Coffee Break: Robinson Medium Leather Tote

Tory Burch Robinson Medium Leather ToteLe sigh… I’ve been stalking this “storm blue and bright blue leather tote” for weeks now, and I love it. The textured leather, the internal pockets, the very ladylike look… love. There’s a bigger version, too, but the satchel here is $495. Siiiigh…. Tory Burch Robinson Medium Leather Tote



  1. I really like this, which is why I bought it a couple of years ago (albeit it in a different color). Almost immediately, the leather started rubbing off and got creased in the top where the satchel shape didn’t naturally stay upright. It looked bad right off the bat.

    When I talked to Tory Burch about it, they gave me a lot of trouble about it. I had purchased it at the store, but I didn’t have my receipt. I showed them my Amex card (which said Tory Burch – not even like Nordstrom or something). They didn’t think that was enough. After several back and forths, they insisted I send them pictures and then eventually said (after I called and emailed a ton) they would give me a gift card for the current sale price, which was much less than what I had paid. At that point, I said scr*w you, I called Amex, and they immediately (immediately!) refunded by money. At that point, I swore off Tory Burch and swore on (Is that a thing?) Amex forever.

    Perhaps they have updated this bag to solve this problem, but their service was just SO BAD that I won’t be buying it regardless.

    • This is so disheartening, which is why I hesitate to buy big ticket items from vendors other than Lands’ End, Costco or Nordstrom. If I’m spending more than $300 on a single item, I want to know I’m covered. I realize one can’t buy everything from those stores, but even Zappos has not been perfect with customer service, and those 3 consistently are.

      • tesyaa, I have the same philosophy. Lands’ End, Costco or Nordstroms. I love Amazon but was burned there with something that they were not the seller, so I’m very careful about large items from there.

    • Sydney Bristow :

      That sucks. Customer service is so important to me and I’m likely to give a company I get good service from at least one more chance if I have a bad experience with a product. Bad experience with a product and bad service on top of it makes me avoid a company forever.

    • This pretty much jives with everything I’ve heard about Tory Burch’s quality and service. I’m glad Amex was able to make it right for you.

    • Wildkitten :

      So sad. It zips on top and it’s crossbody, so I am in love.

    • I have always said word-of-mouth is the best (often the only) weapon in a consumer’s arsenal. I am sure the sales they will lose out on based on your statements were not worth the money they saved by providing shoddy customer service. I received similar treatment from a high-end hotel in my city regarding them honoring a gift certificate (with restrictions they failed to mention to me) and six months later was in a position where I needed to book 25 high-end hotel rooms for a conference I was planning. They would have been a good option but I did not even obtain quotes from them and immediately booked with a competitor.

      • Sydney Bristow :

        I read a great book about this called The Thank You Economy by Gary Vaynerchuk. It was aimed at business owners but full of great info on how social media changes the way companies need to operate.

    • I’m sorry you had such a terrible experience! My only interaction with Tory Burch’s customer service was quick and pleasant, though it was just after I placed an order on their site and didn’t involve a defect. I emailed right away when I realized I’d forgotten to enter a promo code at checkout, and they replied within a few hours to tell me they’d credited back the amount of the discount.

      Unfortunately, I never, ever use the bag I purchased (“I don’t have anything like it! It’s fun!”) so I can’t attest to its quality.

  2. Anonattorney :

    Alright, I’m (we’re) doing it. I’m officially trying to get preggo. (I’m changing TTC to TTGP). So it begins . . .

    Let me know if you have any soothing words of wisdom. I’m trying my best to be zen.

    • Good luck!!

    • Famouscait :

      Read (or at least skim the relevant parts of) Taking Charge of Your Fertility. I learned a ton about my own body and cycle that helped us conceive pretty easily and quickly.

      Make it fun. I bought lots of new lingerie (and some other… um, things…) and we both enjoyed it. =)

      • Diana Barry :

        +1. Temping was very helpful for me for #2 and #3.

      • +2 TCOYF helped me conceive #2 exactly when we wanted, and helped with #3 as well. Good luck!!

        • Should probably add getting pg has never been an issue for me, which I always thought was a compensation to make up for my difficulty staying that way. As another poster mentioned below – if it doesn’t happen right away try not to stress too much about it. It’s normal to take a few months to a year.

        • Anonattorney :

          Thanks everyone! My new favorite word after reading my pregnancy book is “mittelschmerz” – pains from ovulating. So random and weird. And I’m pretty sure I had it this week, even though I don’t think I ever noticed it before. Have others experienced that slight pain before?

          I’m not temping this month, but plan to get going next month. I thought I mittelschmerzed (now that just sounds dirty) yesterday, which more or less lines up with the calendar I’ve been keeping. We’ll see what happens. If I get my period, the upside is that I’m going out for sushi and sake.

          • You know it’s fine to drink while you’re trying to conceive right? Because honestly giving all that stuff up and temping and charting sounds about the least Zen thing ever. Unless you have some particular concern about your fertility, you just don’t need to do this stuff. Have lots of sex, see if you’re pregnant in 6 months and reevaluate.

          • it’s also fine to have sushi. The concern is that you’ll get food poisioning & that it’s rough on the baby once you’re further along & rough on you since you shouldn’t take certain over the counter remedies when you’re pregnant. No need to cut the sushi & wine yet.

          • Anonattorney :

            Interesting. The book I have (the Mother of all Pregnancy Books) says that you shouldn’t drink at all if you suspect you may be pregnant. I figured that in the 2 weeks following ovulation, *to be perfectly safe* I wasn’t supposed to drink anything.

            I’m not really stressing about the charting stuff. I have an app in which I record my periods, and it calculates my fertile period. It takes about 2 seconds for me to check that I’ve gotten my period on a given day. That’s all I’m doing right now.

          • Nope. You suspect you might be pregnant when you miss a period. Not during any time in which you theoretically might have conceived.

      • Joanna Toews :

        +3, piling onto the TCOYF temperature-tracking bandwagon (though I still haven’t done more than flip through the book).

        We had the goalie pulled for almost a year (interrupted by a very early miscarriage) before I knuckled under and started charting my first-thing-in-the-morning temperature using the TCOYF web ap.

        That very month? You guessed it: Knocked up.

    • I have no real words of wisdom other than: Have fun! You know your husband (I’m assuming) will be :)

    • Kind of lurking, starting to post more here – what does TTC and TTGP mean please?

      • Orangerie :

        TTGP = defined above in original post

        TTC = trying to conceive

        • Thank you! I kept seeing it over and over and I couldn’t figure it out!

        • I guess I just skimmed and wasn’t paying attention, and I had interpreted TTGP as Trying to Garden Party. And I thought – hey, way to focus on the positives about the whole thing!

          To the OP: Have fun and good luck. If you’re like me (always been super, super cautious about birth control and had been on the pill forever), it will feel really, really weird to do it without knowing you’re protected. Like, obviously, you know that that’s the point, but part of your mind will be completely freaking out about having unprotected LGP, just because.

          • Famouscait :

            I thought it was “Trying To Garden Party” too! Way more fun than the other interpretation.

      • My BFF and my DH were just talking about TTC behind my back! I am totes not ready to TTC b/c DH & I have great LGPs and kids are NBD to me like IDGAF. Plus I was recently trying to find the perfect LBD at the NAS and thinking about how hard it would be if I had to go to a black tie event while pregnant. UGH and RAWR.

    • anonforthis :

      I am too lazy to google the exact numbers right now, but please keep in mind that ON AVERAGE it takes 6-8 months to get pregnant. Healthy couples can take up to a year to conceive. Only like 25% of people will get pregnant on the first try. It can get really frustrating when you’re so excited for it to happen so please try to keep these stats in perspective if nothing has happened after a few months. Good luck!

      • Yep. (Annoyed RAWR.)

      • also anon :

        dont disagree with this advice, but take it for what its worth. I had this in mind when my husband and i decided it was time to start trying. i figured we had at least 6 mo to a year. i was pregnant the next month and wholly unprepared. same thing with baby no. 2. so maybe better advice would be to just try hard to go with the flow and know that you should be prepared for anything.

    • OPKs were very helpful for me in addition to temping. Don’t assume you ovulate on Day 14 of your cycle. Good luck!

    • Exciting! Lots of good advice here already. Do try not to stress, but I found that advice infuriating when we were TTC. Taking Charge of Your Fertility is really great–a fascinating and helpful resource. I would also recommend that you try hard not to test until at least 12dpo, if not 14. I drove myself crazy (and wasted money) almost every month testing way too early. Good luck!

    • This is probably too late but “Expecting Better” is also great – it’s mostly about pregnancy itself, but there are a couple of chapters on TTGP.

  3. Anonforthis :

    I think I know the answer to my question, but would love reassurance from the hive. I just got an in-person interview for a job that I REALLY want. It’s in-house counsel at a cool growing company. I highly suspect that the dress code at the company is super casual — but I still plan to wear my standard interview outfit. Specifically, black pants suit (Lafayette 148) with a silky shell underneath in a small muted floral print. This is the right thing to wear, right? Because even if I get this job and get to wear jeans to work (my DREAM), I should stay as formal as I would normally for the interview, right?

    • Sounds perfect.

    • You cannot go wrong being formal for an interview, unless it’s a super-duper creative field AND you have good reason to suspect being formal would actually be held against you. So, go formal.

    • absolutely wear a suit/standard interview attire. even at casual companies, they like to know their lawyers can suit up as needed.

    • Yup – suit up. I work at a casual tech company and even here, it’s weird not to wear a suit for interviews.

    • Always go formal for an interview. Even if you’re overdressed, you’ll impress!

    • Anonforthis :

      Thanks all! Now think good vibes for the interview (sometime next week) . . .

    • Gah! Now they have explicitly told me that they are a “casual company” “so no suit is required.” Now what do I do?!? Black pants and a casual blazer? A nice dress?

      • A pencil skirt or pants and a non-matching blazer sounds good for an interview where they told you a suit is not required. If you have a crisp, structured blouse or a very flattering cardigan, those could work too. I would skip the dress unless it is conservative, in a solid or muted colors. You don’t want a printed dress to distract from what you’re saying.

      • I’d riff on my best non-suit outfit & see it as an opportunity to show a little personality (e.g. I’d do a blazer/fun blouse/pencil skirt w/ a statement necklace or earrings, no hose (depending on the weather – I’m in CA so it would look funny here unless it’s a rainy day)). Basically, professional, put together with a sense of style that shows you respect the interview process.

  4. What to wear on first day at new job :

    I wore my one plain black suit for the interview and noticed that the HR guy, a VP, and a few other people I happened to see (receptionist, assistant) were wearing jeans. Another VP was wearing black slacks and a jeweled jacket thing. Several of my interviewers were wearing semi-frumpy dress pants and sweaters (i.e. the casual side of business casual). What would you recommend I wear for my first day in a junior-level position? Thank you!

    • Anonattorney :

      Pencil skirt and sweater (like a Tippie sweater, or a close-fitting v-neck). The most versatile of all outfits, in my opinion. Wear hose if you like, or not if you don’t like them. A basic pump and a few understated pieces of jewelry.

    • If no one was wearing a suit, I’d go with simple slacks and a blouse. It sounds like the office is strictly business casual, unless you interviewed on a Friday and in that case, I’d bring a blazer just in case.

      • +1 to all of this. I wore something similar to my New Job the first day and quickly realized I was overdressed for everyday. But I felt better knowing I was overdressed than if I’d been underdressed.

    • Since you received mixed signals based on employees wearing various types of clothing, I’d ask HR or the hiring manager what the official dress code is. They should be able to tell you business casual or business formal or straight out casual.

      • What to wear on first day at new job :

        I also have a friend who works there who described this office as “pretty casual.” Now that I think about it, I did interview on a Friday, but I saw the VP in jeans at a second interview on a Tuesday or Wednesday. So many mixed signals! I think the HR guy would probably describe it as casual since he was wearing jeans, but then again, maybe I should ask like you’ve suggested…

    • dark pants, nice flats, dressy sweater/shirt, jewelry. then ease into it by lightening the pants, casual-izing the sweater, then moving into jeans :)

  5. Sydney Bristow :

    I could use some vicarious shopping help. Any suggestions on a smallish or medium size tote bag that I can throw a pair of flats and my lunch bag in? My shoes used to fit in my purse but I got a new purse and they don’t fit. I’d like something neutral and simple but don’t really want a Le Pliage. Under $75 would be ideal.

    • I got a Lands’ End tote in a solid (i.e. not the classic off white and color mix). It looks like a regular tote with topstitching, less casual than the classic Boat & Tote (which I think is LL Bean’s official name for this style bag). The LE one wears really well and the medium should be plenty big. I think they’re around $35 but often go on sale.

    • This one has great reviews and is a pretty good value for leather (if you like that):

    • BankrAtty :

      I have a tote from Everlane and I lurve it. Like lurve to the third power.

    • Sydney Bristow :

      Thanks for the suggestions! I wish the LL Bean ones came in solid colors because the small looks like a good size and you can get it with longer straps. The straps on the LE one look too short. I might try the medium though.

      The Franco Sarto looks pretty good too and I think ebags normally has a pretty good online shopping portal rate for travel points.

      The Everlane ones look nice but they have a waiting list!

      Decisions, decisions. Maybe I’ll just order all three and check them out in person. My living room looks like an online shopping warehouse right now anyway and I might be responsible for record UPS profits this quarter with all my orders and returns…

      • The straps on the Lands’ End tote are long enough for me to wear with a winter jacket (and a puffy one at that), but I’m fairly petite.

    • I'm Just Me :

      I buy work totes from TJ Maxx, there are always variations of this one: available.

  6. Any ideas for a gift for a retiring coworker? He is male, of retirement age, adored by everyone, and planning on doing a lot of travel.

    • Yay! I love Tory Birch and this satchel. Dad say’s that I will probabley eventualley look alot like Tory Birch when I get older. YAY!!!!!

      As for the OP, I think that you should get him a sachel (a male version of coarse), b/c if he is goeing to be doieng alot of travelling, then he will need something to carry his stuff in. I bought Dad a huge Schlepper for when he went with mom to Asia about 15 year’s ago, but the dummy’s on the airplane threw the Schlepper onto the conveyer belt and busted the zipper wide open so by the time dad got it, it was all tape’d up. FOOEY!

      And this was BEFORE 9/11! DOUBEL Fooey! So I went back to the luggage place with the schlepper and they gave me my money back and I got dad a different schlepper. The morale of the story is: DO NOT go for fashion with a schlepper; go for strength and a good zipper. Who care’s if it is fasheiaonable if it is busted by the schmoe’s in the airport? I was very mad when DAD told me the STORY. FOOEY on Schleppers that can not schlepp!

      I asked Frank for another W2, b/c I lost mine, so he has to go back and print one out. He took the chance to stare right at my boobie’s when he said that he would have to looke all over for a replacement. He should not have to looke there to find the W2, right? I wish Frank’s wife would be more giveing to him so that he would not have to be stareing at me and my boobie’s all day! FOOEY on that!

    • Maybe some fun travel guides for areas he’s interested in traveling to?

      • I really like this idea. You could always get some of the more broad ones like Rick Steves’ Best of Europe or something.

      • I like this idea too – I love to travel and love reading travel books to daydream about future trip possibilities. Maybe something broad like a book that covers all of Europe or Asia so he’s sure to find some places that interest him.

    • If you know any specific locations he plans to go to, maybe you could buy tickets for attractions there (like a City Pass or museum tickets for two or something)?

    • Famouscait :

      Subscriptions to travel magazines.

    • Fancy luggage labels?

    • S in Chicago :

      Certificates for framing favorite travel photos or fancy photo albums? Fancy travel pillow, blanket, passport holder, small light, and other things like that typically sold on travel websites?

  7. Any tips for weaning? I am dying! I’ve gotten down to just feeding him in the morning and at night, but I’m still in a lot of pain during the day. I’d like to pump to relieve some pressure but I don’t want to go back up after I’ve made some progress. I tried cabbage but I don’t really want to wear it to work. Also, I have one spot that is tender but not really hard, so I’m worried it’s turning in to mastitis. I didn’t think this would be so hard!!

    • Just went through this, so I (literally) have felt your pain. I understand that you can pump just a little bit (i.e. 1 oz) to relieve discomfort without setting the weaning process back too much. The only thing that really worked for me was the cabbage leaves, but that was after I had quit altogether.

      Re the tender spot: I also had one or two spots that were especially tender, but they went away after about a week. And then the next day, poof: my b**bs were back to normal size. So welcome.

    • I couldn’t believe how much pain I was in when I weaned my first child. I had cut down to one brief feeding per day, but giving up that last feeding caused severe pain, engorgement, and hardness for a whole week. My doctor said it was normal and recommended wearing the most supportive bras I had plus ice packs. (I did not figure out how to put ice packs inside my bras). After that week the engorgement started to dissipate and everything got better in the next few days.

      If you have any red spots, definitely see your doctor because that might indicate mastitis.

      I nursed 5 subsequent kids and it was the same thing every time, but at least after the first time I was prepared.

    • Weaning was so hard. I did the same thing and mostly suffered through it for 2-3 days before I weaned to only the night time feeding. I actually had to wean immediately because I had to take a prescription that wasn’t safe for nursing, so for the last week and half, I was pumping and dumping at night. I used lots of ice packs and made sure that I pumped for less time each night – which (I think) would translate to just nursing for a few minutes from each side.

      Sometimes I would get sore spots and they would be blocked ducts. I’d stand under a shower with the water as hot as I could stand it and let the water run over that spot while I massaged it. That helped relieve some pain.

      • +1. I remember getting really concerned about a sore spot when I weaned–the shower trick helped a lot and the pain/redness went away pretty quickly.

    • Diana Barry :

      How old is your baby? I would look at kellymom and see what it says. I have no advice, sorry, IME I nursed so long that they weren’t getting much at the end.

      • He is eight months old today. I did a quick search on Kelly Mom and everything I found was for women who have nursed much longer, meaning their supply dwindled. I was searching on my phone though so maybe I should do a full search.

        • I described my experience above and my daughter was 10 months at the time. But I had the same experience when I weaned my son at 14 months.

    • No tips (I’m in Diana Barry’s camp – nursed so long that supply had dwindled) but just a warning – be prepared for a hormonal burst of sadness. It took me by surprise (nothing to do with sadness at not having that connection anymore, it was unexplained crying for two whole days). I realized later that it was withdrawal symptoms from the feel-good hormones that nursing delivers. Hit me hard even though I was down to one feed a day and was 19 months in!

      • Yes, yes, yes. I was a weepy mess for a few days afterwards. I’ve heard it’s totally normal – and I was also down to one feed a day. But being able to fit my chest back into my clothes really helped with the emotions!

      • JJ – In my case my already-insubstantial chest shrank significantly so that didn’t lift my droopy mood (no pun intended).
        I enjoyed the curvaceousness of pregnancy/nursing!

        • I enjoyed being a true A cup when nursing. After being done nursing I’m down to my normal mini-AA.

  8. What to wear TJ: Weekday, immediately-after-work benefit gala of a client. Looking at previous years’ pictures, some (mainly men) look like they are just wearing what they wore to work that day (suits, but some are lighter colored, I.e. not that formal). Some women are wearing fancier dresses (strapless etc) but no long gowns or anything that formal.
    So, what do you think of my plan to wear a black, sleeveless, suiting material sheath dress (to work that day) and add a sparkly statement necklace, metallic heels, and black hose? Sound ok?

  9. omg I love, love, love the necklace I got from Kanye East’s Etsy shop!

    Thanks, Kanye!

    • btw it’s

      go buy pretties!

      • I have several things from Kanye’s shop and I always get compliments. I need to contact Kanye bc two of my favorite pieces were stolen recently when I was travelling and I really want replacements! Her quality is extremely high–I have worn some pieces nearly weekly for a few years….

    • Me too! I kind of love this one right now: It’s kind of vintagey, feminine Maleficent (I am aware that makes no sense).

      • Wow, polimer clay necklaces… thanks for introducing me to this. Awesome! I’m ordering right away

        • Sydney Bristow :

          Yes! I’ve never heard of polymer clay but those are so awesome!

      • I just got one of her polymer flower necklaces from one of her etsy giveaways and it’s lovely. Everyone go buy Kanye’s stuff! (if there are any other lawyers out there trying to do something not-lawyerly, do share and I will support you in all your endeavors)

    • well, I had to go check this out & really like what I saw, ordered a necklace & just got a note that it shipped already. Kudos for being faster than zappos.

  10. Baby TJ — I was hesitant to post this because I know so many readers don’t appreciate the baby/pregnancy TJs, but decided, I really need advice. Please tell me that someday, my baby will sleep more than 2 hours at a time. When she does get up overnight, she’s up for at least 45 minutes, at most an hour and a half. She’s 7 weeks old tomorrow. I’m exhausted. (I do not want to give her a bottle overnight because I will wake up super engorged – I’m still working on getting my milk supply down to a reasonable level, but I’ve made great progress.) Do I need a white noise machine (we don’t use one)? Do I need gadgets or toys? Do I need a different swaddle (we just use a swaddle blanket and tuck it in tightly)? The baby sleeps in a bassinet next to my bed. When we get up, we keep the lights very low (but I change her diaper almost every time because I’m terrified of UTIs). Do I just need to wait it out? TIA.

    • Yes, I think she’s too little to have much expectation of her sleeping much better at this point. It sounds like you’re doing everything right. It will get better.

    • Does she have to sleep in your room? I know that it’s convenient for feedings, but it can be really disruptive for sleeping. Every time we moved, the baby woke up and vice versa. He slept happily in his crib very early on. Sound machines on really low volume/ceiling fan helped too.
      Also, if she will take a bottle from your husband, let him stay up with her a night or two. You can pump to comfort and go back to sleep.
      I had a boy so I didn’t worry quite as much about UTIs. Disposable diapers are super absorbent so if she is just barely wet, maybe wait. Also, change her mid-feed. Nurse on one side, change her, do the other side. That way she gets sleepy again.

      • You make a good point about noise that might be waking her up — she’s probably being woken up by our SUPER NOISY radiators that clank like crazy every time they click on. Ugh.

    • anonforthis :

      My sister’s pediatrician just informed them that babies have NO schedule for the first 8 weeks, let alone a sleep schedule (which can take much longer to establish). Hang in there!

    • Diana Barry :

      Sorry, but you do have to wait for them to sleep more at night. HOWEVER, don’t change the diaper every time – I would use disposables if you’re not and then you can go hours without changing as long as there is no #2.

      Can you get a babysitter or relative to come during the day so you can take a nap? TAKE A NAP!

      I know it is terrible. IME it gets better at 12 weeks (when we moved baby into his/her room) and then dramatically better again at 6 months. Hang in there!

      • I agree with all of this. My second son was/is a terrible sleeper and I was a tired zombie for my entire maternity leave. At 7 weeks, I think every two hours is still fairly normal, unfortunately.

        At 2 months, however, we realized that our son wasn’t just high-needs (although he is more needy than his brother), but also that he had acid reflux. Once we got him started on Prevacid, he slept SO much better. Is there any chance your baby has reflux?

        • What signs of reflux did you see? We don’t have any crying after meals or when putting her down, spitting up (except maybe once/day), or coughing/wheezing.

          • We had all of those. Basically, when the baby wasn’t asleep or nursing, he was screaming crying. Lots of spit up, wheezing, waking up 30 minutes after he ate to cry in pain, etc. I’m glad it’s likely not reflux, I wouldn’t wish that on anyone!

            If you think it’s the radiator waking the baby up, maybe try some white noise to mask it? We play an “ocean waves” track on loop for both of my boys when they sleep. It helps drown out all the random house noises that might wake them up.

    • 7-8 weeks was the absolute worst for our baby. UGH. Babies differ and 2 hours at a time at that age sounds fairly normal. You could stretch it out, though, by trying and or all of the following, which worked for us.

      1. Have her sleep in a Rock n Play or similar small bed or rocker that allows her to sleep on an incline.
      2. Swaddle her tighter with a Wombie (sp?) or Miracle Blanket.
      3. Use a white noise machine.
      4. Put her down for the night at 6:30 or even 6 pm. Turn off all the lights in your room. She’ll wake up after that, of course, but pushing the official “bedtime” up and making it consistent, you’ll get better sleep patterns.
      5. Consider having your husband do one of the night feedings with pumped milk. Even if you wake up, you’ll at least get to stay in bed.
      6. Buy the next larger size diaper and skip one of the changings.

      We didn’t co-sleep, but I know that has worked for many people. Good luck. It will get better!!!

      • Sorry about all the typos!! I was in a hurry to spit out this advice. :)

      • On the co-sleeping: when we started out we swore we wouldn’t do it, but honestly it has helped us tremendously. My LO is almost 12 weeks now and typically sleeps for 4-hour stretches at night. When she wakes up, my SO changes her and then I nurse her in bed. We’ll be transitioning her to a crib in the next month or two but until now it has been an absolute lifesaver.

    • This is what babies do! Promise yours isn’t broken.

    • Can a current diaper mom help me out? I can’t think of the brand or type but I swear they make disposable diapers with a little line that changes colors when the diaper is wet. Might be worth it to buy some of those for night time to get you through this stage.

      • Maddie Ross :

        Pampers. These work the best for our baby and are totally worth the extra one or two cents or whatever it is a diaper over the others. That said, it only takes a little to change the line and often you can still go longer with changing the babe.

      • Pampers swaddlers

      • The target brand ones also have this, and cost half as much!

      • Huggies Little Snugglers do too.

    • Maddie Ross :

      Every baby is different, but things that worked for us were – (1) using a Halo sleep sack as opposed to a swaddle blanket, as it held her more tightly. it also allowed diaper changes without unbinding her completely, which kept her warm and comfy, (2) using a white noise machine (we do crickets), and (3) only changing overnight if she was poopy. We’ve never had a UTI or any problems in that regard. Pampers can hold a ton of liquid.

    • Agree with much of the advice here — try Miracle Blanket / Halo swaddle sleep sack; try changing in the middle; don’t change every time; try white noise machine — but also wanted to say: you’re doing well. You’re doing all good things. It will get better.

      Also have you tried exposing her to more light during the day?

      • Thanks everyone.

        Yes, we keep her in our bright sunny living room during the day. She gets the most sun in the afternoon (western exposure windows) and we don’t really limit our noise during the day. When she goes down for the night, we really shut down the whole apartment to “night mode.”

        • Then I repeat: you’re doing lots of right things. It will get better.

        • Maddie Ross :

          Honestly, while it may not help the sleeping immediately (but it will get better, I swear!), you may want to consider the whole “night mode” thing unless she’s already proven to be a really light sleeper. That is, unless you really like tip-toeing around and want to for the next few years. Also, white noise really does help little babies sleep – whether it be a white noise machine, the hum of a car, or background noise in a restaurant.

          • Careful though- recent research also suggests it may cause hearing damage.

          • Yeah, I looked into white noise machines & immediately found “WATCH OUT FOR HEARING DAMAGE” so I wasn’t going to buy anything, unless I came here and everyone said that would fix all my problems!

          • WestCoast Lawyer :

            The study on hearing damage was based on the maximum decibel levels that some of the machines are capable of achieving. If I recall correctly, they didn’t actually study the effects of white noise machines on children, but basically conducted an analysis along the lines of “some machines can reach x decibels, OSHA standards for prolonged noise exposure prohibit more than y decibels for more than z hours, so cranking your white noise machine to max volume and leaving it on overnight may cause hearing loss.”

            I would never crank it all the way up or put it right next to the child’s head, but something similar to the noise your shower makes when you are standing in the bathroom (but not under the water) has done wonders for helping our baby sleep and I can’t imagine that it’s going to cause any damage.

    • Meg Murry :

      You are probably mid growth spurt – there is a big one at 6-8 weeks. I just stayed in a recliner with baby in a bouncy seat next to me for that one- wake up, change diaper, nurse, swaddle, crash for an hour – repeat. It was 2-3 days of hell, but then it was past and he started sleeping much longer. It may seem like “you just ate, how can you be hungry again?!?” but this is totally normal behavior in a growth spurt and it’s important to nurse whenever baby wants to get your milk supply up to his growing needs – and its only a few days until he miraculously starts sleeping longer.

    • +1 to not changing every time, and can you try nursing lying down once you’re both very established and comfortable with the whole nursing thing? Changed my world.

    • I’ve got a 6-week old, and she does a little better, with one 3-4 hour stretch, but she’s really bad about daytime napping. I wanted to suggest a couple of useful apps, though. For white noise, I like WhiteNoisePro, especially the shower and the dryer sounds. There’s also an app for the “wonder weeks,” which let’s you know about the big developmental leaps that can disrupt little ones. If you haven’t checked it out yet, Babycenter has a community forum section with a lot of useful advice from people. Of course there are some people who have babies who sleep in 7 hour stretches at 5 weeks, but plenty of others who are in your same boat.

    • Oh, I feel your pain! I have a one-year-old, and when he was 6 1/2 weeks old he started waking up at 1 a.m. or so and then waking up every hour after that. I was a zombie and totally miserable. When it’s your first baby it’s hard to believe that it gets better, but it really does. The Wonder Weeks is this book about babies’ development, and it talks about how babies go through developmental phases where they’re more fussy than normal, don’t sleep well, etc., and one of those phases happens right at 8 weeks.

      My kid never slept through the night until we sleep-trained him. Some people are opposed to it, but if you’re not, you might check out The Sleep Easy Solution. They don’t recommend sleep training until the baby’s 4 months old, though. My baby’s sleep got somewhat better by the time he was 12 weeks old, but knowing that I could sleep train at 4 months was kind of a light at the end of the tunnel for me.

      I really sympathize with you…those first months were not easy for me. Hang in there, and be sure to take care of yourself. Moms have needs too.

  11. The owner of our company’s daughter just had a baby two weeks ago. My single, never had a child, 50 year old boss was talking about how he heard the mother and baby were having issues with breast feeding (not uncommon to have issues with bre**astfeeding). He said there’s obviously some kind of attachment issue there…..babies don’t just not latch for no reason at all. I just wanted to yell at him and tell hit to STFU….what the hell do you know about bre**astfeeding a baby. Lactation consultants are employed because breastfeeding is always easy, duh.

    • Ignore, ignore, ignore. (Easier said than done, but still).

    • This is where I would in my most innocent sounding tone say “oh, did you have that trouble when you breastfed? Oh..wait…you don’t have kids or breasts.”

      This is why I am self employed.

    • Totally agree with you but ewww why does your 50 yr old male boss want to talk about breastfeeding anyways? I’d be asking him about March Madness as fast as I could!

    • Hopefully it won’t come up again, but I’d be tempted to insert “you’re totally right! There’s often an actual reason that babies can’t latch – like tongue tie, or having a small mouth!”

      • +1 I would be so tempted to “educate” him about all the reasons in a passive aggressive, detailed manner (but with the best of intentions, of course). Might make him think twice before broaching the topic again.

  12. well finally got ONE phone interview for a job (out of 11+ applications) and the interview was terrible (on their side) and made it really clear to me that i Do. Not. Want. this job. I know I need to get more applications out the door, but whine whine rawr rawr ugh…

    • But it’s great practice, right? And confirming that you didn’t want that job.

    • Good luck on the second one…

      Gah… if there’s anyone who needs luck finding a job, it’s me. Been going through a horrible time the last 3 months in my current job.

      • well i’m feeling really pathetic because I haven’t gotten any interest from any other job I’ve applied for. And I desperately need to get out of my current horrible job.

        • Anon again. :

          I hear ya, sister!

        • I hear you both! I had a phone screen this morning, that I think went well, but I also got a rejection email from another company while on said phone screen. I’m a graduating jobless 3L trying to relocate to be with my long distance bf (who can’t move, or who otherwise would) to SF without an ip background.

  13. virtual shoe shopping? :

    Anyone want to do some virtual shopping?

    my awesome hot pink target ballet flats are starting to look a little scruffy after a year (go figure!). They were only $5 on sale, so I would say I have gotten my money’s worth.

    Must be flat, rounded/almond toe, under $50, leather/suede/other natural animal hide preferred…Any color or print/texture, no preference as to embellishment



    • These are cute, too:

    • Interesting that these are Doc Martens:

    • And one more:

    • i was just on Nordstrom Rack (i mean not just now, because obvi i was working because it’s a work day, of course….) and they have a good selection of flats on sale right now.

      Here’s one pink

      but there are some other fun colors on there.

    • Virtual shoes :

      Wow! Great finds!

  14. Setting boundaries :

    I have a friend who I’m trying to spend less time with since she is self-involved, tiring, and often stressful to be around. She’s currently in town on a trip she’s had planned for months. On two separate days that she’s been here, she has asked the day of or the day before if she can spend the night at my place. I said no both times, which I was somewhat proud of because normally I’m bad at setting any kind of boundary with her, but I still feel kind of nervous about it. Does anyone have any tips for how to set boundaries and keep them with people who take advantage of you, but genuinely don’t seem to see the problem in their actions? My problem is that my friend is basically trying to use my couch (in a small apartment I share with my boyfriend) with last-minute notice for her own convenience and not out of a genuine desire to see/spend time with me (considering she cancelled other plans we had made for her trip). It’s also a bad time for me in general due to stress at work and the need to relax without guests. The reasons make sense in my head, but it’s harder to explain this to my friend in a way that gets across. Any advice would be appreciated!

    • Anne Shirley :

      There’s nothing to explain. She asked , you said no. If she follows up with “why, pretty please , I need you” all you need to say is “sorry, doesn’t work for me.”

      • Setting boundaries :

        She’s the type to follow up with “I’d do it for you. Why does it matter if you’re going to be home anyway?” Being a very conflict-averse person, I find conversations like that really stressful.

        • I say repeat the “sorry, it doesn’t work” line, without added information. Why you can’t is none of her business, regardless of what she would do for you. They go out for the evening, so that if she shows up anyway you aren’t there to be bullied. Ignore any texts or calls.

        • I’m also super conflict-averse, and I try to channel Miss Manners in situations like this. I think, “I’m sorry, we’re not prepared for guests right now” is the best you can do, repeating as the answer to all statements. Don’t give her anything to engage with. If she tried to guilt trip you, “I really appreciate it, but we’re not prepared for guests right now.” I don’t know if this is in person or over the phone, but if possible end the conversation as quickly as possible.

        • Anne Shirley :

          Then don’t have them. She gets one “no,” one. “Sorry just doesn’t work ” and then you move on to “omg must run cat is on fire/dinner is ready “. Just because she’s rude doesn’t entitle her to an explanation. Remember, the goal isn’t make sure she likes you. The goal is have less of her in your life.

    • I believe in being direct with people, so I would probably just tell her the truth. I was in a similar situation with a (guy) friend who kept crashing at my place when visiting from out of town to see other friends. I think he liked staying at my place because it was cleaner and nicer than his frat bros’ apartments but he was really in town to see them. The first couple of times he visited me he was a terrible house guest – didn’t pick up after himself, came home really late and woke me up, etc. So when he asked to crash again (after a long period of not having any contact with me) I told him that I felt like he was using me as a free hotel & I wasn’t interested in having a house guest who was neither interested in seeing me nor cleaning up after himself. He didn’t take it well and it ended our friendship, but it was no great loss to me (and sounds like it wouldn’t be a big loss to you either to lose this “friend”). I think telling her the truth is best, especially if this situation is likely to come up again.

    • What Anne Shirley said. You don’t owe a selfish person who wants to take advantage of you any explanations.

  15. Anonymous :

    I just bought an expensive (for me!) shirt at Macy’s last week – wore it and washed it once, and it already has a small eraser-sized hole in it. It’s Ralph Lauren brand. No tags, but I should have a receipt (paid with my Macy’s card). What are my odds that they will give me a full refund or exchange?

    • Macy’s is a reputable retailer and will very likely stand behind the products they sell, but I would take care of this sooner, rather than later, because I’m not sure if they have a specific policy about returns of worn items. If you bought a shirt, put it away unused for six months, and then the same thing happened, I doubt they’d take it back.

  16. Baconpancakes :

    We’re talking about what we would splurge on given a ridiculous winning lottery ticket as we stood around the proverbial water cooler today at work, and I was thinking a Cartier tank watch with diamonds, but then I realized I didn’t actually like the diamonds on both sides of the watch. Since some of you ladies have serious spending power, I was wondering whether you knew of any similar-quality splurge watches with diamonds on the watch face only?

    Also, what would your ridiculous splurge be if you could buy one outrageous thing? (After paying off any debts of you or your loved ones, purchasing houses, setting up trust funds, investing in a diversified portfolio, giving to charities, and all of those practical considerations.)

    • I would splurge on tons of cleaning help. Like having someone walk behind each of my kids sweeping up their crumbs, every minute of every day.

      • Oh my gosh, how amazing would that be. The ultra-valet. Of course, I’d need someone like that for my husband.

        I would splurge on a vacation home at a beautiful beach near mountains somewhere overseas.

      • That’s pretty much what my dog does. Professional crumb catcher :)

    • The Omega Constellation series has some that might fit the bill. Not sure if they make a tank version.

    • A massive amazing trip. Like a few months in Europe – Budapest – Istanbul, all over the place. Buy expensive wine and food while traveling. And probably even get myself a pied a terre in Paris ;o)

      • oh yeah, and seats in First Class, Pop Pop!!!

        • Sydney Bristow :

          Yes! First class seats and I’d be drinking more wine if I won the lottery.

          Assuming it was one of the bigger jackpots (say $50 million or more) and if I moved out of NYC, I’d also think about splurging on a Ferrari. Then I’d hand over my money to an awesome financial advisor to prevent myself from blowing through the rest of it!

          • Baconpancakes :

            A lot of my coworkers were talking about Ferraris, and other super high end cars, but honestly, living in a big city? That just sounds like a recipe for trouble, not to mention wildly depreciating value. One of my coworkers amended it to say, “I’d get a Ferrari to drive at my estate in the Hamptons.”

          • Sydney Bristow :

            That’s what I think too. I don’t drive in NYC period so it’s definitely a purchase for a different location.

        • I’m with you. Round-the-world trip.

          If I were super duper rich and I could have more than one thing, I would have a Staff and I would never have to scoop a catbox again.

    • a boat, with a fully time employed boat person to sail me from place to place throughout the dalmatian coast.

    • Anne Shirley :

      I would buy something small and tasteful in Scotland, homey and understated like Balmoral.

      • Ha!

      • Excellent, we’d be neighbors! Not super extravagant but there are these converted flats with turret rooms near my work and I’m obsessed with them. They are modern, bright, airy flats built into traditional buildings.

    • I would advance-buy every patterned silk shirt that Equipment will ever make. The deal would be that for each new design they’d send me one in my size from the first batch. (I have never owned even one.)

    • I’d buy a horse farm, and then retrain and rehome ex-racehorses.

    • Kontraktor :

      After all the practical things ? A year’s+ worth of traveling and/or a super shopping spree of Dior and Chanel and similar such items at Harrods.

    • My own island. With people to take care of it for me because obvs I’d be travelling around the world most of the time.

    • Bulgari!! Well, I’m assuming the prize would be hefty:)

      • Silvercurls :

        I think these would break the budget but here goes:

        Create endowments so that kids could attend high-quality child care facilities regardless of need.

        Ditto for higher education (either book-learning or hands-on trade varieties).

        Treat the ENTIRE WORLD to psychological counseling so they get their demons out and can live without harming others.

        Establish “compassionate care” facilities (e.g. kind-hearted prisons) as permanent residences for people who cannot exorcise their demons. Nominated for membership: various brutal world leaders, dictators, would-be dictators, hangers-on, unrepentant murderers, and so forth.

        Search for intelligent life elsewhere in the universe so we can share our newfound model of worldwide peaceful coexistence.

        Take a world tour of historical architecture, botanical gardens, and wildlife preserves.

        Now back to my regular reality.

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