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Splurge Monday’s TPS Report: Cerritos Ponte Sheath Dress

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Trina Turk Cerritos Ponte Sheath DressHappy Monday! I love a good ponte sheath dress, and I love the split neck here — it's flattering but still covered up. There's a hidden zipper in the back, and the dress is fully lined. It's $268, and comes in two colors (navy and bright plum); it's available in sizes 0-14. Trina Turk Cerritos Ponte Sheath Dress Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-2)

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And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

154 Comments

  1. That model looks really petite to me…methinks this dress is too tiny for tall ladies!

    1. Yay! Pricey Monday’s! I love Pricey Monday’s and this sheathe dress! But as the OP say’s, me agree’s that she is VERY svelte and there is NO WAY I could get my tuchus into this dress without busteing out at the seam’s! FOOEY! Mabye Rosa can pull this one off, but NOT me! DOUBEL FOOEY!

      But anyway, I am back from Pitsburgh and am wearing one of my new Schrunchie’s! These are great! I finaly figure’d out what was goieng on with all the beard’s there. They have a hockey team and they are playing the Ranger’s, so when I was at the airport, a bunch of scruffy guy’s started talkeing to me and told me they are rooting for the team by NOT shaveing. I wonder if the webhead’s in NYC are rooting for some team I am NOT aware of. When I told these guy’s I am from NYC, they said they would be heading for NYC because they are Pitsburgh Penguin Fan’s. I did NOT think Penguin’s were very macho — they just waddel around like Rosa did when she was pregenenant, so why Penguin’s? They said b/c they live up @ the North Pole, and can swim and skate on the ice. They wanted to know if I was MARRIED or was dateing anyone in Pitsburgh, so I said NO and one big scruffy one (Butch) said “I would MARRY you if you could cook”, and I said he was lucky b/c I onley knew one dish (Wedding Chicken), and he said that was good enough for him. So he got my # and has been texteing me ever since. FOOEY! That guy need’s a shave and is onley 24 and does NOT even work. How old does he think I am anyway? I did NOT tell him. So Butch is comeing to watch his team this week, and I said that mabye I would meet him and his scruffy freind’s for dinner b/c they are playing near to here — Madison Square Garden. I told them I do NOT get drunk, and they seemed sad about that. I remember in college when my room mate got drunk, they wound up wakeing up in some dorm, all covered with beer and smelley, and she lost her underwear, which the guy’s hoysted up the flag pole in the quad. How embarasing was that! TRIPEL FOOEY!

      1. You are so right not to drink with men. Many college women get date raped and they were so drunk they don’t even remember it happening. Men like that should be neutered.

    2. It would hit me 2-3 ” above my knee, which I personally don’t like. I think it also depends on whether you carry your height more in the torso or in your legs. I am short waisted, so though I am just 5″4 , I need 39-40″ length for dresses to hit just below the knee, which is my preference.

    4. It’s 35.5 inches which would be much too short for me to work. At 5’4″, I never thought I’d see a time when I complained about hemlines being too short.

  2. This dress is lovely. I’ve actually been looking for something similar to this but with sleeves (short, 3/4, or long) for a while. Does anyone have any suggestions?

    1. I bought a Boss Black dress in turquoise a while ago and it had three quarter length sleeves. I machine wash it though it is supposed to be virgin wool and it is good as new.

  3. Two brief nonfiction book reviews for anyone interested:

    Otherhood by Melanie Notkin: A memoir/manifesto on women in their 30s and 40s who are single and have no kids. The author is partly a spokesperson for this market segment, but is also speaking about her own experience of realizing around mid-forties that while she always wanted and planned to get married and have a family, it might not happen. It’s repetitive and not always terribly deep, but I stuck with it and actually found that it got more compelling as it went on. I admire her openness about her grief and self-doubt, but what really stuck with me is her way of speaking about the major life dreams we have that simply may never come true despite all our best efforts. My personal case it’s actually the opposite to hers–I ended up with an amazing husband, to my great surprise, but my career is a flop compared to what I envisioned for myself. Getting over that has been/continues to be a similar struggle, and the analogies are closer than I realized.

    The Conflict by Elisabeth Badinter: She’s a French feminist philosopher and this book is about “modern” expectations for motherhood, particularly the emphasis on all that is “natural” (maternal instinct, breastfeeding, theories of bonding and so on). She’s indirect about it, but the argument is basically that most of this stuff is mythical and has developed only over the past few decades; previous ideals of motherhood were much less constricting to women. It’s focused on French society and many other examples are from other European countries, so that’s both refreshing and a bit less relatable (to me as a US reader). I’d say the most valuable content was findings on adults who have chosen not to have kids or who privately regret having kids–this stuff is not widely publicized and I follow the subject informally but had never seen it elsewhere.

    1. Thanks for the recommendations. I read a profile of Badinter in The New Yorker last year and bookmarked “The Conflict” but never got around to it. Sounds like a compelling read.

      I hadn’t heard of the other book, but it sounds like something I’d love to check out. I feel the opposite of you, Monday — my career is going well, but my personal life is not where I’d hoped it would be. Adding both to my to-read list!

      1. I read the same profile of Badinter and thought it was a really compelling argument she makes: that the quest for organic, all-natural everything, with reusable diapers and co-sleeping and breastfeeding till the kid is walking is also a giant hindrance on women being able to succeed in their careers.

        1. That’s true, and even for women who aren’t career-driven, these things take a ton of time and are often a privilege of being wealthy, even though they’re sometimes presented in a moral light, as though if you are a good person you will hand-grind organic vegetables which you grew in your garden for your baby’s food.

        2. Yes, I often think that the resurgence of a societal emphasis on highly intensive mothering reflects, to a certain extent, anxiety regarding women’s increasing prominence in the workplace. If “good” mothering requires bf-ing to one year, organic washable diapering, making all your baby food yourself, co-sleeping, babywearing, etc., it’s challenging to reconcile that with full-time out-of-home work (of any sort).

          I think that there is a certain amount of societal comfort with the narrative that being a working mom is damaging to children (because they need all of the above to be okay! and a third-party caregiver can’t do that like a mom can! and obviously it has to be the mom, not the dad!). I’ll never forget reading a profile of Caitlin Flanagan in which the journalist profiling her got a call during the interview from the nanny because her daughter’s goldfish had died, and CF was basically like, “See, you should have been there.” Because g*d forbid the child should suffer through the traumatic experience of goldfish death with nothing more than the tender mercies of a non-related caregiver.

          But as we’ve discussed on this site before, “love your kids, do your best, and eschew guilt” isn’t a clickbait headline.

        3. I did most of these things with my two children (breastfed for 2 years with one, 3 with the other, co-slept, made baby food, used cloth diapers) and also worked full-time as an attorney. What has made all the difference is having a committed, fully engaged husband. He also works, but has much more flexibility and so he takes care of the children during the day while I am at work and then works mostly evenings and sometimes weekends. It is a difficult schedule, because we don’t have that much time together, but it is an arrangement that we feel works best for our children and our family.

  4. How do you accessorize a split neck? All I can think of is a small pendant and the chain will be partially covered up.

    1. Awesome earrings and/or bracelet would be my choice. Let the neckline of the dress speak for itself.

    2. I have a dress that has a split neck similar to that and I typically don’t wear my normal charms and stick to a flashier pair of earrings I own. I’ve also paired it with longer chains, but I’ve moved away from that recently.

        1. Yeah, I guess I was assuming that the OP was using champagne as shorthand for sparkling wine. Could be wrong, of course.

    2. Perrier (the yellow label) usually has bottles for less than $30. I’ve also seen Moet and Mumm for less than that as well.

    3. Is this for you or for a gift? You could get a nice bottle of prosecco for around $15-20. Or if you have a Costco liquors near you or some other discount wine store, you can usually get a bottle of Veuve Clicquot for around $35-38. FYI, you don’t need to be a Costco member to shop at their wine store.

      1. Not necessarily true. In the DC area, the wine, beer, liquor is in the regular warehouse.

    5. Must it be true champagne? In domestic sparkling wine, I like Gruet, Schramsburg, and Iron Horse.

    6. Domaine Chandon also has some good value sparkling wines. On the (very) cheap end, I also love the Presto Prosecco at Whole Foods. It’s my nighttime bubbly during the summer.

    8. Sparkling wines are my drink of choice, so I have done a fair amount of research on the reasonably priced options available. I prefer my sparkling wine to be on the dry side, and taste like it costs more than it does! If you aren’t married to Champagne, and are just asking for sparkling wine recommendations, I’m convinced that Gerard Bertrand – Cremant de Limoux is the best deal around. Next, I would recommend Jeio prosecco. It’s from a town in Italy called Valdobbiadene, and most proseccos in that region are really good. If you can’t find Jeio, anything from that town is usually a safe bet. Both of these options should be just under $20.

    9. Thanks for all the recs so far everyone! I am going to print this out. I am leaning towards actual champagne because its a gift. But I want something that just symbolizes a festive spirit

  8. Sorry for the immediate TJ! Dinner with my best friend this weekend devolved into her critiquing my cautious approach to commitment, and eventually her reminding me that she disapproves of my 3-year relationship that admittedly started out rocky, but has since become really great. After changing the subject to an upcoming event and asking for her help in ideas for a venue, she informed me I was too nit-picky and obsessed with making every detail of events perfect, and I simply couldn’t have what I wanted. After another half hour of this, I got fed up, I told her she wasn’t being supportive of me at all and just critiquing and disapproving of everything, she disagreed, we fought, and I left.

    I know she usually gets critical when she’s unhappy in her own life, but it feels really personal when she (helpfully, I’m sure she believes) reminds me how much she disapproves of what I want and how I live my life. Any suggestions for handling her criticism and deflecting her comments so she turns back into my opinionated but reasonable bestie?

    Also, any idea how to resolve this particular fight? When I was leaving, she said, “I have opinions, and I’m going to tell you them, and if that’s a problem, I don’t know what that means for this friendship we have.” She can hold a grudge, and tends to think she’s right until proven otherwise, so I’m pretty sure I’m the one who’s going to have to call. Is there any way to start a dialogue without feeling like I’m crawling back with my tail between my legs?

    1. This sounds really difficult. It seems to me that her confrontational style is more the issue than what she’s actually saying. Could you talk to her about that? I think there’s a place in friendship for a friend to express genuine concerns, but it’s more that she’s being aggressive and disapproving instead of coming from a place of caring and concern.

    2. So, I’m a pretty blunt opinionated person, and I think she has stepped well over the line here. I think you handled things pretty well. And the answer to her question is, it means if you’re going to be mean to me, I don’t know what kind of friendship we have either.

      But, best friends are important, and for me that means sometimes just forgiving them when they are mean. Do you need to start a dialogue about this, or can you sit with it for a few weeks, and see how it feels then, knowing as you do that she is critical because she is unhappy? And maybe call and invite her to grab a drink, and see how it goes, and remind her when she says something judgy “ouch! That hurts!”!

      1. I really liked this. Sometimes we all have bad days, and a true friend wouldn’t immediately write off someone as toxic. (Not that that’s what is happening here, but I have seen it happen.)

    3. Huh. I have to say, I didn’t make it all the way through your post, because your friend annoyed me to death. By the third thing she said you did wrong, I was over it. Good grief. I do value advice and opinions from friends, even when it hurts. But there is a big difference between tough love and criticizing every little thing you do. She can’t possibly think you are really wrong about everything, and if she does, she needs to move along.

      I just went back and finished reading what you wrote. If this is unusual behavior for her, maybe something is going on in her life that she is unhappy about? That often makes people critical of everything around them.

    4. It’s not clear to me from what you wrote whether your friend is ALWAYS trying to critique you and disapprove of you, and/or whether there is good reason for that and if she is doing it in a constructive way. If that is indeed the case – you feel that she is trying to always bring you down for no good reason – your dialogue needs to focus on that, apart from the merits of any opinion or critique she is trying to offer. I’d try to meet up and explain that you feel that she is being too negative and unsupportive in your relationship in general, and you wish your conversations would not always focus on a critique of you.

      That said, she does have a point that best friends are in fact there to help you be the best “you” possible – and that doesn’t always involve blindly supporting whatever decision you make. I’ve been in a position where a friend has been in a relationship that is terrible for her that I simply couldn’t be supportive of, even when she insisted things were “better.” Granted, there are better ways to go about this than others, so it’s ok to address the form of her criticism. But if she’s really your best friend, I’d try to give the substance of what she’s saying some consideration as well.

      1. +1 – one of my close friends always complains about the exact same issues in her life, and does nothing to change them. I can listen patiently for a while but eventually give advice that falls into the tough love category. If she’s your best friend consider that there may be truth to what she’s saying to you.

        1. I did listen, which is why if my relationship doesn’t reach a certain milestone by a certain date, my boyfriend knows it’s over. Since we set the deadline, we’ve been much happier (the rocky start was depression and emotional unavailability, btw, which therapy and life changes have pretty much eliminated), but my friend can’t seem to hear that the relationship has progressed.

          After the last time she explicitly told me I was making a bad decision to stay in the relationship, I’ve also stopped asking her for advice on the topic. Her criticisms came up completely unsolicited, and that’s what makes me think it’s more related to her own unhappiness than any actual concern for me.

          1. Hmm – I’m voting for actual concern here. Depression and emotional unavailability don’t get fixed overnight, even with therapy, and the fact that you have an ultimatum going that’s “fixing”‘things now doesn’t sound like you’re in a good relationship. Maybe she’s just saying things you don’t want to hear because you know she’s right. Doesn’t sound like her unhappiness.

          2. The above two Anon comments, suggesting the friend has a point, are my hunch as well. I’m sorry, OP. However, this doesn’t mean your friend gets a pass to be endlessly critical and set ultimatums of her own, about your friendship. Having been in a similar position to hers, I wonder if she feels like continuing to have these conversations is compromising her integrity–making it seem like she supports something that she thinks is terrible for you. With more maturity and strength, she would have told you this and taken distance if needed, as opposed to playing the broken record.

        2. Thanks for the concern. I don’t really want to go into the situation here, but I’m happy with where we are right now (when I say great, I really mean it), and sad but determined about the steps moving forward. I’m not conflicted about anything, not asking for advice and haven’t been complaining about my relationship for a good 6+ months. If it is out of legitimate worry, I wish my friend could bring up her concerns as calmly and non-aggressively as you guys are here.

          1. I had this friend. Had. She loved to spew negativity under the guise of concern, well past the point of making me want to examine whatever she felt was wrong at the time. She treated our mutual friend even worse because they had a longer history. Once I got to the point where I never wanted to share anything happy with her because I knew she would pick it apart, I started the drift (made easier by geographical distance).

            A close friend gets one or two statements of concern, a best friend gets more. No one gets to rain on your every parade. Or make you cry in bars over stupid stuff.

  9. Any can’t-miss ideas on a drive from Las Vegas to Phoenix? Grand Canyon is already on the to-do list but thinking of other possibilities. TIA!

      1. Yes yes yes, the Hoover dam! Take the tour! We did this with our daughter in a backpack carrier – 20 years ago almost exactly.

    2. Are you stopping in Sedona? We stopped there for the the natural red sandstone formations, and I think there is also an artsy/touristy scene if you are into that.

  10. Quick gift TJ: my best friend is graduating from medical school soon and will be entering her residency program shortly after. We’ve been friends for over 20 years and she is like a sister to me, so I’d like to get her a nice piece of jewelry to commemorate the occasion. She likes David Yurman, but rings are out because she 1- has a few of them already and 2- will probably avoid wearing rings at the hospital due to hand washing.

    This is my current top choice, but I’ll post two more options in the comments:

    #1: http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/david-yurman-oval-link-bracelet/3662615

    3. oo pretty! I really like your first choice. Just a thought though – I find bracelets to be really difficult to wear during the day – I have typing issues but I also feel like they can be really distracting because they move around so much. What about a necklace?

      1. Second this. I think a necklace would probably be your best bet. There are a lot of options with jewels, but I really like the initial one, which seems to be in your price range.

      2. Thanks! She is definitely more of a bracelet person, and I know her parents are giving her a watch for graduation so I wanted to get something that she could pair with it. Worst case scenario she can exchange it, I’m not sensitive about that kind of stuff and would prefer she has something she loves.

        The initial necklace is pretty, but unfortunately not available in her letter!

        1. Would she be less of a bracelet person when she graduates med school and has to wash her hands/arms 600 times a day?

          1. Ack, good point. I don’t know how much scrubbing she’ll have to do since she’s not in a surgical program… but still something to consider.

    4. I’m wondering whether a necklace would be a better choice than a bracelet, especially a bangle? I can see where that might get in the way or a bangle might fall off or be irritating. For me, working at a computer, I find a chunky bracelet irritating.

      1. +1 to all the people who said a chunky bracelet or bangle is irritating to wear during the day. Watches are different IMO since they are generally flexibly molded to the wrist, the strap is flat and they don’t move independently. Add in the handwashing concerns and I’d go with a necklace.

    5. Earrings? I can see a bracelet being as problematic as rings for handwashing reasons.But you know here and residency isn’t forever.

  11. FASHION ALERT:

    I saw a girl this morning wearing BLACK LACE SHORTS and BLACK SHEER TIGHTS and COGNAC COLOR LACE-UP OXFORDS!

    BLACK LACE SHORTS, y’all.

    1. OK? honestly it sounds cute. People have different fashion tastes. Unless you are her supervisor and its inappropriate I dont get why you are on a website talking about her?

        1. I’m thrilled when I see people getting creative and even taking risks with their outfits. I’m also big on the principle that if you’re not well compensated for looking a certain way, you don’t have to!

      3. Yep, and here’s a newsflash – not everyone works in a fashion frumpy environment. Some of us have jobs where we don’t wear skirts below our knees and all the things from Lands End (thank god).

        1. I’m sure some will perceive your comment as kind of b*tchy, but it made me laugh. I am sometimes bemused by the pearl-clutching over “short” dresses, too crazy/memorable prints, and pants that show you have a bottom.

          But my workplace is pretty laid-back about clothes, so what do I know? Now that it’s finally getting warm, I will be bringing back into rotation my cardigan printed with beetles.

          1. I also thought it was funny, not b*tchy, and I work in a pretty conservative environment. That said, conservative doesn’t have to be frumpy!

          2. I also like the sound of that outfit, although I’ve never managed to get shorts + tights down myself.

            And YES to everything else.

        2. Maybe?

          Are they high-waisted? Pleated? Really short? Not really short but you cuffed them a few times to make them shorter? Lace-up? Ladies: the devil is in the details, especially with leather shorts.

    3. I hope she was also wearing a black lace blazer to show she’s both professional and quirky, well-soled cognac lace-up oxfords to show she’s flexible and on the move, a pen necklace to show that she’s always ready to start working, and she was on her way to rock a Creative Job Interview, because Lucky Magazine can’t always be wrong. Right?

      1. OMG too right!

        [Seriously, what is with the crankiness today? And but for the oxfords, I’d think that this was something that the wearer had had on the night before. Unless they were wearing the aforesaid jacket. But, IDK, I like black lace shorts, but I don’t think I like them with hose; I think that it’s more of a bare-legged look.]

        1. +1. IDK who these commenters are but shorts and tights are not okay! I lived that in the 90s and it wasn’t good then either!

          1. I think they might be back. One of my younger coworkers has been wearing shorts & tights. She’s the only one so far, but she is also the only one with the body for it.

          2. I pulled off this look 10 years ago and it was awesome. Growing up has lots of new fun things, but shorts and tights are a type of fun reserved for the young. They should enjoy it while they can!

          3. I like it, though it is a younger look to be sure and not one I would rock myself anymore.

          4. They’re back. This isn’t rocket science y’all–pick up a fashion magazine or go read a fashion blog that skews young, trendy, and casual.

            Also. Call me cranky/the word police/ the fun police/the reason why this site has run down due to my constant refusal to be Fun and Take A Joke, but I will never be down with randomly criticizing people for having a different style than I do. If she walked into your business formal or business casual office wearing that, I’d still think it was rude to post about it (does anyone remember the time someone made a mean, can-you-believe-she’s-wearing-THAT post, and it turned out the woman in question was a lurker? who was understandably devastated? let’s talk inappropriate people), but I could kiiiind of see it…but seriously. Y’all don’t know where this girl works, where she was going, anything.

          6. This look was all over London when I was there last month. Literally half the women under 30 were wearing shorty shorts with tights. I thought it was cute (although it was definitely weekend wear).

        2. ? I think criticizing the apparel of random strangers who could be going anywhere is crankier than saying the outfit sounds potentially cute and appropriate.

          2. +2
            Criticize the look/trend all you want, but no need to call out a particular outfit you saw on a person in real life (versus in Lucky) like this. Too mean girls.

        3. A coworker of mine wore tiny floaty skirt-like shorts to work the other day. I would have VASTLY preferred it if she had tights on, but no, I got to see nearly the full expanse of her bare thigh. Did not want.

          On the street? Sure, fine, go on with your bad self, but at work, I found it a bit much.

      1. Yeah. They aren’t for me, but I’ve definitely seen people wearing them for a while.

    6. Diana – I agree with you; it’s not for me, either!

      Anon at 11:11. – Ick. Don’t be mean. It’s Monday and we all have a long week left. The least we can do is not dig on each other. That’s one thing that’s even *less* fashionable than Land’s End (thank god).

        1. It’s a good question. Here’s my own reading (feel free to disagree, of course). I read Diana’s comment to be more like, “WOW! I don’t get this fashion!” and Anon’s comment to be a direct attach on the OP (and a reference attack to anyone on this site that talks about Land’s end), and also seemed very personal — e.g., “here’s a newflash” (i think that always means — here’s something you don’t know that’s so obvious, but you clearly don’t know obvious things); and “not everyone works in a fashion frumpy environment” (seemed to me that this suggested that the OP, or others, therefore do work in fashion frumpy environments); and I understood the Lands End quote to be a reference to some folks on here that often refer to LE. Here’s my view — maybe both were mean. I don’t know. But, let’s just decide not to be the snarks that make true the stereotypes about groups of women. Maybe the OP was mean about some women she never met who isn’t here to have been subject to her meanness (though, I guess she could be). I didn’t take it that way, but I see your point. But, is being snarky back what we want to foster as a group? Please someone tell me the answer is no.

  12. I had a few rounds of interviews a while back and haven’t heard anything one way or the other. I have decided it’s appropriate to email HR and follow up. However, I’m not sure how to word the email. Writer’s block has gotten me to: “have you filled the position or am I still being considered?”. Suggestions for specific wording? I know I should be able to do this but I’m floundering. Thank you!

    1. I’d word it as checking in, wanted you to know that I’m still very excited about the position, etc.

    2. I’ll be very interested in the responses you get. Unfortunately, my experience has been that no response is very common and usually means you didn’t get it. Hopefully, someone has magic word that make them reply (with an offer!). I read a blog last week that said once you have interviewed and followed up, assume that you did not get the job and move on. I too readily get invested in an opportunity and do not keep building my funnel.

      1. Sadly, my experience is in line with yours. I have been assuming I didn’t get the job and am ready to move on with other projects (that would make accepting this position impossible) but before I do I have decided to follow up because 1) they said they would notify me either way and 2) their timeline has changed over the course of a few rounds of interviews so I suppose it could have changed again (normally I’d be wary if this happened but their explanations have been sound).

      2. My philosophy is it isn’t over until you’ve heard “no” but do not stop pursuing other options in the meantime. I’ve gotten jobs I’ve interviewed for as long as 9 months earlier and as quickly as 2 weeks. I’ve hired for jobs similarly quickly and slowly. Hiring can just be complicated, and contingent on a lot of internal concerns and issues. I don’t think you get anywhere by “checking in” – they haven’t forgotten about you. The only time I’d do that is if you get a competing offer and would really prefer another job you interviewed for. In that case, call the people who interviewed you (not HR) and tell them what’s up. It may result in an offer if you’re the top pick and something else is going on. And it may not, but at least it’s a real reason to check.

    4. I’ll say this, I interviewed for a job, didn’t hear for a month, checked in and was offered a second interview. Did the second interview, didn’t hear for another month, checked in again, and the process was still ongoing. Annoyingly, it was 6 months from the day I applied to the day I was offered the job (5 months of interviewing/waiting) but I got the job. It did prove to be a sign of how the department operated but it was the perfect transition job for me so all’s well that ends well! And I was commended for following up! Good luck!

  13. I told my sister-in-law a couple of months ago that we are planning on TTC beginning in June. She brought it up as we were walking to dinner with the entire family, which was admittedly a bit weird but I was fine with it. I know my MIL and FIL will be over the moon and back when I get pregnant. My husband is a very private person. He is now super pissed at me because I told people were will be TTC and he feels that it’s no one else’s business. He says I violated his privacy.

    Did you tell your closest friends and family when you decided you were TTC? Or were you just totally private about it?

    1. We haven’t TTC’d so I can’t answer your question. However, I do think that this is something that both parties need to be on the same page about, so if you told your SIL w/o discussing with your husband whether or not you’d be telling people you’d be TTC, I totally get why he’d be pissed.

      Telling people vs. not telling people is a personal choice but I do think communication is key here so that you’re both on the same page.

    2. Nope, I didn’t tell anyone. I told my friends later that we had had to try for a while, usually when they were also struggling to TTC.

    3. Doesn’t really matter what anyone else did, it’s personal and he also gets a say. I wouldn’t endorse him forbidding you from talking with your loved ones about something that you need help with, but if all that’s going on is you’re going to start having lots of sex with no birth control, I think it’s completely reasonable of him to feel like that’s an intimate part of your marriage not for outsiders to know about.

      1. I was like with with having a miscarriage. For a while, I could not even talk about it. I can, a bit, now. But I was livid when my husband told his ex (who is the sort to rejoice over this) in the context of why we didn’t immediately tell her we were expecting when I was pregnant again. It’s his loss, too, but it was also my medical history (and also: vile person hearing it versus someone who cared about us and wished us well).

    4. For some people it is not about the “we are going to have kids” part they want to keep private. It is that ttc = having sex and some people are from families where that is NEVER discussed. For people not from sex-positive families, having a “doing it” sign hanging over your head is mortifying.

      1. Aside from such hangups – there are other reasons someone might not want to discuss TTC – like not wanting to be inundated with pregnancy and baby advice before you even start trying. And even if he’s 100% on board about having kids, it’s a major life change and he may just want a few months to get more used to the idea.

        I do agree that talking about TTC when struggling with infertility is different. The need for emotional support is profound.

        1. Not to mention the difference between talking about something that isn’t happening yet vs. talking about something that has been going on w/o the desired result.

    5. I only told one person – the friend who I have regular wine dates with, as a way to try to broaden our outings. DH has not told anyone to my knowledge. So many of our friends have taken a long time, and neither one of us wants to field questions if it takes us a while too.

      1. I think he is justified in being irritated in this case, but this affects both of you, and while it’s not fair for you to treat it as 100% public, it’s also not fair for him to require you to keep it 100% private. I think your post is a good reminder that it’s a good idea to talk about how public you both are ok with it being, and if you want to keep it fairly private, set rules for who you each can talk to about it (and you might want to tell the people you tell that the info is not for further sharing). I haven’t been there yet, but I don’t think it’s reasonable for my SO to tell me I cannot talk about it with anyone (or vice versa), but I’d be fine with establishing some ground rules.

        1. +1

          That said, if your SIL brought it up to everyone, she might not be the best person for you to talk to about it…

        2. I think rosie is totally right – he’s entitled to privacy, but you’re entitled to share with certain close friends for emotional support. My husband and I are working out a similar balance on the same issue. It’s been helpful to me to confide in a couple of close friends (particularly since having a miscarriage) but I do agree with him that overall it’s a private issue and not one you want your entire social circle or even your entire family to weigh in on. Your SIL is really the one who’s in the wrong for not being discreet.

      2. For what it’s worth, I don’t think you did anything wrong. I think it’s your news to share with your sister and that it was her indiscretion that got you into trouble. Yes, if your husband had expressed an interest in keeping it quiet, I’d think he’d have a right to be upset, but I otherwise think it’s fair for you to talk to whomever you please about it. I just don’t think others should take that liberty and share it with a big group.

        1. Its actually his sister though. Which I think might be why the husband is extra sensitive about it

          1. Ah, I missed that! Okay, I think the exception to what I said is when you’re talking to “his” people (i.e. his friends and family).

      3. I don’t think you’re wrong. Deciding to have a kid is a big life change you might want to talk about with a friend. The person here who’s wrong is your sister in law for blabbing to everyone. Not her place, not her news.

  14. I know this is so 2000-and-late, but I need a bluetooth for my cell phone to use in my car. I have a 2006 car that doesn’t have any bluetooth technology, and the iPhone headphones with speaker don’t fit very well in my ear. What do you recommend?

    1. I have no idea but your phrasing made me laugh out loud! Good luck. (If no one here knows, I’d probably just read Amazon reviews)

    3. The Bose in-ear Bluetooth is awesome. You can’t even tell when someone is talking to you using one rather than the actual hand-held phone. So much better than in-car Bluetooth which to me always sounds like the caller is under water. I know Bose has earphones with a mic in-line and I can’t speak to that, but the little cyborg ear piece works great. I even use it as “headphones” sometimes.

      1. Oh, and I should say also that most earphones fall out of my ears but the Bose stay in well. Don’t work for them or own stock in them. Just use a lot of their products!

  15. Anyone find it worthwhile to tailor the popular Land’s End sleeveless ponte sheath dress?

    I would need to tailor the top, under both armholes. There are seams there. It seems like this is a comfortable potential work dress for me, but if it will only last a year then maybe it isn’t worth it? I haven’t tailored a dress before, but now realize my body shape requires it.

    1. I thought about altering mine, too, but I am always wearing it with a jacket, so not noticeable that there’s a bit too much fabric.

      FWIW, I have their ponte pants and after a year (and not treating them delicately and throwing them in the wash and I have pre-schoolers), they are still going strong.

      1. Thanks for this. I will also mostly be wearing a sweater or lab coat as well so we’ll see.

        Recently I tried on my dresses, which I almost never wear, and realized almost none of them fit me properly. I’m a little embarrassed to be so late to the “tailoring to fit” world, but never really had the time or $ to consider this.

    2. Try washing it first. I gambled and washed mine before taking it to the tailor for the same alteration and now it fits perfectly. I bought a second and did the same. Ditto.

  16. Am I just being a b***h? I am a second year associate at a mid-law firm trying to build a book of business. I brought a client contact to an event (she’s young, fun, etc) and now TWO associates in another group have taken to 1) taking her out to lunch and 2) taking her out for drinks (doing both without my knowledge). Am I being too territorial, and should I confront them on it?

    1. Do you know that they don’t already know the person (or didn’t wildly hit it off)? Is the client’s need more something the other group could fill?

      Two thoughts:
      1. Maybe you need to be doubling-down on the client love. If you aren’t doing these things, others will fill that vacuum.
      2. Do you have a more-senior person you can run this by? These things can be very know-your-office, etc., but understanding how your firm awards credits and views them is very, very important. I’ve seen some sharp elbows thrown around re this, largely depending on the attorneys’ personalities and the firm’s system (someones only one person can origiate a client, sometimes that is shared among all attorneys ever touching the client, from the first introduction to who does the actual work).

    2. No, you are not. Is the only reason they have contact with the potential client because of your introduction? If so, I would be upset too. Not because they are wooing her but because they are doing it behind your back. Talk to a partner you trust and get information about how the firm handles originations so that you know how this may or may not affect you. Depending on your firm and your relationship with these other associates, you may want to talk to them both about the situation. But be careful to consider whether this potential new client would ever become a real client if she didn’t have contact with these other attorneys. Sometimes it really takes a team to bring a client in and you will have to share credit.

      Be aware that how you handle this situation may set a tone for your relationship with these associates and other attorneys in your office. You want to make sure that you are professional and a “team player” without being a pushover. Good luck.

      (Also, high five for your client development skills as a second year!)

  17. Inspired by the champagne suggestions — any suggestions for a good riesling under $20 (bonus points if even cheaper)?

    1. I love, love, love Riesling! Here are some of my top Rieslings in order of preference:

      Schmitt Sonne Auslese ($14) – sweet and refreshing!
      Columbia Winery Riesling ($10)
      Schmitt Sonne Spatlese ($12)- not as sweet, but delicious
      Chateau St. Michelle Late Harvest Riesling – $12
      Turning Leaf Riesling ($10)
      Zeller Schwarze katz wine ($10)
      Barefoot Riesling- ($7)- very cheap, but decent

      Enjoy!

  18. I’m visiting my parents in Austin, Texas next week, specifically from noon on Sunday through Monday evening. I want to go out and do something fun with them on Monday, as a combined mother’s and father’s day outing. They’re both fit and moderately adventurous. What should we do? I lived in Austin for many years, but always struggle to come up with activities to occupy us when I’m in town (Mom just wants to shop, Dad is content to sit around and drink beer, and neither is interested in what the other one wants!). Help?

    1. Hiking would be fun! Also, swimming. the weather is really perfect for swimming. McKinney Falls would be a good fit.

      There are awesome botanical gardens at Zilker and the lady bird johnosn wildflower center may be pretty nice too.

      Hope that helps?

    2. I was just in Austin for vacation earlier last month. Here are some of the things my SO and I loved doing:
      – Rent bikes and bike the 10 mile trail around Zilker park
      – Visit Barton Springs Pool
      – “Hike” up Mount Bonnell
      – See a movie at Moviehouse
      – Kayak on the Colorado river
      – Eat at the Oasis (beautiful vista)
      – visit a winery

      Hope this helps! My SO and I loved Austin . . . and hope to move there in a few years once I can waive in.

    3. Fredericksburg! Shopping and drinking, combined. I think it’s like 2 hours outside? You can stop at some wineries on the way there if you’re into that, too.

      1. Oh, and if you want hiking or whatnot, I’d suggest Enchanted Rock, which is on the way out to Frederickburg.

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