Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Wool and Cashmere Cardigan
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
It’s cold and gray outside, but a cheery yellow Gucci cardigan with flower-shaped buttons might be just the ticket for warming things up inside. The knit looks gorgeous, the buttons are adorable, and the fit is absolutely perfect.
They’ve styled it with a yellow skirt that looks perfect on the model but would probably make me feel like a banana, so I would pair this with a navy or charcoal skirt for a beautiful office outfit.
The sweater is $1,950 at NET-A-PORTER and comes in sizes XS-XL. It also comes in pistachio.
For more affordable options, try this sweater from Argent (XS-XL, $250) or this Universal Standard cardigan (M, 3XL, 4XL in stock, $128).
If you're hunting for more wool/cashmere sweaters in 2025, Vince has some, and this Jenni Kayne cardigan/sweater jacket is fabulous. On the more casual side, Summersalt has a bunch!
Sales of note for 2/14/25 (Happy Valentine's Day!):
- Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
- Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off your full-price purchase — and extra 60% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + 15% off (readers love their suiting as well as their silky shirts like this one)
- Boden – 15% off new season styles
- Eloquii – 300+ styles $25 and up
- J.Crew – 40% of your purchase – prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site and storewide + extra 50% off clearance
- Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Flash sale ending soon – markdowns starting from $15, extra 70% off all other markdowns (final sale)
Morning. As a non-US observer, it’s been horrifying to see the events in the US unfold over the past week, especially with regards to DEI and federal payments.
I’d like to put forward a non-judgmental question to those who voted for Trump in November. How are you all feeling? Is this in line with what you expected out of his 100-day plan, or are you focusing on the end goals even if the way to get there is a bit more aggressive than expected? I promise I’m not scolding anyone and I hope other commenters respect the openness of this platform to all.
I’m just keen to see how one part of electorate is reacting – I can’t find any nuanced responses online that doesn’t cover rural MAGA supporters (distinct from Republicans as an ideology of politics rather than an individual).
Also, so curious how you feel about Musk and his actions- I don’t think any of us forecast how involved he would be!
From a US perspective, I would be amazed to find a Trump voter who is disappointed about DEI/DEIA. It is not that hard to find Harris voters who sympathize!
+1
I think the trade wars and subsequent economic crash are much more likely to cause regret.
Maybe eventually. The Trump voters I know personally were all prepared for “things to get worse before they get better” before ever voting.
I honestly think my mom is hoping there will be some kind of collapse so that we’ll all have to subsistence farm together and her relevant skills will finally be valued by her soft, urban children who will need her again?
It’s maddening to me, but it probably does say something about how much modern lifestyles are resented by people left behind who miss tight knit communities that look out for each other (that is very much how she grew up and what she expected her life would always look like).
Sure. I live a modern lifestyle and never had a tight knit community that looked out for each other, but I sure wish that lifestyle existed instead of the hellscape of the nuclear family and loneliness of modern life. Your mom is not wrong to resent what life has become. Which is still no excuse for supporting Donald Trump.
I dunno, I live in NYC and have a tight knit community that looks out for each other. Last week, I literally borrowed a cup of sugar from someone on my floor last week and I picked up another friend’s kid because they had a family emergency. When I got divorced, 3 friends took a day off from work and came over to help me pack and move. My sibling and in laws come over for dinner at least once a week.
We are not religious and do not come from the same ethnic backgrounds, but created our own community, no homestead required.
Yeah New Yorkers look out for each other and there’s a real neighborhood culture in NYC.
Car dependent suburban and rural settings are really different!
Your mom sounds like mine! Although she’s very liberal, she grew up in the rural midwest on a farm, and then she moved to a major East Coast city in her 20s. She loves to point out how my siblings and I “wouldn’t survive” because we don’t know how to “feed ourselves”, i.e., hunt, ride horses, farm, etc. Right, we don’t know these skills because *she never taught us* because she *chose to have kids in a city*. I roll my eyes hardcore every time she gets to reminiscing about farm life.
~tRuMp iS BeTtEr fOr tHe EcOnOmY~
They will always spin it so it’s not his fault. I heard Nancy Mace say about tariffs and prices: “the system is broken, and prices won’t come down until we fix it.” Nothing is broken btw, and even if it is, tariffs aren’t going to fix it.
I voted for Harris and I don’t care about the changes to DEI programs, staff, and Federal funding. Overall, I tend to support the changes. I find the DEI comments about the helicopter crew in the recent DC crash reprehensible. The female crew member (I will not name her, as her family requested) has more qualifications and accomplishments than most people.
MAGA voters are thrilled. Do you expect remorse from those people?
Also, every other MAGA in my neighborhood is already driving a Tesla. Do you think there’s any dismay over Musk’s involvement? They LOVE him.
I feel great! Thanks for asking
OP here. Genuinely not trolling – what are you most happy with out of the actions in the past two weeks? How do they align with your personal politics?
Who cares? People like this have no human empathy and really do not care about the fallout we’re witnessing. They want to see the world burn and even better if they can pad their own pockets in the meantime. Their opinion is less than meaningless.
The person you’re replying to cares, probably because they are not so deep into tribalism that they’re willing to just discount others’ opinions without even hearing them.
Translation: I feel great that prices will increase! I feel great that our President has thrown military pilots under the bus instead of consoling families who lost loved ones in what appears to be an unfortunate accident! I feel great that the world’s best scientific research has been 100% put on hold (illegally) even though a very tiny fraction of such research relates to DEI! I feel great that government workers will lose their jobs (costing the government millions of dollars when it ends up having to replace them anyway)! I feel great that world reknowned career government workers with expertise in financial policy and legal matters have been forced to resign from their careers! I feel great that highly unqualified people are being appointed to cabinet level positions simply because of their loyalty to the President! I feel great that my President is getting rich on a questionable Bitcoin endeavor rather than focusing on domestic and international affairs! What else did I miss?
“I feel great that more women will die preventable deaths! I feel extra great imagining how I’ll slash food stamps and WIC for their orphaned babies!”
I feel great that air travel is quickly becoming less safe! Because libs that try to flee DESERVE to have their planes fall out of the sky!
Not your target audience but I’m mostly shocked about how people seem to think that the tariffs are paid by foreign govts. Like what?
If he puts a 25% tariff on stuff, then those things cost 25% more. Not rocket science.
This 100%. People don’t understand how it works at all.
Here’s what I don’t understand: from 2020 to 2024, the annual inflation rate ranged from 2-8%, and was a huge hardship on many families. Hence why everyone wanted a change. If getting 2-8% inflation rate under control was the #1 priority and so important, than how can’t the same people see that a 25% tariff on our two biggest trade partners isn’t self-inflicted inflation?
They believe the “news” broadcasters who tell them they won’t pay more because of tariffs, and that tariffs will usher in a golden age of US manufacturing.
Now, I will admit that I do not understand exactly how tariffs work. But, I do understand how to assess information sources, and I trust the reliable ones that explain how tariffs will raise prices for US consumers. I also can use logic to see that there’s no way the US is going back to manufacturing the majority of its goods.
Knowing how to assess information sources is absolutely crucial. My MAGA MIL routinely texts my husband links to news articles she’s found on FB that are from like 8 years ago but she thinks are from today because she saw them today. I’m convinced America would be in better condition if the boomers were never allowed on social media.
Is it different from corporate taxes, which the left tends to support?
Yes, tariffs are different from a corporate income tax. Reducing the corporate income tax increases output somewhat, but nearly all of the gains from that output flow to top earners. The corporate income tax reduces inequality.
Head bangs into the wall.
I mean, to clarify, I understand that tariffs and corporate taxes are different mechanisms – what I’m asking is are there reasons to expect them to have significantly different EFFECTS? Both increase the cost to produce something. Both can theoretically be passed on to the consumer, constrained only by competition and variable demand. I still think corporate taxes are worth it for societal reasons – even if stuff costs a little more, we need govt revenue to pay for important services, and it feels fair. But similarly for tariffs – I don’t think foreign governments are going to pay them; but I do think foreign /companies/ are going to pay them (even if indirectly, eg. an american company will want to see a lower bid from a foreign manufacturer for it to make sense to choose them + pay the tariffs vs choose an american manufacturer). In that way, it seems similar to a corporate tax on foreign companies. And like taxes, a higher minimum wage, expensive environmental regulations, and other traditionally leftist policy, pro-tariff people are willing to accept some higher costs for the sake of promoting another value they care about – like keeping more jobs in the US, or punishing countries that don’t play by global economic rules (China)
It might not work, but it doesn’t seem as intrinsically obviously stupid as commenters here describe it
That is sort of the theory behalf and tariffs, but we have a lot of evidence that it is not how they play out. And that will likely be even more true in 2024 when we are talking about our biggest trading partners. The US doesn’t manufacture or produce many of the goods we import. That is why we import them. And it would take decades to build capacity and still we can’t grow crops from.other climates efficiently, etc. Targeted tariffs to protect a growing segment of a country’s ex nomy can work. Blanket tariffs simply cannot.
That said, a lot of Chinese companies found loopholes last time, like finishing products in Vietnam so the goods are imported from a non-tariffed (sanctioned/bullied) country.
Tariffs are proposed as the alternative to income tax. The theory is that the income from a tariff reduces the need to tax individual income. But our income tax system is “progressive,” meaning those with higher incomes, and who can afford it, are taxed at a higher rate than those who earn lower incomes. The tariff, on the other hand, is a flat tax on the price of consumed goods, so everyone, whether high income or low income, pays the same tax resulting from the tariff, whether at 10% or 25%. So yes, in the aggregate, imposing a tariff can off-set lowering of income taxes, but in the individual situation, the effect is a transfer of wealth from low income folks to high income folks. At least that is how someone explained all this to me yesterday.
Tariffs are essentially a consumption tax because they are shifted to the purchaser. Consumption taxes like tariffs and sales taxes are regressive because people with lower incomes spend a higher proportion of their incomes on consumption. It’s a way to transfer wealth from low-income to high-income people.
They are two totally different things. It’s like comparing your water tax to your passport renewal fee. Or your federal income tax to your kid’s city daycamp fee.
The surfer Bethany Hamilton, famous for surviving a shark attack, just served as the keynote speaker for a large “pro-life” convention and publicly shamed her own mother for having an abortion in the past (“she took her child’s life. As a mother myself, I could NEVER imagine killing my child. She has to live with that guilt for the rest of her life. She’s a good grandma though!” and so on). It was extremely un-Christian for someone who professes to care very much about that. It told me that more than ever, we’re entering a time when civility, compassion, and empathy have left the building. At all levels and for all audiences, the right feels emboldened to take the mask off, make it personal, and harm family and friends for a principle.
Evangelicals are not Christians.
This is like my Eastern Orthodox relatives telling me that Protestants are not Christians.
To be fair, I recently found out that many protestants do not consider Catholics or Orthodox to be Christian, which is wild to me. But I guess finding new ways to divide rather than unite people shouldn’t surprise me in the current climate in the US…
The current MAGA/evangelical movement is not Christian in that they are not behaving like Christ. I don’t understand how evangelical churches have distorted the message so much to be one of hatred and othering, but it is far, far away from helping the less fortunate and being welcoming to all.
For what it’s worth, no serious theologian – even ones I disagree with – would say the definition of Christian is “helping the less fortunate and being welcoming to all”.
Mainline Christians need to start asserting that evangelicals have strayed so far from the teachings of Christ that they are causing the public to misunderstand our faith.
I wish I didn’t feel this way because I’m sure that there are some good people out there, but the charismatic mega-church guitar-driven praise band style of Christianity seems designed to bring young women to men who are groomers or groomer-adjacent. The priest-penitent relationship is so close as to be easily open to abuse with age and other power dymanics. I’m sure there are some people there who are good but I feel that it’s a system that is designed with predators in mind.
“Real” Christians welcome all . . . to become Christians
Evangelicals who put patriotism above the gospel and confuse Trump with Jesus are a scourge on Christianity…this is what the second commandment means – do not call yourself a Christian if you make a mockery of the teachings. And the first – do not worship a human man in the White House
^^^ this.
Do you have any evidence or confirmed information that her mom objected to the speech? All of the things stated can easily be true, and aren’t even in conflict with a cohesive world view that human life begins at conception. Some women do in fact regret their abortions, and some choose to share that regret.
Why do you put pro-life in quotes, and what is wrong about acknowledging the widespread pain from abortion?
Please cite your sources that there is “widespread pain from abortion”, assuming you mean widespread regret among women who got them? The “pain” of people who didn’t get abortions but like to judge women who did doesn’t count.
It’s simply so deeply anti-Christian to publicly shame your own mother.
Given the amount of pain and grief over spontaneous abortion, it would be really strange if there weren’t widespread pain and grief from elective abortion, especially where the choice was highly pressured (e.g. by parents or by the father) or forced by circumstances (e.g. financial).
It would be really strange if there weren’t widespread pain and grief from being constantly shamed and humiliated by people who have never had abortions. To anyone who says they “could never do that,” then you’ve a) never lived in the circumstances that women who have had abortions were in, and b) missed a few empathy lessons somewhere along your way.
My siblings were aborted and it absolutely affected the way my parents behaved towards me.
But hey, if you think chopping up a baby in the womb comes at zero emotional cost, I’m happy to have you self identity as a psychopath!
Because “anti-abortion” is not the same as “pro-life,” and because this is shaming not “acknowledging widespread pain from abortion.”
Also, this question is rhetorical, and you already had your own answers in your pocket. I answer your rhetorical question because there needs to be pushback, always, on these kinds of red herring commentaries.
Maternal mortality is significantly up in the states that have based strict anti-abortion laws since Roe was overturned. How is killing women – many of whom had wanted but unviable pregnancies – “pro-life”?
There is nothing wrong with acknowledging that abortion is a very difficult, often very painful choice. In fact that’s core to the pro choice position – so I’m not sure why you think we’re not acknowledging that pain?
There is nothing wrong with acknowledging that women often have abortions for reasons other than not wanting the baby – ie, a society that doesn’t support young women continuing their education while pg and with small children, employers who don’t provide adequate time off, low salaries that make it impossible to provide for another child, lack of affordable early childcare, abusive men who would be abusive fathers and nevertheless get custody of their children, and on and on and on. Alleviating the societal circumstances that lead women to have unwanted abortions are things that both sides, in theory, should be united on. But for some reason the people who most want these babies to be born also want to remove what little social safety net women and children have — when they should want to expand it not remove it. I don’t understand how you can be pro life but anti social welfare. I guess it’s the same people who think a baby is a punishment for irresponsible behavior. I think a baby is a person not a punishment. And that is why I’m pro choice.
@12:33 pm Yes, you can absolutely feel this way. However, your feelings don’t override my choices for my body.
Trump supporters cut their nose to spite their face. If there are any regrets, they won’t be telling you that. My MIL still defends it although our livelihood (and hers through retirement) are from the Feds. And Musk and his interns being all over the Treasury payment systems should be incredible concerning for all Americans – any perceived or actual default of government bonds and there will be an unprecedented economic collapse.
I don’t understand how Musk’s involvement is legal. He has not been appointed to any official post or confirmed by the Senate.
Who is going to stop him?
Certainly no one in the executive branch or legislative branch. I think we all just have to live through this and put up stronger institutions when it’s all said and done.
When it’s all said and done Musk will be the dictator and it will be too late to fix our institutions.
It’s already too late. The coup has happened.
I did not vote for Trump but there have been a lot of conversations in my general area about this very question and the vibe from the people that voted for Trump is…in line with their voting.
Eg. pulling funding for global aid = “focus on Americans first.” More tariffs = “encouraging people to buy American” etc. Threats of job cuts = “trimming the fat” of the federal governement.
I don’t think any of the changes have had a ripple down effect on this group.
Yes, low income MAGAs genuinely believe bloated big government bureaucrats are wasting money. I saw a recent Facebook post in my city’s group. The person was complaining that when he calls unemployment, he has an hour long wait. Now that the fat’s getting cut, he won’t have to wait. First, unemployment is a state agency, not federal. Second, the long wait indicates the agency needs more workers, not less. But the perception is government workers are lazy, fat cat bureaucrats who do nothing all day and collect a high paycheck. Factually public servants make less than the private sector, but to someone on unemployment, it probably seems unfair.
Here’s a response you could post:
Federal vs. state aside, a long wait time doesn’t necessarily indicate the need for more employees—it also suggests inefficiencies in the system. Are the processes and software outdated? Do the employees handling calls need better training and clear performance metrics?
I have firsthand experience with this. I frequently call state agencies in both California and Texas, and the difference is night and day. Anything I need from a California state agency takes weeks or months, with hours spent on hold. In Texas, I get a live person within minutes, and they resolve my issue on the spot. This has happened repeatedly across similar agencies, including the DMV. These states are very comparable in size so I think it’s a fair comparison.
“Threats of job cuts = “trimming the fat” of the federal governement.”
You know that the federal government isn’t there to provide nice cushy jobs to chicks with nice college degrees, right?
Right?
That poster was relaying the thing making of others, not her own. You see that, right? Right?!
the thinking of others
Autocorrect is aggressive these days
Or mediocre ……. nvm.
As a Canadian all I can say is it’s been an exhausting weekend and a strange time to be alive.
My rich MAGA in-laws are gloating.
There’s something so disheartening about rich people going MAGA. You can almost see it for rural poor people whose incomes and job prospects have declined for decades, but for rich people with plenty of education and options? It’s like Zuckerberg kissing the ring – he chose to do it despite having enough money to fight Trump to the end. I may not have his money, but at least I have a functioning moral compass.
I’m from a small city that voted Republican for the first time in like 80 years. We’re in a deep blue state. The MAGAs I know are thrilled about tariffs and ICE raids. The city was built on manufacturing, and all the mills have closed. They seem to believe that tariffs will force factories to relocate, and they’ll once again be competitive with a high school diploma. The mill jobs were good paying jobs that allowed one wager earner to support a family. I’ve asked them “why doesn’t Trump manufacture his hats and swag in the USA, putting his money where his mouth is?” and no one has an answer for me.
They also blame migrants for the crushing housing crisis. Homelessness is rising in my city because people can’t afford market rate rents. They believe Faux News saying that migrants are getting oodles of free stuff, food, housing, money. Even though the facts say otherwise, migrants are an easy scapegoat. They can’t wait for the mass deportations to begin.
My trump voting colleague was thrilled with the whole colombia tariff thing. He thought it was a good showing of American power, leadership and leverage.
Really, how often do voters get so much of what they voted for? No wonder they’re elated.
I do not support Trump in the slightest but I think your colleague’s take on the Colombia showdown is pretty accurate. It was upsetting how easily Trump got them to capitulate.
man, it takes some narcissism to reply to a thread asking for the opinions of a voting bloc you don’t belong to with cartoonish stereotypes of those who do.
Eh, I didn’t respond above but the conversations with my MIL this weekend have been cartoonishly evil. It’s kind of alarming without the social pressure to respect society and be a good person the wheels come off
Agree with this. I know quite a few MAGAs and sorry they ARE cartoons. For example an ethnic Jewish woman that says she wants to volunteer to cook for the Proud Boys. A retired fed in his $2M house with his fat pension and 3-car garage stuffed with toys that is still bitter over that time in the 80s he was passed over for a promotion due to “DEI.” The hard-right voting aunt that wants a robust early childcare program for single mothers, because SHE was a single mother.
I have tr@ns family members. No stereotypes needed, and “cartoonish” makes it sound so cute and harmless. The things this “voter bloc” has both said AND done to my family members is horrific.
It’s horrific to what – acknowledge that it’s literally impossible to change your sex?
whut ?!
Thank you for pointing that out.
The end goal is Blockchain, government services privatized (which is not capitalism) and social control with data. In other words, totalitarianism. And the Democrats have been on board with control and neoliberal policies forever. This is why there is no pushback. I am terrified. I see there is a push for protests the capitals in our states but I think going to the federal district courts and protesting would be more effective.
I was just thinking that Adam Kotsko’s writings on neoliberalism are looking prescient about now (maybe of interest to people wondering how religion factors in).
My husband voted third party. He is horrified at current events, and I am furious at the cowardice of his vote and his surprise at what’s now happening.
I’m actually considering divorce.
I feel for you. My husband says he voted Harris and I want to believe him but something about his body language at the polling place makes me doubt him. He didn’t even want us to go together even though we were both home that day. Like why would we drive separately to the same place? And then he acted sketch when we were there, took the farthest booth away from me, one that had other people next to him on both sides even though there were plenty of open booths with no one next to him (and he hates being right next to other people). Seemed generally jumpy. It was odd.
I know he was considering voting third party. He was surprised when I got upset about that because he thought I didn’t like Harris. It’s not that I didn’t like Harris, I didn’t like that the party lied that Biden wouldn’t run again then swapped out candidates without a primary like it was nbd. I felt like the party basically doubled down on their misconduct with Bernie/Hillary — party insiders get to pick the candidate and eff the voters. I was angry, I’m still angry, at how corrupt and incompetent the whole thing was.
But I still voted for her. Trump and the GOP are lunatics who don’t care if I die during my (current) high risk pregnancy. I can dislike how the Ds handled the election and recognize they’re the only option that could defeat laws that literally may cost me my life. The enemy of my enemy is my friend.
Effff men being lying scum.
If a friend told me their spouse was analyzing their behavior at the polling place with the intensity and suspicion you are, I would look up a hotline # for them
Is it true that the party said Biden would not run again? I thought there were some campaign reps that spoke out of turn in 2020 and “suggested” he would not run again, but never Biden himself or anything definitive from the party. Like they put enough out there for people to hear what they wanted to hear without ever taking any sort of official position on that – ever.
Biden himself made some comments along that line – short of a definitive promise not to run again, but more than just a rogue staffer making unauthorized leaks. This article runs through them all:
https://www.axios.com/2024/07/03/biden-campaign-democrats-pledge-one-term
I’m not considering divorce, but I want to leave the country and my spouse told me he won’t leave. I’m not sure my mental health will survive if I stay because I believe in the law and the law is being broken left and right. Trump won’t follow the rule of law and he’ll pardon Musk for every law he breaks. The media is not taking this seriously. I can’t take it anymore and it’s only been two weeks. I love my husband. I feel caught and I am so angry at the majority population for allowing this to happen.
Has anyone here done HRT for peri? I am in my mid-30s and have annoying symptoms at certain times of the month including night sweats and insomnia. It is always on the same days in my cycle, but kill my quality of life for one week out of the month. Will anyone give me HRT and my mid 30s and is it worth pursuing or too early?
I believe they’d typically recommend low-dose birth control at this stage in peri, which is commonly prescribed regardless of your peri status anyway. So that should be relatively easy to get.
I don’t understand this; low dose birth control causes a lot of menopause-like symptoms for me among other side effects (which makes sense logically to me since it’s not enough estrogen and typically no real progesterone). I had to quit it to stop getting hot flashes. When I think of wanting HRT I’m going for “more hormones,” not less?
Birth control contains more hormones than HRT, so that is definitely worth discussing with a doctor. Maybe something else could be going on.
+1 to all of this
Are you confusing mcg and mg? Low dose birth control has as little as 10-20mcg estradiol.
I’ve stayed on regular hormonal BC through my 40s and now 50s and have zero menopause symptoms. I’m not messing with what’s working. It’s really under prescribed IMHO.
Try Amethyst–no cycling.
I don’t understand it either. BC causes weight gain, depression, and lethargy. How on earth would it fix those symptoms of peri?
Not everyone experiences the side effects that you’re listing. I experienced no such side effects when I took it on and off for 20 years.
+1
Most people do not have those side effects with BC. People on this site may be vocal about it
It was life changing for me — all for the better. Not getting pregnant was just a nice side effect!
We all have different genetics/environment/drug interactions that can make these variables complex.
For example, maybe you would have benefitted with BCP (as “HRT”) + effexor (which is also used frequently for menopausal symptoms).
BCP is very commonly discontinued because of side effects; it’s not some super rare. People should be more vocal about it, since male dominated institutions try to downplay it. No, Effexor isn’t a fix.
That is way young for peri unless something is wrong, but I guess that just means that it’s worth pursuing some work up. I assume you’re not on OC since you mention a cycle; otherwise it’s possible to get really bad low hormone symptoms on OC.
It’s not “way too young for peri.” The average age for menopause, meaning cessation of periods, is 50, but perimenopause can last for a decade or more. It definitely begins for a sizable number of women, including me, in mid-late 30s.
I didn’t say it was too young, as if it were impossible. But it’s unusual, and there’s a pre-existing tendency in medicine to blame women’s reproductive biology for symptoms (the “curse of Eve”) instead of looking for a treatable condition. Sometimes hormonal symptoms are just the natural course of perimenopause and menopause, but sometimes they’re secondary to another issue that hasn’t been tested for.
In my mid thirties, I was deficient in B9, magnesium, and zinc, all three, which was contributing to symptoms for me. Since I was seeing real doctors, the framing at the time was “these test confirmed deficiencies are bad for your cycle. Sometimes it feels like these days the framing would be “these nutrients are supportive in perimenopause” where women’s bodies are pathologized and the nutrients are presented as some kind of OTC wellness intervention. Or someone might just skip to HRT without realizing that another factor besides “age” is contributing.
That is just me; there are a lot of women’s health issues where diagnosis is often missed or delayed by many years when the perspective is that it’s somehow normal to have all kinds of symptoms.
Was your diet deficient in some way? Those are not typical deficiencies, or honestly, even treated.
My diet was okay, but I later tested as having a GI condition that affects nutrient absorption, so it made more sense then. I didn’t have any particularly unusual GI symptoms, so the deficiencies were the red flag that something was up. And the menstrual symptoms were the red flag for the deficiencies.
Not “too young,” but young. I am curious how it was determined that you are in perimenopause.
Cycles getting noticeably shorter was the main symptom in my 30s. Insomnia too but harder to say if that’s peri or something else. I’ve never been on hormonal birth control, so have always been very aware of my cycle length and the changes were dramatic beginning around 36-37. My doctor confirmed that shortened cycles is typically the first symptom (though missed by many due to hormonal BC).
Yep, shorter cycles is usually the first “symptom”. Same as you, 8:53 – all my life I’ve had long, unpredictable cycles. At late 36 I suddenly had regular day 14-16 ovulations! I was also having hot flashes and ovulation pain, which I never had before. Then I got pregnant, so we’ll see what happens now!
It could be years more before additional peri symptoms appear, but shorter cycles is def an early sign
I am not on OC.
Maybe you should try. Find a good gynecologist interested in GYN/Menopause and not primarily a surgeon/OB.
highly highly recommend talking to a functional doctor. I was like you and had the same symptoms. Mine prescribed progesterone for the week before – stopped the night sweats and the constant spiraling and second guessing everything.
I don’t love functional medicine, but definitely a doctor who understands that norethindrone can have completely different side effects (headaches, agitation, insomnia) from progesterone (so much more calming!).
May I ask why you don’t love functional medicine? I’ve only had my one clinic here, but I personally love their approach: quarterly blood work to track progress/effects, focus on what can be fixed with diet/exercise/lifestyle and vitamins before prescriptions, but then happy to go with prescriptions if needed. They take my insurance as well.
I guess since the pandemic I’ve come to associate functional medicine with a lot of one size fits all, under researched for-profit protocols offered by under trained providers who don’t take insurance (especially when it’s functional medicine for functional disorders).
If you’re talking about insurance covered real doctors who are offering thorough preventive care, that sounds more like old school medicine and less buyer beware to me!
I’ve been on mirena or mirena style IUD for 8 years but had the night sweats, mood swings, etc. I got put on 1 mg of estrogen from a male ob-gyne after a 10 minute conversation. It’s worth an ask.
What in the communications secretariat is this cardigan? Gilead up top, party at the waistline?
Hideous styling. I was surprised to see it posted.
The photo screams AI image generation to me. 90s cardigan + 2025 bare midriff = look see what we did for trends! This is why I don’t fear for my job being replaced.
The final image is the model walking and showing off other Gucci items. Welcome to the trend cycle where 90s are hot again.
It looks like Shein, not Gucci.
This is Gucci?? I would have guessed clearance rack in the local supermarket’s junior’s clothing section…
Okay I’m not losing my mind. It thought it was weird and a waste of what is likely beautiful fabric.
It’s too small for the model. The shoulders are too narrow, it’s pinched at the armpit, and it’s a 3/4 sleeve but also cropped. Also why is the underwear line showing through the skirt?
Anyone planning to change short/medium financial planning right now? I’m getting a bonus soon and would normally funnel it to a combo of retirement and brokerage account but now am thinking I should maybe add it to my cash stash.
100%
My boss withheld 2024 performance bonus “until I get back from maternity leave as an incentive!” and now I’m wondering if I’ll ever see it. We were going to buy a safer new car because of the baby but now I wonder if we shouldn’t.
I’m not a L&E attorney but that sounds illegal.
+1 – that sounds like they’re setting themselves up for one heck of a discrimination law suit if they were dumb enough to put that in writing.
It’s in writing, but there’s a veneer of an excuse – “and this way it won’t impact your state disability payments.”
It doesn’t matter if there’s an excuse or not.
I am an employment lawyer, and bonuses should be paid based on when they are earned. Your bonus should be paid when everyone else’s is paid, regardless of your leave or disability status. Check your state dept of labor (or equivalent) website. They will certainly have FAQs on this that will guide you. Then reach out to HR.
I hope you are enjoying your leave and your little one despite this BS.
I bought a badly-needed but reasonably-priced new car in January to beat tariffs. I have a few minor purchases of goods I will make to avoid paying extra for a while. And I think I will prioritize an emergency fund a bit more and go grab a stash of cash for home (I usually have this but used it up recently and haven’t replenished).
I wonder if we should expect a price hit on used cars? Perhaps dealerships will raise prices across the board…
That’s how supply and demand works. When the price of one good (new imported cars) rises, the prices of substitute goods (used cars) also rise.
If voters understood basic economics we wouldn’t be in this mess. Tariffs are borne by consumers.
The entire mess is a failure of the educational system – civics, history, economics is the least of it.
We sold some investments after the inauguration to pay off a loan, but other than that, no, not changing course. We have more investments than usual in CDs because we want to make a big purchase soon, but that’s more circumstantial than anything else. Like the poster below, I’m getting due for a new car but I’m hoping I can squeeze another 2-3 years out of my current one first, and then get a used one. We’ll see what ends up happening though.
Yes; I am retirement age and we are at really unrealistically high stock valuations.
Similar situation here — what is your approach to addressing the overvaluation of stocks?
Like I did when the dot com bubble was really frothy, took the gains. I know I will have to pay some taxes, but I would rather that than ride through another crash.
No. Covid didn’t change my approach, 2008 didn’t change my approach, this won’t change my approach.
I think it depends on your age/distance from retirement. As you get older, it is generally wise to have more of your $ in more conservative investments (bonds/ibonds/money market/CDs) vs. stocks (US/international). It has been shown that index investing (total market, total US market etc..) is the smartest course. Vanguard has nice options.
If you are saving for the long term and are far from retirement, its better to ride it out, and not go flipping your $ in/out of the market. It’s impossible to time it correctly, you wind up loosing in the long run because you keep your $ out of the market for too long. If you look at history, we always bounce back.
Remember how 5 yrs ago, 3 yrs ago, 1 year ago everyone was worried things were going to crash? And they didn’t. So if you pulled out your money then, you would have lost a lot of gains. At some point it will fall, so if you know you have a large expense in the next few years, you should have that $$ in a conservative vehicle so you don’t have to sell stocks at a low. And if you are planning to retire in the next 5-10 years, you should be moving a bit more conservative in your allocations, especially if you don’t have a large pension+SS+covered health care in retirement.
I do agree that the US (tech heavy) market is over-valued, and I re-evaluated my allocation. I am 70/30 (stocks/non-stocks) and my great index fund favoring financial advisor recommends that 20% of my $ should be in international stock index funds/ETFs (the remaining 50% in US). So that is what I am doing now. Increasing my international allocation. Those are much less tech heavy, and are relatively undervalued.
What did everyone think of the Grammy’s?
I thought the red carpet was worse than usual. Very few outfits that I liked — Sabrina Carpenter, Miley Cyrus (except the constant open mouth weird teeth posing) and Shaboozey. Shakira wore a bathing suit with a nice coverup. Taylor looked nice but a little too ice skating outfit for me. And then there were the disasters — Kanye’s wife and the Smith children.
As for the show, I thought it was the best I’ve seen in years. Almost every performance was spot on. I especially loved the Best New Artist segment. Wow. Any of them could have won and I would have been happy. I didn’t know the rapper or the jazz/danceish singer but also loved their performances and am now going to check out their music. The weakest link was the Weekend. He’s got fun songs but is a horrible performer. Everything is so busy and loud and unnecessary and autotuned. Same as that halftime show he had. Can you imagine him trying acapella? I also thought the Stevie Wonder segment was way too long and boring. Dragged down the show (which has just recovered from the Weekend). I finally couldn’t take it anymore and went to bed at the end of that segment. So I missed the major awards categories and any of the later performances.
I was happy with the winners though. Tough categories and lots of good music this year. In any other year, Tortured Poets Department and Billie Eilish would have won some. For both of them, I felt like these last albums were their best from a songwriting standpoint. Beyonce’s country wins were the biggest winner disappointment for me. They keep saying that she’s won the most Grammys… but majority are in the non-main categories. If it takes 110 people to make an album, I don’t think it says much about your artistry. Great performer but this last album was unlistenable. I tried… 3 times all the way through. Just bad. I listen to country radio and Top 40 and barely remember hearing any songs (only a few times on the top 40 station). Did she even release the song that she won a Grammy for with Miley (which I actually thought was the best song on the album!)? Grammys have honored other artists before that weren’t as accepted by the country awards (like Kacey Musgraves) and I always appreciate that they showcase great country talent to a broader audience and maybe lead to more recognition at the artist in the country awards. She took away an opportunity from someone in that genre. It felt like she couldn’t win the big categories any other way, so why not try country? I wasn’t that upset about her AOY win since –while again the album was worse that any of the others nominated — I felt like that one was more a lifetime achievement one for Beyonce.
I’m a big fan of Taylor’s music in general but I thought TTPD was terrible and I’m glad she didn’t win anything for it. I was surprised she even got so many nominations. And I actually enjoyed the much-maligned Midnights!
I’m the opposite. I listen to TTPD weekly still, with only a few skips. Almost never listen to Midnights beyond a few songs.
On Midnights, the I’m the problem it’s me song is amazing and the video is even better. I am Gen X and thought of Taylor Swift as my kids’ music (and they are not big fans TBH they are more here for Billie Eilish), but the legalities of her re-recordings and then this one song have opened up some new doors (with Love Story, I think of my parents who started dating in high school and weep for the them that was, especially now that my mother is gone).
Same. It was a couple dozen poorly written songs that all sounded the same. She needs a break from Jack Antonoff.
I thought Chappell Roan deserved album of the year. Every song was creative and catchy. Cowboy Carter didn’t do much for me and it felt like a lifetime achievement award for Beyonce rather than a reflection of the album itself.
I love TTPD, but there were many better albums this year.
And Fortnight is the worst song on the album, and I’m convinced they only submitted it for consideration because it was a collab.
I didn’t watch because they completed snubbed eternal sunshine (Ariana’s album). They have snubbed her for years, a la Mariah Carey, Celine Dion, Xtina, etc. The best voices never win.
You can have a great voice but bad music. To me – that’s Ariana and Xtina. Very few good songs. Xtina’s Beautiful is her best and maybe also her Maroon 5 collab. Everything else I’ve heard is just bland, uninspired, forgettable, shallow, trying too much/too hard. (Another example for me is Adele. Amazing voice but this last album was bad music compared to her other grammy-winning albums. Songs dragged on and were forgettable.) Ariana’s music — she needs to enunciate. I’m 35 and can barely understand half her lyrics. She was amazing in Wicked though. Celine Dion and Mariah have 5 or 6 Grammys. I’ll agree that both deserve more but they also had incredible competition in the 90s.
I disagree. Sorry.
OMG – YES. Her lack of enunciation drives me absolutely INSANE. She was fantastic in Wicked and didn’t have this problem at all. In her pop music I cannot understand what she says for the life of me.
+1
I would watch an old fashioned variety show with Ariana every week, doing covers with other stars and funny skits. But I am not a fan of her own songs.
TTPD is one of my favorite taylor albums but fortnight is the worst song on it, so I wasn’t surprised that she didn’t win any. Agree on Beyonce – I’m a fan, but definitely felt like a this-is-overdue more so than it actually being the best album.
Doechii is dope. She’s the future!
It’s Grammys, not Grammy’s with an apostrophe. It’s not posessive.
What a weird and unnecessary comment. It’s obviously an autocorrect mistake considering that word was spelled correctly two other times in the post and in the title.
The is the worst take on Beyoncé I’ve ever seen
As a tall person, this cardigan seems too short and a little tight – is it supposed to look this way?
The outfit is Bianca Censori-adjacent. At least it is opaque.
“Too short and too tight” was an on-trend look for a while there, and I think it’s coming back around after the trend of “too long and too big.”
Usually, though, the very on-trend people wear the look in the strongest way, and everyone else sort of decides for themselves how tight / long they like stuff. If it were me, and I wanted to nod to the trend, I might buy a similar cropped, light-weight cardigan, but size up so it was looser and longer on me.
Y’all: my niece, who is a stylish high school senior, is in low-rise denim. She doesn’t remember the first time and these are not from her mom’s closet. It’s happening: the pendulum is swinging back.
It’s been happening for awhile!
Thank goodness, I’m so sick of being suffocated by my pants. I don’t care if other people want to wear high rise pants, but it’s been pretty much impossible to buy anything but for the last few years. I’ve resorted to wearing pretty much nothing but athlesiure and stuff I’ve had for years, but I’d really like to buy some new pants!
I have noticed that high-rise pants literally give me stomachaches if I wear them for more than a few hours. Or sit. And yes, these pants fit and there is some give in the waist already. I don’t want low rise, but something that hits an inch or so below the navel is perfect.
I am not looking forward to seeing everyone’s buttcrack again. I hope there’s some new answer to solve the low rise + sitting down issue.
The newer styles are higher in the back.
My college daughter just bought some “low-rise” jeans that would have been labeled mid-rise back in the day. The waist comes up much higher in the back than on the old low-rise styles (no plumber’s crack worries) and they are cute and comfy. If they made tops long enough to avoid a gap I would totally be hopping on this trend. High-rise jeans are so frumpy and dumpy and goofy.
Poofy, not goofy. Autocorrect is evil.
IDK, I think goofy is an apt adjective.
respectfully disagree. think which is most flattering has to do with ones own proportions. i am long waisted meaning even high waisted jeans hit me below my belly button and i sat on the low rise trend when i was a super skinny 20 something.
I am super long-waisted and prefer a lower rise. High-rise jeans make me look like an old lady with a big tummy. A mid-rise, which reads as low-rise on me, shows the fact that I have a waist.
Same! High-rise jeans never hit me in the right spot. Today’s low-rise is not low-rise by 2001 standards, lol.
I’m old enough to have been through many, many jeans style cycles, and I’m just done. I’m never buying anything but mid-rise and straight (not wide straight, just straight) leg jeans ever again. They look good on me, and they don’t either make my stomach hurt or make my underwear show. While they’re never exactly in style, they’re never exactly not in style, either.
Preach. Sticking with the mid-rise bootcut for life. It’s the only denim style that’s consistently looked OK on me.
So — I’ve missed the window to order from Boden or The Fold?
Huh?
No?
Oh because of tariffs? I thought those were English companies, do they do shipping thru Canada?
There are no new tariffs yet on the EU or UK.
UK is coming soon.
Maybe not. We actually have a trade surplus with the UK and Trump likes them currently. They are actually relieved to not be part of the EU at the moment.
I’m no Trump fan, but I sincerely believe most of it is just political posturing and he’ll dial them way back and soon. That’s the prevailing narrative in my finance world this morning, especially since watching the Dow plummet since trading opened. We shall see, of course, but I’m going to hold on to that hope..
….and there it is. Mexico is paused for 30 days.
Because the president of Mexico caved.
Yes, that’s my point. He’s being a bully (threatening and implementing tariffs) to get what he wants. Once he gets it, they go away. Not saying it’s the most diplomatic way of getting business done, but it’s getting him what he wants without tariffs being broadly or long-term imposed.
What he has demanded from Canada is that they become the 51st? Since they are not going to do that, how do you see those tariffs going away?
I mean… I don’t know. That’s also my point. This is going to be an iterative negotiation.
Have you ever actually engaged in diplomatic negotiations? You don’t come out the gate threatening someone. That’s not how this works, there is decorum.
Obviously no need to answer my rhetorical question because it’s clear you never have.
Oh my word. I’m not defending the guy. I’m just saying… this is the prevailing narrative about what’s going on. And it’s proven to already be effective with Mexico this morning. Please try to stop being so obtuse for a brief moment and attempt to understand what the other side is doing. I’m squarely blue, but I’m willing to observe and try to understand their angle, even without agreeing with the tactic. Sheesh.
At this point, if I were the president of Mexico I’d just give the US empty promises.
LOL
I’ve purchased some things from both brands over the years, and I find them hard to wear. Beautiful, yes! If you take care of your clothes and know exactly how you plan to wear them, they can be good value.
I’ve given up on making the brands work for me and have settled into neutrals from Everlane, Jcrew, and Brooks Brothers. I’m not exactly stylish, but I also don’t waste my clothes budget the way I used to.
I have wood window trim inside and oil based paint over it. There are some big bubbles of paint where it is coming off of the trim in two windows on opposite sides of the house. Many others are fine. This is moisture coming in from the siding or from where the windows are attached? Which trade would fix the outside? Siding people? Window people? Siding is vinyl over some weird old wood (franken house); windows are vinyl replacement windows (prior ones were painted shut with lead-based paint). Then repainting would make sense?
You need a good general contractor with experience with houses built around when your house was to come out and investigate this. It could be like 5 different things, a good GC will be able to diagnose this and have a guy who can fix it.
Agree on starting with a GC, not a specific trade. This could be bad flashing around the window, could be a siding issue, could be condensation from poor insulation, could be a roof leak, could be several other things. Honing in on one trade first is likely to be inefficient and more costly.
Does anyone have the wide leg pants and soft blazer from the Pact airplane set? I’ve never ordered from them. I like the concept of softer suiting replacements. But do the pieces read like sweats?
I don’t own them but yes these are 100% sweats. Please don’t try these as office wear.
Could these work for autistic teen with sensory issues who wants to look more formal (for some high school activities, etc.)? Or would something like Eileen Fisher be better for soft-but-more-formal?
Read the reviews and look at the pictures of the blazer on the Macy’s page (where this is on markdown). It looks wrinkly and cheap, and according to the reviews, it’s way oversized. I think there are better, more attractive choices for an autistic teen at Old Navy, frankly.
Thanks! I had just looked at the Pact website, where it’s all unicorns and roses. I feel like maybe what I’m looking for is more if Lands End and Eileen Fisher had a baby — washable, durable, posh office acceptable.
As someone who has sensory issues with clothing, Eileen Fisher is great.
The lands ends cotton knit blazers are amazing for this use case! Signed a very autistic adult who needs to wear fancy clothes and present important things.
Eileen Fisher is a weird choice for a teen.
I had an earlier iteration of the airline pants from Pact and they were definitely sweatpants. also, anything I have ordered from them looks much worse in person (wrinklier, cheaper) than on the website. I keep getting tempted by ads and stopping when I remember this!
this sweater doesn’t even fit the model well.
I know a few of you have digitized your wardrobe in apps or on a spreadsheet. I’m considering doing this, partially as a replacement to doom scrolling. Inputting everything will be an activity and then if I feel compelled to be on my phone, I can try to make new outfits. I also am trying to discover my personal style and have more fun with clothes!
Curious about others’ experiences with doing this. What app do you like best? What have been the upsides and any downsides?
I prefer screenshots of clothes I have and using the pages app to make collages. It’s a lot easier to visualize looks, IMHO.
I use Indyx and like it. I found it easier to take pictures of things in batches (all my pants, all my tops, etc) and then upload them later when I had time to kill. The outfit feature is really easy to use.
Another +1 to Indyx. Not to difficult to upload everything and now I’m really having fun making outfits. It’s helpful in the mornings when I know I want to wear one particular blouse to go into the app and see different ways I have styled it before for inspiration. It’s also helped me realize I have a lot more than I feel like I do when I’m standing in front of my closet trying to figure out what to wear. And I shop more thoughtfully. I have a few items I’m looking for that will fill a gap in my closet, but I’m less inclined to make random impulse purchases.
I use OpenWardrobe primarily. I absolutely love it. It has a Chrome extension that is compatible with most major shopping sites so you can directly import the purchases, including price, into the app, from the website.
It did take some time to import everything, and I do take a couple minutes every week or so to update–any new purchases or clear out stuff I gave away or sold. I track my outfits every day and use the stats to make choices on closet cleanouts. I also screenshot an item I’m considering if it’s above a certain price point and see if it makes sense with the rest of the closet. Whering is the app I tend to use for the latter function, I don’t do any tracking in that app other than keeping the closet up to date, but they have a “paperdoll” style outfit making function that makes it really easy to see if a piece makes sense and is easy to wardrobe or not.
I use OpenWardrobe to track CPW, most worn, never worn, what colors are most frequent, what items I might be missing or what’s over-represented ( I keep buying dresses even though I WFH and as a rule don’t like to wear them!) and can track patterns in wearing things.
OpenWardrobe also has an “AI” outfit suggest function and I’ve used that to come up with ideas, specifically on color combinations I might not have thought of before.
Recs for decent quality hair mascara/powder/spray to cover up grays till my next color appointment? I have some spray but it is so toxic smelling…I realize I’m not going to be able to find something completely natural but I figured this board would know the better quality ones.
The Madison Reed root touch-up kit is easy and quick and works much better.
I caution everyone to be very careful with Madison Reed products. I dyed my hair and about 1/3rd of it fell out. I discovered there is an ongoing issue with their product and they have been sued but have dragged it out rather than fix the problem/product.
I use L’Oréal magic root cover up spray in a blue-green bottle. Easy
Same. It’s strong, but the scent dissipates quickly.
Honestly I do well with Bobbi Brown eyeshadow in the correct shade applied lightly using a foundation brush.
I’m new to Dana K White / A Slob Comes Clean. It is a big challenge to me not to make a mess when decluttering. It is so cathartic to dump out everything and start from there. (In another life maybe I was a cat.). But she is right: Clean and tidy what you can see first. Put sh*t where it needs to be. If it’s out, it is a decoration: are you really decorating with your clutter? And hang the damn pictures on the wall!
Her methods are changing my life. I resist, i slip back, not everything works, but I posted about her a few weeks ago and strongly recommend her work to people who truly feel they are buried or cant sustain a clutter free system. ( If you think clutter = your kids’ shoes not being perfectly lined up, she is not for you! And that is ok! )
Yes — thank you for posting. I am slowly digesting a lot of inherited ephemera that I am trying to sort through and also recordkeeping and just my own house with teens and a spouse and a dog and volunteer items . . . it never ends! But it can get better.
I borrowed one of her books from the library on a recommendation here and what really resonated with me was framing the what to keep question as “does this fit in my house” – as in here’s a mirror I haven’t thrown away, do I have room to hang it? No? Then out it goes.
Her advice seems to boil down to a place for every thing, and everything in its place, but with specific, concrete examples that resonate better than an abstract adage. I’m a big fan!
yes! i love how she acknowledges adhd-like tendencies to have FUTURE hobbies and to see fun uses for everything and so you keep it or thrift it because it COULD be useful one day. it kind of makes it easier for me to be less mad at myself for being such a slob.
I always say that I shop with optimism, especially re my time to do hobbies and attend fancy events and play tennis. My closets tell a story and my actual life tells a very different story.
I wrote to my senators and representative (Charlotte, NC) about my concerns over Elon’s dismantling of the federal government, access to sensitive Treasury payment systems, and insecure OPM server. I checked the box that I wanted a response. I do not expect a legitimate response from Senator Budd, who is up Trump’s a$$, but hoping for one from Senator Tillis and Rep. Adams. Will report back on any responses I receive and I encourage you to write to your reps as well.
Side note – would contacting my governor/state attorney general do anything?
Re the state AG, I suspect Jeff Jackson is already on it and will probably have a reddit post about it in a day or two. He’s super active on reddit/his email list.
A pithy post is one thing, but I’m not sure that there is anything to do here. Re local interest items, I think it is fascinating that the Lumbee are finally recognized as a tribe. I feel like they have long been short-changed in this area and have no idea why it took until Trump to do this. IDK if the State of NC has any dog in this fight (especially since all boy teens in the state seem to be new sports gambling addicts on their phones despite age limits), but this alone has been a good local development.
The history of the Lumbee attempting to get federal recognition is fascinating–the eastern band of Cherokee and the Choctaw have opposed it for quite a while. It’s too long to get into here, but recommend googling for some interesting reads.
Honest question: what would you expect a state AG to do with this? In NC, the state AG is elected to deal with state legal business and state priorities. Like if you could tie it to state bond obligations or state pension investments, there would be more relevant things there for them to consider (but over 50 states and DC and PR/Guam, even shear outrage at 50% of the country is just a nothingburger).
The State AG’s can sue if the feds take illegal government action. For example, the recent pause on federal government research spending was halted by a judge as a result of a lawsuit brought by state AG’s.
In that one, are the State AG’s getting standing on behalf of state research universities? But don’t those universities have GCs that should be involved? I’m a cynic — I think that since most state AGs are elected, they are often the flip side of “to be vs than to seem.” A lot of them seem when there is a camera handy and an election is coming up.
State AGs can file suit if the unlawful cut off of funding unlawfully cuts off funding to the states. That is the very definition of “state legal business and state priorities.”
i have heard that phone calls matter much much more than writing.
If you, like me, are in Texas with Greg Abbott and Ken Paxton, I’d give that one a hard NO. Ugh.
We need you to speak up in those red states the most.
Thank you!
Yes, we are looking to governors to speak up too, and state attorney generals can file lawsuits so this is all good good.
I’m trying to find a basic pedometer. Do they exist anymore? I already wear a non-smart watch everyday so I don’t want a watch. Everything I’ve read about the Oura ring suggests it isn’t great at counting steps and I definitely don’t need a device to tell me whether I slept well or not or if I’m stressed. I used to have a tiny Fitbit I could clip to my bra strap but they don’t seem to make them anymore and I guess the Fitbit platform is no longer being supported? Whoops seems interesting but it’s also a subscription and way more data than I’m interested in.
Can you just use your phone, or do you need something more accurate?
Accuracy isn’t a problem, but I don’t always carry my phone with me. And I don’t particularly want to.
We bought an Omron for my mil. It’s just a simple ‘count steps, resets at midnight’. I got it at Amazon but I know Omron has their own website as well.
Omron.
whoops isn’t going to count your steps. i’ve had it for about 8 months now — doubt i’ll renew, the info isn’t that helpful.
I will never give up my non-smart watch, so I just wear my Fitbit on my other wrist. Is that an option for you?
Amazon sells pedometers for like $15
You can definitely still order a Fitbit bra clip for the “Inspire” model which is compact. There’s 2 modes to use the Inspire in: wrist or clip. Clip will help extend battery life.
Not sure what you mean that the Fitbit platform is no longer supported, as I still use it.
Did you . . . try google? Because there are lots of options when you search for clip on pedometer.
Random question: I was in a convo about conference venues, and looked up US convention centers. In STEM, it’s a truth universally acknowledged that Las Vegas does not want our conference business, apparently because we don’t drop enough cash when visiting the city (stories about the big annual conference in computing, chemistry, physics and earth science respectively, each held in Las Vegas one time and asked not to come back).
Apparently Las Vegas has not one but 3 of the biggest convention centers in the US. If you have regular conferences there, what’s your industry?
So much in Vegas is super-huge. I go there for finance conferences where the room block sells out instantaneously. If you are just a smaller conference, smaller nice cities with good airports would welcome you (Charlotte, Orlando, Phoenix). I saw a librarians conference in aNew Orleans once.
I’ve been to lots of engineering conferences in vegas. CES is the big one but smaller stuff too – maybe because in industry there’s enough sales/marketing/pr type folks present too to balance out the engineering types
I love this question, I’m also interested in this! I’m in an environmental field, and we never go to Las Vegas and have wondered why.
Finance
There is a big cancer conference that is always in Chicago because it is the best for that number of attendees (probably near 30K). Might also be because it’s in the middle of the country so both coasts can get there, and has a major international airport.
The other big cancer conference cycles among a few places (Chicago, San Diego, Philadelphia, DC, and a few more). I don’t know why Vegas isn’t on the list. Maybe too much smoking – do they still allow smoking inside casinos? I seem to remember that some cancer conferences won’t hold their meetings in cities that still allow indoor smoking.
Hematology and it rotates among San Diego, Orlando and Atlanta, with New Orleans sometimes thrown in the mix.
healthcare IT and we rotate Vegas and Orlando with every few years throwing a bone to Chicago or San Diego.
Finance and real estate
Commercial real estate
I attend a huge (15,000+ person) computing conference and have always wondered why it’s never been in Vegas since I think of that as a huge convention city. To my knowledge, it’s never been held there though.
there is also the question of how exhibition vs lecture hall space is balanced at any given convention center, translating to a better fit for events skewing more trade show vs more conference.
True. This is more of a trade show though, which fits with what I’ve heard about other events in Vegas (CES, etc.)
Finance and technology.
Vegas, SD and New Orleans are the only convention centers big enough for 40k+ conferences- I’ve been to a number of medical/medical adjacent research conventions at each and Vegas is significantly easier to get to + to find hotels than the other 2.
I am a professional convention organizer who has spent 15 years across sports, corporate, and engineering events. While I can’t speak for the entirety of this massive industry, I have never heard of this universally acknowledged truth nor can I say this applied to the meetings I sourced for scientific symposia. Vegas courts this kind of convention business heavily. But all of my corporate and association business avoided Vegas because their first experience was a bad one for the event, not because it was bad business for Vegas.
I’ve heard it enough times that I started to wonder whether it’s one of the many myths that circulate in academia to help everyone feel special!
Is it really true that you don’t need an adapter for an iPhone in Europe? Also, do hotels there (think a step or two up from a hostel, definitely budget) tend to have conditioner and hair dryers in the bathrooms?
You don’t need a voltage converter, but you do need an adapter for the plug (unless you confirm your hotel has USB or USB-C outlets you can plug your charger into).
+1
You don’t need an adapter to convert the voltage for modern phones, laptops, etc, you just need those outlet shape things that have the correct Europe shape (it’s different in some regions – UK is different than western Europe) on one side, and the two slots on the other, so that you can plug in American-shaped cords.
The same is not true of hair styling tools, which unless specially made, do not work on both voltages, and are usually outside the capacity of an adapter anyway, so those stay home.
Everywhere we’ve stayed (mid-range, a few hundred a night) has had hair dryers. I BYO toiletries since I’m sensitive to fragrance and my hair is picky.
Motel One (which otherwise I really like) has the weird combo shampoo and body wash, any sort of Ibis is the same. It feels like a rare treat when the hotel actually has conditioners.
But most modern hotels have USB plugs so you don’t need to bring an adapter. I’ll also shamelessly beg one off the hotel staff – they’ve always got a box of them b/c they are so easily forgotten.
Perhaps an obvious question but where do you buy a hair dryer and curling iron that are compatible with European outlets? I prefer to avoid Amazon since I’ve had too many issues with counterfeit or faulty products (and I obviously can’t check that it works at home before I board my flight to Italy)
Again, it’s not the outlets but the voltage that is the issue. I have dual voltage styling tools but I also take plug adaptors for whatever country I’m visiting. If you search “dual voltage hairdryer” or “dual voltage flat iron” or whatever, you can find a lot of options online.
I bought one from Target. It was a Conair worldwide travel blow dryer. It has a US plug that you can use an adapter to change the shape to the European plug. It has to say “dual voltage” to indicate that it can operate on both US and European voltages.
I’ve been to five European hotels in the past year and only one had conditioner available (Dublin, fwiw). I pack my own for Europe as it is hard to even find available for purchase.
Hotel-provided hair conditioners are waste of your time. Either pack your own or stop at any local drugstore and buy one.
As for hair dryers – unless you are staying in budget hotels – most hotels have them available in the room. They will be weak, will take ages for your hair to dry, may burn your hair, so I would recommend to bring your own. I recommend buying an adapter (that adjusts the voltage and the plug).
DH has strong opinions about home decor, and will not budge from his position which means I always have to give in. But his instincts about home decor are usually bad. For example, he wanted top-down bottom-up horizontal blinds for our window in our living room that is 6.5′ wide, way too wide for horizontal blinds. They look silly. We should have curtains on that window. But he doesn’t want them because he thinks the horizontal blinds look better.
Another example is that he wants almost nothing hanging on walls, which means that most of the walls in our house are bare. I have family photos that were printed and framed that he refuses to put up. He even won’t hang up our digital family calendar. Which means that I will have to find our stud finder and hang them up, and then that will upset him somehow. My friends seem to make virtually all of the design choices in their homes with little input or opinions from their DHs. Just wondering if the type of dynamic we have is typical or unusual.
My husband also wants input on home decor, which is wild to me. He majored in art so it’s not surprising, but he no longer makes art and his taste is the opposite of mine. I am a traditionalist–running the household, including decorating it, should be my province. In most couples I know the husband defers to the wife in such matters.
I don’t have a traditionalist household. He cooks, shops. I clean. His taste is better than mine. I hope your taste is better than your husbands to think decor should be your personal domain.
I think you know it’s unusual…
did he grow up with a cluttered house and is overreacting to wanting a very spare space?
yes he did
could he maybe choose 2 rooms that are vitally important to him that they stay minimal? master bedroom and __? then you’re free to do what you want in the other rooms.
I don’t think it’s unusual for men to have preferences about how their home looks and decor choices, but I do think it’s unusual that your husband is never willing to compromise to allow for your preferences.
My direct experience is varied: my husband cares very little about decor; my brother-in-law cares a lot (but my sister doesn’t); my parents care about equally and it does sometimes lead to conflict. My secret that I would never share with my mother is that my father has better taste than she does, but she’d be horribly offended to hear that!
My SO doesn’t care as much about decor as I do, but he does have some opinions.
I think what is unacceptable here is that your husband won’t compromise. It’s fine to have preferences, but usually that involves a mature discussion and coming to an agreement. Not him getting angry or pouting bc you hung up a calendar.
Well, piecemeal wall hangings are annoying. Is she giving him a plan for something that looks good? I’d object to family photos on the wall, too, or just a random calendar with nothing but space around it.
So then nothing gets hung up, unless it’s all at once?
Ideally. Tell me why you think this isn’t obvious.
From the post, it sounds to me as if she had many things she wanted to hang, including the calendar.
But regardless, I hope if you live with a partner, you are not as condescending as you are here.
Very weird and controlling on his part. I do not get some of the relationships described here at all.
Your husband sounds controlling and incapable of compromise and that is concerning.
My husband has opinions about home decor but we tend to agree (and my tastes have had a positive impact on his over the years) and if we don’t, he will defer to me. That said, I will also try to make concessions in areas where I don’t feel strongly.
I will say, I generally think bare walls reads unsophisticated. But hanging family photos (especially wedding photos!) in entertaining areas also reads juvenile and borderline narcissistic to me. Those should be hung in private family quarters. If you must have family photos in entertaining areas, they should be in decorative 4×6 or 5×7 frames and sitting on a side or console table, and should preferably be of your kids and extended family, not just wedding pictures of you and your spouse. Hang actual art in the more public areas of your house, and have it professionally framed if possible. Doesn’t have to be original art.
I tend to agree w this analysis. I have bare walls but eventually I’ll figure out what my existing art in storage can look like and will tackle that as a project.
I hate seeing giant family photos on peoples walls. Like you do you, but it’s strange to me and I would never put these photos on my own walls.
i agree with this — the other problem with family photos on the walls is that it’s got to be a gallery wall and those are really tricky to do piecemeal. i can see family photos being on the wall in a hallway but not in like a living room or dining room.
I was taught this, too, and like it as applied to our own home. (Though if that’s how OP’s husband feels, he needs to use his words better…)
Are you old money by any chance? I have never heard these rules
Not the OP, but I do come from old money (enough generations that I won’t inherit much) and I guess learned these rules by osmosis. It is really jarring to me to see wedding or family photos hung on walls. The only exception I would find tasteful in my own home is a very artistic photo of me and my partner hung on n our bedroom, or one or maybe two great photos of a kid or family in that kid’s room, but also not as the only wall decor. Framed photos, individually or in a group, on a shelf or table, in a living room or office, is fine.
Not old money by any means, but I too find it weird to have lots of family photos, especially big ones, in public areas of the house. We have a wedding photo canvas and family photo canvas gallery in our bedroom, some framed photos in our daughter’s bedroom of her with friends and family, and I have some small family photos framed in my home office, but our kitchen, dining room, living room or guest bedroom only have art.
lol at “private family quarters.”
It’s very, very normal to want to look at pictures of people you love on the walls.
I think the comment section is saying it’s a divisive subject, not “very, very normal.”
I completely agree. Growing up my parents and some relatives had big framed family photos on the living room wall and I found it weird and cheesy. It wasn’t about “proper” taste or class, it just felt off somehow. I feel even more strongly about this as an adult now that I see acquaintances plastering their wedding photos all over their home. That’s not decor and it seems self involved. Limit it to a few framed photos on a table, otherwise I don’t want to see it as a guest.
These are rules for people who have a big house and guests over a lot. I never have anyone over because my apartment is small and crowded and really just for my family. We have family photos up on the walls in the living room because there is room for it there, it’s better than a bare wall, and it lets our son know that we think our family is important. (He is 3 and when he was a baby and we first put up family photos he really liked pointing to each family member and saying their name.)
Unless it’s a studio apartment without a bedroom, I think this still applies. Family photos can go in the bedroom(s).
I don’t care if you find it tacky, people should put what they want up on their walls. Especially since most of us don’t have “private family quarters” in our small houses. And how often are you actually having people over anyways? I seem to entertain more than most, and it’s still only once a month. Decorate your house so that you enjoy it.
And I say this as someone who doesn’t have large family photos up in my house. But that’s for the same reason I never hung my diplomas in my office, I just personally don’t like them.
Sure. I consider it an honor to be invited into someone’s home and wouldn’t talk about their decor to anyone. But it could be that the husband in OP’s scenario also thinks family photos on the wall are tacky.
She says he doesn’t want anything on the walls. That’s much different from not preferring family photos hung up.
Right, but is he actually able to use his words to say “I don’t want pictures of our family on the walls”? He might think nothing is a much safer alternative.
I know a few of us must live in studios, but I suspect most have bedrooms in their homes.
Ok “private family quarters” clearly means “bedroom” or other areas guests do not go. Obviously this rule does not apply perfectly to someone who lives in a studio apartment, but how many people commenting here live in a studio apartment? No need to get defensive.
No need to be a stuck up judgy snob either.
Girl what? Do you live in a chateau? Sorry having photos of my family in my living room of my 1 bedroom apartment is so offensive
Who TF are you to be saying how people should decorate their homes?
Why do you have to give in? He doesn’t get to always have his way. It’s called compromise and it’s what grownups do.
His rigidity is what’s unusual/problematic. This isn’t a decorating problem; this is a communication and collaboration problem. You both live in the house.
This isn’t having opinions, it’s dictating the appearance of your home. It’s your home too. Does he dictate other things in your life? Why do you let him get away with this? Are you afraid of his reactions? Will he just make you so miserable that giving in, always, is easier? The answers aren’t for me, they’re for you and you alone. Perhaps it would be a good idea explore them in therapy.
Did he grow up outside the US?
I ask because a friend’s husband has similar ‘taste’ which he attributes to the fact that in his home country, walls are made of thick bricks not the ‘cardboard hosues’ of the US. Thus, hanging things on walls isn’t a ‘thing. Similar to you, they had a whole thing where he wanted to buy these really pricey totally black out blinds that my friend described as ‘basically hurricane shutters’ which he thought were perfect.
To answer your question though – our house is a combination of our tastes and reflects probably our mutual taste most of all. For example – my husband loves open shelving and built-ins and hates baskets. I prefer baskets because I think it’s easier for the kids to clean up. So we have a mix of both. Husband strongly likes throw rugs while I don’t love them (because I am convinced they always smell)… but we have compromised on rugs that are easily cleaned and don’t hold smells.
My DH has sooooo many opinions but he doesn’t always win out. Why does yours?
+1
I kind of hate the “teehee men don’t care about home decor” takes. Many do. The issue here is the lack of compromise, not that he has opinions.
Honest question: does he have bad taste or bad design instincts? if he shows you an inspiration image does it look awful? Or is it nice but not your style? Or is a peace you’d like to live but he’s bad at accomplishing it? The first two require design compromises the second requires he acknowledge his limitations.
In any event, you need to agree on a design plan for each room. My husband and I talk a lot about this kind of thing and it’s really important that we both have input. Art and furniture and rugs are expensive. My mom refuses to do this with my dad so she’s always buying something cheap from home goods and sneaking it in. It’s a crummy way to design your home.
Fwiw, family pictures on the wall are absolutely not my jam and I’d be really upset if my husband insisted on that. As a compromise I’d suggest small photos, maybe in black and white with modern frames and large mats, hopefully not on the wall but perhaps on a shelf.
I’m married to that man too. I feel your pain. his big thing is putting curtains super high and wide. but we live in an old home with tons of windows so that HGTV advice isn’t really applicable. no advice, just commiseration.
The problem is not that he cares about decor and wants a say – it’s his house too.
The problem is that there’s no compromise.
Honest question: what would compromise look like in this instance where he wants horizontal blinds and I want curtains? Would the compromise be to have both? I offered that as a solution but he is not ok with that. If we hate each others’ choices for light fixtures, what is the compromise? It takes a long time and looking at a lot of light fixtures before we agree on one, and it’s usually me that finally gives up and lets him choose. We have been in couples therapy but our therapist was not great at helping us figure this out.
Maybe the compromise is you choose the light for one room and he for another? Or you each choose the elements that matter most to you — so you do his light and your curtains, for example.
My husband also has opinions; usually we’ve been able to work it out, but sometimes I just go ahead and hang the pictures or buy the things (if they aren’t too pricey) and tell him that if he finds something better then we can switch it out, but I’m tired of living in unfinished rooms.
(And IMO the person willing to do all the leg work and present options gets a little more say)
This is another thing. One person doesn’t get to just shoot down the other’s opinions without presenting alternatives that could work.
why did he feel so strongly about blinds? functionality? Like maybe he wants the ability to have light and view but also privacy, which is not the ideal use case for curtains. Would shutters (fka plantation, not sure what to call them now?) be attractive in the space?
Here’s what it’s like in my house.
I wanted teal walls in the living room. My SO didn’t love the idea but looked at swatches with an open mind and finally agreed to one he didn’t hate. He wanted black in our bedroom. I didn’t love the idea at first but similarly went in with an open mind and we found one to agree on.
He likes anime and wanted to hang some paintings of characters by a local artist. I hate this. But he loves it so we had them professionally framed to look as nice as possible and put them in the tv room, where I don’t care as much. Likewise, there are paintings of ballerinas and stereotypically super feminine art that he hates in our extra bedroom.
We just both listen to each other and give a little on the various decisions.
Much the same way in my house. We both have Opinions and engage in a give-and-take in good faith, room by room.
I think the compromise is to pick rooms you get the final say in or have nothing. My spouse and I have no window treatments for this reason. We also live in the middle of nowhere so no one is looking in.
Get another couples therapist who isn’t biased toward your husband’s position.
Instead of that, get a decorator.
take this with a grain of salt as i love top down bottom up shades – i can see being hesitant for a 6.5′ window but i think the question is, now that you have them, are they working well? or are they sagging and unusable? if they’re fine where they are then i’d move on — unless you have further thoughts. wanting to block midday sun or april sun (curtains). or wanting more privacy (window film?). if you want to soften the space could you put a blanket ladder or large plant near the window?
(totally agree that you should be getting more of a say than you are, just suggesting stuff for this one particular thing)
I think Roman blinds would be the compromise? (Blinds that are curtains?)
I would go with interior shutters for a window that size.
Would a third party help? Hire a decorator who can come up with options for you to decide on together.
I can’t really solve your marriage problems but design wise there is often a “right” answer. Meaning: there is a choice that matches the aesthetic you’re going for. Putting family pictures on the wall is usually not the answer unless your inspiration came from a diy blog. Curtains are likely the “correct “ answer if your architecture is traditional and if there is room for them on the wall. They do not preclude blinds but mostly live indoors on the walls. Again, if you’ve found a style you can agree on everything else gets much easier. My husband can love Tiffany lamps all day long but we agreed the house is scandi modern inspired so the lighting is organic and sculptural. Likewise I think the William Morris wallpapers are cool but I get that that’s the wrong choice for our home. Obviously break rules and do what you love but cohesive homes require less decision making once you’ve determined what you want your end result to be.
I think one solution is to hire an interior decorator. It’s probably cheaper than resentment and divorce.
I’m single, but my dad has lots of opinions on decor. He and my mom have pretty similar tastes, so there isn’t conflict. They make big purchases together and defer to the other on stuff they care more about. My father purchased most of their art, and my mother picked the curtains.
I think it’s weird when men don’t have opinions on it, but I guess it’s common. Your husband should listen and compromise with you. It could help if you saw his taste as not bad, but different, and demanded he makes room for yours too.
I also think it’s weird when wives steamroll over their husbands and don’t ask for their input in decorating. Not directed at anyone specific here; I’m thinking of my sister who chooses paint color, rugs, everything without even showing her husband. Maybe a husband truly doesn’t care? But it’s a weird attitude that “I’m the wife and get to do everything I want”
My brothers, all very stereotypically straight white men, are into home decor. I don’t think it’s unusual at all. But I kind of wonder if your husband just doesn’t feel like hanging stuff up. You can totally hang up those curtains and pictures on your own.
Can you ask him to collect inspo photos, maybe make a Pinterest? Rather than just blurt his uniformed opinionsm
I think far more men care about home decor than they let on, they just feel like they’d emasculate themselves by expressing an opinion. So they silently stew for months or years until it comes out at random (drunken) times that the house doesn’t even feel like “their” home. Personal experience from a lot of exes who didn’t handle their emotions well — but I think it’s true to some extent even with otherwise emotionally healthyish men. I think this is what drives the desire for a “man cave” – it’s one room that feels like “theirs.”
Due to the design of our house and the size of our respective furniture (we both had our own places before we met), DH and I have rooms that tend to be all one person’s stuff. It is very, very obvious whose “room” you’re in. Our family room where we spend most of our time is 99% his stuff. So, when I want to decorate the fireplace and mantel the way I want, he doesn’t put up too much of a fight even if he doesn’t really like it. And when he wants to put a weird statuette he got from some Pacific island next to my grandmother’s China in the formal dining room that’s 99% my stuff, I don’t object.
The first example is obnoxious but I’ve also seen it happen many many times in my wider circle.
I feel like it’s more common (or more socially acceptable?) for men to have opinions on home decor, and they should. Growing up it was 100% my mom, but she also did interior design as a side job. They’re divorced, my dad’s now-wife also makes 99% of the decor decisions.
My husband would prefer to live in a minimalist space, I lean much more maximalist, and we find compromise by either searching for things we both like, having spaces that are our own (our offices), or taking turns largely based on what we care more about. What’s unusual and shtty is your husband never compromising or giving you a turn. And then sulking!
Why are you getting his permission, to the point that he’s winning 100% of the time.
Is it possible to make it a positive thing–like show him some inspirational pics of tastefully done family pictures or gallery walls that don’t feel cluttered and claustrophic? I tend to agree to a point that printed family snaps, even professional done, aren’t quite…wall art and should be framed and put on a table or shelf/bookcase as the better option and calendars aren’t art either (so I guess I agree with him there!) the same way that a clock absolutely doesn’t belong in the living room unless you live in a converted train station or it’s an heirloom.
For the curtains issue, could you show him what you have in mind? I consider blinds to be “functional” and cold, very rental property, maybe approaching from a “curtains look more upscale and luxe” might change his mind rather than “blinds don’t fit/look silly”.
I have tried 3 times to post about writing to my representatives. Twice my comment was swallowed and the third time went to mod but now it has disappeared too. What is going on?
Now I have tried a dozen times to comment my original comment here and it won’t work. I give up.
Maybe your internet? One of my phones (not on Wi-Fi) always has my post disappear, but I can always get through on the Wi-Fi connected phone.
The post/comment without my original language went through no problem. Maybe we are not allowed to have certain conversations here anymore.
Could be true. But I’d be surprised if anyone was monitoring that closely in real time.
Are you posting too fast? Lol
The search function is failing me – does anyone have any recs for a resume writer who also will revamp my LinkedIn? Ideally for in house but at this point I’ll take anyone reliable who isn’t going to scam me.
Use the paid version of chat gpt.
Sharing what looks like a great zoom top for cozy wfh in case of interest – https://www.talbots.com/quilted-shawl-collar-pullover/P244034724.html?cgid=sale&dwvar_P244034724_color=BLACK&dwvar_P244034724_sizeType=MS#srule=price-low-hi&start=1&sz=648 since folks often ask about recommendations for that.
This is a mostly scream into the void. I’m an income partner at a national firm. I’m generally frustrated that I’m sometimes treated like a glorified associate. Lately, I’ve been getting nagged about my billable hours not being as high as some of the other income partners.
I do not want to be a servicing partner. I’m building my own book, which is much higher than the other income partners whose hours I’m being compared to. Part of that means I try to avoid doing things like drafting briefs and doc reviews, which the other income partners are still doing, because that’s not a scalable practice. I invest my time in mentoring associates to do that stuff, and I can’t bill for most of that time per (not my) client billing specs. I spend my days playing traffic cop – doing the middle manager thing of following up with the people doing the work and the people the work is being done for – which is billable but is like a .1 or .2 per file. So no of course it’s not as efficient as reviewing documents for 10 hours. Which imho partners shouldn’t be doing anyway. My hours are usually in the 130/mo range rather than 160+, unless I’m in trial, then it’s easily 200+.
I feel like I add a lot of current value to clients because I’m not overbilling their files for stuff that should be done by associates and longterm value because my book is steadily growing. But because that doesn’t translate into dollars in the door, I’m somehow not the A+ student I’m accustomed to being. I think the answer is, eff ‘em do what’s right for your practice as long as you’re not getting fired. But I’m really struggling with that rn.
following. I am in exactly the same spot (except transaction vs. lit). I feel like like I am the only one investing serious time in training associates to do the substantive work and while that has paid off for me in terms of having a solid team for my files, I feel like other income partners just bill bill bill (one told me he takes his own mailings to the FedEx dropoff because he doesn’t trust his assistant – and bills for the walk – something I haven’t done since I was a first year associate). But that’s whose billables I’m being compared to.
Have you explained this to whoever is nagging you about your billable hours? Also do you have a plan to bring the dollars in the door within a reasonable amount of time? Like, “Okay, I know this year my hours are low, but I brought in X business this year and if I keep it up, I expect 2X within the next Y years.” Because, like it or not, the way to be a A+ student at a law firm is to bring those dollars in.
That’s fair. I have a business plan but it’s really hard to estimate how much will come in, especially as a litigator. If one of my clients goes to trial then I’m around $1MM/year for just that client. If nothing of mine is going to trial then it’s more in the $500k range. But that’s why I’m focusing on having a scalable practice rather than marketing just my expertise. I can only bring in so much if I’m the one doing all the work. I guess I don’t want to over promise and underdeliver.
I can’t help but think a mediocre white man wouldn’t be overly concerned about overpromising and underdelivering. I mean, the firm needs to know that you have a plan to increase your profitability. Also can you get some help so you’re not the one doing all the work?
+1
I’m a junior equity partner and your approach sounds completely right to me. I’m sort of shocked you’re getting pushback. What clients are willing to pay for someone with a partner title (and presumably a billing rate to match) to do doc reviews? And how does this align with profitability metrics? At my firm, having that work done by partners is actually less profitable with respect to margin, even if the actual dollars in the door for a partner would be higher. Have you run any of those numbers to try to help your position? I can’t lie to say that billable hours don’t matter at all, but in my firm those other numbers matter WAY WAY WAY more.
I’ve given up Amazon, Walmart, and Target and looking for recommendations of where to replace random household goods.
I shop at Costco, but I also live alone in a 600 sq ft apartment, so that’s not always the best option (I split bulk things with family and friends when able, but can’t always do that).
I tend to avoid other grocery stores and pharmacies because they’re expensive (was previously getting all groceries, toiletries, and random household things from Walmart’s house brand). Heck even most of my clothing came from Walmart or Costco.
I’m a probationary Fed, so saving money is also really important to me right now.
Obviously I’m also focused o buying less to save money, but that’s not always an option. For example, I need a new notebook. I’d usually just pick one up at Walmart with my weekly groceries. I have a wedding next weekend and need b00b tape for my dress. My taper candles are getting low, so I’d like to get more of those. My water bladder sprung a leak and needs to be replaced (I know I can do this at REI, but for 4x as much as Amazon).
TJ Maxx and associated stores are fine but so hit or miss.
Have you tried dollar stores? Have you tried markets serving immigrant communities near you? Craigslist, Marketplace or a “Buy Nothing” group for used stuff?
Thanks for the dollar store idea! Haven’t been to one in years but I bet they’re great for notebooks and candles (among other things).
I’m in an urban area and don’t have a car, but I could Zipcar out to the Burbs next weekend.
I used to do Marketplace and Buy Nothing, but I’ve also dropped Meta. Never tried Craigslist because it felt less safe than Marketplace to me. I do buy a lot second hand though – probably half my clothes and kitchen stuff is secondhand.
I respect your decision to leave Amazon, Target, and Walmart, but dollar stores are also so bad, for similar reasons. Dollar General in particular has disgusting union-busting and noncompetitive practices that push out smaller grocers from rural and poorer urban neighborhoods, single-handedly creating food deserts. John Oliver has a funny episode on it. Sorry to yuck your yum.
Yeah I hadn’t shopped at one in years, because I think I just assumed they couldn’t be ethical given their prices (I know the same can be said for Walmart and Amazon and tons of other retailers).
However, there’s very, very limited (if any) ethical consumption under capitalism. I have to do the best I can with what I have – as someone who went from undergrad to non profits to grad school and now to government, I’ve never made enough to be able to shop at ethical retailers and from ethical brands. However, I do feel that my work I do in my career can help offset my consumption from less ethical companies. Everything is a trade off, right? I can do the best I can do given my financial situation and ask those who have more disposable income to make the best choices for them too.
It’d be great if I never supported a union busting company or one that makes clothing in sweatshops, but honestly Old Navy is at the upper end of my budget so that’s not happening. But, the work I do in government does save lives and make people safer, so to me that’s a trade off I have to make.
If you’re in a urban area, the best answers may be hyperlocal to you. The big national retailers benefit a lot from economies of scale, so local stores may not always be able to compete on pricing. On the other hand national grocery store chains overcharge for a lot of foods that are more affordable at locally owned stores.
There aren’t any near me – closest food co-op is 20 min drive away. We have local boutiques for clothing or home goods or decor, but they’re not selling what I need nor are they the affordable option.
I do occasionally get gifts, clothes, and decor items from these places, and I only go to locally owned restaurants, cafes, and bars. Only use the locally owned Ace for hardware store needs (which, as a renter is limited). But the practical “I need a new roll of scotch tape or a new travel mug because mine broke” types of shopping don’t have local options.
@11:46. I would consider a 20 min drive close to me (although perhaps not the most convenient). It makes sense to not want to go there for single/last-minute items, but it might work for some things if you can go less often or stock up? I guess this is how we all end up at Walmart in the first place.
Your local Offer Up might also be a good source; it is very active in certain places but dead in others. Its through an app, similar to Craiglist but it feels safer. I have also heard ebay is a good alternative to Amazon but I haven’t tried it yet either. Poshmark sells household stuff too (noting your comment re notebooks, candles). Also Goodwill, local thrift stores often have hobby stuff, household stuff, notebooks, sports stuff, etc. I think there are also some local groups on Reddit (since you don’t want to be on Facebook — understandable!).
Thank you I will check these out
In my area Craigslist and Freecycle are what I use.
Are you saying that you’ve given up on Amazon, Walmart, and Target for ethical reasons, and are trying to find a different “general store” to shop at that is ethically more in line with what you want? Or have you given up on them for some other reason?
You may be able to find your boob tape in the sewing notions department at a sewing store, your taper candles at a craft store like Michael’s, and — like you said — your water bladder at an outdoor equipment store.
Yes – I’ve stopped supporting companies that a) got rid of DEI efforts since the election and b) have shown support to Trump or Musk.
Yeah, unfortunately I think you have some conflicting reqs here: avoid unethical companies, but also be very inexpensive? If it’s really just Amazon/Walmart/Target, you could switch to Temu but… I don’t think that really meets your goals. Buy less stuff, or decide what compromises you’re willing to make (eg do you care more about not using Meta or about accessing your local Buy Nothing?). Maybe there are DIY options.
I’m probably going to get responses that I’m not answering the question asked, but in your situation I would Buy Less Stuff. Taper candles and a water bladder are wants-not-needs and you have so many good reasons right now not to repurchase them. Facing a period of unemployment, I would 100% not be rebuying anything but food and toiletries until the situation resolved itself.
+1. This is solid advice.
We have so little storage that even buy two get one free options at the grocery store frustrate me. I would love to save the money but don’t need things falling out of the pantry.
I buy Colonial Candles, they are USA made. I live not far from a historic venue that carries them in the gift shop, but you can order from the website as well.
I generally find the best notebooks at Levenger. I don’t mind ordering to get the high quality paper.
For your water bladder, is the leak in a place where would Tenacious Tape work? It’s cheaper than a new bladder and if the shop carries water bladders they should also carry tape.
Notebooks – I just get them at the grocery store. If you can time it for back to school season they are absurdly cheap (like fifty cents each, sometimes 10 for a dollar). Outside of that, they are still inexpensive enough that trying to track down the lowest price at a dollar store or office supply store is likely to cost you more than you would save.
1) I think pushing harder on ‘buy less’ – like I love candles but if you’re anticipating unemployment, that’s an easy thing to cut.
2) I don’t know the ethics vs other chains, but dollar tree has a lot of what you mentioned
3) sites like ebay, poshmark, mercari – the companies might not be great(? don’t know) but you’re supporting individuals.
4) farmers markets & local craft fairs. Again, I think the most ethical consumption (after secondhand) is supporting local small businesses. (even if maybe your local breadmaker voted R, they’re not making a sizeable donation to his campaign like walmart is)
You can have cheap/convenient, or you can avoid Target/Walmart/Amazon. You can’t really do both.
+1
I don’t know a out boob tape, but our local hardware store has a lot of the things I need. Not necessarily cheaper than Target or Walmart, though.
Musk’s actions at USAID are truly appalling and sociopathic. How are people like that – willing to destroy lives of hundreds of thousands of aid beneficiaries and employees overnight with the stroke of a pen? I don’t even have words for how wrong this all is, and someone having so little sense of decency simply doesn’t compute for me.
I’m former USAID currently FEMA and I’m sick to my stomach. People are going to die. People are going to suffer.
I don’t want to sound preachy, but this work is a calling. It’s so much more than a job. It’s really hard work but it’s worth it knowing we’re saving lives.
Civilians volunteer to move to war zones and put their lives at risk to serve total strangers who live across the world. We leave behind family, friends, and so many “first world” creature comforts because of this calling.
I’m not religious anymore, but have always taken “WWJD” to heart and while working in this field I’ve never once questioned if I’m following WWJD. Caring for the “least among us” while sacrificing creature comforts is exactly what what Jesus would do.
I don’t even understand why Musk wants to do this – he craves power, I guess? But if I had a billion dollars or even a few hundred million I’d be enjoying my yacht in the south of France, not trying to ruin other people’s lives.
Ok guys, I’m ready for that military coup now! Since there’s already a civilian/dictator coup underway, following the 1930s Germany playbook! Can’t be any worse!
What’s that saying? When the Left complains about threats to democracy, they are really complaining about threats to their not-elected, not accountable bureaucracy?
Huh. Never heard that one. Doesn’t seem like it took. Maybe it is the “fetch” of politics
Lolz. Thank you for this response.
DOGE/Musk is the not-elected, not accountable party here!
I don’t think that’s a saying.
Also, bureaucrats are accountable to elected leaders. I’m not sure why anyone would think they’re not.
yup, so many laws that apply to how bureaucrats do their work!
If they are accountable to elected leaders, why all the hooting and hollering about how Trump is demanding accountability?
The hooting and hollering is because of the illegal actions of the administration and the complete shattering of norms that are in place for a good reason. Not because of “accountability.” FBI agents/DOJ prosecutors not getting convictions? Fire them and replace them, no one would complain. EPA leaders allowing our water to get polluted? Fire them, replace with people who will get results. Etc. etc. That’s not the problem. Instead, Trump is dismantling the agencies because he does not believe in their mission, which is completely illegal. It’s not up to him to dismantle federal agencies or prevent money allocated by Congress from being spent.
Because both in words and actions, this administration is alleging that there hasn’t been accountability so far, and that is both insulting and threatening. Accountability would be to be given directives and to be expected to follow them. Accountability is not retaliating people for following directives of the previous administration or for trying to comply with existing law (also known as federal employees simply doing their job).
What is real life like in Canada for ordinary middle-class people these days?
Unaffordable, in a nutshell.
Toronto and Vancouver and environs, yes. other places, no.
Same inflation etc issues as the US.
More unaffordable than the US?
YES! Food and gas is much more expensive than the US.
Canada also has much stricter laws and regulations about food. So many additives, hormones etc in American food are illegal in Canada.
I lived in Toronto ~10 years ago and was astonished even then how expensive food was. It also seemed like there was less competition among grocery stores – like you can go to this Loblaw’s or the other Loblaw’s.
According to my Canadian-American friends, yes. Salaries are a lot lower. And yes, you don’t have to worry about healthcare expenses and you don’t need to save as much for college and retirement, but even with all that, the math comes out ahead in the US for most people in relatively high-earning professions. All of our friends hate Trump but none of them want to return to Canada because they won’t be able to afford the same quality of life there.
Pretty boring? I live in my cute urban house, walk to work, and go to activities? It’s really snowy so not being as busy as usual and some hibernating.
Really my biggest stresser is PP but it seems unlikely he’ll get into power now.
I hope you’re right but I doubt it.
Carney’s popularity is soaring and the politicos are freaking the eff out.
Trudeau’s speech on Saturday was career making it was so good and united Canada. PP doesn’t have the political chops to counter that. So that good will is going to Carney.
God, boring sounds so nice right now.
Signed,
50% of America
I’m surprised by the posters saying it’s boring… have you seen the news? Life is about to get a lot more expensive thanks to Trump’s tariffs which will increase the cost of living for the average consumer, result in job losses and is likely to put the country into a recession. It’s terrible.
The end goal is Blockchain, government services privatized (which is not capitalism) and social control with data. In other words, totalitarianism. And the Democrats have been on board with control and neoliberal policies forever. This is why there is no pushback.
To all the Americans, I would recommend you go watch Trudeau’s address on tariffs from Saturday. It’s an impassioned speech from a real diplomatic leader and he speaks directly to the American people.
Yes, as an American I listened to it and hate that he was put in a position where he had to give that speech in the first place. I hope Canadians remember that a huge number of Americans are also not okay with our current regime.
I read the t-nscript and thought it was very well done.
The delivery is what really made it IMO, he’s an excellent orator.
It was a great speech. Too bad normal citizens can’t do anything about what’s happening at this point. And the people who can are not going to be swayed by Trudeau.
any suggestions for how to keep track of which policies have been implemented, reversed, etc. I am so confused on tariffs, federal funding, etc.
Everybody is. I think that’s the point.