s chicken stuck in my teeth. Am headed to the ladies to deal with this, but I hate having (whiteish) clumps of chicken stuck in my teeth even more than the broccoli/spinach/greenstuff in the teeth.

    Reminder to self: BRING MORE FOOD. *sigh*

    • I’ve been having that problem all week. On vacation last week, I had a cheeseburger and a hard cider for lunch everyday. I was skiing. It was nourishment and reward.

      But now I can’t get back into my old lunch routine. And I’m devouring sweets after dinner. I’ve gained 4 pounds this week.

      • I brought healthy food (oranges, yogurt, hardboiled eggs) and then when I was done eating that, I polished off the box of cheeze-its that was in my desk drawer. :/

      • Yeah I’ve had that problem mainly when I’ve had some vacation time, where I’m on my own schedule, then go back to getting up really early and having breakfast early. I’m starving by 10:00. Makes me nuts.

        Then again, yesterday I didn’t have time for lunch so I got a smoothie. Felt full for a little while, but by the time I was ready to go home, I was so hungry I wanted to gnaw my own arm off!

    • Hate the food shortage. Sometimes I feel like it’s just impossible for me to bring enough to last the day. I’ve been doing okay this week, since I made some really filling soup, but usually…ugh.

    • There must be something in the air, because I’ve been starving for the last few weeks. I bring my lunch and keep munchies in my desk, but I just can’t seem to eat enough. I’m working on my MBA, so especially after class, I’m just dying. I’ve started taking a mid-class snack, but still, when I get home, more food! I think I’m just expending more energy than I realize. Stress and thinking burns a lot of calories!

      • Count me in as another one who’s spent the last few weeks eating like a 12 year old boy. I’m glad to hear I’m not alone!

    • Happens to me all the time. I feel as though I have to bring a suitcase full of food to get me through the day without getting really hungry. I hate when I’m hungry at the end of the day, so that when I get home I scarf whatever is within reach, rather than cooking and eating something healthier. I’m trying to eat snacks around 4 or 4:30 so I won’t be so hungry at 6, but it seems the snacks have to be pretty large for it to work.

    • So have you all just tried eating more at breakfast? I used to get really hungry during the day, now I front load more of my calories at breakfast and I do much better.

      • I eat a big breakfast, but the more I eat for breakfast, the more I want to eat for lunch. The more I eat for lunch, the more I want for dinner.

        Not sure what else to say, other than….*oink*.

      • Jacqueline :

        I do this, and it helps. If I have an egg-based breakfast, I can stave off hunger until 1 or 1:30 (whereas a bowl of cereal leaves me ravenous by 11!).

        Like Eleanor, I hate that starving feeling at the end of the day because I feel out of control when I get home, like I’ll eat the first thing I can grab. So I always plan on a snack around 4 — usually some combination of an apple (surprisingly filling!), a granola bar, or a small yogurt. I also keep pretzels in my desk drawer. If I eat a snack at 4, I can last until 7 or later, and I find I don’t want as much for dinner, anyway.

      • same!
        I started eating fried eggs in coconut oil for breakfast (thai style, I’m blanking on the name) It takes <2minutes and it definitely helped me make it to lunch with one snack.
        My default state is cookies….. so after having brownies or oatmeal cookies (oatmeal is healthy?) for dinner twice this week, I switched up my snacks to see if that would help.
        Apples + almonds or yogurt w/ cinnamon + peaches. I think the fat + protein helps keep me full? Better than crackers or Thin Mints at least.
        Thin Mints are SO GOOD tho. I stick them in freezer.

  19. Lynnet, I agree with you! But I’m also a big Hillary fan and I think she has been doing a fantastic job at state. Maybe better than she would have done in the white house. She’s made mistakes but I just always find myself rooting for her- Even when I don’t agree with her, I think she has integrity.

  20. I didn’t get a Valentine’s Day gift or even a call from the dude I’m recently engaged to (we are long distance). I think he still has to buy me something. Thoughts?

    • Are you big on Valentine’s day? I’m not, so this is the perspective of someone who’s moderately indifferent to it: the lack of call is pretty bad and he should certainly make it up to you in the way that’s most meaningful to you – if that means a gift, it’s a gift.

      But, as for the gift itself, did you get him a gift too? If not, in my opinion, I would let it go. He probably thought since you guys weren’t physically together, the gift exchange wouldn’t happen. I’ve done long distance valentines day with my boyfriend-turned-fiance three times and no gifts were exchanged. This year, he asked me if he could send flowers to my work, but I wasn’t guaranteed to be around when the flowers around, so I turned him down; he later bought me flowers in person when I saw him 10 days later.

    • Well, I feel like I should preface my comments by saying that I am a non-practicing romantic. This year for Valentine’s Day my DH and I had grilled cheese sandwiches and watched tv.

      So, its two weeks later. You need to let this go for now. If this relationship progresses, perhaps you need to have a talk with him about the fact that recognizing certain special events is important to you. But some men just never get the hint on that one — so you have to decide how important that is to you! But if you really think forcing him to buy you a present 2-3 weeks later is really going to be somehow satisfying and going to “make up” for him not calling on the actual day, well, then I feel like you’re bound to be disappointed.

    • Totes McGotes :

      I wouldn’t bring up his dropping the ball on VD this close to Steak-and-a-BJ Day.

      Besides, the argument should be,” You want to marry me. Buy me stuff all the time.”

    • I’d let it go. There are things in a relationship where you have to be responsible for letting him know that it’s important to you and it sounds like maybe you haven’t? My SO and I are really big on birthdays. We go all out – gifts, cards, flowers (for me), sometimes take the day off together, special meal at home. But that was something that we came to early on in our relationship. For Valentine’s Day, we’ve never done anything other than cards. In fact, this year, he was away on Valentine’s Day so he hid a card in my underwear drawer so I would find it the morning after he left and have it for Valentine’s Day. He said he wished he had done more, but honestly, I don’t need it.

      • Agreed. I am a big believer in telling guys your expectations re holidays/gifts/etc. They are not mind readers. Just tell him that, in the future, you want to exchange presents on V-Day. Done.

    • Only half snarky :

      Recently engaged and you’re angry over this two weeks later? Get un-engaged until you two figure each other out more.

    • It sucks he didn’t call, but why should he buy you something?

      It’s this kind of thinking that causes things to descend into something overly transactional. If one wants to acknowledge Valentine’s Day, why not just use it to tell the other person (if you don’t already do this regularly) that you appreciate him/her and love him/her? I find that that bit of affirmation– really noticing your loved one and expressing your love for him/her is a lot more rewarding and meaningful than sh*t that anyone can buy at most stores (or through Amazon Prime!)

      I think all these women who have been trained in some Pavlovian way to demand gifts, be they flowers or jewelry or whatnot, have turned it into something transactional, which is why there’s the reaction of Steak and BJ-Day. The whole gift-demanding, and I guess, the counterdemand (steak & bj) is just ugly and sad. It comes across as two competing entitled whiners rather than people who really want to affirm each other with kindness rather than demands.

    • Personally, I would take that as a huge warning sign. Not even a call? Forget the part about buying you something, no call? I would start doing some serious talking about the state of the relationship. That’s much more important than worrying about whether or not he bought you something. I definitely wouldn’t let it go (except the gift part). You need to get to the bottom of this, especially since you’re in a LDR. Later, you can talk about your ideas about romance and whether or not you feel that it should include gifts. But that is a very secondary issue to be discussed looking forward, not looking back and demanding that he owes you something.

      And I’m not even overly big on Valentine’s Day, personally. My husband and I didn’t do cards or gifts at all this year because we went out of town the weekend prior. Didn’t even open a bottle of wine the day of.

      But again, I think your focus is off.

    • My husband is loving and sweet and amazing, but not what I would call romantic. He places minimal importance on ceremonial days (V-day, Birthdays, etc). On my birthday he remembered to tell me happy Birthday at 2pm and that was it. If he wasn’t so incredibly awesome and caring in a million different ways, it would be a BIG problem, but trust me when I say he’s loving and awesome.

      My approach? That night, I said to him something along the lines of “I know birthday days aren’t a big deal to you, but we always made a big deal of them in my family. Next year, I’d like a little more celebration. I’ll remind you again before my birthday so it’s not 100% on you.” It went really well.

      If this is part of a pattern of not treating you right, you need to address that. If it’s about you and your fiancé placing different levels of importance on these kind of things, then you need to speak up and own what you need. I’ve found that my husband is not good at mind reading.

    • Is this different from previous years? If he’s always like this, then, well, you knew this about him already.

      If it’s a change from previous years, I would be concerned. I can tell you that, after several years of celebrating our wedding anniversary with thoughtful gifts (on both sides) and a special dinner, there came a year when my ex-husband didn’t get me a gift and only acknowledged, in an off-handed way, that it was our anniversary. I was hurt, but told myself I was being shallow and didn’t say a word to him about it. Shortly thereafter, he dropped the “not in love with you anymore, if I ever was” bomb on me. In retrospect, I should have trusted my sense that something was off.

      • That’s kind of why my alarm bells are going off too.

        The one time I was even dating someone and Valentine’s wasn’t acknowledged, it was because I’d already made the decision to end it and he knew it wasn’t working out on his end either. In that case, the next day it was over. The lack of contact on both sides on that particular day was a big, blatant message about the state of that relationship. I’d even bought him a really, really nice and thoughtful gift, which I ended up just keeping. We both just avoided the whole thing.

        So if this is something new and no one was in the hospital, I’d be asking what’s up. As I said, especially in a LDR when you don’t have as much opportunity to show affection to each other on a daily basis. And I mean affection in whatever form that may take.

    • Were there extenuating circumstances? Is this a symptom of a larger issue? I couldn’t talk to my SO on VDay because he didn’t have cell phone reception or a satellite phone where he is, but we did instant message/chat. I agree with other people that it would be healthier if you let this go, although it does seem that this is causing you distress since your fiance is the “the dude I’m recently engaged to.” That doesn’t sound happy – you should be happy!

      It is nice to be made to feel special and a long distance relationship can sometimes make certain feelings more noisy in our brains/create insecurities. Does your fiance do other things to make you feel special?

      Finally, it sucks to go there, but cbackson has a valid point.

  21. Communication failure :

    Regular commenter, but anon for this.

    I’ve been searching Amazon and some websites that deal with management advice (e.g., HBR), and realized I should come right to the source for good advice – the hive! Does anyone have any good recommendations of a book or article about communicating effectively with people of different styles? My boss and I have VERY different styles, and I just cannot get through to him. It makes even the simplest tasks seem so daunting. This plays out in substantive conversations, in more “process”-oriented conversations, in HR-related conversation. In fact, in plays out in almost every conversation. In many ways, I don’t think he’s a *good* communicator, but there must be advice on tactics to deal with all kinds of approaches. Any thoughts?


    • I’ve recommended this before, but I really like the book “How to Say It for Women.”

    • I would recommend “People Styles at Work: Making Bad Relationships Good and Good Relationships Better” by Robert Boulton and Dorothy Grover Boulton. You determine your own style as well as the style of others, then learn tips to improve communication between the two. All different combinations of styles are explored, so it’s very comprehensive.

      In addition, “Becoming a Master Manager: A Competing Values Approach” is also very good. As the title indicates, it is designed to help improve communication between managers and their subordinates, but I think many points can be applied to your communication with peers and superiors.

      • Communication failure :

        Thank you both. Coalea — even just the titles of the books you recommended gave me a glimmer of hope (on a particularly desperate day!).

    • I blab about this a lot, but seriously: Poke around there, maybe post this question in a forum.

      Do you belong to any professional organizations? Tomorrow I am registered for a webinar called “Emotional Intelligence: Switch the Channel on Communication” (Project Management Institute) so something like that might help you. I’ll report back if anyone has any good book suggestions.

      • Communication failure :

        Eek, awesome! Enjoy the seminar, and if you happen to pick up any good recommendations, I’d very much appreciate your passing them on!

        • I was only able to listen to half the webinar, but a book was recommended, “The Five Dysfunctions of a Team” by Patrick Lencioni. Some of the things mentioned were to identify your communication style first, which will help you learn how to be more effective with someone else. Some of the other stuff I knew, 93% of all communication is nonverbal….and considering that we all spend most of our day communicating in some form it’s important to get it right most of the time.

  22. Does anyone have the dark blue THE skirt already? Per everyone’s suggestions, I just snagged it on sale, but I’m wondering about the color. Is it closer to navy?

    • i have it :

      It’s not navy. It’s basically the perfect Gator blue.

      • Does this mean that my best friend and rabid FSU fan is going to forbid me from wearing it in front of her?

        Egad. :-P

        • I own it and it’s not that blue. It is kind of between navy and royal blue.

    • Sounds like Pantone’s “Sodalite Blue” for spring / summer 2012.

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