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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Readers were just discussing their love for the Limited for affordable, non-frumpy workwear, so I was excited to see they're having a pretty good online-only deal: Take an extra $10 off every $50 you spend, meaning prices can now be as much as 60% off. Nice. This skirt doesn't quite get you to the $50 limit (it's now marked to $42), but if you add something else small (such as a seamless camisole), you'd basically be getting the second item for free. It's also worth noting that most pieces, including the pictured skirt, come in regular, tall, and petite sizes 0-18 — always nice. High Waist Houndstooth Pencil Skirt
Here's a similar option in plus sizes.
Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.
(L-all)
Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Save up to 40% on new markdowns
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
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And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
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Chandra
I actually own this skirt, and I really like it. (Essentially my entire work-wear wardrobe is from The Limited, FYI). The only thing I noticed to watch out for is that it is a looser- woven fabric, and could more easily be snagged than say, their suiting.
TO Lawyer
I actually bought 3 new skirts from the Limited online yesterday in a bigger size than normal (including one that has a similar silhouette to this). I really hope they work out! Returns, especially over the border are a giant PITA.
Anon
Also in Canada – have you found you get charged duty when you buy from The Limited?
Bonnie
I really like this one. The length would not work for me but the petite length may work.
anon
How does Limited quality compare to brands like JCrew, BR, Ann Taylor?
Anonymous
It is really poor quality, not anything close to JCrew, BR or AT. I used to shop there pretty much exclusively, but about 4-5 years ago the quality just started going downhill and I don’t think it has recovered. It is much cheaper probably, but if you wait for the big 40% days that all three of the other brands have, you can save some money.
Anonymous
I totally disagree- much better quality that AT right now.
Anon1
Well, those other brands are sliding so fast, it’s almost hard to compare.
I think J.Crew is the best of the bunch because they use many natural fabrics and items are lined and well-cut. I went in AT yesterday and was stunned by the drastic drop in quality just this year – unlined dresses and jackets. Pieces were better quality at H&M for 1/3 the price!
As for the Limited, everything is synthetic and they use inexpensive fabrics that often look pretty in stores but won’t wear well. I’m routinely surprised by the love the store gets on this site.
Beth
I would say the Limited quality is very close to the Factory store quality of the brands you mentioned. I’ve been particularly happy with skirts and cardigans from the Limited, less pleased with cotton tops (they pill quickly).
Anonymous
I remember seeing some Limited tops posted here last year and when I went into the store to look at them, the quality was terrible The fabric looked like it was cheap and already starting to pill, and these were brand-new clothing. They look nice in the pictures but I’m not sure that I would ever buy them.
Anonymous Poser
I find The Limited quality to be all over the map–some things are such low quality I would not consider buying them (and I shop there and Express, largely, FWIW), but other pieces are solidly decent quality. So, very much it’s a case-by-case basis. Sorry that’s not really any help…
Anonymous
Has anyone seen their new “Lounge Collection?” Thoughts? $90 for PJs seems a bit of a stretch, no?
Chandra
I saw them online, but not in person yet. There were a few pieces that I am considering ordering. $90 for jammies is steep, but that’s one reason I shop at TL. With all their sales, it is ridiculous to ever pay full price for anything there, unless you NEED it THAT day and it just happens to be full price. If something I want is only 30-40% off, I usually don’t bother, and will wait a few days/a week where it will most likely be 50-60% off.
Cream Tea
I love this skirt – can anyone speak to the fit? TTS? Also, how clingy can I expect this to be? Does it stretch?
Grad School
For those of you who went to grad school full time on campus (masters, jd, phd, etc), how different do you feel it was than undergrad? Also do you feel like it was worth it/better or worse experience than undergrad? I know its a broad question but im curious as Im looking into programs now. Feel free to share your degree/field!
Lyssa
I did a JD at a big public university. It was very, very different from undergrad.
Part of that was that I was at a different life stage – I had been out of college and working a real job for 4 years, owned a house, was married, had never experienced social media (which came to be sometime during that 4 years), so I was in a very different place then most of my classmates.
In addition, undergrad was a lot more of the college experience – living on campus, eating ramen noodles and drinking Heaven Hill vodka, that sort of thing, while with law school, there was a bit more separation – a bit more like work, though that was probably more the case for me then most people because of the factors above. (There was certainly drinking and what not!) Despite the fact that my classmates all felt like little kids when I first met them, it didn’t take long before it was clear that they were a lot more mature then we’d all been in undergrad, and the fact that they were a lot more serious about the education and careers helped, too (similar to the transition from high school to college, but a step further).
As for classes, it was a world of difference. Undergrad classes were very easy and generally annoying, while my law classes were challenging and interesting, and hard – I couldn’t just skate by on reading and that sort of thing. I was really hesitant to go back to the classroom/lecture hall type environment at my age (the old age of 26), but wound up being very comfortable in it. The fact that I was older gave me a lot more confidence to speak up in class and even challenge the profs, which was highly encouraged (again, very different from undergrad).
Hope that helps; good luck to you!
E
Yay! Fruegel Friday’s! I love Fruegel Friday’s and this pencil skirt. My onley reservation about pencil skirt’s is that Frank like’s to grab my tuchus, and there is NOT alot of give in these type of skirt’s so he usueally gets a VERY big SQUEEZE. FOOEY on Frank. I do NOT know why he thinks he has licence to squeeze my tuchus when he has a pretty wife to go home to and squeeze her tuchus. DOUBEL FOOEY!
As for the OP, I did both my undergrad and law school at a large private university in DC. Undergrad was very easy for me. I was a social studie’s major, and almost all the profesor’s liked me. I figure’d I would stay and do law school there to b/c there was alot of job’s in the goverment and Dad had a big job with the CIA a few year’s earlier.
But when I got to law school, it was alot harder. The guy’s there were very competive, tho some said they would help me if I was their girlfreind. I did NOT want to have to have sex with these schlub’s to learn how to breif a case. The women were VERY jelous of me b/c the guy’s paid attention to me (I was cuter then). The female profesor’s did NOT like me either, so after 1st year, I just took classes with men profesor’s, some of whom also wanted me to be their TA’s and they wanted sex also. I did NOT go to law school to be a human sexueal repository for their genentic material, Grandma Leyeh told me. So I did NOT sleep with any profesor’s.
I think you will see that if you stay at the same school, it will be easier b/c you will know where the cafeteria is. The student’s will be new though, so you will have to make new freind’s. Be carful of the profesors, b/c if you are pretty, they will probably ask you to go out with them and to take your clothe’s off in their offices. Do not do that. But don’t worry. If you study, you will eventualy get a good job and be a sucess. YAY!!!!!
SH
I got my JD on campus. I went to a rather urban campus for undergrad, and a small-town for law school, so they “felt” different anyway. In hindsight, I think I would rather have gone to an urban campus for law school, but that’s me. A lot of my friends here in my city went to law school here, and had a ton of opportunities for internships, summer jobs, etc. that I just didn’t have and didn’t realize. That said, my law school experience was overall awesome – my law school friends are still some of my best friends. So it depends on what you want – a lot of people who went to my law school stayed in the area and work in the area.
anon
I LOVED law school and did not much like undergrad, in retrospect. The topic was actually interesting to me, as compared to my undergrad major; people were really smart, almost without exception; it was actually a great time socially, better for me than college (probably because I was better about picking my friends, being older). It was a little tricky to adjust to nonstop studying again after time out of school working, but it was fine.
Anon
I had a similar experience. I actually am not still friends with anyone from undergrad, but still have several close friends from law school, even though many of them moved across the country. I went full time, on campus at a private university straight out of undergrad. I had a lot of awesome, really fun experiences (I definitely took the work hard, play hard route). It was definitely some of the best years of my life (way better than undergrad).
Anon
I agree with this. I went to law school after working 6 years. I felt a little older than some students, and I certainly was in life experience, but it really wasn’t an issue in many ways. Everyone was so smart and determined that socially I had the best time of my life because for the first time in my life I was around nerds like me :) I went to law school in a small town with a big heart and it was a nice change of pace.
Regarding academics, I struggled emotionally. School had always been easy for me and I had never had to work hard to get good grades. In law school, my school followed a very, very tight curve (the ultra old fashioned kind largely abandoned everywhere) and I routinely earned Cs. Competing for good grades really shook my confidence and upset me emotionally because I’m not a competitive person.
Jennifer
I’ll piggyback on this question: does anyone who did grad school (not law) part-time strongly regret it or recommend it? For context, I’m making ok money doing work that I like, but can’t really go any further without 10 more years of experience or an MS. In many ways the degree is a formality for me career-wise, but I would enjoy the subject matter and getting some more formal training on a few things that I’ve self-taught. I made it through undergrad without any debt, so part of the interest in part-time programs is keeping loans at a manageable level.
a.k.
I went to a part-time program for my masters. The only way I could afford it was to keep working. Like you, I needed it to advance – and I ended up really liking it. At my school, the part-time students all had interesting day jobs so it was a great way to network. They also were really motivated and (for the most part) good at time management – no one signs up for a part-time masters if they are just looking for something to fill time. The classes were interesting and the professors frequently remarked that having students who were working made for very interesting, lively, real-world discussion.
The cadence of school combined with full-time work was a little dissonant – when everyone else was excited for spring break, all that meant for me was no evening classes that week. (still nice, but not really a “break.”) On several occasions, I took a day or two off at the end of the term to give myself time to write all my papers without juggling work at the same time. I don’t regret it at all. That said, it was really nice to get my weekends back after 2.5 years of spending every Saturday and Sunday studying.
PT vs FT
I went back to grad school part time, my husband did an MS/MBA full time (but did some part time work along the way).
For me, I needed the degree to check a box. I have/had a career and a growth path with my industry, so getting my degree was literally so that as i got more senior in the industry, i had credentials to make me look good. I learned not a whole lot, to be honest, and didn’t work very hard (at all). I think I graduated with a B/A- type average and the fact that I can’t tell you that should tell you how important it is/was. I have 0 regrets since I was able to keep plugging away at my career and get my masters box checked along the way (and they helped pay- i paid probably $15k all told for the program, but it took me 2-3 years of year round courses!)
For my husband, he wanted a new career. He ended up doing the same MBA program I did, but as a FT student years later. He got 500% the value out of the program, worked a whole lot harder, and graduated top 5% of his class with a solid job in the career he wanted, and a broad network of fellow students. He got about 60% of the tuition paid for via merit scholarship, and did some part time consulting work for his former employer along the way, so he didn’t pay sticker.
s-non
I would only do it if you are planning to stay at your current place of employment. My company recruits a lot of MBAs (Big 4) and I don’t know of any part-time MBAs that came in through that route.
Jennifer
I’m not looking for an MBA.
s-non
I was using MBA as an example – I feel like it would probably be similar for a lot of grad programs.
Anonymous
I have a Bachelor’s of Science, Master of SA, and JD, and never did live on campus, so I can’t make on-campus vs. off-campus comparisons, but because I was self-supporting I did everything part-time I could, while I worked. So the first two years of the Bachelor’s and all of the MSA I completed part-time. The MSA I finished at extension courses through a state university. I don’t regret it a bit, even though I didn’t use it directly as I ended up going straight into law school. It was tiring, as classes were typically 6-10 at night, after work, but they were interesting and the professors themselves were very fascinating, often going into teaching as a second career. The attorney and retired judge that taught were a big influence on my decision to go to law school, in fact. It likely is a know your industry type of thing, but for mine at the time (healthcare), finishing through a part-time program would not have been a negative if I had wanted to use the degree to get into management. Good luck!
Anonymous
Master of SA = Master of Science in Administration (sorry, didn’t finish my edit)
Anonymous
I got a MS while working, that my worked paid for through our tuition reimbursement program. I didn’t find it very challenging to work full time and do the course work, but it was also related to my job and I was familiar with many of the topics already. No drawbacks, other than time commitment.
jd
I went to law school at the same institution that I did undergrad. It was entirely different to me than undergrad. This was partly due to law school simply being very time consuming and competitive. Also, its a smaller program and the teachers not only know you, but expect you to be professionals. I also lived 2 miles from campus during law school so I could get away from the undergrad scene. Both have pros and cons, but undergrad was much more “fun.” I would say that it was worth it for me since I’m a lawyer and could not have become a lawyer without law school. I also made wonderful friends and learned a ton. That being said, I wish I had the opportunity to really think about the avenues I could take and consider other grad programs or possibly even jobs not needing grad degrees. Neither of my parents went to college, so honestly my line of thinking for jobs was like “doctor?” “lawyer?” “nurse?” “mechanic?” So many other options in between of course!
K
I got my MBA through a full-time program. It’s definitely different. The school also had a part-time program and we’d occasionally have projects with the part-time students, but the full-time program gives you a greater sense of camaraderie and it’s easier because you don’t have a job on top of it.
Regarding the difference from undergrad, I went straight out of college so it wasn’t that much different. And my undergrad university is actually higher-ranked (Columbia University) than my graduate university (Boston College). It’s also more diverse. So in terms of the work, I had no problem, but the students in my class were different because a lot of them were older, but then I was more used to classes and classwork.
Now I’m in IT for a University. So I guess you could say I’m well suited to the University world. But it took me almost 20 years to return to this world…
Anonymous
It was a totally different experience for me, even though I started law school right after undergrad. I was living off campus with an ex-bf, whereas in undergrad I always lived in the dorms. I did law school in the same city as undergrad so I primarily hung out with undergrad friends and didn’t involve myself in law school social life, whereas in undergrad my entire social life was on campus. Even though I wasn’t an “adult student” I felt more like them and I sort of treated law school as a job -arriving at 9, taking classes and studying throughout the day and leaving at 6, leaving my work behind (except during finals). I was friendly but not really friends with my classmates. It was a great experience academically but nothing like undergrad.
jamjelly
I did a physics PhD immediately after college and found the experience very different. In college there was a pattern of work very hard and then have a long break. That is, I would study hard when classes were in session and then have a long break (eg, spring break). In my PhD program the only first year was taken up by classes. (It was extremely intense mainly because there was much less intellectual variety – I couldn’t take a break from physics by working on a Madam Bovary paper for example.) After that first year, and passing a multi-day physics exam, we all started working on research full time which is basically a job. Spring break, etc. become meaningless when you’re in the lab full time. One of the big adjustments for me was the cultural adjustment of coming from a small college to a large university (it was strange to have football enter into my day-to-day life). The biggest change, however, was the amount of structure in my work. I went from having a problem set due every week or so to having the goal of publishing a research paper in a year or two – I struggled with the adjustment from short term goals to one, big long term goal.
jamjelly
I’ll add that I’m now a happily employed scientist – a science PhD is clearly a vocational degree and it did the job for me!
Diana Barry
I did my JD straight out of undergrad. It was different – the program was much smaller (about 1/4 the size of my college) and we didn’t interact with the rest of the university much, whereas in college I knew more grad students. It actually seemed more like high school to begin with – we had lockers (!!) and it was pretty cliquey 1L year.
I didn’t find the work harder per se, but it seemed harder because I was less interested in it – I was totally into all of my undergrad classes and loved to study there.
beauty
UT Law, by chance? The lockers killed my soul.
Anon
MA was similar style of work to BA (basically the same field) but the standard and intensity was light years ahead. I really liked the last couple years of my BA, which was all seminar classes, but it still felt like “school”. MA I felt much more like a junior colleague in academia. I was surrounded by pretty much 100% brilliant, interesting people and really pushed intellectually. It was really fun and really stressful.
JD felt like being back in high school in a lot of ways except with way more nerds/teacher’s pet types (I say that lovingly). You get a locker, everyone is on the same class schedule in first year, you spend a lot of time in class. I didn’t find the atmosphere very intellectually scintillating – lots of classmates who got where they are by being grinders who just put in tons of hours and the work is pretty rote and boring. Also, there is a ton of drinking, so I found the social scene a lot more like undergrad. On the upside, I did meet my husband in law school, but actually working in law is way more fun than law school.
Nope
Not to completely discourage, but my experience with grad school (MA):
–Went from a 6K undergrad residential campus to urban 40K campus.
–Didn’t get any scholarships, just student loans that I’m still paying off 9 years later
–Experience from undergrad to grad school was completely different — classmates didn’t want to be “friends” (or even coffee buddies) and professors paid all the attention to the PhD students in the room when classes were combined (MA-only classes were OK)
Caveats:
–Diagnosed with GAD and depression during my final semester
–Had horrible off-campus living arrangements because of the very HCOL, no money, and few choices
Conclusion:
–If I were to do it again, I probably wouldn’t. It hasn’t noticeably helped my career.
–OR I’d find a company to support my education part-time
–OR I’d find a program offering lots of scholarships / help
J
I have a BA, MFA, and JD. I got my MFA immediately after my BA, then worked in that field for 4 years before law school. BA and JD are from large state university. MFA is from a mid-sized (12k enrollment) religious private school.
I loved my BA. I leaned in hard for every experience I had, loved and excelled in all my classes, and developed really fulfilling, lifelong relationships. I took everything to 11 and it worked out really well for me. Most of my close friends are from this time in my life.
I’m glad I have my MFA, but if I had any debt whatsoever from it I’d feel drastically different. I chose this program because I developed a strong professional rapport with a faculty member there in a related project as an undergrad, and was asked to apply to/join the program as a result. The experience was valuable in a creative sense, and I enjoyed the other students in my program, but I did not like the overall culture of the school nor the climate. I did not enjoy working in that field professionally after my degree.
I’d say my JD was worth it because I enjoy practicing law and it has proven to be a worthy investment. My program was congenial and I enjoyed the general attitude of the student body, as well as the learning experience. While I was friendly and outgoing, and I did make several great friends, I’d say most of the relationships I have from that time are acquaintances. I’m no shrinking violet or party pooper, but I did not really enjoy the institutionalized binge drinking. Overall though, it was worth it.
ANP
Anyone out there have recommendations for a family trip to Hawaii? I’ve been to Kauai years ago but that’s likely outside of our budget now. Husband and I will be traveling with 3 kids under 6 in early April of next year. For some reason I’m drawn to the Turtle Bay resort but I’m wide open to suggestions. Want something midrange in terms of hotel that’s fun for the kiddos but not SO overwhelming in terms of child-friendliness. Also not sure if it’s better to stay off the beaten path a bit or more in the center of the action. I’m trying to be cost conscious without sacrificing fun — so for example, free breakfast would be a major perk. We’ll be staying 5 or 6 nights, likely flying direct from the Midwest. Thanks!
Anonymous
Check VISA signature concierage if you have a VISA Signature card. They have partnerships with 900 hotels worldwide. They tend to be more on the luxury end, but they have some that start in the $200 range and you get a LOT of perks – free room upgrade, free internet, free continental breakfast daily (hotels may give you hot breakfast if they don’t have continental), late checkout and resort credits. They also have better rates than are publicly available. We just used it at 1 Hotel South Beach and saved a ton of $$.
Big Island is my favorite and would be great with kids. Volcanoes National Park would be fun for the whole family I think.
Ekaterin Nile
My husband and I stayed at the Mauna Lani Bay Hotel & Bungalows on the Big Island in early November 2014. Prices were discounted (I think it was “stay 4 nights for the price of 3” or something) because it wasn’t peak season and we got a free upgrade to an ocean-view room. Breakfast was included with the package. They have several nice pools, free snorkeling, water toys, and these amazing fish ponds that have eels, little sharks, and so on that kids (and my husband) loved. We also spent a few days hiking at Volcano National Park.
Batgirl
Piggybacking off of this–how was the weather in November? We’re considering a trip and I wasn’t sure if it was off-season for weather-related reasons.
ALX emily
I went to Maui a few years ago at Thanksgiving (for a destination wedding) and the weather was fine. Sometimes sunny, sometimes cloudy, but no rain that I remember. It was very windy on the beach so it was pretty chilly to get out of the water (ocean or pool) until you were completely dry, and I ended up wearing my fleece to dinner if we were near the beach because the breeze got chilly after dark.
Ekaterin Nile
I was able to swim, snorkel, hang out by the pool, etc. without issue. I think I brought a wrap/light sweater for evenings. No rain at the resort (although it did get a little cloudy every afternoon). I would go in early November again without question.
ALX emily
If you’re a Costco member, I’d check their travel packages too. I’ve never used one but have seen some pretty great deals (usually when reserving rental cars through them), including for places we’ve stayed in the past.
Killer Kitten Heels
+1 – we booked our honeymoon in Hawaii through Costco, and were really happy with our trip (to the Fairmont on the Big Island).
Amy H.
+2
We have done Costco Travel packeages three times — all were in the fall shoulder season and all were lovely. Highly recommend the Maui Hyatt Kaanaapali.
Sparrow
Check out the website Hawaii Revealed. They have a series of guide books that I’ve found helpful. It’s been over 10 years since I’ve used them, but they also have an app now which I’ve heard is helpful for on the go reccomendations. I remember the books having a lot of hotel reviews. Have fun!
Celiac and vegetarian?
I was diagnosed with celuac disease yesterday and am a lifelong vegetarian.
I can adapt at home, but am pretty worried about the travelling/going out aspect.
Do I have anyone here in the same boat who can offer any advice, in terms of strategies for eating outside my house?
Celiac and vegetarian?
*celiac
roses
I’m not celiac, but as a vegetarian, I don’t often have to ask whether things have meat in them – it’s usually pretty obvious what has meat and what doesn’t. So you really only need to be worried about the gluten, and it’s such a common allergy now that most restaurants at least in major cities will know how to deal with it. You may need to avoid restaurants that have gluten-heavy menus where the staff doesn’t speak English or another language that you speak, however – too easy for allergies to get lost in translation.
Celiac + Lactose Intolerant
I feel you. Before I was diagnosed celiac I barely ate any meat, but I have had to add it back into my diet a lot now because I found vegan celiac REALLY hard. Almost impossible to go out and eat at a “normal” restaurant unless you want to eat 100% salads. I don’t have a lot of suggestions but have found most Indian food in my area to be gluten free and with lots of vegetarian options so I usually try to suggest going there. Some Asian restaurants work well too, rice bowls and I find they are more likely to have tofu than an “American” restaurant. If I’m stuck somewhere where I can only get a salad, I always ask if they can throw on some chickpeas, seeds, nuts, whatever you think they might have in the kitchen. Also I NEVER go anywhere with some kind of GF granola/energy/protein bar in my bag, and some almonds, etc.
Celiac and vegetarian OP
Every friend I have that was vegetarian and then diagnosed with celiac had to go back to eating meat for that reason. :(
I can’t “go back” though, I am a lifelong veggie. I’ve accidently tasted meat on a few occasions, as in, I ordered the vegetarian option of something and it came non-vegetarian. I can tell as soon as it is in my mouth and I’ve chewed it. I just can’t imagine being able to swallow it.
Luckily, I loooove Indian food. It will definitely limit eating out with my kids though since they I’ll eat a little Indian if I do take out, but they wouldn’t come to a restaurant and eat a meal there.
Thank you for your suggestions. I can imagine having celiac and lactose intolerance is also very very challenging!
Coach Laura
Check out the Gluten Free Goddess’s website! Tons of helpful information on cooking, baking etc. Entrees, salads, muffins, appetizers, soups. She has transitioned over the years to mainly vegetarian/vegan and her recipes are to die for.
My family thinks some of her recipes are better than gluten ones. glutenfreegoddess[dot]blogspot[dot]com
I also have a cookbook that is good and has a good primer on how to spot hidden gluten and how to substitute. (It is a learning process.) “The Gluten-free Vegetarian Kitchen” by Donna Klein.
I know many vegetarian celiacs and a few vegan celiacs but being vegan would be hard. Vegetarian is not going to be too much of a challenge after the initial orientation.
Coach Laura
And to add, eating GF at restaurants is often boring for me. In some restaurants, the only thing I can eat is a salad while everyone else is having pasta or an entree that is hot. You may have that problem even more as just having a plain piece of salmon or chicken with veggies is often my only option. Ethnic restaurants are better (never gotten sick at an Indian restaurant, Thai or Mexican) but mainstream restaurants are evolving.
Marion
You do have to do your research. Google places in the area you live/travel suggested on GF blogs as having a variety of options for GF – editing a meal at the place that has 1 GF option (the steak invariably) is a lot harder.
Marion
You don’t have to go back, I’ve been managing vegetarian (with another restrictive allergy ) and a job on the road for a number of years, it just takes more planning.
In terms of restaurants I find the best option is to find places that do good gluten free meals – pasta, pizza, polenta, stir fry, Tex-Mex and then get them to either just remove meat or remove and add beans/tofu. Seems to be easier than getting veggie restaurants to go gluten free.
I would say that in a pinch, Tex-Mex is your friend as they are likely to already have corn based carbs and bean proteins onsite.
I also make sure I travel with a protein source (bags of nuts, roasted chickpeas, gluten free soy milk (only needs to refrigerated once open).
OP
Thank you everyone, I have taken down all your suggestions. I appreciate them so much!
anon
If you are only vegetarian (not vegan) you should have a very easy time. Like an above poster said, you know what has meat or doesn’t, so the trickiest part is figuring out what has gluten. Because of the current gluten free trend right now, even bakeries and other traditionally gluten-full restaurants have gluten free options. Also read up on what foods are naturally gluten free – quinoa, corn tortillas, etc, and ask waiters if there is a GF option.
Celiac and vegetarian OP
My experience has been that the vegetarian options at restaurants are usually pasta. Sure I can always order a salad (boring) and use olive oil only for dressing (many salad dressing contain gluten as do many vinegars).
Anonymama
That’s interesting, I never would have thought that vinegar would have gluten in it. How does it get in there?
Celiac + Lactose Intolerant
Dark vinegars like malt vinegar (made from barley). I agree that most vegetarian options you get at restaurants are heavily gluten based (pasta or maybe a pizza). Sigh. One other item of advice is I find it is easier to tell the restaurant what you want, rather than ask them what they have that you can eat. Call ahead when you can, and say I want x y and z, or at least give examples of what you could eat.
Anonymous
And don’t forget to ask the food prep spaces and tools. A restaurant may know how to screen out ingredients with gluten, but aren’t remembering to slice the veggies on a different board from the bread, or fry the food in oil separate from where they fry breaded stuff.
Anonforthis
Hm. I wouldn’t necessarily call it easy. Gluten free vegetarian for ten years here (not celiac, but gluten triggers my migraines). It’s not easy at first, it’s a pain! but you’ll find your groove. Definitely check out restaurant menus and call ahead at off hours before you go out with others, so that you aren’t reliant on potentially impatient waitstaff to find out if something is gf or broadcasting your eating restrictions to all nearby diners. Stack the deck in your favor by leaning toward kinds of restaurants that are likely to have gf vegetarian food (Indian; Mexican and Vietnamese or Thai, but be careful b/c soy sauce has gluten and some “corn” tortillas are mixed corn and wheat). Most places, even steak houses, are amenable to making a plate of steamed vegetables, which is weak but better than a salad. Bring Kind bars everywhere. Most of the fake meats available contain gluten except for one brand of fake hot dogs (can’t recall it right now–Life something?) and the brilliant and delicious Trader Joe’s fake chorizo.
For busy times, watch out because the convenient gf veggie foods tend to be low protein. If you can eat nuts, they are great gf snacks; also make ahead small quiches. There is a magazine formerly called “Living Without” (always makes me laugh) that is now “Gluten Free Living” that has some good resources if you’re just starting out. Good luck.
Celiac and vegetarian OP
Thank you, especially for the tips on where gluten might be hidden, and the Kind bars (I did not know about them).
Thankfully I don’t eat the fake meats, maybe 1-2 veggie dogs a year.
I am actually travelling for the long weekend, but it’s over the US/Canada border so I think I will ahve to wait and buy nuts etc at my destination.
Anonymous
Hilary’s Eat Well veggie burgers are gluten free, in addition to being the best tasting ones out there.
Anonymous
I have been vegetarian my entire life (I’m 35) and was diagnosed as a celiac 5 years ago. I have to say that going to a GF diet didn’t have a huge impact on my life, even when going out. That may be because I already was a huge veggie/salad eater and not a big pasta/pizza/etc. eater.
The biggest change was that I had to remember to start asking if dishes have gluten in them—I’d been accustomed to asking about whether there was meat in dishes, but I still sometimes forget about to ask about gluten—and telling servers that I’m a celiac. I always use the term “celiac” rather than saying I eat a GF diet because I’m hopeful they are more careful with my food because it’s an allergy rather than a preference. And, honestly, I do occassionally sometimes get sick from eating out. For example, we went to a really nice restaurant one night and I told the waiter that I was vegetarian and celiac. He said they would fix an off-menu item for me. And he delivered a delicious farro dish. I didn’t know what farro was and didn’t want to pull out my phone at the table. When I was sick the next morning, I looked up farro and learned it’s “low gluten.” So I decided that in the future I would just look up foods I don’t know, and avoid getting sick. At another restaurant, I ordered an omelette and was sick the next day. I learned that some places will add pancake batter to their eggs to make them fluffier. So now I ask about that. But 95% of the time, I don’t get sick when I eat out.
The other big challenge for me has been being aware of food that has gluten, that you wouldn’t assume has gluten. Like soy sauce (I’m struggling to think of other similar foods right now). So make sure you research that issue.
Finally, if I’m going to an event like a wedding or banquet, I’ll often eat before I go because I won’t be ordering off of a menu and I have no idea in advance if they’ll have food I eat. Sometimes I also take food with me in my purse just in case.
Celiac and vegetarian OP
Thank you! I don’t think I will find it that difficult to cook vegetarian and GF at home, as I rarely eat bread or pasta a home (but do often eat them in restaurants given the veggie options often containe them).
Wow, I did NOT know that about omelettes!
I am so glad I asked the HIVE, thank you :)
Marion
So many places have a gluten free pasta/pizza option now. I call to check but it’s rare they dont
Anon
Thank you notes after bad interviews: email or stationery?
I’m from the school that always writes thank you notes on good stationery, but this interview went terribly and, well, I suppose I’m so embarrassed by flubbing one super important question that I want to bury my head in the sand and not send any TY, stationery or email. I know that’s not ok, so which would you send after a bad interview?
I know this interview isn’t my only option and there’ll be other jobs, but I’m unemployed and it was competitive just to land the interview. I have to not spiral about “maybe I’m just in the wrong field and not smart enough.” This is the second time I’ve flubbed a question that I didn’t see coming. I spend hours researching before the interviews, but I’m always caught off guard by one critical question that makes me look unprepared and I walk out thinking I hadn’t had a chance to demonstrate the information I do know.
Interviewing is soul crushing. Sorry for my pity party.
Anonymous
Email. Because decisions are often made quickly. Short, sweet, not crazed and defensive like your post here :) What field are you in? In mine there’s no way to get a question wrong because I’m not quizzing you on statutes or anything.
Anon
Law. And the two questions I’ve missed have been on specific statutes :)
Anonymous
Ughhhhhhh that sucks. But still send the email within 10 minutes of now and move on.
anon
I’ve gotten a law job where I had the answer totally wrong. I was told afterwards that I wasn’t expected to know every facet of the law but that it was more important to demonstrate how I thought about the problem. Don’t give up home.
But, I would say that thank yous are not necessary unless you’re in the South. My law school specifically advised us not to send them, and as an interviewer they’ve only ever hurt a candidate.
Pretty Primadonna
Wow. I’ve never heard this. Granted, I do live in the South, but a “thank you for your taking the time” seems appropriate for any region.
NYC tech
+1 by the time your letter arrives, we’ve likely already made our decision. Plus, it almost seems a little out of touch not to use email (at least in the context of our tech company). Obviously will vary by field.
can't hurt
It certainly can’t hurt anything to send it on real stationery. That’s a bummer that it didn’t go well. You never know, though…
Dahlia
It would hurt in my field (medicine). It would make you look out of touch. E-mail is the way to go. Short and sweet. Or nothing. I’ve never sent them.
KP
If it makes you feel better, I thought I totally bombed the interview for my current job, and I ended up getting it. And this wasn’t one of those things where I pretended it went poorly just to lower my expectations – I told my husband every question they asked and my exact response (a lot of which were “uh… I don’t know” or “uhh no I don’t have experience in that area”), and he said “wow, that sounds terrible.” So… you never know. Don’t beat yourself up over it. Send the email, sound upbeat, and move on.
Meg Murry
Email. A short, sweet, to the point “thanks for taking hte time to meet with me, I enjoyed talking to you” message. Get it over with and then mentally move on.
Although honestly, don’t beat yourself up over it – maybe it wasn’t that bad of a flub. My interview for my current job had all kinds of disasters (I was late because my car wouldn’t start after I stopped a block away because I was early, the seam in my pants lining split, I teared up when talking about a previous job with my boss from h*ll) and somehow I still got the job – and today just got another “attaboy” from the big boss that I’m doing great.
So put this is the “well, didn’t get that one” pile and move on, and then be pleasantly surprised if you ever hear from them again.
OP
Thanks guys. I just sent a quick 5 sentence thank you and used one sentence to address the flub. I think because it’s been rolling around in my mind for hours that I’m all caught up in it. Hearing from you all helped calm me down. Time for a long weekend, right?
Anon
So I wavered about sending this because what is done is done, but I figured that it would be good information for any future interviews. Don’t address flubs. Just…don’t. Either they care (and your thank you note changes nothing) or they didn’t care, but now you brought it up again and made it into a big deal. Either way – you don’t win. Next time, short & sweet & upbeat and don’t address flub.
Anonymous
Agree with anon, good advice for the future and treat this whole thing as a learning opportunity. Good luck!
OP
I googled whether whether to address it or not, and the articles on Forbes, et al, said to use the thank you to smooth it over, which kind of surprised me, so I did.
Eh, I wasn’t getting the job no matter what. The flub was so big that addressing it seemed important. They used a nickname for a statute I hadn’t heard of. I said I wasn’t familiar and the interview abruptly ended and they literally showed me the door. After googling, I am, duh, completely familiar, just with the statute’s more common names. I thanked them for their time, apologized for not recognizing that they were talking about XYZ when they called it ABC, and wished them good luck in finding their ideal candidate. No harm done since I didn’t have a chance anyways after the initial flub.
Anon
I don’t think that is a major flub, I’m surprised they showed you the door. They should have cited the full name of the statute when you got confused. I have heard people at different firms call statutes different things and I could totally see this happening especially in the pressures of an interview. It sounds like they were unreasonably harsh.
anon
Yeah, they sound like maybe they’re not people you want to work with.
Anon
Okay, seriously, why did you even send a thank you note? You 1) addressed a flub when you didn’t need to and 2) WISHED THEM LUCK IN FINDING THEIR IDEAL CANDIDATE?
So you sent a note that said “I suck and it is a good thing you won’t be hiring me”.
What was the point of that?
Everyone makes mistakes. EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES. You don’t know that you were out of the running. You don’t know that they wouldn’t have thought of you for a different role in 6 months time.
Next time, short & sweet & upbeat. Even if you trip, spill coffee all over yourself AND your interviewer, call everyone the wrong name, forget the name of the firm you’re interviewing at, AND get every substantive question wrong. Short & sweet & upbeat.
OP
First your comment made me laugh :) I guess when I look at it that way, it is silly to have done that. …Then I re-read and agreed with this: “I suck and it is a good thing you won’t be hiring me.” And now I’m crying because I know I shouldn’t feel that way, but I do. I look great on paper – to an outsider, I look like I have everything together and lead a wonderful life, but when it comes down to it, I don’t actually like myself. Yeah, I don’t know how you fix that. But now I know it’s bleeding over into my professional life, the one area I’ve been mostly able to keep insulated from my deep insecurities, so I’ll be sure to watch out for it.
Care
OP – I have been there so many times. You aren’t alone in having a hard time projecting confidence because you don’t have a lot of it in yourself. But keep trying and pushing and you will get there (and then maybe one day you will actually be confident in it – I’m still hoping for that part). The best thing I have done in interviews/thank you notes when I can’t project my confidence is project my interest/fascination/excitement with just some aspect of the job (just find a part and get excited about it). At least in my mind, someone who is genuinely excited comes across as well as someone who is super confident.
Anonymous
You fix it by therapy. When I said a short and sweet note above, I meant “thank you for taking the time to meet with me yesterday. It was a pleasure learning more about your practice and the firm.”
If you can’t get to therapy stat, find a smart and confident friend. When she tells you what to say just do it. Your instinct will be to ignore her because she doesn’t understand how bad you suck, but ignore your instincts.
Anonymous
I disagree, this is not a social thank you note, it’s a follow up note from a business meeting. Deal with the business and also thank them for their time.
Anonymous
I have always used handwritten thank you notes. Send it the same day. It will get to them in one day. It makes a GREAT impression.
Anon
It doesn’t actually. I’ve always seen handwritten thank you notes as being the province of someone out of touch with the Internet and speed of business who confuses work with a social obligation.
unicorn of br@s
I’m looking for a unicorn. I need a nude-colored t-shirt br@, but I have “issues” with my girls. I’m really picky, but perhaps some of you know a brand/style that might work. Issues: They used to be 32E/F when I was nursing 4 years ago, but are now in the volume of a 30D/32C. Trouble is, they aren’t very well self-supported. They’re low, and they don’t have ANY flesh on top. As in, when they’re unfettered, the skin of the top of my bre@st hangs flat and flush with my intercostal muscles on my chest. There’s basically no bre@st tissue above the areola, almost. The volume comes from a lift at the bottom, which can then fill out the top. However, because the skin is so loose, the tissue is very fluid, and so I need a lot of shape and structure, or else they tend to overflow the center/top of the cups, especially when the underwire is very low. I’m one of those people who needs an underwire to basically come up between the girls in the center of my chest. I also have narrow sloping shoulders and a small band. A lot of the br@s that are made well for small band/large bust have very wide-set straps and I find that I don’t get a lot of support from them (I know I shouldn’t expect ALL the support from the straps–that comes from the band, but I do need the straps to keep the cups up & flat against my skin). I definitely do better with a br@ that has the straps meeting close to the center in the back, rather than being set wide apart.
I don’t like padding at all. However, the very nature of a t-shirt bra is that there’s some coverage, so I’ve found that the “spacer” type fabric/foam works well for me.
This is a lot to ask, but perhaps some of you may have a suggestion or two. At this point, money is almost no object. I’d pay $60 or so for a unicorn that works.
Anonymous
$60 isn’t a money is no object price point for a quality bra, first of all. Have you tried shopping in a really good store where they fit you? And can alter strap position as needed?
Ginjury
I completely agree. For a decent bra in that size range (smaller bands, larger cups), you’re likely to pay more in the $75 range. Unless there’s an internet stranger with b00bs and a torso exactly like yours, you’re not going to get a good recommendation. You should absolutely go to a store to get fitted (either Nordstrom or a specialty bra shop, not Victoria’s Secret). The fitter will be able to assess your shape and bring you bras that will work best for that.
Ginjury
Also want to add that it seems like something like this could work for you, but it’s above your price range and you really just don’t know how something will fit until you try it.
http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/fantasie-premiere-underwire-full-coverage-bra-d-cup-up/4055087?origin=category-personalizedsort&contextualcategoryid=0&fashionColor=SAND&resultback=2634
Good luck!
unicorn of br@s
That might be the unicorn! Thank you!!!
lawsuited
I agree that $60 is definitely not a “money is no object” budget when it comes to bras. I have a large cup size/small band size and have found Change very good for low- to mid-priced bras.
Anon
I know you said you’re looking for a t-shirt bra, but I haven’t found one myself yet. I can HIGHLY recommend this bra, though. My breasts are also very flat on top with the bulk at the bottom and I need something to pick.them.up! Ignoring the ridiculous name and the suggestion that it’s more for the bedroom than the boardroom, this bra is wonderful at defying gravity. Chantelle C Chic Sexy 3-Part Plunge Underwire Bra. I wear it nearly every day. It’s slimming and lifting and everything I want in a bra, but I never would have found it without a good clerk in a bra department.
lucy stone
Have you tried Freya? I have a larger band and cup than you, but similar shoulder issues and they have been great for me.
unicorn of br@s
True that the $60 isn’t a “no object” price point, but it seems about average for the “better” quality like Panache/wacoal/natori level. Certainly, if it were a unicorn, I’d pay more.
I should probably mention also that there aren’t ANY stores with good fitting departments or specialty stores less than 3 hours away from me. There’s a VS, but no Nordstrom, Soma, or independents any closer than a 3 hour drive.
unicorn of br@s
Thanks for all of the suggestions–keep them coming please. The 2 styles that you all have pointed out look like they could be promising. I really appreciate it.
Snoozy
This is basically me, and I hope you have some better budget options in the states, because I almost always need to pay €100 +.
Some European brands that work (you will need to find a specialist stockist) are – in ascending price order – Prima Donna (and Prima Donna Twist, the slightly fresher younger sibling), Chantelle, as mentioned above, Empreinte and Lise Charmel. If I had to make one recommendation it would be the EMPREINTE THALIA – not really a t-shirt bra, since it’s lace, but I love the shape you get.
I own the Fantasie bra linked above in three colours, and can confirm that it does the job. It’s indeed a pretty firm band. I’m not the biggest fan of the shape you end up with – it’s a bit round and squashed rather than lift and separate va-va-voom, but it works, and for certain tops and dresses it’s the only option.
Good luck!
Anonymous
PrimaDonna, Chantele and Empreinte are all that I wear, so I’ll have to check out Lise Charmel!
Snoozy
Marie Jo might also work, though the shoulders can be a bit wide-set. Aubade is a bit hit and miss, but gorgeous if you find one that works.
Nice to know I’m not the only one wearing these brands! Good luck with Lise Charmel – the two I have are stunning.
Anonymous
Try Nordstrom’s 30D calvin klein and Betsey Johnson options. I’m always cold and you can’t tell in these. The CK is a little more bullet proof than the Betsey, but both are good.
Blonde Lawyer
+1 from Nordstrom Betsey Johnson. I wear 32DDD, with the meat in the bottom of the boobs. My breasts are also lower set meaning I have a lot of flat chest space before the boobs begin even when they are pushed up where they belong.
Also, are there any exercises that help strengthen breast muscle to pull them up? Chest presses? I’m asking for myself, not telling you to change anything. :)
mascot
I have lower set breasts as well (even post surgical reduction and lift) and exercise didn’t really change anatomy. I look back at pictures from when I was in great shape and had well defined muscles (pectorals included) in my upper body. My routine at the time probably included incline, decline, and flat chest presses. The girls didn’t seem any higher. YMMV.
Blonde Lawyer
Thanks. I know I couldn’t change the anatomy of where they start but I was hoping I could pull some of the meat up higher into the breast. :)
Meg Murry
Can’t help specifically on a bra since I’m on the other end of the band size specrtum – but as to straps being closer together, it sounds like you would do better with a racerback or X back, rather than traditional straps. Or maybe one of the ones with adjustable/removable straps, so you could X them yourself.
Can you just order ALLLLLL the bras online, with the intent to return 90% of them? You have to pay for returns from herroom.com yourself, or barenecessities.com charges $6.95 for pre-paid returns, but consider that the cost of trying on in the comfort of your own bedroom.
mascot
Don’t one/both of these sites have a pretty detailed fit analyzer? I think you can plug in information about your shape and they will suggest brands.
Anonymous
Look for Chantelle memory foam bras. They are the best. Calvin Klein also used to have a petite bra line – I’m not sure if they still do, but it’s worth searching for. Otherwise, your best best is probably to go into Nordstrom and have a bra fitting.
Anonymous
http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/chantelle-intimates-basic-invisible-memory-foam-t-shirt-bra/3246244?origin=category
http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/chantelle-intimates-c-chic-sexy-underwire-bra/3338519?origin=category – I think this is the same one another poster recommended
DC Anon
I am a 34DD with a similar breast shape to yours. The Natori Pure Luxe Underwire Tshirt Bra is my absolute perfect tshirt bra. So much so that I got 5 of them and this is now the only bra I wear. The cup material is not thick, but it is structured enough to shape and support my breasts. It’s $70 if you pay full price, but they go on sale on the Nordstrom website for $45 from time to time.
DC Anon
Here’s the link — http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/natori-pure-luxe-underwire-t-shirt-bra/3865966
unicorn of br@s
you girls are amazing. Thank you for so many suggestions!
I’ve done the “know your b00bs” or whatever on herroom, but unfortunately, some of my personal attributes end up with conflicting recommendations. I’ve ordered from them, figleaves, barenecessities, and freshpair before. I’ve had relatively good luck with all of them (though herroom had the worst return policy–I had worn one around the house to see if it was going to work, and they sent it back to me after I had returned it, saying it had been worn).
I have done the Buy All The Br@s before, and returned a lot, I was just hoping to be able to narrow my search down to more top contenders, rather than chances.
Thank you ladies. A lot.
Anonymous
Have you ever tried balconette bras? those kind of work like tshirt bras for me.
Late response, but adding on
Late on this, but did want to echo that if possible, go to a Nordstrom or other good bra store for a fitting and going through the painful process of trying on a gazillion bras. And be prepared to spend more like $70-$90 for a good bra.
I have similar issues with no volume at top, narrow shoulders, small rib cage for my height, and the only bra that works for me right now is the Natori “Hidden Galmour”. In a 32DD. I am not a DD cup by any stretch of the imagination, and many other Natori bras don’t fit (including the one recommended above), which demonstrates that even more than with other types of clothing, descriptions/sizes/etc. for bras are largely illusory and vary incredibly from time to time. It’s really helpful to have someone with you who can tell what’s working and keep you going when you want to give up after first the 10 tries.
The Hidden Glamour has light padding but I don’t find it bothersome. I’m not a fan of the lace, but it doesn’t show in normal-weight t-shirts — might show in something extremely thin and drapey.
Link
http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/natori-hidden-glamour-contour-underwire-bra/3225911?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&contextualcategoryid=2375500&fashionColor=Fig&resultback=1325
Anonymous
Try bravissimo’s sit in the uk, and call for a fitting by phone if you can. Freya, fantasie, and curvey kate bras may work well for you. Also the cleo by panache has some great uplifting fits, but runs smaller in the cups IMHO. Good luck, and don’t give up. The brands I mentioned go for between 50- 80 dollars depending on the exchange rate.
Anonymous
Oy, we have bedbugs. I’ve been eaten alive (my husband is fine) but the exterminators couldn’t find any evidence of them in our bedroom beyond a single shell casing on our mattress. Based on how badly I’ve been eaten and how little evidence there is of an infestation in our house, their theory is most of my bites came from staying in an infested hotel (we were traveling last weekend) and we probably just brought home a couple individual bugs. They still recommended treating our bedroom. Any experience with chemical vs. heat treatments? The exterminators recommended chemical and said it was safe for us and our dog, but I try to stay away from that stuff (we eat all organic, use green cleaning products, etc.) and don’t want to do the chemical treatment if heat will be just as effective. On the other hand, I’ve heard stories about heat treatments damaging appliances & even cabinets and floors, which I obviously don’t want. This wouldn’t be a concern if we just did the bedroom through, right? Anyone had success getting rid of bedbugs by just treating the master bedroom? We’ve been in our other rooms but haven’t been sleeping or lying down anywhere except our bed. Cost is not a huge factor, but I want to get rid of them now and not be dealing with this for months on end.
Anonymous
Girl. Bugs are eating you. Use the chemicals. They work best. Be green all the time when you can, and trust that balances out the few times when you can’t.
Anonymous
Well that was part of my question – do they really? The exterminators recommended chemicals because of the cost, which isn’t a big concern for us (especially since we may only have to do one room).
L
If they’re saying heat = chemicals on stuff like your mattress, etc. get a better exterminator. Heat works on things like clothes. Not large scale objects.
Anonymous
Yes. They do really. That’s why I said they are the best.
L
How do I put this delicately. USE THE CHEMICALS. You can’t actually get your mattress and other large scale furniture hot enough to kill them. So either you’ll continue to spread the infestation.
Spend the money. Treat all areas. Trust me. You don’t want this to continue.
anon a mouse
I get that you are generally anti-chemical, but seriously, bedbugs call for a scorched-earth approach. Now. If the non-chemical doesn’t work, you risk a bigger infestation that will be much harder to treat in even a few months.
You do not want to do what friends did: take incremental steps and ultimately have to shell out more than $15K when the bugs had hitchhiked from the bedroom to the living room (likely on a pet). They had to replace mattresses, sofas, upholstered chairs, clothing, and rugs. It was super stressful for them and very eye-opening for all their friends.
L
Or to your neighbors. We got ours from our neighbors who waited because they thought it “wasn’t a big deal.” I hate those people.
Meg Murry
Any chance you are getting eaten alive somewhere other than your bed? Your couch, your car, any upholstered desk chair, pretty much anything cloth could be infected. Heck, even your purse could have taken them in to your office.
And have you confirmed with your dermatologist that it’s really bedbug bites? I was convinced I had them, but it turned out I had poison ivy on my ankles, not bedbugs.
Tetra
I had a similar bed bug situation as you — no one could find any bugs, so the landlord did not want to pay for treatments. I washed and dried all my clothes and put them into plastic bags, deep-cleaned the carpet, and bought a new mattress. That seemed to get rid of the problem — I had probably just picked up one or two bugs from somewhere and they were living in the mattress. I kept my clothes in plastic bags for about a month to make sure all the bugs were gone before unpacking again. (It turned out to be a great way to declutter my closet!)
Coach Laura
Someone posted last week about a bug-proof mattress cover. I’ve used them for dust mites but basically once you put them on the mattress they don’t let bugs in or out. Bugs die inside and can’t get out. You could get a new mattress, but I’d still get the cover. Put it on right after the chemical treatment (as soon as the chemical people tell you that it’s safe to do so).
Nancy Drew
We had this problem too – they could only find one dead bedbug and one alive, and I freaked out. Both husband and I traveled for work and we had just moved to a NYC apartment a year prior. I ran all fabric items through the dryer (note: not good for dry clean only items that shrank), put shoes in the oven at 125 or so (not a good idea either) and put all other belongings (books, knickknacks) in plastic contractor bags with bug-killing stuff for a week+. When they came back to treat the apartment, I got dropped jaws and a “wow lady, you went balls to the wall on tackling these bed bugs.” And then they used their chemicals and we’ve never seen them since. It’s your call on what you want to do, but I invested a lot of time and energy because I don’t want bedbugs. If you’re paying for the service of an exterminator, make it worth the time you invest. Don’t think of the money spent, but your time spent worrying about it and time spent not sleeping while you imagine bed bugs taking over. Use the chemicals. It’s not DDT. You’ll be fine.
Blonde Lawyer
Random but I got a high heat clothes steamer from Kmart recently in a pinch and it says it is certified to kill bed bugs. I wouldn’t use it to treat your bedroom infestation but you could use it for some other places you frequent like upholstered car seats, your desk chair at your office in case you have been taking some with you. Where are your suitcases now? You might want to treat that room too. You may also want to use the steamer on your dry clean only stuff you don’t want to throw in the dryer.
Anon
Use the chemicals. And don’t for a second think that you’re not eating chemicals if you’re eating organic food. Organic agriculture has an entire list of approved chemicals for use, many of them more toxic than synthetic. Chemicals are not inherently bad. “Green cleaning” products are chemicals. Remember, rattlesnake venom, poison ivy, arsenic and lead are all completely natural. Doesn’t mean they’re good for you. Kill the #)($ bugs.
in a funk
All,
I need some guidance. I am a junior corporate attorney, and I hate my job. I hate being a lawyer. I switched firms a couple years ago to see if maybe that would help, and it didn’t. In fact, it just made it worse. My year at the new firm has not been going so well, and I have a strong suspicion that my time here is limited. For my next move, I really don’t want to continue practicing at a firm (really would rather not practice law at all), but I have no idea what I am good at/want to do next. I just know that I am not doing so well at the corporate lawyer in a firm thing, and it’s really getting me down. Any advice?
Anon
So, “I hate my job” isn’t useful. WHAT, exactly, do you hate about it? And are there parts of your job that you DO enjoy? Identifying these will help you figure out possible next steps.
lawsuited
And if you struggle to identify what you like and don’t like about being a lawyer, consider seeing a therapist. I have a couple of friends who were unhappy in their law jobs, weren’t sure why, weren’t sure what to do, and sought counselling from a therapist (and one of them also saw a career coach) and are both very happy now – one works in a non-law government job and the other works in the career department of a law school.
anon
sounds like you are mostly venting and are ready for a change of careers. like the above poster said, we need more to go on before we can give you advice! career goals, background, worries, etc
OP
I hate that my schedule is unpredictable, that I don’t have regular work hours or vacations, and the work is tedious and boring. I am a natural people person, and I literally sit and stare at a computer screen or documents with very little human interaction all day. Plus I don’t find the work to be interesting. Not even a little bit. I do it because I have to, but I would rather be doing something with people. Ideally, I would like to work in a university setting with students. The best job I ever had was in the undergraduate admissions office as a student.
OP
And I hate billing and recording time. Hate it.
anon
Career counseling or admissions.
mascot
No one like billing and recording time. How big is your firm and how much client contact do you have? If you are pigeonholed into doing one type of work all the time and it’s only touching the documents, then yeah, I can see boring. Once you can get more ownership of the task and feel like you are helping your clients solve their problems/accomplish their business goals, then I think law becomes much more interesting. This is more of the”counselor” part of being a lawyer.
What do you want to do with students and can you use those same aptitudes in your current career ? Teach? Try being an adjunct professor or even mentoring training younger lawyers. Help them figure out what to do with their careers? Again, work more on the counselor role for clients.
Anonymous
Law school admissions or career services office? Most career services offices like to hire JDs and preferably people who have practiced for a bit, so you sound like a perfect candidate for that. Not sure about admissions but if you experience in undergrad admissions you might be a good candidate for that too.
Body image revelation?
This is kind of weird, but I felt like I had to share it somewhere and am hoping some of you may relate…
I have pretty suddenly found myself feeling ok with my body! I’m 33 and this has never happened before. I’m so surprised to feel this healthy and peaceful that I’m kind of wondering how it happened and whether I can maintain it. My basic info: haven’t weighed myself in over a year and don’t know or want to know my weight. Have been about the same size and shape for 15 years, but constantly fretting about it until recently. Have never been pregnant or had a child, but married a few years. Exercise every single day unless I’m sick or sleep-deprived, because I love the feeling.
I find myself thinking “I guess I should feel self-conscious right now…but I don’t!” or “hmm, before I would have been stressing about this meal, but now I’m just not!” I don’t care what size my clothes are, I don’t stress about eating rich foods from time to time, and I have a bit of dessert every night. I do not tolerate being hungry, because it just seems cruel and unnecessary.
Anyone else there? It shouldn’t be weird, but it is! How have people achieved this? Does it last?
lawsuited
I’ve felt this way about myself since I was around 22 and I’m 29 now so it’s lasted for me. I’m overweight, and so by social norms I should hate my body (and myself, I presume), but I just don’t. I will say that I sometimes get bummed out when clothes I like don’t come in my size, but it feels the same to me as if my size was just sold out, not some existential crisis of “whyyyyy does my body not confoooormmm?”
I’m glad you’ve arrived in this place. I don’t know how one gets here (friends are always asking me), but it’s a nice place to be.
Runner 5
I’ve stopped weighing myself too and it has helped. I’m aiming to get smaller but entirely ignoring the number on the scale.
Blonde Lawyer
I got that way in the last year or so about make up and contacts. I’m one of those people that looks drastically better with contacts on and make up. I used to think I had to wear them. Then I started thinking, you don’t have to but it just takes a few minutes. Why wouldn’t you want to look your best? Now, I really don’t care and just skip it when I feel like it and to heck with anyone who thinks “she looks so much better when she wears make up.” I have no duty to look attractive to the world. When I want to, sure. But I’m not going to feel bad about it when I don’t unless it is somehow negatively effecting someone else. (Which is why I still usually put it on for court or a date night).
NYC tech
Welcome to your thirties! This kind of confidence is what makes it an awesome decade. My theory is that as you get a little older, you start to gain some perspective – both on what really matters in life (i.e. a little extra weight isn’t so bad compared to your friend whose husband died of cancer at 31), and also you start to accomplish some things in your career or personal life that give you something to feel proud of, besides the way you look. No data to back this up, it’s just my personal musing. I hope your new-found confidence is permanent and satisfying to you!
padi
I got there when I traded my bob haircut for a super short cut. I gained some weight and just never cared. I was at peace with my new body for about 5 years.
Due to health reasons, my extra weight turned out to be a big deal. I am slowly losing weight but not stressing about it–just trying to eat better and manage portions (or skip a meal if I splurge or plan to splurge). I feel better and am way more confident about my body and losing weight now.
It is a great place to be! Enjoy it!
Anonymous
Hi ladies – getting married end of next month but not honeymooning until January. Want to take a 2-3 day trip somewhere drivable from north jersey / nyc after wedding (a “mini-moon” I believe is what the cool kids Are calling it these days.) we were thinking Rhode Island but does anyone have any suggestions?
Digby
Watch Hill is pretty. Block Island, although I don’t know how much tourism-related stuff is open after Columbus Day. There have to be options in Watch Hill or Newport or Portsmouth for sunset cruises.
Anonymous
Would second Newport as well. Also if you haven’t been check out the Mystic area, it’s about an hour or so drive from Newport, RI. You could start there and then move on to Newport afterwards.
Anne
Newport is perfect. Weather would be nice, and everything is still open in October or November. Great restaurants, lots of shops, beautiful scenery, ( Ocean Drive is incredible) , the mansions are breathtaking. Cliff walk, Doris Duke’ s Rough Point, so much to see and do!
Anon123
Ack! Just got a text from a law school classmate that kind of creeps me out. He has depression and hasn’t been able to work in the few years since graduation. I never hung out with him one on one during school, but he was on the periphery of our group. We’ve texted off and on during the past couple years about him trying to find work (we’ll go months and entire seasons without talking, but sometimes exchange a few texts over a couple weeks). He does this thing where every now and again he’ll throw in a romantic text. Just now he told me he missed me. Yesterday he said I should come visit him in his city. What? We never hung out in the first place, how can you miss me? You have a girlfriend, go hang out with her. I’m not interested in him at all. Advice on what to do? Other girls in our circle shut him out completely over these texts (he does this with lots of women), but that seems mean to me. He’s depressed and unhappy and I don’t mind being friendly and encouraging his job search. (I resolutely steer the convo to his work.)
BeenThatGuy
If you are uncomfortable with his text, don’t respond. You say you’re not interested, so I don’t understand the dilemma.
CountC
If he continues to send you unwelcome texts, what benefit are you getting by being his job search sounding board? It’s harsh, but I generally avoid people who do not bring a benefit to my life. And I definitely avoid people who made me uncomfortable and won’t stick to boundaries that I have set.
It’s not clear that you have set the boundaries that you are not willing to come visit him and that his potentially romantic texts are not welcome. If you can set those boundaries and he can adhere to them, and you are willing to be the sounding board, then that would be fine. If you set the boundaries and he does not adhere to them, adios my friend. If you haven’t set the boundaries and you truly to want to continue to be friendly and helpful, then you should set the boundaries and see what happens.
In response to texts about missing you, “Hi X, texts like that make me uncomfortable. I would appreciate it if we could keep this professional.” Or something similar. In response to texts about going to visit him, “Thank you for the invite, but I am not comfortable with that,” and then change the subject. Hopefully, he will get the hint. I doubt he will and I would expect this type of response to make him tell you how depressed you are making him feel. However, how he feels is really not your responsibility. He needs therapy and probably medication. That’s not on you to figure out for him.
Best of luck.
Tetra
I will be a bridesmaid in a friend’s wedding in 10 months, but she wants us to buy our dresses now. I am *hoping* that I might lose some weight over the next 10 months (just started a new exercise program) so I am hesitant to buy a dress now. So what I’m asking is (1) is it weird to buy the dress so early? Is there any reason for it? and (2) how easily can those chiffon J Crew type dresses be taken in? Thanks!
Anonymous
I bought one of the chiffon J Crew dresses for a recent wedding. Lost weight, needed a different size. I ended up replacing the dress on ebay (got a quote for ~$50 in alterations, smaller size was $25 w/ shipping on eBay). If it’s from a big store (david’s bridal, j crew, ann taylor) that might be an option.
Anon
Not weird – normal to get as early as possible if you find the ones you want, leaving time for alterations, etc.
How much weight are you hoping to lose? If you’re hoping to slim down a dress size, alterations are no biggie. If you are a 10 and you’re hoping to be a 2, then that’s going to be a problem.
BeenThatGuy
Most bridesmaid dresses are purchased well in advance. 10 months isn’t a long time. Buy the dress as your are. Have it altered if you loose weight. You don’t want the stress about not fitting into the dress on the wedding day. You will feel horrible!
anon
I know it all depends on the dress, but I have had two formal gowns significantly altered, so if you buy the dress now, there’s a good chance if you wait for alterations you can still make it work. Or, keep the tags on it, and if you lose weight and the dress is still there in the right size, you can maybe do an exchange.
Clementine
Yet another vote for ‘buy it for the body you have NOW and get it altered/possibly replace it as needed’.
From a sewing standpoint, I can tell you it’s a heck of a lot more possible to make a dress 2 sizes smaller than 2 sizes larger.
Anonymous
Just chiming in to say go with the size you are now. As an aside, those dresses are great! The only BM dress I have reworn numerous times.
Job Interview Advice Request
Ladies – I have been headhunted by a top employer in my city for a senior position in the company. I am interested in the position, but honestly the main and pretty much only factor that would motivate me from leaving my current job is money. I am currently in a leadership position at a small but catalytic nonprofit. I have a fantastic relationship with my CEO who gives me an incredible amount of flexibility, has a high level of trust in me, and lets me take our organization in new directions at my discretion. It would be very difficult to leave my current role. I am meeting with the headhunter for top employer for coffee tomorrow morning. So, question – is it tacky to ask about salary tomorrow morning? It will be my first conversation with the headhunter other than the brief phone convo we had to set the meeting up. Thanks in advance – I’ve been in my current role for 5 years so a little rusty on this.
padi
If you are talking to the head hunter, then yes! Tell her upfront that your main motivation in considering any change is money. Head hunters often communicate this kind of information to the hiring person.
Brunette Elle Woods
If money is your only motivation, then why avoid the subject of salary? That would only be wasting everyone’s time. Bring it up in a tactful way and if the salary of this new opportunity doesn’t meet your expectations, then there is no need to waste time on it. I would express to the headhunter that you really like your current position, but you’re open to other options if the benefits were right.
Dahlia
I bring up salary early on, because I don’t want to waste my time. I say “I would not be prepared to move for less than X”
It’s true, and if they are unable to meet that threshold, then best to know sooner. I’ve had a couple of places just say straight up, we can’t offer you anything close to that, and then its done. Other places have said “yeah, I think we can do that” or “we can make that work for the right person” and we move forward.
I learned it from my husband, who is an aggressive negotiator and always seems to do well in job negotiations. I’ve always felt it worked well for me.
Anon
If money is your motivator make sure it’s seriously significant before you move. All the other factors you mention can be far more valuable and it takes A LOT of money to make a real lifestyle difference.