Coffee Break: Carola Pump

69 Comments

1. I try to work from home 1x a week, on whatever day works best for my schedule, and I forward my extension so clients and my colleagues can reach me as easily as they would if I was sitting at my desk.

   My otherwise awesome secretary has a habit of answering my phone calls on those days, and sometimes saying I’m out of the office, if I don’t pick up a call immediately. I know I’m overthinking it, but any suggestions on how to address this issue?

   Part of my difficulty stems from my own feelings like I’m getting away with something by working from home, but I would rather WFH stealthily (particularly as I really AM working from home and not eating bon bons and watching soap operas) — and I’d rather that callers know I’m available, since it doesn’t really matter where I am.

   1. Regardless of whether you’re out of the office, in a meeting, taking a nap on your office floor, or getting lunch, your secretary’s response should be “A is unavailable right now – would you like her voicemail/would you like to leave a message for her?”

      1. +1. Just tell her. “If I don’t pick up, could you please answer my phone by saying I am unavailable at the moment as opposed to saying I am in a meeting/on another line/out of the office/etc.? I would rather that callers do not have that information. Thanks very much.” Done.

   2. Can’t you just not have her answer your calls? If you are home and it takes you a couple of rings to pick up, you can still get it without it being intercepted by her line. Otherwise, it can go to your voicemail.

      1. Both of these responses are good. IF she answers your phone, she should just say you are unavailable; but you could instruct her not to do that if you’re WAH.

   3. I have a similar problem. Because I do so much litiegation, I often find myself workeing from home or working after I get home. Lynn, however ALWAYS tells peeople that I am not there even tho I am workeing and billeing into the night on my Macbook Air long after she is home doeing things with Mason. FOOEY!

      Even the manageing partner told her NOT to tell peeople I was not there. Rather he said to tell them I was workeing remotely. When I leave the office at 4:30, it is NOT just to go home–it is to go to the Gym and eat, and then sign onto my Macbook Air from home on my wireless Rooter, and work and bill until 10-11PM every night! So how this is NOT work I do NOT know.

      Lynn also has a dumm habit of telling peeople if I am in the bathroom that I am in the bathroom. Can’t she just say I am NOT available and I will call them back? She knows I am in the bathroom b/c I go every day at the same time each morning (after coffee) and after lunch. DOUBEL FOOEY! My cleint’s know my toilet habits better then me! TRIPEL FOOEY!

   4. Thanks — good suggestions. I’ve asked her previously to just let me phone ring through to voicemail, so not sure if she’s not understanding that’s a permanent instruction versus on a given day.

      We tend to get a lot of client calls saying, “can I talk to a? if she’s busy, can I talk to b?” so with certain clients I think she’s used to having to run triage and get someone on the phone for them, which is easier when she knows I’m down the hall.

2. I’m about 15-20 pounds more than what I should weigh and I’m getting frustrated with my lack of progress. Anyone have any luck with a juice cleanse or something? I just want to kick start the weight loss and I’m getting discouraged.

   Thanks all

   1. Portion control! You’re probably eating way more than you should. Don’t try cleanses because you’ll just gain the weight back when you get back to eating solid food. I bought a cheap scale on Amazon. Even measuring foods w/ measuring spoons and cups helps. You can work out all you want- I did- and I only lost a few pounds. Portion control and eating 5 small meals a day has helped enormously.

      1. +1, and only plan to drop about a pound a week at most, while adjusting for the fact you can add/drop weight throughout your menstrual cycle. So really you can’t think of this as something where you’ll see results immediately – you gotta be thinking on the 6-12 mth scale.

   2. Juice cleanses are pretty bad for you and they will make you feel terrible – all that sugar and no fiber is going to make your blood sugar a rollercoaster and you will feel terrible. If you’re really committed to the idea of a cleanse, do one with food. I think Gwenyth Paltrow has a few on her Goop website. I think there is also some Whole 30 diet that is also pretty popular right now, but I don’t understand the paleo hatred of beans so I can’t say I’ve ever attempted it.

      1. Gwenyth Paltrow’s crazy starvation cleanses are pretty much the antithesis of whole30…

         1. The one I did wasn’t a starvation cleanse. The recipes were pretty good and it was probably a lot less restrictive than Whole30. I never would have done it if I hadn’t read that Rebecca Harrington article about it, from the series where she tries all the crazy celebrity diets, but she made the food sound really good and it was. I still make some of the recipes.

   3. Portion control or skipping one meal a day. That is how I did it. The meal I skip is lunch, however I always have a good breakfast with some protein e.g. one boiled egg and some fruit. Also even though i don’t eat lunch I will sometimes have something small, I like bananas, two usually and sometimes soup. I also exercise and limit eating out–most of the options I chose were fried. Also do eat when you feel hungry, not advocating for starving yourself. So make some small changes and you will see results.

   4. The best thing I have ever done for weight loss was downloading the MyFitnessPal app (I’m pretty sure its free) and using it daily. I track everything I eat on it (which is easy b/c it can search restaurants/scan barcodes) and all of my exercise. I love the graphs showing my progress, the nutrition information, and being able to see what I’m actually putting into my body (especially hidden fats). It has helped me so much! Even though there are still plateaus, I can tell myself exactly why or see that I’m still on track.

      1. How do you input homemade food?

         1. It has a search feature – for example, you type in “bell pepper” and it brings up an average-sized bell pepper’s nutritional info – and it has a “my recipes” feature. Usually when I’m cooking I try to record each ingredient to create a recipe. Then I set how many servings that recipe made and record the servings I eat. The recipe is saved so you can eat leftovers or make the dish again.
            It would probably be very time-consuming if you cooked from scratch constantly and were a very creative cook, but a lot of times my meals aren’t all that complicated (mix of fresh/ready-made) and I don’t cook with a whole lot of variety.

   5. The two things that really work for me when I’m serious about losing weight are tracking my calories (I like the Lose It! app/website a lot) and reducing (not completely cutting out) carbs. I try to eat most of my carbs in the morning so I have time to burn them off before I go to sleep and then slowly cut them out over the course of the day, so lunch is maybe a salad with protein and dinner is some fish or a turkey burger sans bun and some veggies. This is not fun for me because I am a carb lover (give me all of the bread!), but it does help when I find the scale creeping up or not moving and I want to get things going back in the right direction.

      Also, for those of who don’t live in cities or move a lot, extra little bits of movement can make a big difference over time: parking farther away from the mall so you have to walk, taking the stairs, walking the long way to the mailbox, etc. I also try to motivate myself to do housework by telling myself it’s exercise/I’m burning calories.

   6. Okay, I’m actually going to recommend a diet that is kind of like a cleanse, but really falls more into the “intermittent fast” category. I read an ebook called “The One Day Diet,” and even though it sounds a little suspicious, I trust it. My doctor approved the diet, and it will give you the jump-start — without the rebound — that you’re looking for. Basically, the premise of the diet is that every other day you don’t eat anything, but every two hours you drink protein powder and water. That tricks your body into thinking that you’re eating, so your metabolism doesn’t drop. Also, it is pretty effective at keeping you full. On the alternating days, you just eat normally, without any specific restrictions. After the first “fasting” day, you’ll lose a couple pounds, and even though it’s just water weight, it keeps you motivated.

      I know that this diet sounds a little sketchy. I’m an intelligent person, and I really like it. Like I said, my doctor said that this diet is okay, and that intermittent fasting has some health benefits (like living longer) that have nothing to do with weight loss. But the biggest reason I recommend this diet is that because something about the intermittent fasting re-sets your hormone levels, and I found that it really makes a difference in my relationship with food. Even on the non-fasting days, I only have an interest in eating when I’m actually hungry, not just because I’m bored. I also find that I naturally start eating smaller portions. I can’t explain it all, but I really do recommend it. Oh yeah, and you will drop a pound or two a week.

3. My friendship with my best friend is changing and it’s sad. We are taking some space to figure out how to move forward after hurting each other’s feelings a bit. I presented something to her that I felt good about and thought was fun and lighthearted. She ignored it and changed subjects. I brought it up a day later and said that I was hurt she had no response as I was excited about this thing. She said she ignored it because she couldn’t relate to it and it was something that she was uncomfortable with. I said that I wished she had told me that instead of ignoring it. She cut the convo short at that point because she had promised her husband she would watch a show with him, but that she would text me the next day about it more. Totally understood! She never reached out again. Today I said I was still hurt and needed some time and that I felt there were parts of my life I couldn’t bring up with her anymore and that made me sad. She said this hurt her feelings and that space was probably a good thing. I apologized for hurting her feelings and that was that.

   I may be overreacting, but it’s been building on my side because I have felt that she has judged me for a couple of things: (1) deciding to be friends with an ex who broke up with me in a crappy way; and (2) recently exchanging flirty emails with a college professor I have stayed in touch with over the years who is now single. Time passed with the ex and I’m over it. He makes me laugh so the occasional text is no big deal IMO now that I am emotionally separated from it. The second bit is what she can’t relate to (she doesn’t get hookups) and is uncomfortable with (flirting with a person who she met in an authority position). I haven’t had this person as a professor in 15 years, fwiw, and we NEVER flirted prior to him getting divorced. I am legitimately interested in his work and we discussed his books and speaking engagements maybe once a year.

   Anyway, I know many other people have discussed how friendships change over time and I know it’s normal. Just sad as I used to feel comfortable sharing all bits of my life with her and knowing that even if she didn’t agree with my decision, she could be a sounding board and tell me how it is. I have other great friends that I can lean on but still . . .

   Pity party for one starting now! hahaha

   1. Dying to know what the fun thing is. She sounds a) like a judgmental bore, and b) like a total smugmarried. And I’m sure it still really really suck but you sound awesome!

      1. Agree.

      2. +1000

      3. I’m not getting smug married out of this. I’m getting someone who either doesn’t agree with you and doesn’t want to have the discussion for whatever reason (doesn’t want to hurt your feeling, doesn’t want to argue with you when you explain all the ways she’s wrong, whatever) or is just tired of talking about your stuff.

         Just let it be, come back in 3 or 6 or 12 months (whenever you get the urge at that point) and say “Hey, here’s this cool thing I know we both like and can do together. Would you like to join me?” If it’s meant to be, great! If not, you’ve got the other friends you mentioned.

      4. I don’t think she’s being smug married, and I one hundred percent believe that she’s entitled to her own opinions and feelings about my life, her life and about everything. I think my biggest disappointment was that she just didn’t straight up tell me that she was uncomfortable with the topic and couldn’t relate to it, instead of just ignoring it and changing the subject. We’ve always had a relationship where we can tell each other just about anything so I think that’s probably why I was the most upset. I was also upset because she knows I’ve been in the doldrums and diff heart and lately, and this is just something fun that makes me smile. I figured she’d at least say I’m glad you’re smiling or whatever. When she did finally tell me that she was uncomfortable and couldn’t relate, I told her that was completely fair and I never tried to tell her that how she was feeling was wrong.

         I like the advice to come back and several months with an activity that we both enjoy and see what happens.

      5. Oh! I’ve now made it sound way more exciting than it is. Haha. It is the flirty emails with my hot, and now single, college professor.

         1. Maybe I’m showing how boring my life is, but this sounds pretty exciting and fun to me ;)

            1. I thought it was too :) He’s mentioned that I would really enjoy the town where he lives and that I should visit. I can add a leg to his town onto a trip I already want to take to see a friend of mine, so I don’t see why I shouldn’t . . .

   2. I once had a very big disagreement with a close, life-long friend about something not lighthearted (a social political issue that had touched one of us in a personal way). I had maintained my cool and tried to argue logically, while she turned it into something that felt like a personal attack at the time. We didn’t talk for a while, then eventually we started interacting like it never happened. And then years later she one day drunkenly apologized for how she acted. Likewise, here, your friend has a really different take on events than you, which seems like a huge wedge between you guys, but I think eventually you can get past it. In the meantime, I’d avoid the issue.

      1. Thank you for sharing! I am optimistic that we will be able to move past it, and I am going to do as you say I’m just avoid it for now.

   3. Sounds like there may be an underlying issue here. Have you previously done/been excited for whatever event you mention that she did not respond well to and it went badly? Have you been friends with ex’s before and regretted it later?

      I’m not saying she’s right to judge you- I am not even sure if she IS judging you. But I have had friends make the same mistake multiple times (don’t worry- I have done the same thing and had the same negative reaction from my friends, so I’m talking from both sides here) and eventually it’s hard to be supportive when the outcome is always regret or generally bad. Maybe her way of stepping back is to stop her from saying something negative since she knows it’s your life and she shouldn’t tell you what to do.

      I think friends should be supportive of each other, but I don’t think that means friends should support 100% everything their friend does, or be required to be excited by everything you do (and vice versa). Again, not saying that is what you expect, but what I mean is, maybe just let her take a step back for awhile and let the dust settle. I’m sure you two will be okay!

      1. I absolutely agree with you that a good friendship is not one that supports the other blindly and everything that they do. Our relationship to date has been that we will call each other out when we think we’re making a bad decision, in a nice way of course. I am sure there is an underlying issue as flirty emails with another single adult doesn’t seem like it should be a frienship ending issue. We both agreed space was a good idea, so that is the path I will take for now.

      2. I am pretty sure that she’s afraid I’m going to get sucked back in with the ex and get hurt all over again, which is a valid concern. It won’t, because I’m over it, but that is why I don’t bring it up to her. I know she doesn’t want to hear about it, so I don’t talk about it with her. But the fact of that is now that is a part of my life that I don’t talk to her about.

4. I’m in a conundrum here:

   IN-house with big raise, requiring a move from a house I love and awesome nanny, and husband getting new job. Less vacation but awesome springboard. I got along really well with the people I interviewed with–it was like a great first date. Also, I was praying about it/asking for a sign, and then at the final interview, a bolt of lightening struck a tree right outside the office we were interviewing in. (not sure if I should interpret this as a “no” or a “lightening doesn’t strike twice, take this job!”)

   OR

   Gritty, very chill non-profit with less forward momentum, less pay, but more vacation. It’s enjoyable, but there’s less opportunity for advancement.

   1 and 2 years olds at home. husband professes not to care.

   I feel like i can always go for profit to nonprofit, but its hard to move the other way. And also like a sellout.

   What do you do?

   1. I work at a nonprofit, and I’d do the inhouse. It is easier to move from private-nonprofit. Plus, many nonprofits suffer from funding challenges. There’s no guarantee you’ll have your job for any length of time, and with 2 small children, I’d put income security first.

      1. This. Not a lawyer, but non-profits can be a very challenging workplace in ways that don’t include number of hours worked.

         1. Also (I really wish we had an edit function) you can always try the in-house and then if you decide you hate it go non-profit. More than likely a very similar job will be open. The other way not so much.

5. My boss is hosting a department-wide party this weekend at his new house. I work at a major corporation with a lot of transplants. We basically all moved here for work. Once again, I am the ONLY SINGLE PERSON who will be attending. Absolutely everybody has a spouse or SO, maybe kids, etc.

   I feel like such an [other] around my co-workers and while I have a good group of friends they are all 4-10 years younger than me. There are seemingly no single people my age (35) anywhere to be found.

   I am just so sad and this party is going to be so draining and embarrassing.

   1. And how many of those people are in loveless marriages? Or fight every day? Or sleep in separate bedrooms? Or are trying to stay together after an affair?

      Just because they are all coupled up doesn’t make them happier, more secure, etc. Being single, sure of yourself, and strong is better than being married and miserable.

      Go, relax, stop comparing yourself to others, because you have no idea what anyone’s life is really like.

      1. Yup. You don’t know from embarrassing until you’ve been to one of those parties with a totally unsuitable spouse…

      2. Hey sleeping in separate bedrooms is awesome. Because sleeping without interruption from snoring/fidgeting is awesome:-)

         1. agreed. The only socks on the floor are my own.

   2. Honestly, I’d just get over it. No one really notices who’s single and who’s not.

      1. Because obviously you haven’t noticed me. I’m 46 and single and also at all of these events alone.

         Get a grip. You’re stronger than this! Ask a friend to go with you, or pull up your big girl pants and go and enjoy yourself.

         BTW… you must realize that 90% of the spouses don’t want to be there either…… Most would be thrilled if you were friendly and said hello to them.

         1. My signature ice-breaker with spouses is: “So! What do you do when you’re not being dragged along to firm outings/networking events/etc.”

            (Optional and very know your audience, but especially works well with either people your own age who you kind of know or gentlemen over 60: ‘So! What do you do when you’re not being brought along as arm candy to events like these??)

            I’ve gotten some really interesting answers! By asking what they do rather than what they do for work, you avoid awkwardness if someone is out of work, plus- you get some really interesting answers! A spouse who I now know is a cardiologist answered by telling me all about his passion for road biking and the great ride he went on. It’s a way to get people to talk about themselves without directly drilling them.

   3. You will be less of an other than the SOs that come – you know half the people attending and the SOs only know one person attending, each. My strategy would be to talk to the SOs, since you see your co-workers every day, presumably.

   4. Sorry that you’re feeling this way. I agree with Batgirl. No one else is thinking about this but you. The issue here is that you feel bad about it, not that others care (I swear they don’t!). What can you do to feel better about where you are now in life?

   5. I can kind of relate to why this would be draining (because you’ll probably get the well-meaning but annoying, “so, are you married” more than once, and when you’re feeling tender about it, answering over and over again can understandably be tough), but embarrassing? There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Unless your coworkers are doing specific things to make you feel embarrassed or “othered” (in which case, they are d-bags, full stop), I think you’re projecting your own feeling about your singleness onto them waaaaay too hard.

      1. I have to agree with this, even though I know from experience that it is…draining (for lack of a better word) to always have to attend these events solo. Especially when it feels like everyone else got to bring along a spouse/SO. Though, usually, the spouses/SOs aren’t that happy to be there! I know it isn’t really fun to be in your position, though.

         Anyway, sorry you’re bummed. Judging from my mood and some of the other posts here, it’s Be in a Funk Thursday.

      2. +1 Being Single is not a Failing, and being Married is not a Virtue. It’s just a state of being. Your value to society is not less and theirs is not more, just different.

         If you don’t like being single, that’s fine to0. Take this as an opportunity to meet new people that might know some other single people in your age range that don’t work at your company. Just because someone is married doesn’t mean they can’t interact with single people or won’t enjoy it.

6. I heard this morning that Dean Jones passed away. Most of you probably don’t remember him, but he was in a bunch of Disney movies like The Love Bug back when I was a kid. And also, to my surprise and delight, I discovered today that he was the original Bobby in the first Broadway production of Company. (Which I totally get that most of you don’t remember either.) Anyway, RIP Dean.

   Musical theatre lovers, you are in for a treat: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=am8qrrZAtP4

   1. I loved “The Love Bug” growing up and I’m a baby, though I haven’t watched it in a long time. We always had the classics around, so things like the Childcatcher from “Chitty Chitty Bang Bang” would haunt my dreams :-) RIP Dean.

7. Small law firm of 15 attorneys – I have a small (easy!) caseload that could easily be passed off to another associate.

   Would you give 2 or 3 weeks? Any other advice for leaving?

   1. I think two weeks is fine. Also be prepared for them to say “Thanks just leave — you’re done.”

      1. +1. Give 2 weeks, be prepared to be asked to leave that day or the next day.

      2. Yep this happened to me. Actually I gave 3 weeks, was initially told I “may need to stay longer to wrap up a few matters”, then an hour later handed a box and told to just get out.

   2. 2 weeks is typical.

   3. How has your firm treated other people who are leaving? Associates at my mid-size firm regularly give a month or more. It’s not an issue – they are not hounded out early and the transition is easy and orderly. If this is the norm where you are and you have the time, no harm in giving more notice and it will give everyone good feelings about you going forward.

      If not, two weeks is fine.

      1. Thanks for the info ladies!

         In the 8 mo. I’ve been here several associates have left on good terms and it seemed all very amicable, no one getting thrown out the door, etc. I’ve never had that kind of situation so we’ll see… I HATE to leave so soon, but it’s a cross-country/family/spouse relocation that is imminent :(

         1. I think in that case, 2 weeks is perfectly reasonable and you will likely get to work the full two weeks. If you were leaving for Evil Competitor A, it’d be more likely that you’d get the “pack your things” speech.

8. I don’t know how much news you’re getting about the European refugee crisis on your side of the pond, but I feel obliged to say as a Brit that I’m utterly ashamed by my govt’s response and that that feeling is shared by a lot of people.

   1. Don’t worry. Most people here don’t even know what a Syria is. We’re not judging you for your govt.’s response. (Even though I share your wish that it were different).

   2. We’re getting a lot of news in Canada, as Canada denied the refugee claim for that little boy that ended up washed up on shore. I really hope we start doing more soon, because the suffering is awful, and we can do more.

   3. I listen to NPR daily, so yes…. I do hear a lot about it. Although the blame is fairly well spread! None of the EC countries are looking great right now. What is bewildering to us is why there doesn’t seem to be more discussion of a plan, although I suspect (hope?) that there is much deliberation going on behind the scenes amongst the countries.

      This is a challenging political issue, and very upsetting to many of us. Certainly we in the USA are very familiar with discord and disagreement about immigration, but our country’s foundation is still one where many did and continue to arrive to escape hardship. Sometimes we forget this……. and prejudice, cynicism, and judgment still abound here, with vast regional differences in opinion. Much is based on ignorance.

      However, I was stunned when I lived in Europe and discovered how much xenophobia and prejudice was there, and how open people were about it. I have been watching the waves of immigration into Europe even before Syria with some concern, and knew it would not end well in the short term.

      I admit… I’m totally rooting for the immigrants.

      1. The US has a refugee asylum history too, aside from the immigration – locally I’m thinking about the Somalian and Hmong populations that have settled here. Hasn’t been all sunshine and roses, but we haven’t rejected them either.

         I can’t say I’m entirely surprised by the European response, given the previous push back on Muslim immigrants, but I am disappointed by the countries that aren’t stepping up. I agree – I’m totally on the side of the immigrant/refugees.

         1. We (the USA) turned away the St. Louis: http://www.ushmm.org/wlc/en/article.php?ModuleId=10005267

            None of us can throw the first stone.

            1. Yes – the US wasn’t great during WWII, and has probably had missteps since then. But if you have to go back that far to find an example then I’d like to think we’ve learned something since then. My examples are more recent.

            2. Oh there are many more current examples, that one is just the most black and white (because of the benefit of hindsight).

   4. Ugh, it’s awful, isn’t it? But perhaps some signs of change? The petition and all the opposition leaders calling for action?

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