ByKat Hours Updated
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Coffee Break: Tara Tote

Black woman wearing brown turtleneck carries large black tote bag

Oooh: this Tom Ford bag at MyTheresa looks fabulous — I love the size in proportion to the shoulder straps and handles.

It's $2190, and is 12.5″ tall by 20″ wide by 8″ deep, so quite large. The handles are 20″. Bergdorf Goodman has a similar option.

Looking to splurge on a work bag? Some of our latest favorite luxury work bags (large enough to hold papers and a laptop!) include Bottega Veneta, Mulberry, Saint Laurent, Kaai, and Demellier. Of course, note that a lot of our readers who are in big jobs note that they love their (more affordable) Lo & Sons bags, as well as their Tumi.

professional woman holds luxury work tote in dark green from Bottega Veneta
Bottega Veneta
black luxury work bag with turnlock detail from Mulberry
Mulberry
woman wearing navy sweater holds a shiny black bag with black monogram detail; the straps are partially chain.
Saint Laurent (exact)
black tote with folded leather to make a trapezoidal/pyramid shape
Kaai

Looking for work backpacks to splurge on? Montblanc, MCM, Songmont, and Senreve (also!) are great, and readers are always huge fans of all things Tumi. Some of our favorites…

backpack briefcase
Senreve
black leather backpack with tiny monograms covering it
MCM
black leather backpack with luxurious minimal design
Montblanc
black backpack for work with gold hardware
Tumi (exact)

Sales of note for 12.5

190 Comments

  1. What is your preferred fast food joint, and your preferred order?

    I do love the occasional Big Mac and fries, but every so often go for the superior burger (and inferior fries) at BK.

    1. Totally agree with your burger (BK) and fries (McD) best of class!

      I will just add that McD has the absolute best coca cola.

      My secret is that I don’t think there’s anything good at Taco Bell other than a plain bean burrito.

    2. Jimmy John’s Turkey Tom with sprouts and salt-and-vinegar chips.
      Culver’s cod sandwich with fries and vanilla custard.

        1. It’s a food safety thing. It’s pretty much impossible to grow them without being at high risk of an outbreak, because you have to keep them warm and wet to grow.

    3. McDs because their fries and Coke are the absolute best. Also love a SEC McMuffin.

      I used to like Chick Fil A but I stopped eating there a few years ago.

      1. Yessss McDs fries and Coke forever. I’ll get a Quarter Pounder too sometimes, but I’m really there for the fries and Coke.

        I’ve never eaten at Chick Fil A – it was originally easy to protest years ago since we didn’t even have any around me. So as they’ve spread here I just don’t go. I do really like Freddy’s chicken sandwiches a lot, which is just recently moved up to our area (there are more down south).

    4. In-N-Out grilled cheese, fries, and rootbeer float.

      Chik Fil A used to be my favorite but I feel guilty saying that.

      1. In-N-Out animal fries, minus the sauce (so cheese and grilled onions only). Now I want some.

      1. Same here, but no onions no mustard on the burger, add a white gravy for the fries.

    8. Californian here and Five Guys > In and Out. The In and Out fries suck! We still go there from time to time and it can hit the spot when you’re in the mood, but Five Guys has better burgers and (Cajun) fries.

      1. oh yeah, in-and-out is for a milkshake and burger, no fries ever

        honestly Wendy’s fries are really good now. I’ve gotten too many bad McDs ones recently

        1. Skinny fries like McDonald’s are the best when they’re hot, but they’re too often not hot. And they’re the worst when they’re cold. Fat fries like Wendy’s are tolerable lukewarm

      2. Native CA here. In n Out is road trip food. The secret is to ask for the box (when they ask if you’re eating in your car), immediately salt the fries, and pour on some ketchup. Then you eat all the fries before you start in on the burger. They’re only good when they’re hot. And they’re very good when they’re hot.

      3. Order the fries at in and out “well done” – it’s on their secret menu and then they are delicious.

    9. Chipotle salad with lots of sour cream, cheese, veggies, all the salsas, chicken. Healthy delicious and filling!

      Breakfast sandwiches at various chains.. Starbucks, Dunkin’.

        1. I’m not sure I consider anything that doesn’t have a drive thru to be fast food!

      2. The only thing I miss about living in DC is the proliferation of fast casual restaurants in the Chipotle model. RIP Shophouse.

      3. A breakfast sandwich from Dunkin’ always hits the spot for me – and I usually lean organic/crunchy.

        1. My few experiences with Dunkin breakfast have been a little plain and under seasoned. What should I order?

          1. I like the simple bacon, egg, and cheese on an English muffin or everything bagel. Hot sauce is key.

          2. I like Dunkin’s fried egg and cheese on a croissant. The croissant is grocery store quality but it’s tasty when warm, and the egg and cheese are excellent. Love that they do a real fried egg not a gross egg patty like most places.

    10. In-N-Out is the best but I live in the midwest so rarely get it. I do like Five Guys a lot too, but to me it’s inferior to In-N-Out (except for the fries). McD’s fries, egg and cheese biscuits and iced coffee are good. I also prefer the burgers at BK to McDs, but prefer Five Guys to both.

      One of my light-hearted secrets is that I love visiting American fast food places in other countries because they have really interesting menu items and often taste a lot better than they do in the US. I had a Mediterranean burger at a BK in Spain with arugula, parmesan aioli and a fancy Italian cheese (don’t remember the type) on a brioche bun and it was TO DIE FOR. Legit one of the best burgers I’ve ever had and it was like 8 euros at an airport.

    12. If I’m getting fast food, which is rare for me, I get McDonalds (usually) – 10 piece chicken nugget and fries.

      Fastfood breakfast is A&W if possible – english muffin sausage and egger. A&W burgers are also an acceptable lunch.

    13. I so miss Baja Fresh. It isn’t in my current city at all. Pinto burrito and cheese, chips and their pico de gallo. The best.

    14. I don’t eat meat, so I only go places that have grilled cheese (In N Out, Sonic) or a veggie sub (Jimmy John’s, Subway). I have to be pretty desperate though. I’d usually rather eat a protein bar or a smushed up PB&J that’s been in my bag for hours than the fast food versions of those foods (Jimmy John’s is actually okay, just not usually an option in the situations I find myself needing fast food). I’m not some kind of food purist- I love French fries- but fast food fries all seem to be inexplicably awful considering it’s one of the main things they sell!

      1. Same. It’s rarely worth it to me to get fast food; it’s mostly carb. Might as well get sliced cheese and crackers from the gas station.

      2. Me too, the classic fast food veg options usually suck and they were all super slow to even offer veggie burgers. My style of chain fast food is Honeygrow.

    15. An egg mcmuffin and a hash brown. Hits the spot 100% of the time.
      Runner up is a Wendy’s spicy chicken sandwich and a frosty.

    16. Breakfast tacos from Taco Cassa. I think the chain is only in TX, and I don’t live there anymore, but they were the best.

    17. Mickey D’s — bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit for breakfast (with hash browns) and Quarter Pounder with Cheese with fries for lunch and dinner.

      1. I was a McD two burrito breakfast person for so long (we always get McD breakfast the morning we leave Disneyland) but now I’m sold on the good old regular Egg McMuffin. There’s something so simply delicious about it. And nothing can top McDonalds hash browns.

    18. I eat very little fast food these days, but every time I’m in New Mexico I have to get an Itsaburger with green chile and cheese, no onions at Lotaburger. Heaven!

    20. If I was limiting myself to one meal it would be Hardee’s breakfast – a ham biscuit or biscuit and gravy.

      2. There’s a Culver’s half a mile from my house and I’ve never been. What do you order there?

    22. Shake Shack!!! My small Midwest city airport got one a couple years ago and since then I don’t think I’ve flown once without getting it. Love both the burgers and fries. It’s not cheap though.

  3. Seeking restaurant/food or things to do recommendations in Scotland. Yes, I am very much planning to plan my trip around it!

    1. What type of things do you like on holidays? Edinburgh, Glen cove,Eilean Donan, Sky and Saint Andrews would be my top of the list.

      1. OP: things that bring me most joy on holidays… walking around people watching, short reasonable hikes (2.5 miles TOPS), great food, great coffee, nature views, bookshops, animals and unique stuff

        1. As restaurant the only one that impress me was this: the Seafood Ristorante in St Andrews. Amazing food and views. In Oban you can enjoy seafood in the stalls in the harbour.
          There were plenty of lovely tea spots around the country with delicious scones I become obsesed with them.
          For people watching the Royal mile in Edinburgh and for reasonable hikes anyone around the lakes. We were driving around and stop wherever we liked everywhere to be honest) and go for a walk.

    2. If you’re going to Eilean Donan, stay at the Dornie Hotel and enjoy their DELICIOUS restaurant…amazing fresh local seafood.

    4. We had a lovely tea at the Dome in Edinburgh. Holyrood Palace was beautiful and worth seeing but their afternoon tea looked a little downmarket. The Royal Yacht Brittania is a FANTASTIC attraction and we did a ghost-y tour called “The Real Mary King’s Close” which we loved. Dinner at the Witchery is supposed to be wonderful but it didn’t fit into our schedule. The hike up Arthur’s Seat in Edinburgh is easy enough with amazing views. There’s a “Scotland Travel Tips” FB group that actually has some decent info if you can sift through the repetitive posts. The battlefield at Culloden is worth the trip in Inverness. I didn’t love Inverness as much as I did years ago but we might just have had an off day. The park along the river there is very pretty. Great coffee all over Scotland, tons of bookshops and people watching everywhere.

  4. Any suggestions for summer day trips from CT that would appeal to a young teen? We have done NYC, Mystic, etc, numerous times — looking for something new/different. She’s adventurous and outdoorsy, but also enjoys museums and shows. Open to anything unusual and willing to drive several hours.

      2. Just went there in April +1 so fun!

        Recommend Gilded for a boutique hotel. Have brunch / tea at the Chinese Tea House at Marble House (make reservations)

      3. Go to Middletown (maybe Portsmouth?) to the Green Animals topiary garden. Take the ferry from Newport to Rose Island to tour the lighthouse. If she likes tennis, the tennis hall of fame is in Newport, and has a tournament either this week or next week. Or the sailing museum, although I haven’t been there so don’t know how good it is.

    3. There’s a lot of outdoorsy stuff in coastal Maine… kayaking, biking, hiking, whale-watching, lobster boat tours, etc.

    5. Not sure if this is close enough but MassMoCA in the Berkshires is a very cool space. You could also go to Jacob’s Pillow or Tanglewood. Saratoga Springs is also fun – sample all the different springs! Swim in the pool!

    7. Ferry from bridgeport to port jefferson. Ferry from new london to block island (could be a day trip depending on where in CT you are). Six flags new england. Cloisters. Bronx Zoo (I was a CT teenager and loved this! Not too old!) and/or the botanical gardens. Train to New Haven to see a play and grab pizza. Mohegan Sun to see a WNBA game. If she’s bookish at ALL, check out the summer book sale at the Pequot library in Fairfield/Southport. It’s absolutely insane, you can spend a day there even if you aren’t super into books. Plus, it’s by the water and beautiful. Tubing down the Farmington river.
      It’s a bit of a long daytrip but you also get up to the Green Mountains in VT for a day hike.

    8. Norman Rockwell Museum in Stockbridge, MA; The Mount, Edith Wharton’s home in Lenox, MA. Gardens there are gorgeous.
      In Hudson, NY, Olana, Frederick Church’s home. It is set in a gorgeous park, stunning views of the Hudson River.

  5. I have two hormone questions.
    1. Does anyone know how cycles mess with sleep? I have noticed at certain times of the month I have trouble sleeping, but do fine otherwise. Anything I can do to help?
    2. There has been a lot of talk on HRT lately. When did everyone start/when would be a good time to start? So far I have noticed difficulties with sleep and night sweating, but only 3-7 days per month. I am in my mid 30s.

    1. I was similar at that age, but for me quitting alcohol solved it. I wasn’t a terribly heavy drinker, but for whatever reason, it plus my cycle made these symptoms.

      2. I don’t drink and sailed through menopause with zero symptoms other than the obvious. I don’t know if that is why it was a non-event, but there’s a data point.

    2. I have a lot of trouble sleeping the few nights before my period and sometimes don’t sleep at all one of those nights. There is nothing that has helped, including exercise, reducing caffeine, meditation, unisom, adding in or cutting out alcohol, etc.

    3. HRT is definitely a conversation for your doctor, but I wouldn’t jump right to that. It can be a literal lifesaver for people with early menopause, but I’d start by more throughly tracking your cycle/symptoms/lifestyle and see if you can pinpoint a correlation. There might be a sleep hygiene or diet/alcohol component.

      FWIW I am 37 and before my latest pregnancy I noticed a lot of hot flashes around/immediately following ovulation, as well as shorter cycles, so guess I’m probably approaching peri. But there are definitely lifestyle factors I could clean up to see if that makes a difference.

    4. Dr. Mary Claire Haver just came out with a new book I’ve ordered but not yet read called the New Menopause. Super interesting from a doctor who went through it.

      Otherwise quitting drinking 3 years ago and my period app says the times I can’t sleep.

      I believe the doctor who wrote that book commented that drinking more than a glass during post menopause meant she would not be able to sleep.

    5. Certainly hormones mess with sleep which is why HRT helps in perimenopause. I noticed my hormonal changes at 44 but it most likely was happening earlier. Ask your female closest relatives when they went through menopause as that might give you an indication if you are likely to have a family history. There are certainly women who do start perimenopause in their 30s. A doctor will normally check your thyroid and do a general blood test anyway to rule out other issues as part of the process.

  6. Some of our favorites: American Dream amusement park/water park, fruit picking near New Haven (my favorite is Lyman orchards, I think they have blueberries now), they have some farms where you can hold goats.. I liked Farm Jibe-I, Storm King Art Center.. rent or bring bikes, she is probably too old for this but CT Science Center, Grace Farms, I feel like there’s endless amount of destinations in NYC, too.

  7. Hello, I posted a few days ago (on the toothbrush post) about a terrible breakup I’m going through and you guys were really helpful in showing me how impossible the situation really was, and how inevitable the breakup. But I still need advice – how do you actually DO a breakup? It’s horrible! For better or worse I’ve never really had a bad breakup before, where you still love the person. A few things in particular – should we try to be friends once this awful period is over? Am I delusional to think we could still get back together in 5 or so years? (Most current issues boil down to me having young kids, they’ll be teens in 5 years) How do I stop myself spiralling that this was it and I’ll never meet anyone else who I love this much? I’m 42, it took him this long to come along, maybe that was my one shot (admittedly I was married before and widowed so perhaps “one shot” is a bit dramatic).

    Just finding this really awful and i thought you guys would have good advice on getting through it.

    1. If you are hoping to get back together, do NOT try to be friends. It will end quite badly.

    2. No, it’s not a good idea to try to stay friends, especially since you still have feelings for him. You need a clean break.

        1. I am the Anon at 3:13 pm. I’m friends with a fair number of my exes and it works because neither party wants to get back together. “Friends” as a way of keeping the guy close for future dating… that doesn’t work. At all. It gets very ugly for both parties. You need to move on and he will eventually see how awkward it is.

          1. I guess that makes sense, thank you. I’m friends with heaps of exes too, I dated a lot of lovely guys in my 20s and a number of them are still around. But those breakups were nothing, I didn’t really love them. I’m not sure exactly how they felt about me but it never got ugly or anything. The dream of getting back together is sort of ridiculous, I know that – 5 years!? Minimum. But it does happen to people right!?

    3. Don’t try to be friends. The only way to move on is going no contact. And inevitably one persons slow fades once they’re emotionally over it or start dating someone new. That’s more hurtful than mutually severing contact during the breakup. Don’t think about “what if we got back together in five years.” You can’t get over him until you’re no longer in each other’s lives and you’re not fantasizing about a future. Otherwise you’re trapping yourself in the Denial stage of the grieving process.

        1. I idealistically thought my ex husband and I could be, if not friends, friendly. After all it was an “amicable” divorce. But the minute the papers were signed, he 100% ghosted me, and in hindsight, that was probably the right call. The one thing he did right in our marriage haha.

          1. Same here. My ex ghosted me the minute I moved out and I was heartbroken but he absolutely did me a huge favor.

    4. I remember reading your comment and empathized because I went through something similar last summer (late 40s, both divorced with kids, dated exclusively for two years, talked about marriage but ultimately he couldn’t do it and left me blindsided and devastated). FWIW, here is my advice one year later: 1) do NOT try to be friends. That lasted two months for us (me because I wanted him back and him because he felt guilty for hurting me) and only resulted in false hope and prolonged heartache.
      2) Feel the feelings. Do the work (for me it was books about attachment and journaling, but therapy would’ve worked too). But you don’t have to wait until you’re 100% healed to date again. An anonymous poster on here told me at the time that it’s ok to want to be in a relationship and to go actively seek one. I waited about two months and then went on first dates with anyone and everyone who asked, ignoring my « type. » Most of them went nowhere but it was helpful to get out of the house, meet different people and put « the one who got away » out of my head for awhile.
      3) About four months ago, i met a wonderful new partner. He’s totally different from my ex and not my « type » in any way, but I can see how this relationship is different from the one I thought was « it, » especially in his capacity to make time for us despite our busy schedules/kid conflicts. I don’t know where it’s going but I’m trying not to think about it and enjoy the ride.
      Bottom line: it takes time and effort but you WILL get through it! Reach out to your support system on hard days, feel the feelings, take the time, and whether or not you end up back together with your ex or not, remember that you did NOT miss your one chance.

      3. This is great advice, and pretty consistent with my natural appearance to handling things anyway so it’s nice, it’s like a reminder “here are the things you do in this kind of situation, maybe bust some of them out”. I have started journaling actually, just yesterday, and I can already feel it helping a bit. Books on attachment is a good idea. When my husband died I read a lot of books on grieving – focusing on the more science based, resilience-focused ones – and I found that extremely helpful. Attachment books hasn’t occurred to me but I’ll dig them out, I find it helpful to have an explanation for what I’m going through even though I still need to go through it.

        There seems to be unusual unanimity on the point about not trying to be friends :) I’ll let you guys know if I actually manage to do that, ie not contact him.

    5. Do not tell yourself you might get back together. That thought could keep you from seeking or seeing other possibilities. Tell yourself it is over, period. Do the things you need to do to heal. Move on. No one knows what is ahead, but don’t live your life on the hope of what “might” happen in five years. As you well know, life is too short.

    6. I read Conscious Uncoupling during a bad breakup once as recommended by a friend. Much didn’t apply but the parts that helped really helped.

      Also you have no ticking time clock to find love. If you have your kids already, there’s no time threat anyway. Easier said than done but focus on your happy and you’ll attract what you need.

      I completely understand the one shot idea but it’s probably more likely that you’re just more open to love now than you were, not that there’s just one person that came along.

      I’m the same age. I feel the same way sometimes but it helps so much to stay positive and be grateful. Hugs.

      1. I really like your middle two paragraphs, those are things I hadn’t really thought about, especially the second one. Thank you.

    7. He doesn’t like the fact you have kids and take an interest in their lives. That’s never going to go away no matter how old they get. Yes, they might need less time with you later, but he’s still the person who can’t accept the fact you have kids and a life. Why would you want someone who can’t be supportive of the fact that you have a family? He’s very much not the one.

      The good news is: let him go & 5 years from now you’re very much not going to want him!!

        1. I think you guys are probably right but I find it very hard to accept. In some ways it’s not quite as black and white as that, but in other ways it really is.

      2. I also want to add that it’s reprehensible to blame the children in situations like these. It’s not their fault in any way. For example, it’s the man’s fault for not realizing he can’t commit to or doesn’t want to date someone with children or ties to their location OR he simply doesn’t love you enough, etc. Perhaps it’s your fault getting swept up & for not vetting for compatible lifestyles. But it’s not the kids who are a problem. Reading back on your toothbrush post, it sounds like it’s awfully convenient for him to blame your children for not wanting to build a life with you. Do you blame them too? Because that’s nonsense. He’s not going to want you when you’re rid of them later. Please don’t fall into the trap of thinking like that and being bitter towards your children.

        1. It doesn’t sound like either OP or the guy are “blaming” the kids in the sense of saying it’s their fault or something like that! It sounds like OP is a great, conscientious parent, and the guy is intentionally recognizing that’s something that isn’t going to change, and shouldn’t change. It makes them incompatible, and that can be sad, without it being anyone’s “fault”.

        2. Wow that is quite a dramatic response, I certainly don’t blame my children for any of this and nor does my ex, he actually likes them and is very empathic to our situation- it just doesn’t work in a relationship between him and me. I don’t really think this is anyone’s fault, but the kids aren’t even contenders! I don’t know what it is about my post that would make you think I needed that kind of advice.

      3. That jumped out at me too. And teens are not less needy than elementary schoolers. In many ways, they need you more.

      4. This, exactly. Bad timing is only an issue when you’re really young, this isn’t timing, he’s not someone who wants to sign up for life with you. In time you’ll see his bad side, it just hurts right now. There’s also NEVER your last shot, last best hope, etc. This guy just showed you that you can love again. Take that gift and go meet someone else.

    8. Listen to breakup bootcamp podcast on spotify. I think it was a limited series. It helps.

    9. If he doesn’t want to be with someone with kids, I would not wait around on the hope that he’ll want to be with someone with teens. They can be very trying and will still need a huge amount of your time and emotional energy (likely more than when they’re little). I’d make a clean break and keep looking for someone who wants to be part of your life including the parts that may not involve prioritizing him.

      1. This does seem to be the consensus. Good point about teens. Although I met my husband while his kids were teens, and he had them half the time, and it didn’t seem so bad. Maybe my husband was just really good at it though!

    10. Captain Awkward would call this the “golden retriever of love” thing–your heart is searching for any way to make it work but the reality is it can’t (her advice column is great, btw).

      I think a clear, direct statement + focusing on the logistics of the breakup + a clean break (block/delete/move to archives) for one month for each year you were together is typically advised.

      “friends” with someone you think was your one shot and don’t want to break up with I think is only going to hurt you worse as you have to hear about Ms. CutiePants he’s now schtupping or whatever.

      But also, if this is the World Traveler who declined to move to *you* or adjust to your life I would say that he’s not the one! He could have made choices to downshift, settle into one place, change jobs, and so on.

  8. I did my first Tuckernuck order today. I’m 50ish, working parent of teens. Do I really need to look elsewhere for all but the most formal of work clothes?

    1. i don’t understand, are you asking if a 50ish working mother of teens can only wear clothes from tuckernuck? I guess probably.

    2. If you like it, get everything there! Well except the formal work clothes as you say. Some people do this but don’t talk about it. I have a friend that is like that about J Crew- 90% of wardrobe is from there. And another friend that does Nordstrom for most everything.

  9. There are two people in my office that have the most horrific smell bowel movements. I get it, we all have stinky bowel movements, but in an office with 30 women, these two are absolutely atrocious. Do these two people not realize how horrific the smell is and that is why they don’t utilize air freshener? Also, why do they always use the first stall? I would be going to the farthest stall possible to do my business. Ugh, end rant so I can go down to the restroom on the lower floor.

    1. YMMV, but I’d rather choke on that smell than that smell + nasty overlay of fake scent.

      2. The paint was peeling off the wall next to the auto scent blaster. What is in that, that would peel paint off the wall that our collective poops could not?! I’ll pass…

    2. Poo-Pourri could help, but I dont’ know how you’d bring it to their attention.

    3. If it’s as bad as you say, I don’t see how their location will make a difference.

        1. Shoes and seeing them come out of the stall for the past five years. To the anon that says everyone poops, yeah no shit. But, I can handle almost any smell, I’ve traveled the world. This is next level and people exit the restroom immediately and tell the next person entering to leave.

        2. Seriously, we have way fewer than 30 women on my floor, and I could not even come close to telling you who makes stinky poops. This is not something that I ever think about.

          2. Because it’s not a real problem? You exist with other human beings. Get over it.

      2. It doesn’t all smell the same though. I would try to have a heart since these women could have some kind of condition where they’re not digesting food well or where their internal microbiomes are lousy.

        1. I would…..not do this. I would however question the venting in your office bathroom.

          1. I also initially read this as a “heart-to-heart”, which I also would not do (good God I would not do), but I think the person meant “have a heart” to mean something like “have sympathy”.

    7. I think air freshener is gross and weird, to be honest. Not that poop isn’t also gross but poop is at least it’s meant to smell bad. Why add an extra layer of yuck to the mix?

    8. Is this something your facilities team could help out with? Maybe an air purifier or commercial air freshener in there?

      1. So then everyone can get headaches and irritated noses 100% of the time and then still smell sh*t 5% of the time? The air purifier is a good idea but “commercial air freshener” is not.

    10. Thanks to everyone for the advice. I do wish I could say something to these people as I’m an empath and have worried about their health. I just do not think it would go over very well.

      1. “worried about their health”

        Well, it’s been five years, so they are still at work despite it.

        TBH, my BF has the most foul sulpherous-smelling ones that sometime come out with a spray velocity that the bowl needs to be scrubbed (truly do not understand the physics of all this) or the toilet clogs. But he got a clean colonoscopy. Who knows? I think if you eat a lot of fat or cruciferous vegetables, it affects scent. A lot.

      2. If you’re an empath, think about how they’d feel knowing that a coworker was shit-talking them (literally!!!) online…

        1. Peloton, I haven’t said a word for five years and today I asked anonymously to understand other experiences. You are sometimes so sanctimonious

          1. Oh, I have no judgment about the original comment/ask. We all have awkward, kind of gossipy questions for each other, and this is a great place to ask them. I just got a giggle out of the pivot to “I’m an empath.”

          2. Yeah I think it’s quite a leap to being worried about their health. My husband has some of the most noxious farts of anyone I know and he eats really healthy and has more regular bowel movements than me. A lot of vegetables are big producers of sulfur, the gas that makes farts stink.

      3. Maybe these people are just eating the recommended amount of fruits and vegetables? That’s pretty darn healthy.

      4. They may know exactly what’s wrong. You might be surprised how many meds a person can be on for a serious GI condition without this particular symptom resolving!

      2. +1 choose compassion. For the poopers and also for the people who can’t tolerate air fresheners (some asthmatics, migraine sufferers, etc)

        I would 100% rather deal with awful poop smell in a bathroom than air freshener.

    12. What do you expect them to do about their bowel movements specifically? Not have them. Instead of criticizing them, why don’t you ask your building maintenance about ventilation/purification? Most likely it’s not ventilated properly versus these 2 specific people having a specific issue (which even if it exists would likely be biological). Air fresheners are chemicals that trigger health problems with people who have allergies, asthma, and a number of other respiratory issues.

      1. Of course not, as I said we all do. Other colleagues come in and spray when one of these individuals are in the first stall. I don’t spray because these two individuals might not want me to, so I have to leave. I will inquire with facilities.

    13. They may be using the first stall for reasons. Trust me that there are a lot of possibilities that you’d rather not know if you’re already grossed out at this point. Nobody is stinking up the place on purpose. I think your solution of going to a lower floor sounds just fine. They shouldn’t use air fresheners because they can lower air quality and cause problems for other people. Maybe there needs to be an air filter or a fan running though.

  10. I used to snack for a little break, dopamine hit, chance to socialize, transition between tasks or give myself a little treat during the workday. Now I am on Wegovy (and love it) and random snacking is no longer pleasurable . . . but I still find myself looking for that little scene change/something to do/happy feeling between work tasks. What else?

    (I like this site but it can be too much time for not enough dopamine!)

    2. Is tea (or fizzy water, water with fresh mint, etc – something that tastes interesting but doesn’t have calories) appealing?

    3. I think Duhigg had that exact example in his habit book (The power of habit). If I recall correctly some suggestions for replacements were walking, a glass of water/cup of tea, change of scenery…

  11. Are nap dresses still in? Or at least not out? Do we think they’ll become a classic?

  12. Thank you for all the encouragement not to throw out all my reds just yet!

    The comments weren’t that I was too conservative but that the clothes I chose weren’t necessarily flattering for me. I always eye rolled that and stuck to the basics. My hair is lighter than it was too and aging changing it all makes sense.

    I did not use only the apps, that’s just what started it. I hired an online stylist to help chose palette but the commenter about screens is right. And paying attention to what clothes I’m complimented makes sense too.

    Thank you all as always for insightful feedback! I went from dreading this and feeling like I was way overdue from confirming the palette to being more excited about an overhaul. I bought the book too. :)

  14. I need a kick in the seat.

    I am 42, 5’6” and ~190 lbs. I have always been slightly overweight but in the past 5 years I have gained steadily, about 10 lbs per year. I know I can lose weight if I curb my mindless munching and start regularly exercising again. And I really don’t want to be this weight. My clothes don’t fit well, I don’t like how I look, my joints don’t like it, my doctor tells me I need to lose weight.

    But actually working out? I hate it. I hate getting hot and sweaty, I hate having to shower multiple times per day. I hate ignoring that tasty snack someone shared in the communal work kitchen or skipping dessert after dinner. I hate arguing with myself about going to the gym.

    How do I get past this? I know several weeks of just doing a thing can form a habit, but also, several weeks of doing things I hate without seeing meaningful results makes me want to give up, and that’s howI end up gaining more weight.

    1. Hi! I had your same stats a year ago and worked out a few times a week. I bit the bullet and had my doctor prescribe me Mounjaro. I lost 50 pounds, am maintaining my loss, and my workouts have changed dramatically. Now that I can do more and move better, I enjoy the workouts in a new way.

    2. We should be accountability partners because I also need a kick in the rear. Pretty close to the same stats.

      1. Yes!! Should we post here?

        My current plan is to do a free weight routine tomorrow when I first get up instead of dawdling while getting ready for work.

    3. Hey, I hate all of the things you hate, too! Happily, I don’t think they’re necessary to reverse the weight gain or to lose weight.

      I think this is a choose your own adventure situation. Ultimately, your goal is to get into a gentle calorie deficit, or at least to eliminate your calorie surplus. How do you want to get there? What method will bring you the most joy? What current habits are materially contributing to your trajectory but *not* providing joy?

      If it were me (and it has been! Recently!), I would do the following:

      * Walk for 10-20 minutes after every time I eat. (This also helps with my gut health). It’s just long enough to lead to noticeable results, but it’s not so long that I get sweaty. (I do it on a walkpad inside when it’s hot here). I put on my favorite podcast (which I reserve for this) and just do it. Honestly, this also disincentivizes me from eating junk, because if my belly is uncomfortable with what I just ate, it’s not as pleasant a walk.

      * I buy cute water bottles. If I start losing my water-drinking habits, I buy a new cute water bottle. (This doesn’t happen that often, but it does get me to reengage with my goals, so whatever).

      * I periodically dip into an app like Chronometer or MacroFactor for a month or two to get a more accurate sense of my TDEE. For both, you log your weight and your caloric intake each day, and over time, it uses those numbers to identify your TDEE. I find it too grinding to do long term, but it’s really helpful to (i) actually log everything periodically and (ii) get a sense of whether I’m massively overeating, underrating, etc. If you have a history of disordered eating, I would skip this.

      * I don’t deny myself dessert after dinner; I’m a dessert girly, too. I do try to eat a dessert that has fruit in it more often than not. I really love strawberries with a balsamic reduction on top + some full fat vanilla ice cream, for example. The strawberries provide valuable fiber and are relatively low calorie, and the ice cream is a wonderful complement to them. At another point in my life, I would’ve eaten a full pint of a low-fat ice cream, which is more calories and less satisfying (for me! you may be different!).

      * I don’t deny myself food at social occasions, but I do try to eat something more water-dense beforehand. A bunch of baby carrots and a snack pack of guacamole, an apple with peanut butter, etc. (Same thing with grocery shopping, haha).

      1. I’m not saying these things will definitely lead to weight loss, or even that they’re right for you. They might just be right for me. But thinking about this as a cost/benefit analysis and eliminating things with high costs and low benefits and adding lots of things that are low cost and high benefit will make you a lot happier.

    4. Similar stats for me too and I feel like no matter what I do I can’t stop gaining. I don’t do intense exercise but do walk a couple of miles most days. I eat reasonably health consciously although I too like small portions of dessert (but I eat better now than I did 5 years ago when I was ~50 pounds lighter). I’m thinking about asking my doctor about semaglutides.

      1. My problem is that I like larger portions of high-calorie foods (like, a cup of trail mix rather than 1/4 cup, or 3 oz of cheese cubes instead of 1, and 1/3 cup of peanut butter with my some slices instead of 2 Tbsp). And then I don’t exercise.

        But this morning I did my free weight exercises and I feel proud of myself. Also have been working on enjoying an apple for its own sake, using smaller bowls for snack foods (little condiment cups rather than ramekins), and trying to ask myself if I really want a particular snack or if I am just bored and need to do something else besides eating.

    5. I am your height and was your same weight and age when I started tracking calories in an app. I just looked — it took me about 9 months to lose 30 pounds. I mostly did that by adjusting my diet vs. exercise. I made small changes at a time that amounted to whatever the lowest amount of loss a week they track? 1/2 a pound maybe. I used a meal kit to do the bulk of the loss like hello fresh or blue apron because it was easier for me. I added small workouts — walking for 15 minutes or 1500 steps. Very small and added over time. I am down 60 3 years later but it took 2 years to get there. I made it a lifestyle change but I didn’t give up really anything other than the amount of food.

    6. I also hate exercising. I’m 41 and trying to lose about 10 lbs. A couple weeks ago, I bought a subscription app (JustFit) for like $40 for the year. You fill out a bunch of questions about sex, age, current weight, target weight, what areas you want to focus on, whether you have equipment or not, etc. and you are assigned a daily 15-20 minute set of exercises that you can do with just a mat (unless you have equipment). I like it because they are simple exercises, you break a light/decent sweat and between doing that every day and adding in a 30-minute walk, I’m starting to see some results. It’s something you could do while watching a TV show.

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