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Updated: Aug 6, 2019 122 Comments · by

Coffee Break: Tortoiseshell Print Pumps

Coffee Break

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Ooh: these tortoiseshell print pumps are gorgeous, and kind of a nice change from the animal prints that are everywhere this season — they seem somehow deeper, more unusual, while maintaining the general spirit of the season. They're definitely on the high side — 3.5″ — but that's doable with practice. They're $128 at Ann Taylor. Mila Tortoiseshell Print Patent Leather Pumps This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

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And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Anonymous

    Could use some heat advice.

    I am very hot and basically feel sick constantly when walking outside. Yes I’m overweight and trying to lose weight but since that won’t happen overnight could use some coping tricks.

    I am changing out of my suit at the courthouse and drinking a lot of water for now but I need to do more. I honestly feel like throwing up or sleeping most of the time.

    • Anon

      Have you had thyroid hormones checked? Being constantly hot was a big hyperthyroid symptom for me.

    • Anonymous

      I’ve found ice water really helps here– that little extra jolt of cold has been helping kick the sleepiness I’ve felt from the heat. You mention trying to lose weight, so please take the next suggestion with a grain of salt (literally), but I have found that a snack of a few pretzels has been helpful in relieving the nausea and urge to throw up. It also makes me thirsty, which helps me remember to drink more water than I usually would.

      I would also consider any small changes to your wardrobe that you may be able to make– lightweight suiting, breathable layers, etc. Additionally, if possible can you limit how much you’re carrying. An extra shoulder bag or lugging a laptop around can add extra weight and just make moving in the heat more uncomfortable.

    • hot flash

      Get a water bottle that keeps things frozen, then carry it with you, not even to drink but to have look like a water bottle even when it’s meant to be an ice pack for you. No one has to know while you carry something icy to rub on pulse points or put behind your neck or on your core when you’re solo!

    • Anon

      Run cold water or hold ice cubes over the inside of your wrists – the blood will circulate back through your body.
      Untuck your shirt.

      Also, are you sure you’re not pregnant?

    • S in Chicago

      I used to have a major walk from the train to my office and with the heat it was often just miserable. A few things that helped me: I know it sounds basic, but walk slower even if you have to budget more time and even though you know you could be walking faster. Can you leave some ice packs at your offie? Putting one under your wrists or on your neck afterward or even just sneaking it under your desk and putting your feet on might help bring your temperature down. My lifesaver was to keep a washcloth in a ziplock bag. I’d wash my face with cold water after the commute in and take it home each night. I’d also try to avoid carrying as many things as possible and keep things light weight. Wear natural light colored fabrics. Medically, look at the medications you are on and if there is anything that could be screwing with you. For example, I take spirolactone to prevent acne. But it can be a diuretic and tiredness can be a side-effect. Most of the time that’s fine, but I do think I’m more sensitive to heat. So I’m careful to take it at night rather than first thing in the a.m. now that summer is here.

  2. The Original ...

    Someone earlier commented on not liking that there is a place to list pronouns on a form. FYI, this is becoming standard. In addition, the word “preferred” is being removed since a preference is what we have for an ice cream flavor, compared to what someone just is. In other words, the question is no longer, “what are your preferred pronouns?” it’s “what are your pronouns?”

    Not only is this useful for people of different gender identities, it helps for people whose names are neutral or may be unknown to everyone (including names from other nations and languages).

    As for the grammar aspect, Webster’s accepts “they” as a singular pronoun now and then there’s this recent piece from NPR: https://www.npr.org/2019/08/06/744121321/even-a-grammar-geezer-like-me-can-get-used-to-gender-neutral-pronouns?utm_medium=social&utm_term=nprnews&utm_campaign=npr&utm_source=facebook.com&fbclid=IwAR1IoZT04M0AxljIZHEiLH2XmeKZH6z-Kt6-6Fy3eo225k8q5f2CqRTjbTo

    Finally, a reminder that we are so often discussing getting a seat at the table, the glass ceiling, etc. definitely something to consider when thinking about whether you support adding opportunities for others to identify or be better seen in the workplace or in society.

    shooting starrrrrrrrr the more you know rainbowwwwwwww :)

    • Another word

      We had a discussion about the word “folx” the other day and some said they hated it and it was a new word. It’s actually been around for 100+ years and is meant to include indigenous people AND for LGBT+ people. It is also intended to be meant to be most inclusive of the general public or the gender neutral version of “the every man.” It is used both in slang and in professional and educational publications.

      Why is the word so upsetting to people?

      • Anon

        I have worked in several writing-heavy industries and have never seen that word until the post here the other day. I don’t believe it has been used in its current form for a century. Wikipedia says “The first documented definition of “folx” appeared in 2006, when an individual named Ranmoth provided a definition of “folx” on Urban Dictionary.” This sounds like a recent, made-up word to me. I have no issues with inclusivity (and agree the post about pronouns was silly) but the word “folks” is already gender- and LGBT-inclusive, and I don’t see the point of making up a new word. If you can point me to the use of “folx” in a professional or education publication before 2000, please do.

        • Inspired By Hermione

          First use was 2001.

          Why only in an educational or professional publication? Communication and social change can and do occur through blogs, zines, magazines, etc. Something can become important to a community far before the professional or academic world catches on. That doesn’t mean it isn’t real or legit until it’s used professionally or academically.

          • Anon

            Certain words can also be important to a small community without being mandatory for the larger community. A lot of people have responded to your points and I think we’re going to have to agree to disagree that a new word birthed from Urban Dictionary that seeks to replace a nearly identical word is a) necessary and b) the MOST inclusive option. Generally, I reject word policing and tyranny of the (small) minority in a good-faith atmosphere where everyone is trying to be respectful of other humans.

          • Anon

            Calm down, Hermione. I was responding to someone (Another word at 3:23) who said folx has been used for “100+ years,” and that it was used “in professional and educational publications.” I was asking for sources because I don’t believe either of those statements is true (and neither does the online encyclopedia). I never said it was not important to a particular community.

          • Inspired By Hermione

            Straw man much? It isn’t birthed from urban dictionary, and no one is trying to make it mandatory. It is more inclusive, not the most inclusive. Folks is gender neutral and inclusive. It is way better than non gender neutral or otherwise problematic alternatives, I didn’t say it wasn’t. Folx is a way to indicate that marginalized populations are included in language and conversation. It is obviously not and obviously should not be the only way of doing that. Don’t imply I intended or meant things I didn’t say.

        • Anonymous

          “I don’t see the point of making up a new word.”

          I would highly recommend the book ‘Wordsl#t’ for an explanation on gendered language and also how language evolves over time. Every word has to come from somewhere, right?

          • Anon

            I meant it doesn’t make sense to make up new words in this context where there are many words, including folks, that mean the same thing. I totally understand the invention of words like “Latinx,” “non-binary,” “genderqueer” etc., which I assume are all relatively new additions to English, but all convey meanings we didn’t have before (at least in a single word).

      • Anonymous

        I’ve never seen this word before — it is a way of trying to convey “folks”?

        I used to drive a VW Fox and would probably typo Fox out of habit. The Fox was awesome.

      • Anonymous

        I did not know it’s origin, but to my (admittedly older) eye, it looks made up and silly. Especially since “folks” is already neutral.

        • Anon

          You are correct. This is a troll trying to stir up something that can’t even be stirred up or a sad fake “woke” person trying to find something to be upset about.

      • Anonymous

        What’s wrong with folks? Or people? Or everyone? Or clients or customers? Like why folx?

        • PolyD

          I thought it was because folx has one fewer letter than folks so it’s quicker to type? Guess not.

          I see folx and I think FOLFOX, a chemotherapy regimen.

      • Anon Lawyer

        I’ve never, ever excluded indigenous people or LGBT people when I said “folks” and I can’t imagine why the word would be read that way.

        • Anon

          +1. Folx is not a thing. Sorry. Happy to use “people” or other neutral terms.

        • Anon

          Yes, I’m very skeptical of that explanation. Maybe it’s correct and people really have been trying to avoid the use of the word “folks” for 100 years because it would somehow offend certain groups. Or maybe this is the internet, and anyone can come up with any sort of explanation.

          • Anon

            It’s the latter. The language police on this issue shift SO much. It’s now considered “oppressive” to say transwomen instead of trans women or trans* instead of trans even though those styles were 100% approved/encouraged just a few years ago. I legit saw an article claiming that “transwomen” was a historically oppressive phrase dating back hundreds of years when it had only been in parlance for a few years at most. Previously, the phrasing was “transssexual.” I decided not to bother keeping up with every new fad and to use basic respectful language like I would with anyone. I don’t go out of my way to honor special requests and rules because frankly, it’s just narcissistic.

          • Inspired By Hermione

            It’s trying to be more inclusive, not necessarily saying that folks is not inclusive. Folks is gender neutral. Folx says to people who are LGBTQ and other marginalized communities “we see you and we know you haven’t always been included when people think of who’s included in the word folks, because people assume it’s fenced conforming men and women. This includes you. We include you. You matter.”

          • Anon

            I have a 50 something acquaintance who self identifies as a “tranny” and has had to endure more than one lecture from ultra-woke 20somethings on why he is wrong to identify himself that way. (And yes, he uses he pronouns except when in character)

        • AnonInfinity

          Same here! I even looked it up after that discussion because I’d never seen the word before. All I could find were sources saying that “folx” is meant to be more inclusive for LGBT+ and indigenous people, but I couldn’t find any sources about why “folks” isn’t inclusive.

          • Anonymous

            I mean, if you say the word, it sounds the same. And why put LGBT+ and indigenous people in the same bucket? Are they fungible? And yet it is not inclusive of others not typically welcomed to the table. It is maddening. It seems to . . . pander and be exclusionary (immigrants, disabled), so hitting pause on adopting this and probably not a fan.

          • Inspired By Hermione

            Folks is inclusive but folx is meant to intentionally indicate that LGBTQ and indigenous individuals are included and welcomed into a discussion or space.

            This is in the Wikipedia article.

          • Anon Lawyer

            It honestly sounds like woke signalling to me. Include indigenous and LGBT people into discussions by taking account of their concerns and making sure you’re not including microaggressions aimed at them. Not by adding an “x” to a random word that has always been inclusive.

          • Anon

            Agree, it’s woke virtue signaling. I don’t feel that way about Latinx at all, which actually has a meaning distinct from Latino and Latina and is easier than writing “Latino and/or Latina.”

          • Inspired By Hermione

            I see folx used by the community who feels it’s important way more than I do by allies.

      • Anon

        1) I’m confused about why a word needs to be changed to include indigenous and LGBT+ people when the word is a generic term for “people”. Do you not think they are people?
        2) I think people are taking a disliking to it (only two or three people commented the other day so I think you’re – or whoever originally posted it – really the only person that cares that much) because unlike other gendered words like “guy” (arguable) and “latino/a” folks is a genderless term and simply always has been so there is simply no need to alter it. Only gender-specific words are open to change/correction. It simply doesn’t apply.

        Doesn’t matter, whoever reads it that way will correct it (if going out to the public) or assume it’s a typo and ignore it. If it’s the hill you want to die on so be it but it’s a very short hill.

        • Inspired By Hermione

          When you think of who is covered by a gender-neutral term, who are the first groups of people that come to mind? For many, it’s the two “accepted” genders because that’s what society has taught everyone to think of when thinking of gender. But for trans, gender nonconforming, and other marginalized people, they often are not included. Folx explicitly says “we see you and you’re in here too.”

      • Anon

        Honest question. Not trying to be argumentative. How does folx differ from folks? I thought both were plural and gender neutral.

        • Inspired By Hermione

          If someone who is in this community can better explain this, please do, but: Folx is intended to explicitly signal to LGBTQ and indigenous individuals, who have often been dehumanized or treated as les than, that they are welcome into the space or discussion.

          • AnonInfinity

            That explanation makes sense to me, and I’m a firm believer that words are important and language can and should change when it’s not working— for example, I’m a huge proponent of the singular “they”. I’ve also erased a lot of words from my vocabulary after I realized they’re hurtful or have racist connotations (like ghetto).

            For me, here’s a problem with words like folx or womxn sometimes — I really, truly try my best not to offend and to make sure everyone feels welcome in my presence. Most of my friends are the same way. Sometimes words like folx can feel like a solution without a problem, and it’s overwhelming to keep up. I don’t think you’re doing it at all in this thread, but also sometimes the speaker is made to feel like they’re not inclusive/sensitive/etc for not using exactly the right word, and that makes anyone defensive and not want to change.

            I do think these issues are interesting philosophically— how we speak and write and what that signals to the world. But most people aren’t as interested in that, and feeling like everything you say is going to be offensive somehow causes fatigue in people who are honestly doing their best.

          • Anon

            AnonInfinity, I completely agree. Words ARE important and I think (hope) we all have phased out words like ghetto or the r-word and so on. At the same time, womxn is definitely a solution without a problem. It makes the word to describe 50% of the word’s population impossible to pronounce (I’m not okay with anyone or anything that makes women’s advocacy efforts harder or that tries to make changes about women without women’s input) and it implies that transwomen aren’t already included in the word “women.” I refuse to use it.

          • Anon

            I completely concur @AnonInfinity. I’ve definitely been friendly with people who were overtiresome in word policing words that simply aren’t offensive to 99.5% of people, including people of whatever identity that person is a part of. Thankfully thinks like “folx” and “womxn” are written and not pronounced differently so the majority of those interactions are fine. But there have been a few people who I’ve distanced myself from due to mid-sentence lectures about how I didn’t phrase my wording to their liking. Like, no, I’m not going to use a gender neutral term at a table of friends who ALL identify as women, it’s not applicable to my conversation about vacations or whatever.

          • Anon

            But folks doesn’t mean that those groups aren’t welcome?? I’m all for inclusivity and specifying your pronouns but it makes no sense and some rando’s blog isn’t a reliable source.

          • Anonymous

            I’m amember of the indigenous and LGBTQ communities.

            Just one q*eer Native’s opinion: I find “folx” baffling and unnecessary.

            Never once have I felt excluded by the word “folks,” which is nongendered.

            I work in a social justice oriented field and consider myself politically progressive.

            I respect if other folks want to use the different spelling. If it’s being used to show support for the indigenous community there are countless other ways I’d rather people show solidarity with us.

      • Anonymous

        Are you sure you don’t mean “folks” has been around for 100+ years and is inclusive?

    • Anonymous

      I’m just wondering — forms often want you to put Mr./Ms./Whatever — do these not line up with pronouns? Like even if your name is Taylor, it would be Mr. Taylor Smith or Ms. Taylor Smith. Only if the options are “Senator Taylor Smith” or “Judge Taylor Smith” is it confusing. Worst still is joint registrations for spouses: Mrs. and Dr., Dr. and Dr., Senator and Mr., Mr. and Mr. (but they may have different preferred pronouns). [Or my friends, who are Ms. and Mrs. and the Mrs. hyphenates her last name but the Ms. does not.]

      Honestly, this works for form letters where stuff is just imported from a database, but I do not know how people would actually remember once going non-vanilla becomes more common.

      I am the weird old-school person who is Mrs. HusbandFirst HusbandLast socially b/c I am wife #2 and it is really ambiguous and mysterious to me to become anonymous. [Personally, I am the 600 pound gorilla in the room, so there is no way of ever otherwise being invisible, which would be my superpower if I ever got one.]

      • Skipper

        Some non-binary people use “Mx” or similar. But in correspondence I think the current mechanism of inclusivity is just “Dear Taylor Smith” without the title. If it’s email, of course, you can always go with the whole Greetings/Good morning/Hello salutation.

    • Anon

      I don’t like putting my preferred pronouns on forms because it implies that I believe in gend*r identity, which I don’t. I believe we all have personalities, some of which do not align to sex-based stereotypes (i.e., I’m a woman who likes math and fashion, or my friend who is a man enjoys wearing makeup), and that pronouns are neutral words used to signify people belonging to one or the other biological sex. I don’t want anyone to think that I believe in a metaphysical, soul-like, quasi-religious “essence” or “spirit” of womanhood. That is typically implied when you participate in pronoun announcements and when you fill out forms that ask for your identity rather than your sex.

      • Anon

        Um, I don’t think other people are thinking about it that deeply but okay, then just don’t fill it out. Doesn’t harm anyone and your beliefs are expressed.

        • Anon

          You’re right. I doubt 99% of the people who blithely tell me to use “folx” or I’m a jerk have thought about it as deeply as I have.

          • Inspired By Hermione

            You say that you don’t believe in gender identity. If your actions line up with that in life then yes you’ve probably seemed like a jerk to someone in your life (assuming the best, unintentionally) whose gender identity doesn’t not line up with their assigned sex at birth.

          • pugsnbourbon

            The folks/folx who have fought to have their names, genders, pronouns, and identities recognized and honored have thought about it even more than you, Anon @4:18.

      • Inspired By Hermione

        Eyeroll. I am hopeful but doubtful that you respect others’ correct pronouns even if you don’t “believe” in it (or in being transgender, I assume? Or gender dysphoria?). Good lord.

      • Ellen

        I think people are getting a little to touchy on these issues. Does it really matter that much. As a woman, I do feel more empowered on matters that have historically been viewed as feminine, but at the same time, I am good at math and science, like the OP. But does it really matter how I say he/she/they/it when I describe someone? Am I offending them if they are female or male or neither or both? This is getting all to complicated for people nowadays, so I say FOOEY to all of this. I have enough issues to figure out and deal with w/o adding this to the pile. DOUBEL FOOEY!

      • Anon

        Omg, liking math and fashion does not have any bearing on your gender identity! Please do some research. You’re talking about conforming to (very old-fashioned) gender stereotypes, not someone born female identifying as male or non-binary. Worlds apart.

        • Anon

          Reposting since my response got stuck:

          Then why do so many transition stories start out with “I was assigned male at birth, but I knew something was wrong when I liked pink and sparkles and ponies and my parents weren’t okay with that?” Let kids be kids. Gend*r stereotypes harm all of us.

          • Anon

            I don’t know any transition stories that start that way. You can have gender dysphoria from a very young age, but I’ve always heard it talked about as feeling like you have the wrong parts or aren’t comfortable in your own body, not that you’re a boy who likes ballet or a girl who likes dirt bikes. I went to an engineering school – literally every girl there liked math. Are you saying all of us are transgender/genderqueer and don’t know it? That’s obviously ridiculous. I agree that it is still more socially acceptable for girls to wear boys clothing and hairstyles than for boys to wear dresses and nail polish, but I know TONS of little boys who like pink and do ballet (or other similarly “girly” things) and no one (parents included) has suggested they even might be transgender.

      • PolyD

        I “believe” – inaccurate word, like talking about “believing” in evolution – that gender dysphoria and being transgender are legit human conditions. I am happy to use whatever pronoun a person prefers, although I would feel kind of clunky using “they” in the singular or “zi” or whatever the new word is. But that is my problem and I will keep it to myself in real life.

        But, I think I kind of get where Anon at 4:01 is coming from. There seems to be a lot of pressure for people to “identify” as a specific gender, or transgender, or nongender, or whatever else there is (not meaning to sound dismissive, this is just an area in which I am not expert). I feel like it’s much more difficult for a person to be like, Yeah, I’m a woman who likes to dress masculinely and likes tools and sports but also pedicures. Like everyone has to fit into a label.

        I mean, if it feels better for a person to label themselves, that’s great. But we contain multitudes – sometimes one exact label doesn’t cover everything.

        • gender identity vs gender expression

          You’re talking about two different things. They IS a singular pronoun as is ze. Not new words, words used for a long time, covered in the dictionary, translated into other languages around the world. A person’s gender identity is the gender their brain identifies them as. The part about dress, what someone likes, and what their pastimes are personality traits or facts about them. I can be someone who likes cheese and identify as female, I can like cheese and identify as male, I can like cheese and identify as agender, gender fluid, gender nonconforming. If I am transgender, it has nothing to do with me liking cheese, that is solely based on my brain’s gender not matching my anatomical and genetic gender.

          We in society may ascribe liking sports and tools to being masculine and liking pedicures to being feminine, but none of those actually have any internal indication of self-identity, so they’re not gender related.

          Containing multitudes is great but being seen when you have been kept out or marginalized makes it important for some to be able to have a space on a form or a space at the table or a space in the world to identify as their gender identity.

          Hope this helps since you mentioned you are newish to this! :)

      • Skipper

        Oh, man. You don’t believe in gender identity. I don’t believe in global warming–it’s just god hugging us closer. So. Look at us. A pair of right thinking geniuses.

        • Anon

          Except I’m an atheist and a political progressive, so no. I know it’s really convenient to smear feminists as far-right crazies when they express opinions that differ from the groupthink of the day, but it’s intellectually lazy. I believe all people deserve respect and to live with freedom from discrimination and violence. However, I do not believe in pretending regressive stereotypes are innate features of one’s identity. That concept is incredibly harmful to women.

  3. Clementine

    Hey, I’m wearing these shoes right now!

    They’re very comfortable and go really well with many colors, especially navy.

  4. Quick Kid Meals

    Help! My 8 year old is a pretty picky eater (with a Midwestern food palate) and doesn’t care whether he eats (he is easily distracted by other things in life and has to be reminded to eat). It means I have to come up with food he likes the taste of and wants to eat enough to pause what he’s doing and actually consume foods.

    My budget is pretty small so I can’t afford to get him kid-themed food packs at groceries the way some of his friends have or to take him out to dinner for meals with toys the way some of his other friends have. I also find that when I buy things sometimes, even if he likes them, the small portion size he eats means ingredients can go bad before the items get consumed, which I’m trying to minimize.

    What are some quick and easy lunch and dinner meals I can feed him where ingredients are picky child friendly but where there are nutrients getting into him? I keep thinking of my own childhood lunches which were mostly pb&j, chips, and a little debbie (not so healthy) and dinners (frozen foods reheated). I realize now I didn’t come from a cooking parent haha.

    Help is appreciated!

    • Inspired By Hermione

      How about snacky dinners? Deli meat or rotisserie chicken, crackers, cheese, apples, nuts, grapes, carrots or celery, hummus or peanut butter. If you pack enough high-nutrient items in small quantities on the plate and say he has to eat (all of it, five bites of each, etc) he’ll get what he needs. And a lot of this can be used for food for you, too. Chicken plus apples plus nuts plus lettuce or spinach can be salad, etc.

      • Anonymous

        Second this. My picky eater loves “snack dinner.” This usually includes some deli meat or cooked chicken, a cheese stick, and whatever fruits or vegetables we have in the house.
        Other hits in our house include items with dips: hummus with carrots or pretzels, and anything with soy sauce or ketchup. So, grilled chicken, broccoli, rice, and soy sauce (won’t eat the rice or broccoli without something to dip it in).
        Breakfast for dinner is usually a hit. Scrambled eggs (with ketchup), some kind of pancake or waffle (I usually buy the frozen protein ones), and fruit.
        For lunch, my picky eater won’t eat bread, but likes turkey or ham roll ups, some fruit or vegetables (cherry tomatoes are a huge hit) and a treat.
        One tip that I read was that sometimes picky eaters do better when there is less food on the plate, so I’ve tried to be mindful of giving smaller portion sizes. They can always ask for more.

    • Anonymous

      I think “Midwest palate” and I think of things + soup. Like cooked chicken in cream of chicken soup over rice. #TeamCampbell’s to the rescue?

    • Wow

      What does he like to eat? I would start there. For example, if he will eat spaghetti, I would throw in some sauteed veggies (or blend them so he won’t notice). If he likes grilled cheese, you can use whole wheat/multigrain bread with some good cheese, and give some cut apples/veggies on the side. If he likes quesadillas, throw some black beans and veggies in there along with cheese.

      My kids usually eat some combo of lentils/rice or beans with rice, with roasted veggies on the side, most nights of the week.

    • Anon

      Could you give us some insight into what he does like?

      I was a very picky eater growing up. I also ate, and still do eat, slowly. My advice: make the dinner table a less distracting place, and sit with him until he eats more. Do not worry about a very repetitive diet unless it’s affecting his health. Likewise, do not worry too much about nutrition. Take the PB&J, sub out the chips, and add in an apple or banana instead.

      Look up “supertasters” and see if his food likes/dislikes overlap.

      • anon

        Oh my gosh, mind blown. I’ve always had tasted bitterness more acutely than others and I also taste salt really acutely (turns out they are linked). Former extreme picky eater here myself with a very, very sensitive nose, too and this explains SO MUCH! Thank you!

        To the OP, I echo what this Anon at 3:44 has said and will also add to not put so much pressure on your kid. I eventually grew out of it and a big part of that was being grown up enough to realize that ok, I might not LOVE the taste of the food but I won’t die and I can just swallow it — and it was crucial to have the space to try that in a way that everyone didn’t make a big deal out of it. To this day, I have relatives that still joke about it and it still stings because it got so bundled up with shame and ridicule and anxiety as a child that no one really seemed to see. (Hence why I didn’t grow out of it until I was eating in front of people who weren’t my family and making a huge deal out of it.) I still don’t love the taste of a lot of vegetables but have done my best to cook them to a way I can bear them and force myself to choose ones I tolerate because that’s what adults do. Today you would not know this chick who eats oysters, brussels sprouts, and octopus was ever a picky eater.

        And as a success story – I’m healthy and well developed, have a good relationship with food and my body, am extremely athletic and one of the most accomplished in my family (so I guess my brain is healthy), so your child is not doomed! Talk about it with your child’s doctor. And hugs to you – you are doing the best you can. I genuinely feel bad for my mom having to worry about what I was eating.

        • Anon

          Yay!

          I also took a long, long time to grow out of food dislikes. Most of it is finding vegetables I like and preparing them in ways I like. Raw baby spinach is doable; cooked spinach is not. I can do poached eggs and egg white omelettes, but have trouble with scrambled eggs and fried eggs (texture is a big thing with me).

        • Irish Midori

          You don’t know how comforting that testimonial is to read. My son has MAJOR anxiety issues surrounding food and is extremely picky. Like, we’re down to bread (certain kinds only) and cheese (provolone or sometimes mozzarella). He won’t even eat pizza any more because the sauce makes him gag. I’m at my wits’ end, but your story tells me I need to chill. Thanks for the ideas.

    • Skipper

      I was a similar eater as a kid but always liked cereal both dry and with milk. Fortified cereals like multigrain Cheerios are surprisingly nutritionally complete. Plus, cereals can be a good way to work in fiber. The only person eating less enthusiastically than a picky eater is a constipated picky eater.

    • mascot

      1) Figure out what he likes and maximize the nutritional choices for those foods. Like my kid will happily eat cold cereal most days for breakfast so at least with frosted mini-wheats, he’s getting some decent fiber. Or, he will eat fruit like crazy so we emphasize seasonal fruit, berries, etc. instead of the same old apples/orange/banana. Greek yogurt (higher protein) over regular yogurt.
      2) Get him involved in selecting and making meals. At 8, he can definitely learn to make some simple things like scrambled eggs or a sandwich. Maybe even ask him to name some of his favorite food ingredients and see if you can create a recipe- he likes tomatoes and beef and cheese, how about trying chili? We rarely buy lunchable types things in our house. But, my kid loves to assemble his own meat/cheese/cracker stacks. Or, he’s cool with a plate of artfully arranged bits of leftovers and I can make sure that there is a protein, a veggie, a fruit, a carb, whatever.
      3) Try to minimize distractions- eat meals together without tv/electronic devices. Sometimes seeing everyone else eating the same food can help motivate kids. Or, if he won’t eat pork, but will eat chicken, maybe sub a piece of chicken while the rest of you eat pork loin or whatever, but everyone eats the same sides.

    • Anonymous

      Smoothies (also great for using up stuff that would otherwise go to waste). Raw veggies you chop with a flavored hummus. Eggs and toast. Yogurt.

    • Protein balls

      Is your goal to get him to sit down and eat dinner normally at a table or to get food in him and let him remain distracted (have you looked into this, is it possible he has ADHD? An 8 yr old should be able to sit and eat for 15 minutes).
      If you’re okay with him buzzing around the house during meal time, I’d do grab and go things where he can grab something off his plate and take it with him – someone above mentioned snacky dinners. I also think oatmeal based protein balls could be helpful for you as an in between meal snack. You can make them with completely shelf stable items and they are calorie dense, nutrition packed, and small. You can make them less sweet for snacks and breakfast and more sweet for dessert. There are tons of recipes online and I always add a vegan protein powder to them – I’m sorry chia and flaxseeds won’t really do it when you’re trying to keep from going hungry.
      My fave recipe – I don’t portion out precisely but it is oatmeal based so at least 1/2 oatmeal and I eyeball the rest and use the liquid to firm up:
      Oats, Shredded Coconut, Plant based Protein Powder, Some kind of nuts – Chia, flax seed, ground pecans or almonds, Honey or Dried Dates to sweeten (or leave it out for less sweet), Some kind of milk (dairy or nut)
      Blend it all together, form into little balls and bake. I mix in an egg if the recipe isnt’ holding together right.
      You can also add fun stuff like vanilla and cinnamon, chocolate chips and peanut butter and banana, etc.

    • Anon

      Can he just eat what you eat? Then you’re not spending tons of time making special kid meals and worrying about the portions. He’ll also get exposed to more adult foods over time. You could start with friendly meals (like spaghetti) too).

    • Vicky Austin

      You say that going out to get a kids’ meal with toy is out of the budget, but I’m assuming that would work were it in-budget because of the fun/distraction involved? If so, can you rework that into eating at home? Put an action figure or doll on the table (out of arm’s reach if necessary) and work with him to make up a story about it. Maybe we always see GI Joe on spaghetti night, which might mean getting excited about spaghetti because that means GI Joe storytime and getting to decide what Joe does next.

    • Anon

      What do you eat for dinner? I think it can be important to eat real food at the table together as a regular activity. No special “kid” meals. You could also maybe freeze leftovers and defrost them later, if you have tons of leftovers.

    • Anon

      I’m going to be the voice of dissent and say that your child will eat when hungry. I would include simple things like berries and steamed veggies like carrots and cabbage, plus some plain cheese and bread. They taste sweet and have lots of nutrition. If he’s hungry, he will eat – it’s very very rare for an 8 year old to develop anorexia naturally. We work so hard to overpower our children’s natural hunger signals and then wonder why they grow up obese or with eating disorders.

      • Daisy

        100% re overpowering natural hunger signals. We never urge our kids to “finish your plate” or anything like that. If they say their tummy is full, ok, you may be excused from the table, with the warning that there will be no snack later, because dinner is the time to eat. The only time we tell them to eat more is if they are asking for seconds of one thing (pasta or fruit) and they haven’t touched something else they’ve been served (veggie or meat)–in that case, we’ll say, finish your X before you can have more Y. But if they don’t want X or Y, they’re allowed to be done with their meal. Not really pertinent to the OP’s question, but just a general comment.

      • Irish Midori

        This was also my pediatrician’s advice. He’s doing fine on the growth chart, seems to not have any nutritional deficiencies, so give him a multivitamin every day and let it be. I think he ate little other than graham crackers for about a year as a toddler, and is still healthy, so… *shrug*

    • anon

      My son is a super picky eater, and eats yogurt and granola for lunch every single weekday, so I sympathize. Yogurt is great for protein, if he’ll eat it. I buy plain yogurt in large containers and send it with a thing of granola, and he’s good. A few other ideas:
      – if he likes pasta, Barilla plus is pretty innocuous and made with lentils. My son will eat this plus parmesan plus baby carrots
      – Smoothies are great for getting vegetables in
      – we eat a lot of fruit leather from wildmade, which is made out of fruit and vegetables
      – Fruit/veggie pouches
      – my son really likes Kashi Go Lean cereal (the original) – it has a ton of protein (and more with milk)

      Also, if he is interested in the idea of lunchables (my son wouldn’t touch a lunchable with a 30-foot pole), I found out that my other son wanted lunchables only because they came with oreos. So I would freeze portions of salami and cheese and oreos. In the morning, I would take out a portion of each, throw in some crackers and a fruit and call it a day.

    • Daisy

      Best advice I’ve ever heard about serving kids food: your job is to serve it, his job is to eat it. He will not starve to death. He will eat.

  5. Weekly Prep?

    Any tips for setting myself up on Friday for a good week at work? I already try to organize my inbox at the end of the week, but I’m looking for other tips that will help me when I come in Monday morning!

    • Ses

      I sometimes leave treats for my future self in my drawer, such as a new pen or a small box of fancy chocolates.

    • S in Chicago

      I spend the last few minutes of each day writing a to-do bullet list for myself for the next morning. List is split in must-do soon and must-do but can wait. It makes it easier to start the day when you don’t have to think twice about where you left off. And having the “must-do but can wait” keeps from feeling overwhelmed by the length.

    • Vicky Austin

      I try to have my whole work area reset to something resembling order by the time I leave Friday. Email inbox tidied, a little electronic file organizing (be careful though, this is a rabbit hole), desk cleaned off and things filed away or scanned or trashed, white board clean, no coffee cups sitting around, desk not covered in a thin layer of paper clips, etc.

  6. Anonymous

    This is a somewhat cheeky question – I’m the billing attorney on some significant matters but I’m still an associate. As part of the associate review process, I’ve been asked to assign my matters to a reviewing attorney to write a review for me. Can I write a review for myself as to the matters I handle for my own clients?

    • Anon

      Do you not have to have a partner assigned to the matter at your firm? If so, that is who you list. If not, you just don’t assign the matter to anyone. I’m assuming you already have a chance to write a self evaluation. Writing a review for yourself is just ridiculous.

  7. Formerly Lilly

    Great shoe pick! I have a many years old pair of tortoiseshell Stuart Weitzman pumps that are the most versatile work shoes I have ever owned. I like them with most every color except light gray. Been trying to line up a replacement for them for a couple of years and the posted pair may be just the thing.

    • Anonymous

      I think I had those same shoes and wore them to death. I wish the heel on these was lower. My feet are fussy these days.

  8. Thanks.

    Hey, I’m doing that thing where I check myself into a local mental health hospital for 9am – 3pm group therapy sessions and lunch, until they deem me ok to take on my normal life.

    I didn’t really think it was necessary, but my husband did. I guess my depression (been doing therapy and medications) kinda affected him and also I got so mad that I hit my 4-year-old last week (then I felt terrible about it).

    I first learned that this is a thing that normal people do here, on this forum. So thank you all. My friends in real life have done this and survived and came out better, my husband has done it. And now I’m doing it. Thank you all for your support and encouragement. For realsies, as the kids say. Thank you.

    • Anon

      I’m so glad you’re getting help and I hope it does help. Depression is a beast and it takes courage to take these necessary steps. Best of luck to you and your family.

    • anon

      Been there. Work their process – it does help!
      I wasn’t thrilled with their love of meds, but your mileage and needs may vary.
      For what it’s worth, during the time I was out, I did little else than go to the group, go home and sleep, wake up to eat dinner and go back to sleep. Allow yourself to (and with spouses help/agreement, set up your home life so you can) rest after the group sessions if you need.
      Hopefully you’ve been able to discuss your behavior (in appropriate fashion) with your son and make amends. Hugs to you both.
      You can do this! I’m cheering you on!

    • The Original ...

      Sending you love, being able to get the help you need and to accept it when it is offered is a huge sign that you are an incredible bad@$$! <3

    • T

      Good for you for being brave and vulnerable! More people would benefit from doing what you’re doing.

  9. Emma

    I had to go off estrogen birth control because of a pulmonary embolism. I suddenly gained 15 pounds (all in my stomach, I have the stretch marks to prove it) and I’m terrified it will keep going up. Doctor has checked for cortisol/thyroid and everything is fine there. I’m eating healthier and exercising more, too, but doesn’t seem to be enough. I’m in Biglaw trying to make partner this year, I can’t starve myself or exercise constantly but I’m doing a decent job and certainly better than before I went off the estrogen and this happened. Anyone else have this experience? Or know how to make the weight gain stop?! Help!

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