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Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Vintage Garment-Dyed Midi T-Shirt Dress

I love a T-shirt dress for an easy spring outfit. This dress from Old Navy would be a great addition to a WFH wardrobe or even for a more casual office.

I would add a bright necklace and a dark moto jacket while the weather is still chilly, and a long necklace and some flat sandals when it gets warmer.

The dress is $30–$32, marked down from$34.99, and available in regular sizes XS–XXL, tall sizes S–XXL, and petite sizes XS–L. It also comes in “warm hickory.” Today at Old Navy, you can get 30% off your order, including clearance.

Old Navy has a similar dress (with a pocket) for $32.99 that's available in three colors in sizes 1X–4X.

Sales of note for 12.2.24 (Happy Cyber Monday!! See our full sale listing here!)

Sales of note for 12.2.24 (Happy Cyber Monday!! See our full sale listing here!)

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

285 Comments

  1. Whenever I click through to the posted clothing item and I see it has mainly indifferent or negative reviews, I have to wonder why it’s being featured. I mean, I know for money, but featuring well-reviewed items would be more useful for the readers here.

    1. That’s a good point. However this dress is pretty new so I imagine there just hasn’t been a lot of time for reviews.
      Also – the color names at ON lately crack me up. Points for creativity but when I hear “volcanic glass” I don’t think “gray.”

      1. Volcanic glass is obsidian, so I’d be assuming something a little darker than this, but still in this family.

    2. Also, the reviews are two that note there is no shaping/it’s essentially baggy. Honestly, you can immediately tell that’s the case by looking at the picture, so I am not sure what those reviewers were hoping for. I completely discount those reviews because IMO duh, it’s not meant to be figure hugging so . . .

      1. And this is why t-shirt dresses generally make me look like I’m walking around in a nightgown. Love the idea, but the execution usually leaves a lot to be desired!

  2. Just got caught up on yesterday afternoon’s thread about married vs single life, and wanted to come here to talk about money. As is the custom of my people.

    Everyone is allowed to divide up household chores as they see fit, but I am here to BEG YOU, if you are not the one in the marriage who handles the finances, please at least have an easily accessible list of all your accounts and bills and how to access everything, so if something happens to your spouse you have the first clue about what needs to happen w your finances. How much debt are you in? Are your bills on autopay? Who does your taxes if you don’t DIY? How much cash do you typically have on hand? What credit cards do you have? What retirement accounts do you and your spouse have? My husband and I have an excel spreadsheet of all our assets that I update once a year or so (we don’t switch stuff around much) and I send to him so we are both on the same page about what we have.

    Related: do the same for your parents as they age, esp if one of them has handled everything for years and years. I work with a lot of estate clients and it is upsetting how completely in the dark a lot of elderly women are about their finances. So they go through the tragedy of losing their spouse and then have to figure out what bank accounts they have, how much money they have, how to get their taxes filed, etc. for the first time in their life at age 85. It’s extremely stressful.

    1. Absolutely to all of this!

      Also, if you only have one or two ‘joint’ credit cards, please check if they are truly joint or if you are just an ‘authorized user’ on the account. If you are just an AU (and yes, you will have a credit card with your name on it’, once the primary cardholder dies and the company is notified, your card will shut off to prevent fraud.

      So. Just make sure you have a backup in the spouse’s name. (Trust me, very hard to be making travel/funeral arrangements and literally have your credit card be declined when you’re trying to pay for the flowers for the funeral. Yeah, a long time ago, I was the person on the other end of the phone that widow had to speak to and it wasn’t my favorite day… And yes, we made things right.)

    2. My father just passed away at 97 (he was mentally competent until the final brief illness), and my 86 year old mother has picked right up on everything. I am so grateful that he prepared her and that she was willing and able to learn.

    3. And it obviously goes both ways — if you ARE the one who handles the finances, make sure your spouse knows all this stuff too.

      And since I’m already on my morbid soapbox, 1. get life insurance (term is fine for the vast majority of people, but if you’re super rich you might want to do something different, consult your estate planning atty) 2. get a will/incapacity docs, and 3. if you have kids, make sure your spouse has all the important contact info in their phone too– kid’s dentist, kid’s pediatrician, kid’s teacher, etc. Related, if they have important contacts in their phone that you don’t have, get that too. Yard guy, plumber, etc.

      1. Our lawyer also recommended that we have our teenager set up a health care proxy etc. before leaving for college. She told scary stories about cases where a kid was hospitalized and the parents were unable to get information or help.

        1. I commented above about my elderly parents, and they stressed the importance of this too. My mother (now living alone) stuck hers on the refrigerator in case she ever has a medical emergency and EMS is called.

          1. Whoever the proxy is should have it saved on their phone so that if your mom is rushed to the hospital, the person meets her there and has it on hand to show the hospital staff. Don’t put the only copy in your safe at home or security deposit box, if your loved one is in the hospital (the one place usually that a healthcare proxy is needed) you want it on hand.

          2. Even better than on the phone is in the cloud — like Google Docs or similar — so it can be accessed any time, anywhere, and you don’t lose it when your phone dies or whatever.

          3. Ah, yes I meant accessible by phone – google drive, gmail saved, whatever. It’s like how you should have photos of your health insurance card, passport, driver’s license on your phone. If you lose your passport in a foreign country it is super helpful to have a photo of it on your phone to show the embassy staff.

          4. Please, do NOT put your general power of attorney in a safe deposit box, ever. This is the document that allows your agent to get into the safe deposit box….

      2. What is the point of life insurance? Not a snarky question–I just don’t get it. I’m married, early forties, no kids and no intention of having them, and I have a small mandatory policy through work, but I just don’t understand the point of insuring my life or my husband’s. If one of us dies, the other will just carry on, no?

        1. Before kids, our life insurance would let us pay off the mortgage and then let the surviving spouse take a year off (if needed) to regroup before going back to work.

          With kids, we have an amount that would allow for the mortgage to be fully paid off and the surviving spouse to drop to half time work for a few years (if needed) to support the kids, while having college paid for.

          Likewise, the total amount for both of our life insurance is enough for the people we’ve asked to care for our kids to move into a fully paid house or buy a large, nice house in a good school district and have the expenses of raising the kiddos covered through college tuition.

        2. Without kids or other dependents, life insurance is less important. But if you have a mortgage or other expenses that depend on both salaries, even families without children might opt for life insurance.

        3. Replaces lost income from the deceased partner. Even if your incomes are relatively equal (as with myself and my DH), the extras in our lifestyle are based on having two incomes. I can afford our mortgage and the basics like childcare and food and energy bills on my income alone but not vacations/all the extracurriculars/travel/support to lower income parents (we treat my parents for joining us on vacation sometimes and pay for their snowclearing and lawncare). Plus people with kids would have college funds to finance and higher expenses. And plenty of people can’t afford their mortgage payments on one income alone. Lots of women are the lower earning spouse. Having to move out of your house after your DH dies would be devastating for many people.

        4. For us, we want the surviving spouse to have no interruption to lifestyle or income in the event of what would be a tragic passing. I think we’re over insured from most practical standpoints, but we can afford it and we’re happy with it. We have young kids and a mortgage. I want the surviving spouse to have the room to grieve and support the kids and not spend any time worrying about finances either in the immediate term after the death or thereafter. We’ll dial it back someday as kids grow and mortgage decreases/other investments increase, but for now it gives us peace of mind. We also each lost a parent young, so I’m sure that’s part of our emotional calculus.

        5. I think it differs for different families. For you and your spouse, it may not be crucial (but I would still consider if you could pay off your home on your own for example). But in our family, my dad made sure to have life insurance. In our case, my dad worked full-time, and my mom was on/off part-time. If he died, life insurance would have paid off the house and enabled my mom to take care of us (me + 1 sibling) and maybe even help a bit with college. IIRC, he now has a smaller policy because we are both independent and the policy is to cover his final expenses and ensuring my mom isn’t left destitute in her old age.
          I think the amount of life insurance you need is largely determined by what the financial impacts of your or your spouse’s untimely deaths would be. I’m no expert but that’s the framing that has been helpful for me.

        6. Thank you for all these responses, they’re very helpful! If I may clarify my situation a bit: I make a good income, about 4 times what my husband makes, but he inherited a hefty bundle from his deceased father and is the richer of the two of us. So for me, “replacing his income” isn’t a huge issue, as it’s minimal and I would inherit his assets, but maybe it would be more serious for him if I died. Given this, would it make sense to insure me but not him?

          1. That is something for you and your husband to discuss. One factor is how expensive each of you would be to insure.

            I wish we had bought term life very early in our marriage, when we were younger and healthier, even though we didn’t feel we needed it at that point.

          2. That’s a question for your estate planner.
            The small freebie workplace policies are are most often used to pay for burial expenses in my experience. Oftentimes, among people who aren’t in lucrative careers, just coming up with the funds to pay for burial/cremation/disposition is daunting.

          3. I got $1mm 20 year term on myself for each of our kids around the time they were born because I’m the primary breadwinner. My husband got a lower amount. My first term is expiring as my daughter is about to turn 20, and it was so worth it for peace of mind. Our assets have grown to make the life insurance no longer necessary, so everything functioned as it should have. I’m grateful never to have needed it!

          4. I don’t understand why anyone would ever get life insurance. I make a gazillion dollars and my hubby is independently wealthy. Why is there a market for life insurance?

        7. We only have life insurance through work (a few 100k each). No kids, no mortgage, he makes more than me. However, we have ~1 million in net worth already. If he died, I wouldn’t stay in our VHCOL area and there’d be plenty of money to pay for a move and get by for a while. He’d be fine on his income alone and there’d be plenty to get by for a while if he needed to take time off. If you don’t have kids or a mortgage that requires 2 incomes, and have a decent net worth, I don’t think you need a huge amount of life insurance. With kids, a mortgage, and no assets, you probably do want it.

        8. If you have lots of assets it’s not necessary. But if you’re a youngish person it’s cheap and even a small amount would help your family pay for funeral expenses, paying off your lease, dealing with your stuff. It’s thoughtless to leave that to someone without consideration of at least the costs.

      3. Can I ask about terms? We have life insurance that basically runs through when our kid would be halfway through university. When combined with our death in service benefits (2x salary), it would pay off the mortgage and provide income replacement for one of our incomes. My husband also has critical illness insurance, but I wasn’t eligible because of lupus. We also have death in service benefits (2 years salary). We are in the UK so no medical costs + tuition is lower (non-existent in Scotland, but whether that stays that way is TBC). Does this make sense? So when we’re 55/60, we won’t have life insurance any more.

        1. That’s similar to to what we have – term ends when our youngest is one year out of college. At that point, we expect to cover costs through savings.

        2. Sounds good. I’m 56 and my first term is running out this year. My second one in two years (they are tied to the ages of our kids). Our kids are nearly “launched” and our assets have grown so they would be well taken care of if one or both of us died. That wasn’t the case when they were wee ones so the life insurance was there for that, not for where we are today.

      4. I have been wanting to pursue setting up a will/incapacity docs, but I feel a little silly doing so. I’m single, young, and have a negative net worth (student debt + consumer debt, but do have a small savings account and a 401k). What I really want the docs for though is for the care of my two beloved pets. If something happens to me, I don’t want them just taken to the local shelter. I have family/friends willing to take them if something happens, but I’d like to put that and the care instructions/wishes (i.e. please don’t declaw) in writing. How do I do this? What is necessary to make it official? And then where do I store the document so that it’s accessible in my absence?

        1. I actually struggled with a similar issue. I have positive net worth but no one to leave it to. I picked charities that were important to me, but then I spent months trying to figure out whom to ask to be executor. I couldn’t crack that – everyone I called said no for one reason or another- and then coronavirus came.

          1. Your comment makes me really sad =( I hope you find someone to be executor! I’m appalled that people said no; if someone asked me, I’d be honored that they trusted me to finish out their affairs after their passing.

          3. Don’t take it personally. Being an executor can be a lot of work and quite intimidating for people that are not familiar with legal processes/terminology. Even if they have not been an executor previous, they may have heard stories from family members or friends about challenges/difficulties.

          4. aw thanks everyone. I was trying lawyers, but didn’t have any luck. there was a reluctance that I couldn’t understand – and of course I’d be happy to pay them – but maybe it is the amount of work involved. Selling a NYC co-op? lord…
            Maybe something for my post-vaccine to-do list, again.

          5. I kind of understand the reluctance to serve as executor. My hub was executor for my mom (he kept accidentally calling himself the executioner which was literally gallows humor for me) and it was a ton of work. More than two years later he’s still dealing with bits and pieces.

            In most standard wills there is a provision for the executor to pay themselves a reasonable fee – you want someone you trust not to spend your entire estate as a reasonable fee, but remind people you’re asking that they can take compensation.

        2. I am single, no kids and only within the last few years have moved into the black in net worth (thanks student loans). This is the sole reason I have a will (and life insurance – through work). I asked friends who would be willing to take what animal and then split up my life insurance based on the animal. I have a horse, which is obviously a lot more work/money than taking on a dog or a cat. This is the main reason I felt it was important to allocate some life insurance/retirement money to those who are willing to take them on after I die.

          An estate planning attorney can answer all of your questions for you. I am a lawyer, but I know jack $hit about the laws surrounding wills and trusts in my state, so I hired an attorney. My will was simple so I think cost under $500 in my LCOL area. Highly recommend you take that route. It’s not silly at all!

        3. Talk to an estate planning attorney about the pets. In my state you can do trusts for your pets (similar to what you would do for kids).

          1. what advice re the executor tho? my friends are mostly far away and my relatives are ooky white supremacists. will the atty have ideas about who can be the executor? TIA

    4. So important! Along those lines, do you have any suggestions on how I can help my extremely reluctant mother do so? My father says he is willing to teach her but not the most patient person and not the best at recordkeeping despite us trying to help/pushing for it. My sibling and I have a decent idea of what their finances look like but don’t know the level of detail that we’d be able to step in and take care of everything in the event of my father’s death. We are of a very traditional culture re: gender roles and family duties so my mother excuses herself by saying it’s too complicated and that my sibling and I already know everything (we don’t). But my sibling is in college and I am in graduate school. We both have job offers out of state and plan to move away after graduation and enjoy being truly independent for at least a while before we have to take care of elderly parents. I would have a greater peace of mind if I knew my mother were better equipped to take care of herself. Were my dad to die, I would be juggling grief and the stress of figuring out finances for my mom. I’d like to minimize the latter now.
      Forgive me, this started as a question but turned into a rant & question combo. Any advice appreciated. The extent of Mom’s knowledge is paying utility bills online, and that took a while to teach.

      1. Could he write up a guide to everything? Maybe you and your siblings could know where it is or scan/email a copy to his email account and your mom’s? Lists of their accounts, bills, passwords, how much money, contact names and numbers, due dates for anything etc. This is what my uncle did for my aunt before he died. he did up a whole little binder that she kept referencing. She tried to learn some of the stuff but he felt like they wanted to spend their last time together enjoying their time and not stressed. He felt like she was not able to deal with the concreteness of what to do after he passed and wasn’t retaining a lot. She actually like her little binder after he was gone because it made her feel like he was still taking care of her.

        1. This got me in all my “gifts of service love language” feels. It was great that he prepared that for her.

        2. Thank you! I think this will be a spring project for my sibling and I. Unfortunately, my dad won’t do this on his own, but the two of us combined can at least get all the info together in one place. I think a binder would make more sense for them because neither is particularly tech savvy and allows my dad to write other notes in the margins about the name of the agent they worked with or whatever else.

          1. This is great idea.

            In this situation, it can also be helpful to have a trusted accountant and lawyer name at hand, that can step in to assist when the time comes. If you guys are both out of state, unless one of you moves home long term when your father passes, I suspect your Mom will need ongoing help long term. Honestly, it can be hard for many spouses to take over late in life.

        3. My dad has done that for me. He doesn’t think my mom is super capable of dealing with it if something happens to him (to be fair, he’s probably right). I have a huge list of passwords and names of people to call about every single thing in case he dies unexpectedly. It’s an enormous gift to our entire family. He updates it annually and resends to me.

      2. No advice, I just think it’s so sad that there are cultures where the women are taught that they are too stupid to handle something as essential as their own finances.

        1. I think it’s partly that finances as they exist remain a system built by and for men, according to their preferences, what makes sense to them, and what they enjoy.

      3. Financial management does not have to be difficult. Let me tell you what my best case scenario would be as an accountant:

        1. Have them do their estate planning if it’s not already up to date. As part of this process, most of the estate attorneys I work with have an asset spreadsheet with a very good record of all accounts owned, how they are titled, etc. As part of the estate planning, have both your parents put you and your sister as their financial POA. This way you are able to help your mom if your dad passes away or becomes incapacitated. Make sure you have the contact info of the estate planning atty, because they will be able to help you once a parent passes.

        2. Streamline as much as possible, preferably before they do the estate planning piece. A lot of people have a bunch of random bank/investment/retirement etc. accounts set up over a bunch of years (sometimes in a bunch of locations!) that they never get around to transferring, rolling over, or closing out. If this is your parents’ situation, try to get them to consolidate as much as you can now, before it’s an emergency. If your mom finds financial stuff stressful and complicated, getting 10 different account statements every month is going to push her over the edge into complete overwhelm.

        3. The scenario that would be easiest for everyone is to have all investment and retirement accounts at one brokerage place with a related checking account if possible, and have a broker who regularly works with a local accountant who (with your parents’ permission) can send tax documents straight to the accountant. Have all bills set to autopay out of this checking account. That will make financial management and tax filing very streamlined, and by looking at the monthly statements you’ll be able to see what bills get paid each month. I don’t know how expensive this is or how much money your parents have, so that might be a limiting factor, but this is what to do if simplification is the goal.

        4. In addition to this ^ set up, I’d also get a small separate joint checking account with you, your sibling, and your mom. This is for emergency use and is an easy way to transfer money to her if necessary.

      4. I’m in the same situation as my mom and stepdad, although my mom seems to be further behind. I think she’s terrified that she’ll not know something and feel or look dumb, so she leaves the room every time it comes up despite prodding otherwise.

    5. Yes. Yes. Yes. 58-year old FIL dropped dead 4 years ago and MIL didn’t even know her cable TV provider let alone anything else far more critical about he finances. It made a horrible situation even worse. Further, she wasn’t a co-owner of any of the bank accounts, not a named beneficiary on anything. Her name only showed up on debt – car loans, mortgages, credit cards. I don’t remember the legal technicalities (she was in FL), but she basically had $2k in cash available to her to satisfy these debts and to live on while everything else cycled through probate courts for months. I learned from the probate attorney we were using that this is all too common and would strongly advise you do whatever you can to avoid it.

      1. We went through something similar. And MIL was so wracked with grief, it was just a horrible situation. After FIL died, we begged and pleaded for MIL to draw up a will, but she wouldn’t because she didn’t want to think about it. A short time later she was in an accident and died shortly thereafter, before any paperwork could be done. So she died without a will and the county government ended up taking a hefty chunk to process the estate without an executor. No other family lived in-state, which was a requirement to be a stand-in executor there.

        So for those of you trying to persuade parents to get their things in order, ask whether they really want the government to get thousands of dollars instead of whomever they choose, because that’s what happens.

    6. We have an excel spreadsheet that tracks our net worth, so includes all the major pots of money. We don’t store passwords in it (nor do we store it on the cloud), but I include the login ID and a clue to the PW that is useless to anyone but DH. If we both die, our estate can deal with cracking the passcodes.

      I don’t have a list of all major bills/utilities/etc. frankly, I figured if I drop head he can figure it out. The list changes all the time. I guess it would be pretty easy to make a second tab on that net worth spreadsheet that says water- X, Gas-Y, Cable-Z.

    7. My husband handles the finances. We have a binder with recent statements of all our accounts, and his most recent analysis of our financial status. We use a password manager for our passwords.

    8. Interestingly, in my own family it’s my mom who handles everything (although my dad is very savvy and his name is on everything, so it’s not like he would be completely lost without her). But yeah, my mom is the one who deals with bills and knows how much cash is in the bank accounts.

    9. My mom still proofs the bank statement monthly, keeps ledgers, and pays bills by check, so that is helpful as a record should she go first.

      OTOH, if you marry later in life you are likely so digitally complex that it is hard to unwind. My husband legally owns both of our cars (have 2 kids in diapers when you need a minivan and only one spouse goes to the store to buy it and it ain’t the one with teats). BUT I keep a lot of tax records due to having a small business (and its own bank accounts) but when we need to be up on this, our minds are already likely to be failing so we should probably involve our kids sooner vs later. I wish our elderly parents would do the same.

    10. +1 to this! I posted late on yesterday’s thread about my FIL passing away and my MIL not being prepared to take care of finances and any other tasks that my FIL always handled. My post came off more harshly than I intended, but CPA Lady better expressed the issues I was trying to highlight.

      Before he died, my FIL set up every bill he could on autopay so that my MIL wouldn’t have to worry about bill payments. Also, he wrote out a list of all of their passwords for all accounts. We still refer to the “password list” on a regular basis and laugh about many of the funny passwords he had created. It has been so helpful.

      Also, I echo the commenter who pointed out the issue of being an authorized user on a deceased person’s credit card. This happened to my MIL – as soon as we informed the credit card company of my FILs passing, they immediately shut down her credit card and turned the account over to collections. She had to wait a couple weeks to open a new credit card in her own name, which was stressful given everything going on at that time.

      My DH and I both handle certain aspects of our finances, and the most useful thing we’ve done in recent years is subscribe to a password manager. We both know the log in information for the password manager and it has all of our accounts, so we each only have to remember one password to access everything.

    11. I’d add, with parents don’t assume that the child that is closest is the one who needs to handle things. I’ve seen it go both ways with my parents family and can safely say that even before everything was online, it goes 100% better if the person who is good dealing with things is the one to handle the finances even if they are across the country (or in a different country). There are very few things that need to be in person.

    12. Overall, my spouse handles most of the finances. We do a quarterly review fourt times per year: January 1 or 2, April 1 or 2, July 1 or 2, and October 1 or 2. We get a glass of wine and sit in front of the computer for an hour or two. We look at each account we have and discuss everything: total earned income to date, monthly expenses to date, each investment account and whether we want to make changes, charitable contributions for the year, etc. etc. So while he handles it, I know exactly where everything is and how to access it. As much as I’d love to mentally dump this off completely, I don’t want to be the person who has no idea where her money is and a quarterly meeting keeps me engaged and up to date.

      1. This is a great reminder for me. I handle our finances and we should be doing this. We already have a “monthly general goals” meeting so we could wrap the financial details into it at least quarterly.

    13. Also, make sure your parents have UPDATED their estate planning docs. My parent’s former attorney retired and sent them a letter that they could keep their will with her successor or transfer to another firm. They called me for advice. In talking to them, I learned they still have a sibling in charge of everything in the will that I had a serious falling out with. That sibling has also since been diagnosed with some pretty serious mental illnesses and had some of her own money stolen by a cousin. They are basically the last person my dad would want in charge of his estate. He wanted me in charge. I guess he just assumed if he died his sister would agree to let me take over everything. Fat chance. I got him into an attorney and fixed that (mid pandemic) pronto.

    14. One of my parents had months of notice that the other was going to pass away. A couple of days after parent died, the other called asking for emergency money because they didn’t have the password to get into their joint bank accounts. Didn’t want to be ugly and ask, just to repeat sweet nothings for weeks on end of hospice care, I guess.

      1. They may have asked but the dying parent may not have been able to deal with it. My MIL’s BFF died of breast cancer and even when she was receiving palliative care at the hospice, she could not acknowledge in any way that it was terminal. She was ‘resting’ to prepare for the next treatments as soon as she got a ‘new doctor who wasn’t useless’. Dying and watching a loved one die are not easy things. Not everyone is able to handle them well or in the way that we would hope that they would.

        1. I wonder if your MIL’s BFF is my coworker’s late wife. She also died from breast cancer and was in denial even while in hospice. I believe she had in-home hospice though. She was still buying clothes online for when she could get back to work and lots and lots of makeup. A few months after she died my coworker asked me if I wanted all the makeup. He couldn’t return it, it was all unopened and he didn’t want to just throw it away. I still use some of it and think of them! I love that he just let her do her thing rather than get mad that she was spending unnecessary money. Such a loving act.

        1. I don’t think it is too much for married people to have one single discussion about practical matters over the course of a months-long illness. And by the way — the parent calling me for money did not take particularly good care of me as a child and then essentially abandoned me at 11, disappearing for spans of years and then decades, in service of making some fantastical perfect life with no whiff of discomfort for this new spouse. So yeah, get the f-ing passcode before your spouse dies expectedly. It’s not too much to ask.

          1. Also, when the money in the account wasn’t enough, I paid to carry out this near-stranger’s last wishes. So tell me about my lack of empathy.

          2. That context, which I had no way of knowing before, is pretty important. Hopefully you can see how callous your comment appeared without it. Sorry for your difficult circumstances.

  3. I physically ache – not a sick ache, but a “I’ve been sleeping poorly, stressed, and haven’t worked out in months” ache. Anyone have recommendations for gentle stretching or activity? I’m going for a walk today but could really use something for neck/hips/really everything.

    2. If you’re comfortable in the current climate– a massage is a great way to jump start a yoga/stretching routine. There are some muscle groups that are harder to stretch than others (at least for me) and a massage does wonders.

      1. I got two massages recently because frankly I really needed them. My shoulders and neck were a complete mess from stress and it was impacting my ability to sit at a computer and do my job. For me the risk (taking into account local conditions) was worth the reward.

    4. I would start with restorative yoga. Peloton has classes that are pretty good. I think this will be best for relieving some of the ache. Then you can advance to “regular” yoga.

    5. You might also consider ROMWOD guided stretching. We use an iPad app. It’s basically yoga repurposed for Crossfit or other functional fitness folk, but they do a great job breaking down the routines and rotating among focus areas. I find it helpful to use not only a mat, but also two yoga blocks, my yoga mat strap, and a pillow, depending on the stretches.

    6. Try downloading the Down Dog app – you can choose “restorative” yoga which is all stretching on the floor. It costs $10/month to subscribe, but you can do the first few workouts for free.

  4. I have been single for years and started dating someone about 6 months ago. We’ve stayed at each other’s homes and with WFH have started staying 3-5 nights at a time. Here’s the problem – for some reason, I can’t go #2 at his house. I don’t realize it until day 3 ish when I feel uncomfortable. I’ve never tried a laxative or other meds and am scared of … well, the opposite problem. Anyone else deal with this or overcome it?? FWIW my diet is fine (I think) and I’m early 30s.

    1. Smooth move tea. Yes, I had this problem (I was younger!) but it has long since left.

      Try a cup of smooth move the night before (on a morning you’ll be at your house).

      1. Smooth Move tea from Traditional Medicinals is seriously the best. It has very mild effects and taste pretty good, I swear. If you can’t find that brand, the active herb is senna.

    2. This reminds me of the scene in The Big Sick where the girlfriend wants to run an errand in the middle of the night so she doesn’t have to use the bathroom in the boyfriend’s apartment.

    3. Miralax is super safe and effective, even for the elderly and pregnant women. It’s a stool softener so it won’t give you cramps or make you have other unpleasant effects. You can buy travel sachets where it’s one dose per packet. I always travel with them because something about flying always makes me super dehydrated and throws off my digestion.

    4. Drink some coffee in the morning and make sure you’re drinking enough water otherwise.

      1. +1 to coffee + lots of water. I started drinking coffee around 29/30 and it’s been the best thing ever for staying regular. I get up, drink a mug of warm water+sea salt+lemon juice, then a bit later around 2.5 cups of coffee, and then throughout the day 80oz of water.

        In my late teens/20s, I really struggled with staying regular. I tried Miralax and it just really never worked well for me, but wasn’t unpleasant and easy to try.

    5. I think my original comment got lost, but back when my husband and I were first staying overnights together regularly I would time my #2 with my shower. Turn on the shower, go to the bathroom, shower, then out. Hides smells, noise, other lovely things that might be making you nervous to go. Just don’t waste too much water if you have longer bathroom visits.

    7. I deal with this all the time, for some reason I can’t #2 anywhere but home. Vacations, working long hours in an office, and staying the night at my BF’s all caused the same issues you are having. For me, Benefiber to-go packets that you dissolve in water help, and a laxative. I’ve never had the “opposite problem” you’re wanting to avoid, it just…moves things along in a natural feeling way, if that makes sense.

    8. I have no suggestions for how to overcome it, but it’s incredibly common. It’s all mental. How you overcome that mental block? I don’t know.

    9. Also if you think it’s shyness, get some Poopourri and take it to his house. It really does get rid of most of the smell.

      1. Also the most foolproof method for dealing with smells is to light a match. Something about lighting matches completely removes any smell. Sometimes I’ll light a second one if needed.

    1. This is my platonic brunch ideal: https://smittenkitchen.com/2018/05/chilaquiles-brunch-casserole/ (I never bother to fry my own chips because I’m not that ambitious.)

      I also love this recipe from One Pan & Done by Molly Gilbert: Bacon Biscuit Bread
      Lay a few slices of thick cut bacon in the bottom of a 9 x 13 casserole dish.
      Bake at 350 for about 20 minutes or until the fat renders.
      Meanwhile, combine 3 cups AP flour, 1/4 cup sugar, 1 Tbsp baking powder, 1 tsp baking soda and 1 tsp kosher salt. Beat 1 egg with 2 cups buttermilk and 4 Tbsp melted unsalted butter. Pour wet into dry and stir just until combined.
      Do not drain bacon. Spread batter evenly over bacon. Bake about 20 minutes more, until golden and set.
      Cool for 10 minutes before serving with honey butter.
      (Not for the low-calorie diet, but so delicious.)

  6. Has anyone tried Cook Unity? Its a meal delivery service. I need a break from cooking and it looks promising, but it would great to know how it tastes.

    2. Is this in the NYC area? One of my Newark friends features them on his feed and LOVES them.

    4. We’ve been using it for a few months now and overall I’m very happy!

      I agree that about 80% of the meals have been hits (and the rest have been fine, just nothing special). I love, love, LOVE picking meals for the following week on Friday and then opening the fridge and pulling something out that’s just like what I would cook but didn’t have to. Never hear the phrase “what are we doing for dinner?” again!

  7. DH and I want to go away together for my birthday in mid-May post-vaccine and I need inspiration. We want: continental US, non-stop flights from Chicago, a state where we don’t have to quarantine, a state (or at least city) that still has a mask mandate and a place with a lot of great food, preferably at restaurants with outdoor seating. We don’t drink. We like food (especially southern food), pretty scenery, outdoorsy stuff. I was originally thinking Savannah or Charleston but suspect it might be too hot by then since DH in particular does not handle heat or humidity well. We used to live in California so we’ve seen that state pretty thoroughly and we have plans to visit family in New England in August so we’d prefer to go somewhere else on this trip.

        1. Other than some slight pollen risk (should be done by then), the answer is clearly Asheville. I live nearby (in the Gateway to Gastonia from last night’s SNL) and get a bit tired of the OMG Asheville lovers as of late, but it is really a great place, walkable, hikable nearby, and with lots of good food and breweries. It isn’t so stinking hot and humid, so I have literally driven there for lunch when my city is too d*mn swampy. You can fly straight there or to CLT and get a car for a pretty drive.

          1. Second Asheville. Pollen should be done by then, and I think we’ll still have our mask mandate. There are rural parts of the state straight-up ignoring it anyway, but Asheville’s a blue city and I assume complying reasonably well. Not sure about the flight situation, but the drive from Charlotte isn’t bad. Weather in Charleston and Savannah that time of year is iffy–it could be fine, it could be unbearably hot.

      2. Nola local here. I think New Orleans checks all of OP’s boxes except that it is usually hot and humid by mid-May. We have good food. The city will likely still have a mask mandate by mid-May, and the state will probably follow federal guidance on masks and mask mandates.

        Chattanooga/Gatlinburg? Asheville? You’ll get good, Southern food (maybe not AS good as Nola or Charleston), pretty scenery and outdoor activities without the heat and humidity. I don’t know about direct flights though. You’d probably have to connect or fly to the nearest large city and drive a couple of hours.

        2. I would not do Gatlinburg. We went in October and it was very much a “Covid? What Covid?” vibe most places.

    2. I love Philadelphia for a trip like this – lots of history, but lots of other stuff too (Mutter Museum!). The area along the river is lovely, and there are lots of good restaurants (although not necessarily Southern, but Bud and Marilyn’s, if they are still open, does great fried chicken). There are also excellent art museums, and it’s a small city, so very easy to get around.

      That said, Philadelphia is gritty, more so than Chicago, and because it’s small, it’s not as easy to avoid the gritty. I’ve never felt unsafe there, but it is gritty. Also, this is all pre-pandemic intel, I am not sure how things are now.

      1. I live in Philadelphia and would not visit here. Our violent crime rate has skyrocketed and we have had several violent attacks in Center City and our subways.

      2. Philadelphia’s crime is OOC due to their new progressive DA’s “reforms”. Proceed at your own risk.

      3. I live in Philly – it’s actually not a small city (although the tourist downtown is compact). I don’t feel less safe walking around now than I did a year ago, at least during the day, in well traveled places. But I’m not sure I’d come for a vacation right now given that lots of things are still closed, and lots of the fun local restaurants have unfortunately shuttered.

    3. I’ve been all those places at that time of year and as a fellow heat and humidity hater, New Orleans is definitely too hot by mid-May. Savannah or Charleston might be fine, though there’s a chance it could be too hot. If you like food, scenery and outdoors, I think Charleston could be worth it. Not sure anywhere in the south will still have mask mandates then, though. You could also try Asheville if you want to avoid heat for sure, and NC has a democratic governor, so it might be more likely to keep mask policies.

    4. Looking at the mid-Atlantic – maybe the Outer Banks? Southern Virginia/Blue Ridge region is also beautiful.
      I saw that Southwest was opening up new nonstop options to Bozeman, but it doesn’t look like there are any out of ORD yet.

    6. Seattle or Portland might be a bit rainy but will be warm, with lots of beautiful nearby (45 min – 2 hour drive) outdoors things and outdoor dining. Not sure whether we’ll have quarantine at that point. We are not the kings of Southern food, but in Seattle Toulouse Petite is good for Cajun; Ezell’s is good for fried chicken; and Witness has soul food. Washington has 3 beautiful national parks (Olympic, Rainier, and North Cascades) but even closer sites are breathtaking.

      1. Oh, and both cities are significantly more walkable than I found Chicago when I lived in Wicker Park (smaller distances between neighborhood centers, no goose island or chicago river industrial corridor in between).

      2. +1 this would be my pick too. So many amazing hikes surrounding Seattle or Portland. I am not a hiking person but I still dream of returning to hike again.

      4. Thanks! I thought of Seattle and the nearby parks but WA currently has a quarantine requirement. I’ll keep an eye on it to see if anything changes. We probably won’t book until next month.

    7. Is Maine considered part of New England? There is so much amazing food in Portland, ME and surrounding towns. We also loved Bar Harbor and Acadia National Park. I’m still dreaming of eating another lobster roll at Eventide in Portland, one of the best things I have ever tasted.

      1. Yes, we are considered part of New England – Maine, NH, Vermont, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, Connecticut

      2. Yes, Maine is where we’re going in August actually. We have family in the Bar Harbor area and go every year (minus last year because of the pandemic). We love it.

    8. Consider Santa Fe/Taos. Great nature, food, art, culture, nice and dry, etc. Fly to ABQ and rent a car to drive up. The return flight times might be wonky, so sometimes the return approach is to stay in Albuquerue the last night and fly out early morning.

      1. Santa Fe is a good idea. One thing I didn’t realize about Santa Fe-it’s at a really high elevation. Like higher than Denver. It hit me kind of hard the first day I was there. If you aren’t used to it, plan activities accordingly (don’t start with super hard hikes on the first day, for example)

  8. My daughter is thinking about starting a little business where she takes apart, inventories, and creates a list of missing pieces for Lego kits.

    Would you / your families be interested in something like this? What price makes sense?

    It would be local only. We are thinking <500 pieces = $10-15? 500-1000 $20 and maybe $40 for the giant sets. $40 sounds like it’s maybe too high but the project could easily take all day. She’s 9, but it would take *me* all day, too!

    1. Maybe I don’t understand the service but where are the missing legos? Aren’t all the pieces there if she has to take it apart? Isn’t the instructions for the kit already the inventory? I think it’s super cute that she wants to start a lego business, I’m just not clear on what problem the business is solving.

      1. +1

        Plus I’m pretty sure you can contact Lego if you are missing pieces of a kit and they will help you.

    2. What a cute idea! I would have a need for something slightly different but along the same lines.

      My 7 year old son has piles and piles of legos, that used to be parts of kits but are now a deconstructed mess. We still have all of the instruction books. I would pay someone to pull the kit pieces out of our current mess / mass of legos so they could be built again – by him or a younger sibling. Your prices seem about right – $40 is a lot of money, but those massive kits can be a few hundred dollars so $40 to get some additional use out of them wouldn’t seem outrageous to me.

      1. Yes! And put each kit’s legos back into their own little bag with a label and the original instruction book!

      3. Clearly I am not rich enough for this place. You would pay someone to sort your kid’s toys for him? That is like half the point of legos.

        1. OP here. Me, too. But among moms in town they…do not all require this kind of responsibility. Which is why my kid is thinking it’s potentially a service. She loves sorting Legos.

        2. I’m not who your responding to, but honestly at our house this would be a massive tedious undertaking. We have like 6 bins worth of legos, they are all full, these pieces are teeny tiny, and there are 100s of pieces or more per set. I once simply tried to organize them loosely by lego piece style (so no cross checking against a manual or anything) simply because I am kind crazy about organization and it took SO much longer than anticipated. Hours and hours and hours. I had like back pain after.

          The other issue would be motivation. Like, my kids could probably care less if their legos get organized back into the sets. This would purely be for me to feel good about the storage of or giving away of them. My husband’s mom passed down a bunch of his legos to us and it would have been nice to have them by kit, although we made use of them with creative play. Not that my kids need to be motivated to complete a household chore normally, but this is one in particular that doesn’t really NEED doing and given the amount of effort and time it would take I can’t imagine forcing them to take it on if they weren’t interested.

          1. Not to be dense, but you could give them away to a kid like OP’s daughter and not pay anything or spend any time on them. Then she could assemble them into sets and sell them herself? What am I missing?

          2. Yeah, potentially. If there were parents out there willing to take all of this in their house. It’s a lot.
            But if it’s one of the few toys I decide to save for grandkids down the line, like my husband’s mom did (and we ended up appreciating), I think it would be nice to have them in sets. Especially if we have two different sets of grandkids we split them up for (like my husband’s mom did), it would be nice to be able to give out whole sets. Neither of these things are necessary, obviously, but it’s something I’ve thought about doing and I know others who have too.

          3. Also, there is a scenario where I could see wanting to give them away to some level of underprivileged kids, and I would feel a little bit better about it if I was giving them full sets with instructions than just unloading my bins of crap on them. Especially if the organized version is something that I can do if I spent time on it or just a small amount of money as suggested.

      4. Yes, this would definitely would be more the service I would look for. We also have piles and piles of legos that were once part of pricey kits, and all the instruction manuals. I was thinking when kid is COMPLETELY grown out of them I do want to sort them back into the kits to store or give away, but I think that would honestly be a months long or years long project. I would maybe pay someone to help.

      5. Op here- this is really the idea. I think it’s harder to price if you start with the big pile though. Would you deliver the bucket of mixed Legos and tell her what sets are supposed to be in there? Then she could sort & assemble whichever kits are in there. Maybe that’s more of a flat rate project based on the size of the bin?

    3. As the mom of a lego-obsessed kid, no way would I pay for this. I make my kid inventory her own sets if she wants me to order replacement pieces.

    4. I am a big adult lego fan and umm…I’ve never had a missing piece in a new set? And also lego replaces missing pieces for new sets immediately if there’s an issue? I think you could have missing pieces for used sets, but she’d need to have the sets in her possession to do this – is that what you mean?

      1. No, it’s to solve the giant-bin-of-mixed-up Legos problem above. We are just trying to figure out how to price fairly for the amount of work. Like, a bin full of 30 Lego kits we’d have to work backward and calculate that way.

        Or maybe it’s a flat rate based on bin size (approx)? So something like ??$100?? To transform a giant mess of Legos into 20 kits with notes where pieces are missing.

          1. This is a great idea!

            And to the original idea: This is a very cute business idea for a little kid! I could totally see someone wanting this if all they want to do is build things and not have to dig through giant bins of legos to do so.

    5. I think this is super cute, and even if you just get a couple orders/customers, what an awesome learning thing for your daughter. Like it might be a better thing for a 9 year old to not have a massively scaleable business, but something fun to practice entrepreneurship with a few orders and learn about demand along the way.

    6. So I have a 10 YO and she had an idea several summers ago to have an art store on our sidewalk (which gets a ton of sun and not a ton of foot traffic). She set up a table and chair and had some art out there for sale. I’m not sure if she set prices and wound up being too suddenly shy to talk to the few passers-by, but I thought it was good just to let her try and see what happened.

      Oddly, now there is an “art advisor” who set up shop on our street, so we talked about her prior venture and if perhaps she should restart it (not yet). It is good to try, even if it is not an immediate smashing success. They still learn!

    7. I bet a lot of people just want to declutter and would be happy to give away old legos to a good home. Could she solicit donations and then sort and sell them herself, instead of charging people who just want to clean up their home. They might not pay to have this done, but would feel good knowing that the legos aren’t getting thrown out.

      1. OP here- I’m thinking maybe it’s both? She can sort & return or sort & donate (or sell but donate the $$ to charity). Sorta like the for profit and non profit components ;).

        She is highly motivated to earn money for herself so it can’t be all donations but I’m sure she’d be open to both models!

          1. I like this idea. Also teaches the value of having to invest some capital at times to make a return.

      2. I’m here to say nope to donations/charity. Yes, it is important to teach giving but women are so often told that their work doesn’t have monetary value. I think it’s a great lesson for her to charge for her services and earn money from it.

        1. Agreed! I love that she has an entrepreneurial spirit and doesn’t need her parents (!!) telling her that her work is not valuable!

  9. My 35 yr old Bumble match just told me that he quit his job in December to move in with family and pursue his longtime dream of being a streamer on Twitch. If we were in a bar, this is the point in the conversation where I would smile politely and run.

      1. Me too. The fact that I am attracted to men proves that sexuality is not a choice. I’m being tongue in cheek… but also not.

      2. Yeah, men is too headache.

        Not my man, my man is no headache.

        But in general, men is too headache.

    2. Ha! Oh man, the BEST case scenario there is that he becomes a successful Twitch streamer. DH watches a lot of Twitch streamers and YouTubers, and those guys stream for hours and hours, often at really weird times to catch the largest possible audience. Plus they spend a lot of time engaging with their audience on social media, and the YouTubers spend a ton of time editing and uploading. Like, the most successful people work 16-18 hour days and live like moles!

    3. OMG what even is “a streamer on twitch”? I originally read as “a steamer” and was thinking of someone who shoveled coal into old time locamotives.

      #IamanOld

      1. People broadcast themselves playing video games and talk to their followers while they do it. Often in question/answer format. AOC has been known to stream on Twitch and talk politics while playing a videogame. Some of the streamers make a ton of money and are hugely popular.

        1. How is there $ in this? Like are there ads? Do you pay to subscribe or is there a Patreon?

          This to me is the most weird thing, but maybe I should be doing it and not just scratching my head. Surely if people will watch people do unboxings or play games, someone will watch me watch Law & Order reruns (just the early seasons — Lenny Briscoe FTW!) and knit, no?

          1. People can pay to subscribe ($5 per channel). It is like Patreon because you can watch for free, but maybe you get perks for being a subscriber. I believe Amazon owns Twitch, and at least at one point, every Amazon Prime member received one subscription per month (yay?). There are also sponsorships available. And streamers can upload their streams to YouTube for people to watch later, so they can make more money that way.

          2. OK, so I get how there can be some $ in this, but maybe not much. Is the camera on the gamer? On the game? Some sort of split screen?

            I would have paid to watch Leslie Jones live tweet GOT (and would still buy a DVD or something of that — so good, sooooo good). But what about the fact that there are copyrights on the game and I’m sure they probably aren’t licensed for end users to make $ off of (definitely not me with L&O).

            Overthinking? But I don’t think I’m wrong to see IP issues here (note: not an IP lawyer; my criminal law practice is limited to commentary on L&O episodes and other bits of TV shows).

          3. There is! Just like you can get paid for making popular content on Instagram, YouTube, or even TikTok, it’s possible to make a living just doing Twitch streams. But usually, people do this as a side hustle first, get popular, get sponsorship deals, get invited to appear at events like Vidcon and Fan Expo, then do the math and figure they can stay afloat doing it full-time and THEN they quit their jobs. Quitting when you haven’t even made a name for yourself yet is just dumb; I get that the people who do this hate their jobs and they’re looking to make a change, but this is a bad idea, and someone in their mid-30’s should know that.

          4. OP here – Anon at 1:03, the last part of what you wrote is exactly how I feel. Not to mention I just don’t see myself getting into a serious relationship with someone whose job is a (amateur) content producer on social media. I don’t share that dream, not even a tiny bit, so I know I’d never identify with him. I haven’t responded to him yet, and I always hate this part, but I think I will just unmatch.

          5. There are probably a gazillion business models to this, but my son plays minecraft and watches a lot of videos of “pros” doing things in minecraft and showing the audience how to do them. Minecraft is kind of a free-for-all as far as what you can do on there, so he has honestly learned most of what he knows how to do (some of which is pretty cool) by watching these videos. For these guys in particular, I think they are linked directly from the Minecraft interface, so while I don’t think they are Minecraft employees (or maybe they are?) I would bet they get some sort of monetary benefit from Minecraft.

    4. So … I know this sounds crazy, but hear the guy out. What is he streaming? My husband is a gamer and people he follows on YouTube and Twitch are now millionaires. We really missed our opportunity to be the internet’s “gaming couple.” If he’s trying to do something that’s been done 100 times than yeah, I’d assume this is a bust. But there are still niches out there that can be hugely successful. I was knocking it as a business until I learned more about it and damn, now I’m just jealous.

      1. Edit to add: I was assuming your hesitation was that he was a deadbeat with no career prospects. If you just hate video games or social media then yes, move on now. If you were worried more about money, that’s the part where I said to hear the guy out.

      2. There are wildly successful people, but realistically, it’s just like any other entertainment or content-producing thing. There are a huge number of people trying to do this thing, and very few of them will make enough money to support themselves, and only a handful will be millionaires. Also, most people start with building an audience while they maintain full time employment until they have enough to support themselves. I’d run away fast from someone who quit their job at 35 and moved into their parents’ basement to be the next big rock musician or screenwriter or tap dancer–good luck to you, hope you make it big, but I’m not signing up to support a 35-year-old chasing their dream.

    6. Has twitch existed long enough for this to be his “longtime dream” Lol, hard pass dude. I’ve been living independently from my parents since 18 and value independence generally so moving back in with your parents requires a BIG reason for me to date you. A grown man.

      1. Old here, and that would be my hesitation. It would be one thing if it were “I’m saving up for my own place, kind of ashamed of this myself, and have a 12 month ticking clock and a fat savings account with my deposit in it” vs “YOLO” as the explanation.

        And even though I’m an old, I’ve seen this in guys in their 40s. By 50, I just consider them “retired” which is nicer than “failed to launch and it’s terminal.”

      2. Livestreaming videogames, excuse me, I meant e-Sports of course, has existed for almost 20 years. An ex-BF played as a hobby, and started a side gig as commentator (just like for a football game), that brought in some decent extra cash. He thought that the industry could support people doing it full time, but he went for a more traditional career choice.

          3. Many people think that chess is a sport, or driving a car in circles, or shooting, or eating hot dogs. I have no stake in this matter, but it’s not like sport is so well defined to begin with.

          4. +1 to Anon at 12:59. It is already a pretty official thing with legit sponsors you have heard of.

        2. I know someone who is the home-game announcer for a top-level professional [actual] sport and he still has a day job. Games are at night and not every night in-season. He may make some decent $ for a PT gig, but it is a PT gig with no benefits or 401k (but plenty of perks and bragging rights and coolness factor).

      3. That’s exactly what I thought! It’s 9 years old, so I’m going to go ahead and say no.

  10. Question for the curvier ladies about “boyfriend” jeans. I have a larger hip to waist ratio and need to wear the “curvy” style in all pants and jeans. I am searching for non-skinny jeans in a curvy fit and they are very hard to find. It seems like most retailers seem to think that all curvy ladies should just be wearing skinny jeans and don’t deserve boot cut or straight leg styles. Or mayyyybe they’ll let you wear a super high rise wide leg jean.

    All that said, how do you find the cut of “boyfriend” jeans? The description at most retailers is something along the lines of “easy through hip and thigh.” Does this mean they might fit a curvier gal? Or are they just going to have that extra handful of fabric on the back of my thigh while still being too tight in the hips and gapping in the waistband?

    2. I have been shopping for jeans and have noticed that most of the high-waisted styles seem to have small waists. See, e.g., Le Sylvie by Frame.

      1. This is true, alas, as my middle-aged, peri-menopausal body can attest. If these jeans fit in the waist, they swim around the hips and rapidly-diasappearing a**.

      2. I should have also said that I am very petite and cannot wear high waisted jeans because they come up waaaaaay too high on me. I need a mid rise.

        I also suspect that higher waisted jeans have a smaller waist because they are actually intended to sit at the narrowest part of the body, instead of somewhere between there and the top of your hips like a mid rise style.

        1. Come up too high in what sense? I’m 5’2″ and curvy, and also wore curvy-cut skinny jeans. I have found that I can wear lots of other cuts as long as they’re high rise and have at least a tiny bit of stretch (yep, 1% lycra or elastane is discernably different from none). If a high rise is uncomfortable for you, then that’s that. But if you just think it’s weird to have your jeans covering your belly button or something, try to ride it out because so many more pants options await you!

          1. Super uncomfortable, super unflattering, essentially they make it look like I have no torso and ride up to my ribs. Like, they’re just comically wrong for my body. I’m only 5’0″. Mid rise jeans cover my belly button and are the most comfortable for me.

    3. Agree with the poster below that you have to just try some things out and see what works. I stick mostly with skinny and bootcut, but anytime I am trying a new jean style or brand, I have to try a few sizes/cuts and figure out what I like. Also, make friends with belts! Otherwise you have to deal with that gaping in the back, especially on a non-curvy cut.

    5. In general, boyfriend jeans fit my thighs, but they ride low enough on the hips/waist that I actually find them pretty uncomfortable. See: The jeans I kept from Stitch Fix that I hiked up 100 times yesterday. They’re going in the donation pile.

    6. I swear by Wit and Wisdom’s itty bitty boot cut. It’s got a waist with that has fabric built in that smooths. Comes in regular and plus sizes. Super flattering. Nordstrom carries. Sometimes you can get lucky on Amazon.

    7. I have Levi’s curvy cut bootcut jeans. NYDJ and Kur from the Cloth don’t advertise being curvy, but they also fit and have more modern cuts.

  11. Random camping Q; y’all feel free to collapse and move on if this isn’t your jam (it’s not really mine, either). My kids are going camping where we will drop them at the site in cars (this is for scouts). They don’t need any ultralight backpacking tent, just a 3 person tent (2 middle-schoolers + their gear that they pack in a backpacking backpack and also 1 small day pack each). But IMO backpacking tents are crazy easy to put up (and others I have been grateful to have the random Eagle scout assigned to help the smaller kids out put mine up for me — this sucker was apartment sized and died in a ripping accident, so am shopping again; spouse is worried kids will ruin the spendy backpacking tent we have that has already been patched once (not asking spouse b/c the camping mansplaining is Just Too Much)). Is there something easy to put up that is also a kid-proof car camping tent?

    1. Middle school kids who ripped the fancy tent once a) do not get to use it on this trip when it isn’t necessary, b) are one hundred percent capable of learning to set up a tent properly, and c) don’t need anything fancy.

      It’s camping. It’s supposed to be less luxurious than a hotel. They do not need a three person tent for their gear! Just get cozy. (3 isn’t a standard size and really limits your options)

      I would go with a pretty basic option if borrowing isnt possible:

      https://m.llbean.com/llb/shop/121950?page=adventure-dome-tent-2&bc=29-915-1096-506832&feat=506832-GN3&csp=a&attrValue_0=Blue&pos=5

    2. Yes – look at the Coleman Cabin Tent (instant set up). We have a giant 2 room/8 person version and we can set it up in about 5 minutes or less. I believe they also have a smaller version for 4 people.

      1. We have this tent also (the giant one haha. It is giant) and it is easy to put up. But I think you can get just about any tent and just have the kids practice a few times at home.

    3. The Eureka Timberlines are Scout classics for a reason – cheap, waterproof, indestructible and easy to set up. Not cool looking though!

    4. Do Scouts supply their own tents for this where you are?! We had a set of big tents each sleeping 6-8 girls for Guide camps that belonged to the guide pack (troop).

      If you have Decathlon where you are I can highly recommend their pop up tents. Unlike a lot of cheap pop ups they’re proper two-layer tents with a sleeping inner and a fly sheet.

    5. If your spouse is going to be fussy, buy it at Costco and you can return it if it gets ruined because of poor quality.

  12. Speaking of jeans — today I’m wearing a pair of new, higher-waisted bootcut jeans. And I love them. Bootcut has always been the cut that’s most effortless for me, in terms of how I’m shaped and how I prefer to dress and the types of shoes I prefer.

      1. WHBM. Stretchy, lightweight denim. They are labeled mid-rise, but they come up pretty high.

  13. Hi Ladies,

    Biglaw attorney here. I would love to hear from you all how you start your mornings and get organized for the day. Even though I wake up early, I always feel like I am starting the morning unorganized and behind the 8 ball, reacting to the deluge of emails that came in overnight. How do you typically manage this? Do you go through your emails first thing and file things or make a task list? Would love to hear how you all start your day!

    1. I’m a lawyer but not in Biglaw. I do get some overnight emails. My number one tip for morning organization is to not start working until I start working. I don’t wake up and check my work emails. That just makes me feel stressed at a time when I’m not ready to handle the email. I wake up, help my kid get to school, do my morning routine, and then head to my office. I start the workday with my second cup of coffee. If I’m working in person, I say good morning to my assistant and my coworkers and check in about anything going on. Then I sit down with my coffee and check email. I triage from there–send things to my secretary, add tasks to my to-do list, send out quick replies (scheduling, confirming I received something, giving an update, etc.). After I handle email, I look at my to-do list and calendar and decide what I’m going to try to do that day. Most days, this only takes 10-15 minutes, but it does make a big difference for the day.

      1. I am in-house, but since we are global get emails at all hours of the day. Unlike biglaw though, I am able to set boundaries and do not work nights or weekends with very rare exceptions.

        Like anon, I do not start working until I start working. The night before, I look at my calendar to see when my first meeting is (can be as early as 6 am). This helps me figure out when I absolutely have to get out of bed and also how I am going to attack my morning. If my day doesn’t start with an early meeting, I also do a quick scan of my emails to identify what is urgent and must be addressed before I get started on other things, what can wait, and what needs to be doled out to someone else (I don’t have an admin, so this means a different function/team, etc.) . Once I have worked through assessing emails, I more carefully look at my calendar to figure out what meetings I have to prep for and which I can go into “blind.” Then I figure out where in my day I can do that prep (on another call or if there is a time break in between calls – rare, unfortunately).

    2. I’m not in law, but I work with people in India. I’m on the east coast so I will have a lot of emails that come in overnight. I’m an in-box zero person, so I always go through my emails first and answer them or file them away if further action is needed before I can respond. We use Teams and I’ll get messages there that I need to respond to as well.

    3. Well, this might not be the best advice, but here’s what I do: (1) wake up and scan emails first thing in the morning; (2) mark them all as unread; (3) mentally triage and think about responses while I get ready for work; (4) begin organizing and addressing emails once I’m officially at work (in the olden days, when I got to the office). This gives you time to think and prioritize a bit so you’re not just going down the list knee-jerk reacting to the deluge. Why step 2 you ask? Something about marking it unread makes me feel like I haven’t “officially” seen it yet, but at the same time I’m not going to walk in unawares to an unfolding sh*t show. Also my assistant has access to my inbox and sometimes I just don’t want people to know what I have and haven’t seen until I’m prepared to react to it… Biglaw can breed some unhealthy coping strategies, what can I say?

  14. Since this board leans pretty careful regarding the pandemic — once you’re vaccinated, would you have any concerns using a public restroom/rest stop and/or staying in a hotel?

    The last year of isolation/staying jn an apartment 24-7 is getting to be a bit much so now with a vaccine (not completed yet), I’m considering a day trip. It’d be 2 hours one way driving so I’d obviously need to use bathrooms at some point in the day. A friend also suggested that the major hotel chains are doing day rates – as in check in after 6 am, leave by 6 pm. She suggested it may be worth considering to grab a room and then I have a place to use the bathroom, charge my phone, buy lunch but eat in while coming ang going around the city etc. Would you be comfortable doing this? While I think travel is picking up, I’d do this on a weekday while school is in session so I don’t imagine there would be too many people in the hotel; I assume I’d wait until I could ride elevators alone still masked (if it looks like there’s lots of hotel guests) and it seems like at least one of the major chains has an e check in/unlock the door with an app. Thoughts on safety? Or would you not even bother and just go to any rest stop bathroom when entering/exiting the city?

    1. I have been going whenever the need strikes throughout the whole pandemic. Have some sanitizer with you and wash, hold doors with towels, sanitize after. People are using things less and cleaning more. I don’t see public bathrooms as hugely risky and have rarely encountered another soul in them.

    2. I’m vaccinated and wouldn’t do any of the extra things you are considering – I always wear a mask and continue to social distance, but I’d just use bathrooms as normal and skip getting a hotel simply for that. Or, get a hotel and make it an overnight.

    3. I think the day trip is perfectly safe without a hotel, and whether the hotel makes it any safer depends a lot on the individual hotel’s practices and how crowded it is. The chances of getting Covid from the brief contact in a public restroom is very small, especially if everyone is wearing masks. Pack a picnic, or find a restaurant with outdoor dining or take-out. Take a phone charger in the car with you.

      1. Ditto this. And I’ve been using public bathrooms when needed despite being Covid-cautious due to a small bathroom – it’s been fine, just wash your hands well, mask and be careful.

        1. Me too. Used interstate highway rest stop bathrooms on a trip last summer in Virginia. I wore my mask, as did the other people I saw. Bathrooms where whistle clean, with lots of soap and paper towels available, and I was in and out in 2 minutes. Used hand sanitizer again when I got to my car. No issues at all.

      2. Same. I have had to travel for work and obviously stayed in a hotel. I drove, pumped my own gas, used public restrooms, etc. I washed my hands obviously, and wore a mask, but none of these activities gave me symptomatic CV19. Could I have had asymptomatic CV19, sure. But outside of this business trip, I haven’t done much out of the house other than my normal errands masked and as socially distanced as I could be.

    5. Of course not! That’s the point of the vaccine. Frankly this getting a hotel for the day thing just sounds weird. Just use bathrooms!!

      I did all of this unvaccinated too.

    6. Just go to any rest stop. That is what I’ve done without incident, on much longer drives! Wear a mask, wash your hands, keep it moving.

    7. I’ve been to a bunch of rest stops along the NJ turnpike during the pandemic. They’ve all been great. They’re never crowded and there’s always someone cleaning the (huge) bathroom. Social distancing is no problem at all. It’s easy to get in and out in less than 5 minutes.

      So my personal preference would be something like that. But I also wouldn’t stress if you have to use the bathroom somewhere while you’re in the city. I wouldn’t even consider a day hotel room as an alternative. You’re going to be in contact with a lot more people for a lot longer time if you get a hotel room versus quickly use the bathroom somewhere.

      1. +1 I’ve used the NJ Turnpike bathrooms several times during the pandemic and it was fine.

    8. Take the day trip. Wear masks, wash your hands, social distance, and go back to living your life.

    9. I’ve been very cautious (haven’t done any dining -even outdoors – in a year) and had no concerns about day trips and public restrooms even before I got my shot. Indoor dining is risky because you’re seated next to the same people for an hour. In a restroom you most likely won’t see anyone else and if you do it will be for a minute or two max and they’ll probably be in a mask. I wouldn’t sweat it. A hotel is riskier I think, but not something I’d be worried about after getting vaccinated.

  15. I am just sick of my sister-in-law, whom I haven’t seen in over year. She’s wildly reckless with COVID precautions for her and her children, and she does things like send needling emails to make sure I’ve seen (because I haven’t “liked”) photos from their recent trip to Disney or her daughter’s large, unmasked birthday party. While she hasn’t embraced full-on right wing nutbaggery, she’s very interested in “hearing both sides” and “finding out the truth” about the presidential election and the attack on the Capitol. She really talks up the importance of diversity and women in the workplace and so on, while remaining a big fan of the right wing media figures who decry such things.

    She’s been nothing but lovely to me personally. I just think she’s selfish and immoral more broadly and raising her terrific kids to be the same way. I want to dial way, way back our relationship. Is this the kind of thing I owe her a conversation about? Or shall I just do a slow fade?

    1. “She’s been nothing but lovely to me personally.” Just fade; sounds like you won’t be much of a loss and what could you say? “It annoys me that you have different viewpoints from me, the masked karen SJW?” Bye.

      2. wow that’s a lot of name calling. Donny, did you find us after your social media ban?

    2. Struggling with this too. I know some really funny, fun, kind-in-person people who have been absolutely horrendous during the pandemic. I can’t look at them the same way again, but I will also miss them. No advice but commiseration.

    5. In terms of her kids, I had very, very right-wing parents and grew up to be quite the blue state liberal feminist. It was really nice that my parents didn’t cut off contact with more liberal family or friends, because while I couldn’t necessarily articulate why I thought my parents were wrong about things, it was nice to interact with adults who had different views.

      I’d just do a slow fade.

    6. I don’t think there’s a point to having a conversation unless you guys were once especially close. I would maintain a polite, friendly relationship for the sake of the relationship with her immediate family. We don’t have to be best friends with our in-laws. DH has 1 sister and 4 step-siblings, and they’re all married, so I have 10 SILs or BILs. My real opinion of each person varies as much as you’d expect out of a random sample of 10 people. I suspect some of them have rather strong opinions of me. I have polite, friendly relationships with all of them.

    7. Slow fade/detach emotionally. I’ve unfollowed in laws just bc their SM presence annoyed me. If she brings up you not liking her photos, just say “huh, I haven’t been online much/must be the algorhythm/hmm…” And be pleasant in person but don’t go out of your way to spend time with her.

      1. ^ Polite+Friendly+Distant. I’ve incorporated this system across many relationships during this season.

    9. Please think about what you are saying. You are debating cutting off a family member, who you acknowledge has been lovely to you, because she is open to multiple perspectives? I don’t see why this alone is enough of a reason to end your relationship with her and your nieces/nephews. I am not sure I understand what is the issue is. That you suspect that she may have different political viewpoints that you? I encourage you to think more about this because what your are proposing will have a long term impact on your relationship with your sister-in-law and, subsequently, your relationship with her kids. What is more important to you: relationships with family or political ideology?

      1. She’s not “open to multiple perspectives”… she’s a selfish, reckless, conspiracy theorist who is questioning the results of a free and fair election. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with cutting those lunatics out of your life.

        1. I bet you pat yourself on the back for being “enlightened” and “tolerant” when you are quite the opposite.

  16. I may be getting laid off today, or in the immediate future if not today, after a year of lowered productivity due to the pandemic. Not enough work to meet my billing requirements (biglaw litigation), and yet struggling with the workload I do have. I am hoping for a pay cut and lowered hours instead, and have expressed this to the powers that be. It just sucks trying to be productive knowing it could happen at any minute. Ugh.

      1. I got laid off under the same circumstances last fall. Rebounded and am now so much happier in an in house gig. If it happens you will get through it and you will likely find a spot where go are much happier. Good luck.

  17. Talk to me about what’s appropriate for an offer on second-hand furniture. I’m not a haggler in general, and I’ve never spent any significant money on craigslist, but the furniture I want looks way too expensive for my area. They want 4k OBO for a set of six bookshelves, and although I realize the price/value/market is too variable for anyone on here to comment, I was wondering if anyone can give me advice on how to calibrate an offer that is reasonable, but not offensive.

    1. Look at similar local listings to figure out what the going rate is, and offer that. But yeah, 4K seems WAY over the top.

    2. For almost all second hand better quality stuff – whether ski gear or bookshelves – I expect people to list at 60% of new, I offer 40% of new and they generally counteroffer at 50% of new.

    3. I struggle with the idea of “insulting” offers when the seller has posted an outrageous price. People selling their own stuff second-hand often wildly overestimate its market value. Should you make a realistic offer, which may be like 25% of what they’re asking, or just bypass the item completely? Can an offer be “insulting” if the list price itself was kind of insulting?

      1. Yeah, that’s kind of exactly my problem, and that’s why I never by anything on CL. But I have been looking for shelves like this for a couple of years, and it would be awfully nice to pick them up down the street instead of shipping (which is difficult at my location).

        1. Well then, consider that in what you’re willing to pay for it. The worst that can happen here is they say no.

      2. Just make a reasonable offer! If they’re insulted that’s their problem!

    4. It depends. I think 50% off retail price is a good starting point with used furniture. Sure, the seller can price it higher, but unless it’s super desirable many people would rather buy new than save only 20% off (especially since there might be wear and tear). The second consideration is how much you want it. If it’s the perfect thing and you can have it now (no joke with the shipping demands) maybe it is worth it for you to pull the trigger with less of a discount. But generally, start at 50% off as a starting point, and it could get even more in your favor depending on the piece and the price (if it’s super large, fewer people can fit it in their houses)

      1. Oh, gosh, I’d never pay 50% of retail for used furniture. The furniture store sells it new at 35% off every day! Maybe 20% of retail.

        1. If it’s 35% off ‘everyday’ then the regular price is actually 65% of the list cost so I’d assume it’s listed at 50-60% of the 65% price. New price is the price at which you can usually buy it new, not the price that stores list as the regular price.

          1. Right, it’s a starting point for how much you should start at– 50% of the price for what you could actually get something for, new. (Ballard does 30% off coupons, so 50% off of the marked down price would be a good starting point). You can obviously haggle further (and should!)

    5. This depends on so much quality, age, craftsmanship, etc. I exclusively buy antiques so there is no real ‘compare to new’ ability. Typically I calibrate what I am willing to pay based on how good of shape the piece is in, materials (ie premium for mahogany, marble etc.), how rare an item is (ie a pair of lamps is hard to find usually they come in singles), and how much I like an item.

    6. Become a haggler. I have been buying things second hand for two decades (three if you count going to Goodwill with my mom), and you will encounter all manner of sellers in the secondhand market. Some don’t really want to sell their stuff, so it’s listed outrageously and they will berate you when you offer below asking. Next! Some want to sell, but have no idea what secondhand market prices should be; could be wildly under or overpriced, they’re easy to negotiate with though! Some don’t know what they have and so underprice – these are my favorite because you don’t have to haggle but their stuff goes quickly. tl;dr – offer a little under what you’re willing to pay. They will either respond with a counter, accept your offer, or be offended that you “lowballed them”, in which case you don’t want their stuff anyway (divas). Good luck!

  18. We are a household of 4 and both parents and two kids have been WFH since last March. It has been a long, hard slog and kids have been ok with schoolwork, but really missed the social aspect. We’ve met similarly cautious friends outdoors and masked for playdates but otherwise have been on the conservative end (no indoor meetings, everything is delivered).
    We had the choice to send our kids to school in a couple of weeks (hybrid model, optional stay at home or return in person) and we decided to send both of our elementary school aged kids in. Factors that helped me decide: teachers have their first vaccine and will be getting their second in a couple of weeks. The school has mandatory weekly testing for all teachers and students so if there is a case, it will be caught quickly and hopefully isolated. They dont mix cohorts and keep the kids in a small-ish group with a couple of teachers. Our county’s rates are declining. We can always choose to reverse our decision and keep them home (but not reverse the other way if we had chosen to keep them home).
    Help me feel better about my decision! I have been struggling over this sea change for our family and I hope it is still a safe move.

    1. My kid has been back in person full time for many months now. There has not been a single case in her class, even when community spread was out of control and everyone was unvaccinated. Positive cases have not spread through the school. Her mental health is so much better. I have no regrets whatsoever!

      1. Same for me, except daycare rather than public school so class sizes are a bit smaller. School is really not a source of spread. Send your kids back. We are cautious and haven’t really done anything involving other people for a year unless we could go it masked, distanced and outdoors, but school is essential.

      2. same, my kids have been back in person since September with no changes except somewhat more careful cohorting, masking, and some additional open windows. There have been ZERO cases in their school. Individual students have stayed home to quarantine following exposures from family or community but nothing in school. My kids are thriving and so am I.

    2. OK, we have to start loosening the reins at some point. I’m not saying be Texas, but dipping your feet back in the pool of normalcy is totally ok.

    3. Has school been in person at all up to this point? My local school is going from 2.5 hours/AM and PM schedule (~10-12 kids per section) to 4 hours single schedule (every one in person on the same morning and early afternoon schedule with classes in the ~15 kid range). I’m not thrilled with the late in the year change, esp since there are some kids who will switch teachers/classes, but I feel OK about it because schools have not been transmitting in our district and community spread is at the same levels as last summer currently, and honestly my kids really want to be back in school more.
      If your kids have been “OK” so far this year and you and spouse are ok continuing with this approach, I would be tempted to finish out the year remotely… if you all are currently struggling and feel like return can be done safely, maybe it’s time to return. So many personal factors and I am with you that it’s really hard to make YET ANOTHER DECISION in the most stressful school year ever. I wish you luck.

    4. How old are they and will they be masked? I’m in a part of Canada which has been very conservative (and successful) on covid but I would definitely send them if they are old enough for masks unless you or they are high risk. Social aspect of school is so important for kids mental health.

    5. Children need school. They need socialization. They learn better in person.
      Your children are unlikely to introduce Covid into their classroom. You and your family have routines where you’re not likely to contract Covid from work or your own social activities. Plus, the evidence we have on Covid and schools is that children are not a primary sources of transmission.
      If your children catch Covid, they’re unlikely to be seriously ill. Same with the other children, whose parents have chosen to send their kids to school in person.
      It sounds like the teachers will have their second shot around the time school starts, though they may not be at full immunity in the first few weeks. If a vaccinated teacher contracts Covid, he or she is unlikely to be seriously ill. Once vaccinated, they’re less likely to transmit Covid to people within their homes, though we don’t have great data on this. I don’t know the vaccination status in Canada, but hopefully high-risk individuals will have been at least partially vaccinated in a few weeks.
      Children need school. Virtual isn’t enough to meet their needs. We shouldn’t wait until the risk of anyone having Covid is zero–we should wait until vaccination progresses enough that the most vulnerable are protected.

      1. Plenty of kids are better off without school (it’s always been a cheap solution compared to individualized instruction and better environments for socialization, and it’s demonstrably harmful to a subset of children). But trying to reproduce school over Zoom seems like madness to me.

    6. Will masking and distancing be enforced? Where will they eat lunch? What are the rules for quarantine–entire class or just the kids who sit next to the infected kid? If the school has already been operating in hybrid mode, have they had issues with staffing?

      I am super COVID-cautious, but I still think it’s relatively safe for elementary kids to be in school with good ventilation, masking at all times indoors (which means no lunch or outdoor lunch), and distancing. However, you’ve only got two or three months left in the school year. Unless you and your husband have both already been vaccinated, I would personally choose to hold out until September, by which time you’ll presumably have been vaccinated.

    7. Thank you all. This is what I needed to hear. Yes, it is purely “hesitation to dip my feet back into the pool of normalcy”! Part of me thinks “if my workplace doesn’t think it’s safe enough to have me back, why am I sending my kids back?”.
      We submitted our decision to the school so we are committed. I *think* I made this decision based on evaluating the risk (and finding it is low) and not on emotions or pandemic fatigue, but I am checking myself.

      The school is doing everything well and safely. Lunch is outdoors and spaced out. If a case is found they have the entire class go home for 10 days. They are definitely old enough to be masked and wear masks safely and consistently (on our park outings). Distancing is hard to fully enforce but the desks are spaced out a bit in class and they are trying. We are not high risk.

      1. Workplaces should stay WFH so that schools can go back. The less contacts in the community, the less chances of spread in schools and the easier it is for them to stay open.

        1. Exactly. Don’t feel guilty about sending your kids back but continuing to WFH. Less spread among adults will translate to less spread in schools.

    8. I’ve been lucky enough to have my elementary aged kids back in school since fall and I can tell you that it was incredibly scary at the time. We are in a state with strict mask mandates and good compliance, but I struggled with the decision and felt a tremendous amount of anxiety around it. I can tell you that has been entirely positive for everyone. The schools here have done an incredible job following guidelines (masks, distancing, pods, random testing, classes spread out across every available space, etc.) and there has been no in-school transmission in the elementary school (older grades are hybrid or virtual). Everyone’s wellbeing has improved. School isn’t the same as it was in before times, but it is so much better than distance learning. I will say that we feel as though we assume almost all of our risk through our kids being in school even with the strict guidelines (husband and I are WFH) and therefore still do delivery, masked/outside only social interactions, no travel, etc.

    9. It’s going to be fine! We’ve haven’t been that cautious (going into stores, going into offices, some air travel, but masks and no indoor gatherings). I was scared of sending my kid to winter camp, and now hybrid, but it’s been fine. And I live in a city with bad numbers.

    10. My elem kids have been hybrid year. They are moving to fully back in person 4/5. They started daily pool testing in January.

      We have had the occasional case but not a single incidence of in school spread. One of my kids had a case in her class. She was not a close contact, but others were and had to quarantine. Nobody else got it.

      Unless you have an unvaccinated high risk family member, it is 100% time for these kids to go back.

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