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There's been a number of unfortunate stories in the news lately where travelers have been killed by carbon monoxide leaks — so I bought this little travel carbon monoxide detector for my family and our travels. We often Airbnb places with kids (and sometimes grandparents), and, to be honest, I haven't given two thoughts to whether the carbon monoxide alarms are working in a house. (The ones in our house beep relentlessly if they're out of batteries… which means I can see some traveler disabling them instead of replacing the batteries the way a homeowner might.)
(In at least one of the stories I heard, though, the carbon monoxide leak was at a resort, so this isn't just a rental problem…)
I like that this one is under $25 and can be plugged into an outlet but has batteries in case of power outage. I just got mine so we haven't tested it yet.
Question for those of you who travel more (or are more safety-conscious in general): Do you have a safety checklist for when you arrive at a new place, such as checking whether there is a working fire/carbon monoxide detector, or familiarizing yourself with where the fire extinguishers are? I'll admit my “safety checklist” in the past primarily consisted of more baby-proofing type stuff when we were traveling, such as putting temporary bumpers over sharp edges and using plug-in plastic outlet covers.)
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anon
A friend just suffered a devastating loss, and I’m looking for a meal delivery service that could deliver ready-made meals to their family in West Roxbury, MA. Do any of the Boston readers have any local recommendations? I know of services like Goldbelly etc, but if possible I would love to use someone local for some home-made style meals.
Thanks in advance.
anon
Same OP – a web search led me to Feast + Fettle, which looks like what I need, so if anyone has any experience with this service I would appreciate hearing about it!
Panda Bear
I don’t have any experience to share, but I hope it’s just what you are looking for. How kind of you to organize this for your friend.
luluaj
I recommend the local service WECO. https://wecohospitality.com
Anonymous
+1 to Weco
Anon
I’m in Boston. We received Feast + Fettle after a baby and it was fantastic! Easy, filling meals, in decent portions, with minimal effort required. Wide variety of options. I have coworkers who use it on an ongoing basis as well. Great choice! sending good thoughts for your friend.
Anon
It may be slightly out of their delivery zone (but online says you can call and ask for ones they don’t list!) – Eva’s Little Kitchen is what I’ve used for family members a little further northwest. They are wonderful to work with.
luluaj
another +1 for Eva’s. They’re lovely!
Anon
I’ve been seeing a guy for around three months, and I really like him. The only thing is that his friends often make jokes about him being a dog or having a history of being a womanizer. He is definitely super charming and flirty, and really values success and looking his best. I feel kind of like he’s a prize and a huge self-esteem boost that he chose me to date, but also like I am scared to reveal flaws to him as he is a bit judgmental and a perfectionist. The comments about him being a dog, only going after pretty girls in the past, having no girl be good enough, and making derogatory comments make me worry about this even more. But also, I am kind of feeling like if he is able to be so perfect and controlled in all other aspects of his life (work, working out, maintaining friendships), that maybe he can apply this same type of care to a romantic relationship and be a perfect/controlled boyfriend. Like cheating to some extent would require not being disciplined, so maybe it’s an on-off switch he can apply in terms of looking at and chasing other girls. Is this how it ever works? Could the sleazy thing be a skin he could shed pretty easily, or will he revert once it’s decided I’m no longer new/special? He makes me feel so so special and beautiful and perfect that it’s hard not to feel it’s real, but I also know that this is kind of the MO of guys like him.
Anon
Have you explicitly asked him about these comments? If not, this would be a good time to do so. I have to admit, this gives me pause. The friend comments seem too frequent for there to not be truth to them.
Three months isn’t really long enough to know someone fully, so you may be getting to the point where you’ll start to see the real him. This conversation would be a good way to start to get a glimpse of who he is. Does he make you feel better or brush it all off with platitudes?
Anon
I think you answered your own question – this is his MO and you are right to be wary. No way would I ever date a guy like that.
Monday
I’d take his friends’ comments pretty seriously. When someone’s own friends are warning off their love interests, they’re doing it for a reason. And you’re exactly right that the rest of his behavior lines up with womanizing. Look out for the fact that he’s boosting your self-esteem right now and you think of him as a “prize.” That’s generally how it starts.
Not sure if it was you or not, but someone asked about this very issue recently on this s*te, including the idea of switching “off” womanizing tendencies. I remember mixed responses.
Vicky Austin
Yeah, I swear we just had this question!
Anon
I am starting to feel that any time a poster tries the “asking about a friend” strategy vis a vis a significant other, it’s a red flag that the poster is in too deep and yes there is a serious problem!
Anon
As someone who fell for and married a narcissist, to my eternal regret, please consider you may be experiencing the early stages of lovebombing. It does not last.
Your comment about him being “able” to be perfect and in control of other areas of his life – aka, needing to appear perfect and in control – is also a red flag to me. Proceed with caution. Ultimately none of us are perfect, and ideally you can share your imperfections/ be vulnerable together, and support each other, versus image managing or trusting that your SO will not cheat because it is “messy,” versus true internal values.
Anon
+1
He may be “cured” of womanizing while he’s still head over heels for OP, but the minute he gets bored with her, I’d be very surprised if he didn’t go back to being a “dog.” And he will claim it’s her fault.
Anonforthis
I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone who made me feel bad about myself, or that he was condescending because I wasn’t quite good enough for him. I want to be with someone who is excited about being with me and feels lucky to be with me.
What a horribly inequal relationship from the get go. I think you need to dump him and work on YOUR self esteem. You know yourself, but I’d run away screaming from someone who made me feel bad about myself like this.
Anon
“He makes me feel so so special and beautiful and perfect that it’s hard not to feel it’s real,”
Dump him and save yourself the heartache. That sentence right there? Dump. Him.
Anon
Yeah, I dated this guy just out of college. I had almost forgotten about it until the OP’s descriptions started giving me horrible flashbacks (the relationship was thankfully short-lived). The guy I dated seemed to have radar for going after girls who were in a vulnerable state (had just been dumped, were experiencing some life problems, etc.) and would show up in your life when you were at your weakest point. But the goo-goo-ga-ga honeymoon phase didn’t last, and when it ended he dropped me like a hot potato and the next week it was like we had never even known each other, and I got to see him go through the same romance song and dance with a completely different girl. OP, your gut is trying to tell you something and you should listen. If you can’t look at this as “well, this will be fun while it lasts but I won’t get attached, and when it’s over, that’s fine” I would just dump him and move on to someone who isn’t likely to dump your tender little heart in a blender and hit “frappe.”
Lily
Please grow some dignity and break it off with this guy. His friends, who know him way better and for way longer than you, are telling you he’s not a good guy. It’s clear you feel like he’s somehow superior to you and are flattered he’s dating you, which leads me to believe that when he inevitably cheats on you or otherwise disrespects you, it’ll be hard for you to see him for what he is. So just leave now.
Anon
Yeah, his friends are saying these things in situations where you can hear them for a reason. They’re giving you a heads-up.
Cat
You sound like the poster from last week whose… boyfriend’s friend? had just started dating someone but he had a reputation for being kind of an a$$… and she was wondering if the boyfriend’s friend could change.
The answer was “proceed with caution, sometimes yes these guys commit and marry but continue to be a$$es” and I don’t think you’re going to get a different one…
Anonymous
This post makes my hair stand up straight. Red flags galore! I would absolutely be concerned about these comments. I’m assuming he hasn’t asked them to stop because it sounds like they continue to make these comments.The perfectionist aspect reminds me of my ex. He was great on paper and everyone loved him, especially everyone at work. It was all a show. He wanted to present this perfect image and I definitely did not fit that image. He did tell me he had a temper and I feel like if I didn’t present the image he wanted to his friends and colleagues, he would get angry. I assure you this guy is not perfect. This doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship. I would normally say have fun with a hot fun guy, but I don’t think this is healthy for you.
Also, as far as being disciplined and not cheating, discipline is only relevant when it is something they want. They want to have a great job, great salary, great physique. But not cheating on you only requires discipline if he actually doesn’t want to cheat on you. If he doesn’t care then discipline is out the window!
Anonyous
I married this guy. And then divorced him when I learned he had been having an affair for a year (to someone to whom *I* introduced him).
Explorette
This reminds me of “when people show you who they are, believe them” (or something like that). Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who is judgmental? That can get pretty awful in the long run.
If you choose to stay with him, you should have a conversation about his friends comments. Also, have you talked to him about what your relationship is, where is it going, etc.?
Anon
Are you dating my ex bf?
RUN
Anonymous
Honestly this is so toxic. He’s a prize? You’re scared to have flaws? Your goal is perfection! End this relationship do way more therapy.
TrixieRuby
Don’t expect him to change…he sounds like trouble. Ask him about his reputation, and self discipline does not apply to relationships: loyalty, a sense of responsibility, honesty, and maturity are what create a long term relationship. See what he says, and beware–he is “coming on strong” and love-bombing you to win you over. Ask him if he has ever had a long term relationship. And, if you don’t want to reveal your flaws or vulnerabilities to him–time to dump him. Being intimate is what this is about.
Don’t let your need to be loved get in the way of having 20/20 vision.
Aunt Jamesina
+1 to all these other comments. Look up negging, OP.
Cb
Is there a coffee flask which keeps things hot for 8-10 hours? Like if I made tea before I went to bed, closed the flask, and opened it when my alarm went off, it would still be hot? Roommate would kill me if I put a kettle in my room.
Trying to solve my work city problem (the absence of husband who is in charge of caffeine in the am makes for a slow start)
Anon
A hydro flask would be my bet, though I don’t know if it would be able to manage 8 hours. Thought it might!
Cb
Will test tonight, I thought I had but now I think it was a knockoff zurjishi.
Anonymous
Preheat your thermos with boiling water for several minutes before you add the tea.
HFB
+ 1 on the pre heating and all the yeti recommmendations. Or any of the thermos brand ones with the vacuum “pop top.” I’ve kept coffee reasonably hot over night when camping in 40 degree weather.
Anon
A Yeti can probably do it.
Anon
Yeah a Yeti can probably do it.
Anon
…Why can’t you just make tea in the morning, even without a husband?
Anon
Yeah, why would someone kill you if you put a kettle in your room? The electric ones are quiet. Tea is very low effort. Fill, boil, open bag, pour. Am I misunderstanding something?
Anon
There may be some electric ones that are quiet but they aren’t all quiet. I have a cheap electric one that’s very loud. When it’s running people can’t hear each other talk.
Anonymous
an ember mug?
Anon
The zojirushi thermos can definitely do this.
You probably know this but don’t use the same stainless steel mug for coffee and tea — the tea will be undrinkable.
Vicky Austin
Fascinating! Why is that?
HFB
I don’t know what the person you are plying to meant, but in my experience eventually even a stainless steel coffee mug starts to retain the taste & smell of coffee, unless you really deep clean it with baking soda soaks, , and a mixture of coffee and tea does not taste good.
Anon
Because it will taste like coffee.
Cb
Oh I’ve gone fully British, it’s tea only!
LaurenB
I just bought from SIC Cups, and it keeps my tea hot for a loooong time; I’m really pleased.
Ses
I do this using a Stanley flask/thermos. Get the vacuum flask from their Classic line and you can get 24h (not piping hot but warm)
Cb
Excellent! Need something to cope with these Irish winters.
Ses
Oof even down here in the west country we’re feeling it. I swear the UK winters are subjectively colder than anywhere I lived in the US. It’s just so damp.
Curious
+1.
Ribena
I have an Aladdin brand one that is really good. Happy to lend it if you want to pick it up next time you’re in the city!
Anon
Does anyone remember the red dit story where a guy was asking what to do about his landlord being creepy, and somehow a red dittor was able to correctly diagnose that he was having delusions due to carbon monoxide poisoning? Amazing.
I will try to post a link.
Anon
https://www.iflscience.com/a-redditor-began-finding-strange-notes-they-turned-out-to-be-from-themself-58641
Anon
I can’t find a link without the word red dit in it, which is putting me in m0d, but googling carbon monoxide red dit (with no space) will turn up a ton of links.
Anyway, after I read that, I made sure my CO detector was in good working order! Everyone should have one. Seriously.
Anon
https://twitter.com/red dit/status/1387117409861980160?lang=en
maybe try copying this and taking the spaces out.
Anonymous
*shudders*
man
This reminds me of the time that I’d been getting a lot of headaches and felt really sleepy (for weeks!) and I brought a date home and within 5 minutes he figured out I had a carbon monoxide leak. Sigh…
Anon
omg scary!!
Cb
I had that, luckily my bestie was visiting from DC and could smell it. PG&E came out and condemned my stove. Classic SF rental.
Anon
Did you know they specifically add that odorant to natural gas so that people can smell gas leaks? It would otherwise have no scent.
MagicUnicorn
Carbon monoxide is odorless. It’s not the same as having a gas appliance leaking intentionally odorized gas. The same appliance can have zero gas leaking but be filing your home with deadly carbon monoxide and you would never smell a thing.
Anon
Oh my god I had never seen that before! Simultaneously hilarious and terrifying.
Anon
Original note:
On the 15th of April I found a yellow post-it note in a handwriting that wasn’t mine on my desk reminding me of some errands I had to do, but told literally nobody about. While odd, I chalked it up to something I did in my sleep, thinking maybe in my half-awake state I scrawled it so it didn’t appear to be my handwriting. I threw it out and thought little of it.
On the 19th, I found another post it note on the back of my desk chair, in the same handwriting as the previous note, telling me to make sure I “saved my documents”. I was freaked out, but there were no other signs of a break-in, so I set up a web-cam in my house aimed at my desk and used a security-cam app for it to record after detecting movement.
On the 28th, I woke up to find another post-it note, this one saying, “Our landlord isn’t letting me talk to you, but it’s important we do.” I immediately checked the webcam’s folder on my computer and found nothing from the night before, but my computer’s recycling bin had been emptied, which I am certain I did not do recently, indicating someone had noticed the webcam and deleted the files. (They were just saved straight to a folder on my desktop called “Webcam”.
Today, on the 1st of May, I found another post it note, this time on the outside of my door, with nothing written on it– and there also appeared to be post-its on many other doors in my apartment complex, all blank, in varying colors.
Do I have any legal recourse here? I have no proof except for the post-its, but those are written by my pen and on my post-it notes, so conceivably I could have faked them. Would contacting the police get me into any trouble, if they can’t determine an outside source for this? I just want to make sure I’m not wasting anyone’s time.
Should I consult my landlord? Those also living in the complex?
Anon
response in legal advice:
“You seem sincere and this doesn’t appear to be the plot of a Ray Bradbury short story.
It’s possible that your landlord is leaving notes inside your apartment, but they don’t make any sense in the context you’re describing them.
It’s likely that you are writing the notes yourself, but you are forgetting. Do you use post-it notes as reminders in any other parts of your life or job ?
Yes, this might be a mental health issue. You might be experiencing some sort of dissociative disorder.
Or it might be a physical problem. You mentioned that you have a very unusual narrow bedroom with no windows; is there a chance that you are not getting enough ventilation when you sleep, or that there is a carbon monoxide leak in the building ? A cheap CO detector (which you should have anyway) is a fast way to find out. You’ll also have really bad headaches.
You know your own medical and mental history and your other experiences. If you think these incidents might be you, writing notes to yourself, there’s no shame in getting somebody qualified to give you an opinion.”
Anon
And then the guy said he had a CO detector, and he should plug it in. Lo and behold, it was CO poisoning.
Anonymous
Holy cow. I’ll be honest, I saw this post and thought there’s a solution looking for a problem. After all, I didn’t grow up with CO detectors. So lucky that reader thought to mention it.
Anon
This just happened to a friend of mine. His texts were not making sense, especially as responses. Each text kind of made sense on its own term, but it wasn’t adding up coherently. Another friend recalled that he was just having the heating system in his house redone, and made the connection that it could be carbon monoxide messing with him. It turned out that’s what it was!
Anon
WOW!
Anon
Your friend is so lucky he caught it before the worst happened.
I always think about Weird Al Yankovic’s parents, who both died of CO poisoning in their home. We also had a family of five who died in their house in my city a few years back. Having working detectors is super-important.
Anon
I didn’t know that about Weird Al’s parents. So sad.
But that reminds me. Drop everything and see Weird on the Roku channel. You will thank me.
Anon
Looking for inspiration! Music, podcasts, Substacks, etc. Anything new you’re into lately?
Reddit: I’ve gotten into the Reddits for my city and for The Crown. Also like the female fashion advice one. Simple living is good, too.
Substacks: Morning Person, Embedded, Isolation Journals, Oldster, Maybe Baby, sometimes Atoosa because I’m like 😮 every time I read it
Podcasts: Girl Next Door is sweet and positive. I like their vibe of self-improvement and goal setting. Everything Is Fine is grumpy but sometimes has good guests. Gotten really into Edit Your Life lately.
Sometimes I feel very out of the loop because it seems like everyone who is very online listens to Normal Gossip and subscribes to Culture Study, neither of which really clicked for me! Totally willing to give them another try, though.
Cb
Best Laid Plans might suit? I like Letters from an American for reflective politics thoughts.
An.On.
Not sure if this is what you’re talking about, but my newest word game fix is squaredle (after starting with wordle, briefly flirting with semantle and getting into quordle, worldle, and waffle, haha).
Anonyous
Podcast: Gatecrashers by Tablet. Fascinating backstory that the selective admissions process of the Ivy League only started to keep out Jews.
Anon
Are there any good books about this? I don’t do podcasts but would love to learn more about this.
Coach Laura
The famous book is The Chosen: The Hidden History of Admission and Exclusion at Harvard, Yale, and Princeton by Jerome Karabel.
Anon
Ideas for gifts from a friend in my industry who really came through for me lately? I have no idea what to do. She is late 30s, divorced, lives in Brooklyn, is a writer and has cats (I imagine this is a common demographic!). And she is an awesome person who went above and beyond for me during a tough career phase. Flowers feel weird. Gifts… how do I know what she would like? But cash is also weird. Help?
Vicky Austin
Nothing wrong with flowers, I think. What about champagne or coffee or tea? Maybe with a nice card?
Anon
Okay! You’re right; that would be a welcome gift. Maybe I was overthinking it.
Best way to send champagne to Brooklyn, then?!
AIMS
Google a liquor store near her house and they will deliver. Astor Wines also delivers and has a great selection (google for their web—-).
You can also send her a plant or some baked goods. I’ve been sending people Jeni’s ice cream lately. Lots of options!
Vicky Austin
This one is cute! https://emandfriends.com/collections/thank-you/products/thank-you-for-showing-up-card
Anon
I love that!
Anon
If you’re local, I’d just take her out for drinks! If not, a bottle of wine would be a nice gift, if she drinks.
Panda Bear
+1 to flowers and/or champagne, and a heartfelt card. If she’s a writer the card might be her favorite part of the gift. If only there was a service that would add a few catnip toys in with the flowers and champagne!
anon
Flowers, actually – huge proponent of non-romantic flower gifting. Doesn’t have to be a big enormous bouquet of roses but just something small and tasteful – could even be a touch holiday themed if she is a YAY HOLIDAYS kind of person. Pro tip – I always just check for the go-to wedding flower vendors in an area and order one-off flower arrangements from them.
pugsnbourbon
When I’m buying flowers for someone far away, I call a local florist with good reviews, give them a budget, tell them about the occasion/person, and let them do whatever they want. I’ve always gotten the best bang for my buck this way, vs. picking something off 1-800-Flowers.
Anon
If she has cats, make sure you don’t get any flowers that are toxic to cats. I know for sure that lilies are incredibly toxic, and you might want to give a quick google on other ones. We don’t do flowers at all in our household, as our cats are the sort that both chew on and knock over everything, so they’re just not worth the hassle. Most cats are probably better behaved than mine, but you definitely don’t want to be responsible thousands of dollars in vet bills or killing her pets!
Otherwise, alcohol, coffee, tea, snacks. Random (cheap) thing I really loved recently was the peppermint bark covered pretzels at Trader Joes. They didn’t have their jingle jangle yet, but I also like that- apparently chocolate covered pretzels are just really my thing, the right mix of sweet and salty. I’d be way more excited about somebody giving me that than lots of fancier things.
Anon
Honestly as a pet owner, one of the best thank yous I ever received was a box of high end pet treats.
gifts are hard
https://www.kitnipbox.com/#inside
I am planning on sending this one to my cat-loving friends, at some point…
Anon
. . . and I just did. Thanks for the link.
Anon
Wondering if there are any fellow rosacea sufferers that have advice for me –
First of all, I have a dermatologist appointment, and I can’t get in until Dec 5, though I’m on the waiting list for earlier cancellations (unlikely, they said.)
I have a history of rosacea, the flushing type, with broken capillaries that I’ve treated with laser in the past. I also have a metrogel (generic) prescription that I’ve been using dilligently.
Since September, I have been getting what I was calling pimples all around my inner cheeks and nose. They have white heads. I went to a dermatologist I hadn’t seen before, but I could get a close in appointment, and he said it was rosacea. He then told me I needed to change my lifestyle, lose weight, reduce stress, and stop eating carbohydrates including gluten, sugar, alcohol, dairy, and beans. He said it would cure all autoimmune diseases. He looked like the Winklevoss twins in the Social Network movie, so he creeped me out anyway.
The rosacea got worse, and over the last week, I’ve become a complete mess. I had a video visit with a NP at my primary care physician’s office today, and he prescribed me Finacea, and told me to start taking spironolactone again (I used to take it when I had adult cystic acne, mostly around my chin.)
What would you do? Anything I’m missing? Soolantra? Doxycycline? (internet searches) I feel really ugly and I’m almost afraid to use makeup to cover it because I have no idea what’s causing it.
Anon
That dude wasn’t wrong — similar pizza-erupting rosacea and the only way to cure it is to give up anything that makes life worth living. So I’m trying Azelaic Acid instead. And eating all the curry.
Vicky Austin
I don’t have rosacea advice for you, but that derm is raising my red flags too! Cure all autoimmune diseases by giving up beans?! I thought the defining characteristic of autoimmune diseases was that they were generally incurable, though manageable, even sometimes by eliminating certain food groups.
Anon
He claimed to have cured his own rheumatoid arthritis… and he looked like the Winklevoss twins.
Anon
I know people with rheumatoid arthritis that’s sensitive to diet, but among people I know, the dietary “triggers” aren’t the same from one person to the next. The advice is more “avoid what seems to consistently cause flare ups for you” as I understand it. So I guess that doesn’t seem like much of a testimony to me.
Anon
Rosacea flares are eased by avoiding heat, cold, sunscreen, spicy foods, alcohol and caffeine. I’d rather live with ruddy skin than give all that up. You can’t cure it, but even managing it is a PITA. Meds > lifestyle changes for this condition (for me).
Anon
I wish it were just ruddy skin at this point. It’s pizza face right now.
Anon
Mine flares up if I blush or flush, which I seem to do whenever I experience an emotion and half the time if I witness anyone else experience one as well. I figure if rosacea were treatable, famous people wouldn’t have it.
Anon
I have the broken capillary type rosacea. The best for me seems to be combination therapy which is spironolactone, soolantra, monthly chemical peels, with occasional laser treatment.
Anon
How do you feel about the soolantra? Did you have a tough acclimation period?
Anon
No acclimation period. I felt like I noticed results pretty quickly and if I skip a night, I can tell a difference. I find my skin looks really good when I’m consistent with it.
Anon
Um. Gluten-free diet can cure dermatitis herpetiformis for some people, but lol at the idea that the diet he recommended can cure all autoimmune diseases. I’ve been off gluten, sugar, alcohol, dairy, and beans at the same time before, and trust me, it didn’t cure my autoimmune conditions (or my rosacea for that matter!).
Anon
I have too! I have RA and have done the Whole 30.. if anything, the RA got worse.
Coach Laura
For me, going gluten free did cure my rosacea. I didn’t have dermatitis herpetiformis but nevertheless, the rosacea (diagnosed by 3 different dermatologists over 15 years) disappeared. It probably took 9 months. Can I prove that’s what did it? No.
There are some people who have had their autoimmune diseases lessened by going gluten free. Same with some colitis sufferers. The key word though, is “some” people get remission or reversal of “some” AI diseases. It’s not a cure all.
Anon
Good to know.
Only about 20% of people with Celiac in the United States are diagnosed (I don’t know the stats for other countries). And that’s not even counting non-Celiac gluten intolerance. So it never surprises me when someone has symptoms that resolve on a gluten-free diet, and I do think it can be worth a try.
Rosacea in Aus
I’m in Australia but Beauty and the Bees products helped my rosacea. Deem said to avoid anything with artificial fragrances and alcohol. It’s annoying having to keep products in the fridge as most as preservative-free but small price to pay.
Autoimmune paleo (gluten, dairy, egg, nuts and nightshade free to begin with, then reintroducing one thing back in at a time) was wonderful for me. I was highly sceptical but I found that not eating gluten and nightshades makes my quality of life so much better. I miss bread terribly but it’s never worth it.
Anon
I had a similar experience, where my normal flushing-type rosacea suddenly became inflammatory rosacea, which I mistook for cystic acne for several months before my dermatologist finally corrected me. Doxycycline immediately solved the problem.
s in chicago
Can you get a telemedicine visit somewhere instead of waiting until December 5? I don’t know the name of the service by my social media is always blowing up with some company that does derm prescriptions this way. I’d be hesitant to tell you anything to ease a flare because so many things can be triggers, but a doxycycline Rx can ease inflammation. And that may be enough to carry you through this hump until you can figure out the longer term strategy.
Anonymous
For me antibiotics has been the most effective in terms of meds, then Soolantra if it’s not as bad. Finacea or other brands of azelaic acid does nothing for me, but has worked for others – it’s always going to be individual.
The derm you saw is not wrong about the big picture, though. You can keep putting out small fires short term, but since rosacea is chronic, autoimmune and inflammatory it’s a very good long term idea to identify your triggers to avoid them. It sucks, but yeah, lifestyle changes are a big part of that. So even though he sounded creepy, the overall message is actually a good thing to consider for later.
Stress, diet and weather are very common triggers for rosacea. There’s been some research showing that a few rosacea sufferers are celiacs without knowing it, so it’s a good idea to take a proper test before trying any elimination diets on your own. In addition to gluten, sugars, alcohol and dairy are very common dietary triggers, and it can be very helpful long term to figure out what you are more sensitive towards.
Anon
I started a new job over the summer and negotiated my salary. I was moving to a new city for the job, and I calculated how much I would need and asked for that amount, which was considerably higher than my old salary because I was moving to a higher cost of living area. In order to give me my requested salary, the new company increased the job level/title.
I just went into my HR/benefits profile, and saw the target salary range for my role. My current salary is at the very bottom of the target salary range, like to the exact dollar. The range is $45k wide. Is it appropriate for me to ask at some point if I can be more in the middle of the target range? Am I just SOL because I didn’t know the range when I negotiated? How does this work? I will say that I find myself wishing I had asked for more because my new city is very expensive in ways I hadn’t anticipated.
Lily
When you were in the interview process, did you ask the recruiter/HR screener what the salary range was? Did the job post contain that information? In my experience the screener/recruiter usually offers up the range unprompted and then asks what you’re looking for (or vice versa).
Unfortunately I don’t think there’s much you can really do at this point. Perhaps it will give you a talking point for your next review/bonus/raise cycle.
Anonymous
I mean, you just started and you’re in range. I would say you wait until the next review period comes around. I know people hate this as a concept, but someone has always got to be the bottom…
Anon
I agree that you should wait until your annual review. You asked for your salary and your employer changed the job level/title to meet your demand. Now you want to complain because your at the bottom of the range for the increased job level/title, when you ended up in that level/title only because your demands were met. You are trying to bootstrap this into a higher salary because you don’t like the idea of being at the bottom of your range. Do not ask for more money. Wait for your review, and even then, be careful with the suggestion that you are under compensated unless you took on a slew of duties and responsibilities that were not part of the job for which you originally applied.
Anonymous
It sounds like you got a title bump to get you into the band of the salary you requested.
Eg. If they were hiring a project manager and had a budget of $100-125k and you wanted $130k, they bumped you to Senior Project Manager and put you in the next pay band and $130k.
The right way to hire is to hire them into the bottom 25% of the pay band so they have room to grow in their roles.
So to your question, yeah, you should lobby for a raise at performance review time because your performance has been good. I would not ask for more money just because it’s a possibility in your band. Unless you already came in with Senior Project Manager experience, they already bumped you up.
I’ve run into this a lot in my career. I inherited people that were hired in at the top of the pay band, then annoyed when they didn’t get raises or promotions (too early for a promotion and no raise due to no more room in the pay band). It’s not a fun conversation.
Anon
New hires are normally at the bottom of the range for their job, unless they have some really outstanding or exceptional circumstances. Especially since they bumped you up in title from the job you applied for and interviewed for, I would expect to start at the bottom of the range for the higher role. At my employer, it would be really tone deaf to ask to go to the middle of the range right off the bat.
Anon
If I’m understanding correctly, they were hiring for role X, but you asked for a higher salary than role X allowed. They wanted you, so they changed it to role Xsquared, which has a higher salary band. It sounds like they accommodated you, you got a better title and higher salary than the job you originally applied for. I’d say do well in the role and then ask for a performance bump.
Anonymous
I had to reread this. The company had to give you a new title/level in order to accommodate your salary request and you are at the bottom of THAT salary range, not the range for the job you were actually hired. Sounds like they went above and beyond for you and in all honesty, you’re just not used to living in such an expensive location. Are you actually doing the work of this new job title? If not, I would absolutely keep quiet.
Anon
They increased your title. You’re always at the bottom of the range when you get a new promotion, so you’ll have room for annual raises without having to get promoted again.
You negotiated, you got what you wanted, and you have no grounds for an increase right now.
Cat
I agree with others, you got a title boost to accommodate the $ you wanted, so no, it would not be appropriate to now try to get more $ because of the title boost…. Perform well at your title and then you’ll be able to move up within your range.
Anon
Generally speaking, it’s not going to be a good look if you ask for a raise based solely on this piece of information. Also not a good look to ask for a raise a few months in.
Gail the Goldfish
I’m tried of being cold and we’re only a few weeks into winter, so I think I’m going to use the black Friday sales to improve my cold weather clothing. Recs for favorite warm yet not itchy sweaters? (I can tolerate some very soft wools, but not a lot of it) Bonus points if easy laundry care instructions (like machine wash gentle cycle, regular detergent. None of this hand wash with Woolite nonsense, I don’t have time for that in my life)
Anonymous
Wool socks, from Smartwool.
They also make great thermal wool underlayers that are super warm and machine washable.
Anon
+1 to normal washing instructions!
The only sweaters I hand wash are ones my grandmother knit 40 years ago!
Anon
I wear long underwear under my sweaters which makes me warmer and reduces the need to wash the sweaters, and might also help if you’re sensitive to wool?
Winter
I hate being cold too and I’m increasingly sensitive to wool, even the collars/cuffs of sweaters I’ve owned for years. I’m leaning heavily into base layers, particularly long-sleeved scoop neck shirts. My current fav is Lands End Thermasilks, which are synthetics. (The 100% silk ones, though, are also machine wash. Just pricier.) They feel lovely, keep me warm, and all my shirts/sweaters glide over them.
Anon
The Lands End silk were 60% off recently. These are my favorites because they are thin and keep me warm and other fabrics glide over the silk so it doesn’t give me that grabby, stuffed sausage feel. I can wear the long johns under tailored work pants or under jeans, and no one knows. I throw the long sleeve tee under wool or fleece sweaters, same outcome. Watch for a sale-there should be one this week if not today.
Anon
I just finished getting my winter gear. I also hate being cold. have two of these and love them – KUHL Sienna Sweater. I get them from REI. Turtleneck that has long arm and torso.
Anon
I will repost this tomorrow. So I’m in a situation where my WFH job only takes about 20 hours a week, and only about half of those need to be during business hours. My husband is WFH as well, but a lot more hours and sporadic times of day. We are keeping our 12 week old baby at home, we’ll send her to daycare when she needs it for social development. Essentially I’m a SAHM with a side hustle. My in-laws live in our neighborhood, and most days they come over and take care of her for a few hours. I’m not expecting it to be permanent, but they’re around after work if I need them. Basically my question is: What should I be sure to do with my child everyday besides the basics to make the most of it? What should I be doing for myself to avoid burnout?
Anon
Make sure baby has time on her own to lay on a blanket on the floor to develop the rolling over muscles. That should give you a break.
Try to get out of the house for fresh air, whether that means giving baby naptime in a stroller while you walk, or handing the baby off to dad/grandparents so you can have a break.
I had a colicky baby and then a hold-me-all-the-time baby (but at least he wasn’t colicky!) so I guess I’m mostly focused on the getting a break from baby stuff.
Enjoy this time! Three month old babies are so cute, and it just gets more fun from here.
Anonymous
1. Get outdoors every day.
2. Get out of the house by yourself to do something fun at least once a week. This could be a hobby, exercise class, meetup with friends, anything. No spouse or baby permitted.
Anonymous
Are you actually full time? As in, you’re getting paid for 40 hours a week, even though you are really efficient? I would be really concerned that my employer would not be ok with that set up. As an employer, I would be really upset to find out my employee had effectively no childcare.
OP
Yes, I’m employed full time. Please trust me when I say this is not an issue. It’s a very unique situation. I don’t share my childcare plans with my employer.
OP
Also wanted to add I’m an exempt employee
Anonymous
I’ll trust you on that, but I also frequently see now that people who WFH are having to confirm to their employers that they have full time care. We have done that at my office.
Anon for this
It’s an unpopular opinion here, but I’m in a similar situation. My kid is older though. It’s definitely a unicorn situation, but I think it will be good for both you and baby. Part time preschool once the baby is 2 or so will be good for socialization.
Anon
My employer has a specific policy requiring that the employee have childcare for kids under x years when WFH. Be sure there is nothing like this.
Anan
Find a friend tribe, mom friend or otherwise, so that you can have regular adult conversation.
OP
Oops thought I posted on the Moms page
Anon
At this age your kid doesn’t need anything specific. My professor husband worked from home and was our child’s primary caregiver from 3-11 months. He spent a lot of time taking meetings with her on his chest in a carrier or working while she did tummy time on an activity mat nearby. It worked really well for most of this time, but got harder toward the end of the 11 months when she was getting very mobile. We’d planned to have a nanny starting then anyway, because he had to go back to teaching in person, but if we hadn’t we would have had to line one up soon because taking care of an immobile baby while working is very different than taking care of a mobile one.
As for self care I think you kind of have to play it by ear and see how you’re feeling, but definitely don’t be afraid to make time for yourself.
Anon
So you have a full-time job that requires you to work only 20 hours/week, in-laws nearby that pitch in to help with childcare and you are worried about burnout? Maybe try being grateful for it?
Walnut
Even if you don’t need childcare today, I would still be on a waitlist for your preferred place. You never know when your current situation may stop working out.
Anon
I picked the Flannel Poncho Scarf for Women from Old Navy on sale last week and it’s already a hit. Very soft, pretty warm and cute enough. Will definitely be a staple at work for me.
Anon
Has anyone ever stayed at The New Yorker hotel in NY? I’ll be attending an event at MSG and want to stay somewhere decent and close without breaking the bank. They are offering a good rate the night of my event and I love the 1920’s, so it looks fun. But I’ll have an older family member with me so I’ll feel bad if we get there and it’s old and gross.
Anon8
Can’t speak to the New Yorker hotel but as far as reasonably priced and close to MSG, I really enjoyed staying at the Arlo Midtown.
Anon
I haven’t stayed at the hotel, but the Italian restaurant right on the corner is worth a visit.
Sunflower
Regarding the carbon monoxide alarm: I was staying at a resort in another country that had fireplaces in the rooms. I used the fireplace and then went to bed. During the night I had a vivid dream that I was underwater but couldn’t come to the surface. I struggled under the water. I finally woke up to the carbon monoxide alarm in the room beeping and repeating the words Carbon Monoxide! Carbon Monoxide! There was obviously something wrong with the fireplace. If that alarm hadn’t been in the room, I would probably be dead. Carbon monoxide alarms for travel are a must!
IL
+1
I had this happen (minus the vivid dream) at the Waldorf Astoria in Chicago. Lit the fireplace, let it run for about an hour, and then had a surprise visit from building security when the CO alarm started ringing loudly. He scolded me for running the fireplace for longer than 15 minutes! Apparently it’s just supposed to be ornamental.