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Coffee Break: Lounge Tote

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black leather tote with belt and whipstitch detailing

Net-a-Porter is offering an extra 15% off select items — including this fabulous tote bag from Toteme. (There are suede versions with an even lower price, as well as handbags and more totes.)

This looks like a great, classic bag — the whipstitch trim is different enough to make it unique and luxe but not so distinctive you can't wear the bag all day every day, and I like the “belt” detail. It's 5.9″ deep, 11″ tall, and 17.3″ wide.

The bag was $1690, and is currently marked down to $1014 — try code FLASH15 on it.

Also: love this red Versace bag with a vintage vibe.

Psst: we just updated our picks for the best luxury bags for work!

Sales of note for 7/3 (Happy 4th!):

71 Comments

  1. what is your preferred messaging platform for things you’re tangentially involved with? an alumni group i’m with uses whatsapp, i’ve heard of other groups using discord and so forth. the whatsapp notifications are kind of annoying.

    1. I don’t join messaging groups for things I’m only tangentially involved with. To me that’s what FB groups are designed for – you can check it or not check it at your leisure, and you don’t get notifications. My husband uses Discord for some pickup sports groups.

    2. E-mail unless you’re a small local group or a friend (then you can text).

      I hate checking group me, band, and the millions of other platforms. I just want to look in one place (and even still, have about 4-5 e-mail accounts I need to monitor).

    3. email, hands down. I train gmail to keep all that stuff out of my primary inbox and then I check it when I feel like it, vs. annoying notifications.

    4. Various groups I’m in use groupme, Slack, discord, and whatsapp. I don’t really have a preference. I guess I would say Slack or Whatsapp is the best. I have been known to mute Whatsapp notifications for a period of time when a chain is particularly active about things I don’t care about.

    6. Discord or Slack or something like that (a group messenger with logging). Email is an entirely different concept to me.

    7. If it js going to be texts, I prefer whatsapp. It’s easy to use, easy for people to join or exit, and easy to mute.

    8. Tangentially? I wait for someone else in the group to tell me important stuff.

      I don’t mind WhatsApp, I turn off all notifications and check it at my leisure. It’s already filed into groups so easy to find info.

  2. I love the World Cup memes and human interest stories. What is an accent (local or from abroad) that you like listening to?

    And if you speak (American) English with a mid-Atlantic accent (so I think I sound like a newscaster — fairly neutral), in what languages do we have an accent that is considered attractive (if any). I took Latin in school and then a couple years of very basic Spanish (which I was told was with Colombian pronunciation, but who knows really?).

    My car’s Siri is an Australian male voice.

    1. Scottish and Australian accents are delightful. I’m from the Deep South (like, my northern husband has a hard time understanding my dad sometimes deep south). My best friend from high school (so, equally southern) married a Scottish guy. I don’t think either family understood half of what the other was saying at the wedding (but it was a great time). I still need to be around him for a few days before I understand everything without having to think about it. Interestingly, neither I nor most of my high school friends have very noticeable Southern accents (someone once told me I sounded like I was from nowhere). My theory is no one on the TV we watched growing up had accents, so it counterbalanced whatever accent we would have picked up from our parents.

    3. Our French friends swear up and down that when Americans speak French, the accent is very sweet and charming. I still don’t really believe them, mostly because the hard American “r” sound sounds so harsh compared to the throaty French “r”.

  3. Has anyone here done a moxi laser treatment with micro needling? I am considering for old acne scarring. The nurse described the downtime as your skin feeling like sandpaper for 5 days and that makes me a little nervous!

    1. I have done, and continue to do, many moxi treatments, but none with microneedling too. I need to stay home for a few days after treatment because my skin looks so bad and I just cannot seem to get sunscreen to apply in a way that it doesn’t just sit on the rough skin as though it wasn’t rubbed in at all. If you can do so, I’d get it done on a Thursday afternoon or first thing Friday morning and then plan to stay home until Monday. By the fourth day, I can put makeup on, even if it doesn’t look completely normal.
      Make sure your provider gives you a thick layer of numbing cream and lets it sit for 30-45 minutes before the treatment starts.

    4. It would look ok on a tall, slim, willowy person who would look good in anything, and anything else would probably look better.

    6. I actively hate it, but I also have hips and couldn’t wear it. I’ve also never been a fan of fabric like that.

    7. I have been similarly tempted but also have stayed away from that style. It might look good with great styling, like a belt, cool hat and shoes, etc but I think it would easy veer into frumpville.

    8. Yeah, if it looks that shapeless on a model, it will do me no favors. But the colors are nice, and it’s probably cool and comfortable so if you like it, try it!

    10. It would work for my no hip figure; however, it would probably stretch out Gm from sitting etc and lose the linear quality of the fabric. So, nope.

  5. present for a very youthful 60 year old woman. $100-$150. Preferably somewhere she can return or exchange easily. She plays tennis and gardens and is generally very vain so thinking maybe products. have bought tennis and athletic clothes before so looking for something else.

    1. It’s kind of a cliche but I love Diptyque candles. They also have hand soap.

      1. Similar, but I’d recommend Hotel Lobby candles. The labels come off really easily so you can reuse the vessels, and the scents are more neutral.

    2. Beauty product from a designer boutique (like Hermes, Chanel, Saint Laurent) so that the gift comes nicely packaged in a bougie gift bag.

  6. Just curious: how much time do you dedicate to cleaning your house (self or others), what’s your cleanliness standards, and what’s your housing situation?

    I’ll start – I don’t mind dishes in the sink or drying as long as the sink is still usable, same with some clutter on the table. But I have pretty firm lines for stuff like no sticky splatters or crummy floors. 2 bedroom townhouse shared with myself, husband, and toddler. I probably spend ~30-40 minutes a day wiping crumbs or counters or picking up floors or dishes or laundry or what have you, and we have cleaners come for a couple hours every 2 weeks for deep cleaning tasks. I think my house is pretty clean most of the time but never spotless.

    1. Daily – probably about 20 minutes total.
      – kitchen fully reset after breakfast (counters cleaned, anything that soaked overnight fully washed, anything that is both clean and dry put away, just-washed items are air drying in the rack)
      – wipe up bathroom counters after yourself, like if I spilled a drop of makeup getting ready, it’s not left to sit there.
      – make bed, but let it air out first – toss the blankets back when we get up; make it when I come back upstairs after breakfast to shower
      – basic tidy of things like mail, putting away any packages/breaking down boxes and putting in recycling

      Weekly – vacuum, wash sheets

      Every other week – cleaner comes and does the bathroom scrubbing, mopping, dusting, general heavier cleaning

      1. The one thing I miss about apartment living is the ability to run 4 loads of laundry simultaneously. With a 4bed/3 bath house just the sheets/towel changeover is 4 loads every weekend, more if it’s the monthly quilt washing weekend.

        1. oh yeah, I should have mentioned above, we are DINKs with no pets. So laundry is about 4 loads a week — towels, sheets, more delicate light colors, more delicate dark colors.

          1. This makes me feel better about the laundry overwhelm as a solo mom with 3 kids! Every night is laundry night, but I know it’s not going to be like this forever.

          2. Best thing I did as a single mom was have two washing machines installed with one dryer. It’s the only way I can keep up.

    2. We have weekly cleaners, and I probably spend about 30-45 minutes a day cleaning (mostly centered in the kitchen, bathroom, and our entryway). I have a very high tolerance for pet hair (2 dogs, 1 cat) and we regularly have tumbleweeds on our floors. I realize that grosses people out.
      On the other hand, I simply cannot deal with a messy kitchen/island or gross smells (litter, food smells, stinky dogs, etc.). The majority of my daily cleaning is ensuring litter boxes are clean, bathroom sinks are clean/uncluttered, toilets are clean/neutral smelling, kitchen counters are clean and wiped down and the kitchen table/appliances aren’t covered in fingerprints/sticky/crumbs/random piles. We also do a load of laundry nightly and I run the air purifier/range hood regularly to air things out. Beds are made daily and I ‘close’ the kitchen nightly though sometimes dishes hang out in the sink overnight if people snack after dinner.

    3. No dishes in the sink for more than an hour or so, but I don’t clean the floors or bathrooms as much as I should. The work will always be there and I want to be outside doing other things.

      “Dust if you must, but there’s not much time,
      With rivers to swim, and mountains to climb;
      Music to hear, and books to read;
      Friends to cherish, and life to lead.”

      1. The correct answer is in the middle – not cleaning at all causes environmental hazards and potentially could cause/exacerbate health problems, spending all your time keeping your house spotless is a waste. And then you can factor in how much people enjoy having a clean space as well. What’s interesting is how everyone prioritizes the time spent and the various tasks. It seems like everyone decided to use air purifiers and give up dusting, and then there’s the constant debate about making your bed or airing it out… And you care about dishes in the sink while OP cares about floors. It’s just interesting to see the contrast in what different people value.

        1. The bit in the middle, for me, has been to simplify and automate things as much as mashed sense. 2 laundry hampers (lights v darks), roomba vacuum, robot mop, robot lawnmower, clean bathrooms before showering so it’s n never a separate task, dishwasher which I can wash almost anything in, combo washing machine and dryer so I don’t have to switch machines, etc. It must have saved days of time over the years!

        2. I don’t disagree in general, but I will say that I have never experienced a known health problem that can be reasonably be attributed to a slightly messy and dirty house. I would NEVER leave, say, animal vomit on the floor (gross) but I don’t think we need to have things spotless on a weekly basis to avoid illness. A little build-up in the shower isn’t my favorite but it’s also not going to harm anyone.

          1. I think it’s more of an asthma/allergy household thing where minor issues with air quality can cause flare ups.

          2. True – we run air purifiers (wildfire country) and that helps a lot. We also shower at night, in part to prevent pollen build-up on sheets (a known allergy trigger), and don’t wear shoes in the house. It helps a surprising amount! I should still dust more than I do but it doesn’t take priority most days.

          3. You’re very lucky to have never lived in a house where people leave the food out and you get lots of mold and pest problems. Go through a college dorm and you will find the people whose lack of cleaning habits lead to biohazards.

          4. Yeah I remember the boys at college sometimes left raw ground meat around the house. Not even confined to the kitchen.

    4. I don’t feel like I spend that much dedicated time cleaning daily but it’s mostly worked into my routines, relatively high cleanliness? Townhouse, myself, husband, small but high shedding dog.
      We always have a rag to wipe down bathroom counter after washing face or brushing teeth, whoever gets up last makes the bed, dishes are done after meal (with reasonable clean up during). One of us usually sweeps the kitchen while the other is doing dishes.

      I used to be a ‘do 1 thing each day’ vacuum/bathrooms/etc person but lately we do a dedicated deep clean sesh over the weekend and actually preferring that. Love having a house that feels fully sparkling clean. I think if we had kids that might change, but we’re just as likely to have plans on a weeknight so the weekend morning clean doesn’t cut into our fun plans.

      1. How much time do you spend on the weekend deep clean? Sounds like it’s in the morning? What do you do when you have plans?

        1. Not the OP, but get up earlier or let it slide a day or to the next weekend seems to be the very obvious answer.

          1. I’m often gone all weekend so there is no “next day” for a dedicated deep clean.

          2. Not the OP, but if we’re away for the weekend, we fit the essentials in on Friday morning (get up early if we have to for a surgical strike) before work / leaving. We can do that max two weekends in a row or it starts feeling like the wheels come off.

            One reason we’ve considered but decided not to buy a vacation house to use for summer weekends – dealing with keeping up two homes would mean actually enjoying neither of them while we were there, lol.

    5. Mid 40s, single, three bedroom/one bath SFH, ~1700 sq ft. No pets currently :(

      I have cleaners who come every other week. Everything else is kind of built into my daily routines. I always wipe down counters (bathroom or kitchen) before I leave the room and I do the dishes every night except if something needs soaking overnight. I sweep the kitchen because I don’t like bits on the floor, but I am a no shoes household so I don’t do much else in the other rooms between cleanings.

      All the first floor rooms must be tidy before bed – things in their places. My home office is tidy enough but there are things about which remain about. My bedroom can sometimes attract piles of clothes and that can go a couple days before picked up. My spare room/makeup room is generally the messiest in the house so I close the door often. Haha.

      I do laundry once a week – clothes, towels, and sheets.

    6. Cleanliness standards – there is no doubt that it is an ADHD household with the laundry lasagna and assorted piles. We have weekly cleaners and generally spend 30 minutes to an hour every few days to clean up various items.

    7. No dedicated daily time, but probably 30 minutes twice a week during the weekday and an hour or so each weekend. It’s usually kitchen, vacuuming, etc. during the weekday and weekend, and once a week switching bed linens, and changing cat box litter. We send our laundry out.

      We also spend about an hour a week watering plants and weeding. Someone else mows.

    8. Different people will interpret this question differently. I don’t consider straightening clutter, loading and emptying the dishwasher, and doing laundry cleaning. I do all those things and others as a matter of course. I have cleaners every two weeks to clean the bathrooms, kitchen, and vacuum/dust etc. So I would say I rarely clean except for wiping up spills, but I’m actually doing a fair amount of housework.

      1. True. I interpret all of these things as cleaning and don’t spend much daily time on it. I’m happy to let it pile up and then do everything at once (1-2 times a week.) I find the idea of daily chores tedious, but the “get everything done at once” more exhilarating.

    9. Single family home, elementary age kids, a small dog that doesn’t shed much. We have biweekly cleaners and tidy up before they come, but otherwise don’t really clean much. We wipe up spills that happen while cooking or eating and occasionally I will notice the stovetop is greasy and wipe it (husband does most of the cooking and has even lower standards for cleaning than I do) but that’s about it.

    10. When the kids were home, wipe the counters every night, dishes done after dinner. while the coffee is brewing in the morning I put the dishes away
      every weekend- probably an hour – they vacuumed the whole house, cleaned bathroom, scrub kitchen sink etc.
      Now that the kids are gone, the cleaner comes every five weeks. I vacuum somewhere in between to pick up the pet hair.
      wipe the counters when I notice. It’s working just fine

    11. Approx 10 mins/day + 30ish minutes on a weekend. I live alone in a 950 sq ft apartment. I’m ADHD so really struggle with clutter, but I don’t mind actually cleaning.

      Between work, social life, hobbies, dating, and travel I’m not home a ton which means either it’s hard for me to make a mess OR I create a tornado as I’m home for 10 mins to change and move on to the next activity.

      I could, of course, clean more (but I change sheets, do laundry, vacuum, and clean the bathroom/kitchen weekly…most weeks), but I’d rather be out living my life.

  7. Long time lurker…I’ve been trying to find a great summer dress or two, and am struggling with something that’s quite tight. Is anyone able to help?

    I’m 5’5” and size 8-10 (US) and am 45 years old. I’ve never dyed my hair but it’s brown (now with grey mixed in). I love the style of the actress who played Princess Leya

    2. I’d look at Tuckernuck. Lots of options for fabulous flowy long dresses – Farm Rio in particular might suit you though it’s a bit $$$.

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