Corporette.com

Updated: Nov 1, 2018 162 Comments · by

Tuesday’s TPS Report: Collared Cashmere Cardigan

Fashion· The Personal Shopper (TPS)· Wear to Work | · · ·

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Collared Cashmere CardiganNeiman Marcus seems to have a ton of great cashmere on sale right now for deep discounts — and even though it's still a splurge, we love this gray cardigan. The shawl collar is interesting without being distracting, and the whole sweater has almost a blazer-like quality to it. We'd wear it with simple trousers and, perhaps, a tank or tee with a bold pattern or color. The cardigan was $425, now $245 — available in gray and brown at Neiman Marcus. Collared Cashmere Cardigan Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail editor@corporette.com with “TPS” in the subject line. (L-2)

Sales of note for 10.10.24

  • Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
  • Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
  • Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
  • Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
  • White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  2. Kit

    Oh, I like that cardigan a lot. Thread-jack alert:

    I received an invitation in the mail to a birthday party for a friend’s 1 year old. My husband and I do not have kids and we don’t consider this family to be in our close circle of friends. Is it common place to invite everyone you know to your baby’s first birthday?

    In my family, birthdays for small children are celebrated with family only and perhaps a best friend or two of the parents. However, many of our friends have recently been having big blow outs that seem to be more for the adults, i.e. serving alcohol, etc., than for the child and involve 20-30 people. This seems inappropriate to me, as if the parents are using their child as an excuse to have a party, not to mention overwhelming for a 1 year old. Am I being too uptight about this?

    • E Anon

      I see it as less an “excuse to have a party” as an excuse to combine what would otherwise have been separate parties. For the past year+, the parents have probably been too busy to plan a proper adult dinner party or bbq and now that they’re in the position of actually planning a party, they might as well invite all the people they’ve been meaning to have over at the same time. Assuming the atmosphere is still child-centric (and I’m ok with that including a little alcohol for the parents/adults), I don’t think the child is losing out.

      A birthday party for a 6-year old combined with mom and dad inviting all their friends over would be a different story (to me, that’s more inconsiderate to the child).

      • Kit

        I agree with everything you said in your first paragraph. My overarching concern is that other friends have continued to do this for their now 6 year old. I’m just wondering where this all ends…

      • CFM

        I agree, the one year old doesn’t actually know who is there, so its going to be slightly adult centric anyway, whether big or small.

    • RR

      I wouldn’t invite adult childless acquaintances to my children’s birthday parties, but I don’t think you should get upset about being invited. After all, isn’t it always a compliment to be invited to someone’s party? Just politely decline.

      On your further comment, I do think children’s birthday parties have gotten a little ridiculous. It’s certainly not something I would do, but I don’t know if it’s standard in different parts of the country.

    • Anonymous

      Been there, on both sides– cultivating babysitters/aunties&uncles! The highest compliment.

      • Anonymous

        Social life with a baby is exclusive to events With the baby. It’s all or nothing. ‘All’ is the much cheerier and saner option. Baby doesn’t mean sealed away from the world for the respectable amount of years till life (social life, family life, romantic life) resumes… life is all around, and this family wants you in theirs. Lovely.

    • Anon

      My reaction to these types of child-birthday shindigs is pretty much the same as yours, but I do think I’m probably using my values to judge the actions of others for no good reason. When I have children, I’ll definitely have a small party for their birthdays, but that is my choice for my children – other people have the equal right to make their own choices for theirs (or for themselves).

      If it was a close friend, I’d suck it up and go – but it doesn’t sound like these are close friends. I’d send a card and small gift and skip the party :)

    • KateL

      Somewhat tongue in cheek – did the same people have a blow-out wedding? I share your concerns as modern parenting has become a “look at me/conspicious caring” thing. I think for alot of people it’s “hey we made it to the first year” so let’s celebrate – but heck be honest about it.
      Very good friends of mine (though sadly not local to me) did an open house format for their son’s birthday. It was around the holidays so invite was worded along the lines of stop in for some holiday cheer, see how the kids have grown, no pressure/informal kind of gathering. My friend also managed to tastefully say “the kids have enough stuff so if you’d like to do something we are donating things to the local women’s shelter.”

      • Kit

        Funny. Yes, they had a huge wedding that lasted from 1:00 p.m. to 3:00 a.m. and a huge baby shower. Perhaps they just like to throw parties.

    • AIMS

      I think it has become more common and, while I am not a huge fan of the practice, I would say maybe you are being a wee bit uptight about this. No 1 year old remembers their birthday anyway, and it seems like the parents just want to celebrate — both the fact that their little one is turning 1 & the fact that they survived the first year. Give them a break :)

      That said, I was once invited to a 2 year old’s party, at night, in a sit down restaurant with lots of booze — that is likely a bit much; but, a daytime party with some mimosa-type drinks doesn’t strike me as all that inappropriate. Odds are lots of people will be there with their own kids, and the 1 year old will either have fun or not care. To each their own. You are not obligated to go.

    • MPC

      According to the photographic record, there were about 15 nuns at my first birthday party and no other children. I fell asleep in my high chair with cake smeared all over my face, but I think I turned out okay regardless.

      I guess what I’m trying to say is, it makes sense for people to celebrate their kid’s first birthday with their adult friends, especially if they don’t have a lot of friends with kids. It may be one of their first opportunities to socialize with adults outside of work since their baby was born.

      Of course, if you feel uncomfortable about the event, you don’t have to go.

    • L

      Among certain circles it is common. We just have family parties for our kids, but my SIL throws huge parties for her kids’ bdays with catering, etc., so it is not unheard of. I would just decline if you don’t know the people all that well.

      • Bridget

        I didn’t grow up in circles where catered parties were common at all, but I find myself now moving in them. To my parents (and therefore me), entertaining is some bags of tortilla chips, burgers on the grill, beer, and football on TV. It’s about the company, not the food or the “show.” I certainly see what’s nice about these parties, but I am paralyzed at the thought of trying to pull off something fancy myself. I have to say that it makes me never want to entertain.

        • Anon

          Bridget, I would totally love to come over to your place for a party :) Relaxed, casual food and beverages and a hostess who is actually enjoying herself? Awesome!

    • MelD

      I don’t think it’s inappropriate either way. I’ve been to baby parties with all adults and have heard of some where it’s almost all playgroup friends. Obviously I try to avoid the latter as I am childless and it makes me uncomfortable to be the only one or one of two people at the party that didn’t bring a baby along. As long as it’s an appropriate daytime, I don’t see why parents shouldn’t be able to throw a party for other adults.

    • Kit

      In my post, I may have overemphasized my objection to the alcohol. I really don’t care. I don’t have a problem with people having a few drinks around kids. Someday when I plan my child’s birthday party, a trip to the liquor store just wouldn’t be something that would cross my mind in preparation.

    • Kaye

      Kit, I would totally agree with you if the child was older. But – this kid is 1, does it even understand what a birthday is? I think the first birthday really is a party for the adults; the baby won’t be doing much celebrating. I think it’s totally OK. And chances are the parents skipped their own birthday parties this year, or probably didn’t do anything elaborate, so this is their chance to have a fun party with all their friends.

      • Anon

        Wow. A bday party for a 3 year old that lasts until at least 1:15am and has 150 guests, many of whom are very intoxicated? Just wow.

      • govvie girl

        Nice to know that no venue is off-limits for estranged significant others and brawl-happy types.

    • Anon

      We had way more adults than kids at our daughter’s first birthday party, including some adults that didn’t have kids. We were not trying to “impress” anyone and we didn’t care about gifts one bit, in fact, we asked people not to bring gifts (although some did anyway). We were trying to include people in the event that we knew and thought would have a good time. As my daughter has gotten older, the parties have gotten more kid-centric, but as someone else said, there does not need to be a separate “kid’s world” and “adult world.” Kids learn how to be adults by watching adults interact. That doesn’t mean I take my daughter to fancy, white-table-cloth restaurants but I fail to see why having a party that includes people of all ages – infant to elderly – is such a problem for you.

      I personally think yes, you are being too uptight about it. Frankly, if you were one of my friends and I found out you were talking about my one-year-old’s party this way, I would very much appreciate it if you declined the invitation. And I would refrain from inviting you to any of our other parties in the future. Permanently. After all, I’d hate to offend you by inviting you to my home to have a good time with my friends and family.

      • Kit

        I find your response to be quite rude. The sole purpose for my post was to find out if my thoughts on the matter were out of line. You must be new to this site, because this isn’t the type of response that is usually appreciated. If you weren’t hiding behind an Anon name, I would refrain from reading any of your comments posted in the future. Permanently.

    • TK1

      I had a big BBQ with friends and family for my daughter’s 1st, and that was the last big blowout we did for her bday. Everything since has been small friends and family or just kids. First birthday is a milestone and its wonderful to celebrate with people you care about. The next (possible) big bash will be in 2 years when she turns 16 (yikes!). I think for big milestone birthdays its appropriate, but not for every single birthday or event in the child’s life.

    • Lobbyist

      When we had our first kid, we had a huge first birthday party. It was mostly to celebrate surviving that first year. Hardly any kids were there, it was our friends. I felt like we deserved a blowout because having a kid is so hard. Now, by the time #2 rolled around, I don’t know if she even got cake. If it’s their first, that may be why. But don’t feel obligated to go or to even send a gift.

    • Shayna

      On the other hand, though, and I say this as a person-without-children, I know many friends-with-kids who will invite me/other childless friends b/c they are trying very hard to not become the stereotypical new parents who dump their friends-without-children… But yes, on a whole kids’ parties have gotten crazy.

      • Legally Brunette

        I’m in the opposite camp — we have friends with kids and often don’t get invited to their birthday parties, probably because they think that we wouldn’t be interested in coming because we don’t have kids ourselves. Not true! I wish we would be invited.

        • Suze

          Hi Leg Brun, you are hereby invited to ALL of my kids’ parties, starting with my daughter’s tea party (she’s turning 9) at the local tea room, complete with little crustless sandwiches (pb&j for her friends; cukes & watercress for a few of mine, which friends also know and love her), followed by choco covered strawberries, then swimming, pizza, movie and a sleepover. You can leave right after the strawberries (and there might even be a glass of champagne involved), or you can stay for a screening of “Flicka.” :).

    • divaliscious11

      Kit – Just a thought – I was always invite my friends without kids to my kids stuff. I guess I look at them as friends of my family, not just of me or my husband. Also, it might that just because you all aren’t particularly close, she’d like to include you as an opportunity to become a closer friend. I’ve done that.

    • Arachna

      I think this is totally normal and hugely prefer it. If I have a party for my one year old it will definitely be an adult party.

      I actually secretly think parties for one or two year olds that have a ton of kids are crazy and are going way too far. (Yes I still love friends who do this and love their kids). The kid does not care or have a better time because of the other kids, so why in the world?

      The only reason to have a party for a one year old is for the adults… nothing wrong with that and IMO much better not to try to hide it by inviting kids. I kind of feel that parents that have nice parties with tons of kids for their very young children are putting themselves through difficulties because they think they are “supposed to” and its a great pity.

    • MC

      I only wanted to add that in some cultures it is expected to have a huge blow out for a child’s 1st birthday. This is especially common throughout Latin America where the 1st birthday and 15th birthday (quincenera) are HUGE deals (I knew families that would take out loans to throw these parties!).

      • pjbhawaii

        Here in Hawaii, and in many Asian cultures, the first year baby luau is very important. Back in the day, many babies didn’t make it to their first birthday.

        When my son turned one, we rented a beach house for the weekend, invited a local band, and partied all day and into the evening. We barbecued, accepted potluck, and catered part of it. Everyone was welcome, and it is one of our happiest memories.

    • AN

      I have a 3 year old, and I would never invite people w/out kids to parties. I hated going to these when I did not have kids (thankfully only ever attended one then) – why would I put friends through it!!

      My view point (feel free to snark) is that people who have chosen to have kids (self included) have signed on for the pain that comes with parties. Those who don’t have kids should enjoy while they can:)

      That said, we did have a couple (very close friends) who wanted to come over to our son’s party to wish him. We warned them not to, and they dropped by later, spent time with him and avoided the party hassle.

  3. brown eyes

    As a therapist working for 20+ years, I have to agree with you. A loud, busy party filled with unknown people is overwhelming for many kids, let alone a 1 year old. If parents want an adult party – have one. If you want people to bring gifts for your soon-to-be toddler, make that known as part of the adult only party invitation – but it seems awkward. If you want a party for the toddler, invite family and maybe 1-2 people (and their baby) that your baby socializes with (i.e., mom’s day out, gymboree, etc). That way there will be familiar people/peers around and the duration of the party can be short and appropriately timed between naptime schedules. Don’t confuse the two events. Finally, what would the Miss Manners of the day think as to the appropriateness of asking for presents for that 1 year old? I say, pass.

    • AIMS

      I don’t think the OP said anything about a request for presents.
      Come to my/my kid’s birthday party does not equal bring a gift.
      I think miss Manners would say it is polite to bring one, but it’s not a request to invite someone to a celebration.
      Btw, miss Manners thought that registries — bridal and otherwise — were highly distasteful & most people think nothing wrong of them, so I am not sure her advice would hold that much sway with most people these days anyhow :)

      • E Anon

        Agree. Seems highly unlikely, particularly in this case, that the parents want Kit there so that baby can receive another $20 piece of junk. I’ve occasionally received an out-of-state wedding invite where I’ve hardly known the people (or hadn’t kept in touch at all since college) and I suspected they were angling for a gift in the mail… but that’s probably not the case here.

        • E

          Ugh – as someone who just sent out her wedding invitations and, notwithstanding the fact I am having a small desitation wedding (and am NOT having a registry), AGONIZED over the decision not to send invitations to my cousins, none of whom I am close with (geographically or emotionally), and ended up sending them anyway after one rude cousin invited himself to the wedding, I resent the fact you interpret such an invitation as “angling for a gift in the mail.” maybe the bride & groom just didn’t want you to feel excluded or, better yet, actually think enough of you to want you there on their special day.

          • anon - chi

            In defense of E. Anon, I think it’s different if you are sending the invites to family members with whom you are not close vs. non-relatives with whom you haven’t kept in touch for years or who you barely knew to begin with. The family members may be offended if they are not invited (and I think you did the right thing by inviting them!) whereas the sort-of friends from years ago may not even have cause to know you are getting married and certainly wouldn’t be offended by (or care about) their exclusion. On a side note, I’m also planning a wedding and agree that it is totally fraught with chances to offend people!

          • E Anon

            Absolutely possible that they just wanted me there, thought it would be a good way to rekindle our friendship, or what have you. One couple in particular invited me to a wedding across the country (I declined and sent a check) but when I was visiting their city for a week a few months later, they showed no real interest in getting together for a meal to catch up and I ultimately didn’t even get the chance to see them. I’ve also seen close friends who were funding their own wedding do this to others (and admit to it). So while I believe it happens, it seems silly to think it would happen in the context of a 1-year-old (I don’t know any parent living above the poverty line who thinks their 1-year-old needs more stuff), and I’m sure if I knew you as a person (you seem very thoughtful), I wouldn’t think you were angling for gifts either.

          • JessC

            I don’t think she meant all invitations as “angling for a gift in the mail”. I’m in a similar boat to you – I have tons of cousins who I’ve never been close with. But family is family – they’re always there whether you’re close to them or not. If I got an invitation from a cousin I haven’t seen/talked to much, I wouldn’t see it as “angling for a gift in the mail”, I’d see it as being polite. But on the other hand – if I got an invitation from a college classmate I haven’t spoken to in years or someone I’m merely acquainted with, I might suspect it.

        • Anon

          If the child in question has grandparents, aunts/uncles, and other relatives, almost certainly the parents are inundated with more toys than they know what to do with. It’s not about the gifts, believe me, unless the parents doing the inviting are incredibly gauche on a “Real Housewives of New Jersey” level.

          • E

            Thanks, E Anon. I feel like we just had a “moment.” Send me your address and I’ll send you an invitation too (but, unfortunately, you’ll have to sit next to my rude cousin!) ; )

    • Anonymous

      Slightly related – my first child is turning 1 in about a month. Is it bad if I don’t have a party at all? I was thinking just my husband and I, a cupcake and candle and a few pictures of her. Our entire family lives in another state, and although they are willing to travel for her birthday party (we were always expected to do so for nieces/nephews, but didn’t always), I would rather not host them all.
      It couldn’t be just an afternoon, because of the travel, it would end up being at least an overnight/two days.
      As an adult, I don’t really like being invited to 1-year old birthday parties (I’m sure that will change as my child becomes a toddler and interacts with the other kids there) so I don’t really want to invite any of my adult friends and make them feel obligated to come watch my kid smash frosting all over her face.
      My family thinks I’m the worst mom ever for not having a party and are trying to convince me to do it – even going so far as trying to host it themselves at their houses.
      I’d rather wait and do a party when she’s 3 or 5 and will understand what we’re celebrating and remember it.
      Any thoughts? Should I just give in and have the party?

      • D

        I agree – your little “mom and dad and camera” celebration sounds great to me, given your situation. Go with your gut and skip the party!

      • Kit

        I think your idea is perfect, but I may be slightly biased considering my above posts. ;0)

      • Kaye

        I like your birthday party idea :) If you don’t have friends with kids, then I’d just keep it to you; else you could invite one or two other families, but honestly I don’t think your child will care either way :)

        However, if your parents are offering to host it, this might be a nice excuse to go visit your family. It would probably be easier for you to do that than to host your entire family at your place.

      • brown eyes

        sounds just right! The big parties with all the family and friends and games and giggles will happen! Maybe you can do some sort of webcast for the grandparents far away so they feel like they are not missing the fun of the cupcake smashing. Enjoy!

      • RR

        Not bad at all. It will be a lovely celebration. We always do that exact thing day of my twins’ birthday, and then have a smallish family party on the weekend. They are only 2 though, so I don’t have loads of experience.

      • anon

        We always do that with our kids, until they are about 4. Much more fun for them, IMHO – most kids don’t like chaos at that age.

      • E

        When my son turned one, it was in the middle of the holidays, I was working 80 hours a week as a surgical chief resident, my husband had been on call the weekend prior. We were exhausted and overwhelmed. We did a nice family thing the evening of his actual birthday party, and then when we were down at my parents the following weekend, my mother and I baked a cake together and had my brother and his family over for dinner. I felt a ton of guilt about it, but now looking back, I shrug and think, ah, he was fine.

        Do what you want. Be gentle with yourself. Your child will in no way be harmed if you don’t do a big blowout, in fact, they are probably better off not being so stimulated. Tell your family that if they want to do something for his birthday, take him out on a special one-on-one outing. He’ll appreciate it more.

      • anon - chi

        Do what you’re happy doing – your kid will never know the difference. My parents had an opportunity to get away by themselves during the week of my first birthday so they left me with a sitter! While I still harass them about this (light-heartedly, of course) I certainly didn’t know it was my birthday at the time and enjoyed the cake-smashing just as much a week later when it was more convenient to celebrate. We didn’t start having birthday parties until we were in school and I thought that was perfectly normal.

        • D

          The rule I have heard passed around is “invite the same number of guests as the years the child is turning.” So, for a 4-year old’s party, invite 4 guests. We have loosely observed this and it’s worked well for us. That said, I’ve been to giant blow-out catered 100+ people 1-year old birthday parties that were a ton of fun. Those were culture-based, in that the child came from a region with high infant mortality so it was culturally signficant to celebrate the child reaching a year of age. Honoring that tradition was a honor to the culture.

          In my personal experience, it’s a great triumph to have your child reach a year of age. If the parents use it as an excuse to have a party, what’s the harm?

          • Suze

            This. I kind of scrolled thru all the earlier comments so please forgive repetition. When my kids were *little* (ie, under four), the idea was either a ‘one year’ type thing with the main feature being the baby and the cake (but could include wine and snacks for adults, with or without their own kids in tow) or a “gymboree” extravaganza of kid proportion without much to do for parents or kidless attendees. Once the kids hit ‘pool party’ or other independent runaround activity age, I subscribe to the plan of (a) total kid thing with one supervising adult (eg, rollerskating or bowling); (b) sleepover with the # of kids being determined by the age of the celebrant (ie, daughter is turning 8, so she can invite 8 friends – generally not all 8 will sleep over); or (c) a full on ‘neighborhood/family’ party (ie, bbq, beer/wine, kid food, everybody more or less on their own) for everybody, kid kind of gets lost in the shuffle – but as they get older they like the shuffle, IMHO. Mine are 11 and 8 (twins) and they are moving in the direction of preferring (c), altho we still do total kid things…I personally like including everyone who is involved in their lives, regardless of whether the involved people have kids of their own.

      • ADS

        Kids’ first birthdays are like funerals, in that the gathering, while about the principal participant, isn’t FOR the principal participant – it’s for the people who come. Just as a funeral is for the mourners, not for the deceased, a kid’s first birthday isn’t for the kid, it’s for the parents and the people who want to celebrate with them. In this case, what your family is telling you is that they want to celebrate your daughter’s birthday. Personally, I think that’s a wonderful thing. If your objection is that you don’t want to host, then let one of them host it, but I would say that you should let your daughter’s grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins celebrate the joy that is her.

        That doesn’t mean you can’t also have “mom, dad, baby and camera.” My parents did exactly that on the night of my first birthday, which was probably a Thursday, and then had the family over on Sunday. I have the pictures of both, and both were special occasions, for different reasons.

        Best of luck with whatever you decide.

      • Anon

        We had a fairly large 1-year-old birthday party for our daughter, as I stated above, but then skipped the two-year-old party in favor of a very small family dinner, cake and candles, etc. Party for Birthday #3 was six of her friends and their parents, #4 was kind of a blowout (we had it at a kids’ party place and it ended up getting a little out of hand, to the tune of 20 kids and close to 30 adults, which is not what I expected while planning it), #5 was much smaller – we had it in a park. #6 may be big or small, it depends on what she’s into at the time. It is totally fine to skip birthday parties when kids are tiny. Do be aware that even by 3, kids start getting invited to peers’ birthday parties and will then want to know why they aren’t having one. That doesn’t mean you have to have bigger parties than you want, or try to “keep up with the Joneses” in any way. We’ve decided in our family, we’re going to alternate big and small parties from year to year – not have a big blowout every year. I do think parents who “have to” have a big birthday party for their child every year are doing it more for themselves than for the child.

      • Daisys

        I understand wanting to keep the celebration low-key, and I am only now for my son’s 3rd birthday about to do a birthday party with kids other than my niece and nephew, with whom my son is very close. The only concern I see with your plan is that you may be alienating family which wishes to be a part of your daughter’s special day. There’s an argument to be made that your daughter is not only your child, she’s a granddaughter and a niece to people who presumably love her very much and want to be a part of her life. To many, the first birthday is a special milestone. Have you considered a compromise, where you do your thing on her birthday, and then go visit others and let them throw a party on another day or weekend? Just an idea.

        • anon

          I share every birthday of my nieces and nephews with about 20 of my bro and SIL”s friends. It makes me sad that we dont’ have any real “family” moments to celebrate with them. To each his own though. At the end of the day, it’s not about what makes the rest of the family or guests happy.

      • AN

        Sounds good to me! Anyway a 1 yr old couldn’t care less, right? It’s about you & the adult family members.

    • Sharon

      A 1 year old doesn’t socialize with anybody. That’s the point. It’s for the parents BY DEFINITION. It’s only when the kid is older and has its own little friends that the parties revolve around kid activities / interests.

  4. cardiganista

    I love this sweater – it has a bit of the J. Crew Arrow Sweater Jacket look but the cashmere + better collar has me pretty much in love.

  5. legalchef

    Threadjack alert!

    Anyone have good suggestions for wedding venues in NYC or the NYC area (including Long Island)? We are looking at late fall/winter, most likely, so venues where the appeal is the outdoor space are probably not going to work. The problem that I keep coming across for NYC places is that they are either too small or too big – we are looking at around 225ish. I’d love some recommendations from you guys in case I’m missing anywhere in my search!

    • AIMS

      I went to a really lovely wedding at Gotham Hall, in midtown, last year. It was really lovely — gorgeous building, not too big, not too small, very conveniently located.

    • W

      Really, let’s not do the wedding thing here. If you haven’t found what you’re looking for on the knot/other mainstream sites, check the indiebride kvetch forums. They have whole discussions dedicated to venues in NY and environs.

      • i'm nobody

        co-signed. there are so many other and better places/ways to discuss this. please let the corporettes keep Corporette corporate, so to speak.

      • Anon

        I don’t know, is this different from asking advice on any other topic? We Corporettes respect each others’ experience and opinions, so I don’t see a problem with asking for wedding location advice here.

        • legalchef

          Yeah, that is how I thought of it – people ask for help in buying presents, and relationship advice all the time, so I didn’t think that asking would be a problem…

        • CFM

          I would prefer if there was less personal questions like relationship advice, lingerie questions, etc, and the focus stayed more on work related advice, but I can see how it is extremely helpful for those who want it, so I just scroll on my merry way. And if I ever do need advice, I know there is a board of very helpful ladies with lots of difference experience to draw from.

    • Anti-W

      I went to a very nice wedding recently at Steiner Studios in Brooklyn where they tape movies, TV shows, etc. I think there were about 200 at the wedding. It may have been very expensive since I think the family is pretty rich and the location strikes me as someplace that could be pricey.

      • anone

        I had my Barrister’s Ball in Steiner Studios. Not a place for a classy wedding — it’s in the industrial brooklyn navy yards. meh.

    • m

      look on the knot NYC local board. also brooklyn bride, or all those wedding blogs. you can also buy at barnes and noble in the magazine section a guide to event spaces in the tri-state area.

      • legalchef

        I feel like they all have the same few places, that’s the problem I am having!

    • ADS

      It really depends on your budget, but look at the Puck Building and Bridgewaters.

    • Ru

      This past year, I went to a beautiful reception held at the Sandcastle, in Long Island.

          • Suze

            Hey there fresh! Hahahaha yourself. How was MIA? Did you get my very late post on daytrip to Key Biscayne? How’s the new job?

            Am personally LMAO on both wedding and kid bday stuff – so been there, done that…and have learned that the key to a good party that I AM THROWING (for whatever or whoever) is to make sure I (let me emphasize that one little letter – I -) have a good time :)!

  6. Chicago K

    I don’t have children either, but it does seem to be common to have the type of party you are describing.

    One of my closest friends rented a room at the Children’s museum for their son’s first birthday. Sure, it was cool, but the baby was indeed overwhelmed and of course couldn’t open a present by himself, nor did he know what the heck was going on.

    Even so…it was a fun get together that allowed other couples with children a place where they could socialize with adults and feel comfortable letting their kids go around and play with eachother. I also think with people being busier and more spread out geographically, that this allowed a lot of people to see the baby for the first time, or see him for the first time since his christening/birth.

  7. Anonymous

    Threadjack- and I’m a little nervous asking- but anyone want to share their experiences with clerkship season so far? I’m a 2L, and don’t feel like I can ask the 3Ls around school- it seems like this season was a bit rough. I would love to hear about other corporette’s experiences these past few weeks with interviews (3Ls, I know you’re out there!). Congrats in advance to those that have landed them!

    • guest

      Don’t bother applying unless you’re at an Ivy League. I applied in southern and western states (TX, AZ, LA, CA) from a Top 50 law school, top 5% of my class…got nowhere. This year every federal judge can have an Icy League-er if they want one, even judges in Podunk, Wherever. It’s a bad market to apply…waste of time…depressing process.

        • Jay

          It sounds like it was really disappointing for you, but that doesn’t mean everyone will have that experience and I don’t think you should discourage anyone. As a former appellate clerk, I know how hiring works and it is a crapshoot for everyone–even those with perfect grades and resumes from the best schools. If you really want to clerk, I encourage you to apply next year, apply more broadly, and work any connections you have.

      • MelD

        I don’t think that’s true at all. In my hometown, most of the judges hire at least some (if not all) their clerks from state schools. Even the federal appellate judge in my hometown saves a slot from the local third tier school every other year or so. It may be best to talk to people starting clerkships now to ask where the other clerks come from.

        • Anon

          This. I work for a judge and it is really kind of annoying to get apps from so many people who have no connection to the legal community here and who just want a line on a resume. Some judges want clerks who come from higher ranked schools, but some have a genuine interest in helping the legal community in their state.

        • Anon

          Agreed. I did not clerk (or apply), but I know that the local federal judges tend to make a point of hiring people with connections to the area.

        • Suze

          MelD, I am *so* resisting the urge to out us on the federal appellate judge here :). Legend! As somewhat of an ‘outsider’ on the clerkship track, I am happy to hear of the ‘saved’ local slot….oh, and I did drop by La France a few weeks ago. But it was a Sunday afternoon, quite busy, and I could not get into anything. Loved the shop though, and plan to go back soon. Thanks for the insight!

          • MelD

            I think the judge saves the slot in odd years and may take a second from his alma mater in even years. I think my classmate who clerked with him was top 4 in the class, but I know someone else I don’t think was ranked quite as high, but he interned for the judge after 2L.

      • Legally Brunette

        Absolutely not true. I’m a current clerk and we just hired students from non-Ivys, and I’m from a regional school myself. There are certainly those judges who are school snobs but not everyone is. Don’t lose hope! And I agree with the poster below that you should spend a LOT of time on your application materials, including getting excellent letters of recommendation from people who know your work well.

    • anon - chi

      I don’t think it’s the 3Ls you’re looking for – it’s the first to third year associates. I have several friends who got clerkships for 2011, and ALL of their judges were finished hiring by mid-August. Because the economy has been so bad for so long at this point, there are an awful lot of associates who hate their firms and would have left for other jobs in another market. A lot of those people seem to be applying for clerkships, so (I am told) applications are up even higher this year than last year, and even more judges are finding themselves with huge numbers of well qualified lawyers who have already been in practice for a few years.

      • anon - chi

        Also … I hate to say this … but everyone I know with a clerkship graduated from Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Chicago, or Northwestern. (This is not to say there aren’t plenty of people out there who got clerkships from other schools, and it bears mentioning that these clerkships are all in Chicago so it’s more competitive than some less urban markets.)

        • Anon

          Urban markets (Chicago, NY, SF, LA) are always going to be more competitive. But that certainly doesn’t mean that people from other schools have no chance there or anywhere else. I think the most important factor is connections with professors and the connections of those professors to judges.

    • regular 3L commenter, keeping anon for this one

      Honestly, it makes me nauseous to think about it. I did get interviews for state clerkships and my plan is (if I get one) to try again next year for federal. I am also focusing on bringing my grades up even more this year and also adding activities, including moot court. I come from a big family of attorneys and they all did fed clerkships in the big circuits. Granted, the last one was 10 years ago, but still I am not yet ready to give up and be the only one who doesn’t do one. I may feel differently later, but we will see.

      If you do apply, my advice is this: you cannot possibly allow enough time for communicating with recommenders and preparing materials. The process is _time_ consuming in ways that will surprise you. Start early. I spent every free minute this summer working on clerkship applications. Also, I was surprised at the large number of fed judges who required our undergrad transcript in addition to your law school one.

      And – many state clerkships have deadlines midsummer, before the OSCAR deadline, especially on the East coast. They also have rolling interviews, meaning that the positions may all be filled even before the deadline. So if you are committed to a geographic area and really want to clerk, you need to also apply to state courts. You should find out the deadlines and apply the day the app period opens, not before, which means basically you should start getting ready for the process in January to allow for the vaguaries of your recc’ers schedules, unexpected issues, etc. State clerkship apps are even more time consuming than federal because often they have extra or more elaborate requirements and often have to be in paper form. They might require certified transcripts or multiple writing samples, or *11* copies of your application, etc. There is one state that requires 2 writing samples AND that your reccommenders refer to your samples in their letter. Some states require “biographical” resumes.

      • A-non-lawyer

        Yup. One of my good friends is fighting with some of her recommenders, weeks after OSCAR has sent out apps. Ick.

        The folks I know who applied have not had great luck so far. It’s really tough out there.

    • NE Attorney

      Two quick thoughts from a former clerk: 1) Don’t count yourself out because you did not go to X school (i.e. Ivy League). Some judges prefer clerks that did not go to those schools for various reasons. At the same time, some judges have preferences that you may never know about until after you apply (i.e. the judge’s son went to your school, but that may not be public information). 2) Luck has so very much to do with the process. When a judge receives hundreds of applications, some get a closer look and others do not. Perhaps the person reviewing the application (the current clerk in some chambers) finds something compelling because of their own background, and, as a result, that application gets bumped to the front of the pile. Try not to take it personally. Its worth the shot.

  8. 1st time post

    http://www.anntaylorloft.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId=28172&pCategoryId=3359&categoryId=211&defaultColorNameFromCategory=Grey+Blue+Stripe&cid=CS001&ci_src=14110944&ci_sku=ParentItem250323-2266

    I have been eyeing this AT Loft dress and finally tried it on yesterday – it’s so cute but the wool its made from is super itchy. Just thought I’d ask, has anyone seen a great sweater dress elsewhere that is made of non-itchy fabric? I really want to find one to wear w/ tights and boots this fall!

    • legalchef

      On the same note, has anyone found a non-wool/cashmere etc sweater dress? I’m allergic and can find some nice non-wool sweaters every now and then (though they tend not to be very warm) but have never been able to find a non-wool sweater dress!

      • AIMS

        I can’t really picture a 100% non-wool/cashmere sweater dress.
        Maybe try old navy or some other inexpensive places that may have something in acrylic? But, honestly, I can’t imagine those being either very warm or very lasting. Have you considered getting a lined sweater dress? How bad is the allergy? Sometimes a higher quality wool/cashmere can make a world of difference.

      • S

        I got a cotton sweater dress last winter at Ralph Lauren Rugby store. It is fabulous, I love it.

      • rg

        I’m pretty sensitive to wool, but I bought this from Loft last year (they’re selling it again this season), and I didn’t have trouble (I guess b/c of the acrylic blend):

        http://www.anntaylorloft.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId=28162&N=1200007&pCategoryId=3359&categoryId=211&Ns=CATEGORY_SEQ_211&loc=TN&defaultColor=Dark%20Heather%20Grey&defaultSizeType=Regular

        I do tend to wear a collared shirt underneath, though, but even with multi-layers I do sometimes have sensitivity issues and I don’t with this.

        Also, a little bit beyond the topic but still related, have you tried switching to SLS-free bath products? I used to break out in hives just looking at any wool that wasn’t the finest cashmere (and even then I’d sometimes have trouble), but my skin is way less sensitive since I switched to products that don’t contain them. My skin is still probably more sensitive than average, but it’s soooo much better now. SLS’s can be pretty caustic for some people, and nowadays there are a lot of products available without them. FWIW, I use Burt’s Bees bath gel and John Master’s shampoo.

    • AIMS

      I got a great non itchy sweater dress at Anthropologie last year, not sure what they have in stock now, but you may want to check.
      Also, for anyone near a Filene’s Basement/Syms (now ‘remade’ into some sort of hybrid store) — I recently went in there & they had absolutely gorgeous Ralph Lauren (black label) cashmere dresses for $199. Considering the original price was $800, and the quality was phenomenal, I think it is a fabulous deal. Not sure if any are left, but if you have one near you, may be worth a quick peak inside.

    • K

      I’ve had luck with Boden sweater dresses. They are always very soft and the knit holds its shape through several wearings.

    • Shayna

      I found a cute one from Max Studio recently that’s some variation on cotton – black w/ a cowl neck. I found mine at Marshall’s, but I was in Macy’s this week and saw some similar ones…

    • Daisys

      Have you checked Athleta? Most of their dresses and skirts are fairly casual, but simple. Maybe a Friday dress…

      • L from Oz

        I got a cotton one from Monsoon, but unless you’re in the UK I don’t think that helps…

  10. v

    Threadjack – anyone know any good resources for picking up basic accounting principles? I’m a lawyer and have found them coming up occasionally; I’d just like some basic background knowledge.

  11. JAS

    I love that sweater! Cashmere is my favorite fabric too. But I am with the poster above about being “over” gray, although the brown is really nice. If it came in jewel tones I would have to ask my roommates to hide my credit cards.

  12. surrounded by lawyers

    Am I the only one who doesn’t find this at all “blazer-like”? I like the sweater a lot, but could not wear it to work. It feels almost lounge-y to me.

  13. Manager

    Threadjack: I have a question for those of you who are, or have been, managers.
    I have an employee who has been somewhat “deadweight” for some time now – procrastinating on things she doesn’t want to do, balking at doing certain parts of her job, arguing with a lateral employee she works with on a project, showing low motivation, low enthusiasm, low commitment, etc.
    She is a temporary employee, with her contract terminating at the end of January. I and the HR director had to call her in this week over an incident where she flat-out refused to be assigned to a particular task. She had no reason for not doing it other than she didn’t want to. In the course of the “counseling” conversation, she brought up that because she is temporary, she has been looking for other work and has apparently had some opportunities come up. She’s in the middle of working on a big project for us and basically said that if she gets another opportunity, she will leave before the project is complete (although if she stays through the end of her contract term, she would be able to complete the project). She wasn’t responsive to any of the counseling about her attitude, procrastination, etc. I do have to say that when she gets things done, the quality of her work is excellent, and she does have a lot of background knowledge of the topic the project relates to.
    Although the HR director and I really feel like we need to cut this employee loose sooner rather than later, we agreed that there are definite advantages to just waiting until the end of the contract term and letting her go on her merry way. The problem is that between now and then, I have to “manage” her and she made it clear in the meeting yesterday that she is very resistant to “management interference in her work” (her words). We are going to bring in a part-timer to handle the work she refused and then slowly train that person to take over Problem Employee’s job. But in the meantime, I have to continue to supervise her, and I am not sure what to do. Do I take a total hands-off approach and just “run out the clock” on her contract? Do I try to continue on as we have been, whether or not she’s responsive to it? I appreciate any advice.

    • Anon

      Whoa – does she have some super special fancy skillset that is very rare? Because I can’t imagine anyone, in any industry, in this economy, who could get away with that type of attitude and performance!

      • CSF

        This. Everyone is replaceable. In this economy, if she doesn’t appreciate the mere fact that she has a job, let her go. Someone out there is eager to fill her shoes.

      • Manager

        In a word, yes. The project she’s working on requires a very specialized set of knowledge about a specific subject that she has, and that few other people do. If I could have terminated the employee and not had the project suffer, I would have. But we have two concerns – one is getting the project complete, which is for a client who actually likes this employee very much (because they don’t see the bad stuff). The project is critical for the client and therefore, for us. The other concern is that she has let it be known she’s sued other employers before over compensation and termination issues (and those employers have my utmost sympathy). My HR director, and the president of our firm have big concerns about this and want to avoid getting sued or having any legal entanglements with this person. Although we are in an “at-will” state and her contract also has a clause in it that says we can terminate for any reason or no reason, they’re concerned she would sue. Thus the feeling we should suck it up and try to get to the end of her contract term before ushering her out the door.

        • divaliscious11

          She is a bully. So what if she sues. Counter-sue her for legal fees, as you have the right to terminate for no cause, in fact you can likely win on summary judgment. There has to be someone out there that can come in and do the work without jeopardizing the client….

          • anon - chi

            It sounds like the decision has already been made and Manager cannot fire Problem Employee. (Also, I do employment law – it is expensive to be sued even if the employee has absolutely no case, and it is *highly* unlikely that the employer could ever recover legal fees in such a case. It’s unfortunate but it sounds like letting the contract run out might be a safer bet.)

        • Rachel

          The easiest way out might be to ride out the contract term. She’s already said that she might leave early, no? It might be the path of least resistance, but I’d do everything possible to discretely facilitate her search for new employment and try to get her out of there as quickly as possible.

    • divaliscious11

      I’d have a one on one with her, and let her know that while she doesn’t have to like the job, or anyone at it, she does have to respect you, the company and her co-workers and that means keeping the attitude in check. Before I went into that one on one, I’d have already placed a call with my placement agency and have a few folks lined up. If she can’t commit to controlling the attitude, she’d have to go. I have an ‘ee like that and she is moving to be someone else’s headache. She is smart, but being smart is only part of the job…..

      Hopefully, choosing between “puttin’ on a happy face” and unemployment will get through to her…..

      • surrounded by lawyers

        You could also say, frankly but without intending to threaten, that if you get phone calls or any questions from colleague managers about her work for you, you are going to be honest. I’m sure her future prospective bosses would want to know that you’ve had this experience with her. (It sounds like she doesn’t need a reference from you at the moment, but she should know that it’s a small world…what goes around comes around…etc)

        • jcb

          Be careful with this – in a lot of states, former employers can’t give out any information on actual job performance.

    • Chicago K

      It sounds to me like she is more of a consultant and possibly working for a high rate, or used to working on her own at different companies. Maybe she isn’t, but she just feels like she is? Did she get this contract on her own or is she through an agency?

      Her behavior sounds very typical to the contractors/consultants that we hire. They just do the task they are hired for, they do it on their own, and they don’t go beyond their assigned project. Ever. They also tend to be pretty demanding, as if we should be doing them a favor for showing up every day.

      If I am off base, you could ignore this, but I’d probably just let her do her thing and ask her for better status reports/meetings so you can make sure she is keeping the project on schedule. I wouldn’t trust her with a totally hands off approach as she seems to be biding her time at your company and could ride the contract out without producing (is the end product / work specified in her contract?) When her contract is up, send her on her way and don’t hire her again for a future effort.

      • divaliscious11

        You raise a good point. As she has hinted that she might leave early if she finds another job, what will you do? Can you do it now, and save yourself the grief?

        • Manager

          If she leaves before the project is complete, it will be a problem but mostly because of her interface with the client on the project, not because we couldn’t complete the work. As I said, the client loves her and thinks the success of the project is because of her, although I have another employee who has done a huge amount of work on it as well. If she leaves, he will take over and be able to get the remaining work done, with some help from me and one of our admins. I honestly would like to cut her loose now – and hope she does get another job sooner rather than later. I don’t think firing her is an option, unfortunately, although I certainly agree with everything that has been said about why I should. :)

      • Kaye

        I think Chicago K has the right idea – let her do what she is good at, make sure she is doing it, and focus your energies elsewhere – like on hiring and training a replacement.

      • Manager

        “They just do the task they are hired for, they do it on their own, and they don’t go beyond their assigned project. Ever. They also tend to be pretty demanding, as if we should be doing them a favor for showing up every day.”

        Yes, this pretty much nails her attitude.

        “just let her do her thing and ask her for better status reports/meetings so you can make sure she is keeping the project on schedule. I wouldn’t trust her with a totally hands off approach as she seems to be biding her time at your company and could ride the contract out without producing (is the end product / work specified in her contract?)”

        I think this is the best course of action. The completion of the work product is specified in her contract so she does have to get the work done. I think asking for more/better status updates is a good idea. Thanks for the advice.

    • jcb

      Just to play devil’s advocate – Is she typically a short-term/temporary employee because of her specialty? Or is it due to some cost-saving/probationary measure? If the latter, I could see how she is lacking in motivation and looking out for #1 in the job search. At least she is being honest and telling you now, she could just walk away from your projects with no notice. Sounds like she is a bit over the top (especially with the litigation threats – that is just wrong) and has a big ego to boot, not a good combination. If her skill-set is that valuable, have you considered some sort of retention agreement (e.g., if you are still employed on December 31 and have completed x projects to the clients’ satisfaction, we will pay you a bonus of y) to keep her head in the game? Otherwise her incentive is to line something else up before the approaching year-end contract deadline. I work with a lot of execs and they tend to (1) have sought-after skill-sets, (2) have huge egos, (3) look after #1, and (4) get what they want (within reason).

      • Manager

        “Is she typically a short-term/temporary employee because of her specialty? Or is it due to some cost-saving/probationary measure?”

        She’s temp because of her specialty; it’s not saving us any money. We’re actually paying her a pretty nice amount of money – more than most of our contractors make – to complete this project. I actually inherited her from someone who left the company earlier this year – apparently at one point she had been hired on a temp-to-perm basis but then, for reasons I have not been able to discover (although I can hazard a guess or two) her ex-manager put her on a finite-term deliverables-based contract about two months before I inherited her and the project she’s working on.

        I like the idea of a performance-based incentive bonus; that may help with some of the attitude problem. Although I have to say, she doesn’t seem particularly money-motivated most of the time. She mostly seems motivated by the prospect of making other people miserable, sorry to say.

        • jcb

          Sounds like a real pill. I’m sure the switch from term-to-perm to finite term didn’t help her attitude problem any, either. Hate to throw extra money at someone who chooses to work on a contract basis and is already well-paid, but if you have to keep her around maybe it’s worth it. Well, she will be out of your hair soon enough, one way or another!

  14. Liz

    My husband and I have frequently been invited to the birthday parties of our friends’ children. We’ve debated not going, but usually we end up going just to see our friends.

  15. ADB_BWG

    I am often invited to children’s parties and go because (1) I am important to the parents and they want me to be a part of something important to them and (2) the guest list doesn’t include every adult the parents know.

    If I’d go to a housewarming party, even if I don’t care about the house, because I like its owners, it’s the same situation.

Back to Top

About

Work with Corporette®

Serious Stuff

work fashion blog press mentions