Weekend Open Thread

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

woman wears light brown sweatshirt

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

Looking for an elevated sweatshirt? This bestseller from Varley looks great.

I like the high neckline, the dropped shoulders, and the slightly cropped fit — I'm eyeing it in black, but I thought I'd post the brown because it shows the details better.

The sweatshirt is $158 at Nordstrom, Anthropologie, Varley, and others.

Looking for something similar? I prefer the subtler neckline of the Varley one, but Athleta also has a few that are similar.

Sales of note for 2/7/25:

  • Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 25% off your $175+ purchase — and $30 of full-price pants and denim
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 15% off
  • Boden – 15% off new season styles
  • Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
  • J.Crew – Extra 50% off all sale styles
  • J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything including new arrivals + extra 20% off $125+
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 40% off one item + free shipping on $150+

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

202 Comments

  1. Anyone else very off put by the costco unionisation efforts? To be clear I am very pro union and all members of my family, myself included, are union members. However costco was already the best pay, benefits, time off etc in retail by a very wide margin. It just seems kind of out of touch and entitled to already have the best and want more. Retail really isn’t that hard, I’m not saying that from an ivory tower, I did it all through school to pay the bills.

    1. Best in industry doesn’t mean good enough. Imagine being put off by workers advocating for themselves.

    2. I haven’t seen these news in particular, so apologize if I’m somehow off, but I think it’s great that the ones who have decent conditions get them formalised in a way that will protect them in the future, and can be an example to other work places.

    3. Retail unionization is often about scheduling of shifts and guaranteed hours week to week, not the wage rate. If you did this through school to pay the bills it is not the same as people doing this as their full time job. You have no idea what you are talking about. And beyond that, none of us do unless we work at the costco locations being unionized. If these people feel this is necessary, that’s their decision.

      1. Plus it seems like people can’t work retail to put themselves through school anymore because of the crazy random scheduling and “on call” crap employers are pulling.

        Cashiers at Walgreens shouldn’t have to be “on call.”

    4. No. Why would they just count on it that being treated better than other retail employees is something that will never change?

      Maybe Costco is making a fortune and can afford to lift people up even more?

      What do other retailers who could be paying more, offering more benefits, and offering more time off have to do with it? Maybe their employees should unionize too.

    5. Did it occur to you that they have comparatively good working conditions precisely because they have been unionized for 40 years?? This is not a unionization, but a potential strike vote based on intractable negotiations.

      1. Wow that’s a very different characterization of what is even happening than I got from the original comment! Thanks for prompting me to look it up since your version is correct.

      2. I don’t know the specifics of this labor dispute but wanted to point out that only 8% of Costco employees are unionized. This is not the type of open shop where the non union members benefit tremendously off of the work of the union members either. Costco has always been known to be generous relative to other retailers.

        1. But they are not 8% across the board, but some warehouses are not unionized at all, while others (at higher percentage). So they influence working conditions locally, and then it’s up to Corporate whether to extend the same benefits, or have individual warehouses compete for employees.

    6. As something me with a family member who works on the floor of a Costco competitor, I have to reject your comment that “retail is easy.” Not everyone working there is in their physical prime years, and not everyone is standard ng at a cash register. It can be very physically taxing – on your feet for hours, dealing with heavy merchandise or operating machinery, doing repetitive motions like folding while bent over a table, etc. And they are often tasked with more work than can reasonably be done in a shift with consequences for failure. And the hours can be terrible and unpredictable/inconsistent. And also, they have to deal with customers who have attitudes like yours.

    7. How strange. I also worked retail for years, and I emerged from that experience with nothing but empathy for my fellow co-workers that were full-timers. I still remember Connie being diagnosed with breast cancer and wonder if she ever managed to afford treatment.

      Good for Costco. I am making the effort to shop there more, despite the driving distance.

      1. I mean, there are basically two kinds of people — those who go through something hard and want to make it better for those who come after and those who go through something hard and think everybody else should too.

    8. This is part of the free market. Employees chosing to hitch their wagon to one another to get a stronger negotiation position and a better deal. You can’t run a retail business without the people who work there. If a vendor of a product decided to advocate for a bigger piece of the pie, and threatened to withhold their product from the store, would you find that inappropriate? Why is it different for the staff?

    9. Nope and the main reason I always shop at Costco and almost never Amazon is that they treat their workers like human beings.

      1. Amazon just fired 1300 people in Quebec because they unionized successfully. Just closed the whole warehouse. Scum.

        1. Wow that is super-evil! And should. be unlawful, as retaliation for permitted labor action. Boycott.

    10. No, but I wish 51% of the country understood that the reason that the price of eggs is high (and other groceries) is that if we want our UPS workers and Costco employees to be paid living wages, it will cost more at the grocery store. No one seems to make this connection-yes, we should pay living wages and yes, our overall cost of living will be higher. You cannot expect UPS workers to make $100K and not have freight costs go up.

      1. Thank you!

        There’s no such thing as a free lunch.

        I know people like to think big, evil retail has endless profits, but Costco’s operating margin in 2024 was just 3.53%.

        I don’t know the specifics of this particular issue, but people often overlook that many industries aren’t operating on sky-high margins.

        Maybe this board can afford to pay more but not all can. And before we quickly run to compare to Europe please consider that Europe is a financial mess and much worse off than the US. We don’t want to be France and we can’t be Norway.

        1. There are costs to paying people less too though. When full time employees are on public assistance, isn’t the employer just pushing costs elsewhere?

          If Costco isn’t good for it, they won’t pay more. I don’t know what the negotiations are about though; it might be something that doesn’t come down to pay.

        2. Almost all the inflation-adjusted wealth gains in the US in the last ~30 years have gone to the 20% of wealthiest people- so I agree with you that it doesn’t make sense to try to pit the working class against the middle class. Maybe we could, y’know, actually tax capital gains robustly, and then use that money to provide free childcare along with our free K12 education. Middle class families can redirect the savings to more expensive groceries stocked by staff making a living wage.

      2. But you’re factual wrong. The reason that eggs are so expensive right now is because of bird flu. There are just a lot less eggs on the market

  2. The wine thread this morning reminded me to share a gifting hack for wine drinkers: join a wine club before the holidays! Often they’ll have a great deal on the first case, and it’s really easy to skip cases or buy only certain special cases going forward. (Note, I wouldn’t advise this for the poster who didn’t drink herself, but rather for people who like to have a small stockpile.)

    We personally do the WSJ wine club and have found all the wines to be very good, with beautiful labels and diverse varietals. After taking a couple years off (pregnancy, moving, etc) we got a promo case in November that was something like 15 bottles for close to $100 shipped. We gave these nice bottles to many people over the holidays and brought some to dinners or parties for sharing. We’ve been enjoying the rest ourselves during these 67 days of January (and beyond).

    1. Good suggestion. People may find that their local wine shop does similar boxes. There’s one in my neighborhood that sells very expensive wine but also bargain wine that is high quality but they negotiated great deals on via relationships with winemakers and distributors. Their “club” boxes are currently $100 for six bottles and $200 for twelve. You can choose red or white or a mix.

      I don’t drink much but get one of these once in a while to have bottles on hand, like OP wanted this morning.

      1. Also, your local wine shop will always stock party and banquet wine, e.g., wines to serve at a big party that are generally inoffensive to most people and pretty cheap. In my experience, the more expensive the local wine store is, the better the tucked away $10-$15 bottles are. They know you aren’t serving the good stuff to all guests.

    2. Not a club, but we have been doing Splash wines. They have some more obscure varietals that have been fun discoveries.

  3. As a Treasury employee, I find this very concerning. (providing a gift link so hopefully you all can read it, but it’s the WaPo exclusive titled, “Senior U.S. official to exit after rift with Musk allies over payment system.”)

    https://wapo.st/4jH7XYa

    1. Well I for one can’t wait until President Musk decides to stop Social Security payments to everyone in blue states, even those who voted GOP. This should be interesting.

      And where the freak are the Democrats? They need to be shouting about this loudly and nonstop.

      1. Ok – how are you shouting?

        Join League of Women Voters.
        Tell your congressmen and women to do something.
        Contact your local news media.

        Do something.

        1. So I agree, in theory. But I’m telling you, I have done all of this and more for 8 years. It is very, very hard to convince myself that it matters at all.

    2. It’s terrifying. I know people will tune out all the news, blah blah politics whatever, but we are seeing a historic collapse in systems and protections for our country. Career civil servants are being locked out of their files. Entire databases — paid for with taxpayer funds! — are disappearing from federal websites. Scientists have missed, or are about to miss, paychecks. Musk is trying to access the payments systems with no explanation as to why, and no oversight.

      Most of the time we just need government to function in the background so we can enjoy our lives, and trust that people paying attention will tell us things we need to know. The people who are watching these things happen are labeling it a coup.

      1. This is not a coup, if what they are doing is allowed by our legislators and judicial branches. We know Trump will push the limits.

        Responses will take time via the courts and new laws. Encourage your local governors and strong political representatives to speak up now and involve media. I hope the Democrats will figure out an efficient way to attack, and love the idea someone posted of forming a “shadow Cabinet”, to rapidly have responses to everything that happens.

        Where should donations go to help the many legal battles that will be forthcoming?

      2. +1. Musk is counting on people being too tired and stressed to follow his actions closely. He’s going to do immense damage with and for Trump.

      3. Is Musk even formally a federal employee? it is unlawful for non-government employees to have access to confidential federal IT equipment, regardless of what any Executive Order may say. It’s all so pointlessly destructive. Glad I renewed my passport in December.

        1. No he’s not and he’s a federal contractor so it’s a huge ethical (and probably legal) conflict.

      4. Musk’s reason for doing this have been really clear. Namely, the entire control system to prevent fraudulent payments has never been used.

        Why do you pretend otherwise?

    3. I have been meaning to ask about this. I seem to recall privacy regulations on who in the Federal Government can have access to what databases? I am certain whatever they are, DOGE isn’t authorized, since they aren’t the government at all.

    4. I don’t have a full year yet as a fed. I don’t feel secure in my position. I started applying for private sector jobs this weekend.

  4. How do you balance eating something healthy with eating something yummy? For example something like cacio e pepe or any noodle dish – super tasty but no protein or fiber. I just feel like I’m not excited to eat anything these days.

    1. Maybe not the best answer: I would add Gardein strips to a dish like that and also throw the entire thing on a pile of spinach. Not classic, but it gets the job done.

    2. I add on! For example, cacio e pepe is amazing with some steamed broccoli on the side that you can use to help sop up the remaining sauce. That’s true for a lot of noodle dishes. Also love mixing roasted carrots or sweet potatoes into things that need a little sweetness.

      1. Oh, and for protein, I just add chicken or ground beef to things (would do chicken with cacio e pepe and ground beef with marinara). But I also do a protein shake every am that starts me off right, so I’m not that worried about it in any specific meal.

    3. I like macaroni and cheese made with whole wheat penne pasta (protein and calcium) and an equal portion of spicy broccoli (fiber). Done.

    4. Pair the yummy dish with something low effort, even if the meal isn’t cohesive. On the side eat some rotisserie chicken, a spoonful of hummus or nut butter, a piece of fruit, jarred olives, cold tofu dipped in soy sauce, presliced raw veggies…anything you can pull out of your fridge or cabinet.

    5. It depends – if I’m making at home, I’ll make a salad and add chicken. If I’m at a restaurant, I usually just splurge and have the yummy pasta dish I want and maybe get a salad starter.

    6. Are you struggling with enjoying more indulgent treat meals, or looking for ways to make balanced meals more interesting and appetizing?

      1. Op here – the latter I think. It just feels like I’ve been adding grilled chicken, broccoli/spinach, and beans to absolutely everything and it occurs to me that if I could just enjoy the tasty thing I’d be excited/interested in food again.

        1. I totally get it, OP. Nothing kills the pleasure of a childhood favorite like mac and cheese like mixing broccoli in because you “should.” You have this stranger’s permission to eat the tasty thing without mixing kale into it or cramming a side of beans that doesn’t even go with the meal onto your plate. You can eat a salad at the next meal or next day.

          1. I do a version of balanced some days by eating a “better” breakfast & lunch and then just doing whatever for my dinner. Sometimes it’s easier to just lean into really healthy and then go for really indulgent without trying to balance both.

            But I will say that as I’ve gotten older, I actually find myself enjoying the healthy stuff more and the pure indulgent stuff less? So for ex., a giant bowl of pasta with no veggies doesn’t leave me feeling as good as I would like it to so I throw in an arugula salad or side of roasted veggies to actually enjoy my indulgent dinner more than I would otherwise.

    7. I like a salad with baby greens, not just lettuce, to balance out a dish like that. A sharp vinaigrette with shallots and Dijon helps with contrast and palate cleansing.

      This time of year I’d have an orange for dessert. Full of fiber and very seasonal.

    8. I changed my mindset. Overall, food is not delicious if it’s truly healthful. Veggies and proteins just aren’t amazing. They’re not bad, but they’re not exciting or inspiring. They certainly can be made more interesting if you cook and add spices, but that’s not me.
      I aim to eat a nutrious diet of veggies and protein day-in/day-out and find the exciting food in treats. When I instead eat fun, exciting, and interesting food, I find I don’t reach my nutritional goals.

      1. Oh you can make veggies delicious. My husband always forces himself to eat the veggies but last night we went to a restaurant known for their farm to table cuisine and though we had meat on the plate, he saved the sautéed garlicky greens for his last bite.

        1. You definitely can, but they usually have a lot of butter or oil and salt! Which aren’t “bad” but can be high caloric and possibly a wash nutrition-wise

    9. For pasta, I do whole wheat or the Barilla protein pastas which have fiber and a decent amount of protein, plus I add broccoli or spinach or another vegetable, either to the pasta or on the side. And depending on the pasta, I often add chickpeas or white beans or lentil meatballs or peanut sauce or nuts or seeds in some form (tahini, dukkah, hemp seed vegan Parm…).

      1. Oh, and how could I forget pesto? Healthy and delicious! I usually make it vegan with nutritional yeast instead of cheese and think it’s good either way, but it’s a great way to use up pretty much any extra herbs or greens.

    10. I would eat a salad and some lean protein at lunch, and enjoy the cacio e pepe for dinner (or vice versa).

    11. I focus on adding healthy things rather than subtracting delicious things. So I would add grilled chicken or spinach to the rich creamy pasta dish.

      In general I think I’m less health conscious than many though. I eat dessert every day (sometimes multiple times per day), often eat things like pancakes and waffles for breakfast and eat a lot of pasta and butter with lunches and dinners. I’m less skinny than I was in 20s and early 30s but overall healthy enough and I would rather eat what I want than be super slim.

      1. We are the same. :)

        I call the extra 5-7 pounds “cookie weight” and I have zero desire to be miserable for the purpose of losing it. No one is signing me up for a modeling gig if I’m 44 and a size 4, rather than 44 and a size 4/6. So what’s the point of skipping cookies?

    12. I’ll just add a side of something healthy. Some nuts and an apple or orange for “desert”. I always add protein by drinking Fairlife high protein milk with meals. Sometimes I’ll quickly scramble an egg or have some cheese.

    13. I don’t view any foods as “good” or “bad” or “unhealthy.” The days of demonizing saturated fat, calories, etc belong in the 90s; many foods that would have been deemed “fattening” then have a lot going for them. Egg yolks have tons of essential nutrients, full-fat dairy promotes better vitamin absorption and is more satiating, a steak has tons of protein and healthy fat, etc. I’ll eat pizza for breakfast happily – that’s carbs, fat, protein, and taste all in one package.

      1. Come on. You know what we’re talking about. As the OP freely admits, while we’d love to eat our comfort food pasta/noodles (ah, the carbs…) often, we know this isn’t a good idea. There often isn’t any nutrition there

        There are higher protein/fiber pastas and alternatives to wheat. But even that is not answering her question.

        We understand the OPs point. I know my favorite yummy indulgences aren’t very nutritious. She isn’t eating steak and high fat yogurt as her comfort dinner.

        1. That is where we differ. A pasta dish can indeed be nutritious – carbs and fat for macronutrients, varied micronutrients depending on the sauce and toppings, emotional satisfaction and pleasure. Those are things to strive for as part of a balanced diet.

          1. If your A1C can handle pasta, enjoy it for me! Some of our pasta eating days are behind us though.

    14. A small salad with nuts, cheese shreds or roasted garbanzos. That also gets me to eat less of the yummy main.

    15. Cut the portion of pasta in half, and then add a salad or mixed vegetables or whatever. Then don’t feel guilty at all about eating the pasta. Just have a snack size portion. Also, if you want to eat Chinese takeout lo mein, just mix it up with a bunch of baby spinach — throw a few handfuls in a big bowl plus dump the lo mein in and stir it around — you can indulge in the flavor of the lo mein, but benefit from the healthiness (and tastiness!) of the mixed-in baby spinach. And, of course, eat it sparingly. Same with pie, donuts, etc.: slivers of pie and cake, cut a donut in half and then in half again only eat that much. Or if you are eating out, order dessert, but eat only two forkfuls. It’s sufficient!

    16. Bit late to this one, but
      1) have something relatively healthy before the less healthy thing eg piece of fruit then a chocolate bar. Sometimes the fruit is enough, and because it’s a choice, it doesn’t feel like deprivation. Literally my fruit is stored in front of the chocolate.
      2) Ask yourself how you feel a couple minutes after eating the less healthy thing. Remind yourself of that, next time you lunge for it! Sometimes this works, sometimes not.
      3) ask yourself why you’re lunging. Are you actually tired, thirsty etc? If so, eat the thing then nap/drink etc. At least you won’t be going back for seconds.

  5. I know some of you visit Paris!! Is it true that visiting the Louvre is an unpleasant experience these days? We were thinking of visiting but if we can’t enjoy the museum, maybe it’s no longer at the top of our list for places to go.

    Alternative suggestions (for Paris or other destinations) are welcome. We like walkable places (or at least hotels in walkable neighborhoods), museums, the arts, local food of all types. We’ve recently done Rome and loved it and Amsterdam is on the books.

    1. I have been to Paris 4x and spent 1 hour in the Louvre. Sorry not sorry. Had a great time in the Orsay, Orangerie, Marmottan, and Rodin, and going to see Monet’s gardens in Giverny.

    2. I found the Louve lovely but probably only because I shelled out for a “skip the line” entrance – worth it in my opinion.

      I didn’t join the crush to see the Mona Lisa but really enjoyed the rest of the museum.

      1. We paid for a similar entrance a few years ago and it was worth it. Also if you can avoid the area around the Mona Lisa it’s much less crowded.

    3. I don’t know who is saying that. I would definitely go back the Louvre and I’ve heard it’s a really fun experience at night.

    4. Go to the Louvre during one of their extended evening hours. From some of the windows, It’s cool to watch the night grow dark on the outside and they mute the lighting inside. Not unpleasant at all. Some rooms you end up having virtually to yourself. Downright magical.

    5. We were there with our elementary school aged kids last spring and enjoyed it quite a bit. We spent ~4 hrs there and probably saw 2% of the museum, ha! So, expectation-setting is key. To me, the building itself was a work of art and I just enjoyed wondering through the galleries. We had a couple “must see” galleries and prioritized those.

    6. I went to Paris two or three years ago the same week as Bastille Day because that was what worked for taking time off work. The Louvre that week was HORRENDOUS. Absolutely jammed with groups of teens and tweens. It was record heat that week and the stench of body odor inside was overwhelming. At point I saw tweens touching a painting and told the guard, who just shrugged, and I decided then that I was going to take myself back to my air conditioned hotel room and cool off my body and frayed nerves.

      To do it over again, I wouldn’t go on the last day of my trip, when I was already pretty human’d out ha, and I’d go at night.

    7. Visiting the Louvre was an unpleasant experience when I went for the first time in 1997. I think it’s always been incredibly crowded and touristy. +1 for all the museums Cat listed.

    8. Petit Palais is like a mini Louvre. Plus it is free, in a beautiful building and gives you a little bit of this and a little bit of that. Sculpture, portraits, impressionists, a lovely garden with a cafe. It’s all there.

    9. I went twice in 2023. If you like museums in general, the Louvre is amazing. I recommend a tour (I booked mine through AirBnb experiences) for your first visit because your guide can get you through to the “big 10” with minimum getting lost. The evening hours (Friday when I was there) were also great.

      The Mona Lisa room is a zoo with hundreds of people who just want a selfie to put in IG and I happily skipped it. But there are whole sections with very few people. Just double check what is closed the day you go.

      But then I am comparing it to the Vatican Museum which genuinely felt unsafely crowded the last time I went.

      1. I went to the Louvre in May 2024 and agree. I’m glad I saw it and we had a skip the line tour but I have zero desire to go back and I love museums. Orsay is a different story.

    10. No it’s fantastic. Book tickets ahead of time, go at 9am, enter through the carousel not the pyramid. I was there two weeks ago in gallery after gallery all by myself! It was spectacular. If you just want to see the Mona Lisa and Venus de milo skip it, but it’s a massive glorious museum

    11. We went last December on one of the nights they stay open late. We arrived around 4 or 5 and stayed until it closed. It was lovely and while it was crowded in certain rooms, we had other spaces to ourselves.

      The Orsay is also wonderful and also crowded. This will make me sound old and cranky, but I cannot even deal with the number of influencers who are at these museums recording content. I was at the V&A in London two weeks ago and had multiple young people ask me to take photos for their instagrams.

      1. Similarly, we visited in December because my kids really wanted to see the Mona Lisa. They glanced at it for two seconds and we proceeded to spend the next twenty minutes turning the Wedding at Cana into a giant look and find. Who knew there were so many dogs, cats and parrots?

        I highly recommend visiting Paris in the low seasons. Just come prepared for rain.

    12. I’ve gone to Paris 3x since Fall 2019, and have yet to step foot in the Louvre. Not that I’m not interested in Art, I really am, but the Louvre seems like a pain. Highly recommend Musee D’Orsay, Musee de Carnavalet, Opera Garnier. If you partake, book a wine tasting tour with Girl Meets Glass. If I do ever go to Louvre, it will be in a skip the line tour or after hours tour. Day trips by train are also quite easy…Monet’s home and Garden in Giverny, Reims/Epernay, even Normandy is doable in a day. Haven’t yet gone to Picasso or Rodin museums, just a scheduling issue.

  6. I live in the South and have been really bothered that my kid’s friends and parents constantly make racial jokes. I am Asian and my husband is white. He is often in the mix with these jokes but I have lately been expressing to him how much it bothers me. At a dinner the other night, one guy was describing someone as Vietnamese, was corrected by someone at the table that the person they were talking about is Japanese, and he said it doesn’t matter, same thing. I know alot of it is just me being sensitive but I have just gotten to the point where any little thing now just bothers me for days. Another time, my son went to a Chinese restaurant with one of these friends and when they were ordering, the friend ordered, mimicking the Asian accent of the waitress. It is kind of an inside joke because they will do this randomly with each other. I know I can’t change them but what can I tell myself when these things happen? Last year, I got my husband to tell them all to cut it out but it rears up again and again. My kid has been in tears in the past over some of this but in large part has a thick skin.

    1. If it’s wearing you down that much, any chance of moving?

      It seems drastic, but… don’t you want to live somewhere that your whole family can thrive? Isn’t there a value in living in a place that your son wants to live in as an adult? (This is not to say that he must or should stay nearby when he grows up. The issue is that if you’re living in a place that just sucks for him, you’re guaranteeing that he’s not going to live nearby.)

      1. This happens everywhere; it’s not strictly southern. The most racist person I’ve ever known was a cop from Baltimore.

          1. And cops are not a good sample set if you’re trying to figure out how not-racist an area is.

          2. I’m in the south and this would get you ostracized at my kids’ school, my workplace, etc.

          3. +1 I’m also in the south and this would be totally unacceptable in our school and friend group.

          4. I live in a red area of the SEUS and even the most horrible people here would only engage in this talk in front of their own kind.

        1. I’m in a very white and Asian part of the Bay Area and this kind of behavior would be shocking here. There’s still racism, but nothing like what OP is describing. The proportion of people who say racist crap is very, very small and they’re typically easy to avoid.

          1. You’re fortunate to be in a very educated, very expensive part of the country. Go hang out with some working class folks not from a coast. I promise, this is not uncommon.

          2. The Bay Area is so in denial about its racism. It totally exists. The segregation in that area is wild. There are entertain neighborhoods, schools, communities, friend groups that are >90% one race. The rich, educated tech population is almost 100% white and Asian and basically never mixes with anyone Black, Latino or Native in any context. I live in the (non-Chicago) Midwest now and when we go out on a date night to a nicer restaurant, probably at least 20-30% of the people in the restaurant are Black or Latino.; I never experienced that kind of diversity in the Bay Area. And my Asian friends would tell you there’s plenty of anti-Asian racism from whites and other POC. It’s just wild to me that people think the Bay Area isn’t racist.

          3. Not who you’re responding to but I agree with both you and the previous poster. In my experience, racism exists in upscale coastal community but no one would ever make racist jokes like that. However, among the blue collar white folks i grew up with a few towns over this kind of garbage was extremely prevalent. It’s a huge reason I got out. People tell me those folks are the “salt of the earth” because they have physically difficult jobs but you can only hear so much idiotic laughter at racist stereotypes before you lose your mind. Yeah, racism is everywhere but in certain communities you cant get through dinner without hearing it.

        2. +1 to 3:02. My personal experience is with anti-semitism not racism, but I found it much more virulent and widespread in Boston, a city with a sizeable Jewish population, than in my rural Midwest hometown where many people had never met a Jewish person before me. There’s hating someone because you don’t know them and hating someone because you DO know them, and the latter is much worse imo.

        3. It’s an issue of proportions and wider social acceptance. Anecdotes aren’t data and culture matters.

        4. This is true, but sometimes it does help to move somewhere that’s more diverse at baseline.

          Sometimes there’s also another school option that is more diverse than the default option.

          1. I’d look into this, which is a lot less drastic than moving. I’m in a college town so not a “typical” small town southern experience, but one of our town’s school districts is significantly more diverse and accepting than the other. We’re white but Jewish and although a very very small minority even in the more diverse school district, nobody has ever been anything but kind and welcoming to us and we host Hanukkah parties and Passover seders every year that are attended almost entirely by non-Jewish people who love learning about and celebrating our culture. We have friends in the other district who’ve experienced a lot of harassment and are always being told they’re going to h3ll by white evangelical Christian kids, etc. They’re trying to switch to our district now.

          1. I see the people who are blind to the racism in their own communities because if it isn’t Southern racism it isn’t considered racism have shown up.
            Seriously, one of the most ignorant and prejudiced statements I have ever heard was from a Bay area professor of diversity studies talking about the South. One of the others was to my face by Dr. Dre.

          2. It’s like Not All Men commenters on any article about male violence against women. OP said she’s in the South. This is not about other communities. This is about where she lives now and her own experiences.

          3. No, it’s not. It is the opposite of ‘not all men’s, first of all. And second, it is a tangent to the conversation. about why one proposed solution to the problem of living where racist talk is common – to move – may not be the simple solution people like you think it is.

    2. I don’t think you need to grow a thicker skin. Just the ovaries do call it out. Even if you just say “wow” when some fool says something like “they’re all the same.”

      1. Yes, you are exactly right. I am trying. Thank you for this comment and all of the others. To answer another commenter’s question, when I said that my husband is “in the mix”, he also makes racist jokes, although never about Asians. It is only recently that I have brought it up as hurtful – I have a lot of shame about this, but I have always just tried to ignore things like this to fit in. I know he is trying to be more mindful but it almost seems like it is kind of a cultural thing – his parents are this way and like I said, it is very common in our friend group. One of the moms also thinks it is so funny to mimic an Asian accent. Anyway, I really appreciate all of the comments – alot of food for thought for me!

        1. Do you know other Asian or mixed-race families, and if not, is there a way to connect with a more diverse friend group? I’ also live in the south, but our friend group is only about half white and this kind of “joking” would horrify people.

        2. This makes me sad for you, OP. None of this is okay, especially coming from your husband. (For reference, I don’t live in a super diverse area, but these so-called jokes would not land well.)

        3. I just wanted to chime in and acknowledge that this is awful and hard and it is doubly hard because it affects not just you but also your kid.

          I wish I had a magic solution. The best I can offer is that you should feel zero guilt about minimize the time you and your son spend with these people and seeking out groups where there is better empathy and less rudeness/racism to balance out experiences.

          My DH is white European but still an immigrant and we are both so f’ing sick of people implying or outright saying that it’s a waste of time and money to teach our kids his heritage language. It’s so exhausting.

          1. oh, here’s a neurologist telling you please please teach your children their 2nd family language. The younger the better. What a gift you will give them. It’s so good for their brain and development. And will help bind them to your family and culture. so good!

    3. I’m really sorry, OP. This kind of “lighten-up-it’s-just-a-joke” racism is not ok, and I don’t blame you at all for being bothered by it. My husband is Asian, I’m white, and I’ve had to had some direct conversations with a few relatives about stuff like this. I strongly believe that your husband needs to shut it down when it happens. You shouldn’t have to shoulder that responsibility.

      Does your husband feel like it’s ok for him to “be in the mix”, since he’s married to an Asian person? If so, it might be worthwhile to examine that dynamic more closely. I am very grateful that my husband has, on occasion, pointed out some of my own implicit biases. It stings in the moment, but boy do I appreciate it.

      Does your family spend time with other Asian or mixed-race families? Is your husband ever in the situation where he’s the only white person in the room? If not, it might be worth trying to build those relationships in your community.

      One final thought. You said that they make ‘racial’ jokes. Sounds like they’re actually racist jokes. It’s ok to call the behavior what it is, even among friends.

    4. When you say your husband is “in the mix” do you mean that he is making the jokes, or laughing at the jokes, or present when the joke is being made?

    5. I’m so sorry you and your children are dealing with this.

      For me, I’d want to make sure that my family is all on the same page that this behavior is racist and not acceptable. Kids can learn all sorts of wrong things hanging out with racists, so top priority is teaching my kids that this (and probably all sorts of other stuff they hear!) is wrong, hurtful, and in no way charming/funny.

      Next, can you find your family some less racist friends? Or at least some friends who are open to learning, such that they apologize and do better if told they’ve done something racist (calling out should totally be your husband’s job)?

      If less racist friends isn’t a possibility, can you spend some time where there are more mixed kids? If not moving, then maybe a summer camp?

      1. I was wondering the same thing. OP, these friends of yours … don’t sound like friends. Even if what they’re doing was okay in their culture (it’s not), why in the world would they keep carrying on, knowing that you are Asian, your children are Asian, etc. I’ll trust that they have good qualities, but from this stranger’s standpoint, they sound like boorish jerks.

    6. I grew up in small town South and all of us knew that was racist. They’re not just joking, they’re racist. If you have the option to change schools, do that. If not, I learned to just tell my friends not to talk that way around me. Is it hard? Yes. This is one of those situations though where just saying I don’t think that’s funny is worthwhile. But I wouldn’t just suck it up. The parents at least will never not be racist.

      Your husband on the other hand is more concerning.

    7. If you’re up for it, I have a book recommendation for you – it’s “Accountable,” by Dashka Slater. It’s the true story of a group of high schoolers in the Bay Area who started a racist instagram account and what happened to them, their friends (many of whom were Black), the parents, the families – everyone. One of the most important things I took away from it was that teenagers – and especially teenage boys – use humor as social currency and they are constantly experimenting with the line between funny, edgy, and racist. I don’t think the book has any answers, but I came away with a better understanding of how these things operate in teen boy culture and how important it is to talk to your kids about this.

    8. Racism is not just a Southern thing. I call out nonsense like this, but it took years of quietly getting fed up before I realized no one is going to speak up, and I should.

      I don’t let them get away with it, I don’t care if they get uncomfortable.

      Start saying these:
      “Can you repeat that?”
      “Is that supposed to be funny? It’s not”
      “Can you explain what you mean by that?”
      “Can you explain why that is funny?”

      Then work up to variations of these:
      “That’s a racist micro aggression.” “That is a really offensive racist comment”
      “That is not funny and I am offended”
      “Wow. That is just ignorant”

      And if they’re not smart enough to stop talking and apologize, end it:
      “I’m walking away now”
      “I can’t continue this conversation.”

      You decide what you’re willing to accept from your husband, your friends. But know that you are also modeling for your kid what he should and should not accept.

      1. I think you will get a lot better result using plain language. Make it clear they are being mean on a human level.Talking about micro aggressions is part of the reason half the country believes it’s ok to use woke as an insult. Instead, I would frame it more like “I don’t like to hear people being mocked because of how they speak, especially a whole group.” “I think it’s awful to treat people differently based on their skin color or culture.” And no need to pretend. Putting it as an I statement gives the “out” they need to save face without diminishing recognition of the behavior being bad.

        1. I agree. This is better.
          OP, I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. I would start with your husband. Tel, him it hurts your feelings, has made you and your son cry and whether he thinks it’s “just a joke” or not, you need him to stop. And then tell him you are upset by the comments/jokes from your friends and need him to support you and speak up about this when it happens. I wouldn’t hesitate to call out anyone, including kids. I have said to my kids’ friends that certain behavior isn’t nice. I don’t do it in a rude way but I make clear that I don’t think it’s appropriate and why. With kids in particular I think it helps to ask them how they would feel if someone was making fun of their family for how they speak, etc. It helps build empathy, which is critical.

    9. Something I might do if I was in your spot that can help determine how people view these “jokes” – turn the tables and do some imitations of their accents. If they’re offended or didn’t get it, good excuse to point out that those jokes aren’t funny, they’re offensive. If they laugh and enjoy it, it would start to feel less racist to me because they’re laughing at themselves in the same way. And then I can start dishing it out as well, so it’s not picking on the marginalized, it’s teasing between friends.
      This is only how I would handle it from people I have a well-established relationship with, it this case your husband or family members. And I recognize this wouldn’t work for many people, but wanted to put that out there as a different perspective.

    1. I’m the Treasury employee from above who commented about the payments system takeover. I’m extremely concerned about all of this, but I feel helpless. I’ll write to my reps, but they’re all spineless Republicans. What else can I do (that doesn’t cost money)?

      1. Paying attention to any replies to this — I have crappy Republican reps, too. I want to do something, but I don’t know what actually makes a difference. Any ideas, please.

        1. Call anyway. Make it something you do everyday. They’re counting on no one knowing what to do and doing nothing. And I wouldn’t hesitate stop with congress. Call every rep you have, state and local.

      2. When NPR first started covering the separation of families at the border, I was so upset I pulled over and called my senators, both republicans. The staffers who answered and listened were so kind and one (for a senator who was serving his last term, choosing to retire rather than continue to support the current republican leadership) said that the senator agreed with me. I was so glad I called. Both senators have been replaced by democrats fwiw

    2. Please do write to your reps anyway. All my reps are powerless Democrats, but I’m still trying to write and call because they have to hear something from us. I think it’s powerful for republicans to hear that their constituents are worried and upset.

      1. Okay. Thanks — I just did and will keep trying, even if it feels not worth it. It might be, and doing nothing is definitely not worth it.

        Thanks you for the sane encouragement.

      2. Yeah this kind of highlights the dilemma we’re all facing. If our rep is a powerless dem we feel it’s pointless to call them. But if our rep is a loyal Republican than we also feel it’s pointless to call them. Then no one’s calling anyone!

        Im only thinking out loud.. I don’t know what the solution or best court of action is. This just really sucks.

    3. Wow – I just used resistbot for the first time in 2 years and they’ve stepped up their game! I submitted the article and they used AI (and a few questions to me about my position) and generated a really cogent letter. THEN they said they could fax it or send it 1st class mail, but you need to buy credits. I’m ok with that though if faxes are logged like calls instead of like emails… hmm. Very exciting overall.

  7. Out of curiosity is there any law that would prevent candidates making blatant lies? Like Trump saying he had nothing to do with project 2025. If you were advertising a breakfast cereal you can’t lie and deceive… obviously with deceptive ads the FTC are the enforcers and who knows whether the lights are still on in that office or not. Just curious.

    1. Great question. Anne Applebaum had an interesting column in the Atlantic that looks at how some other countries handle it (gift article):
      https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2025/03/musk-tech-oligarch-european-election-influence/681453/?gift=Ldq-fuF4b8DdqRzi5iF3l2-yWYnNNDbJCh2I60QDYYQ&utm_source=copy-link&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=share

      “In Britain, political parties are, at least during the run-up to an election, limited to spending no more than £54,010 per candidate. In Germany, as in many other European countries, the state funds political parties, proportionate to their number of elected parliamentarians, so that politicians do not have to depend on, and become corrupted by, wealthy donors. In Poland, courts fast-track election-related libel cases in the weeks before a vote in order to discourage people from lying.”

    2. Project 2025 was not a Trump thing. That’s actually true.

      Substantively: Kamala Harris had a $1.5 billion campaign budget. She had the media time and funds to get her version of the story out.

      1. Then why is one of the architects of project 2025 being confirmed to the cabinet? Why is half of the stuff that is happening this week aligned with the plans laid out in project 2025?
        Do you think it’s a pure coincidence? Or do you believe that Trump had nothing to do with its inception but then decided it happens to be great and chose to act on it? How does it make sense for you?

          1. OK my friend, have fun deluding yourself and taking them at their word.
            It’s not necessary for them to be in collusion for all of them to support an antidemocratic agenda. But yeah, in this case it’s very transparent that they were the whole time.

      2. What does Harris’ campaign budget have to do with anything?

        There is no distance between Trump and Project 2025. He’s pushing it forward with his cabinet choices and his stupid EOs. He used its rhetoric and claims in his campaigns. Whether he’s one of the architects is immaterial.

        1. +2. Some of the exec orders have language copy and pasted verbatim from project 2025. I saw a “score card” going around of their objectives achieved just in the last 11 days and there are many (mass deportations, end DEI protections, end birthright citizenship, etc. These were their express goals, verbatim, and they are being checked off at a dizzying pace). It’s even more scary when you consider the remaining stated goals: ban contraceptives, end no fault divorce, end marriage equality, just to name a few. We’re on the way.

        2. The point is that under the First Amendment, more speech is deemed the answer to misleading/inaccurate speech. So you can’t suppress lies, but you are supposed to counter them by flooding the zone with accuracy. Doesn’t really work that way all the time, hence the saying that a lie travels halfway around the globe before the truth has put on its pants. But that is the point of Anonymous @6:53 pm’s comment — yes, Trump lied; no, we can’t “outlaw” lies given the First Amendment; so the remedy is to use resources to counter the lies with the truth. As I said, imperfect, but that’s the American way.

          1. And when the lier has all of social media in his pockets? Sinclair group has decimated a lot of broadcast in some regions? I fear these concepts aren’t standing up to today’s new landscape where so many channels have been co-opted.

      3. People who aren’t in his cult don’t care whether Trump personally wrote or read or officially endorsed Project 2025. We don’t think it’s his vision (how much of a vision does he really have besides ego and vengeance?). We care whether he trusts and is influenced by the people who did write and read Project 2025. That is also a lot easier to demonstrate than somehow reading into his mind and soul to know his personal intentions!

    3. What used to be used to prevent outright lies is shame and the fear of being called out. HW Bush lost because he said “read my lips: no new taxes” and then imposed taxes. Some democrats, I think, still have a bit of shame about saying stuff that isn’t totally true, too, as evidenced by the party’s inability to just say that the plane crash in DC was Trump’s fault because he fired the aviation chief and basically upended the federal workforce. You can bet the GOP wouldn’t have had an issue with that in reverse.

      But we are living in a post-fact/post-truth world right now and one side is just more shameless and willing to take advantage of that fact. The greatest trick pulled in the last 20 years isn’t lying to people because I think that sways about a third of the country at most at any given time, but it’s the cynicism that’s been sold to the majority needed to win elections that both sides lie, that it’s all BS, who can even tell, etc., that leads to people just tuning out or going with their “gut,” facts be damned. You can’t fact check a feeling or sue it for false advertising. I had an entire conversation with someone yesterday (former lifelong dem, btw, with a masters degree in engineering) while the NYT headline said “Trump imposes tariffs on Mexico and China, to start Tuesday,” who saw that headline and said, “no, he’s just negotiating, that’s never going to happen” —— as it was literally happening. There is no fact checking this kind of thing.

  8. If I loved the show Younger, what similar shows do you recommend that I can stream? I have Hulu, Netflix, and Amazon Prime. Thanks!

    1. I think it gets compared to The Bold Type a lot but personally I think Younger is way better.
      I think Never Have I Ever has a lot of similarities – it’s about high schoolers instead of 20-somethings, but same mix of friendship, rom-com, and work(school) with two major competing love interests.
      Sutton Foster did Bunheads, which was cute.
      Hilary Duff was in How I Met Your Father which I thought was canceled too soon.

    2. Modern Love
      Mozart in the Jungle
      Better Things

      These aren’t on those services, but maybe this will be helpful to someone else- I feel like I get the same kind of feel good romantic vibes from Starstruck and Sort Of (on Max), and Acapulco (on Apple)

  9. A few weeks ago someone responded to a post about having stopped enjoying traveling because maybe she was in the “winter season”.
    I’m in the same situation, I’ve always loved researching, planning, traveling… it was one of my favorite hobbies, but I haven’t done it for a while during the pandemic and caring for a terminally ill parent.
    Now I have the time again, the money is not an issue… but I’m not able to get excited about it.
    Could someone guide me on that concept? Books or websites? Thanks

    1. I love to travel too. Maybe start by listing your favorites. That might help with searching for the place to visit. Cafes, hiking, museums, cooking class, mountains, beach, etc…

    2. Books – burnout by Nagoski. And maybe Wintering by May.

      As money is fine -Consider if you can (without the world crashing around you) book a 2- night trip for next weekend or the weekend after. Direct flight of less than 3 hours if you can, aim to get to a type of nature you do not have often or right now. Can be somewhere familiar or new. Sometimes all i need is to do it. Less planning less anticipation and pure discovery. Check out for a couple days. Check your phone once every 4 hours, leave the hotel number in case of medical emergency. Just go. Enjoy. Rest or explore. Do new things or comfort or both. And then perhaps something you do will invigorate your interest anew.

    3. I don’t understand
      I remember that post but do you want to travel? If so, do!

      If you don’t… it’s ok not to!

      A happy medium might be a day trip (with a friend, optional) like a drive for 90 minutes – 2 hours or so away, stop and see a roadside attraction, do 2 or 3 things when you get there, drive home and spend the night in your own bed.

      I just don’t understand if you want to travel or want to be more of a homebody. Either way is ok!

    4. A lot of people sneer at travel agents/advisors in the digital age, but they can really help if you want to travel but don’t want to plan.

    5. Hardship, fear, grief, and loss can shut down part of ourselves, and make it difficult to bring them back to life.

      How much is the loss and stress around the pandemic, caregiving, and grief still affecting you? It could be that even if you’ve worked through it in the main parts of your life, the effects are still showing up in these long-untouched areas, specifically in the ability to feel excitement, in the freedom to give attention to a hobby or past time, in the internal permission to spend unnecessary money, in the energy to do the work to travel, and in the sense of freedom to leave your home and go be somewhere (and someone?) different and do new and fresh things.

      1. That is a really beautifull answer, thank you very much.
        It could be exactly that. Although “everything” seems as it is back to “normal” maybe Im not there yet.

    6. Hello, I could have written this a year ago. I had to force myself to take a big trip last fall and I’m so glad I did. Some things that helped inspire me to do it:
      —borrowing some travel books from the library
      —the Rick Steves travel forum

      After not planning/traveling for several years, it definitely felt like more of an effort than I had remembered it being. Go easy on yourself: take the nonstop flight, use the hotel that’s most convenient, and don’t try to do everything at your destination.

      1. Thank you. I will check the travel forum.
        Last Fri I was in my local library and as you I took some guides including the Lonely Planet’s “Where to Go When” guide to look for inspiration. Due the pandemic I cancel a trip to peru and right now I dont see myself doing that kind of big thing, I will try to start small but I hope my travel “mojo” will go back. It was such a big joy before.

  10. NYC-ers,

    Please recommend flower delivery services you’ve been happy with. Want to send flowers to a dear friend for her 50th. I don’t live in the US so they’ll need to be online and accept international credit cards.

    Thank you!

    1. I’ve never been as happy with a flower delivery service as I have with just calling a flower shop to order flowers. If you post your friend’s neighborhood in NYC, happy to make a specific recommendation if I can. You should be able to place an order easily enough.

    2. My friend sent me flowers through Scott’s Flowers in NYC and they were lovely (looks like it was the “Old New Yorker” design). I’ve seen their advertising online, so I would have been suspicious if I was the one ordering, but can confirm they’re legit.

    3. I love fLorEsta (that’s the actual capitalization) in Long Island City! Their flowers are so beautiful and fresh 😊

  11. I need my reading material to not be overwhelmed by Blake Lively and Jason Baldoni drama. I’ve already caught up on BBC and the Atlantic articles. There’s no drama post to be had here, and I just deleted my Instagram (because I was tired of wasting time.) I guess I just pick up a book?

    1. Sure. The New York Times Sunday magazine is ok. I listen to NPR and they don’t do enough celebrity gossip IMO. You could research the Grammys tonight. Deleting social media apps might help, and log off. Books are cool!

    2. books books books
      but you can also skim reddit /longform or /longreads for article recommendations – people often post favorites that aren’t so recent, so it’s a somewhat immune to “drama of the day”

    3. Also you could clear your browser history and cache and turn off letting apps and sites follow you across the internet for more personalized suggestions, if you really want to move in a different direction. Or use incognito browsing for your celebrity gossip

      1. This. All I know about the whole Blake Lively/that guy scandal is that they were in a movie, she was suddenly considered an a**hole, then he turned out to be the real a**hole & she sued him, and now he is publishing texts she sent him on a webS*te. Literally that’s the exact level of detail. If you ask me any follow-up I would be hard pressed to come up with a single detail.