Coffee Break: Viva Bow Ballet Flat

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1. For those of you who take probiotics occasionally (culturelle etc.) do you find there’s any value in taking them 1-2 weeks prior to your cycle? I am finding that post ovulation, pre cycle there’s a week or 10 days where I feel slightly bloated etc. and either it just feels heavy or results in an upset stomach. I have kept track for a few months and you can almost mark a calendar of when this starts. It’s NBD and I’ve had drs. say yeah hormones start shifting a week or more before your cycle so that has an effect — and I’ll bring it up at the next check up. But is this the kind of thing for which a probiotic could help?

   1. Probiotics definitely help with bloating for me. I haven’t tried timing them like that, I just take them every day.

   2. Not what you asked, but I found that staying very, very hydrated helps with this.

      1. Can I ask why — though I doubt you’ll see this post so late? Interesting you mention it bc every year this is more of a problem in the summer months

         1. Not the person you’re responding to but it’s well known that being well hydrated cuts down on bloat. Not drinking enough water can make you backed up and even mild constipation can make your belly feel bloated and heavy. Metamucil helps me for the same reason. Probiotics can also alleviate constipation so if you see a positive effect from those it might also be the same reason.

2. I was intrigued by the comments the other day about late in life ASD/Asperger’s diagnoses, especially in women who were highly verbal, imaginative children and didn’t fit the typical ASD toddler diagnosis criteria. Could anyone share more about what led to your diagnosis? Was it just social awkwardness or was there something more to it? I have a high IQ and have always done well academically. My only big stumbling block professionally is that I didn’t get an offer at my summer firm 2L year but it was 2009 and they no-offered the majority of our summer class, including my entire practice group. I did eventually land in Big Law about a year after graduation, and worked there really successfully for 6 years, before moving in-house. When I got my Big Law job I worked with a recruiter, who told me after my first interview that they liked me but they felt like I didn’t make enough eye contact in the first interview. I focused on that in the second interview and got the job (and have also taken that advice to heart in future interviews). That’s the only time I can recall getting direct feedback about my social skills in the workplace. Socially, I’ve always thought of myself as both awkward and introverted (I know they’re not the same). I’m not someone who makes friends easily or chats up strangers, but I have a handful of close friends. I’m not unwilling to make small talk but I feel like I’m bad at it, and in situations like networking receptions I always get the sense people are trying to get away from me and find someone more interesting to talk to. I don’t have a propensity for blurting out inappropriate things, but I worry a lot about saying the wrong thing so I tend to stay quiet in group settings unless I know everyone well. I feel like I accidentally interrupt people more than is normal because I have a hard time telling when there’s a pause in the conversation for me to jump in (I definitely understand that it’s rude to talk over people and don’t do it intentionally). I have no problem understanding sarcasm and I think I’m very empathetic. I have no issues with personal hygiene. I always just assumed I was neurotypical shy and socially awkward, but now I’m wondering.

   1. Sounds more like social anxiety.

   2. I’m not a professional, but what you’re describing sounds completely “normal” to me.

      1. Yup.

   3. I think you sound a lot like me (highly verbal, high IQ, academically successful, quiet in groups, few close friends, deliberate about eye contact, a little awkward, definitely introverted, struggle to read nonverbal cues to avoid interrupting, no problem with sarcasm). I never would have been diagnosed if I hadn’t come down with a medical condition that required a lot of investigation and temporarily exacerbated some of my processing issues.

      I think I still wouldn’t have been diagnosed if the neuropsychologist hadn’t been informed about ASD as it presents in girls and women specifically, which is newer research. There’s a reason why some people view some manifestations of ASD as “difference” rather than “disorder”; it’s not necessarily an obstacle if someone finds the right path in life. The empathy thing is confusing: my understanding is that the research on ASD indicates that “cognitive empathy” is bidirectionally impaired (meaning that neurotypical and ASD people both struggle to understand each other’s unstated thoughts). Affective empathy (what the word “empathy” normally means) is no longer believed to be an issue in ASD.

   4. I don’t know but you sound exactly like me, particularly the feelings about networking events.

   5. I have had issues with eye contact since the age of 3. Since I grew up in the 1980s, when ASD was not talked about nearly as much, and (importantly) it coincided exactly with a massively traumatic life event, I received psychological treatment for the trauma. That helped with the eye contact issue but did not do away with it entirely. I’m in my late 30s and can manage ‘enough’ eye contact; when I am very stressed, I am completely unable to maintain any type of eye contact.

      I was always very shy and socially awkward. What helped is being forced to play-act as an extrovert (long story); I threw myself into that project with the same determination as academics, and it paid off. I often use humour to get through awkward social situations, which makes people think I’m funny and quirky instead of shy and, er, awkward.

      Many successful introverts articulate that their social situations are a lot like acting. They are not feigning interest in people; they are acting as if they don’t want to be awkwardly alone with the cheese tray until a social butterfly rescues them, even if what they really want to do is be alone with the cheese tray.

      The best suggestion I have is to keep small talk short. I’m an INTJ (which ‘looks’ autistic to some people), and therefore, abhor small talk. But I can come up with some meaningful but short things to ask people about. “What did you think of that speaker?” “How has the university changed since the aughts?” “What career path are you thinking of / how did you move through your career?” “I’m always curious to hear people’s thoughts on X.”

3. Does anyone have tips for being remotely onboarded into a new job? I am starting a new job next week remotely, and want to make a good impression on new co-workers and bosses. I managed to ace the video interviews, so I think I’ve got the “look good on camera” part down for video calls, but any tips on how to quickly get engaged with and useful to the team would be great to hear.

   1. Yay congrats!! I started right after Covid hit- was supposed to start March 23, and it got pushed back a few weeks. I always join in zooms with my video on. I also asked to have one on one zooms with my new coworkers, to get to know them. I preface the conversation that we don’t need to talk about work, I just want to hear about their background and what hobbies they have, etc. I also take notes for everything, even if it doesn’t really relate to my job. Good luck!

   2. Oh I just did this!

      Use Slack or the equivalent and make an effort to be involved in informal channels like #sports or #cooking if they exist; go to any virtual happy hours

      Have your camera on in meetings, if your boss doesn’t introduce you I think it’s fine to introduce yourself

      I scheduled 1-on-1 meet and greets with all of my coworkers. I put it very causally so if they were too busy they could have refused, but it was a good way to start building a connection with them and helped more than I expected.

   3. Also, if you’re doing something over IM or email and it isn’t working, I wouldn’t hesitate to ask to call. Again, give them an out, but somehow just talking through it on the phone feels more personal when there’s a problem

   4. We have new employees onboarding remotely next week, so I will talk to you as if you’re one of them. From my end, please know that WE are worried that you will think that we are not engaged enough, or that you’ll think your training, which is usually really intensive and in person, is inadequate. If anyone during the hiring process has said, “please call me if you have any questions or need help figuring something out,” do it! We mean it! Take notes on processes you’re learning but don’t hesitate to reach out to co-workers to ask them to fill in the blanks. We are chatty here on our IMs – please feel free to communicate that way often.

      No doubt you were hired because the interviewers think you are smart and capable, but also that you get along well with the team. Congratulations and good luck!

4. Who wants to help pick a paint color for my front door? My house is a warm tan color, with dark bronze soffits/fascia, and light trim. Lots of stone on the front, too. Currently, the front door is a dusty blue (Van Courtland blue). It looks great, but I’m getting kind of bored. We are repainting the whole house soon, so I figured this would be a good time to change the door color. I’m much more into blues/greens/neutrals than reds/oranges.

   1. Forest green.

      1. Specifically a shade like Kelly Moore Back Woods. (I use their paint finder a lot)

   2. I’m really digging the deep teal look. Ballsy, though, but really elegant on a stone house for instance.

      1. I was just going to add to my teal comment about a deep deep green. There’s a deep BM color – almost black – that’s like this, very pretty. Glad someone else mentioned it!

   3. Our front door is aubergine and I love it.

      1. Oh, that could be pretty!

   4. I read somewhere that houses with black doors have the highest resale value. ?‍♀️

5. Amalfi by Rangoni usually has some bow flats that fall between these two picks in both style and price. They are also unusually comfortable and come in widths.

6. Those shoes are ugly! Oh well, to each her own.

   1. Right? I would rather eat $675 than spend it on those shoes.

   2. They look matronly. Like a grandma would wear them.

7. Oh no, I didn’t realize the Nordstrom sale was upon us already.

   1. lol I agree. it is more than a MONTH away, bloggers. Plus I’m not really seeing the hype. Last year’s sale (and the 2018 sale) was underwhelming, it seemed like either (1) repeats or close repeats from years past, (2) Nordstrom “exclusives” which typically mean it’s not the same quality you’d expect for the brand in question, or (3) Nordstrom house brands, which I’ve found to be different in quality when it’s a sale item vs. a regular item. I’ll find my usual replacement underwear and be on my way, thank you very much.

      I’m thankful it’s in August this year, which means I’ll be on vacation and away from influencers in general for half of it!

   2. +1 I completely do not get the enthusiasm for this sale.

8. What art supplies do you have as an adult? I just got some colored pencils and am surprised by how much I like them.

   1. Colored pencils, markers, crayons (I never use them, though), construction paper, sketch pads, glue sticks, a random assortment of stickers from occasions when I needed one and had to buy a whole pack.

   2. I have watercolour paints- the nice kind that comes in a tube. And nice brushes too. And I keep watercolour cards on hand for when I have time/ inclination to make a card rather than buy one. We have other things too- paper, pencil crayons, etc., mostly for he kids, but the watercolour paints are something just for me, and kept away from the kids. Another thing we have for the kids that I’ve actually really gotten into are window paints that you can use to make window clings. I want more, but I haven’t been able to find them outside of craft kits.

   3. Watercolor pencils! I mostly use them on small pieces of paper; they make good postcards.

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