Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Short-Sleeve Maxi Dress

361 Comments

1. My university just sent out an email about extending the teaching week from 8am-8pm and 9-5 on Saturday in order to allow for social distancing.The most pointed this is unacceptable response came from a white male professor on the verge of retirement. Can we send it to all men and say, ‘this is how you be a feminist ally!’?

   1. I feel like this is missing a couple of words.

      Distancing = good, no?

      1. Teaching on a Saturday is not good.

         1. Maybe not normally, but these aren’t normal times. I’d rather have live + Saturday vs another zoom. And if I’m paying tuition, I’d rather do online only from a national provider than pay rack rates (or take a gap year and deliver packages for Amazon while doing community college online).

         2. Teaching on a Saturday is a lot better than losing your job, which is very likely to happen to a lot of faculty and staff if the university can’t deliver in person instruction this academic year.

      2. Sorry, re-reading it really isn’t clear. Distancing is good – but it is requiring teaching staff to teach the same class 5x, including at weird hours. There are objections raised throughout the university as this will have a negative impact on parents and those with caring responsibilities, as well as student parents. I think the preference for most academic staff is to teach entirely online for semester 1, rather than this weird hybrid model that we don’t actually have the space for.

         1. There has to be an adjustment…most people are not going to be willing to pay the same price for online instruction as they are in person instruction. If everyone insists on teaching online- ok, but they can replay the lecture until the end of time so they likely can cut staff tremendously in the future. Choose your bed.

            1. +1 I get the frustration but I think a lot of industries are going to experience some sort of pain/adjustment as a result of all of this so it becomes a bit of a pick your poison situation

            2. Agreed. So many other businesses and ventures are radically thinking what they need to do to survive. It is just how things are now. And I don’t know anyone who has childcare like what they are used to, if they have any at all. People are radically expanding their workdays, doing shifts, trading with neighbors, moving back in with family members, etc. Au pairs aren’t coming. School and camps aren’t happening. We are choosing to do what it takes to make it work and praying that it won’t be forever. Throwing in the towel isn’t an option; neither is refusing to change b/c that isn’t what we signed on for in 2019.

            3. My workload shot up post-coronavirus. And I got a 20% pay cut to go with it. Grumble, sure. But it sure as h*ck beats a 100% pay cut.

   2. I mean you probably can’t send it to all men but maybe your DH or close friends? I definitely let DH know when I see great allyship. We have express discussions about allyship. He isn’t super high level but moderates a lot of meetings so we have discussed about paying attention to whether the women on the call are getting proportionate time and to amplify when credit starts getting lost by saying things like “okay, so Ben is onboard with Kendra’s idea, does anyone else want to chime in or should we move forward with Kendra’s idea” instead of “Thanks Ben, does anyone else want to chime in or should we move forward on that idea”.

      1. No, never forward a work communication to people outside of work.

      2. This is weird advice. I actually don’t like the way you’ve casted the first option–it turns feedback about ideas into something a lot more personal.

         Chime in that you like Kendra’s idea or “that’s a great point, Kendra.” Or, “it sounds like we have support for X idea.” But proceed by recognizing the idea and not by making it so personal. I’d say the same thing were it an idea from a male or a female. If I don’t agree with Kendra’s idea (regardless of how much I may like Kendra), it is going to be harder to say so and more likely to sting Kendra when I say it if the discussion is being moderated the first way.

         And, yes, don’t “send” any of this to your husband or friends. Chat about it over dinner if you must. But forwarding things externally like that is just really bad form.

         1. The situation is more about the classic one where a woman presents an idea, the guy agrees with it and basically repeats the point and then everyone acts like it was his idea to begin with and he gets to take the lead. DH was trying to prevent that when he doesn’t have direct authority to assign the work or challenge the male steamrollers. I’m probably not describing the situation well but a couple of colleagues noted his efforts at support and said it made them feel more confident to push their ideas in meetings without worrying about losing credit for work product.

            1. Yes, this was actually a standard reply in meetings in the Obama White House to properly give credit to the female who said it first. It became a cultural shift and is now used by Obama alum in other companies. Everyone at my work says it all the time now to reiterate the female’s point….”to your point, Sue,…” thanks to our Obama alum.

   3. Are you saying that it is being a feminist ally to oppose the extended schedule? I believe that colleges and universities are fighting for their existence, and flexibility in schedule to lessen density will be crucial. I don’t think women will benefit from higher density/shorter schedules/greater chance of infection, nor do I believe that closures due to decreased enrollment will redound to women’s benefit.

      1. I think the concern is that for anyone with caring responsibilities, teaching at 8pm or on a Saturday am, isn’t viable. There isn’t childcare available – the university doesn’t even have a staff daycare that it could operate on a limited basis to fill the gap. The worst teaching spots will likely fall on younger academics, who are likely to feel unable to say no, are more likely to have caring responsibilities for young children, and are often on fixed-term contracts. In addition, it may be an issue for student parents and students who have part-time jobs (working in a shop on a Saturday etc).
         I appreciate universities are in an incredible tricky position but as are staff, as it appears children are unlikely to go back to school on a FT basis, with before and after care etc.

         1. I taught a class at home at night via zoom (and you can record zooms), so everyone was remote. IDK why evenings need to be a challenge (if anything, with a WFH spouse, I have childcare in the evenings that way if kiddos aren’t sleeping just hanging out). Plus, student sitters are hungry for work, so that may be an option also.

         2. There isn’t childcare available during the 9-5 M-F workweek either though, right? At this point I don’t see a lot distinction between Tuesday at 10 am and Thursday at 7 pm or Saturday at 10 am, because with fully remote work and no childcare, the days and hours are all the same (one of many things I hate about this situation!). If you have to teach Saturday, can’t you just make Monday or Friday into a “weekend” day?
            I also sort of agree that universities should do what they have to do to survive. Inconveniencing their employees is way better than laying off all their employees….

            1. Amen to this — even 9-5 childcare isn’t a given these days.

            2. M-F 9-5 childcare is way way more widely available than care at like 7pm on a Tuesday.

            3. Not in my area… you pretty much have to find an individual to babysit/nanny for you regardless of time of day, and people are more willing to babysit outside of standard work hours because many people are doing it as a second job.

         3. What about the students for childcare? I am not a parent, but would assume that it would be possible to find a someone to care for a child in a university town full of students.

      2. She’s in Scotland, not the US. The infection rates are way lower there. Finding childcare to cover those extended hours would be a nightmare.

         1. In a college town?

            1. College towns are not really a thing in Scotland (apart from St. Andrews). Most Scottish universities are located in cities, so it is a bit different than the US.

            2. Anywhere there’s a college there are college students looking for babysitting jobs. Plenty of universities in the US are in major cities too.

            3. In the U.K. it’s almost unheard of to have a college student provide childcare.

            4. What in the world? Do you get younger people (high school students) or only nannies? Do babysitters not exist in the UK? Or do you let kids be on their own if there are not complete babies?

   4. This is not clear…I think you have to clarify this. what?

      1. I agree. I don’t know what he said that was so great, or why the teaching schedule is a feminist issue. Did he allude to women in some way?

   5. Good for him if he was doing it as an ally, but really I don’t think anyone wants to work at 8pm or on a Saturday if they can help it… (spoken as someone who does both frequently) I’m sure this was more done out of self interest

      1. +1 I wouldn’t kid myself that he really cares about anyone but himself.

      2. Normally I’d be more cynical, but he’s retiring this year and can probably pick if/when he teaches, so I’m choosing to believe good intentions. He specifically referenced the impact on women and carers in his message, which I appreciated as moms within the department asking for accommodations (like a lactation room without a clear glass window) have been labelled as ‘militant mums’.

   6. Cb works at, not attends, a university. The range of working hours for Cb went from normal business hours to 12 hours a day during the week and 9-5 on Saturdays, which has huge childcare (or eldercare) implications, both of which, unfortunately, traditionally fall disproportionately to women

      Did I get that right?

      1. Since I haven’t had any childcare since March, my work hours went from regular workday + 2 hours after dinner to regular workday to 4+ hours at night, so IDK why that isn’t just what one does to get by these days. We all have had to make a LOT of adjustments. I don’t like them, but I prefer doing my job, getting paid, and not getting laid off. Just get it done. It won’t be forever.

      2. Hahahahahaha that university professors work anything resembling normal business hours. You must not know anyone in academia.

      3. She’s not teaching ALL these hours, just some of them. Her workload is not expanding. If she’s teaching evenings, that’s less daytime teaching. Also, while Saturday classes are a bit weird, evening classes have always been a thing, at least at US universities. A lot of people prefer teaching in the evenings (because it allows a more focused workday for research) so those who want to avoid teaching evening classes usually can. I would not worry about this until she’s actually assigned to teach at a weird time.

      4. I didn’t say I was an expert on academia? I was literally trying to make sure I understood the post since I was confused along with everyone else? I was also confused about how the man was an ally, I’d assume someone close to retirement would gripe because it would stink to be inconvenienced when you’re so close to the end, so again, I was seeking clarification not taking a position.

   7. I guess I still don’t understand… my University had classes starting from 8AM – 8 PM, which meant that evening classes got out at 9 or 9:30 PM. And Saturday classes from 8 – 12. This was 25+ years ago… I don’t see this as unusual, unless there is the expectation that professors will be there all of those hours? (This was not the expectation at my school.) More to the point, how will your teaching load change based on the announcement? If you are being asked to teach 10 sessions instead of 4, I understand the concern.

      1. Same, my university had evening and Saturday classes too. I don’t think this is that weird. Universities have never been institutions that operated only during normal business hours?

         1. +1

      2. Those hours we’re also normal for the very highly regarded international university I attended for undergrad.

      3. My university had classes that started at 7:45am and ones that were 4pm-7pm and 7pm-10 pm but I’ve never heard of a Saturday class aside from the one off field trip or simulation

      4. My small Canadian undergrad never had Saturday classes and did not even have classes on Friday afternoons, although there were some night classes. When I was in Scotland (where the OP is), I do not recall any night classes and we also had Tuesday (or maybe it was Wednesday – it has been 20 years) afternoons off.

      5. I think the point was that every professor will be spending much more time in the classroom. So, if you normally teach 1 class with 100 students, and we’re only allowed to have 25 students in the classroom at a time, now you’re teaching 4 sessions of that 1 class.

         1. I mean sorry, but cry me a river. This isn’t an easy time for ANYONE. Many of us are working far more than we would be normally. We have had numerous layoffs at my company and I have picked up two other roles’ work responsibilities. Does this suck? Absolutely. Do I have a job still? Absolutely. Do I grin and bear it because I have bills to pay? Absolutely.

            1. Just because you have have had to pick up two people’s work doesn’t mean that it can’t also be bad for a university Professor to have to quadruple their in person teaching time. Their other work responsibilities remain the same if not longer: committees, publishing, mentoring and there’s still only 24 hours in the day.

               Poor pay and working conditions in one industry bring down pay and working conditions in other industries.

               I was initially surprised that most people don’t seem to have compassion for people whose working conditions got worse.

   8. It’s great of him to speak up, especially if he has a lower class load anyway because he’s nearing retirement, so this doesn’t impact him as much as others. Good for him for using his position to advocate for others.

      I have to say though, it kind of irks me when reasonable work hours are pitched as a parent- or woman-centered thing. No one wants to or should be asked to work 70 hours a week on a regular basis, particularly if they’re not getting paid more. I want to use Working Mom political capital to push for things that uniquely impact working moms, not for something that is unacceptable to EVERYONE. I wouldn’t sit it out entirely, but definitely let the white childless men be the squeakiest wheels on this one.

   9. I work in an industry where the main market is global higher ed, I have many close friends and former colleagues at the Dean level (US), and my husband is head of a large division in a regional comprehensive university (US). We’re tracking COVID-19 effects globally as a matter of urgent business.

      Almost all universities are very worried about enrollment drops especially from international students and the US and UK are especially tuition-dependent; they are all scrambling to inventory and map available spaces to responsibly open in person, because students have indicated they will not pay full tuition or come at all for all online; they are all spending millions of dollars on plexiglass, cleaning services, masks and other major investments in safety infrastructure. An enormous amount of revenue comes from on campus activities and services. Almost all institutions are in death match competition with their peer institutions.

      The other commenters are correct — this is life or death for higher ed unless it is robustly nation-state supported. I know of a couple of institutions that have laid off all their instructors and adjuncts and told all tenured and tenure track faculty that they will be returning full time to the classroom. The pandemic is going to permanently reshape the higher ed landscape (and yes, the derailment of research careers and publishing activity is already falling disproportionally on women). But still having a job is pretty important in these times.

      1. Wow

         Thanks for sharing this. Very interesting.

         Keep us posted over the next year!

      2. I know it’s later in the day, but here’s some further reading if anyone is interested:

         Challenges for the female academic during the COVID-19 (from the Lancet)
         pandemichttps://www.thelancet.com/journals/lancet/article/PIIS0140-6736(20)31412-4/fulltext#.XvTE03CXC6E.twitter

         Colleges Spend Millions to Prepare to Reopen Amid Coronavirus (from WSJ)
         https://www.wsj.com/articles/colleges-spend-millions-to-prepare-to-reopen-amid-coronavirus-11592991000

         The COVID-19 pandemic is causing a crisis in the UK universities (Vox EU)
         https://voxeu.org/article/covid-19-pandemic-causing-crisis-uk-universities

         Going online due to COVID-19 this fall could hurt colleges’ future (from The Conversation)
         https://theconversation.com/going-online-due-to-covid-19-this-fall-could-hurt-colleges-future-138926

         Layoff Tracker (US) https://www.chronicle.com/article/We-re-Tracking-Employees/248779

         Outbreak Hurts Higher Ed Worldwide for Next Year, Moody’s Says
         https://www.insidehighered.com/news/2020/04/07/outbreak-hurts-higher-ed-worldwide-next-year-moodys-says

         Australia: ECT course cost to go down as Government announces Tertiary reform
         https://thesector.com.au/2020/06/23/ect-course-cost-to-go-down-as-government-announces-tertiary-reform/

2. Has anyone done the math, or found a credible source, for when the Apple insurance program is worth it? How often do you have to need a new phone?

   1. I’ve never done it, but it seems specific to whether you tend to lose your phone or break it by dropping it. If something goes wrong within the phone in the first 12 months, it’s under warranty anyway. My daughter was handed a new phone when hers bricked at 11.5 months (without insurance).

      1. I typically break it but this time spilled water on it. It’s less than a year old but I assume water damages is not covered by the warranty.

   2. Insurance like this is partially a math issue and partially a personal finance issue. If you have the extra money laying around to re-purchase the phone if it breaks, it’s almost always a better bet to not get the insurance. If you don’t and need to spread out the costs, buy the insurance.

      My family almost never buys the warranties; we save the money we would have spent on those warranties and pay out of pocket if anything breaks.

      1. Adding to this, one reason the insurance tends to be expensive is because it’s self-selecting. I have had the same handset for 3.5 years and it’s still pristine, so while I would lower the average risk and therefore the cost of insurance, I don’t pay for it (instead I save for my replacement handset). The price of the insurance is based on the idea that most people who take it out will need to claim it at some point. (In my experience you tend to be someone whose phone is always pristine or someone whose phone is always bashed up).

      2. +1

         I’ve never (knock wood) lost or damaged a phone (I went 5 years with my last one), so declined the insurance.

   3. It depends on the cost of the item and how rough you are on your devices. My family buys the cheapest Apple devices and keeps them for around three years. The cost of the AppleCare warranty plus the deductible for accidental damage beyond a screen replacement is $178. AppleCare only lasts two years. The cost to buy a brand-new iPhone SE with 128 GB memory is $449. If you wreck the phone during the two-year warranty period, AppleCare saves you only $271. If you don’t wreck the phone, you’re out $79 for the warranty.

      If I had bought AppleCare for all the iPods, iPhones, iPads, laptops, and Apple watches my family has owned over the years, we would have spent well over $1,000 on warranties so far. Only one device has ever been damaged, and that was a 2.5-year-old iPhone that would have been out of warranty and that we were planning to replace in six months anyway. For us, it has been much less expensive to self-insure.

      My SIL’s family always buys the warranty. They buy fancier devices, their teenager breaks his phone’s screen regularly (deductible $29 to fix), and they have a habit of putting their AirPods through the wash. For them the warranty might make more sense.

      I were buying my teenager a $1400 top-of-the-line phone or a brand-new MacBook to carry to school, I might consider AppleCare with loss protection. But I am cheap, so she only has a new iPhone SE and my old MacBook.

   4. I don’t, mostly because I will only ever have lifeproof cases on my phone. I’m very clumsy and lead a very active life and I’ve never had a screen crack or a phone break due to dropping/water/dust. I also buy older/cheaper iPhones and use them til they die because I’m frugal and I don’t care about the latest and greatest. I currently have the old SE and when this dies will buy the new SE

      Maybe if you’re more prone to losing a phone than breaking one, but honestly I can’t shout my love for Lifeproof from the rooftops enough.

   5. I used to work in an Apple store. When ever anyone bought Applecare there were high 5’s in the back room. It’s like 100% profit from the gullible.

   6. I bought it when I bought my first PowerBook in college and didn’t regret it — I ended up needing to use it twice, and I could not have afforded to replace the laptop. I have not bought it for anything since then, and I’ve had two other mac laptops, multiple iPods, then iPhones and 2 iPads. I’ve never needed it — any time there was any issue with a device, it was so old that it was out of warranty anyway.

      Typed on my 2012 MacBook Air, which still works like new.

   7. I’ve never broken a phone and I have a lot of savings so I don’t get the insurance.

   8. I’ve broken a few phones in my lifetime and I still don’t think insurance is worth it. Take the $$ you would put towards insurance and set it aside. Unless you really frequently break phones, self-insuring is probably cheaper.

3. This dress is very Mormon mommy blogger. I rarely comment on the clothes themselves here but…yikes.

   1. +1

   2. I was going to say, if you are not young and gorgeous and are not endowed or too well endowed…

   3. Same. This looks so frumpy to me. I don’t care for maxi dresses typically, though.

      1. +1 Maxi dresses read very cheap suburban mom to me.

   4. I like it — I hate the strappy ones b/c I seem to bend forward enough that I feel too exposed. Also, I am always cold inside. And POCKETS! If I weren’t 5-4, I’d be game for this (I still might be with a generous hem).

   5. YES! This is a very specific aesthetic and you nailed it. Will definitely be paired with strappy sandals and big hat for an Instagram photo.

   6. I also can’t imagine how a floor length rayon dress is good for hot weather. Yuck.

      1. You’re so right it’s like a giant plastic steam bag for your legs.

   7. I thought it was a LLR dress at first…

      1. No, you can tell because it’s at least kind of cute

   8. I apparently have terrible style because I always love the picks that everyone else here hates. I think this looks great. I live in Northeast wear the evenings can be cool and buggy. I love maxi dresses for cocktail hour outside. I also love them for working from home when the AC is a little too high in one part of the house to keep other parts of the house cool for others working from home.

      1. I like it too. I’m not Mormon or a blogger but I am a mom.

      2. Hahaha. I feel the same way! I actually have this dress in a deep red color, and I’m kinda cracking up at the comments. I wear it in the fall and even winter (because fall and winter are not really cold here, just less hot) with a scarf. I don’t think I look like a Mormon mommy blogger (I’m none of the above) but maybe it’s time for me to retire it. It is comfortable though!

         1. I have this dress in navy. I’m 5’4” and it’s too long on me. I tie the hem in a knot. At first I did it for practical reasons and then found that it gives the dress more shape. It’s become my go-to travel dress or for nights outside when it’s cooler and buggy, as noted above.

   9. This style is dead, dead, dead in urban areas. The death will take longer to spread to suburban and rural areas, and by that time it will be trending in urban areas again.

   10. I feel like maxi dresses just make me look wide and short (I’m 5’6″). Not my favorite, plus I live in a city so anything that might drag on the ground is suspect. Related: the ads in my social media feeds keep showing me Rachel Parcell dresses at Nordstrom (very successful Mormon mommy blogger). The dresses are pretty, but I’m not sure what algorithm thinks I want a lacy pastel dress for >$100. Maybe for a wedding? Not really work-appropriate (at least for me).

4. Does anyone have a recommendation for an educational source or sources (book, podcast episode(s), podcast series, etc.) about the causes (and maybe solutions?) for homelessness? I live in Austin and our city has recently changed the public camping laws. My rational, compassionate brain tells me to be tolerant but the proliferation of large, semi-permanent camps makes maintaining that attitude less automatic. I’d also like to be able to have intelligent discussions with peers about the subject.

   1. I’d recommend City Journal for the conservative view. I am not a conservative, but I try to read both sides for certain issues like homelessness and crime and I have encountered some thought-provoking pieces there. I also recommend the City Lab part of the Atlantic and the articles about why broken windows theory works in the main magazine (it’s a common misconception that broken windows = stop and frisk, but that’s not at all the case). I live in SF and have found the nuanced take on homelessness much more valuable than yet more calls for funding, although most cities don’t have the millions upon millions in the homelessness budget like we do.

      1. Oh also, NYT had an interesting article about how people in one neighborhood in MN have decided to never call the cops as a homeless encampment pops up in their park. This includes a man who was the victim of an armed attempted carjacking. It’s interesting, although I don’t agree with all of the sentiments expressed.

         Search for: A Minneapolis Neighborhood Vowed to Check Its Privilege. It’s Already Being Tested.

   2. There was a really interesting article about homelessness in San Francisco a few issues ago. “The Window onto the American Nightmare”. I found it really interesting reading which captured some of the issues with “solutions” to homelessness.

   3. Honestly as far as I’m aware there isn’t a good solution because it’s mostly a mental health problem and you can’t force people to be helped when they don’t want help. I’m sure you’ve seen those infographics that say we could “solve” homelessness for whatever dollar amount, so my city actually tried. They gave a large number of homeless apartments and living expenses, what happened was that the homeless refused the mental health care to accompany the program and several buildings ended up condemned due to infestations, hoarding etc. The plug was pulled on the program after it was clear that giving the homeless a home doesn’t make them not homeless, it just makes them fancy squatters.

      1. Maybe early intervention for mental health problems/increased availability of health care would be more effective then? The thought patterns become more entrenched as time goes on.

         1. This sounds so dystopian. I would resist someone trying to correct my thought patterns to make me do what they want me to. CBT can be abusive when the patient and therapist don’t share the same goals for the patient.

            1. What would you suggest as an alternative for those who refuse to adhere to the social contract? I certainly don’t think it’s fair to subject the general public to poop and other potential health hazards.

      2. You don’t have a full understanding of homelessness. That’s certainly one part, but there is A LOT more homelessness that is not as visible when you walk down the street. You should probably do some research yourself.

   4. I don’t know what cities it’s in, but when I lived in DC I always enjoyed buying and reading Street Sense.

      Like you, I wanted to be compassionate, but actually being compassionate when things were unpleasant was a little harder. Reading Street Sense and volunteering weekly at a soup kitchen helped me stay compassionate.

   5. No recommendations, but as a former Austinite who recently moved away (in some part because of the proliferation of camps)…I feel you! I don’t know the solution and I want to be compassionate, but my gut reaction to the issue was frustration and anger. There has to be a better way!

   6. Episode 26 of Reasons To Be Cheerful podcast was about “Housing First”; they have also subsequently done episodes on social housing and how rough sleepers have been housed during the pandemic.

   7. I would also look up “ugly laws”; almshouses; the early history of hospitals; asylums and deinstitutionalization; laws about travellers and Romani. Maybe even the enclosure movement. For me, these topics have been helpful context for more recent issues with property and housing in cities.

      1. I think there isn’t one type of homelessness. There is poverty homelessness, where people can hold FT jobs but don’t have the $ to avoid living in their cars (e.g., VHCOL cities and women+children fleeing bad domestic situations). There is also chronically mentally ill / substance abuser homelessness, which is IMHO very different and they are solved (if at all) very differently.

         My MCOL city and nonprofits have made headway on economic homelessness (but for people who leavehomelessness, new people come into it). Less on chronic homelessness, where it seems that the people who enter rarely leave because addiction is hard to overcome when you are housed and fed and severe mental health issues are a livelong struggle, again, even if you are housed.

         1. it’s for this reason that I wish we didn’t have the term “homelessness” for this. It implies the problem and the fix: housing.

            But homelessness is always a symptom of something. For some people, housing would actually be a fix. For many others, getting housing is only one piece of a very complex puzzle.

            1. Wow. That is a really great point. Thanks for sharing your perspective.

         2. There is also a small subset of “drifter” homelessness, a definition I’ve seen include people who are outside of mainstream society for whatever reason and who move from city to city by choice (whatever that means). They tend to keep to themselves, reject services, and not be mentally ill.

            1. I guess those are the true urban campers then, like surfer dudes but in cities. They aren’t generally problematic though. In my city, they may be a small subset — the others are much larger and don’t mix well (homeless woman doesn’t want to bunk or eat near screaming guy with hygiene problems, especially if she has kids in tow).

            2. This is a key distinction. There are are multiple types of homelessness and I think the “drifter” type is the hardest to solve, or at least it has been for my community. We have a relatively mild climate and especially in the fall/winter, attract people who have chosen to live nomadically and choose to do it on the sides of freeways or on sidewalks in the middle of downtown. I think there’s an assumption that these people are mentally ill or substance abusers, but not all of them are. I think in some cases there may be past trauma, or there may be some autism/Asperger’s issues, and I do think many of them use drugs recreationally (like many of the housed people I know these days), but I have spoken to several (just in the course of walking by them and offering them water or granola bars) who have made it clear they are choosing to live that way. I don’t know what you do with that. “Housing first,” which works really well for economic homelessness, is not a solution for the drifters/nomads because they don’t want to be housed, period. Our city has toyed with the idea of setting aside land for a permanent encampment where there would be sanitation and services, but then there would also have to be law enforcement and code enforcement and that’s what those folks aren’t interested in. I actually have no problem if people want to live nomadically but I do have an enormous problem with people relieving themselves in the streets or on the sidewalks and leaving rotting food around, which has happened in our city even when the city has installed portable toilets/washing stations and trash bins near encampments. Unless we want to go back to criminalizing homelessness I am not sure what the solution is.

         3. Yes, there’s so much more than a us/them dichotomy between “us” and “the homeless.” Parts of the story are about healthcare, parts are about inequality, and parts are about different visions of property, stewardship, caretaking, and community. “Home” is such a fundamental concept and such a basic need that it’s easy to accidentally take things for granted that are very historically contingent.

   8. Yes, there’s so much more than a us/them dichotomy between “us” and “the homeless.” Parts of the story are about healthcare, parts are about inequality, and parts are about different visions of property, stewardship, caretaking, and community. “Home” is such a fundamental concept and such a basic need that it’s easy to accidentally take things for granted that are very historically contingent.

      1. I meant to add as well that there’s an episode on how liberal people frequently become less liberal on homelessness in particular, as you describe, OP.

         1. I read once that everyone is conservative on what they know the most about. So even my very woke liberal friends send their kids to private schools b/c they want a certain kind of rigorous education for their kids and sending them to public schools where the schools are beset by headwinds limiting how much education can be delivered, isn’t an option to them. Ditto homelessness — when someone poops on the sidewalk in front of you when you are out to dinner with your family, it is something that they react to negatively once they are seeing it (and we are all seeing it these days in some cities main commercial districts instead of having it hidden away on the fringes).

            1. Nah, they just aren’t actually as liberal as they say they are. I’ve worked in public education for 12 years, have two Master’s in the field, and I remain just as liberal about education (if anything, I’m more liberal) than I was when I began.

            2. As a lawyer, I’ve gotten more and more liberal about nearly everything law-related. Honestly, I was much more conservative right out of college than I am as a middle-aged woman with kids.

   9. Not quite the same but the book Evicted and the documentary Owned are both well worth anyone’s time! Both about the housing crisis.

   10. IDK but there is an outfit in my city that provides mobile showers, often at laundromats. It is a valuable service to provide, and yet it is a challenge. Some clients act out, act inappropriately, or threaten volunteers or leave the shower in a condition where it must be disinfected or serviced by a plumber. Other clients are vulnerable women who fear being preyed upon by other clients. It is a needed service but very challenging to provide — many volunteers eventually quit because they don’t feel safe (and they may not be wrong — we tell people to listen to their fear with good reason). IDK what the answer is.

       projectoutpour.org

   11. The SF experiment is not going well. The core of the city is filthy, as is the public transit system. It’s impossible to walk to work without experiencing harassment and it’s not politically correct to call for help even if you are being actively stalked and menaced. We have rented our place there and are living in the burbs until the City either actually makes progress in moving people off the street or gives up on the notion that the homeless are entitled to take over the public commons.

       1. This. You can call me privileged or unsympathetic.

          I returned to SF in 2018 after being gone for 5 years. I was shocked an appalled by how bad the Tenderloin “containment zone” had gotten. Police stand by while people deal drugs. There’s severe mental illness and insecurity and harassment on public transportation. I would pay my bus/subway fare daily and the homeless people would get on, scream/abuse other passengers, smoke, eat and leave trash everywhere and get off, all without paying. I was walking to my friend’s house in Soma from work at 6pm on a Friday night when beer bottles starting raining down on me from the fifth floor of an SRO (Police were already on scene inside, but this was the result) and glass was shattering all over–it was like a war zone. On my way to work, I got off Muni/BART at Civic Center each day and walked through people smoking crack, dealing pills and jumping back into the station, smoking joints. I had to walk through this just to get up the escalator to street level. Each evening on Market Street outside my office, a little flea market of gym clothes, CDs, sunglasses, jumper cables, and phone chargers would spring up on blankets–all of it was fenced goods from car break-ins. There was a drug dealer directly below my office, exactly off the side of our property line, past our security guards’ purview. He stood their rain or shine all year. Two security guards were not enough to keep our employees safe.

          My startup was located at 6th and Market. We had a shooting gallery (heroin) in the alley right behind our office. Multiple employees were attacked (sucker punched, spat on, tripped, robbed) and it was a given you’d be verbally harassed if you walked into the alley.

          Until recently, I lived in the Upper Market area (Duboce Triangle). We had a needle exchange two blocks from my house. This sounds great in theory. What it meant was that twice a week, it attracted people with serious drug problems who would shoot up, poop everywhere, holler all night, leave needles everywhere, smash bus shelters and break into every car on our block. Shopping for groceries at my local Safeway, shoplifting and physical altercations between shoplifters and security were typical–like it was not unusual to see people throwing punches while you picked up a loaf of bread. I was walking my dog at 5pm on a Saturday and from across an intersection, for no reason, a guy who was off his rocker turned and threw a jack daniels bottle at my dog because…no one knows why. It shattered. I woke up one night to a burning smell–at 3am, a bunch of people smoking out had lit trash on fire in a bonfire on the sidewalk below my window. Another time, I woke up and the shingles from my neighbor’s siding on their house had been ripped off and used as kindling so a homeless person could stay warm. We could have been hurt. We weren’t. All of this is awful and unnerving.

          At some point, you just don’t want to live with this in your face. I feel for the young runaways. I feel for people who fell through the cracks because living in the Bay Area is EXPENSIVE. But most of what I saw was severe mental illness coupled with addiction. SF has swung the other direction–we throw more and more money at homelessness and more and more homeless folks come to SF because it’s tolerated here and there’s a whole “homeless ecosystem”. If it’s NIMBY, then it’s somewhere else. The City and tons of nonprofits have spent decades trying to help, but a lot of this is truly mental illness and addiction. It’s sad, it’s hard and it’s making SF unlivable for law-abiding taxpayers. These are really hard problems, and people have tried really hard to solve them. But you cannot commit people against their will. SFPD will only come if there is a danger to the homeless person themselves or to others.

          I changed jobs last December to nearer the Ferry Building. I only see a few homeless people on my way to work and don’t have to walk a drug gauntlet to get into my building from public transport. I also moved from the Upper Market area to the Presidio, where the federal police are much better about not permitting homelessness on federal property. I have to say, my mental state is better. I don’t know how to fix this.

          I do donate to Glide and a few other charities that my previous startup was involved with in the Tenderloin. The City certainly hasn’t figured out how to fix this at all.

          1. Agree with all of this so much. People who don’t live here don’t get how bad it truly is and how much certain subsets of the homeless population infringe upon everyone else’s rights. There’s a HUGE difference between a mom with two kids who just became homeless last year and needs temporary housing to get back on her feet and someone who has been addicted to heroin for 30 years and who has never been treated for their schizophrenia. I think some of the “just be more compassionate” people think that all homeless people are like the former.

          2. 6th and Market has ALWAYS been like a portal to an alien world. I laughed when I returned to SF in 2012 and saw all the new fancy apartment buildings springing up in the area. It was obviously going to be a complete nightmare to live there. We used to pick up from Miss Saigon and it felt exciting like a mount Everest ascent. One time I walked behind a lady who turned around wielding two giant knives. I promptly turned around and ran. We moved because no normal person wants to live like this and now live in the boonies in PNW. I’m sure they will come here too, thanks to Seattle, but maybe we’ll get a little breather before then.

       2. It’s not just about hygiene, which is an indirect threat to safety, but many of these folks are actually dangerous and it’s a real problem that it’s no longer politically correct to call the police for help in San Francisco. My friend was sexually assaulted in broad daylight in San Francisco on a Saturday recently. She couldn’t call the police for help in the moment, and none of the other folks on the street called, even though they walked by and witnessed the assault in progress. And just last week at the BART station in Berkeley, a mentally ill woman pushed a man onto the tracks as a train pulled into the station. He is only alive right now because he was able to crawl into a small gap underneath the train platform and the train whizzed right by him. NO ONE called for help and the woman who pushed him walked out of the BART station free and clear. I don’t know what the answers are, but all of us abandoning the social compact ain’t it.

   12. The camping subject is tricky, as tent cities are huge safety hazards, they often catch on fire. Safety would seem to imply they need to be regulated to make sure all cooking is far enough from tents, no open flames within tents etc. But with the mental health problems enforcement is difficult. There is also the question of autonomy, letting them risk a horrible death. I personally can’t suss out the line.

   13. I’m not an expert but my DH is on the board of our local homeless support agency so I’ve learned a lot. Part of the problem is that homelessness in general is not homogenous. There are solutions for temporary homelessness that cities have good strategies for. Chronic homelessness is much more difficult to “solve” for the reasons some other commenters have said here. Anyway – good for trying to learn more. Just reading and listening has helped me, but critical to not seeing the problem as having a clear solution is understanding the lack of homogeneity in the population.

   14. I live in the Oakland and work in SF, where obviously this is a huge issue in both areas that has really been taken to another level. The thing about compassion that I have personally come to terms with is, compassion doesn’t happen in a bubble. While I am of course compassionate to the homeless who have obviously had many major life struggles that I probably can’t even imagine, I can also be compassionate towards other groups and unfortunately those two compassions can’t be endless without bumping into each other. Example, every now and then some homeless will take over a public playground and make it very unsafe to go there with young kids. There are those in the area that think if you try to remedy that, you aren’t showing compassion for the less fortunate. Okay, but what about compassion for these young, innocent kids that deserve safe playgrounds for a free place to play? Or what about compassion for someone who saved their whole life to buy a house, spent all of their savings to do so…and all of a sudden a homeless camp sets up right next to it, destroying the value? I get it, obviously the person with the house is way better off than the people without, but I still don’t think it’s right to not show any compassion for that scenario. That would be gutting.

       I don’t have the right answer at all. Money and supplying free drugs doesn’t seem to help (we definitely have tried both). But it does help me come to peace with if someone just flings out that anyone that wants to move a homeless encampment or take a similar action is not compassionate, knowing that for myself there can be a complex web of compassion here and it is not one dimensional like the accuser is painting it.

       1. One thing that really illustrated that for me was learning that disability rights groups in SF brought a lawsuit against BART because the BART elevators were regularly filled with excrement, needles, violent men, and people on drugs. A lot of us can avoid elevators, but if you’re a wheelchair user whose wheels are going through piles of urine and worse, that’s a violation of your right to safe and clean public transit. It’s important to consider that if you want to be compassionate to people who are homeless by not opposing anything they are doing, you may find yourself being un-compassionate to others. The same goes for when homeless people take over entire bus stops, playgrounds, or other public spaces.

       2. This is really eloquent and where I am, 100%. I try very hard to have compassion for all. I can’t have compassion for the homeless or for addicted people and let go of my compassion for children, the elderly, people in economically disadvantaged neighborhoods who need their parks and public transit, etc. There is a tipping point, especially with addicted people, where compassion becomes enabling (I say this as the ex-fiance and daughter of people with addiction problems). I think many cities are past that tipping point and have gone from decriminalizing homelessness to enabling homelessness at the expense of other residents. We have also had parks taken over (including a Little League ballfield in a disadvantaged neighborhood where teams no longer play because homeless people have taken over the dugouts and the needles, excrement, etc. are too dangerous for the kids to encounter), neighborhoods where the homeowners can’t get out because a homeless encampment has destroyed property value, etc. I am not sure what the solution is but we absolutely have to keep trying for one. Otherwise, what will happen is that those who can flee out of an area homeless people have taken over will; the remaining people may resort to vigilante justice or violence; and the social issues will get exponentially worse.

   15. OP here. Thank you all so much for the suggested resources, and thoughtful responses and discourse. A fear of descending into SF’s situation definitely plays a part in my reaction to the new and enlarging camps in Austin. My current (not entirely educated) thinking is that homelessness, in general, is a result of our lack of solid social safety nets, especially in the states that lean red (or that have very red state-level governance)–mental health treatment being only one of those. I’d be interested to know how other countries with stronger and more extensive social programs fare, and how they deal with whoever falls through the cracks of the bulk of the programs (e.g., by refusing treatment or housing).

5. I’m having a hard time getting back to normal work. I was heavily involved in my agency’s COVID and civil unrest responses and now being back at my normal desk, doing my normal / steady state work feels so boring. I got into my field because I wanted to work on these high profile, fast moving, exciting challenges. I’m well aware of the toll that full time response work takes, but man I forgot how boring my day job is! I’m not motivated to take on new projects or dive back into what I was doing.

   1. If you love a high-adrenaline challenge, you probably also need the skill set of learning how to come back to a place of calm after it.

      I’d suggest being OK with being bored for a week or two, and then taking it from there. Rather than “dive back in” or “take on new project” just take a week or two to regroup, clean out your files, chat with your coworkers, etc.

   2. Exercise? Either as a new project that requires energy or to diffuse the stress/energy from your last project.

   3. I’m in exactly the same boat. In talking to colleagues, we all finally acknowledged it’s actually burnout. We were “go go go” on adrenaline for months and now that we have time to process everything it’s… a lot. It’s been very hard to shift from immediate response thinking to long-term planning thinking. Give yourself time to rest.
      I’ve been picking very small tasks and forcing myself to do them to get the productivity ball rolling. I start with administrative things and small goals (go through all of my unread emails. Make myself respond to the easy ones I need to respond to. etc.) and then it feels easier to do bigger things.

      1. This. I went from crazy COVID work to having depos every day this week because my litigation piled up in the meantime. I had a depo cancelled today and I went to try to normally work and I crashed. I just slept for two hours and am just now back at my desk (east coast time) luckily working from home. I definitely needed that.

      2. Oh yeah I’m definitely burnt out! Debating taking a day off just to chill, even though I’d rather wait until more things are open to do that.

         1. I’m also of the mindset that we are just in the eye of the storm and the second wave will come, and depending on your role in the response, mass vaccination is a wave of work! With that in mind, I’m channeling some of my frantic energy into organizing my house, making sure my kids have clothes that will fit through the fall, replenishing some of our emergency food that has been used the past few months, etc. to make sure my house is prepared to run smoothly once I’m back to response hours.

6. For those of you who managed to develop and keep new (good) habits as adults, what helped? Whether it’s working out, flossing, eating vegetables, budgeting – it seems some people “just do it” and other people, like me, have good intentions but .. forget. Or something.

   1. I think you need to find what your motivations are and leverage those. I’ll use myself as an example. I can not for the life of me stick to a health diet because I just don’t give a cr*p about an extra 5 or 10 lbs. However I have successfully abstained from animal products for over a decade because I care so deeply about being good. I could never stick to exercise because again I don’t care if I’m more tonned, but I could stick to cycling and walking because it reduces my carbon footprint.

   2. I find it helpful to link a new habit to something I’m already doing every day. Is there time to lift weights, do squats, stretch, or take a walk outside while the coffee is brewing? Would you eat more vegetables if you ate them at breakfast and not just at lunch or dinner, or if you served meals you already eat on a bed of spinach? Is there a habit you could get done in the commercial breaks of a favorite show?

      I never forget to take my morning meds and vitamins because it’s something I do while the cats eat. And the cats will never, ever forget about breakfast.

   3. Take on one habit at a time. Not a whole lifestyle’s worth.
      know WHY you want it. Fix that “why” firmly in your mind.
      Tie the habit to something you already do, or schedule it at a specific time of day/week.
      Put it on your calendar and set a reminder.
      Develop grit so you can pick it back up when you forget/fail/get it wrong.
      Change your environment to make the habit possible. (e.g., buy vegetables and throw away processed foods, pack your workout clothes and make getting into them easy)
      Accept that you may not enjoy doing the new thing at first, that you will “fail,” that you won’t do it perfectly, that you may fall away from the habit during times of stress, and that it may be a long time before it becomes simple or easy for you. That’s normal. Just pick back up and start in again. (It took me about 3-5 years until budgeting became a simple habit. I still haven’t mastered vegetables or flossing.)

   4. Gretchen Rubin’s work on the four tendencies and how that ties into motivation and habits was really useful for me. I am an obliger and now understand a lot of why I am very successful in some ways and feel like a “lazy” person in others.

      BUT…a lot of it is not just “oh if only I knew how to motivate myself correctly” or “if only I wasn’t so lazy”. A lot of it is actually having time and the habit “working” in your life. I’ve been really proud of the amount I’ve been exercising since the pandemic…but honestly, most of that is because I now have about 4 extra hours in my day (no commute + reduced workload). So the habit works in my life, and when I combine it with my obliger tendencies (I’m pregnant, so feel like I am “obliging” the baby by working out), I’ve been able to stick to it. But it’s not magic.

      I did quit a very bad habit as an adult successfully and while that was very hard for a little while (~month), not doing the thing very quickly became just as habitual as doing the thing had been. 99% of the time I forget I actually ever did that thing! I just needed the motivation for one month + some residual motivation to get through the 1% of the time I remember I liked doing the thing. It taught me a lot of lessons about the power of habit.

      So, yes, you can hack it to some extent, but if it doesn’t work…it doesn’t work.

      1. What book of GR’s is this? I read her Happiness Project but don’t recall that.

         1. Better Than Before. It helped me immensely too.

      2. +1 to The Four Tendencies. It really resonated with me. I’m a Rebel, so I immediately resist expectations, which explained a lot (A LOT) about why I find it hard to build habits.

         1. Thanks for the tip.

      3. I hate GR’s Four Tendencies with a deep hot passion. In it, she asks the question, “Why isn’t everyone effortlessly perfect like I am?” and answers it by concluding that a very small subset of people is, but the rest of us are inherently flawed and might be able to be almost as good as she is if we identify, categorize, and work to counteract those inherent flaws. I asked for my.money back on Audible.

         1. Ha! I actually liked the book, because it helped me identify some of where my attitude comes from when people tell me what to do. But, totally agree with you that she thinks her type (Upholder) is the best of the four. (I disagree, naturally, I love being a Rebel, and quite honestly don’t want to change!)

         2. I feel this way about so much of GR’s writing. I liked the habits one until about halfway through then thought, good lordt she is unsufferably perfect.

            1. +1

               GR, in one of her books: “I’m a chronic underbuyer because I’m just so selfless, and while standing in line to buy my 12th long sleeve white shirt and wondering whether I really needed it, I realized that I need to give myself permission to take care of myself.”

               She’s someone I would never, ever be friends with IRL.

         3. Thank you! I generally adore self-help books, but GR seems like a SAHM who got so bored that she decided to cram a bunch of her journal entries together into a “self-help” book. For me, she epitomizes the “Just try harder! What’s so hard about that?” woman.

         4. HAHA right? She is SO ANNOYING!

         5. +1, I used to read her blog when she first started out more than a decade ago but she’s insufferable, like so many of my other law school classmates.

            1. She and Laura Vanderkam are similarly insufferable in this way!

               Why aren’t you as perfect as I am? Here, I’ll make a career out of telling you why!

   5. Highly recommend the book Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg. It’s a great combination of the psychology of habit formation and practical tips/exercises to actually establish habits.

   6. I used to be so good at this and now I’m much less so …

      For eating well, I cannot let myself get hungry. Once I’m hungry, all I want is a cheesesteak! Once I’ve eaten well all day, it’s way easier to convince myself to go to the gym after work. Momentum is HUGE for me!

      That momentum applies elsewhere too. If I feel good about something it’s easy for me to apply it elsewhere in life and keep going, likewise when I’ve had a “bad” day I’m way more likely to be like screw it, today is a lost cause, pizza for dinner!

      I have a well established morning routine, when I stick to that I’m much more likely to make healthy and otherwise “good” choices. Part of that is making my bed- been doing it before Adm McRaven spoke about it but it’s so true.

      I also tie goals to each other – running out to grab lunch both hurts my weight loss goals and my savings goals … I’m much less likely to do something that’s going to impact multiple goals.

      1. I just realized that momentum thing really applies to me…a bad day at work will spiral into eating junk and wasting money shopping online.

   7. Two things:

      I realized there was a difference between “motivation” and “discipline”. I knew I was unlikely to be motivated to do things I don’t enjoy, but I know that discipline is something that can be developed. So I’m not sitting around waiting to feel motivated before I do something. I do a lot of scheduling. For example, for working out, (pre covid) I picked what classes I was going to go to for the next month, signed up for them, put them in my calendar and went.

      I also try to make the new habit as easy as possible even if it’s not the best possible/most optimized way to do it. Are some vegetables better than no vegetables? Yes. Is going to work out once or twice a week better than not working out at all? Yes. Is spending more money for a gym you will actually go to better than spending less money for a gym you never go to? Yes. Is flossing my teeth with less environmentally friendly floss picks better than not flossing at all? Yes. So,I decided I was going to pay more for the expensive gym near my office with classes that fit my schedule rather than trying to force myself to go to a cheaper gym I didn’t like. For veggies, I started making spinach cubes to put in my smoothies. For me to succeed, I have to let myself focus on progress rather than perfection, or positive changes are not going to happen. Because I’ll never be perfect at all this stuff and I will definitely fail and then get upset and quit if I try to be.

      1. +1 My mantra is “Action over Motivation”. I have to just do the thing because if I wait for motivation it will not happen.

      2. “I also try to make the new habit as easy as possible even if it’s not the best possible/most optimized way to do it. Are some vegetables better than no vegetables? Yes. Is going to work out once or twice a week better than not working out at all? Yes. Is spending more money for a gym you will actually go to better than spending less money for a gym you never go to? Yes. Is flossing my teeth with less environmentally friendly floss picks better than not flossing at all? ”

         YES. The best exercise routine is the one you actually do. The best multivitamin is the one you actually take. No amount of motivation was going to get me into the habit of taking multivitamins that make me queasy, so it’s chewables for the win.

   8. I have to plan, automate, and/or schedule everything. Vitamins live next to my toothbrush so I don’t forget to take them. Meals are planned and breakfasts and lunches are prepped in advance. Outlook reminders for everything. Bullet journal with to-do lists and trackers. Etc.

   9. My mom wrote “moderation in ALL things” on my college dorm room whiteboard and I’ve never forgotten that.

   10. I found the quote “discipline equals freedom” on Pinterest and took it to heart. The guy who wrote it is a nutbag, in my opinion, but I likr the quote.

       To me, discipline to pack lunch means the freedom to spend that money on a vacation instead. Discipline to clean the kitchen after dinner means the freedom to spend my weekend with friends, not doing chores. Discipline to go to the gym gives me the mental freedom to not feel self conscious when I’m wearing a bikini, etc.

       Everything is a trade off and it really helps me to frame it as such.

       1. Similarly, I like to do things for my future self. As a small example, back in regular times it annoyed me to have to get gas, but if I framed it as future PolyD will be happy to have a full tank, it was less annoying.

          So present me doesn’t love making lunch/working out/not buying all the things, but future me will be happy I did that.

          A few weeks ago someone here wrote “Near-o is better than zero,” in the context of exercising, and I find that useful. Even a half-hearted attempt to follow along on a work out video, or reducing take out from 4X a week to 2X is better than nothing!

          1. Same on the future-self mindset. It’s literally the marshmallow experiment they do with three-year-olds, but dang if it doesn’t work.

          2. I think of your cute “future self” comment every evening as I prep our coffee. It does feel like a present at 7am!

   11. Perfect is the enemy of good!

       When I workout, I only make myself start for 5 minutes. After 5 minutes, I can decide if I want to keep going or quit. 90% of the time I keep going, because once you get started it’s not too bad. On the times that I’m truly not feeling it, I let myself stop. 5 mins working out on those days is better than nothing!

   12. My dental hygienist suggested the following, which I swear helped me develop the habit of daily flossing: (1) pull out a nice, long piece of floss; (2) just floss one tooth. Once you have the floss pulled out and you’ve flossed one tooth, it’s soooo much easier to go ahead and floss the rest of them. But going into it thinking I’ll just floss one tooth really helped. Plus you wouldn’t want to waste that nice piece of floss, would you?

7. Tell us something your parents instilled in you that you’re grateful for now.
   My mom taught me to love reading and to lean on cherished books in times of stress.
   My dad has an amazing work ethic — at 80 y.o. (and with asthma) is capable of doing hard, sustained, physical work that I haven’t been capable of in years (and I’m reasonably healthy and fit.

   1. My parents–especially my dad–were incredibly generous during my childhood, despite the fact that we were a family of relatively modest means. My dad was a union electrician, and he worked third shift for a lot of my childhood. Because that meant he didn’t otherwise see much of my brother and me during the week, he would often come eat lunch with us at our elementary school. When he did, he always bought ice cream for everyone in our respective classes. He paid little league fees for kids who couldn’t every year and almost always bought a yearbook for other kids in our classes who wouldn’t have otherwise had one.
      He died more than a decade ago, but I think of his example often. I made planned charitable contributions each year, but I also leave room for doing little things like he did–things that aren’t tax advantaged, etc.–when the opportunity arises.

      1. Wow, that is so touching. Your dad is an example to all of us.

      2. That’s lovely. Your dad sounds like a wonderful man.

      3. Your dad sounds awesome. I have a great relationship with my dad, and he was very present for much of my youth, but he never did anything quite like this. That’s really where my mom’s strong suit was. She was the giver.

      4. That’s amazing. Your dad sounds like a great person.

      5. Your dad sounds like a great person. I’m frugal, but one of my goals in life is to never be too cheap to skip buying someone a meal to celebrate an accomplishment or to feed someone who is hungry. I saw it expressed on a frugal blog as “I always get books from the library except when I’m buying books my friends write.”

   2. My mother’s stock response when we’d say “We’re BORED!” was “Well, boredom comes from within.” Boy, does that ring true as an adult.

      My dad always, always said (still says) to us before going out with friends, on vacation, whatever: “Have fun, but don’t be an a–hole.” He was right

      1. Only boring people are bored!

   3. So grateful to have learned how to deal with money and knowing the difference between a want and a need. Also how to put helping others first, whether your family or volunteering for a cause.

   4. Oh I love this!

      My dad taught me to never, ever go into consumer debt. His sister has always had terrible financial problems, stemming from her shopaholics tendencies and the associated credit card debt. Actually, my dad has taught a lot of life lessons (mostly financial but not all) by using his sister and his dad as examples of what not to do!

      My mom (and grandmother) taught me a lot about being a strong, tough as hell, outspoken woman.

   5. Love for the outdoors and the ability to take risks. Thanks to my parents, I can do a wide variety of sports outside, I have a good sense of fun and adventure, and I’ve gotten to see parts of the world I would never have seen otherwise. I’ve also been exposed to objectively dangerous conditions that strengthened me as a person, which is so important for women in particular. Now a weekend where a trip to the grocery store is the main event feels like a waste of life.

      1. I got the love of the outdoors from my parents but the love of adventure and adrenaline is my own. Growing up in a relatively active but nothing crazy family, I’m trying to figure out how to scratch my itch for adventure on my own. Any tips for someone looking for a more active / outdoors / adventurous lifestyle?

         1. There’s another thread about this below where I posted some tips about getting more outdoorsy, but in terms of seeking adventure specifically, I really recommend investing in a hobby where you can dedicate time and constantly increase your knowledge base and skills. An example for me is skiing; I grew up skiing 10-15 days a year (so not a ton by hardcore skier standards), but I improved over many years, joined ski team in college to try ski racing, and then started backcountry skiing in my late 20s. I don’t view skiing as this static thing, but an opportunity to constantly learn, improve, and try in new ways.

            Honestly though, my number one tip is to plan your weekends. If I don’t go plan the fun thing I want to do, even if it’s something low-key like a local hike, I tend to let the weekend get swallowed up by meaningless Instagram time or errands and I end up feeling sluggish and pissed on Sundays. I also love the blog The Happy Talent, which someone recommended here once and that has tons of great, actionable advice on how to live a more adventurous life.

            1. Oh, one more point – say yes when people invite you to things you’ve never tried before. That’s how I rafted the Colorado River and went trad climbing and went surfing. Trying new things, even if you end up not sticking with them or they’re not really for you, keeps life so much more interesting.

   6. Sunscreen.

   7. My mom raised me to look at other people and to think about what I would be like if I were born into/lived in their circumstances before judging them.

   8. I hope to never have to use this, but my parents divorced when I was 4 and subsequently remarried (different people). The four parents – biological and the steps on both sides – had lunch together once a month to check in and make sure everyone was aware of the big things going on with us kids, and to maintain respectful relationships with one another. All four of them would typically come to our sports events and birthdays. The divorce wasn’t particularly amicable but the interests of the kids were always first.
      I hope to never be divorced with kids, but I share my parents’ example with friends who are going through the process because it really made a big impact on me growing up, to know that all of my parents were working together, even when it may have been personally uncomfortable to do so.

      1. Wow, that’s really impressive and requires the cooperation and participation of 4 very mature people. Even if you never end up divorced, what a great example of how mature, responsible adults act and make the best of a tough situation.

   9. To treat all people equally and that I am no better than anyone else (in the sense that I should not look down on others or treat others as lesser than me regardless if I may have more, be a bit smarter, a bit prettier, or whatever). My parents made no distinction between any “race” and it was never permitted to make racist or belittling jokes (not that my sister and I ever came up with any on our own, but school), or to be snobby, or any of that. We were taught to appreciate people for who they were and to understand that all people brought something beneficial to the table. We were reminded that our lives could change at any time and that it was possible we could find ourselves in the same situation as those who were less privileged that we were socioeconomically, and that the things we had a result of my parents financial status were not “ours” and my parents had no qualms about taking them back if we were ungrateful (e.g., piano, pony, dance lessons, etc.).

      The other thing I am forever grateful for is that my parents let us figure religion out on our own. We never went to church, but had we wanted to, my parents would not have discouraged us. Neither my sister or I had any interest in religion although we educated ourselves about it to some extent on our own. That said, we were taught to respect others’ beliefs. That has morphed as I got older because I sure do not respect certain beliefs, but I also do not get into fights with people about it!

      1. My parents did the same thing about stressing the difference between their financial situation and mine (as a child), not letting us be snobby, and really talking about how kids with less than we had worked just as hard if not harder.

   10. Same on the love of reading – I didn’t really watch TV until middle school. My early reading skills got me fast tracked to start school early and be in honors programs, and as an adult reading continually opens my horizons.

       My parents were the only college grads in their families and stressed the importance of education to give you options. As I got older, they were very adamant about not getting serious in relationships early and using BIRTH CONTROL. These discussions were super awkward at age 13 but I’m glad they did it because I grew up in the south where people like to pretend these things only happen during marriage. Likewise, they stressed the importance of focusing on school and my career before settling down. When I think of women who married and had kids young, and the impact that can have on your career options, I’m so glad they taught me to set myself up in life first.

   11. My dad taught me about a woman’s right to choose. He was of only a few abortion providers in our bible belt city. He received death threats and walked through picketers but continued to provide what he considered a critical healthcare service.

       My mom taught me that you can always start over. You can go back to school at 50 and start a new career. You can move to a new city at 70 and make the best friends of your life. You can end a relationship even if it means you might not be with someone during the last part of your life.

       They both have a lot of flaws but they have set some indelible examples of good.

       1. Grateful for people like your dad.

       2. I am so grateful to people like your father, Anon.

       3. Super grateful for your dad.

       4. Please thank your dad for his work, from me, an anonymous commenter who is so grateful!

       5. These notes were really touching. I will let him know. He’s an interesting person and I am feeling more urgency is talking to him about the choices he made. Thanks for giving me a reason to do it!

   12. My mother is the most kind, generous person I truly have ever met. I adore her. As a single mother raising me, often working 3 jobs at a time to support me, she would always make time to help how she could. Some examples: she would make FULL Thanksgiving dinners for our local St. Vincent De Paul shelter to donate. She would always take 6-7 gift tags from giving trees during Christmas – she worked at the clothes out store Tuesday Morning for a long time and would use her extra discount during the holidays to buy the toys. She paid for me to get my eyebrows waxed often because I was (am) a hairy Italian girl and she didn’t want me getting made fun of (my brows are now one of my favorite features of myself!). My mom’s mom was a home ec teacher and her dad was a carpenter/woodshop teacher. My mom is SO handy and the best cook! Even though she worked all the time, she had me cooking since the age of five or six so I wouldn’t have to eat processed stuff (to this day, I’ve never had Chef Boyardee and I didn’t have a Pop Tart until I had a job to buy it myself LOL). Cooking was our bonding time and we would make cakes, homemade pastas, and grill together. We bicker more in the kitchen now, but I’ve definitely inherited her love of making others feel loved through food. I love reading all these responses!

       1. Love this! I’m a mama’s girl too. Man, do I miss her.

   13. Both my parents like to read and supported me in my love of reading by buying me an endless stream of books. My mom is an excellent cook who never served us anything processed or from a can. She also taught me the importance of a clean house and good quality linens and towels. Thanks Mom!

   14. Healthy body image! My mother never talked about our weight, never labeled foods as “good” or “bad,” never fussed about her own weight. She encouraged us to play outside, and she had loose nutritional guidelines (you need protein and complex carbs at every meal) to keep us from getting hangry between meals, but I never, ever felt judged or like my diet or weight reflected on me as a person.

       1. Ugh I so wish I had had that too.

          1. Same. I love my mom to death, but I inherited all of her body dysmorphia and food issues. Not because she pushed them on me or talked negatively about my body, but from watching how she talked about/treated her own.

   15. My parents encouraged me to read voraciously.
       My mom has been a working mom and a SAHM at different times, and she made the choice that was best for her and us at every turn, despite the anguished screams of society, her parents, people who had professed to be her friends, and so on. She’s my hero. And the hardest working person I know.
       My dad cheered for me at every single track meet despite the fact that I was hopelessly slow and improved at a glacial pace. He was so proud that I stuck with it even though there was little to no payoff. I’ve carried that with me ever since – that I don’t have to do anything a certain way to enjoy it, learn from it or grow from it. And as a certified perfectionist, the early and harsh realization that there was something I wasn’t going to be good at even with Herculanean effort helped me actually build a foundational self-worth that I probably wouldn’t have had otherwise. I would not have got there without my dad’s immense love.

   16. My mom taught me how to be respectful of others… and I don’t just mean in like a ‘be well behaved and respectful’ kind of a way. She taught us to treat everyone with respect as human beings. She also taught me that the reason to be on time is that ‘When you’re late, you are telling somebody that your time is more valuable than their time.’ This has resonated with me and… it’s true.

   17. Thanks for asking this question! As a parent this gives me some ideas as to what I can do better.

   18. What a great topic! Work hard, play hard was the motto in my family. Play hard meant skiing, bicycling, hiking.

   19. Eat your vegetables, especially the green ones.

   20. My parents taught me to truly respect the job everyone does — the person who cleans the office has just as important and respect worthy job as the person at a desk. Actually feeling that way, not just trying to act like it, is a good way to go through life.

8. My weight used to be X and then I got really sick. Treatment made me lose/ redistribute weight and I went down a couple sizes to size Y. Eventually, seeing my wardrobe items from size X made me cry so I donated most of it and bought clothes in size Y.

   Five years later, I’m healthy again and creeping back to size X. I want to be size X but I’m scared I’ll get sick again. Also I love my new size Y wardrobe (sigh). Should I keep some size Y clothes in storage? I talked to a tailor and most items can’t be let out that much. A few dresses and loose shirts are fine, but most pants and slimmer fit tops (like golf polos, silk tanks for under suits, etc.) are definitely too small now. I think I want to buy more size X but I’m terrified of needing size Y again, and also put a lot of money into building the size Y wardrobe. Thoughts?

   1. You need size x clothes, so buy them now.

      What to do with size y depends on how you feel emotionally about having clothes that don’t fit around and what your storage options are. It sounds like you like your size y clothes so I would store them!

   2. First, these are just clothes, but they’ve made you cry (before) and (now) feel terrified. So I’m guessing that some of the trauma/pain of the illness is “landing” in the question of the clothes. Is there a way to work through hardship of all that you’ve experienced there, so you can separate it from the clothing question?

      Regarding the clothes, sure . . . pack away size Y where you can’t see the items. Buy size X. If you need size Y again, it’ll be there. If you stabilize at size X, then you’ll clean out those bins or boxes.

   3. If you bought most of your size Y items five years ago, they will feel old and frumpy if and when you go back to size Y. I’d let the size Y wardrobe go.

   4. My weight used to fluctuate and I did keep basically two separate wardrobes for a while, moving things in and out of rotation in my closet depending on what fit. I felt calmer knowing if my weight changed again I would still have options of things I liked. Do you have somewhere to store the things that don’t fit you? Can you pick up a different size of some of the new things that you like?

   5. I would keep a few of your favorite items, the more classic the better. I just moved back into my smaller closet and plan to wear most of what I kept and am grateful I don’t have to spend money again.

   6. This isn’t about the Iranian yogurt. You went through something really hard and you understandably still have feelings about it. This is just one way those feelings are coming out. I think you should accept and reflect on that and recognize that the clothes really aren’t the issue here. What to do with your wardrobe will be a much easier decision when you confront the emotions behind it. Hugs.

      1. I just looked up the origin of your Iranian yogurt line. Holy sh!t.

         1. The Iranian yogurt is a classic and now I live for AITA updates.

            1. Just read this too. Wow.

               (Look up the Garage Panda thread if you haven’t already. Another classic that will make you smile. Don’t be thrown off by the tire part of the headline)

   7. Thanks for the advice, all. (And the e-hugs!). I have had some therapy on the ‘what if’ and it’s helping to take some concrete steps. I think I’ll box up what doesn’t fit now, and revisit down the road. I have a pretty good seasonal clothes routine for taking stuff out of totes and purging so hopefully I can avoid the AITA hoarding issue :)

   8. I totally drank the Marie Kondo cool-aid RE: clothes, so now the question I ask myself anytime I’m thinking about getting rid of a piece of clothing is “does this clothing item spark joy in me at this moment?” I kept maybe 1-2 things that I truly absolutely LOVED from when I was 2 sizes ago and they were insanely classic / could never go out of style, but if something doesn’t fit me, or look good on me at my current size, or make me feel great, it’s not sparking joy and it moves to a new home.

9. Advice needed. My SO is about to start a graduate program. He picked his program in part because it’s a state school where he gets in-state tuition and a stipend, so the tuition ends up being zero cost, and he has saved up enough to cover living expenses for the program. The program has been delayed because of the pandemic, and they were just notified that they normally only get in-state tuition because they are considered employees of the school (he’s not from the state, and neither is 75% of his program). Since they haven’t been able to work in the clinic (it’s closed), they are not considered employees at the moment, so they are being charged out-of-state tuition for a pretty reduced educational experience (they have zoom lectures, but it’s a clinical-heavy program, so zoom isn’t really replacing the patient experience). He’s going to have to go back into debt to pay for it and is wondering if it’s worth it. Is there any way to push back on this? I get that the pandemic isn’t the school’s fault, but this seems unfair to me. He was going to just deal with it for the summer semester, but now there is talk about it being the same in the fall and maybe even the winter (school is in one of the states seeing a rapid increase in cases right now). What would you do?

   1. You’re asking all the right questions. I’d do a bunch of research into expected earning potential with this degree and focus on whether debt is worth it (hard to say without knowing more, but I doubt it).

      1. I don’t want to give too much detail in case it outs him, but yes, his income potential would be somewhat better with the program, although it’s hard to tell if it’s worth it (he’s in a medical profession with decent earning potential either way, but he already is in a lot of debt). It would allow him to specialize in something he is really passionate about, and he put so much effort into getting into this program. I get that the school is trying to manage an unpredictable situation as best they can, but at this point is seems more honest to just cancel or defer the program, not charge more for a very reduced experience which seems like adding insult to injury.

         1. I work in a medical profession, where most folks have a lot of debt.

            How long is the program? How much debt are we talking about? How much extra debt will be incurred?

            I would do it, especially if he has quit his normal job to do this. Tell him to work hard, do well, graduate as soon as possible/early if he can. He will pick up the clinical experience once he is on the job, to be honest.

            It seems to me he can afford this nonetheless, his long term employment options are probably very good and it is what he wants to do. It is a bummer of a situation, but he will be fine.

            1. Will anyone hire him without the clinical experience?

   2. I’d ask the school about deferring his admission into the program due to these special circumstances … and consider delaying it for up to a few years. I think they have an obligation to these students, and that would be a feasible request.

      1. +1 I’d definitely ask about deferring admission, or, in the alternative, only taking 1-2 classes in the fall rather than a full load to keep costs down. I think it’s very reasonable to say that the program worked for his household finances at in-state tuition but doesn’t at out-of-state tuition. I can almost guarantee he won’t be the only student pushing back.

10. I am really missing R29’s money diaries and feel good diaries, and I’ve slowly accepted that they’re not coming back. Any suggestions of similar blogs / featured to fill the void? I like readying about other young women in big cities, especially when interested with health/fitness, finance, careers, fun things to do, tips on life, Just general day to day life (especially of real people, not as into bloggers) etc.

    I do read the money diary subreddit, but posting has been slow there too.

    1. I miss it too! Any idea why they were stopped?

       1. They claim it’s because they need to do some reckoning when it comes to racial justice, but they continue to post so many fluff articles…

    2. We still get the money diaries on R29 UK so reading ours might fill the gap?

11. I get a strong Mormon Mommy Blogger vibe from this look. Add a grey and white chevron clutch and like 5 children.

    1. Oh my goodness… YOU’RE RIGHT. I see the anon above had a similar read on this look.

       1. The tassel necklace does not help.

    2. In that case, she has food for a year, so I want to be her BFF.

       1. Oof NONE of those shelf stable vats of foodstuffs those prepper sites sell that some Mormoms store away is appealing to me. Somehow, since pandemic, I have had MORE access to groceries. All the restaurant suppliers’ normal business has dried up with restaurants closed or only doing delivery/pickup so the wholesales pivoted to selling to residential households with delivery right off the truck. I have been buying loads of meat, seafood & produce at wholesale price lower than even Costco’s best bulk deal. As a city dweller, I don’t really miss the before times where I would pop in for a few small items a few times a week at the specialty grocery or fancy cheese shop. I know from my friends across the US that my city is not the only one with the wholesaler option. If you want food for a year, call your neighborhood restaurant wholesaler.

          1. I want to be friends with all y’all. Or just go back to live with my mom. I am so d*mn tired of cooking every meal since early March. Next pandemic I am getting adopted by a large family or group just to have people to trade off cooking with.

             1. lol next pandemic. I will admit I find zero joy in cooking and esp NO JOY in baking. And I refuse to follow or think about recipes. So I basically grill meat/shrimp skewers, bake salmon/white fish in toaster oven or stir fry vegatables in one single pan. Everything else is charcuterie meat and cheese boards or steaming frozen soup dumplings (dim sum restaurants now selling frozen the dumplings they make at the restaurant). I want to eat delicious things but only fake-cook.

    3. +1 And wedge sandals and a big necklace. Amen.

    4. Meet her evil twin. Check out that print version with the circle thingies. Reads very “hobby tarot card reader with smokey hair” to me.

       1. + 1 ‘Evil twin of Mormon mommy blogger’ is going to be my Halloween costume this year!!!

    5. I didn’t know that Mormon Mommy Blogger was a Thing but apparently it is, since two of you have mentioned it! I don’t like this dress, but it looks very Covid-15 friendly.

       1. It’s definitely a thing. If you do an internet search, there are a few articles out there on the phenomenon (basically that being pretty and projecting a perfect/happy life is a priority in that community and religion anyway, and instagramming/blogging making homemaking/child-rearing/other Mormon family priorities look attractive is one of few acceptable ways to make an income and have something resembling a career as a woman in that community)
          Of course I’m sure that’s not true for every single Mormon family out there, but they are interesting articles.

          1. I also read once that journaling every day is a big thing/highly encouraged in the Mormon culture from a young age, so to take the leap to transition to still doing this but in blog form makes sense.

    6. I’m not Mormon but I find this a little bit tone deaf given the state if our nation. If I were to insert some other religion or culture in place of Mormon it could easily become very divisive. So why us Mormon Mommy Blogger accepted among this crowd?

       1. +1

       2. Yeah I’m not Mormon but I find the joking about Mormons very appalling. It’s not socially acceptable to make fun of a dress by saying it would make you look like an Orthodox Jew or a devout Muslim, I’m not sure why it’s ok to make fun of Mormons this way. It’s really gross to me.

       3. Because those women are capitalizing on their status as Mormon Mommies and also reinforcing gender stereotypes through their blogs.

          1. This. Also, the comments aren’t that this reads Mormon, rather that it reads Mormon Mommy Blogger which is a very specific group and aesthetic. I put it in the same category of saying something is WASP-y. Yes, religion is included in the description but it’s not the only descriptor. I also cosign that I think the Mormon Mommy Blogger group reinforces and encourages gender stereotypes through their blogs in a way that’s harmful to a broader community.

             1. +1 Just because Anon @ 1:12 doesn’t know a thing exists doesn’t mean this offensive.

       4. Yes! This. I had the exact same reaction.

       5. Clearly you are not a fan of Book of Mormon.

       6. wait, are mormons an oppressed group? No. Calling an aesthetic “mormon mommy blogger” is not punching down, therefore it’s okay.
          It’s also totally true.

       7. It’s a specific aesthetic is modern blog culture. It is cultivated by Mormon mommies who refer to theselves as Mormon mommies and also use religion and monetized blogging to capitalize on their status as Mormon Mommies and also reinforcing really limited and sexist gender stereotypes. It is like saying WASPy fashion or preppy fashion is somehow offensive to white people. Sorry, no. It wasn’t a joke about Mormonizing it was identifying the dress (on point!) as Mormong Mommy Blog aesthetic. Your comment is the tone deaf one, not mine.

12. Hopefully a fun question: What’s the trendy tennis shoe these days? Or one that you all really like? Going to be doing some hiking but light family hiking – want something with more tread than my tretorns I wear around usually. And since we haven’t been going anywhere and I don’t want to go try on in stores, I could use some direction!

    1. I really like my Merrell Trail Runners. They are light weight, have good grip on uneven and wet ground, and dry quickly if I step in water.

    2. Asics GT-2000 8 stability tennis shoe. Great support and cushion. Physical therapist says Brooks and Asics are best stability tennis shoes. Asics seems to run a little longer (length of shoe).

    3. Trendy sneakers and hiking shoes don’t overlap for me.

       I prefer a pair of lightweight Nike Tanjuns for casual wear, and Merrell hiking boots that fit my feet well and have lots of good support and protection for hiking.

    4. I wear the New Balance 373s as my daily knockaround sneaker, if that’s the kind of thing you’re after? I wore my last pair all weekend at a music festival and didn’t slip in the mud once! (I’m on my third pair, they typically last me about a year).

    5. Love my Salomon Speedcross pair! Not trendy maybe, but I get great grip.

13. Lol are we the same person? I made that exact comment above!

    1. I missed your comment somehow! But yes, AGREEEEEEEE

14. Are Keds supportive? And any other brands that are similar? I’m looking for some light sneakers, not too sporty, and go with skirts.

    1. Not in the least :)

    2. Allbirds. Keds is one of my go-to brands comfort wise. And Allbirds also work for my feet.

    3. No, not at all. I love my Rothy’s sneakers, and can put my orthotics in them, so something like that might be an option.

    4. Better than Chuck Taylors, IME, but not really. That said, I’m obsessed with Converse midtops right now and they feel a lot cushier inside than most Converse.

    5. I was going to ask – there was an ALlbirds discussion the other day. I have some wool runners that I like, but a few people said they wore other shoes that they thought were better. What are those shoes, especially for summer in the south?

    6. They have “comfort” versions with added support. I size up and add inserts for swing dancing. They also run narrow so I buy in wide widths. But agreed, as is they’re not supportive.

    7. They’re plenty supportive in my opinion. Obviously they’re not a full running shoe but the bigger difference is that there’s less cushioning.

    8. I love Skechers sneakers. They are super comfortable and there are lots of styles that aren’t too athletic-looking.

       1. +1, the Mark Nason holiday is my go-to shoe with skirts and I just got a pair of the Neo Block sneakers in animal print that are ridiculous but look great with shorter casual dresses and are insanely comfortable. (Skechers has a lot of Mark Mason designs)

15. As an outdoorsy person who also loves living in my city, I struggled to find balance between my city life and getting out in nature, especially since free time on weekends is already at such a premium. Aside from a few shore trips a year and walks in the Wissahickon, I saved my outdoors activities for vacations.

    I’ve decided to commit to spending one weekend a month doing something outside that I enjoy! I’m in Philly and am
    lucky that the shore, skiing, hiking, etc is all within a few hours drive or less. I mostly hike and enjoy water activities but am always down to try something new!

    I have some friends who like these activities, but not a ton. Any tips on actually following through on this commitment? Some weekends even the 20 minute drive to my favorite park (The previously mentioned Wissahickon) feels like it chews up too much of the day!

    1. It sounds like you’ve got a problem with trying to do too much on a weekend day. Can you move something to the week? Stop doing something else you’re doing on the weekend?

       If this is important to you, then you have to make it important on your calendar as well. Schedule it — including enough time to pack up any gear/food and get ready to leave the house, to drive there, to do the thing, to drive back, and to change out of your outdoors clothes/shower.

       1. Yeah I’m an extrovert who likes to stay busy. I have a few other hobbies, and then a few different local friend groups, local family who I try to balance seeing.

          In my last city, I had very few local friends so I will never take having too many people I want to hang out with for granted. My problem is just that I try to do too many fun things + the few things you just have to do.

    2. A few things:
       – Make weekend plans every weekend that you want to go. Then you’ll have it on the calendar and it will encourage you to get all your work done by Friday.
       – ALWAYS go – do not give in to the temptation to sit on the couch instead!! I cannot stress that enough.
       – Do not let your weekends get booked up with errands; take care of those during the week (I see a lot of women who schedule their hair appointments for 11:00 on Saturday – ok, you just ensured there’s not enough time to go anywhere fun beforehand and you’re spending at least one of your 52 Saturdays a year at the salon. Schedule it for after work one day instead).
       – Take some classes at REI or similar – maybe navigation? Kayaking? Wilderness medicine? Find what interests you and go do it!
       – Get the gear you need. I put off buying backpacking and climbing gear because “will I really use it…?” The answer is yes. The instant I got the gear, I started making more plans with it.
       – Don’t view a 20-minute drive as a waste of time. You could easily waste 5x that just on the Internet or puttering around the house.
       – Look up Laura Vanderkam’s remembering self, present self, and future self if you need some motivation.
       – Get into skiing! All the (rich) people I know who say they hate winter don’t do snow sports.

       Above all, find things you LOVE to do so it doesn’t feel like a chore – once you have the right mix of activities, you’ll be raring to go.

       1. Excellent tips, thank you so much!!!

    3. Are you into rowing (or open to trying it?) that seems like an easy enough one to do close to the city itself. And even if your friends don’t want to join you perhaps you can pick out a picnic spot on the river for after and they can meet up with you?
       I believe the Zoo also has a really pretty running trail along the river too.

       1. Ha! I actually rowed in high school / college and at this time have zero desire to get back to it. Maybe one day…

          My friends and I do a lot of picnics / park hangouts / weekend walks, which I LOVE. Hoping to get a little more adventurous now

          1. As a former rower and rowing coach – adult rec rowing is TOTALLY different. Think leisurely long scull sessions not hours of erging and 4x2k workouts that break your soul.

             You could even try a rec scull which is different than a racing shell in that it is pretty hard to flip and easy to just have a nice row.

             1. Oh yeah, I’d definitely need to be in a gig, instead of a single, if I ever get back in a boat! I actually only rowed two years and coxed the other five so would need to do a learn to row.

                I’m probably still too burnt out from college crew to go back to it just yet but in the chance I do – any recs for a boathouse on boathouse row (conshy is too far) to join? Would want something female friendly (in HS I rowed out of a boathouse where the masters were all men) and laid back/affordable?

    4. Philly day hiker dot com is a great resource for this!

    5. As things open up, is there a local hikers groups that you could join? In the UK, we have Ramblers which have serious hiking groups, a family group, and a young hikers group. We’ve gone on a few and it is a lovely way to discover new trails and meet people.
       I’m a child and would make myself a star chart. I did 20 goals for 2020 and focused on adding fun stuff – I included 10 weekend hikes or cycle ride and getting to check them off the list adds to the fun.

    6. Do you have a burner email you can post? I would love to join your list of friends who like this stuff. I am also city dweller who loves (waterfall) hiking and the Wis. I actually JUST locked down 3 weeks at the shore because there is no end in sight for WFH and I need more outdoor time other than city roofdecking. What about exploring Fairmount Park or Bartrams Garden kayaking? In city so shouldn’t eat up a weekend.

       1. Another outdoorsy Philly dweller here, seconding this …

16. Road trip food ideas?

    We are taking a road trip in an an RV, and I’d prefer to buy all my groceries at home and take with us. I’d love some easy, kid friendly ideas. We will have a fridge and a burner for cooking.

    1. No dinner ideas, but whenever my family is together in a big group, we do what we call “camp eggs” for breakfast – essentially, omelets in a bag. Everyone gets a ziploc bag, writes their name on it with a permanent marker, cracks 2-4 eggs into their bag and then fills it with whatever toppings they want (cheese, bacon bits, etc.). Seal the bag, squeezing out as much air as possible and then squeeze the bag until the eggs and toppings are all mixed up. Then put everyone’s bag into pot of water and boil for 13 minutes. When you’re done, hand everyone their bag, it should easily dump out onto the plate. There’s not much clean-up because you only used a pot of water. Bonus is that everyone’s meal is done at the same time and we can all eat together, unlike normal omelets, pancakes, etc.

       1. I remember doing this as a kid, but I don’t think this is safe given all we know about plastics now (even if they’re marked BPA free- whenever they get rid of BPA, they substitute something else that likely has the same issues).

          1. So we’ve considered that plastics issue too, but it is the same way as a sous vide machine – cooked in plastic (the sous vide instructions even say you can use regular ziplocs with those) so I’m not sure it’s actually an issue.

             1. That’s accepting the premise that a sous vide machine is safe, though, and that’s pretty debatable.

             2. Sous vide is usually at a much lower temperature than boiling. I don’t know if that makes any difference.

       2. Wow, what a great idea!

       3. This is embarrassing but I honestly thought a plastic bag would melt if you dropped it in boiling water. I had no idea you could boil them!

          1. Back in the day, many frozen meals came packed in bags (instead of trays) and that’s how you heated them up. (Stouffer’s swedish meatballs were a childhood favorite of mine).

             1. Right! “Boil-in-Bag!”

       4. Awesome idea! I have never heard of anything like this. Thx!

    2. Cinnamon raisin swirl bread with peanut butter & sliced bananas. (Can also be cook like grilled cheese~my preference)

    3. How about a charcuterie board -esque picnic? Any assortment of summer sausage, crackers, cheese, jam, dried fruits, nuts, pickles, mustard, olives, crunchy raw veggies, hard boiled eggs, etc. Most of it doesn’t need to be refrigerated until it’s opened, the kids can eat whichever parts they like, and a lot of the leftovers can be used up as ingredients in other things later.

    4. So, when we are in similar situations, I buy processed/boxed foods that I would NEVER make at home.

       Stuff like Hamburger Helper, Rice-a-roni, sugared cereals – my kids have honestly NEVER had them and are so excited about the fun and different foods. Also, they’re shelf stable and it’s easier to just pack one box than pack all the raw ingredients for from scratch cooking like I do at home.

       I love that I’m able to provide my kids with lots of healthy meals at home, but also: it’s really fun to bust out a can of spaghetti-os (which the kids thought were ‘slimy’) or box of pop-tarts and let them have that experience too.

       1. We used to do this when my son was young and my husband was out of town. “Cardboard pizza” was a favorite in those situations!

    5. When we go camping with the Girl Scouts, we make breakfast sandwiches a lot. English muffins, a bag of spinach leaves, slices of American cheese, that fake egg stuff to make scrambled egg filling, and sausage patties (pork or veggie or whatever). The only things that really need to be cooked/heated are the egg and the sausages.

    6. I like “walking tacos” for these trips. Make taco meat in advance, then buy some individual bags of Doritos and toppings. When it’s time to eat, warm up the meat, cut the side of the bag open, dump in meat and toppings and serve everyone their own with a fork. No plates to wash.
       We also buy a lot of cheese, meats, olives, etc and do snacks, or have some bread options so everyone can make their own sandwiches.
       Sounds weird, but a hearty soup you can make ahead and warm up will also work.

    7. I pre-make and freeze peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I also make cold cut and cheese sandwiches and really jazz them up. Pickles, mustard, unique cold cuts are your friend here. It’s a nice break from PB&J. Yogurts, Gogurts, goldfish crackers, Babybel cheeses, string cheese, blueberries, bananas and lots of snacky food are standard.

    8. Make taco meat ahead of time and freeze in a solid shape. Let thaw in cooler. Add normal toppings but serve on chips instead of taco shells (or lettuce if you have some fresh).

       Egg scramble for dinner. Pre-cooked sausage sliced, large yellow onion, bag of frozen spinach, bag of sliced frown carrots, hash browns. Saute onions and sausage, add spinach/veggies until soft-ish. Add eggs and cook until set.

       Canned baked beans, turkey sausage. Serve over baked potatoes.

       Canned or homemade chili. Freeze homemade ahead of time. Serve over pasta or rice with cheese.

       Boneless chicken pieces frozen in chicken marbella marinade including prunes and olives. Thaw and cook. Serve over rice.

17. We aren’t taking a family trip this summer, but we are a couple of hours from Asheville / Dollywood area. I’ve never been to the Dollywood area, and don’t do parks, but I feel that it will be cooler there than our city and we like trail walking / light hiking. I’ve been to Asheville, but maybe it’s not the best choice now. I’ve wanted to go to the Cradle of Forrestry, but it seems to be closed now.

    If you have been and could imagine a good pandemic mainly outdoor itinerary, I’d be game for that just to do something this summer vs rewalking the same trails in our steamy city’s immediate surroundings.

    1. I don’t have useful tips for an itinerary, but I remember the trails around Dollywood being beautiful and full of wildlife. I’ve been wanting to go back. I usually spend my time in Asheville downtown, so I can’t compare them.

    2. Depending on where relative to Asheville you are, something in the Boone or Blowing Rock area might not be too far and you could do that instead of Asheville. I honestly assume every decent town in the NC mountains is going to be slammed this year with people driving instead of flying for vacation, but the hiking trails shouldn’t be as bad if you just want to rent a cabin and cook instead of going to town for restaurants. I don’t have specific suggestions for hikes, but alltrails or just googling western NC trails should give you some ideas.

    3. I grew up near Dollywood. You do know Gatlinburg and Asheville are 2 hours apart?

       If you want to go to Dollywood, most of TN has been reopened in some capacity and most people treat COVID like it never happened or it’s a hoax. So far they haven’t had a ton of cases but…we’re all watching the effects of that strategy play out in FL and TX now. I’m sure you could rent a cabin and find some socially distant hikes, but Gatlinburg is mobbed with slow moving crowds during a normal summer and I’d only expect it to be worse this year.

       I have not been to Dollywood in 20 years though from my social media feed it looks like they’ve added a lot in the last few years. I am a fan of Dolly Parton overall and she’s done a lot for that area, especially around childhood literacy. I do have a bad memory from a camp field trip where a lady burned me with her cigarette accidentally while walking in a crowd- smoking is obviously less common now, but that may give you an idea of the clientele at the park.

       1. I’m a big a Dolly Parton fan and have always wondered what Dollywood is like…this description was informative and hilarious.

       2. I went to Dollywood Splash Country last year and loved it! It’s a really great water park. Don’t think there were many smokers there, but I was surprised at how many tattoos we saw.

          Gaitlinburg is like the Jersey Shore without the ocean.

       3. I went to Dollywood about six years ago and I thought it was great. Pretty expensive admission, but I think that’s true of all amusement parks.

       4. A friend was in Gatlinburg/Pigeon Forge (where Dollywood is) last week and said it was crazy busy and people were not wearing masks or acting sensibly. And some of my parents’ friends rented a cabin there recently and tried to drive the ring road around Cades Cove, which was so backed up with traffic they gave up as soon as they were able. Of course, some of the traffic etc. happens every summer but everyone this year seems to be thinking “oh, we’ll rent a cabin, go to the National Park, it’ll be safer” and thus huge crowds.
          I think Dolly is awesome and when I went to Dollywood a few years ago it was fun in its own cheesy way. I’d recommend it, just maybe not at the moment.

18. I think this was asked here early on but I wonder if thinking has changed since we’re further along now. If you live in an apartment tower, do you make efforts to NOT go out because it’ll involve taking the elevator or do you put on a mask and just go without worrying about whether you get on on 20 and then the elevator stops on 7 and picks up more people? Assume you’re high up enough that stairs aren’t an option. Do you do anything to minimize risks?

    People I know IRL mostly seem to be coming and going when they feel like it — some people have to several times a day due to dogs but even those without dogs, if they want a walk or takeout or whatever, they go. I have 1 friend who is big on “stacking up” her going out days — so the day she grocery shops, she’ll also get takeout, take a walk etc. and then not go out for a few days in a row and then next week go out again for several hours. It seems to work for her. I know others who’ll go out but at REALLY off times when they’re almost guaranteed their own elevator rides — yet I don’t have it in me to grocery shop at 7 am. I mean going by 9-10 am is early enough for me and by that time in my building you’re not guaranteed separate elevators because others start leaving for errands, the building workers/contractors arrive so they’re around cleaning etc.

    How are you handling this? I’m at the point where I DON’T want to go sit in restaurants (in DC IDK what phase we’re at) even outdoors, but I am REALLY over going grocery shopping at 8 am. I am wanting to get takeout pizza at regular dinner time – not at 5 pm or 10 pm – because I’m thinking about elevator usage. I think what’s throwing me is the detailed CDC guidance. In the section regarding vacations, they specifically say take stairs at your hotel whenever you can and if you have to ride an elevator, only ride with your own family. I just don’t see how apartment and hotel guidance would differ on this? Thoughts?

    1. Annecdata but I have a townhouse in an area where highrises are cooler for living in b/c of gyms, swimming pool scene, etc. I moved out and had a million people want to take over my lease b/c it has one door to the outside and a parking lot (vs garage) so you can just bring your groceries in and hang out on your front steps. This has never happened before.

       1. That’s nice. Congratulations on making money?

          1. How do you make money when someone takes over your lease?

          2. I think her point is that there is demand for separate entrances when there wasn’t before.

          3. The eye-rolliest of eye rolls.

    2. I know the chances of getting covid from an elevator are extremely, extremely small so I don’t shut myself up in my apartment.

       Gently, if you are still fixated on this and experiencing a lot of anxiety, you might think about a therapist.

       1. My workplace just instituted a 2-person limit to all elevators, so I don’t know if the chances are really that small. Esp. in some high-rises, you could be in the elevator for five minutes to make it to the ground floor and pick up half a dozen people on the way.
          If I were in OP’s shoes, I think I’d always wear a mask and institute a personal max capacity for any elevator I get in. If an additional person over my “max” gets in, I’d hop off and either take the stairs the rest of the way or wait for the next one.
          Obviously there’s still a risk, but you’re mitigating it at least somewhat.

    3. If you don’t want to ride with others, can’t you just get out at floor 7 when others get in? Then either walk down or wait for another empty elevator? Seems annoying but doable if you’re determined not to ride with others.

    4. I do think the guidance for hotels might be different than apartments. In a hotel in a low prevalence area, you could be mixing with guests from a high prevalence area. If your entire area is lower prevalence (hypothetically), there is less risk sharing the elevator with neighbors.

       1. I think behavior varies in hotels vs apartment towers. In hotels you def have people who try to chit chat, kids scrambling all over the elevators and hanging on the rails because they’re so excited by hotels, and people who generally don’t ride elevators so they’ll think nothing of standing right next to you when they could move 2 ft over and be in the opposite corner etc. In my apt IDK people ride it every day — they don’t talk, they stand on opposite sides and stay put so people exit one and at time etc.

    5. In NOVA, on the 14th floor of a 16 story building and people in my building have been really good about not sharing elevators. We have a bank of four, so you don’t really have to wait that much longer for one, but I’ve definitely seen a line of 2 or 3 people in my apartment lobby that will wait and allow someone to ride solo. And that usually happens when I’m coming down as well; I don’t think I’ve been in an elevator with more than 3 people since shelter in place started.

    6. If someone gets in at floor 7, just get out and wait for the next elevator?

    7. I live in a giant building like this. I wasn’t going out as much in the first 6 weeks when my city’s cases were still rising. We would do groceries once ever 2 weeks and try to coordinate going down once a day to get packages. It’s much better now and I’m probably using the elevator 4x a day on average. The building has done a ton of social distancing things, signs everywhere. One thing you have to be comfortable doing is telling people not to get onto the elevator. We did this the other day as someone wanted to waltz on with us without a mask. We told him he should wait for the next one. And if he’d refused, we would have gotten out. I always wear a mask around the building – it’s in the rules now but not strictly enforced.

19. I was at the grocery store yesterday and noticed that yeast is finally back in stock. Toilet paper has been back for about two months, flour was restocked quickly. We didn’t seem to experience any meat shortages, and never had any access problems with fresh fruits/veggies.
    Lettuce quality has declined sharply, and there still aren’t any cleaning wipes. And now there are no large soap refills. For hobbies, it’s the quilting store that’s practically empty, while the yarn section looks normal.
    None of this is a complaint, I can live without or grow my own lettuce, but it’s interesting to see the continuing effects on the supply chain in my upper Midwest rural area. Any odd holes in your area?

    1. The only things I still can’t find are cleaning wipes or disinfectants. Everything else, including hand sanitizer, returned to normal fairly quickly. But my Canadian city is not severely affected – we only have 2000 cases total – and after the first month or so people stopped panic buying.

    2. I don’t think these are necessarily the supply chain (except maybe the quilting supplies and wipes), but different patterns of demand due to people being home that stores haven’t adapted to yet when placing their orders.

    3. Also upper Midwest rural but apparently in a slightly different location than you.

       Lentils, molasses, and vanilla extract have been gone since mid-March. TP and flour are hit or miss, they seem to sell out as soon as shelves get stocked. Pasta is well stocked but the shape variety is unreliable. Canned soup is easier to come by than it was pre-pandemic. Salad greens and fresh veggies are normal but fresh fruit seems to sell out faster than usual. Eggs are another hot ticket item.

       1. oh yeah, haven’t seen my go-to pasta shape since before quarantine!

    4. I still can’t find yeast! Or disinfectant wipes.

       1. Same here in Indianapolis. Hand sanitizer and soap are in decent supply.

          1. If you want to get a grocery order from Shoefly, they’re selling 1-2 pound blocks of yeast.

    5. In Va. Toilet paper is back; paper towels less so though you can get them if you are flexible about brands. BUT can’t find napkins, leading me to believe paper product manufacturers just moved away from napkins.

       Hand soap in stores — not really BUT I’m seeing it online now esp if you check the same site regularly. Cleaners are starting to reappear but again you have to be flexible re brands, type of bottle etc. I’ve only seen some store brand wipes, not really Clorox yet. Though I’m hopeful they appear because the store brand obviously have the same chemicals as Clorox so as those chemicals reappear, I except Clorox/Lysol will also.

       1. Plenty of napkins here in NJ.

       2. Cloth napkins are so much nicer anyway.

    6. I am in suburban Chicago. The only thing I can’t find is name-brand disinfectant wipes like Clorox or Lysol. I just bought some off-brand ones at Target this week, and there was a huge pile. I never noticed a shortage of eggs and was surprised to hear that they were out of stock in other areas.

       1. Also Chicago-Suburb – Costco in Riverside was completely out of eggs from March until Mid April. There may have been a few small shipments that sold out quickly, but I went every two weeks (not to hoard, legitimate needs we always buy at Costco) and never saw any!

    7. Still weird about wipes/cleaning spray. Chicken has been hit or miss again lately.

    8. Here in Oregon, food-packing plants are still causing the worst outbreaks, so I think you can expect to see some disruption. But many of them are cleaning and then re-opening, so it may only create tiny blips for consumers.

20. Looking for some window treatment advice. We have a house that we are planning on renting out, but there are currently no window treatments- we would like to put something up for security (as the house is currently empty) and for renter appeal. My first instinct was to get curtain rods and plain white curtains from Ikea, but I’ve been trying for weeks to get a delivery or pick up slot from any of the three Ikeas within an hour of me and no luck. Curtain rods and curtains seem really expensive anywhere else, so now I’m re-thinking and maybe I should get blinds or shades instead.
    I guess my question is two fold: 1) what would be a sufficient window treatment for a rental house? If I do blinds or shades, should I still put up curtain rods? And should I be concerned about the degree of light filtering?
    2) Any suggestions for something simple and inexpensive? Preferably online. I’m not looking to spend a whole lot of money since this will be a rental – ideally would like to keep it under $500 to do all ten windows.

    1. I’d look at JcPenney, they should have some good sales over the weekend. Fwiw though, I think $500 for 10 windows might be tough – the curtain rods alone will probably be $20/each if you find them cheaply. One of the things my husband (never owned a house/apt.) was most shocked at when we moved was the cost of curtains and rugs – they are surprisingly pricey!
       That being said – when I was a broke college kid we whipped up curtains for our snowbelt (poorly insulated) share house pretty easily. If you just want a pocket rod you may be better off buying cheap white linen at a fabric store and asking your local dry cleaner to sew them up for you.

       1. Asking someone to sew something custom will almost never be cheaper than buying it at a store. Just logically speaking there is no economy of scale and labour rates are much more expensive in developed nations than where these furnishings are typically sewn. Also the general public seems to have no idea the time and skill sewing requires.

          1. +1

       2. Thanks! I’ll look there.
          The cost is why I’m so frustrated by the IKEA thing- you can get a rod at IKEA for less than $10- and they sell curtains in pairs- I’m really annoyed when curtain panels are sold as singles!

    2. I had a good experience with blinds from this place: https://www.stevesblindsandwallpaper.com/

       I got something similar to this and have been happy with them: https://www.stevesblindsandwallpaper.com/blinds/product/6856-steves-better-bamboo-woven-wood-shade

    3. I’ve rented a bunch of houses/apartments and they never have curtains – always just blinds, so that’s what I would be expecting as a renter. I would be kind of squeamish about something fabric staying with the house and would expect to put up my own curtains if I wanted them.

    4. I’d have rods installed without curtains – that’s what I do for my rentals, lets the renter pick out their own curtains and you control the holes in the walls/damage done

       1. That’s a good thought. Thanks!

    5. Target has curtain rods, as do Home Depot and Ace Hardware. JCPenney has really reasonable curtains. Not Ikea cheap, but good quality for the money, and not super-pricy.

21. Requested transcripts for grad school in January. Was informed by admissions advisor like two weeks ago that they opened the files and they were blank, so I needed to request another. I put in an inquiry with the clearinghouse because I didn’t want to pay twice if I didn’t have to. Advisor kept harping and asking where the second copy was. Today she informed me that the first copy wasn’t blank, just blurry and unreadable, and it was because it was so old. !!! I did not tell you to wait six months to open the damn thing, but I have to pay for a second copy because I had the audacity to send them in on time? Am I crazy to be irritated by this?

    (I’ll probably pony up and pay for it, because I’m not trying to be a Karen over $30 and I still want to get into school…this just feels very unprofessional.)

    1. This is why I hate the “Karen” insult – it’s not only sexist af, but it teaches women like you not to advocate for yourself, even when you’re losing money or being otherwise wronged. It’s so regressive. It’s fine to be irritated over losing money and to let the advisor know what happened. It doesn’t make you a b*tch (which is really what people mean when they say Karen).

       1. +1 million

          1. Agree

       2. Yes, this!

       3. This is a great point, thank you! I probably should not have used the term Karen, but I do have a fear of being the person holding up a “I WANT A HAIRCUT” sign in the middle of a pandemic. I want to make sure my priorities are straight. But thank you for saying this.

       4. Thank you!

       5. This isn’t what “Karen” means at all. Much more nuance to it including a sense of entitlement, typically stemming from the privilege of being in the “majority.”

    2. I’m really confused by this story. Wouldn’t the same issue have come up even if they’d looked at it promptly? An electronic file isn’t going to get blurrier in 6 months…I mean, I wouldn’t want to pay twice either, but what does the 6 months have to do with it? “So old” surely refers to the age of the original that was scanned?

       Either way, I think you’re not a ‘Karen’ (gah I really don’t like that term) for expecting to receive the service you paid for the first time around.

       1. They’re usually paper copies in sealed envelopes for security reasons.

          1. in “I was today years old when I learned…” news… sorry OP, I understand and agree with the frustration, but as between you, the school, and the clearinghouse, I don’t think the school is going to agree to pay.

       2. I have no idea. The advisor explained it to me that it was an electronic file. And “old” in this case…I graduated college within the last five years! It’s not as though they had to convert microfilm or something. I really have no idea what’s happened here.

    3. I am surprised that the admissions department contacted you to request another copy. Everywhere I’ve ever applied, they would just have denied admission because the transcripts were “missing.”

       1. This is the right take on this story.

22. What are everyones’ thoughts about traveling again (for pleasure)? Spouse and I recently had the “we shouldn’t make any travel plans until 2022” talk which feels socially responsible but also depressing AF. I’ve been hearing casual acquaintances and colleagues talking about their recent / imminent beach vacations and I want to scream. To each his or her own, but what the actual what. I accept that not making any travel plans until 2022 is probably overkill, but am I nuts for internally blowing a gasket that people are vacationing NOW?

    1. Yes, sorry. If you’re more risk averse than they are, that’s totally fine, and it’s totally fine to tell people, sorry but I don’t want to hang out in person within 2 weeks of anyone being on a plane/in a rented space/whatever. What’s NOT ok is wringing you’re hands over this. You are going to drive yourself nuts. You are going to drive away people you care about and who care about you. Take the precautions you need to take to make yourself feel comfortable, and accept that other people are not going to see things the way you do.

    2. Meh, I’m not taking any vacations this year but depending on the specifics, a beach vacation could be pretty low risk. If you drive, bring food with you and are really just going to the beach, that’s actually less interaction with people than I have trying to avoid going out living in a high rise apartment in a major city. I also think you’re within your rights to not see people who are doing riskier activities than you’re comfortable with but I think you’re going to drive yourself nuts if you get this worked up every time you see/hear about someone doing something that you aren’t comfortable doing.

    3. Yes. Sorry.

    4. Yes. You really are. I am packing my car with everything and renting an entire house at the beach for 3 weeks, 1-2 will be vacation, rest will be teleworking. I’m loading everything – people, pets, groceries, bed linens, external monitors, even my favorite cookware, french press and blendtec, cleaning supplies because it’s 3 weeks. I don’t even need to stop along the way for a bathroom break because the beach is 1.5 hours drive away.

       This season the rental houses are not even providing linens – they professionally sanitize everything top to bottom between families, you BYO your own sheets and towels.

       It is not “what the actual what” it is actually low risk and going to be good for our collective mental health. PLEASE reconsider the way you are thinking about this. What works for you and your family and may immunocompromised or older relatives or mentally fine doing shelter in place is NOT the case for everyone. There is no one older or immunocompromised in my family that lives near me that I would expose, I’m not stopping along the way and I’ve been WFH and staying in as much as possible since March.

    5. Yes, you’re overreacting. My family is going to Michigan next week. We’re driving there without stopping, staying in an AirBNB that has 48 hours between rentals and additional sanitation, picking up takeout food and doing only outdoor activities (beach, hiking etc.) I don’t believe we’re exposed to or exposing more people there than we would be staying home since we get takeout food and spend a lot of time outside at home too. The only specifically travel-related exposure I can think of is the lodging, and given the evidence we have now about how hard it is to acquire the virus from surfaces I think this is objectively very low risk, especially with 48 hours between guests.

       Also, I’d point out that you generally have better compliance the more reasonable the regulation is. If you ask people to think about the risks of travel and make decisions to be safer (eg., road trips over plane flights, outdoor activities over indoor ones) you will likely have much more people following the rules than if you just tell people “sorry, you can’t do X at all.” So asking people to travel responsibly is likely to be better for the overall community than asking everyone to completely forego travel for more than 2 years.

23. Love this dress! So perfect for summer! Have you ever tried Fashom? They are a budget-friendly styling service with a focus on body positivity. I would love to hear your review.

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