Thursday’s TPS Report: Striped Bow Tank

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Kate Spade New York - Striped Bow Tank (Red/Cream Stripe) - ApparelOoh la la: loving this red and white stripe tank top from Kate Spade. It reminds me of Breton stripes , but I like that it’s in red and I like love the stripey bow detail on the front. For the office I like that the straps are substantial enough to hide bra straps — even though I’d still wear it with sleeves for the office (cardigan, blazer, etc). I’d probably stick with neutrals in classic shapes for the rest of the outfit — gray, navy, black, white — but perhaps accessorized with something a little wild, like a hot pink necklace or even a headband. It’s 20% off at Zappos Couture today — was $125, now $100.Kate Spade New York – Striped Bow Tank (Red/Cream Stripe) – Apparel

Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail [email protected] with “TPS” in the subject line.


P.S. Fun facts: did you know that Breton stripes refer to the Brittany region of France?  For some reason I always thought they were a tribute to André Breton.  Haha…


  1. Threadjack First: Praying to the goddesses of Tide Pens and OxyClean that my first annual wearing of my white pencil skirt does not result in a coffee calamity.

    Threadjack Second: Open Letter to Interns. Dear Interns: I was one of three people who interviewed you. I know you know who I am. (Wo)Man up when we run into each other in the hallway and smile and say hello. I hired you – I clearly don’t bite.

    • Honey Bear :

      I’m a first year associate at a law firm, and one time I saw the partner who did my screening interview in the elevator. I said “hi there!” really enthusiastically, and he seemed really uncomfortable like he had no idea who I was. :(

      • Many lawyers = awkward. Don’t worry, just be nice and normal. It will pay off.

      • You did the right thing . . . unfortunately, many (most?) lawyers are socially awkward. Keep up the good work!

      • lostintranslation :

        This is the kind of scenario that goes through my head. So I usually just smile or awkwardly say hello so quietly that it sounds like a whisper :/ So people probably think I’m the weird girl who smiles at everyone.

      • AtlantaAttorney :

        Next time say, “Hi there! I’m Honey Bear, and we met when you interviewed me last fall. It’s nice to see you again.”

        It’s entirely possible he didn’t remember exactly where he knew you from or your name.

      • I’ve encountered that many times – if I can pull back my smile before I say anything I usually do but if the words are already out, I’d follow up with giving them my name again and reminding them why they know me. Example: “Hi there!” (awkward silence and realization they don’t know me) “First name/Last name. You interviewed me/We had lunch/Etc. a few months ago. It was so great to meet you, I’m really excited about being here at the firm.”
        it covers nicely

      • And remember that when you’re running into a lawyer the hall or elevator or something, at that moment, the attorney might be really stressed out, or have a lot of balls in the air at the time. Try not to take this personally.

        We have one admin person who is super enthusiastic, and smiles a big grin and waves every time he sees one of us attorneys. I know he’s being sincere, but I just can’t reciprocate most of the time. I’m working. I’m focused on my client. Even if I’m walking through the hall delivering something.

    • WRT to coffee calamity – first I hope it doesn’t happen. Secondly, should you be a coffee with milk drinker and the spill occurs find Carbona specialty stain removers in the laundry aisle. The one for blood/milk is awesome for coffee with milk stains. It saved a brand-new white cotton sweater.

  2. I own this top! It may be on sale for cheaper at the kate spade website itself, though. The material is pleasantly thick with the right amount of stretch, and in person the red is bright but not obnoxious.

    IMO not a work top, though – it has the unfortunate “scoop neck cleavage tunnel” effect if you lean over – fine for casual dinner out, but too annoying to manage for me to wear to work.

    • SF Bay Associate :

      I see we got the same Zappos Couture email this morning, Kat :).

      That cleavage tunnel is such a tricky thing since I spend part of my day hunched over my desk, facing my door.

    • They had this top at the Kate Spade outlet when I went a couple weeks ago. It’s a nice top but looks like casual wear.

      • I agree. I think, in general, clothes with bows like this are a no for me, workwear-wise. I think anything that makes you look like a present should not be worn to work. It is a cute top though.

        • “anything that makes you look like a present should not be worn to work.”

          Love this. Am going to figure out a way to use it in future. It goes in the same category as the hat rack expression from yesterday.

  3. lostintranslation :

    Yesterday at the end of the day, someone at my boss’s level implied that if I make a planned change within our company, I won’t be taken seriously or accomplosh anything. I didn’t want to run crying to anyone but was on the verge of bawling. I thought what-would-corporettes-do and hunkered down to work in an empty conference room and just got a call from my boss that the person was out of line/ being political. I’m so happy and wanted to share with someone. Sending good vibes to any corporettes whose day also started out crappy.

  4. It’s cute, but I think it’s a very-casual-Friday top. Uh, yes, I knew that “Breton” was related to “Bretagne.”

    I went into a Kate Spade store earlier this season. No one asked if I wanted help. I was pleased to see that everything on the racks reminded me of heavy, old-lady Preppie dress up clothes. I wasn’t the least bit tempted by anything.

    • If by heavy old lady dress up clothes, you mean 60’s (think mad men) but modern, then you hit it spot on — and that is precisely what I love about Kate Spade clothes!

      • I agree – I love Kate Spade’s aesthetic.

        • South of Houston :

          Same! I am actually wearing one of her bright red sheath dresses (featured on this site, I believe) today!

    • Are you kidding? I have a kate spade obsession. i LOVE everything i’ve ever bought. The clothes are well made. The dresses are cut perfectly if you are curvy.

    • You seem like a very pleasant person.

    • Good thing you know how to approach a rack in a store and pick things out for yourself…

  5. I would love this with white pants and espadrille wedges on the weekends (perhaps at my imaginary summer place in the Hamptons where I wear nothing but designer clothes). I just don’t see it as a work item, though.

    • I have that same imaginary summer place! See you there tomorrow afternoon!

    • Diana Barry :

      Ditto, I think the straps plus the scoop neck make it too much for work.

    • I think it would work on a casual friday tucked into a khaki colored pencil skirt and a short, 3/4 sleeve navy blazer over top and maybe some red or navy peep toes.

      Also, when it’s 100000 degrees and I’m taking the subway my summer work shirts tend to be more casual and cotton.

    • on the water, right? Only the pants are cropped and I’m holding a mojito by the invisible edge pool overlooking the sound…

  6. CaribbeanGirl :

    Thanks to Ru who suggested Drop Dead Diva as “tv brain candy.” I’ve been watching episodes on Netflix and it’s added some laughs to my stressful past couple of weeks. Thanks for the recommendation!

    • You’re welcome! I’m glad someone else is enjoying the silliness =).

      • I love that show! Just enough law and work drama (lawyer here), but more than enough fluff to be entertaining. And I have to say, as a size 14 or 16, I love her wardrobe. It is almost always (IMO) perfectly work appropriate!

        • CaribbeanGirl :

          Yes! I really like her suits (I think I actually own the deep red one she’s worn in a couple of episodes). She looks professional and wears what a well-dressed and put together woman would wear in real life. And I like that she represents a different (and arguably more realistic) demographic than what we see in Law and Order/ CSI/ other shows with professional women. Very refreshing.

          • Awful Lawful :

            I have to disagree, but only on her hemlines. Otherwise, her workwear is perfectly appropriate and even stylish, while still being conservative (i.e. no low cut tops, not too many bells and whistles, etc.), but I think that her skirts are always about 3 inches too short.

    • soulfusion :

      After seeing the recommendation here I watched the pilot the other day on Netflix and am looking forward to watching more episodes. I think it is exactly what I will need when I’m at my low energy points during my chemotherapy cycles. That being said, as a lawyer, it is sometimes really hard to turn off the “that wouldn’t happen” thoughts when two separate litigators from the same firm examine the same witness without a word from the judge . . . to give one example.

      • Warm wishes sent your way, soulfusion! I hope you don’t soon outpace the available episodes to stream online :)
        Those “that’d never happen” thoughts are definitely the downside of watching a dramatized version of your everyday though ;) , but you’ve got to love the comedic side of com/drams (such as silly abbr…) for poking fun at daily office drab scenarios!

  7. That pattern is making me a little seasick…

  8. I just wanted to share a beautiful dress with everyone:

    If only it were in my size…

    • So pretty for summer! Wish it would look good with my red hair…in fact, I would love to see a Corporette post on how to wear colors for all the redheads (with very fair skin) out there! Anyone with me on that? Someone please let me know if I missed a post like that…

      • I’m a ginger with fair skin (not AS fair as many redheads, but on the whole very fair), and I would totally wear this color!

      • I’m a redhead too – I think coral is supposed to be great for our skin tone, though this particular coralish color is a little too pink. I’d also love to have a post on how to wear colors (both clothing and specific makeup brands/colors) for different skin tones. How I wish someone would just tell me what lipstick to wear. We redheads have a tough row to hoe. (and for what it’s worth – there seems to be a disproportionately high number of us on this site …)

        • Yes, considering what other posters have said about exactly how pink this is, this color might not be the best for us redheads. But in general I’m a fan of it for my skin tone. I too would appreciate some advice with regard to colors for makeup/clothes. I think I am somewhat in the minority of redheads in that I have blue eyes. But that might not actually be that rare, it just seems that a lot of redheads have green eyes. I’m curious about what other redheads think about all this.

    • I’ve been obsessing over this! I’m just not sure I could pull it off for work though, and I have enough non-work sundresses.

    • I like that dress and it does come in my size, but I’m not sure I can justify the price. I’m on a $50 or less budget and am seriously considering this dress instead:

      I could totally wear this in my business casual workplace.

      • Tired Squared :

        I’m trying to stick to $50 and under too but can’t seem to see the dress you posted … it takes me to a login page =(

        • Here’s an invite:

          • Tired Squared :

            … and I definitely just ordered that dress for a dinner next week. Thanks Bunkster!

    • I ordered this dress when it first went on sale – the color is nothing like the coral it looks on my computer, but a *completely* fluorescent pink! I could ONLY imagine wearing it to a summer wedding and even then you’d be “the woman in the bright pink dress”. Or maybe you just need to be more bold than I am.

    • Legally Brunette :

      I ordered this dress and received it in the mail a few days ago. I’m not sure whether to keep it. On the plus side, the silohuette is beautiful and extremely flattering. The dress is a very bright pink, which is one of my favorite colors. However, the material wrinkles very easily and I would need to get the top tailored if I were to keep it (I’m smaller on top, so I’m not surprised). I don’t see wearing this to work, unless perhaps you’re from the South or somewhere where you can get away with wearing really bright colors. I would definitely wear it to a bridals shower.

  9. This top looks more like $15 at H&M than $100+ high-end designer.

  10. Maddie Ross :

    Off topic question: Someone mentioned sending food to friends who had recently given birth the other day. I have a good friend from growing up who is due next week. She and I no longer live in the same city, and I would really like to send something to her after she returns home from the hospital. Does anyone have any ideas or recommendations for how I could go about doing this? I tried to google delivery services, but didn’t come up with any leads. FWIW, she lives in a medium-sized city, but I would imagine they must deliver something there besides pizza and chinese. Any ideas, ladies?

    • MichiganFan :

      Zingerman’s! Based in Michigan, but they deliver DELICIOUS food across the US…bread, cheese, meat, cinnamon buns, gift baskets, pretty much anything you could imagine and a lot of stuff you can’t! Highly recommended!

      • Second Zingerman’s. Delicious, gourmet, awesome stuff. If I was a new mom I would definitely appreciate it!

        • Yes to Zingerman’s! The breads are amazing (recommend the raisin-pecan especially), as are the brownies. I think they have sandwich care packages – literally, they’ll send you all the makings for a reuben etc. Definitely not the cheapest way to get a reuben, but they’re pretty amazing.

    • Diana Barry :

      edible arrangements?

    • What city? Maybe someone else here can suggest a place.

      In general, I usually google “catering” or “take-out” plus the zip code, when I want to do something like this. Also, there are things like MenuPages dot com or Menu Pix dot com in lots of cities now, which should give you some ideas. Even Yelp might be of some help.

    • Maddie Ross :

      Sub-question for those who have been through this themselves — is it better for me to send a full meal, or to send more “snacky” food in the form of a gift basket or tray?

      • When I had my son, someone gave me a big basket of muffins and fruit, it was a godsend. But, I know someone else who received a bunch of frozen casseroles from a local catering company, that seemed like a really good idea too, just heat up for dinner. I don’t know, it seems like you couldn’t go wrong with any food, it’s so hard to cook and take care of a newborn. And new mothers really need to eat healthy food.

        • When I had my son, snack type foods were much easier to eat while nursing. It is hard to nurse a baby and eat a meal at the same time! (I was also slightly irrational because I had a short leave and never wanted to put him down!)

    • I was the one who asked about this, and so many people recommended Harry & David’s that I went with it. I got her and her husband a small gift basket that had pears, cheese, crackers, sweets, etc. They loved it! (Thanks everyone!) They made grilled cheese sandwiches that night, and the fruit was delicious.

      What kind of support network does your friend have in her city? My friend lives in the same town as her mother-in-law, and her mom was visiting for two weeks, so they had plenty of stuff in the freezer and I thought a small thing of more “snacky” food would be better.

      Also, if you don’t want to go the food route, something that my friend mentioned as being very helpful were gift cards to baby stores (like Babies R Us) for all those last minute things that they didn’t know/think to register for.

      • Gift certificate to Diapers dot com is our new go-to gift for newborn parents. They have everything (more than just diapers, but diapers are useful) and they usually deliver overnight.

    • My favourite, because I am a total Anglophile: Fortnum & Mason’s hampers. If you are shipping in North America the hamper comes from the US, not England, so not so much of a delay.

    • Call her or her husband and ask what her favorite takeout is, and then call the restaurant and buy her a gift card and ask them to mail it to her.

  11. Diana Barry :

    Corporettes – Rue La La has a sale on Cole Haan today – lots of nice bags and shoes!

  12. ElevenElle :

    OUCH! Size 10 is plus size?

    • Haha yikes! I’m a definite size 14 or 16 and I don’t “feel” plus sized, so for a woman to be a 10 and be labelled plus size… just, yikes!

    • I’m kind of insulted by this. I’m usually a 10, and I definitely do not consider myself to be plus size.

    • Whatever they call it, it’s actually great for the Size 10 and 12 ladies, who can buy things from the “normal” flash sale sites and this, and so have twice as much to choose from.

    • Hello fatties! (kidding)
      I am a size 16 at 5’10” and have gotten used to being called plus-sized – but it sure doesn’t feel good to be singled out, does it?

    • That article doesn’t refer to plus size, just size 10 and over. Since many big-name designers don’t make anything over a 10, it seems reasonable to me.

  13. Can any Corporettes with naturally curly hair recommend a hair moisturizer that combats frizz but isn’t heavy/greasy? I’m thinking one of those that you put on after showering, to let air dry. I understand that some are intended specifically for curls. Many thanks.

    • My hair is wavy, not curly, but I love Aveda’s Be Curly Curl Enhancer. It’s supposed to be good for both wavy and curly. I don’t blow dry it after, even though I think the instructions say to do so. It’s never crunchy or sticky, always very soft and shiny. If you go to an Aveda shop, they will usually give you a sample to try so you don’t have to commit to it if you don’t like it (it’s not cheap, sadly). I am a huge fan of all their hair stuff.

      • Oh, I second this.

        • Any curly-haired Corporettes use the Be Curly Style Prep? A stylist recommended it to me to play up the wave in my mostly-straight hair, and it just did NOT work for me. I literally used it once, and would be happy to send it off to a better home if anyone wants it!

      • My hair is fine (but plentiful) and wavy/curly. So lots of flyaways and frizz in the summer, but most products I use tend to make my hair feel and look stringy and greasy. My newest discovery is Aveda Daily Hair Repair (part of their damage remedy line). It makes my hair feel soft and moisturized, helps a bit with flyaways, and isn’t greasy or heavy at all. (I previously tried the Aveda Be Curly Enhancer, recommended above, but it didn’t do anything for me.) I would be interested in other recommendations too. On a smiliar note, can anyone recommend a leave-in detangler for wavy/curly hair?

        • My go to has always been Johnson & Johnson No More Tangles Detangler.

        • somewherecold :

          The Ouidad Moisture Lock Leave-in Conditioner that I talked about in my post below works as a detangler for me. (I have curly hair and lots of it.)

          • I use this for my hair is down. On a normal (neat pony tail or something similar) I use an ouidad anti-humidity spray meant for wet hair and air drying. it’s perfection.

          • Thanks re: detanglers!

    • I love Carol’s Daughter’s Hair Milk – it adds a lot of gloss and tames my flyaways. I apply it on dry hair on the mornings I don’t wash my hair. A little goes a long way! On mornings I do wash my hair, while it’s more of a gel than a moisturizer, I can’t function without DevaCurl’s Arc Angell. I use a fair amount and air-dry with lifting clips at my roots, and it does a great job of locking in frizzies without being too crunchy, heavy, or greasy.

      • Now you’ve done it — what kind of lifting clips?

        • They are these little metal clips about 2 inches long that you use to elevate the top sections of your hair so that they don’t weigh down the bottom of your hair as you air dry, thereby preventing Triangle Hair. They are also great for making sure the front of your hair air-dries in a manner that’s back off your face. Deva sells them as DevaClips. I have a long commute, so I put in six of them after I take my hair out of my microfiber wrap and take them out when I get to work. (I always use the same number -six – so that I can be confident I got all of them out and I don’t have a rogue clip hiding on the back of my head all day. Learned that one the hard way.)

          • Second Deva Curl. You can order it online and get a massive salon-size bottle that comes with a pump. It’s expensive ($30ish I think), but the bottle lasts a long time — I think it took me 1 1/2 to 2 years to finish the first one, and I have thick, below-shoulder-length hair. I discovered it — along with the Deva Curl conditioner — about 3 years ago, and I wear my hair down so much more often now since it actually looks good!

    • As someone with baby fine curls, I’m a fan of Matrix Curl Life Defining Contouring Milk. (Make sure you get the Milk, not the Creme — they have very different textures.) It’s just enough to provide some definition and combat frizz, but it doesn’t weigh my hair down or leave it with that awful crunchy feeling.

    • I am a huge fan of the Living Proof No Frizz line:

      Their products are silicone-free. I use the wave/curl styling cream for medium-to-thick hair and either diffuse or air-dry. The results are better with air-drying – fantastic curl definition.

      I have shoulder-length curly hair that I sometimes dry straight/flat-iron. For that, Living Proof also has a Straight product for curlyheads.

      Their products are available at Sephora, too. (I buy online because my Sephora can’t seem to keep them in stock.)

      A good friend with similar hair, but short, swears by Carole’s Daughter. Good luck!

    • phytodefrisant botanical hair relaxing balm by phyto. I put it in and let my hair air dry – nice curls, no frizz! I think it will also help straighten if you blow dry but I never do because I’m too lazy! Isn’t heavy and doesn’t build up on your hair. Love it!!

    • I like Bumble and Bumble Curl Conscious.

    • somewherecold :

      I have been happy with the Ouidad leave in conditioner. I apply it after I’ve towel-dried my hair, and then I air dry. I have thick, curly hair that is prone to frizz, and the Ouidad stuff has helped with curl definition and frizz reduction. I sometimes use the heat and humidity gel after the conditioner, and the botanical boost spray in the morning on dry hair. I bought the set from Sephora that has the leave in conditioner, the gel, and the spray, plus some clips to help lift your curls. It saves some money to get it as the package to try everything (I had previously tried a small sample of the gel from Sephora).

      I think you can get this set from Ouidad, though, and right now they have free shipping on orders over $25 (the set is like $35, so you wouldn’t qualify for Sephora over-$50 free shipping if that’s all you got).

    • I just use Herbal Essences Totally Twisted hair gel. Cheap and works great. I have curly hair that I let air dry most mornings. I just use a little of this when I get out of the shower and it works great.

    • Anonymous :

      Definitely DevaChon and Bumble and Bumble Curl Creme.

    • I use John Frieda FrizzEase spray-in conditioner. It’s great.

    • I use Aveda Phemolient. It’s a light mousse made with honey. I love it. It’s incredibly light, and works if you’re air drying or blow drying.

  14. Anon for This :

    I’m hoping you Corporettes have some suggestions for handling this situation. I have a very close relative who has been unexpectedly and seriously ill for many weeks now (the it could go either way at any time kind of illness). This relative is in another city about two hours away, and I’ve been running home every weekend and a few times mid-week when things took a turn for the worse. The partners at my firm have been very understanding and supportive (even though I’ve broken the corporette code and repeatedly broken down in tears in my office).

    My most immediate problem is that since they’ve been so great about letting me run out mid-day to rush home or miss a few days when I had to stick around there, I don’t feel like I can take any additional time off. This situation is continuing, and I’ve been having anxiety attacks and not sleeping much. I got prescriptions from my doctor to help with this, but I can’t take them every day or night. I can feel myself heading for total burnout and don’t know what to do about it. We’re severely short staffed so I wind up having to work late when I’m in the office to catch up on the work that went undone when I was away and it’s taking longer to do everything because I’m exhausted and distracted.

    I feel like I’m getting progressively worse. My firm is not covered by FMLA, and I don’t get any set number of sick days, per se, we’re just told not to come in if we’re really sick. I’d really appreciate any advice you have for either coping with this on my own so i can be productive at work, or for talking with the partners to get some sort of accommodation there.

    • Can you increase the amount of skilled nursing care the relative is getting in your absence? Is he or she well enough to Skype with you every day so that you can check in almost in person? Could other relatives take turns coming to visit so that you can space your visits out? Does he or she have a local church or friend community that you could turn to?

      It seems to me that ensuring that your relative is getting good care even if you aren’t there in person might be a big first step toward reducing your anxiety.

      • Anon for This :

        Luckily, he is getting good care, but unfortunately it’s in the ICU so I can’t talk to him even when he’s been conscious. I do have relatives there who are keeping me updated when I’m away.

    • Oh wow, Anon for This. I’m so sorry to hear this sad news. First of all *hugs* to you and your family.

      I’m glad to hear you work for an understanding firm. Do you think there is any way you can work from the location of your ailing relative one day a week? Maybe you could arrange to go there Tuesday after work, work Wednesday from the location and come back Wednesday night or Thursday morning. I’m not sure if your work is the type that can be done off-site.

      I will be interested to hear what other Corporettes have to say. Fortunately, I have not yet been in this situation, so I am unsure what you do as this continues for an indefinite period of time. A part of me thinks that you might have to stick to your weekends (and maybe a day during the week) and not leave each time there is a call, since it sounds like there have been many. But truly, even though I say that, I’m not sure if I could do that if it were someone as dear to me as it sounds like this person is to you. I just wonder if it might help you restore some sanity and clarity so you are able to function.

      I really am sorry.

    • anon as well :

      Just went through this exact situation that ended with my relative’s death. Anxiety + stress + too much going on at work/in my personal life has left me a medicated mess as well. I’m lucky to have understanding senior partners who have told me to take as much time as I need to deal. I’m preparing for two trials in addition to juggling a heavy non-trial load so time off has also not been an option. This week I’ve really just spent time crying and taking long walks after work. The walks have helped me sleep more, and the crying just does what crying does:) I also got a massage which kind melted my stress level a little. I know this is probably not much help, but just know that you aren’t the only one out there!

      • Anon for This :

        I am so sorry for your loss and for what you’re going through as well. I hope that as time goes on and as the trial stress passes you are able to deal with the anxiety and learn to cope with the loss. This is my worst fear (and has already come close to passing several times), and so I appreciate your sharing your experience. *hugs*

    • I’m sorry you’re going through this. Please take care of yourself. You will be no good to either your employer or your family if you burn out or break down.
      It sounds as though you have communicated your situation to the partners who matter. Keep them updated, so that they understand that there is an ongoing situation, but also keep it short on detail and explanation. Over-explaining can sometimes backfire and sound like excuses. Just be clear and firm that there is a family health crisis that you’re attending to. Is there another associate who can be your backup? If so, (with that person’s permission) let the partners know that you’ve arranged for support. It will help manage their anxiety to know that you are not going to leave them hanging if something comes up.

      Also, can you come up with a regular schedule for yourself? I understand that there’s unpredictability when it comes to illnesses, but what if you told the firm that, because of your situation, until further notice you will be taking off every ___ day and working __ hours on the days you are there? Trying to take control of the situation and make your schedule more predictable might help your own mental health, since uncertainty can be so anxiety-producing.
      Many people will also recommend focusing on eating well, exercising, and sleeping enough to help keep your physical and emotional health in check. I agree with this advice in a general sense—these things are important— but also go easy on yourself, too; sometimes worrying about whether you’re doing the “right” things can add stress. Just do your best and make sure you have an outlet with family members or friends. Struggling privately can be very exhausting.
      Take care.

    • I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’ve fortunately never had to deal with this, but I echo what the other commenters are saying. In an ideal world, you could try to set a schedule for yourself (every weekend at home, one or two days mid-week from home) to help minimize your anxiety about work.

      In the meantime, it sounds like you need to talk to someone and/or take some different anxiety medication. You’re in a vicious cycle right now, and you need an outlet that doesn’t make you more stressed. I know someone mentioned exercise – even just a 15-20 minute walk can help clear my head.

    • MaggieLizer :

      Condolences to you and your family. It’s no wonder you’re feeling so stressed and anxious when you’re being pulled in so many directions. If you’re breaking down in tears and unable to focus, it’s time to seriously scale back. You give everything you can to your career, but there comes a point when you just don’t have any more to give. It sounds like you’re at that point. Take some time, be with your family, then come back with the energy and drive that has gotten you this far.

      In a smaller firm, you may end up having to use up your vacation time or take unpaid leave. You should have a good idea of your financial requirements before you sit down with the partners to discuss your options – working remotely, fewer hours in the office, taking a leave of absence, etc. As others have suggested before, know what you’re going to say before the meeting and practice it. That’s especially important here since this is an emotional issue and you will need to have your wits about you to discuss your financial situation.

      Good luck in coping, and best wishes to your relative for a speedy recovery.

    • I would ask for a period of unpaid leave. If the firm isn’t covered by FMLA that doesn’t mean they can’t give you unpaid leave anyway. If the partners are generally kind and understanding, they’ll probably give you a few weeks off.

      • Anon for This :

        I worry that although they’re very understanding and supportive as I’ve taken off a day here and there, asking for a few weeks unpaid leave would be too much. I’m the only associate, so I don’t think they could go weeks without any associate at all (not that I in particular am indispensible). They’d feel terrible, but they’d need additional help. I’ve been thinking for a while that being in such a small firm could be difficult once DH and I start a family, and this is driving that home while at the same time reinforcing that my bosses are great people who truly care about me. Guess I can add guilt for wanting to find a new job even after all their support to the list!

        • They could get a contractor.

          It’s worth it to ask. Let them make that decision, not you.

          You’re no use to them if you’re constantly distracted. They’d do well to invest in you by giving you as much time as you *actually* need (which sounds like more than what you’re getting now).

          Big hugs to you. This stuff is really hard. Make sure to take time for yourself, or you won’t be able to help anyone out.

        • I manage people, several of whom are pretty much indispensable, but I’d agree to leave in this situation. You’re a human being first and an employee second, and I care about my staff as human beings first and employees second.

  15. Threadjack!
    Hello Ladies, lurker but now poster who needs help here.
    My friend’s fancy wedding is in a week and a half, and I need. a. dress. Floor length, creme color, and I’m not having any luck. Please, o wise corporetters, help me!
    I’m not looking for a sexy dress but an elegant one. I’m 19 (yes I know I’m a little young…but I’m gonna be a lawyer, that’s why I’m at this community), light, size 6-8, and I’m an hourglass.

    • Um, did your friend ask you to wear a light cream colored dress? Unless that is what she specified its a bit of a faux pas to wear a light or white colored dress to a wedding. Not something I would have known at 19, so, just wanted to pass that along.
      I swear by tadashi shoji for weddings – their jersey gowns are elegant and still sexy… BCBG dresses are a bit too young for my taste these days but would be perfectly lovely on someone your age:

    • afternoon :

      Try a store that sells bridesmaid dresses. Floor length, creme dress sounds kinda weddingish to me.

    • Creme? Like ivory? I wouldn’t wear ivory to someone else’s wedding, unless you are a bridesmaid and that is the color of the bridesmaid dresses…

      I found the “Max and Cleo Ruffle Pleated Anika Gown” on for $145.

      Also, the ABS “vintage vanilla silk chiffon embellished long dress” on bluefly.

      (not linking to avoid getting comment stuck)

    • I don’t know what city you’re in (or your budget) but I found Lord and Taylor amazing in the formal attire department – their midtown store dedicated half of an entire floor to evening wear. Every color, every style.

    • Are you sure you want to wear a cream colored dress to someone’s wedding, esp. floor-length? It could make you look too much like a bride, which is a big no-no for the actual bride!

      For something really simple, check out JCrew (many colors). Or, to avoid looking *too* bridal, maybe something like this could work for you:


      Although, honestly, if it were me (esp. at 19) and I was set on wearing a long dress, I would wear something really fun like this:

      • AIMS, I love that last dress! No idea where I would wear it, and I’m pushing the age envelope, but a great pick nonetheless.

    • Did she ask you to wear cream?


    • Weird my comment is in moderation. Did she ask you to wear that color?

    • I’m always game for vicarious shopping after lunch! A few hits from a quick search:

    • I think this dress is beautiful:

    • Hi, OP here. Thank you SO much, ladies. The dresses are beautiful – I really like this one Fiona suggested – can’t wait to see how it looks on!

      Oh, and by the way, my friend asked me specifically to wear long and creme (or purple, but I don’t like it :D ).
      Thank you for all your help – and if you have any more ideas I’d love to see!


      • Wild. Honestly, I think you’re the bride and asking for us to find you a wedding dress at the last minute. (If so – congratulations!)

  16. I assume you’ve checked the city and state codes for an FMLA-type law? Some jurisdictions have passed their own more generous laws that may allow you some leave.

    I assume the partners understand what’s going on at this point – is there any way at all to maybe take a short leave of absence? I know you feel like you can’t take more time off, and your firm is obviously very small, so while it might not solve all your problems, at least you would be able to breathe a little and get your anxiety under control. Perhaps come up with a plan for having someone handle your pressing matters and how to handle other items? You may even be able to handle some work while on “leave” once you try to plan it. It may be as easy as simply allowing you to have a more flexible schedule (working odd hours and days instead of a regular 9-5).

    You might also think about talking to a professional (i.e., therapist) to help you cope. You shouldn’t try to handle it alone.

  17. Sooooo – I’ve been hosting a foster dog who was living in a puppy mill (for 7 years) and was a total mess when my husband and I got her. She had just turned the corner and it was awesome to watch her confidence grow…and then she got adopted this morning. I’m so happy that she has a permanent home, but I’ve been fighting tears all morning knowing that she won’t be there when I get home tonight. *sigh*

    • TheOtherCoast :

      I’m sorry. That’s rough. On the other hand, thank you for having the courage to become a foster pet owner knowing that you would have to give her back. I don’t have the same courage. It would rip me apart.

    • *hugs* to you EC. You have done such a good thing, for the dog and for her new family. I know this is hard, but you are the one who set the little one up to succeed, and her family will be so grateful to you, I promise! As a pet parent, I am so grateful for folks like you who are dog and cat whisperers, who allow people like me to be a happy pet parent.

    • somewherecold :

      It is so amazing that you were willing to take in an adult dog that has had such a rough life and help her turn around. It sounds like you gave her an excellent start to the next chapter of her life. She is so lucky to have found her way to you and your husband. I would miss her, too, though. *hugs*

    • Anonymous :

      My sympathies. I don’t know how people do the dog foster thing. I can’t imagine making that connection and then having to give up the dog. But as the proud owner of two formerly-foster dogs, I can affirm that you have done an invaluable service to the dog and the new owners.

    • As someone with two rescue dogs who were fostered, thank you! I don’t have the strength that you do – if I ever started fostering, I’d end up with 10 (permanent) dogs. Thank you for making her life better and for giving a family an opportunity to bring a new pet into their lives.

    • Ekaterin Nile :

      That is so generous of you to foster a dog knowing you’ll have to give her up. Congratulations for doing such a great job that she’s going to a permanent home, and a huge hug of sympathy for losing her.

    • fosterpup :

      We fostered a dog starting about four weeks ago. I found her a “permanent” home and then the person we gave her gave her back to us because it didn’t work out for various reasons. I cried like crazy when we gave her up and I can’t give her up again, so now we have three dogs. Our wolf pack.
      You did a great thing! I don’t think I will be able to do it again, but I know how appreciative the permanent owners are.
      As a side note, I had a prof in undergrad that was a foster parent for newborns. I cannot imagine how much more difficult that would be than a puppy… but. I’m a huge sap.

  18. Anony / Depressed Corporette-to-be :

    About 9 months ago I posted on here asking for encouraging stories from people who had battled severe depression and overwhelming circumstances and come out of it with their sanity intact :)

    I just wanted to come back and say that I am better. Things are still very tough. I am still effectively unemployed and in school, but I got through the first year of my PhD program. I have a summer position. I met a great guy about 6 months ago and we’ve been together since then. I thought you ladies who mentioned the men you met in similar situations were CRAZY, lol. It’s funny that it happened to me too.

    I still hope for easier days, and for the dream job. But I’m hanging in there :)
    Thank you again to everyone who posted.

    • I’m so glad to hear that the light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter and brighter. Congratulations on the summer position! Please keep us posted.

  19. “something a little wild, like a hot pink necklace or even a headband”

    haha, I’m sorry but did anyone else pick up on this? I didn’t realize a headband was quite that wild!

    • Maybe it was the hot pink shade of the headband that is considered wild?
      I have seen headbands worn much more frequently these days though, I suppose thanks to Blair Waldorf…

    • lol, right? Headband and wild don’t quite go together for me either.

  20. …hot pink accessories?

    • My thoughts exactly.

    • i don't get it :

      that was my thought. cute shirt I can’t see any good out of styling it two of the suggested ways:

      Styled with Navy: you look a little too patriotic (unless its a 4th of July BBQ and thats what you’re going for).

      Pink accessories: I would assume you are slightly color blind despite that usually occurring in males and I would probably say to myself “poor girl has no idea she grabbed her pink headband instead of red”.

      Maybe someone could pull these two versions off but I just don’t see it.

    • Agreed. My eyebrow is raised.

  21. PSA: DVF is having a private sale. I just got a gorgeous wrap dress for half the price.,default,sc.html

  22. Kate Spade is the best. I love her outlet.

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