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Updated: Jul 27, 2023 273 Comments · by

Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: High-Waisted Wow Boot-Cut Pants

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

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A woman wearing a white blouse, black pants, and black loafers

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

If you’re looking for some lower-priced basics that won’t fall apart after a handful of washes, Old Navy might be a good place to start. The brand recently introduced a “one-year guarantee” on a number of “school uniform” pieces, including these black bootcut trousers.

These particular pants probably aren’t going to be the most exciting items in your closet, but if you’re just starting out and looking to build a business casual wardrobe, these would be fantastic.

The pants are $25, marked down from $34.99, with an extra 25% off at checkout. They come in regular sizes 0–30, tall sizes 2–18, and petite sizes 0–18. They also come in “ink blue” and “rolled oats.”

Sales of note for 9.16.24

About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

  1. Anon

    I use ON as a place for kids’ uniforms and have expanded into what I call “core basics” and some filler pieces (not so much fashion, but things like a short-sleeve blouse here and a chambray dress there). I have been very happy with the quality. Our aesthetic skews preppy, so those items have been what has done well for us. FWIW, I have an ON fleece from 2001 that is still going strong, along with a zip fleece jacket from 2003ish (the zipper pull fell off around 2008 but I still have it and use it as my office fleece). My kids live in their fleece leggings each winter since they were in the 4Tish size range and now are in womens’ sizes. #grateful they offer both women’s petites and talls, as our family needs that as well as the regular sizes.

    • Anon

      Agree that they can have decent stuff-just found a black, linen dress there with a sweetheart neckline in a petite size! Quality much better than Loft, IMO.

      • Anon

        Totally agree that the quality is at least on par with, if not better than LOFT!

    • Anon

      I love ON. It’s one of the few places in my budget (sadly, as my salary has increased over the years, so has cost of living so I’m still very much living an early 20s life). I very, very rarely have issues with quality (a sundress (with pockets!) was in my very regular rotation a few summers ago, after about a year the strap broke. That’s about my only quality issue I’ve had.

      I just got these pants, and they’re pretty much the ON dupe of the Athleta Brooklyn pant that people love. I’m wearing them for the first time today to WFH and so far I think they’re great. They’re called High-Waisted PowerSoft Combination Taper Pants for Women.

      I also LOVE ON’s workout attire. I exclusively wear their PowerSoft leggings and they hold up great.

      For casual clothes, I love their jeans, casual dresses and some tops (their styles can be a bit hit or miss for me). As a small pear, I love their curvy fit jeans; I otherwise have a lot of trouble finding jeans that fit me well. I have several sundresses, tank top and t shirt dresses, and a few athletic dresses for them. I wore the athletic dress on a bachlorette party last year and I think all of the other bridesmaids ended up buying the same dress, they loved it so much (and this is a crowd that doesn’t really wear ON).

      I don’t buy a ton of work clothes from there, but I have a few pair of work pants (elastic waist, not sure the style. Not the pixie, they don’t work for me). Those pants are absolute workhorses; I wear them 1-2 times a week and they still look great. They were both purchased pre-pandemic, so it’s been a while. They have a few work blouses that work, but generally they’re not my style so I avoid. I tend to get more work blouses from BR Factory or Marshalls.

    • Anon

      I think ON quality was much better in 2003 than it is now. I always get sucked in by the things that look good online and of course the ridiculously low prices, but then things from ON are always just a bit off. I don’t ever end up wearing them that much. Or they look good for one or two washes and then start to sag or fall apart.

      • Anony

        Totally agree! I used to buy a ton from ON for me and my kids, as it is budget friendly, but there quality is such junk lately!

    • Anonymous

      Sadly, I don’t find the quality worth it now the way I did in the early 00s. I just don’t have the clothing budget to take a chance on something that will most likely only last one season…

    • Anon

      I find ON’s workout and athleisure top notch, but the rest of the clothes leave something to be desired. Tops and dresses just don’t last, the super stretch pants get misshapen after a few wears. I did have a pair of the perfect ON grey jeans, purchased at salvation army in 2012, but they are discontinued. The jeans now aren’t the same. The dip in quality is practically everywhere and is not exclusive to ON.

  2. Anon

    How much are you aiming to have saved for retirement, at what age do you hope to retire and what is your current age/retirement savings, if you feel comfortable sharing?

    For many of us Gen X’ers/Elder Millenials who might have just finished paying off student loans, it’s time to get serious about retirement savings goals and I’m trying to get a realistic number in mind.

    • Anon

      I don’t really have a specific number in mind. We max our 401ks but otherwise don’t worry too much about it. My situation is also unique in that I expect an inheritance, potentially a big one, from my parents, and my husband is a tenured professor who will likely work well past traditional retirement age, I’m guessing at least 70, quite possibly 75. (He could die young of course, but then I’d have some life insurance money). I hope to be not working full time by 55, when our youngest kid will be through college but will likely work in some capacity.

      • Anon

        Oh and we are both 38 and have about $600k in retirement funds, plus another $600k in home equity.

    • Anonny

      I’m 33 years old. Currently making $300,000 per year but only started making a salary this high 2 years ago. My husband and I have $500,000 saved for retirement in a mixture of Roth, 401k, brokerage accounts. Our currently living expenses are $110,000 per year (not including student loan payments, which are $3000 per month and we should be done with in 2 years). We use the 4% rule AKA living expenses x 25 to roughly estimate adequate retirement funds. So our number is ~$2,750,000 and we anticipate hitting this milestone in our mid-40s at which time we plan to downshift and work less, but not fully retire.

      We were exposed to Mister Money Mustache in our early 20s and have been working towards an early retirement/FIRE picture since that time. https://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2012/01/13/the-shockingly-simple-math-behind-early-retirement/

    • Anonymous

      I am so far behind that my plan is to work into my 70s and ensure my life ends pretty early if I make it past that I am single no kids, with future marriage unlikely, which is part of how I got here, but also makes this a pretty viable plan. There was supposed to be an inheritance but vague messaging suggests there likely won’t be now.

    • Anon

      We’re aiming to for $1.5 million and have about $600k right now, with 9 years left to work – I am 46 and my husband is 52; I can get retiree health benefits from my employer once I have worked for them for 10 years and am 55, so we are planning for me to stay where I am until I hit that mark and we can get quality healthcare without having to wait for Medicare eligibility. P.S., my student loans from grad school are still not fully paid off and we’re about to send our kid to college. My husband and I both make six-figure incomes and so we’re able to still nearly max retirement, pay my loans and save for college. I am hoping in 5 years, both my loans and my son’s college costs will be done, and then we’ll be able to put 50% or more of our income into savings.

      However, I will not be ready to quit working entirely at 55 and so plan on doing consulting (I already have a side-hustle business doing this and should have a pretty good clientele built up by 55), or working part-time for a nonprofit, or doing something so I can keep busy. My husband teaches computer network administration part-time at a local community college and plans on doing that until he drops dead and they have to carry him out of the classroom, lol. So we won’t be fully reliant on our retirement savings until I’m 65 or older, most likely. It’s kind of “Barista FIRE,” but we won’t be working for health insurance; just to keep ourselves from getting too bored.

    • Anonymous

      I am a state government worker and will have a pension that is 80% of my salary after 25 years. That will put me at age 50 when I retire. I am currently 40. I will likely continue to work part-time/contract based after that, but not sure yet. My youngest child will be 22 at that time. My husband is a federal government worker and he has a mix of retirement savings, some from before his current fed job.

      • HFB

        I also have a state pension but you need to be over 60 to collect regardless of how many years you have. even if i had started working for the state at age 20 and accumulated 30 years (the number that gets you the highest benefits) by 50, i wouldn’t be able to start collecting until 60+. i COULD quit working for the state and support myself some other way for the intervening years of course. is your state different?

        • Anonymous

          Yes ours is different. We can collect the full amount after 25 years, regardless of age.

      • Anon

        So one would need to start working for the govt at the latest by 40 to retire at 65? Or is this graduated – say you start working for the govt in your late 40s, you get a lower %? Does anyone know how it works at the federal level?

        • Anonymous

          For my state government pension, they also have a years of service + age calculation that gets you a lower percentage. I’m not sure about the feds. My husband started his fed job later in his career, but because of that he did not intend for that to be his sole retirement savings vehicle.

    • Anon

      I’m 38. Assuming I continue to work for the federal government, I’m hoping to retire at 60 when I’ve reached full retirement age for my pension. I have about $400k saved in retirement accounts, and am maxing out the contributions each year. I have another $220k in non-retirement investment accounts, which was almost all saved when I was in private practice. By 60, my house will be fully paid off, my pension will be about 30% of my salary at the time, and I can continue to get health insurance from my job. I haven’t done the math and don’t have a retirement goal, but I’m hoping that is enough. I’m not really in a position to save more without serious lifestyle cuts, which I’m not willing to do at this time.

      • Anon

        May I ask how worried are federal government workers are about the Schedule F stuff and Project 2025? (I wasn’t sure if you were alluding to something like that with the “assuming I continue” line, or just a more general reference to employment contingencies.)

        • Anon

          It was more of a general reference to whether I will stay in this job for the next 22 years or another with the government, or leave to go back to private practice or in-house. I still have a lot of my career left.

          As it currently stands, I’m not worried about job security since I’m past my probationary period. I have good reviews, and it would be near impossible to be fired. I’m not personally worried about Trump’s schedule F plan, nor have I heard others in my office express concern about it. Although I do litigation, it would be a real stretch to describe my job as policy setting. I assume it is different in offices that do policy work.

        • anon

          If T wins and purges the government of civil servants to replace them with loyalists, we’ve all got much bigger problems than retirement planning.

        • Anon

          to me, this doesn’t look so different from GOP talking points in the last 3 elections. They vow to cut back on government bloat, it gets libertarians to vote for them with their noses held. Even under the 45th president and with Republican majorities in both chambers of Congress though, they didn’t go through with the big items like ‘shutting down the department of energy’ or ‘rolling back Obamacare’ and others, because a lot of these are nonsense and/or unpopular.

          • Anon

            Not wanting to derail this good discussion into politics but just want to say this.

            TBH, all this stuff with Schedule F and the “2025 Project” – which is really odious – are just increasing the chances that Trump won’t win in 2024. I know a number of moderate Republicans who believe in the Constitution and are horrified at the idea of Trump getting into office and basically declaring himself dictator-for-life with almost no checks and balances on presidential power. The percentage of people who think that’s a good idea is a small number of the U.S. population – much smaller than the pro-2025 Project people think it is.

    • Anonymous

      This is pretty timely. DH and I are 39. We have 3 kids, going into K, 2 & 4th. HCOL.

      I did our net worth last night and it is 2.2M. We have an HHI of $300-350k (mine fluctuates). Of that, our retirement fund is $1.3M with 300k in Roth.

      DH maxes his 401k. I have my own LLC and have a solo 401k which has special rules and I can superfund it, which I do. We typically save $50-70k annually in retirement but are also saving for 3 kids’ worth of college tuitions and we prioritized retirement son undergrad graduation.

      We both went to grad school and had loans to do it but contributed through that bc we also hand part time jobs, or when DH was full time grad school and not working we just maxed everything possible in my name. So, I had loans but was contributing all along.

    • Paula

      I’m 28 so not sure where I fit in the generation thing, but to be honest I don’t have great answers for this. I try to max out my Roth IRA and 401k (after reading through a lot, Roth IRA before 401k) and have about $60k across all retirement accounts. It’s hard for me to imagine retirement. I’m in a field where some people keep working, at least part time, because they genuinely like it, but I don’t know how I’ll actually feel in 40 years.

      I’m probably going to get some money from my parents, I know they’ve set aside money for certain things, but I don’t know how much so I’m just not thinking about it.

      I was talking to a friend yesterday who said that she thought that she would work or have passive income forever, so didn’t feel as much need to save for retirement. I think part of this thought process comes from the fact that her parents own a small business and haven’t fully retired – they’re not as involved but still getting income from it.

    • Anonymous

      I am in my early 40s and my number had been $2 to 3,000,000. I’ve already surpassed that handily so I could retire but not doing so at the moment.

      • anoncat

        Hoping this will be me someday! We’re in our mid-30s and our retirement number is $5M. Currently at $1.9M, with HHI of ~$600k. We don’t have kids or own a house yet. I would likely leave my current job/industry but think I would get bored fully retiring. My husband is ready to retire as soon as we hit our number.

      • Josie P

        +1. We have a net worth about $7M but still have to put kids through college, etc.

    • anon

      I’m 45 and have roughly $1.5M saved for retirement (mostly from my TSP when I was a Fed, and more recently through my private sector job that has a mega backdoor roth that I am taking advantage of). I have no interest in retiring early – I enjoy my work, it keeps me mentally sharp and active, and also provides social interaction that I wouldn’t otherwise get (I’m a strong introvert). That said, I know health issues can crop up later in life, so the earliest I’d consider retiring is 65, when our house would be fully paid off. I would like roughly $3-4M at that point. DH has about $2M in his retirement. We are newly HENRY (HHI roughly $1M, but that’s very recent due to my job change) so we’re trying to save aggressively to catch up, especially now that kids are almost past nanny-age (almost 3 and 5 respectively).

    • Anony

      I am 40 years old and my 401k just hit $100k. About 1.5 years ago, I got a large promotion at work which launched me into the 6 figures club so I upped my retirement contribution significantly. I don’t quite max it out; I contribute 12% per pay check (about $1100/month) and my employer match is ~$400/month. I just pulled up my account and YTD, I’ve contributed $7671 and my employee has contributed $5960.

      I can’t even fathom working for another 20-25 years because I generally loathe working so I am aiming to have $1-2M saved when I do retire. Both of my parents managed to retire at 58 and have seriously lived their best life since; hoping I can do something similar!

    • Senior Attorney

      I am (checks countdown app) 49 days from retirement at age 65 (will officially retire 4 days after my birthday) and I am on track, between pension and 401(K) and Social Security, to replace 100% of my income in retirement with some left over. Also my husband and I are planning to go into business together so hopefully we’ll have some earned income coming in, as well.

      And that’s after having gotten a late start — I was in negative net worth territory all through my 30s and even early 40s. So to all of you who feel like you’re late to the game — the best time to start saving was when you started working, but the second best time is now!

      • Anon

        That’s really encouraging, SA. I didn’t really start saving until recently and I’m 38. I never worked anywhere that did retirement savings and I could never afford to put money away myself.

    • Anonymous

      We’ve been maxing out retirement accounts all our lives, and one of us is self-employed so we’ve put much bigger amounts some years than the 401K max. That said, we might both be out of work by 50/55 whether we want to or not, and we’re expecting we’ll have to be caregivers to my disabled son for the rest of his life, at the very least supporting his housing/food/etc needs.

      I’m 46 – we currently have about 1.3M in cash and before-tax accounts that we can use before 59. Beyond that we have another $2.2 in retirement accounts, and another $900k of the net worth includes the house and depreciating cars. So we still feel like we’re scraping by for retirement if it’s early.

    • NW Islander

      I am early 40s, single, no kids. I am worth about $4M now. I plan to retire when any of these happen (1) I reach $5M, or (2) my last living parent passes, or (3) I reach a certain level of commitment with my current boyfriend.

      Most likely (3) will happen first. Boyfriend is a higher earner than me, but a poor saver. He is vocal about “just giving all his money to me to manage” one day, which I’d happily do for his benefit if I was no longer working my own demanding job. Once he reached my net worth then he could retire too, maybe 5 years after me.

      Sidebar – it is funny to me that the dream has become Stay at Home Spouse but there you go. My career and income have peaked for Reasons including gender. Continuing to work just feels like exploitation. I’d rather stop working and support Boyfriend. If that relationship fails, I can happily take care of myself with what I have.

      • Anon

        Out of curiosity, why such a high number before you can retire? What do you plan on doing with all that money?

        • NW Islander

          Honestly, I am just risk-averse. Getting sick or injured can wipe you out in America, especially if you are alone with no family to rely on. I don’t need much but I’m worried about losing half or more due to macroeconomic changes, climate change, etc. Plus my last living parent has cost me a bundle and continues to do so. Their needs could easily escalate, and it doesn’t feel safe to rely on my savings to meet those unknown needs.

    • Anonymous

      I find it very frustrating that most retirement calculators use your current income as a metric for what you need to have saved. Supposedly to keep the same “standard of living.” No, I do not plan to be paying student loans or a mortgage or daycare when I’m retired. I do not need to recreate the $300k/year income that is needed to live comfortably with those very very high budget items. I’d rather err on the side of saving more than less, of course, but I don’t want to make major lifestyle sacrifices for the sake of saving 3x more than needed.

      • anon for this

        I agree with this in principle, but for many people health care costs and property taxes will be much higher than they are now. Our neighbors recently sold their mortgage-free $2M home in part because the taxes were something like $50K a year. Obviously they benefited from appreciation over their 30 years of owning it, but their tax bill was their largest expense.

        • Anon

          Right but presumably they also don’t need a large home in retirement. Honestly people refusing to downsize is a not insignificant contributor to the housing crisis.

      • Anon

        On the flip side, the biggest expense for most people in retirement is healthcare. That’s also not tied to income. I earn way less than most here and would be fine on a very modest budget, were it not for healthcare/nursing home care.

    • Anonymous

      Currently late 30s, married, no kids, no plans to have any. Hope to retire early, like 50. How much we realistically need to do this, though, is kind of a giant question mark because of the giant clusterf* that is health care costs in America (to the poster who said they have retiree health benefits, that is amazing!). We may end up with some Barista FIRE situation where we get some sort of much lower stress job just for health benefits. We’re roughly estimating we need 4-5 million, but we’ll see what the world looks like in 10 years. Between my husband and I, we have about 1.1 million saved now across all our various retirement and investment accounts.

    • Anon

      SECURE 2.0 notice (for those to whom it applies):

      If you max out your 401(k)-403(b)-457(b) and also max out your catch-up contributions each year, know that as of 1/1/24, your catch-up contributions need to be made post-tax to a separate Roth 401(k)-403(b)-457(b). Check now to confirm that your employer is making Roth versions available for you for this purpose.

      For those at the University of California, I checked. They are.

      • Anon

        I assume you know this, but state university employees who have both a 403(b) and a 457 can contribute the IRS limit to each. They don’t count against each other the way other retirement accounts do. So you can contribute $45k in 2023 even before catch-up contributions.

        • Anon

          Yep. Plus the entire max amount into the 401(a) rolls over immediately into a Roth IRA (I want to say somewhere between $50K-$60K in 2023).

        • Anon

          Government employee in NYC and I can and do max both. I just kept increasing the amount with every raise so I don’t really “feel” the money being gone.

          • Anon

            Government employee in MCOL area. I max both (with catch up) and I FEEL that $60k.

    • figuring it out

      28, HCOL area, single, have significant parental caretaking (physically & financially) responsibilities looming.
      Making $125K and am the highest earner by far in my family due to being the 1st to have any post-secondary education.
      I have $95K in retirement accounts and ~$20K invested outside of retirement and am on track to the meet the 100% of salary saved for retirement by age 30 guideline.
      I don’t know how to determine whether it’ll be enough… between taking care of my parents, disliking the career that lets me earn this much, and the general hopelessness around skyrocketing cost of living and the climate crisis, and threats to job security from AI, I have no idea what a bare bones safe life, let alone a happy, thriving lifestyle that includes fun and self-care will cost in 30-40 years.

      • Anon

        So I was given this advice and it really helped me when I was about your age.

        I was told by a very financially-savvy woman that when she started saving in her early 30s – it was post-divorce, and she had a small child, and wanted to be able to retire and save for his college – that she didn’t focus on the end number she wanted to save; she just focused on putting aside a certain amount of money per month. So, she started with $500/month for retirement and $50 for college, because that’s all she could afford. She didn’t increase those numbers for a long time, because financially, she just couldn’t. But she also did not stop saving. She had automatic withdrawals set up and never stopped them for any reason. Then, over time, as she made more money, she said – okay, now It’s $1000 a month for retirement and $100 a month for college. Okay, now my son is getting older so I will stay at $1500 a month for retirement but save $500 for college. Okay, now son is out of college and I’m making enough money to put away $3000 a month for retirement. And then she said, one day she woke up and she was 55 and she realized – I think I can retire pretty soon. And then she started focusing on the end number she needed to reach to get to retire at 62.

        We did this with our son’s college account – we didn’t say “this is how much we need to have in the account on this date,” we just said “we will save X amount every month because that is what we can afford.” We never stopped the automatic withdrawals and we never took money out of the 529. Now, next year, the 529 is going to have $50k in it, which is pretty good considering we just started making six figures jointly about 6 years ago. We make much less than many people here and so I’m pretty proud we were able to do this; it will at least pay room and board for four years and it looks like he’s going to get a full-tuition scholarship offer from at least one school he’s interested in. So we’re good.

        So, maybe just think about it as: I am young and so I am not going to focus on the end number; I’m going to calculate what I can afford to put aside and do that. It feels less daunting that way and at a later point you can always do the end-result calculation, when you’re closer to the events you’re talking about.

    • Anon

      VHCOL city
      Both 48, worked since we were 22
      I’ve quit and he’s shifted to a lower paying job
      8 figure retirement savings

    • htx

      My husband and I are both 36 and plan to retire at 63. We worked with a Vanguard advisor to estimate that we’ll need $3.8M in retirement savings at that point if we assume that we live to be 100, Social Security still exists in the same form it does today (unlikely), and we start collecting Social Security at age 67. We currently have $527K in retirement funds and contribute by maxing out tax-advantaged/exempted accounts (two 401(k)s + a small employer match, two Roth IRAs, and two HSAs). We plan to stick with this level of saving, so if we assume a 6% return, we should hit $3.8M by 55 and be well north of that when we hit our target retirement age. I’m a planner by nature and there are so many unknowns that it’s impossible for me to feel confident about any plan. But this sits well with me as a good balance of enjoying every phase of our lives since tomorrow isn’t promised.

  3. Anon

    Is there an easy way to do Excel or Google sheets on an Apple computer? I can do all of the things on my PC but am struggling with cut and paste functionality (among others) on the Apple.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t use Google sheets, but have Excel on my Macbook, and it functions perfectly fine.

    • anonshmanon

      on apple, you need to use slightly different keystroke compared to windows. Could that be your issue?
      You can install MS office on Mac, although it’s missing a couple of features. Google sheets is in the browser so that is no problem.

      • Anon

        I’m wondering — is there any cheat sheet (like those laminated ones that you used to be able to get) for how to do things on Apple / Mac computers? We used to have a track pad and what took two fingers and three fingers was just maddening. There are probably 10 key things I need to know how to do. Clippy would have said “I see you flailing around; try this” but the Mac just pretends it doesn’t see me struggling.

      • Anon

        +1 on Macs you use the “command” key instead of control for copy/paste/other commands. I got a handmedown MacBook Air 2 years ago, which is my first time ever having one. I really, really like it but I cannot figure out how to save or retrieve documents easily. So, I still use my work PC for a fair amount of personal stuff. But, I have several apple products (iPhone, iPad, AirPods) and I do love how connected everything is. It’s almost enough to tempt me to get an Apple Watch,but I’m fully team Garmin for workouts and don’t see myself making the switch.

        • Anonymous

          Control + S is save in most mac programs
          Control + shift + S is «save as» which gives you a box where you can change name, format or folder if you want.

          If you open finder, the little blue face in left bottom, you get file structure and can make new folders.

          Default is that documents you make end up in the documents folder, and that documents you save from a browser end up in the downloads folder

      • Anon

        If it’s related to the keyboard shortcuts, in undergrad and b school some of my apple classmates got these keyboard skin things that were basically like a silicon cover that could be easily put on or off the keyboard and had the corresponding windows key on it.

        • bird in flight

          Yep I know, I used a trackpad for years. But when you’re coming from the Windows world I don’t think it’s as intuitive, and I personally like the mouse much better for Excel work (and I spend about 75% of my day in excel sheets). The mouse might be an easier transition.

  4. Anon

    To those of you that do IF, what kind of eating schedule do you use? I work late and often can’t get to dinner until after 9 PM so was wondering if it’s worth trying given my schedule. Would you just do like lunch at 1-2 and then dinner at 9?

    • Anon

      IDK — I could t sleep with a big meal that late. I’d just have a yogurt and call it a day. I am IFish because I am lazy AF and won’t bother to make a meal for just me late in the day. But I eat a HUUGE lunch to made the blood sugar last all day.

    • Anon

      Since moving to WFH I’ve ended up on an inadvertent IF since I’m just always starving in the morning and then stop eating, so I do 6 am to 1 pm. That might work better with your schedule, since it’s supposed to be better to eat earlier in the day anyway.

    • anon

      That’s a harder schedule for IF. Do you stay up until late, so that your body gets a chance to digest some before sleep?

      For me, I am just not hungry in the morning, and I also work late/eat late so I could try what you propose.

    • Anon

      I’m not a big dinner person, so I’d probably plan a hefty snack around 6PM or so and be done. Don’t know if that would work for you.

    • AIMS

      My mom has similar hours and she does IF but basically skips dinner. I think her last meal is around 3. But she modifies that to a later schedule on days she is not working and just going out socially so that she eats dinner at 7 and doesn’t eat till I think 11/12 the next day.

    • Anon

      Eating dinner that late would be tough for me, IF or no IF.

      To answer your question, my eating window is typically 12-8 although I often move it earlier on weekends when I have brunch plans. I don’t wake up hungry and not eating until 12 allows for a little bit of dessert or snack after dinner but before bed. I eat dinner with my family pretty early, 5:30-6ish.

    • Anon

      If you’re not sleeping well (at least 7 hrs w consistency), then you’ll lose muscle not fat on IF. I would definitely not do IF unless you had diabetes, a commitment to sleep and exercise as much as diet, and I’d do it with a doc frankly. Also, IF can do a number on women’s protein requirements and subsequently hormones and thyroid and such.

  5. Anon

    I vaguely recall people mentioning the color palette here. Are there any websites you would recommend for it?

  6. Parsley

    I have a lot of parsley that needs to be used. What are your favorite recipes using quite a bit of parsley?

    • Anon

      Tabbouleh. Or pesto. The NY Times has a pretty decent recipe for edamame pesto pasta that uses parsley, but you can use it in pretty much any kind of pesto. I also made a great one with parsley and sage and ate it on roasted potatoes, but that’s more of a fall recipe.

    • anon

      pasta aglio e olio! Binging with Babish’s version uses a lot of parsley and is super easy

    • NYNY

      I use a significant amount of parsley when I make linguine & clams, which I am now totally craving. I also love a salad of tomatoes, cucumbers, parsley, onions, and feta with lemon juice & olive oil. If you still have more, make a compound butter with chopped parsley and garlic or shallots (or both) and use it to top chicken or fish or make garlic bread.

    • Anon

      I put a ton of parsley in my minestrone (which I make with cabbage, summer squash, tomato, basil, and lots and lots of pecorino cheese).

    • Anon

      Tabbouli…we eat this all summer so healthy….cut cherry tomatoes in half, or remove seeds/pulp from any tomatoes and chop, chop cukes, scallions, parsley, I like to add cilantro too…then kalamata olives, dress with olive oil, lemon juice, salt pepper and I add feta cheese on top when I serve it.

    • Runcible Spoon

      Parsley salad, where parsley takes the place of lettuce — delicious!

  7. Borrow from the boys

    Shout out for men’s boxer briefs as a great layer under skirts. I used to wear the Hanes slip shorts but find them hot. Men’s cotton boxer briefs are actually better, it seems. I found one pair with slightly longer legs, and it provides especially good protection from chub rub. And these products are cheap and for sale everywhere.

    • Anne-on

      Oh man, this was my JAM in middle school – men’s boxers (stole my dads) over colored tights/leggings with a tight tank and a button down flannel shirt. I also fully wore the ‘Blossom’ look of bike shorts under babydoll dresses or long tunic shirts.
      I honestly think one reason some of the 90’s trends are coming back is that they are very ‘female gaze’ type outfits – I had SO much fun shopping in the early 90s for Clare Danes/Courtney Love inspired styles. The goth/riot grrl stuff was in a lot of mainstream stores, Delias catalogues were awesome, and thrifting in NY was SO good then. The late 90’s/early 2000s ultra low rise jeans and body con stuff was much less fun and a lot more anxiety inducing.

      • Anon

        This is a different look! OP is talking about boxer briefs, which are more form fitting, but not skin tight like the skimmies women sometimes wear under skirts.

        OP – great idea.

      • Anon

        As another former 90s kid, I can co-sign: we didn’t really give an F about what boys found attractive; boys were absolutely not what we were thinking about when we got dressed in the morning. My friends and I wanted to look like a hybrid of Courtney Love, Kim Gordon and Kim Deal and that was what we aimed for, not whether or not we would have some guy tell us “you look nice.”

        My standard uniform in the 11th grade was baggy jeans and the crustiest, most faded band t-shirt I could find at the thrift with a flannel shirt tied around my waist. If we were going out, I wore a thrifted Catholic school uniform plaid skirt with striped tights and a band t-shirt, or men’s white undershirt, the kind they sold 3 to a pack for $5. I also did contrasting plaids – like I would wear a plaid skirt and a plaid flannel shirt that didn’t match.

        I remember my mom and grandmas being completely flummoxed as to why my friends and I dressed like either lumberjacks or renegade schoolgirls-turned-crust-punks, but I loved it. I would fight like crazy when my mom would try to get me to wear “normal clothes” – like dresses – for events, and I wore a black ankle-length slipdress with Doc Marten boots and black fingernail polish to prom. I wish I could still dress like that, honestly.

      • Anon

        I am 43. I just looked at JCrew’s Fall New Arrivals.

        It’s like the Tweeds catalog and delia’s had a baby: satin slip dresses, cropped everything, baggy pants, big shirts, fisherman T-strap sandals, lug sole loafers.

        I am not here for it the second time around!

        • Anne-on

          I have finally come to the realization that I mostly cannot wear the EXACT same trends this time around but I indulge in the accesories (lug sole loafers!) and then look into what the adults were wearing in the 90s. I was too young/not interested in Caroline Besset’s Calvin Klein minimalism in the 90s but I am on board with using it as a style inspiration for fall, ditto with Gwenyth Paltrow’s look in a Perfect Murder is on my Pinterest mood board.

    • Anon

      I wish this worked for me. My big a55 makes the waistband way too low in the back. I guess your average man isn’t anticipated to have a lot of junk in the trunk.

    • Anonymous

      I buy quite a bit of my casual clothes from the mens section.
      Men’s boxer briefs are a great way to layer without visible panty lines as well.

  8. anon

    Question for privacy attorneys: what does the job market (both firm & in-house) look like these days? I’m product counsel looking to make a switch into privacy & wondering about general thoughts on the privacy job market, any recruiter recommendations, etc.

    • Ingrid V.

      My cousin is a privacy lawyer and she makes a lot of money in house. She didn’t quote figures, but she’s 43 and I think gets paid over $200K / year plus benefits.

    • Anon

      Do you have DP experience? We have a CDO and a non-lawyer DP expert in our law department. The CDO couldn’t get the budget to hire an attny with relevant DP experience but she needed someone so here we are. I think it depends on industry. The data processing companies, especially those who process data originating in the EU and the UK are probably going to have a greater need.

      The company where I work is not covered by HIPAA and isn’t really the true target of the consumer-data protection laws so while we are concerned about it and need to comply, we are the type of company that is going to staff up a whole team for data privacy.

      I think you really need to get some data privacy experience if you don’t have it at your current job (if at all possible), or you may have to start at the bottom and it may be a hard road convincing hiring attorneys you want to take that cut to switch.

      FWIW, I am an asst gen counsel, almost mid-40s, and make $205k, plus 20% target bonus, plus benefits (plus a retention bonus ~$55k that pays out in two years). I dabble in DP but that’s because my function (supply chain) needs me to know what has to be in their contracts at a high level, but it’s definitely not my main area of focus.

    • Anon

      Recommend you listen to the data privacy breakfast club podcast, and follow Victoria Beckman and Andy Dale on LinkedIn. The privacy space is robust in the tech world–with the SCC/privacy shield updates post-Shrems II, everything is still in flux.

      I will say that I do some privacy work ~25% of my job, sometimes more, sometimes less, and it can be deadly boring. I say that as a corporate attorney who has a high tolerance for regulatory legalese.

      The commecial market is more robust/transferable, but being commercial and being able to do privacy is a huge boon. Why not fire up your IAPP certifications? They’re not that pricy (and also not that practically useful–just a baseline), but they do signal your interest to potential employers.

  9. anon

    That’s a harder schedule for IF. Do you stay up until late, so that your body gets a chance to digest some before sleep?

    For me, I am just not hungry in the morning, and I also work late/eat late so I could try what you propose.

  10. A.

    Morning! I’m trying to be better about going to sleep at a time that allows me to feel rested each morning (asleep by 10 would be ideal, but I’d settle for being in bed by 10 to read for a bit). I try for morning workouts and in general I know that sleep is a beautiful thing. However, I have three kids and a demanding job and LOTS to get done every night. I’m also a victim of revenge bedtime procrastination. How do you fellow overachievers/busy people force yourselves to get to bed at a reasonable hour?

    • Anon

      I wake up at 6 to workout, so also aim for bed by 10 (asleep by 10 would be ideal, but that’s not common for me). I set an alarm at 9:45 to tell me it’s time to get ready for bed. I do pop a melatonin many nights of the week because I’m sometimes just not tired at 10.

      One thing that definitely helps is as soon as I”m done dinner, I take 10 minutes to prep for the next day: tidy up my apartment, load / unload dishwasher, layout my gym clothes, pack my workbag (including my work clothes), set my coffee maker, set my alarm, and pack my lunch (which is really just portioning out my meal prepped breakfast and lunch from a big container to a small one, portion out snacks, and put it all in the same area of the fridge).

      I also like to build in about 45 minutes in the morning before I go to the gym to scroll on my phone, read, have my coffee, do my Duolingo. This helps a little with revenge procrastination, as I get to have some procrastination time in the AM.

    • anon

      Honestly – I never could, and sacrificed morning exercise for sleep too often. I just am not a perfect superwoman.

      Would I would ask myself is what is the LOTS you have to get done every night? Is that work work that has to be done only by you? And does it really?

      If it is fun family stuff, then that is important and should be a goal, and some me time.

      If it is housework/busy work/cleaning/organizing outsource as much as possible – that includes to your spouse and kids and every outsource you can afford. Get your kids growing up and being responsible contributors to the household and independent soon. They will rise to the occasion. Maximize your life efficiency from how you bill pay/meal plan/shop etc..

      But only you can decide to prioritize exercise over surfing on the internet/reading/lounging/whatever for yourself. Maybe shorten exercise to 15 minutes and start from there. Once it is a regular habit, you might be able to optimize. And honestly, 15 minutes is pretty damn great.

    • Anonymous

      For me, the devices would suck me in and make it impossible to get moving to get ready for bed. I put child locks on my phone and ipad so they shut down at 9:30. I know the passcode and can override it, but most nights it’s enough of a prompt to get up and start getting ready for bed. I always have a few last minute things to clean or prep, then brush my teeth and do skincare, and put on PJs and then read in bed. I’m not a big TV watcher, I don’t know if you can make your TV force shut-off at a specific time.

    • anon

      Actual answer. I got a new job. Short of that, no caffeine after 2pm, books only (no screens) after 10pm, and making myself a cup of tea at about 9pm to drink to unwind and leaving my work phone on on the counter once I make my tea. I also make a deal with myself in the mornings that blitz cleaning happens between the time I turn on the coffee pot and when it dings – you’d be surprised how much gets done.

        • Anon

          It’s not like you’re knocked out, I can wake up if needed, just makes me drowsy at the exact right time. I’m not groggy in the morning because the effects have long worn off, I think the grogginess comes in if you take them closer to 10-12pm.

    • Anon

      I have two young kids and I exercise at 6am on most weekdays.

      My husband does the nightly kitchen clean and I will straighten up for 15 minutes after the kids go to bed. I do not do any other domestic chores or labor on weeknights. We outsource aggressively now – laundry service, cleaners every other week, delivery for groceries and household items. I am also working with my kids to contribute more. My oldest will start washing her own clothes this week.

      I like the idea of one late night per week to catch up on work. If I need that, I work until 1am and skip the next morning’s workout so I can “sleep in” until 7am. If I do not need to work late, I will either watch an hour of TV with my husband or read a book. Then off to blissful sleep.

    • Anan

      Revenge bedtime procrastination is my nemesis!
      One thing I do is I get ready for bed when the kids do. So get into my pjs and brush my teeth with them, so there are fewer things between me and actually getting into bed when the time comes.
      Also I’ve switched to reading hard copy books at night so I resist the urge to scroll.
      Part of it too, depends on what you are trying to knock out in the evenings. If there is a lot of housework, I give myself one 20-30 minute podcast length of cleaning and then call it done. Also agree with above that getting the kids to help clean up has lessened the evening workload too.
      I also used to set a “go to bed” alarm. Which was helpful for a little while.

    • Anon

      Honestly, I just don’t go to bed early. I work out before bed and sleep in as late as possible. Thankfully my husband will get up early with the kids. I “sleep in” until 7AM.

    • Cerulean

      Is there anything you’re doing for your kids in the evening that they could actually do? My mom had us start packing our lunches and laying out our clothes the night before in first grade, which seems really early compared to what I hear from my friends with other children, but they really are capable if they get some practice. I also started doing my own laundry at seven after I complained about how something was folded (my mom’s motto: if you’re old enough to complain about it, you’re old enough to DIY).

      I’m pretty sure I ate a ton of peanut butter sandwiches and turned a few things pink, but I promise it didn’t traumatize me :-)

      • Anonymous

        Same here. I’m always kind of befuddled at what I see parents I know doing for their kids (and usually moms). We were far more independent at an early age.

  11. boo

    Have you successfully donated an inherited fur coat? If so, WHERE?? Mailing them somewhere would be crazy expensive because they are so heavy but I’m striking out on drop-off places in the Southeast US.

    • boo

      ETA: I’m looking for an animal rescue or something similar, I don’t want them to just sit at Goodwill with everyone else’s grandparents’ coats.

      • Lily

        Why would an animal rescue want a fur coat? I would try to sell it online and then donate the proceeds to an animal rescue.

      • Anon

        What? That’s weird, rescues aren’t taking fur coats. Just give it to goodwill or away on your local free cycle.

    • editor

      I haven’t done this, but I’ve heard that animal shelters repurpose them for bedding.

    • Anon

      Maybe call around to local high schools – maybe their drama departments could use a fur coat?

    • Betsy

      Have you checked with your entire family first to make sure no one wants it? My aunt recently turned two beautiful family furs into these absolutely awful teddy bears and sent them as gifts to the entire family. Both my mom and I would have loved to have had the actual furs, but these teddy bears are hideous and such a waste of a beautiful fur. While I agree that we shouldn’t be creating more furs from animals that aren’t also consumed for meat, I hate the idea of wasting the ones that were already made.

      • Anon

        +1 – I’d be so irritated if a relative did this. I have my grandmother’s coat and love it.

        • Anne-on

          A friend inherited her grandmother’s fur and had it turned into two stoles. She and her sister both wore them for their weddings, it was really meaningful for them.

          • Anon 2.0

            I love this idea of stoles. If you donate to GW, it will likely end up at the “bins” eventually. If you don’t know what the bins are, consider yourself blessed lol. It’s basically troughs of donated items all tossed together and sold by the pound, one stop before the landfill.

      • anonshmanon

        ok, but once the initial disappointment wears off, what a hilarious dinner party anecdote!

      • Anon

        My mother wants to turn her mother’s fur coat into a vest. It’s change for the sake of change, when the entire point is classic.

        • Anon

          Faux fur has been relatively in style; hasn’t it?

          If an inherited fur coat fit me, I think I’d just be wearing it.

          • Senior Attorney

            I have my mom’s mink jacket and I wear it unironically on the few occasions when it’s both cold enough and formal enough to be appropriate.

      • boo

        Of course, I did. Aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, siblings, cousins, up and down the family tree, no one wants it.

    • anon

      Have you considered turning it into a blanket? I’m drawing a blank on the company, but plenty of furriers will turn an old coat into a blanket/throw for you to have.

      • Cat

        In this vein, winter throw pillows could be good if the coat is shorter or cut too oddly to become a blanket.

        • Anon

          I know there are a couple of services out there that will turn fur coats into throws or pillows. That’s what I would do, as I think a lot of donated fur coats end up in the landfill.

      • Anne-on

        Agree on asking your family and/or repurposing it. If you have neices maybe ask them if they’d like a stole or a shrug? I won’t buy new fur but I would be open to wearing a repurposed stole/scarf from a family members coat.

      • Anon

        My friend did this with her grandmother’s mink. There was enough to make a throw blanket. She lives in loft style condo which can be pretty chilly in the winter, so she just cuddles up under her mink to read or watch TV.

    • Anonymous

      At the risk of a huge amount of opprobrium raining down on me: I live in a super cold place and I wear my inherited one. There is nothing better for warmth. The animal has been dead for about 50 years already. I would never buy a new one or contribute to a new animal’s death but I feel like while it’s a shame this poor animal died, at least his life went to keeping a few generations of my family warm and happy and we are grateful for it.

      • Ingrid V.

        Kudos to you for wearing it. Of course it does not make sense to kill new Racoons for coats, but if you have an old one, they are really warm, and after 50 years, I doubt there is any stink, even after they get wet.

      • Anon

        I live in a temperate region, but we do get our cold days, and on the coldest ones, heck yes I wear my fur stole. It’s so warm.

      • NW Islander

        Co-sign this. I have my grandmother’s fur and wear it during the polar vortex days in my area. I have also used it as a blanket. When my mom was in late-stage ALZ, the fur was the only thing that kept her warm. Ditto when my dad was coming out of his seizures.

    • Anon

      My father gave away some furs to fashion students via Craigslist. I’d advertise it on the usual internet places and see if someone will bite.

  12. AIMS

    Where do you get custom window shades for windows too large to fit off the shelf at Home Depot? Everything seems super expensive, even for something super basic. Was quoted $1200+ (not inc. installation) for a very basic roller shade. Is this just how it is? FWIW, window is large but nothing extraordinary. 77 inches across.

    • Anon

      I have blackout cellular shades from blinds dot com, and have been happy with them. I got them a few years ago, but I don’t recall them being absurdly expensive. Wait for a sale to pop up too.

      • AIMS

        Did you measure yourself or have them come out? This is a corner window with an angle and the custom shades people scared me into thinking a professor needed to measure or it could be wrong.

        • anonshmanon

          Idk your first post said this is a basic window just oversized. Now it’s corner window with an angle and potentially house call to take measurements. I wouldn’t expect the latter to be affordable.

          • AIMS

            I don’t think a corner window is out of the ordinary. The window shade people I spoke to said every corner is “complicated,” not the fact that mine is not a 90 degree angle.

        • Anon

          Yes, I measured myself (and was definitely nervous about getting it right), but they were fine. They provide detailed instructions on how to measure. Mine were basic windows though.

          • Anon

            +1. I spent about $1800 on blinds.com last year getting cellular shades for our entire house and we did the measuring ourselves – we measured 2 times on each window (3 times on one tricky one) to make sure the measurements were correct. We placed an order, got the blinds, only one wouldn’t fit – probably because I juxtaposed the width/length measurement in the online order form – but they have some kind of “one-time make-good” program, and they shipped us a free replacement; we just had to pay for the shipping. My husband and I had them all up within 2 hours.

            Highly highly recommend blinds.com. My friend custom-built a house last year and got custom blinds done in every room by a local window-coverings business, and paid $6k for basically what I got from blinds.com for a fraction of that price. In fact, I am pretty sure the “designer” just took measurements, ordered from blinds.com, and sold the blinds to my friend at a markup.

    • Anon

      I just got a ridiculous quote like that too and decided instead to just get two off the shelf shades and hang them side by side (and mounted above the window rather than in it). It looks good and was a fraction of the price.

    • Anon

      I have the same question about windows that are narrower than prefab options. I just don’t have it in me to spend this much on a tiny window; I feel like every time I looked at it it would run through my mind that it cost more as a single physical object than most of my individual pieces of furniture.

    • Anonymous

      We ordered our custom shades from Home Depot, but they still were pricey for the wider windows. (We got wood blinds and cellular shades). But I agree that trying two smaller ones side by side might be the thing to do, especially if you will have a curtain panel to hide the seam. The really wide ones are a PITA to install too.

    • NYCer

      I am not sure where your quote came from, but we recently got all new window coverings and 3-Day Blinds was significantly (like 50%) cheaper than the Shade Store for essentially the same products.

      • NYCer

        I will add, we had both of them come out and measure. There was no charge for measuring.

    • Anon

      Selectblinds. Measured and installed ourselves. 77 inches for a roller is going to cost you though regardless where you get it.

    • Anonymous

      Just blinds dot com. Still feels expensive but definitely won’t be over 1K. We measured ourselves and yes it felt scary but they all have fit our windows.

    • Anon

      Cellular shades from IKEA. They don’t fit perfectly in some of my windows, but work well enough and are hundreds of dollars less than similarly priced ones from Home Depot or shade-specific manufacturers.

    • Anan

      I’ve been able to find a wide range of sizes on Wayfair and then just installed them myself. Super inexpensive.

    • Trixie

      I have a sunroom with 12 windows. After scary $$$ quotes, I ordered from blinds dot com, measuring myself. The order arrived, and several did not fit due to my error. They replaced the shades for free (they will do that once) and then I hired someone from Task Rabbit who did a great install. It still was expensive, but I would not hesitate to measure myself. Also, many of the on-line companies offer a consult via a photo or two….they will help you figure out how to navigate the corner. You can measure! It is not rocket science…even if I made a mistake.

    • Anony

      Blindster . com -> DH and I measured all the windows ourselves and then I ordered 1″ aluminum blinds for my entire house for like $800. They have super detailed instructions on how to measure and their customer service is fantastic. I waited until their 4th of July sale which was 50% off plus an extra 5% off at checkout. They also have shades, blinds, and shutters. I originally ordered samples of the materials I was interested in; if money wasn’t an issue, I would have ordered the bamboo shades or the wooden blinds. They are gorgeous. When I got the order, two of the tilt wands were 4″ longer than the others (probably scales my window size) and looked awkward. I emailed them and they shipped me out two shorter ones at no cost. Highly recommend.

    • Anon

      We get custom shades ordered through Home Depot. They will tell you how to measure (be precise) and then you can pick from many colors/textures/fabrics, etc. We have ordered several times and we think the price is reasonable.

    • DCJ

      Of all places, J.C. Penney is great for custom blinds and shades. And they often have great coupons.

    • Anon

      I used blinds to go, the location in park slope. They were very helpful and the prices seemed reasonable.

  13. Cautious Neice

    Question for the group: Is my aunt trying to drag me into a scam? My aunt called me this week and said she needs my husband and I to set up a trust that she will deposit into. She stated that we’d need to go to the bank to set up a trust and then she’d put foreign currency(huh)in it. This all sounds like a scam however she’s a reasonable woman and has never approached me with any shady activity before. I am weary and will decline bit I also don’t want her to be taken advantage of. I am not a lawyer – what clarifying questions should I ask her and how should I phrase my message as I decline the request.

    • anon for this

      Does your aunt have any reason to have foreign currency otherwise?
      I’d ask who is advising her to create a trust and if you can speak with them too.

      • Cautious niece

        No, she has no reason to have foreign currency and I honestly thought that using the term foreign currency was weird. Like, why not convert it?

    • NYCer

      Does she have a reputable attorney setting up the trust? You can and should definitely ask to speak with the attorney. If she does not, I would not do this.

    • Anonymous

      Are you certain it was her? I’ve read about AI duplication of voices being parts of a new scam.

      • Anon

        That’s exactly what this is. OP, be very careful here. Call your aunt and confirm that she is not making these calls, then report this as fraud.

      • Anon

        yeah, I was wondering if someone is impersonating your aunt. Does it make sense to you that she somehow has foreign currency to give away? Why can’t she convert it into dollars?
        Another piece that surprised me but surely people with more money than me could speak to: is it normal that the trustee sets up the trust? Why can’t your aunt do it?

      • Cautious niece

        Ooh, this is a good point. She lives nearby so i’ll connect with her in person.

      • OP Niece

        OP here – this is a good callout. I’ll connect with her in person since she lives nearby.

      • Cautious niece

        I asked a few follow-up questions but since I’m very unfamiliar with trusts they were enough to steer her in another direction. I am looking for more targeted follow ups that I can ask her that well inspire some critical thinking. I just have the deep down feeling it’s a scam but I can’t pinpoint exactly why because I’m not familiar with the domain.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t know what the scam would be, but I agree that you’re wise to stay clear. To help protect her, I wonder if you could encourage her to talk to a rep at her bank before she makes any moves. They will be more attuned to latest fraud techniques and are a respected neutral party (my fear is whoever is advising her may be a shady attorney or simply pull one in). I know it’s not the same, but when my elderly mom almost fell for an online scam, it was someone with her bank who got an alert and was able to talk her down before they gained access to her funds. For folks of a certain age and culture, someone who works at a bank carries about the same respect as doctors and clergy.

      • Cautious niece

        Thank you for this I think this is a really solid first step in a specific set of actions I can take with her.

    • Advance fee scam

      It’s possible she is the target of a scam, and that she genuinely believes that somebody will give her the money to fibe to you, as soon as something is set up and some sort of advance fee is paid.

      • Cautious niece

        Yeah that’s what I’m thinking. I’m thinking that she is the target of a scam and is in turn targeting other family members but I’m not sure with the end goal of the scam is or how to talk her off the ledge.

  14. Anonymous

    For those of you who routinely hire household help esp thru Task Rabbit but I guess I’m just asking generally, do you just go with your gut regarding the safety of letting someone into your home?

    I could really use some help. My home is a cluttered mess to the point where I can’t even call a cleaning service because what would they clean. I need someone who’d come in who’d work with me and we’d fill bags and bags of trash that they’d then repeatedly walk over to the trash chute, downstairs to the main trash for the apt building. I also have moving boxes to either be unpacked or thrown out altogether. I try to do this myself and am tired and bored of it in 20 minutes and no progress is made. So I guess I need an organizer type of person, which Task Rabbit has.

    Yet IDK it seems odd to me as a single female to just have someone in my apartment who I don’t even know, who isn’t employed by any particular company. My family OTOH laughs at this concern as we are from a developing country where servants are very much a thing. So even cousins who’ve moved to America are constantly hiring random people from anywhere online to take care of any little task at home. IDK maybe it’s safer to them because it’s a husband and wife and kids situation, but even then if someone nefarious was to come in, what exactly is a husband going to be able to do. I am entirely single with no real close friends so it’s not like I can have someone just come over and stop by while the person is around.

    Is this something to worry about or would you just hire a female organizer to help you for 4-8 hours? In Arlington Va if it matters.

    • Anon

      If you anticipate it being mostly trash, I’d get a junk-hauling service. This is what they do – you walk around and point to things you want gone, they bag it up and take care of it. They aren’t cheap but they’re insured, etc. I’d get the junk out first, and then hire an organizer to handle the items you want to keep.

    • Anecdata

      I mean, I personally would feel safe in this situation (as a woman living alone) but that doesn’t mean you have to

      I’m not sure what the root of your concern is, but here are some options to see if any of these feel like a good fit /for you/:
      Would you feel comfortable if you went out of your way to hire a woman? Are there particular valuables you’re worried about and could put away ahead of time? Would going through an agency feel safer to you? Paying for a background check? Ask your family to call and check in every couple hours? Budget ahead of time to be okay with just cancelling (so sorry, plumbing emergency!) and paying the whole fee if they show up and you’re not feeling good about it?

    • Anon

      I have used Task Rabbit for some things, and I have encountered sketchy people I would not rehire. I would probably feel more comfortable with a totally self-employed person with good references than somebody I found through a gig economy app? But that could be regional and I’m not familiar with your area.

    • AIMS

      I would just hire a female organizer who actually does this. I think task rabbit is probably fine for stuff like putting together furniture but I think you will make better progress with someone who declutters for a living.

      • anon

        +1 Hire a local woman from your neighborhood who advertises personal organizer services. She’ll have seen worse, won’t judge you, and since she has a local reputation to maintain, won’t scam you. Look on NextDoor for recommendations.

        You can do this. I promise it’ll be easier than you thought.

    • DC Pandas

      If it makes you feel any safer- I would love to help and am in the area! Feel free to post a burner if you’re interested.

    • Anon

      This is not something I have worried about. I’ve used Task Rabbit before with no issues.

      • Anon

        That said, I wouldn’t use Task Rabbit for this, I would look for a cleaning service that does hoarder-level type of cleanings.

    • Anon in Arlington

      Highly recommend C Lee Cawley of Simplify You in Arlington for this. You can see the before and after shots on her website. Good luck!

    • Senior Attorney

      I’ve used Task Rabbit as a single woman and I (a) only use women if they’re going to be in the house alone with me, and (b) I make sure they have a LOT of good reviews.

    • Anne-on

      I’d use the local ‘you’ve got junk’ service OR a handyman service accredited by the BBB. They should have ratings, be able to show you ID when they arrive, and be insured. Would I use a random Task Rabbit person, no, not personally but I’m also a bit more cautious with random people in my house as well.

    • Anon in Arlington

      Comment in mod but look for Simplify You in Arlington, a woman-owned business. I promise I’m not her and not affiliated with her!

    • anon

      You might consider calling a couple of real estate agents to ask if they can recommend someone for this kind of work. They usually have someone trusted, because it’s common for folks who are selling after many years to need this kind of support.

      A specialist is probably pricier per hour than someone from TaskRabbit, but it might make you feel safer and be more efficient (they can size up the work to staff/provide materials as appropriate to get it all done fast).

      This is how I found a company to help with a relative’s house.

    • Me, too!

      Believe it or not, I’m in Arlington, VA, and I did this for a friend a few years ago after her depression got too bad. I agree with the solutions suggested by the other commenters, but you can also just do it with a friend there to keep you on task. :)

    • Anonymous

      I am in Massachusetts or I’d be there in a hot second. Purging your apartment sounds like a amazing way to spend a weekend. And I say this with a big house full of clutter and kids!

  15. Anonymous

    What does one wear to the US Open tennis tournament in September (a night session)? Also, any places better than ESPN/other places to read about current tennis news so I can try and learn something about this sport? I have my news sources and twitter follows for every other men’s and women’s pro sport and follow college basketball religiously…. I just can’t seem to retain any information about tennis or find a way to make it interesting to me.

    (Story of how this happened- I got asked if I wanted to go to the US Open for a client even. I enthusiastically said yes, because I love golf and Pinehurst is a favorite course of mine. I thought we were just planning really far in advance!! Then I got sent my travel information for NYC and now realize what I’ve agree to. Honestly forgot that tennis had an event called the US Open.)

    • NYCer

      You can basically wear anything to the US Open. This isn’t Wimbeldon or Roland Garros – many, many people will be in super casual clothes. Since it is for a client event though, I suspect you will be in a box, and people may be coming straight from work. I would probably wear a more casual end work dress. Temps can vary greatly at that time of year, so check the forecast before you go. It will likely be warm though, especially if you’re going the first week.

      The tennis section of ESPN is sufficient for being conversational about the sport. No one is going to expect you to be an expert.

    • Anon

      The good news is that’s a very fun and spectator friendly tournament even if you don’t know much! I’d wear a cute polo and shorts or jeans depending on weather.

      If you don’t follow the sport religiously, then learning the personalities and storylines is the best way to get up to speed, be prepared to make conversation, and enjoy it. Netflix has a documentary series called Break Point that is fun although a bit over the top. The Tennis Podcast is also very good and an easy listen, and should have US Open preview episodes in the run-up to the tournament.

    • Anonymous

      Wow – I’m jealous. So I assume early Sept in NYC – if you’re lucky it starts to get chillier for night sessions but by no means cold. It’s NYC – dark jeans are perfectly fine everywhere. Nice shoes – though ones that won’t hurt your feet, the National Tennis Center is big. Light top and then pack something long sleeves to bring with you but whether you take it to the stadium or not will depend on the weather. Bear in mind night sessions can be long. It is possible you’re attending a 3 set womens match and followed by a mens match that could go up to 5 sets. Often the players selected to play at night are for the primetime viewing audience so they select competitive matches that are long.

      Do you know what you’re attending – quarters, semis etc., mens or womens? Because if you say that there are tennis enthusiasts like me that can tell you what players you may be seeing and you could read up on them. If that isn’t possible now, then even the day of or day before when you know which matches you’re attending – just read the Wiki for those players so you have a sense of how they’re ranked, what they’ve won lately, how they did at the US Open last year. This assumes you know scoring – if you don’t, goggle that and read up on it – that’s something you could even do now assuming that you care to remember it.

      • Anonymous

        I have no idea, and didn’t realize until your post that mens and women’s both payed in the same us open (I have so much to learn!) I love and follow so many sports, but i just have never been able to make any information about tennis stick in my brain. I’ve tried to learn the scoring multiple times without a whole lot of success. My colleagues and bosses joke that they should have asked questions about tennis and music in my interview, as then they would have known what they were getting themselves into for non-work conversations!!!

        • Cat

          Well they don’t play against each other. There are men’s and women’s champs. They run in parallel.

          The unpredictability of duration comes from the scoring which has a “must win by at least 2 points” each game. So a game could be over in 4 points if one player sweeps it, or it could go on for half an hour if it’s tied at 40-40 (the equivalent of 4-4) and then they keep alternate winning points!

    • Cat

      Practical tip – you will want to be comfortable. particularly if the game you’re attending is mens (best of 5 rather than 3), it can go LONG. The Wimbledon final this year was 5ish hours. You could end up with a super quick match too if one player trounces the other, in which case the crowd will usually be somewhat disappointed bc they didn’t get to see as much play!

    • Anonymous

      I go every year. Day session is more casual. Evening session, I’ve seen people in Alice and Olivia sundresses and golden goose, white linen pants with nice tops, stylish jeans with Gucci espadrilles, casual but still summer chic. Dress on the nicer end for a corporate box or nice restaurant.
      Last year there was a Mets game at Citi Field at the same time. At the LIRR station it was super obvious that the nicer dressed people got off the train and turned right to go the the tennis stadium and the super casual cut-offs an tee crowd turned left to go to baseball .

    • Anonymous

      Wear more or less what you would have worn to Pinehurst (unless you would have worn a full golf outfit, in which case I suggest you wear the sort of outfit you’d wear to a pro baseball game with a client).

      As long as you know the main rules of the game so you can follow the action, no one is going to expect you to talk about tennis.

  16. Anon

    I’m on a month long (at least, probably longer) shopping freeze as of yesterday. I don’t shop a ton but little things here and there definitely add up. Any tips or suggestions on making the mental switch away from buying anything I don’t truly NEED would be appreciated.

    • Anon

      If I add something to my cart and wait a day or two, I usually find I don’t actually need it after all.

      • Senior Attorney

        Yes, for a while I had a rule that I could shop all I wanted, but could only click “buy” on the weekends. Most of the time I had forgotten what was in my cart by the time Saturday rolled around, and I didn’t even want it any more.

      • Anon

        Same. I make myself wait 24 hours before completing a purchase. If I really need the item, in 24 hours I still need it, and I buy it. A large percentage of the time, the next day I completely forget the item is in the cart and that I was planning on buying it, which means I don’t need it.

    • Anonymous

      Make a list of what you actually need. Mine has one pair of pants on it, and some fleece for winter.

    • PJ

      Request library books.
      Do a capsule wardrobe with your existing clothes.
      Join your local Buy Nothing group
      These all help scratch the shopping itch.

      • Anonie

        +1000 haha, this is exactly what I do. Browsing Libby and Buy Nothing groups is the best. Another idea to a similar effect might be to browse for local free events and add them to your calendar if they look interesting – you don’t even actually have to go, just provides that feeling of browsing, selecting, and finalizing.

    • Anon

      Moving multiple times and having to pack up or get rid of all the crap I don’t need really cured me of the desire to buy more stuff. Now I just keep lists of books I want to read, movies I want to watch, and recipes I want to cook and request them from the library, keep track of when they come to my streaming services, and plan out meals. That satisfies the getting stuff urge without actually accumulating stuff or spending much money (I have to eat anyway and I’m a fairly frugal and efficient cook).

    • Anon

      Alison Bornstein has good tips about shipping your closet and also how to arrange your closet so that it is as appealing as a store.

    • Anon

      Keep a running list on your phone of things you wanted to buy during the month. Tell yourself that you’ll buy them at the end of the month. When you actually get to the end of the month you’ll have a list of dumb stuff you don’t actually want anymore.

    • Anonymous

      Hannah Louise something on youtube has lots of great advice on no-buy, she did a while year.

      I like to focus on decluttering, mending and making budgets and long-term plans.

    • anon

      Are you shopping because you are bored? Step outside when you find yourself mindlessly clicking through sites. Walk through your garden, go to the park, stroll around the block. It’ll clear your head and wake you up.

      Another switch you could make is to only buy stuff in person. Things look very different in a store than online.

    • Anonymous

      I try to pretend that I just lost my job. What would I prioritize or not? Usually this helps me be firmer with myself (I do better with risk- than, say, reward-type thinking of “this is what I’m saving for.”)

  17. Laura

    I’m a new manager at a European company so I want to make sure I’m not being too American about this.
    At this company everyone gains a few days of PTO per month.

    One of my direct reports asked for 2+ weeks off in the fall. He did so 3 days at a time, so I approved the first 2 requests without hesitation but now I’m thinking about it.

    One issue is that he does not quite have the 13 days of PTO he requested. By then I think he’ll have about 10. Technically he would accrue the rest by the end of the year.

    My company doesn’t have super strict policies about this, but people do take all their PTO in december if they haven’t taken it yet.

    Work-wise we can plan ahead so him being out for 2 weeks will be fine. Is it stingy if I say no the days of PTO he would not have earned by then?

    I haven’t had a chance to talk to him about this yet (bc he’s been on PTO this week!) but I will next week. Should I ask if its for something specific like a trip or family thing? Or not appropriate? Normally I’m pretty lax but the combination of 2.5 weeks of PTO, going beyond what you have available, and not giving a heads up is rubbing me the wrong way a little bit.

    • Anon

      It’s very inappropriate to ask how they’re using PTO. I don’t really see the problem with him taking it as long as your company allows employees to borrow the PTO in advance.

    • Anon

      Many things about this would be grounds for not approving the vacation at my company (namely the >2 weeks typically requires higher scrutiny and would go above me as a manager to be approved, and the fact that vacations longer than a week need to be requested several months in advance). The going negative part would not be a problem at my company, but I’m sure it varies and we do have a set amount people can go in the red. Is there anyone at your company you can ask since a lot of this seems firm specific? And for what it’s worth, the piece meal request definitely is very annoying/seems like he’s trying to sneak something through.

    • anon

      No, I don’t think you should ask him the specifics of the trip. People have a right to use their PTO, even if they don’t have family and friends with weddings and stuff. What I would do is speak to another seasoned manager in Europe at your company and ask what the practice is for taking PTO and borrowing unaccrued time that the employee will have by the end of the year. Or ask HR.

    • Anon

      I know for my employer, it’s detailed in our handbook that employees are allowed to dip into a negative balance of PTO. This sort of sounds like something you should check in with your HR department on if employees are allowed to go into a negative balance.
      I would as your HR department on how they’d suggest handling it.
      I don’t think starting with asking what they plan to do with their PTO is appropriate. Also providing notice in July about a 2 week absence in the Fall seems very reasonable.

    • AnonSatOfc

      so is it 13 work days in a row, and he was asking based on the 3 days he accrued each month? But he never gave you the headsup of “hey i’m planning this big trip but don’t have the PTO for it, so these are my overall dates and I’ll ask for 3 days off each month until they’re all spoken for?”
      The “right” way to do this would have been what’s above, IME, but I could see someone a little clueless feeling like they couldn’t ask for time they hadn’t accrued. I’d ask what the plan is, and then I’d coach him to give you the broader picture in the future, but let him take the time.
      The wrinkle is taking time he wouldn’t have earned at the time of his trip – maybe talk with your HR to see if that’s an issue? There is likely an established practice on this issue and you don’t want that lost in the noise of the weird request pattern.

      • AnonSatOfc

        And cosign that the “what are you doing?” questions are inappropriate, but if it’s unclear I think it’s fair game to say “hey, trying to see the forest for the trees here – you’ll be off from X to Y then?” if that’s not clear from the piecemeal requests.

      • Laura

        This is exactly the situation. The lack of heads up is the only thing thats throwing me.
        HR said he can take unearned time, but honestly based on PTO he’s used so far this year I don’t think he will have earned 13 additional days by the end of the year.

        Maybe he was asking for time as he accrued it, that would at least explain what was happening. It’s enough notice that if he asked to take all his remaining days off (I think it would come out to 2 weeks off) I don’t mind at all.

        Will ask this on Monday – “hey, trying to see the forest for the trees here – you’ll be off from X to Y then?”. I wasn’t really intending to ask what he was doing.

    • Anon

      You need to get over it. If it’s not going to cause problems with workflow, say yes. If your company doesn’t let people take PTO they don’t have (valid), say no. Don’t say no just because you don’t think he’s doing it the right way.

      • Laura

        I just think its 1) weird to ask piecemeal and 2) presumptuous to just submit a request for days off you haven’t earned yet. The second point warrants a conversation. If maybe he thought that he could request days until he earned it that would make sense – if he was trying to avoid submitting a request for 2 weeks off at once that’s weird.
        It makes a difference because if its 3 days off at a time coverage is not that big a deal, but if its 2+ weeks we do have to discuss coverage.

      • Anon

        This. The last thing I mess with is people’s vacations unless I’m trying to get them to quit.

    • Anon

      Not appropriate to ask why they are taking vacation, especially the way you have framed it (that it will be more likely to be ok if it’s for a ‘good reason’. Employee can take off a week to never change out of their pajamas or to take a windsurfing class.). Be aware there is a CHASM between European approach to vacation and American approach. You’re seeing vacation as a benefit provided by the company that employees must earn. Europeans see vacation as a legal right, because it is here. 2.5 weeks is no biggie, most people take off practically the whole month of August, plus other (weeks) vacation time during the year, plus official holidays. Take France for example, where the legal minimum is 5 weeks, PLUS 4.5 weeks of reduced time for those normally working over 35 hrs per week, for 9.5 weeks annually. Some countries add days depending on the number of children. Depending on the country you’re in, it may (likely) be the case that how you ‘gain’ vacation time is also kind of misnomer; employees are entitled to use time they will have in the year even if they haven’t banked it.

    • Anon

      I have generous (for US) vacation leave and use all of it. I think I took 8 weeks of vacation in 2022 and will have at least 6 this year. But at my company you can’t really advance time off. I plan my trips carefully to make sure I’ll have enough accrued. I think you should look for a policy on this and if employees can’t dip into future vacation then it’s fine to deny.

    • Anonie

      This is something to ask either your own manager or a peer manager on your team.

    • Anonymous

      I’m in Europe, and in Europe, yes, of course he can.

      A European employee will trust the system, and there may be specific rules, but this is NOT the hill you die on as a new manager.

      I actually get paid mid-month as a half earned, half advance. Normal.

      I get 24 non-doctor approved, paid sick days every year. 25 days paid holiday. Normal.

      Free health care and education. Normal.

    • Anon

      Please do NOT be American about this. Word will spread and it won’t be a good look for you. European companies have a system of paying mid month, you can take leave when needed as long as you’ll earn the remainder later. Don’t be THAT manager who is nit picky about a non issue.

      Europeans work to live. Americans live to work.

    • Anon

      Also there is no concept of coverage when you take leave in European companies. Unless it’s some super time critical thing. Otherwise work gets done when you return.

  18. Anon

    Has anyone ever gone in for an early screening for pancreatic cancer? I used to think that it was a just a fast-moving cancer that came out of nowhere like the grim reaper. Now, I have read that scientists are finding that is it is actually a slow-growing cancer (just never found until it is too late). I’ve had some vague GI symptoms for 15 years (like I thought it was pregnancy related but it never went away) and a family history (discovered too late). There are blood tests for the markers. If this is do-able, is it a “start with your GP” thing?

    • Anon

      I think it’s a good idea to get a full work up. But if you’ve had symptoms for 15 years it’s not pancreatic cancer. You would have been dead 14 years ago.

    • Anon

      Vague GI symptoms are totally worth investigating for a number of things that are good to catch sooner than later. My GP does pancreatic cancer screenings, but I’m not sure how common that is, except that I think it’s more common with family history. But for a full GI workup it would be a referral to a (good) gastroenterologist.

    • anon

      Symptoms that you have had for 15 years are not likely pancreatic cancer, fortunately, as it doesn’t grow that slowly that long. Most pancreatic cancers are thought to slowly grow over about 9 years, and most will not give you any symptoms during most of those years.

      But symptoms that are not normal or are concerning for you, particularly if they have changed recently are always reasonable to get checked out. You should see your primary care doctor to talk about your symptoms and history, and decide together what is the best next step. There are lots of common, easy to treat GI problems that might need to be considered. Sometimes just talking to you, examining you, and maybe a blood test or two can be helpful, and knowing to see a gastroenterologist if you feel things are not clear.

      Randomly testing blood markers for pancreatic cancer is not recommended, as they are not specific for pancreatic cancer. There are no proven tests for screening for pancreatic cancer that are recommended at this time, but a CT scan or MRI can sometimes be helpful. The screening tests of choice are an MRI called an MRCP or an endoscopic ultrasound – EUS. Your insurance company will not pay for these if it is not clinically appropriate, and they are very expensive.

      Since you have pancreatic cancer in your family, you should contact the National Familial Pancreatic Cancer Registry and submit information about your family. They may give you advice as to whether you should have further genetic testing of might be appropriate for any ongoing studies to try to detect pancreatic cancer early, if you are found to be high risk based on your family history

      Was your relative with pancreatic cancer “first-degree”? A parent/sibling/child? If so, you should have genomic cancer testing. If you have multiple additional types of cancer that run in your family, especially if they happen at earlier ages, it is even more important to get testing.

      You should see the genetic counselor for the cancer clinic at your major academic hospital system to have this ordered, if you want to do it through insurance, and it will be covered. Or you can do it on your own using the company Invitae (search online). This is a very good company, recommended by Johns Hopkins pancreatic cancer doctors. It will cost $250 out of pocket, which is a bargain and was much cheaper than if I used my insurance. They will require you to have a telehealth visit with a genetic counselor first, which costs $150, and they will take your family history and decide which tests to order. I am submitting both of those payments to my insurance after paying out of pocket for them myself.

      My Mom died of pancreatic cancer. I joined Johns Hopkins registry. They recommended I get a genetic testing. I got it at Invitae. I found out I have a genetic mutation that puts me more at risk for cancer. Now I have an appointment to be seen in a high risk GI cancer clinic to help decide if I should be screened for pancreatic cancer routinely or not. That is the best order for us to do things, when we are feeling good, and to learn what to watch for in the future.

      But as we know, pancreatic cancer is often a silent killer, found too late in most people. It is good to be vigilant if you know it runs in your family. But the symptoms can be vague or non-specific. For my Mom, early symptoms were probably only fatigue, and maybe depressed mood. She never had any new gastrointestinal symptoms or belly pain complaints. Then she developed pain from the bone metastases, that everyone assumed was just her mild arthritis. My Mom wasn’t a complainer, like many women. By then it was too late.

      • AnonSatOfc

        Thank you for the very informative comment! Not the OP, but I have pancreatic cancer in my family and this was extremely enlightening.
        I’m sorry about your mom and I wish you continued good health.

        • anon

          Thank you.

          I’m so glad the information might be useful to you.

          Now that I have been tested, I am teaching my brothers/cousins so that they can be tested.

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