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My little preppy heart will never say no to a navy/kelly green combo, and this blazer is right up my alley.
For a slightly boxy jacket like this one, I think it’s important to keep the other pieces of the outfit somewhat slim-fitting, otherwise I end up like a walking rectangle. I would pair this fun blazer with a sheath dress or high-waisted pencil skirt to keep things proportional.
As far as colors go, navy-on-navy would be a great look if you can match it close enough, otherwise I’d probably go for gray or white.
The jacket is $74 at J.Crew Factory and comes in sizes 00–24.
Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Save up to 40% on new markdowns
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Save up to 40% on new markdowns
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
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Moira
This is a cute jacket, love the kelly green.
Question for the group today – What’s one life lesson you’ve learned at work?
I’ll start:
There’s a chasm between “can’t” and “don’t want to put the effort in to do so”. A lot of things are possible with the right, motivated leadership.
Clementine
Most people aren’t any smarter than you, they’ve just been there longer and talk louder.
Anon
I think this one is so important and such a game changer when you realize it.
As part of this, people love to use unnecessary complicated acronyms for stuff that make them sound smarter, and can quickly make you feel in over your head. Stop them and have them spell out the acronyms if you don’t know what they mean. You’re probably not the only one who has no idea what they are talking about, and once it’s spelled out it’s usually a really simple concept.
Anone
+1
Monday
+1 also for jargon and office-speak. Feel free to say what you don’t know, or even act like you don’t know when you do! “When you say operationalize X, what do you mean?” They just mean doing X.
waffles
absolutely agree with this!
anon a mouse
Your job doesn’t love you back. You might have great managers and great colleagues, but at the end of the day the company is there for a purpose — and the purpose is not to make your life better. Make sure you invest in yourself and your interests outside of work.
anon
This. It was a hard lesson to learn, as I’m someone who really values loyalty and went above and beyond for a very long time. Until I burned out so hard that I’m surprised I’m still working there.
No Face
“Your job doesn’t love you back” is a very succinct way to put it.
anon
As some who bought into the big firm lifestyle, this was a painfully true realization for me. The firm was not a family. After years of sacrifice, I made partner but was pushed out less than five years later when management changed and my practice area was no longer valued. I now work in house, but my job is a job not a life, and I am so much happier for it.
Senior Attorney
Yes! And similarly, “don’t care about your client’s case more than your client cares about the case.”
JustmeintheSouth
Give your team the tools to do the job and then let them do it. Let them know they Can do it. No micro managing allowed.
NYNY
Sometimes it’s fine to half-ass it.
Anon
That’s what I’m doing today and I’m hype!
Monday
Great question!
If someone makes a bad proposal or presents a bad idea, you don’t necessarily have to argue against it. Try just not doing anything and see if it’s either forgotten or politely dropped.
You don’t want to be the only person in your office or department who has your credentials and career niche. People may be interested to hear about your work, but you have no professional peer group, no clear path for advancement, and most importantly no mentors who can meaningfully advise you.
Letting someone save face often pays off, no matter how wrong they are.
Anonymous
” the only person in your office or department who has your credentials and career niche. People may be interested to hear about your work, but you have no professional peer group, no clear path for advancement, and most importantly no mentors who can meaningfully advise you.”
That is me. Any advice? Really need it.
Anon
Get that stuff outside of your work? I am the only employment lawyer at my firm. I belong to professional practice groups of other employment lawyers so I can hear what’s going on and bounce things off of other attorneys.
Anon
You cannot talk yourself into a workplace that values you. If you have given it a reasonable amount of time, put in excellent work, and they still aren’t promoting or paying you appropriately – then leave and go to a place that will. Your cogent arguments to your manager are not going to move the needle.
anne-on
Omg yes. It took way too long for me to grasp this. Staying at a firm that underpaid me while I had a young child and could ‘coast’ on the strength of my reputation/had a strong internal network (and benefitted from excellent mat leave and benefits) was not the worst thing, but it stung knowing I was so far below parity salary wise.
Senior Attorney
YES! I often say I left my former firm because of philosophical differences: My philosophy was that I should be compensated fairly, and their philosophy was that I shouldn’t.
Anonymous
It’s okay to take a lunch break.
SSJD
No one cares if you’re having a bad day.
Going to work is a little bit like putting on a persona. Let’s say you get dressed up in a suit for work, or you put on makeup: do a mental version of it as well. Put on a happy face. Be positive.
No one cares if you had a hard morning or your pregnancy has made you miserable or you are unhappy with other aspects of your life. Don’t bring your shit to work.
I used to think that this was being fake, but I learned eventually that everyone deserves to work with upbeat, positive coworkers. I stopped allowing my work self to have moods or to radiate high and low emotions.
This is a broader life lesson, too. People outside of work also deserve a positive, upbeat version of me almost all of the time.
Anonymous
Wow I find this sad!
Anonymous
I like this to a degree. I’m personally fine with coworkers saying “hey, having an off day, can we push the meeting to tomorrow” or things like that, but I agree that it’s not good to explode your personal mood on your team or constantly be miserable. We’ve had a few issues lately where people have been understandably upset about different personal issues to the point where it’s really, really interfering with their work and the team vibe.
anonshmanon
Yeah, being professional is a very useful skill, but it obviously has limits. People do care if, for example, you are dealing with a family crisis. At least in my workplace, tasks get rebalanced to give extra breathing room to those who need it and colleagues are considerate. On the other hand, we often expect staff to go above and beyond, so this is good for balance and longevity.
Anonymous
Absolutely agree. People definitely care, but if you need to step out or take care of yourself, I believe the expectation should be that you do that professionally. Take the time you need, ask for coverage for your work, etc. and people will be happy to help 99% of the time, but if you walk into a meeting and explode your bad mood on everyone in a venting session, that neither helps you nor them.
Anon
I wrote below about helping a friend who was going through a crisis. I do agee that people need to keep it together in general.
Anon
Ohhhh – that’s not true. I care. If I know that my colleague is struggling, I try to help them. People aren’t machines. I had a close work friend who struggled with depression. I definitely picked up some work for her while she dealt with it. Now she’s killing it as an EVP, and she’s successfully managing her mental health. I’m happy I could help her.
Anonymous
You are not indispensable. You can and should take off-the-grid vacations, but it’s on you and only you to set that boundary.
Anon
I don’t know if I learned it at work, but I have seen this illustrated repeatedly during my career: life is not a meritocracy.
Anon
There are no gold stars for working the most, or the hardest – you get promoted because people like you. Don’t be a jerk, or ignore opportunities to chit chat with the bosses because you have ‘too much to do.’
good luck
+1
This is so true.
I worked the most, and the hardest, and had the best outcomes. But that actually worked against me at times and made people defensive. The “Have a great day!!” person who I helped each time she struggled, and gave thoughtful career advice to, played “the game” well, will always do better in the game than me.
Anon
This is so so true
Anonymous
From a former boss: No one ever regretted they didn’t spend more time at work.
Take the maternity leave, the sabbatical, the holiday
Apply for jobs you don’t think you’re qualified for
Don’t hang around for elusive promotions that you need to “earn”, but others somehow are “ready for”
You bring value to the company…don’t sell yourself short
There is always life outside “whatever place you work for”
anonnnn
My job does not define me.
Allie
Keep focused on “what are we going to do now.” People can be ridiculous, projects can get messed up, people can have said one things and then totally backtrack, just keep focusing on what you need to do to move things forward well. There are no bonus points for convincing a ridiculous person that they’re being ridiculous.
pugsnbourbon
Yep. Internally acknowledge that someone is a turd but keep moving.
Ellen
I have decided that I do NOT have to do everything I am asked to do at work if I am to busy to focus on it when people ask me to do things for them.
By the same token, the same will apply in my personal life, where I have often just done what freinds and family want me to do for them. Even in the boyfreind situation, I no longer will just do what he wants me to do and/or when he wants me to do it if I do not want to do it. That is only fair as I have a brain also and do not want to be take advantage of any more by men.
I have learned this b/c of the pandemic, and b/c YOLO (you only live once). Why should I do anything more? I should NOT.
Anonymous
No one is irreplaceable. Consequently, take that vacation, work can survive without you for a week or two. But also, even people with seemingly unique skillsets can and will get fired if they cross enough lines or slack off enough.
Anon
As a manager – the people who work the longest hours tend to be the people who can’t get their jobs done during the day. It’s not impressive to always be the last person in the office.
Anonymous
+1. Long hours are inversely associated with productivity in my office.
Anon
I grew up hearing that I should be the first to arrive and the last to leave. I hate ghat mentality.
Anon
This is true about me. I have ADHD and take way more breaks than I probably should, usually for the shiny thing like FB or here. I’m in the office longer to hit my billable hours. My hours in the office do not come close to matching my billable hours.
Anon
Done is better than perfect.
An.On.
There are VERY few times that you need to be/should be (visibly) angry at someone, and you need to be judicious about when to go there.
Most times you’ll be better off giving someone the benefit of the doubt, or exercising some restraint, and you’ll get better service going forward if you do. That being said, there’s always going to be an exception! I still remember being an attorney in my first year of practice and having to tell opposing counsel with 20+ years of experience not to talk to me that way.
Ribena
The difference between being kind and being nice.
Anonymous
If one of your reports is not performing, don’t assume the worst. I have often found that people are dealing with something big personally. While I don’t believe employees need to share personal details, I do believe in checking in and seeing what I can do to help.
Don’t assume the other party understands you or the issue in the same way you do. Check signals. There is a balance between being condescending and helpful. Work on finding the right balance. It can be so helpful in ensuring things don’t go off the rails without you knowing it.
Jane
Since I’ve read here before that many of you own rental properties, I’ve a question for y’all. I’m thinking if it’d make sense to buy property in DC. I used to live in DC and I think my career might take me back there though currently live in and work remotely from another city, a 2 hour flight away. I own a house in my current city. Assuming it’s not crazy price-wise right now from what I’m reading about most people wanting to move out of cities to suburbs, thinking i should be able to get something around 500k in a decent location. Unless I’m back in the city for work, id be renting the property. Welcome any and all advice and anecdata.
anon a mouse
Not sure your price point is realistic. You may be able to get a condo for that but condo buildings may have restrictions on rentals, so you’ll want to understand that.
Generally speaking, DC has some of the most tenant-friendly laws in the nation. It’s difficult, nearly impossible, to evict someone. Which is not an issue if you have a good tenant but very expensive if you have a bad one.
anon
I suspect the key to making this work is having a property management company that you trust, and that manages transparently and to your (realistic) expectations. I won’t buy property that far away from me because I won’t be able to see how it’s doing or easily check that repairs have been done satisfactorily. Not that I check as much as I should on the rental house I have in my own city of residence, but it’s easier to do so as the house is 15 min away from me.
A friend had a rental house in a different state and the level of stress involved when repairs had to be done was significant. She’s been much happier since she sold the house.
Anonymous
Is $500k including HOA and property management fees?
No Problem
Check out the Investopedia article “How to Value Real Estate Investment Property.” It goes into all the financial metrics of investment properties to determine whether a purchase price is a good value. Cap rate, net operating income (NOI), etc.
But the bottom line is that prices are still quite high in DC despite people moving to the ‘burbs. $500k might buy you a condo, but definitely not a house in a nice area – or most areas really. My friends bought a house for the low $500s 5 years ago in NE DC (not a bad neighborhood but not a nice one either). The house was move-in ready but they have still spent $$$ on repairs – not even upgrades, just repairs (roof, HVAC, etc.). It’s now worth over $600k just due to market appreciation. I don’t think they could buy anything for $500k in their neighborhood now and have it be in reasonable working order.
You can probably charge enough rent on a $500k property to cover the mortgage, but only barely. And condo fees can be enormous, so even if you can cover the mortgage, you may not be able to cover that plus $500/month in condo fees. You’re not going to have much in the way of cash flow, if any at all. The other poster is correct that many condo buildings have restrictions on the number of units that can be rentals. But if the point is to buy something now that you will move into in a couple years when (not if) you move to the city, then maybe you’re ok with that.
Anonymous
Seconding this. You could maybe afford a condo. We bought our townhouse in DC for 500K seven years ago, prices in our neighborhood are now at 900K for similar. Sure DC suburb prices are insane now, but they’ve always been, in DC prices are insane too, and I don’t think DC has seen the same flight other cities have. If anything I’m continually shocked by how expensive it continues to be. My friends just bought a not great townhouse off H street for 900K.
Anon
I hear you — I wonder, in a city where a GS 12 is a good job, how can people afford this? It can’t all be a bunch of 20-ish people sharing the rent 8 ways and surely not everybody but me has a trust fund??? It’s not like SF where you have tech IPO $ or other places where things are insane but explanable. DC baffles me.
Anonymous
Those GS-12s live in Loudon Co.
No Problem
But it’s not a GS12 buying an $800k townhouse. It’s one of the thousands of biglaw lawyers or lobbyists or defense contractors making bank that are buying. There are A LOT of very high income people in DC.
Anon
Guessing, but don’t a lot of people go into public service after making it in the private sector? I’d suspect more money in the bank and less from actual jobs.
Anon
there are just a ton of big law lawyers and lobbyist in the city. The only people I know who own in the city either spent at least 4-5 years in biglaw (and normally that is both half’s of the couple) or purchased over 10 years ago in an unhip areas that has since gentrified.
Anon
My guess is that the GS12s all drive in from Frederick or Springfield or elsewhere or do the sluglines (or did, in prior times), which is why the traffic is so horrendous and people are willing to pay a premium if they can afford it to live where there is Metro. I used to have to take the metro away from DC to be able to get on an inbound train in the morning.
For govt people — if you are detailed to DC, what sort of housing differential do you get now?
Cornellian
I’ve only lived in NYC and Austin domestically as an adult, but I think for a lot of those places, people make bank in the private sector and then move over. There is certainly a fair amount of trust funds, as well, but I don’t think GS 12s own there unless they’re married to another or spent 5 years in BigLaw/etc first.
That’s what I did in Austin, and the only reason I can live here on my government salary.
anon a mouse
A single GS-12 won’t buy an 800K house, but two GS-12s (making combined $174K minimum) with no other debt can easily afford it, especially with interest rates so low and if they have family money. But to the other posters’ points, there is just so much money in this area, and far more demand than supply. So much money from earnings, and SO MUCH family money.
Anon
I kind of forget that there are rich people in DC b/c I never saw them, but then if you go around to Mazza Gallerie and Tysons II and see how many $$$ private schools there are, those people aren’t with me trudging to the bus to the metro in the morning. But there is just a lot of $ chasing not a lot of real estate.
Anonymous
We have rental condos. You will either need a local property manager or will need to be able travel to the area when you are interviewing new prospective tenants or dealing with property maintenance issues.
Anon
I have rentals, and am a big fan of real estate as an investment, personally. But, there are caveats – first, the old location adage. If you’re not in a great location, it’s going to be a million times harder and not nearly as profitable long term. It’s also very hands-on. When you have a tenant, it can be easy enough to virtually arrange for repairs and/or have them handle (and deduct from rent) but in between, you need to be more on site. You also need to like property and fixing stuff (you can hire it out, I have an exceptional contractor (a couple actually) and handypeople) but you need to learn what are musts and what can wait. You also need to keep cash on hand – repairs pop up, appliances need replacing, tenants move out of the blue and you need to turn the place (that always costs money). Finally, depending on your jurisdiction it really helps to understand landlord/tenant laws. I love all of this stuff – I find it satisfying to be able to see and put my hands on my investments. I’m also in a great location value wise. But it’s very hands on. And I probably don’t beat the market (but I really know what I’m doing in this space so I prefer that).
Anon
Long comment in moderation about being a LL. Just read the other comments and will pile on that condos generally disfavor rentals and even if it’s permitted at purchase, they can change the rules later in many cases. I’d stay away from a condo if you want to rent out a place. Better play is buy a SFH or a duplex. Also, with rent control (check that out in DC, it sure if they have it) I would never buy a place I wanted to actually live in because it can be extremely difficult to evict and get your property back.
My TL/DR being a LL is great but don’t be an accidental one, there’s a lot of traps for the unwary.
Anon
DC has some pretty onerous landlord-tenant laws (including a ROFO if you ever want to sell and cash out). I rented out my place in Arlington but if I had had a place in DC, I could see it being harder to value (they have weird business registration rules also). Renting only works for me though b/c I have the world’s best tenants ever (one WFH so can let in any workers) and the rent is insanely low (enough to cover my costs basically, since I’m mainly keeping it for when I move back), so if anything breaks (it will!), they do not call up screaming in the middle of the night. Get good insurance and an umbrella policy. And watch the movie Pacific Heights before deciding if landlording is right for you. It can go so, so, so very wrong (basement apartment had some HVAC thing go wrong and I got 2″ of water and endless mold; LL was a small owner, so had no other apartment for me to go to; it was very disruptive).
Anon
Are you talking about a condo? Because it’s near impossible to find a house for less than $800k in the even moderately unpopular areas. I would start by looking on Redfin at what you realistically could eat for $500k, cause that’s likely a one bedroom condo. Is that what you want? For what it’s worth, I’ve seen a tiny dip in condo prices in DC and a huge increase in home prices this year.
Anon
Confirmed on the home prices. I’m the LL above and just had someone offer me 800K for my lot (like for tearing down my house). IDK how people are tracking me down, but that would be great for cashing out but I’m expecting to be detailed back at some point (ditto my other government worker / military friends who do this; they confirm that if you sell, you will need to go back and if you’re used to the orange/blue ones, you won’t be happy driving in from Manassas).
Anonymous
People think owning property is glamorous with extra money coming in, but that wasn’t my experience with two properties over 5 years. Managing from out of state was difficult and costly; finding property managers you could truly rely on and TRUST was next to impossible; and all it takes is one bad tenant to wipe out any positive income for the year. And bad tenants happen in any income bracket – our properties were very nice homes in very nice neighborhoods – but that didn’t stop one of them from doing $10k worth of damage and the other from apparently living in a vat of cat pee. Seriously, so difficult. So not worth it.
Anon
I don’t think DC is seeing the exodus from the city that other areas may be. I don’t know if it’s because federal workers assume they will still have to be in the office most day post-covid? Because many of those on moderate budgets were already pushed out of the city? Anyways, I would do some research because I think your premise that prices in DC are down is accurate.
Anon
I think that DC really just has a constant churn of people coming and going. I was sad in a way b/c even if you had good friends, you knew they’d likely move home or even further out over time, so it’s not like you were ever done putting yourself out there. OTOH, I had a blast there — way too many social events, but when you are new in a big city where you have just a job and zero other connections, that’s how it’s done.
Anon
How old were you when you moved away? I saw that in my 20s, but it really stopped once my friends were in their 30s. It seems like if people stay in the DC area till 35+, they stay for good.
Anon
Almost 34, so I guess I jumped too soon. I really didn’t want to leave, but had a good work opportunity that required a move.
Katie
Prices are up in DC. Amazon coming to town has caused a spike. DC doesn’t see the bubble pop the way other places do, simply because government jobs will always exist. Nobody is uprooting the government or defense spending. There are a zillion advanced degrees here, very high-paid people, and loads of generational wealth.
My husband and I are starting the process to buy here (our jobs are here and we are pretty well rooted to the area, though we do not have the type of wealth stated above) and generally, I do not recommend. It’s super competitive and supply is very limited.
Anon
In DC a condo in a nice neighborhood is going to maybe cost you 500k. But the problem is that the housing market is hot right now but the rental market isn’t. So all the rental buildings are offering deals. If you’re going to rent the condo out, you’re going to have trouble finding a renter to cover the mortgage plus maintenance charges because they can rent an apartment in a luxury building at a good price.
No Face
Don’t light yourself on fire to keep your employer warm. No one will protect my well-being and advance my personal goals more than me.
No Face
Augh, nesting fail. This is for life lessons learned at work.
Anonymous
This one is worthy of its own thread.
anon
I’m taking a vacation day tomorrow to decompress. Spouse is working at home, but my kids will be at school. What would you do? The weather is supposed to be sunny and chilly. My issue is that I am flat-out exhausted and worn down from, well, everything. I’m in no mood to interact with anyone but I don’t want to stay in bed all day. I need a plan or I’ll end up frittering the day away on chores and house projects.
Anon
I’d get a massage.
Panda Bear
Bundle up, put on comfy shoes, and take a leisurely walk while listening to a funny/interesting podcast or audiobook.
NY CPA
+1 – I had a week off recently and did this every day and it was so refreshing. Also, if you have any jigsaw puzzles, I really enjoyed doing those as something to concentrate on that wasnt a screen.
Anon
I had a day like this last week. Was totally burnt out (it was my first day off in 19 days!).
I got a pedicure, went to a bakery and got a fancy coffee and a fancy pastry and ate in the park, walked and browsed in a few cute boutiques and bought myself something small (a pack of very pretty notecards), came home and read a book and then met friends for happy hour.
Obviously this is dependent on your comfort level – I’m fully vaccinated (as are all of my friends)
In-House in Houston
I would get up and spend the day doing whatever you want to do, but leave the house for sure. Start with coffee/breakfast somewhere. Then maybe a massage, then I would do some shopping – just wander. Maybe have hubby meet you with the kids somewhere for a nice dinner?
No Face
I want to take a long, leisurely, relaxed walk through my local botanical gardens. Then, I want to pick up some phenomenal take out and eat at home. Then sleep or watch a movie that no one else in my house would like.
Anon
Long walk, afternoon glass of wine, play music and dance around the house without anyone there.
anon a mouse
What’s a food that you’ve been missing or craving? Is there a restaurant that you really like but spouse/kids don’t? Get takeout and go to a park, maybe one you haven’t been to before, and enjoy a picnic (weather permitting). If not takeout, maybe a fancy coffee drink?
SSJD
I had two days like this recently (my PTO that was going to expire). I am not vaccinated yet (got my first shot last week), so I found beautiful places to explore and spent hours outdoors, walking. I went to residential neighborhoods with quirky/fancy architecture and just wandered. I also thought about visiting a sculpture garden, but then it rained. Due to the weather I watched “Rain Man” which I had borrowed from the library on DVD and wanted to view. (It holds up as a nice movie with a really sensitive, human depiction of autism.)
Another
I’m thinking of doing this next week. Weather permitting, I want to go to a nursery and buy pretty flowers and plant them in a vacant patch in my yard. I will be outside, doing something that doesn’t need to be done but will make me smile when I see it. Very different from, say, weeding flowerbeds or other garden “chores.”
Anonymous
I would try for a dose of sunshine and fresh air, food and drink that feels like a treat, something for your body, and something for your mind. Maybe that’s getting nice takeout sushi and eating in the park (sunshine, food); a long walk (sunshine, body), or getting a good coffee and settling down on your sofa with a book or magazine.
A.
Get outdoors in a way that feels good for you. Read in a comfy spot and let it turn into a long nap. Order in great food for lunch. I like having the time for a longer-than-usual workout but that could also be an outdoor activity. Get a pedicure if that feels pandemic-appropriate.
Anan
I like to get outside too. And maybe bake something. And read, maybe even pick up a stack of magazines to flip through.
But, I also like to pick one (just one!) small house project/ chore to knock out so that it’s not hanging over my head later on. Preferably not something on the computer, because that’s a time suck. But chores like rotate out the kids’ clothes, clean out the linen closet, get my oil changed- something not too mentally taxing that will take 90 mins at most.
Pompom
Coffee and a puzzle/podcast, take a walk, have a nooner, and do a bath (or a full shower…you know the one) that allows you to relax, reset, and pamper yourself. Plan takeout for dinner and eat outside if you can.
In-House in Houston
Has anyone tried the Lumen metabolism device that is all over social media lately? It’s a device that you blow into and then an app tells you (supposedly) whether you’re burning fat or carbs at that specific moment. It’s supposed to help you decide what to eat or if you should exercise. It’s not cheap ($250) but it sounds like if it really worked, it could be a game changer for weight loss. Wondering if anyone has tried it or knows someone who has tried it. TIA!
Anon
1000% woo.
Anonymous
This is so obviously nonsense
Anonymous
That sounds like 100% garbage.
Anon
I hadn’t heard of it before but the reviews on Amazon are atrocious. It seems like you could buy a ketone breathalyzer if your goal is to help detect when you’re in ketosis.
Anon
I was going to mention this. Testing for ketosis is a real thing. I’m not sure fat vs. carbs is a real thing.
Senior Attorney
Yeah you can buy 100 ketostix for like ten bucks.
Fun fact: Peeing on those sticks is HIGHLY REINFORCING when you’re doing the keto diet!
Anonymous
Just have your spouse or roommate smell your breath every so often.
Anon
So long as they know that bad breath is a bad sign (of protein breakdown). The acetones that indicate successful ketosis should have a slightly fruity smell.
Anonymous
How on earth would this be a ‘game changing’? Weight loss does not depend on your breath at any particular moment. Eat real food in reasonable portions. Do some activity every day. That’s it. Fad/crash diets do not work. A plate half filled with veggies, and the other half with lean protein and reasonable amount of carbs is just how people have to eat their whole lives. It’s not about blowing into a device or 14 day challenges or cutting out whole food groups.
anon
THANK YOU. I am currently trying to lose my covid 19 weight, and I am SO NOT INTERESTED in keto, IF, or whatever else is the fad of the moment. I can’t sustain that other stuff for a lifetime, there is no point.
Anon
Maintenance phase has been a great podcast to have on in the background to reinforce this. Plus, the hosts are entertaining.
Elle
It’s one of my favorite podcasts!!
anonshmanon
the sister podcast You’re Wrong About is equally snarky.
Senior Attorney
You’re Wrong About is my super fave.
Anonymous
Didn’t you just ask this a couple days ago? Are you trying to promote the product?
Anon
I would invest in a continuous blood glucose monitor before I would invest in this. It’s a real medical device, and you can use it to evaluate your diet in terms of how it affects your blood sugar (which you can use as a proxy for insulin, since you lose weight when insulin levels are low, but not when they are elevated).
Anonymous
I haven’t heard of it until you posted about it recently, so I looked it up. It gave me Theranos vibes so…. not good, to put it lightly.
Deedee
Suggestions for great 30th bday gifts? My spouse is turning 30 soon and feeling a bit bummed out about it. Our plan pre-pandemic had been an international trip, which now is indefinitely postponed. We’re not really “staycation people,” especially bc we have been WFH together for 14 months & don’t need quality time!
He’s a big reader, sharp dresser, and likes hiking, meditation, running, biking, fishing, bird watching… We love to cook and keep a well decorated house, but I feel like cookware, etc. is not really a personal gift for him. He’s headed back to school this summer so money will be tighter and he has all the tech and study supplies he needs.
Budget probably $300 and under. TIA for your thoughts!
Anon
What about a local trip? Sounds like he’s outdoorsy – I’d find a cabin a few hours away and go there for the weekend.
Anon
Would be like some form of a Yeti cooler, given he sounds pretty outdoorsy?
As an aside, I love that he enjoys bird watching.
Cat
Have photos from your trips or hikes printed out & framed?
Anonymous
I’d get him something good for hiking/camping, like a new Osprey daypack, a water filter, a nice knife, or similar.
good luck
Or one of those sleep hammocks!
Anonymous
What about a flat-top grill? My husband has really enjoyed his.
Anonymous
An owl house?
Anonymous
For my spouse’s 30th birthday I bought 30 presents- a mix of higher and lower end stuff and wrapped them all for him to open throughout the day. Think a mix of fancy beer, fun snacks, sports team clothes, other random stuff. None of them were particularly amazing presents but he just loved the presentation and the idea of 30 things to open.
Anon
I feel like this is an REI trip + a very nice dinner somewhere. Google Edisto Treehouses and see if that can’t be on his bucket list (it’s not for everyone).
anon for this
I’ve seen people do virtual cooking classes where they send you the ingredients and walk you through it. A friend did macarons and it looked really fun. Could you do something like that?
Anonymous
An experience gift? An outdoors rock-climbing (or learn to climb) trip or a luxe glamping/ cabin trip? Plus, of course, a small and useful piece of gear for it.
anon.
Nice dinner with 30 scratch off lottery tickets. It’s fun – my husband loves to get them and won’t buy them for himself.
Mal
How about a nice piece of luggage (maybe a carry-on/hang luggage?) that he can use for future trips? I got my guy one of these and it’s great: https://badbags.com/collections/the-originals
notinstafamous
What about a Muse – it gamifies meditation and it sounds ridiculous but is actually really helpful: https://choosemuse.com/.
Anan
Any food subscriptions he might like? I got my husband one of those Beer of the Month things and he enjoyed that. I’ve also done coffee subscription.
Deedee
Thanks, all! Love the idea of lottery tickets, which might get a chuckle and framed photos, since he’ll likely be moving away temporarily for school.
Anonymous
I am thinking of looking for a new gym because mask wearing rules are not enforced in my current gym. I have asked the staff about it, but their response is that they can’t stop people from pulling down their masks while working out.
Is this typical, or am I likely to be able to find a gym that enforces mask wearing?
Anonymous
This is really a local issue none of us can help with. In my area mask wearing is enforced very well. But there are still occasional lapses. You’ll have to call and visit other gyms.
biggest balls in the room
I have yet to see any enforcement of mask mandates in gyms. I’ve toured several since things started reopening, and it’s a no go for me. Whether it’s a large chain gym or boutique style, it’s just not happening in my area (SEUS). I finally bit the bullet and ordered home gym equipment that works for my needs.
Anonymous
Does your locality have a mask mandate in place that covers exercise? Mine doesn’t and I think any staff I spoke to would laugh at me if I said something.
Anonymous
Seems location dependent. I am in DC and my gym is super strict about masking. In the beginning people weren’t as great about it, but in the last few months I haven’t ever been uncomfortable by people taking their mask off for too long to get a drink or wearing it incorrectly.
anonnnn
I think you are going to be disappointed. My OTF studio enforces mask wearing while in line to get checked in, while moving between stations, and while exiting, but not while working out. I don’t think the other gyms in my area are any more strict re: wearing while working out.
Anon
I’m in Jersey just outside NYC, and we quit our CrossFit gym because of this (so did a number of other people). The owner thinks that if you’re working out, your body can fight off anything and there’s no reason to be worried. He didn’t enforce masks and most of the staff didn’t after a few weeks either.
My husband and I went for a while when gyms opened up, but they kept programming partner workouts or workouts that required sharing equipment like rowers, so social distance was nearly impossible. We bit the bullet and bought our own kettlebells for at home.
Anonymous
Are you sure you’re not in Idaho where my best friend lives? Her Crossfit gym did the exact same thing, never did any masks, with the added bonus of encouraging members to join a group that literally intimidated a peaceful BLM protest with guns slung over their shoulders. It was despicable. She’s never going back to them.
Anonymous
There is a big difference between not requiring masks (which my SEUS Crossfit gym did not) and engaging in horribly racist activities…
ChiAnon
the two seem correlated though…
Anonymous
True, but it’s not like Crossfit is known for being not racist.
Anonymous
I think there’s a lot of overlap between people who refuse to wear masks and people who are racist. I think it’s the center part of the Venn diagram and you can label it “stupidity.”
Anon
Agree that this is local. I’m in Denver and my gym has been very strict on masking. We have an indoor mask mandate and the owner is not interested in being shut down, which has happened to other gyms that are more lenient on masking.
Anon
I think you’re going to be fighting an uphill battle, but you may be able to find a situation that you’re more comfortable with. I’d just start calling around and saying “what is your masking policy and how do you handle noncompliance?” then get a daypass for places that seem promising.
I’m in IL and even though we have a general mask requirement, at gyms you’re allowed to remove your mask and work out once you’re in your own 6 ft space under the requirement, so it’s on gyms to introduce their own policies that may be stricter. I’m not comfortable with a room full of unmasked people yet, but the barre studio I go to is offering certain designated “mask required” classes (the rest are mask optional) as well as outdoor classes.
Anon
Definitely call around/check social media. I am in MO and it really varies between places. We have a city mask mandate, but it does allow exercise without masks indoors if you’re 6 feet apart. Some places require no masks ever (and are way closer than 6ft even during workouts, some only in common areas/while setting up, and some the whole time. Some places are outdoor only. Lots of differences even in a relatively liberal but small college town.
LaurenB
Are you referring to barre3 in the western suburbs? I’ve been so pleased with them – they take Covid seriously.
Anonymous
My gym in ATL strictly enforces mask-wearing and has a lot of other strict Covid-prevention protocols in place, but it’s a pretty special place and also extremely expensive. I know the Crossfit in the same neighborhood is not requiring masks inside and I see their members running unmasked in tight groups regularly. There does seem to be a weird attitude among people who work out that that alone will protect them.
Anonymous
This is why I gave up on the gym for the time being. I love group fitness classes so much, but it’s just not worth the risk and the worry right now. For now, it’s Yoga With Adriene and the Les Mills app for me.
Trixie
Wait until you are fully vaccinated, and then figure out the gym thing. I am fully vaccinated, but I m not returning to the gym until Covid rates are lower in my county.
Anon
I think it’s tough with a gym. Our local university gym is super strict about masks (they’re required and you will get yelled at if it’s below your nose) but you can’t work out there unless you’re connected to the university (normally it’s open to the public but not now). I think your best bet is finding a fitness studio (like yoga, barre, ballet) that offers “mask required” classes. I live in a deep red state that currently has no mask mandate and 90% of people here are acting like there’s no pandemic and even I was able to find a studio that offers a few mask required classes. Even in a red state where there’s a small number of people who want to wear masks, there’s a market for it because people who want to wear masks won’t take a class without masks. So offering both is a win-win for the studio. My hair salon also has “mask required” hours and “no mask” hours and I patronize the mask required hours. (Fwiw, I’m fully vaccinated but don’t plan to gather indoors with unvaccinated people without masks until my kid is vaccinated and/or the Covid numbers come way, way down.)
Mattress help
I’m finally replacing my mattress but overwhelmed by all the choices out there. Any favorites/ recommendations appreciated!
Anone
We have a Purple and really like it. The best part for me is that it stays cool at night. I don’t wake up in the middle of the night overheated the way I did with our old memory foam mattress.
Anonymous
We have a Saatva Loom & Leaf and I love it so much. It’s also a wire cutter rec.
Anon
I always get the hotel collections/ a real mattress
Mattress help
Which one though?
Anon
It’s been ages but Macy’s used to sell the Heavenly bed collection from the Westin. I always found their mattresses really comfortable and went with it. I love a pillow top (contra the below and find they hold up) and also add a feather bed mattress topper on top of that (I like sleeping in a hotel cloud, and so does my husband, fortunately)
Mattress help
Thanks!
Anonymous
Leesa hybrid or legend (NOT the original)
pugsnbourbon
We got a Helix and really like it.
Anon
+1 we got a Helix last year and I like it.
Anon
I am also overwhelmed in my mattress search, and very unhappy with most mattresses no longer being able to be flipped over to get more use out of them. Get that pillow-topped nonsense out of here!
Anon
+1000
BabyAssociate
I recently bought a Novaform mattress from Costco. The price was right for me, I just couldn’t stomach paying $$$ for a mattress even though I know it’s worth it given that I’ll use it every day! Most importantly, the also delivered it to my fourth floor walk-up. I really like it, but with the major caveat that I prefer a very, very firm mattress.
Mal
I also have this mattress – the Comfort Grande. The price was right and the comfort is good (I like medium firmness).
Anonymous
Plushbeds latex. Love.
Anon
https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B0861HBXCD/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1
Amazing and so much less expensive than many we looked at. My friend has had hers for 7 years. We got ours in October and it’s great.
AnonMPH
I don’t know if you’ll see this so late, but we got a WinkBed mattress and it is really fabulous. Also got totally overwhelmed by all the options/reviews and I don’t even know how I made the decision in the end but it’s great. I will say, I think the position you sleep in matters a lot. I’m a side sleeper now, and this mattress would have been too soft back when I still mainly slept on my stomach. But for my side it’s amazing.
anon
Suggestions for a gift for a sis in law for her upcoming May birthday? She’s normally a travel, Chicago Cubs (and some hockey), Wine and socializing with friends kind of gal. Obviously the pandemic has cramped her style, and she’s missing her former life. As such I’d like to put a little effort into her birthday for something special. Budget at $50 so looking for something small but fun. Her taste is modern but with color and her new house is well decorated. She’s not a flower person. Her taste also runs richer than mine (ha!) so I’m always floundering for present ideas.
She just stocked up on wine, so unless it’s an amazing bottle of red I think that’s out.
She has two kids under 4. I’m thinking I’ll arrange with the husband and offer to babysit while he takes her out. I would like a small gift to pair with that as well.
anon
Also she doesn’t actually live in Chicago anymore! Different state, but the love of her home team remains.
Curious
Following because I have a sister with a birthday coming up too! Mine really likes to give me very unique personalized things from boutiques or Etsy — is that something yours would value?
Anonymous
Set of outdoor glasses/ plates for summer socializing? Or a nice outdoor blanket? It’s always nice to have an extra
Anonymous
I’ve ordered drinkware (etched with outline of yankee stadium) as a gift, from Uncommon Goods. Huge hit . They may have options for the Cubs!
Anon
I have fancy taste and while $50 won’t go too far, it will get you Aesop hand cream in a lovely box. It’s delightful to keep on a desk, and splurgy.
Patricia Gardiner
Recently I’ve been ordering drink ware etched with the recipient’s city on Etsy- has been received well so far!
A.
Can you get Chicago food that she loves delivered to her? I’m thinking Giordano’s pizza (they used to send these next-day air) or Garrett’s popcorn?
In Person Guidelines
So…my government agency is my very red state is going back to some in person hearings (admin law) within the next month or so. Please don’t point out the obvious recklessness of this, as I have absolutely no control over this decision. Way out of my paygrade. That said, I have been giving the task of drafting some preliminary rules for in person proceedings. I literally have 48 hours to put something together. I’m going to all the usual sources of info (CDC, state specific sites, etc.) but would love input from other legal professionals on what would make them feel better about being in-person. My agency provides hearing officers for other state agencies. For the most part, these hearings will be held at other venues. I’m looking for suggestions to provide to these venues. I have the basics: social distancing, masks, hand sanitizer, entry points, only electronic exhibits. What am I missing? Is there anything that would be on your must list.
In Person Guidelines
*given the task. Sorry, not enough coffee this morning.
Anonymous
I don’t think this is obviously reckless. Get yourself vaccinated and you’re good to go. I disagree with only electronic exhibits you don’t get covid from a piece of paper. Require masks. Space things out. Carry on.
Anon
+1
Cat
I mean- are vaccines readily available near you? This kind of thing seems less and less reckless…
What employers in my area are doing currently (aside from your list) is requiring people who go into the building to answer basic questions about any symptoms or known exposure, and limiting capacity on floors.
Cornellian
Speaking from an agency in another red state, vaccines are available but a lot of people (including lawyers and other agency workers) aren’t getting them.
OP- maybe provide masks in case people can’t wear them? If your state can’t enforce mask wearing, maybe face shields as a mildly protective alternative? Also, to the extent youc an control windows, have them be opened to the extent possible?
anon
I would want appropriate masking (covering nose and mouth) required at all times.
Also, there should be a way to reschedule without penalty, so if ANY participant has even minor symptoms, they reschedule.
Anonymous
YES to rescheduling without penalty. In fact, there should be a penalty for participants who show up sick.
Anokha
If there’s a way to limit the number of people in a room at the time, that would make me feel better.
Anon
My state is waiting until June to do this so that everyone who wants a vaccine will have had a chance to get both and wait the two weeks after. So, if you have any say in this part of the procedure, I’d say any continuance request because a party or counsel is pending full vaccination should be granted so no one is forced to come in until they are fully vaccinated. There should also be procedures in place for those that need medical accommodations (super high risk or can’t get a vaccine for legit reasons and afraid to go in person.)
For trials that are going forward here (for those that all consent) side bars are done out in a hallway away from the jury so that no one has to be in each other’s face whispering.
busybee
I’m not sure how this is reckless. We are doing in person hearings, including jury trials. We wear masks. Voir dire is conducted remotely and jurors sit all over the courtroom, not just in the box. We have elevator capacity requirements and hearing times are staggered so we don’t have the usual call of the list with dozens of people waiting. It’s been completely fine.
Anonymous
My state courts has been having in person hearings (in addition to some by webex) for a while (we STILL don’t have e-filing and our rural counties are very red, so this is not shocking). When I’ve gone: Masks required, plexiglass dividers at counsel table and around judge, witness stand, court reporter, etc., temperature checks on the way into the courthouse, assigned times for hearings and told to show up only at your assigned time so the only people in the courtroom are the attorneys for your case +court staff (so none of the big calendar calls where you and a bunch of attorneys sit around for hours on end, which let’s be honest, were a giant waste of time and why didn’t we just implement assigned times before a pandemic?), social distancing enforced (except at counsel table where it’s impossible–I had to sit next to attorney from my office, even though we hadn’t seen each other in person in months before hearing, for example). Electronic exhibits would be nice, but we have handed up paper copies of things to the judge, which doesn’t really concern me with the limited evidence of spread on surfaces and the masks+plexiglass dividers (there’s a slot at the bottom to slide things under, basically like a bank teller).
No Face
I’ve attended in-person proceedings recently. With masks covering nose and mouth at all times, distancing, and limits on the people in the room, I don’t think it is a problem actually. Admin hearings usually don’t have that many people involved anyway.
No Face
Also, there is a low risk of covid spread on surfaces, so I would not prohibit paper exhibits. Just provide sanitizer.
Anon
Many of our courts have been in person for a long time and many seem to be handling it well. Require masks and distancing, limit the number of people in the room/building, allow some flexibility if people get sick day of, etc. I don’t think only electronic exhibits should be required, but encouraged (doesn’t seem that contact with items increases risk, and if you have sanitizer, it seems fine).
Anone
How do I get over my attraction to my therapist? I have been seeing him since July 2020. I first hired him as a therapist for my teenage son, then ended up – in January 2021 or so – seeing him for my own therapy sessions. He’s a very nice man, not physically attractive, but a great listener (of course), very insightful, patient and nonjudgmental. We have a great rapport and I’ve told him things that I have never told anyone else, or maybe one other person in my life. He has never said or done anything inappropriate or line-crossing, and neither have I, although he has referred clients to me and I to him. We are now connected on LinkedIn and he could probably be an excellent referral source for me, as I practice guardianship and family law which is often needed by therapy clients. Unfortunately, over the past 5-6 weeks I’ve started feeling sexual attraction for him, including thinking about him when I’m not with him, fantasizing about him and planning the outfits I’ll wear when I see him next. I researched this problem and have found it is very common to be attracted to your therapist, due to the sort of intimacy that is created in therapy. However, it is making me uncomfortable. I really would like to not be attracted to him so that I can continue therapy without distraction and avoid having these feelings grow more intense. How do I rid myself of these feelings without stopping therapy? It has been hard for me to find a therapist with whom I have this level of trust and rapport and I value our (professional) relationship. Please don’t be harsh, as I am really struggling with this issue.
anonnnn
This is tough, but I think you need to find a new therapist. Not on purpose, but I have always ended up with female therapists. Perhaps it’s best to go that route next?
Anone
Yeah, I just sort of fell into it, after seeing a couple of other therapists (one female, one male) who just didn’t “get” me. It was refreshing and comforting to find someone who I really clicked with. But I see your point. Sigh.
NYCer
I have never been to a therapist so don’t have this experience first hand, but I think I would find a different therapist as a starting point.
Anonymous
I have never been to a therapist so don’t have this experience first hand, but I think I would find a different therapist as a starting point.
Anon
Not OP but how is that unethical? If someone asks my therapist if she knows any good family law attorneys and she gives them my name without saying I am a patient, I don’t see what is unethical about that. Likewise, if someone has asked me if I know a therapist that specializes in X issue, I have given out her name.
Anon
I don’t think there’s a problem referring people to your therapist – 3 of my friends see or have seen my therapist because I recommended her. I think the other way is sketchy though, because he doesn’t know OP in a professional context.
Anonymous
Referring friends to your therapist is fine. Referring your clients to him and him referring clients to you? Wildly inappropriate
Anone
See, I didn’t think that the referrals were line crossing – mostly because two of my friends who practice in the same area (guardianship, family law) have therapists as top referral sources.
Anon
I got over a work crush at an old job by laser-focusing on his flaws. You mention your therapist isn’t attractive–concentrate on that. Who cares if it’s shallow, mentally pick apart his features. My work guy was brilliant and articulate, but had terrible dandruff, and the one time I was close enough to tell, his breath was RANK. I was cured pretty quickly after that.
Anone
I love this, will try it at our next session, which is Saturday. I’m thinking I’ll see if it works and if not, then bite the bullet and make the switch. Ughhhh.
Anonymous
New therapist. Definitely.
He’s already crossed a few boundaries that are not common. It is unusual for him to treat both you and your son. It is unusual for him to add you on Linked in. It is unusual to refer clients to his own clients. Proceed with extreme caution if you continue to see him as he does not present with typical boundaries.
anon
This. Not sure what is going on, but these are big red flags to me.
Allie
This. There is no way you should be referring people to each other or linked on linkedin.
Anon
What kind of therapy is this? In some forms of therapy, this is expected and working through it is part of the therapeutic journey. So cutting it off might be counterproductive if that’s the path you’re on.
But if this is just CBT, hopefully he’d refer you to another therapist if you asked without needing an explanation.
Anonymous
Ew, what legitimate form of therapy would that be?
Anon
Psychoanalysis. However, it was a (not so uncommon) trend for psychoanalysts to sleep with their patients a few decades ago, so ugh.
Anon
Right? Found the male therapist.
“The next step is to sleep with the therapist in order to cure yourself of the attraction…”
Anon
Psychoanalysis. I am not a fan, but I’m not a fan of therapy generally; I try to believe the people who say it helps them.
Anon
How generous of you.
Anone
We’ve been doing typical talk therapy- I think that’s CBT? We have planned to do EMDR at some point as well to deal with past trauma that I have experienced, but haven’t done it.
Anone
haven’t done it *yet.
Anon
Oh wow I would really not want to do EMDR with this therapist with all the boundaries where they stand. Maybe you can find someone who specializes more in PTSD and EMDR.
Anone
I have not done EMDR before – is there an extra risk involved in that sort of therapy?
Anon
Honestly I think I would be uncomfortable in the therapeutic relationship you’re in anyway; I’m not sure EMDR is higher risk but it just doesn’t seem like it would benefit from all this context. I have really mixed feelings about some of my experiences in therapy, and I would rather just get EMDR somewhere I felt more unequivocally safe (which for me means that everything is very clinical and professional).
good luck
Yes, I have seen this before and it is a real problem. Honestly, you have to change therapists. It will be very detrimental to you in the long run if you don’t. I do understand how painful this may be for you to change. I’m sorry.
Anon
I’ll echo the others saying you need to find somebody new.
Senior Attorney
Normally I’d say you need to bring it up in therapy, but given the line-crossing that’s already happened I feel like that might open a can of worms best left shut.
Anon
I agree. I wouldn’t bring it up. You could say that, upon reflection, you have concluded that it may be wise for you not to see the same therapist your son sees despite the value of the work you’ve done so far with him. Period.
Anon
I finally went in to get a haircut after three years, and she hacked off over a foot of hair when I asked for a trim. This happens to me every time, it feels vindictive. I’m always clear about what I want; I show the amount both with my fingers held apart, and by motioning where I want it to fall on my body. I swear hairdressers are angered by women with long hair, like they know we don’t come in enough for them to make good money off us.
anonnnn
This is a weird take. I have long hair and have never had this experience – I get a trim every 8 weeks and have for my entire life. I think you have just encountered bad stylists.
Anon
This.
Anon
You’re not alone, I’ve had the same experience my whole life. I have always had long hair and I really want a trim, but I’m terrified because of past experiences. There has to be something to it.
Anon
Thank you, I was starting to feel crazy! I jump from one highly-recommended stylist to another, never going the same place twice because this always happens. Once I even shelled out major bucks for a Deva Cut because I have tight curls–same thing happened.
At least now it will be years before I have to worry about this again.
Anonymous
This is not a good take. You need more frequent trims. After three years, you need more than 2 inches off. Make an appointment in 12 weeks. Explain to the hairdresser that you are very upset by your last cut and felt violated. Ask for less than half an inch of a trim.
Cornellian
10:48, I agree with this too. I’m not a “every 8 weeks” trim woman, but if you are going every couple years, you are bound to need a LOT cut off. I find every six months or so works for my undyed non-heat treated hair. Much longer than six months, and although my head produces hair, it’s splitting at faster rate than it’s growing, and I’m effectively losing length.
Anonymous
I am sorry that you aren’t getting the results you want, but I suspect that the stylist is cutting off all of the damaged ends which is what a trim is for. Next time, maybe say that you know the length that you asked for isn’t going to actually cut off all the damage, but that’s what you want anyway?
Anon
+1, you need more frequent trims.
NY CPA
Agree. I remember crying my eyes out when I was young because I would say 1-2 inches, and they would cut it all off. Now, I’ve gotten into a cycle of growing it long, cutting it off to my shoulders to donate, and regrowing it, so I guess it’s intentional at this point? My one piece of advice would be to find a hairdresser who has very long hair herself if you can. Mine does, and I think she’d be fine if I only wanted to cut some off.
Not that Anne, the other Anne.
This is one of the many reasons I cut my hair myself when it needs it. I have dealt with too many stylists who seem to think that my explicit requests should be discarded to make me more “stylish”. I don’t want layers or razoring or anything. Just cut a couple inches off the end, blunt cut, straight across. Seriously.
Does it look perfect? No. Do I really care? Also no.
Anon
Cutting my own hair is so liberating! I have absurdly thick hair and can thin it as much as I want. I can also cut my hair as short as I want.
Anon
Lol, oh dear.
Anon
I mentioned this exact problem a year ago. Good to know it isn’t just me.
Anon
Ummm, this has never happened to me. I’d spend more time finding a stylist in your shoes. I have very long hair and have never had it hacked off, but I go to the same person and the key term is a “dusting of the ends” if you want to keep your length. (Even with long hair, I go every 12 weeks, it still needs maintenance)
Anonymous
Yeah if you’re going every three years, congrats. Your bottom foot is scraggly and nasty. They should still respect your wishes though.
Anon
This is a straight hair take. Most curly girls don’t use heat, and curls don’t look “scraggly” in the same way that straight hair does. Long curls do need trims, sure, but they don’t get that stereotypical thinned-out ratty look that straight hair gets.
Dear+Summer
I can agree with this. 3 years seems like a lot but curly hair definitely doesn’t look “nasty” at the ends after 8 weeks or whatever the straight hair suggestion is.
No Problem
I have curly hair. I definitely use heat part of the year so I don’t have to walk around with wet hair when it’s cold out. Many curly girls do, whether it’s to straighten it or to blow dry it curly with a diffuser. But I also protect it from the heat with oils and heat protectant products. Another thing a lot of people with long hair do is put it in hair ties all the time. This will absolutely damage your hair and cause split ends and breakage at least as much as heat styling will. It may not look thinned out and ratty from a distance like straight hair will, but it will look like that to a stylist who is examining her hair.
Anonymous
Which is why I didn’t say every 8 weeks, I said three years.
No Problem
Dear+Summer, it won’t look nasty after 8 weeks (no one has said that), but it will after 3 years!
Anon
I disagree. I’m a wavy haired person in a family of 3b ish curly girls. The ends do start to look thin, scraggly, and damaged after 6 months or so, and no, none of these women use heat styling.
Anon
lol there’s a big difference between 8 weeks and 3 years.
Go for it
This, even curly hair would get ratty without a cut for 3 years
Go more often.
Anon
She said she goes every 12 weeks, not every 156 weeks.
Anon
Yes! My first thought was maybe the ends were very damaged since you hadn’t gotten a haircut in 3 years and the person thought a lot needed to come off so it would look healthy. The hairdresser should be honest with you before cutting and say what they recommend and why, of course. I have curly hair, so another issue I’ve had (even with dry cuts) has been when my hair shrinks up after washing, and I don’t think the hairdresser realized they were taking so much length off.
Anyway, I agree you should spend a little more time finding a new stylist and maybe going more often than every 3 years so they can get to know you and your preferences.
Anonymous
Came here to say this. My hair has always been bra strap or longer, and I go every 12 weeks for a trim/refreshing of layers. It also enables me to have a relationship with a stylist – if you go once every 3 years, you don’t have the benefit of prior experience with the stylist.
For what it’s worth, even when going to new stylists, I haven’t had this issue, but I’m speculating it’s because I get regular trims so the stylist doesn’t feel like they need to cut off the damaged ends.
Anonymous
That’s insane. Did you complain to the manager? Speak up at first cut?
Anonymous
If you haven’t gotten a haircut for 3 years the ends of your hair were probably a mess. Long hair doesn’t mean neglecting it.
Anon
…so? This feels like you’re advocating against bodily autonomy.
Anonymous
+1. It’s absurd to advocate for letting the stylist violate the customer’s wishes.
Anon
Yeah, sure.
Anon
I think it really, really depends how the hair is cared for. There’s a reason why first world hair isn’t generally useful for quality wigs (the shampoos and heat treatments we use are very damaging). People whose religions forbid haircuts typically take care of their hair very differently to avoid damage.
long hair anon
This. Sikh reader here who has never had a hair cut for religious reasons. My hair is just under 3 ft long. My religion originated in South Asia and my hair care is all traditional with little to no western products other than dandruff shampoo (which I don’t use every time I wash my hair because I find it weakens my hair strands too much). I use coconut oil, almond oil, other products only from South Asian brands I trust, sleep with my hair in a loose braid every night, use wooden combs I bought in India that can handle my tangles without pulling out my hair, etc. I have never dyed my hair (not even with henna like some South Asian women do), and I don’t use heat except for the 4-5x a year I straighten my hair (usually for western weddings or professional events where my traditional braid/bun styles would be too out of place) and the 2-3x a year I bust out the hair dryer because I didn’t manage my time well and need it dry ASAP.
Do I have some split ends? of course, everyone does. But my hair is and looks healthy. I’m not saying everyone needs to ditch the hair products they like, but in my experience, it truly is more about hair care than about hair cuts. For some their hair care includes cuts, and that’s fine. But it is not the only way to take care of your hair.
Anon
But this totally depends on hair type, too. If I tried to do this to my very white northern European hair, it would never work. My hair would be a scraggly, disastrous mess.
Anonymous
Honestly, if you went in after three years for a haircut, I suspect the stylist thought it was necessary to take off a fair amount to get to healthy hair. If you go more frequently, I suspect it won’t happen because it won’t be necessary to take off much to maintain clean ends. I have long hair, always have, and have never thought my stylist hated me.
Anon
I’ve never had this issue either, but I don’t go to fancy salons. Try your local Great Clips. When mine was really, really long (like, to past my waist long), most places had a stool/stepladder that I’d stand on that put me at a good height for the hairdresser to work and I was done in <10 minutes.
Anon
+1. If you want a really simple cut, go somewhere like great clips. You’ll save money and I think they are better trained to just do what the customer asks (opposed to some fancy stylist I’ve gone to, who will have a vision that is very different from my own)
Anonymous
Where are you getting your haircut? I may be completely wrong, but I feel like people who don’t get their haircut often haven’t developed a relationship with a stylist. Often if you call somewhere nice, you’ll be put with someone new and young. Or it can be easier if you don’t get your hair cut often to go somewhere like Great Clips, and that can be a huge disaster. It takes experience to listen and give clients what they want. I’d also wonder if you haven’t had a cut in three years if you had a foot of damage that the stylist cut off. Obviously the stylist should have communicated with you and given you the option of cutting that much off or leaving damaged hair remaining. So you’re clearly valid in being upset. But I think a big part of the issue could be not having a relationship with a stylist.
Cornellian
Hmm. I currently have hair an inch below my bra strap at its longest (but have had longer) and haven’t really had this experience. Often I’m hoping for a 1/2″ and end up with 2″ but…. 12″??? I would talk to management if it was really 12.
No Problem
I’ve never had this happen. An inch shorter than I wanted? Maybe. But not much more than that. Next time, ask the stylist to show you where she is cutting before she makes the first cut. Did she literally make the first cut a full foot shorter? Or was it gradual? My guess is that if you haven’t had your hair cut in 3 years, the bottom 6″+ is all raggedy and dead, especially if you’ve colored it at all. That makes it really hard for a stylist to give you a cut that helps clean it up at all, and after cutting an inch it’s clear she needs to cut another inch, etc. You have to be 1000% clear after that first inch that you know it’s not going to look fantastic, but that’s all you want right now.
For the future, I recommend regular haircuts. Maybe 3 times per year, just a trim each time. It will help keep the ends from being so dead. “I’m trying to grow my hair out” is a phrase I use to keep from too much being cut.
Cornellian
+1 to that as a phrase to use, and also semi-regular (I do 2x a year) trims.
good luck
Were your ends a mess?
I have tried asking for a small trim, when I had long hair, and yes it would irritate my stylists way more than it should. But if you haven’t had a trim for 3 years you probably had ends that were split many inches long.
You have to incredibly explicit. “2 inches – do not cut more!!!”. And honestly, you need to say, “I don’t care if the ends are still split/damaged….” Because each time the stylists wanted to cut more off mine, they weren’t crazy. My ends were not healthy and didn’t fall nicely until they cut them off. I just ?didn’t care because I couldn’t really see the back of my hair I guess!
It is still very irritating.
Dear+Summer
I’m sorry this happened to you. I know people are going to say that you’re exaggerating but this used to happen to me a TON. This has also happened at some point to all of my friends with long hair. I don’t necessarily think it’s vindictive but a lot of stylists don’t care for very long hair and think that a trim is a time to completely even out the hair rather than just remove dead ends. My hair grows into a “U” shape which I like but stylists used to chop off several inches of healthy hair in order to create a straight line in the back. My hair is naturally curly and the straight line doesn’t matter at all to me.
I stopped getting my hair professionally cut for years and just trimmed at home. I eventually found a stylist that didn’t do this(funnily enough she also has long hair). I was very vocal about my experiences and concerns and requested a “dusting” rather than a trim. She also gave me a hand mirror so I could see it as it was happening.
Anon
No it’s probably because your hair was damaged and looked like straw. Don’t be mean about hair dressers. Next time, just say – hey, I know my hair is raggedy and full of split ends, but I like it like that. (I have long hair and get trims every 8 weeks.)
Anon
This is an awful take. “Don’t be mean to hair dressers, but you looked like ****, so let them do whatever they want to your body.” WTF?
Anon
This is an awful take. “Don’t be mean to hair dressers, but you looked like garbage, so let them do whatever they want to your body.” Seriously?
Anon
Uh, no, my advice was that OP should make it clear that she wants her personal preferences to trump the hair dresser’s professional expertise.
Anon
If the hairdresser thinks that she needs to take a foot off, then her professional expertise should involve communicating that to her client. There is no “professional expertise” in which you just do what you want without so much as a peep to the client.
anonshmanon
I can’t say that this has happened to me, but when I’ve asked for a trim, the hairdressers have usually doublechecked with me before making the first cut. As in, combing out the hair, grabbing a section and actually holding it up for me to see how much they were cutting off and me nodding consent. So it seems ridiculous to me that your hairdresser would just cut off a whole foot without checking and if this is true then you can find a better person. One thing I’ve encountered is that I’d be asking for a minor trim like an inch, and the hairdresser would counter with their professional assessment that it really should be closer to 3 inches to get all the split ends. But even then, they don’t just do it without asking you first. I wouldn’t go back to that salon.
Anon
OP here–I will ask for this in the future. What she did, was say that she was going to do a “rough cut” first, and then refine the layering after that. So, she grabbed it all like you would to make a ponytail, then hacked through the ends in a couple quick snips. It was over before I could even open my mouth.
anon
If the last foot of that was split ends and damage, then yeah, she probably interpreted that as a trim. She should’ve told you, of course, but I can see why it happened that way. Also, not to pile on, but I would really consider more frequent haircuts to “dust” the ends and to build rapport with a stylist.
NYNY
Did she talk to you about it? I managed a hair salon years ago, and we would have clients come in who hadn’t had a cut in years, who only wanted a tiny amount trimmed, but their hair was in terrible shape, with split ends at least six inches up from the bottom of the hairstyle. Our stylists wouldn’t cut more without discussing the condition of the hair, and sometimes even declined the haircut, because they knew they couldn’t make the client happy.
OP, I don’t know you and haven’t seen your hair, so I’m not making any assumptions, but a good stylist would talk to you about cutting more than you asked, and a bad one wouldn’t.
Clementine
Agreed with this! A friend once walked out of a hair salon without a cut because the stylist said to her, ‘I hear that you’re asking for a 1 inch trim to get rid of split ends. To make it look good, I’m going to strongly suggest you take off about 6 inches.’ She did what NYNY is saying – had an honest conversation with her client.
Friend was horrified that this had been suggested, but… the stylist was right! (Also – watched this all play out on social media and it was very interesting.). Friend eventually ended up doing a self haircut of the inch. It looks like you’d expect… and I’ll tell you, my beloved stylist just left the area and… seriously considering asking who at X salon it was… ’cause she was right!
Anonymous
If you just say “take off about two inches to clean up the damage’ and then there’s like a foot of damage then they may have interpreted your comment as you wanted the damaged ends cleaned up. Next time specify the length and that you do not want it cut any shorter than that even if it means keeping lots of damaged hair.
I have super curly hair that gets cut only once a year but I’m in for color much more frequently and the condition of my hair is an ongoing discussion with my stylist to make sure it’s healthy enough that only a small amount needs to be cut to keep it healthy.
Once every three years is not often enough.
Anon
Listen, I have curly hair too, but if I went three years without a cut I would need a ton chopped off too. That’s just way too long. You are projecting weird feelings onto your stylist. Don’t go so long without a cut next time.
Anonymous
She doesn’t “need” a ton chopped off. The OP has her reasons for wanting her hair the way she does. Whether the stylist thinks another style would be more attractive is irrelevant.
Anon
You’re probably right, I bet every stylist in the world is out to get you.
Anon
Really? I never had this problem when I had long hair – does this keep happening at the same place, or have you been trying different salons each time and they’re all doing it? Is it possible that because you’re only going in every now and then, you have more inches of frayed, unhealthy hair than you realize? If you really want your hair to be long and healthy, you need to get it trimmed a few times a year, not once every few years.
That said, I’m not advocating against your autonomy as a client, the hairdresser should listen to you, and if they think they “need” to take more off they should communicate that, rather than just do whatever. But to assume it’s because they’re angered by you, and are cutting more than you ask to be petty or spiteful, is probably not the right take.
When I was getting it cut short, stylists were actually very careful not to cut too much off, because they’ve had so many women get upset over their hair being too short, so I’ve often had to ask “could you take off a little more?”
Anonymous
Long hair here as well, and feel about one more bad cut away from a stylist phobia. I do find good stylists, but they seem to all move across country or retire as soon as I’ve been a year or two and trust them.
I have found that stylists often don’t listen to what I say. I tell them very plainly and bluntly what I want to happen, but I have so many bad experiences. Sometimes it feels that whatever I ask for, they will do the opposite. Truly, the opposite. I say “no layers”, they do layers. I say blunt, they do gradual. I say two inches, they do a half inch, or six.
I have had to start my salon visits with a little speech, like “I know you don’t want to cut it this way. I know this isn’t what you were told to do in school. But it’s what works for MY hair, and this is what I want. Even though you think it’s wrong and would prefer to do it differently.”. Then, if they actually did it my way, they’ll say “Huh. That really worked out well, that looks really good. I didn’t think that it would, but it does.”
I don’t have this problem with any other service or area of life. Just the hair dressers and stylists. (Yes, I am pleasant and polite, I tip well.) I have come to think plain cuts for long hair brings out the worst in some stylists.
Anon
Are you sure you know the right words to describe what you want? Because at a certain point it’s probably a you problem and not a stylist problem. Do you bring in pictures to show what you want?
Anonymous
Yes, I do know the words. I have made sure to learn them. For my particular cut, the major word is BLUNT, which should be fairly unambiguous.
I do think some stylists don’t master an actual blunt cut, cut straight across. Some stylists only seem comfortable with textured ends, and use point-cutting as standard. I’m assuming that has to be about training, and the feathered ends on straightened hair that were in fashion.
For me, the most time-consuming part of a consult is making sure that the stylist will respect that when i ask for a blunt cut straight across, that’s what I actually mean – I don’t want a textured interpretation.
Anonymous
2 questions — would you go get an annual physical this year/this summer if you’re vaccinated? I say annual but it’s been 4+ years and I’m now 41 so it’s not like in your 20s where it’s NBD to go years without seeing a dr; had something scheduled for last April but obviously canceled as the pandemic was starting. So while I’m ok not going, I’m also feeling like is this going to be another year or 2 or more until it feels comfortable being in a dr’s office?
Can anyone recommend an internal medicine dr in N. Va or DC. I’ll even go to Md. I have gone to GW in the past but IDK how I feel about being in the main hospital building, not to mention it takes months to schedule there and the wait can be really long. I think I’d be more comfortable going to an office based practice. I need a female MD (rather than NP, PA) and someone with a good bedside manner as I tend to be a nervous kind of patient. Other than that though I don’t have an really parameters, happy to drive any place. I generally find this area to be hard to find primary care drs — no one is ever taking new patients; or they’re concierge (which isn’t worth the money).
NY CPA
Yes I would go. You’re vaccinated. In all likelihood, the doctor and nurses are vaccinated. Doctors/dentists are typically not having people sit and wait more than a few min at most in the waiting room. I don’t see a lot of risk.
Anon
Sure, if you’re vaccinated what’s the problem with going to the doctor?
Anon
I’ve been going to doctor’s visits through the entire pandemic, even though I haven’t been inside anywhere else. It’s one of the safest indoor places you could go, as most people are now vaccinated and they’re been very good about maintaining masking, distancing and cleaning and already generally have decent ventilation.
At least in my area, it takes 4-6 months to get an appointment with a new PCP and I suspect this might get even worse with people now scheduling appointments they postponed during the pandemic, so make an appointment now! At minimum you should be checking blood pressure and doing bloodwork, plus potentially getting a mammogram and cervical cancer screening.
Anonymous
+ 1 — and not “potentially” — definitely schedule your mammogram if you’re over 40 and haven’t been seen in 4+ years.
Anon
The research on this is actually iffy. The benefits of mammograms for women in their 40s are unclear and different groups have different recommendations on this. In general, many breast cancers are slow growing and wouldn’t cause major problems before being obvious or are very aggressive and would be dangerous regardless of when you caught them. Mammograms are beneficial when they catch the ones that are in between, but there aren’t that many of those for women in their 40s, so the benefit is a lot lower than it might appear. You should talk to your doctor and make a decision based on your risk level and personal preference about potential over-screening.
Anonymous
As someone with BC in their 30s, I would definitely have preferred overscreening. YMMV
Anon
I’ve been to the doctor several times throughout the pandemic, unvaccinated. Your health is important. You need to accurately (not emotionally) think about the risk reward here about ignoring your health vs. the very low likelihood your vaccinated self would get COVID and even lower likelihood that that would develop into a severe reaction. (Which if you were unvaccinated and high risk would be a different equation, but that is not the case).
busybee
Yes absolutely! I’ve been to doctors dozens of times during the pandemic, some of which are in hospitals. Putting off screenings and routine healthcare carries more of a risk to you than going to the doctor! Cancer and heart disease didn’t magically go away.
Anon
Yes, of course, I would go to the doctor if necessary even if I wasn’t vaccinated.
Anonymous
How is this even a question? Yes, take care of yourself and get your annual physical.
Cat
I did my regular preventative care throughout, as soon as it was allowed. Just go.
CountC
+1
Ellen
Of course. You need a mammogram and a pap smear if nothing else, and it’s safe if you are vacinated and masked in a hospital or clinic. I also would go to the dentist b/c you don’t want filthy teeth and cavities, or you will never get married.
As far as a recommendation, it’s been years since I was in DC so most of the doctors may not even be there. You can check to see if Dr. Singh (female) is still at GW but I would not bet on it. She is an obgyn and was very responsive to my questions about men and the need for birth control, tho that is probably not top’s on your list now.
Anon
FWIW, I just went to the doctor last Friday. You had to wait outside until called, you had to take an online quiz on your phone before you were allowed in (have you had a temp, etc), no other patients were in the waiting room, plexiglass was everywhere, and everyone was double masked.
Highly recommend Johns Hopkins Community Physicians – I got to their Eye St location, but there’s not a female MD there. They have offices through the DMV that might have a woman.
Anon
Yes – I also went to an annual physical last year (pre vaccination). Medical offices seem to do a better job than most other places of precautions, so I have basically kept up my normal dentist/doctor/etc. appts since ~June 2020 when my state reopened.
Anonymous
Why is this even a question? Yes of course you should go. This is basic adulting. I would go even if you aren’t vaccinated or book it as soon as you schedule your first shot for 2 weeks and a day after your second.
Anon
I spent the first few months of the pandemic avoiding appointments, then a health problem developed that I couldn’t ignore any more and I started going, kind of a lot. I didn’t get COVID from doing so. I gonna my doctors’ offices to be very professional and safety oriented around protocols.
I’m not in your area so I can’t help you with a specific rec, but go to the doctor. Your providers are vaccinated.
Seventh Sister
It’s probably irrational, but my kids went for a checkup a few months into the pandemic and the pediatrician made me feel SO MUCH better when she told us that she was doing rounds at the hospital pretty much every day, was being constantly tested, and hadn’t gotten COVID. If she could do it in a hospital full of sick people, we had a chance too.
Anon
You are more likely to get into a car accident on your way to the appointment than you are to get COVID when you’re vaccinated, and you’re more likely to get in a car accident AND get struck by lightening on the way than you are to die of COVID once you’re vaccinated. I don’t mean that rudely – humans are bad at assessing rare risks, so I think it’s helpful to put it into that context.
Anonymous
Your source for this?
Anon
https://www.nytimes.com/2021/04/19/briefing/european-soccer-league-mars-helicopter-navalny.html
anon
I love this article. Read it last week and saved it to send to family members.
Anon
Why did you bother to get vaccinated? This is routine health maintenance.
LaurenB
Of course if you need to go to a doctor you go to a doctor. That was true last April when things were heating up and it’s true now with vaccines. It’s one thing to postpone a well-woman visit or a routine eye exam, but there’s no need to ignore other health issues. I saw a dentist, OB-gyn, dermatologist and eye doctor for various issues. It’s not like you’re going to a bar.
Anon
Also? The whole point of vaccines is to be able to go to bars again
LaurenB
No, it really isn’t, at least not yet. Maybe next year.
LaurenB
Btw about being in a main hospital – I had to be in a hospital building to accompany my elderly mother to a specialist and for a surgery she needed. They were very good re sanitizing, masks, distancing, etc. I think you’re being a bit over anxious. Hospitals aren’t the places to stress out over.
j
I really like One Medical, which has locations in DC and Nova. There are tons of locations – many with women providers – and I’ve liked everyone I’ve seen there. I know you don’t want concierge, but it’s not terribly expensive and being able to video chat, email, etc, as well as basically always get an appointment same day if I need it, makes it worth it for me.
Seventh Sister
I live in a COVID hotspot and have been going to the dentist and doctors the entire time (as have my kids). I’m vaccinated now, and it felt almost normal to go to a GYN appointment yesterday.
While I’m usually a germaphobe about doctor’s offices and hospitals, I haven’t been in a medical office that wasn’t taking this stuff seriously and being clear about requiring masks, having hand sanitizer everywhere, etc.
Anony
You definitely need to go. I’ve been going to my doctor 1/2x a month this whole time, unvaccinated, plus an acupuncturist every two weeks. It’s fine; everyone is being careful. IMO, it’s one of the lowest risk activities! Don’t neglect your personal health especially since you’re vaccinated!
Anonymous
I’m high-risk and have delayed my routine eye exam and dental appointment until post-vaccination because I don’t have specific problems that need addressing, but I have done plenty of other doctor’s visits in-person, including a mammogram, an MRI, and other things as needed. It’s great to use telehealth when you can (so convenient for certain types of appointments!), but you should not avoid going to the doctor forever here. It IS safe when you’re vaccinated and it’s important even when you’re not vaccinated.
Anon
Definitely! For one thing, I am long overdue for a physical, so I gotta take care of that at some point this year. Also, my gyno wants to see me every year for my well woman visits, and I was able to delay mine until the summer but I really shouldn’t put it off much longer than that. I’m also gonna make a point of going to the dentist later this year, not the second I’m vaccinated but probably fallish when the spread has (hopefully) subsided. I haven’t gone in years, it’s embarrassing.
Anon
I need to help put together a website for a community group that will use Google suites and I know nothing about this (I am a Microsoft Office girl and even have it on my home computer via a license). Is there a quick way to learn this? I am pretty good at learning, but don’t have a ton of time to burn through before needing to get going. The main person has a day job where she uses this regularly, I am just to help her as needed.
anonshmanon
you learn on the go. Google docs isn’t that different from word, google sheets isn’t that different from excel. I would just dive in and start using the google tools as if they were your familiar ones. Every now and then you will notice that something is slightly different, and then you just google the problem ‘how to do xyz in google sheets’.
I am not sure if you are building the site or if the other person is doing it, but google sites (the tool to build websites) is optimized to work for people with no webdesign experience. It relies a lot on templates for the structure and you only customize appearance and content. If you have an account for google suites now, just go to sites.google.com and browse around the templates, create a site that’s just for you to click around and try the features (this won’t be a public facing website, more like a private document, so no worries).
You can do this!
Anon
Hey. Busy right now but please check the afternoon thread and I will post some links for you.
Anon
Question for homeowners. I have a quarterly Pest service. They come and stray around my house. It takes about 10 mins. They charge me about 90 dollars. Is this service worth it? I kept it because the prior homeowner had it. I just don’t know if this actually does anything, or if I’m just wasting money.
Anon
I have a mole service like this and the one time I tried to stop and do it myself I had moles like crazy. I feel like they’re in some sort of racket with the exterminator honestly.
Anonymous
LOL
Anon
If you live in the south and it’s termite treatment, yes, it’s necessary. If it’s anything else, I think you’re just killing beneficial bugs that are a vital part of the ecosystem. (Exceptions for wasps and mosquitoes – but you often can’t target individual species, so by killing those guys, you hurt all the other bugs, too.)
anon
+1 for termite prevention. It’s just a given in Georgia where I’m from. We also have spiders, ants, and roaches but we take care of these ourselves when they show up.
Anonymous
Do you live in an area where termites are common, and do they inspect for and guarantee against termite infestation?
Anonymous
What are they spraying for and where are you located?
This is not anything I have heard of before in the north east.
MagicUnicorn
I had a pest guy when we bought our house who would come annually and check around the house for signs of problem bugs for $75 per year. His fee included any necessary spraying should he find anything that needed attention (he never did), but not any repair work associated with a problem. This was worth the piece of mind it gave my husband, who thought anything that looked vaguely ant-like within a mile of our house was a termite hellbent on eating our home to the ground. Once DH got over that, we canceled the service because bugs just aren’t a major concern in our area without extenuating circumstances.
Our bug guy did not just pop by and spray willy-nilly, which is something I would question as it hurts beneficial insects and doesn’t do anything to fix any structural issues (although I know there are areas where regular preventative treatment is necessary, so I would educate yourself and see if that is what your group is doing). He did take time to go into the crawl space, poke around the attic, and basically checked all the deep dark corners for sawdust, weakened structural framing, etc. It took him about half an hour on our 1500 sq ft house.
MagicUnicorn
Hahaha, peace of mind…
Anon
We had one and canceled bc I don’t notice more bugs without the spray and I’m wary of the chemicals. But we live near woods and will have bugs regardless, so ymmv. Unless there is a specific pest you are trying to prevent, maybe skip a couple sprays and see how it goes?
pugsnbourbon
We don’t have enough info to help with this. Do you live in the South? Are you in a wooded area? Are they spraying for roaches, mice, mosquitoes?
If you have a neighborhood FB page, they can be good resources for info about pest services. You can hear what problems folks are having and who they go to for solutions.
Anonymous
Note that I live in a low cost of living area, so not sure how much this is relevant to your situation. We pay $44/month for this service. It includes visits in between if we need routine pest care, but non-routine issues are extra. Each time they come, they give attention to our mice bait boxes (we live in a rural area between a field and a wooded area and the mice are a big issue). April – October they spray outside around the perimeter of the house and up high in places where wasps build nests. A routine extra has been ant bait in our dining room. The groundhog that took up residence under our porch was a non-routine issue that cost extra.
anon for this
Does it include warranty coverage? We have one and pay about the same, but anytime we have an issue they come back and treat free of charge. They came last year like every 2 weeks because we were battling an ant infestation, and they’ve come a few years to do extra treatment to prevent carpenter bees on our deck.
Anon
For regularly seasonly spraying, no. We had a guy come spray once, watched where he sprayed and what he used, and have done it ourselves ever sense. They spray many use can be bought at home depot for like $50 for several gallons.
Do call pest services for actual infestations and to monitor infestations that can do damage (i.e. if you’ve discovered termites).
An.On.
Quarterly seems like a lot, but for comparison’s sake, in the Midwest, we’d have a pest spray done for about the same price, but only once a year. My big bugaboo (pardon the pun!) was ants. If it wasn’t sprayed, every spring we’d have ants coming out of our drains, behind our receptacles, and once, memorably, in our dishwasher, and it drove me absolutely batty, even though we could kill them within a few days with interior spray and gel.
I guess one option would be to stop the service and then see what turns up in your house and how much it bothers you.
pugsnbourbon
We had ants get into our dishwasher when we were growing up. My brother is skeeved out by ants, and I’m terrified of spiders, so we traded off bug-murdering duties.
Anon
I had ants in my car once. I tried a lot of things to get them out but they never fully left. Fortunately (?) that car was totaled so it didn’t become someone else’s problem.
Anon
Is this pandemic stress or depression or something else? I hate my job. I’ve hated it for 5-6 years though so this isn’t new. Yet yesterday I broke down over — I can’t do this anymore, I’m going to be stuck here forever — and it was precipitated by nothing. Literally a call I expected would take 20 min ended up takes its allotted 30 min and led to this spiral of hating this job, not wanting any other kind of job, how everyone else is in great jobs besides me etc. I chalked it up to a rough day. And then this morning I wake up to a message from my cardiologists nurse — saying your cardiologist doesn’t need any labs right now so he won’t order any, we suggest you find a PCP for routine labs. (I had seen him last week and forgot to ask but after the fact asked them to call in routine labs because I don’t have a PCP and don’t expect to find one during a pandemic but it’s been 2-3 years since I’ve had labs.) I understand it was a favor, I understand that some specialists are weary of acting in a primary role — but more tears over something dumb that isn’t necessary right now — it was just like can’t you help me out?! I desperately want a vacation but I don’t because even vaccinated I feel uncomfortable getting on a flight right now and no place driveable to me has any appeal. What do I even do – as I again sit here teary?? (Hormone wise – this shouldn’t be an emotional time of the month.) How do you handle days like this?
Anonymous
Yeah so you’re upset about work, refusing to even try to find a regular doctor which you clearly need, spiraling about vacation, and refusing to make the best of things. You sound depressed to me! Congrats, your first job is finding a regular doctor who can also prescribe anti depressants.
good luck
+1
Find a PCP, and go from there.
Anon
Could be depression, could just be an overwhelming time. I was there yesterday. For me, I look for a new job. Not necessarily an all-out look, but peruse a few sites geared to my profession and see what’s out there. I also hate my job and had planned to move on last September, but pandemic. For the pcp thing, I just make a list of those types of things and try to get myself motivated to take action. So maybe tomorrow you Google providers in your area that take your insurance and are accepting patients. Maybe the next day you call or seek an appointment online. Idk where you are, but in my small-ish area, it isn’t too hard to find a pcp even now in pandemic times. Just tell them you want to get established and when you go in explain that you need labs. I also find that having a therapist is helpful. I am not currently depressed, but I have a therapist that I check in with sometimes every week, sometimes once per month, and sometimes once per year. It is nice to know that if you need something fairly urgent, you don’t have to go through the stress of finding someone new. Good luck. I know things can be overwhelming, but you can make it happen.
Anon
My in-laws moved cities last month and it took no time at all to find a new PCP for them. I literally found the closest medical center near their house through a Google search, looked online to find a doctor who is “accepting new patients,” and called to make an appointment for them for the following week to establish care. For myself, I asked a friend about my age whether she recommends her PCP, called that office, her doctor is not accepting new patients but another doctor is, and the rest is history. If your depression is making it difficult for you to do this, then send pictures of your insurance cards to a friend or relative and ask them to handle this for you.
Anon
Does anyone own a couch from Wayfair that they like? My kid moved into a college apartment with roommates and they’re willing to split the price but I think they’re looking at 600-700. I know they’d probably get a better deal used but I’m not cool with the bedbug risk.
Anonymous
At that price point they will get better value and selection at ikea.
CountC
+1 It’s a college apartment, they don’t need anything nice or that will last forever.
Anon
Thanks. I was kind of thinking the same thing but they’ve all been sending me links for things on Wayfair. Maybe because the website /app is better, which I find drives a lot with 19 year olds.
Anonymous
Congrats on having an adult child who can and should navigate this themselves
Anon
Oh please just let your adult child take care of this with their roommates.
Anon
Agree. If they get bedbugs they will deal. I’ve had lots of used furniture and for me it’s been fine. Sure, there is risk, but so is staying in a hotel/traveling. If they can hold out for a few weeks, the mass move-out will be happening in college towns and there will likely be a lot of good stuff available for cheap or free.
Anon
Oh f no. She is home a good deal of the time and I don’t want bedbugs in MY house. One of my friends had them and that is not something I ever want to go through.
At the end of the day I’m just looking for a couch recommendation. If you don’t have one that’s fine.
Anonymous
Oh sorry I didn’t hear you over the droning helicopter
Anon
There are a million couches for sale on wayfair and a million other sites. Have them pick out one they like with decent reviews, or if you are a martyr, do it yourself. We don’t even know your kid or their roommates, much less their taste in furniture, the size of the space available, etc.
Anon
Yea, I’m not going to opine on whether they should be figuring this out on their own or if used couches carry a significant bed bug risk; but I will chime in to say that I agree the implied attitude that bedbugs are not a huge deal is not really accurate. Our upstairs neighbors had them once, and the amount of treatments, laundry, and throwing large expensive things away they had to do for I want to say weeks as they tried to fully squash them, and the utter look of defeat ion their faces while having to deal with all of this, seemed like a nightmare.
Anon
My friend’s saga was MONTHS long
Anonymous
In college, some friends got a hand-me-down couch from one of their aunts. The couch was infested with fleas. I really did not like visiting their apartment.
I am not a helicopter mom, but I will do whatever I can to prevent my child from living with secondhand upholstered furniture.
Anon
Nowhere did I imply that bed bugs are not a big deal. But an adult can procure a couch by themselves without mommy’s help.
Anon
Yikes @12:55. That sounds awful
I’m the OP mom here. My daughter and her roommates asked for my help. Whatever they get will be shipped here because their college apartment complex has already said they can’t receive large deliveries there. It will go on my credit card. I asked the question because they’re currently set on Wayfair and I don’t know anything about the quality.
My daughter’s “aunt” (closer to being a functional aunt than her biological aunt) is my good friend who had a hell of a time with bedbugs, which in my friend’s case came in from a neighbor’s apartment. She specifically told my kid not to buy secondhand upholstered furniture and my kid takes that as the absolute gospel. After seeing first hand what my friend went through – which at the end of the day involved throwing away almost everything she owned, did you know bedbugs can survive two years without food? – I completely support this position.
Kid is totally open to secondhand wooden non-upholstered furniture and she and the roommates hope to pick up things like bookshelves that way.
I also don’t know who thinks they were a fully functional adult at 19 after a year of lockdown but good for you I guess.
Anon
Wayfair quality is not a thing because they are not a store or merchant, they are a drop shipper
Anon
Anon at 1:32, assuming you are the same as Anon at 12:03, I beg to differ, saying “if they get bedbugs they will deal” is in my opinion absolutely implying that bed bugs aren’t a big deal. I get one could also argue about the likelihood which I won’t get into, but that’s not what that comment was about.
I feel like people on here are being really bizarrely harsh. I am a full functioning adult and I remember my mom coming with me to buy furniture for my college apartments here and there. Not always, but jeez parents have decades of furniture buying experience, why not tap into that to avoid pitfalls? We as a group crowdsource ideas for furniture on here for that same reason all the time. Next time someone asks for couch buying advice should we all just insist that they are adults that can figure it out?
anon
My nanny discovered bed bugs in my son’s bedroom when my daughter was in the NICU. Horrible in some ways (as I had 0 capacity to deal with bedbugs and a NICU baby), but it also put the situation in perspective. Bedbugs are a huge pain and it definitely took a lot of time (several months) and effort to get rid of them, but a daughter who can’t breathe on her own is a whole other level. (Thankfully she’s a healthy and chirpy almost-3 year-old now.)
Anon
I think when it comes to Wayfair, just rely on the reviews, especially ones with pictures. I actually don’t recommend the roommates split the price since there will be a fight about who takes it when they move out. I’ve found it’s easier to let each roommate be responsible for buying certain things for the apartment that they can without question take with them when they leave.
In terms of the “let your child take care of it with their roommates” question – I don’t know what kind of relationship you have with your parents, but it is incredibly normal to ask your mom opinions on furniture, clothes, interior decorating or anything they want mom’s opinion on.
Anon
It’s cool. But we can’t help not knowing the specific dimensions needed. (Whenever I buy a couch, I find measurements are absolutely key). Also W@yfair in particular has a huge turnover (given it’s a drop shipper) so a hypothetical couch I bought on W@yfair a year ago is likely not available now.
Anon
Even my not very involved parents helped me move into my first college apartment and took me to buy (second hand) furniture while they were there. I’m kind of shocked anyone thinks this is so unusual.
Someone’s cornflakes clearly got pissed into this morning.
Anon
+1
Anon
I would never order a couch off the internet, I’d need to sit on it and try it out. Going to IKEA is a good idea, but my partner and I got a pretty decent couch from a local furniture chain’s factory outlet section for around $600, and we got it because it was so much more comfortable than anything we tested out at IKEA.
I might also recommend getting a futon – something they can normally use as a sofa but can convert to a bed when they have overnight guests.
Whatever they get, it might actually be best if one person foot the bill for it now, since this group isn’t permanent and when they all part ways, only one person can take it with them.
Anon
Happy earth day! What environmentally conscious things are you working toward implementing in your life?
For me, moving toward plant-based eating (especially local), letting go of plastics and paper towels when I can, and driving less. These are tough for me, but I’m trying (plant-based is expensive and more time consuming, my husband reaches for paper towels even when regular towels are right there, and I don’t live in a very walkable or bike friendly area).
*I know we’ve talked about this before and I’m not trying to start a war here, just come up with more ideas for moving myself toward being more environmentally friendly.
Anon
I’m in the Bay Area and we’re officially in another drought so more water saving. Pg%e, our electric and gas utility, just switched to a plan that charges more for power from 4-9pm when solar goes offline, and you could opt out of it but we decided not to because it seems like if power is truly scarce during those hours, we really should figure out how to use less.
Anon
Oof, I am a water waster, for sure (dishes, long showers, letting the dog play in the hose). This is something I need to get in check. Thanks for posting!
anonshmanon
the great thing about saving water, is that it saves power too! Cleaning and transporting water is a very energy intense business.
Anon
One way I accidentally fell into saving water: having a black thumb. I love a room full of greenery, but I kill them like some kind of houseplant hitman. I switched to succulents, which are much easier to care for and require much less water. And trading cuttings through local interest groups gets you a bunch of interesting, unusual varieties.
Anon
Something I’m always trying (and failing ) to convince my husband on is that using a dishwasher for as many things as possible actually saves water and energy. For some reason he thinks he’s being thrifty when he hand washes all manner of things but studies have show that’s not accurate.
Anonymous
Zero waste, car free, child free, vegan, & only second hand purchases. Currently working on a zero waste house restoration/renovation. It’s a lot of extra work but totally worth it.
Anonymous
I’m not going to resume taking flights as much as I did pre-pandemic because the carbon emissions from just one cross-country flight are through the roof. I’m also working on reducing water usage (live in CA), reducing waste, and buying a lot less stuff.
Anonymous
None, honestly. I guess I switched to mostly using bar soap this year.
Kat in VA
I’m sorry, I know this is a serious subject but oh my god that was funny.
I switched to solid shampoo & conditioner so I guess #winning?
Anon
My big one is moving toward being fully vegan. I’ve been a vegetarian for most of my life and am already pretty environmentally conscious (minimize driving, low household energy use, minimize disposables, don’t use pesticides, etc.), but reducing use of animal products is one of biggest impact things any individual can do (in addition to supporting larger scale policy changes). That doesn’t necessarily mean going completely vegan, but any reduction in animal products and beef/dairy in particular makes a big difference, as does reducing food waste. I use oat milk instead of cow milk, which has been especially convenient during the pandemic because it has a much longer shelf life. I’ve cut back on eggs and cheese a lot, but still use some eggs in baking and cheese in some dishes, so still working on good substitutes, but will probably never be super strict about eliminating these completely.
I’m also just working on buying less in general. When I do buy things online, I try to batch them, using subscribe and save, or slow delivery, or just placing one big order rather than buying things as they pop into my head (this seems to be better environmentally than making frequent trips to stores, which requires driving and aren’t close- I WFH so I’m not out and about already).
test run
I’m working on cutting back on our single use plastic – this was actually my goal last year, but then COVID threw everything in flux. It’s the thin, non-recyclable plastic (recognize that most plastic, doesn’t actually recycled anyway but that’s a rant for another day) that covers things like cheese that I really don’t know how to escape. I’ve seen on blogs where people will bring tupperware containers to the deli and have them put hunks of cheese straight in there so you don’t get it saran wrapped, but honestly that’s so much work and there are only so many hours in the day. I wish they would just make it a law that all packaging has to be compostable!
Do you do the grocery shopping in your household? Another commenter mentioned this recently as well, but the way I got my SO to stop using so many paper towels was just to stop buying them. We do have a roll stashed under the sink for tasks where for occasional use (I can put them in our commercial composting, which helps) but with them out of sight, they’re out of mind for him.
Anon
I agree on the paper towels. Out of sight out of mind. My kids are big paper towel users and my husband expects them to use cloth rags instead, but he wants the rags to be stored two rooms away in the laundry room. If you really want to switch to rags, they need to be in a basket where the paper towels usually sit, right where you need them.
test run
Yep – we just use plain dish towels from target for everything (the ones that are usually labeled something like “barkeeper’s towels” – I must have at least a dozen of them) and I leave at least 2-3 out in the kitchen all the time so they can be easily grabbed to wipe something up. My place is super small so it’s like a ten foot walk to the washing machine, where I just toss the towels in until it’s time to do a load of laundry. If your kitchen is large/far from laundry, I could see a basket in a lower cupboard being handy to toss them in until it’s time to wash them.
Walnut
Plastic film is the bane of my existence!! We started putting it in a separate trash to illustrate just how pervasive it is in our house. I’m trying to focus on befriending bulk bins to eliminate some of this.
Anonymous
Going back to kindergarten principles of “reduce, reuse, and recycle!”
– buy/eat local produce when in season
– get better at meal planning so I’m not overbuying food then throwing it out
– reusable containers, bowl covers, beeswax wrap.
– air dry clothes more, esp in the hot summer months to save on electricity costs.
– programmable thermostat, use less air conditioning in the summer.
– if I really need to cut down on water usage, I’ll consider bucket showers like we did back in my grandparents’ country. Where you had to lug one bucket of hot water up the stairs for your shower, and if you had any water left over, that water would be used for soaking laundry or for the toilet tank or for watering the small garden.
– energy efficient appliances. Most of my appliances are less than 5 years old so they’re up to modern standards but if yours are much older it might be something to look into.
– using small personal electronics for as long as possible, and not buy a new phone every two years. (I’ve been guilty of wanting the latest tech and I’m working on curing myself of it)
– in general, be more mindful of purchasing things in general.
Anon
Seeing the amount of deliveries my neighbors receive during quarantine has been really eye-opening about how little my household buys. (I don’t necessarily mean that they’re buying more than before, just that I’ve been WFH and thus here to see it.) I live on a dead-end, so the daily UPS, Fed Ex, Prime, and DHL trucks are all most definitely coming to a house on this street, rather than passing through.
I also felt really validated when I realized we only needed to put out trash every other week, and even then we don’t fill the giant can (they’re all standard-sized to be picked up by an automated truck, so we don’t have the option to use something smaller). We make a lot more recycling than we do trash, which I feel is a good metric to aim for.
Anon
True, but most recycling doesn’t get recycled these days.
Anon
That is so frustrating!
Anony
My big goals are to focus on reducing waste – especially skincare products that come with all sorts of useless extra packaging (I’m looking at you Sunday Riley with your fancy nonrecyclable boxes surrounding bottles) and to buy less products in glass containers because my town no longer recycles glass (which makes me unreasonably sad). It literally hurts to throw away a glass container =(
Anon
I’m really trying to focus on reduce, which is the first of the three R’s for a reason. In my case, clothing and food waste are the areas where I think I can make the biggest changes.
Anon 2.0
None. I am not going to worsen or add hardship to my life when the real issue is large countries who pollute like crazy. Nope.
Anonymous
But you’re the one buying the things these companies produce. They wouldn’t pollute if it wasn’t profitable.
anonshmanon
When it comes to pollution, a lot of that is the pollution that we export when we outsource the production of our consumer goods to these countries. But even with production moved out of the country, the carbon footprint of an American is still 3 times as high as that of a Chinese citizen.
Anon
Thank god not everybody is like you.
Vent
I work with a bunch of old white dudes and today’s frustration is that no one seems to organize their emails into any type of folder system (possibly why they’re all so bad about responding to emails, since they’re apparently just lost in an inbox with thousands of emails). Super fun when you’re having to collect all emails on a topic for discovery and instead of just pulling from an organized inbox, you have to search literally everything using key word searches. Sigh.
Anonymous
I’m a 38 year old white lady and I don’t organize my emails because it’s not a good use of my time. To each their own.
Anon
+1 – complete waste of time, I don’t organize my work life for your e-discovery project (and while you’re at it, get e-discovery software so you don’t have this problem)
Anonymous
I don’t use folders and can always find emails I need using the search function. Many people function successfully this way, not all are old white dudes.
Patricia Gardiner
+1
Anonymous
I sort no emails. Relying on custodians to correctly use folders isn’t good practice.
Anonymous
My boss is like this and it drives me mad. Luckily I have only ever had to search through his email once, but I really feel bad for his admin. The mailbox chaos is representative.
Anonymous
Yeah, I don’t have time for subfolders when search exists. Are you using search functionality fully? (Like sender and then topic, for example)
Anon
My e-mail isn’t even set up to allow us to move things around like that. It also auto-deletes after 6 months, which is a giant PITA since my projects tend to last longer than that.
Anon
Hahaha I get way too many emails to try to file them. My attempt at that lasted for about a week. Expecting people to do this is totally unrealistic.
Pompom
Yeah this is a weird thing to zoom in on, sorry.
You’re mad that they are not good at responding to emails, focus on that. Your system doesn’t work for everyone.
Pompom
(and that this is–yes–making discovery harder. That is indeed frustrating. But, c’est la vie)
Anon with huge inbox
Well, I will admit I do the same thing. I find it easier to search my inbox than set up folders. In my case, a single email may deal with multiple topics or clients, and I haven’t figured out a folder in strategy that would make me more efficient.
I typically create folders to hold all email I received within a given year and call it good.
I understand your frustration, though.
Anon
Another person saying I don’t sort my emails into folders. And I don’t do zero inbox either. I can find anything I need using search and sort.
No Face
I have done it both ways. I sort now, but I often search everything anyway.
For responding to discovery, I prefer that my clients (corporations) search all emails instead of looking at folders. People may make a mistake sorting.
MagicUnicorn
Yes, this. Any discovery we are subject to involves our technology team searching with specific parameters and does not depend on individuals having good filing, surfacing, and responsiveness habits.
Marie
I also never trust my clients to “determine” what is relevant or what isn’t when it comes to a discovery request and I always feel better going in front of a judge during a discovery dispute stating that IT searched for specific search terms within their entire mailbox and this is what we found.
Dear+Summer
I don’t organize my emails in folders for the most part. It’s a time suck and actually makes it harder to search for things.
anon
When I pulled emails for discovery (financial compliance officer at a bank, not a lawyer) I always always did key word searches, automated via IT. Why would you trust that some random employee accurately categorized an email? Don’t you check deleted emails electronically?
I never use folders: Once at Big Bank, I had everything in folders and one day- poof – they were gone and IT threw up their hands and said they couldn’t help. I have never been unable to find an email by doing a search, and it helps to have an encyclopedic memory for email name, date range, subject, sender etc. Any really important emails I save as a doc file in the relevant shared drive.
An.On.
How fast do you normally return phone calls?
I’m usually fairly responsive, but the last two weeks have been rough and I’ve had several people call back multiple times in less than 24 hours when I haven’t gotten back to them yet. One of them was a new potential client, but had a separate deadline (I was not originally aware of) so they wanted to talk with me before that meeting. Another is a current “client” although we haven’t done substantial work for them in years, mostly they call for free legal advice, and this was no different. A third is an actual client who wanted a document from her file (which needed to be pulled and scanned in) and she called three times in one hour. I’ve been trying to focus on getting my backlog cleared out and doing calls when I have a break in the day instead of interrupting myself, but should I be jumping on these calls immediately instead?
Anon
To be honest, the priority is something like
1) person I want something from
2) person I like
3) person who wants something from me
4) person I don’t like
I don’t get to all priority levels in the same timeframe, sometimes never
Shelle
Agree with all of this and to add another layer, 5) person who I know is asking me something after carefully thinking through it and concluding that they are unable to just go look up the answer themselves and not waste my time.
Depends
I think these are all different scenarios. But for current clients, I usually acknowledge receipt in some way and then handle within reasonable timeframe. I get high marks/reviews on responsiveness and 99% of it, is just shooting a quick “Got it. Will do/handle/do X.” in between everything else I am doing.