Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Tapered Pull-On Pants

280 Comments

1. Good pick. I have had a couple of pairs of Vince pants. They are really well constructed and have lasted forever. I just found a new pair in eggplant, which I am looking forward to wearing.

   1. The picture’s styling is straight out of The Villages. In a person not model-height, they probably read more office and less long-capri length. They are 27”.

      I have something similar but with a front zip from JCF that I wrap all the time that are true ankle length on me.

      1. I deeply don’t understand when people on this site get hung up on an image from a catalog shoot. No one shoots office appropriate images, and we always have to figure out how to actually wear the garments.

         1. But wasn’t someone wanting actual styling ideas yesterday? I feel like sometimes, if clothes sellers acted more like influencers, they’d actually sell us more things and we’d be happier b/c we had outfits and not just pieces.

            1. Except clothing retailers are selling to everybody who might want to wear their clothes, not just people who might wear them in a certain way. You’re not their only target.

         2. I don’t either, it’s the most bizarre complaint here and it sends me straight into BEC territory.

      2. 27″ is not quite full length on me, and I’m short with particularly short legs (apparently). 27″ is above ankle for people who are more average. So, these are definitely ankle pants.

         1. 27” is not quite ankle pants, not quite capri pants on me. That’s pretty short.

      3. I am 5’6″ and 27″ is the absolute worst length on my frame. Too long to look intentionally cropped, too short to be ankle pants. Instead, it gives shrunk-in-the-laundry vibes.

      4. Who is so fixated on “the Villages”? It’s a little odd. Do you mean it looks like a retired person would wear? Are you implying that retired persons are fumpy? That’s kind of insulting and ageist.

         1. OMG frumpy is not ageist. The constant cries of ageism here are so annoying.

            1. Exactly the point.

      5. I’m 5’10 and a 27″ inseam would hit weird on me, 29 is a nice anklen length. I’m guessing the model is 5’8

2. The thread yesterday about zoom tops got me thinking about other ways to look put together on camera. I tend to wear a lot of solid color crew neck knits and can’t seem to find the right necklaces for that. Two of my necklaces are longer and get cut off by the framing, and the others are so thin you can’t really see much. Should I be looking for a large pendant or locket style on a thick chain? A set of pearls or silver balls or similar? What are your go tos?

   1. I don’t wear necklaces. I think earrings keep things more sleek.

      1. Fair. I have really stepped up my earring game in the Zoom era, but I have thick long hair and I think they get lost. A lot of times I feel like my outfit is crying out for a necklace.

      2. I never bother with earrings on Zoom because I’m wearing headphones and you can’t see them.

   2. I have a double strand pair of pearls that I wear all the time on video calls. They go with everything, because they’re a double strand they have more ‘presence,’ and they look super professional.

      I also have a slightly chunky gold-plated necklace that has the same video presence. I bought gold-plated first (about $250) to see if I would wear a necklace like that often before I spent the $$ on gold. It is a little bit like this one:https://www.croghansjewelbox.com/products/jane-win-curb-chain-with-malachite-bead?_pos=29&_fid=2b47fed3b&_ss=c

      On days when I don’t wear a necklace I wear large gold hoops which have the same effect of looking very intentional.

      1. +1 to a double strand of pearls. I also like a chain with a mid-sized pendant on it, something similar to this style/size.
         https://ashleyzhangjewelry.com/products/78lgclnbaffmivh8qovtmsh2zyowdz

      2. How do you style pearls-double or single strands-without looking great-grandma-esqe? Asking as a early 30something. They seem too dressy for nice thick tshirt and sweaters read too dressy for regular, non-church setting. Any tips?

         1. That was my thought as well. Pearls can look really dated and granny. I feel like a pearl earring would give formality without looking like playing 80s dress up.

   3. I know this isn’t your question, but I wear bold lipstick on camera to look intentional. It looks a little crazy/not suitable for work in person, but it looks great on camera.

      1. Agree. I participate in a lot of webinars and virtual conferences, so I pay a ridiculous amount of attention to this sort of thing. A bold lip is so good. Doesn’t have to be red. I have fair coloring, and the right mauve can also be really great at looking intentional. If you like to wear eyeglasses sometimes like me, I would also encourage going for lenses that are the thinnest and best anti-glare. No blue light. There really is a difference when on camera.

   4. You need a stack, not a single necklace. Instagram influencers will show you the way.

3. Someone commented yesterday that their family was bad at celebrating birthdays and I think I’m that mom. I honestly am just bad at it. While growing up, my kiddos always had a party or an option of a party, and I think I did ok with them. I like a good theme and I can decorate a cake like a pro. But now as adults — I offer them a cake and a dinner out a few weeks beforehand, but they mostly don’t take me up on it. We do go out to dinners and brunches on non-birthday related occaisions pretty frequently, so it’s not like they are avoiding me either. I always remember my sisters’ birthdays and text them the day of, ususally pretty early in the morning. My mil always gets flowers. I try to remember my nieces/nephews/in-laws and will text them if I have contact info. If someone has a party and invites me I show up with a gift. But honestly, adult birthday celebrations seem kind of dumb to me. I prefer not to have mine mentioned, but if one of the kids or dh asks me out to dinner I’ll go along. What do people really want for their birthdays?

   1. You do way more than I do (or seen done by family and friends) for adult birthdays!

   2. Everyone wants different things! There is no one-size-fits-all answer. Some of my friends prefer to avoid the topic or just go solo to the spa. Others throw a big night out at a restaurant or bar. Still others like to hang at home with their spouses and/or kids.

      I would ask the person in question what sounds good to them and then listen and do what they say. Some people do want to do something but don’t want to plan or ask others to attend, so in that case you can step in and be the planner. Some people might want to do something 1-on-1. If the person doesn’t seem to want anything big, listen to them! What I usually do with those people is buy them lunch or a coffee at a later date when we would already be getting together—it acknowledges their special day without making them the center of attention or putting any pressure on them to come up with a plan.

   3. I’m the OP from yesterday with the cousin getting married on my bday. I don’t usually care about my bday, but have started to since there’s not too much else to celebrate. I did see the comments (got caught up with work and couldn’t get back on to respond to folks) about celebrating on a different day or weekend, which I totally get – it was nice that the stars aligned to be a milestone bday on a Saturday (that’s so rare) so wanted to celebrate then. Also, I very much feel that as an older single person, people assume my plans are flexible and I’m constantly being the one to rearrange things / accommodate others’ schedules. Normally I’m fine with this, but sometimes you just want to celebrate your birthday on your birthday and not accommodate others!

      That being said – normally for my birthday I like to do a dinner out with my parents / sibling (we all live in the same area) and separately grab drinks with friends. Occasionally I’ll throw a party and / or invite my friends from out of town to come into town too. I don’t exchange gifts with many people (just parents / sibling), but I do always buy myself something nice. If my birthday is on a weekday, I take that day off work and do something fun for me.

      Of course, everyone is different. Some people prefer to go all out with their birthdays (which I think is a bit much for an adult on a non-milestone; but, life is short so do what makes you happy) and some people prefer to pretend they don’t exist (which I also don’t get, but once again you do you).

      Overall, my post was much more about life circumstances and the wedding on my birthday just felt like a kick while I was down – I’m not a huge birthday person beyond a small celebration but that also means I don’t want to spend it celebrating someone else given the situation.

   4. I don’t want much. It’s nice when people acknowledge it with a call, text, card or email, especially people I don’t hear from regularly. I usually make a slightly nicer than normal dinner with my husband or maybe go out for lunch or breakfast, but I definitely don’t want gifts or a party.

      1. I should add, the main reason I like getting messages on my birthday is because I like hearing from people I don’t normally hear from. It’s a good excuse to get updates from old friends that live far away. I don’t really care if my parents do anything because I’m already in touch with them regularly.

   5. Hi, it was me who said my family is bad at celebrating birthdays. You sound totally fine; I’d be perfectly happy with that level. I genuinely do not want or need even a dinner from my parents/sisters. What I meant by “bad at celebrating birthdays” is that my dad routinely forgets to even text or call me on the day of; I know of at least two years that it’s gotten late in the evening and my husband has texted him reminding him to call me. My mom is fairly good at saying happy birthday early – she’s very good at remembering birthdays for everyone. My two younger sisters are probably 50/50 at remembering to say happy birthday. I never get birthday gifts from my sisters although I give them birthday gifts. My parents usually give me a birthday gift however they’re typically months late at giving them, at which point I would have preferred to not hear the excuses and references to it for months and just not gotten anything.

      I am 36 now, but when I turned 30 we had a family fun day at a corn maze/farm thing on my birthday, which was a nice time, but NO ONE even said happy birthday at all…and we were all together. And it feels weird as a 30 year old to be like – hey it’s my birthday can you say happy birthday to me? Ever since then, my birthday+immediate family has been a sore point.

      Part of me thinks the answer is to quit celebrating their birthdays or do it in the same level of effort, however I think that would just make me feel worse. What is bizarre is this feeling of dismissal is basically only an issue around my birthday – otherwise my parents are pretty good, supportive parents who I know respect and love me.

   6. I feel about birthdays just as I feel about Christmas, it’s mainly for the children. If someone wants a grand celebration as an adult it’s up to them to orchestrate it.

      1. a while ago there was a heated debate about whether love languages were a sham. This chain is another reminder that, for me, they make a lot of sense. Some people want a fuss, some people want to celebrate, some people like presents…. i guess ideally the point is to know what you want and make that clear to the people who love you!

         1. And my love language is not texts on my birthday, lol. My husband’s family is lovely, and they all (including cousins) send texts for birthdays and holidays. With my text anxiety the last thing I want to do on my birthday is think up replies to 30 text messages! (They are usually somewhat long and elaborate and a simple Thanks doesn’t seem to suffice).

            (And I say this somewhat tongue-in-cheek, as this is definitely preferable to being ignored.)

            1. I’m the one who mentioned birthday messages, but I admit texts are not my favorite method of communication for exactly this reason. But I have a number of friends that I mostly stay in touch with through cards or emails or even (gasp) phone calls on or around our birthdays and it’s a much nicer way of getting caught up on what’s going on in someone’s life without the need to send a rapid but meaningless short response while in the middle of doing something else. It makes me a little sad that email got taken over by work and marketing and now people only want to text because it’s much better for longer responses and less intrusive feeling (though easier to ignore). But like you, I’ll obviously still appreciate a text in the spirit intended.

            2. Make this a shortcut on your keyboard “Thanks so much for thinking of me! I’m having a great day!”

               No one is going to compare your responses. A generic level of enthusiastic thanks will do fine.

         2. Aside from the sham aspect, I think the pushback on love languages was about someone forcing their love language on you and saying BUT IT’S MY LOVE LANGUAGE with zero consideration as to what the recipent’s love language might be!

      2. This is basically my feeling as well. I have ZERO expectation that my parents, husbands or friends would organize any sort of celebration on my behalf. If I want a party, I will organize it myself! Some years I have, some years I haven’t. And I could not care less if said party happens on the actual day of my birthday…

         I am happy to get texts and calls on the actual day though.

         1. Oops, meant singular husband! There is not more than one. ;)

      3. +1, I’m not a big birthday person for adults but obviously I’m happy to celebrate with a friend if they invite me to something.

      4. I hate the idea that Christmas is only for children. If you don’t have children, you don’t get to have Christmas? It’s a beautiful season and there are lots of things to celebrate besides getting a lot of gifts.

         It’s a time to get together with friends or families, pretty decorations, cookies, delicious meals. It’s sad to think that people don’t want to bother with Christmas unless children are involved, and also a little thoughtless toward people who don’t have kids.

         1. +1

         2. Yes, life is short and celebrations are fun and what brings us together. I’m very pro-celebration even though I’m in a stage in life where virtually no one I know has kids.

         3. Agreed although for me it’s Hanukkah. My husband and I do little gifts each night for each other and our dog and have a latkes and vodka party for family and friends. Life is way too short not to celebrate occasions. Oh and for the OP, send your adult kids flowers or a cake, even just DoorDash a slice or a cupcake from a local bakery. It’s low pressure, inexpensive and a step up from a text. I do that for all my close people.

         4. Yes I create the Christmas magic MAINLY for the children in our family. But you do you. You don’t have to get sad or offended by this.

            1. You also don’t have to get offended by a person expressing an opinion different from yours on a message board. Perfectly politely and without sarcasm, might I add!

            2. No one is offended if that’s what you do and you keep it to yourself, but it is offensive when it’s presented as the right/correct way to think about the holiday.

            3. It wasn’t presented as the right or correct way, it was presented as the way I see it. I responded to someone who was sad people without kids can’t celebrate Xmas (?) which is not what I said.

   7. I think that sounds fine. If your kids don’t seem to want more from you, then I think you’re okay. I personally love celebrating my birthday and treating myself but YMMV.

   8. Why are you making up a problem

   9. I’m all over the place on my birthday. Usually, I want a cake and dinner, often in that order. This year, my birthday was on the second Monday in April, so we went all out: trip, hotel, VIP parking at a beautiful location, telescope with solar filter, tailgating….

      1. That is awesome, hope you had a great time!

         1. We did! I had never been in the path of totality before – that was just a completely different level than a partial eclipse. My kid loved it.

   10. My kids are young adults, college aged. They both still want presents and a cake and blowing out the candles. To be honest my husband and I do the same for ourselves. It’s just how we celebrate birthdays. The cake is always at home. Sometimes dinner is out, but more often than not it’s a home cooked favorite or favorite takeout.

       We have a “happy birthday” banner (metallic letters on a string) that is hung up the night before the birthday so the birthday person sees it first thing in the morning. We’ve had that banner since the kids were babies so it’s just part of all birthdays now.

       There have been no blowout birthday parties for my kids. They had normal birthday parties when they were little / pretty typical among their classmates. Sometimes at our house, we had a scientist a couple of times so the kids could do a messy volcano thing and play with static electricity. But I’m talking 10-20 kids max.

   11. It sounds like you’re doing fine!

   12. As an adult, what I want from my family and friends as just an acknowledgement of the day. It can be a text, a call, a Facebook message, anything – I just need them to recognize it’s my birthday and wish me a happy birthday. I often go out to dinner or drinks with my close friends either on my birthday or one of the weekends bookending it, which is nice but not necessary.

       I will say that my father never acknowledges my birthday, and I’m still mad about it. It’s basically been this way since my parents divorced when I was 5. And my birthday is two days before his, so it’s not like it’s hard to remember. Don’t be that parent.

       From my SO, I want him to plan a dinner. It can be low key, but I just want some though put into it. I’m self-aware enough to know this is probably a reaction to the fact that my father doesn’t acknowledge the day. But I don’t think I’m asking for too much

   13. That sounds pretty normal. My husband’s parents don’t acknowledge his birthday and didn’t do gifts or parties even when he was a child. I assume someone saying their parents are bad at celebrating their birthday has a similar situation to my husband.

   14. I overheard an attorney I worked for decades ago tell our paralegal, on her birthday, “Happy birthday. I’m glad you were born,” and I’ve just always thought that was the nicest thing to say. So anything that says, in words, gifts or deeds, “I’m glad you were born,” is what I want.

       1. Ha, this is why my best friend always calls my mom on my birthday, to thank her for having me.

          1. That’s adorable.

          2. That is really sweet. I tell my daughter “I’m glad you’re my daughter.” Not necessarily on her birthday — more frequently than that. On my birthday, my mom always says “ I can’t believe I have a daughter X age.” I find it funny.

       2. My parents were long divorced – more than 35 years when my dad died several years ago – but he always called my mother on my sisters’ and my birthdays, I thought it was very sweet.

   15. I’m personally not a birthday person but I love an excuse for a party – I usually just invite my local friends over to celebrate with a cooler of beer and some snacks on my deck so its very low key. Parties are fun and al too rare and life is short and worth celebrating :)

   16. For adult nieces and nephews – phone call, text or mailed birthday card depending on how close the relationship is.

       For adult children – dinner with cake and a gift. Preferably close to actual birthday but no pressure for actual day if they have other plans with friends/kids etc.

   17. I’m 46 and I don’t remember the last time I had any kind of celebration for my birthday. I use it as an opportunity to treat myself to a massage or spay day. My mom usually takes me out to dinner and we try a new restaurant.

       1. Going out to dinner as a celebration, even if a low key one

       2. Your mom taking you out to dinner is a normal celebration. Not many people having blowout parties for their mid-40s birthdays.

          I’m 44 – had dinner and cake with my husband, my parents and kids. MIL sent a nice text. Various friends sent a text or called. Sister mailed a birthday card and called.

   18. I think you are doing fine. My daughter lives in another state and I send her something in the mail and call her on her birthday. My husband and I generally take each other out to dinner on our birthdays (and usually, for some reason, we are on vacation for one or both of our fall birthdays so we just have a special birthday toast in Paris or Amsterdam or whereever and call it a day). For a milestone birthday I do like to do all out, and I absolutely understand that’s on me to make it happen.

       As for my friends, that’s what Facebook is for and I love all the Facebook birthday messages, as well as birthday texts.

   19. My parents don’t live that close, and they generally text/call and send me a present. I do the same thing. It’s nice.

       My in-laws (who are local-ish and retired) want to take us out for cake and dinner, but it (1) has to be on the actual date of birth and (2) has to be a restaurant of their choosing at the time convenient to them. So we decline a lot, because they want us to get on the freeway after work to attend a dinner 1.5 miles hours away at some all-you-can-eat-meat-on-swords restaurant they found in their hometown (where my MIL does terrible service things like snap her fingers at the busboy / person). If it’s their birthday, they want us to drive to their house on the precise date of their birth for an inedible-ish dinner during rush hour.

   20. I am 40 and while I don’t need it, it always puts a smile on my face when friends or family send me flowers on my bday.

       I have kids and a spouse- they make me a cake because my house lives any excuse for cake.

       I do not want or need gifts!

4. I could use some advice from this smart, wise, and thoughtful group.

   I was recently laid off for the second time in two years. Both of my recent jobs were high-paying tech jobs with amazing perks and benefits, and I was recruited for both. It’s been some real emotional whiplash to deal with being pursued aggressively only to be unceremoniously dumped when the company isn’t doing so well—both layoffs were huge reductions in force with a significant percentage of the org being cut. 

   My net worth is $1.3 million. I’m single with no kids. I own my condo and could pay for the rest of the mortgage in cash I have on hand tomorrow, but I have a 15-year mortgage at under 3% rate, so I see no need to pay it off any faster. I share this just to provide some context that I am in a decent place financially—obviously, not ready to retire or anything, but also not desperately needing to get a job tomorrow. I have one small consulting gig in the works, and I did get some generous severance. And with the markets doing well, my net worth continues to grow even without a steady paycheck.

   I’ve never seen the job market like this. I’m getting auto-rejected from roles I’m 150% qualified for. Two years ago, recruiters were beating down my door trying to have conversations. It just doesn’t feel like a good time to be looking.
   I feel angry at my previous employer for dumping me into a terrible job market where I never would want to be by choice. I had planned to ride it out there as long as I could until the market got better. Now I’m stuck in this job market against my will. For the first time in my 20+ year career, I don’t have a job lined up.

   So given all that, I’m in this weird mental place. Of course I do want to work, eventually. But is it really the best use of my time to spend my days applying to jobs? I am young(ish) and healthy. Part of me wants to throw caution to the winds and do something crazy or fun, or take a mini sabbatical… but will it just be that much harder to get back into the workforce? Will I just be avoiding the problem?

   My network is big and loyal, and I am trying to reach out to one person a day, but many people I know have also been laid off and are looking for work.

   Of course, everyone I know has an opinion on what to do next. Start my own business! Take the summer off, then return to job hunting! Move to Europe for six months! And so on. I’m frozen, though, unable to make a decision. When I try to enjoy myself, I feel guilty or scared that I should be focusing on the job search. But the job search feels fruitless and pointless, and then I think someday I’ll be working again and regretting the fact that I didn’t enjoy this time more. I can’t win!

   If you were me, what would you do?

   1. I’m not in tech, but several friends are and yes the job market sounds terrible. Do you have the ability or interest in pivoting to similar roles in other industries? It seems like trying to find a new tech job these days is so hard, I don’t know if I’d really want to do it (or feel confident that I’d be successful).

   2. If you have the financial security, I would absolutely take 3-6 months now to travel or live abroad! If not now… when? Job searching is the absolute worst and I see no need to rush into it immediately if you can help it. If the market is as bad as you say, it probably won’t be so much worse in 3-6 months, and when you get back you can network aggressively and use your trip/sabbatical as a fun conversation starter! (“I’ve been offline for 3 months in Mallorca but I’m back and would love to catch up! I’m looking for a good fit in XYZ-type role”)

      1. This. I would apply to jobs and network in my spare time but focus my energy on something I enjoy whether it’s traveling for three months or pursuing a hobby. Definitely take advantage of this time and don’t waste it applying for jobs as if you were desperate and have a family to feed. I’d go to another continent for 3 months. Take the summer off and hit the ground running come Labor Day.

      2. +1 If I had your net worth I definitely would be taking a sabbatical. I also feel like the tech industry is more tolerant of things like sabbaticals in general.

      3. +1. Call it a sabbatical, and then that is a great script for when you come back.

      4. If you don’t want sabbatical as the term, my friends have been going with the “adult gap year” and saying they are making up for missing a gap year in school but with better hotels. Among my group, it’s the new mid-life crisis… that, and deciding to run a marathon. Reception has generally been really positive as most people wish they had the guts/money to do it.

   3. For various reasons, you’re feeling angry, guilty, scared, and hopeless. You want to take a break but feel guilty and scared if you dare to have fun. You want to put your nose to the grindstone and do everything you can to get a job and feel secure again, but when you do that, you feel hopeless and defeated. You’re angry at your previous employer and despairing of a future one. You have plenty of money and are doing great financially, but it’s scary not to have more money coming in and not know where your next job is coming from. No wonder you’re frozen!

      So here’s my task for you: plan 3 ways you could spend the rest of the year. In plan A, you’re job searching, networking, and enjoying your everyday life. Write out a plan of how you’re spending your time, who you’re contacting, and what metrics will indicate success (e.g. one contact a day, and two get-togethers with friends each week).

      In Plan B, you’ve moved to a city of your choice in _____ [country of your choice] and have done a short-term apartment or house rental there. Where have you moved to? Where are you staying? What’s your budget for how much money this will cost? What will you do while you’re there (be specific about how you’ll spend your time). When you come back home, what will your job hunting process look like?

      In Plan C, you’re staying at home but doing part-time gigs while you go back to school or take an apprenticeship or volunteer somewhere in order to learn something you’ve always wanted to learn. It might be tech-related, or it might be tennis or art or physics. How much money will you spend learning this? What travel or fun will you do during this time? When will you pick up the job search again?

      Creating these three plans doesn’t mean you’re committing to any of them. But you are figuring out how they would be possible, what resources (time / money) they’d require, and how you’d enjoy yourself doing any of them. In doing so, you’ll probably find that one of them looks better than the others, or leads to other ideas. And you’ll be less frozen.

   4. I would take the summer off and go to Europe. What a gift to be able to do that!

   5. What I have seen in prior tech down turns, is that there are usually other industries dying to get good tech workers. What about looking at a tech position at a life sciences, or financial services firm? It can be fun to learn about another industry.

      1. Pharma/life sciences isn’t so hot now either…. so many re-orgs/layoffs…

   6. You have our permission to take a break! (It sounds like you might be looking for permission). Take the summer off and travel and relax. Get back to it in the fall.

   7. I would recognize that taking the summer off is realistically 6 months because you’ll have a window of September and October until things die down until January and it won’t likely be a January 1st start date. Certain times of year are just a lot better than others for interviews.

      Depending on comfort level with that, I would either take the time off and spend it deliberately or I would give myself some sort of compromise—like maybe it’s job searching two days a week and a cross country road trip for the other since you can hunt from anywhere and then negotiate a fall start date. Either way that would help give me the mental “permission” to feel OK with free time.

   8. I, personally, would be looking for a way out of high paying tech and into a field/job with more stability. Absolutely not saying that’s the right answer for you, but it’d be the right answer for me.

      1. this is also what I’d do

         1. Glad I stayed in the government during the recent tech boom. It’s boring and the pay is just ok, but I am grateful not to be in this job market. I would take a mini sabbatical to clear my head and get focus, then try to pivot into something different.

      2. Oh, yes. That goes without saying. I got swept up in this with job offers that fell into my lap. It was barely even a conscious choice—it was hard to say no. I am extremely open to switching industries and am hoping my skills are transferable!

      3. Same here. I’d also not stop looking in OPs shoes. Job searches can take a long time, especially when the market is flooded with talent. The net worth and cash reserves are all fine and good but they can get depleted quickly. I wouldn’t be able to relax or enjoy time away without a job lined up. I’m also presuming OP isn’t married and doesn’t have another source of financial support.

   9. I would split the difference. Put in job apps from the sundeck of the SS Cruiseship, (or whatever). Basically keep a bare-minimum foot in the job waters, but do the fun stuff. Travel, do your passion project/hobby, etc.

      1. This – can also do a ton of “informational interviews” with mentors and colleagues and ask them for advice in-person or via zoom or whatever. Call it consulting, say you’re available for projects, see if anything bites. Enjoy your time off! Emerge from your cuccoon in the late fall or early 2025 with more of a plan!

         1. My last job came out of informational interviews! I’ve been in the role 11 years and counting now. It happens and is absolutely worthwhile, particularly if done over zoom from a beach with strong wifi and stronger drinks.

   10. I’m the laid off anon who has posted here a few times before. The job market definitely is rough. If I had your money, I would definitely take some time off. It doesn’t have to be months at a time, but treat yourself to a nice vacation that may be difficult to take while you’re working full time.

       I’ve been treating job searching like a job and applying during the weekdays. I take weekends off. Job searching while being laid off really difficult and messes with your emotions. Don’t feel guilty for taking some time off!

   11. I would try to work on your feelings around it, since it doesn’t sound fun to carry all of them around. Granted, I know this is easier said than done.

   12. I am a semi-regular poster going anon for this–I haven’t talked about this on here because I have been worried about being judged or being told its a bad decision. But I was in a similar-ish place as you. Also single with healthy savings. I wasn’t laid off, but rather was stuck in a job that made me absolutely miserable, but unable to leave because I couldn’t find something else. I had a very similar experience with job searching, it’s madness. I took a hard look at my finances, said eff it, and enrolled in a year long course in pastry at a culinary school in France that starts at the end of the summer. Once I committed, I haven’t looked back. I have no idea what I’m going to when I get back–I don’t even know if I want to work in food & bev when I come back!–but I am just trusting in myself that I have managed to land on my feet after every other thing life has thrown at me so far, and I will figure this out too.

       This all to say–go for it. You can always make more money, and despite what it feels like sometimes, we do not live to work. Life is about having the kinds of experiences you are talking about. You are in a position most people can only dream of.

       1. GOOD FOR YOU! What an inspiring post Please send us updates

       2. Um that sounds AMAZING. Please let us know how it goes!

          1. I think you mean “YUM that sounds amazing” lol

       3. This sounds like the start of a rom com and I’m here for it.

       4. OP here. You are AMAZING and an inspiration for doing this. Please keep us posted on how this goes! We want regular installments!!

       5. OMG this is awesome! I hope you will give us updates once you get started!

       6. Joining the chorus – PLEASE bring us along on this journey! That sounds so amazing!

       7. I love this so much, and wish I was brave enough to quit my toxic job!

   13. I am in the same boat. There are no jobs so don’t waste your time chasing empty air. If you do get offered a role it will be something no one else wants to do and they won’t be ready to pay you what you are worth because there are so many highly qualified people available.

       Last week I had my 7th final round and I decided I am done. I am not the problem here. Its the job market. There are no jobs. What do you do when there are no jobs? You create your own and work on doing something that you are passionate about. So, this is my first week where I spend 6 hours working on my new business and 2 hours applying for jobs. I know I have an excellent idea, I just need to put the right team together and get funding. In applying for roles I am regularly speaking to those who provide funding anyway so its not an inefficient use of my time.

       There is also nothing wrong with training for a marathon or spending the summer in Europe. They are very valid options. If I didn’t have children you would find me doing an art history course in Italy.

   14. Travel now. If it makes you feel less guilty, commit to one hour a week searching online & sending resumes during your travels. That way you can cross it off your list for the week and enjoy the travel. Have a great time!

   15. I’m sorry that this happened to you – your frustration and grief are totally merited. You are fortunate to not be panicking about your next move but it’s understandable that you feel unmoored and unsure of what to do next.

       I would think of the next few months as a time of discernment, and think about what you want out of the next chapter(s) of your life. What kind of impact do you want to leave on the world? What kind of roles? What kind of organizations? Are you motivated by public service, mission, vision, money? Same city? Remote? You may find it helpful, as others have said, to go somewhere else for this discernment. Maybe live somewhere for 6-8-12 weeks. Find seasonal employment at a National Park or something to get a totally different change of pace. Or go to South America or SE Asia where your costs would be low.

       Good luck and please keep us posted!

       1. Don’t count on getting seasonal employment at a National Park. Those jobs are in high demand.

          1. Right! I love it when people here just casually say “just get this [dream job that is highly coveted and competitive]” as if anything other than Big Law is a cinch to get.

   16. In the tech market, nobody is going to bat an eye if you take a few months off to “work on side projects” before you dive back into the job application process. It’s fine if the “side projects” are traveling in Europe. Just have a job-appropriate ‘project’ you can point to (and that you poked at once or twice) if you’re asked for details.

   17. I’ve unfortunately been fired twice in the last year. Combo of valid and invalid reasons – the most recent mostly due to “fit”. I do not have the healthiest of savings. I do live with my partner and know I’ll be ok for a couple of months. I took this last month (my first month not working) and did pretty much nothing. It’s both great and also just sad. I’ve been encouraged to take the time that I can since I’ve never had a break between jobs. A couple of recruiters have reached out both internal and external from a few companies. I haven’t yet changed my linkedin but that’s where they’ve come from. One I declined to move forward. The other I’ve had a couple of interviews. I’m feeling really disconnected from it all. Still grieving.

       If I had the safety net that you do, I would absolutely take a longer break. My industry is a bit healthier than tech but it’s hard to know exactly what I want now. I’m far into my career too. So, I’m spending the next bit of time trying to figure that out and to get myself healthy. I didn’t take good care of myself the last 18ish months.

       I’m so sorry that you were put in this position again. Maybe it’s a sign that it’s time to take that break and focus on you.

   18. I’d walk the Camino de Santiago.

   19. If you have a solid network and financial security to float without income for a year, I’d just take 3 months off as a sabbatical but be prepared to spin a good story about it. I know someone with an MBA who left biotech to start a custom craft business for a year, and she came back to the corporate job without any issues. I think if you can speak to it as a confident choice and show that it’s a one off (you won’t leave the next job early), you might as well take some time off now.

5. Could you wear these out to dinner in Paris? I struggle to distinguish between office slacks and pants you could wear for an evening out.

   1. These are not dinner out in Paris pants for me, but so much of this depends on how the rest of the outfit is styled.

   2. Sure, I think they’re nice. I mean they’re black pants, you can’t go wrong.

      1. Paris is a major metropolitan city, you can wear anything you want to dinner. if you are saying are these pants sexy or dressy as opposed to work pants, i would say vince tips to the julianna moore in hunger games type destopian functional.

   3. Sure but why would you want to? They’re just boring black pants.

      1. Because if you travel light you sometimes need something that is versatile. What other pants would you wear that are travel-friendly and more interesting?

         1. I wouldn’t pack these pants at all, because how are they versatile on a vacation? If it’s pants weather I’d do jeans or linen if warmer or dresses. I don’t need to look like a businessman on holiday.

            1. I actually don’t think jeans are that comfortable for being a tourist all day, I would rather wear something more versatile like black pants in an easy care fabric.

            2. I don’t like jeans for travel. They’re not comfortable enough for me and not formal enough for many restaurants.

            3. I also dislike jeans and linen for travel! The opposite of how I want to look…. wrinkled and too casual.

         2. I mean, sure, but that wasn’t really the original question. If you want to wear pants from Tuesday’s Workwear Report to dinner in Paris, there are certainly worse choices you could make, but many, many better options as well.

   4. They would be fine if to you dinner out means nice pants and a silk blouse. They can’t really be dressed up beyond that.

   5. These could definitely be dressed up a bit with nice shoes, a silk blouse, some pretty jewelry, and a nice bag. They would be fine for a casual to mid-range restaurant. I wouldn’t wear them to the opera, a Michelin starred restaurant, or a formal event.

      1. You obviously do not live in DC. Those pants with a nice top and shoes would be just about perfect for all those events here. Well, not a formal event on the order of the White House Correspondents Dinner or something, but for the other events.

         We do not claim to be fashionable around here!

   6. I agree that they’re awfully boring. They’re good office pants, they’re not good fashion pants.

   7. I think these are fugly. Black pants are fine for dinner, but not these.

6. I have an older house and oil based paint on the window trim inside. Windows are new but this was a problem before replacing them. The paint has bubbled up in places. The roof guy said it was moisture coming in that caused it, so it I hammer it off (one blow and the whole THing will pop) and prime and repaint, it will keep happening. Is this legit? And do I need to have a siding guy go in and life the cedar shakes to waterproof or is it a window guy fix? Too many moving parts — I love a GOOD older house but I have a complex older house where every issue is an octopus that spirals and isn’t easily solvable even if you try to throw $ at it.

   1. I don’t know but will be following as I have the exact same issue. Based on location, I think much of the problem is related to the hearing from the floor but I haven’t investigated since I know I can’t fix it any time soon.

   2. If you have water coming in from the outside you need to get that fixed ASAP. Fixing the paint finish is lipstick on a pig in this case.

      If the trim is new and the paint was applied while the wood was wet, that’s not great but stripping or sanding and letting the wood fully dry before repainting is the way to go.

      If it is improperly layered latex-based and oil-based finishes that are bubbling up, you also need to strip or sand down to bare wood and start fresh. But it really has to be completely bare, not half-heartedly done, or the problem will persist forever.

      1. OP here. It’s never wet that I can see. We did a strip-down of old oil-based paint with lead abatement and a repaint in 2020. So it was bubbled prior on one window (but also 100 years old and had multiple owners; I can’t recall the other one). 4 years later, I notice the bubbles now that it’s light out when I leave the house. IDK how long it took to bubble, but I’ve never noticed any water getting in or mold or anything like that. Windows replaced in 2020 (old ones were painted shut), but not the outside cedar shakes. If it is water, it must be a pinpoint area and IDK where to look for something. Of course this is a second-story issue :(

7. I am so annoyed by elastic-waist dress pants. They look awful and create saddlebags even where none exist. It’s just a way for manufacturers to cut costs by leaving out zippers and making fewer sizes.

   1. To each their own, but these pants look like Long Island great-grandma pants.

      1. I am pretty sure my grandmother had these pants in bright yellow polyester in 1977.

      2. I really hate them too. The length is particularly awful. And that front pleat. Straight out of the Sears catalog circa 1973.

      3. My mom had these pants (or their twin) in every color (pink, baby blue, yellow) and she wore them, I kid you not, for 50 years.

         1. I remember teasing my mom about her pleated polyester pants. She laughed along. But then she also switched to a different style of pants.

   2. They are comfortable, but I have yet to find a pair that’s flattering and doesn’t look sloppy. I guess I’d rather just wear regular pants that fit well?

   3. As someone with a dramatically varying waist size, I appreciate them.

      1. I like them too. I have a couple pairs from JCF that have elastic just in the back and they’re great.

         1. Agree with this. I just have one, but wear it often.

      2. As a pear, I appreciate pants that aren’t 3ish inches too big in the waist. But I like just back-elastic and a normal front, not pull-on.

         1. Try Abercrombie Curve Love pants. So good.

   4. Me too! They’re so frumpy.

   5. It helps if the front is flat, not puckered. I like the pintuck on the front of pants, I think it spiffs them up a little. I do agree, though, that too much tapering can be problematic. I’m pretty much over skinny pants, but I do prefer a more straight silhouette vs. tapered.

      And I’m the weirdo who likes ankle pants, so much easier to change which heel height shoes you wear! I’m okay with full length wider pants, or trouser style pants, but full length straight pants that are not jeans remind me too much of the pleated khakis everyone wore in the 1990s, with socks with loafers. So dowdy.

      1. Flat front, encased waistband with no gathers, substantial fabric – with this I’m fine with them for office days.

         1. The nature of encased elastic waistbands make them difficult to make without gathers. You need enough fabric to stretch out so it gets over your hips, which for most people is going to be a larger amount of fabric than you need at your waist.

            1. And yet I own some. The fabric needs some stretch.

8. Can anyone recommend a ceiling fan with a light for smaller bedrooms? The Wirecutter rec is too big and seems to be tricky to install. I need something that comes in white and is very quiet. Thanks!

   1. Try searching for enclosed ceiling fans. They are often smaller and low profile so they don’t hang down very far, which was important for us because our kids have loft beds. I can’t find the exact one we have, but it’s white and very quiet too.

   2. I bought this fan at Home Depot for my baby’s nursery (which is not a big room). “Home Decorators Collection Arleigh 44 in. LED Outdoor White Ceiling Fan with Light”
      It’s very simple. But it’s super quiet. I liked it so much I bought a second to replace another fan in another bedroom.

   3. Installed this in 2015, still going strong.

      1. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00CLDE0KU/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1

   4. Maybe something like this one? https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CKMWTRVL/ref=sspa_dk_detail_6?th=1

9. I’m looking to replace my short black puffer from EMS that’s 12 years old and figure end of season sales are the way to go. Seems like the Patagonia Nano Puff is a go-to for everyone. Is the Arcteryx atom hoodie worth the extra money over the Patagonia? Thanks.

   1. I love my nanopuff, but it’s not a winter jacket. I wear it all summer in CA!

      1. What about “winter” in SEUS? My winters almost always range from 35-60.

         1. Yes, that’s what it’s perfect for.

      2. +1, the nanopuff is a perfect California jacket. That said, I wore it on some mild winter days in DC this year with layers underneath and it also did the trick.

   2. The quilted styling of the nano puff is more current than the flat style of the atom hoodie, if that matters to you.
      I’m a pretty avid outdoorsy athlete and honestly, in my neck of the woods the Arcteryx isn’t usually worth it. I view Arcteryx as I view Canada Goose – if you’re really in extreme weather its worth it but if you’re not somewhere super cold / doing something that really exposes you to the elements then its just an expensive status item.

      1. I’m OP and this is really helpful, thank you!

   3. My Patagonia stuff has held up so long with heavy use that it makes me think the company walks the walk on its sustainability claims. It’s worked for me in a wide variety of conditions. You can’t go wrong.

      1. This. I hate that the brand has been co-opted by my finance bro colleagues, but all of my Patagonia jackets – work gifts – have held up amazingly well and they are really comfortable.

   4. be forewarned if you’re a pear shape then Patagonia stuff doesn’t fit me well – I can’t zipper their jackets around my hips.

      1. Yes, Patagonia seems to run narrow.

   5. oh hey I owned a couple EMS puffers, and in 2017 bought an Arcyteryx Atom LT hoodie. I know a lot of people scoff at the ‘dead bird’ making it unnecessary expensive, and it was by far the most expensive coat I had ever purchased at the time, and it’s still the only thing I own from Arcteryx. It’s worth every penny to me, zero regrets.
      – Durable- after seven years of heavy use I’ve had zero issues and it doesn’t look shabby at all. Throw it in the washer and dryer and it literally looks brand new.
      – Temperature – So many tech-wear items claim to be ~temperature regulating~ but that never seems to be true. My lt hoodie actually does work in a variety of temperatures though. The stretchy side panels actually do a good job of letting heat out and the light insulation works from probably 60 degrees down to 25 (depending on level of activity).
      – Layers well – I often throw a shell over it for rainy hikes. And because it’s so thin–honestly feels like it weighs nothing– I’ve worn multiple layers under and over it.
      – Aesthetics – personally I find it to be a flattering cut for something that’s not really a fashion item.

      I bought mine in a fun color and literally the only thing I’d change is that I wish I’d gotten black for versatility.

      1. +1 for quality

         I bought an Arc’teryx puffer jacket in 2015 (not the Atom, though) and I cannot say enough good things about this jacket. It was a splurge for me at the time but I’ve worn it every day it gets below 60 for the last 9 years and it is still doing great. Zero issues with it. Looks great. It’s great with temperature regulation, too. I’d buy it over and over again.

   6. I like Eddie Bauer’s puffy jackets the best. They come in talls for me. I also think their down is as high quality as more pricy brands, but at a fraction of the cost. IME the nano-puff is cut tight in the shoulders which leads to sweaty armpits, not something I enjoy. I don’t have this issue with Eddie Bauer.

      1. This has also been my experience with Eddie Bauer. I need the extra length and it keeps me warm without being too tight.

   7. They gave us Helly Hansen puffers on our Antarctic cruise and they were fantastic. Might want to check them out.

   8. Recently made the same decision for a spring trip to Europe and tried both on at REI. Went with the Atom because I like the flat front finish–to me, it can look dressier if I need to wear it to dinner, etc. Pricey but I’ve had the Atom vest for 10 years and it’s a flawless workhorse. Very happy with the decision!

   9. Arcteryx is never worth the extra money, imo. Their prices are ridiculous.

10. are summer weight jeans a thing (not the same thing as, say, elastic waist full pants made of chambray). at varying points in my life i have had a pair of jeans that were lighter weight than regular. Looking for a pair — any one seen them this summer?

    1. I’ve seen some browsing online at Aerie (dreamy drape stretch) and NYDJ (cool embrace).

    2. They’re hard to find, but they exist. I have a pair from the Universal Thread line at Target that is a very thin denim. I will wear them in the summer; I refuse to wear my normal-weight jeans.

    3. I feel like these came out of the jegging sensation of the 2010’s. Maybe start your search there and expand out.

       1. op post here. the pair that i had that i loved was in college and they were gap long before jeggings. they looked like regular jeans and more or less fit like regular jeans they were just…. lighter.

    4. Yeah I just don’t wear jeans in the summer, unless its a cooler night

    5. I got the denim trouser from J.crew factory recently and I love how lightweight they are.

    6. I think there are chambray trousers at many of the big stores now, I’ve seen them at Uniqlo, Talbots, Jcrew, Jcrew Factory and a few others. Personally I like linen wide leg pants for summer over jeans though.

    7. Yes, but I don’t think there’s a consistent search term you can use to find them online. The Pilcro midrise slim boyfriend jeans from Anthropologie are lighter weight denim (and on sale). I bought them and plan to wear them for cooler, casual evenings this summer. They are not an on trend cut.

    8. I have some I bought last year from the Democracy line at Nordstrom Rack. Not intended to be summer jeans, just thin fabric but now I wear them as summer jeans.

    9. I bought some cropped wide leg jeans from Banana Republic Factory that are a lighter weight denim, I think blended with modal. The fabric plus the wide cut makes them fairly breezy. I still wouldn’t wear them when is much hotter than high 70s, assuming low humidity, but I am in a phase of life where I am too hot most of the time.

       I’m 5’3” and they hit about right at the ankle for me, maybe a bit lower.

    10. Everlane has summer jeans!

11. I’m spiraling. Packing for a 2 week trip to japan with three generations. Plan is to do laundry once so packing for a week. I had planned on 4 pairs of elastic waist summer pants, tshirts, two pairs of sneakers. BOOM! problem is that i hate the pants, I look like i’m in pajamas and also some how look incredibly short and wide when i am not particularly either…. suggestions? was considering long tshirt dresses but when i’ve tried on they all require special undies to not have lines also dresses really can only be worn once, pants i figured i could squeeze 3-4 out of if the tops were clean. guide me. i’m totally putting all the stress of this trip (have never been away two weeks, have never gone so far, one of my teens is dragging his feet, my parents are slow….)

    1. What pants are you talking about so we know what not to suggest? I feel like something in the Athleta Brooklyn line or Lululemon dance studio line would work for pants – casual and lightweight, and there’s a variety of joggers/straight/sometimes other shapes to select from. Disclaimer, I have never found any pants nearly as comfortable and flattering as Lululemon.

       1. Not OP but I feel that way about every pair of wide leg linen type pants I’ve tried on.

       2. Athleta Brooklyn pants are the GOAT

    2. Can you just bring non-elastic waist pants?

    3. I brought the Anthropologie Colette pants to Japan in March and got a lot of wear out of them! Comfy but don’t have the PJ pant look.

       You could also snag some linen and cotton midi dresses from Uniqlo.

       But mostly, don’t panic! I was also freaking out packing for my Japan trip and I had a great time :) I also stopped at Uniqlo while I was there which helped and is super easy to do.

    4. On what planet can dresses only be worn once? What do you wear at home where you currently live?

       1. at home i am not walking around in the sun for a whole day.

       2. I think this varies a lot by person but I shower every day, use soap, wear deodorant, etc and I can only wear most of my clothes that directly touch my skin once without washing. They just get kind of smelly. I might wear a dress a few times if I’m eg. wearing it to church for an hour and changing right after, and I spray some water on the armpits and hang it out to dry+air – but full day wear = needs washing for me.

          1. +1. I don’t get the folks who don’t wash their clothing. Do they not sweat, get grime on them from the subway or a shared car?

             1. I mean no? I never use the subway or a shared car in my day-to-day life.

    5. What about a lightweight chino instead of elastic waist? My favorite light-weight pants this season are the JCrew Factory high rise girlfriend chino. Love them so much I got three pairs.

       I have the same problem with elastic waist pants on my body – I always look stumpy and like I’m wearing PJs. I tried fighting it, but they just don’t work for me. An actual pant with more structure always works way better for me.

    6. Someone will give you packing advice way better than me. I just want to say that I spiral like that during packing for almost every single trip and it’s my least favorite thing, so you’re not alone.

       1. I do it, too. It’s like I channel all my travel anxiety into this ONE THING. I have mostly learned to settle down and pick what’s comfortable for the activities I’m doing. Maybe I’ll bring a special dress for a dinner out, but for everyday clothes, IDGAF if I look like a tourist. I’m going to look like one no matter what, so I might as well wear the shoes that work for my feet and the shirts and tops that will hold up to the heat.

    7. I like the gap factory tapered runaround pants, if you want a specific rec! They’re very light and the tapered leg (not skin tight at all! just tapered) makes them look a little less pajamas-y and/or THESE ARE MY VACATION PANTS. I think they might be an athleta dupe/knockoff but I never want to spring for the Brooklyn pants so I’m not sure.

    8. FWIW, Japan is dressier on average than the US and the universal color pallet is navy, black, camel and white. I would take lightweight wool slacks, shirt dresses like the MMlafleur Pepper Dress (lots similar), some cashmere sweater layering pieces. You’ll also want nicer shoes for dinner than sneakers – I’d take some sandals and low block heels too. Also if you’re changing cities, you can send your luggage ahead (have your hotel arrange it) so I’d take a small tote for essentials plus your suitcase.

       1. op here– isn’t it going to be very hot? lightweight wool and cashmere seem heavy to be out and about in june…. no?

          1. op here again– i thought that i wasn’t suppose to bring sandals bc i need to be wearing socks?

          2. Yeah, I would definitely not bring wool or cashmere. Japan is very hot in the summer!

       2. Agree Japan is hot but also agree it’s quite dressy. The women dress very stylishly but simply. Lots of skits and blouses, nice shoes. I saw almost no women in jeans or casual clothes in Tokyo or Kyoto (or small surrounding towns). I would bring lightweight slacks (linen, cotton) and sleeveless/short sleeve blouses. Possibly a cotton cardigan or two to layer. Dresses and skirts work, too. Would def wear simple canvas sneakers (not athletic sneakers) if you’ll be doing lots of sight seeing, but I’d also pack a pair of flats (loafers, ballet flats, very low block heel) or sandals for dinners. You do not need to take off your shoes in most restaurants, but may in other indoor venues.

          I would bring 2 skirts and 2 slacks (machine washable if possible) you can mix and match with the sleeveless/short sleeve blouses/tops. Then maybe 2 dresses. Also 2 cotton cardigans to layer. Can add scarves to make it more dressy or wear around your shoulders.

    9. Why can you not repeat wearing a dress?

       1. I personally sweat more from my armpits so dresses get dirty faster than pants for me.

          1. op here. yes, that is the problem with a dress- i feel like it’s the same as a tshirt, i would only wear once after a day of sightseeing in june. re: pants, i was hoping to bring very very light weight pants which tend to be have elastic weights.

       2. Armpit sweat would be my guess. Easy to wear the same pants and swap tops to take up less space. I couldn’t rewear without washing, especially when doing active travel.

       3. Sweat!

    10. Do laundry more often! And realize you will not look your best at all times while traveling unless you are an Instagrammer who brings 5 suitcases.

        1. no way! not spending my vacation at a laundromat. And anyway that isn’t really even the issue…

           1. If you’re staying in one place for 3 nights, wash in the bathtub or sink of your hotel and hang up to dry. If it’s not jeans, it shouldn’t take that long.

    11. I travel to Japan a lot for work. Depending on where you’re going it can be really hot and muggy. I wear mostly Athleta pants there because they do better in the heat and look more formal than jeans. I stick to a dark neutral color palette to fit in. I also pack some laundry detergent sheets so I can wash a few things in the sink if needed. Lastly, I leave room to buy some clothes there because the Japanese really nail the beautiful-work-clothes-that-feel-like-pajamas thing, and the exchange rate is amazing right now.

        Have a wonderful time! It’s an incredible country.

        1. So much beautiful clothes! But the fit is usually not good of you are build like Viking, so that may be an issue.

    12. You can wear dresses more than once . . .

        1. i would personally not wear a cotton tshirt dress a second time if the first time i wore it from all day inside and outside in june. or maybe i would but i wouldn’t pack assuming that i would be able to. seems likely it could be damp and stinky.

           1. Yeah, I definitely could not wear a t-shirt dress for a second time in this scenario. Who are these people who never sweat?

    13. Could you not bring skirts instead of pants? I personally hate wearing pants for travel anywhere warm. I think you could get away with 2 or 3 skirts and maybe a washable sundress or two that you could rinse out in the sink. There’s a FB group called Travel Fashion Girls where you might find some amazing advice. A lovely community of people who have gone everywhere with and without kids.

    14. How hot is it going to be? Can you wear jeans or leggings? T-shirt dresses are fine, it’s not a big deal if the underwear isn’t totally smooth underneath. I also don’t really care if stretchy pants make me look like slightly frumpy — when I’m traveling the priorities are comfort and appropriateness for the activity (e.g., modesty for religious sites), not fashion.

        I just packed for a 2 week trip to Turkey (city, mountains and beach) in a carry-on. Hoping to get away without doing laundry, although we might have to do it once. This was my list: 6 casual dresses that come to my knee, 6 t-shirts, 2 long-sleeved lightweight sun shirts, 2 cardigans, 3 pairs of shorts, 2 pairs of linen pants, pashmina for covering my hair at religious sites, sun hat, bikini and rashguard, beach shoes, underwear, socks, toiletries, sunscreen. I’ll wear leggings, t-shirt, sweatshirt and sneakers on the plane. Sneakers kill luggage space so I never bring a second pair. I’ve never had any issues with blisters, as long as the sneakers I bring are comfortable and broken in.

        1. op poster here. this all went in a carryon!?! i am traveling with my elderly parents, we are checking bags so i’m not so under pressure with space but i’m impressed.

           1. Yep, easily. Most of the clothing is very lightweight and can be compressed easily. It’s things like heavy sweaters and shoes that really take up space, so I almost never have a problem packing in a carry-on for summer trips.

              If you’re checking bags, I don’t understand why you’d do laundry – just take more stuff.

              1. I pack like that in a carryon too. Easier to do for warmer weather destinations.

                 I bring along a woolite packet or two and do some sink laundry.

              2. Yeah, for colder climates it’s harder. We don’t do a lot of cold climate travel but I usually end up rewearing jeans and sweaters or jackets (over fresh t-shirts) 2-3 times. Some might consider that gross, but these things get much less sweaty than t-shirts and dresses that go directly against your armpits.

    15. YMMV but I really like the tech fabrics for traveling. They don’t take up much space in my suitcase, they dry really quickly, and I don’t get too hot. Maybe something like this: https://athleta.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=818495012&cid=1059471&pcid=1059471&vid=1&cpos=2&cexp=3064&kcid=CategoryIDs%3D1059471&cvar=27659&ctype=Listing&cpid=res24052110414225502598204&ccam=33965#pdp-page-content

12. I will post on the moms page too, but do we have any medical professionals on here who know anything about Miralax for kids? My 9 year old was really backed up and the gastroenterologist prescribed a 2 day clean out 2 weeks ago, and then a capful of Miralax a day for a month, with a reduced dose afterwards. I just read a bunch of info about the risks of Miralax though – I left a message to discuss with the nurse but in the meantime, curious if anyone knows about this.

    1. For heavens sake no! You do not need to cross post kid bathroom issues into both pages. There is no reason why this needs to be here instead of the mom page.

       1. i don’t understand this response at all.

       2. I’m inclined to agree with you.

       3. Thank you.

       4. I think parenting questions should largely stay on the other website, but this is really more of a medical question than a parenting one.

          1. And medical questions really don’t belong on either page. They are best addressed by clinician who has examined the patient.

             1. They were explicitly second guessing their clinician because of stuff they read online. I took it as a “reality check” kind of question. If you haven’t encountered the fearmongering on the internet about Miralax, it’s pretty wild.

             2. She said she’s talking to a doctor too. Obviously random people on the internet can’t replace a doctor, but sometimes it’s helpful to get anecdotes from people who’ve had similar issues. I’ve had issues with doctors not listening to me or not exploring all options, and I know many women with similar stories so it’s not as simple as “ask the doctor.”

                I also don’t understand this attitude that you can police what’s discussed here – if you don’t like the topic, collapse and scroll on.

          2. Pretty specific to children and their bathroom habits, though. I think it could stay on the moms’ side.

    2. Is that the same as peg? We’re currently doing this with one of our 9 year old twins. It’s important to do the smaller daily dose so their system can reset.

       1. Yes it’s PEG

    3. This is typical first line treatment for constipation. My child has been on daily Miralax for 10+ years now, and I’m very aware of the risks, but in their case the alternative is daily soiling (structural issue with the GI tract/bowel that can’t be surgically corrected until they stop growing) so this is what we do. For what it is worth, we’ve seen absolutely no side effects. We’ve also used ducolax, ex lax, and suppositories over the years separately and in combination with Miralax, and the Miralax is the only one we’ve seen no side effects with. I do not buy generic versions of Miralax – I work in the pharmaceutical industry and I’m not comfortable with the lack of supply chain visibility for generic over the counter drugs. That is probably my own hang up though!

       1. We have a similar medical issue and use movicol. Given that you’re in the pharma industry, is that what you’d consider a generic (and what’s the better quality version?)?

    4. We’ve given Miralax to DD on/off since she was 3 (now 7). I read those reports you probably saw, but there seems to have been a lot of fear-mongering. There are real and painful problems that can arise from constipation that are severe, and to me, it justifies it. The more you wait, the more stretched out the bowels get and the harder it gets to push things out… The one thing I will say is that 1 cap per day for a month seems like a lot but I also don’t know your kid’s situation.

    5. I think that your child’s own healthcare professional is more qualified to talk about this since they have the background rather than strangers on the internet who have never examined your child.

       I say this as someone with health anxiety where I’ll spiral and convince myself that someone else on Reddit or somewhere must know something my doctor doesn’t.

       1. No real healthcare professional gives medical advice to strangers online.

          But I’ve repeatedly encountered doctors who simply didn’t know things that I needed them to know, so I don’t think it’s necessarily bad to look things up or sort of check in with other patients about what their doctors are doing. It’s okay to fact check since no one provider can know it all. But look things up in UpToDate, not randomly!

          1. Sure, but a pediatric GI doctor definitely for sure knows about Miralax, including the side effects experienced by their own patients in this situation. Miralax is not a cutting edge drug.

             1. GI doctors are the worst for missing things in my experience, including outlier risks of Miralax. I wish I’d had better experiences, but it’s lessons learned the hard way.

             2. Ahh, yes, an anonymous internet commenter is definitely the expert on the practitioners in an entire field of medicine.

          2. No one on here is more qualified to assess the safety of this than a peds GI who has actually examined the kid. If you have concerns discuss with with the GI, if you don’t trust the GI ask your pediatrician or a pharmacist (i.e. people who can accurately answer the question way better than a bunch of internet strangers with minimal- to no-medical training).

          3. Okay. Nobody’s criticizing the many doctors who are good. But there is published research on overdiagnosis of IBS and other functional disorders, PPI overprescribing, missed diagnoses of Celiac, IBD, etc., so there is some context for anecdotal experiences of missed issues falling into known patterns.

             This Miralax protocol doesn’t sound like any kind of red flag, and I hope OP feels reassured and that everything goes well!

    6. Miralax is not super risky; it is important to get enough liquids with it and enough nutrition. A lot of the stuff online is anxiety speaking, or the kind of concerns that come up when a doctor wants a kid on Miralax for the next ten years or indefinitely.

       I do think your kid deserves an explanation for why this happened in the first place though. If the symptom is from low intake of B1, choline, magnesium, poorly balanced diet, an orthopedic issue, or a school policy issue (like inadequate bathroom access), I wouldn’t want to just compensate for that long term without addressing the underlying issue.

       1. Forgot to specify that I’m speaking as a patient, not a provider. In general, you should discuss any concerns with the doctor and with your pharmacist.

    7. My 11 year old has been on daily miralax since she was 6. She’s done the miralax clean outs in the past, too, although lately she does regular exlax cleanouts in addition to the daily miralax. She’s under the care of excellent pediatric GIs who have assured me this is safe. Constipation in kids is something to stay on top of!

       Hope the nurse will give you the assurance you need. Good on you for reading about it and asking the questions!

13. Just did a round of crest whitening strips and I can’t say I’ve noticed a big difference. My teeth look slightly less yellow? Anyone have success with them or another product? I’d rather not pay a dentist to do it, but maybe that’s where I’m at. :(

    1. I tried them as well as other brands. In addition to minimal results all made my teeth ache.
       I ponied up and had trays made and buy the gel from the dentist.

    2. That’s weird, I don’t even need to use very many of them before I can tell a big difference.

    3. I think some kind of staining isn’t helped by those strips. My dentist actually declined to sell me teeth bleaching when I asked about it, because she said the kind of discoloration I had wouldn’t be fixed by the current bleaching technology.

       This was a while ago, so tech may have changed, but my teeth aren’t that bad som I haven’t bothered to look into it.

    4. I’ve had a way better experience using the whitening mouthwash

14. Does it ever feel like everyone else’s life is moving forward and yours is standing still?

    My sister is applying for new jobs and will definitely get a great one despite no networking etc. – she just has that type of a resume. Another friend just announced a pregnancy. And I’m just – sitting here – in a meh job in my mid 40s. Haven’t traveled in four plus years because of Covid – I know that isn’t a thing for people anymore but it is for me healthwise. My job pays well but is terrible and I feel myself getting dumber. My resume is fairly unmarketable unless I want to go back and slog in biglaw which I don’t and probably can’t get in anyway as I’m old. There are things that I want to do like make an industry switch, travel, buy a house but I feel like it’s always something. Covid, my health concerns, and on and on. I guess I should be thankful that I’m financially well but IDK it’s just not satisfying. I don’t begrudge anyone else their success or happiness but I just feel like I’m missing out and half my 40s are gone. I already waited too long to start life – spent a decade working in biglaw, then spent far too long being unhappy about my meh job but toiled away for money, and just as I was ready to travel and have fun and live life, had a health concern and then months later Covid started and clearly will never end.

    1. I’m immunocompromised and I just spoke to my immunologist about lessening COVID precautions. She said that for a variety of reasons (some specific to my treatment and some more general, like viral strains evolving to be less deadly), now is a good time to loosen up again. She recommended avoiding high-risk situations during surges and masking during travel, but gave the blessing to indoor dine at smaller restaurants and to go do more things indoors. Is that an option for you as well?

       I do really want to loosen up restrictions, but what was really important for sanity during “peak COVID” was finding ways to have fun that were safer for me. I got back into mountain biking and have had a lot of amazing days out there, to name one thing. See if you can find that thing that gives you joy and keeps you safer. I don’t feel like those years were wasted. I did a lot of really cool stuff! You can too.

       1. Curious where you are getting information about surges and current levels? My source on local numbers and wastewater readings has recently dried up and I feel like I’m now making decisions in a vaccum.

          1. Wastewater and regional data about hospitalizations. Also, I’ve found that word of mouth has been the earliest indicator. We have remote workers in different places and when I start hearing about “a lot of illness going around” when we’re on Zoom calls, it’s led to a documented COVID surge 100% of time (either big or small).

          2. Biobot has wastewater data

       2. I am moderately immunocompromised and have reduced travel but I haven’t stopped altogether. I mask at the airport and on the plane and avoid indoor crowds but I still eat at restaurants, inside, and have attended conferences. I’ve had COVID once now, I took Paxlovid and it wasn’t that bad. I haven’t caught COVID while traveling.

       3. One thing I will add is that being outside isn’t a panacea – my husband got COVID outside during a big omicron surge (yes, we’re positive about that because it was an all-outdoors wilderness trip and he didn’t have COVID when it started). You’ll still need to work on the risk acceptance part of this and find ways to enjoy things while understanding that nothing is NO risk. Striving for no-risk is the fast track to staying home and feeling blah. Aim for low-risk as a place to start.

       4. For USA, I like https://www.pmc19.com/data/index.php

          My local wastewater data was never all that actionable (it would be all over the place from county to county), and I don’t trust my local hospital data much since I know some of the local hospitals are reluctant to test (it’s political here). I used to use CDC, but I think their numbers are going to be misleading now that hospital reporting is opt-in and not required. I also pay attention when people are out sick or home w/sick kids since my household is avoiding all the bad stuff that goes around!

          I mostly use it for scheduling dental work though, since for other things I want to do, I mask up and go. And I don’t really need to check numbers to know we’re going to get a surge after the school year starts and again after the winter holidays; it just keeps happening.

    2. You need to accept that there will always be risks to life and find ways to enjoy yourself despite COVID. You can’t stay inside forever.

       1. +1. At this point, this is no way to continue living your life.

    3. Maybe treat your depression? Even if you have a medical reason why you need to be Covid cautious there are so many ways to travel safely. Any sort of drive/rent a house type situation would work.

       Your life is stagnant because you’re letting it be.

    4. The only person that can make your life more fun or fulfilling is you. Take some time to think about some goals and what half-steps you need to take to get toward them. Comparing yourself to others and feeling meh is a sign to me that you’re not doing enough that’s filling your cup. Figure out how to fill your cup and get out there (even if out there is truly outdoors, away from COVID-y people).

       You can travel in a car, to a place and do a thing outdoors. I know it. If you don’t have a car, rent one.

    5. Figure out a way to snap out of it and stop feeling sorry for yourself.

       1. I’m sure OP will find this super helpful. Geez just feel free to scroll by posts that annoy you rather than being mean.

       2. You’re just like the people who told my husband to “snap out of it” when he was grieving losing his father. He’s never forgotten how awful that felt.

          1. I was told this very thing on Friday.

       3. Gee, wish I had thought of that earlier. Life would have been so much better. Thanks for the advice.

       4. Yes, very helpful! Have you tried figuring out a way to cultivate kindness?

       5. Figure out a way to be kind and start feeling empathy for others.

    6. Yes, I feel like this often. I don’t have any great advice but just want you to know that you’re not the only one who feels like this and it can feel absolutely terrible sometimes. One thing that’s helped me a little is investing more energy into hobbies, particularly the things I did as a kid that I’d largely stopped doing, like art, swimming, and tennis. It doesn’t solve everything but it provides a few moments of joy which is enough sometimes. I also think that a vacation, even if you have to drive, might be really nice for you.

    7. I completely understand. I haven’t had Covid yet, and each time I check the data on the risk to someone with my condition, even with vaccinations getting Covid is really risky. I have been doing outdoor things: hiking, tooling around town on a bike and swimming in an outdoor pool that no one uses at a local club. For vacation, we have driven to places with good natural ventilation: the mountains, the countryside or the sea. We found hotels with windows or doors that open, and plan ahead on where we can eat outside. It’s not popping over to Paris the Olympics, but it’s enough to keep me sane.

    8. I very much feel like this. Just a few years behind you, and I’m in a job that pays well but does not leave room for growth (or maybe I could have found ways to push my way toward growth despite being over-managed, but I have not succeeded there yet). I want a new job but I’m not sure what or where to go, as I’m in a weird niche, and I worry my many hours spent trying keep my flailing workplace afloat does not translate into attractive skills to other employers. All to say, you are definitely not alone. I’m trying (in case this helps, feel free to ignore all of this if it doesn’t serve you!) to focus on my overall mood and energy level by getting exercise outdoors, focusing on social connections, practicing gratitude, and ending my work day at 8 hours exactly, to leave time for hobbies or just life. Those are the intentions anyway, I’m also binging TV and eating lots of snacks. But my working theory is that if I were in a better mood, it would be easier for me to think through what I like and hate about my job, and what kind of opportunities to start to network to pursue next. And having more life outside of work reduces the pressure for work to be 100% in place. For you, also if there are small ways you could treat yourself, to feel some of the benefits of the money you’ve worked so hard to earn, maybe that would bring some light? A short trip that mostly involves being outside – whether in nature or a sequence of nice restaurants with patios? Something that will make your living space a little more comfortable? Takeout from that hot new restaurant in town that you never get around to trying? But mostly sending hugs – I’m sure you will figure out what steps are the most fruitful for you to make this situation work best for you. This is just a phase, and it will pass. (Also, as someone smart said on this forum yesterday: comparison is the thief of joy. I’m sure your sister has her many downs as well as ups.)

15. Wanted to share this here as it’s small but solid progress. At the end of 2023 I had about 44k in loans still to be paid off. My bonus was awful this year (I work in tech, frankly I’m thrilled I’m still employed) but I’m on track to be debt free by June 2025!! Some months I’ve even been ahead of my monthly contributions which helped build in a buffer for things like children’s braces, new eyeglasses, family emergencies, etc. It has felt like a huge slog to pay these off in a VHCOL area but I feel like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel

    1. congrats!!!! keep up the good work!

    2. Congrats!! That’s an awesome accomplishment indeed.

    3. Well done!!!

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