ByKat Hours Updated
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Coffee Break: Acrylic Picture Frame

blue lucite picture frame that looks like a darker blue from certain angles

I'm usually more of a “pick frames up if I see them on sale” person, but this lucite one from Tizo Design looks great for your office, whether at home or work. I like the way it looks light blue from some angles, and darker blue from others, yet is ultimately a really simple frame.

The picture frame is $69 at Shopbop; it also comes in a dusky pink.

(It looks like Amazon does have a few more affordable options like this or this.)

Sales of note for 12.13

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals on skincare including Charlotte Tilbury, Living Proof, Dyson, Shark Pro, and gift sets!
  • Ann Taylor – 50% off everything, including new arrivals (order via standard shipping for 12/23 expected delivery)
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19
  • J.Crew – Up to 60% off almost everything + free shipping (12/13 only)
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off everything and free shipping, no minimum
  • Macy's – $30 off every $150 beauty purchase on top brands
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off, plus free shipping on everything (and 20% off your first order)
  • Talbots – 50% off entire purchase, and free shipping on $99+

129 Comments

  1. I’ve had this same argument with several SOs so I’m starting to wonder AITA. I make coffee at home and take it to work. I usually bring two 16 oz travel mugs. I almost always drink one entire mug and I usually don’t drink much of the second unless I’m at work longer than normal, which is at least once a week. I make the same amount of coffee every day; it’s easier on the mental load – I’m not going to calculate how long I’ll be at work and how much coffee I think I’ll need when I’m just waking up – and I’d rather have too much than not enough. My office doesn’t have decent coffee, so if I want more I have to interrupt my day to walk to a coffee shop.

    Over the years my non-coffee drinking SOs (including the current one) have complained because they think this is wasteful. They have a point, and I do hate food waste, but on balance I think it’s less expensive to waste the equivalent of 1 scoop of beans 4 out of 5 days a week than to buy a coffee when I’d want another cup. It also avoids a disruption in my day and any anxiety about wanting more than I have with me. I also feel a bit nitpicked when an SO brings this up. I think it sticks out to them because this particular expense is just for me. So what do we think, is my wasteful coffee habit a real problem I should curb, or is SO wrong to nitpick?

      1. +1,000. I also hate food waste and try to minimize it. But this complaint is aboslutely absurd. Coffee beans are pretty inexpensive compared to purchasing coffee, and this makes your life easier. I wish my small conveniences were this cheap!

        1. right? This is not a food cost issue to worry about. I’d totally be tempted to refer to it as my ‘international development funding’ given that all coffee is imported.

      2. +1 this is something I would *maybe* lovingly tease my SO about (the way they lovingly teases me about the half empty diet coke cans that pile up on my desk), but it would really irritate me if someone was giving me genuine grief about it. What is it to them? Do they nitpick about other things? If this is a one-off thing, then I would try a heartfelt, “Honestly, I hear you, but this is my thing, and it hurts my feelings when you keep bringing it up, please drop it.” If it’s a pattern of larger micromanagement… that would not work for me.

      3. This. I’ve been married 17 years and I could not tell you how DH deals with or doesn’t deal with the coffee situation at work. Sometimes he seems to have a travel mug with him? Your SO needs hobbies.

        FWIW – we are big coffee drinkers – like 5 cups/day each. And we’re picky about our coffee.

    2. That’s a lot of coffee! Are you buying especially expensive beans? Spending more time grinding beans for coffee you won’t drink with a really annoying grinder?

      I’m against waste, but I don’t see this as a big deal unless something else is implicated. I’d be really annoyed at someone begrudging this quirk.

      But, I wouldn’t want to make and tote extra coffee. Have you considered alternatives like decent instant coffee, bottled coffee beverages, etc to have on hand for that one day a week?

      1. My first thought was the sound of the grinder. Is your SO annoyed that the noise lasts longer than necessary? Are there grounds on the counter or floor? Do your two(!) 16oz travel mugs take up too much space in the drying rack or dishwasher? Is he annoyed that your shared money is being thrown in the garbage? If you buy ground coffee, have separate finances, clean up every morning, and don’t hog kitchen real estate then it’s not his problem. But 32oz is half the volume of water you should drink daily. That’s a ton of coffee, I can’t imagine any doctor would be pleased with this.

    3. This honestly does make me cringe if I’m imagining some third wave, single origin coffee that people labored over every step of the way from the farming to the sorting to purchasing to the roasting, and that even coffee shops are brewing by pour over on demand. I don’t throw out this kind of coffee; I’ll stick it in the fridge and drink it cold with cream the next day if I don’t finish it.

      But if it’s the kind of coffee that coffee shops are brewing in coffee makers and dumping whenever they don’t sell enough, I don’t think you’re making a drip in the bucket of coffee waste in the world.

      1. I can get the cringe factor but honestly, even if it was fancy, I wouldn’t give someone else grief about it. Falls in the bucket of small things that someone is giving outsize moral weight, like nitpicking someone’s use of straws – it’s fine, even admirable to be ethically scrupulous about stuff like that yourself but I wouldn’t put it on someone else. Cost I’d bring up with an SO only if it’s literally a significant portion of our shared budget. Otherwise it’s just not worth litigating

        1. I don’t worry about straws, but it honestly would bother me if a partner seemed contemptuous of that level of effort and care or even just oblivious to it. There’s already not enough to go around, and it’s often purchased on auction, etc.

          But if it’s “good coffee” in the sense that it’s Dunkin’s or Starbucks and not Chock Full O Nuts, I still think making a lot and dumping what isn’t used is no different from how extra coffee is treated industry wide.

    4. I’m thinking your SO has *way* too much time on his hands amd needs a hobby.
      Your local Starbucks wastes more coffee in an hour than you do all week.

    5. I think it’s wasteful but not to the point that I’d nag an SO about it. I’m a coffee drinker but not a coffee snob, and I only drink iced coffee, so maybe this is a dumb question but can you not just leave the leftovers in the fridge for the next day?

    6. I mean, it is wasteful.

      But also it sounds like it only affects you, right? So do whatever you want with your coffee!

    7. This is so stupid. How do they even know how much you’re drinking during the day? Tell SO to mind their business.

    8. I certainly wouldn’t argue with you about it, but I find it weird that it’s harder for you to take a millisecond to plan out how much coffee you’ll need for the day than to waste good coffee.

        1. That was my only question about this. Some days I make a mug of coffee and drink the whole thing and go back for more, and other days I drink maybe half the mug and dump the rest; that’s my business. If my beloved husband of 24 years commented on this – and especially commented on it more than once – I’d tell him to mind his own beeswax. I mean, of all the things to nitpick…

          But from a logistics perspective, I don’t understand two 16-ounce mugs vs. 1 32-ounce mugs. 2 mugs = more to carry and two mugs that can spill, vs. just one. That’s the only part of OP’s situation that I have a question about, and it’s not a serious question.

    9. You are NTA. If anything this sounds like thrifty/smart behavior. They would hate dating me lol.

        1. I know people who go to Starbucks every day, sometimes more than once a day, and don’t always drink all of what they buy. Coffee costs pennies per serving when you make it yourself, unless you’re using super-expensive beans. Of all the wasteful financial choices OP could be making, I seriously seriously doubt throwing out a serving of coffee every few days is the worst one any of us could conceive of. Ever bought an expensive top or lipstick you didn’t end up wearing/using after the first time? You’ve wasted more money than OP is wasting on coffee.

          1. Is it really that cheap? When I made my own at home, I did the math once and it was $1-something per cup. Which is, to be sure, a lot less than at a coffee shop, but it does add up if you’re drinking several cups per day. I definitely wasn’t using especially fancy beans.

          2. Anon @ 10:30 I’m curious how much grounds you’re using per serving? I drink a LOT of coffee, at least 25 ounces/day, and a standard sized bag of ground coffee ($8-$10 at my grocery store) lasts me a week to a week or so. So cost per cup is <$0.50.

    10. Get a coffee making set up for your office so you can make your second thermos there if you need to.

    11. I’ll admit, I’m the non-coffee drinking spouse in my marriage, and while I wouldn’t nitpick, seeing my spouse regularly throw away close to half of anything we bought would probably give me pause. That is pretty wasteful! I get what you’re saying about not wanting to think about it first thing in the morning, but if you’re really not drinking it most days, then I would think seriously about alternatives- settling for the subpar office coffee, drinking tea instead, coming up with a way to make it at work, or just taking the opportunity to actually take a break and get a fancy coffee. It might not be much cheaper, but it would be less wasteful.

        1. I took that to mean she wouldn’t argue with her spouse about it, but she also believes it is wasteful. You can hold two beliefs at once!

          2. This, but also that I wouldn’t nitpick my spouse because he hasn’t asked for my opinion, but OP did!

    14. I think you’re right here, though I have to admit the waste aspect of this would probably bug me, too. (Not enough that I’d hassle you about it, if it were your money, though!) I only occasionally want coffee at work, so I keep instant coffee around – maybe that’s worth trying for you? (Though I find the instant coffee surprisingly expensive; it wouldn’t shock me to learn that your method is still cheaper.)

      You could point out that in most group coffee settings (offices, restaurants, etc.), it’s standard to just brew a pot and toss whatever doesn’t get drunk. Years back, I worked at a casual steakhouse (think Applebee’s or Chili’s – not a lot of call for coffee), and the rule was to brew a new pot any time it was requested, unless you knew it had been brewed in the past 20 minutes – so that frequently meant brewing a whole pot to only serve a cup or two.

    15. Whaaaa? This is not wasteful. It’s wasteful to get coffee out and throw out the container.

      I think non-coffee drinkers don’t understand that with a coffee maker, there is sort of a minimum amount of coffee grounds that need to be in there to make any coffee, and additional cups are a small amount of additional coffee.

      But they shouldn’t be policing coffee consumption.

      1. I agree with you that the SO shouldn’t be policing this.

        But it’s not more wasteful to buy a cup of coffee out than to pour out 40% of the coffee you make in a week. She already has the reusable cup that she brought to work for the first cup, so she can just get the coffee shop to fill that.

    16. Honestly this would give me pause on staying in the relationship. This is absolutely trivial and insignificant, I cannot imagine even noticing this as a SO. I am not someone who enjoys counting every penny or living in a mindset of perfection. I like to get my stuff done and sometimes that means it costs more or wastes collateral items (like coffee) in favor of my time and sanity. I couldn’t be with someone who challenged my entire way of living like that.

    17. Get a Zojirushi insulated travel mug. That will keep your spare coffee hot for 24-36 hours.

    18. What do you mean by argument? Yelling and cursing you for your choice? Continuing to harp on it week in and week out? Mentioning it once and being blunt about the waste?

      It’s a little odd, and everyone is triggered by some kind of waste that other people feel is necessary and justified, so I don’t think it’s wrong for a SO to question you about it and make their opinions known. But if they continue to malign you over this then yah, it’s a red flag.

    19. I do not drink coffee and have no clue how much my husband dumps out every day. He makes a full pot and drinks a lot of it. It never occurred to me to care. And we are frugal people!

    20. NTA. I’m similar to you: I’d rather have too much coffee than not enough. Over the years, I’ve done a few different experiments. 1) bring one mug, buy a second cup on days you want it. It’s $3 and takes me less than 15 minutes to retrieve. I do find this incintevizes me drinking more coffee so I should just bring the 32 oz. YMMV. 2) Bring one mug for a week, see if you really need the second. If yes, go back to bringing 32 oz of coffee. 3) Bring 24 oz of coffee and see if you need more.

    21. I fall in the camp of just not really understanding the idea of carrying (and then having to wash ) two travel mugs back and forth mostly needlessly, but I don’t know why this is something that anyone but you should worry about. The only way this would be on my radar if my SO did this is if I had to deal with their mugs after the fact, in which case I would probably just get them a bigger travel mug and call it a day.

    22. This is like the time I dated a guy who thought teabags were wasteful. I also prefer loose leaf tea, but I’m unwilling to forego bagged tea under any and all circumstances.
      So yes it’s wasteful and yes I would do it differently but it really doesn’t matter and you’re NTA.

      1. No I think that guy is nuts. This is a way more reasonable complaint even if it’s something most people wouldn’t pick a fight over.

    23. Our coffee costs $19/lb so yeah, I’d be a bit annoyed with my spouse if he consistently took an amount he knew was going down the drain.

      1. Yeah, OP is wasting 40% of her coffee and honestly that would bother me because of the waste, but also definitely if I were contributing to the cost.

    24. This is crazy pants! I do this same thing everyday and I almost always have a little left over that I pour out. I make the same amount every.single.day since I don’t know exactly how much I might drink and do not want to run out. If my SO commented on this I would tell them to mind their one f’ing buisness.

      1. OP isn’t drinking almost half of the coffee she makes. Not just a few sips left at the end of the day.

        1. Why are you so wrapped around the axle on this? Why do you care so much? I guarantee you, you waste more money on other stuff you do than OP is wasting on coffee. Unless you’re one of those people where everything you own is something you fished out of a dumpster.

          1. I don’t care about how OP spends her money. I’m constantly rubbed the wrong way about the thoughtless consumption people post about here, like SA buying J. Crew sweaters in every color, or someone who just NEEDS a new outfit for their third grader’s parent teacher conference, or whatever. Is this the most egregious example? Obviously not. Am I perfect? Nope, but I feel bad about my overconsumption and try to reduce it,’not brag about it on the internet.

          2. I honestly see nothing wasteful about buying J. Crew sweaters in every color and think it’s fine to use occasions as reasons to buy new outfits. People need clothes!

          3. *snort* that was years ago and I wore them until they fell apart.

            But enjoy the view from your high horse…

    25. To answer the question, yes, your SO is being unreasonable and nitpicky about this, and the issue is trivial. My advice is to respond that you’ve heard them, you’re going to do what you’re currently doing, and it’s not up for discussion anymore.

      I don’t think you asked for advice on how to do your coffee differently so I don’t know why everyone is jumping all over that. I think your SO might be on this thread,

      1. This is the internet, of course people are going to comment on other things from OP’s post. Especially when it’s a kind of ridiculous situation.

    26. No one else said it, so I will: your SO is literally bean counting. Do you want to be in a lifelong relationship with someone who bean counts?

      1. I think multiple people here are really projecting their own ideas about what exactly the SO is doing. We have no details about that. “I’ve had this same argument with several SOs” could mean anything from they’ve brought it up once and rolled their eyes at OP to they yell and berate her daily.

    27. It is sort of wasteful, but don’t we all do things that are either wasteful or more expensive because of convenience? My husband and I both drink coffee. He makes us a pot in the morning and takes a travel mug with him to work. I work from home most of the time and drink anywhere from 1-3 cups per day. Sometimes he comes home and there is still coffee in the coffee pot and sometimes there isn’t. We have never discussed whether we should make a different amount each day. I usually don’t know if it is going to be a 1 or 3 cup day when he is making it lol.

    28. Depends.

      If you have joint finances are living very frugally by necessity, and then throwing away 40 percent of whatever something as a matter if routine, that’s bad.

      If you live comfortably and can easily afford the max amount of coffee, I would think of this as «fun money» spent, or whatever line in your budget is your spend-on-whatever. I’m assuming your current and previous SOs also have a budget for discretionary spending that brings joy or makes life easy.

      If at any point you should want a different system – put hot water in mug two, and make tea or a sugary monstrosity of a drink the days you need one. For tough extra hours I love mint tea, but I sometimes go for either a coffee bag or a powdered praline latte…

    31. The real solution here is a French press travel mug. Fill with ground beans at the beginning of the week. Keep it at work, fill with hot water when you need a fresh cup of coffee.

    32. Did I accidentally land on the frugalwoods blog?
      Never have I ever been more grateful for the chill way my H and I approach life.

  2. Is there a way to change my attitude, mentally, emotional response to hospitality? I have a lot of friends who I enjoy seeing – I’m happy to go to their houses or to meet at a location like a coffee shop or restaurant. But I absolutely hate hosting people in my house and have a very strong emotional response that’s completely outsized. I have no idea what it’s about. My husband speculates that, as an introvert, I view my home as my escape from the world and I don’t like having people invade that space, and he may be right. I grew up in a house where we cooked and hosted people for dinner all the time, and I enjoyed that as a kid. Something changed in my adulthood. I want to be the person who wants to host my friends for coffee or dinner, so this is something I’d like to change. I have no idea how to do this.

    1. You’re not that person, though. It will probably be easier to accept that than to change who you are.

      1. I agree with this. I do think, though, that if your friends entertain you in their homes it would be gracious for you to reciprocate by hosting them at a restaurant or similar. (Which you are probably already doing.)

      2. +2. I have always been this person as an adult, as soon as I got my own place. I have no interest in hosting or entertaining and the mental energy that goes along with that. I do go to my friends’ houses (and bring a generous hostess gift if it’s a dinner or other kind event) and meet up at other locations like you do. I don’t feel bad about being this way anymore, but when I used to, I reminded myself of all the other ways I am a good friend, and I suspect you are too.

    2. Do you have a really close friend you could talk to about it and ask to help you? I feel like if a friend came to me and said, “I have this strong aversion/mental block to hosting, but it’s something that I want to change. Could I invite you over for like…one hour for a drink to see how it feels?” I would be more than happy to oblige (and I wouldn’t hold back from being totally honest with them about the full extent of your anxiety, i.e. if you want them to stay in one part of the house, or want to say “Honestly I might be super weird or cry!” etc. etc.). Do you have any outdoor space or space in your home that feels less personal? Could you start with a porch drink or backyard lunch?

      1. Um…I’d find it really weird, tbh, if a friend invited me over for a trial hosting session and warned me they might cry. That’s too much.

          1. Same! Also, my friends have cried to me about all sorts of stuff over the years; this would not be the weirdest thing by far.

          2. Same here! I don’t mind if my friends cry, even over things that I think are trivial.

          3. Of course a friend can still support, but that level of anxiety is probably indicative of a need for mental health support. That wouldn’t be “introversion” – speaking as an introvert myself.

      2. If my really close friend said this to me I would wonder if they were having me on…I mean, are there actually people who have weird soap opera conversations like this in real life?
        I would tell my friend to think about why wanting to host was so important because not hosting is not the end of the world, or the end of friendships.

    4. Hosting is a skill that requires practice. Can you take a baby step by hosting friends somewhere else? Maybe for a picnic or at a restaurant where it’s clear you’re host (instead of just meeting up)? It might be easier to host at your house if you first practice hosting elsewhere.

    5. I have a lot of thoughts! I’m a person who loves to host and does so often.

      Keeping that in mind, I have some friends who don’t like hosting for one reason or another, and I never think it’s weird or begrudge them. I do like when they plan things so that I don’t always have to be the planner, but gathering at a restaurant or park or going to play or whatever is still fun time to spend together.

      But! If you want to start hosting, I have some tips. For your first time or two, keep it very simple, and maybe even revolve around an activity. Like, everyone is going to play cards or watch a movie or a tv show. This way you don’t have to be worried about things to do or talk about. I’d also keep it small the first couple of times.

      If you don’t want people going into the more private parts of your home, that’s not weird or unreasonable. Just close the doors to those spaces.

      For the food, unless you enjoy cooking, also keep that simple. Get cookies from a nice bakery and cook a frozen quiche from Trader Joe’s. People come over for the company and because they enjoy being with you!

    6. I’m the person who is comfortable hosting and my husband is the person who isn’t. So typically, the people we have over are my friends, and it’s not as often as I’d like. Husband usually makes nice for a while and then goes and hides.

      That’s OK. My husband is a worthwhile person and the fact that he doesn’t want guests over very often doesn’t make him a bad person. And you aren’t either.

      You get to feel how you feel about it. You don’t have to fix anything. Meet your friends in restaurants or go to shows or hang out at a park. You do not have to host in order to have friends!

    7. I’m not sure this is something you have to fix about yourself. You don’t have to have people over. However, as a person who frequently hosts, it can be annoying when people never reciprocate. So I would either invite people out and pick up the tab (can be coffee or ice cream if money is a concern) or bring over stuff every time they host. I have a friend who never hosts, but he always brings over a fun assortment of candy for all of us to share. It can be something simple like that.

      Hospitality doesn’t have to mean your home – you can be generous in other ways

    8. It’s totally ok to be a person who doesn’t like to host, though.
      I’m an introvert and while I like hosting in theory, I don’t in practice. My home is my sanctuary and I just don’t like a lot of people in my space, lol. I do Thanksgiving and Christmas for my small extended family and that’s all.

    9. So I have been in both camps at different times and one thing I have observed is that it is easier to have people over who you’ve already had over. Maybe it takes the pressure off, maybe it’s because you just feel more comfortable doing something you’re used to doing. So in your shoes, I would just try it and then try it again. Doesn’t have to be huge. Invite a friend or two for coffee and bagels. Or make mulled wine or hot cider now that the weather is colder. Join a book club and offer to host a meeting. Just do something. I know it’s popular to not deviate from your comfort zone these days in the name of “this is just who I am” but I really find a lot of benefit to doing so, personally, and I’m guessing that if you’re asking the question this is something you may want to do. Or you’ll hate it and decide it’s not for you. But it’s okay to try.

      One other small tip – for me, one of the things I really do dislike about hosting is that people often stay for longer than I would like (which is not an issue when you’re not hosting and can leave, and maybe this is just a my friends problem) so I try to find activities that have a natural end point or even just say “hey are you around x-y for dinner.” For me, this take a lot of stress off.

    10. Identify the exact source of your anxiety. Are you worried people will judge your decor or cleanliness? Do you dislike cooking? Are you stressed about people getting your floors dirty? Are you worried people will damage your furniture? Are you uneasy with people seeing your private rooms? Do you dislike being “on” for a long time?

      Once you figure out the problem you can mitigate it. Put out coasters or a tablecloth, move breakable objects out of the way, serve takeout or drinks only, close your bedroom door, put guest towels in your powder room, invite people over for the afternoon with a hard stop for imaginary plans (come over for coffee and pastries at 3:00, I just have to leave for a dinner reservation at 6:00).

      1. Yes, I think identifying the source of your anxiety, or dislike or whatever you’re experiencing, and addressing the root of it is the way to go. I also disliked hosting for many years, and I eventually was able to identify that it’s because I felt like my house wasn’t nice enough, I wasn’t a good enough cook, my social skills weren’t good enough – basically it was like I was subconsciously assuming my friends were judging me for all these things. Once I figured this out I could rationally talk myself down: my friends are not judgmental, no one expects my house to be perfect, etc. Hosting still doesn’t come naturally to me, but identifying my own issues gave me some mastery over them.

    11. Do just not host, or do you not initiate and plan?

      Some people never do any of the planning or organising work. They show up, but never invite. If that’s you, it’s worth exploring, because that will wear the ones who do organise down.

      If you make plans, invite people, make reservations, book events or activities, but just never at your home, you’re fine.

      If you are a guest in both senses, start with planning meet-ups elsewhere.

  3. i saw an interesting thread somewhere else on “old timey slang” (including old timey), inspired by someone who said “right on!” at checkout. what old timey slang do you still use? what do you cringe when you hear?

    i definitely use right on, you go girl, “high five” (as in something said before you high five), and probably far too many buffy sayings (5×5, stabby, etc)

    i cringe when i hear “cool beans”

    1. I use all of my 80s slang mainly because it mortifies my children.

      So things are way cool or a bummer, I’m stoked, sometimes I’m awesome, everyone is dude, there’s a lot of “seriously”, “totally” and “like” thrown in, like wherever. Whatever. Oh. My. God. You guys. is a frequent expression, as is NO WAY (answered with Yes Way.) I was like, and she was all. Sometimes people are dickwads. Sometimes people are douches.

      I do not like Millennial slang that much – doggo and kiddo are particularly grating to me.

      1. Hard +1 on kiddo. Why can’t you just say kid?!? It’s especially grating when reading it in a post…it’s longer to type, just stop!

      2. Doggo is the worst.

        I think I only really cringe at super manufactured sounding slang a la Rachel Ray – Yummo, Delish, etc.

          1. I was so irrationally angry when I realized that was the word I was missing a few puzzles ago.

        2. I love doggo. Slang isn’t about writing more quickly, it’s about expressing a mood, so it doesn’t matter that its longer to type.

      3. I use a lot of “you guys” and I also say “legit” and “stoked” and other California things that I grew up with. I’ve dropped “hella,” though.

        1. When my California kids were little they both said hecka and it was the cutest thing ever.

    2. We tend to use a fair amount of horse and boat-related slang in our house – like “he’s chomping at the bit to get started” or “time to lower the boom on him so he gets it done” and so on. There are actually SOOOO many nautical phrases that have made their way into English – it’s kind of funny.

        1. It’s a recognized variation, not an error – not unless you go for a REALLY strict interpretation about what’s “correct.”

          1. Yes, but she said she uses horse-related slang…in the original horse-related context it was and still is champing, even though enough people say chomping now that the alternative has become accepted.

          3. Wow, Anon at 5:36– you sound fun at parties!

            And good to know you’re smarter at language than the folks at Webster’s, who don’t appear to differentiate contexts.

            Plus the fact that we’re even having this exchange means that you understood what the poster was saying. Which means that language did its job. Again, it evolves, and it’s fine for you to think champing is better, but you are not correct to say it’s wrong. Because that’s how language works.

      2. I have a lot of accidental southern in my daily vocabulary, even though I’m a native Californian. My dad was from the South. So I always say Coca Cola if I’m talking about a full sugar Coke, because the term “coke” means soft drink. Q:”What kind of Coke you want?” A:”Sprite.” is a completely reasonable conversation.

      3. Idioms are great, locally we seem to use mostly sports related ones. I didn’t think they were slang, though. Interesting.

    3. I don’t *think* I use old timey slang but I definitely occasionally quote mean girls, so far everyone has always gotten the reference and I love it.

    4. I still use all of the 80s and 90s slang I grew up with.
      The teens in my life look at me the same way I looked at older people in the 90s who said ‘groovy’.

  4. I have an interview for promotion to management, where they want me to give a 20min presentation on why I want the job and my vision for leadership. I’m struggling with this- I want the increase in salary and visibility and my vision for leadership is to not be a jerk. Anyone ever done this sort of presentation? words of wisdom?

    1. What’s annoyed you about previous bosses? If they’re still there what were their big initiatives that you can take further? What problems do you see coming up and how would you handle them? What victories could you bring?

    2. Depending on the level, but I would be interested in your ideas on
      How to set strategic direction, and ensure efficient execution
      What you would do to ensure team engagement
      How you see your stakeholder and your ideas on building a network/ good cross-functional collaboration

  5. I need help navigating a job change.
    I am a lawyer with 17 years practice. I worked in a secondary city in a large regional firm and then at a large international firm (AmLaw 75 not AmLaw 25) for most of my career. Just before the pandemic, I jumped into a non-equity partner position at a small firm. I love my small firm coworkers and have grown a lot in my time there in terms of case management, client development, and in-court skills. But I am on an eat-what-you-kill comp plan and my personal client development has not happened fast enough for the job to be lucrative. The pandemic was . . . very financially difficult. I am now starting to develop small business clients who are loyal to me, but their matters are small and they are fee sensitive. I love working for them but making money from this work is hard right now. My partners can and will feed me, but with work that, candidly, I don’t really want to do, does not take advantage of my skill set, and tends to require me to work more hours than the client can absorb to do a good job, creating tension. If I had consistent work, though, my pay structure would mean a very good living. Out from under the big firm umbrella, I am getting to network more and have been included on some honorific/popularity contest lists of “the best lawyers”, increasing my visibility.

    I need to work another 15-20 years.

    I now have two offers from firms that will pay me a salary and benefits and have plenty of work even if I were to have no clients. One is the result of a co-counsel gig. The other is the result of a referral from a former colleague.

    Job A — Very small local firm with a lot of local connections and interesting work for small to medium sized clients. Well-connected with referring lawyers. They are drowning in work and want me to start ASAP on their matters, but their rates are similar to my current rates so much of my existing work is portable to this firm. I could continue to deepen relationships with existing clients, and those clients have recently, unsolicited, told me they want to increase their referrals to me. I have anxiety about the fact these lawyers are “drowning” and expect me to be their lifeboat. They are pressuring me for an answer — yesterday — even though I have told them I have to work through some things before I can make a decision. The offer is solid, benefits are solid, and I’ve been assured by the firm owner that he gives out generous bonuses throughout the year — at his discretion. I would also have a kicker for business generation. I could make good progress on financial issues immediately and probably resolve them over 2-3 years. Office is incredibly convenient and remote work is acceptable but not the routine. I like the people but with just a few lawyers and one owner, I know things can take a turn quickly.

    Job B — Large international firm (but AmLaw 100 and mostly in one region of the country). I would take an off-track position working on sophisticated matters. Getting on partner track is a future possibility. It’s unclear if the rate structure is flexible enough to really welcome my existing clients on board, especially long-term. The money is meaningfully more than the other offer and would get me out of financial trouble in about a year. Office is in a fine location further from home but not terribly far and remote work options are available at my discretion. The culture seems great.

    WWYD?

    2. Job A is not it. You are absolutely not changing a thing, for a promise from the firm owner. I’ve been at this too long to believe those. Job B wouldn’t be it for me, but maybe it is for you. I’d start looking for Job C – a mid-size firm (not AmLaw 200, but 200 or so lawyers) with a solid platform to support you in the work you like to do, but some ability to throw matters off to you. If you’re in a secondary city especially, this should be findable.

    3. Option 1, no question. Option 2 will still be there, but right now, you need stability, a salary and to capitalize on the hard BD work you’ve put in. A law firm being busy is a good thing. If you’re worried about them drowning or the hard sell, listen to your gut. But at any firm, no matter the size, it’s on you to put up boundaries and manage your workload. So if you are bringing work, you cannot have a million new cases/matters dropped on you. You will need to advocate for the right workload and stick firm so that you can avoid burnout and service matters properly.

    4. Job B no question. I’ll take a well capitalized, well paying job at a major law firm any day of the week. More money, more stability and better on your resume.

      1. PS – I would never choose a small firm where you’re at the mercy of the owner absent going into business with them at the outset because you know them. I have never seen that turn out well and know far too many absolute horror stories.

    5. I vote for good culture and more money assuming that partner track is not a deal breaker for you.

    7. I worked at Job A for 20 years and loved it. (Then I bought the firm, and I still love it.) As an employee, I was paid by the billable hour but with a minimum of X hours/month, which I loved. The immediate gratification from working long hours was very motivating. My owner was also generous with year-end bonuses and raises and was just very fair about all matters of compensation. I went there from BigLaw, and my husband was mostly in BigLaw while I was there, so I kept abreast of what was going on with BigLaw rates. I had no desire to go back to BigLaw because, among other things, I could not do the kind of work I wanted to do at those rates. For example, I love writing employee communications in my field. At BigLaw, that was associate-level work, always. At my firm, I could keep doing that work. I also could provide good service to clients who couldn’t afford $900/hour. There is a place for BigLaw, definitely, but I was more personally fulfilled in Small Law.

  6. I still use:
    Jeez Louise
    Six of one, half dozen of another
    For Pete’s sake
    Yikes strikes

    And my kids like to call things “old jalopy”

  7. Does anyone have a dermatologist in downtown DC that they like? I’m looking for the basic mole /skin check but also want someone that can advise on skin care for my middle age self.

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