Coffee Break: Robinson Tote

103 Comments

1. Very random question – but do plants cool air temperature? I know trees do in the sense that they act as a tree canopy and give you shade and protection from sun, but I mean plants like hedges that don’t literally shade you from sun because they are about your height or less.

   I’ve been wondering this because I went to get a quick car thing done yesterday – it was getting hot on the east coast – probably a 90 degree heat index at 9 am. So I’m standing outside because it wasn’t a dealership with a fancy waiting room. I put myself into a spot kind of between two big bushes and hedges that are along the side of the building and I swear it was a bunch of degrees cooler there than it was anywhere else – standing on concrete, with equal amounts of sun exposure everywhere. I have to be imagining that right? Otherwise if it’s true why aren’t we constantly planting everywhere?

   1. I don’t know why it wouldn’t be true — there were buffers to absorb/block some of the heat radiating up from the concrete and walls around you.

      As to why we aren’t constantly planting everywhere . . . I’m sure there are myriad layers to that answer. Including the fact of how you get a building owner for a mechanics shop to spend time and money planting and maintaining bushes and hedges. Some cities (mine) have landscaping requirements for new builds (parking lots have to have a certain percentage of plants), but I think existing buildings are grandfathered in.

   2. They do! It’s called transpiration, basically drawing water from the soil and releasing water vapor through their leaves. Evaporating water requires a lot of energy and removes heat from the surrounding environment.

      1. I think this sounds right. All I know is that when I am under a tree, it is cooler then when I am in the sun. Trees provide shade and shade is cooler then sun. End of story.

         Dad planted fig trees in our yard, and we now have big fig leafs which cover the yard, and Rosa told me I should pose with fig leafs covering my private parts, and she would post on her Instagram page so that Ed’s co-workers could see and mabye date me. I am NOT interested in Ed’s coworkers seeing me half naked just so that I can go out and get a free meal. What does she think I am, anyway? This was one silly thing she came up with when I complained that I am never going to get MARRIED. FOOEY on that dumb idea!

   3. It’s a thing!!! https://trees-energy-conservation.extension.org/how-do-trees-cool-the-air/#:~:text=The%20most%20obvious%20way%20trees,known%20as%20'transpiration%20cooling‘.

      1. I learn something new everyday!

   4. If you were standing in the hedges, that’s less sun on your skin and that’s cooler. Same idea behind middle easterners wearing light cotton clothing that covers pretty much all exposed ski.

   5. I wish more plants are planted!! Especially tree canopy in urban areas!

2. Love the look of the MMLF Delaney Jogger (origami tech material). Does anyone have them? They’re quite expensive for me so would love some real life reviews. Thanks.

3. If you’re someone who used to care about their parents’ opinions but has grown to be able to see it for what it is and make it more of a – that’s nice whatever – type of thing, how did you get there?

   I swear I am one of those people who largely doesn’t care what anyone thinks, yet my retiree parents have SO much opinion. More and more their opinions are on the hurtful side too. They constantly praise long lost relatives’ kids for basically anything, while having been really strict while they raised us. Basically long lost 3rd cousins kid is SUCH a genius for going to some unknown school to do what he wants, but for their OWN kids nothing short of ivy league was good enough, we had no choice in professions but to be doctors, lawyers, or investment bankers. And it’s not like the criticism doesn’t continue to this day – every thing from me not having a luxury car to a proper home office is pointed out. If I dare express unhappiness with my job, I’m not grateful enough.

   I frankly don’t care about these long lost relatives, couldn’t pick them out of a line up. Yet I find myself being resentful of these teenagers getting praise that I have never gotten to this day, which I realize is totally stupid and my own issue. Is this just a – you parent your own kids hard and then get softer when you’re older and when it’s not your own kids you’re able to appreciate everything? WWYD?

   1. Stop engaging with them.

   2. Ugh. Sounds awful.

      Honestly, I would limit my time talking with them. Change the subject a lot. Lots of nodding…. “Oh that’s nice… good for them.” and let them talk for the amount of time I can tolerate them. I guess, the Grey Rock strategy people talk about on this board.

      And when I spend time with them, I would try to do it where I can combine something else that I enjoy doing so it is less painful. Have another person there that helps balance things, so they are less judge-y on just me. Have a meal with them, so at least we are focusing on food/eating so they aren’t talking all of the time. Getting out for a walk, as everything feels better when you are outside. Watch a movie or a play or a concert so I don’t have to talk with them at all. Sometimes just spending the time with them and making the effort is enough. Defined, limited, visits.

   3. I came to realize that their opinions were just that, opinions, and that they were not interested in any actual facts.
      I ended up distancing myself and putting up hard boundaries.

   4. Same as the above advice, plus when it got to where I really, really couldn’t take anymore, I liked to throw out a “you don’t like how I turned out, but you raised me this way.”

   5. I don’t know if it’s an age thing. But by late 20’s/early 30’s, I started to better realize my parents are just people. They have made plenty of choices that I wouldn’t recommend. In my case, they’re pretty bad with money. Their judgement of success does not really match my idea of success. So I take it with a grain of salt when they praise other people.

      1. This. Parents are just people who

         ‘That’s nice’ is a suitable response to anything that’s not blatantly racist or sexist basically.

         Parents often struggle to accept that you are not living your life AT them. And you have to accept that they won’t always agree with your choices. My parent who replace their cars every two years and basically always have car loans, think it is nuts that I drive a car that is 10’years old that I own outright but IDGAF.

         1. “In order to live a happy life, I am going to have to disappoint my parents a little bit.”

            I saw this on the internet many years ago and say it to myself often. So what if they’re a little annoyed that my dog is allowed on the furniture, or that I treat myself to convenience products at the supermarket?

   6. I am direct and not afraid of conflict so i would translate that into curiosity and fully ask them if they realize they do this, and if so why.

      I know that doesn’t work for every family or family relationship but if you’re already frustrated or hurt by it I would go for it.

      1. This is a know your family thing. My parents are very similar to OP yet if you call them out, it goes no where. If you say – how come it’s ok for cousin schmoe to go to clown school, yet for us you pressured us for the ivy league all the time. Suddenly the response is – oh whatever makes them happy. That’s laughable in itself because our household was one where happiness did NOT matter, but now for others’ kids it does. Or they brush it off like hey I don’t have kids that age anymore, I’m not the one dealing with college admissions. Yet they’re the ones who want to gossip about it non stop. And if you push harder, the tried and true – we’re old, why are you picking on us. Basically they use – we’re old and Asian so you must respect as – as license to say anything they please and if you argue you’re a bad child. OP for me not engaging or treating it like that coworker at work who gives their opinions and you don’t want to engage.

   7. Have you posted about this before? If not, you might try some site searches to see if you can find a thread a few months ago from someone posting about her parents having very different memories about how they parented the poster and her brother vs extended relatives who are currently teens/early 20s. There were several helpful responses if I’m remembering correctly.

      In any event, to your last line, the answer is yes. Your parents probably think of you as an extension of themselves and are not as able to have the space/perspective they do for more distant relatives. For your own peace of mind, try to focus on how you react to them and avoid talking about job stuff or money.

      1. OP here – I haven’t posted before and don’t have a brother but I’ll see if I can find that post.

         You’re right. Sometimes job stuff just comes out but I need to stop bringing it up.

   8. They have the luxury of feeling this way about your younger relatives because they have no real stake in how other people’s kids turn out, so to speak. But I can definitely see why this would be confusing and hurtful.

      1. This. My Indian immigrant parents had a LOT of anxiety about how we turned out in addition to their own baggage that was put on us. Back home the only people who lived really well were the people born into family money or the people who went to the very very top schools and got high level professions – think IIT. They brought that baggage with them not wanting to accept that the US isn’t THAT difficult – that you can go to a state school and have a perfectly nice upper middle class life, own a home and all. Yet they would not hear of it, as they pushed and pushed and pushed for the ivy league and like you – doctor, lawyer, engineer, was it, did not matter whether you wanted to do those things or not. I wonder if your parents are Asian immigrants too.

         And now yep they are very open to any kid doing anything, going to any fourth tier school, not having the picture perfect resume. At the end of the day if those kids are a failure to launch or don’t launch until 35 or whatever – not saying they will be but if it were to happen – at the end of the day, it will be their parents’ problem, not my parents. So now to my parents it’s all nice and cozy to talk about how it’s so great that cousin so and so is pursuing her dream in urban planning and may even quit her job for a year to move to Singapore. Meanwhile these same people a decade ago when I was crying non stop in biglaw were like wait but what will you do, it won’t be as prestigious as biglaw – they were ok with me sacrificing my mental health for work.

         It makes me mad too, but at the end of the day I can’t change it. And as I’ve gotten into my 40s I have much less patience for it. I legit shut it down with – that’s nice – and no further responses. Or just treat it like that coworker who is talking about something controversial but you don’t want to engage – half listening, half nodding – until the topic burns out.

   9. For me (random white parents were rough on me but praise everything about my younger relatives), it’s been a realization that my parents just can’t process what young-to-mid-adulthood is like right now.

      My parents are nice and smart and funny and I love them, but they are also boomers from the Midwest who were brought up in very straitened circumstances and vaulted into the middle class because of a social safety net / set of privileges that just doesn’t exist in the same way anymore.

      They also don’t seem to know or appreciate the full picture. My cousins with the big house and the pool in LA? Cousin’s mother bought the house and lives with them to provide childcare. Relative who spends every summer on a ranch and works very part-time? Ranch family that the relative married into is super wealthy but never, ever mentions it. Adjusting for inflation, my mortgage is almost triple what they paid for a bigger, newer house they bought when I was a baby.

      I just try to change the subject – though it was funny when they went on the rant about the uselessness of history majors and I just HAD to remind them I was one (and I did OK).

4. Does anyone have experience with a conflict avoidant partner? DH is very conflict avoidant and it has started coming out in some counterproductive ways: i.e., getting defensive and argumentative when I try to talk about issues or, ironically, getting very upset in situations in which he thinks there may be conflict, even when there isn’t. I know I can be very direct when I communicate my feelings and have tried to work on that piece of it. However, even as I’ve started bringing things up less and being more go-with-the-flow, I’d like to know that he has the ability to constructively deal with conflict when it comes up. He also says he doesn’t bring things up that bothers him since it’s difficult. He’s in therapy to work on all of these things and maybe I’m overthinking it, but it is a bit stressful to navigate.

   1. I’m not all up on the lingo, but I wouldn’t call that conflict avoidant. My ex husband was “conflict avoidant” in that he avoided conflict at all costs by just doing what I wanted without voicing an opposing opinion, to the extent that I didn’t know he had an opposing opinion. He also hid things from me that he knew would disappoint me or create “conflict” in terms of difficult conversations. What you are dealing with sounds different.

   2. Therapy for you, too?

      1. Maybe…. I’m glad he’s in therapy. It sounds like he has a lot to work on.

         I feel like brief therapy for you to get advice or couples therapy, briefly, once he feels comfortable to help with this? It sounds very hard.

         I have some of your husband’s behavior, so I have sympathy for both of you. Again, I’m really glad he’s in therapy.

   3. Yeah defensiveness isn’t conflict avoidance, it’s just defensiveness, and it can be pretty toxic.

   4. It might be helpful to start a conversation with something like, hey I want to talk about X, when do you think you might be in a headspace to talk? When I’m bringing something up, I’ve thought through my feelings and I can lay out my position really clearly. But DH hasn’t had that opportunity at all and he’s not great on the fly. He kind of shuts down or just agrees with me because my position sounds reasonable enough, but then he thinks about it more and realizes he doesn’t completely agree, but then he feels like he can’t backtrack. It’s more productive if I flag it for him and then talk later so he has time to gather his thoughts too. That also helps him feel less on guard overall because he knows a Big Discussion isn’t just going to come out of nowhere with no advance warning.

   5. Ask your husband open ended questions that give him room to talk about his day, about what he is feeling, etc. Start small and work up to more challenging topics over time.

5. Has anyone tried Retrofete’s robe dress? I’m wondering how it fits/feels. Considering wearing this to Beyonce’s RWT and on that note, would love to hear what other folks are wearing if you’ve gone/planned to go!

6. Suggestions for where to find The Fold clothes for resale online? I haven’t seen any on The Real Real. Where else should I look?

   Also, I am interested in the Belleville top. I am usually a USA 2-4. Anything I should know before buying?

   TIA

   1. I’ve tried looking for resale and saw things posted on Postmark, but there’s not much and have yet to find anything I’m interested in so I’ve only bought during their sales. I’m usually a 2/4 and find the Belleville is a little snug, so all three that I have are size 4/UK8 and fit well.

      1. Ah, what a top.

         I think my work uniform should be this top, cigarette pants and loafers. Everyday. Just like the Fold models…

   2. I’d say if you’re normally a US 2-4 you should take a UK size 10. It definitely fits close to the body and doesn’t have a ton of stretch in it (even the clever crepe versions). Fwiw – their sale is now an extra 10% off in case there are pieces you’ve been eyeing.

   3. https://poshmark.com/listing/The-Fold-London-Black-Belleville-Top-US-10-UK-14-Lined-Crepe-EUC-Career-Blouse-64b30e46a0e6c6b2512fd8f1

   4. Just an FYI, when I’m searching for something like this, I use google instead of going directly to poshmark. I search the item name and size and then hit the shopping tab. That way ebay, mercari, TRR, etc. show up as well.

7. Recurring pet peeve of the day: when I say, feel free to call before noon, the appropriate response is not, great I’ll call you at noon.

   1. Some people just do not read emails, no matter how short they are. I would often name the one time window that WOULDN’T work (“any time except…”), and they’d reply great, let’s plan on that! I’ve never figured out how to preempt this.

      1. My pet peeve in this vein is emailing “do you want to do X or Y” and the response is “Yes”. I always want to respond back with “THAT WASN’T A YES OR NO QUESTION!!!”

   2. Commiseration. There is no solution, no magic way to word things that will get people to actually read their GD emails. I’ve tried every trick, every phrasing hack, and some people simply don’t read because they think they’re too important

   3. You just say the times you can talk leaving room to be done by when you need to off, so I’d say “I can talk at 9, 10 or 11” not “anytime before 12.”

      1. “Sounds like it won’t work, I can only do 9:30.” /s

   4. Guilty as charged. Sometimes I forget that I don’t have my reading glasses on and goof up the way I read things. I’ve only recently started needing them full time and it’s not an automatic habit yet.

8. Public service announcement for today.

   I went to a medical conference recently and they were talking about a world-wide increase in colon cancer rates in young adults (20’s-40’s) that can’t be completely explained by the usual risk factors. Colon cancer is an easy cancer to cure, if you catch it early and if you remove polyps from your colon.

   Current recommendations are that everyone should start their screening colonoscopies at age 45. So remind your primary care doctors when you reach this age. Many will forget, as this is a relatively new recommendation. If you are older than 45 and haven’t had a colonoscopy yet, get one this year. Remember, they are free thanks to Obamacare. They are preventative care. And you know everyone on this board is happy to give their recommendations on how to best get through the prep!

   If you have any history of colon cancer in your family, you should start screening earlier – at age 40 or 10 years younger than the earliest case of colon cancer in your family. You should also consider getting genetic testing to see if you are at increased risk for colon cancer due to a inherited genetic mutation, if it runs in your family. And actually any family that has multiple cancers in their family, especially in young adults, should consider having genetic testing or at least talking with a genetic counselor about it.

   But even these more aggressive recommendations will miss a lot of these new colons cancers in young adults. We have a couple posters on this board that were diagnosed with colon cancer very, very young that have shared their experiences. The symptoms can be very mild and easy to ignore so this is a good one to be aware of and to think about whenever you notice anything atypical with your bowel habits and persistent – especially bleeding

   1. I’ll start:

      Before you start drinking the prep, put in bathroom:
      – fully charged iPad (you will not be able to concentrate to read)
      – Charger
      – Phone
      – Tissues
      – Tucks pads
      – Prep H ointment
      – Matches
      – Bottle of water
      – Bowel cleanse liquid and a glass
      – Watch or clock
      – Instructions
      – Phone number of doctor
      – Paper and pen
      – Wastebasket into which you can vomit if necessary
      – Extra rolls of toilet paper

      Before you start:
      – Get ready for bed (wash face etc)
      – Wear pants that are easy to pull on/off
      – Underwear you don’t care about
      – Thermal shirt
      – Fleece (diarrhea can make you feel cold)
      – Socks
      – Something to hold your hair back (in case you throw up)

      On way to procedure:
      – know where bathrooms are in case you need to stop on the way

      On way home:
      – have preferred food/restaurant in mind (Vietnamese pho highly recommended)

      1. I would definitely not bother with underwear in this scenario. But I don’t sleep in it anyway.

      2. FWIW, I have argan oil w/ dropper and put that on my bum after sitting on the potty – worked really well for preventing irritation (instead of tucks or prep H)

         1. I used Aquaphor, generously, after each “go”

            1. +1

               This is the way.

               Use it constantly, from the first “go”.

         2. I swear by zinc ointment (which is basically diaper cream)

            1. That’s also very good.

      3. Everybody’s different, but I didn’t need any of this with the Gatorade-Miralax prep and a morning procedure. Starts at 3 p.m. one day; done before noon the next. I wouldn’t count on planning an outing during the prep, but it need not feel like an emergency.

         1. Yeah, I had my one and only colonoscopy in my mid-20s but it was really no big deal and I didn’t have or do any of the things on this list. After the first few trips to the bathroom it’s basically just water that’s coming out, so you can just kind of blot yourself dry, you don’t have to wipe yourself raw. I wouldn’t plan an outing either because you do go to the bathroom a ton, but I never came close to soiling my clothes and I didn’t have chills which is a symptom I associate with food poisoning diarrhea not bowel cleanout diarrhea.
            I think I started mid-afternoon, the whole cleanout was well and truly done by about 11 pm, I slept ~8 hours and then had the procedure the following morning. Not my favorite way to spend a day, but it’s really not that big an ordeal by any means.

      4. What in the what? I’ve had two colonoscopies and almost zero of this was relevant. (Not to be gross–but even matches weren’t like a big deal since it’s not like regular poop but almost water-like after the initial go or two.) Disposable undies and a thermal shirt and fleece..? Like literally not a thing.

         1. Are matches for the smell? If so, yeah that’s totally unnecessary. It’s basically water and doesn’t stink.

   2. I had my first colonoscopy/endoscopy last year at 37 because of family history and some symptoms. Luckily it was fine but they did remove some polyps. My dad had colon cancer before he was 50. It’s very treatable if caught early!

      The prep really wasn’t that bad – the worst part for me was having to fast the day before hand and day of the procedure. I was so freaking hungry. My procedure was in the afternoon so by the time it was over and I was home, it had been almost 48 hours since I had eaten and I was RAVENOUS. Chewing gum really helped me to “feel” like I was eating.

      1. Oh and I couldn’t tolerate the typical 4L prep, it kept making me barf, so I googled and found the Gatorade/Miralax method instead which worked perfectly and tasted just like drinking Gatorade. No big deal at all.

         1. I just did the Gatorade Miralax prep in September. Fasting wasn’t so bad, but shitting my pants for 6 hours was. The long list above is a good one – I’d rather have had that stuff on hand rather than needing it.

      2. This. Prep is not as bad as it’s made out to be. Way easier to do that and have polyps caught early vs deal with cancer down the road.

         1. Some doctors are using better preps than others! Some clinics use CO2 and some use air to do the scope. Clinics don’t all use the same approach to sedation. There are a lot of factors that can vary to how people experience this.

            1. I don’t understand your point. I’m a colon cancer survivor and have done two colonoscopies and colon surgery. Prep is literally NBD and especially compared to the surgery you’ll need to remove cancer.

            2. My point is that some people have had a terrible time because of using outdated prep methods, so it’s worth looking into? It’s great to have an unremarkable experience with a colonoscopy with no complications, and it’s often possible, but it’s more likely with some approaches than with others.

            3. I think all you’re doing is unnecessarily creating fear and amplifying anxiety around something that shouldn’t rather than sharing information that’s actually helpful to a patient. Literally nothing actionable from your comment other than discouraging detection, which is real-world dangerous.

            4. I would think that any prep, even the “bad” ones is infinitely better than cancer though. Even if you don’t need chemo, the colon surgery is a BFD.

      3. For the hunger, if you are allowed clear liquids, drink as much clear liquid with calories in it as you can stomach – light gatorade, clear soda, etc. If you are getting enough sugar the hunger isn’t bad.

         1. You can also buy clear versions of high protein high calorie boost/powerade etc..

         2. You can dump a container of Miralax into a quart of home-made iced tea and sip on that instead of the Gatorade/Miralax mix (along with following all the other prep instructions). (My doctor said tea was fine, just no red-colored liquids or jello.) Also, lemon jello and lime jello can help with the fasting.

   3. Please everyone read this and take it seriously. Once you have symptoms of colon cancer, it’s often too late. I’m one of those people you are talking about—I was only 46, had no family history, was a vegetarian for 20+ years, and had no symptoms. The only reason my colon cancer was caught at Stage 2 was that I had left a job and wanted to sneak in a physical before my insurance changed since my deductible was already met. The physical showed I was severely anemic. And I owe my life to my primary care physician who didn’t chalk it up to menstrual issues and pushed for me to get a colonoscopy. I remember pushing back a bit and asking her if I really, really needed it.

      And you know what–the colonoscopy was nothing. The long list upthread is almost laughable. I followed instructions on when to stop eating and I drank some water with some tablets for prep and you go to the bathroom a few times and it’s all out of you–and it comes out almost like urine, there’s no painful cramping like diarrhea. And I was fully out of it when they did the colonoscopy and felt totally normal after. I realize now just how little of a deal it actually is and wish someone had told me. I wouldn’t have pushed back at all had I known. (I’m so glad I didn’t ignore my primary’s test order.)

      Anyway, please take my experience to heart. You won’t have a flashing sign saying you have cancer. And these days colorectal cancer is appearing younger and younger–it’s actually one of several cancers surging in younger adults now that aren’t explainable by risk factors alone. If you have moderate anemia, make sure it’s ruled out. (You won’t necessarily see blood in your stool–my cancer was in my ascending colon, so it wasn’t visible like if it were further down in the colon. Sorry for that graphic level of detail, but I think it’s important to know.)

      Colon cancer is not all that treatable compared to other cancers. It’s one where you absolutely need to get it as soon as you can or your odds change drastically. I had never realized that before I went through all of this and wish I could shout it from the rooftops. The spike in younger age groups is just heartbreaking.

      1. Thanks for sharing this important PSA. I hope you’re doing well now!
         And yes my experience with prep was that after the first couple of times it’s essentially just urinating out your b*tt. The frequency was annoying, but I did not experience painful cramping, a sore tush or unusually bad smells (although even if you do, a colonoscopy would still be worth it of course).

      2. Thanks so much for sharing all of this with us.

         And thanks for mentioning the pills prep. I actually asked my doctor for this one, as even drinking tons of gatorade + miralax makes my stomach turn after a few hours. But my doctor gave me some excuse why to not give those to me. Next time I will push again for the pills.

         I hope you are doing well now and are cancer free. Thanks for sharing your experience with those around you.

         1. I think insurance hates to cover the pill prep, and doctors hate to fight insurance. Or that’s one how one doc explained it anyway!

            I actually have some risk factors for colonoscopy itself (a weird thing that runs in my family, not something other people need to worry about), so I am wondering how far I can get with MRIs and labs/stool tests. It’s a very good idea to get the screening colonoscopies though so it may still be worth it.

         2. My DH tried the pill prep and it did not work the same way, resulting in having to do a do-over.

9. I’m looking for a new pair of jeans, mainly for going out to bars where my husband plays in one of his bar bands.

   I’m tall – 5’10” but leggy, 33” inseam in flats. Cusp sized 14/16, used to be pear shaped but now more hourglass to apple. I’d like a dark wash or black, prefer a fairly high rise. I’m open to whatever leg shape you think would be appropriate right now. Thanks in advance!

   1. I like AmalliTalli jeans, Old Navy and LongTall Sally. I’m just a little bigger than you, 34″ inseam.

      I still rock the super-skinny rockstar old navy jeans most. I have very thin legs and they’re not super-skinny on me because I’m so skinny.

   2. Check out Madewell. As a tall woman with smaller hips and a larger waist, I’ve found their larger sizes run big, so you should be okay in a 32 or 33. You may find they have slim pickings for black denim at this time of year, but they’ll be stocking up for Fall soon.

   3. OP there, thanks both! I will check all of these out. There’s a Madewell near me. Unfortunately they tore down the closest Old Navy but there’s one about a 30 minute drive away if all else fails.

10. I posted a few weeks ago about my awful boss and the full-team exodus it caused (with her refusal to do transition planning!). I just had my exit interview with grand boss. I said “well you know how manager is, and now everyone is leaving” and my grand boss literally said “”yeah, it’s such bad timing for you to all find better roles.” Damn that man is dense, I’m so glad to be done with it. I wonder how many lost staff until he clues in.

    1. Management denial runs so deep you really have to laugh sometimes. “The beatings will continue until morale improves!”

       1. My medium/smallish law firm has lost 5 attorneys (three very good, two not so good) since last November, and 3 great support staff members since October. And yet, they remain totally clueless. It’s so disheartening. Yes, I’m job searching.

    2. Wow, he is truly not paying attention. You opened the door wide for him and he didn’t even attempt to walk through.

11. Can some of the lawyers here explain what happened with Hunter Biden’s plea deal? Was listening to a story on it on NPR but started midway through and there were too many details to keep up with. This does not seem to be how things usually go (to me, but I’m maybe basing that on watching a lot of Law & Order reruns).

    1. Ken White (Popehat) has a good summary. Search terms: Ken White Popehat Hunter Biden And The Fog Of War

    2. While the plea deal for the tax fraud (not paying a few million in taxes and taking some very inappropriate deductions….) and gun charge (saying he was not using drugs when obtaining one, when he was) on the surface seemed not inappropriate when I first heard about it on NPR…. there was some sort of strange, not-typical add on that the Judge questioned —- why he should be granted additional IMMUNITY to any known/future discovered charges that occurred during the period of time (years) that he has been under investigation for. Which is just… absurd… And which also apparently the prosecutors did not think they were agreeing to, but the defense was hoping to squeak though.

       Biden’s son is also under investigation for being an unregistered foreign lobbyist, which he most certainly appeared to be. Hunter was doing wildly inappropriate things overseas and in my opinion deserves whatever he has coming to him. Some of Trump’s team have faced similar charges in the past few years, and at least they had a previous history of lobbying with some knowledge base. Let’s not be hypocrites.
       Hunter was just riding off his father’s coat-tails doing I have no idea what for these foreign entities and making tons of money. I just hope that Biden the Dad can manage the stress/damage from the fall-out to pull us through the next election.

       1. Hunter Biden seems like a trash human, tbh. And I think dad is an enabler, although I sympathize given his other personal losses and likely fear of alienating his living son.

          1. here here

       2. I think they will work it out. It’s actually not all that unusual what happened if you ask most people who practice in this area.

          1. Really? People with tax charges/gun charges typically get plea deals that include immunity of other unmentioned charges under investigation or yet to be found? That practice area, exactly, gets those types of deals? Because if the rich who cheat on taxes and get caught for financial crimes often get immunity for their additional crimes, that is sickening and makes me want to write to our attorney general tomorrow. I somehow doubt the typical gun criminal gets such a sweet deal.

             1. Yeah what?

12. So, I’ve been reflecting on my habits recently, especially during the pandemic, and I’ve noticed that I’ve fallen into some not-so-great routines when it comes to spending time with my kids. You know how it goes, we all get lost staring at screens and I’ve found myself reaching for a drink out of sheer boredom (often). my husband usually joins in on the screen time or the drinks too.
    But now, the kids are getting older and things are slowly returning to normal. I feel like it’s time for a fresh start with new habits and routines. It’s just that I’m still mostly tied to the house with them.
    Does anyone have any suggestions on where to start, either for me or as a family? I’m open to any ideas and would really appreciate your input. Thanks so much!

    1. Reading together? Game night? Go on walks together? Do you have the energy for activities like baking?

       1. +1000 walk after dinner

          1. And especially someplace where you can look at nature — have them look at the different plants and notice how they change over the course of the seasons.

    2. I’m not good at this – especially now that my kids are far enough in school to have hefty sports and homework commitments. But here are some things that have worked when we make the effort:
       -family walk after dinner while it’s still light out
       -having a kid join me in prepping dinner
       -we’re not a board game family — I kinda hate them — but if you like them, make an effort to pull them out.
       -puzzles
       -lean into the screen and deliberately choose a movie or tv show to watch together and put your phones out of reach.
       -dance party in the living room

    3. What about volunteering together?
       This is also the perfect time of year for a surprise trip to get ice cream :)

    4. Family dinner together, kids can help prepare food or set & clear the table.

       Kids should be reading – I’m not sure how old yours are but my kids were supposed to read 30 minutes a night in early elementary school and 60 minutes later. So after we did bedtime routines, it was reading in bed for the alloted time. I often also read in a chair in one of their rooms to set an example & make sure they were actually reading.

    5. How old are your kids? What is it you’d like to be doing with them? What times of the day/week do you feel like you need better routines?
       If you’re looking for a fresh start on spending time with your kids, I’d focus on a couple of routines you can replace. For us, we have family dinner almost every night (5-6 nights per week). I also read out loud to my kid every night at bedtime, even though he’s now capable of reading to himself. Once or twice per week, we watch a tv show or movie together as a family. On weekends, we might play boardgames or let our kid choose a baking or cooking project for us to do together or go swim or find an indoor activity.
       If you’re looking for time for yourself, I’d suggest a good book with a sparkling water or a nice scented candle. I check books out from the library with the Libby app, and it’s great and easy. I bought an expensive (for me) candle earlier this summer, and it always feels like a treat to light it and makes it easier not to reach for a glass of wine.

    6. My 11 year old and I have taken to having 15-20 minutes of silent reading time together at night. Like actual hard copy of books. It’s been nice- it’s one of the only times of the day where she isn’t scowling at me.
       Oh and last night we discovered karaoke videos on YouTube and it was kind of awesome.
       How old are your kids? Can you all sit down together and write a list of fun things to do as a family? Or also as an exercise for yourself write a timeline for what an ideal evening would look like to you? You don’t have to do it, but it might give you an idea of how you want to more mindfully spend the time.

    7. I second the suggestion about reading physical (hard copy) books!

    8. We love Friday night ice cream walks after dinner in warm weather. Lately we’ve also been trying for one outdoor meal a week – either picnic in the park (doesn’t have to be fancy, wine and pizza counts if you’re on a blanket, or we take food up to our roof (you can obviously grill in the backyard if you have one).

       I used to play cards a lot with my mom so I recently started playing a bunch of silly card games with my oldest – uno, go fish, etc.

       We also try to read together. My mom used to start a good chapter book to me and then as I got more into whatever book it was and wanted to read more I would take over reading to her while she cooked dinner.

       We also try for a family movie night weekly. Everyone takes a turn picking and we make popcorn. It’s all a matter of habit and you can create better routines fairly quickly. Kids are great at helping with this when they want to spend time with you (which wont be forever).

    9. Same, 100%. I realized I have more free time and am a lot more bored.

       I recently went cold Turkey on alcohol for July because it seemed like a terrible habit. DH took up CrossFit. I doubled down on my garden and volunteered to coach summer softball.

    10. I’d start by asking the kids what they would like to do…
        Mine are older and we watch shows and chat about random things. They liked board and card games when they were younger, but not anymore…
        As for the drinking out of boredom, If it were me, I’d make it harder to access. Either get it out of the house for a while or lock it up and make myself do something else when I found myself wanting to reach for a drink.

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