Thursday’s Workwear Report: V-Neck Cashmere Sweater
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Nordstrom has some great prices on their cashmere sweaters right now, and I’ve had pretty good luck with their pieces over the years. I’ve found that they last the longest when I wash them as infrequently and as gently as possible (I like this no-rinse detergent) and use my trusty fabric shaver to keep any pilling at bay.
This V-neck version is available in eight colors. I’m grabbing the black and the gray to add to my collection.
The sweater is $79.90, marked down from $149, at Nordstrom and comes in sizes XXS-XXL.
Some of the classic cashmere sweaters for work (as of 2025) include Nordstrom Cashmere, Quince ($50!), Vince, J.Crew, Naadam, Talbots, Lands' End, and Brooks Brothers. If you're looking for something fancier try TSE, Loro Piana, Akris, Autumn Cashmere, or (more casual) Jenni Kayne.
Sales of note for 1/16/25:
- M.M.LaFleur – Tag sale for a limited time — jardigans and dresses $200, pants $150, tops $95, T-shirts $50
- Nordstrom – Cashmere on sale; AllSaints, Free People, Nike, Tory Burch, and Vince up to 60%; beauty deals up to 25% off
- AllSaints – Clearance event, now up to 70% off (some of the best leather jackets!)
- Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off your full-price purchase; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles with code — readers love this blazer, these dresses, and their double-layer line of tees
- DeMellier – Final reductions now on, free shipping and returns — includes select options like Montreal, Vancouver, and Venice
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; extra 50% off all clearance, plus ELOQUII X kate spade new york collab just dropped
- Everlane – Sale of the year, up to 70% off; new markdowns just added
- J.Crew – Up to 40% off select styles; up to 50% off cashmere
- J.Crew Factory – 40-70% off everything
- L.K. Bennett – Archive sale, almost everything 70% off
- Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
- Sephora – 50% off top skincare through 1/17
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Summersalt – BOGO sweaters, including this reader-favorite sweater blazer; 50% off winter sale; extra 15% off clearance
- Talbots – Semi-Annual Red Door Sale – 50% off + extra 20% off, sale on sale, plus free shipping on $150+
I’m looking for a more polished chunky wool turtleneck that won’t overwhelm a petite person. Does anyone have the Quince cashmere or yak turtles? They seem promising (but what doesn’t). Looking for something very warm for drafty office and walking commute.
Strongly recommend the Everlane honeycomb turtleneck sweater for what you’re looking for.
OP here and I have that sweater! It is a good sweater and I’d recommend it to others. It is just overwhelming on me — I have a torso that is short and it’s long / casual looking on me. I save it for leggings on the weekend or casual in-office days, but looking for something with a bit more heft that looks more polished when I wear it (i.e., a bit shorter, like 3-4″).
Gotcha. Try Club Monaco? I recently got a cashmere blend turtleneck that is pretty fitted, as well as a more cropped, looser style.
I have several Quince sweater. I honestly prefer the chunky merino wool to their cashmere but wear both quite regularly. Quince returns are very easy though so I say give it a shot.
Quince has the best advertising and the most disappointing products.
+10000 their sweaters are such poor quality.
As a disappointed owner of 3 Quince cashmere sweaters and 2 Quince silk skirts, this is sadly true. The earrings are OK though!
I have been with my company for a decade and have gradually worked my way up from entry level through various individual contributor roles with increasing responsibility. I am an internal expert for a number of critical functions, and am confident enough in my abilities on those topics. My boss wants me to further develop my managerial and leadership skills to prepare me for future promotion. My boss is patient, supportive, and gives me space and opportunities to learn. This is exciting, but it means overcoming a deeply-ingrained mindset that it is not my place to speak up, I don’t always know enough to speak intelligently to arguments against the instructions I am giving, I am not sophisticated enough to sit at this table, I don’t have the typical education or a fancy degree. How do you build confidence in yourself and your own abilities?
This is just one thing of many, but it’s one of my favorite low hanging fruit answers to this question – Do you serve on any volunteer boards?
I always strongly recommend this for those who want leadership experience. Is there a local chapter of an association relevant to your industry? Their boards and committees are a fantastic opportunity to practice low stakes leadership, learn how boards operate, learn how events are planned, learn how to network, learn how to run a committee (managing others), practice speaking up at the table. All of it is pretty low stakes, gives you a great resume builder, and practical skills…but only if you really devote the time and effort and jump into it.
I am sure many others on this board will have lots of great thoughts on other resources for you as well, and I want to encourage you to just go for it, and fake it until you make it, because I promise you, we all are ;) Most days I pinch myself and think, “I cannot believe someone trusted ME with this…”
A big no to volunteer boards. The ones I’m on are dysfunctional, unprofessional, and unproductive.
My experience has been that volunteering this way is a whole lot of work with zero instruction, usually poor models of leadership in place, and a whole lot of dysfunctional processes. If you’re looking to pick up skills to be a better manager–those experiences usually aren’t it. (If you’re looking to improve networking or pad your resume, I’d say they are much better for that.)
I’m have been through several leadership trainings at different companies throughout my career and managed many different types of teams. The most useful things to me have been reading and roll-playing activities. I think two of the books that have most impacted my leadership have been:
* What Got You Here Won’t Get You There
* Coaching for Performance (the philosophy is question-based leadership)
I haven’t read it yet, but I’ve also heard really great things about Crucial Communication if you’re ever having to deal with high-conflict situations.
The reality though is that most managers aren’t given some magical key through higher education or training (I don’t think I had a single course in grad school that even touched on leadership or management strategies). They became that way by fostering cultures of trust, being good listeners, and acting in ways that put supports in to help others perform at their best–all things you probably already are more than capable of without even realizing it. The more you get exposed to leadership training concepts, I think the more confident you’ll be in realizing there are all types of leaders and you already possess some of the best qualities with your work ethic and openness to new ideas.
Probably figure out where this mindset originally comes from and what are the base assumptions, and dismantle those. This can be explored in therapy but if you are good at introspection you could do it yourself. Once you realize that old assumptions don’t serve you in the here and now, the mindset turns into an old habit, which you then need to overcome with practice.
My boss is fond of saying that if you have a seat at the table, it’s your responsibility to use it. Your perspective is valued, and your boss sees something in you that will serve the company well as you continue to rise. It’s okay that you didn’t come from the same path as others. Use your unique path as an asset, and don’t be afraid to ask questions when things don’t make sense. Come from a place of curiosity and learning — groupthink can be deadly to an organization.
If you are concerned about responding in the moment, take the time to anticipate questions and draft your answers to them in your preparation. The more you do it, and compare what you expected to the actual questions, the better you will be at navigating unfamiliar perspectives and getting their buy-in.
Why do you think you are not enough to handle this promotion? Your boss seems to think you are! I actually relate to you and have similar issues. I have very low confidence and doubt myself all the time. I feel like I sound like an idiot in meetings and have no idea what I’m doing! I’m in therapy and also I think back to any positive feedback I’ve gotten. You can even print out positive feedback so you can see it anytime you doubt yourself.
Arm yourself with the confidence of the completely average man. You are killing it.
Seriously. Chad would speak right up whether he knew the subject matter or not. And it’s clear you know multiples more than he does, OP.
I don’t know that it’s realistic to expect to feel confident in yourself and your abilities while you’re in stretching/learning mode for a new challenge. Unless you’re a naturally confident — arrogant? — person to whom it never occurs there’s anything they won’t be good at or able to master. But you’re not that person, or you wouldn’t have asked the question.
For those of us who aren’t that person, our confidence is in our ability to grow, to learn, to take on hard things and get better at them. Even if we feel awkward and awful in the moment. We may never turn out to be “the best” at it, but we can get better. You’ve had 10 years of proving you can take on new things and do them well, so grab onto those 10 years and let them fuel your confidence here. You CAN grow, change, take on new things, and gain expertise. You’ve proven it. (You probably felt unsure and awkward a lot in the past 10 years, but you worked through it and did it anyway. You’ll do the same thing here.)
And, go to work on dislodging that mindset, if it’s actively keeping you stuck at this phase.
Also, I’ve found that doing hard things gives you confidence to do more hard things. One of the toughest work experiences I’ve had gave me so much confidence going forward.
You said that you don’t always know enough to respond to arguments against instructions that you are giving. That seems like the place to start building your leadership skills. One of the most important things to learn and really internalize is that “I’ll look into that and get back to you” is an excellent response. You don’t have to anticipate every objection or argument, but you do have to take them seriously. Better to say that you don’t know than to try to troubleshoot in the moment. This approach also helps your credibility, because when you do respond to the challenge (later, after some research and thought), you can answer with authority that you don’t have in the moment.
Also, you 100% deserve a seat at the table and bring experience and perspective that is lacking. As you grow into your new role, try to use your power to bring more perspectives like yours to that table.
The only way I’ve found to get better at something is practice. You need to find a way to practice speaking up, and probably also practice rebounding your confidence if your comments are not correct, appreciated, or followed, because we’re all going to have times when we flop. If after 10 years, this hasn’t happened naturally in your job, I would start looking at outside help: public speaking classes, therapy, etc.
As I’ve gotten older and more experienced, I’ve also found it’s easier to tell someone I don’t know something, since they won’t lose confidence in your abilities the way they do when you show up in your early 20s and admit you have no idea what they’re talking about. I know enough now to know when something is out of the ordinary, and that helps me project confidence when I tell someone I need to do some more investigation. You need to remember that even if you don’t have that particular answer on that particular day, you’re not dumb.
Being willing to say “let me look into that and get back to you” is actually a sign of confidence.
For me, it really helped to bring my authentic self to work. When I started a stretch role I had this mental image of who should be in this role (polished, perfect, a little stern etc) and that’s just not me. So I spent a few years trying to be that person and my confidence was in shreds the whole time. I felt like I was putting on a mask and never living up to my own standards. I can’t remember exactly where I started but I started giving actual answers to small talk with colleagues (professionally, but just dropping little true details about my life), started dressing more like me. Fairly soon after I had a couple of experiences where I handled something one way and then immediately wished I had handled it differently- so I went back and apologized and did a redo and that was really empowering. And now I feel confident in my abilities and often say things like “let me think about this and get back to you” or “I don’t know” rather than feel like I have to fake knowledge.
Listening is an incredible skill. It sounds like you worked your way up and that’s an incredible knowledge base to have. Bring what you know to the table. You’ll do great (and also sometimes you won’t and you’ll f it up, but careers are long and overall you’ll do great).
Also, randomly, Headspace has a “self esteem” meditation series which wasn’t what I was expecting but is my favorite of their offerings.
Do you have any experience with leadership yet? Simple ways to start are to take on running a weekly or biweekly meeting (hosting, scheduling, setting an agenda, sticking to the agenda) or taking on leadership of a project that involves other people. I’d think you already have project leadership but if you’ve been more of a SME who doesn’t drive and track projects, that would be an area to start. There may be career dev groups at your work that you can join (Lean In circles, Toastmasters etc) and take on a more active role. You could ask to mentor/coach a colleague for your manager.
Thanks to the hive’s recommendation, we recently stayed at the Athenaeum residences in London during a trip with our two young kids. It was such a wonderful place to stay. Looking to do a family trip to Paris in late April and wondering if anyone who is familiar with the Athenaeum can recommend similar lodgings in Paris? Basically looking for a luxury hotel that has the option of a suite/residence that has a kitchenette and living/dining area (and at least one fully enclosable bedroom), in a good location for sightseeing.
TIA!
Has anyone gotten engaged and suddenly have their future MIL go from welcoming, kind, nice, inclusive, to absolutely insane?
This woman who has gone out of her way to invite my family to holidays, to include me in family gatherings, has suddenly gone fully focused on prioritizing her bio family to the point where it’s excluding my family (and not just a matter of priorities – like actively picking things that intentionally exclude my family from wedding related events). It’s just such a wild transformation in behavior and it’s very confusing to myself and my fiancé.
No, and that’s really concerning. My fiance is the 2nd sibling to be getting married – it seems his brother and SIL have the same relationship with everyone’s parents as they did before they got married, I expect our relationship with her will remain the same and she has been wonderful with wedding planning (mostly by not being overbearing and letting me do my thing). I would have a very frank conversation with your MIL about this behavior change.
Did you ask her to visit you to attend an engagement party when she had the possibility of plans with her closed golf club? That’s a huge no-no and could destroy relationships!
Ha! Big snort from me — well done
Can we not?
Thank you.
Punching down isn’t cool.
It’s not punching down – it’s mocking yesterday’s vicious cyberbullies who decided to take ludicrous positions to smack a new mother down.
Please. OP in that situation had… higher than reasonable expectations. I read OP’s two posts and immediately rolled my eyes. Pointing out unreasonable expectations is NOT cyberbullying–I thought commenters were pretty gentle with OP considering.
You consider “you’re narcissistic,” “no one wants to visit you,” “you don’t sound fun to hang out with,” and “get over it no one cares about your baby” gentle and reasonable? Which of those was your contribution?
Oh – maybe I misunderstood. People were so mean yesterday.
The OP was raked over the coals.
JFC we do not need to rehash the entire thing for the third day in a row.
It’s confusing your fiancé as well? That part seems worth exploring more: Has she never been known to act this way, and is this a kind of behavior that her own kid has never noticed before? Have siblings experienced this?
Reddit is full of stories of MIL who go off the deep end when their precious baby boys get engaged. Too late to elope?
It’s never too late to elope. I highly recommend it. 10/10, all the stars.
How is she picking things that exclude your family from wedding related events? I don’t understand what that might mean, since you and your intended should control the wedding related events.
I would appreciate examples of this as well.
My guess would be scheduling key items at times and locations where the OP’s family can’t attend for various reasons, like wedding dress shopping, cake tasting, etc.
Is that still the norm? I have no idea if bride’s family is still responsible for wedding planning and paying.
I think the norm is now that the couple makes the decisions.
I had the opposite experience: getting engaged seemed to signal to my in-laws that I’m actually serious about being with their darling son, when during the previous seven years of our relationship, including four years of living together, our mutual commitment was not clear (can you hear my eye roll?). They became more warm and overbearing when we got married.
Is your fiance her first kid to get married? Guessing she is freaking out at becoming the #2 woman in her son’s life. Your fiance should stand up to it now.
Like others I am a little confused at what she would be doing that would actively exclude your family. Like did she decide to unilaterally throw an engagement party a weekend where they’re on a trip? I don’t see the problem with fiance saying “mom, that date obviously doesn’t work, since MIL Anon’s family can’t come.”
Yes – essentially. She’s trying to schedule an engagement party on a weekend that doesn’t work for 1/2 of my family to accommodate SIL’s (not booked, no PTO request submitted) potential vacation.
oh yeah, your fiance needs to nip this in the bud right now. Him specifically. United front.
If your fiance won’t stand up to his mother, I would seriously rethink your relationship. Do you want to be in for 30 years of this?
Give him a chance, he’s being blindsided too.
But yes he needs to step up.
He is working on it. I think we’re just both baffled as to the switch in behavior so was looking for any anecdotes here. He’s handling it and making clear this isn’t acceptable. It truly is just night and day and that’s where the confusion is coming from.
If you cant get him to stand up to his mother now you cannot image the hell you will go through year after year until she dies or you get divorced. Do I sound harsh? No I am caring for you! Nineteen years of hell until I divorced him and then it was escalated hell by both of them. Need examples? Lying to the children about Mom to try to destroy their relationship with her. Think long and hard if you can rely on him to firmly stand up to his mother from this moment on. I went through 43 years of this until she just died recently. Save yourself!!
Does she feel excluded from the wedding planning process? It’s common for the mother of the groom to panic, lash out, or wrestle for control if she feels like the bride’s family is calling all the shots. To be clear, you don’t owe her any decision making power if she isn’t paying for the wedding. But in my case it was easier to include her in low stakes decisions or solicit her opinion (without necessarily acting on her input). That seemed to placate her for a while.
I wonder whether SIL is in some way salty about both being the bride, so MIL is trying to prioritize her.
On the flip side, could you have separate engagement parties? one for your side, one for his? Is that weird? If it’s a single event, maybe she’ll get over it or maybe something is going on between her and SIL that you aren’t aware of.
My SIL did this, except it was at our wedding. Warm and welcoming beforehand, total psycho to me starting at the rehearsal dinner.
It’s been six years and I still can’t figure it out, nor do I care to try. She has Issues and for some reason, our nuptials triggered them in a big way. Nothing I can do to fix that.
If this has been going on for a while, and your fiancé is just sitting there being puzzled and not dealing with his mother, you have more of a fiancé problem than you have a mother-in-law problem. He needs to step the f up.
I literally just got off the phone with my FMIL and fiance re: rehearsal dinner ideas! I will say yours is not my experience at all. FMIL has been nothing but lovely and welcoming since the day I met her, and just even more so now that I’m joining the fam. Shockingly, my fiance is her only son (and last to be married) and she’s been super respectful and hands-off. To the point where I asked my fiance if we could include her in smaller things just so she can feel involved (she’s a planner-type and retired, so I know she was chomping at the bit to be asked lol)! I asked her to tour some venues for us, pick up decor, etc. Even the call just now was very kind and respectful.
If I were in your shoes, I would first look to my fiance to figure this out with his mom. I would caution against assuming bad intentions until they are proven (not saying it’s not real, though). At the same time, intent does not negate impact, so I think it’s also worth letting her know that having a rehearsal dinner when your family can’t join is hurtful – even if not her intent. I would let her know you’ve appreciated her kindness to you and your family throughout your relationship and that you look forward to continuing to bring your families together.
This set off warning bells for me. I experienced a similar sort of
MIL “transformation” but it kicked off when our daughter was born and the reveal was a much slower burn.
Without knowing any of your history or any of the players and having absolutely no background or knowledge of psychology … sounds to me like your future MIL has been enjoying playing the role of gracious and warm matriarch, with all of the approval and attention such a role might attract. Now that you are the bride to be, she can no longer claim the center of attention and dynamics are shifting, which makes people like her very insecure and they start trying to reassert their power in different ways. Your relationship presented a certain happy and successful picture, gaining her social approval. Shit just got real … it’s no longer just a narrative/picture to paint for people, you and your family are now actual people she has to contend with, people she doesn’t have any real power over.
If this is coming as a surprise to your fiance, it means she’s she’s very good at manipulating people and putting on a really good show. Tread carefully – he will likely not be comfortable recognizing who his mother really is and what she’s really like.
I hope that I have made up a completely ridiculous explanation for this that has no basis in reality and that’s just a case of some easily rectified mis-communication and that you can all have a healthy and open conversation to get on the same page.
But … keep your eyes open. You in danger, girl.
Mine did! It turns out that she’d been tamping down every narcissistic impulse she had in order to appear normal to the first real marriage prospect her only straight son had ever appeared with at their house. It’s been a wild ride. If I had to do it all over again, I would never have cared about making her like me.
Any recent women’s college graduates here? I went a long time ago but transferred (no slight, due to parental circumstances). Asking now b/c I have teen girls who might like it for academics but not sure how the socializing works in 2025. I am guessing that the days of bussing you over to your brother school (all of which are co-ed) to give you a social life are over and something that only the great-aunts even really remember. None of my friends with kids sent their kids there or go back regularly.
Take a tour. There really isn’t a substitute for that.
I’m not sure why you said that “only great aunts” would remember the buses. When I toured colleges in the late 1990s, Wellesley still had the bus that went to/from MIT, and Smith and Mount Holyoke are part of the Five College Consortium.
Ah, the f– truck.
That bus went to Harvard too and was nicknamed the F*ck Truck ;)
I was trying to be polite and not mention that nickname….
You know, I live a mile from Wellesley College and every weekend see charter buses driving around a street that otherwise wouldn’t make sense for them to be on. I’ve always wondered what they’re for and now I’m wondering if it is this…
I went to a coed school also in the Boston suburbs and ALL of them had Friday night buses into the city for students – it’s not just a women’s college thing. There’s a few particular corners in Boston where many of them did pickup for returns – you had to be careful you got on the right one!
Ahhh this made me laugh, as my mom has great stories from 1966-1970 of the bus from her small Catholic women’s college in metro west, shuttling those gals to Brandeis and Bentley and HC in Worcester (to see my dad…and maybe others?!). Mom is 76.
Assumption graduate?
Oh, sorry, MetroWest… Regis!
Co-ed now, but not in 1966! Nailed it.
My daughter is a college freshman who visited several “historically women’s” colleges and decided that a co-ed school would be a better fit. All of the colleges we visited were part of consortia that included co-ed schools, so there was plenty of social and academic interaction with male students.
If, like me, you attended a women’s college a generation ago, I will warn you that you may be very disappointed by what they’ve become. The ones we visited all talked about focusing on “marginalized genders” rather than on providing a safe and supportive environment specifically for women, as was their mission back in our day. All of the tour guides gave their pronouns as “she/they” or “they/them,” and students on the tours were required to introduce themselves with pronouns in a way that implied that the correct answer was “she/they” rather than “she/her.” The amount of pressure exerted on students to conform by being “nonconforming” was incredibly ironic. My daughter opted to attend a coed liberal arts school that is welcoming of all genders, including straight cis women like herself, and is very happy there.
Seems they should now be called HFCU because they are no longer exclusively for women. If they had any integrity, they would admit tr***women but no tr***men or nonbinary students.
I went on a college tour with my teen pretty recently and went back for my reunion a few years ago. Honestly, I didn’t find a huge focus on being gender-expansive in either the tour or in talking to the students at reunion (though I’m sure they are trained to be nice to the little old middle-aged ladies like me). It did seem like the educational focus was way, way, WAY more serious than it was in the 1990s. And we were pretty darn serious back then! Also they seem way stricter about stuff like alcohol and partying, and they were pretty strict about that stuff back in the day. My kid might prefer a more relaxed social scene, and that’s fine with me.
I don’t know why my responses are getting eaten. My daughter toured several of these schools and discovered that they are no longer for women. They are not at all the same as they were back in our day.
Ah thé dose of tr@nsphobia I didn’t know I needed this morning.
Seriously not seeing the “phobia” here. I have teens and there is something so strident about their orthodoxy sometimes.
That’s because they’re teenagers.
That’s exactly the problem with these colleges–the strident orthodoxy of teenagers is being reinforced by adults and institutions. It’s incredibly alienating and the opposite of inclusive.
Ah, the dose of misogyny I didn’t know I needed this morning.
The misandry as well. Only cis men are excluded.
OP is looking for a college where her straight daughters can meet straight men. Gender politics are extremely relevant to that conversation.
She’s not wrong.
How is it “phobic” to point out that the target market for these institutions is not at all in line with their history and is not what OP and her daughters are apparently expecting? They aren’t for women. They don’t even claim to be for women. They have reinvented themselves.
Tricking naive 18-year-old girls into attending colleges where they aren’t welcome is the kind of “grooming” and “brainwashing” the right accuses the left of. You don’t really want to do that, do you?
I have been teaching and working at a historically women’s college for 20 years. I can’t tell you how often I hear these comments from people who have only taken a single tour or simply repeat talking points they hear from other people.
This final comment, about tricking 18-year-old girls, is especially gross and ignorant.
There’s a lot I could address here, but I don’t want to get into a discussion with people who just want to feel outrage. But to the OP: first, I’m glad your daughter found a place that seems right for her. Second, you’re very right that these are not the women’s colleges one might remember. Those colleges were made for white wealthy women; they were expressly racist and antisemitic (and there is so, so much documentation on that, so please don’t come back with the one person you know who defies those policies).
You can certainly have issues with the ways these colleges are navigating gender, which has changed over time. You can not want your child to attend one. You can lament that college has changed since your utopic time. But the comments on this thread are not only nasty, they’re factually uninformed.
My husband and I (30s, DINKs) would like to go to Hawaii over Christmas for 7-10 days but have no idea where to start. We are active and would want to enjoy a mix of water sports, hiking/jungle, and beach relaxation. Any particular islands or resorts or general recommendations to keep in mind? We are well travelled but haven’t made it to Hawaii yet!
Do you need to travel over Christmas? Things will be crowded with lots of families.
Good point, but that’s the timing that will work best for this trip.
And insanely expensive. We’ve also had bad weather (lots of heavy rain) several times that week, to the point that my parents now refuse to go to Hawaii during that week. I think we got unlucky, but still.
I honestly think all 4 major islands are great. Oahu gets a lot of hate compared to the other three but it has some really excellent beaches and snorkeling, Diamond Head is gorgeous and there are advantages to having a real city nearby (good restaurants that aren’t just for tourists, etc.) Big Island is probably my favorite overall and has good non-beach stuff with Volcanoes NP. You can also snorkel with manta rays there (not sure if you can do it on other islands or not) which is for sure a top 10 travel experience for me and I’ve traveled a lot.
Yea I always try to travel in early December because most people don’t travel then plus everything is twice as expensive then! I also avoid traveling June- August since we are also DINKS.
Ok I haven’t been to Hawaii but I’ve heard from multiple people about the cat sanctuary on Lanai. So my dream Hawaii trip is to stay at the Four Seasons there and visit the cat sanctuary!
Christmas in Hawaii is super, super high season, so everything will be very expensive. We love the Mauna Kea and the Four Seasons Hualalai on the Big Island. I would probably also spend a few days in Kauai. The 1 Hotel Hanalei Bay is great.
I stayed a the Fairmont Orchid on the big island recently and absolutely loved it. I think it would work well for you.
TAKE ME WITH YOU!
If you’ll lay on the beach and drink with me, deal! :)
We’ve done Kauai and Maui in early January, stay on the south side of either to avoid wind/cold. Wailea in Maui or Poipu in Kauai. I’d lean Kauai, for you, it felt less fancy/golf focused.
Thank you – this is super helpful, especially the note about less fancy being a better fit.
Kauai is SO boring. Most of the restaurants close at like 8 p.m.
If you’re going to Hawaii for night life, this may be true. In which case, I recommend Honolulu. But the Kauai visitors are typically there for natural beauty and the more laid-back country feel of the island.
Restaurants closing at 8 does not make a place “boring” to most of us.
I love Hawaii and have been a lot, but just FYI that time in December is peak family time there. Think screaming kids in every place you go, the pool, restaurants, everywhere. As a dink, you couldn’t pay me to go then. Much of the rest of the year it’s more of a honeymoon spot or at least you can find a lot of places that aren’t overrun with kids.
I went to the big island last year for 10 days for my honeymoon. First half on the Kona side – stayed at the Fairmont Orchid, which we thought was a better value for the $ compared to some others (if you go- the partial view was not worth it, I’d do garden view and save money next time). Spent time at the pool, also did night snorkeling with manta rays, daytime snorkeling, an ATV tour, and a nighttime stargazing tour at Mauna Kea. Weather is lovely on that side of the island.
Second half of the trip was 2 nights near Hilo, where we went to some waterfalls and went to a chocolate farm and the farmers market. Then 3 nights in Volcano National Park. It rains a lot on that side of the island, so we couldn’t really do a longer hike at the Park until the third day. 3 nights might be a bit long there, but the first two days were rainy, so it ended up working out that we were there for longer and could do the crater hike on our last day. Happy to post more specific restaurant recs if you end up going there!
Thank you thank you! You’re the second rec for that Fairmont which is great to hear.
My husband and I went to Ohau in March 2022 for 10 days. We stayed at the Kaimana Beach Hotel in Waikiki. There were very few kids staying at the hotel I think due to the lack a pool. It’s at very south end of the Waikiki beach so it’s more quiet. The beach is frequented by a lot of locals which I thought was nice. It’s not so touristy. The onsite restaurant is very good but pricey. We did rent a car. But we could also walk into Waikiki for more of a selection of retail and restaurants as well. The hotel was not super expensive but that was when Hawaii had just reopened to tourists. So, things may have changed. I really liked the hotel and location. It all depends on what you are looking for in a vacation.
Every island is amazing and you would have to try to have a bad time (excluding hurricanes, etc). If you like cities, Oahu. If you like more touristy things/fine dining with adventure, Maui. If you want more adventure and fewer people, Kauai or Big Island. All of them have good food, adventure, great beaches, hikes and snorkeling.
It’s more important to pick the right on-island location and hotel/rental in my opinion to one that suits your desires.
Also, I always use the Hawaii Vacation Guide blog when I’m planning. They sell itineraries but have lots of free posts with photos on their blog that covers families (young kids vs older kids) vs romance vs adventure trips. It’s easy to get a sense quickly of what you want on that blog.
Oh thank you, I am sure that site will be so helpful!
The NYTimes is doing a short series on ultra processed food, and I have found it really interesting. How to identify UPF, how those foods compare to non processed foods in taste and nutrients, etc. I have always been semi-mindful of this, and I am finding it interesting to know more actual facts. I think this group may as well, so I recommend it. Here’s a gift link to today’s article: https://www.nytimes.com/2025/01/08/well/ultraprocessed-foods-alternatives.html?unlocked_article_code=1.n04.6_Gf.DhiUPNou0-Vu&smid=url-share
When I have time and/or I’m not super focused on a fitness goal, I definitely eat pretty “clean”. I find it really hard when life is busy and/or I’m trying to hit certain macros. I wish it were easier to hit all of my goals at once!!!
I’m definitely trying to cut back on UPF. I know a few people in their 30s who have been diagnosed with colorectal cancer and I have a higher risk due to a medical condition. One thing I wonder about is cured meats – I haven’t looked into this at all but shouldn’t Germany and Scandinavia have sky-high rates of colorectal cancer given the high consumption of sausage and processed meats and fish? They have such a reputation for health, but every time I visit, it’s cold cuts and sausages and cured fish.
I would suspect (and I think the NYT also makes this distinction) that there is a big difference between ‘natural’ or organic curing/smoking and doing it via a ton of additional chemicals and additives to add color/extend freshness/boost flavor via chemicals.
Is there when it comes to cancer risk? I thought it was the curing itself that’s a big problem.
https://www.aicr.org/resources/blog/healthtalk-will-hot-dogs-and-bacon-preserved-with-celery-powder-still-increase-my-cancer-risk/
I have also not looked into this but I wonder if there is a distinction between real meat that contains preservatives (like smoked salmon, freshly made sausage, or an actual cold cut sliced off a real roast) and UPF foods shaped to look like a slice off a beef roast that are in reality reconstituted meat product full of fillers and binders?
I’ve actually found that series and a similar one in the Washington Post to be incredibly annoying, and the entire concept of UPF to be infuriating. I absolutely agree that eating less processed food is a good idea and I’m mostly a cook from scratch, bake my own bread kind of person. But those series and the idea of UPF in general seem to be missing the forest to focus on the trees, with a weird emphasis on technicalities rather than better nutrition in a generally less processed diet.
Also, as someone concerned about the environment and climate change, food waste is a huge problem, so I think there is some role for preservatives and making use of various byproducts. Lots of UPF ingredients are things like whey powder that would otherwise be waste, but now you can sell it as a way to increase protein. There are pros and cons to this approach and some ingredients are better than others, but it’s certainly not practical to avoid all UPF
I agree.
Also, I’m super privileged and mostly eat “whole” foods. But I’m just completely over the constant hysteria about food and the policing of what others eat. In my experience it turns into body shaming and victim shaming really quickly. There are a significant amount of people in my life who are extremely focused on the food I eat and the food my children eat. I’ve had enough of evangelical vegans and people who think cancer is a fair comeuppance for drinking pastured milk lecturing me. It doesn’t seem mentally healthy for anyone. I truly think a lot people would benefit from talking less about food and nutrition. I’m ready food decisions to become a more private matter.
You know, I didn’t realize how much I agree with you until you posted this. There’s a role for public health nutrition on a policy scale but in private homes, we really need better subject matter.
There needs to be education for individuals though, and this article at least helps educate people. My MIL thinks that her fake half and half filled with chemicals is healthy because it’s fat free. Or the poster with insulin resistance other day who drinks a big glass of orange juice before bed. Individual nutritional knowledge is incredibly lacking.
Sure, but don’t talk about her half and half at Christmas, you know?
Do you really think you MIL’s mind is going to be changed and why is it any of our business what she uses in her coffee? If she wants to use fat free half and half that’s up to her. Plus, healthy means different things to different people and I firmly believe I do not get to decide that for other people. If she has health issues she should be talking to her doctor or another professional with appropriate training.
I’m with 10:19 anon. There are people trying desperately to make good decisions but they’ve been lied to for decades about health. So yeah, I’ll correct a person when they try to tell me their fat free frankenfood is healthy.
I don’t know about “lied to,” unless you are getting your information from uneducated influencers. Guidelines change as the science evolves.
As opposed to the super educated food industry and those tasked w selling a product and supporting the junk food industry is misleading marketing about heart health. And who said that needed “fat free” options anyway? And why did we never study the trade offs for this “healthy” alternative? Give me a break.
If only! I’ve lived through piles of pseudoscience, industry influence, and ideological woo that influence what patients are served in hospitals and in schools and what dietitians used to recommend.
I don’t think any of the articles are saying that you have to avoid them all.
But they’re obsessing over which junk food to buy! That’s nonsense. The better advice is to make popcorn at home (super easy in one of those silicone microwave things), eat a real meal or something healthier, or just buy whatever grocery store snack you want, rather than kettle corn that is technically not UPF but has more sugar than the one the person originally wanted! That makes no sense. I’m not one of those people who thinks that sugar is poison, but it doesn’t seem like it’s better to be eating sweets just because they’re not UPF.
Perhaps this series of articles is not intended for audiences like you.
But they literally talk about this. If you take the quiz earlier in the week for example – they point out that even processed yogurt has benefits, and then they have recipes for seasoning salts you can put on your homemade snacks to make it more appealing.
I am by no means a virtuous eater but I am always shocked by the things other people consider healthy so I think some discussion of this is always good.
You know people buy convenience foods for actual convenience, right? Of course everyone should make their popcorn at home in a stovetop popcorn maker.
On road trips I buy plain Fritos or corn nuts for similar reasons as stated in the article – corn, salt, oil.
Yes, I could go buy organic corn from the farmer’s market (but only in July!) and roast it at home for a much tastier treat, but I can’t do that on I-5 at 75 miles per hour.
So sorry that it upsets you that people snack not in the “correct” way, according to you.
I don’t care what people snack on! Of course there are times that convenience makes sense over another things. Get the Doritos for all I care! I just think it’s bizarre to be obsessed about the number of ingredients over the actual nutritional quality of the food and it’s definitely not at all clear to me (or nutritional science) that opting for a sweet popcorn over a savory one is a better choice, just because the savory one happens to have one ingredient that makes it UPF and the sweet one has sugar instead. Those don’t seem like meaningful differences.
I find them annoying too. Just another food obsession to add to the list. I agree with you and Holly S.
I find these things to be couched in “wellness” but they quickly can turn obsessive and disordered and I have no business caring what other people put in their bodies. That is their choice and theirs alone.
There’s a lot of disordered eating among people who pay little attention to what they eat too.
I think the goal is update regulation with the latest science so that people don’t have to scour ingredient labels the way many people have to do now.
In my IBD household it becomes exhausting to check which products that you’d think would have no additives in the first place have started to add gums, emulsifiers stabilizers, fillers, and preservatives. Organic used to be a short cut before they came out with organic versions of the additives, but now it means nothing again. So I have to check every time I go shopping whether there’s gums and preservatives in the half n half, xanthan gum in the “fresh” or jarred salsa, and so on.
Kidney disease patients have been advocating for labeling over added inorganic phosphates for a long time.
We work hard with medical teams to come up with medically prescribed diets (based on research and elimination diets and symptom tracking), and then it’s never ending work just to comply with them!
Your comment and the article helps me understand why I have typically felt better and had less stomach issues when I have lived in countries where I’ve eaten mainly fresh food. The article made me realize that my whole grain bars I thought were ahealthy snack are UPF and I’d feel better swapping out for nuts/celery
That’s fair! I read labels constantly as well, and certainly am supportive of better labeling.
I have gone with a simple test of picking the product from two alternatives that has fewer chemicals listed.
Thanks for this!
Crowdsourcing ideas please:
We have a family $25 holiday grab bag coming up next week – no one could agree on a December date! Top cost is $25, gender neutral, age range is 20 – 80. Requested not to bring food items or gift cards – Help!!
Cash, wrapped in holiday paper.
Cash wrapped in holiday paper is a gift card equivalent and completely negates the entire purpose of this kind of event (which is the fun of seeing what people come up with). Even if you personally hate these kinds of generic gift exchanges, I would not suggest ruining everyone else’s fun.
The answer partly depends on whether this is a round robin type of exchange where people can switch/steal gifts. If so, you do not need to be quite as generic. I live in California so default to lottery tickets for this kind of thing if I do not have time to shop. Otherwise, gender neutral clothing items (scarf, novelty socks), small electronics (external battery for various devices went over well one year), a plug-in flashlight, a herb window box, etc.
I don’t know about “completely negates the entire purpose of this event…..” because every time I have done cash it has gone over very well. Even in those white elephant exchange things, it is an often stolen gift.
It is funny when its one gift, but it never stays one. If the family nixed gift cards, that tells me they do not want this to become an event where everyone gives and gets cash or cash equivalents – in which case why bother?
Scratch tickets and an ornament.
Whenever I get a scratch/lotto ticket as a gift at one of these things I never win any money and am left with a worthless piece of paper.
That’s why you pair them with a gift. Spend $5 on the scratch tickets and $20 on the gift.
Lottery tickets and cash-themed candy bars ($100 grand, Payday)
Portable charging bank.
I received a multi-screwdriver tool at one of those years ago and still use it. Fun juice glasses. Funny mug filled with chocolates. Set of card games (skip bo, blink, themed uno).
I like the card game idea!
Barware, cocktail recipe books, funny or fun knit beanies
The top gifts at our grab bag were:
– A lego set (it was the pointsetta, I got it on sale) and it was a huge hit. It’s like a more fun version of a puzzle. So that’s my vote – they have some cute ones that look like succulents, etc. There’s a plum tree one on Amazon for under 25 and there appear to be some on sale at target.
– A gift with 2 craft kits – it was a little crochet kit and a kit to make some cute felt christmas gnomes.. That was also a fun one. Target/Home Goods sell them as well as our local gift shops.
– Hat with an LED light on it (good for outdoor activities at night; etc.).
I saw the pointsetta on sale at Costco and almost got it! But I didn’t have any white elephants etc this year. I thought it would be such a great pick for a wide variety of recipients.
Popular items from my family’s white elephant (though our limit was $35)
Big Stanley cup thermos
Outdoor Bluetooth speakers
Puzzles/trivia games
Consumables (it is weird that is banned for you, they’re usually the most popular!)
A great holiday themed glassware set that is a family inside joke
Other ideas:
A really nice candle
An experience ticket if there is something that makes sense given geography
A Snuggie type fuzzy wearable blanket
Goodrs!
3 pack of scissors from Costco, a pack of new pens, and some post it notes!
Penzey’s spices are my go-to for things like this. Always a hit.
and their hot cocoa mix with vanilla beans and a hint of cinnamon smells so good! its approx 22.00 for a jar of maybe 10 servings
I’ve posted before but a cocktail shaker with a dial a recipe was the most stolen item at my office’s last white elephant before the pandemic.
I bought that one at World Market but here’s a similar one
https://www.wineenthusiast.com/w/dial-a-recipe-cocktail-shaker-and-bar-tools-set
I got a vibr*t*or at this past Christmas at the gift exchange. It was the only risque gift of the night! Alas, it was stolen so I ended up with a bean neck massage thing that needs to be heated.
My family has a lot of mixed ages and interests. These have been popular in our group:
-Small hand spade and some seed packets
-Newish board games
-Puzzles
-Tape measures
-Good socks
-Car wash mits
Where would you stay and what would you do in Miami or environs that is more chill than the typical party scene? I have been there several times so I don’t need to see the typical touristy things. I like art, history, culture, and long walks exploring interesting neighborhoods. Looking to get away for a long weekend and soak up some sun/work remotely.
Vizcaya mansion and gardens is really cool if you like that sort of thing.
why Miami? maybe mix it up and stay in old San Juan? Mexico City?
Need to stay in the US for working remotely, otherwise I’d definitely go to the destinations you suggested!
Ah gotcha! Palm Beach? You can walk the downtown, rent bikes to get around the island, and there are condo type Airbnbs – you don’t have to stay at the $$$$ hotels.
You could consider Key Biscayne. I wouldn’t necessarily say it is the most interesting neighborhood in Miami, but it is nice and fairly walkable and definitely more low key than South Beach.
The art deco walking tour of Miami was really interesting. I’ve also done an art tour of wynnwood and an eating tour of little Havana
Nordstrom has the worst quality knits of any major department store. Bloomies house brand is much better.
I agree. I adore my bloomingdales cashmere. It’s priced like jcrew but wears much better.
I agree with you on Nordstrom but Bloomie’s house brand is super itchy to me! NM’s house brand is my preference (def wait for sales) or JCrew’s has held up really well for me.
I think Nordstrom cashmere is the bottom of the barrel and not worth purchasing at any price.
Honestly, Nordstrom quality overall has dropped significantly over the years. I still have the habit of shopping there, but it seems to all be polyester crap or $2,000 designer weirdness, with so little in between.
Right?? That lack of anything in the middle is so frustrating.
Hopefully, the Nordstrom family +Liverpool taking Nordstrom private again will restore quality and customer service.
I feel like literally everything is going the Temu/Shein route, no matter how much you pay for it.
This is why I am on Poshmark now.
I feel like this varies from year to year by store and depends on where they can get cashmere from. One of my better cashmere sweaters of the standard variety is from Macy’s two to three years ago. But then I saw this year’s version of the same sweater in person last week, and it was not as nice. More cropped and thinner.
My nicest cashmere are a couple of thicker rib texture pullovers from Land’s End in maybe 2022.
My least favorite was from Nordstrom last year. Thin, see-through, and not soft.
I recently cleared out my sweater collection–my favorite and best quality cashmere is from Lands End–it is probably 15 years old.
Has anyone bought Apple Watch bands from Quince or Goldennere? I’ve been looking for a new dressy Apple Watch band and saw the Quince one posted the other day, but the clothes I’ve bought from Quince have been poor quality. From google and a reference on Quince’s site I found Goldennere and theirs look nice but at double the price of Quince, want to make sure it’s decent metal quality. TIA!
There was a discussion on this last week in an afternoon thread!
I bought the Apple Milanese loop band. It’s $99, it’s very high quality and it look great.
The Quince lucite one is a Machete rip off. Maybe try Machete? They aren’t that much more expensive on sale.
Looking for ideas for lunches I can make ahead and pack for work. Any favorite recipes?
I made some of the Dense Bean Salads that were trending on TikTok and they lasted me 4-5 days.
Today I have a massaged kale salad paired with Costco chicken nuggets.
This time of year, it’s all soups. Curries also work well.
I’ll plug workweeklunch.com. I subscribe but she has a ton of free content on the website and on IG. It’s really expanded my lunch options. I also have a fall back of greens, grains & pulses. I cook a grain and bean together on Sunday and then throw a scoop on greens, add some vegetables and dressing and go.
All my work lunches are dinner leftovers – can you make extra at dinner? I portion into single serving tupperware containers and freeze.
NYT braised white beans with parmesan – serve over some rice or add some premade chicken
Chili over a sweet potato
Someone recommended this to me on here when I posted a similar question:
https://smittenkitchen.com/2013/07/one-pan-farro-with-tomatoes/
It’s delicious. A thing of cherry or grape tomatoes from the grocery store, a little bag of farro, and pantry staples you probably already have. I skip the basil this time of year and it’s still a delicious dish.
I saw the reference to dense bean salads above and googled it. This is what came up.
https://www.allrecipes.com/what-is-dense-bean-salad-8706406
This is basically a not-a-recipe salad I make a lot, especially in warmer weather. A vinaigrette, a can of garbanzos/chickpeas, cucumber (I sometimes skip), olives, diced shallot (in my vinaigrette), cherry tomatoes. Sometimes roasted or fresh red pepper. Sometimes even corn kernels.
I roast a variety of vegetables each Sunday and buy a whole cooked rotisserie chicken. Chicken + veg is my lunch 4 of 5 days; different sauces and veg combinations provides sufficient variety.
I feel awful watching the news from California about the fires. So much devastation and destruction, lives changed forever. My thoughts are with everyone dealing with this. I have family north of one of the fires that are thiiiis close to the evacuation zone. Fingers crossed they’re better able to contain the fires today.
Yes, thinking of all the ‘Rettes in SoCal right now
Thank you. It’s just unimaginable — at least half a dozen of my friends have lost homes that I know of. We gave one couple staying in our house now even though we are out of town. I can’t imagine what it’s like to actually be there.
Does anyone have recommendations to share for wire free bras for larger cup sizes? I am a 36G and had surgery to have a lump removed which left me with a scar in the spot where an underwire sits. I’ve been living in stretchy sports bras because I work from home, but have some in person events coming up and probably need to figure out a go forward option. The few I tried pre surgery never worked, (oddly shaped, too big or too small) so looking for real life recommendations to start ordering. I am in a rural area so the nearest specialty store is a trek.
I’m around the same size as you, and all of my bras are Knix.
I’m the same size and I also like Knix bras.
I use Anita sports bras. I’m 30E. Available on Amazon.
literally just researching this morning! i always check wardrobe oxygen as i find she and i have very similar bra tastes. she likes soma’s embraceable bras, which i also thought were incredibly comfortable, but i no longer buy because mine kept ripping, a problem i’ve never had anywhere else. others i like:
– chantelle “minimizer” – wireless, doesn’t actually minimize
– bravado sculpt wireless – i think that’s the one i have, they have a number of non-nursing bras now
– evelyn & bobbie – if you’re ok with over the head the evelyn bra is really comfy, good shape. also like the beyond bra.
Caveat that I’m a bigger size, but I would recommend looking on Bravissimo, which sources bras of larger size and wide variety. Parade’s bralettes are fine for around the house but I wouldn’t leave the house in them…talk about uniboob/lack of real support. I haven’t had luck with US-based brands (but I’ll re-check Knix!).
I like True & Co.
Have you considered a larger band size in your regular bra for this period? I find elastic under the bust more uncomfortable than underwires.
I don’t have a surgical scar but I have a very sensitive area under one of my b00bs and the larger band size is what helps me when it flares up.
I’m your size and I like the Soma Enbliss line
I am a similar size and recently had a lumpectomy and lymph node removal. Evelyn & Bobbie by far is my favorite day time bra. For night, I like the True & Co v neck bra in the extended size. I am a 34 G and am a medium in EB and M+ in True
Also, all the interest counts as income for the student. Cashing in bonds to pay for college can screw up financial aid, or at least that was true when I had to do it in the early 2000s
I’m a G+ cup, and I’ve quite liked two Bravissimo bras, the Fern one and the Ultimate comfort one.
The Fern is a modal kind of fabric, very comfortable and a sewn triangular kind of shape.
The Ultimate comfort looks like a sports bra but is a lot more chill and comfy.
This sounds silly I’m sure but I need advice on having a boss. I just left a job of 15 years where I had a series of well meaning but useless bosses. 95% of the time they had absolutely no idea what I was doing, and I rarely spoke to them other than hellos. I once came back from a 2 week vacation and my boss didn’t know I was gone. I had excellent reviews and was trusted to handle my work on my own, but I never had any mentorship, guidance, or really any meaningful relationship with them. I haven’t had to run my decisions or methods by anyone in like a decade. I’m starting a new job next week where I will actually have a real boss. I would love any advice from those who have been in my shoes on making this adjustment.
as a boss I would love it if you said this literal thing to me and asked for guidance on my preferences – like 1:1 cadence, when to involve me, etc.
Me too.
When I was assigned to a boss in a distant location, I spent some of our time together interviewing her. We discussed work styles, etc. I specifically asked “how will I know you’re not happy with my work?” And “how will I know you are happy with my work?” Questions were quickly answered by boss and man were those answers accurate. We had a great working relationship after that.
Crowdsourcing for now, we’ll ask our tax person as well, but any advice on the relationship side is especially appreciated. My husband’s sister is pregnant with her first. DH’s parents couldn’t afford college so none of the kids went. SIL’s husband didn’t go to college either, but his family has money. All adults involved are over 30 and have been working since HS.
DH would like to set up a 529 for his nibling to be. He mentioned this to SIL over the holidays and it (shockingly, to him) did not go over well. SIL said that’s a waste because her kid isn’t going to college and if he wants to give money he can help with diapers now not put money away for a useless reason. I don’t know the details of their financial situation but I doubt very much that they truly can’t afford diapers. I think they just don’t value education. Which is of course fine! Not everyone needs to have the same values! But DH is very hurt. He still wants to do the 529 notwithstanding SIL’s objection. I’m not sure this is even possible, which we’ll ask the tax guy, but even if it’s possible I’m not sure it’s advisable. If kid is raised to believe college is a stupid waste then who knows if they’ll even want to go. Our grandparents got us bonds when we were born, maybe we go old school and do something like that? Is there some other tax preferred savings plan that can be set up for the benefit of another person? I want to ask the tax guy about other options but I don’t really know what’s out there.
Why does it have to be tax preferred? Your husband can just, save money for his niece or nephew. And not mention it to anyone. And later on in life, decide whether and when and how much to give.
It doesn’t HAVE to be tax preferred, but it’s definitely a nice plus. We would pass on the tax savings to the little one.
What about asking SIL if she would be open to setting up a savings account for the kid for the future that isn’t necessarily tied to education? Your husband could contribute money there vs. the 529. This would be similar to going the bond route as you suggested.
Sorry but that SIL would steal that money in a heartbeat
Agree without even knowing SIL.
I am not a financial or tax expert, but I do know you can open a 529 for just about anyone…you need their social security number, though (or at least my dad asked for my kid’s when he set up accounts for them), so I don’t think you can do it without the parents’ knowledge.
529s can be used for trade schools in addition to college, and if you don’t use it for any kind of education, you can convert it to a Roth IRA. Its a very thoughtful and generous gift, irrespective of in-laws’ views on higher ed, and I’m sorry they made your husband feel bad about it!
This! You can use the 529 for all sorts of things – including computers and books. For this family, I would put heavy emphasis on the trade school and IRA elements, though.
+1
This is such a wonderful gift.
I don’t know what all the options are so I can’t answer that, but it does sound like something more general, not geared specifically towards college, would be more well received, and still very much useful and a lovely gift for your nibbling.
My read was that SIL wanted the money for current needs, not for the kid’s future.
Wow, I’m honestly surprised this level of anti intellectualism is a thing.
She’s probably being defensive because she doesn’t have a college degree and doesn’t expect to be able to pay for her child to attend, and now her fancy brother and his fancy wife are making her look bad by funding a college account.
Not the poster to whom you’re responding but while I think anti intellectualism has been growing in this country but I agree with you on this point.
Additionally, while I’m sure the op and her husband have the best of motivations, sometimes with money comes the expectation of control. There are people who have walked away from much more than a college education fund because of the family control that came along with it. College can seem a long way off when youre still pregnant and I think that it’s understandable that the sister in law is apprehensive about how the promise of college money might shape her relationship with her brother. If op here were sister in law, I think she would have received some words of caution in addition to praise of her brother’s generosity.
I love when this board is surprised people who aren’t like them exist.
Yep, I know that I live in a bubble so this board is pretty useful for exposing me to other views!
Obviously I’m aware that college is not the be all end all for every family. What surprised me was what I read as outright hostility, like obviously they would not support their child in becoming a doctor or civil engineer or whatever.
I know that college educated society assumes everyone would be honored to have a child of theirs join their ranks, but it’s really not like that. It can be hard on everyone involved and it doesn’t always end well. Sometimes the college graduate never fits in again where they’re from or where they land.
My brother apparently is actively not encouraging his very smart children to go to college because of “leftist views” meaning, I think knowing the content he consumes, college just indoctrinates the youth against the right. They are in high school and I’m guessing eligible for Pell grants due to my brothers’ prolonged lack of employment. yeah it seems insane to us, but it’s a real thing.
This is the purpose of a UTMA. You will need the kid’s tax ID information but otherwise the money can be used for any purpose, not just schooling. We went that direction for my niece/nephews as we didn’t know if all plan to go to college (and sure enough, not all will be).
Also…I think everyone read my original story of the kids/parents being thoroughly blase about the money we’d set aside. Given that, I would encourage you both to think about how you’d feel if you made significant monetary contributions to your ‘niblings’ only to be met with a shrug when you hand the funds over.
Thanks, we will look into this! It’s a good point to keep expectations about gratitude low.
The 529 account owner can change the beneficiary to a qualifying family member of the beneficiary at any time. Your husband can open a 529 with himself, or you, as the beneficiary, and change it to his niece or nephew if they go to college, or change it to another family member, or he could even take some classes or get a later in life graduate degree with the funds.
I commented below you before your comment showed up – agree and jinx!
Agreed, I would set the beneficiary to your husband and save it for later. You can tell the kid when they’re in high school that you saved some money to help with college or trade school. I remember my mom’s family back in the late 60s being puzzled and hesitant that she as a girl would want to go to college. It really helped her when a secretary admissions adviser saw her test scores and told her to apply for college instead. Even if your SIL disagrees, having someone believe in the kid will give him more options and confidence in life.
My 529s for my kids are in my name. Their names are on it but I could switch them to another kid anytime (not that I would.) The tax advantages are real if the funds are actually used for education. Can be college, private elementary school, can be higher education for you or husband.
It’s all self reported when you start taking the money out. I attest that the funds are being used for college expenses when I make a withdrawal, and no one requires documentation, though I do save tuition and rent statements in case of audit.
Re. savings bonds: My FIL gave my daughter 30-year savings bonds when she was an infant. Now she’s in college, at the age when he intended her to use the funds, and it’s challenging for her to wrap her brain around the fact that she can cash in these bonds even though they haven’t matured, but she isn’t going to receive the face value. The interest rate also isn’t great. For this reason I’d go with a savings account, 529, or other less confusing vehicle. 20-year bonds aren’t really a solution because the kid is going to need the money around age 17 or 18.
I wonder why she gave 30 year bonds if they were intended for college! My mom gave my kids $100 face value savings bonds for many of their early birthdays but the bonds were fully mature by college time.
Pretty sure it was because it was the cheapest way to get the face value to be $100.
Also, all the interest counts as income for the student. Cashing in bonds to pay for college can screw up financial aid, or at least that was true when I had to do it in the early 2000s
Shockingly, one of my relatives had a similar reaction to my opening a 529 for their kids. It was not so much that their kids wouldn’t attend college, but that the kids would have too much money in it and maybe they should get the money in different ways now, etc. I didn’t really understand it all, but I backed off and put more thought into it.
Firstly, I researched all the options and a 529 is the best choice by far. I repositioned this with my relative that the funds are for education after high school — could be trade school, or cosmetician school, or what ever. It’s to help the kid get a start. I also mentioned the $35,000:that can be converted to a Roth IRA. Two things sealed the deal — they went and looked at costs for different schools and were shocked. So maybe look up the costs for a few trade schools and licensing. I also mentioned that this is not set in stone, but that we look at every year or so. If the kid is in junior high school and clearly doesn’t want to go to college, maybe we give money another way.
Also, I’d wait until after the child is born and the parents have time to settle, they might feel differently. You can open a 529 without their agreement, you do need the child’s social security number, but I wouldn’t.
Is it possible that this is part of the reason for her reaction: “SIL’s husband didn’t go to college either, but his family has money.” Did she maybe react to your husband’s offer as if it were a slam on her husband, as if he’s not good enough, or he/they won’t be able provide for their own kid, and the college-educated brother needs to ride the white horse to the rescue so their kid can be like him and not like his own dad?
What is your motivation in making this gift now, and how much money are we talking about? It just seems odd to me for a brother to fund a college account for his niece, especially in a family that doesn’t attend college and at such an early age. Most people in their 30s don’t have a lot of cash lying around to make the kind of huge gifts that would make a difference in college affordability, and sizeable gifts always come with a ton of baggage. If you are talking about more normal gift amount of a few hundred dollars or less, that doesn’t really move the needle in terms of access to college. If you want the kid to have some spending money in college, give the $$$ as a high school graduation gift.
Financial aid eligibility is another consideration. We kept all savings in the parents’ names because the EFC formula takes a much smaller percentage of the parents’ assets than of the child’s.
Disagree. If you consistently put gift-sized amounts of money into a 529, it can add up. A thousand when the baby is born, $100 for birthday, $100 for Christmas… that doesn’t pay for college but it does provide some money for books, study abroad, etc.
Can anyone recommend a meal delivery service for vegetarian meals? Doesn’t have to be vegan. I have a coupon for Factor but I wanted to see what the hive thinks.
I really liked Purple Carrot (I did only eat the vegan meals however).
I do Hungry Root and it’s mostly vegetarian for me and I love it. (They have seafood options CB it that’s not usually my thing)
+1 to Purple Carrot. I also liked Hungry Root when I needed to be able to make meals with very little prep time as it comes more prepped and put together than Purple Carrot – I did Hungry Root for the first couple months after having my second child.
Thistle, if they’re local.
The best one I’ve tried is Thistle.
Talk to me about living in a home without a basement. We are putting in an offer in a house without a basement. Both me and DH have only lived in houses with basements and our current basement is used as a gym, storage, and playroom (kids 4 and 2). The house is certainly large enough that we can do without a basement, but would like some thoughts from the hive…
As a person with a mold allergy, I’d take improved above-grade space over a basement any day. If you can move your life above the ground, why not? If it’s just a storage thing, unless you live somewhere very dry or very hilly or very well-drained, it’s still a win to store that stuff not in a basement. I like light. I don’t like the dankness.
it’s not the size, it’s the storage capacity. is it a house with thoughtfully-designed large closets? An easy-to-access attic space? Enough distinct rooms to solve the gym and playroom use case without having equipment and the bulk of the toys visible from your main living space?
Keep in mind that certain things can’t be stored in an attic. The item has to be carried up a ladder or handed up to someone so many heavy items are a no go. The attic experiences more temperature swings as well. My family members were holding into some of my holiday decorations, threw them in the attic above the garage, and my decorative shaped candles all melted and were ruined.
Hence ‘easy-to-access’ – my parents’ house had no basement but had a regular flight of stairs that ended in a door to the attic space, so it was great for storing non-climate-sensitive things like seasonal sports stuff, Christmas decor (talking ornaments and lights in plastic bins, not delicate materials), etc.
That’s my attic. I access it almost daily even though it’s freezing right now and hot in the summer. But I also have a basement for things that wouldn’t store well in the attic.
There are entire swaths of the country where homes don’t typically come with basements (I’m thinking of everywhere between Virginia and Florida out to Texas). Families just use the garage or a spare bedroom or the bonus room above the attached garage if the house comes with one. But if your question is really, “Should we buy a house that doesn’t have a playroom for our young kids?”, only you know how your family lives.
+1 to this but if there is no basement then make sure you/your inspector gets a thorough report on the age of the foundation/slab. An old co-worker sold her house to a developer when her slab cracked as it was going to be so much work/money to fix while living in the house – this was TX fwiw.
+2. LOL this! I have never in my life lived in a house with a basement. If the house is otherwise large enough and has all the rooms and storage you need, then who cares if it has a basement…
That being said, if the house is in an area that typically has basements (let’s say, the Northeast), then I would think twice about (1) why it doesn’t have one, and (2) would it make the house harder to re-sell down the line.
I prefer a basement playroom, actually. I feel like kids can be a little rougher down there than above ground, it’s usually larger which can be a plus, I can shut the door and not think about it, and it’s good for older kids too (sleepovers in basements – they don’t keep us up late, we don’t wake them up early).
And then storage I generally prefer in a basement or attic, especially for bulkier things
Same
We have sort of the opposite problem. DH wants to create a gym in the (unfinished) basement but I love my little space next to a bright sunny window in the living room, even though it’s not that aesthetically pleasing design-wise. I DO NOT want to work out in the musty, dusty, hot (I thought basements were supposed to be cold??), no-natural-light basement (even if it were finished). I also grew up without a basement in an area that was at/below sea level, so basements at friends’ houses were dank and always flooded.
So I’m team basements are inherently gross and living stuff should happen in regular living spaces. I’d find a space on the first floor for the gym and make the playroom somewhere on the second floor if you have a second floor.
Are you in a region where it’s common not to have a basement (house is at or below water level, house is on risers, etc.)? If so that would concern me less because (theoretically) other spaces are built for storage (attic, ‘bonus rooms’ over a garage, etc.).
In my area (Northeast) houses without basements are a red flag because it generally means you are in a very wet/marshy area and you’re likely to have issues with water seepage/flooding.
I’m in North Carolina now and basements aren’t common unless the house is on a hill due to clay soil.
I like the idea of a finished basement and storage as well. Our house has a walk up attic and those seem to be in a lot of houses in this area. Our attic isn’t finished but we could, we just don’t need the extra space beyond storage. We also have crawl space storage in one room that we haven’t used but could.
I’m in NC, and most houses here don’t have basements. Assuming you otherwise have plenty of space, it’s fine. Having grown up with houses with basements in GA, the only time i miss having one is during tornado watches/warnings , and those aren’t that frequent. (the only interior room without windows on our ground floor is a powder room).
i live in Houston where there are no basements, but DH and I both grew up in houses in the northeast with basements. i kind of miss having a basement, but it’s not an option here. i like our house a lot and it’s larger than we were initially seeking, which i’m glad to have. i do wish certain things about the layout were a bit different, but in many parts of hte country there are no basements.
Interesting question! I’m in Houston, and very few houses have basements. I guess if you aren’t used to having one, you never miss it. For storage, people use closets, but not so much attics because they get so hot half of the year. Some people rent climate controlled storage units if they have a lot of stuff, but that’s expensive. Playroom – that’s the kid’s bedrooms, the living room or a den if you have one, and the yard or local park. Gym- sometimes the garage but that’s blazing hot half the year, or the guest bedroom if you have one. Or a YMCA membership.
When I learned that basements are a regional thing, my first question was “but where do the teenagers drink for the first time?”
I’m actually still legitimately curious
Wood paneling, wooden home bar, stained glass beer logo light fixture, old velvetish couch. *THAT* is a basement.
Bonus rooms above garages Same concept, different space. Or if you’re rural, in the woods on somebody’s farm.
Out in the abandoned quarry in the woods.
That, or a farm field where we’d have bonfires. Oh, those were the days.
In the woods!
Ha, in the backyard/by the pool (Arizona).
Hello from California where we mostly do not have basements! It’s fine. We just utilize above ground spaces for similar purposes.
+1
Hope you and yours are ok SA.
I live in the midwest, and the only reason I prefer a basement is for tornadoes.
+1
Midwest house here without a basement and this is one big thing I miss. There really isn’t a good spot in our house to hunker down in case of tornado.
OP, a few other no-basement things to consider:
Is it on a slab or a crawlspace? We have a crawlspace (dirt floor, joists from the house are about 18″ above that) and some of our utility systems are located there (like the pressure tanks for our well water pump, some electrical lines and plumbing pipes, etc.). Since the floor is dirt and it’s a block foundation, mice managed to access the crawlspace without our noticing and caused issues chewing on things. And since the crawlspace is not in the conditioned part of the house, we have had to squeeze in to better insulate the plumbing that runs through there. Not an ongoing issue but not fun to deal with. Neither a full basement nor a slab are immune to issues (especially if flooding is a concern in your area), they just come with different ones. There are some nice things to our setup that other layouts don’t have, too.
The biggest thing I miss, though, is that in all the houses with basements I had prior to this, the basement was a steady temp all year regardless of season or outdoor weather. You could cool off in heat waves even if the A/C wasn’t on and the basement might not be truly warm in winter but it kept the upstairs floor more moderated underfoot.
I would not want a house with a traditional basement because I’d be concerned with moisture, vermin, etc. A walk-out basement in a house built on a slope is nice because it is typically going to be finished like real interior space, have windows, etc. and it gives you an extra floor of the house where you can banish kids, exercise equipment, etc.
I love all these replies! We are in the NYC area. In the town we are looking at (which we currently live in), I would say 75% of the houses have basements, and the 25% that don’t…I dont know why, I guess the builders just didn’t want to do it. Flood risk is basically zero.
I will definitely take the advice on getting the slab inspected.
If you are in an area that is cold, the basement helps lots with keeping the house warm. I have experienced houses where part of the house had a basement and part was built on a slab, and the rooms built over the slab were much, much colder.
Grew up in Florida where neither basements or attics are common. We had an outside storage room but most people have barns or sheds to store stuff. Otherwise, it’s just in the house.
What are your favorite nice but not crazy expensive candles?
Boy Smells (that’s the brand)
I like the Cedar Stack and Polyamberous scents. I believe I used to also have one called Red Head.
Note that these may be “crazy” expensive to you. As with many things, one person’s luxury is another person’t mid-market.
Tip: burn them with a piece of tin foil molded over the top (cut a vent hole) to avoid “tunneling” that results in the wax burning unevenly.
By crazy expensive I think you mean Diptyque or Trudon right?
I like these for half the price, but they’re not Target priced either. They’re much better tho
https://www.keapbk.com/
I love Keap too. Their wood cabin is my favorite winter candle.
I recommend supporting a local business! All the holiday markets around me had soooo many local candlemakers. I’m sure you could find local to you businesses like this on social media.
Nest New York! I get discontinued scents like Orange Blossom at Nordstrom Rack for a nice discount.
Nest has the best throw for the price imo.
Thirding Nest! I like their lemongrass-ginger and grapefruit ones. Very “clean” smelling.
Clearance at Anthro is my favorite candle source!
The little local handmade soap shop nearby carries candles that I love! It’s run by a couple and their adult daughter. They have a little storefront with stocked shelves within the facility where they make everything. It’s like Krispy Kreme’s line but with soap and candles. It smells amazing and I love seeing how it all happens. Always feels good to support a small business like this, too.
Stonewall Kitchen
What are your go to sources for easy vegetarian recipes? I want to cook more, but I’m not a skilled cook nor do I have much time or desire to become one. Just looking for easy meals I can make on a weeknight that yield enough for two adults plus leftovers.
Cookie and Kate
I use the NYT Cooking app a lot, and I also like Budget Bytes. Agree with Cookie and Kate as well.
vegrecipesofindia for me. I don’t do all the spices from scratch (eg, boxed chana masala, tava fry masala, etc, and bottled ginger garlic paste), which makes for easy, quick weeknight meals. I’m not vegan, so cream instead of dealing with cashews also makes things quicker and easier.
Marcella Hazan’s tomato sauce with pasta and parm reg is a weeknight winner, too. 28 oz can of tomatoes, 5T butter, half an onion, salt, cook till done. In my house, it’s simply known as “Marcella sauce”. Leftovers become pizza sauce.
Speaking of… pizza dough is easy to make ahead and freeze for later. Can be vegetarian or not as you like.
I cook a with a little bit of meat on the weekends, but skipping it during the week makes prep and cleanup so much easier.
Minimalist Baker. Maybe it started out as mostly baking, but I’ve cooked a ton of the meals from there and they’re usually good. The whole idea is simplicity.
I really love Jenny Rosenstrach’s cookbook The Weekday Vegetarians. Everything in it is super simple and tasty. I borrowed it from the library, and should probably just buy my own copy.
Please don’t flame me… are teeth cleanings for a 5 year old dog a scam or a legit requirement of being a dog owner? The estimate was $750 and the vet made it seem like it’s up to us as to whether we do it or not. Thoughts?
It depends on your individual dog. I’ve had dogs who have never needed a cleaning in their 10+ year lives and ones who get such build up and stank breath they’ve needed several.
Have they identified problems in your dog’s mouth, or do they just recommend this as routine maintenance?
My two cats’ veterinarian office added a full time animal dentist to their staff and suddenly both of my cats “needed” $1500 cleanings (each) under sedation. I said “I’ll let you know” and then found another vet.
It really depends on their general health status, diet, and the condition of their teeth. If the vet made it seem like it’s up to you and there are no symptoms or concerns they’re trying to address, I’d put it off. It’s not risk free.
Depends on the dog. Dogs, like people, sometimes lose the genetic lottery. The breed I’ve shared my life with tends to not have great enamel. I’ve had one dog in my 20+ years with the breed that didn’t need extensive dental help – cleanings, extractions during their life.
When it comes to cleanings, they do need to be done under anesthesia. That allows the technician to go higher up in the gumline, and polish out any scratches, as well as having the animal prepped in the case that extractions are required. Whether or not an extraction is needed often can’t be assessed until the tartar is off. People who advertise sedation-free dental care for dogs are shysters who do more harm than good for the pet’s dental health.
For my breed (60-80 lbs generally), $700-1100 is what I’d expect to pay for a dental along with bloodwork.
+1 to this. We had a boxer, which is a breed prone to tumors and gum disease, and he’d have to get his teeth scraped regularly and always under anesthesia. No idea the cost though, he was husband’s dog.
My vet recommended it but my local pet store has a dentist come in occasionally and do non-sedation teeth cleaning. It’s not as good apparently but it’s also less scary and a lot cheaper, so I’ve had that for my dog a couple times. He does have pretty bad breath and I can see the difference in his teeth after.
I would recommend dental cleanings for most dogs, but it is dependent on the dog in question how frequently it’s needed. My grandma (who has owned MANY dogs) has lost a couple of her dogs from issues with their teeth. (Teeth are decaying, root of the tooth gets infected, infection spreads, it’s A Thing.)
Sounds like it’s an expense you can plan for, since this isn’t urgent or anything, but it will eventually come.
My concern with these cleanings, beyond the cost, is the anesthesia risk.
it does depend on the dog! especially for small dogs it’s very likely for them to have genetic teeth issues & regular cleanings are really important for their health. Tooth pain from infections can end up altering their behavior / infections can spread.
do they have bad breath? noticeable decay or staining?
Depends on the dog and their health. Last two dogs got their teeth cleaned a couple times in their life when there was otherwise a need to sedate the dog for a procedure.
Depends a lot on your individual dog. One of my dogs has needed annual cleanings in order to keep his teeth. My other two dogs don’t need it. Depends a lot on the breed- they have different predispositions to periodontal disease. I would take your vet’s steer on it and ask them if the teeth need it.
Well, $750 is a scam for just an cleaning imho. I paid like $200 for my cat and that included general anesthesia and post-anesthesia care. Unless they think extractions will be needed, $750 seems like a LOT to me.
My vet does a care highlight month every couple of months that involves discounted rates on whatever they’re advertising that month. I’d shop around and see if any local vets have something like that for dental care.
What part of the country are you in? I just paid $700 for that for my cat in VHCOL California.
Having clean teeth is important for anyone, human or dog.
I have always just cleaned my dogs’ teeth myself. Some were more cooperative than others, but I am very comfortable handling skittish animals myself. I have a dental scaler that I use to remove tartar, but if I brush their teeth regularly that isn’t an issue. I tried to brush every week to 10 days, depending on the dog. Some could go longer but as soon as their breath started to stink it was time.
I just paid $750 to have my 5 year old dog’s teeth cleaned in the midwest, and I’m glad I did it. He had quite a bit of plaque at his gum lines and stinky breath, all of which is now resolved. I am doing a better job brushing his teeth now so not anticipating another cleaning for a few more years. Dogs are so good at hiding pain and tooth/gum issues can impact their overall health just like people, so I felt it was time and his vet did too. I was nervous about the anesthesia but it is a small risk overall. He did take about a day and a half for the anesthesia to fully wear off, which I found tough to watch :( but a few weeks on, I’m very glad I did it.
Any thoughts on how to step back when I’m being expected to work above my pay scale (except quit, for reasons I can’t do that)?
My office has a 1-10 classification system, 1 is intern, 2-6 various level of working contributor, 7 is manager, 8-9 is executive and 10 is c suite.
I am currently a 5 but am functionally a manager. I have no one above me except an executive, I attend manager level meetings, I do all managerial budgeting, reporting etc. and I over see a team of junior staff. I would be happy to be a manager if I was getting paid to, but I’m not and never will. The difference in pay is 40k ( which is a lot to me). When I have tried to step back in the past I’ve been told a promotion is coming up I now know that’s a lie. I feel a lot of guilt letting the ball drop especially because my job impacts real humans not just $$$$.
Look for another job.
Time to find a new job.
I’d encourage you to think through the specifics of why you can’t quit – that’s never a good place to be at work. If you lost this job, would you be okay? If not, what do you need to change to get there? You don’t want to be in a place where your wellbeing 100% depends on this job being stable – as you’ve experienced, it can trap you into being undervalued, but even if you decide you’re ok with that, no job is secure enough to rely on in that way.
I’m not American so I’m basically unfireable at this job, but my expertise only lends itself to a handful of jobs and a new job would require moving countries.
If you’re unfireable but have no other job options in country, you just have to stop doing what you aren’t paid to do. The management/c-suite level is paid to figure that out.
The script for this is something like “I’m no longer able to do X, Y, Z.” “But you’ll get promoted!” “I’m open to it, but I can’t keep doing that work without the requisite compensation.” Feel free to throw in a gentle excuse if you want to, but that just invites pushback and I wouldn’t bother.
Does anyone have the Company Store cotton jersey waterproof mattress pad? I need something to prevent staining. The warranty is voided if the mattress becomes stained. If I get this, and we decide we want another topper on the mattress, can I layer both on?
Nightgown help please! I have these early covid-era jersey nightgowns from Target that I love. They are a cotton/modal blend from the Stars Above line that Target doesn’t carry anymore. They are completely falling apart and I cannot seem to find a replacement. I need something sleeveless, below the knee, and a jersey/knit material (not woven) that is not a light color or see-through. I didn’t think it would be that hard but I’m coming up empty and my husband made a valiant effort for Christmas but also struck out. I’ve looked at all the usual suspects – Nordstrom, Soma, Garnet Hill… where else should I look? Trying to avoid am*zon.
https://www.nordstrom.com/s/moonlight-eco-lace-tim-chemise/7960680
This is one comes in black
Check Jockey dot com or elsewhere online… “Jockey Essentials Knit Chemise”. Only box it doesn’t check is that it’s cotton, not cotton/modal.
Their soft touch luxe chemise is cotton modal blend and may hit at the knee, depending on how tall you are.
I know you’re trying to avoid Amazon but I have bought modal nightgowns on Amazon exactly like you describe.
https://lakepajamas.com/products/sandstone-posy-tank-gown?variant=41371536752730
If you don’t like these prints, check back, as Lake refreshes their offerings.
The Simply Vera Wang line at Kohls has lots of modal pajamas and night gowns. I like their stuff a lot.