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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
This Hobbs shirtdress has a botanical print that is dark enough to be somewhat sedate at work while also being interesting. I think the shirtdress is going to be a popular look this season. I like the self tie, the pockets, and the concealed side zipper. The dress comes in U.S. sizes 2–14 and is $290 at Bloomingdale's. There is also a top in the same print (for $165), which is labeled machine washable (while the dress's description says dry clean). Dahlia Botanical Print Shirtdress
For a more affordable option, Marks & Spencer has a floral shirtdress in U.S. sizes 2–20 for $78.
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Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
vicarious shopping
Shopping help: I love Kate Middleton’s Le Kilt houndstooth skirt/kilt. I’d love to get something similar, but haven’t been able to find anything like it in any stores where I could try it on before buying (I’m in the US). Does anyone have any leads?
I would also be interested in reviews if anyone has purchased something from that brand!
KateMiddletown
Looks like classic Talbots to me. Maybe try Poshmark/ebay?
Anonymous
Really pretty.
Can someone talk to me about a trip to Portugal? I don’t know much about it but I’m intrigued. How would you spend a week there?
Anonymous
I’m going to Portugal for a week in November. I posted here asking for recs a few weeks ago… you might want to search this s i t e. I’m going to spend 3 nights in Porto, book a tour of the Duoro Valley for one day, and then take the train to Lisbon for the remainder of my time. One of my days in Lisbon, I plan to take a day trip to Sintra but I haven’t decided if I’m going to book a tour or go on my own. On recommendations here, I’m staying at the Yeatman in Porto. I haven’t booked in Lisbon yet.
Anon
No suggestions, but following! I’m trying to plan a trip there for the Spring. I was thinking Lisbon and Porto with day trips to Sintra, Caiscais and Obidos. But I would be interested in how many days for each, how many nights in Lisbon vs. Porto, etc.
Anon
Went last Sept: Flew into Porto, spent 3 days (including 1 day in duoro valley), spent 1 day driving down from Porto to Lisbon, stopping at small towns/villages along the way. Spent 4 days in Lisbon (including 1 day in Sintra). Amazing trip – inexpensive, delicious food, Port and wine! Highly recommend. Reasonable flights from US on TAP Portugal.
Anon from above
Forgot to add – we stopped at Obidos on our way from Porto to Lisbon! We were a big group (10 people) and stayed in some awesome air B&Bs. We used this company for day trip to Duoro Valley, drive/tour from Porto to Lisbon (including Obidos) and day trip to Sintra: https://www.premiumtours.pt/en/ Can highly recommend the tour company.
RGH
There was an article in the Wall Street Journal this weekend about the huge influx of Portugal tourism and offered some off the beaten path suggestions, FYI
Anonymous
How critical was a car?
emeralds
Not at all if you want to stick to main attractions like Porto, Lisbon, and Sintra.
Anon
I did a weekend trip to Lisbon when I was studying in Spain in college. For those of you looking at Sintra/Cascais, you do not need to do a tour and can actually do both in one day. Sintra is on the commuter rail line, so you can just take that. The town is very small. No need for a car. You do need to buy bus tickets when you get there that will take you up to the two palaces. Otherwise, it is an extremely long walk. You can probably do both palaces in the morning and eat lunch in the town.
When I was there, I took the bus to Cabo da Roca and then on to Cascais. Cascais is just a little beach town. It is cute but not worth more than a few hours. From there, I took the metro back into Lisbon.
This was about 10 years ago, so I would imagine that these things are more touristy now than they were then, but the public transportation won’t have changed.
Anonymous
A week there is lovely. I have Portuguese in-laws so can speak to a few things to try/see. A few ideas:
– eat bacalhau de Gomes Sa if you are open to mild fish, potatoes, and olive oil. It’s a well-loved cod dish. Everyone’s grandma has a version.
– see a fado show in Lisbon if you have time.
– try the vinho verde
– frango asada is a traditional fast food – chicken and fries – that’s fun to try
– if you’re religious, a daytrip to Fatima, the site where 3 young farmgirls saw a vision in the 1920’s, is interesting. People go there now to be cured of disease so you’ll see people crawling there as a show of devotion.
Anonymous
We went in April of this year – had a fabulous time. The weather was great and it was reasonably priced. I would highly suggest Caiscais and Sintra as day trips. We took the train to both and it was timely and convenient. Bring your walking shoes because there are lots of hills!
Anon
If you go to the fodors Europe forums, there is a recent trip report of someone who went to Portugal for 16 days. I’m also thinking of a future trip and her tips are really helpful. If I have 7 days I would probably stick to just Lisbon and surrounding areas like the Cascais-Sintra national park. You’ll get both coastline and mountains from those destinations. You can also daytrip to Evora if you’re interested in Roman ruins.
BankrAtty
I loved Sintra, and wished we had spent two days there. There are something like 5 palaces/mansions to tour. The Quinta da Regaleira was one of the most amazing places I’ve ever visited. We spent about 4 hours there, and then walked to the colorful castle up on the hillside. It was quite a hike, but we were slightly buzzed after lunch and decided to go for it. (Might I suggest the tram that goes around the city?) I also thoroughly enjoyed Belen, specifically the monastery. Lisbon overall, however, was not my favorite city. I would probably spend 1-2 days in Lisbon-proper, and devote most of my time to the surround areas, if I did it again.
Min Donner
When I went to Sintra a few years ago (by train from Lisbon for the day), there was a place where you could rent these mini-electric cars (kind of like golf carts) just a few blocks from the train station. It was an absolute highlight of the trip – my friend and I zipped all over the place on our own schedule and saw everything, and had GPS tuned commentary about what we were seeing and history, and it was fun to drive. I tried googling and couldn’t find the company we rented from, but I’d be surprised if it’s not still an option. If I recall correctly, we exited the main door of the train station, turned left and walked a few blocks. When we reached the big road that leads up to the palaces, straight ahead was a little rental lot and office kiosk.
Anonymous
Looking for some cool gift ideas for a 13-year old girl. Unfortunately I don’t know her as well as I used to, but she’s a book worm. I want to steer away from anything too “girly” but she isn’t a tomboy either. And I know that 13 is a huge birthday! Anything that can be ordered via Amazon Prime would be a plus. TIA!
Anonymous
My daughter is that age and would be thrilled with a fancy hardbound copy of one of her favorite books. We don’t typically buy physical books, so having a real book is a treat for her. I am actually planning to give her the Penguin boxed set of all the Jane Austen books for Christmas. Another great gift would be a fancy Kindle (paperwhite or the waterproof one), if she doesn’t already have one. If she just has a Kindle Fire, the reading experience on reading-only Kindle will be vastly superior.
My kid also likes gift cards for her favorite fancy stores (currently Lululemon for the ivivva girls’ collection and Lilly Pulitzer) so she can have a special shopping adventure. Her absolute favorite gift from grandparents, aunts, and uncles is a trip to the theatre with them.
SuziStockbroker
I also book a (leather bound) box set of classics by women authors when my daughter (now 16) was about that age.
She also loves the fancy hardcover versions of her favourite books/series (and often pays for them with her own money).
Owl Crate is a monthly subscription box for teenage girl book lovers.
Gift cards to Starbux and bookstores and Lululemon were always big hits.
Tickets to a concert (mine went to the Harry Styles concert in Toronto this summer, I bought the tickets last fall).
My daughter does not like electronic readers.
Anonymous
I also like cute lounge clothes at this age. Is she allowed tea or coffee? Maybe one of more of a hardcover book you enjoyed at her age, lounge set, tea or coffee, and/or mug.
And Peggy
Is it possible for you to call or email her mom or dad to get an idea of what she might like, or what she might be into nowadays? Often, when kids and teenagers are asked “what do you want for your birthday this year?” they end up with more ideas than they’re going to buy for their kid, and they might be happy to suggest the “extras” to family members who ask.
Anonymous
done and done!
chrisonli
You might want to look at the website for A Mighty Girl for inspiration. Even though I am decades older, I have found some great ideas there.
Anonymous
This is really pretty. Love the print.
lsw
Wow, I love this!
Anonymous
same. I’m hesitant to purchase it because it seems like i’d need it to be about 6 inches longer…. alas.
Anon
Same. Love the colors and the sleeves but this would be several inches too short for me
Senior Attorney
Yeah I’m 5’2″ and I love Hobbs because the length is great for me. I can see how it’s problematic for people of more normal height.
Thistle
A lot of items are short, but keep looking at Hobbs as they have have so.e items on regular lengths. It’s sale is my source of work clothes and I’m 5’8″
Lets talk about Home Warranties
Our home warranty that came with the sale of our house is up for renewal. I am thinking it’s not worth the hassle given that the plumbers that we have had been fairly bad and that we don’t get to choose the service operators.
anyone THINK OTHERWISE?
Anonymous
Nope, right there with ya. Those companies are so lousy. I came home from vacation once to find the AC out (in a house I had owned for just 4 months) and it was 87* in my house. They said they could get someone out in three weeks. WTH? What good are you? Thankfully the seller paid for that warranty and it wasn’t my money wasted.
Ellen
Yes, there are alot of incompetent contractors, and many work for these warranty companies. Dad says never get a warranty b/c you will pay in other ways. One time, he had a warranty and the guy came over and wanted to have s-x with my mom. She called dad and the guy never came back. FOOEY on these loosers. DOUBEL FOOEY on men that think we want to have s-x with them? WTH!!!!!
Anonymous
Unless there is some specific appliance or system that you know is covered by the home warranty that you expect will go within the extended warranty period (i.e., you have a 10+ year old water heater that seems to be on it’s last legs or something), it’s probably not worth it.
Anon
My realtor suggested only having it for the first year or two to cover broken appliances and home system issues that were missed or undetectable by the inspection. After that, just rely on the emergency savings.
Leatty
Has anyone ever taken a toddler to Banff in the winter? DH and I went for our honeymoon one summer, and it was lovely, but I’m not sure how it would be with our daughter, who would be 18 months at the time of the trip. If it matters, this trip would be with my parents and my brother/SIL, and we would all be staying in the same condo.
SushiCat
You would have so much fun, obv in the summer you can go outside for longer periods. You will still have a blast- usually there is snow (I cant say 100% given climate norms these days), fun activities at the Banff Springs hotel/Arts Centre that you can visit. if your condo has a pool that would be a nice quiet home activity to do. Maybe your fam can rotate watching toddler so you can go skiing/take her tubing.
Anonymous
I would absolutely do it and put her in daycare at the slopes.
Leatty
Daycare at the slopes??? I had no idea such a thing existed. Outstanding!
anon
I think that entirely depends on what you are planning on doing. Are you and your husband skiing? Will your parents watch your daughter? The resort likely has daycare, but it will be expensive. Does your daughter like snow? Has she seen snow? Is there stuff to do in the town if you aren’t planning on skiing?
DH and I did not take our son on ski trips at that age because we didn’t want to pay for childcare and we were able to leave him with DH’s parents for a couple trips. Last year we finally took LO with us (he was 3) and he LOVED the snow. We live in a warm climate so it was quite a novelty for him. We had a great trip.
Anon
If she will be the only child at the condo just make sure everyone knows ahead of time about nap time, if that is important to you. (My kids would have been unbearably cranky at 18 months if they skipped their afternoon nap)
You may need to have your own car to come back to the quiet condo for nap time when everyone else is skiing. And by you I mean you and your husband. I think taking turns is a good idea here.
CKB
Banff is in my back yard! We didn’t ski when our boys were toddlers but iknow my bro & sil put my nephew in the daycare at the ski resort when he was little and he loved it. Not sure if you’re coming from someplace that has winter, but playing in the snow with a toddler (snow angels, tossing snow, etc) is pretty fun as long as you’re dressed for the weather. Go to one of the lakes if it’s frozen and walk (carefully) on the ice, or walk on the shore- Two Jack lake would be good for this. And if it’s not too icy, we love hiking Jonston’s Canyon inthe winter. Getting to the lower falls isn’t too far or strenuous and it’s magical in the winter when there’s ice and snow on the river. And the path is well maintained.
Another anonymous judge
I posted this reply earlier so apologies if it shows up twice.
We have been travelling to Banff with our two boys since they were really tiny. Toddlers in the hot springs on a super cold day with a fleece hat on and a swim diaper – enchanting! Being pulled in a sled or in a hiking pack at Johnston Canyon or up towards Mirror Lake at Lake Louise – also sweet!
I can highly recommend My Hotel Sitter (MyHotelSitter dot com) or Childcare Connections in Banff for excellent babysitting services. We used My Hotel Sitter last Christmas for our friends’ daughter and it was amazing. So if you want an adults-only night (dinner at Eden at the Rimrock (divine), or a late night at St. James’ Gate listening to whoever’s playing ), you can do so worry-free, I promise.
Enjoy!!!
Whole30
Talk to me about Whole30. I am interested in trying it to regain control over my diet (currently a mess). The thing that’s preventing me from biting the bullet is do I really need to do strictly Whole30 for the entire 30 days? No break/ cheat meals?
Anonymous
Yeah that’s the entire point of it. Of course you don’t need to it’s an absurd gimmick diet but to do a Whole 30 ya gotta do it.
Anonymous
+1 — the Whole30 would not be my choice for somebody who self-identified their diet as a “mess” but if you’re going to do a ~*~Whole30, it’s not a Whole30 unless you follow the rules. You could do a shorter paleo elimination diet or something and call it that, but it’s not a “Whole30.”
And I spent a lot of time on Whole30 in the past.
Anonymous
I have done it twice without cheating, never lost a pound and don’t think I discovered any food. allergies. Just a lot of effort with little payoff. I think you’d be better served just upping vegetables and cooking at home.
Anonymous
Did you see any other improvements? Better energy levels, no sleepiness in the afternoon, better quality sleep, hair/nails/skin?
I think a lot of people get discouraged after Whole30 because they didn’t lose weight. For me, at least, 30 days isn’t enough time for my body to start losing weight; I have about a 6-8 week lag. It might be enough to see other improvements though.
Anonymous
Yeah nothing really measurable. I also thought the hard core restrictions had me way too focused on food. I think cutting out booze and sweets gives me a better energy boost than cutting out cheese and crackers along with them.
C2
I did Whole30 once, and it wasn’t bad to use as a reset tool. In the middle, some of my friends were doing a special event pizza party and had I decided going in that I would allow myself to attend and enjoy that – I ate half a personal pizza and proceeded to feel awful for two days. Afterwards, I reintroduced things more slowly and nothing reached that level of awful.
Whole30 is fairly extreme, and perhaps you need/want that if your diet is really out of control and you want to develop new habits. If you don’t go fully into the diet, I’d start by encouraging you to think about why it’s out of control and start controlling those issues – are you eating lunch out too often, are you picking up takeout, eating junk food? Maybe start by tracking what you eat for a week, identify where you tend to go off the rails. Plan your meals for the week. Get problem stuff out of your house.
anon
I tried it a few years ago before there were so many approved products. I spent about two weeks preparing by pulling recipes and tracking down compliant ingredients, much of which I had to order from amazon. I made it through 6 days and then had a little breakdown at the end of the week over the nonstop food prep.
I think it is easier to find compliant foods (salad dressing, ketchup, mayo, bacon, etc.) anywhere now. But I think you should be prepared to basically prepare all of your own meals at home. And to eat eggs for breakfast most days unless you can embrace dinner leftovers for breakfast, etc., which will really open up your options.
I will say that I am a believer in the food as medicine movement and within just the six days that I did it, my chronic joint pain was gone and I felt really good. And I definitely felt like it reset my sweet tooth. I have thought about doing it again, but the level of meal planning required is holding me back (I also have 2 picky little eaters and a husband and an already too high grocery bill).
As for cheating, the original purpose behind Whole30 is to eliminate foods that cause inflammation and then gradually reintroduce them separately to see if you are sensitive to dairy, gluten, etc. If you deviated from the rules within the 30 days it may be harder to measure your sensitivity to the eliminated foods.
Anonymous
There is dubious science around this method of challenging sensitivities as well — you remove dairy, your body over time stops producing as many of the digestive enzymes for dairy, so the first few times you eat it you may feel awful as your body ramps back up production. It is not necessarily indicative of a sensitivity and if you have a medical need for an elimination diet, it would be worth seeking out an RD to work with.
Anonymous
That’s interesting. I didn’t know that.
IHHtown
No breaks or cheats. I’ve only ever been able to last for 2 weeks. The sheer amount of time you spend preparing and thinking about food, and avoiding noncompliant food is insane. There is a reason it is not meant to be a permanent eating style. If you do Whole 30, I suggest spending a week or two before you start preparing lunches and dinners that are compliant and freezing them, otherwise you can quite literally spend 3 hrs or more a day preparing food. Who has the time?
Horse Crazy
The purpose of Whole30 for many people is discovering food allergies or if certain foods affect them. I did it without cheating for the entire time and then reintroduced foods one by one, to see if any of them were triggering my migraines (turns out it isn’t food). So if you want to actually do it right, don’t cheat. But if you don’t care, then do cheat. Like someone said above, maybe just start eating mostly paleo.
On DASHer
Try DASH. Way actual-life friendlier. Even in Phase 1 (which is no grains/ no fruits) for 2 weeks.
Marla Heller’s books are helpful.
Anon
Can I just recommend intermittent fasting. Way easier and much less obsessing over food and what’s allowed and what’s not. All you have to do is choose your eating window. Then after some time passes, try to make small incremental improvements and focus on filling your diet with nutritious, healthy foods that you enjoy eating.
Engineering Q
Thanks for all of the advice and help yesterday.
I know that one school (NC State) has a summer engineering camp for high school kids, but didn’t really appreciate that is really a pre-college thing (and not the sort of camps that use college facilities but aren’t in fact college-affiliated) tied into feeding the engineering college (which I believe separately admits students or at least guides their kids along as opposed to random undergrad admits).
[For chemistry minors who were humanities majors, it was definitely not like that. The history department doesn’t have recruits or summer programs; the english and philosophy departments weren’t like that, either.]
Is this just an engineering thing? Like for other majors (chem, math, computer sci, accounting), you can still just apply and dabble a bit before committing to a program as a high schooler?
K
It may be “feeding” the engineering college in the sense that it spreads awareness of the program and kids will be more likely to apply after doing the summer camp, it may not help with admission.
Some colleges have kids apply directly to majors, some just pool them into “undeclared undergrads”. In my college I started in “undeclared engineering” because I knew that I wanted to do engineering, just not sure which one. I switched to Mechanical engineering after one semester. Freshman year classes are pretty standard for all engineering students – physics, chemistry, calculus. They also sprinkle a couple of basic engineering courses in, but it’s not the worst thing in the world to decide to do engineering in your second year – as long as you had taken the required science and math during freshman year.
Anonymous
No. This is just a camp. You seem excessively concerned about this.
Anonymous
I know of one camp at a school where actual professors interact with high school rising sophomores and juniors kids (school guidance counselors / friends seem to be the referral sources; admission isn’t competitive). They tell the kids how to apply to the engineering school, how the school works (unless you were placed out of freshman classes b/c of something like getting a 5 on AB calc or a 3 or higher on BC calc), it is hard to do well in the program if you don’t start in the program as a freshman, etc. It doesn’t help with admission or scholarships. But it does help kids understand expectations and what success looks like (including summer jobs/co-ops).
A lot of kids in my state from rural areas can be underprepared if they are from smaller schools or don’t have parents in the field. I think it can be very helpful (nephew went and had a paying summer job in the field as a freshman even though he was from a school with an average grade size of 50). I hear so many bad things about how high school and college kids can’t/won’t get summer jobs that I wouldn’t have known that in this field that this is quite normal if you are doing it right.
So if you are in a big city and not an engineer and work with high school students, it’s better you understand as much as you can about as much of the world as possible if you want to help them in a meaningful way (or just be a cheerleader, which many kids need, too).
Anon in ATL
I think she is appropriately amount concerned.
Sutemi
I did this engineering camp as a rising HS senior. https://futurestudents.mst.edu/summer-camps/jackling-introduction-to-engineering/
There were mostly in-state students, but a few from other parts of the midwest. It was a way for the school to “feed” students in and introduce them to what engineering was, didn’t help with admission per se but gave me insight into writing the application essay.
I think that there are some coding and robotics camps offered as well.
DCR
I went to a big state U, and you had to apply to each college within it separately to gain admission. So, if you want to major in engineering, you had to apply to the engineering school. If you wanted to study business, the business school. If you wanted to study biology, the biological sciences school. If you wanted to study history, English, or philosophy, the college of liberal arts. If you wanted to study elementary education, the college of education. After starting at the University, you could transfer between schools but you had to be admitted. Some, like business and engineering were hard to transfer in to. Others, like the college of liberal arts, were easy.
From what I remember from applying to schools, this was the process at all of the big state universities.
And, yeah, the summer program is just a camp. It’s not going to gain you admission, but it is a good way to explore whether you want to study engineering and to show all schools to which you are applying that you have a strong interest.
Anonymous
Do you have any friends who went to big state schools? These are pretty basic things that are pretty common at all big state schools, and it might be easier if you just talk to one of your friends about it
Anonymous
Ha! This is the myopia of law. Law is where any of my friends were at a “big” school. My high school crowd was the typical achievement culture crowd that applies to Amherst / Wesleyan / Wellesley, so this is totally n/a to that crowd. The engineer types in that crowd applied to Cornell or Stevens. My school was also pretty immigrant-heavy first-generation to college. My other friends joined the military / went to service academies (where you can be an engineer) / are civil servants who often went to county college while working full-time.
Seriously though this is so awesome that you all have knowledge and share it. Next up — google local friends to find a live engineering person in my city.
Anonymous
I’m not sure I understand your answer. But if you have attorney friends who did undergrad at a big state school, they can explain the basic to you. It just sounds like you need a basic description of those types of schools, and anyone who graduated from one should be able to do so even if they were not in engineering/sciences. Or at least I assume, as a former big state school science major who is now an attorney.
I just know for me, I wouldn’t know what questions to ask. Have an interactive discussion would be more helpful, since it can lead to questions you don’t know to post.
Maudie Atkinson
OP–it might also be helpful if you explained your objective a little. Are you trying to offer advice or guidance to a prospective engineering student? Are you looking to become a mid-career engineer?
Anonymous
At least for chem/physics if you plan to get a Bachelor science instead of bachelor’s arts you need to declare by the end of the first year at the latest. Even if you don’t officially declare you need to be taking the pre-req classes.
Anonymous
Yes, this. If you are advising pre-STEM students, please let them know that they need to be taking the recommended first year classes for which ever STEM major they are interested in their first year. If not, it is almost impossible to catch up without doing a fifth year. Hard science majors (especially an accredited degree like Chemistry-ACS, which has the same course of study at every school in the US) do not have any more leeway than engineering majors.
Anonymous
+1 – even with a BA (what I have, all my school offered) you needed to know pretty early on (freshman) that they was something you were thinking about because most of the courses built on each other. So you take Gen Chem your freshman year, O Chem as a sophmore to stay on track, but the the rest of the requirements were flexible.
But – it’s to the benefit to not backload everything until later because trying to fit all the lab section work into your schedule can be a challenge if you’ve left everything until junior/senior year. So, I would say it’s to the student’s advantage to plan as if they will do a science major if they are even considering it as a possibility.
flashback
Wow — I remember O chem. I was too poor to justify buying the kits of neutrons, electrons, and protons and had to go by my art skills in rendering 3D molecules on paper with my ability to shade and remember that dashed lines receded.
I felt like it was the hill I kind of died on (maybe I should have sprung for the molecule kit???).
I really want to re-do the course now that I could get instate tuition in my transplant state (and our State U is pretty good). Not that it matters in my life now, just to my pride.
Can a grownup with a BA just register for one class at State U? I don’t want a degree, just my dignity back. [Or maybe, technically yes, but they don’t make classes for working adults, so probably not going to work out.]
MagicUnicorn
You could audit a class. Have to pay, but less than a credit-seeking student (although you might be bumped out in favor of a credit-seeking student if the class is full). Audit students pretty much just sit in on lectures and can ask questions, usually don’t have to do homework or take exams. Not sure whether you can audit a lab.
Nerfmobile
Check out your local community college, too. Intro Organic Chem should be an ordinary class there.
Anonymous
+1. Which is why big schools have dedicated schools/departments for this, so that they have advisors who can explain what order to take the classes in to the students who have declared a major in their department.
Science Professor
I posted yesterday, but just to reiterate, the most important thing to know is whether your students have to apply to an engineering college when they apply to the university and how hard it is to transfer into later if they change their minds. All STEM students need to be taking math and science classes from their first year on if they want to finish in four years, but there’s a little flexibility about what their initial major is, especially if they have AP credit. But at some universities, if you don’t apply to the College of Engineering and declare some sort of engineering major, you’re not allowed to take engineering classes and it can be very difficult to transfer into the college (I’m not entirely clear why- I think this is mostly a consequence of public universities being chronically underfunded). I would strongly encourage them to consider engineering if they’re interested- at the very least, having a strong quantitative background will serve them well in other fields, and it’s much easier to switch out of it than to switch in later. They certainly don’t need to attend a summer camp, but it could be a good way to get a sense of what engineering is about.
Nesprin
This- All STEM except bio has to take calculus series as fast as possible at most universities, and these programs are often impacted so the only way in is when you apply. (X professors x Y student teacher ratio often limits things..)
Engineering camps are a way to encourage kids to take on the major and to demonstrate that the school is trying to broaden participation.
MagicUnicorn
No, this is not just an “engineering thing.” Frankly, and I am not trying to be mean but realistic, you don’t sound as though you are qualified to be offering educational planning guidance to high school students given your lack of understanding about this. If you do want to help these students, you would benefit tremendously from looking at the course catalogs and class requirements (including pre-reqs) for various majors in STEM (physics, chemistry, engineering, pure math, etc.), and then compare those to non-STEM fields. You do not seem to grasp how rigorous the schedule is for hard sciences.
STEM majors can “dabble” to some extent within other STEM majors before committing, but since each field is so specialized the prerequisites mean that students need to commit early on if they want to graduate in 4 years. It’s not a matter of just buckling down and studying harder if students want to switch to a STEM major in their junior year of college, it’s that you need 3+ solid years of ever-more-specialized classes that build on also-specialized previous course work. For instance, you can’t just decide to take Calc 1, 2, 3, and differential equations in your last year; that is 4 full semesters. And even if you go through the summers, you need those 4 calc classes as the basis for your upper-level science classes, so you need them earlier in your college career if you hope to graduate on time.
MagicUnicorn
One more point: many schools offer non-calc-based science classes, such as chemistry and physics, that are watered down to be more palatable to non-science majors. These classes do not tend to transfer over if you want to jump to a STEM major; students usually have to retake the calc-based equivalent.
waffles
As I mentioned yesterday, my courseload was completely full with mandatory classes right from the first semester of engineering undergrad. So I feel that there is no option to “dabble” in engineering. Part of the reason for the full courseload is to make engineering a rigorous program. Many schools, in my experience, expect a lot of the first-year students will drop out because of the workload.
On the other hand, some schools have a general first year within the faculty of engineering to allow students time to decide on their stream, or to change to a different stream. My university did not have that, and we had to make a commitment when we applied.
Another option that was available at my school, as I mentioned yesterday, was to start in engineering and to drop down to a science program where the courseload is lighter.
Ranon
I can’t speak to other programs but when I applied to a large state school I had to apply to the engineering school and my freshman year was core engineering classes as well as advanced math and sciences. I was in a residence hall community that was not engineering based and all of my floor mates took different math and sciences than me and those classes would not meet STEM requirements. You could apply to the college and not the engineering school but then you would be looking at five years of undergrad. I had a roommate who was pre-dental and then changed to audiology, she took five years to graduate. If a student is remotely interested in STEM, my advice would be to apply to the program of interest in order to take the courses that will carry into that major. For example if a student takes and engineering calculus class, that will generally fulfill any math requirement, whereas if they take math 101 it will not fulfill and STEM math requirement. Aside from a few majors I would think that not taking relevant courses right away would likely result in more than four years in undergrad.
Anonymous
I think most majors outside of the humanities require you to know basically from the state of college what your major will be, at least the general category, if you want to graduate in 4 years. I was a biology major, and that required classes from the start of freshman year since they all build on each other. I could probably have switched to chemistry or math my freshmen year without adding any time, since I was already taking those classes. But if I had switched to engineering or physics, it would have required an additional year.
highlands
Love this pick!
Reposting from the afternoon thread yesterday–thanks to Cb and Lau for the great suggestions! My fiance and I just settled on Scotland for our honeymoon. What are our must-dos? Any suggested itineraries? We like hiking, history, cozy pubs, and Scotch. We’ll have a full week next June (with a few extra days in London, which we have a handle on).
Anonymous
Drive up to Isle of Skye. Fairy Glen in Uig. Tour a scotch distillery or four. Hike, lots of options. In Edinburgh, anything and everything related to Harry Potter. Take the Hogwarts Express train, AKA the Jacobite steam train. You will end up re-reading Harry Potter. Get out of Edinburgh and explore the countryside. Take an historical walking tour with Sandeman. Skip Loch Ness.
emeralds
Thank you! Fairy Glen looks stunning, and the Jacobite steam train looks super-fun.
We do plan to spend most of our time out in the countryside. I’d like to see Edinburgh, but I think we’re okay with only a day there.
Anonymous
If you want to enjoy whiskey, it’s best to book a tour or at least a private driver. Scotland has a basically zero tolerance drinking and driving law; you can’t have even a sip of hard liquor and still drive legally.
I loved the Isle of Skye. Lots of hiking and stunning scenery. You need at two full days to really appreciate it, three if you can swing it. I’d hang out in Inverness for at least a full day too. It also breaks up the drive. Ben Nevis outside of Fort William has a ton of hiking and there are a few cute towns nearby – worth another two days.
emeralds
Good to know about the strictness of their drinking and driving laws, thank you. We obviously want to make sure we’re safe and obeying the law (although I do wonder how it works in practice?).
It seems like the Isle of Skye is a must. The area around Ben Nevis also seems like it’s right up our alley. I’ll check out Inverness.
Anonymous
As a local, the law only changed in recent years and people just don’t drink and drive or at least it’s really not socially acceptable to say you do. You can have just under a pint (men, women are more like half pint) and drive legally so people often will have one with a meal. It’s probably more common in remote areas but those areas also have the worst accidents. For whisky tours, most only give you a single dram at the end unless it’s a specific tasting tour. If you are buying a bottle they will usually let you taste first if it’s the distillery shop.
lsw
We went to Scotland for our honeymoon and loved it! Our favorite place we stayed was the Corriegour Lodge. Awesome experience. The Jacobite steam train was amazing (we are train people). We also just stopped random places as we drove around the countryside and those were some of our best experiences. Have so much fun!
emeralds
The Corriegour Lodge looks stunning–those views! And it’s budget-friendly, too. Thanks for the rec!
Anonymous
We just took our honeymoon in Scotland in April!!
We spent 5 nights in a DARLING cottage and used that as our base for exploring. Seriously, this was storybook. The sheep right outside the cottage kindly posed for pictures ;)
Shepherd’s Cottage
Achintee Farm
Glen Nevis, Ft. William
PH33 6TE
Ph: 01397 702240
The cottage is right at the base of Ben Nevis, which we hiked our first day since the weather was bright and sunny. There’s a pub with live music just a short distance (70 yards?) from the cottage and the people are great and so is the food (they have traditional meals and burgers – the pigeon was SO GOOD). (We ate there on the nights we were too tired from adventures to go far afield for meals.)
We did tons of exploring around Glencoe and really enjoyed it. We both have Scottish ancestors, so we spent a few days visiting clan sites, etc.
There’s a distillery in Fort William called Ben Nevis Distillery. It may not be terribly famous, but because it’s small, you get an incredible tour – they walk you right through every step, up close and personal. And the tour guide is someone who’s been working there making whiskey for decades, not a “tour guide”, ya know?
Early on, we discovered the grocery store called Co-op and they have delicious ready-made sandwiches at the front of their stores. (A grab and go section like our stores have.) We’d get those (I loved their egg salad; the chicken curry salad was also really good) and a bag of crisps (Tyrell’s – SO GOOD) and some lovely UK chocolate and seltzer and eat an affordable lunch while we were out exploring.
Edinburgh really wasn’t our scene. After the serenity of the highlands, it was just too crowded. Because we had booked two days there, we decided to get out of town, and I discovered possibly one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever been, Holy Island. It’s one of those tidal islands that can only be reached during low tide, and there’s a quaint little village with little shops and beautiful views. It’s had monasteries on it since 600 AD.
Oh, and if you happen to fly into Glasgow (the cheapest option for us), the drive up to Fort William on A82 was gorgeous!! So many photos from our first day <3
Let me know if you have any questions!
emeralds
Thank you so much! Everything you mentioned looks right up our alley :)
Anonymous
I have only been to Edinburgh, but one of my best friends is an ex-pat living in Edinburgh who seems to go all over the country, and her favorite place she’s been is Isle of Skye.
emeralds
Thank you! It looks like we’re definitely going to Skye :)
EM84
Been to Scotland several times and it is one of my favorite spots. Each time we hired a car and travelled to specific areas to get to know them well. I especially enjoyed the following:
Edinburgh – great atmosphere, nice food and drinks, good place to buy all gifts (whisky, wool and leather products).
Glencoe, Rannoch Moor – hiking and enjoying the views (we were lucky to see deers in rut)
Royal Lochnagar Distillery – great atmosphere and tour, amazing staff who made the tour interesting for a group of 4 girls and turned us to whisky appreciators
Isle of Skye – I liked the Fairy Pools and hiking to Old Man of Storr, seal watching in Armadale, hike to Point of Sleat beach (g**gle it!) and I loved the hike to Talisker Bay (owning the mansion is now my retirement goal). Do not leave the island without stopping at Armadale Hotel for the best Gin&Tonic tasting – try Harris Gin – their bartender has a knack for the right combo and garnishes. Storr and Fairy Pools may be crowded during summer, still, totally worth it.
St Andrews – we went from Edinburgh to St Andrews and stopped by many beautiful places (I remeber a village where restaurants served only crabs and lobsters).
Stop in local bars in the evening for a traditional pub dinner and live music.
Enjoy!
emeralds
Thank you so much for the detailed recs!
Haggis
Glasgow, Edinburgh and Inverness are all very different and have their own good points but I wouldn’t do more than a day in Inverness or Edinburgh. Inverness is really very small and doesn’t have much to see compared to elsewhere. Glasgow has a large range of free museums depending on what you are interested in and I think Stirling Castle is more interesting than Edinburgh Castle. Skye is lovely and easy to access as is the Isle of Arran. St Andrews is a good choice and the east neuk of fife has plenty of fishing villages, Anstruther is famous for fish and chips. Loch Lomond is also very central with lots of options for hiking. Going from Glasgow to Skye by car is a lovely drive and lets you also take in Loch Lomond and Fort William on the way. A good photo opportunity on the way is Eilean Donan Castle. Most supermarkets have a good selection of Whisky and gin/micro breweries are popping up everywhere. Haggis is also a must!
Thistle
There is a lot of press lately saying Skye is so full of tourists that people can’t find places to stay or eat. If you do go then book on advance.
CX
We did a Scotland honeymoon as well! Rabbie’s Islay Whiskey Tasting Tour was really fun. We spent a few days in Edinburgh on either side of the tour and had a great time. The Scotch Whiskey Experience’s Master Class was fun too if you want to really nerd out on Scotch.
Minnie Beebe
I “don’t do prints” but LOVE this dress. Very nice!
anon
I have the end-of-summer blahs. Vacation is over, school started yesterday, and my motivation to work, exercise, or do much of anything is gone. Anyone else experiencing a seasonal slump?
Anonymous
I too am experiencing a seasonal slump, but it’s a summer slump. Summer is the most difficult time of year for me–I always end up with tons of work-related travel, and when I’m home there is the constant struggle with summer child care transportation. This week I am working from home so I can pick my daughter up from one activity at lunchtime and carpool her to another in late afternoon. Last night she got home two hours past everyone’s bedtime and the entire household is a tired, cranky mess. I am coming off of three straight weeks of travel, including work travel and a family vacation, and am out of my workout routine. I have tons of work to get done and zero motivation. I cannot wait for school to start so we can all get back into a groove.
Silk comforter
I’m a hot sleeper and finally sprung for a silk comforter. I believe the outside cover is cotton with some specific thread count and the inside is pure silk.
I’m worried about it looking new for years to come without a duvet cover. DH believes putting anything over the comforter would take away from it’s breathability function.
What cover would you suggest for it? Vicarious shopping is totally appreciated.
Or if you agree with DH, how do you keep a plain white comfortable clean and make it look good and “finished” in your bedroom.
P.s. what is the difference between a duvet and comforter or those terms interchangeable?
TIA
Godzilla
Link to the silk comforter?
OP
http://smartsilk.com/smartsilk_en/bed-essentials/the-comforter
They had it at our local costco so it comes with Costco’s two year warranty plus the brands 8? year one
Panda Bear
How about a linen duvet cover? I just got one from Rough Linen. Very cool and breathable; as needed, I machine wash and air dry.
Good question re: duvet vs. comforter. I guess they technically are the same thing, but in association with the cover, I’ve always heard ‘duvet cover’, never ‘comforter cover’.
Aunt Jamesina
Yes, I think a linen or even cotton duvet cover should breathe just fine. I’m big on natural fibers for both clothing and bedding, and I’ve always had either linen or cotton covers on my down comforter, and they breathe very well.
Jaydee
My sense is that a comforter is basically the same as a duvet insert but often has a colored or patterned exterior, so it doesn’t really “need” a cover, whereas a duvet insert usually has a white/off white exterior and the covers allow you to coordinate it with whatever bedding you buy. Also, duvets are maybe more likely to be down-filled, and therefore can’t be washed (so you wash the cover) while comforters are usually synthetic-filled and can be washed if you have access to large enough laundry machines.
Aunt Jamesina
I’ve washed my down comforters in large washing machines and dried in the dryer just fine many times over the years. They really are machine washable.
Anonymous
Please tell me about your silk comforter! I’m a very hot sleeper. I LOVE the look of duvets/comforters but they’re usually too hot for me, so I just sleep with a quilt. Does silk help?
Anon
I’m with your husband here. You bought this because you’re a hot sleeper. Adding a cover, even if breathable, is going to add more weight and more warmth. I’d figure out how to clean the comforter and just use it as intended.
COtoNY
The website you shared has cleaning instructions- wash on delicate, tumble dry low or hang dry. It also suggests using 100% cotton or half cotton/half polyester linens, which suggests that you could put a duvet cover over it if you want.
a lawyer
I bought a set of 100 percent linen sheets last year and use nothing but them during the summer.
I also bought a Courtyard by Marriott coverlet, which has about the same weight as a sheet and use that in the summer. I think you could put that on top of your silk comforter and then fold it back out of the way for sleeping.
https://smile.amazon.com/Courtyard-Marriott-Hotel-Rippled-Coverlet/dp/B00HUXBB80/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1534299129&sr=8-2&keywords=marriott+coverlet
Anonymous
Figured I’d try one more time – is anyone going to the Compact Summer Camp hosted by A Practical Wedding?
Anonymous
Any update on not moderating every comment?
Reaching Out
Would appreciate any thoughts, comments, advice on reaching out to an old friend. We became close friends through work, then both of us moved on to different companies in the same small city. Then a few years ago I ghosted her. The friendship was feeling very one sided in that only what was happening to her was important. She was extremely stressed and under a lot of pressure at her new job. Meanwhile, from her perspective, the only thing going on in my life was the need to find a new trash can (I had put a hole through the old one out of extreme frustration). And I was in the middle of breaking up with my family, whom I now haven’t talked to in two years. So I think I was feeling extra sensitive about only having people around who felt supportive. And she said some things that felt dismissive or uncaring. And spending time just by myself felt pretty damn good. Anyway, our paths are starting to cross again because of our jobs. I was thinking of asking her to coffee. I’m not expecting her to be my friend again if she hates me because of what happened. But if she does hate me, is reaching out a bad idea? Is there something I need to apologize for? It doesn’t feel like it, but who knows what people want to hear. I don’t blame her or have any animosity towards her. How would someone react or handle this situation?
Anonymous
You ghosted her at a time of a lot of stress for her. Yes you have something to apologize for. If you don’t see that don’t bother reaching out.
Anon
“If you don’t see that don’t bother reaching out.” Yes, this!
Reaching Out
I met her several times a week so she could vent about work and I listened and sympathized and offered advice where appropriate and this went on for several months. But the time I brought up needing to buy a new trash can because of a fight with my husband and the time I was crying because I decided to not see my family for Thanksgiving after the election – these were painful times for me, and she responded with indifference. In other words, I was constantly showing up and supporting and the few times I shared what was happening with me (cause she never asked) she treated like a inconvenience to her vent session. How long would you let a one-sided friendship go on before you needed to spend time alone?
Anonymous
That’s totally fine. I’m not saying you are 100% wrong. But you do have something to apologize for: ghosting. That’s wasn’t great. And if you aren’t at a point where you can genuinely say “I’m sorry I disappeared. I should have talked to you” then there is no point to reaching out.
anon
I understand that you feel the relationship was one-sided. But as someone who has been on the other side of this, you have to realize that the ghosting is extremely hurtful and that there were other options to ghosting. In hindsight, I realize I was doing lots of venting after a move to a new city where I didn’t know anyone. But then constantly trying to reach out and getting no response was so incredibly hurtful. It wasn’t until years later that I found out why she ghosted me. If she had just had an honest chat with me to calm my venting down and let me know she was going through difficult times too I would have been very receptive. But I was never given the chance.
anon
Then why are you trying to reach out to her? If you didn’t like the way she was treating you, why are you trying again?
I had a good friend indicate she didn’t like how I was acting. I cooled off contact with her and she kept reaching out. I was baffled because she pretty much told me she didn’t like how I was acting so why would she want to hang out?
BeenThatGuy
I don’t think you need to apologize because it sounds like you both acted poorly. I would suggest bringing it up so there is no elephant in the room. A simple acknowledgement of “I don’t like the way things ended with us” would do it. If it develops into a larger conversation, so be it.
Anonymous
If you can sincerely say “I don’t like the way things ended with us. I wish I had acted differently. I’d love to catch up over coffee sometime if you’d be open to that” then I think you should. Otherwise, I don’t think it’s worth opening up that can of worms again.
jeepers creeeprs
Why do you want to reconnect? Do you think she’ll prioritize you/be more supportive this time? If you’re committed to the decision to reconnect, I’d just reach out gently and ask if she’d like to meet for coffee/catch up as you are planning. I think you have to adjust your response to hers — if she’s enthusiastic then probably no apologies are needed other than maybe “I’m sorry we lost touch, let’s meet up again soon.” If she’s like “You owe me an apology … It was wrong of you not to respond to me back then,” etc. Well, you can decide what you want to do with that.
Reaching Out
We are likely to start crossing paths a lot professionally.
anon
“Is there something I need to apologize for? ”
Yes. Ghosting her. This behavior is hurtful an inappropriate, even if your concerns about an unbalanced friendship are valid (and it sounds like they are, I’m not trying to say they are not.) I would not be friends with someone who engaged in this type of juvenile, selfish, and cowardly behavior. Why do you want to reach out to her, just so it’s not awkward professionally? Sounds like you don’t want to rekindle the friendship, or regret ghosting her or want to apologize, or really feel any empathy for her, so don’t force her to interact with you for no benefit to her. Yes, if she hates you, reaching out just to what, soothe yourself? (again, you don’t think you need to apologize) is not a good use of her time or emotional energy.
I say this as someone who got an email from a former close friend who behaved awfully over one issue and basically ghosted me. 5 years later, sending a message basically apologizing and wanting to talk it out, saying that he valued our friendship. Boy, please. Maybe you’re going through therapy and you were told to reach out to everyone you feel you’ve pissed off, but don’t burden me with your emotions about this. I’ve moved on, you’re not a part of my life any more, I’m over it and don’t feel like making any emotional efforts to make *you* feel better for little to no benefit (he was in another state so its not like I’d have re-made a great friend).
friendships are hard
I empathize with your situation! Have dealt with many similar situations where friendships dissolve and it is always painful, no matter who “ghosts” whom. I think it would be the brave, noble and right thing to reach out. An invitation to coffee or email highlighting what you miss/appreciate about her and your hopes for your future connection may be a good idea. No need to dwell on the past or over-explain. Sometimes going that route has created more turmoil for me or left me disappointed with the other person’s lack of or over-reaction. Sounds like you did the best thing for you at the time to take care of yourself. Good luck!!
Marshmallow
Did you ghost her as in, you both did a slow fade? Or did you actually ignore her calls and texts? If the former, only a very gentle apology like “I’m sorry we drifted apart” is necessary. If the latter, you need a really heartfelt apology for treating her in such a hurtful way.
Anon
I am putting myself in your friend’s shoes and I would not want you to invite me to coffee. That just sounds like a whole lot of awkward I wouldn’t want to deal with now that the friendship has ended. Ask yourself whether you’re doing this to make yourself feel less guilty. Because if that’s the only reason, there’s nothing in it for your former friend.
My advice is to keep it light and professional and superficially friendly and only have work conversations when you’re around each other.
Senior Attorney
I won’t tell you what to do, but I will share that I had a similar falling out with a former very close friend, and we reconnected briefly (it was emotional and we were both very happy to be back in contact) only to have a relatively spectacular falling-out (this one permanent) in pretty short order. I feel like with both friends and lovers, the issues that lead to a breakup usually are still there if you try to reconcile.
Gym bag?
I’m joining a gym for the first time in my life. My plan is to go in the mornings before work, and then directly to work. What kind of bag do I need? I expect I’ll need workout clothes, sneakers, toiletries… I carry a large leather tote (Cuyana) as my everyday bag, so I think I’d like something with a handheld and shoulder option.
Any recommendations or tips? Any advice on the gear/stuff aspect of gym going? TIA!
Anonymous
My gym bag is just a nylon tote from Old Navy. No need to get fancy…about any of this :) Old Navy also has great affordable workout gear for starting out. If you’re large busted, Panache makes super sports bras (and there are some great knock-offs on Amazon for a fraction of the price). Get whatever cute shoes you like – DSW or a sporting goods store is a good place to start.
Don’t get intimidated by people who say you need XYZ gear. It’s just not true. Have fun, work up a little sweat, and enjoy getting healthy.
Oh, your gym will likely have a shelf full of clean white towels to use as sweat rags. Use them as needed. Also good to use to cover mats before you lay down on them. Your gym should also have disinfecting wipes or spray with paper towels – wipe down all equipment after you use it (and I personally always wiped it before, too, just in case the last person didn’t).
Gyming
If you can swing it, go for a gym that provides the essentials. It made such a difference in my motivation to go when i didnt have to lug pounds of products and supplies.
There are a ton of cute bag options on Amazon. I really like my shoe compartment (i have a pair of shower flipflops that live in there and add my regular shoes depending on outfit daily). I sort things in my bag with minibags (usually the type that come free with cosmetic purchases). I have one for the shower- razors, body oil, dry shampoo. One that fits deodorant, sunscreen, wet hair comb, perfume, my small makeup bag, and extra makeup I like to use occasionally like a bright red lipstick. I also have a super tiny pouch for my jewelry.
I also have a plastic bag in there that i reuse for my dirty gym clothes which keeps everything else feeling clean.
When I get home from work the gym bag goes with me so every day jewelry tends to go directly in the jewlery pouch etc.
I also like my little side pocket for throwing in my phone, headphones, keys which are easily accessible when everything is packed away.
Gyming
This is the one i have, I’ve been using it for about two months and love it. It’s cheap but sturdy
MarsBro Water Resistant Sports Gym… https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07515P3RL?ref=yo_pop_ma_swf
pugsnbourbon
I have a MarsBro backpack that I LOVE! I don’t use it for gym stuff, but it’s been a great value for the price – good brand!
Anon
It sounds like you need a classic gym bag.
My 15yo son has this one in another color. It’s very lightweight but durable. He uses it as his only travel bag as well. (What can I say, a 15 year old boy traveling only needs a swimsuit, a couple of t shirts and shorts and some underwear)
Anon
https://www.urbanoutfitters.com/shop/jansport-hipster-duffle-bag
Link to gym bag
Houda
I carry an Adidas duffel, the guys around me have also small duffles from nameless brands, Tommy Hilfiger and umbro. Some women in the building carry bags by Sweaty Betty.
Second the finding a gym that has all the necessities. I am in a gym for working professionals so they have everything in it from towels to hair dryers and even an ironing board and iron.
And congrats on taking that leap. I’m still trying to keep my pace
JS
I love my lululemon backpack. Let’s me be handsfree for purse, badge, etc.
Keep an extra set of at least leggings and sports bra (I find I always forget those). A nice cooling facial mist for after your shower and before makeup.
Horse Crazy
I bought a fairly cheap Adidas duffel on Amazon (couldn’t have been over $30). I agree with finding a gym that has necessities – my old gym had shampoo, conditioner, and body wash in the showers, which was great, and I used them every day. They also had lotion, but I didn’t like the smell, so I brought my own. I would bring a toiletries bag with deodorant, hair styling products, and facial wipes, and then throw my makeup bag into the gym bag in the mornings.
I like the Ideology workout clothes from Macys.
Lillers
Yay you! What a great habit to get into. I find that when I workout in the AM, I feel so much more energized throughout the day.
Does your gym offer locker rentals? Mine does and it really helps. I keep my gym shoes, toiletries/makeup and travel steamer in my locker. Because of that, I only use my gym bag to carry a towel and bring my dirty clothes home. I wear my workout clothes to the gym and carry my work clothes in a garment bag I hang directly in the locker while I’m working out. Office shoes are kept at the office (but that is because I commute).
If your gym doesn’t have locker rentals, I would use two bags: one bag for your work clothes (to keep them wrinkle-free and smelling fresh) and another smaller bag for your toiletries and dirty gym clothes. I kept my toiletries in a mesh bag and my makeup in a small zippered pouch.
Have fun and enjoy your membership!!
BigLaw Sr Assoc
I would suggest a simple duffel or simple backpack. You shouldn’t need anything too large.
Anonymous
I’ve been either a morning or lunch time gym goer for 15+ years and I have way too many opinions on this. So I will share, and hope this isn’t over sharing. I have a gym bag with a dedicated shoe compartment. In my gym bag I have dedicated toiletries (including a 2nd set of make up and hair products) for the gym – if they never come out, you can’t forget them! If you can rent a locker – that is ideal. I would leave the bag, shoes, and toiletries at the gym, and take my workout clothes daily in a smaller bag.
When I work out in the morning I go to the gym dressed for work and take my gym clothes in a bag. My clothes get less wrinkled and I am not likely to forget an essential item of my outfit (bras tend to get forgotten, going to work in a sweaty sports bra is not good). Even my low rent gym has a steamer even if I do get a little wrinkled. If the gym’s towels aren’t large enough to cover you, consider getting some turkish towels. They are super small to pack, and provide good coverage.
I hope you enjoy it. The beginning might be hard. You will likely forget something, or everything will take much longer than you thought. But stick with it. I find working out in the am so amazing! Good luck!
Anonymous
This is going to be a new one I think. When they have the sports illustrated body issue and other tasteful nude body shots, and they are using celebrities or athletes (i.e., not models), how do they get those shots? Like is the celebrity completely naked around the crew, or do they photoshop out a thong? If they are naked, you’d think they would be worried about some of their private bits being accidentally leaked online.
Of Counsel
I do not know for certain, but for many of the male athletes who are accustomed to locker rooms (with press allowed), I suspect they are just desensitized. They are so used to walking around naked with strangers with cameras in the room, that they do not care.
There are some famous instances of hockey players accidentally getting caught in the frame while someone else is being filmed. (There was a incident involving Claude Giroux at Worlds one year casually walking around in the background stark naked while Tyler Seguin was being taped drinking from the trophy.)
AZCPA
Generally they are truly nude, though photoshopping out undergarments is usually an option if the person strongly prefers it. The sets for those shoots are closed, with vetted and trusted small crews.
Between shots, someone is standing right there with a robe so that the person can be covered as they change positions and locations.
Anon
I’m the poster who wrote recently about asking about remote work during a phone interview. I asked if they would be open to working from home 1-2 days a week since my public transit commute would be 1 hour 45 minutes one way (without exceptional traffic). The job declined to have me progress to the in-person interview stage because they “really need someone in the office five days a week.” Should I conclude that the job was never going to be a fit or should I have waited until the in-person interview/offer stage to even bring it up? I know for a fact that the organization does allow at least some people to work from home one day a week, so it can’t have been totally out of left field.
In-House in Houston
Yeah, I think you blew it. You should’ve brought this up way later in the game. They needed to really like you and want you for the job before you asked for this. That way, it would’ve been something they could do to keep you because you were the best candidate for the job. But by asking for it early on in the process, you just gave them a reason to reject you. Sorry, but at least you learned a good lesson.
Anonymous
+1
Aunt Jamesina
You can only go on what you know, so I would conclude it was never a good fit. And frankly, for me, I’d never be willing to have a 3.5 hours of my day taken up by my commute even once or twice a week. I think you’d get tired of it very quickly.
Anonymous
WFH is an earned privilege at the places I’ve worked. You prove yourself for the first year and then you get to WFH once a week/as needed/as agreed. It’s not something I would proactively bring up, as much as I’d try to indirectly feel it out with a question about culture.
a
IME companies that otherwise may be flexible about WFH often have a probationary period when they want you to be able to come in the office 5 days. It could be that they took your question to mean that you were unwilling to come in 5-days per week at all, even for a probationary period. I would say better practice is to wait until you’re in the office for an interview to ask the question and also scope out the office, e.g., if there’s a mention of Jane who you’d normally meet with, but Thursday is the day she works at home.
That being said… that’s a pretty significant commute, and you may have not wanted the job if you had to commute 5 days a week; alternatively, asking about it may have given credence to their concerns that you lived far enough away that it may be a bad fit. I’d chalk it up to a lesson learned and if you’re in this situation again and the commute/WFH is NOT a deal-breaker, wait until the in-person interview to ask the questions.
Minerva
Honestly, the job probably wasn’t a good fit. But my gut would have been to wait until the offer stage to bring this up. People might have interpreted it as not being committed to the job, being “difficult,” etc. Not that I think this is a correct interpretation, but being on hiring committees, you would be shocked at the things people say to weed through candidates.
Anonymous
Yeah as we told you this wasn’t a good idea. If you need the job you wait for an offer. You blew it.
lawsuited
You may also have inadvertently raised concerns about your potential attendance and longevity in the position by indicating that your commute would be 1.75 hours each way on a good day. Employers know that commutes like that lead to lateness, absenteeism, burnout and high turnover.
anon
+1
Your long commute is your problem, and could scare off potential employers. I would not ask for WFH during an interview next time, and would refrain from speaking negatively about a long commute as well.
Anon
Ugh. Thanks everyone. FML.
Aunt Jamesina
Oh Anon, I’m really sorry you didn’t get the job you wanted. I know what a slog it is to be endlessly applying, find a job that sounds like a good fit, and then get passed over. It really sucks. But I think most people would be absolutely miserable commuting for nearly four hours a day multiple times per week. And I know most workplaces I’ve been only offer WFH setups to long-term, proven employees (if at all). I know in my workplace, if a promising candidate sprung the “I’d like to WFH” conversation at the offer stage, it wouldn’t go over well for all but the most senior positions. It’s not personal, but you and this job weren’t the right fit.
Anon
Thanks, Aunt Jamesina. I needed that today.
Aunt Jamesina
You’ll get through it! Promise.
Cookbooks
Nope, this happens to me, too. A comment disappears into the ether with no notice, and it then appears later in the day.
Lilliet
That’s the way moderation works. Right below the comment box is this very clear statement “Thank you for commenting. On the off chance that your comment goes to moderation, note that a moderation message will only appear if you enter an email address. If you have any questions please check out our commenting policy.”
anon
Aww, is this your first day here?
Lilliet
Actually, I’ve been here for almost double digit years. I agree there’s been issues with moderation recently. But the fact that you don’t get a notice that you’ve gone into moderation when not using an email address is the policy.
Off chance
Sure, but this isn’t “the off chance” any more…it’s more like “on the off chance your post actually, ya know, posts…”
Lilliet
Sure, but extensive moderation wasn’t the complaint.
Lilliet
If you use your email address, that sounds like a problem. If you don’t, sounds like the moderation is occurring as it states it would.
Anon
Any other women with immune disorders causing some immunodeficiency here? I have kind of a random question – have your doctors ever advised you to 100% avoid eating oysters, sushi, raw cheese, etc.? I don’t eat oysters (never tried them), but I eat sushi, poke, and raw cheese and it occurred to me that it might not be smart. I haven’t been specifically advised not to, but my doctor seemed so rushed at our first visit that I’m not sure that it shouldn’t have come up (and yes, looking for a new doctor).
BeenThatGuy
I have an autoimmune disease and I try to eat a mostly plant based diet. It has a significant impact on my symptoms and was recommended to me by my Rheumatologist.
Anon
I am on a Paleo diet for my autoimmune stuff and it has worked wonders! Prescribed by my doctor.
Anon o anon
I have a primary immunodeficiency (no autoimmune) and nutrition hasn’t come up in my doc appointments. However, I graduated with an undergrad degree in nutrition, so docs usually assume I know what I’m doing and ask if I have questions or tell me the big categories of what to avoid.
Anonymous
Would you ever date a man who admitted to having been violent with an ex in the somewhat distant past? I’ve been dating a man for about four months who I thought was wonderful, kind, and giving. He recently told me about some of his past relationships. Most ended amicably, according to him. But one was incredibly toxic. He says that she would hit him during arguments and on a couple of occasions he hit her back. He described in detail each time he hit her. He says he is remorseful and he accepts responsibility for his actions. He has been in therapy for this and depression and he’s in a much better place now. He has some ongoing contact with his ex – he’s close to her son so he babysits for her and watches the child when she goes on vacation or out of town for work. They’re on friendly terms. He felt he needed to tell me all of this before we get more serious.
I don’t know what to do with this information. If you’d asked me last week I’d say cut and run if a man has ever raised a hand to a woman. This behavior is wholly unlike the man I thought I knew. I told him I need some time to process this. I don’t even know where to start.
Anonymous
No. It would always be in the back of my mind.
Anonymous
I would cut and run. Wayyy to much drama. His ex hit him, he hit her, and they still see each other?!? Minimally, I hate his boundaries.
Anonymous
If he is still involved in any way with a toxic ex, that would be a deal-breaker (it’s not his kid too).
Anonymous
to me, it depends on how long they were together. If it was a long time (i.e. multiple years) and he was the only father figure that the son knew, then I think it’s great that he is still in that role for the boy. I would have less respect for him if he “played dad” when dating the mom, and then dropped the boy because they broke up. It’s not the boy’s fault they broke up.
Anonymous
If he had a violent relationship with the mom he’s much better off out of this kids life completely.
OP
They were together for 5 years and biodad isn’t in the picture. I totally understood why he would want to continue to be a father to this child. But that was before I knew there was violence. It doesn’t seem like it’s in the kid’s best interest to have these two adults in his life if they’re going to behave that way. And Mom isn’t exactly going anywhere. BF is saying the relationship is better now there hasn’t been abuse for a couple of years but idk… it seems like once you go there with someone it would never really recover? Or maybe it’s not my place to judge their relationship? I have a lot of questions but no good answers.
Anonymous
It’s your place to decide if you want to be in or out. I vote out.
Anonymous
Yeah. I agree as I just posted above you wrt it not being helpful to be in this child’s life.
Reading things in the most generous way toward your boyfriend: he was in a relationship, she got violent, he retaliated, he got out, he got help, he’s not going to behave that way going forward. That narrative falls to pieces when we learn he maintains a relationship with her and her child. I just don’t think he’s ok enough to for you to safely date. I’m sorry but take care of yourself.
Anonymous
Another dark thought: I can see her (them) getting violent again if yours is the first serious relationship he’s had since theirs.
Pebble
+1 I think this detail is just as alarming as the hitting in general. This is a toxic relationship. Add a child that he has some responsibility for that is not his within the context of a toxic relationship? Get.Out.
Anonymous
+100000 there’s no way he’s recovered from this behavior if he still sees this person. Run.
Anon
Are you sh*tting me? Dump this man yesterday. I honestly cannot believe you are even asking this. Get the f out now while you can.
There is NO excuse for what he did. NONE. If his ex hit him, his responsibility was to leave the room immediately and call police. I’m flabbergasted that you’re even considering staying with him.
Anonymous
He sounds like he was in an abusive relationship (he was hit first, yes?), and he’s doing the work to address the results of that. He was upfront about it and appears to be taking responsibility for it, so it’s not like he’s denying it was an issue.
Honestly, what gives me pause is that fact that he is still involved in the life of the women who abused him. Maybe they can be on friendly terms because they don’t see each other regular (and therefore don’t have arguments), but if that’s the only ex he still sees, I’d be concerned there was still a level of emotional manipulation happening.
anon
No.
Break up now before you are more emotionally invested in this person. Also look up the phrase “trickle truth,” which I usually loathe, but it may be applicable here.
Anon
First it’s “she hit me first.” Then it’s “she yelled at me.” Then it’s “she disrespected me.” It’s always “she deserved it.”
Your new boyfriend is abusive and you need to make the right decision here. It does not matter if he said sorry or that he regrets it; abusers ALWAYS say sorry and it’ll never happen again.
Kate
First, I’m sorry. I’m glad you’re physically OK but can only imagine how hard it was just to hear this and start to process. Depending on where you live, you can anonymously call in to a hotline or talk to a counselor who is trained in interpersonal violence issues. Their role is to support and empower survivors and those impacted by violence and offer safety planning. These are free, confidential, and no issue is too small.
Second, no matter what you decide here, it’s very likely that someone who knows about the situation (a relative/stranger/friend/commenters here) will disagree with your choice. Some people will say “but he changed, he was a victim first” and encourage you to stay. Others will say violent traits frequently reoccur and the potential for mental or emotional abuse is even higher. Plus, you may feel on edge during heated discussions as your relationship progressed, which can perpetuate trust issues.
Regardless of what you choose, I encourage you to consider making a safety plan. If you decide to leave, there is a chance he could be violent. If you decide to stay, there is a chance he could be physically violent or otherwise harmful to your health and wellness. Knowing who you can call, that you have funds you can access, and someone you can trust or a place to go can give a lot of peace of mind.
Anon
I don’t judge those who eventually hit back. The reality is that a *lot* of abusers only stop when that happens. They see violence as a means of control, and to them, the “winner” is the one willing to harm the other person more.
But this dude needs to get the fork away from her and her crazy. I am all for not punishing the kids, but his judgement sucks. He needs to not have her in his life because it’s wrong to expose your family and loved ones to a violent abuser. He needs to get away from her for his own good so she doesn’t start assaulting him, wait for him to respond, and then call the police and file charges against him.
Anon
The hitting back a couple of times in response to repeated abuse, and especially acknowledging how wrong it was and getting counseling and treatment for it, I would not judge. Should men as much as they can try to remove themselves from the situation because they are usually physically stronger? Yes. But if that man is being slapped, punched, and kicked into a corner, there is a line at which he has to use physical force for his own safety, its human nature and rational. I don’t expect a man to let himself get his in the head with a blunt force object because he has been taught not to hit women, that’s dumb.
But DTMF because of his contact with the ex. Why is he seeing his abuser ever, let alone with any regularity? It’s not his kid, and, no matter how close he was to the kid, he needs to protect himself – the kid will be hurt but fine. He obviously is not healthy enough to be in a relationship with you yet.
Jaydee
Personally, I wouldn’t. I have represented too many survivors of domestic violence to stay in a relationship with someone who admitted to ever hitting their partner. You now know that there is a line, and on one side of it he doesn’t hit his partners but on the other side of it, he does hit his partners. I wouldn’t want to spend my time in a relationship trying to avoid finding that line.
I mean, this may not be a traditional situation in which he is abusive and controlling to his partners. It may have been one relationship in which both of them exhibited some shitty conflict resolution skills, and therapy may have helped him learn good conflict resolution skills. I’m not saying he doesn’t deserve to find happiness in a relationship if that’s the case. But it wouldn’t be with me.
Of course, it also may be that he’s an abuser and this is part of the abuse. He may be trying to manipulate you to side with him against his ex. He may be telling you about how he hit her precisely so you know the line is there and you’ll try to avoid finding it. It’s a way of controlling your behavior. It’s possible that his ex hit him in response to ongoing non-physical abuse (emotional abuse, financial control, isolating her from friends and family, etc.). Many of the survivors I’ve worked with have said the non-physical abuse was worse than the physical because it was constant and it crept up so slowly. So if you do decide to continue the relationship, take it slow. Don’t become financially dependent on him (don’t quit your job, don’t rush to move in together, don’t drain your savings to pay off his debt or help him start a small business or whatever). Maintain a robust support network outside of him (friends, family, coworkers, etc.) and don’t let him come drive them away. Don’t get emotionally invested in his relationships (especially with his ex and her son, etc.). And familiarize yourself with the dynamics of abuse (at a minimum, Google “power and control wheel”).
Anonymous
+1 It sounds like he’s just grooming you. So many abusers start out as wonderful guys.
Anon
As an abuse survivor, I find this interpretation to be rather terrible (and more than a little victim-blamey).
He did not hit first; he did not hit back immediately. He is therefore NOT threatening her with some unknown “line.” He has bodily integrity that is worth defending.
I was systematically abused and threatened over about 20 years. Every non-violent tactic I tried resulted in more abuse and rather terrifying threats on my life. Therapy didn’t end it. Medication didn’t end it. It ended when I fought back in a way that was brutal. I was so ashamed at the time – it seemed like such a vicious way to end that one round of abuse.
That was the last time I was ever hit. It was the last time I was told that I would be killed. Abusers don’t stop because they see reason, get therapy, or are medicated; they stop when they fear consequences.
I’m sorry, but… I have told my SO all this, and am so happy that he doesn’t see this as me “grooming” him for abuse, or that I am setting some invisible line as a threat to not cross it.
What you both are saying is flat-out disgusting. Just count your blessings you’ve never been there.
Anonymous
+1
Sometimes, I find that people can’t believe that a guy can be subject to domestic abuse. I would feel horrible that an otherwise great guy is, according to this website, unlovable and undateable because he suffered abuse in the past. I think the response would have been really different if it was a female abuse survivor who had written in.
anon
“I would feel horrible that an otherwise great guy is, according to this website, unlovable and undateable because he suffered abuse in the past.”
No one is saying that. They are not like “wow someone hit him! he’s undateable!” They are saying he is undateable because he hit her multiple times and he is still involved in her life in a way that indicates a huge lack of boundaries.
Anon
The part about being involved in her life is valid and I made it above at 11:23.
But you make it sound like he abused her. That’s wrong. I am telling you, eventually hitting back is not an abusive act. He has bodily integrity that is worth defending, full stop.
cbackson
Late to this post, but I have a very, very close male friend who was repeatedly physically abused by his ex, and like Anon at 1:11 PM, it only stopped when he finally swung back. He has physical scars from what she did to him. I saw them when they were still bloody. The fact that he finally defended himself doesn’t make him an abuser just because the person he had to defend himself against was a woman.
With respect to the OP’s boyfriend, I too would be more concerned about the fact that there’s still close involvement with the abusive ex. That doesn’t seem like an emotionally healthy situation for him, or for the OP.
Anon
This is really good advice. Particularly the part about *why* his ex may have hit him first.
I dated a guy for three years, and moved in with him at what would end up being the end of our relationship. Within a month of moving in together, he had physically assaulted me. The night that he attacked me we had been out to dinner, and nothing out of the ordinary happened. When we were driving home (he was driving), he snapped. It was like a switch flipped. We had been having a normal conversation and then bam! He started screaming at me, berating me, and then started driving like a lunatic, he was going 80 on a residential street in a neighborhood, running stop signs, just missing parked cars. I literally thought he was going to kill us both. I was crying and begging him to stop. Finally I reached over and slapped him across the face and he stopped the car and got out and started walking. When we both were back at the house (at this point I was already planning on just getting my things and leaving), he busted my lip, punched a hole in the wall and tried to kill himself. After I got myself out of there, he stalked me for months and would show up at my parents’ house in the middle of the night. Looking back at the relationship, I saw a lot of other red flags that I shouldn’t have ignored at the time and it’s still hard for me to believe that I was even in a relationship like that. My ex allegedly got counseling, and is now married with a child, but I happened to run into him and his wife at an event at a bar and while there they got into a big public fight and he left her at the bar.
All that to say, I’m sure in his version of the story he hit me because I hit him first. But any version of the story in which I am the abuser is absolute bullsh*t. So I would be cautious regarding his claims that she hit him first.
For me, this would be a dealbreaker, but at the very least, take steps to make sure you’re safe. Wishing you well no matter what you decide.
Anonymous
This is so accurate. I am a woman and I a partner exactly once in my life, and it was after I discovered he was cheating (saw a text message pop up), I tried to leave the room, and he physically blocked the door and wouldn’t let go of me, so I finally slapped him across the face because I was so freaked out and had no idea what else to do. This was after about a year of emotional abuse, isolation, sleep deprivation, financial control, etc. from him, and he always held up that one incident as proof that I was the abusive one, not him, because at least he didn’t slap me.
I’m not saying he was a total monster who could never reform. But I also kind of fear for the woman he’s currently in a relationship with.
Food for thought, OP.
anon
Honestly I don’t think I could get over it. If I were to proceed with a relationship with him, I would only do so with extreme hesitancy and caution. If there is a single other red flag, then get out. I think it’s super questionable that he’s still in contact with her.
Is he friends with any of his “normal” exes? Anyone you know?
Really this sounds like a test balloon. Like how much are you going to put up with. I hope you don’t look back on this as the first red flag that you ignored.
Anonymous
+1 to your last paragraph. He told you this for a specific reason and it wasn’t because of his guilty conscience.
Leave. NOW.
Anonymous
Do not stay with him. Absolutely not. There are lines you have to draw in relationships. This is pretty much the biggest one. YOU DON’T DATE AN ABUSER.
Anon
While I don’t think your boyfriend is a horrible person for hitting back when being hit, I would still caution you to re-evaluate staying with this person. Everyone has baggage, but a relationship that devolved to the point of them hitting each other (instead of getting TF out) points to severe insecurities for both parties. It doesn’t sound like he’s completely over, and he has depression. This is just so much to deal with and will seep into your relationship. We all need to be selfish in deciding how to spend the rest of our lives. Do you really want to spend so much energy on helping this person instead of executing your own plans for life?
Anonymous
RUN
Anonymous
Same. Posted about gym bags above and it took a while to appear. Sigh.
yikes
I live in a tiny NYC apartment that I own (coop). Last night, a fuse tripped and I couldn’t untrip it, so my super took a look this morning. He’s not a licensed electrician but is extremely handy. He found that one of my outlets was all burnt and could have caused a fire. He replaced/fixed everything, but now I’m wondering if I have other electrical problems I’m not aware of.
What do you do in this situation, bring in an electrician and ask him to please inspect all your outlets? Is this overkill or sensible?
Anonymous
Nope — I’d get a real electricial in, stat.
Anonymous
This. I do a lot of my own home repairs, but one thing I do NOT mess with is electrical.
Property Attorney
oooh this is a VERY common fire starter and I’d absolutely have a licensed electrician inspect the house for additional issues. you are lucky!
Anonymous
Did you get an inspection when you bought the place, or have you had any other reason to have someone with beyond super skills look at the electrical panel? Is it an old building? Can you ask your neighbors if they have had similar problems with their wiring, especially anyone who has done a renovation? Why did the super think the outlet was burnt? IME finding a responsive, decent electrician in NYC is akin to finding a unicorn, so I would gather as much info as you can first.
yikes
No inspection when I bought, and I have had some electrical work done in past by a knowledgeable contractor, but he was not a licensed electrician either. I will talk to neighbors.
He sent me a photo of the outlet–it was all brown and crispy on one side. Scary!
Pebble
Sensible. Not sure about coop liability issues, but logic says if something happens someone (your insurance, for starters…) will point a finger and say (a) you knew about it, and (b) took inappropriate measures to fix it by having someone unlicensed do the work.
Podcasts
Can someone please explain podcasts to me? What they are, how to access them, how to find good ones?
Anonymous
They are radio shows on a particular topic. You can access on itunes, overcast, and other content providers.
Anonymous
Podcasts are just radio shows in the digital age. They often run in seasons like a TV show would, with a set number of episodes per season. You can download the free podcast app on iphone (I guess there’s an analog on an android phone). Then you search for the podcast you want and download episodes. Most are free but I’m sure there are some you have to pay for.
Anonymous
This is what made sense to me: think of the old days before television when families would gather around the radio in the evenings to listen to programs or housewives would listen to programs while shelling peas or what have you. Podcasts = informative radio.
If you have an iphone, you can get to them using the purple icon for podcasts. (I had shoved it in a misc folder and had to dig it out once I figured it out.)
Anonshmanon
I would compare them to the overlap of Netflix and listening to music. There are shows on many different topics (politics, entertainment, comedy, science, lifestyle, fiction) and from professional to amateur levels of production.
I put them on when I want my mind to be engaged and I can’t look at a screen (commuting, cleaning, waiting).
They are generally free, but either have commercials (this podcast is sponsored by hello fresh…) Or they ask for crowdfunding (like npr).
You can download free podcast apps (I use podcast addict, but I want to switch), then you can search for genres, trending shows, or specific shows (just like you would navigate Netflix) and subscribe to shows. You can stream or download episodes before leaving a WiFi zone.
eertmeert
Re: how to listen/where to find good ones. There are so many different ways to listen. I use TuneIn, which is worldwide radio and podcast listening platform. But there are so many options, a quick google “best podcast platform pc/android/apple” would probably get you some good info (beyond the options already mentioned here). If you use spotify, they also have podcasts.
I find podcasts a few ways: 1) browse podcasts by category in tunein 2) google “best (political/news/entertainment/cooking/scientific/etc) podcasts” lists 3) recommendations from friends/media 4) once I find a podcast I like, I see what else is on that podcast’s network
I listen to podcasts all day during work, mostly because my office is very quiet and I need the background hum of voices. Also, I have some repetitive duties where I can split my attention between my work and following a narrative.
It sounds like you are looking for recommendations, too. Here are a few places to start:
You Must Remember This (hollywood history)
By The Book (two friends live by diffrent self help books for 2 weeks)
Mortified (adults reading from their teenage diaries in front of live audience)
Reply All (about the internet)
A History of the World in 100 Objects (what it sounds like, lol)
Anna Faris is Unqualified (celebrity guests chat, then give advice to callers)
The Europeans (European current events overview)
Bag Lady
Talk to me about bags when you travel.
When I commute to the office, I carry two bags: (1) my laptop bag, which also contains my files, my wallet, and a few other essentials and (2) an Everlane tote, in which I stash a pouch with chargers and cords, a make-up bag, a pashmina (because I’m always cold), snacks, a water bottle, etc. When I travel by train, I take both of those bags plus a roller board. But when I fly, I can only have two bags, which means I end up trying to jam all of my tote odds and ends into my laptop bag. But they don’t fit and I end up with things falling out all over the place. I need all of those items that go in the tote bag as much, if not more, when I’m traveling, so the solution is not to leave them at home. How do you all manage all of the stuff. Is there a super-sized laptop bag I could use for travel days only? Appreciate any thoughts!
Anon
I think you may be carrying too much. I carry the cuyana stuctured tote which i think is about the same size as your tote. I carry my laptop every single day, a planner/notebook, a zip top bag with chargers, a cosmetic bag, a wallet, glasses case, and keys. If it’s cold I have a thin wrap like a pashmina.
When I’m traveling I take this bag plus a small roller bag. I definitely take the wrap on any flight. I still have room in my tote for a book, my iPad, my kindle, and a snack from the airport.
I carry the laptop charger in my roller because it’s heacy. I don’t carry it back and forth to work because I have a docking station at work.
I travel 25-50% for work depending on the month and this has never been a problem.
I think you need to pare down to one bag for daily getting to work. Ditch the laptop bag and make it work.
Anonymous
Whoah girl what?
Daily commute/ the pashmina and water bottle live in the office. Makeup gets put on at home not carted about with you. Cord and charger duplicates.
For travel, you get a tote and a carryon. You tote fits your laptop, wallet, and in flight essentials. Everything else gets packed in the carryon.
Anonymous
+1. Duplicates at the office are key. No schlepping that stuff around.
Instead of a laptop bag, get a padded laptop sleeve and throw it in a more useful, larger tote.
Bag Lady
I take your point, but I am out of the office during the day enough that I actually do need to have them on me. Also, having duplicates in the office doesn’t really solve my problem of needing them when I travel and not having room for them.
BUT, I do appreciate the general consensus that I could look for ways to carry less.
Anonymous
You need to streamline somehow.
Minnie Beebe
What about a padded laptop sleeve inside a regular tote? Or something like Lo & Sons OG or OMG?
Houda
You didn’t mention what is your budget but I love my Tumi Oslo. Had it for over 2 years and still use it extensively.
I use it as a supersized laptop bag and overnight suitcase for days when I have to do go to a client workshop and spend 1 or 2 nights on site. My packing is very streamlined and should I need to schlep an additional item e.g. the rolled posters, it is not an issue
anon
I manage to get everything you mentioned into a single bag when I fly. I repurposed a diaper bag, actually, and I think it offers more room and compartments (including a place for a water bottle) than a regular laptop bag. It’s not the most attractive, but it is super functional. Some day, I’ll find one that is more attractive.
Godzilla
Is there a reason why a backpack is not an option? I carry all of those things that you put into two bags into one backpack. Bonus, weight distributed across both shoulders.
Office Decor 101
Anyone have recommendations for a place to print art prints for me in DC? Looking for a high-quality print job, and I’ll do the framing myself. I have digital copies of the prints from Etsy. TIA!
Shopping in Toronto
I’m going to be in Toronto for a few days and am hoping to up my wardrobe game. I’ve got a new position that means i’m meeting with outside partners and need to look more polished.
I’m 5′, apple shaped, and wear a 12-14-16 depending on brand and style, but not truly cusp sized–i’m so short that plus sizes look like i’m playing dress up. (When Jones New York was still open, the 14P just fit and the 14 plus petite was way too big.) My current suits are Precis and Louben, and the last pair of pants I had that fit well were from Rickis circa 2013.
Does anyone have any suggestions for shops in Toronto? I’ve done some googling but I’m a little overwhelmed by all the options and am trying to avoid going into shops that won’t carry a size that fits me. I’m staying near Eaton Centre but can go further afield for great suggestions. TIA!
waffles
Caveat that I’m a different height and size, so I am not familiar with what brands will work best for you.
I’m not sure what is your budget or what you’re looking for, but you could try Nordstrom at Eaton Centre, Brooks Brothers (there is one on Bloor Street and one in RBC Plaza across from Union), Femme de Carriere (I think in the TD Centre concourse)? The Bay downtown is also good and much bigger than a normal Bay store.
Maybe also Options for Her in TD Centre? Miori Boutique in RBC Plaza is not my style but offers some unique options? If your budget is a bit higher, Judith and Charles in First Canadian Place is a great store.
Otherwise I would just browse Eaton Centre. You can find most of the chain stores there – at least the ones which have a presence in Canada.
Joe
I really like Joe Fresh but I am unsure about their sizing options
Marshmallow
Does anyone have a point and shoot camera that they really love? My husband is a great photographer and has a DSLR (so we don’t need another fancy camera in the house), but I want something compact and easy to use that can be just mine. Is Canon Powershot still the best?
Anonymous
My iphone takes better photos than my Canon Powershot, and I don’t have to worry about charging the camera battery.
anon
Same here. Anymore, a point-and-shoot isn’t worth it.
anon
Yes, I’d agree if you’re only going to view pictures on a tiny screen. OP, what are you going to use it for? I have a little nikon point and shoot in addition to my SLR and it is great for landscape photography/ taking on camping/hiking trips. I can blow up the photos to 20 x 24 and they still look fantastic. My iphone 6 (I know they’re better now) photos look crappy at 8×8.
Cat
Depends which iPhone. I have an older one (the 6) and my 5yo Powershot is noticeably better with faces. The two are about even on landscapes, etc.
Houda
I have a Canon DSLR so am biased for the brand. I recently got teh Canon G7X Mark ii. It’s very easy to use and the picture quality is crisp, love it
Anonymous
iPhone X?
Gail the Goldfish
I have a sony alpha a6000, which is a mirrorless and therefore sort of halfway between regular point and shoot and a DSLR. I love it. It does have an interchangeable lens, but you could probably stick with the kit lens (16-50 mm) and use that for most things, and with that lens, it’s not too much bigger than a point and shoot. It’s small enough I can just throw it in my purse.
BabyAssociate
A mirrorless camera is in no way between a point and shoot and a DSLR. Mirrorless cameras are newer technology that are advancing beyond DSLR.
anon
She probably means size-wise. She wants compact/easy to use.
Beach Reads?
I’m heading on vacation this weekend, and need to stock my Kindle. What do you recommend? Bonus if it is a couple years old and available from the library. I’m #300+ on the hold list for everything new!
Senior Attorney
If you don’t mind a little dystopian fiction that hits a bit too close to home, I have been really into Octavia Butler lately: The Parable of the Sower and the Parable of the Talents. Also Kindred is amazing time-travel/historical.
And on a similar note, Station Eleven by Emily Mandel St. John is still one of my faves.
Anonymous
I recently discovered Octavia Butler, too, and love her. Clay’s Ark is another good, fairly quick read.
Senior Attorney
Oh, and if those aren’t your bag, anything by Liane Moriarity (Big Little Lies).
Jeepers Creeeprs
https://www.gutenberg.org/
Free downloads from project gutenburg:
LM Montgomery’s series, these are generally light and fun:
Anne of Avonlea (1st book in series)
Emily of New Moon (1st book in series)
Hungry Hearts by Anzia Yezerski, short stories, literary fiction
Also Dracula, Edgar Allen Poe, Sherlocke Holmes can be found here
anon
Anne of Green Gables is the first of the series! Avonlea is the second.
But they’re awesome.
-LMM Nerd
PSA
One of the best Guternberg books is Miss Cayley’s Adventures
Anon
The One In A Million Boy (very heartwarming)
Magpie Murders (murder mystery)
Daughter of Smoke and Bone (YA fantasy)
The Last One (apocalyptic fiction, I would consider this in a similar category as Station Eleven mentioned above)
Dark Matter (thriller)
Calling Me Home (heartwarming fiction)
Anonymous
Here’s a few older books I have read recently that were quite good:
The Accidental Tourist
The Year of Magical Thinking (a little heavy, but the best book about grief I have ever read).
Outlander
Anonymous
There’s a thread about books on the moms site today.
Away/Toddler Luggage
People who use Away luggage, would you recommend it? and does anyone have experience with the kids carryon? Considering this for my 3 year old.
alternatively, any favorite toddler luggage you’d recommend (she likes to pull bags herself). TIA!
Love Away!
I have the adult version (two bags), and I love them. The battery pack is easy to pop out, and the luggage is super lightweight. I travel internationally 2-3 times a year, and countless times domestically (significant other is clerking in Florida, I’m in D.C.). I’ve been more impressed with my Away luggage than my Samsonite that I had for 7 years. Well worth the investment!
yes!
Sounds bizarre but there used to be mall kiosks that sold rolling luggage for children. My SIL sent a purple one to my daughter (think it had butterflies and her initials monogrammed on it). We used that thing as a carry-on until she was a teenager. She started rolling it herself through airports at 5 years old. It’s such a dream for the whole family to carry on and not deal with checking luggage. Not sure if the mall kiosks still exist but I bet you could find something similar on Amazon. I’m not familiar with Away but this suitcase was inexpensive, lightweight, rolled well.
Rainbow Hair
Bought kiddo a backpack with wheels option for our last trip. She was so proud to wheel it through the airport, and when she stopped it was no trouble to put it on my back.
Rainbow Hair
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01DUADN0K/ref=twister_B012YCF3BC?_encoding=UTF8&th=1
Killer Kitten Heels
Can’t speak to the toddler side of things, but I recently bought an Away carry-on and I looooooooove it. I wasn’t sure if it would be worth the purchase price, but it is 100% worth every penny. I was able to pack for a 15 day trip to multiple cities in Europe in it, and I had everything I needed and room to bring back souvenirs besides. The interior pockets and compression system are really well designed and absolutely work as promised, and it rolls so easily it barely takes any effort to move it through the airport. Plus, the in-bag charger was a huge help while in transit.
Anon
It is such an issue. This is why there were 10 identical its totally kosher okay to have eggs and cheese together comments on yesterday’s post. Nothing posts on time and so you can’t have a conversation back and forth.
Anonymous
I wrote basically the same thing, but it is still in mod
anon
BTW has anyone else noticed that any time the words kosher or Jewish are in a comment it goes into mod SO FAST. Why is that?
Anon
I just tried to post about how certain words pertaining to certain religions seem to put it into mod. But it went into mod.
Recipe
I’m going to a lake house for the weekend and I’m responsible for buying groceries and making food for one meal for 8 people. We have a vegetarian, gluten/dairy intolerant eater and an acid-reflux prone eater (i.e., spice intolerant). Any suggestions? I’m thinking stuffed peppers, some without meat or cheese? I have a lot of corn on the cob from my CSA that I’d like to use.
Anonymous
Cooking Light’s mushroom and charred corn tacos are vegetarian and gluten-free if you use corn tortillas, and the no-dairy person can leave off the cheese.
Ina Garten’s corn salad is a fantastic side dish and can be made ahead.
anon
If your friend has acid reflux, they may avoid peppers and tomatoes, as they can aggravate that, which would make stuffed peppers a not great idea
Anonymous
They could eat the filling, though!
Anonymous
Burgers with a Portobello mushroom option for vegetarian
Taco Bar? People can leave off what they don’t tolerate.
Anon
Some type of fried quinoa with veggies? Kind of like fried rice but replace with a protein heavy grain.
Anonymous
Playing on hard mode, huh? What about a mild vegetable curry over rice? Japanese-style curry isn’t spicy and you can throw in whatever vegetables you want, plus tofu.
Carrots
I think this is where a taco bar or pasta bar comes into play. You can make sure everything is separated, but it gives people options and you can the alternatives for those who need it.
NYCer
I agree with anon that stuffed peppers wouldn’t be ideal for acid reflux.
Taco bar so everyone can add/forgo what they please? Big summer salad with grilled chicken for the meat eaters? Veggie stir fry?
Lillers
Do you have access to a grill? I would do some mixed grilled veggies (squash, zucchini, broccoli, etc) and bring a variety of meat/meatless options like burgers or stuffed (vegan) portabella mushrooms. Cooking for 8 isn’t easy if you aren’t at your own house and grilling is always a quick easier option.
Anonymous
Does it have a grill?
Anonymous
I would do tacos or fajitas so it is very easy for everyone to assemble only what they’d like to eat. In that case I would make the meat/peppers onions separately and put minimal spice, while leaving hot sauce and salsas on the side. Kebabs on the grill also work, especially if you prepare skewers of each veggie and protein separate to allow for the same mix and match.
Simone
How about a meal of various Greek/Mediterranean dishes- hummus, greek salad (with feta and maybe tomatoes on the side), pita bread (kept away from other food for the gluten-free friend), some grilled chicken or lamb for those who eat meat, tzatziki sauce, grilled zucchini and peppers, falafel if you can find some ready-made, and your corn on the cob (maybe not really Greek, but whatever).
Anonymous
I make a version of Jenny Rosenstrach’s salmon salad and put everything in separate bowls, so that people can pick the elements that they want. You can add some chickpeas for the vegetarian. I just made this for 10 people at our lake house vacation and promise that it works great. It’s also perfect for using farmers’ market corn and other fresh vegetables. Serve sliced peaches with vanilla ice cream or non-dairy alternative for dessert. Delicious!
http://www.dinneralovestory.com/dinner-a-morning-show-story/
Work out clothes rec?
I’ve started going to the gym more regularly and my old gym clothes are a bit worn. Where should I go to buy 2 sets of new ones? I’d like something I feel comfortable running errands in on the weekends/when I work from home.
I previously purchased carpi and full length leggings from Old Navy, but they seem a bit thin. Also I have a hard time with tops because I feel really exposed in sleeveless/tanks.
Do I need to just suck it up and buy Lululemon? Even then, I am overwhelmed trying to figure out an “outfit” that is flattering. I feel like this isn’t so hard for everyone else.
I bought the cup-sized sports br@ from VS and they are working well, so at least I have that.
Athleta and TJ Maxx
I really like the Athleta selections. Also, TJ Maxx can have amazing brand name offerings. I’m a little over Lulu for now since so many of their fabrics are pilling these days.
Anonymous
Try the GAP or Athleta, if you otherwise liked the Old Navy stuff. Or Target. I mean, there are a ton of options between Old Navy and Lululemon, esp since everyone is dabbling in athelesiure at this point.
Senior Attorney
I love Athleta. I found some styles I liked and set up a recurring search on eBay and was able to get a bunch for very little money.
Gail the Goldfish
For capris/leggings, Athleta. I used to buy old navy or Target(C9 mainly) leggings, but athleta really is a pretty noticeable step up in quality. Their tops are thicker/better, too, I’m just less picky about those and decided it’s not worth the money.
Anonymous
If you want prefab outfits, maybe try Fabletics?
CX
I have yet to find a better fitting legging than Victoria Sport’s high-waisted leggings (w. a short inseam option!). They go on sale for 1/3 of the price of lululemon, are half as expensive the rest of the time. No opacity issues and they machine wash just fine. (The cult of handwashing your lululemon leggings drives me bonkers.)
Zella has cute but not Athleta/Lululemon-priced tops like:
https://www.nordstromrack.com/shop/product/2319094/z-by-zella-live-breathe-short-sleeve-seamless-tee?color=BLUE%20MAZARINE%20HEATHER
https://www.nordstromrack.com/shop/product/2263684/z-by-zella-countdown-long-sleeve-tee?color=BLUE%20LAKE
waffles
GAP leggings are really thick. So think that they’re a bit on the warm side in the summer :)
Just check in the item description for the word “blackout”
On one of the frequent 40% off sales, they are reasonably priced.
Anon
I love Athleta, especially the high-neck chi tanks. I wear an XL and think they’re very flattering. They have some good staple leggings on sale right now as well. I had similar experiences with previous ON athletic clothes, but recently purchased a couple pairs of the high-waisted 7/8 compression leggings and beyond how awesome they feel, I have gotten a bunch of compliments on them.
Hildy
I just wear an old t-shirt and shorts (as do most of the other people at my apt’s gym in Brooklyn, so it isn’t that out of the norm).
Lobbyist
Athleta is great, but so is Target.
Simone
How about a meal of various Greek/Mediterranean dishes- hummus, greek salad (with feta and maybe tomatoes on the side), pita bread (kept away from other food for the gluten-free friend), some grilled chicken or lamb for those who eat meat, tzatziki sauce, grilled zucchini and peppers, falafel if you can find some ready-made, and your corn on the cob (maybe not really Greek, but whatever).
Simone
This was supposed to be in reply to the lake house meal post by “Recipe” above, clearly.