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Updated: Apr 20, 2021 219 Comments · by

Suit of the Week: Express

Suit of the Week

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For busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional.

I've long been of the opinion that light gray pants are more versatile than white pants for summer — and I was updating an older post with light gray pant options when I found this lovely suit from Express. I think this super light gray (“Puritan gray,” which… ok) looks fabulous. I'm not typically a fan of the “strappy camisole with suit” look, but the monotones here all look fabulous.

The pants (reader favorite the Columnist) are $80 and available in lucky sizes 00–14 in regular, long, short, and petite sizes. The matching double-breasted blazer is $138.

A plus-size option is this light gray herringbone suit from Le Suit; it's on sale for $119.99 at Macy's.

Stay tuned for our latest roundup of light gray pants for work!

Sales of note for 9.10.24

Sales of note for 9.10.24

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Comments

  1. anon

    I don’t need a summer suit, but I really like this. FWIW, my all-time favorite suit jacket is from Express. It fits like a dream, even though I’m not a typical Express customer.

    • EB

      I was thinking I would totally buy it if it was from somewhere nicer than Express. Maybe I should give it a try!

      • anon

        I do very well with Express pants. The fabric is thick and weighty and hangs so nicely– it looks and wears above its weight class!

        • Anon

          Columnist and Editor pants are amazing, and they actually have realistic short lengths. Most brand make “short” inseams that should be considered “regular”, considering the average height of women.

        • Anonymous

          Whatever it is, cami or bustier, I kinda want it. Not to wear to work but maybe a date in the future.

        • Anon

          If cami’s fit me like that (loose, drapey), I’d wear them. I get the sausage-casing effect or just a meh look. It almost looks like part of a bridesmaid’s get-up, but in a way that I am 100% here for. Would totally wear on a date or if I were a soap opera villain with an office job — very modern day Alexis Carrington.

  2. Anon

    I am feeling so run down – what do you do to help mitigate feeling this way in the moment?

    (Planning time off in a few weeks for a lazy vacation. Just need to get there!)

    • MagicUnicorn

      Go for a walk, do a short and gentle restorative yoga video, do something small and creative at a place that is not my desk (like, sit at the coffee table and fold a little origami thing).

    • Mal

      Reading is actually a really good mental distraction from me – ideally something fun, engrossing, fiction of your choice. My brain can’t follow a story and worry/stress at the same time!

  3. anon

    I’m having trouble keeping up with work tasks right now. I don’t think I have too many (although there’s plenty, believe me), but it’s a bad combination of all of them all requiring lots of effort and creativity, plus my pandemic lethargy. That NYT article earlier described it perfectly. My energy levels cannot support this. I am not depressed but I am not particularly motivated/enthused/engaged on any front. (I thought I’d feel better after getting vaccinated, but I really don’t?) I procrastinate until I can’t anymore, and that’s not a very satisfying way to work.

    Help. How are you guys getting through this? Still working from home, if that matters.

    • No Face

      Is anyone kicking A and taking names right now? If someone is, good for them! I’m exhausted and run down.

      • Cornellian

        +1

        I’ve recently found that reverting to a physical ‘to do’ system seems to make my brain produce at least a tiny bit of dopamine. I have tiny post-it notes up with work tasks and home tasks (i.e. order 4T pants, price out paint for bathroom, mop floor) and ripping them off the wall feels “productive” somehow.

        • good luck

          I’m absolutely the same.

          I make tons of lists with check boxes, and enjoy scribbling off every one.

          And I always include low hanging fruit. Like… get dressed. Take shower…. although those don’t seem to be low hanging anymore?

        • Anon

          Retroactive to-do lists are my friend. I have a weekly planner page that is always open on my desk so I don’t forget it exists. I took a shower? Write that down, cross it off with a highlighter (or whatever you do with your lists). There are so many little things I wouldn’t think to put on a to-do list but they still count. Keeps me feeling productive even when I’m running low on forethought needed to make a good list before doing things.

    • Anonymous

      Do you have a link to the article that you’re mentioning? It’s definitely a struggle for all the reasons you listed. WFH makes things easier for me but the rest of the pandemic is still weighing on me so heavily.

    • AnonATL

      Commiseration. I am in a hurry up and wait period with work now. There are things I should be doing to make my life easier a month from now, but I just can’t get them done. I mope around the house for 80% of my day.
      I’m great at knocking out chores on the weekend but not for work.

  4. Anon

    Another painting question! I moved into a rental with textured vanilla walls and a white p0pc0rn ceiling. I want to bring in a really rich color and had planned to paint one or two walls in the unit before realizing the textures. Not sure if I need tips on that or if there is another way. Temporary wallpaper won’t likely stick well to the texture, I worry about if fabric could cover the wall in a way that was not messy (the Type A in me would go bananas), or how else to bring in a lot of color, as I am a minimalist and tend to find that a big color on a wall allows for minimalist decor without it feeling bare.

    Ideas or thoughts? I cannot do rugs due to animals and medium pile carpet is a mixture of light and medium brown. Furniture is black, couch is medium gray. Colorful pillows or a throw doesn’t seem like enough.

  5. Anon

    Need some perspective on an issue with a contractor. We’re having our house painted, and the painters have damaged several of our installed blinds. We had a representative from the blinds company come out and give an estimate, and the cost to repair the damage is over $1200. When our general contractor visited, we pointed out the damage and noted that we were unhappy that no one told us about the damage (we found out by noticing broken pieces that the painters had just hung (or tapped) back up). The general contractor was furious that we brought up the damage and just said that “they’re 15 years old, of course they’re going to break.” He then stormed out of the house and refuses to work with us anymore. Were we wrong to bring up the property damage? I don’t think we were particularly confrontational, just matter of fact. Our home insurance company recommends talking with your contractor first, before contacting them, so we thought we were doing the right thing?

        • Anon

          Do people make claims for things that small? I have a $1000 deductible so that I have low rates and I probably wouldn’t make a claim for anything under $3k to avoid my rates going up due to claims history.

          • Cat

            Oh, good point. I read the part about the OP calling her insurance company and assumed she’d already decided it was worth her while. It may very well not be.

            OP, if you haven’t paid the company the full amount yet… I wouldn’t.

          • anon for this

            Can any insurance experts weigh in on this? My parents always said that if you filed a claim for something that wasn’t your fault, and your insurer was able to get $ from another party, it wouldn’t affect your rates. Because you can’t really control if someone else hits your car, etc. So in this case if OP’s insurer could get payment from the contractor’s insurer, OP’s company wouldn’t be out anything?
            But this comment makes me question whether my parents are right or if that’s an outmoded practice.

    • pugsnbourbon

      The contractor was out of line. Sure, older blinds are brittle, but the reaction should be, “I’m sorry that happened, I’ll work with you on a solution,” not a grown-man tantrum.

      • Anon

        I can see how a response that extreme might shock you into questioning yourself.

  6. Sloan Sabbith

    Looking into new dining room tables (because sewage flood…). I really like the look of the West Elm Modern Expandable Table. It has a white lacquer top. Does anyone have this table that could speak to the top’s durability? Any thoughts about West Elm furniture generally? I’m also looking at the Mid-Century Expandable Dining Table, but the white top would look better in my space. I’m not particularly tough on furniture, no kids, but I also know myself well enough to know that I won’t baby it, either.

    Any one have any other expandable table that they love with the mid-century legs that go out, ideally in a light wood? Ideally under $1000.

    Also, does anyone have any white windsor-back dining chairs they like?

    Thanks!

    • LadyB

      I have the Mid-Century table and love it. It’s a good size without feeling heavy in the space. I’ve only had it ~6 months so can’t speak to how it will hold up, but even after daily use, it still looks the same as the day it was delivered. We get tons of compliments on the wood.

      I have several pieces of West Elm furniture and have been very happy with them and the price to quality. Keep an eye out for sales, you can get some good deals! In store customer service was phenomenal, but I cannot say the same about using the 800 number. One of my chairs arrived with missing hardware and I was told I would have to wait 10 days for the parts department to make a determination. A couple of weeks later, nothing. When I called back, I got the same run around and told I could ship the chairs back (all of them) and they would replace. Randomly, 5 months later, an unmarked package arrived with my hardware. Was not impressed.

    • Trixie

      There are so many solid wood, well made dining room tables on craigs list and FB market place. Case goods were so well made years ago, and are now press board, veneers, etc. I would buy a good table and have it painted white if you want.

      • Sloan Sabbith

        I honestly hadn’t even thought of this- thanks! Looking now. I’ve had a lot on my mind, I’d usually look at places like FB for stuff like this.

    • BeenThatGuy

      I have a had a West Elm table, similar to the Farmhouse expandable table, as my everyday kitchen table for 10 years now. It still looks new and has held up very well. I do use Pledge on it weekly and one in a blue moon I treat it with a wood balm.

    • Anonymous

      We have the mid century expandable and have had it for 4 years – we have like 2 small scratches on but it we’re not particularly careful with the table and it’s held up well. i second the looking for sales comment – I think we got it for 15-20% off during a store-wide sale.

      • Sloan Sabbith

        It’s complicated. I do have my own apartment, which I have kept during COVID because I will go back eventually but I’m living with my parents. It works for me, and works for us post-stroke. I’ll probably go back to my apartment full-time this fall.

    • NY CPA

      Not dining table, but our experience with West Elm furniture was that much of it fell to pieces after 5 or so years (dresser, nightstand). Really unimpressed and will never buy West Elm furniture again.

    • HW

      I have the rectangular mid century expandable table with the angled legs. It’s beautiful and non-fussy, but the angle of the legs means that it really only seats 4 people when it’s not expanded. The modern expandable table looks a little better, but just know that it’s going to be a little tighter to fit people around it compared to a table with straight up-and-down legs.

  7. Leatty

    Can we have a book thread? I’m particularly interested in fiction books written by BIPOC.

    A few recent recommendations from me:
    A Woman is No Man
    anything written by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
    The Vanishing Half
    Homegoing

      • Anonymous

        I really, really wanted to like The Sympathizer, but I had to put it down after the third or fourth incident of “the darkness was vaginal.”

        • Anon

          I actually listened to it as an audiobook and the performance was fantastic. I think if I were reading it I would have abandoned it quickly.

    • Anonymous

      I’m reading Conjure Women right now and it seems good so far, but I’m not very far into it yet. Kindred is also a must if you haven’t read that already.

      • Leatty

        I just ordered Kindred – thanks!
        I read Conjure Women, and I found it to be a bit of a slow read because I didn’t love the characters.

    • Anon

      Stay with Me by Ayobami Adebayo
      The Broken Earth series by NK Jemisin
      Such a Fun Age by Kiley Reid
      The Nickel Boys by Colson Whitehead
      An American Marriage by Tayari Jones

      • Leatty

        I forgot about Such a Fun Age – I read that last year and really enjoyed it.

    • Calrayo

      I recently enjoyed How Much of These Hills are Gold by C Pam Zhang. It has some magical realism elements and really beautiful prose.

      • RILawyer

        I loved this book as well! No one else seems to have ever heard of it, sadly.

    • anon

      Salvage the Bones and Sing, Unburied, Sing by Jesmyn Ward. The entire Broken Earth trilogy by N.K. Jemisin. Augustown by Kei Miller. The Color Purple by Alice Walker.

      If you haven’t ready Toni Morrison yet, I suggest starting with Sula or Song of Solomon or The Bluest Eye. Beloved, Jazz, and Paradise are much more experimental in structure and language and a more difficult introduction, in my opinion, though I think about Paradise all the time over a year after I read it.

      Non-fiction (memoir) but great story-telling: The Yellow House by Sarah Broom. Heavy by Kiese Laymon. Memorial Drive by Natasha Tretheway. Born a Crime by Trevor Noah.
      As an interesting set of books in conversation with each other, James Baldwin’s The Fire Next Time, Ta Nehisi-Coates Between the World and Me, Imani Perry’s Breathe, and the anthology The Fire This Time, edited by Jesmyn Ward.

    • buffybot

      Here are some recentish ones that I’ve read, in addition to the ones you’ve named:
      – Legendborn (Arthurian legend with Black teen girl as protagonist. Not the best fantasy, but still very engaging)
      – Mexican Gothic (gothic horrorish in 1950s Mexico – a bit predictable but still creepy)
      – Trick Mirror (essays)
      – Severance (maybe not the best reading for COVID as it’s all about a post apocalyptic NYC suffering from a flu)
      -Trust Exercise
      -My Sister the Serial Killer
      – The Dragonfly Sea

      • Leatty

        I tried so hard to get into Mexican Gothic, but I’m not just not a gothic fan. Will definitely check out the rest of them.

    • ArenKay

      Second the recommendations for Brit Bennett, Colson Whitehead, Adichie.

      I also loved Girl, Woman, Other
      American Chinatown (Charles Yu) is terrific

      I know there are mystery fans on the board; Atticka Locke’s mysteries (all set in contemporary South) are very good.

      • House Hunters :)

        I just finished Interior Chinatown by Charles Yu earlier this week and loved it.

        I second a lot of these recommendations and will add How Beautiful We Were, by Imbolo Mbue

    • Anan

      Some books/ authors I’ve liked recently:
      The Stationary Shop by Marjan Kamali
      An American Spy by Lauren Wilkinson
      Anything by Kazuo Ishiguro, but particularly When We Were Orphans and The Buried Giant
      Disoriental by Negar Djavadi
      Charles Yu

    • Senior Attorney

      anything written by Octavia E. Butler
      The City We Became by N.K. Jemison (really anything by her, too)
      Deacon King Kong by James McBride (this was SO GOOD)
      Leave the World Behind by Rumaan Alam
      A Man by Keiichiro Hirano
      Trust Exercise by Susan Choi
      Severance by Ling Ma
      Gingerbread by Helen Oyeyemi

      • Anon

        I loved Severance and by coincidentally read it in April 2020 in NYC… it was quite the experience

        • pugsnbourbon

          I loved Severance and by coincidentally read it in April 2020 in NYC… it was quite the experience

          • Senior Attorney

            Oh, I read those at around the same time! Thanks for the reminder!

    • Anon

      The Broken Earth series by NK Jemisin
      Talia Hibbert’s Brown sister romances
      Angie Thomas’s YA books Concrete Rose and The Hate U Give
      Anything by Louise Erdrich, but the Round House might be a favorite
      Make Your Home Among Strangers by Jennine Capó Crucet
      The Good Lord Bird by James McBride (TV series is also great)
      There There by Tommy Orange
      Homeland Elegies by Ayad Akhtar
      Severance by Ling Ma

      currently reading How Beautiful We Were by Imbolo Mbue, which is good so far

    • Anon

      Anyone who has not read Homegoing and Transcendent Kingdom should stop what you’re doing immediately, go to your local bookstore to buy them, and call out sick for the rest of the week.

      • bookish

        Anything by Jhumpa Lahiri. Jasmine Guillory Books, Kyra Davis, Kennedy Ryan, Alisha Rai, Alyssa Cole, Sherry Thomas, Alexa Martin
        Death by his Grace- Kwei Quartey
        This Close to okay – Leesa Cross-Smith
        The Death of Vivek Oji
        You had me at Hola
        Cinderella is Dead (YA)

  8. Maternity Leave Conundrum

    I have a parental leave question that’s a little different than some of the ones I’ve seen discussed here in the past. And also, I recognize coming from a place of privilege. My company has a challenging culture, but has a generous (new) paid maternity/paternity leave policy – six months fully paid, which can be used anytime in the first year following birth/adoption. However, I’m the first member of the executive leadership team (SVP) to get pregnant since this policy has gone into effect, and I’m struggling to figure out how much/when to take it as a senior leader in the company. Other context – this is my first baby, and I’m the primary earner for my family.

    Option A: Take the full six months immediately following the birth of my child. This is definitely my personal preference – gives me the most time to bond with my baby, recover, figure out parenthood with my spouse, delay outside the home child care etc. This would also set the tone for all employees that we’re serious about actually taking paid family leave, and I think I would be able to pretty fully “check out” for six months. However, I have a gut feeling this would be professional suicide in this company. My boss (CEO) is a very “hands-on” (read: micro-manager) and somewhat old school boss. There is also a lot of favoritism and competition among the executive team, and I genuinely worry that I would return with my role not being as secure and with key responsibilities given away. My team would likely be temporarily re-assigned to report to a peer who is a key competitor.

    Option B: Take three months upfront, then come back on some sort of intermittent schedule (3 days in, 2 days off). I recognize this is still a really privileged situation to still have three months of fully paid leave, but my workplace is not really respectful of vacation or sick leave under normal circumstances, and I seriously doubt I would truly be able to be “off” on those days once I come back part-time. I would need to be prepared to work 40 hours a week, even if I’m only officially working 24. I feel pretty confident that nothing would change with my role in those 12 weeks that I’d be out, and I could schedule it in a way where I’d be back in the office part-time for some key annual planning and budget development discussions. But obviously, this has huge downsides for the amount of time I’m with baby in the earliest days and would make child care challenging with a split time schedule.

    Option C might be look for a new job, but I just don’t feel like that’s good timing right now. Advice? Other options?

    • Anon

      Could you take 3 months, go back or 6 and then take another 3? Could your partner (if you have one) cover the 6 month gap when you are back to work?

    • Cora

      Whatever you do, please take all your leave and don’t be sheepish or shy about it. Set the example for folks down the chain. This stuff matters. I personally would prefer A, since B would make me feel like I was always trying to catch up. But do B if you want. Just take all the time and set the example, and don;’t be apologetic.

      • Anon

        This totally matters. When my prior employer expanded maternity leave to parental leave (which included fathers and adoptive parents) one of our most senior male leaders took the whole shebang and it really set a tone.

        Discuss your concerns with the CEO.

    • Anon

      In your position, I would take five months of leave up front and bank one month for emergencies. If you find that your upward trajectory has been halted, find a new job (you’re a young SVP, so that, in theory, should be doable).

      The problem with Option B is that it’s REALLY hard to come back and kick a– right after maternity leave, especially three months in. I came back after 11 weeks, and even with WFH and a baby who slept through the night, was riding the struggle bus every day.

      This is said 100% without any judgement to any parent: 12 or 13 weeks is also so, so early to leave your kid. They are just tiny and helpless in a way that they aren’t even a few months later. This is different if your husband plans on being a SAHD; otherwise, if you have the option to not have to do daycare/nanny at 12 weeks, TAKE IT.

    • Anon

      So I would say that your first priority should be providing for your family. Period. Not setting an example, not not setting an example, etc. If you took option A and the worst happened, how hard would it be to find a new job? Do you want to leave eventually anyway?

      I was in a job like this – I took only a month. Not a great example, BUT I did find, to your point in B that people really didn’t care when I was partially out of the office on and office for months. It was actually much better for me both professionally and personally. I did, however, have an easy uncomplicated delivery, so this wasn’t an issue.

      Much of this board is filled with women at larger organizations who will point out the issues with sort of working during maternity leave, but I think if you’ve worked at a smaller organization you know that sick time can often not really be respected, and there’s not a lot you can do about it (other than leaving).

      • Anon

        I guess all our priorities should be getting food on the table, but there’s also leadership. It matters. If it doesn’t matter to you, then you shouldn’t be a leader.

      • Anon

        Agree that first priority should be providing for your family, but please do not take only one month. I did not have an easy delivery and there is no way on earth i could’ve resumed working after one month. I like the other poster’s suggestion to take five months up front and bank one. And I’d potentially plan for childcare to start at least part time 2-4 weeks before you go back. I took 14 weeks and unlike you it was not all paid, but there was a huge difference with where i was physically and emotionally in those two weeks. I don’t know your organization but I’d take at least 16 weeks, but ideally 20+

    • anon for this

      I would do A. Depending on how strong your HR/company line is on benefits, you are in a fairly good position: you are someone high profile, setting an example, taking leave. And not to borrow trouble, but if they screw with your position while you’re out, you have a decent claim that might land you good severance, at least. (And then look for a new job, if necessary.)

      But I completely agree with the other poster: this stuff matters.

    • No Face

      For me, I like to be all the way gone and then all the way back. Personally, I would do A. If I wasn’t happy with how career development after I was back for year, then option C.

      • NYCer

        +1. I would definitely do A. Speaking from my personal experience, I loved having six months off after my babies were born.

        Two years out from my last maternity leave, my boss literally forgets when and how long I was out for (or even that I was out period some days!).

    • Anon

      A for sure. I took an extended leave (6 months, when we are only given 3) and yeah, some of my stuff did get reassigned but I found new stuff and I’m fully back in the swing a year later. Coming back to work is tough and if you’re not ready it’s a million times worse. You will more likely than not feel short changed if you cut your time short.

    • Anon

      Some words of advice from a fellow exec – nothing matters as much as your baby. If you have leave, please take it. You will return to work and see your baby maybe a couple hours a day during the week, if that. That’s ok! We work. It’s part of the deal. But if you have an opportunity to be with your baby, then take it. Other people in the organization are watching, and part of the leader is sticking your neck out to set the tone and change the culture. Nothing is as dire as it seems. You will come back, get back on track and kill it. People have short memories. Plus, male CEOs LOVE to talk about how they support women. Play up that angle. He can be a hero! And it’s a wonderful anecdote for him to tell during those stupid industry conferences. Take Option A. Anyway, the next 24 months are going to be a killer labor market. You’re going to have options.

      • OP

        Thank you so, so much for al the helpful supportive feedback. I am grateful for this community!

    • Anon

      I was in a similar situation though not as senior as you. My boss’ boss, a woman SVP who had two schoolgoing kids herself, told me she recommends taking 6. But stupid as I was, I took the minimum 3. I told her I was gunning for a promotion and “didn’t want to be mommy tracked”.
      My kid is in fourth grade, I am in my third job after that one, and I should have just taken the full darn six months! I regret it and the SVP was right. Just take it. In the grand scheme of things, these three months won’t matter.

  9. Anonymous

    DH and I have the opportunity to relocate from suburban Chicago to outside of Knoxville TN. Just wondering if the culture shock would be too much. Would it be hard to make friends and fit in? We are Jewish so not bible-belty types ( no offense- more power to you if you are). Kids are in college so not much chance of the meeting other moms type of socializing. Thanks.

    • Nashvillian

      How far outside Knoxville? Knoxville itself is a college town and there are pockets of liberality, but the farther out you go from the City itself, it gets rural, conservative, and religious quickly.

    • Anon

      A lot of people really do like it there. There is a charming downtown area (Market Street) with some great restaurants and a speakeasy. Asheville and Nashville are very easy drives (2 and 3 hours, respectively, on I-40). Smokey Mountains are a very easy trip if you want hiking or pancakes.

      If it’s what you like, it’s a fine place to live. My issue with this area of the country (I live a few hours away) is that it’s a hard place to move to make friends. The cultural fit is always just a little bit off.

      • Anon

        This. I think it’s less of a “cultural issue”, but I’d be nervous of how many transplants live there. I’ve lived in 6 states in the last 15 years, and by far the largest predictor of whether I could make friends wasn’t really the culture (conservative/liberal, religious/not) – it was what % of a town was made up of people who didn’t grow up there. If you grow up somewhere, go to school there, and stay there, you likely have a fully formed social circle and aren’t accustomed to letting people in – even if you’d want to, your life is just more full of people already!

      • Anon

        It’s a college town and not to huge, so my platonic ideal of a place to move to. I am from northern NJ and several of my friends have relocated to eastern TN b/c the COL in NJ is outrageous and Halloween – Easter is just dull gray skies and sad. TN has seasons still — I couldn’t have moved to FLA. I am in NC for Work Reasons and really love it and have a BFF here from Knoxville. There is a ton of migration out of the north / northeast, so depending on where you are it may not be as Tennessee as you think.

        • Anonymous

          Is this by chance Sewanee? I have a Jewish friend that lives there and would be happy to try to connect you if you are interested. Post a burner email if you want to connect. She is a childhood friend who was an immigration attorney in Boston, married a guy pursuing a career in academia, and ended up in Sewanee when he got a job there. I think she is now teaching at least part-time at the university as well. We grew up in SW Florida but her parents are from NYC originally and she has family all over.

    • anonchicago

      Do not do this. I grew up in Knoxville and live in Chicago now. DH is Jewish and super uncomfortable every time we visit.

      I grew up going to a Jewish summer camp and had some non-Christian classmates in school, but it is very much a Bible Belt type town where your social life revolves around your church.

    • Anon

      So, I think it is less problematic since you don’t have kids. You aren’t exposing them to a school where they would be othered. Is there a local synagogue? If so there are some Jewish people you can connect with. Even red states have blue pockets and even red cities still have some blue voters. Volunteer with a blue political group and you will meet blue people in your area.

      However, there is a poster right above me with real world experience that should probably mean more than my speculation. My speculation is based on watching what my in-laws did every time they had to relocate for FILs work and when they eventually retired. They found some people through their not popular in that area religious group and found other people through political events or even FB pages. If my MIL saw someone post a blue thought on a town FB page, she would private message her and say hey! You aren’t the only one. She made a few friends that way.

    • Anon

      As a fellow Jewish person who grew up in a place like the burbs of Chicago and now lives in a large southern city with a lot of Jews, but have still had trouble meeting people we mesh with, I am perplexed as to what is appealing about this opportunity. Lower cost of living? An amazing job?

      • Anon

        I mean, we can’t all afford cool very diverse cities like NY or Vancouver or LA (and SF is too expensive). The rest of us have to live somewhere and get jobs. A small city with a large university in it sounds pretty nice to most of us. If Knoxville is so bad, is like 90% of the country just something to write off?

        • No Face

          And it’s not like those large diverse cities are perfect either. I grew up in a large major city on a coast and live in a small city in a flyover state now. My personal experience with racism is about the same in both places, but I’m much richer here, lol.

          • Anon

            So that leaves every non-city and maybe just NY, BOS, LA, SF, Chicago, Dallas, Houston, Denver, Miami, Philly, Phoenix, Seattle, San Diego, and where else? I feel that Austin, Portland, and other hipster cities are often really small / too expensive / job situation is iffy or underpaid relative to COL.

            I looked at a mansion in the area my extended family is from and it costs about what a 2BR does in my city. I don’t need a mansion (but it was pretty to look at) and with WFH I am seriously considering moving to somewhere with a better COL. Maybe not Knoxville (too random for me; no connections there), but with a similar size / college town profile. That used to be Austin, but I feel priced out. Maybe San Antonio? IDK, but RE prices are too crazy and I feel like at my age I need to be either owning or saving more and right now that’s not possible.

        • AZCPA

          Ok, but finding the right fit is pretty important. I live in a smaller and not cool city, but the “vibe” is right for us. And I too am Jewish, so a vibrant (not necessarily large) Jewish community is super important to me.

        • anon

          Yeah I also find 90% of this country to be an undesirable place to live. If I could no longer afford to live in a major city, I’d move overseas. (Dual citizenship FTW!)

          • Anon

            Good for you, but like 99% of the rest of us just learn to make do b/c we can go abroad easily as tourists but generally are forbidden to work (excepting some COVID-era “work remotely from our country for a while and pls spend your paycheck here” gigs, which I would totally be up for but my essential worker SO can’t WFH so I’m staying put).

    • Anon

      I have kids at home now and feel so busy that if I moved, I might never make friends except for parents of their friends and maybe people I met through work. I feel like you are at a good life stage for meeting new people b/c you have time + motivation. Everyone won’t be just like you. If you are OK with that, I think most people I’ve met in a similar city in the SEUS will be welcoming. You can meet lots of people through your synagogue (and then maybe think — in the bible belt there will be a lot of denominations — Episcopalians, UUs (there are always UUs in any college town), mainstream Presby and Methodists, etc.), not to mention activities (are you outdoorsy? do you bike?). COVID may make that harder, but maybe that just means outside for now :)

    • SSJD

      We have a relative who did this for a really exciting job. She was ultimately very unhappy in Knoxville. She found it very hard to fit in. Jewish was part of the problem, but being a high powered woman was also part of it. Based on her experience, I would never do it.

  10. anon

    I’m going to be going in tomorrow for a follow-up after an ultrasound showed endometrial weirdness (thickened, “heterogeneous” and irregular). They haven’t told me for sure that I will have a biopsy, or what kind I will have if I do. I’m very anxious about the whole process – both the procedure itself and the fact that Dr. Google seems to think that this is a sign of endometrial cancer. Has anyone here been through this?

    • Anonymous

      I haven’t had this experience, but I’ve had biopsies and have had cancer and will tell you that the best thing you can do (and it’s so hard) is to step away from Dr. Google. If you really need info, as a friend or spouse to do some googling for you for fact-based information. Fight the urge to go down the rabbit hole.

    • Anonymous

      I went through a different diagnosis process but with similar scans/biopsies and this is maybe not that helpful – but for me one thing that helped was focusing on how worrying wouldn’t change the outcome but was making me feel bad in the moment, so I tried to curtail it. The diagnosis process felt kind of like a relief. I knew something was in there, and each step I took was a small step toward figuring out what it was, whether it was a problem, and how to deal with it.

      I did end up having cancer and spent 6 months in treatment and adopted a similar approach which I think served me well.

      Good luck and I hope it’s benign.

    • anon

      Thanks for the excellent advice, folks. Am stepping away from the internet until after my appointment tomorrow at least.

  11. EB

    Does anyone have a remarkable tablet? I am being heavily targeted on Insta, and I think they’re close to getting me. I’m a lawyer, who takes notes on a legal pad right now. I am not great about getting them scanned in. I think this might help. I also think it would be super helpful for investigations, where I take notes by hand. It would really speed things up to be able to convert them to text. Would love to hear if anyone has one and if it has helped you or just a really expensive internet impulse purchase.

    • Tea/Coffee

      IANAL and I don’t have a remarkable tablet, but wanted to let you know that I take all my notes on an ipad pro with an apple pencil. I retain things if i read them or write them down, so writing in my natural handwriting is important for me, plus my job involves a lot of sketching and photos and marking things up. It syncs automatically and once i got used to writing on glass with the pencil it has absolutely made me paperless and saves my butt on the regular.
      i don’t convert to text but there are many apps that will do that for you. YMMV

    • Anon

      I’m a lawyer that used to fill notebooks with notes, but I switched to an ipad and apple pencil a few years ago and never looked back. I hate the phrase “game changer,” but that’s what it was for me. I also love that I can highlight / edit PDFs. I use the notability app and it can convert my handwriting to text (it can even convert handwriting to text real-time), or I can open the laptop cover and type.

    • anonnnn

      I have no input but I read this as asking if any of us had a remarkable “toilet” and I was both laughing and very confused!!

  12. Anon

    I just want to shout out into the anonymous abyss that I haven’t gardened in over 2 years (and even then, it wasn’t good) and I am DYING to garden. I feel like Carrie Bradshaw when she said, “Could one of them please just lie on top of me.”

    • anonymous

      Oof. If it makes you feel better to know that you’re not the only one who has been through this, you’re not. I went just over two years before meeting my SO. And it’s not like the years before that were full of abundant, amazing gardening.

    • Anon

      Married for a few years and we barely garden. It’s a lousy, painful experience.

    • Anon

      Married and haven’t gardened in 4 (or 5?) years. I want to stay married but have an affair.

        • Anon

          He’s been an alcoholic for a while. Not drinking now, but has put me through the ringer over the last 10 years. No companionship or effort. And he doesn’t get haircuts, shave, dress nicely or have any game whatsoever. He definitely relies on the fact that I don’t want to get divorced and refuses to put any real effort into it.

    • Monte

      What is the obstacle? Not rhetorical, but sincerely asking so that you can figure out what you need. I went a year without gardening during the pandemic and it made me close to insane, so I prioritized getting vaccinated and joining dumb apps that I hate, but it helped me move to the mindset of being open to things that were off limits for the majority of the pandemic.

      I have now scratched that itch, and that was not ultimately a relationship I wanted to stay in, but I am still thinking about what I need to do to make sure that I don’t find myself in a similar position going forward. Celibacy and I do not agree. Do what you have to do.

    • Def anon

      Over nine years for me. I had a boyfriend when I started college and then… nothing since. I’m not religious per se but see gardening as something for a relationship (I have done some… preparing to garden? with men in that intervening time but didn’t keep seeing them long enough to actually garden with them), and I haven’t been in a relationship since then.
      It’s really sh*t.

    • anomanomanom

      Same girl, same. What I can tell you to not do is venture down the hot single dad area of tiktok, as it won’t help lol. For the first time ever in being single I don’t have a person I could call, well at least not that would be a remotely good idea.

  13. Anonymous

    I got a windshirt with pockets at a marathon I volunteered at before the pandemic. It has been in my closet. Is this the sort of garment that people use for biking or running maybe? Or is it just a throwaway item used to ID race volunteers? In that case it would be a donate item.

  15. Anna

    How is your dining table decorated?
    I’m moving into my own place for the first time and I’m super excited to decorate it as I like. My current dining table (with roommates) is very cluttered and ideally if I have my own dining table I can keep it clean. No one has table clothes anymore right? What about placemats? Some sort of centerpiece?
    This table would be used both for eating and also right now for WFH. So I’m going to need to figure out a place to put my work stuff at the end of the day too.

    • Anon

      I recently got the ivory faux leather placemats from CB2 and I really like them. I like the look and they are easy to clean. No tablecloth. I am looking for a small faux flower arrangement to put in the center.

    • Anonymous

      We recently got tablecloths for the first time, but it’s very hard to keep it clean. I might stick with the fun tartan tablecloth we have for Christmas and go back to bare the rest of the time. We do like to do a holiday centerpiece (pomanders in a sterling silver bowl always looks good), but the rest of the time, we have candlestick holders or nothing.

    • JTM

      My table has placemats. I also use a trifle bowl from C&B as a fruit bowl & that serves as the centerpiece.
      My husband uses the dining room table as his WFH desk, and at the end of the day he packs up his laptop/papers & puts them on the buffet in the dining room, so we have space for dinner as a family.

    • anonshmanon

      I used to have a lovely driftwood centerpiece and a solid color table cloth. Now it’s my desk, so vastly less good looking!

    • Anon

      It is highly aspirational for me (and many others?) to expect a clutter-free dining table all the time. It’s such an easy dumping ground! But when we do clear it off at the end of the day to eat, we have placemats and that’s about it. All the other stuff we bring from the kitchen to eat and then return back to the kitchen. A dining table attracts clutter already, don’t need to put more stuff on there.

    • Anonymous

      Right now? 4 monitors, 2 docking stations, and a bunch of cords. I miss it being minimal and decorated with a sole large metal bowl.

      • Anna

        I have this dream that I will have that minimal decoration, and since I don’t use a monitor and my work stuff is really just a laptop + notebook + pen + charger, I’ll take it off and put it back every day.

    • Skipper

      I have a batik table cloth I made myself and a vintage jug with a (live) bouquet as a centerpiece. When I don’t have fresh flowers, I use either a potted plant or a couple of candle sticks as a table décor.

    • Anon

      I really love a table with nothing on it until mealtime so my table isn’t “decorated.” We do use placemats but again, put them on as needed. A nice clean table looks better than anything cluttered up, to my eye.

    • Elle

      I have placemats and keep an aloe plant as my centerpiece, unless I have fresh cut flowers. Our tablecloth only comes out at the holidays

    • Anonymous

      I have a rectangular table that has a runner down the center and then a long, narrow, rectangular wicker tray that holds 5 square votive candle holders. My home is pretty casual and this doesn’t look fussy but it looks like I tried.

    • Anonymous

      I love table runners! I like tablecloths too but they get dirty quickly in my house.

  16. Anon 2.0

    Favorite brands for dress pants? I have worked in the office this entire time, but now that we are open to the public again I need to a dress a bit nicer. My dress pants are looking worse for the wear. Looking for skinny/straight legs – no bootcut. Preferably a flat, pull on waist – I know, I know but I have come to hate buttons, and would like black/navy/charcoal.

    • No Face

      My Alfani pull on, straight leg pants from Macy’s are very comfortable and professional-looking.

  17. House Hunters :)

    I’m requesting opinions on which apartment you would pick. Neither is perfect — each has pros and cons, and for the purposes of this question let’s pretend they are the only two options. Future residents are me, my elementary age daughter, and our cat, our fish, and way too many plants. The prices are almost identical, as are carrying costs. Both buildings have good financials, are in good repair, etc. They are on opposite ends of the neighborhood where I currently live. I’m pretty minimalist with stuff. I’m currently WFH but will be returning at some point this summer, so that’s not a huge consideration.

    Option 1: In a large elevator building on an avenue that’s right next to a highway. There’s a gas station half a block away across the street, and some bus stops. It’s not the most picturesque block. About a 10-15 minute walk from kid’s school. The apartment is much bigger than option 2 — there is a separate eat-in kitchen, and the living room and both bedrooms are large. Windows face north-west and north-east, some onto the avenue and some elsewhere — it’s on a high floor so there’s no obstruction of light. The kitchen has white cabinets, laminate counters and linoleum floors, probably from the 90s. Appliances are more recent and in working order. Bathroom has ugly off white tile from the 80s or 90s, but again, everything works. I will have enough savings to replace an appliance if it breaks, but would need to save up for a kitchen and bathroom renovation, which will likely take several years. Laundry is in the building on the first floor (which is a set up I am happy with).

    Option 2: 2nd floor of a walk up building, on a busy avenue but facing the back courtyard (windows mostly west), which has a beautiful tree. We would need to take the bus or a long walk to kid’s school — either way it would be 20-30 minutes. I would have the option of transferring her to another school that’s much closer, and has a very good reputation, but would need to do more research. Apartment is much smaller — kitchen is basically in a hallway that you walk through after entering the apartment. Kitchen is open to the living room, which has a dining area near the kitchen. The living room has a woodburning fireplace (I love the idea but I think I would use it but I’ve never had one so I don’t really know) and the dining area has a built in bench/banquette, which I love and would definitely use. The bathroom and kitchen are nicely renovated in the last 2-3 years– they aren’t exactly to my taste but close enough. The kitchen is small but the owners did a really good job with it so it is very functional (and much much nicer than what I currently have). Laundry in the apartment, and the apartment comes with a storage unit in the basement that’s the size of a large walk-in closet. Bedrooms are much smaller — I would give my daughter the bigger one because I barely use mine.

    Which would you pick and why?

    • Anonymous

      No. 1. The downsides to 1, besides the less than picturesque block, are all changeable. The downsides to 2 are baked in the cake. You can’t make it bigger. Wood burning fireplaces are a PAIN unless you live in a cabin in the woods.

    • Senior Attorney

      If you are happy with the basement laundry, then #1 seems like a no-brainer. I’d go for the space and the light and the short commute to school.

      • Anon

        +1 The school commute would be the deciding factor for me, but I think size is important as well, especially with a growing kid.

        • Anon

          This, but how long is the kid at the school for (in my city, some schools are K-6, but others are K-8, some are 6-8, one is 6-12, then most are 9-12) we rezone every 10 years; currently my kids take a bus across the city to a magnet school).

    • anon

      I’d pick Option 2 because not having laundry in the apartment is a deal-breaker for me. But if you’re happy with the laundry setup on Option 1, I’d go with that for proximity to kid’s school, elevator (especially nice if someone gets hurt), natural light, and larger rooms, especially the larger kitchen.

      • OP

        Thanks for the thoughts so far — I just want to clarify that option 2 has good light, possibly better than option 1, but definitely not worse.

        So interesting to see everyone’s thoughts!

    • Ada

      I would go with #1.
      #2 sounds nice too, but you won’t really use the fireplace that much. And I think that is a bit too far from school.

    • Cat

      I lived in an apt that had mainly west windows and never really enjoyed the view because on sunny days it was blinding and we kept the shades closed, FWIW.

      As far as maintenance costs – how bad are special assessments at either place? In some sense a smaller building feels lower risk (less to go wrong), but there’s also fewer owners to spread the cost if something is catastrophic.

    • Anonymous

      Neither. You’re in a city there are never just two options. I’d rent if this is all you can afford.

    • Anon

      As someone that has been on crutches more times than I care to admit, I would never do a walk-up for that reason alone. If you had somewhere else you could stay in some kind of mobility emergency, that’s a different story.

    • Anonymous

      Things I would be concerned about – which might not be something you’re bothered about at all.

      Noise – how’s the noise from the highway and gas station for number one? Will it be all right to have the windows open without being bothered by the noise?

      Safety – for number one, what kind of gas station? would you be concerned with kid walking around that area alone? For number two, what kind of longer school route? would it be a more dangerous route in terms of traffic? I mean, a 20-30 minute isn’t a long route, I had about a 1.5 mile walk to school in elementary, and that was absolutely fine, but it would depend on the route.

      Wood-burning stove – do you live somewhere where electricity regularly fails and it’s good to have a backup heat source? If not, I wouldn’t consider it more important than space.

      Best features: number one: separate kitchen; number two: laundry.

      What would I pick? Probably number one, wanting to install in-apartment laundry long-term.

    • Anonymous

      Your daughter is likely to change school at some point, right? If so that may not be a very important factor. Where do her friends live – could she walk to them from either place? Does one layout or another offer more privacy? As she gets older she’s probably going to want more space. I would lean towards option 1, because more space is always great, and the street noise would probably be minimized by being on a high floor. If you live somewhere you keep windows open part of the year, do be sure to see if you are comfortable with the noise level with the windows open. We’re on the 2nd/3rd floor and i cannot sleep with our window open more than a crack, even with earplugs. Now for my apartment dwelling laundry rant*: I’ve never had in-unit laundry and don’t understand that obsession – with a building laundry room and commercial washers you can usually knock out 3 loads at once and be done in 1.5 hours. (I have a kid too). And not having a laundry room means you are forced to fold/put away quickly – I never have mildewy forgotten clothes. You do need to make sure the ratio of washers/dryers to apartments is sufficient.
      *Part of the pathology of living in NYC is the ability to convince yourself that inconveniences are actually advantages.

    • NYCer

      You said the apartments are on opposite ends of your neighborhood, but which end do you prefer? Our apartment is also on the edge of our neighborhood and when we were looking for apartments, I did not consider any apartments on the opposite end because I much prefer our current area.

      If you are ambivalent, I would probably go with #1 for the bigger space and higher floor.

  18. Anon

    Can anyone recommend a white duvet cover that is both extremely soft and also doesn’t wrinkle horribly? I got the Tencel duvet cover from West Elm and while it’s soft, it wrinkles bad (and is also too big for the duvet that I also got at West Elm…).

    • AnonMPH

      I have the Belgian Flax Linen duvet cover from West Elm and while linen usually wrinkles a lot, I find that that the duvet cover isn’t very wrinkly. The sheets get wrinkled, but the duvet always looks relatively smooth (or at least the wrinkles that show up look purposeful). I’m a big fan of linen sheets/duvet cover because I sleep hot and I do find them cooling and also very soft, but I find that linen is a polarizing bedding topic.

    • Anonymous

      Can’t recommend a particular brand, but would look for satin weave Egyptian cotton in (luxury) hotel quality, the ones that are sort of stripey, or alternatively a damask weave. You will need to iron it after washing it, but a high quality cotton won’t wrinkle as easily as other natural fabrics.

    • Anon

      I use a Wamsutta cotton cover which sounds like it would be wrinkly, but it is stuffed with a perfect fit Wamsutta cotton duvet. The perfect fit means that the duvet doesn’t shift and fills the cover completely. I think that is why it looks smooth and crisp.

  19. Ada

    Did you notice a significant difference in your day-to-day appearance, or in how long you took to get ready each day when you started getting regular haircuts/manicures/pedicures/etc?

    I’m at the point where I have the time and money to schedule and do a regular hair cut and manicure/pedicure. I’m usually pretty low-maintenance, and in the past I’ve cut my hair when it looked scraggly and gotten a mani/pedi either before an event or like in the spring.

    I just know that people do this things more regularly (and my hairdresser would like me to). I know people have mentioned these types of things here as a way to easily look “polished”, and maybe thats something I need to think about more.

    • Cat

      Polished, yes, but getting-ready time can vary. Like, if you are used to throwing long hair back in a ponytail or bun that takes 2 seconds, but switch to a bob, you can’t really pull it back the same way — meaning it’s now a 10-minute blow dry instead.

      I go hot and cold on manis and pedis. I got good enough at doing my own toes at home that I’m not sure if I’ll ever get a professional pedicure again – maybe just once or twice a year for the buffing. Manis are tricky because they get addictive — like, trimmed cuticles look fabulous for a few days and then look messy, chipped polish is less ‘polished’ than no polish, etc, and eventually if they buff your nails every time, your nails get super weak.

      Ideally I’d get a mani monthly as a treat and then either do natural nails or a hard-to-mess-up sheer pink the other weeks… but for now I’m just rocking the natural nails with well-moisturized cuticles.

      • Ada

        My new trick is to buy the nail polish color I want and bring it to the nail salon so that when it invariable chips I can remove the nail polish and re do it. It’s not the exact same quality as the salon, but if they’ve done the buffing and all fairly recently I have gotten good at re-doing it.
        The one thing I’m not great at is funnily enough cutting/shaping my nails, and sometimes I’m tempted to get a manicure just for that.

    • Anon

      Yes, absolutely. I look way more “polished” than I did before regular hair color and hair cuts. Also, much less regular for me but using Crest white strips and getting manicures also makes a huge difference in my appearance. I think all of the things are subtle enough that very few people would notice the specifics, but I do, and I’m doing it for me anyway. And I’m guessing that an overall impression of my appearance is much better, but I haven’t asked anybody because like I said, I’m doing it for my benefit.

    • anonnnn

      None of these things change how long it takes me to get ready each day (but that said, I have never not gotten a regular haircut so take that for what it’s worth). However, I absolutely feel more polished when my nails are done (as a picker, my hands look rough unless I am very attentive to them) and will never wear open toed shoes without having painted toenails. I do the mani/pedi part myself because I am super picky and it’s a Sunday night fun ritual for me.

    • pugsnbourbon

      Getting a haircut that works for my texture and lifestyle really helped me. I have a pixie, and those require more time in the chair (as has been discussed here), but the benefit is that it’s wash and go 90% of the time. I’m not saying you have to get a pixie; what works for you might be different.

    • Anon

      I’m decent about maintaining haircut/color, mani/pedi have always been a rare treat, but I schedule brow waxing religiously and keep it up. My brows being tamed is a huge factor in making me feel put together – not sure if it actually affects time in the morning, but I know I’m much happier with the end result when my eyebrows are groomed wel.

    • Anon

      My hands looked better when I got regular mania but they destroyed my nails so I’m not going back to that. My hair looked better when I was getting it professionally cut but I’ve been cutting it myself over the pandemic and it looks pretty good. (People keep asking me how I’ve managed to get my hair cut when the salons have been closed so apparently I’m fooling them all.)

      I will go back to regular haircuts, preferably at someplace cheaper than my old $100-ish place, and skip the mani pedis except for fancy occasions.

    • Anonymous

      I’m in my 30s and I don’t do any of those things (I get haircuts irregularly). I don’t plan to start either. If more time opened up for me, I’d want to do other things with it. Are you sure that this is something you WANT to know or something you feel like you COULD do?

    • AZCPA

      For me, yes. I prioritize periodic maintenance to reduce my daily time spent. Regular haircuts, polished nails, tinted brows all mean I feel polished on a daily basis without putting on makeup. I spend longest on my hair – 5 minutes on a short bob. And I did laser for body hair, so cut shaving out of my regular routine too.

      But I grew up in a household where looking polished was “important.” I wore full makeup to work up until Covid. If you are happy with how you look, no need to add stuff to your routine because your hairdresser wants to be paid more often.

  20. LaurenB

    Mentoring a mid-twenties woman who has been given the feedback that she does not exude self-confidence in front of her clients. She knows her stuff and is good behind the scenes in getting the job done, has a great work ethic, but her personality in general is reserved so it comes across as lack of confidence, passiveness, “cold” body language, etc. I think she is unaware of this. She’s a very nice (and funny) person, but slow to warm up in general. I struggle with how to coach this – she needs to know how to “own a room” but it’s hard for me to give specific suggestions on how to accomplish that, and I also don’t want to turn everyone into the same expansive personality, if you know what I mean. Thoughts / suggestions? I did suggest Toastmasters, though I don’t know what’s going on there from a Covid standpoint.

    • Curious

      There’s a LeanIn Circles module on Communicating With Confidence that might work. LeanIn has its share of issues, but this particular training is generally very well received among the women I’ve coached.

    • Anonymous

      I tell all junior employees I either supervise or mentor – they need to find someone they believe is an expert communicator, observe, model and repeat. I also tell them to pick the attributes they like best about the person/s they are modeling, but then adapt to their own style. It’s a lot easier to observe/mimic over time than give a book to read or a class to take. And I’m just not a super-fan of Toastmasters unless someone has a significant problem with nervousness and just needs more practice in general.

    • Ribena

      Viv Groskop has a book on public speaking for women literally called ‘how to own the room.’ I read it on audio and I thought it was really fantastic.

  22. Lawyer Business Generation

    Question for the lawyers (and others with client generation knowledge) – A partner at my small firm got referred a client. The client is seeking an ongoing relationship with my firm. But there was a hearing today and my partner was unavailable to assist them at all this week, so asked me to handle. I did and the client is extremely happy and is now asking that the relationship be with me, not with my partner. There is no formal agreement yet. I get paid differently (very differently) based on whether the client is “mine.” How do I handle internally? I should note that I like my partners, but also that the financial upside is meaningful to me — moreso than it would be to my partner.

    • Anon

      At my firm, the “relationship” partner is the relationship partner regardless of who works on the case and never, ever, ever changes unless someone retired or dies. It keeps people from stealing each other’s clients. Even if the client wants the relationship to be with someone else, the relationship partner does not change. Th only way to change it is to leave the firm and take the client with you.

      However, the “responsible” partner can be someone else. A lot of times the relationship partner will agree to split origination credit with someone else. That is usually a different area of specialization but can be for any reason.

    • An.On.

      We don’t have a separate financial allocation at our firm, so there’s nothing but feelings riding on the outcome, but it still feels very awkward anytime a client asks to change attorneys internally. Most of the time the original attorney still feels like its “their” client, even if they aren’t handling the file anymore. I think timing would also play a part – how far into the matter have you gotten? Switching halfway through would make less sense to me than re-assigning at the beginning or end of the file. That being said, this can’t be the first time clients have asked to switch, right? Wouldn’t your firm have some guidelines in place?

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